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1
00:00:23,278 --> 00:00:25,234
(Helicopter)
2
00:00:29,318 --> 00:00:30,467
(Crash)
3
00:00:35,998 --> 00:00:39,468
Now, Tom, this is the first time
you've been trusted
4
00:00:39,558 --> 00:00:42,231
with such a large consignment
of raw sewage.
5
00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:46,436
- Are you sure you'll be all right?
- Don't worry about me at all.
6
00:00:46,518 --> 00:00:50,750
This button opens the doors
and this one shoots the sewage out.
7
00:00:50,838 --> 00:00:53,955
(Tom ) This for the doors
and this shoots the stuff out?
8
00:00:54,038 --> 00:00:57,189
- No, the other way around.
- Right you are!
9
00:00:58,398 --> 00:01:00,150
Good luck, so.
10
00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:18,349
July the 19th.
Why does that strike me as important?
11
00:01:18,438 --> 00:01:20,076
Yes!
12
00:01:20,158 --> 00:01:24,037
July 19th? I wouldn't know,
Ted, you big bollocks.
13
00:01:28,918 --> 00:01:30,431
I'm sorry?
14
00:01:30,518 --> 00:01:33,874
I said I wouldn't know, Ted,
you big bollocks.
15
00:01:36,118 --> 00:01:40,157
Have you been reading those
Roddy Doyle books again, Dougal?
16
00:01:41,678 --> 00:01:44,511
I have, yeah, Ted, you big gobshite.
17
00:01:44,598 --> 00:01:48,068
That's all very well.
But remember, they're just stories.
18
00:01:48,158 --> 00:01:51,116
Normal people like us
don't use that language.
19
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:55,032
- This is the real world.
- Oh, you're right there, Ted.
20
00:01:56,118 --> 00:01:59,713
Anyway, any idea why July the 19th
should be so important?
21
00:01:59,798 --> 00:02:02,471
Would that be the day
the Ice Age ended?
22
00:02:05,078 --> 00:02:07,034
No, Dougal!
23
00:02:07,118 --> 00:02:09,791
They can't be that precise
about the Ice Age.
24
00:02:09,878 --> 00:02:11,914
I'll look it up in the diary.
25
00:02:15,398 --> 00:02:20,074
July 19th. "On this day,
Galway liberated from Indians...
26
00:02:22,398 --> 00:02:24,468
"Marathon becomes Snickers"...
27
00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,714
A-ha, Ted! "Ice Age ends."
28
00:02:32,998 --> 00:02:34,716
Time for tea, Fathers.
29
00:02:34,798 --> 00:02:37,870
Mrs Doyle, is anything
important about July the 19th?
30
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,426
It doesn't matter
what day it is, Father,
31
00:02:40,518 --> 00:02:43,476
there's always time
for a nice cup of tea.
32
00:02:43,558 --> 00:02:47,551
Didn't our Lord Himself on the cross
pause for a nice cup of tea
33
00:02:47,638 --> 00:02:50,027
before giving Himself up
for the world?
34
00:02:50,118 --> 00:02:51,790
No, He didn't, Mrs Doyle!
35
00:02:51,878 --> 00:02:55,188
Whatever equivalent
they had for tea in those days -
36
00:02:55,278 --> 00:02:57,234
cake or whatever.
37
00:02:57,318 --> 00:03:00,276
And speaking of cake... I have cake.
38
00:03:00,358 --> 00:03:01,996
I'm fine for cake, Mrs Doyle.
39
00:03:02,078 --> 00:03:04,194
Are you sure, Father?
40
00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:06,348
There's cocaine in it.
41
00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:09,949
There's what?!
42
00:03:10,038 --> 00:03:13,189
Oh, no, not cocaine.
What am I on about?
43
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:16,031
No, I meant...
What do you call them?
44
00:03:16,118 --> 00:03:17,995
Raisins.
45
00:03:18,078 --> 00:03:21,787
Right. I won't, thanks.
46
00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,187
Ah, you will.
47
00:03:24,278 --> 00:03:27,668
Sure, it's only small.
It's just a tiny little cake.
48
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:31,114
You won't feel it.
You won't even know you're eatin' it.
49
00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:33,837
No, I will know
I'm eating it, Mrs Doyle.
50
00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:36,193
No, you won't!
Look at the size of it!
51
00:03:36,278 --> 00:03:39,554
It's hardly even a cake.
