Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:56,635
Holy shit!
2
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,104
Oh, fuck!
3
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:12,401
No, no, no!
4
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,829
Oh, shit!
5
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,602
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Welcome to Jackass!
6
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,868
All right, boys and girls.
It's time for a puppet show.
7
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,286
puppet show
8
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:07,873
Once upon a time,
there was a hungry serpent
9
00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:11,418
and a lonely field mouse
who needed a friend.
10
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,254
Hello, Mr. Serpent.
11
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:19,301
My name is Mr. Mousey.
I wanna be your friend.
12
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,929
Yeah, just make sure
my whole wiener's out. I wanna look good.
13
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:25,766
How about if I tickle him on the tail?
Hey, over here.
14
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,398
That's not nice.
15
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,025
That's not the way we play back home.
16
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,736
That was not nice.
17
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,238
Dude.
18
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,074
He's like an inch away.
19
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:47,037
Here we go. Give me a little kissy.
20
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,249
A little kiss.
21
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,010
Oh, God!
22
00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:02,928
Oh, God, that hurts!
23
00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:17,818
It's got its tooth stuck in his dick!
24
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:24,283
I guess the puppet show's over then.
25
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,202
Oh, my God.
26
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:32,875
"Hi, Jackass guys.
27
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,084
the valentine
28
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,587
"I heard you were staying at this hotel."
29
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,505
-What the fuck is that?
-Dude, look at that.
30
00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:40,674
It's like... someone like...
31
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:44,303
Look at it. What is this?
I can't even read it, dude.
32
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,389
Read it out loud.
33
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,517
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
34
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,645
My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
35
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:57,357
Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
36
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:58,776
I don't care about that."
37
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,570
Oh! You fucking dick.
38
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,369
Oh, my God.
39
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,622
I was wondering
why it was so fucking small.
40
00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:12,998
Did you see this?
41
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:17,878
Fucking fans just wrote this, like,
saying how much they want to fuck us.
42
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,632
And it says...
Read it up close. It's fucking hilarious.
43
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,843
-Read it out loud for the camera.
-Okay.
44
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,766
"Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago."
45
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,184
It was probably you.
46
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,104
"And I don't care about that.
47
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:38,607
Me and my friends will
totally rock your world.
48
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,318
"I wanna fuck you all."
49
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,626
It's the fucking stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
50
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,547
Fans actually put that...
Read the little part, dude.
51
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,938
Get Wee Man's little ass up here
but only if... no one be in the hall.
52
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,567
-Just, like, Bam. He's selling it so good.
-Is there a chair out here?
53
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:26,196
Wee Man, dude,
some girl wants to rock your world.
54
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,575
Dude, you got to read this.
These fans put up this...
55
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,076
Dude, stand on this.
56
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,872
Read it out loud for the camera.
It's perfect "behind the scenes", dude.
57
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:38,167
"Hi, Jackass guys.
I heard you were staying at this hotel.
58
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:41,879
My name is Stephanie
and me and my friends love you.
59
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:46,008
Some of you actually hooked up
with my sister four years ago.
60
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,468
I don't care about that.
61
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,095
"Me and my friends..."
62
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,646
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
63
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,193
He actually stood on the chair.
64
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,821
Why would there ever be a chair
in the hallway?
65
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,533
I'm Dave England,
and this is the Firehose Rodeo.
66
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,618
firehose rodeo
67
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,585
Fucking hell!
68
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:24,129
God damn it!
69
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,390
Oh, shit!
70
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:49,196
-Bravo, homo.
-Did you see how he slammed?
71
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,663
My ass hurts so fucking bad!
72
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,875
-Hey, is it bleeding?
-Yeah.
73
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,293
Man, you are bleeding.
74
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,880
-My ass is bleeding?
-We have rectal bleeding.
75
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,924
Another first for Jackass.
76
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:15,639
Get back here, you little bastard!
Get back here!
77
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,787
Now it's time
for a little Bicentennial BMXing.
78
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,913
bicentennial bmxing
79
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,467
-All right.
-Alley-oop.
80
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,511
Hear ye, hear ye.
81
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,686
This is really going to suck.
82
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,981
Why would anybody ride this shit?
83
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,734
It's like, what's the reasoning?
84
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,195
Why wouldn't they just make
two of the same-size wheel?
85
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,163
Oh, fuck.
86
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,834
-You all right?
-Yeah.
87
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:27,836
You didn't land it.
88
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:31,590
My head stopped my body
from getting really hurt on that one.
89
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,551
Oh, fuck.
90
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:39,014
See, we have a weight going up
and it's supposed to hit me in the nuts,
91
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:42,851
but I'd prefer to have, like,
a dildo instead of the weight
92
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:46,480
and then, instead of the nuts,
it'll be my ass. It'll go right in.
93
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,149
That's the way to do it.
94
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,193
Could somebody make a dick run? Please?
95
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,655
the strongman
96
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,617
Today's debate. Is it wrong to be strong?
97
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,910
You be the judge.
98
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,256
MANNY PUIG
PREDATORY ANIMAL EXPERT
99
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,051
Now, Bam just took a golden dildo
up his ass at high speed.
100
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,011
That's what happened.
101
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,602
My name is Gloria and I'm 90 years old.
102
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,188
And I'm a slut.
103
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,442
Okay, I'm going to go
get us a table now, okay?
104
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,569
-Bye, Mama. Thank you.
-Goodbye.
105
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,034
Go ahead. I'm fine.
106
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,800
Excuse me, sir.
Could I use your cellular telephone?
107
00:11:58,635 --> 00:11:59,636
What's the number?
108
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,930
I don't know what number. It's the driver.
109
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,307
-Oh, yes. Could you dial it for me?
-Yes, yes.
110
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:05,559
What is the number?
111
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,727
I don't know.
What is his number? I don't know.
112
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,188
This happens every time I go to brunch.
113
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,735
-Is this okay for now?
-Yes, thank you.
114
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:27,330
I'm Danger Ehren, here with Thor,
and this is the Mini-Loop.
115
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,799
He can barely ride it.
116
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:41,887
Fuck.
117
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,054
Fuck!
118
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,474
All right, let Thor try it.
119
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,232
Come on.
120
00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,529
I hit my head pretty hard.
121
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:03,783
Good thing I'm wearing that helmet.
Safety first.
122
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:05,994
I love that confidence.
123
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,038
I'm not gay but I...
I kind of want to fuck him.
124
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,640
-Come on, Danger, get on it.
-How's the bike?
125
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,350
Bike's good.
126
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,727
He's mocking the loop.
127
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,162
After this movie comes out, you're totally
going to lose your virginity.
128
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:52,499
-You almost pulled it off.
-I don't think dudes count, Chris.
129
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,211
Here we are
at some random-ass ranch,
130
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,295
and this is the Brand.
131
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,505
the brand
132
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,257
And it's gonna suck.
133
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,595
-Drop them.
-Good luck.
134
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,681
-Christ!
-You have no hair on your ass.
135
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:08,765
It is pretty.
136
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,684
-You ready?
-No.
137
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,896
-You better get ready quick.
-That is a mini hard dick right there.
138
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,607
Try not to move around. You don't want
to have two of those things on you.
139
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,652
Oh, dear God.
I wasn't bummed for you, till right now.
140
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:21,861
Okay!
141
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,697
If I take it off,
it's gonna go cold in a second.
142
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,365
I gotta keep it on
until we're ready to film.
143
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,575
Fuck.
144
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,870
All right.
You said 10 seconds 20 seconds ago.
145
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,123
Clean him off.
146
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,417
-All right, you ready?
-No.
147
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,668
Don't move.
148
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:39,879
-Go, go, go!
-Don't move.
149
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,631
Press it hard, you idiot!
150
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,428
Fuck! It's good.
151
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,264
No, it's not, dude.
You got to hold it to it.
152
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,061
Oh, fuck!
Dude, that hurts so fucking bad!
153
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,438
Well, if you didn't jump out of the way,
154
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,064
-I would've had it done the first time.
-You should've pressed,
155
00:14:58,148 --> 00:15:00,525
-you asshole!
-I did press! You went like that!
156
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,324
Fuck! Oh, God damn, that hurt so bad.
157
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,408
Turn around.
158
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,078
I'm not going to burn you again.
I already got you three times.
159
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,956
-Three of them.
-You gave me a hologram dick.
160
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,794
There's three solid dicks,
there's one half-assed one right here
161
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,713
and then you gave me a set of balls.
162
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:24,341
-But a sweet set of balls.
-Rad.
163
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,801
I'd rather rip my dick off
and throw it in the river
164
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,219
than do that again.
165
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,180
God damn.
166
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,683
We're at Ape and Phil's house
167
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:34,768
three days later
168
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:37,145
and I'm gonna present them
the branded dick on my butt.
169
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,232
Let me rephrase that. Dicks.
170
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,985
-Well, I gave him a present.
-What present?
171
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,236
He loved it.
172
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,614
-What?
-It still hurts.
173
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,825
-What? What am I looking at?
-He gave me a dick farm on my ass.
174
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,536
Oh, my God! What is that?
What is that?
175
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,915
-I branded his ass.
-It's supposed to be a dick
176
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,167
but he did it six times,
so now I have a dick farm on my ass.
177
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,419
-Is that permanent?
-Yes! Look!
178
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,465
-What is that, a tattoo?
-It's a brand. A hot iron for cows.
179
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,301
Bam, that is so infected!
180
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:11,930
That does not look good. Oh, my God,
he's going to have that for life!
181
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:14,974
-You're going to have that for life.
-No shit.
182
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,228
If you have one on there, you should've
made it bigger and more realistic.
183
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,981
-That puny thing's embarrassing.
-Ape, I got a muffed-up-ass butt.
184
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:24,734
I know, and you had the cutest butt ever
and now you've ruined it.
185
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,612
-No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
-Yeah, why'd you ruin it?
186
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:30,782
I tried to do it good. He jumped around.
I was scared. I'm burning my own friend.
187
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,951
Why would you burn him
in the first place, Dunn?
188
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,786
-Because it was funny.
-It's not funny.
189
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,665
Get ready to be happy,
ladies and gentlemen.
190
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,583
Johnny Knoxville is going to jump
the entire lake.
191
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,751
lake jump
192
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,086
He's amazing.
193
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,644
What happened? You were going
about one mile per hour,
194
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,229
then, all of a sudden, 60.
195
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,522
I thought you were gonna hang on.
196
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,858
There is no holding on
to that motherfucker.
197
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,860
Oh, my God.
198
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,989
Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Zupan
is going to jump the entire lake.
199
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,115
quad rugby star
200
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,493
Mark, give our regards
to the folks on the other side.
201
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:28,047
I thought they forgot to set it off
and then it just took off.
202
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,176
-I don't know what happened.
-I don't either.
203
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,928
-All I know is he almost made it.
-He's a hero.
204
00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:35,764
We're here in England with Mat Hoffman
205
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:40,393
and he's about to jump
the English Channel into Germany.
206
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,478
Good luck, Mat.
207
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,159
That was fucking great.
208
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,662
What was so great about that?
He didn't even go to Germany.
209
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,164
Oh, my God.
210
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,086
It's a lovely day for a swim
in the Gulf of Mexico.
