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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,639 --> 00:00:27,048 Hot dog. 2 00:00:40,904 --> 00:00:42,448 - I'd like one with onions, please. 3 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,622 Hi. 4 00:00:51,623 --> 00:00:53,116 Nice day, huh? 5 00:01:01,675 --> 00:01:03,084 Thank you. 6 00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:14,396 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 7 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,858 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 8 00:01:18,192 --> 00:01:20,944 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 9 00:01:21,278 --> 00:01:24,406 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 10 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,659 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 11 00:01:27,993 --> 00:01:30,954 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 12 00:01:31,288 --> 00:01:33,999 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 13 00:01:34,333 --> 00:01:37,252 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 14 00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:41,006 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 15 00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,926 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 16 00:01:44,259 --> 00:01:47,012 ♪ And when she has got that lolly ♪ 17 00:01:47,346 --> 00:01:50,432 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 18 00:01:50,766 --> 00:01:53,560 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 19 00:01:53,894 --> 00:01:57,105 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 20 00:01:57,439 --> 00:02:00,150 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 21 00:02:00,484 --> 00:02:03,862 ♪ On the movie pics night ♪ 22 00:02:31,306 --> 00:02:34,059 ♪ Billy Fury, Adam Faith ♪ 23 00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:37,771 ♪ And Frank Sinatra, too ♪ 24 00:02:38,105 --> 00:02:40,774 ♪ They will make your partners cuddle ♪ 25 00:02:41,108 --> 00:02:43,944 ♪ Oh so close to you ♪ 26 00:02:44,278 --> 00:02:46,530 ♪ Shirley McClain is swinging ♪ 27 00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:49,241 ♪ And Cliff Richard and his boys ♪ 28 00:02:49,575 --> 00:02:52,369 ♪ So, take your baby to the movies ♪ 29 00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:55,706 ♪ And take your choice ♪ 30 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:59,126 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 31 00:02:59,459 --> 00:03:02,379 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 32 00:03:02,713 --> 00:03:05,465 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 33 00:03:05,799 --> 00:03:08,093 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 34 00:03:09,136 --> 00:03:12,180 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 35 00:03:12,514 --> 00:03:15,267 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 36 00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:18,687 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 37 00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:22,024 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 38 00:03:22,357 --> 00:03:25,527 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 39 00:03:25,861 --> 00:03:28,905 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 40 00:03:29,239 --> 00:03:32,159 ♪ And when she has got her lolly ♪ 41 00:03:32,492 --> 00:03:35,329 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 42 00:03:35,662 --> 00:03:38,624 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 43 00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,877 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 44 00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:45,172 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 45 00:03:45,505 --> 00:03:48,550 ♪ On a movie pics night ♪ 46 00:03:48,884 --> 00:03:52,012 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 47 00:03:52,346 --> 00:03:55,307 ♪ Get your action at the movies ♪ 48 00:03:55,641 --> 00:03:58,685 ♪ Swinging music at the movies ♪ 49 00:03:59,019 --> 00:04:00,437 ♪ You and your ♪ 50 00:04:00,771 --> 00:04:03,607 ♪ Baby at the movies ♪ 51 00:04:11,448 --> 00:04:13,533 ♪ New York, New York, it's a hell of a town ♪ 52 00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:16,119 ♪ The taxis got off and Yorkers go down ♪ 53 00:04:16,453 --> 00:04:18,914 ♪ Do do do do dee do do ♪ 54 00:04:19,247 --> 00:04:20,582 ♪ New York, New York ♪ 55 00:04:32,719 --> 00:04:33,719 Dive, 56 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,088 dive! 57 00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:38,684 Motherfucker. 58 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:39,934 Hey. 59 00:04:39,935 --> 00:04:41,519 Are you guys the 60 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,064 Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 61 00:04:44,398 --> 00:04:46,274 Brothers unlimited, Inc? 62 00:04:46,608 --> 00:04:48,192 Yeah, that's us. 63 00:04:48,193 --> 00:04:50,946 - Good, 'cause I have a telegram for you. 64 00:04:52,239 --> 00:04:53,572 ♪ We don't look related ♪ 65 00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:54,949 ♪ But we're very elated ♪ 66 00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:57,035 ♪ And we're greatly understated when we say ♪ 67 00:04:57,369 --> 00:04:59,996 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 68 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:04,126 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 69 00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:05,835 ♪ This gentleman's our father ♪ 70 00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:07,254 ♪ And we know that he would rather ♪ 71 00:05:07,587 --> 00:05:09,756 ♪ Never say how many wives it took to make ♪ 72 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:12,843 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 73 00:05:13,176 --> 00:05:16,805 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 74 00:05:17,139 --> 00:05:18,764 ♪ I married a career girl ♪ 75 00:05:18,765 --> 00:05:20,266 ♪ He married a career girl ♪ 76 00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:21,642 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 77 00:05:21,643 --> 00:05:23,060 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 78 00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,313 ♪ By the time this one came along ♪ 79 00:05:25,647 --> 00:05:28,567 ♪ I was so old they called me gramps ♪ 80 00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:31,236 ♪ These two are legit ♪ 81 00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:34,156 ♪ This one's a little shit ♪ 82 00:05:34,489 --> 00:05:35,573 ♪ And I know that there are others ♪ 83 00:05:35,574 --> 00:05:36,992 ♪ Who certainly are brothers ♪ 84 00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:38,576 ♪ But not ♪ 85 00:05:38,577 --> 00:05:40,486 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and ♪ 86 00:05:42,706 --> 00:05:44,708 ♪ What do you think ♪ 87 00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:46,752 ♪ We weren't born with smarts ♪ 88 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,754 ♪ But we got six balls, three hearts ♪ 89 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:52,215 ♪ So the brothers got together and formed ♪ 90 00:05:57,053 --> 00:05:58,805 ♪ What do you think ♪ 91 00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:02,058 ♪ Remember that day we met Mr. Big ♪ 92 00:06:02,392 --> 00:06:04,644 ♪ That day we met a man, yeah ♪ 93 00:06:04,978 --> 00:06:07,355 ♪ They called the Money Man ♪ 94 00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:12,486 ♪ He gave us half a million for a plan to start ♪ 95 00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:16,281 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 96 00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:19,659 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 97 00:06:19,993 --> 00:06:23,455 ♪ We arty and creative ♪ 98 00:06:23,789 --> 00:06:28,585 ♪ And smartly innovative ♪ 99 00:06:31,171 --> 00:06:34,883 ♪ We believe in nepotism ♪ 100 00:06:35,217 --> 00:06:39,471 ♪ Oh, good morning Mrs. Prism ♪ 101 00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:41,348 ♪ We're the one and only ♪ 102 00:06:41,681 --> 00:06:42,807 ♪ I'll never be a lonely ♪ 103 00:06:42,808 --> 00:06:44,099 ♪ I gotta work ♪ 104 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,643 ♪ Getting unemployment ♪ 105 00:06:45,644 --> 00:06:47,896 ♪ A junkie, a drunk, living in a bunk ♪ 106 00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:49,605 ♪ I'm lucky to be ♪ 107 00:06:49,606 --> 00:06:50,773 ♪ Single and free ♪ 108 00:06:50,774 --> 00:06:52,274 ♪ Our mothers must be proud ♪ 109 00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:53,526 ♪ For crying out loud ♪ 110 00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:54,610 ♪ I got you ♪ 111 00:06:54,611 --> 00:06:55,945 ♪ You got me ♪ 112 00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:57,404 ♪ We have us ♪ 113 00:06:57,405 --> 00:06:58,739 ♪ Are we ♪ 114 00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:03,161 ♪ Together we make three ♪ 115 00:07:03,495 --> 00:07:08,291 ♪ We're the The Creative Concepts ♪ 116 00:07:09,459 --> 00:07:11,795 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 117 00:07:12,128 --> 00:07:15,423 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc. ♪ 118 00:07:15,757 --> 00:07:19,553 ♪ What do you think ♪ 119 00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:21,972 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 120 00:07:24,391 --> 00:07:25,641 Gentlemen, I call this meeting 121 00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:27,644 to discuss our deteriorating financial situation. 122 00:07:27,978 --> 00:07:29,437 What about our league? 123 00:07:29,771 --> 00:07:32,566 - Face it, Ned, Big League Bocce is not going to catch on. 124 00:07:32,899 --> 00:07:34,401 We're broke, gentlemen. 125 00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:36,193 We mustn't give up. 126 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,613 Big League Bocce's gonna sweep the country. 127 00:07:38,947 --> 00:07:41,366 Just ask Mr. Big to give us more time. 128 00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:42,825 Yeah, Red's right. 129 00:07:42,826 --> 00:07:45,370 After all, we named the league after him. 130 00:07:45,704 --> 00:07:48,206 - Yeah, we still got one team left. 131 00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:50,458 Thank God for the Greensboro Pisanos 132 00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:52,418 - But if there's only one team left, 133 00:07:52,419 --> 00:07:53,460 who are they gonna play? 134 00:07:53,461 --> 00:07:54,837 You're so negative. 135 00:07:54,838 --> 00:07:56,297 Ah, fuck you. 136 00:07:56,298 --> 00:07:58,425 Hey, what about this telegram? 