It's a micro-cake.
52
00:03:39,638 --> 00:03:42,710
- No, Mrs Doyle, I really won't...
- Aw, come on now.
53
00:03:42,798 --> 00:03:44,709
It's got raisins...
54
00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:46,754
cherries...cinnamon!
55
00:03:46,838 --> 00:03:48,635
- Cinnamon?
- Oh, yes.
56
00:03:48,718 --> 00:03:52,108
I do love cinnamon.
What the heck, I'll have one.
57
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,392
Great!
58
00:03:53,478 --> 00:03:56,356
No. No, Father, I'm forcing you.
59
00:03:56,438 --> 00:03:59,271
No, you're not. Really!
60
00:03:59,358 --> 00:04:02,748
- I love cinnamon.
- No, no, you're just being polite.
61
00:04:02,838 --> 00:04:06,433
If you don't want any,
all you have to do is say "no".
62
00:04:06,518 --> 00:04:08,793
Just that one little word, "no".
63
00:04:08,878 --> 00:04:13,269
It's a lovely word our Lord gave us
to use when we don't want any cake.
64
00:04:13,358 --> 00:04:16,555
Yes, but just this once,
I'd actually love some cake.
65
00:04:16,638 --> 00:04:18,549
Well, you can't have any!
66
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,151
I want cake!
67
00:04:20,238 --> 00:04:23,628
No, I'm just going out
to have these destroyed.
68
00:04:23,718 --> 00:04:25,629
Sorry about that, Father.
69
00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:30,356
Anyway, this date thing
is bothering me now.
70
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,908
July the 19th. Is there something
we always do on July 19th?
71
00:04:33,998 --> 00:04:36,466
- (Crashing)
- (Jack) Drink!
72
00:04:37,598 --> 00:04:40,476
- Is it something to do with Jack?
- Maybe it's...
73
00:04:40,558 --> 00:04:43,948
- Oh, God, it's not his bath?!
- Oh, no, it couldn't be!
74
00:04:44,038 --> 00:04:46,916
No, wait! Calm down!
He's just had his bath!
75
00:04:46,998 --> 00:04:49,114
Remember? Just before Christmas.
76
00:04:49,198 --> 00:04:52,634
Oh, thank God for that!
God Almighty!
77
00:04:54,318 --> 00:04:56,274
- You Ok?
- I think so.
78
00:04:57,478 --> 00:04:59,230
So what could it be?
79
00:05:02,518 --> 00:05:05,316
A-ha! Holiday.
80
00:05:10,238 --> 00:05:12,911
(Ted) Come on, Dougal.
Better get moving.
81
00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:17,516
Where'll be go on holiday, Ted?
82
00:05:17,598 --> 00:05:20,431
- God, I don't know.
- Pearson's?
83
00:05:20,518 --> 00:05:24,989
Mr Pearson doesn't like people
staying. It's not a guesthouse.
84
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:27,308
- Is it not?
- No, no.
85
00:05:27,398 --> 00:05:31,516
Remember the argument last year when
we tried to stay the second week?
86
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:36,035
Wait! Father O'Rourke's caravan!
He said we could use it anytime.
87
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:39,030
Oh, no, Ted, not again!
It's very small.
88
00:05:39,118 --> 00:05:43,350
No, he got a new one. Apparently
it's twice as big. Let's go!
89
00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:52,556
- He said it's the one at the end.
- There it is! Look! It's HUGE!
90
00:05:52,638 --> 00:05:54,515
Calm down. We're here, Father.
91
00:05:54,598 --> 00:05:55,951
(Jack) Feck off.
92
00:05:56,038 --> 00:05:59,917
I think it's the best caravan
in the whole world.
93
00:05:59,998 --> 00:06:01,431
Dougal?
94
00:06:01,518 --> 00:06:05,557
Where's the trailer
with all the stuff in it?
95
00:06:09,358 --> 00:06:12,748
Next you'll tell me
you didn't lock the front door!
96
00:06:14,078 --> 00:06:16,353
Ah, Ted, come on...
97
00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:17,712
Drink!
98
00:06:17,798 --> 00:06:19,948
In a minute, Father, I promise you.
99
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:23,474
This is great, isn't it, Ted?
Telly and all.
100
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:25,628
This is what it's all about.
101
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,471
(Woman ) Wait a second!
You've got to do my back!