211
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,172
I'm Steve-O, and this is the Fish Hook.
212
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,298
the fish hook
213
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,028
Oh, man, that's gone through. I got you.
214
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:42,247
-Oh, dude.
-We got it? We're good?
215
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,082
That hurt to do that to you.
216
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,377
Yeah, it looks great.
217
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:52,090
-Oh, my God.
-All right, cast me out, God damn it.
218
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,425
Now it's time for some man-fishing.
219
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:59,305
-The hammerhead's right there.
-Oh, my God.
220
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:03,017
Thank God we brought Manny
to make sure sharks would show up.
221
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,521
He's coming to get you, Steve-O.
Act like a sick or wounded animal.
222
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,107
Look at that fin right behind him.
223
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:12,068
Dude, isn't this movie supposed
to be a comedy?
224
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:20,702
I can't believe I'm fishing for sharks
with Steve-O as my bait.
225
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,287
It's like a dream come true.
226
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,581
Oh, my God.
227
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,792
-Here comes a mako!
-Oh, shit! Steve-O!
228
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,090
Oh, my God.
He's right behind you, Steve-O.
229
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,969
-I am the fuck out of here.
-No, you're good, man.
230
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,095
Stay in there.
231
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,432
The shark's coming right at you!
232
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,894
Oh, shit.
233
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,941
-Come on, stay out there, O!
-You already got the fucking shot!
234
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,693
I want to hear Manny scream.
235
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:56,738
Dude, I fucking kicked the thing
in the fucking head!
236
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:57,989
Get up here.
237
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,535
Steve-O, do you know how lucky you are?
A mako almost bit your foot off.
238
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,953
I've been so lucky today.
239
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,127
Fuck!
240
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,798
You are lucky.
241
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:20,053
Fuck, that hurts. Damn it.
Thank you so much, God.
242
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,221
You bastard.
243
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,155
This is champion card-thrower, Jim Karol.
244
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,741
He's come to throw cards
into Wee Man's ass.
245
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:45,411
What Wee Man doesn't realize is that
he'll be sitting on the Electric Stool.
246
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,663
the electric stool
247
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,876
God, I hate picking on Wee Man.
248
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:02,929
-Wee Man, I'd say you're up.
-Jump up on the stool.
249
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,765
All right, on three
I'm gonna whip it at you.
250
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,809
You might feel it a little bit, all right?
251
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,353
-On three. Ready?
-Don't worry about it.
252
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,521
One,
253
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,147
two...
254
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,861
Fuck! That fucking...
255
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,072
Did it hit a nerve?
256
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:24,867
-Dude, it hit, like, right in there.
-Oh, I'm sorry. I threw it too hard.
257
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:28,746
Try one more. It didn't stick.
He's going to get it to stick.
258
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,126
On three. One,
259
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,210
two,
260
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:35,753
three.
261
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:41,050
I don't fucking like that, dude.
No, I don't fucking like that, dude.
262
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,011
That fucking hurts, dude.
263
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:44,470
Tell the camera exactly what's happening.
264
00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:47,640
All right, every time this dude throws
a fucking card in my ass,
265
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:49,767
it fucking jolts me, so I jump off.
266
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,728
I'm not going to fucking sit there.
267
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,396
-Let me do a pickup shot.
-No.
268
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,149
The pickup shot is,
you pinch the card in your butt.
269
00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:57,483
Just stick it in there
so it's sticking out.
270
00:21:57,567 --> 00:21:58,860
-All right.
-Okay, go.
271
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,154
One, two, three.
272
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,035
It's still in there.
273
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:14,333
-Jump back up.
-Do you want me to lift you on there?
274
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,837
-Wait...
-Okay, fuckers!
275
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:21,924
No, there's a machine in here
fucking doing it,
276
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:23,634
you fucking fuckers.
277
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,721
Where's the fucking card-throwing machine?
278
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,643
Where's the fucking
card-throwing machine, dude?
279
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,776
Show him what it is.
Show him what's funny.
280
00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:44,238
Oh, the fucking chair's rigged!
281
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:49,535
Oh, my God.
282
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,544
There's a card-throwing machine
in here, dude.
283
00:22:58,628 --> 00:23:01,714
Dude, Wee Man, I would never use
a card-throwing machine on you.
284
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,709
That couldn't have gone any better.
285
00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:41,212
I didn't know
that Knoxville could do back flips.
286
00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:42,672
It was, like, a front flip.
287
00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:46,592
-Where do yaks come from?
-That's from Siberia.
288
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,348
So that's why Eskimos don't have rodeos.
289
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,432
Yeah.
290
00:23:55,810 --> 00:23:57,812
Tell me about your original drawing
for this.
291
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:01,482
See, when I come up with my ideas,
I don't write them down.
292
00:24:01,566 --> 00:24:04,610
I just draw a picture
and fax it to Los Angeles.
293
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:05,987
dramatic re-enactment
294
00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:08,364
I just drew a picture of a fat-ass
295
00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:11,242
and a little guy
with a bungee cord connected.
296
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:14,996
Jason, how do you compare this kind
of athleticism to what you guys do?
297
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:17,748
You guys are
a hell of a lot more athletic than us
298
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,001
and a lot crazier, too.
299
00:24:21,252 --> 00:24:23,296
Dude, look how nervous he is.
300
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,300
We're here in Miami Beach
with Jason Taylor
301
00:24:27,675 --> 00:24:28,968
and this is the Bungee Jump.
302
00:24:29,051 --> 00:24:30,136
the bungee jump
303
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,348
-Are you ready, Preston?
-Just go! Just go!
304
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,685
Three, two, one.
305
00:24:44,108 --> 00:24:45,109
Yes!
306
00:24:45,193 --> 00:24:46,861
Yes! Yes! Yes!
307
00:24:46,944 --> 00:24:48,321
Oh, my God.
308
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,868
-Preston.
-That worked perfect.
309
00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:58,247
-Did I yank you?
-Oh, fuck, yeah.
310
00:24:58,331 --> 00:25:02,293
Okay, I went down, I'm upside-down,
I see Preston coming.
311
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:05,713
Once he was past me,
he pulled me down more.
312
00:25:05,796 --> 00:25:07,924
-So, like, I slammed the water.
-Oh, you were above the water?
313
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:10,885
Yeah, I felt the full pressure
of the bungee.
314
00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:15,890
That was intense. Really intense.
Well, not really intense,
315
00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:17,225
but pretty intense.
316
00:25:20,394 --> 00:25:21,896
-What's your name again?
-What? Irving.
317
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,399
-Irving, yeah.
-Irving Zisman.
318
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:28,444
bad grandpa
319
00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:33,824
Hey, can we get us some fries, please?
320
00:25:38,579 --> 00:25:40,081
Some time today.
321
00:25:45,962 --> 00:25:47,964
There you go. Take a sip.
322
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:57,265
That'll put lead in your pencil, kid.
323
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:03,646
You got a light?
324
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:06,524
Shit.
325
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:15,741
Hey, little guy, is that a real cigarette?
326
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:17,576
-Piss off, man.
-Is it?
327
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:19,328
He said, "Piss off!"
328
00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:21,372
Jesus.
329
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:22,999
Here, Gramps.
330
00:26:23,958 --> 00:26:24,959
Thank you.
331
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:32,967
Don't hog it all, you little prick.
332
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:35,928
Give me that.
333
00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:39,015
-This is LA.
-What?
334
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,474
-This is LA.
-Yeah?
335
00:26:41,058 --> 00:26:42,977
-Don't do what?
-We don't drink out in public.
336
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:45,021
-You don't drink out in public?
-No.
337
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:48,733
-Well, maybe you should start, bub.
-Yeah. Where are you guys from?
338
00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:51,944
-We're from your face.
-Yeah?
339
00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:56,615
-Mind your own business, asshole.
-What?
340
00:26:56,699 --> 00:26:58,367
I said,
"Mind your own business, asshole."
341
00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:01,829
-Okay, you'd better be quiet, buddy.
-What are you gonna do?
342
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:05,666
-You wanna step outside?
-We're already outside, numb-nuts.
343
00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:09,754
He asked me if I wanted to step outside.
344
00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:15,468
-You are from LA, ain't you, boy?
-Do you want to go around the block?
345
00:27:15,718 --> 00:27:17,261
Yeah, we'll go around the block.
346
00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:20,014
We'll go around the block
and see your mother.
347
00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:22,975
This is bullshit.
We're surrounded by cocksuckers.
348
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:26,645
All right, kid.
It's time for Grandpa's massage.
349
00:27:27,605 --> 00:27:29,690
-You get massages with happy endings?
-That's right.
350
00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:32,735
-Say goodbye to the hippies.
-Bye, hippies.
351
00:27:34,236 --> 00:27:36,614
-Don't get beat up out here.
-"Beat up out here"?
352
00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:41,077
I don't have to worry about that in LA.
Not with you skinny sons of bitches.
353
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,621
Okay, Old Man River.
Watch your mouth.
354
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:47,249
I hear a lot of talking.
355
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:50,878
You're letting that bulldog mouth overload
that puppy-dog ass.
356
00:27:53,756 --> 00:27:54,757
Look at him. Look how tough he is.
357
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,550
You allow your nine-year-old son to drink?
358
00:27:56,634 --> 00:27:59,136
-It's my grandson.
-I don't give a fuck.
359
00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:02,598
Wow, now you swear in front of him?
What kind of role model are you?
360
00:28:02,890 --> 00:28:04,350
What kind of role model are you?
361
00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:06,227
Get the fuck out of here
and go back to Mississippi.
362
00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:08,646
Step over this line.
Just step over that line.
363
00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:11,732
-Oh! You stepped over the line!
-I didn't step over a line.
364
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:13,442
You stepped over the line.
365
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:17,113
That long hair don't cover
that red neck, boy.
366
00:28:19,365 --> 00:28:20,366
Piss off!
367
00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:23,786
-Let's go.
-Go crawl back in your mama's ass!
368
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:30,084
What the fuck is that?
What the hell is that?
369
00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:31,252
We're sledding.
370
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:35,172
-Bam, what the hell are you doing?
-We're sledding.
371
00:28:35,256 --> 00:28:37,174
-Give me a ten!
-What about my floor?
372
00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:48,018
-How's your belly feeling, dude?
-I'm just a diarrhea machine.
373
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:51,313
-Is it like a baby? Is it kicking?
-It's very similar to a baby.
374
00:28:51,397 --> 00:28:53,149
-Is it kicking?
-No, come on! No.
375
00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:55,067
Seriously, I'm not joking. Seriously.
376
00:28:55,151 --> 00:28:57,778
Are you gonna shit?
Wouldn't you feel better?
377
00:28:57,862 --> 00:28:59,780
We have a whole wardrobe van.
378
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:02,283
I don't want a new wardrobe.
I just wanna not shit my pants.
379
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,869
So, the boys think they're arriving
in a limo for a photo shoot,
380
00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:06,078
but little do they know,
381
00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:08,831
we have a shitload of bees
we're going to put through the sun roof.
382
00:29:08,956 --> 00:29:11,250
And we rigged the locks
so they can't get out.
383
00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:13,627
And when they do get out,
we got a couple of marbles for them.
384
00:29:13,711 --> 00:29:14,712
beehive limo
385
00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:16,464
This is the Beehive Limo.
