Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1216
00:54:23,459 --> 00:54:24,761
All right,
can I help you?
1217
00:54:24,794 --> 00:54:26,828
Man: Sometimes I have
suicidal thoughts.
1218
00:54:26,862 --> 00:54:28,898
I feel like I want
to jump off a building
1219
00:54:28,931 --> 00:54:32,001
or slit my wrists or put
a bullet in my head.
1220
00:54:32,034 --> 00:54:35,038
Well, have you
considered drowning?
1221
00:54:35,071 --> 00:54:38,441
I mean, they say it's like God
giving you a big wet hug...
1222
00:54:38,474 --> 00:54:39,809
forever.
1223
00:54:39,842 --> 00:54:41,878
Stop calling here.
1224
00:54:43,813 --> 00:54:46,482
Female chorus:
♪ Ooh, "Love Chair" ♪
1225
00:54:46,515 --> 00:54:49,452
Announcer:
Tune in same time
tomorrow for more...
1226
00:54:49,485 --> 00:54:51,688
Hey, you know when that
"On the air" sign is on,
1227
00:54:51,721 --> 00:54:53,022
that means
you're on the air.
1228
00:54:53,055 --> 00:54:54,591
Oh, heh heh. Oops.
1229
00:54:56,092 --> 00:54:57,760
You know,
you're a natural?
1230
00:54:57,793 --> 00:54:59,095
Well, your station's
listeners
1231
00:54:59,128 --> 00:55:00,496
really bummed me out.
1232
00:55:00,529 --> 00:55:01,931
They're
a bunch of crackpots.
1233
00:55:01,964 --> 00:55:03,766
Well, Pat, those are
exactly the kind of people
1234
00:55:03,799 --> 00:55:05,401
who call a radio talk show.
1235
00:55:05,434 --> 00:55:06,836
Well, they're
too freaky for me.
1236
00:55:06,869 --> 00:55:09,372
Why can't they just have
normal relationships?
1237
00:55:10,973 --> 00:55:14,744
Pat, why don't you be
the new host of "Love Chat"?
1238
00:55:14,777 --> 00:55:16,446
Great.
1239
00:55:16,479 --> 00:55:17,647
I'm hired!
1240
00:55:27,156 --> 00:55:29,991
Guess what, Kathy.
I got a job.
1241
00:55:30,025 --> 00:55:32,028
I have a radio show
called "Love Chat."
1242
00:55:32,061 --> 00:55:34,364
Yeah, I know, Pat.
That was my show.
1243
00:55:34,397 --> 00:55:35,565
Well, small world.
1244
00:55:35,598 --> 00:55:36,799
No, no. I got fired today.
1245
00:55:36,832 --> 00:55:40,370
Oh, Kathy,
that's terrible.
1246
00:55:40,403 --> 00:55:41,738
Why?
1247
00:55:41,771 --> 00:55:43,873
Because they gave you
my show.
1248
00:55:43,906 --> 00:55:46,976
Oh, that must be awful
for you, Kathy.
1249
00:55:47,009 --> 00:55:48,811
Is there anything
I can do?
1250
00:55:48,844 --> 00:55:50,747
Uh, yeah. Could you
give me my job back?
1251
00:55:50,780 --> 00:55:53,549
I don't think
they'd go for that
down at the station.
1252
00:55:53,582 --> 00:55:55,051
Plus, I wouldn't do it
1253
00:55:55,084 --> 00:55:57,053
because I really
need this job.
1254
00:55:57,086 --> 00:55:59,522
Well, then do me a favor
and get out of here!
1255
00:55:59,555 --> 00:56:01,624
- Okay?
- I'd better go.
1256
00:56:01,657 --> 00:56:04,026
Ramrod. Ramrod.
1257
00:56:04,059 --> 00:56:05,395
Come on, baby, be the one.
1258
00:56:05,428 --> 00:56:06,662
- [buzzing]
- Come to Papa.
1259
00:56:06,695 --> 00:56:08,965
Access denied.
[chuckling]
1260
00:56:08,998 --> 00:56:10,133
[muttering]
1261
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:12,667
[laughing]
1262
00:56:12,701 --> 00:56:13,837
[buzzing]
1263
00:56:15,037 --> 00:56:16,805
Pig! I'm sorry.
1264
00:56:16,839 --> 00:56:18,607
Okay.
1265
00:56:18,641 --> 00:56:22,078
[female chorus scatting]
1266
00:56:22,111 --> 00:56:26,182
Announcer:
You're listening to KVIB FM.