102
00:06:28,558 --> 00:06:32,597
(Man ) I'm wrinklin' like a raisin
in there. I'll be back in a sec.
103
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:51,395
Father Ted Crilly,
104
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:56,598
Craggy Island Parochial House,
Craggy Island.
105
00:06:56,678 --> 00:06:59,829
That's C-R-A-G-G-Y Island.
106
00:07:00,918 --> 00:07:04,069
Honestly, Officer,
I can't apologise enough...
107
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,626
God, that was so embarrassing!
108
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,357
Ted, if that's not our one,
which one is?
109
00:07:10,878 --> 00:07:12,550
(Door creaks)
110
00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:21,587
Sure, this is great. And it is bigger
than last year's one.
111
00:07:24,078 --> 00:07:26,034
What'll we do first, Ted?
112
00:07:26,838 --> 00:07:29,113
We'll take it easy for a while,
113
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,917
just get settled
into the old caravan.
114
00:07:35,478 --> 00:07:38,038
Right, that's enough of that.
115
00:07:38,118 --> 00:07:39,392
Where'll we go?
116
00:07:39,478 --> 00:07:41,548
Here's a booklet, Ted.
117
00:07:41,638 --> 00:07:43,594
Places of interest.
118
00:07:44,278 --> 00:07:48,112
St kevin's Stump...
Mmm, that sounds good.
119
00:07:48,198 --> 00:07:50,268
The Magic Road! Oh-ho!
120
00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:54,512
Two places of interest.
121
00:07:54,598 --> 00:07:56,156
What's the Magic Road, Ted?
122
00:07:56,238 --> 00:07:59,787
A bizarre natural wonder
where everything's gone haywire
123
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,789
and nothing works like it should.
124
00:08:01,878 --> 00:08:05,234
A bit like you, Dougal.
Except it's a road.
125
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,390
I still don't understand.
It's a kind of a mad road?
126
00:08:08,478 --> 00:08:10,434
It's called a strange phenomenon.
127
00:08:10,518 --> 00:08:13,749
If you took off a car's hand-brake,
it'd roll UP-hill.
128
00:08:13,838 --> 00:08:15,157
And water flows UP it.
129
00:08:15,238 --> 00:08:19,197
That's as mad as what you told
me about the loaves and fishes!
130
00:08:19,278 --> 00:08:22,031
No, Dougal. That's not mad.
131
00:08:22,118 --> 00:08:24,996
That's when our Lord got
one or two bits of food
132
00:08:25,078 --> 00:08:28,036
and turned it into
a whole pile of food for dinner.
133
00:08:28,118 --> 00:08:30,678
God, He was fantastic, wasn't He?
134
00:08:30,758 --> 00:08:32,953
Ah, He was brilliant.
135
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:37,076
- Father, have any preferences?
- HOLIDAY!
136
00:08:37,158 --> 00:08:40,195
Yes, we're on holiday.
Would you like to go anywhere?
137
00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:43,350
- WHAT?
- Would you like to go somewhere?
138
00:08:43,438 --> 00:08:45,633
WHO ARE YOU?
139
00:08:45,718 --> 00:08:50,155
I was asking, would you like
to go somewhere now that we're here?
140
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:53,150
- Perhaps for a lovely walk?
- I LIkE CAkE!
141
00:08:53,238 --> 00:08:57,595
Yes, I think I'll just
stop talking to Father Jack now.
142
00:08:57,678 --> 00:09:00,988
Where am I? What's that thing there?
143
00:09:01,078 --> 00:09:03,034
Are those my feet?
144
00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:07,429
Let's get him to sleep
and head off ourselves.
145
00:09:07,518 --> 00:09:09,986
Ok, Father...into your box.
146
00:09:10,078 --> 00:09:13,991
Drink! Arse! Girls!
147
00:09:14,078 --> 00:09:15,716
Dri... (Snoring)
148
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:20,830
Let's go and look for the Magic Road.
The holiday starts here!
149
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:29,193
Come on, let's play Scrabble.
150
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,951
Did you bring the travel Scrabble?
151
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:35,792
I brought the normal Scrabble
AND the travel Scrabble.
152
00:09:35,878 --> 00:09:39,757
Travel Scrabble for travelling
and the normal for when we arrived.
153
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,317
Good man.
154
00:09:41,398 --> 00:09:46,267
Ah, no, now that I think of it,
I didn't bring either of them.