386
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:20,342
Last movie, you shit in a damn van
and now you get to shit in a limo.
387
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:24,305
Yeah, you're stepping it up.
You're stepping it up, dude.
388
00:29:29,059 --> 00:29:30,186
Oh, this isn't good.
389
00:29:30,478 --> 00:29:32,354
Dude, close that fucking sun roof, dude!
390
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:34,607
Fuck! Fuck! We're locked in!
391
00:29:56,962 --> 00:29:58,923
Oh, my God, that sucks!
392
00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:00,716
Do we let them out?
393
00:30:03,052 --> 00:30:04,637
They're fucking stinging my legs!
394
00:30:08,015 --> 00:30:11,810
Get the fuck off of me, dude!
You're getting them over here.
395
00:30:35,626 --> 00:30:38,295
You guys are fucking dicks, man. Fuck.
396
00:30:40,047 --> 00:30:41,298
They're on my feet!
397
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:50,432
The poor driver's running around,
freaking out.
398
00:30:51,642 --> 00:30:53,060
That's so good.
399
00:30:53,644 --> 00:30:54,812
Sorry, bros.
400
00:30:55,729 --> 00:30:56,689
I pissed myself.
401
00:30:56,772 --> 00:31:00,109
One just got me, right now,
as we speak. Look at that.
402
00:31:00,484 --> 00:31:01,485
Fuck.
403
00:31:02,403 --> 00:31:05,489
-That was real funny, fuckers.
-Is there even a photo shoot?
404
00:31:08,325 --> 00:31:12,496
We're here with the Three 6 Mafia,
and it's time for the Rake Jump.
405
00:31:13,330 --> 00:31:14,331
Do it!
406
00:31:20,671 --> 00:31:21,714
What an idiot.
407
00:31:24,091 --> 00:31:26,385
I'm going to pay this motherfucker
right here 200 smackeroos,
408
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:31,348
it's not counterfeit, it's real,
to eat horse shit.
409
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,017
But it's all furry, though.
410
00:31:33,100 --> 00:31:35,811
-Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
-Go! Go! Go! Go!
411
00:31:37,730 --> 00:31:39,565
Really eat it, though. Chew, chew, chew!
412
00:31:39,648 --> 00:31:40,691
Swallow it!
413
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,319
-Put your shades up!
-Hold the 200.
414
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:47,615
-Come on, soldier!
-Don't even think about not swallowing.
415
00:31:47,698 --> 00:31:48,782
It's so dry!
416
00:31:51,452 --> 00:31:52,911
Don't even think about it!
417
00:31:53,329 --> 00:31:55,831
-Swallow it!
-Don't you even think about it.
418
00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,666
Don't you even think about it.
419
00:31:58,375 --> 00:32:01,086
-He ain't soft!
-Swallow it! Swallow it, nigga!
420
00:32:02,379 --> 00:32:04,006
Give him a beer, give him a beer.
Give it to him, give it to him!
421
00:32:05,215 --> 00:32:06,258
Really eat it, though.
422
00:32:08,469 --> 00:32:10,429
-I'm watching you.
-Yes, sir.
423
00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:12,890
Here, man.
424
00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,685
Dude, your breath smells like shit!
425
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,926
We're here with Daniel Alvarez
from ALS Technologies and...
426
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:51,178
weapons expert
427
00:32:51,512 --> 00:32:53,681
Why don't you explain what this is
and what we're gonna be doing?
428
00:32:53,764 --> 00:32:56,517
Well, this is the 460 Stingmore Mine.
429
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,062
It has approximately 700
.45-caliber rubber balls in it.
430
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:02,523
They'll fly out of there
at about 500 feet per second.
431
00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:06,026
They use these charges
on the outside of embassies
432
00:33:06,944 --> 00:33:09,822
to protect the gates
from people trying to break in.
433
00:33:10,364 --> 00:33:12,866
-Looks like it's gonna suck.
-It is. I promise.
434
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,451
Fire in the hole.
435
00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:20,999
-Fuck that, dude.
-Fucking Christ!
436
00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:23,127
That is great!
437
00:33:25,087 --> 00:33:27,381
I'm about to, like,
have an anxiety attack.
438
00:33:28,257 --> 00:33:31,343
I just can't do this one.
It's just too gnarly.
439
00:33:31,552 --> 00:33:33,595
Dude, Knoxville is...
440
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:36,306
If Knoxville goes in there, dude,
441
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,268
I'll French kiss him.
442
00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:42,730
-Are you insane?
-No. All you got to do is stand there.
443
00:33:42,813 --> 00:33:44,690
Yeah, and get killed? Look at that thing.
444
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:46,442
-That thing blew the hell up.
-It's just loud.
445
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,944
It's going to hurt really bad,
but it's just loud.
446
00:33:49,111 --> 00:33:50,112
You're nuts.
447
00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:52,948
-No, no, no. Come on. It's footage.
-You're nuts.
448
00:33:54,199 --> 00:33:56,577
riot control test
449
00:34:08,297 --> 00:34:10,048
Son of a... Fuck you.
450
00:34:12,426 --> 00:34:14,261
Holy shit!
451
00:34:14,845 --> 00:34:18,307
All you guys are fucking assholes.
452
00:34:18,932 --> 00:34:21,185
-You all right, Bam?
-You all right?
453
00:34:21,268 --> 00:34:22,436
My God.
454
00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:25,147
-Are you crying?
-I think he's hurt.
455
00:34:25,814 --> 00:34:28,776
Can we give Bam some water?
456
00:34:28,859 --> 00:34:30,736
Maybe a Shirley Temple.
457
00:34:30,819 --> 00:34:33,822
I'm crying. I'm a fucking skateboarder
and I'm getting shot.
458
00:34:34,031 --> 00:34:35,699
They all went for my stomach.
459
00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:39,161
I got hit in the legs worse.
460
00:34:39,369 --> 00:34:40,829
Those... Did any get me in the face?
461
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,874
You got hit in the stomach pretty good.
462
00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:47,669
-That was great.
-That was.
463
00:34:47,753 --> 00:34:49,505
-Thanks, fellas.
-Yeah. Appreciate it.
464
00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:51,215
Hey, is this okay?
465
00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:52,883
Then we're good.
466
00:34:58,555 --> 00:35:00,474
Do you like painting models?
467
00:35:01,141 --> 00:35:03,393
Yeah, but I don't need models
for this type of work.
468
00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:04,478
Okay.
469
00:35:05,187 --> 00:35:08,732
-It looks very vaginal and feminine.
-Well, thank you.
470
00:35:08,816 --> 00:35:10,150
-And sexual.
-Thank you.
471
00:35:10,234 --> 00:35:12,820
-Yes, thank you. It's beautiful.
-Thank you.
472
00:35:14,905 --> 00:35:17,491
It's time to play a game
with a bunch of these medicine balls.
473
00:35:17,574 --> 00:35:19,034
And they're heavy as shit.
474
00:35:21,411 --> 00:35:22,412
It's on!
475
00:35:22,830 --> 00:35:23,831
medicine ball dodge-ball
476
00:35:23,914 --> 00:35:26,750
-This is Medicine Ball Dodgeball.
-In the dark.
477
00:35:54,862 --> 00:35:56,113
Can't see anything.
478
00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:16,508
What did you think?
479
00:36:16,717 --> 00:36:18,635
That was fun. Let's never do that again.
480
00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:20,053
Ever!
481
00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:26,184
Three, two, one!
482
00:36:28,645 --> 00:36:29,646
Holy...
483
00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:32,482
Who'd want to do that?
484
00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:34,443
-You're not doing that.
-Who's going first?
485
00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:35,819
What rhymes with Dunn?
486
00:36:36,445 --> 00:36:37,446
Fun.
487
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,948
-Ready, sailor?
-No.
488
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:43,619
-This is dumb.
-This is going to be dope.
489
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:44,703
Oh, my gosh.
490
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:49,166
Oh, my God. Oh, jeez.
491
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,375
Get me out of this!
492
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:52,628
You're a fucking dick.
493
00:36:53,045 --> 00:36:55,047
-That was mean.
-He needs help.
494
00:36:55,422 --> 00:36:58,342
-That was so mean.
-You are an asshole.
495
00:36:58,425 --> 00:37:01,386
That was totally not me.
I had nothing to do with it.
496
00:37:01,470 --> 00:37:02,888
You pulled it down!
497
00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:04,056
I didn't!
498
00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:07,392
Oh, my God, my hip. I think I gave birth.
499
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,687
Hi, I'm John Waters,
and this is the Magic Trick.
500
00:37:10,771 --> 00:37:11,980
the magic trick
501
00:37:12,064 --> 00:37:14,232
We're gonna make Wee Man disappear.
502
00:37:23,283 --> 00:37:24,660
Where'd he go?
503
00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:32,751
Very nice.
504
00:37:33,168 --> 00:37:34,419
That's great.
505
00:37:36,421 --> 00:37:38,757
You're the best magician ever, John.
506
00:37:39,091 --> 00:37:40,842
Thank you so much. Thank you.
507
00:37:42,386 --> 00:37:45,263
the gauntlet
508
00:37:46,556 --> 00:37:47,808
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
509
00:37:47,891 --> 00:37:49,601
and I'm here with Mat Hoffman
and Tony Hawk
510
00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:52,187
and this is the Gauntlet.
511
00:38:24,678 --> 00:38:26,680
I just gave him a chest pass!
512
00:39:26,406 --> 00:39:27,574
Open the windows!
513
00:39:30,786 --> 00:39:31,912
This is the Toro Totter.
514
00:39:33,121 --> 00:39:36,249
It's me and Pontius vs. Dunn and Bam
515
00:39:36,333 --> 00:39:39,086
and the last man on the teeter-totter
is the winner.
516
00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:41,213
It's gonna be a bloodbath.
517
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:44,382
Oh, yes!
518
00:39:58,355 --> 00:39:59,439
What did I do?
519
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:02,692
What did I do?
520
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:16,123
Dunn, stay there!
521
00:40:16,540 --> 00:40:18,208
So why did I agree to do this one?
522
00:40:29,386 --> 00:40:31,179
Ryan, run! Ryan, run!
523
00:40:32,097 --> 00:40:33,265
My God.
524
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:35,892
Shit.
525
00:40:38,061 --> 00:40:39,729
Bam, where are you going?
526
00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:41,648
I am not doing that.
527
00:40:42,357 --> 00:40:43,358
Fuck that.
528
00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:45,318
Down to two!
529
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:48,446
I got hit in the back good.
530
00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:54,536
Hey, Knoxville. Oh, shit!
531
00:40:55,203 --> 00:40:58,748
God damn it. Fucking shit. Fuck.
532
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:01,334
-You all right?
-Yeah. Hold on.
533
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:04,880
What do you mean, "Hold on"?
The bull's not going to hold on.
534
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:10,135
Oh, my fucking leg!
God damn, these bulls are strong.
535
00:41:19,853 --> 00:41:20,896
Oh, God.
536
00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:22,230
I'm not out!
537
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:24,232
Oh, my God.
538
00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:27,861
I'm still not out!
539
00:41:35,076 --> 00:41:37,370
All right, that's it. That's it.
540
00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:09,694
Oh, my God.