1267
00:56:26,215 --> 00:56:28,551
And now for the southland's
hottest talk radio,
1268
00:56:28,584 --> 00:56:30,453
here's Pat.
1269
00:56:30,486 --> 00:56:33,423
Hi. This is "Pat Chat."
1270
00:56:33,456 --> 00:56:36,859
And I'm your host,
Pat Riley. [chuckling]
1271
00:56:36,892 --> 00:56:38,560
I'm ready to listen
1272
00:56:38,594 --> 00:56:41,631
to all of your most personal
and intimate problems
1273
00:56:41,664 --> 00:56:44,100
and then, uh,
solve them for you,
1274
00:56:44,133 --> 00:56:46,435
so, uh, let's take
our first call.
1275
00:56:48,671 --> 00:56:50,906
Woman: I've contracted
a horrible disease,
1276
00:56:50,940 --> 00:56:53,676
and I've been told I don't
have much time to live.
1277
00:56:53,709 --> 00:56:55,645
[sobbing]
What should I do?
1278
00:56:55,678 --> 00:56:57,513
[baby crying]
1279
00:56:57,546 --> 00:57:00,549
Why don't you go
1-800-Waah-waah-waah
1280
00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:03,219
waah-waah waah-waah?
[chuckling]
1281
00:57:03,252 --> 00:57:05,788
All right, next call.
1282
00:57:05,821 --> 00:57:08,790
Kyle: Pat, I-- I--
I like to dress up
1283
00:57:08,824 --> 00:57:10,827
like my sexually ambiguous
neighbor
1284
00:57:10,860 --> 00:57:12,528
[cuckoo cuckoo]
1285
00:57:10,860 --> 00:57:12,528
and prance around
the apartment all night.
1286
00:57:12,561 --> 00:57:14,163
Sure you do,
Mr. Looney Tunes.
1287
00:57:14,196 --> 00:57:15,565
Adios!
1288
00:57:15,598 --> 00:57:17,633
I'm tired of these cranks.
1289
00:57:17,666 --> 00:57:21,171
Let's screen these callers,
people.
1290
00:57:27,610 --> 00:57:29,112
[doorbell rings]
1291
00:57:33,782 --> 00:57:36,786
Hi. Blast from your past.
1292
00:57:36,819 --> 00:57:40,122
Hi. I'm a famous
radio personality now.
1293
00:57:40,155 --> 00:57:41,824
That's really-- That's great.
1294
00:57:41,857 --> 00:57:44,928
Uh, Pat, there's something
I have to tell you.
1295
00:57:47,196 --> 00:57:48,665
Can I come in?
1296
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:54,937
Pat, you know, I never want
you and I to be enemies, okay?
1297
00:57:54,970 --> 00:57:58,006
But, uh, I have to go away
for a little while.
1298
00:57:59,108 --> 00:58:00,576
Where?
1299
00:58:00,609 --> 00:58:02,879
I'm leaving on Sunday
at 5:30 for Tibet,
1300
00:58:02,912 --> 00:58:05,047
on a spiritual quest.
1301
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,049
A quest?
1302
00:58:07,082 --> 00:58:10,920
Yeah. Um, I'm gonna be gone
for at least a year, Pat.
1303
00:58:10,953 --> 00:58:12,622
What?
1304
00:58:12,655 --> 00:58:14,023
So I really thought
it was important
1305
00:58:14,056 --> 00:58:15,725
that I come by and tell you
1306
00:58:15,758 --> 00:58:17,692
that I think I'm probably
always gonna love you, Pat.
1307
00:58:17,726 --> 00:58:20,997
Well, then great! Then we
have no problems, then.
1308
00:58:21,030 --> 00:58:23,132
No, Pat.
What I'm trying to say
1309
00:58:23,165 --> 00:58:25,768
that I'm really sorry
it didn't work out between us.
1310
00:58:25,801 --> 00:58:26,936
Well--
1311
00:58:28,270 --> 00:58:29,939
Well, I'm also sorry
1312
00:58:29,972 --> 00:58:33,009
that you couldn't have
been more sensible.
1313
00:58:35,945 --> 00:58:37,213
Goodbye, Pat.
1314
00:58:47,089 --> 00:58:49,692
People. Can't live with them,
1315
00:58:49,725 --> 00:58:51,259
and you can't live
without them.
1316
00:58:51,293 --> 00:58:53,029
Ohh...
1317
00:58:56,932 --> 00:58:58,935
Damn, I must have missed it.
1318
00:58:58,968 --> 00:59:01,703
[Kyle imitating Pat's voice]
There's only three left.