155
00:09:46,358 --> 00:09:49,316
- Right.
- God, I'm an awful eejit.
156
00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:53,914
So...what do we do
for the next two weeks?
157
00:09:53,998 --> 00:09:55,954
Will I put on the kettle?
158
00:09:56,038 --> 00:09:57,710
Yeah, go on.
159
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,789
(kettle hums)
160
00:10:02,158 --> 00:10:05,673
Must be one of the ones
that clicks off automatically.
161
00:10:05,758 --> 00:10:06,907
Yes...
162
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,989
Bit of steam there.
163
00:10:11,038 --> 00:10:13,791
Incidentally,
did you bring any teabags?
164
00:10:13,878 --> 00:10:15,436
No.
165
00:10:16,318 --> 00:10:17,592
Right!
166
00:10:21,158 --> 00:10:22,910
(kettle clicks off)
167
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:25,148
kettle's boiled there, Ted.
168
00:10:25,238 --> 00:10:26,307
Hmm, yeah.
169
00:10:26,398 --> 00:10:29,595
Will I put more water in
and turn it on again?
170
00:10:31,078 --> 00:10:33,956
No, I liked it best the first time.
171
00:10:35,878 --> 00:10:40,030
Maybe we could turn it on with
no water at all, see what happens.
172
00:10:40,118 --> 00:10:43,269
I don't think you should do that. It
would just blow up.
173
00:10:43,358 --> 00:10:47,397
You'd be picking lumps of metal
out of your face for a year.
174
00:10:47,478 --> 00:10:50,754
You'd have puffy fish lips
bigger than your face.
175
00:10:51,838 --> 00:10:53,237
Like Father Bigley.
176
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:55,991
Exactly like Father Bigley.
177
00:10:56,078 --> 00:10:58,546
Maybe that's what happened to him.
178
00:11:01,918 --> 00:11:04,386
96...97...
179
00:11:04,478 --> 00:11:07,595
98...99...
180
00:11:07,678 --> 00:11:10,954
100! Coming...
181
00:11:12,398 --> 00:11:14,354
..ready or not.
182
00:11:18,238 --> 00:11:20,593
- Found you.
- Ahh!
183
00:11:20,678 --> 00:11:22,430
It's your go.
184
00:11:24,678 --> 00:11:27,351
One...two...
185
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:30,908
three...four...
186
00:11:30,998 --> 00:11:32,954
five...six...
187
00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:38,511
Ok, one last time.
188
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:41,396
These are small,
189
00:11:41,478 --> 00:11:44,868
but the ones out there are far away.
190
00:11:51,918 --> 00:11:54,193
Small...
191
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,394
..far away.
192
00:11:58,198 --> 00:11:59,756
Ah, forget it!
193
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:11,634
Ted, you know how your eyes
sometimes play tricks on you?
194
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:17,748
- I know! Father Larry Duff!
- Ah, Larry!
195
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:21,513
He sometimes comes around this area.
He's tremendous fun.
196
00:12:21,598 --> 00:12:24,954
I'll call him on his mobile phone.
I got him one for Christmas.
197
00:12:25,038 --> 00:12:27,757
He's always complaining
that nobody rings him.
198
00:12:27,838 --> 00:12:30,068
(Humming cheerfully)
199
00:12:31,558 --> 00:12:33,708
(Ringing)
200
00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:36,547
AHHHHHH!
201
00:12:46,038 --> 00:12:47,949
Must have it switched off.
202
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:57,192
Why's it called St kevin's Stump?
203
00:12:59,398 --> 00:13:01,354
It doesn't say.
204
00:13:04,678 --> 00:13:07,317
So is this what all
holidays are like, Ted?
205
00:13:07,398 --> 00:13:09,229
Actually...yeah.
206
00:13:09,318 --> 00:13:11,354
Anyway, we'd better get back to Jack.
207
00:13:11,438 --> 00:13:13,429
He said he'd stay put by the cliffs.
208
00:13:13,518 --> 00:13:15,474
(Snoring)
209
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,635
Drink!
210
00:13:24,718 --> 00:13:28,597
Drink! Drink! Drink!
211
00:13:30,078 --> 00:13:33,195
Can we go over to
the rock and back, Ted?
212
00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:35,155
Well...
213
00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:38,753
Come on, Ted, we're on holidays.
Live a little.