541
00:42:09,778 --> 00:42:11,905
Keep God out of California!
542
00:42:13,114 --> 00:42:16,117
Tell Charlie Daniels
to write a song about this!
543
00:42:16,451 --> 00:42:18,995
God is out! He can have the other 48.
544
00:42:20,372 --> 00:42:21,706
Or 49, whatever.
545
00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:27,337
God, I landed straight on my head.
Oh, man, that hurt.
546
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:29,506
Dude, I'm fucked.
547
00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,805
I'm Steve-O and sorry, Dad,
548
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:39,099
but nobody's going to miss this
for the world.
549
00:42:39,182 --> 00:42:40,850
This is the Butt Chug.
550
00:42:40,934 --> 00:42:41,935
butt chug
551
00:42:43,395 --> 00:42:44,396
Oh, no.
552
00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:47,565
-I'll hold this while you bulldog it.
-Get it in there.
553
00:42:47,649 --> 00:42:49,693
-Ram it in there.
-It's really got to get in there.
554
00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,907
-Open wide!
-Oh, my God.
555
00:42:58,285 --> 00:42:59,744
-Take it.
-Just relax.
556
00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:02,455
Relax. Yeah, do your little...
557
00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:06,710
I'm staring right down Main Street.
It's not looking any good at all.
558
00:43:08,670 --> 00:43:09,921
You're starting to enjoy that, aren't you?
559
00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:11,172
Oh, shit.
560
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:13,300
There it goes! There it goes!
561
00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:14,843
-Keep it going.
-There we go.
562
00:43:16,303 --> 00:43:17,554
-Chug!
-Chug it!
563
00:43:17,637 --> 00:43:19,514
-Take it all!
-Oh, yeah!
564
00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:22,309
-Take it.
-I think your asshole's prehensile.
565
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:24,978
You got it! You got it!
566
00:43:25,061 --> 00:43:30,025
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
567
00:43:34,529 --> 00:43:36,323
You got this! Keep on going!
568
00:43:37,157 --> 00:43:38,658
Come on, you've almost got it!
569
00:43:38,742 --> 00:43:39,951
Two more sips left.
570
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:48,626
-Oh, my God.
-Give me a profile, Steve.
571
00:43:51,338 --> 00:43:53,298
He's peeing like a girl!
572
00:43:54,257 --> 00:43:56,384
Steve-O, if your asshole can't
see the camera,
573
00:43:56,468 --> 00:43:58,386
then the camera can't see your asshole.
574
00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:03,016
-The camera's over here!
-Right there, right there, right there.
575
00:44:04,059 --> 00:44:07,437
Look at Lance!
Lance can't stop laughing.
576
00:44:10,857 --> 00:44:13,735
He's doesn't know how to face
the cameras when he's peeing.
577
00:44:16,404 --> 00:44:17,947
Oh, my God.
578
00:44:20,075 --> 00:44:23,119
-I think we broke Lance.
-I know.
579
00:44:24,204 --> 00:44:26,956
I think I still have beer in my ass,
but I can't get it out.
580
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,500
Use the bottle. Put the bottle
581
00:44:28,583 --> 00:44:29,626
-up your ass.
-Use the plunger!
582
00:44:29,751 --> 00:44:31,753
-Oh, yeah, the plunger.
-Yeah, plunge his asshole.
583
00:44:33,129 --> 00:44:35,090
You'd better shit piss, ass-wipe!
584
00:44:52,482 --> 00:44:54,359
All right, let's go to the bar.
585
00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:07,705
Perfect.
586
00:45:08,415 --> 00:45:09,416
Fuck.
587
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:13,628
I'm Ryan Dunn,
and this is the Rocket Cart.
588
00:45:13,795 --> 00:45:18,133
Five, four, three, two, one...
589
00:45:18,216 --> 00:45:19,217
Bye-bye.
590
00:45:31,479 --> 00:45:34,899
-I think I broke my tail-bone.
-Really? On the water?
591
00:45:37,569 --> 00:45:40,321
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville
and this is the Anaconda Ball Pit.
592
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,448
anaconda ball pit
593
00:45:41,531 --> 00:45:42,824
Oh, fuck!
594
00:45:44,117 --> 00:45:46,202
I have on a cup and that still hurts.
595
00:45:52,834 --> 00:45:56,087
Anacondas are expert at camouflage.
They're ambush hunters.
596
00:45:56,171 --> 00:45:58,423
-So, what does that mean?
-They surprise you.
597
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,259
I don't know
if I'm gonna be that surprised.
598
00:46:01,843 --> 00:46:05,472
You guys got to catch these guys, man.
They tried to kill J-Lo and Ice Cube.
599
00:46:08,475 --> 00:46:09,851
Yeah, I know. I know.
600
00:46:11,436 --> 00:46:14,063
-Is something on your mind?
-Don't fucking push me.
601
00:46:14,647 --> 00:46:15,690
I'm on your team.
602
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:21,112
You got him.
603
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:26,451
Get the other camera.
604
00:46:27,494 --> 00:46:28,495
Grab him.
605
00:46:29,913 --> 00:46:30,914
Fuck!
606
00:46:32,832 --> 00:46:33,958
Oh, man.
607
00:46:34,209 --> 00:46:36,461
-Dude, he is bleeding a lot.
-Yeah.
608
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:38,338
He's starting to smell you guys.
609
00:46:38,421 --> 00:46:40,381
Dude, you guys are doing excellent.
610
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:43,176
Real good. You guys got it.
611
00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:44,761
Get him. You got him.
612
00:46:48,223 --> 00:46:49,933
You guys got him! You guys got him.
613
00:46:50,058 --> 00:46:52,602
Oh, no, Dunn's getting coiled. Oh, shit.
614
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:55,313
Get your fucking hands off me!
615
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:05,657
You guys have been doing good.
616
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:07,116
Where'd his head go?
617
00:47:07,367 --> 00:47:08,451
He's buried.
618
00:47:11,996 --> 00:47:13,706
-You got him!
-Yeah!
619
00:47:14,290 --> 00:47:16,501
-I have seized the snake.
-Yeah.
620
00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:21,130
It's fucking wrapped around my arm.
621
00:47:26,261 --> 00:47:28,513
Just take him to Manny.
Take him to Manny.
622
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:30,348
Hey, Manny, come here a minute.
623
00:47:32,976 --> 00:47:34,227
I got him.
624
00:47:38,147 --> 00:47:39,899
Oh, my God, you got nailed.
625
00:47:39,983 --> 00:47:41,943
I didn't do anything. He did all the work.
626
00:47:42,277 --> 00:47:43,820
All right. We seized the snake.
627
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:47,448
Run, Ryan, run!
628
00:47:49,576 --> 00:47:52,161
Oh, shit.
We forgot about the other snake.
629
00:48:09,262 --> 00:48:10,597
This is the Ice Horse.
630
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:11,681
the ice horse
631
00:48:11,764 --> 00:48:13,808
See if your balls will stick to the horse.
632
00:48:14,851 --> 00:48:16,853
-Come on! For the bros.
-You want me to do it?
633
00:48:17,312 --> 00:48:19,689
-It's for the bros. Come on.
-It's not gonna stick.
634
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:21,357
Yeah, it can stick.
635
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:23,151
You just need a little water.
636
00:48:24,319 --> 00:48:25,737
Anybody got some water?
637
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:29,240
-Great.
-Thanks!
638
00:48:29,324 --> 00:48:31,284
-Don't think about it. Just do it.
-All right.
639
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:33,953
You are assholes.
640
00:48:36,497 --> 00:48:38,291
God, your legs are white.
641
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:41,336
Here. You've got to really
get the water on the balls.
642
00:48:43,546 --> 00:48:46,382
Oh, that's horrible-looking!
643
00:48:57,977 --> 00:48:59,354
It's yanking my hair!
644
00:49:01,898 --> 00:49:03,149
Are you done?
645
00:49:05,318 --> 00:49:07,528
-What an ass!
-Oh, my God!
646
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:09,197
I ripped my skin off.
647
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,033
Oh, look. Look at the blister.
648
00:49:13,034 --> 00:49:14,369
Look at him gallop.
649
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:18,373
Hey! There's poop, hair and more poop!
650
00:49:22,251 --> 00:49:23,961
I'm Wee Man,
and this is the Swamp Chute.
651
00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:25,088
the swamp chute
652
00:49:41,646 --> 00:49:43,272
Holy shit, dude. You all right?
653
00:49:43,356 --> 00:49:44,982
What? I can't hear, kind of.
654
00:49:45,817 --> 00:49:47,151
"I can't hear, kind of"!
655
00:49:47,235 --> 00:49:49,070
You skipped across the water like a rock.
656
00:49:50,196 --> 00:49:52,573
Dude, you were at least
an 80-mile-an-hour fastball.
657
00:49:53,282 --> 00:49:54,575
Oh, my God.
658
00:49:54,659 --> 00:49:57,537
When you step into this suit,
magic happens.
659
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,917
Today, we're in Carmen de Arrico
660
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,379
with our friend Serg,
and he is going to show us
661
00:50:06,421 --> 00:50:07,797
how to milk a horse
662
00:50:08,548 --> 00:50:10,174
The way we're gonna do that is,
663
00:50:10,258 --> 00:50:13,594
they're gonna bring over a stallion
who's gonna be hot to trot.
664
00:50:14,137 --> 00:50:15,930
And they're gonna have the mare here.
665
00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:18,474
And as soon as the stallion mounts
the mare,
666
00:50:18,558 --> 00:50:21,352
we're going to grab the stallion's penis
667
00:50:21,436 --> 00:50:23,855
and put it into this fake horse vagina.
668
00:50:24,397 --> 00:50:26,190
The old switcheroo.
669
00:50:26,274 --> 00:50:27,984
What a mean trick.
670
00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:31,070
-Here we go.
-Here comes the stallion.
671
00:50:32,238 --> 00:50:34,240
He's got the craziest look in his eye.
672
00:50:34,449 --> 00:50:37,201
I've seen that same look
in your eye, Pontius.
673
00:50:37,535 --> 00:50:38,619
It's game on, guys.
674
00:50:39,662 --> 00:50:41,664
Oh, boy. Here we go. Here we go.
675
00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:43,458
Oh, boy.
676
00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:47,962
Okay. We got the penis
into the fake horsy vagina.
677
00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:50,465
I think I feel the tip of it.
678
00:50:51,340 --> 00:50:52,925
Somebody cradle the balls.
679
00:50:58,973 --> 00:51:00,808
He lasts longer than you, Steve-O.
680
00:51:03,269 --> 00:51:04,270
Success!
681
00:51:05,772 --> 00:51:09,317
-Oh, my God.
-He just pleasured a horse.
682
00:51:10,151 --> 00:51:11,486
Is it okay to drink?
683
00:51:13,321 --> 00:51:14,322
Yeah.
684
00:51:15,156 --> 00:51:16,199
No problem.
685
00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:20,203
If I do this, this gives me an out
686
00:51:20,286 --> 00:51:22,205
for something bad I'm going to do
in the future.
687
00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:23,331
Absolutely. Absolutely.
688
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:24,791
-All right. It's on video.
-Okay.
689
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:27,585
That is such a huge load.