137 00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,969 First you sing, then you talk. 138 00:08:01,303 --> 00:08:03,138 You want this telegram or what? 139 00:08:03,471 --> 00:08:04,973 I'll take that, young man. 140 00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:08,601 What's up, Fred? 141 00:08:08,602 --> 00:08:10,103 - It's from the Greensboro Pisanos. 142 00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:12,680 Well? 143 00:08:12,939 --> 00:08:14,858 Fangul, y'all, we quit. 144 00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:20,405 Gentlemen, it's all over. 145 00:08:20,739 --> 00:08:23,074 - Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 146 00:08:23,408 --> 00:08:24,910 Brothers unlimited Inc. 147 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,704 Home of Big League Bocce, now defunct. 148 00:08:28,038 --> 00:08:29,414 Miss Bliss speaking. 149 00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,616 May I help you? 150 00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:34,794 Fred, it's Mr. Big. 151 00:08:37,297 --> 00:08:40,675 I'm sorry, he's having a heart attack right now. 152 00:08:41,009 --> 00:08:42,385 May I take a message. 153 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,056 - They don't get the half million to me 154 00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:49,017 in 24 hours, I'll take them one by one 155 00:08:49,351 --> 00:08:51,061 and blow their fucking brains out. 156 00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,438 - We'll see that he gets the message. 157 00:08:53,772 --> 00:08:55,189 And thank you for calling. 158 00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:56,983 Say hello to Mrs. Big. 159 00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:58,525 Bye. 160 00:08:58,526 --> 00:08:59,860 You guys is dead. 161 00:08:59,861 --> 00:09:01,070 Don't say that. 162 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:02,989 We still got a whole day. 163 00:09:03,323 --> 00:09:05,408 - We've got to make a fortune fast. 164 00:09:05,742 --> 00:09:07,077 Let's sell real estate. 165 00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:09,037 - Too risky. - What about heroine? 166 00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:11,498 - Too much government competition. 167 00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:13,616 Any other ideas? 168 00:09:17,379 --> 00:09:18,671 Hold it. 169 00:09:18,672 --> 00:09:19,830 Hold it! 170 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,843 You guys are creative, aren't you? 171 00:09:24,844 --> 00:09:26,220 - Sure. - Yeah. 172 00:09:26,221 --> 00:09:27,596 Goddamn right. 173 00:09:27,597 --> 00:09:30,100 - Well, there's only one way to make that kind of money 174 00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,385 in 24 hours. 175 00:09:32,769 --> 00:09:35,146 Make a porno flick. 176 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:36,981 A dirty movie. 177 00:09:36,982 --> 00:09:38,482 You'll clean up. 178 00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:40,652 - But we don't know nothing about movie making. 179 00:09:40,986 --> 00:09:42,696 - Aw, with some technical assistance, 180 00:09:43,029 --> 00:09:45,657 you can put together a dynamite fuck film. 181 00:09:46,908 --> 00:09:49,953 What you need is lots of raunchy sex, 182 00:09:50,286 --> 00:09:52,414 plenty of sucking and fucking. 183 00:09:52,747 --> 00:09:54,791 Yeah, maybe even a plot. 184 00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:56,542 Terrific Red. 185 00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:57,877 Nah, nah, nah. 186 00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:01,214 You need plenty of hardcore sex. 187 00:10:02,882 --> 00:10:04,259 Close ups. 188 00:10:06,511 --> 00:10:08,045 Penetration. 189 00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,849 - Whoa! - Moaning and groaning. 190 00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,466 Oh yeah. 191 00:10:13,143 --> 00:10:14,393 Now. 192 00:10:14,394 --> 00:10:16,062 Here's an idea. 193 00:10:16,396 --> 00:10:18,732 You got this girl, see, 194 00:10:19,065 --> 00:10:20,942 and she's all alone, 195 00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:25,196 practically. 196 00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:40,920 Another lonely Saturday night. 197 00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:42,663 Stood up again. 198 00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:44,591 Men are so horrid. 199 00:10:59,814 --> 00:11:01,274 Oh, but I couldn't. 200 00:11:02,567 --> 00:11:04,268 You're a dog. 201 00:11:06,029 --> 00:11:07,196 So. 202 00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:09,032 I've had all my shots. 203 00:11:09,365 --> 00:11:10,700 I'm attractive, 204 00:11:11,034 --> 00:11:13,578 and I'm a purebred cocker. - You are. 205 00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:16,039 You're beautiful. 206 00:11:17,373 --> 00:11:18,792 And easy to please. 207 00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,584 Discreet. 208 00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:22,796 You don't have to do a thing, sweetheart. 209 00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,006 Fido will take care of you. 210 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,041 Come on, baby. 211 00:11:30,386 --> 00:11:31,970 ♪ Come as you are ♪ 212 00:11:31,971 --> 00:11:33,723 ♪ Just take it a little closer ♪ 213 00:11:34,057 --> 00:11:37,227 ♪ To your situation ♪ 214 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:41,815 ♪ Following the way that you feel ♪ 215 00:11:42,148 --> 00:11:44,359 ♪ The way you writhe ♪ 216 00:11:44,692 --> 00:11:47,320 ♪ A little closer ♪ 217 00:11:47,654 --> 00:11:51,074 ♪ Get yourself to something on me ♪ 218 00:11:51,407 --> 00:11:56,162 ♪ 'Cause baby we got something ♪ 219 00:11:57,789 --> 00:12:02,252 ♪ Something we both can't hide ♪ 220 00:12:02,585 --> 00:12:07,382 ♪ Oh, it's so good ♪ 221 00:12:08,007 --> 00:12:12,428 ♪ You're good ♪ 222 00:12:13,388 --> 00:12:16,224 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 223 00:12:16,558 --> 00:12:18,217 Oh, yes, Fido. 224 00:12:19,602 --> 00:12:21,095 Speak, speak. 225 00:12:21,563 --> 00:12:22,688 Yes. 226 00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:24,223 Yes. 227 00:12:24,607 --> 00:12:29,279 Oh, Fido, you're such a beast. 228 00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:43,001 ♪ I got something ♪ 229 00:12:44,335 --> 00:12:47,463 - You really are a girl's best friend. 230 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:54,429 ♪ We got something ♪ 231 00:12:55,555 --> 00:12:59,809 ♪ You got a good thing going on ♪ 232 00:13:00,768 --> 00:13:03,688 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 233 00:13:08,568 --> 00:13:10,060 Oh. 234 00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:11,778 Sexy, huh? 235 00:13:11,779 --> 00:13:14,157 And you can bet your ass every guy in the audience 236 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:17,160 is gonna be identifying with that dog. 237 00:13:17,493 --> 00:13:18,870 Just a moment, boys. 238 00:13:19,204 --> 00:13:21,080 We'll get a lot of heat from the Humane Society. 239 00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,664 Yeah, Fred's right. 240 00:13:22,665 --> 00:13:24,291 What about you, Gramps. 241 00:13:24,292 --> 00:13:25,459 Got any ideas? 242 00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:27,003 I've got some great ideas. 243 00:13:27,337 --> 00:13:28,712 How about this. 244 00:13:28,713 --> 00:13:30,623 Guy's walking down the street, 245 00:13:31,716 --> 00:13:33,334 sees a sign, 246 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:35,544 goes in. 247 00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:04,365 Hot shit! 248 00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:09,336 Excuse me, 249 00:14:09,337 --> 00:14:11,422 I'm a little embarrassed about this, 250 00:14:11,756 --> 00:14:16,094 but who do I see about taking nude photographs. 251 00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:20,013 Ooh. 252 00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:21,474 - Well, you came to the right place, honey. 253 00:14:21,808 --> 00:14:23,476 Is there anymore at home like you? 254 00:14:23,810 --> 00:14:25,185 - Well, I- - I don't see him. 255 00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:26,604 Girls get a load of what just walked in. 256 00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:28,230 Oh my goodness. 257 00:14:28,231 --> 00:14:30,224 - Oh my god. - Yeah. 258 00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:33,194 My worthless life has meaning. 259 00:14:33,528 --> 00:14:35,363 - Wait a minute, now wait a minute. 260 00:14:35,697 --> 00:14:37,699 I'm supposed to take pictures of you. 261 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:40,994 What about the money? 262 00:14:42,245 --> 00:14:43,870 Well, here's a 50. 263 00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:45,540 Lie down on the table, honey. 264 00:14:45,873 --> 00:14:47,491 This won't hurt a bit. 265 00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:50,336 Oh, oh, hey wait- 266 00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:52,547 Oh, please, oh, my heart. 267 00:14:55,717 --> 00:14:58,052 Yahoo, it's a big one! 268 00:14:58,386 --> 00:14:59,804 - My blood pressure, ooh. 269 00:15:00,138 --> 00:15:01,889 Oh, oh. - Don't be a pig. 270 00:15:03,391 --> 00:15:04,934 How do you like it, Gramps? 271 00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:08,438 - Oh, I like it like that, but what about the pictures? 272 00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:12,066 Ooh, oh, my heart. 273 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,268 Oh, that's nice. 274 00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,244 Yahoo! - Here we go again! 275 00:15:23,578 --> 00:15:27,957 I got this side. 276 00:15:30,918 --> 00:15:32,210 Well, how'd you like it? 277 00:15:32,211 --> 00:15:34,422 - Well, it's a swell fantasy, Gramps, 278 00:15:34,756 --> 00:15:36,424 but it's just not believable. 279 00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:37,883 The audience will never buy it. 280 00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:39,218 What do you mean? 281 00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:41,554 It happened to me twice just last week. 282 00:15:41,888 --> 00:15:44,724 - Ooh, ooh, I got an idea for the flick. 283 00:15:45,058 --> 00:15:46,391 Yeah, here it comes. 284 00:15:46,392 --> 00:15:47,934 - Well, everyone's been in a hospital 285 00:15:47,935 --> 00:15:49,854 and had those fantasies, 286 00:15:50,188 --> 00:15:52,523 thinking of the nurses, whacking off in bed. 287 00:15:53,983 --> 00:15:55,568 I never whack off in bed. 288 00:15:55,902 --> 00:15:57,612 I think it's depraved. - Nah, fuck you. 289 00:15:57,945 --> 00:16:00,740 Well, anyway, here's the idea. 290 00:16:01,074 --> 00:16:03,534 Guy's just waking up from an operation. 