1319
00:59:01,737 --> 00:59:03,906
I know that. Thank you.
1320
00:59:03,939 --> 00:59:05,707
[chuckling]
1321
00:59:05,741 --> 00:59:07,176
Zymase.
1322
00:59:12,014 --> 00:59:15,117
Access denied. [chuckling]
1323
00:59:15,150 --> 00:59:16,819
Zymotic?
1324
00:59:23,959 --> 00:59:25,194
Ohh...
1325
00:59:28,664 --> 00:59:29,799
Zythum.
1326
00:59:30,866 --> 00:59:32,569
Please work.
1327
00:59:36,739 --> 00:59:39,241
We're in. We're in!
1328
00:59:39,274 --> 00:59:40,643
We're in, we're in.
1329
00:59:40,676 --> 00:59:42,078
We're in, we're in.
1330
00:59:42,111 --> 00:59:43,246
We're in.
1331
00:59:44,346 --> 00:59:45,781
We're in.
1332
00:59:45,814 --> 00:59:47,249
Ohh...
1333
00:59:47,282 --> 00:59:49,619
We're in, we're in, we're in,
1334
00:59:49,652 --> 00:59:51,320
we're in, we're in, we're in.
1335
00:59:51,353 --> 00:59:53,356
We're in, we're in.
1336
00:59:53,389 --> 00:59:54,791
The diary.
1337
01:00:01,664 --> 01:00:04,233
"Once I got it home,
I realized I didn't like it.
1338
01:00:04,266 --> 01:00:06,335
"I mean, who wants
a plaid bath mat anyway?
1339
01:00:06,368 --> 01:00:08,136
"So I took it back
and exchanged it
1340
01:00:08,170 --> 01:00:09,338
"for a delicious tan one.
1341
01:00:09,371 --> 01:00:13,843
Well, more brown, really."
1342
01:00:13,876 --> 01:00:16,045
Pat on radio: ...be all tender
and sumptuous enough
1343
01:00:16,078 --> 01:00:17,780
to bring tears to your eyes.
1344
01:00:17,813 --> 01:00:19,949
And people everywhere
are making Tom Chuck's
1345
01:00:19,982 --> 01:00:22,018
their dinnertime destination.
1346
01:00:22,051 --> 01:00:24,987
Come and enjoy!
1347
01:00:25,020 --> 01:00:27,056
All right, sounds good.
1348
01:00:28,390 --> 01:00:30,259
Okay, I'll remind you
1349
01:00:30,292 --> 01:00:33,229
this is KVIB. I'm Pat.
1350
01:00:33,262 --> 01:00:34,797
You know what I
always say:
1351
01:00:34,830 --> 01:00:36,232
we're made for each other.
[sputter]
1352
01:00:37,733 --> 01:00:39,135
Oh, Pat.
1353
01:00:39,168 --> 01:00:41,104
[chuckling]
1354
01:00:39,168 --> 01:00:41,104
Pat.
1355
01:00:49,378 --> 01:00:53,315
Always try to be equal
partners in a relationship.
1356
01:00:53,348 --> 01:00:54,850
Thank you very much.
1357
01:00:54,883 --> 01:00:56,852
I'm Pat,
and I'm here all night,
1358
01:00:56,885 --> 01:00:59,722
ready to lend
a sympathetic ear.
1359
01:00:59,755 --> 01:01:01,757
Let's take our next call.
1360
01:01:01,790 --> 01:01:03,058
Hello.
1361
01:01:03,092 --> 01:01:04,326
Chris: Hi, Pat.
1362
01:01:04,359 --> 01:01:06,729
Hello.
Don't waste my time.
1363
01:01:06,762 --> 01:01:08,164
What's your name,
caller?
1364
01:01:08,197 --> 01:01:09,699
Well, it's--
1365
01:01:09,732 --> 01:01:12,368
You can call me
Chris, Pat.
1366
01:01:12,401 --> 01:01:15,071
All right, Chris,
what's your problem?
1367
01:01:15,104 --> 01:01:17,439
Well, I had this special
someone in my life--
1368
01:01:17,473 --> 01:01:20,276
we'll call this person Pat--
1369
01:01:20,309 --> 01:01:22,778
and, well,
we were engaged, yeah,
1370
01:01:22,811 --> 01:01:24,780
and, uh, well,
I just didn't feel
1371
01:01:24,813 --> 01:01:26,282
that Pat was ready
to make a commitment,
1372
01:01:26,315 --> 01:01:28,851
not to-- not to a job
or to me.