690
00:51:28,252 --> 00:51:30,963
I don't know, man.
I could have pictured...
691
00:51:34,133 --> 00:51:35,927
Can you test that out?
692
00:51:47,730 --> 00:51:48,731
That's semen, all right.
693
00:51:53,402 --> 00:51:56,864
I never puke, ever,
and I really almost puked then.
694
00:51:57,740 --> 00:51:58,950
I'm ashamed of myself.
695
00:51:59,951 --> 00:52:01,369
I really am.
696
00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:02,912
I'm completely ashamed of myself.
697
00:52:05,665 --> 00:52:07,875
-Ready?
-Yeah, I'm ready. Are you ready?
698
00:52:08,376 --> 00:52:10,419
You're not going to break through, anyway.
699
00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,801
-Pontius, you think you can do two boards?
-Yeah.
700
00:52:17,343 --> 00:52:19,053
What's Bruce Lee do?
That power-breathing.
701
00:52:20,596 --> 00:52:21,639
I think I got it.
702
00:52:28,396 --> 00:52:30,314
Oh, my God!
703
00:52:36,153 --> 00:52:38,072
I was so not ready for that!
704
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,200
We're at the Widowmaker
705
00:52:41,284 --> 00:52:42,285
the big tire race
706
00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,661
and this is the Big Tire Race.
707
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,584
-I can't get in this thing.
-Yes, you can.
708
00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:51,252
I guarantee you're getting in it.
709
00:52:53,254 --> 00:52:54,463
Oh, crap.
710
00:52:54,630 --> 00:52:56,048
-On your mark!
-Fuck!
711
00:52:56,507 --> 00:52:58,426
Get set! Go!
712
00:52:58,509 --> 00:53:00,344
-You are fucked.
-Oh, shit!
713
00:53:23,910 --> 00:53:25,953
-I'm stuck in here!
-Dude.
714
00:53:26,329 --> 00:53:27,330
We got you, buddy.
715
00:53:29,957 --> 00:53:32,418
I hate that. I hate it so bad!
716
00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:35,463
-Fucking sucky.
-Why do you hate it?
717
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:38,049
I'm bouncing in my fucking head.
718
00:53:38,799 --> 00:53:40,635
-You got it, Ehren.
-Here, Ehren.
719
00:53:42,678 --> 00:53:45,640
-Jesus Christ, you got a fat fucking ass.
-You got to help!
720
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:51,270
Oh, fuck!
721
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,273
We're here in India
and we found a leech healer
722
00:53:54,357 --> 00:53:55,358
the leech healer
723
00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:57,109
and these boys need a little healing.
724
00:53:57,193 --> 00:54:00,029
-Doc, can you help us?
-Yeah, why not?
725
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:01,739
They are having disorders like...
726
00:54:01,822 --> 00:54:03,991
...which treated
by the leech application...
727
00:54:04,075 --> 00:54:08,037
...detoxification of the blood,
we apply leech for them.
728
00:54:08,913 --> 00:54:10,706
If leeches are that great at healing,
729
00:54:10,790 --> 00:54:12,792
let's see what they can do
for my eyeball.
730
00:54:14,543 --> 00:54:15,544
God damn it.
731
00:54:15,628 --> 00:54:19,590
Leech can not suck blood from that
body part, if that is not impure.
732
00:54:20,466 --> 00:54:22,593
-Jesus Christ.
-Look over here. Look over here.
733
00:54:22,677 --> 00:54:25,179
Okay, this is the mouth.
734
00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:27,306
Here we go.
735
00:54:27,974 --> 00:54:30,101
-This way.
-Come on.
736
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:32,728
Come on, leech.
737
00:54:40,152 --> 00:54:42,405
-Oh, he's eyeballing you.
-I think we'd...
738
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:44,407
He's on my eyeball!
739
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:46,033
No, wait, wait!
740
00:54:46,951 --> 00:54:48,995
Okay, stand up and keep your eye open.
741
00:54:50,371 --> 00:54:52,707
Keep your eye open.
Keep your eye open, Steve-O!
742
00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:54,500
Steve-O, keep your eye open! Open!
743
00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:56,544
Open! Open, toward... No!
744
00:54:56,627 --> 00:54:57,712
Look!
745
00:54:58,546 --> 00:55:00,006
Relax. Relax.
746
00:55:10,891 --> 00:55:12,143
Does it look cool?
747
00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:14,061
Yeah. It got you about right there.
748
00:55:14,687 --> 00:55:17,106
I just had a leech chomp my eyeball.
749
00:55:17,189 --> 00:55:18,190
Yes!
750
00:55:18,941 --> 00:55:20,109
Way to go.
751
00:55:23,904 --> 00:55:25,364
Are these all for sale today?
752
00:55:25,448 --> 00:55:26,866
Yeah. Five dollars.
753
00:55:26,949 --> 00:55:28,826
Oh, why, they're beautiful shirts.
754
00:55:29,910 --> 00:55:31,620
They're beautiful colors.
755
00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:33,622
This one's really nice.
756
00:55:41,589 --> 00:55:43,632
-Do you think that...
-Oh, shit.
757
00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:46,010
I'd like to buy, maybe, the one...
758
00:55:46,177 --> 00:55:47,303
Hey, your titty out.
759
00:55:47,511 --> 00:55:49,597
-What's that?
-He said your shirt is open.
760
00:55:51,432 --> 00:55:53,684
-Put this shirt on?
-No, your shirt!
761
00:55:53,726 --> 00:55:56,687
Your thing is hanging out
of your shirt, ma'am. What are you doing?
762
00:55:57,188 --> 00:55:58,272
Put your shirt back on.
763
00:55:58,898 --> 00:56:00,816
Which one was the one you thought
I should get?
764
00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:01,901
Leave me alone!
765
00:56:04,862 --> 00:56:07,740
Bam is absolutely terrified of snakes,
so we brought David Weathers here
766
00:56:07,782 --> 00:56:10,117
to surprise him during the next bit.
767
00:56:10,785 --> 00:56:12,286
King cobra.
768
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,537
Jesus...
769
00:56:14,663 --> 00:56:15,998
Oh, my God.
770
00:56:16,082 --> 00:56:18,209
It's cool. It's been de-venomized.
771
00:56:24,673 --> 00:56:26,592
I'm Bam Margera
and this is the Wind Tunnel!
772
00:56:26,675 --> 00:56:27,843
wind tunnel
773
00:56:39,438 --> 00:56:41,398
Oh, my God. What?
774
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:49,657
Bam, cock out. Cock out.
775
00:56:50,199 --> 00:56:52,201
No, no, no! No, no!
776
00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:55,454
A fucking cobra, dude?
777
00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:02,044
Yo, yo, yo, I don't like him
staring like that.
778
00:57:02,419 --> 00:57:05,047
Oh, dude, you guys are
fucking such total dickheads.
779
00:57:07,716 --> 00:57:09,718
-Are you crying?
-Yeah.
780
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,471
Oh, yeah!
781
00:57:14,140 --> 00:57:15,307
He's on to you.
782
00:57:22,523 --> 00:57:23,524
I'm done.
783
00:57:23,607 --> 00:57:26,443
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
784
00:57:27,069 --> 00:57:28,737
Dave, Dave!
785
00:57:36,453 --> 00:57:38,706
Yo, that is coolest shit
I've seen in long time.
786
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:40,583
White boy don't like snakes.
787
00:57:44,295 --> 00:57:45,421
What's your strategy up there?
788
00:57:45,462 --> 00:57:47,339
My strategy is staying up
on the fucking van
789
00:57:47,423 --> 00:57:48,883
because I don't trust anybody.
790
00:57:49,258 --> 00:57:50,885
I should have thought about it more,
791
00:57:50,968 --> 00:57:52,845
-but I was sipping on beer. I was like,
-That's what I said.
792
00:57:52,928 --> 00:57:54,930
"Why the fuck is snake dude in Louisiana?"
793
00:57:55,014 --> 00:57:56,682
-I just told Chris.
-Then I do my bit
794
00:57:56,724 --> 00:57:59,310
and then all of a sudden a king cobra
comes into the fucking thing.
795
00:57:59,351 --> 00:58:01,770
I'm like... Dude, I'm staying up here.
796
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:07,026
You fuckers are asses.
I don't trust anybody.
797
00:58:07,818 --> 00:58:09,528
And you made me waste my beer.
798
00:58:18,078 --> 00:58:20,581
-Fucking hell.
-Fuck this.
799
00:58:22,750 --> 00:58:25,336
I'm Steve-O, and this is the Fart Mask.
800
00:58:25,419 --> 00:58:26,462
the fart mask
801
00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:55,282
I took a fucking shit in it!
802
00:58:59,745 --> 00:59:01,372
There's shit in there.
803
00:59:02,831 --> 00:59:05,209
I got a shitty ass.
I got to go wipe it out.
804
00:59:05,292 --> 00:59:06,919
That's like, the perfect poop.
805
00:59:08,754 --> 00:59:11,382
I'm Dave England
and this is my big, green ball.
806
00:59:24,645 --> 00:59:27,189
I need you to put baby powder
807
00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:28,565
in my butt hole.
808
00:59:28,983 --> 00:59:29,984
You need me to put...
809
00:59:31,652 --> 00:59:34,238
-Put a lot in there.
-Yeah, yeah. That's great.
810
00:59:34,321 --> 00:59:36,907
JEFF TREMAINE
811
00:59:55,592 --> 00:59:56,802
What was that?
812
00:59:59,263 --> 01:00:00,347
Did it go "poof"?
813
01:00:00,764 --> 01:00:02,099
Did it go "poof"?
814
01:00:02,725 --> 01:00:03,767
It did?
815
01:00:07,438 --> 01:00:10,566
old man balls
816
01:00:22,953 --> 01:00:24,038
Sorry.
817
01:00:32,379 --> 01:00:33,547
Oh, sorry.
818
01:00:40,846 --> 01:00:43,432
Do you have these in size 11?
819
01:00:52,941 --> 01:00:53,942
Let me just see.
820
01:00:54,777 --> 01:00:55,944
These are good.
821
01:01:03,911 --> 01:01:05,579
-Sir!
-Leave me alone!
822
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:10,918
You come on in here.
823
01:01:14,963 --> 01:01:16,799
You go that way. I don't care, dude.
824
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:19,009
Police!
825
01:01:59,007 --> 01:02:00,676
He's a frisky little bugger!
826
01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:02,010
I am so sorry!
827
01:02:02,469 --> 01:02:06,432
Oh, my God! It reminded me of my ex-wife!
828
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:10,811
It's the middle of the night.
829
01:02:10,894 --> 01:02:14,148
We're gonna wake up Phil
and swap him with Preston,
830
01:02:14,273 --> 01:02:16,525
and Ape's gonna lose her mind.
831
01:02:17,067 --> 01:02:18,485
This is the Switcheroo.
832
01:02:18,569 --> 01:02:19,987
the switcheroo
833
01:02:23,115 --> 01:02:24,324
It's all right.
834
01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:24,009
Don't be afraid to get frisky.
835
01:04:02,631 --> 01:04:04,550
I'm gonna kill you in a minute.
836
01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:06,802
Phil, back up.
837
01:04:08,470 --> 01:04:09,721
Back up!