291 00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:04,910 See? 292 00:16:04,911 --> 00:16:06,496 He's groggy. 293 00:16:06,829 --> 00:16:08,739 Just coming to, see. 294 00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:11,709 And he starts calling, see. 295 00:16:15,129 --> 00:16:17,090 Nurse, nurse. 296 00:16:17,423 --> 00:16:19,342 Nurse. 297 00:16:19,675 --> 00:16:21,134 It's all right, sir. 298 00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,677 Nurse is here. 299 00:16:22,678 --> 00:16:24,680 What is it? - I'm sinking fast. 300 00:16:25,014 --> 00:16:27,558 - Yes, I know. - I only have a few minutes. 301 00:16:27,892 --> 00:16:30,561 - Poor thing. - I'm so horny. 302 00:16:30,895 --> 00:16:32,062 Help me. 303 00:16:32,063 --> 00:16:33,439 Please. 304 00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:35,566 Oh, you poor sick thing. 305 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:40,446 Well, Nurse McPringle never shrinks from a challenge, 306 00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:44,450 no matter how big. 307 00:17:06,472 --> 00:17:08,558 Yes, nurse, ah. 308 00:17:08,891 --> 00:17:10,852 Yes! 309 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,238 I'm coming! 310 00:17:28,035 --> 00:17:29,903 Oh, that's it. 311 00:17:35,918 --> 00:17:37,962 - What's going on in there? - Oops! 312 00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:42,175 Some poor devil is suffering. 313 00:17:42,508 --> 00:17:45,678 - Doctor, who was that masked lady. 314 00:17:46,012 --> 00:17:47,680 I wanted to thank her. 315 00:17:48,014 --> 00:17:51,184 - Why sir, that was no masked lady. 316 00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:53,311 That was the head nurse. 317 00:18:01,777 --> 00:18:03,437 Down. 318 00:18:04,655 --> 00:18:07,366 Down boy, down, big fella. 319 00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:09,075 Whoa! 320 00:18:09,076 --> 00:18:13,873 Whoa! 321 00:18:19,128 --> 00:18:20,545 My idea was right. 322 00:18:20,546 --> 00:18:22,965 - Now, that's box office, I tell ya. 323 00:18:23,299 --> 00:18:25,718 A first class motion picture. 324 00:18:26,052 --> 00:18:28,513 Gummy Pachino. 325 00:18:32,975 --> 00:18:34,435 I've an idea for a picture. 326 00:18:37,438 --> 00:18:41,734 A porno monster thriller 327 00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:44,019 about a blowfish. 328 00:19:04,507 --> 00:19:06,968 Who sucks off on weary swimmers. 329 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,182 Can't you see that fucking fish? 330 00:19:36,539 --> 00:19:41,335 - We'll title it as Deep Trout. 331 00:19:50,219 --> 00:19:52,597 - Gentlemen, we're just floundering around here. 332 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,389 It seems clear we've reached the point 333 00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,890 where we need technical assistance. 334 00:19:55,891 --> 00:19:58,185 I know just the man you need. 335 00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:00,103 Give me that phone. 336 00:20:00,104 --> 00:20:02,064 Person to person to Federico Gepetto. 337 00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:06,277 Met Gepetto on the beach at Anzio during the big one. 338 00:20:06,611 --> 00:20:08,487 We surrendered to each other immediately, 339 00:20:08,821 --> 00:20:10,990 and we've been fast friends ever since. 340 00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:12,115 Huh? 341 00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:13,742 Well, prado to you to. 342 00:20:13,743 --> 00:20:15,076 Hey, Gepetto! 343 00:20:15,077 --> 00:20:16,661 Oh, it's me, 344 00:20:16,662 --> 00:20:18,247 Grandpa. 345 00:20:18,581 --> 00:20:20,249 Yeah, it sure has been a long time. 346 00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,252 Listen, I got a job for you to do. 347 00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:25,713 Hop on a plane and get over here. 348 00:20:26,047 --> 00:20:26,838 And hurry. 349 00:20:26,839 --> 00:20:28,123 Ciao. 350 00:20:29,717 --> 00:20:31,176 Hey, you guys, 351 00:20:31,177 --> 00:20:33,262 now all you need is a first-class cameraman. 352 00:20:33,596 --> 00:20:35,723 I know just where we can dig one up. 353 00:20:36,057 --> 00:20:37,599 Listen to me, all of you. 354 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,644 I have to be in this film. 355 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,687 I wanna be the star. 356 00:20:42,021 --> 00:20:43,481 I need a chance. 357 00:20:43,814 --> 00:20:45,358 Give me the chance. 358 00:20:45,691 --> 00:20:47,026 - I'm sure you're aware, Miss Bliss, 359 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,237 that we can't hire an actress without 360 00:20:50,571 --> 00:20:51,821 an audition. 361 00:20:51,822 --> 00:20:53,324 I understand. 362 00:20:53,658 --> 00:20:55,493 Come and get it, boys! 363 00:20:55,826 --> 00:20:57,778 Oh, baby! 364 00:21:04,502 --> 00:21:05,877 Wait a minute! 365 00:21:05,878 --> 00:21:09,382 Either one of you guys left your cock in there, 366 00:21:09,715 --> 00:21:11,467 or Miss Bliss is a boy. 367 00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:13,386 Nobody's perfect. 368 00:21:17,223 --> 00:21:19,266 ♪ I'm singing in the pain ♪ 369 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,519 ♪ Just singing in the rain ♪ 370 00:21:21,852 --> 00:21:25,022 ♪ I'm only happy when I'm in pain ♪ 371 00:21:27,274 --> 00:21:28,651 Alas, step right up here, sir. 372 00:21:28,984 --> 00:21:30,945 Welcome to the Pleasure Chest. 373 00:21:32,238 --> 00:21:33,823 - Uh, I'm looking for an old friend, 374 00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615 a guy named- - Eh no, no, 375 00:21:35,616 --> 00:21:38,119 there's no need for pretense. 376 00:21:38,452 --> 00:21:40,913 With us, it's not just hit and miss. 377 00:21:41,247 --> 00:21:44,917 Perhaps I can interest you in some of our erotic devices. 378 00:21:45,251 --> 00:21:48,254 Now, here's a genuine French tickler. 379 00:21:48,587 --> 00:21:50,381 A steal at two bucks. 380 00:21:50,715 --> 00:21:52,006 Uh, I don't think so. 381 00:21:52,007 --> 00:21:54,385 I'm really looking for a- - How 'bout 382 00:21:54,719 --> 00:21:57,847 the all electric You Whack-It Masturbator. 383 00:21:58,180 --> 00:22:00,474 It's guaranteed for a full 20 minutes. 384 00:22:00,808 --> 00:22:02,935 - I swear to God, I'm looking for an old friend. 385 00:22:03,269 --> 00:22:04,144 - A guy named- - No, no. 386 00:22:04,145 --> 00:22:07,022 No need to feel ill at ease. 387 00:22:07,356 --> 00:22:08,774 We're bound to please. 388 00:22:09,108 --> 00:22:10,609 I'm here to help you. 389 00:22:10,943 --> 00:22:14,238 Is there anything I can do to make you feel uncomfortable? 390 00:22:14,572 --> 00:22:16,574 Perhaps bondage is your game. 391 00:22:16,907 --> 00:22:19,452 The soft supple feel of leather. 392 00:22:19,785 --> 00:22:22,079 We're fully stocked with restraints, 393 00:22:22,413 --> 00:22:25,875 shackles, hooks, clips, Spanish handcuffs, 394 00:22:26,208 --> 00:22:31,005 studded collars, all manner of demonic devices to inflict 395 00:22:32,631 --> 00:22:35,426 pleasurable punishment up to and including death. 396 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,302 Jesus. 397 00:22:37,303 --> 00:22:38,887 Look, I'm trying to locate an old buddy 398 00:22:38,888 --> 00:22:40,347 who used to be a movie cameraman 399 00:22:40,681 --> 00:22:42,308 named Lash. - Why, that's me! 400 00:22:42,641 --> 00:22:43,725 I'm Lash. 401 00:22:43,726 --> 00:22:45,561 - Hey, old buddy, it's me, Jimmy. 402 00:22:45,895 --> 00:22:47,646 I didn't recognize you without your hood. 403 00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:49,522 We know each other? 404 00:22:49,523 --> 00:22:50,899 Sure, from the old days. 405 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,443 You were directing Army training films. 406 00:22:52,777 --> 00:22:55,780 I was a key grip. - Ah, Army training films. 407 00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:57,572 Now, those were actors 408 00:22:57,573 --> 00:22:59,575 who understood the meaning of discipline. 409 00:22:59,909 --> 00:23:00,867 Hi-yah! 410 00:23:00,868 --> 00:23:02,569 Hi-yah! 411 00:23:03,204 --> 00:23:05,372 Cat of nine tails, it's an enforcer. 412 00:23:05,706 --> 00:23:07,032 Hmm, hmm? 413 00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:08,625 We ship 414 00:23:08,626 --> 00:23:09,918 anywhere. 415 00:23:09,919 --> 00:23:11,837 - No, listen, Lash, we need your help. 416 00:23:12,171 --> 00:23:14,423 I'm working with a bunch of greenhorns on a fuck film. 417 00:23:14,757 --> 00:23:16,090 We need a great cameraman. 418 00:23:16,091 --> 00:23:17,675 How about it? 419 00:23:17,676 --> 00:23:18,885 No. 420 00:23:18,886 --> 00:23:20,638 I'm through with the business. 421 00:23:20,971 --> 00:23:22,598 - For old time's sake, piece of the picture? 422 00:23:22,932 --> 00:23:24,098 Never. 423 00:23:24,099 --> 00:23:25,642 I'm not even for points. 424 00:23:25,643 --> 00:23:29,355 I have been pushing these prurient interests, amorous 425 00:23:29,688 --> 00:23:32,441 bullshit, for years now, 426 00:23:32,775 --> 00:23:34,392 and I couldn't be happier. 427 00:23:34,985 --> 00:23:37,696 Get into plastics, kid, you'll make a fortune. 428 00:23:38,030 --> 00:23:39,448 But the actors need you. 429 00:23:39,782 --> 00:23:41,575 They need that professional touch. 430 00:23:41,909 --> 00:23:43,117 Sorry. 431 00:23:43,118 --> 00:23:44,954 - They need inspiration and organization. 432 00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:46,747 Forget it, sweetheart. 433 00:23:47,081 --> 00:23:49,625 - More than anything else, Lash, they need 434 00:23:50,668 --> 00:23:52,711 discipline. - Why didn't you say so? 435 00:23:53,045 --> 00:23:54,045 I'm your boy. 436 00:23:54,046 --> 00:23:55,421 Get me a cab. 437 00:23:55,422 --> 00:23:57,415 Call me a taxi. - You're a taxi. 438 00:23:58,050 --> 00:24:00,886 Hi-yah, hi-ya! 439 00:24:06,892 --> 00:24:08,561 - Gepetto! - Grandpa! 440 00:24:12,439 --> 00:24:16,777 Ah, and this 441 00:24:17,111 --> 00:24:18,571 must be Pinocchio. 442 00:24:19,989 --> 00:24:21,782 How do you do, sir? 443 00:24:22,116 --> 00:24:25,035 - Well, feel free to nose around, little boy 444 00:24:25,369 --> 00:24:26,661 Ooh! 445 00:24:26,662 --> 00:24:28,581 - My Pinocchio, he's a such a good boy. 446 00:24:28,914 --> 00:24:30,039 Oh! 447 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,419 Pinocchio, you're so good. 448 00:24:36,714 --> 00:24:38,632 See, everybody say so. 449 00:24:38,966 --> 00:24:40,593 So, you make a film. 450 00:24:40,926 --> 00:24:42,761 Where's your stars? - Me, me! 451 00:24:43,637 --> 00:24:45,380 I'm the star. 452 00:24:45,806 --> 00:24:46,806 One star? 453 00:24:46,807 --> 00:24:48,684 Huh, we need more. 454 00:24:49,018 --> 00:24:50,018 Many more. 455 00:24:50,019 --> 00:24:51,645 But not to worry. 456 00:24:51,979 --> 00:24:55,691 Federico creates his own stars from a-scratch. 