1373
01:01:28,884 --> 01:01:32,121
But now for the first time
Pat has some job stability,
1374
01:01:32,154 --> 01:01:33,422
- and--
- Uhh?
1375
01:01:33,455 --> 01:01:34,824
I just want to tell Pat
1376
01:01:34,857 --> 01:01:37,860
that I-- I love Pat
for who Pat is
1377
01:01:37,893 --> 01:01:39,795
and not for what Pat does.
1378
01:01:39,828 --> 01:01:43,766
And I really wish we could
get back together again, Pat.
1379
01:01:43,799 --> 01:01:45,301
Well...
1380
01:01:45,334 --> 01:01:48,937
you're not giving me much
to go on here, Chris.
1381
01:01:48,971 --> 01:01:51,207
Can you be more specific?
1382
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,209
Well, I guess what I'm
trying to get at, Pat,
1383
01:01:54,243 --> 01:01:57,046
is that, well, I'm leaving
for Tibet tomorrow,
1384
01:01:57,079 --> 01:01:58,948
you know, to get over Pat,
1385
01:01:58,981 --> 01:02:01,984
and I'm not so sure that's
the right thing to do now,
Pat.
1386
01:02:02,017 --> 01:02:05,120
Well, if you're asking
for my advice,
1387
01:02:05,154 --> 01:02:06,522
and I guess you are,
1388
01:02:06,555 --> 01:02:08,524
I would say
that this Path person
1389
01:02:08,557 --> 01:02:10,792
just sounds like a real
nightmare.
1390
01:02:10,826 --> 01:02:14,096
I say hit the road
and don't look back.
1391
01:02:14,129 --> 01:02:15,931
[chuckling]
Next call.
1392
01:02:15,964 --> 01:02:17,199
But--
1393
01:02:17,232 --> 01:02:18,400
Some people, I don't know
1394
01:02:18,433 --> 01:02:20,136
why they get hooked up
with these losers
1395
01:02:20,169 --> 01:02:21,937
in the first place.
1396
01:02:21,970 --> 01:02:24,939
Listen, what I have to give
you people is tough love.
1397
01:02:24,973 --> 01:02:27,009
It may not sound pretty,
but I can help you.
1398
01:02:27,042 --> 01:02:28,944
That's right, I'm Pat.
1399
01:02:28,977 --> 01:02:30,946
I'm here to help you
all night long.
1400
01:02:30,979 --> 01:02:33,281
"Chris
can be so frustrating.
1401
01:02:33,315 --> 01:02:35,117
"I mean, who is wearing
the pants
1402
01:02:35,150 --> 01:02:37,019
in our relationship
anyway?"
1403
01:02:37,052 --> 01:02:38,888
Exactly what I want to know!
1404
01:02:40,022 --> 01:02:41,790
"I have a confession to make.
1405
01:02:41,824 --> 01:02:43,392
"Dear Diary:
1406
01:02:43,425 --> 01:02:46,195
Something not even my closest
friends know about me."
1407
01:02:50,365 --> 01:02:52,267
"I haven't vacuumed
under my couch
1408
01:02:52,301 --> 01:02:53,803
"since I moved
into my apartment.
1409
01:02:53,836 --> 01:02:56,272
There, I said it I feel
so much better already."
1410
01:03:01,376 --> 01:03:02,812
That's it?
1411
01:03:04,246 --> 01:03:06,215
Th-Th-Th-That's all?
1412
01:03:06,248 --> 01:03:09,051
The most intimate record
1413
01:03:09,084 --> 01:03:12,053
of every detail of Pat's life,
1414
01:03:12,087 --> 01:03:16,559
and not a single clue
about Pat's sex?
1415
01:03:16,592 --> 01:03:19,061
Why?
1416
01:03:19,094 --> 01:03:23,966
Why? That's so unfair!
1417
01:03:23,999 --> 01:03:28,837
I'm sleepy, and you people
are boring me.
1418
01:03:28,871 --> 01:03:33,142
This is KVIB FM.
I'm your host Pat.
1419
01:03:33,175 --> 01:03:34,977
Now let's take our next call,
1420
01:03:35,010 --> 01:03:37,180
and make it something lively!
1421
01:03:39,348 --> 01:03:41,517
[Eastern European accent]
I'm wanting to be telling you
1422
01:03:41,550 --> 01:03:43,118
that I'm having something
1423
01:03:43,151 --> 01:03:45,120
that none of your other
callers have.
1424
01:03:45,153 --> 01:03:47,957
What's that, your sanity?
1425
01:03:47,990 --> 01:03:50,225
No. Your diary.