214
00:13:38,838 --> 00:13:41,147
All right, but then back to Jack.
215
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:43,069
Drink! Drink!
216
00:13:43,158 --> 00:13:45,718
Dri-i-i-i-i-i...!
217
00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:48,716
(Thud)
218
00:13:50,638 --> 00:13:52,594
Well, here we are.
219
00:13:54,158 --> 00:13:56,149
Will we go over to that fence now?
220
00:13:56,238 --> 00:13:58,798
No, we might just blow up
with excitement.
221
00:13:58,878 --> 00:14:01,346
Let's save something for next week.
222
00:14:07,438 --> 00:14:09,394
(Woman moaning)
223
00:14:22,158 --> 00:14:24,467
Father Ted Crilly,
224
00:14:24,558 --> 00:14:27,152
Craggy Island Parochial House...
225
00:14:27,238 --> 00:14:29,798
C-R... Sure, you know all that.
226
00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:33,473
Listen, you know the business
of reporting missing persons?
227
00:14:33,558 --> 00:14:34,957
I've heard of it, yes.
228
00:14:35,038 --> 00:14:37,632
Does it cost money
to report a missing person?
229
00:14:37,718 --> 00:14:39,470
- No.
- Great.
230
00:14:39,558 --> 00:14:42,675
We've lost one of our party -
Father Jack Hackett.
231
00:14:42,758 --> 00:14:44,828
God, how would you describe him?
232
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,034
- Mid-fifties...
- To mid-eighties.
233
00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:49,109
Tremendous smell of vegetables.
234
00:14:49,198 --> 00:14:51,666
- Angry. Very angry man.
- Hates children.
235
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,510
Likes the odd drink.
236
00:14:53,598 --> 00:14:57,591
And don't come up on him from behind,
he won't like that at all.
237
00:14:57,678 --> 00:15:01,910
One thing - do you carry
those electric stunner gadgets?
238
00:15:01,998 --> 00:15:05,195
- No. Why?
- Oh, no reason.
239
00:15:05,278 --> 00:15:07,872
Right, anything else
I can do while I'm here?
240
00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:11,075
Want to confess to any
unsolved murders or anything?
241
00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:13,991
No, we're fine for the old...
unsolved murders.
242
00:15:14,078 --> 00:15:16,797
Some holiday
this is turning out to be!
243
00:15:16,878 --> 00:15:20,757
Come on. Now Jack's gone,
there'll be more room in the caravan.
244
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:24,148
# Ebony and ivory
245
00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:27,992
# Live together in perfect harmony
246
00:15:28,078 --> 00:15:31,195
# Side by side on my piano keyboard
247
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,554
# Oh, Lord, why can't we-e-e-e #
248
00:15:34,638 --> 00:15:36,788
- Ted!
- Hello, Noel.
249
00:15:36,878 --> 00:15:38,391
What are you doing here?
250
00:15:38,478 --> 00:15:40,912
Well, this is our caravan...
251
00:15:40,998 --> 00:15:44,274
- Father O'Rourke offered it to us!
- Yes, so I see.
252
00:15:44,358 --> 00:15:45,916
He must say it to everyone.
253
00:15:45,998 --> 00:15:48,831
Room for two more
in the St Luke's Youth Group?
254
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:50,431
- (Groan )
- Motion passed!
255
00:15:50,518 --> 00:15:53,954
Sit down and we'll have a song.
Will you sing one, Ted?
256
00:15:54,038 --> 00:15:55,630
No, I won't, thanks...
257
00:15:55,718 --> 00:15:58,949
You've a lovely voice!
Very like Celine Dion!
258
00:16:01,118 --> 00:16:04,474
We can dance, then!
Tony, stick on the Riverdance album!
259
00:16:04,558 --> 00:16:08,995
Actually...
Actually, Noel, I'm quite tired.
260
00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:13,754
What? Actually, we're all a bit
exhausted from the old singing.
261
00:16:13,838 --> 00:16:17,797
Some of us overdid it
down the old local last night!
262
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:20,950
Gerry Fields
knows who I'm talking about!
263
00:16:21,038 --> 00:16:22,517
Huh, what, eh?
264
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:24,395
Yeah.
265
00:16:24,478 --> 00:16:28,949
We arrived back at...
God! it must have been half ten!
266
00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:31,552
And some of us crawled in!