457 00:24:56,025 --> 00:24:58,360 I carve them from my own imagination. 458 00:24:58,694 --> 00:25:01,030 - Ah, you should be aware that we're in a bit of a rush. 459 00:25:01,363 --> 00:25:03,073 Our very lives are at stake. 460 00:25:03,407 --> 00:25:04,866 So. 461 00:25:04,867 --> 00:25:05,867 Rapido. 462 00:25:05,868 --> 00:25:08,120 Pinocchio, read-a the list. 463 00:25:08,454 --> 00:25:10,456 - All right you guys, here's what we need. 464 00:25:10,789 --> 00:25:11,915 Clay. - Clay. 465 00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:12,874 - Wood. - Wood. 466 00:25:12,875 --> 00:25:14,209 - Nails. - Nails. 467 00:25:14,543 --> 00:25:16,369 - 10 miles of blue chiffon. - 10 miles of blue chiffon. 468 00:25:17,129 --> 00:25:20,591 - Two miles of foam rubber. - Two miles of foam rubber. 469 00:25:20,925 --> 00:25:23,761 Elmer's glue, paste, 470 00:25:24,094 --> 00:25:27,640 plenty of scotch tape, a gallon of vaseline- 471 00:25:27,973 --> 00:25:30,517 - And all the dildos you can get your hands on. 472 00:25:30,851 --> 00:25:33,395 - I have all those things in my desk. 473 00:25:33,729 --> 00:25:35,388 So, we begin. 474 00:25:51,538 --> 00:25:53,749 Foam, foam, I need more foam. 475 00:25:54,833 --> 00:25:57,002 Ah! 476 00:25:57,336 --> 00:25:58,712 Nobody likes a smart ass. 477 00:26:08,806 --> 00:26:11,934 - How you like my cock ring, honey? 478 00:26:12,267 --> 00:26:14,311 You wanna try it on for size? 479 00:26:15,020 --> 00:26:17,022 I knew you'd like it. 480 00:26:17,356 --> 00:26:19,692 Now, get rid of that other thing, come on. 481 00:26:20,025 --> 00:26:21,819 Look, what's your favorite there? 482 00:26:22,152 --> 00:26:23,612 You see one you like? 483 00:26:24,947 --> 00:26:27,700 Ooh, ooh, watch out, watch out, my ears. 484 00:26:31,787 --> 00:26:33,706 That's what I call head. 485 00:26:44,049 --> 00:26:45,500 Is this a joke? 486 00:26:45,884 --> 00:26:47,678 Who made these tits? 487 00:26:48,012 --> 00:26:50,597 I wouldn't be caught dead in these tits. 488 00:26:50,931 --> 00:26:53,100 Rest easy, Belissima. 489 00:26:53,434 --> 00:26:54,893 You not finished yet. 490 00:26:55,227 --> 00:26:57,104 You gonna be lovely. 491 00:26:58,147 --> 00:27:01,608 - Hey, you pretty sexy for a old guy. 492 00:27:01,942 --> 00:27:03,560 You wanna party? 493 00:27:06,989 --> 00:27:08,690 uh, Gepetto? 494 00:27:09,950 --> 00:27:11,568 No. 495 00:27:13,454 --> 00:27:14,788 No, that's all wrong. 496 00:27:20,586 --> 00:27:21,586 Thank you. 497 00:27:21,587 --> 00:27:23,037 Thank you, Rabbi. 498 00:27:32,014 --> 00:27:35,059 ♪ I'll be loving you ♪ 499 00:27:42,691 --> 00:27:45,819 - Here it is, Gepetto. - Oh, thank you. 500 00:27:50,908 --> 00:27:52,785 Hey, where's your fairy godmother? 501 00:27:53,118 --> 00:27:54,077 Who's a make? 502 00:27:54,078 --> 00:27:55,119 Listen what I say. 503 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,789 All of my films had a fairy godmother, 504 00:27:57,122 --> 00:27:59,583 and they all were hits. - Attention everyone. 505 00:27:59,917 --> 00:28:02,169 If he wants a fairy godmother, I think he should have one. 506 00:28:03,212 --> 00:28:04,797 And who are you, madam? 507 00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:08,967 - I'm the secretary for urban Women for Decent Pornography. 508 00:28:09,301 --> 00:28:10,761 You're in the wrong movie. 509 00:28:11,095 --> 00:28:12,220 Get out. 510 00:28:12,221 --> 00:28:13,429 - You're obviously a woman of taste. 511 00:28:13,430 --> 00:28:14,798 You stay. 512 00:28:15,390 --> 00:28:17,133 The work is a finitio. 513 00:28:17,476 --> 00:28:19,436 And there's our new star. 514 00:28:26,985 --> 00:28:28,319 Hi-yah! 515 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,612 No talking. 516 00:28:29,613 --> 00:28:32,366 Listen and listen good, you cretins. 517 00:28:32,699 --> 00:28:35,953 I'm here to whip this porno film into shape. 518 00:28:36,286 --> 00:28:37,245 Places. 519 00:28:37,246 --> 00:28:38,872 Get this number on it's feet. 520 00:28:39,206 --> 00:28:40,907 Let's rehearse it first. 521 00:28:41,917 --> 00:28:45,379 ♪ When I'm calling you ♪ 522 00:28:45,712 --> 00:28:46,629 Cut! 523 00:28:46,630 --> 00:28:47,964 Cut, cut! 524 00:28:47,965 --> 00:28:49,675 This is a porno flick. 525 00:28:50,008 --> 00:28:51,425 Well, how about 526 00:28:51,426 --> 00:28:54,429 ♪ When I'm balling you ♪ 527 00:28:54,763 --> 00:28:57,057 Very funny, Mary. 528 00:28:57,391 --> 00:28:58,809 I said quiet! 529 00:28:59,143 --> 00:29:00,561 Where is the number I wrote? 530 00:29:00,894 --> 00:29:02,103 Can they learn it? 531 00:29:02,104 --> 00:29:03,605 Of course, they can. 532 00:29:03,939 --> 00:29:05,598 These are my stars. 533 00:29:08,152 --> 00:29:09,528 Quim. 534 00:29:09,862 --> 00:29:11,362 Quim. 535 00:29:11,363 --> 00:29:12,897 Quim. 536 00:29:17,202 --> 00:29:17,952 Enough! 537 00:29:17,953 --> 00:29:18,995 Enough! 538 00:29:18,996 --> 00:29:20,789 Let's go for a take. 539 00:29:21,123 --> 00:29:22,490 Sound! 540 00:29:24,710 --> 00:29:26,294 Rolling. 541 00:29:26,295 --> 00:29:27,620 Camera! 542 00:29:27,963 --> 00:29:29,923 Oh, fucking shit. 543 00:29:30,257 --> 00:29:32,217 Where the hell is the... 544 00:29:32,551 --> 00:29:33,886 What the, speed... 545 00:29:34,219 --> 00:29:35,469 Found them. 546 00:29:35,470 --> 00:29:37,890 Ready when you are, sailor. 547 00:29:38,223 --> 00:29:39,808 Scene one. 548 00:29:40,142 --> 00:29:41,426 Take one. 549 00:29:41,810 --> 00:29:43,219 Action. 550 00:29:48,859 --> 00:29:50,318 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 551 00:29:50,319 --> 00:29:51,235 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 552 00:29:51,236 --> 00:29:52,905 ♪ Quivering quim ta ta ta ♪ 553 00:29:53,238 --> 00:29:56,992 ♪ I trust salacious, contraciously slim ♪ 554 00:29:57,326 --> 00:29:58,201 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 555 00:29:58,202 --> 00:29:59,160 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 556 00:29:59,161 --> 00:30:01,205 ♪ A cavernous quim ♪ 557 00:30:01,538 --> 00:30:05,417 ♪ The thrill of fulfilling is all up to him ♪ 558 00:30:05,751 --> 00:30:07,586 ♪ Ha ha, coos, coos ♪ 559 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,963 ♪ They're glorious coos ♪ 560 00:30:10,297 --> 00:30:11,840 ♪ You could drive me to madness ♪ 561 00:30:12,174 --> 00:30:14,259 ♪ For glorious coo, ha ha ha ♪ 562 00:30:14,593 --> 00:30:15,760 ♪ Cock ♪ 563 00:30:15,761 --> 00:30:16,844 ♪ Cock ♪ 564 00:30:16,845 --> 00:30:20,182 ♪ Haven't you had ♪ - Cut! 565 00:30:20,515 --> 00:30:22,141 Cut! 566 00:30:22,142 --> 00:30:24,937 Can't you creeps remember my fucking choreography? 567 00:30:25,270 --> 00:30:27,147 Of course I can, bitch. 568 00:30:28,023 --> 00:30:29,691 Goddamn amateur. 569 00:30:30,025 --> 00:30:32,069 We got this shit in a can where it belongs. 570 00:30:32,402 --> 00:30:34,029 Let's move on. 571 00:30:34,363 --> 00:30:35,238 Sound. 572 00:30:35,239 --> 00:30:36,697 Camera! 573 00:30:36,698 --> 00:30:37,774 Speed 574 00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:40,035 Quaaludes. 575 00:30:40,369 --> 00:30:43,205 - Take it, sailor. - Scene one, take two. 576 00:30:44,623 --> 00:30:46,032 Action. 577 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,209 ♪ Sweet peach, I pray you ♪ 578 00:30:48,210 --> 00:30:49,293 ♪ I can't wait to lay you ♪ 579 00:30:49,294 --> 00:30:50,795 ♪ Make a date my darling ♪ 580 00:30:50,796 --> 00:30:51,921 ♪ God, I want your body ♪ 581 00:30:51,922 --> 00:30:56,510 ♪ Let's run amok ♪ 582 00:30:56,843 --> 00:30:59,137 ♪ Breathing in your grass ♪ 583 00:30:59,471 --> 00:31:01,473 ♪ Why don't we fuck ♪ 584 00:31:01,807 --> 00:31:05,394 ♪ That's me too, God I want ♪ 585 00:31:05,727 --> 00:31:06,477 ♪ Your ♪ - Cut, 586 00:31:06,478 --> 00:31:08,054 cut, cut, cut, cut! 587 00:31:08,397 --> 00:31:11,024 I can't understand my lyrics. 588 00:31:11,358 --> 00:31:12,483 What is this horseshit? 589 00:31:12,484 --> 00:31:15,112 This is ridiculous poo poo. 590 00:31:15,445 --> 00:31:16,279 Hi-yah! 591 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,740 What is this costume? 592 00:31:19,074 --> 00:31:20,909 There's no skin showing. 593 00:31:21,243 --> 00:31:22,326 Tacky, it's terrible. 594 00:31:22,327 --> 00:31:24,121 Oh, go away all of you. 595 00:31:24,454 --> 00:31:26,164 I can't even look at you anymore. 596 00:31:26,498 --> 00:31:28,074 We'll finish this after lunch. 597 00:31:28,417 --> 00:31:29,835 Next number. 598 00:31:30,168 --> 00:31:31,837 Fluffer, fluffer where is the fluffer? 599 00:31:32,170 --> 00:31:33,839 Coming, Lash. 600 00:31:35,215 --> 00:31:38,010 - Fluffer, my head is killing me. 601 00:31:38,343 --> 00:31:39,761 Oh. 602 00:32:12,377 --> 00:32:14,171 Harder, do it harder. 603 00:32:14,504 --> 00:32:16,089 Oh, thank you, thanks. 604 00:32:22,179 --> 00:32:23,880 Oh, my Lipchitz. 605 00:32:29,561 --> 00:32:32,105 Oh, love it, love it, love it!. 606 00:32:37,778 --> 00:32:39,145 Again, again. 607 00:32:42,324 --> 00:32:43,858 Oh, hit me, hit me. 608 00:32:44,326 --> 00:32:46,027 Hmm, uh-uh. 609 00:32:46,286 --> 00:32:47,453 It's gone. 610 00:32:47,454 --> 00:32:49,081 My headache is gone. 611 00:33:06,390 --> 00:33:08,058 uh, excuse me, Lash. 612 00:33:08,392 --> 00:33:09,768 Do you have a second to take a look at a skit 613 00:33:10,102 --> 00:33:11,394 that Grandpa and I wrote? 614 00:33:11,395 --> 00:33:12,686 I wrote most of it. 615 00:33:12,687 --> 00:33:14,022 You did not. 616 00:33:14,356 --> 00:33:15,973 Let's hear it. 617 00:33:16,525 --> 00:33:18,110 ♪ That old black magic ♪ 618 00:33:18,443 --> 00:33:20,237 You see, I'm a witch. 619 00:33:20,570 --> 00:33:21,862 ♪ That old black ♪ 620 00:33:21,863 --> 00:33:25,534 Why, you may have one wish granted. 621 00:33:25,867 --> 00:33:27,494 I wish I had a dingle dangle 622 00:33:27,828 --> 00:33:29,913 that could touch the floor. 623 00:33:31,540 --> 00:33:34,084 - So, the witch takes a saw out of her dress 624 00:33:34,418 --> 00:33:36,369 and chops his legs off. 625 00:33:39,256 --> 00:33:41,174 And, and then he says- 626 00:33:41,508 --> 00:33:43,209 Holy shit. 627 00:33:46,179 --> 00:33:47,346 - That's the worst thing I ever heard. 628 00:33:47,347 --> 00:33:48,514 Who wrote that shit? 629 00:33:48,515 --> 00:33:49,932 He did! 630 00:33:49,933 --> 00:33:53,228 - Out, both of you, out, out, out. 631 00:33:53,562 --> 00:33:54,804 Ah! 632 00:34:07,075 --> 00:34:08,617 Hi-yah! 633 00:34:08,618 --> 00:34:10,111 Next number. 634 00:34:10,328 --> 00:34:11,787 Move. 635 00:34:11,788 --> 00:34:12,580 Move. 636 00:34:12,581 --> 00:34:13,999 Sing, you prick. 637 00:34:14,332 --> 00:34:17,544 ♪ Ah, she's ♪ 638 00:34:17,878 --> 00:34:22,674 ♪ The America dream girl ♪ 639 00:34:24,092 --> 00:34:25,509 ♪ Now listen ♪ 640 00:34:25,510 --> 00:34:29,514 ♪ My peaches and cream girl ♪ 641 00:34:29,848 --> 00:34:32,058 ♪ Figure, form, and face ♪ 642 00:34:32,392 --> 00:34:35,353 ♪ Far surpass the human race ♪ 643 00:34:35,687 --> 00:34:37,314 ♪ Your grace ♪ 644 00:34:37,647 --> 00:34:42,569 ♪ Is what I esteem, girl ♪ 645 00:34:43,528 --> 00:34:46,781 ♪ Charming you seem, girl ♪ 646 00:34:47,115 --> 00:34:49,868 ♪ My American dream ♪ 647 00:34:54,414 --> 00:34:56,073 Hi-yah! 648 00:34:57,292 --> 00:34:58,918 No, no, 649 00:34:58,919 --> 00:35:00,378 you piece of crotch. 