1426
01:03:50,259 --> 01:03:52,862
What? Who is this?
1427
01:03:52,895 --> 01:03:56,565
All in good time,
my little elusive friend.
1428
01:03:56,598 --> 01:04:00,336
And if you're ever wanting
to see your diary again,
1429
01:04:00,369 --> 01:04:03,939
you'll be meeting me
at Ripley's Odditorium
1430
01:04:03,972 --> 01:04:05,274
at high noon.
1431
01:04:05,307 --> 01:04:08,109
How do I know this isn't
a crank call?
1432
01:04:08,143 --> 01:04:13,415
Have you been vacuuming
under your couch lately?
1433
01:04:13,448 --> 01:04:15,151
[shuddering]
1434
01:04:26,395 --> 01:04:27,563
Excuse me.
1435
01:04:35,504 --> 01:04:36,906
[nervous chuckle]
1436
01:04:50,118 --> 01:04:52,288
Kyle:
Psst. Hey. In here,
1437
01:04:52,321 --> 01:04:54,924
where we're less likely
to be heard.
1438
01:04:56,024 --> 01:04:57,159
Oh.
1439
01:05:11,406 --> 01:05:15,244
Are you the lunatic
who stole my diary?
1440
01:05:15,277 --> 01:05:18,648
You mean...this?
1441
01:05:20,182 --> 01:05:21,950
Yes.
1442
01:05:21,984 --> 01:05:26,020
Hey, you look kinda familiar.
Do I know you?
1443
01:05:26,054 --> 01:05:27,323
No.
1444
01:05:28,657 --> 01:05:31,560
You didn't read the diary,
did you?
1445
01:05:31,593 --> 01:05:35,029
Yes. I decoded it,
1446
01:05:35,063 --> 01:05:38,067
and I read every word.
1447
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:40,502
Oh, I feel so naked.
1448
01:05:40,535 --> 01:05:43,672
And you know what?
It didn't tell me diddly.
1449
01:05:43,705 --> 01:05:46,107
I know all about
your happy childhood,
1450
01:05:46,141 --> 01:05:49,144
your countless jobs,
your idiotic fantasies,
1451
01:05:49,177 --> 01:05:50,446
your stupid bath mat.
1452
01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:54,049
Stop! Stop!
I can't hear anymore!
1453
01:05:54,082 --> 01:05:55,451
I know everything
about you, Pat,
1454
01:05:55,484 --> 01:05:58,252
everything except
the one thing I must know.
1455
01:05:58,286 --> 01:06:01,256
What else is there to know?
1456
01:06:01,289 --> 01:06:03,125
Take off your clothes.
1457
01:06:03,158 --> 01:06:06,428
What? You're nothing
but a pervert.
1458
01:06:06,461 --> 01:06:08,229
Don't you see?
1459
01:06:08,263 --> 01:06:09,565
We were meant for each other.
1460
01:06:09,598 --> 01:06:11,033
We're like two
complementary pieces
1461
01:06:11,066 --> 01:06:12,433
in the crazy jigsaw
puzzle of love.
1462
01:06:12,467 --> 01:06:14,336
I just need to know
how we fit together.
1463
01:06:14,369 --> 01:06:16,038
Ohh...
1464
01:06:16,071 --> 01:06:17,272
By uncovering
the secret of you,
1465
01:06:17,305 --> 01:06:20,176
I uncover the secret
of myself.
1466
01:06:22,277 --> 01:06:23,712
Kyle!
1467
01:06:23,745 --> 01:06:26,647
Now take off your clothes
1468
01:06:26,681 --> 01:06:30,686
if you ever want to see
your diary alive again.
1469
01:06:30,719 --> 01:06:32,254
Ouggh.
1470
01:06:34,556 --> 01:06:36,559
No!
1471
01:06:47,169 --> 01:06:49,171
Where are you?
1472
01:06:49,204 --> 01:06:51,206
Pat!
1473
01:06:51,239 --> 01:06:54,543
Oh, Pat! Uh-oh!
I see you.
1474
01:06:54,576 --> 01:06:57,246
Help! I'm being chased
by a crazed doppelganger
1475
01:06:57,279 --> 01:06:59,148
who's reading my diary!
1476
01:06:59,181 --> 01:07:00,349
[laughing]
1477
01:07:00,382 --> 01:07:02,051
Ohh!
1478
01:07:06,288 --> 01:07:08,590
♪ ...of your creator ♪
1479
01:07:08,623 --> 01:07:11,560
♪ Stare into the lion's eyes ♪
1480
01:07:11,593 --> 01:07:14,229
♪ And if you
taste the candy ♪
1481
01:07:14,262 --> 01:07:15,731
♪ You'll get to the surprise ♪
1482
01:07:15,764 --> 01:07:17,500
Kyle: Pat!