838
01:04:11,473 --> 01:04:12,766
Back up.
839
01:04:13,517 --> 01:04:15,852
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
840
01:04:19,064 --> 01:04:21,858
Are you all right? Jesus Christ.
Are you...
841
01:04:22,693 --> 01:04:23,735
Are you...
842
01:04:25,737 --> 01:04:26,780
Phil?
843
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:27,864
Phil?
844
01:04:28,282 --> 01:04:29,283
Phil?
845
01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:32,536
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
846
01:04:32,619 --> 01:04:33,996
-What?
-What?
847
01:04:34,621 --> 01:04:37,207
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
848
01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,209
Oh, my God!
849
01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:42,838
Who is that? Who is that?
850
01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:44,756
Who is that?
851
01:04:45,424 --> 01:04:48,552
That's not your dad. Who is that?
Who is that? Where's the light?
852
01:04:48,635 --> 01:04:50,762
-How you doing, ma'am?
-What? Who?
853
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,351
-I went to get a drink. What's going on?
-Oh, my god!
854
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:00,355
Oh, my God!
855
01:05:01,481 --> 01:05:03,567
Man, I just felt like
I was committing assault.
856
01:05:03,650 --> 01:05:05,193
Phil, he copped a feel.
857
01:05:05,819 --> 01:05:07,446
He got away with it, then.
858
01:05:09,156 --> 01:05:11,700
Have you ever been
with another man before?
859
01:05:12,868 --> 01:05:14,244
Did he feel fatter?
860
01:05:15,037 --> 01:05:16,371
Did he feel fatter?
861
01:05:17,414 --> 01:05:19,207
You can answer. I won't be mad.
862
01:05:19,291 --> 01:05:22,127
I just assaulted you!
You can say whatever you want!
863
01:05:22,210 --> 01:05:23,920
No, you felt shorter.
864
01:05:24,004 --> 01:05:27,007
-No, you can say anything you want.
-You felt that part?
865
01:05:29,426 --> 01:05:31,470
That's it. I'm going to bed now.
866
01:05:48,904 --> 01:05:50,405
Oh, Jesus.
867
01:05:52,866 --> 01:05:54,242
Oh, shit.
868
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:57,162
What was that shit?
It's fucking in my eyes.
869
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:03,210
What the fuck was that?
870
01:06:03,502 --> 01:06:04,503
Oh, my...
871
01:06:05,337 --> 01:06:07,255
I fucking don't understand.
872
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:09,591
What the fuck did you do to me?
873
01:06:10,258 --> 01:06:11,635
What the fuck was that?
874
01:06:12,469 --> 01:06:14,012
That fucked me up, man.
875
01:06:14,096 --> 01:06:15,931
Let's go inside, man.
876
01:06:19,351 --> 01:06:21,186
-Are you okay?
-Oh, fuck, dude.
877
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,896
We got a medic inside.
878
01:06:32,781 --> 01:06:37,244
It's moments like these when you know
Johnny Knoxville is one gnarly dude.
879
01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:43,458
I'm so glad
I'm not the star of this movie.
880
01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:48,338
Knoxville's gonna see
what the moon's gonna look like.
881
01:06:49,423 --> 01:06:52,676
He is gonna go definitely
60 feet up in the air.
882
01:06:53,385 --> 01:06:55,804
He's gonna get annihilated.
But I don't wanna tell him that.
883
01:06:56,388 --> 01:06:57,931
You're gonna be just fine!
884
01:06:59,057 --> 01:07:01,560
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
and this is my Big Red Rocket.
885
01:07:01,643 --> 01:07:02,644
big red rocket
886
01:07:02,728 --> 01:07:06,565
Five, four, three, two, one...
887
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:07,649
Go.
888
01:07:13,739 --> 01:07:16,825
What the fuck was that?
889
01:07:18,452 --> 01:07:20,120
Holy shit!
890
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:23,081
Oh, my God, he almost died
and he's dancing.
891
01:07:23,415 --> 01:07:26,293
Usually, rockets fail backwards
and forwards, I was told,
892
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:28,420
but there was a rocket
that came out the side.
893
01:07:28,837 --> 01:07:30,964
If it had been, like, right here,
894
01:07:31,298 --> 01:07:33,800
that would have been a picture wrap
on old Knoxville.
895
01:07:35,635 --> 01:07:38,513
And now we're trying it again.
It's rocket launch, take two.
896
01:07:38,597 --> 01:07:40,557
I'm scared just watching.
897
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,935
-I want a Lance helmet.
-I have full, like, adrenaline.
898
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:48,440
Even if the rocket doesn't blow up
on me this time,
899
01:07:48,523 --> 01:07:51,943
there's really not a lot of great ways
for it to end, anyway.
900
01:07:53,445 --> 01:07:56,323
-This isn't the best idea ever.
-Yes, it is.
901
01:07:56,656 --> 01:07:59,910
I'm Johnny Knoxville,
and I'm going to the moon!
902
01:08:00,410 --> 01:08:04,456
Five, four, three, two, one...
903
01:08:04,539 --> 01:08:05,540
Later!
904
01:08:17,344 --> 01:08:18,512
Are you okay?
905
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:20,514
Give us a thumbs-up!
906
01:08:36,863 --> 01:08:38,949
So what's going on, Preston?
What are we doing today?
907
01:08:39,574 --> 01:08:42,702
We're playing a prank on Danger Ehren.
908
01:08:43,036 --> 01:08:45,705
I think that we're gonna
decorate him up like a terrorist,
909
01:08:45,789 --> 01:08:47,499
with full makeup and wardrobe,
910
01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:50,794
and him and Dimitry are gonna call a cab,
911
01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:54,047
the idea being to play a prank
on the taxi driver,
912
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:55,632
that they wanna go to the airport,
913
01:08:55,715 --> 01:08:57,926
I guess to commit
some sort of terrorist act.
914
01:08:58,009 --> 01:09:00,178
-So, Ehren, where are you going?
-Yeah, where are you going?
915
01:09:00,262 --> 01:09:02,055
I'm going to Burbank Airport.
916
01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:05,934
And, meanwhile, we've substituted
the taxi driver with Jay Chandrasekhar.
917
01:09:07,561 --> 01:09:11,773
And he is going to punch Ehren in the face
and possibly pull a gun on him.
918
01:09:11,857 --> 01:09:13,066
If he tries to say we're filming,
919
01:09:13,233 --> 01:09:15,569
just go, "Don't talk to me anymore!"
920
01:09:15,694 --> 01:09:18,822
And slap him like this.
You can slap him a lot, too.
921
01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:23,118
I don't know how he'll handle this.
It's pretty high-pressure.
922
01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:25,996
And I don't think
he does well under pressure.
923
01:09:27,247 --> 01:09:28,373
All right, so here I am
924
01:09:28,456 --> 01:09:29,499
two days earlier
925
01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:31,710
trying to contribute
to Ehren McGhehey's new beard.
926
01:09:32,711 --> 01:09:35,881
And I hope he knows that I skipped
showering for about a week and a half
927
01:09:35,964 --> 01:09:37,924
just to make this a little bit more gross.
928
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:41,094
Sorry, Ehren.
929
01:09:48,184 --> 01:09:50,729
Look at the mane on him!
930
01:09:51,313 --> 01:09:54,190
Someone's got to pick that
out of their teeth.
931
01:09:55,650 --> 01:09:58,695
I'd be so bummed
if I was Ehren right now.
932
01:09:58,778 --> 01:10:00,155
You, like, put powder in there?
933
01:10:00,238 --> 01:10:01,615
Yeah, I put a little Gold Bond on
this morning.
934
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:03,783
Tickles!
935
01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:07,996
One of the most toxic concoctions
known to man.
936
01:10:08,079 --> 01:10:09,831
It's a disease nest.
937
01:10:11,207 --> 01:10:13,126
Mine, you don't need a lot of.
938
01:10:14,044 --> 01:10:16,922
It's like just a little bit
of rattlesnake venom will get you.
939
01:10:17,005 --> 01:10:18,590
Is that the whole patch?
940
01:10:18,757 --> 01:10:21,217
Wait, I'm just wondering.
Mike, is that a crab?
941
01:10:21,259 --> 01:10:24,137
-What's that white speck on top?
-What is that?
942
01:10:24,804 --> 01:10:25,805
That's a crab.
943
01:10:26,598 --> 01:10:27,849
Mike's got crabs.
944
01:10:27,933 --> 01:10:30,435
Hey, guys! Guys! Mike's got crabs!
945
01:10:31,478 --> 01:10:32,604
What's that?
946
01:10:32,687 --> 01:10:34,230
This? Spirit gum. It's like, the adhesive
947
01:10:34,397 --> 01:10:36,524
that's gonna keep the beard on.
948
01:10:36,608 --> 01:10:40,528
How's the dialog? I mean,
I've never, like, done this before.
949
01:10:40,654 --> 01:10:43,281
-It's a game, you know.
-Compliment him, followed by an insult.
950
01:10:43,406 --> 01:10:45,617
-This is fucked, dude.
-Just don't break the character.
951
01:10:45,700 --> 01:10:46,910
All right, Ehren, the main thing,
952
01:10:46,993 --> 01:10:49,663
you cannot tell him
you're from any country in particular.
953
01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:52,290
This is such a good bit.
It's muffed up, but it's great.
954
01:10:52,457 --> 01:10:54,167
Close your mouth. Relax.
955
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:55,961
We're making you look
like what we think
956
01:10:56,044 --> 01:10:58,088
this guy expects a terrorist to look like.
957
01:10:58,171 --> 01:11:00,924
You're not making fun of anybody.
We're just trying to scare the cab driver.
958
01:11:01,007 --> 01:11:02,384
I kind of already know that.
959
01:11:02,467 --> 01:11:04,344
Father. Hello, Father.
960
01:11:04,427 --> 01:11:06,471
You shut up.
I told you to come here earlier.
961
01:11:06,638 --> 01:11:09,933
-I'm sorry, Father.
-You are late. You cannot be accepted.
962
01:11:10,016 --> 01:11:11,476
-I have disgraced you.
-Where have you been,
963
01:11:11,518 --> 01:11:12,852
you little bastard?
964
01:11:12,936 --> 01:11:15,605
-I have been making a number two.
-Oh.
965
01:11:17,107 --> 01:11:18,733
Ehren, you are king.
966
01:11:19,192 --> 01:11:20,652
Thank you very much.
967
01:11:23,947 --> 01:11:25,949
What are you laughing at?
You people, you.
968
01:11:26,992 --> 01:11:28,910
Bam Margera and shit.
969
01:11:28,994 --> 01:11:31,246
Look how sweet the beard is, Jeff.
970
01:11:31,329 --> 01:11:32,455
Hello.
971
01:11:34,249 --> 01:11:37,168
-Hello. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you, too.
972
01:11:38,378 --> 01:11:43,216
I look creepy, man.
I wish that I was born this way.
973
01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:47,387
You sound like schtick now.
Don't turn it into a comedy routine.
974
01:11:47,470 --> 01:11:49,305
No, very good. I know what to do now.
975
01:11:49,389 --> 01:11:51,391
No, I think there's gonna be some...
976
01:11:51,808 --> 01:11:53,476
So, we have two cameras following...