650 00:35:00,712 --> 00:35:03,048 Dammit, shout, ah shit. 651 00:35:05,634 --> 00:35:07,177 Get with the program, huh? 652 00:35:07,511 --> 00:35:09,930 ♪ Each huge protuberance ♪ 653 00:35:10,263 --> 00:35:13,225 ♪ Wins my exuberance ♪ 654 00:35:13,558 --> 00:35:17,562 ♪ My pants are antsy-pantsy heads ♪ 655 00:35:23,985 --> 00:35:27,322 - Oh, did your mama wear combat boots? 656 00:35:27,656 --> 00:35:30,700 You stupid, vagina, I tell you you're full of shit. 657 00:35:31,034 --> 00:35:35,830 ♪ My American dream girl ♪ 658 00:35:37,958 --> 00:35:42,879 ♪ My American ♪ 659 00:35:43,505 --> 00:35:45,423 ♪ Dream ♪ 660 00:35:45,757 --> 00:35:47,467 ♪ Girl ♪ 661 00:35:50,387 --> 00:35:51,637 Poo poo. 662 00:35:51,638 --> 00:35:54,140 What are you, sweetheart, a painting? 663 00:35:54,474 --> 00:35:56,017 - Up yours, I'm having my period. 664 00:35:56,351 --> 00:35:58,311 You really are a cunt. 665 00:35:58,645 --> 00:36:00,438 Pimp hole, pimp hole. 666 00:36:00,772 --> 00:36:02,014 Hi-yah! 667 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:03,899 Dance. 668 00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:05,777 - She's a too busy bleeding to dance. 669 00:36:06,111 --> 00:36:07,695 You frighten my actors. 670 00:36:07,696 --> 00:36:09,197 You ruin the film, you stop. 671 00:36:09,531 --> 00:36:11,116 Out of the way, you old fart. 672 00:36:15,996 --> 00:36:20,083 Your stars are shit, and you're a shit director. 673 00:36:20,417 --> 00:36:22,836 - And you, you, you are a sadistic spanish sissy. 674 00:36:23,169 --> 00:36:28,800 And your mother was a- - Ah, hi-yah, hi-yah! 675 00:36:29,134 --> 00:36:31,469 Poo poo, caca, shit, shit, shit! 676 00:36:33,555 --> 00:36:34,847 I quit. 677 00:36:34,848 --> 00:36:36,757 Hi-yah! 678 00:36:38,059 --> 00:36:39,685 And you, Fluffer. 679 00:36:39,686 --> 00:36:42,147 Have my whip sent to the plaza. 680 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:43,848 Hi-yah! 681 00:36:44,566 --> 00:36:48,236 - Hey, who do I have to fuck to get out of this flick? 682 00:36:48,570 --> 00:36:49,737 Me. 683 00:36:49,738 --> 00:36:51,281 I know the director. 684 00:36:58,496 --> 00:36:59,831 Far out! Whoo-hoo! 685 00:37:20,101 --> 00:37:21,686 This tension is unbearable. 686 00:37:22,020 --> 00:37:23,605 Blasted all, I'm going out for a drink. 687 00:37:23,938 --> 00:37:25,564 You can't leave, Fred. 688 00:37:25,565 --> 00:37:26,982 We're not finished yet. 689 00:37:26,983 --> 00:37:28,443 Gentlemen, that is debatable. 690 00:37:28,777 --> 00:37:30,987 Suppose Mr. Big calls back? 691 00:37:31,321 --> 00:37:32,571 What'll we say? 692 00:37:32,572 --> 00:37:35,367 - Your prayers, my good man, your prayers. 693 00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,276 I shall return. 694 00:37:46,628 --> 00:37:48,880 Aww, what's the matter, sugar? 695 00:37:49,214 --> 00:37:51,299 I'm a disgraced by this filth. 696 00:37:51,633 --> 00:37:54,678 They have taken advantage of an older man. 697 00:37:55,011 --> 00:37:59,140 The film makes a mockery of my work, my reputation, 698 00:37:59,474 --> 00:38:01,217 my genius. 699 00:38:01,685 --> 00:38:03,353 It is filthy and disgusting, 700 00:38:04,437 --> 00:38:07,607 and slowly paced. 701 00:38:10,318 --> 00:38:11,653 Come, Pinocchio. 702 00:38:11,986 --> 00:38:13,321 We go home now. 703 00:38:13,655 --> 00:38:14,980 You go to school. 704 00:38:15,824 --> 00:38:17,116 Aw, pop. 705 00:38:17,117 --> 00:38:18,535 I don't wanna go to school. 706 00:38:18,868 --> 00:38:21,788 I wanna stay here and play it by ear. 707 00:38:29,129 --> 00:38:30,755 I hear you coming, big boy. 708 00:38:33,383 --> 00:38:37,178 So, I am alone once more. 709 00:38:37,721 --> 00:38:40,181 I am so ashamed. 710 00:38:41,725 --> 00:38:43,217 I go now. 711 00:38:43,643 --> 00:38:45,302 Find a boat. 712 00:38:45,937 --> 00:38:49,899 - Oh, life is too short to sweat the small stuff, sugar. 713 00:38:50,233 --> 00:38:52,152 Now, listen to what I've got to say. 714 00:39:02,495 --> 00:39:06,332 ♪ Have you lost your sunshine ♪ 715 00:39:06,666 --> 00:39:10,420 ♪ Trouble got you down ♪ 716 00:39:10,754 --> 00:39:14,382 ♪ Are you feeling left out ♪ 717 00:39:14,716 --> 00:39:18,762 ♪ Well, take a look around ♪ 718 00:39:19,095 --> 00:39:21,723 ♪ Everybody's waiting ♪ 719 00:39:22,056 --> 00:39:26,519 ♪ For that sun to break through ♪ 720 00:39:26,853 --> 00:39:30,774 ♪ So, try and keep yourself together ♪ 721 00:39:31,107 --> 00:39:34,778 ♪ Until it shines for you ♪ 722 00:39:35,111 --> 00:39:37,030 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 723 00:39:37,363 --> 00:39:39,032 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 724 00:39:39,365 --> 00:39:40,992 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 725 00:39:41,326 --> 00:39:43,161 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 726 00:39:43,495 --> 00:39:45,205 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 727 00:39:45,538 --> 00:39:47,207 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 728 00:39:47,540 --> 00:39:49,542 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 729 00:39:49,876 --> 00:39:54,672 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 730 00:39:56,549 --> 00:40:00,178 ♪ When you're feeling happy ♪ 731 00:40:00,512 --> 00:40:04,307 ♪ And you wear a smile ♪ 732 00:40:04,641 --> 00:40:08,353 ♪ Your troubles seem so easy ♪ 733 00:40:08,686 --> 00:40:12,565 ♪ And living's so worthwhile ♪ 734 00:40:12,899 --> 00:40:15,610 ♪ What's the use of crying ♪ 735 00:40:15,944 --> 00:40:20,198 ♪ Over things that might have been ♪ 736 00:40:20,532 --> 00:40:24,244 ♪ There's nothing you can't do to change it ♪ 737 00:40:24,577 --> 00:40:28,331 ♪ So let that sun shine in ♪ 738 00:40:28,665 --> 00:40:30,500 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 739 00:40:30,834 --> 00:40:32,460 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 740 00:40:32,794 --> 00:40:34,587 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 741 00:40:34,921 --> 00:40:36,506 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 742 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,550 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 743 00:40:38,883 --> 00:40:40,677 ♪ You find if you do ♪ 744 00:40:41,010 --> 00:40:42,637 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 745 00:40:42,971 --> 00:40:44,556 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 746 00:40:44,889 --> 00:40:46,808 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 747 00:40:47,141 --> 00:40:48,810 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 748 00:41:04,784 --> 00:41:07,412 ♪ Come on and smile through the heartaches ♪ 749 00:41:07,745 --> 00:41:09,414 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 750 00:41:09,747 --> 00:41:11,499 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 751 00:41:11,833 --> 00:41:13,418 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 752 00:41:13,751 --> 00:41:15,336 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 753 00:41:15,670 --> 00:41:17,630 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 754 00:41:17,964 --> 00:41:19,674 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 755 00:41:20,008 --> 00:41:21,676 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 756 00:41:22,010 --> 00:41:25,763 ♪ I. Ia la la la la la la la ♪ 757 00:41:26,097 --> 00:41:27,891 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 758 00:41:28,224 --> 00:41:29,934 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 759 00:41:30,268 --> 00:41:33,938 ♪ I. Ia la la la la la la la ♪ 760 00:41:34,272 --> 00:41:36,190 ♪ I. Ia la la la ♪ 761 00:41:36,524 --> 00:41:38,150 ♪ I. Ia la la ♪ 762 00:41:38,151 --> 00:41:40,403 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 763 00:41:40,737 --> 00:41:42,572 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 764 00:41:42,906 --> 00:41:44,616 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 765 00:41:44,949 --> 00:41:46,659 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 766 00:41:46,993 --> 00:41:48,578 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 767 00:41:48,912 --> 00:41:50,663 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 768 00:41:50,997 --> 00:41:52,540 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 769 00:41:52,874 --> 00:41:54,500 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 770 00:41:54,834 --> 00:41:56,794 ♪ So, smile through the heartaches ♪ 771 00:41:57,128 --> 00:41:58,704 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 772 00:41:59,047 --> 00:42:00,664 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 773 00:42:01,049 --> 00:42:02,842 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 774 00:42:03,176 --> 00:42:04,844 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 775 00:42:05,178 --> 00:42:06,971 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 776 00:42:07,305 --> 00:42:09,131 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 777 00:42:09,474 --> 00:42:10,933 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 778 00:42:10,934 --> 00:42:13,186 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 779 00:42:13,519 --> 00:42:15,396 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 780 00:42:15,730 --> 00:42:17,440 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 781 00:42:17,774 --> 00:42:19,734 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 782 00:42:38,252 --> 00:42:40,421 Ah, sweet solitude. 783 00:42:40,755 --> 00:42:43,508 No naked bodies in disgusting contortions. 784 00:42:43,841 --> 00:42:46,219 No genitalia staring me in the face. 785 00:42:46,552 --> 00:42:48,096 Free at last. 786 00:43:35,893 --> 00:43:38,146 There must be refuge somewhere. 787 00:43:53,494 --> 00:43:54,820 Women. 788 00:43:56,164 --> 00:43:58,332 Is there no rest for the weary? 789 00:43:58,666 --> 00:43:59,666 - What's the matter with you, pal? 790 00:43:59,667 --> 00:44:01,493 You a faggot or something? 791 00:44:02,462 --> 00:44:05,465 - I'd merely like to be left alone, if you please. 792 00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:33,116 Must be a faggot. 793 00:44:33,117 --> 00:44:35,244 Hey, move it over here, baby. 794 00:44:35,578 --> 00:44:38,748 Old AI knows what to do when he gets his hands on it. 795 00:44:39,082 --> 00:44:40,707 - Ah, fuck off. - Oh, come on, 796 00:44:40,708 --> 00:44:42,043 give me a handful, baby. 797 00:44:42,376 --> 00:44:44,879 I promise I'll lick my fingers all the way home. 798 00:44:45,213 --> 00:44:46,622 Creep. 799 00:44:52,970 --> 00:44:54,514 Have mercy. 800 00:44:54,847 --> 00:44:57,391 Oh gee, you're English. 801 00:44:57,725 --> 00:44:59,101 Correct. 802 00:44:59,102 --> 00:45:00,478 And you, my dear woman, 803 00:45:00,812 --> 00:45:02,939 are perverse. - Oh gee, thanks. 