267
00:16:31,638 --> 00:16:34,152
Janine Reilly
knows what I'm talking about!
268
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:36,115
- Don't you?!
- Yeah...
269
00:16:36,198 --> 00:16:38,393
And she wasn't the only one!
270
00:16:38,478 --> 00:16:39,706
Tony Lynch!
271
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:43,871
TONY LYNCH! He knows!
Look at him, all sweetness and light!
272
00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:48,474
He wasn't when he crawled
into bed at ten past eleven!
273
00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:52,153
Hello. Father Noel Furlong.
You're a fine young fella.
274
00:16:52,238 --> 00:16:55,514
What age would you say I am? Guess.
What age would you say?
275
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,509
He knows. Don't tell him!
276
00:16:57,598 --> 00:16:59,828
Go on, guess. What would you say?
277
00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:01,874
40.
278
00:17:02,958 --> 00:17:06,792
Ted, haven't seen you in ages.
How are you?
279
00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:09,233
# I SAW THE WHOLE OF THE MOON
280
00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:12,230
# There at the turnstiles
with the wind at your heels
281
00:17:12,318 --> 00:17:16,277
# You stretched for the stars
and you know how it feels
282
00:17:16,358 --> 00:17:17,837
# Too high
283
00:17:17,918 --> 00:17:19,556
# Too far
284
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:24,507
# Too soon,
you saw the whole of the moon #
285
00:17:25,998 --> 00:17:29,229
# Dirty old town
286
00:17:29,318 --> 00:17:31,832
# Dirty old to-o-own! #
287
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,148
Oh, God, Ted, they have me worn out!
288
00:17:34,238 --> 00:17:36,354
They're a mad crowd!
289
00:17:36,438 --> 00:17:37,553
What time is it?
290
00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:40,550
Half ten! know what?
291
00:17:40,638 --> 00:17:42,117
We should all go to bed.
292
00:17:42,198 --> 00:17:45,873
Where's Tony Lynch off to?
Probably to get some heroin!
293
00:17:45,958 --> 00:17:48,472
No, I'm just going
to the toilet, Father.
294
00:17:48,558 --> 00:17:53,074
Anyone else need to go?
Ted, Dougal, are you Ok?
295
00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:54,716
We're grand, thanks, Noel.
296
00:17:54,798 --> 00:17:57,153
Sure you don't need a little tinkle?
297
00:17:57,238 --> 00:17:59,752
I'm fine, thanks. I'll go again.
298
00:17:59,838 --> 00:18:02,671
Don't keep it in,
your bladder could go mental.
299
00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:05,795
- Yes...
- My friend Father Sweeney,
300
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:09,632
he had a bladder about the size
of a Terry's Chocolate Orange...
301
00:18:09,718 --> 00:18:11,197
NOEL!
302
00:18:11,278 --> 00:18:16,398
I REALLY... I'm fine. Ok? I'm fine.
303
00:18:17,998 --> 00:18:20,353
You're like a bunch of camels!
304
00:18:20,438 --> 00:18:23,475
Anyway, we'll get
the sleeping bags out.
305
00:18:23,558 --> 00:18:25,514
Will it not be a bit cramped?
306
00:18:25,598 --> 00:18:28,829
Not at all. The more the merrier!
307
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,596
(Noel) St Colum's had a great
football team in the mid-'50s.
308
00:18:36,678 --> 00:18:39,431
They won the Father Fitzgibbon Cup.
309
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:43,557
Father Fitzgibbon. The thing about
him was he LOOkED like a cup!
310
00:18:43,638 --> 00:18:47,028
Great big ears like handles!
311
00:18:47,118 --> 00:18:48,995
Do you remember him, Ted?
312
00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:51,114
Ted? Do you remember?
313
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,871
YES! I remember him, Noel.
314
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:57,997
Oooohh! Who's a bit
of a Moaning Michael tonight?
315
00:18:59,198 --> 00:19:02,554
God Almighty, it's nearly
six o'clock in the morning!
316
00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:07,188
I think what
we should all do now is...
317
00:19:07,278 --> 00:19:09,234
TELL A FEW GHOST STORIES!
318
00:19:10,478 --> 00:19:12,594
- Ted?
- Yes?
319
00:19:12,678 --> 00:19:13,747
I'm going mad.
320
00:19:13,838 --> 00:19:17,387
Yes, let's get out of here,
let's go home.