977
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:54,894
Excuse me.
978
01:11:54,978 --> 01:11:56,104
Hello?
979
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:59,858
I'd like to say, for not ever having
done makeup before your disguise,
980
01:11:59,941 --> 01:12:01,609
I feel pretty...
like I've achieved something.
981
01:12:01,693 --> 01:12:04,279
I feel like I'm eating pubes right now.
982
01:12:05,030 --> 01:12:06,698
I got this shit all in my mouth.
983
01:12:07,449 --> 01:12:10,160
-Is it on the corner?
-Yes, it's like I'm chewing on this shit.
984
01:12:10,243 --> 01:12:12,495
-Is this real hair?
-No. Go like this.
985
01:12:12,704 --> 01:12:14,330
I'm going to get it out of your mouth.
986
01:12:14,497 --> 01:12:15,915
Okay. Does that feel better?
987
01:12:16,082 --> 01:12:18,251
Well, I still got it
on the back of my tongue.
988
01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:21,421
There. Out?
989
01:12:21,504 --> 01:12:23,048
Yeah, very good.
990
01:12:23,590 --> 01:12:25,508
-Very expert.
-Thank you.
991
01:12:26,426 --> 01:12:28,928
Hello, my name is Ehren McGhehey
and this is Terror Taxi.
992
01:12:29,012 --> 01:12:30,013
terror taxi
993
01:12:33,391 --> 01:12:35,185
Now I shall call to taxi.
994
01:12:36,394 --> 01:12:40,148
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the best skit of this movie.
995
01:12:47,155 --> 01:12:49,491
The cab's here. We're on. We're on.
Let's do it.
996
01:12:49,574 --> 01:12:51,576
-He has no clue.
-I don't want the makeup to bleed.
997
01:12:55,205 --> 01:12:59,709
-We get to listen the whole time?
-I'm so glad I hopped in this van.
998
01:13:00,585 --> 01:13:02,003
Oh, my God.
999
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:06,049
He's feeling the part so hard
and he has no clue.
1000
01:13:07,717 --> 01:13:09,552
It's all downhill from here.
1001
01:13:14,808 --> 01:13:17,018
To the Burbank Airport, please.
1002
01:13:20,438 --> 01:13:21,481
Okay.
1003
01:13:22,440 --> 01:13:26,069
-Where are you guys from?
-It's none of your business, I'm sorry.
1004
01:13:29,906 --> 01:13:31,366
You got any luggage or...
1005
01:13:31,449 --> 01:13:33,284
No, no luggage where we going.
1006
01:13:34,661 --> 01:13:36,746
I do not like this country
very much, though.
1007
01:13:37,413 --> 01:13:40,208
I like the countryside, though.
The countryside is good.
1008
01:13:41,918 --> 01:13:43,044
And the breasts.
1009
01:13:43,670 --> 01:13:44,796
Yeah, I'm married.
1010
01:13:45,505 --> 01:13:47,382
What size is your wife's breasts?
1011
01:13:47,465 --> 01:13:49,551
Yeah, well, let's just leave my wife
out of it, okay?
1012
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:51,010
Very good, very good.
1013
01:13:51,678 --> 01:13:53,638
Are they bigger than a D?
1014
01:13:54,264 --> 01:13:55,390
I love Ds.
1015
01:13:56,015 --> 01:13:57,976
Do you want me to fucking pull over?
I mean, is that the fuck...
1016
01:13:58,309 --> 01:14:00,812
No. I'm very sorry. I will not talk.
1017
01:14:03,356 --> 01:14:04,941
There's an airplane, there!
1018
01:14:05,066 --> 01:14:06,734
We are very, very close.
1019
01:14:07,944 --> 01:14:10,071
Boom! We are very, very close.
1020
01:14:10,155 --> 01:14:11,239
What does that mean, "Boom"?
1021
01:14:11,322 --> 01:14:13,825
Boom! Like, "Boom! Kaboom!"
and all that.
1022
01:14:15,451 --> 01:14:17,579
There is the airport back there.
Which way are you going?
1023
01:14:17,912 --> 01:14:20,665
Where you going? Where are you going?
Where are you going?
1024
01:14:20,748 --> 01:14:23,001
Where are you going, man?
Where are you going?
1025
01:14:23,084 --> 01:14:26,504
Do not go down the alleyway.
Very scary. Stop it! Fuck you!
1026
01:14:26,588 --> 01:14:29,716
Fuck you! Fuck you!
You are a crazy man. Fuck you up!
1027
01:14:29,799 --> 01:14:31,426
Fuck you! Asshole!
1028
01:14:31,509 --> 01:14:34,429
Shit fucker! Shit fucker! Asshole!
1029
01:14:34,512 --> 01:14:36,806
Fucking money, I give you money,
lots of money!
1030
01:14:36,931 --> 01:14:40,226
Boom! Boom! Boom!
I'll blow us up right now!
1031
01:14:40,852 --> 01:14:43,146
Right now! Right now I'll blow you up!
1032
01:14:43,188 --> 01:14:44,939
What the fuck is up, man?
1033
01:14:45,023 --> 01:14:47,817
What the fuck is going on?
He's got a fucking gun, man.
1034
01:14:47,901 --> 01:14:49,360
I got a bomb, dude!
1035
01:14:49,444 --> 01:14:51,946
Fuck you! I got a fucking bomb, dude!
1036
01:14:52,697 --> 01:14:54,407
Dude, get the fuck off of me!
1037
01:14:54,490 --> 01:14:56,659
Get the fuck off me!
Get the fuck off of me!
1038
01:14:56,743 --> 01:14:59,329
We're just filming a skit!
1039
01:14:59,412 --> 01:15:01,080
Get the fuck off of me!
1040
01:15:04,334 --> 01:15:05,752
-What do you want me to do?
-Get on the floor.
1041
01:15:05,835 --> 01:15:07,962
-What do you want me to do?
-Get on the fucking floor.
1042
01:15:08,046 --> 01:15:09,547
Just get on the floor, dude.
1043
01:15:09,631 --> 01:15:10,924
Lay down.
1044
01:15:11,007 --> 01:15:12,467
This is fucked.
1045
01:15:12,842 --> 01:15:14,093
Lay down on your face.
1046
01:15:14,177 --> 01:15:15,845
What the fuck, dude? I mean, come on!
1047
01:15:15,929 --> 01:15:17,513
-You got a fucking--
-I fucking knew it, dude!
1048
01:15:17,597 --> 01:15:19,515
He fucking carries a gun.
This is bullshit.
1049
01:15:19,933 --> 01:15:22,268
Just do what he says.
Just do what the fuck he says, dude.
1050
01:15:23,895 --> 01:15:26,105
Stay there.
I'm gonna fucking call the cops.
1051
01:15:26,856 --> 01:15:29,067
This guy's got a fucking gun, dumbshits!
1052
01:15:29,150 --> 01:15:31,152
Come on! Get the fuck out here!
1053
01:15:31,986 --> 01:15:33,071
Don't fucking move!
1054
01:15:33,154 --> 01:15:34,530
Don't point the gun at me anymore,
1055
01:15:34,656 --> 01:15:35,949
-Then lay down!
-you piece of shit!
1056
01:15:36,032 --> 01:15:37,951
-Fuck!
-Just fucking relax, dude.
1057
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:39,619
Fuck, it's a gun, dude.
1058
01:15:39,911 --> 01:15:40,912
Fuck!
1059
01:15:40,995 --> 01:15:42,538
-What the fuck do you want from us?
-Get up!
1060
01:15:42,622 --> 01:15:43,831
Get up, Ehren. Get the fuck up.
1061
01:15:44,666 --> 01:15:45,833
Why? Why should I get up?
1062
01:15:45,917 --> 01:15:47,877
-You have me on the fucking ground.
-Ehren, he has a fucking gun.
1063
01:15:47,919 --> 01:15:50,755
Just get the fuck up, dude.
We gotta get the fuck out of here.
1064
01:15:51,130 --> 01:15:52,757
-Get in there.
-No, fuck you.
1065
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,050
-Just do what he says, dude.
-Get in there.
1066
01:15:54,342 --> 01:15:56,344
Get the fuck in the trunk.
1067
01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:58,429
He's got a fucking gun pointed at me,
1068
01:15:58,513 --> 01:16:01,057
-fuckface, asshole, cocksucker!
-Get in the fucking trunk!
1069
01:16:01,182 --> 01:16:02,725
Dude, get in the trunk.
1070
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:05,728
If you fuck me up, I will fucking
find you, somehow, or something.
1071
01:16:05,812 --> 01:16:07,063
-Just get in.
-Seriously.
1072
01:16:07,105 --> 01:16:09,857
Why am I getting in the fucking back
of this fucking cab, dude?
1073
01:16:09,941 --> 01:16:12,360
-He's got a fucking gun!
-Get the fuck back here!
1074
01:16:12,443 --> 01:16:13,903
Dude, just fucking put the gun down!
1075
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:15,697
You shut the fuck up!
1076
01:16:16,406 --> 01:16:17,615
-Oh fuck, dude!
-Holy shit!
1077
01:16:18,116 --> 01:16:20,785
-What the fuck, dude?
-Get the fuck on the ground!
1078
01:16:21,869 --> 01:16:23,162
I'm fucking serious!
1079
01:16:25,290 --> 01:16:26,291
I'm bleeding.
1080
01:16:26,374 --> 01:16:28,876
No, no! Dude, we're filming.
1081
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,421
-Fuck you! Get the fuck out of here!
-No, we're fucking filming!
1082
01:16:31,504 --> 01:16:33,589
That's Bam Margera, dumbshit!
He's famous!
1083
01:16:34,299 --> 01:16:36,551
Look, there's cameras,
there's a sound guy.
1084
01:16:36,634 --> 01:16:37,844
We're filming a fucking movie, dude.
1085
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:40,513
This guy's got a dynamite vest on!
1086
01:16:42,223 --> 01:16:44,058
Hey, put the gun down, dude!
1087
01:16:48,104 --> 01:16:49,063
What the fuck?
1088
01:16:49,605 --> 01:16:50,940
He shot me!
1089
01:16:51,024 --> 01:16:52,900
Preston, you fucking idiot!
Get me the fuck out of here!
1090
01:16:52,984 --> 01:16:54,694
-Fuck this!
-Please, sir! Please, sir!
1091
01:16:54,777 --> 01:16:56,612
-Fuck! Fuck!
-Sir, please!
1092
01:16:57,363 --> 01:16:58,740
-Please! Stop!
-Sir, please!
1093
01:16:58,823 --> 01:17:00,325
What the fuck?
1094
01:17:01,409 --> 01:17:03,286
Dude, get me out of here!
1095
01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:04,787
Oh, shit!
1096
01:17:05,455 --> 01:17:06,748
Oh, shit!
1097
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:08,916
Oh, God, no!
1098
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:10,960
Oh, fuck. I'm going to fucking die.
1099
01:17:11,044 --> 01:17:14,964
Why the fuck did I agree to do this shit?
Dude, it wasn't even my fucking idea.
1100
01:17:26,184 --> 01:17:27,602
Fucking fuck.
1101
01:17:32,774 --> 01:17:34,192
Oh, my God, dude.
1102
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:35,985
I can't believe that shit, dude.