804 00:45:03,272 --> 00:45:04,816 - Hey, how come you stick it in his face, 805 00:45:05,149 --> 00:45:06,566 you won't stick it in mine? 806 00:45:06,567 --> 00:45:08,820 Because your vibrations suck. 807 00:45:09,153 --> 00:45:10,780 That's why. 808 00:45:11,114 --> 00:45:12,824 Ah, you bitch! 809 00:45:13,157 --> 00:45:14,575 Sir, you're out of bounds. 810 00:45:14,909 --> 00:45:16,244 You get out of my way, buster, 811 00:45:16,577 --> 00:45:19,205 or I'm gonna shove this bottle where the sun don't shine. 812 00:45:21,082 --> 00:45:22,541 I beg your pardon. 813 00:45:22,542 --> 00:45:24,210 - I better not, he'd probably like it. 814 00:45:26,379 --> 00:45:27,839 I must warn you, sir, 815 00:45:28,172 --> 00:45:30,007 I'm quite well-versed in the martial arts. 816 00:45:30,341 --> 00:45:31,959 No shit. 817 00:45:57,201 --> 00:46:00,746 - Where am I? - My place. 818 00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:02,790 You were knocked cold. 819 00:46:03,124 --> 00:46:05,251 Hey, that's quite some bump you got there. 820 00:46:07,170 --> 00:46:09,630 Oh, it hurts, too. 821 00:46:09,964 --> 00:46:11,464 I was talking about the bump 822 00:46:11,465 --> 00:46:13,634 between your legs, sweetheart. 823 00:46:13,968 --> 00:46:15,720 Tell me, how are you hung, anyway? 824 00:46:16,804 --> 00:46:18,389 Oh, I'm not hung at all. 825 00:46:18,723 --> 00:46:19,973 Marionettes are hung. 826 00:46:19,974 --> 00:46:21,391 I'm a hand puppet. 827 00:46:21,392 --> 00:46:23,102 Oh, you're so witty and brave. 828 00:46:23,436 --> 00:46:26,272 I'll bet you're a very important man. 829 00:46:27,607 --> 00:46:29,442 Actually, I'm a film producer. 830 00:46:29,775 --> 00:46:31,318 Hey, far out. 831 00:46:31,319 --> 00:46:33,070 How long you been in the business? 832 00:46:34,363 --> 00:46:35,488 All day. 833 00:46:35,489 --> 00:46:37,115 And I must be dashing back. 834 00:46:37,116 --> 00:46:39,109 My partners need me. 835 00:46:41,162 --> 00:46:42,914 Yeah, but you rescued me. 836 00:46:43,247 --> 00:46:45,082 Let me show you how grateful I am. 837 00:46:45,416 --> 00:46:48,127 All you English guys are such turn-ons. 838 00:46:49,670 --> 00:46:51,672 - Please, I really must be going. 839 00:46:52,006 --> 00:46:53,957 Come on, baby. 840 00:46:54,842 --> 00:46:56,752 I won't keep you long. 841 00:47:00,514 --> 00:47:01,765 very well. 842 00:47:01,766 --> 00:47:03,308 But I mustn't linger. 843 00:47:03,309 --> 00:47:05,269 You see, I have serious corporate problems. 844 00:47:06,354 --> 00:47:08,272 Don't worry about that. 845 00:47:08,606 --> 00:47:10,399 I'll get it up for ya. 846 00:47:12,193 --> 00:47:13,778 What shall we do? 847 00:47:15,112 --> 00:47:18,074 - Freddy, I have a confession to make. 848 00:47:19,951 --> 00:47:22,787 - Do tell. - I've been a very 849 00:47:23,704 --> 00:47:25,039 bad 850 00:47:25,373 --> 00:47:26,657 girl. 851 00:47:28,209 --> 00:47:29,543 So, I gathered. 852 00:47:29,877 --> 00:47:31,587 When I was little, 853 00:47:31,921 --> 00:47:35,424 my daddy would spank me if I was bad. 854 00:47:36,926 --> 00:47:38,260 My word. 855 00:47:38,261 --> 00:47:39,044 Spank me. 856 00:47:39,387 --> 00:47:40,930 Hit me, daddy. 857 00:47:41,264 --> 00:47:43,015 I've been such a bad girl. 858 00:47:45,476 --> 00:47:46,927 Really? 859 00:47:49,522 --> 00:47:51,148 Hit me, please. 860 00:47:51,482 --> 00:47:53,401 Make my little fanny red. 861 00:47:55,319 --> 00:47:56,728 Hmmm. 862 00:47:58,030 --> 00:48:02,868 - Hit me, please. 863 00:48:05,246 --> 00:48:06,655 My word. 864 00:48:07,498 --> 00:48:09,083 Yes, Freddy. 865 00:48:09,417 --> 00:48:11,326 Hit harder, harder. 866 00:48:14,422 --> 00:48:17,008 Ooh, oh yes, Freddy. 867 00:48:17,341 --> 00:48:18,718 I love it, Freddy, yes. 868 00:48:19,051 --> 00:48:20,752 My dear, it's truly smashing. 869 00:48:30,313 --> 00:48:34,608 - Oh, Freddy, you're such a wonderful spanker. 870 00:48:36,319 --> 00:48:38,404 How do you last so long? 871 00:48:38,738 --> 00:48:41,198 - Well my dear, it's all in the wrist. 872 00:48:41,532 --> 00:48:43,617 - What about you, Freddy? 873 00:48:43,951 --> 00:48:46,746 What can I do to make you happy? 874 00:48:47,079 --> 00:48:50,875 - I'd really rather not say. - Come on, tell me. 875 00:48:51,208 --> 00:48:52,709 Promise you won't laugh? 876 00:48:52,710 --> 00:48:55,171 - Cross my heart, and hope to die. 877 00:48:55,504 --> 00:48:56,922 What do you like? 878 00:48:57,256 --> 00:48:59,133 - Would you take your bra and panties 879 00:48:59,467 --> 00:49:01,093 and put them on my head, and then- 880 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,101 I knew it, I knew it. 881 00:49:09,435 --> 00:49:11,019 Just get me your bra and panties. 882 00:49:11,020 --> 00:49:12,304 I need them. 883 00:49:16,567 --> 00:49:18,361 You're weird. 884 00:49:18,694 --> 00:49:21,072 Is David Cross as kinky as you are? 885 00:49:21,405 --> 00:49:22,364 Never mind. 886 00:49:22,365 --> 00:49:25,076 Now, the grapes, get the grapes. 887 00:49:25,409 --> 00:49:28,162 - The grapes? - Over there, the grapes. 888 00:49:32,416 --> 00:49:34,752 All right love, give them a toss. 889 00:49:51,185 --> 00:49:52,477 Throw it, love, harder. 890 00:49:52,478 --> 00:49:54,939 Don't worry, they're seedless. 891 00:49:56,357 --> 00:49:57,983 Ha ha, you missed me. 892 00:49:58,984 --> 00:50:00,435 Ooh! 893 00:50:06,117 --> 00:50:11,580 I am having an arrival. 894 00:50:21,465 --> 00:50:22,507 Thanks. 895 00:50:22,508 --> 00:50:24,000 I needed that. 896 00:50:24,385 --> 00:50:25,928 Oh! - You're weird. 897 00:50:31,058 --> 00:50:33,853 - Well, my dear, I must depart. 898 00:50:34,186 --> 00:50:35,437 My troops need me. 899 00:50:35,438 --> 00:50:36,721 Ta-ta. 900 00:50:38,023 --> 00:50:39,391 Well, 901 00:50:40,860 --> 00:50:42,445 it's been nice meeting you. 902 00:50:45,156 --> 00:50:46,481 I think. 903 00:50:47,408 --> 00:50:50,453 - Years from now, when you talk about this, 904 00:50:51,954 --> 00:50:53,780 be kind. 905 00:51:12,349 --> 00:51:15,186 How go the wars, gentlemen? - Hey, Fred's back. 906 00:51:18,898 --> 00:51:20,357 - Fred, what have you got on your head? 907 00:51:20,691 --> 00:51:22,017 On my head? 908 00:51:22,902 --> 00:51:24,778 There's nothing on my head. 909 00:51:25,112 --> 00:51:26,813 Got it. 910 00:51:27,573 --> 00:51:29,524 You're the boss. 911 00:51:30,493 --> 00:51:31,618 How's it going? 912 00:51:31,619 --> 00:51:33,287 - Gepetto and Lash ran out on us. 913 00:51:33,621 --> 00:51:34,621 Fucking foreigners. 914 00:51:34,622 --> 00:51:36,123 Ooh, but we might have enough. 915 00:51:36,457 --> 00:51:38,417 I'm working on the first cut. 916 00:51:38,751 --> 00:51:40,544 - Hang in there boys, we'll lick this thing yet. 917 00:51:41,629 --> 00:51:42,996 Lick my ass. 918 00:51:43,839 --> 00:51:45,131 Let's see. 919 00:51:45,132 --> 00:51:49,178 41/2 times 318 reels minus 920 00:51:49,512 --> 00:51:53,140 pi squared, 16 frames to the dozen. 921 00:51:53,474 --> 00:51:54,599 Uh, let me see. 922 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,185 What's seven plus four? 923 00:51:56,519 --> 00:51:57,853 Uh, eight. 924 00:51:58,187 --> 00:51:59,429 Right. 925 00:52:00,397 --> 00:52:03,901 Good god, there must be half a million feet of film here. 926 00:52:04,235 --> 00:52:05,736 Hell, that ought to be plenty. 927 00:52:06,070 --> 00:52:08,155 - That's too many feet, for Christ sakes. 928 00:52:08,489 --> 00:52:10,073 Who wants to see feet anyway? 929 00:52:10,074 --> 00:52:11,491 People don't wanna see feet. 930 00:52:11,492 --> 00:52:14,203 They wanna see pussy and cocks and tits and ass. 931 00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:17,748 - Not that kind of feet, you dumbbell. 932 00:52:18,082 --> 00:52:19,833 Gentlemen, we have a crisis. 933 00:52:20,167 --> 00:52:22,628 Our movie has no ending. - What? 934 00:52:22,962 --> 00:52:24,546 That can't be. - You gotta be kidding. 935 00:52:24,547 --> 00:52:25,964 You don't know what happened. 936 00:52:25,965 --> 00:52:27,299 Look. 937 00:52:27,633 --> 00:52:29,292 Here's the beginning, 938 00:52:30,261 --> 00:52:31,294 and here's the middle. 939 00:52:31,679 --> 00:52:33,305 But we have no end. 940 00:52:33,639 --> 00:52:35,182 What'll do we do? 941 00:52:35,516 --> 00:52:37,092 We're screwed. 942 00:52:39,061 --> 00:52:41,313 - We could film an ending, I suppose. 943 00:52:41,647 --> 00:52:43,022 Let's put some new stuff 944 00:52:43,023 --> 00:52:44,766 between the beginning and the middle. 945 00:52:45,109 --> 00:52:47,236 Then the old middle will be the new end. 946 00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:49,280 - Yeah, how about some commercials? 947 00:52:49,613 --> 00:52:51,115 People are used to seeing commercials 948 00:52:51,448 --> 00:52:53,233 in the middle of everything. 949 00:52:54,201 --> 00:52:58,414 - Yeah, x-rated commercials. - The public will love it. 950 00:52:59,665 --> 00:53:00,623 - Think we can come up with some? 951 00:53:00,624 --> 00:53:01,583 Sure we can. 952 00:53:01,584 --> 00:53:03,752 Let's not forget our heritage. 953 00:53:04,086 --> 00:53:06,797 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 954 00:53:07,131 --> 00:53:08,590 Oh, cut that shit out. 955 00:53:08,591 --> 00:53:10,208 Now, let's get to work. 956 00:53:11,135 --> 00:53:14,263 - Hey, let's do the one where that girl holds up the soap. 957 00:53:14,597 --> 00:53:17,391 - How about the one with the widow and the toilet bowl? 958 00:53:17,725 --> 00:53:19,342 Yeah, that's a swell idea. 959 00:53:23,188 --> 00:53:24,606 We're interviewing 960 00:53:24,607 --> 00:53:26,025 high fashion model Ms. Jessica Coos 961 00:53:26,358 --> 00:53:28,485 on the subject of feminine hygiene sprays. 962 00:53:28,819 --> 00:53:30,195 Jessica tell me- 963 00:53:30,529 --> 00:53:31,813 Oh, excuse me. 964 00:53:32,823 --> 00:53:34,190 Hello? 965 00:53:34,658 --> 00:53:36,660 Yes, this is Jessica. 966 00:53:36,994 --> 00:53:38,536 Paul? 967 00:53:38,537 --> 00:53:39,779 I don't know you. 968 00:53:40,706 --> 00:53:42,374 Oh, Harry sent you. 969 00:53:42,708 --> 00:53:44,576 Why didn't you say? 970 00:53:46,086 --> 00:53:48,672 Well, 100 bucks an hour, sweetheart. 971 00:53:49,757 --> 00:53:51,333 Right. 972 00:53:51,592 --> 00:53:53,427 Sure you can come right up. 973 00:53:54,511 --> 00:53:59,058 But no whips or none of that kinky shit, please. 974 00:54:00,809 --> 00:54:02,260 Bye-bye. 975 00:54:05,356 --> 00:54:06,773 Oh, where were we? 976 00:54:06,774 --> 00:54:08,442 - I was about to ask you for your favorite brand 977 00:54:08,776 --> 00:54:10,653 of feminine hygiene spray. 978 00:54:10,986 --> 00:54:13,656 - Oh, I always use new Sweet Fish. 979 00:54:13,989 --> 00:54:16,033 Why Sweet Fish, Ms. Coos? 980 00:54:16,367 --> 00:54:19,495 - Well us models, under the hot lights and all, 981 00:54:19,828 --> 00:54:23,248 our cunts can get pretty skunky. 982 00:54:23,582 --> 00:54:26,210 And if it isn't fresh, 983 00:54:27,628 --> 00:54:29,537 I'm out of business. 