1483
01:07:21,169 --> 01:07:22,703
Hi.
1484
01:07:22,737 --> 01:07:24,173
Pat.
1485
01:07:25,574 --> 01:07:28,510
Don't run.
You know you want me.
1486
01:07:28,543 --> 01:07:30,746
Surrender, my sweet.
1487
01:07:30,779 --> 01:07:32,248
[giggling]
1488
01:07:36,318 --> 01:07:39,755
Kyle, you just don't
take a hint, do you?
1489
01:07:39,788 --> 01:07:42,491
Come to Papa,
my little love dumpling.
1490
01:07:42,524 --> 01:07:45,259
Kyle, for the last time,
you're not my type.
1491
01:07:45,293 --> 01:07:47,463
Don't-- Don't--
Don't say that, Pat.
1492
01:07:47,496 --> 01:07:49,531
Don't say that.
1493
01:07:49,564 --> 01:07:52,334
- We should be as one.
- Ohh...
1494
01:07:52,367 --> 01:07:54,736
You and I. Huh?
1495
01:07:54,769 --> 01:07:56,671
- Kyle.
- Pat.
1496
01:07:56,705 --> 01:07:58,540
Oh! Oh! Oh!
1497
01:07:58,573 --> 01:08:00,843
Oh, no!
1498
01:08:00,876 --> 01:08:03,145
- Pat!
- Aah!
1499
01:08:03,178 --> 01:08:04,446
Help!
1500
01:08:06,348 --> 01:08:10,419
♪ Don't get too close
to my fantasy ♪
1501
01:08:11,853 --> 01:08:13,789
♪ Don't be afraid ♪
1502
01:08:13,822 --> 01:08:17,126
♪ To touch the hand
of your creator ♪
1503
01:08:17,158 --> 01:08:18,893
♪ Stare into the lion's eyes ♪
1504
01:08:18,926 --> 01:08:20,429
Hold on.
1505
01:08:20,462 --> 01:08:22,498
♪ And if you
taste the candy ♪
1506
01:08:22,531 --> 01:08:25,568
♪ You'll get to the surprise ♪
1507
01:08:27,402 --> 01:08:32,508
♪ Oh, don't get too close
to my fantasy ♪
1508
01:08:34,910 --> 01:08:36,412
[silence]
1509
01:08:40,682 --> 01:08:42,852
[chuckling]
1510
01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,460
[cheering]
1511
01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:57,465
Hey, buddy, what do you
think you're doing out here?
1512
01:08:57,499 --> 01:09:00,402
No, no. Okay, I give up.
Uncle, uncle, uncle.
1513
01:09:00,435 --> 01:09:02,838
Ahem. Then perhaps
you could just tell me,
1514
01:09:02,871 --> 01:09:04,907
if that naked person
is a man or a woman.
1515
01:09:04,939 --> 01:09:06,575
Show's over, weirdo.
Come on.
1516
01:09:06,608 --> 01:09:07,776
No!
1517
01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:13,515
Pat!
1518
01:09:15,283 --> 01:09:16,452
Ohh...
1519
01:09:18,520 --> 01:09:21,390
Just one minute, Pat. We'll
have this all stitched up.
1520
01:09:21,423 --> 01:09:23,291
Thank you.
1521
01:09:23,325 --> 01:09:25,794
Pat, can I tell you
something?
1522
01:09:25,827 --> 01:09:29,331
We admire your persistence
and your creativity,
1523
01:09:29,363 --> 01:09:30,698
but we meant it when we said
1524
01:09:30,732 --> 01:09:32,301
we only needed you
for one show.
1525
01:09:32,334 --> 01:09:33,902
That's all right.
1526
01:09:33,935 --> 01:09:36,838
I'm tired of people
looking at me.
1527
01:09:36,871 --> 01:09:39,274
I learned something
about myself
1528
01:09:39,307 --> 01:09:40,908
when I was out there naked:
1529
01:09:40,942 --> 01:09:43,612
what it feels like
to be naked
1530
01:09:43,645 --> 01:09:45,414
in front of lots of people.
1531
01:09:46,848 --> 01:09:48,817
I've had enough adulation.
1532
01:09:48,850 --> 01:09:51,320
I was happier when there
was only one person
1533
01:09:51,353 --> 01:09:53,221
who stared at me
when I was naked.