1103
01:17:36,069 --> 01:17:38,112
What the fuck, are you an actor
or some bullshit?
1104
01:17:38,863 --> 01:17:40,865
-Come on.
-Fucking crap, dude!
1105
01:17:41,574 --> 01:17:44,077
I almost shit my pants.
I'm not even kidding.
1106
01:17:44,494 --> 01:17:46,037
Dude, that was so awesome.
1107
01:17:46,829 --> 01:17:49,457
Oh, God, dude, I'm so happy
right now. Seriously.
1108
01:17:49,582 --> 01:17:52,293
Oh, my God. I was so worried.
1109
01:17:52,377 --> 01:17:53,378
Fuck.
1110
01:17:53,461 --> 01:17:56,047
I get it. It's a prank on a prank, yeah.
1111
01:17:56,464 --> 01:17:58,257
He fucking pulled out
a gun on me, dude.
1112
01:17:58,508 --> 01:18:00,468
Look where your beard came from.
1113
01:18:02,178 --> 01:18:03,429
Look, look! I'll show you!
1114
01:18:04,639 --> 01:18:06,099
Look at my patch!
1115
01:18:07,850 --> 01:18:10,019
Look! That's all our pubes.
1116
01:18:11,479 --> 01:18:13,898
You should try and get that off.
I don't know...
1117
01:18:14,232 --> 01:18:16,192
Oh, my God, dude, that sucks.
1118
01:18:16,275 --> 01:18:18,653
Every time it gets
fucking worse and worse!
1119
01:18:19,237 --> 01:18:21,239
You guys didn't fucking
1120
01:18:21,322 --> 01:18:22,865
-super-glue that, did you?
-Fuck! Shit!
1121
01:18:22,990 --> 01:18:23,991
No!
1122
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,370
That sucks! I told you not to do that!
1123
01:18:27,495 --> 01:18:30,415
Ehren, come on!
Why are you getting mad at me?
1124
01:18:30,790 --> 01:18:33,835
I got your dick hair
all over my fucking face!
1125
01:18:33,918 --> 01:18:37,171
This sucks, dude!
Give me something to get this shit off.
1126
01:18:37,463 --> 01:18:39,132
This shit was in my mouth!
1127
01:18:39,215 --> 01:18:41,175
How are you going to explain crabs
on your face?
1128
01:18:41,259 --> 01:18:43,344
This shit was all over my fucking mouth!
1129
01:18:43,428 --> 01:18:45,430
It wasn't from my dick.
Some of it was from my ass.
1130
01:18:49,058 --> 01:18:50,768
Oh, God, this is so bad.
1131
01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:53,396
Look at this. This is from Derek.
1132
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:56,399
"Okay, who brought crabs to the party?
Fuck me."
1133
01:18:58,818 --> 01:19:00,403
One of the guys had crabs!
1134
01:19:06,451 --> 01:19:10,413
Seriously, like,
was the dick hair necessary?
1135
01:19:10,496 --> 01:19:11,873
Absolutely.
1136
01:19:12,206 --> 01:19:14,250
Like, was that the big payoff?
1137
01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:18,129
Like, "Ha, ha,
dick hairs glued on his face"?
1138
01:19:18,838 --> 01:19:21,215
-Is it itching?
-It's in my mouth.
1139
01:19:21,424 --> 01:19:22,717
Why'd you put it in your mouth?
1140
01:19:25,136 --> 01:19:27,763
I'm Johnny Knoxville
and this is the Bear Trap.
1141
01:19:27,847 --> 01:19:28,848
the bear trap
1142
01:19:29,557 --> 01:19:32,977
The best of times is now
1143
01:19:33,060 --> 01:19:37,273
What's left of summer but a faded rose?
1144
01:19:37,356 --> 01:19:39,609
The best of times is now
1145
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:45,031
As for tomorrow, well who knows
Who knows, who knows
1146
01:19:46,866 --> 01:19:48,117
Get it off!
1147
01:19:49,202 --> 01:19:50,495
Get it off! Get it off!
1148
01:20:06,344 --> 01:20:12,308
The best of times is now
1149
01:20:12,558 --> 01:20:17,897
What's left of summer but a faded rose?
1150
01:20:17,980 --> 01:20:22,818
The best of times is now
1151
01:20:23,110 --> 01:20:28,824
As for tomorrow, well who knows,
Who knows, who knows
1152
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:41,379
So hold this moment fast
1153
01:20:41,462 --> 01:20:46,926
And live and love
As hard as you know how
1154
01:20:47,009 --> 01:20:51,764
And make this moment last
1155
01:20:52,056 --> 01:20:55,017
Because the best of times is now
1156
01:20:55,476 --> 01:20:57,228
Is now, is now
1157
01:20:57,311 --> 01:20:58,312
Fuck!
1158
01:20:59,647 --> 01:21:03,150
Now
1159
01:21:03,234 --> 01:21:08,489
Not some forgotten yesterday
1160
01:21:11,117 --> 01:21:16,872
Now, tomorrow is too far away
1161
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:25,172
So hold this moment fast
1162
01:21:25,256 --> 01:21:30,428
And live and love
As hard as you know how
1163
01:21:30,761 --> 01:21:35,558
And make this moment last
1164
01:21:35,683 --> 01:21:39,228
Because the best of times is now
1165
01:21:39,312 --> 01:21:42,565
Is now, is now
1166
01:21:43,482 --> 01:21:48,904
So hold this moment fast
1167
01:21:49,405 --> 01:21:54,869
And live and love as hard
As you know how
1168
01:21:55,286 --> 01:21:59,540
And make this moment last
1169
01:22:00,082 --> 01:22:06,047
Because the best of times is now
Is now, is now
1170
01:22:06,130 --> 01:22:07,423
Is now
1171
01:22:07,590 --> 01:22:12,261
Is now
1172
01:22:20,311 --> 01:22:23,356
I'll Jackass Two your ass.
Do me a favor.
1173
01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:26,400
And you wonder why I drink?
I drink to steady my nerves.
1174
01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:29,195
I was so steady,
I couldn't move last week!
1175
01:22:29,570 --> 01:22:32,448
I had vodka and prune juice.
It's called a pile-driver.
1176
01:22:32,531 --> 01:22:33,824
I'll be okay.
1177
01:23:00,142 --> 01:23:02,687
Please, God, don't let there
be a Jackass Three.
1178
01:23:04,146 --> 01:23:07,358
Please, please, God, don't let there
be a Jackass Three.
1179
01:23:07,441 --> 01:23:09,485
I don't even like doing Two.
1180
01:23:10,528 --> 01:23:12,029
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
1181
01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,656
Welcome to India!
1182
01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:17,493
Can I get off his dick...
1183
01:23:56,323 --> 01:23:57,491
Way to go.
1184
01:24:42,661 --> 01:24:44,747
I don't like this at all!
1185
01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:53,422
Sorry, bro.
1186
01:24:53,798 --> 01:24:54,924
I didn't see you there.
1187
01:24:55,174 --> 01:24:56,717
I was headed over to Produce.
1188
01:24:58,177 --> 01:24:59,637
You knocked out my tooth again!
1189
01:25:00,054 --> 01:25:01,305
Look at Rick!
1190
01:25:02,431 --> 01:25:04,350
He fucking swallowed it?
1191
01:25:09,605 --> 01:25:10,940
Horse cum!
1192
01:25:12,691 --> 01:25:15,194
I'm not getting paid to be on camera,
you fucking dick.
1193
01:25:26,247 --> 01:25:27,373
That was great.
1194
01:25:27,790 --> 01:25:29,041
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1195
01:25:29,917 --> 01:25:31,418
Yeah, what have you got?
1196
01:26:07,288 --> 01:26:08,372
Marker.
1197
01:26:10,249 --> 01:26:11,625
Don't drop your shit.
1198
01:26:19,508 --> 01:26:21,302
Just act like it hurts, okay?
1199
01:26:24,889 --> 01:26:28,517
Wow. I actually feel energized after that.
1200
01:26:30,519 --> 01:26:32,396
Oh my God, look!
Point it at the cameraman!
1201
01:26:33,814 --> 01:26:35,441
Into the sink!
1202
01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:36,817
In the sink!
1203
01:26:36,942 --> 01:26:39,820
-In the sink!
-In the sink!
1204
01:26:48,621 --> 01:26:50,122
-Are you lubed up?
-Yeah!
1205
01:26:50,205 --> 01:26:52,082
Hey, they're ready to go.
Do you want to shoot it?
1206
01:27:03,969 --> 01:27:05,262
You all right, buddy?
1207
01:27:06,805 --> 01:27:07,973
I'm all right, man.
1208
01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:16,815
Water-based lubricants. Friend or foe?
1209
01:27:16,899 --> 01:27:18,317
You be the judge.
1210
01:27:36,043 --> 01:27:37,336
Okay, I can't breathe.
1211
01:27:53,102 --> 01:27:54,687
Can you take it off, please?
1212
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:11,787
-Oh, is this your fruit?
-No.
1213
01:28:11,870 --> 01:28:15,374
Oh, these are beautiful!
They're so round and lush.
1214
01:28:16,458 --> 01:28:19,294
-How much is the oranges?
-Six dollars.
1215
01:28:19,378 --> 01:28:20,462
Okay.
1216
01:28:27,845 --> 01:28:31,140
I accidentally cut myself.
I need a doctor, dude.
1217
01:28:31,223 --> 01:28:32,349
Doctor!
1218
01:28:33,892 --> 01:28:35,811
-We're supposed to catch these?
-Yeah!
1219
01:28:35,853 --> 01:28:37,312
You are fucking kidding!
1220
01:28:37,396 --> 01:28:38,689
Oh, my God!
1221
01:29:11,638 --> 01:29:12,639
No! Don't do that.
1222
01:29:13,015 --> 01:29:14,641
The snake is attracted to the heat.
1223
01:29:14,725 --> 01:29:17,644
Yeah, we got to get the mousey warm
for the snake.
1224
01:29:18,312 --> 01:29:19,646
But not too warm!
1225
01:29:19,772 --> 01:29:22,691
-Look at his face.
-He has a big raspberry.
1226
01:29:22,775 --> 01:29:24,401
A couple of them.
1227
01:30:09,196 --> 01:30:10,197
Shit!
1228
01:30:12,282 --> 01:30:13,951
What the fuck happened?
1229
01:30:14,910 --> 01:30:16,286
-Medic!
-Medic!
1230
01:30:17,788 --> 01:30:19,081
Someone said cut.
1231
01:30:24,628 --> 01:30:25,838
What's up, Bam?
1232
01:30:27,464 --> 01:30:30,217
I hate the fact that I had to fucking...
1233
01:30:31,051 --> 01:30:34,012
hang out with alligators
and fucking cobras.
1234
01:30:35,722 --> 01:30:37,808
I have dicks branded on my ass.
1235
01:30:39,768 --> 01:30:41,770
Everything fucking sucks.
1236
01:30:48,402 --> 01:30:52,197
Like, everybody's
just f-ing with me today.
1237
01:30:54,324 --> 01:30:56,118
And my Misfits sock.
1238
01:30:59,371 --> 01:31:00,706
It's not even funny anymore.
1239
01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:03,041
I want to go home.
91031
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.