984 00:54:30,130 --> 00:54:33,133 Isn't that sweet, you little money maker, you? 985 00:54:33,467 --> 00:54:35,219 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 986 00:54:35,552 --> 00:54:37,471 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 987 00:54:37,805 --> 00:54:39,890 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 988 00:54:40,224 --> 00:54:42,309 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 989 00:54:42,643 --> 00:54:45,020 ♪ Sweet Fish ♪ 990 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,154 ♪ I gonna put you in the movies ♪ 991 00:54:54,488 --> 00:54:57,491 ♪ I'm gonna make a big star outta you ♪ 992 00:54:57,825 --> 00:55:00,369 ♪ I'm gonna put you in the movies ♪ 993 00:55:00,703 --> 00:55:02,454 ♪ And all you gotta do is ♪ 994 00:55:02,788 --> 00:55:04,915 ♪ Hang loose and screw ♪ 995 00:55:10,671 --> 00:55:12,330 Hmmm. 996 00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:34,987 Doctor, really. 997 00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,574 You are a cheeky devil, you are. 998 00:55:38,907 --> 00:55:40,324 Ooh. 999 00:55:40,325 --> 00:55:41,568 Ow. 1000 00:55:43,245 --> 00:55:45,497 - How long have you had these pains? 1001 00:55:45,831 --> 00:55:47,458 - Well, I don't know, I lost my watch, 1002 00:55:47,791 --> 00:55:49,752 but I guess it's about, uh, 1003 00:55:50,085 --> 00:55:53,756 four years, um, three months, and two days. 1004 00:55:54,089 --> 00:55:58,385 - Well, I'm glad you came to me right away. 1005 00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:00,253 Let's see here. 1006 00:56:00,596 --> 00:56:03,432 - Ooh, Doctor, do you think that I might be- 1007 00:56:03,766 --> 00:56:04,974 Now, now. 1008 00:56:04,975 --> 00:56:08,228 Just relax and we'll see what we have here. 1009 00:56:08,562 --> 00:56:10,898 - It's so hard waiting, doctor. 1010 00:56:14,651 --> 00:56:16,403 Ha, I have it! 1011 00:56:16,737 --> 00:56:18,237 A Climax watch. 1012 00:56:18,238 --> 00:56:22,701 Still ticking after four years, three months, and two days. 1013 00:56:23,660 --> 00:56:24,569 Climax. 1014 00:56:24,912 --> 00:56:28,749 It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. 1015 00:56:29,082 --> 00:56:30,751 That's why Climax 1016 00:56:31,084 --> 00:56:35,631 is the largest selling watch on 47th Street. 1017 00:56:35,964 --> 00:56:37,340 Climax? 1018 00:56:37,341 --> 00:56:39,676 Bullshit, you better take another look down there. 1019 00:56:40,010 --> 00:56:41,428 My watch was a Pulsar. 1020 00:56:45,849 --> 00:56:49,144 - Isn't it time you had a Climax? 1021 00:56:59,613 --> 00:57:02,366 - If I were a switch, where would I be? 1022 00:57:03,367 --> 00:57:04,785 Push everything. 1023 00:57:05,118 --> 00:57:07,028 What do you got to lose? 1024 00:57:22,344 --> 00:57:24,054 Stop fucking around. 1025 00:57:35,774 --> 00:57:38,527 I hate the taste of Lusterine, 1026 00:57:40,362 --> 00:57:42,948 but I use it 40 times a day. 1027 00:57:56,003 --> 00:57:57,662 I'm so oral. 1028 00:58:06,138 --> 00:58:07,589 I love it. 1029 00:58:08,265 --> 00:58:11,351 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1030 00:58:11,685 --> 00:58:13,227 ♪ When you go to bed ♪ 1031 00:58:13,228 --> 00:58:14,729 ♪ When you're giving head ♪ 1032 00:58:14,730 --> 00:58:16,732 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1033 00:58:26,867 --> 00:58:29,620 - It was a smashing idea, Red, but I don't think it'll work. 1034 00:58:29,953 --> 00:58:31,496 Golly, why not? 1035 00:58:31,830 --> 00:58:33,790 - It's just not dramatically viable. 1036 00:58:34,124 --> 00:58:35,542 Oh, what the fuck do you know? 1037 00:58:35,876 --> 00:58:37,336 Our asses are on the line. 1038 00:58:37,669 --> 00:58:39,329 Let's put them in. 1039 00:58:40,714 --> 00:58:43,759 - Gentlemen, gentlemen, please don't despair. 1040 00:58:44,092 --> 00:58:45,384 All we need is a shot 1041 00:58:45,385 --> 00:58:47,763 to get our creative juices flowing again. 1042 00:58:49,389 --> 00:58:50,965 It's Mr. Big! 1043 00:58:57,439 --> 00:59:00,943 - These guys don't look glad to see me, boys. 1044 00:59:04,988 --> 00:59:06,782 Where's my half a million dollars? 1045 00:59:18,168 --> 00:59:20,087 Well, where's the money? 1046 00:59:22,798 --> 00:59:24,716 Gee, I don't know. 1047 00:59:25,050 --> 00:59:27,511 It was around here someplace. 1048 00:59:27,844 --> 00:59:29,545 Wise guy, huh? 1049 00:59:29,888 --> 00:59:31,472 Somebody better come up with the money, 1050 00:59:31,473 --> 00:59:33,767 or you're all as good as dead. 1051 00:59:34,101 --> 00:59:36,395 - You'll have it as soon as the movie is released, Mr. Big, 1052 00:59:36,728 --> 00:59:37,895 with interest. 1053 00:59:37,896 --> 00:59:39,639 When will that be? 1054 00:59:39,940 --> 00:59:43,610 According to my watch, yous got one hour. 1055 00:59:46,655 --> 00:59:48,156 What's the matter with him? 1056 00:59:48,490 --> 00:59:51,201 - He ain't himself since you came in the door. 1057 00:59:51,535 --> 00:59:54,746 I'm the s-s-s-same w- w-w-w-way m-m-m-m-myself. 1058 00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:58,250 - You guys better stop blubbering and start fundraising. 1059 01:00:01,086 --> 01:00:02,420 Ernie, 1060 01:00:02,421 --> 01:00:04,881 hock all this equipment, 1061 01:00:05,215 --> 01:00:07,718 and send all the money to the widows. 1062 01:00:08,051 --> 01:00:09,135 Jesus. 1063 01:00:09,136 --> 01:00:12,139 - This looks like a job for Mighty Mouth! 1064 01:00:12,472 --> 01:00:13,890 Yay! 1065 01:00:14,224 --> 01:00:15,934 All right boys, I got him. 1066 01:00:16,268 --> 01:00:17,685 Run! 1067 01:00:17,686 --> 01:00:19,020 Get her off of me! 1068 01:00:19,021 --> 01:00:20,647 No, wait, wait. 1069 01:00:20,981 --> 01:00:23,567 Yous can run, but you can't hide. 1070 01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:26,069 I'll see you creeps in your office in one hour. 1071 01:00:37,456 --> 01:00:39,081 Excuse me, Madam. 1072 01:00:39,082 --> 01:00:40,709 Your car. - Oh, James. 1073 01:00:41,043 --> 01:00:42,919 It's time to go already? - Yes, Madam. 1074 01:00:43,253 --> 01:00:44,796 You have a bridge date. 1075 01:00:45,130 --> 01:00:46,464 Cancel it. 1076 01:00:46,465 --> 01:00:48,675 I'm going to stay here and help these poor souls. 1077 01:00:49,009 --> 01:00:50,384 They're trying to create 1078 01:00:50,385 --> 01:00:52,345 an erotic film and failing dismally. 1079 01:00:52,679 --> 01:00:54,806 It's a matter of life and death. 1080 01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:56,475 Oh, forget it, lady. 1081 01:00:56,808 --> 01:00:58,142 Ned? - Yeah? 1082 01:00:58,143 --> 01:00:59,018 - Fred? - Yeah? 1083 01:00:59,019 --> 01:01:00,269 - Red? - Yeah? 1084 01:01:00,270 --> 01:01:01,730 You guys are dead. 1085 01:01:02,064 --> 01:01:03,815 - He's right, nothing can save us. 1086 01:01:04,149 --> 01:01:05,441 It's all over. 1087 01:01:05,442 --> 01:01:06,734 Just a moment. 1088 01:01:06,735 --> 01:01:09,905 If Madam says she'll help, all is well. 1089 01:01:10,238 --> 01:01:11,615 Are you kidding? 1090 01:01:11,948 --> 01:01:12,907 Look at her. 1091 01:01:12,908 --> 01:01:14,200 What does she know? 1092 01:01:14,201 --> 01:01:15,818 She's an old lady. 1093 01:01:16,620 --> 01:01:19,706 - Madam, they've thrown down the gauntlet. 1094 01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:23,710 - Gentlemen, I may look like an old lady on the outside, 1095 01:01:24,044 --> 01:01:28,256 but inside, I'm as hot and as wet as the best of them. 1096 01:01:30,133 --> 01:01:34,805 ♪ I got scrawny thighs and beady eyes ♪ 1097 01:01:35,138 --> 01:01:39,935 ♪ A bulbous nose and sagging hose, but I'm ♪ 1098 01:01:42,187 --> 01:01:47,109 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1099 01:01:48,068 --> 01:01:52,364 ♪ My mammaries are memories ♪ 1100 01:01:52,697 --> 01:01:54,741 ♪ But still I can ♪ 1101 01:01:55,075 --> 01:01:59,621 ♪ Delight my man, 'cause I'm ♪ 1102 01:01:59,955 --> 01:02:03,959 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1103 01:02:04,292 --> 01:02:09,089 ♪ What I do is sensuali-tease him ♪ 1104 01:02:10,298 --> 01:02:13,718 ♪ Come to mama, fudge him ♪ 1105 01:02:14,052 --> 01:02:15,554 ♪ Blow in his ear ♪ 1106 01:02:15,887 --> 01:02:17,848 ♪ Or nip on his rear ♪ 1107 01:02:18,181 --> 01:02:21,184 ♪ He's ripe for plucking ♪ 1108 01:02:22,269 --> 01:02:25,856 ♪ Lend your sex electrics ♪ 1109 01:02:26,189 --> 01:02:29,442 ♪ Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling-A ♪ 1110 01:02:29,776 --> 01:02:31,235 ♪ A maddening lick ♪ 1111 01:02:31,236 --> 01:02:34,489 ♪ With a butterfly flick and a blow ♪ 1112 01:02:34,823 --> 01:02:37,617 ♪ Your man down ♪ 1113 01:02:37,951 --> 01:02:41,329 ♪ So when your bedroom bores ♪ 1114 01:02:41,663 --> 01:02:43,290 ♪ Get out of doors ♪ 1115 01:02:43,623 --> 01:02:45,124 ♪ Try a rope and a hack ♪ 1116 01:02:45,125 --> 01:02:47,169 ♪ Or the BMD track ♪ 1117 01:02:47,502 --> 01:02:50,338 ♪ And live ♪ 1118 01:02:50,672 --> 01:02:55,427 ♪ Like the sensuous woman ♪ 1119 01:02:57,179 --> 01:03:01,850 ♪ And if your Romeos ♪ 1120 01:03:02,184 --> 01:03:05,353 ♪ Drooping low ♪ 1121 01:03:05,687 --> 01:03:08,690 ♪ A tired he ♪ 1122 01:03:09,024 --> 01:03:10,942 ♪ Do it orally ♪ 1123 01:03:11,276 --> 01:03:13,862 ♪ You better be ♪ 1124 01:03:14,196 --> 01:03:18,992 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1125 01:03:19,993 --> 01:03:22,662 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1126 01:03:33,548 --> 01:03:34,590 You're terrific. 1127 01:03:34,591 --> 01:03:35,926 - Yeah, sexy. - Help us. 1128 01:03:36,259 --> 01:03:37,218 Save our movie. 1129 01:03:37,219 --> 01:03:40,055 - Take us to the Promise Land, sweet mama. 1130 01:03:40,388 --> 01:03:42,474 - But Madam, what shall I do with the car? 1131 01:03:42,807 --> 01:03:44,675 Sell it, you dummy. 1132 01:03:45,393 --> 01:03:46,727 - You really think we can make it? 1133 01:03:46,728 --> 01:03:48,103 - Of course, you can make it. 1134 01:03:48,104 --> 01:03:49,898 Remember who you are. 1135 01:03:50,232 --> 01:03:52,943 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 1136 01:03:53,276 --> 01:03:55,070 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 1137 01:03:55,403 --> 01:03:56,737 And don't you forget it. 1138 01:03:56,738 --> 01:03:58,490 You've got imagination, taste, 1139 01:03:58,823 --> 01:04:01,701 and this boy has a problem that can help you. 1140 01:04:02,035 --> 01:04:04,162 Yeah, give me a chance. 1141 01:04:04,496 --> 01:04:05,914 - And you shall have it, my dear. 1142 01:04:06,248 --> 01:04:10,043 What you need is Buffo production numbers, today's sound, 1143 01:04:10,377 --> 01:04:13,296 a rock beat, transvestites, ah. 1144 01:04:13,630 --> 01:04:15,006 Stop it, you two. 1145 01:04:15,340 --> 01:04:16,423 What about me? 1146 01:04:16,424 --> 01:04:17,801 What can I do? 1147 01:04:18,134 --> 01:04:19,594 - Pinocchio, according to my notes, 1148 01:04:19,928 --> 01:04:22,222 you have now cum seven times. 1149 01:04:22,555 --> 01:04:23,932 - Eight. - Eight times. 1150 01:04:24,266 --> 01:04:26,101 And you shall be 1151 01:04:26,434 --> 01:04:30,063 rewarded. 1152 01:04:31,856 --> 01:04:34,776 I've become a partner. 