1534
01:09:55,624 --> 01:09:56,992
Oh, my God.
1535
01:09:57,025 --> 01:09:59,393
Chris.
1536
01:09:59,427 --> 01:10:00,763
Ohh!
1537
01:10:02,664 --> 01:10:05,867
Gladys Knight:
♪ I've had my share ♪
1538
01:10:08,637 --> 01:10:11,607
♪ Of life's ups and downs ♪
1539
01:10:13,942 --> 01:10:16,512
♪ But fate's been kind ♪
1540
01:10:19,047 --> 01:10:25,620
♪ The downs have been few ♪
1541
01:10:25,654 --> 01:10:27,556
♪ I guess you could say ♪
1542
01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:32,828
♪ That I've been lucky ♪
1543
01:10:35,430 --> 01:10:38,000
♪ Oh, I guess you could say ♪
1544
01:10:39,934 --> 01:10:43,973
♪ That it's all
because of you ♪
1545
01:10:46,007 --> 01:10:48,576
♪ If anyone ♪
1546
01:10:48,610 --> 01:10:50,812
♪ Should ever write ♪
1547
01:10:50,845 --> 01:10:53,649
♪ My life story ♪
1548
01:10:56,951 --> 01:10:58,654
Pips:
♪ For whatever ♪
1549
01:10:58,687 --> 01:11:03,459
♪ For whatever reason
there might be ♪
1550
01:11:05,794 --> 01:11:08,364
♪ Ooh, you'd be there ♪
1551
01:11:10,865 --> 01:11:15,271
♪ Between each line
of pain and glory ♪
1552
01:11:17,372 --> 01:11:19,441
♪ 'Cause you're
the best thing ♪
1553
01:11:19,474 --> 01:11:20,976
♪ The best thing
that ever happened ♪
1554
01:11:21,009 --> 01:11:23,612
♪ That ever happened to me ♪
1555
01:11:23,645 --> 01:11:24,946
Chris!
1556
01:11:24,979 --> 01:11:26,648
♪ ...that ever
happened to me ♪
1557
01:11:26,681 --> 01:11:28,450
Chris!
1558
01:11:28,483 --> 01:11:30,419
♪ You're the best thing ♪
1559
01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:31,787
Chris!
1560
01:11:31,820 --> 01:11:34,490
♪ That ever happened to me ♪
1561
01:11:38,026 --> 01:11:41,897
♪ You're the best thing
that ever happened to me ♪
1562
01:11:41,930 --> 01:11:44,066
♪ I know,
you're the best... ♪
1563
01:11:44,099 --> 01:11:45,567
Excuse me.
Someone named Chris.
1564
01:11:45,600 --> 01:11:47,002
Chris! Chris!
1565
01:11:47,035 --> 01:11:48,704
To Paris?
All right.
1566
01:11:48,737 --> 01:11:49,938
Excuse me?
Have you seen Chris?
1567
01:11:49,971 --> 01:11:52,340
Have you seen Chris?
Chris!
1568
01:11:53,608 --> 01:11:55,010
Pat. I--
1569
01:11:55,043 --> 01:11:56,644
Hi.
1570
01:11:56,678 --> 01:11:58,513
Listen, I've been thinking
about our relationship,
1571
01:11:58,546 --> 01:12:00,682
about everything
we've gone through
1572
01:12:00,715 --> 01:12:03,051
and everything I said
and how I behaved,
1573
01:12:03,084 --> 01:12:05,620
and I realized that
1574
01:12:05,653 --> 01:12:07,489
you need me!
1575
01:12:07,522 --> 01:12:10,058
I'm sorry, Pat.
I have to go now.
1576
01:12:10,091 --> 01:12:11,660
But, Chris,
I've had an epiphany
1577
01:12:11,693 --> 01:12:13,395
in front of thousands
of people...
1578
01:12:13,428 --> 01:12:14,629
naked.
1579
01:12:14,662 --> 01:12:16,498
What?
1580
01:12:16,531 --> 01:12:19,901
I don't want fame and fortune.
I want you.
1581
01:12:19,934 --> 01:12:21,704
You do, huh?
1582
01:12:22,904 --> 01:12:24,806
It's lonely at the top.
1583
01:12:24,839 --> 01:12:26,975
I miss having someone around
1584
01:12:27,008 --> 01:12:29,378
who loves dinner
as much as I do.
1585
01:12:30,478 --> 01:12:31,680
And sunny days?
1586
01:12:31,713 --> 01:12:35,750
Chris, I'm really sorry.
1587
01:12:36,885 --> 01:12:38,787
Pat.