321
00:19:17,478 --> 00:19:19,196
(Noel) Whoooo!
322
00:19:20,718 --> 00:19:22,834
Who's that now?
323
00:19:22,918 --> 00:19:25,830
Is that Gerry Fields
heading off to the disco?
324
00:19:25,918 --> 00:19:28,307
We're just heading out
for some fresh air.
325
00:19:28,398 --> 00:19:30,912
Don't forget to bring us back some!
326
00:19:30,998 --> 00:19:33,558
Right so...you big feckin' eejit!
327
00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:40,354
What about Jack?
328
00:19:40,438 --> 00:19:44,829
Chances are he's on Craggy Island.
He has an amazing homing instinct.
329
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:47,148
We'll find him
with a smile on his face
330
00:19:47,238 --> 00:19:49,877
and his arms outstretched
to welcome us back.
331
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:51,357
What?
332
00:19:51,438 --> 00:19:54,077
Well, maybe not
the smile on his face...
333
00:19:55,718 --> 00:19:57,674
or the outstretched arms...
334
00:19:57,758 --> 00:20:01,114
or the welcome back,
but he's probably there.
335
00:20:01,758 --> 00:20:03,988
Oh, God, your man!
Don't let him see us!
336
00:20:21,198 --> 00:20:23,792
Gerry! Gerry!
337
00:20:23,878 --> 00:20:25,311
Gerry!
338
00:20:26,718 --> 00:20:29,869
- Open! Please open!
- He's a fair bit away yet.
339
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,910
Might be worth speeding up
there a bit, Ted.
340
00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:40,635
Sorry about that.
341
00:20:40,718 --> 00:20:42,117
Bloody perverts!
342
00:20:50,358 --> 00:20:53,873
He's probably very cold
now his towel's blown away.
343
00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:59,192
(Dougal) Maybe we should let him off.
344
00:20:59,278 --> 00:21:03,510
I've been thinking about it, but I'm
sure he'll start giving out to us.
345
00:21:03,598 --> 00:21:06,670
- Pretend we didn't see him.
- I doubt he'd believe us.
346
00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:11,707
- We'd better let him off, Ted.
- Oh, all right. I suppose so.
347
00:21:16,278 --> 00:21:18,746
- Get out of the car!
- Hello again.
348
00:21:18,838 --> 00:21:21,557
Get out of the car. Right!
349
00:21:22,958 --> 00:21:24,914
I think he's calming down a bit.
350
00:21:24,998 --> 00:21:28,513
- (Breaking glass)
- Ah, now! Now...!
351
00:21:28,598 --> 00:21:33,831
Come on! There's absolutely no need
for that type of nonsense!
352
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,909
He's puncturing the tyres, Ted.
353
00:21:38,758 --> 00:21:41,989
You're impressing nobody
with that type of thing!
354
00:21:50,998 --> 00:21:53,796
God, Ted, I'm so tired.
Maybe we should go back.
355
00:21:53,878 --> 00:21:56,836
Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere near
Noel Furlong again.
356
00:21:56,918 --> 00:21:58,636
God knows what they're up to by now!
357
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,674
(Irish jig)
358
00:22:22,078 --> 00:22:23,909
(Horn )
359
00:22:24,998 --> 00:22:27,671
Ted, it's a big truck!
It can give us a lift!
360
00:22:27,758 --> 00:22:29,908
Oh, thank God!
361
00:22:31,638 --> 00:22:33,356
Hello, Fathers.
362
00:22:33,438 --> 00:22:36,555
Tom, thank God, Tom!
We need a lift.
363
00:22:36,638 --> 00:22:39,072
Fair enough, Fathers.
I'll open the door.
364
00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:47,434
(Rumbling and whooshing)
365
00:23:03,038 --> 00:23:05,188
Sorry about that, Fathers.
366
00:23:16,598 --> 00:23:17,792
(Mumbling)
367
00:23:17,878 --> 00:23:19,436
Father, you're awake!
368
00:23:19,518 --> 00:23:22,794
Thank God! It took us ages
to pull you on board.
369
00:23:22,878 --> 00:23:24,106
(Muttering)
370
00:23:24,198 --> 00:23:26,871
Will you have something to drink?
371
00:23:31,958 --> 00:23:36,236
96...97...98...99...100.
372
00:23:36,318 --> 00:23:38,115
Coming now, ready or not.
27682
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