1153 01:05:05,557 --> 01:05:08,643 ♪ She lives a life marked his and hers ♪ 1154 01:05:08,977 --> 01:05:11,187 ♪ In a world of changing sex ♪ 1155 01:05:11,521 --> 01:05:14,482 ♪ She's the king and queen of differences ♪ 1156 01:05:14,816 --> 01:05:17,736 ♪ In a dream that's rated X ♪ 1157 01:05:18,069 --> 01:05:20,196 ♪ She took to drag and dressing up ♪ 1158 01:05:20,530 --> 01:05:23,908 ♪ 'Cause it sure beats driving trucks ♪ 1159 01:05:24,242 --> 01:05:27,162 ♪ Her world's a myth like gravity ♪ 1160 01:05:27,495 --> 01:05:30,332 ♪ It has no pull, it sucks ♪ 1161 01:05:30,665 --> 01:05:33,209 ♪ There's lots of things about her ♪ 1162 01:05:33,543 --> 01:05:36,254 ♪ That you never understand ♪ 1163 01:05:36,588 --> 01:05:39,549 ♪ I mean, how can you talk to a lady ♪ 1164 01:05:39,883 --> 01:05:42,844 ♪ That's every inch a man ♪ 1165 01:05:43,178 --> 01:05:45,555 ♪ Why she's the new all American boy ♪ 1166 01:05:45,889 --> 01:05:49,100 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1167 01:05:49,434 --> 01:05:52,020 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1168 01:05:52,354 --> 01:05:53,980 ♪ With her, you get two ♪ 1169 01:05:54,314 --> 01:05:57,108 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1170 01:05:57,442 --> 01:05:58,818 ♪ Show me your la la ♪ 1171 01:06:11,456 --> 01:06:16,378 ♪ Oh beautiful ♪ 1172 01:06:17,670 --> 01:06:19,589 ♪ Her life's a constant struggle ♪ 1173 01:06:19,923 --> 01:06:21,758 ♪ In a boy meets girl facade ♪ 1174 01:06:22,092 --> 01:06:25,970 ♪ While the girly part comes easy ♪ 1175 01:06:26,304 --> 01:06:28,973 ♪ For the man, the part stays hard ♪ 1176 01:06:29,307 --> 01:06:32,018 ♪ So, she went to see the doctor man ♪ 1177 01:06:32,352 --> 01:06:35,021 ♪ She said, hey make me a fox ♪ 1178 01:06:35,355 --> 01:06:37,232 ♪ She took a shot of G ♪ 1179 01:06:37,565 --> 01:06:38,690 ♪ Her breast of things ♪ 1180 01:06:38,691 --> 01:06:41,194 ♪ And a brand new plastic part ♪ 1181 01:06:41,528 --> 01:06:44,656 ♪ Now, she's the foxy lady ♪ 1182 01:06:44,989 --> 01:06:46,783 ♪ That you've been waiting for ♪ 1183 01:06:47,117 --> 01:06:51,079 ♪ So what if the girl of your dreams turns out ♪ 1184 01:06:51,413 --> 01:06:54,165 ♪ To be the boy next door ♪ 1185 01:06:54,499 --> 01:06:57,001 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1186 01:06:57,335 --> 01:07:00,380 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1187 01:07:00,713 --> 01:07:03,299 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1188 01:07:03,633 --> 01:07:05,552 ♪ With her you get two ♪ 1189 01:07:05,885 --> 01:07:07,512 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1190 01:07:07,846 --> 01:07:10,181 ♪ Oh yeah, guys, let's hear everything ♪ 1191 01:07:19,274 --> 01:07:21,943 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1192 01:07:22,277 --> 01:07:24,988 ♪ She's got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1193 01:07:25,321 --> 01:07:27,198 ♪ I said that she's the new all American boy ♪ 1194 01:07:28,658 --> 01:07:30,660 - All right, hold it right there. 1195 01:07:30,994 --> 01:07:32,495 Don't let these motherfuckers move. 1196 01:07:32,829 --> 01:07:35,415 - Oh, son-of-a-bitch. 1197 01:07:36,791 --> 01:07:39,377 - Okay, you perpetrators is all under arrest 1198 01:07:39,711 --> 01:07:42,088 on account of making a dirty movie. 1199 01:07:42,422 --> 01:07:44,090 All right, you cunts, let's go. 1200 01:07:44,424 --> 01:07:45,757 Hut, two, three, four. 1201 01:07:45,758 --> 01:07:47,301 Hut, two, three, four. 1202 01:07:47,302 --> 01:07:48,677 Hut, two, three, four. 1203 01:07:48,678 --> 01:07:51,139 Hut, two, three, four. 1204 01:07:51,473 --> 01:07:53,224 All right kid, you're next. 1205 01:07:53,558 --> 01:07:54,600 Let's go. 1206 01:07:54,601 --> 01:07:56,102 You outta be ashamed of yourself. 1207 01:07:56,436 --> 01:08:00,148 Contributing to the delinquency of an adult. 1208 01:08:00,482 --> 01:08:01,690 Up yours. 1209 01:08:01,691 --> 01:08:04,110 All right, hut, two, three, four. 1210 01:08:04,444 --> 01:08:06,196 Okay cutie, you're next. 1211 01:08:07,447 --> 01:08:11,409 Hey, by the way cutie, I'll uh, 1212 01:08:12,327 --> 01:08:14,037 see you when you get out. 1213 01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:17,372 - Ooh. - All right, let's go. 1214 01:08:17,373 --> 01:08:18,916 Hut, two, three, four. 1215 01:08:18,917 --> 01:08:20,701 Hut, two, three. 1216 01:08:23,546 --> 01:08:26,883 - It was a good try, gentlemen, but we're goners. 1217 01:08:28,259 --> 01:08:30,345 Hmm, our present predicament 1218 01:08:30,678 --> 01:08:33,139 severely limits our fund raising mobility. 1219 01:08:33,473 --> 01:08:34,598 Listen. 1220 01:08:34,599 --> 01:08:36,142 We still got 45 minutes left. 1221 01:08:36,476 --> 01:08:37,476 Right? 1222 01:08:37,477 --> 01:08:40,480 - It seems to me you only got one shot, boys. 1223 01:08:40,813 --> 01:08:42,272 What? 1224 01:08:42,273 --> 01:08:43,608 Politics. 1225 01:08:43,942 --> 01:08:45,652 Totally unfeasible. 1226 01:08:45,985 --> 01:08:47,612 Gentlemen, we have enough problems. 1227 01:08:47,946 --> 01:08:50,031 We go into politics, we'll really be in trouble. 1228 01:08:50,365 --> 01:08:51,991 All right, all right. 1229 01:08:52,909 --> 01:08:55,161 Quiet down yous perpetrators. 1230 01:08:55,495 --> 01:08:56,745 You're free. 1231 01:08:56,746 --> 01:08:58,373 All charges have been dropped. 1232 01:09:00,750 --> 01:09:02,335 Wait a minute, officer. 1233 01:09:02,669 --> 01:09:05,380 I'm not sure I have a firm grasp of the situation. 1234 01:09:05,713 --> 01:09:08,174 - Social redeeming, that's what the situation is. 1235 01:09:08,508 --> 01:09:10,009 Some faggot judge says she got 1236 01:09:10,343 --> 01:09:13,096 social redeeming value in this here film. 1237 01:09:13,429 --> 01:09:14,471 You're free. 1238 01:09:14,472 --> 01:09:15,347 Outta here. 1239 01:09:15,348 --> 01:09:17,183 Out of my jail, all of ya. 1240 01:09:17,517 --> 01:09:19,017 Hut, two, three, four. 1241 01:09:19,018 --> 01:09:20,519 You dirty screw. 1242 01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,815 You're the guy give to my brother in the back. 1243 01:09:25,024 --> 01:09:27,527 - Listen, who I fuck is my business. 1244 01:09:27,860 --> 01:09:29,687 Now, move it! 1245 01:09:30,572 --> 01:09:32,114 Bunch of perverts. 1246 01:09:32,115 --> 01:09:34,409 Social redeeming, my ass. 1247 01:09:34,742 --> 01:09:36,619 Fucking is fucking. 1248 01:09:53,553 --> 01:09:57,473 - Well, I still think we shoulda gone out to Hollywood. 1249 01:09:57,807 --> 01:10:00,101 Jimmy won't know what to say if we win. 1250 01:10:00,435 --> 01:10:01,978 Ah, we'll never win. 1251 01:10:02,312 --> 01:10:04,188 Let's put on the ball game. 1252 01:10:04,522 --> 01:10:06,357 Oh, ye of little faith. 1253 01:10:06,691 --> 01:10:09,027 - Look, they're announcing the nominees. 1254 01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:10,695 Turn up the volume. 1255 01:10:11,029 --> 01:10:14,324 - And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment 1256 01:10:14,657 --> 01:10:16,200 we've all been waiting for 1257 01:10:17,368 --> 01:10:20,079 for the best picture of the year. 1258 01:10:20,413 --> 01:10:21,914 May I have the envelope please? 1259 01:10:24,834 --> 01:10:26,535 I'm so excited. 1260 01:10:26,753 --> 01:10:28,495 And the winner is... 1261 01:10:29,881 --> 01:10:31,382 You are hereby summoned 1262 01:10:31,716 --> 01:10:36,262 to appear before the grand jury in Memphis... 1263 01:10:36,596 --> 01:10:38,047 You asshole. 1264 01:10:38,514 --> 01:10:40,174 Gimme. 1265 01:10:41,184 --> 01:10:42,602 And the winner is... 1266 01:10:46,939 --> 01:10:49,275 I don't believe this shit. 1267 01:10:49,609 --> 01:10:50,809 The winner is 1268 01:10:51,569 --> 01:10:53,905 The Last Porno Flick. 1269 01:10:54,238 --> 01:10:55,822 Federico 1270 01:10:55,823 --> 01:10:56,907 Gepetto 1271 01:10:56,908 --> 01:10:58,533 Alexa. 1272 01:10:58,534 --> 01:11:00,912 Accepting the award for Mr. Gepetto is 1273 01:11:02,538 --> 01:11:04,374 Jimmy. - Go on down. 1274 01:11:04,707 --> 01:11:06,542 - Congratulations. - And since this is the first 1275 01:11:06,876 --> 01:11:09,253 fuck film to win an Oscar, 1276 01:11:09,587 --> 01:11:13,174 I just gotta thank two people who made it all possible. 1277 01:11:13,508 --> 01:11:17,845 The two people who invented fucking: Adam and Eve. 1278 01:11:18,179 --> 01:11:19,597 I didn't get their last names, 1279 01:11:19,931 --> 01:11:21,808 but they know who they are. 1280 01:11:22,141 --> 01:11:25,019 And I'm thrilled for my good buddy Gramps 1281 01:11:26,187 --> 01:11:28,564 that he lived to see this night. 1282 01:11:30,775 --> 01:11:32,318 What an asshole. 1283 01:11:50,795 --> 01:11:52,797 - There must be nine million dollars here, keep counting. 1284 01:11:53,131 --> 01:11:54,716 - There's 10 million in this pile, 1285 01:11:55,049 --> 01:11:56,509 and nine million in- - Are you sure? 1286 01:11:56,843 --> 01:11:57,884 Let's start again and make sure, 1287 01:11:57,885 --> 01:11:59,262 'cause I don't wanna get screwed. 1288 01:11:59,595 --> 01:12:01,514 Come on, come on, boys. 1289 01:12:01,848 --> 01:12:02,764 Keep counting. 1290 01:12:02,765 --> 01:12:04,100 I'm being taken advantage of. 1291 01:12:04,434 --> 01:12:06,436 That's my pile, get your hands off it. 1292 01:12:06,769 --> 01:12:08,145 Come on now, don't fight. 1293 01:12:08,146 --> 01:12:09,689 I'm gonna take my share and go to that massage parlor 1294 01:12:10,022 --> 01:12:11,148 and go for broke. 1295 01:12:11,149 --> 01:12:12,232 Hey. 1296 01:12:12,233 --> 01:12:13,608 Hey. 1297 01:12:13,609 --> 01:12:15,903 I've got an idea for our next movie. 1298 01:12:16,237 --> 01:12:17,529 How about 1299 01:12:17,530 --> 01:12:19,574 She Came on the Bus. 1300 01:12:19,907 --> 01:12:20,941 Ah, horseshit. 1301 01:12:21,284 --> 01:12:23,619 Those travel films never make money. 1302 01:12:24,662 --> 01:12:26,289 I've got one. 1303 01:12:26,622 --> 01:12:31,002 Doctor Dick Makes a House Call. 1304 01:12:31,335 --> 01:12:32,919 Too medical, no zip. 1305 01:12:32,920 --> 01:12:35,715 You gotta play on their fantasies, boys. 1306 01:12:36,048 --> 01:12:37,257 How's this? 1307 01:12:37,258 --> 01:12:39,218 Teenage Grandmother. 1308 01:12:39,552 --> 01:12:42,221 - Yeah, great, yeah. - Terrific. 1309 01:12:42,555 --> 01:12:44,131 No, no, no. 1310 01:12:44,807 --> 01:12:48,269 There'll be no more erotic film. 1311 01:12:48,603 --> 01:12:49,887 Fred, why? 1312 01:12:50,480 --> 01:12:54,400 - Gentlemen, this is the last porno flick. 1313 01:12:54,734 --> 01:12:56,277 - Oh. - What? 1314 01:12:56,611 --> 01:12:58,111 - Yeah, we gotta think of something. 1315 01:12:58,112 --> 01:12:59,446 Yeah, what are we gonna do? 1316 01:12:59,447 --> 01:13:00,739 We all remember who we are. 1317 01:13:00,740 --> 01:13:02,032 - Let's not forget our heritage. 1318 01:13:02,033 --> 01:13:06,829 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts ♪ 1319 01:13:08,331 --> 01:13:10,625 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 1320 01:13:10,958 --> 01:13:13,961 ♪ Brothers unlimited Inc. ♪ 1321 01:13:14,295 --> 01:13:18,549 ♪ What do you think ♪ 1322 01:13:18,883 --> 01:13:21,385 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 88962