1588
01:12:38,820 --> 01:12:40,554
You've never
said that before.
1589
01:12:40,588 --> 01:12:42,891
I just want to be
your spouse.
1590
01:12:42,924 --> 01:12:45,560
I just want to be
like a typical American.
1591
01:12:45,593 --> 01:12:47,763
I want to settle down
and have a house
1592
01:12:47,796 --> 01:12:52,734
and 1.8 kids and lead a life
of quiet desperation,
1593
01:12:52,767 --> 01:12:55,971
like these people here.
1594
01:12:56,004 --> 01:12:58,607
Come on, Chris,
let's do it.
1595
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:01,009
Oh, Pat.
1596
01:13:01,042 --> 01:13:02,444
Chris.
1597
01:13:12,053 --> 01:13:16,425
I guess my life is just
one big romantic cliché:
1598
01:13:16,458 --> 01:13:18,559
boy meets girl,
girl loses boy,
1599
01:13:18,593 --> 01:13:21,463
boy annoys girl,
girl wants boy
to act differently,
1600
01:13:21,496 --> 01:13:24,533
girl-- Well, you know,
the same old story.
1601
01:13:24,566 --> 01:13:26,201
For richer or poorer.
1602
01:13:26,234 --> 01:13:28,136
For richer or poorer.
1603
01:13:28,169 --> 01:13:30,906
For as long as you both
shall live.
1604
01:13:30,939 --> 01:13:33,175
You may kiss each other.
1605
01:13:36,511 --> 01:13:38,914
[cheering, applause]
1606
01:13:45,019 --> 01:13:47,722
Plato once said
that the unexamined life
1607
01:13:47,755 --> 01:13:50,559
is not worth living.
Well, I agree.
1608
01:13:50,592 --> 01:13:53,795
It wasn't until I took a long,
hard look at my own life
1609
01:13:53,828 --> 01:13:55,997
that I realized
what I really am:
1610
01:13:56,030 --> 01:13:57,666
I'm me!
1611
01:13:57,699 --> 01:13:59,500
It's not what you do
that matters.
1612
01:13:59,534 --> 01:14:01,036
It's who you are.
1613
01:14:01,069 --> 01:14:03,805
And only then did I
discover the truth.
1614
01:14:03,838 --> 01:14:05,173
Chris is my other half,
1615
01:14:05,206 --> 01:14:07,175
and together we make a whole.
1616
01:14:07,208 --> 01:14:10,077
I finally found a yin
to go with my yang.
1617
01:14:10,111 --> 01:14:12,914
Or is that yang
to go with my yin?
1618
01:14:12,947 --> 01:14:16,218
Well, in any case,
I'm so lucky to be me.
1619
01:14:16,251 --> 01:14:17,586
[chuckling]
1620
01:14:22,557 --> 01:14:24,059
Hi, this is Kathy Griffin,
1621
01:14:24,092 --> 01:14:26,126
and yes,
I'm back on "Love Chat."
1622
01:14:26,160 --> 01:14:27,696
my guest today is Kyle,
1623
01:14:27,729 --> 01:14:30,065
who's gone through some
love changes recently.
1624
01:14:30,098 --> 01:14:33,101
Now, Kyle, you are
a transvestite,
is that correct?
1625
01:14:33,134 --> 01:14:36,738
Well, um, Kathy,
I'm dressed as a woman
at the moment,
1626
01:14:36,771 --> 01:14:39,206
but I also like
to dress like a man
1627
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:40,842
sometimes.
1628
01:14:40,875 --> 01:14:43,678
Okay, well, do your
sexual fantasies change,
1629
01:14:43,711 --> 01:14:45,580
depending on
how you're dressed?
1630
01:14:45,613 --> 01:14:49,651
No. No, no, I always
fantasize about the same...
1631
01:14:49,684 --> 01:14:51,686
person.
1632
01:14:51,719 --> 01:14:53,188
♪ [piano]
1633
01:14:53,221 --> 01:14:55,757
♪ A lot of people
say "What's that?"
1634
01:14:55,790 --> 01:14:57,192
♪ It's Pat ♪
1635
01:14:57,225 --> 01:14:59,027
♪ Ma'am or a sir ♪
1636
01:14:59,060 --> 01:15:00,695
♪ Accept him or her ♪
1637
01:15:00,728 --> 01:15:03,565
♪ For whatever it might be ♪
1638
01:15:03,598 --> 01:15:06,001
♪ It's time for androgyny ♪
1639
01:15:06,034 --> 01:15:07,870
♪ Here comes Pat ♪
28326
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof