Original subtitles

[ Cheers and applause ] Adam: You guys did it!

Like every season 1 startup, we're pivoting.

Whoa!

After tonight's fun‐filled television episode,

we'll be relaunching as a social platform

for next‐gen stunt creation and sharing.

We'll be known as Do,

an empowering rebrand for a shifting media landscape.

We're getting lots of calls from VC firms

begging to invest.

I think we could be the next Quibi.

Sign up for the Do beta on the app store.

And now, please welcome our very own beta‐version host,

Adam Scott.

Hey, everybody, welcome to "Don't."

I'm food eater Adam Scott,

and tonight, one family will have the chance to win $100,000,

and everyone in the audience will have the chance

to try to steal it from them in the parking lot

after the show.

[ Laughter ]

How about we get started?

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Let's meet the Williams Family.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Graham is the big brother of the bunch

and an entrepreneur

who thought he was coming on "Shark Tank"

to pitch his company.

That lack of attention to detail

isn't gonna go over well with the Sharks.

Come on!

His brother Nathan

is the self‐proclaimed bad boy of the family.

He doesn't just flirt with danger,

he slides into the DMs and asks what danger is wearing.

Next is sister Leita, who has over 137 bandanas

and can't leave the house without one.

Tonight, she's wearing Lucky Red.

It's never failed her, and she's never washed it.

Gross.

Her brother Reagan is a college student.

He's hoping there will be a challenge tonight

that earns him those last two credits

he needs to graduate.

He will be sorely disappointed.

All right, we've got Leita, Graham, and Nathan,

and then up in the sky here,

oh, my God, we have your brother Reagan.

Are you all right?

I'm hanging in there.

Uh, literally.

Okay. All right, listen,

if anyone's gonna make puns tonight,

it's gonna be me.

[ Laughter ]

He's serious.

He's pretty litigious about it.

Now, Williams,

you're all siblings, am I right?

‐Yes, sir. ‐That's right. That's right.

And when people refer to you, is it,

"Ah, the Williams are here,"

or is it, "The Williamses are here"?

It's definitely, "The Williams are here!"

The Williams are here, okay.

Williamses, listen...

[ Laughter ] Hey!

The first game that we're going to play

is all about getting embarrassed.

In fact, the game is actually called

"Don't Embarrass Yourself."

Here's how it works.

Adam: There's nothing more embarrassing

than wetting your pants.

Don't believe us? Try it out.

In this game,

one of you wears bizarre, oversized pants

while suspended 30 feet in the air

above a tiny pool.

It's part of a reoccurring dream I had.

Go with it.

The rest of you answer trivia questions.

If you answer right, you get $5,000.

Wrong, you lose a button.

Lose all three buttons, and the game is over,

you'll drop in the pool,

and it'll appear as if you've wet your pants.

Gross!

"Don't Embarrass Yourself."

[ Applause ]

Peeing your pants is embarrassing, you guys.

Have you ever ‐‐ Has that ever happened to you?

‐Yeah. ‐Leita, maybe?

Yeah.

Very embarrassing, Reagan, to wet your pants.

Yeah, it's bringing back some bad memories.

You don't want to go pee‐pee in the giant pants.

All this "pee your pants" humor

is for kids whose bedtime isn't until 9:15.

It's never once happened to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Liar.

Born potty‐trained, which is weird.

Okay, so are you guys ready?

‐Ready to roll, baby! ‐Come on!

Reagan, how about you? Are you ready, buddy?

[ Exhales sharply ]

Okay.

[ Laughter ] Here we go.

Don't embarrass yourself.

Woo! Here we go.

Woo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!

Keep track of tonight's action with our live "Woo" Counter.

Woo!

All right, question number one.

Mike Tyson was known

for knocking guys on their backsides,

meaning their butts.

Mm, thank you.

Is it "A," riding a hoverboard,

or "B," riding a scooter?

2016 was when those hoverboards got, like, huge,

everybody was doing them.

Makes sense that he fell on his back ‐‐

That is a very rational answer.

No, but I'm pretty positive.

I like hoverboard. All right, we're going with hoverboard.

Hoverboard. We're going with hoverboard.

Hoverboard is your answer.

If it's right, you win $5,000.

If it's wrong,

one of those buttons are gonna pop off,

getting Reagan closer to deep, life‐long embarrassment.

Come on, hoverboard. Let's go.

You said "A," riding a hoverboard.

Sorry, guys, you are correct.

It is riding a hoverboard.

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Woo! ‐Yes!

That's $5,000 already.

Woo‐hoo! Yes!

‐Woo! Woo! ‐Come on!

Should someone tell them

there's a lot more game to play?

Woo! Woo! Woo!

This is just the start of the show.

You know what? I'm gonna let them have this.

Wow.

Ah, to be young.

It looks so fun.

Okay, here we go, question number two.

Was it, "A," licking a donut,

or "B," licking a cupcake?

[ Laughter ]

I feel like cupcake is a little more risqué.

I feel like that probably is what happened.

Let's go with cupcake.

I think it makes the most sense. Are you sure?

You're gonna lick a cupcake before you lick a donut, right?

Okay. It makes more sense.

She probably got it all over herself.

Okay, that is your answer?

Cupcake's our answer. Cupcake, cupcake, cupcake!

Cupcake, baby!

You guys said "B," licking a cupcake.

We got it right here.

♪♪

That answer is...

♪♪

[ Audience gasps ]

It's "A," licking a donut.

[ All groaning ]

That's one strike. How'd that feel, Reagan?

Not too good, Adam.

If you're wondering why you want to root against Reagan

and not for him,

it might be his striking resemblance

to William Zabka,

villain in the "Karate Kid" series

and "Back to School."

Okay, question number three.

If losing something valuable is embarrassing,

imagine how James Howells felt

when he...

[ Whistles ]

Whoa.

Would be, "A,"

an original Vincent van Gogh,

or "B," a hard drive full of Bitcoin?

Can you put Bitcoin on a hard drive?

Yes! It's on the Internet! Yeah, but ‐‐

[ Laughter ] I think it's Bitcoin.

Let's go Bitcoin, sure. $127 million in Bitcoin?

On a hard drive? I'm gonna need an answer, guys. I'm sorry.

‐[ Sighs ] ‐Van Gogh.

I think we're gonna go with van Gogh.

‐Van Gogh. ‐Van Gogh. Yeah.

Keep me dry! Keep me dry, team.

Adam: Okay.

Your pick was Vincent van Gogh, "A."

Come on. Come on.

Adam: That answer is...

♪♪

Incorrect.

[ Audience gasps ]

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

It was a hard drive full of Bitcoin... Ugh! Dang!

...worth $127 million.

It makes more sense. It makes more sense.

And yet...you chose a different answer.

One more strike,

and Reagan is dropping down to the water

for life‐long embarrassment.

Here we go. Question number four.

Let's go, let's go.

Survey says embarrassing...

Was it "A," Miss Chile,

or "B," Miss Philippines?

Guys, I think it's Philippines.

I'm pretty sure it's Philippines.

Do you really ‐‐ I watched it.

Do you actually have a memor‐‐ I watched it, but I can't remember.

I can't remember, either. I absolutely watched this happen.

Why were you watching that? I totally watched it.

Nathan, you watched "Miss Universe"?

Uh, yes. How was it?

Uh...very nice.

Yeah. Okay.

[ Laughter ]

Come on, guys, help me out here.

[ Laughter ]

I'm not 100%, but my gut says Philippines.

I think that's it. Let's go.

Are we locking that in?

I'm cool with that, yeah. Philippines it is, boom.

Okay, your answer is "B," Miss Philippines.

If you're right, you win $5,000.

If you're wrong,

your dear brother Reagan

is not only out of the game,

but he is embarrassed

because everyone's gonna think he wet his pants.

Your answer is "B," Miss Philippines.

Huh, well...

That's, uh...

Turns out that's correct.

‐Woo! ‐Woo‐hoo‐hoo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Just when you thought they couldn't celebrate any harder,

air guitar number two.

♪♪

For a total so far, $10,000.

Woo!

Come on! We've got one more question,

which will either take your winnings up to $15,000,

or plunge your brother into this pool,

making everyone in the entire world

think he peed his pants.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, here we go.

Was it, "A," Madonna, or "B," Adele?

Adele's, like, British,

but I think everyone's invited to that thing.

I want to say it's Madonna.

‐Uh... ‐I like Madonna.

I say we go with Madonna. ‐All right.

‐Madonna, Madonna, Madonna. ‐Let's stick with that.

So your answer is "A," Madonna.

‐Yes. ‐Yes. Madonna.

Rather than "B," Adele.

Nathan: Yes.

Okay, you know what's even more embarrassing?

♪♪

Is that that answer...

was correct.

[ Cheers and applause ]

For a total of $15,000.

Woo!

‐Woo! Woo! ‐Woo‐hoo‐hoo!

Honestly, is there a penalty for excessive celebration?

Yeah, baby!

Aah!

Huh, I guess there is.

We're good!

Let's get your brother down from there

and continue on.

[ All gasping ]

No!

[ Laughter ]

Okay, kids, you got to see him pee his pants.

Now, it's really bed time.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Hopefully a lot more money to be won here.

Don't go anywhere.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

At some point in the last 10 minutes,

you might have asked yourself who came up with this stunt.

Well, it's all thanks to 4‐year‐old Timmy,

our youngest "Don't" imagineer,

whose illustration of funny pants

inspired tonight's game.

Our "Don't" craftsmen replicated his drawing to a T,

and we immediately realized

why children are not employed in the modern workforce.

We all learn new don'ts every single day.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "Don't,"

the only show you are currently watching

on the screen in front of you.

This next game is called "Don't Drink."

♪♪

Everybody eats, everybody drinks,

and everybody poops.

But in this game, the object is to eat but not drink.

And also don't poop.

One of you will be offered

some of the hottest foods on the planet

while walking on a treadmill under a heat lamp.

A series of refreshing drinks are offered to put out the fire.

Each time you don't drink, you'll win $4,000.

Complete the challenge without drinking anything,

and you'll win 20 grand.

"Don't Drink."

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Come on! ‐Woo! Woo!

Adam: All right, guys, before we begin,

you have the opportunity to hit the "Don't Push" Button.

How about we learn just a little bit more

about the "Don't Push" Button?

After a traffic ticket, the "Don't Push" Button

was sentenced to community service

and forced to coach a pee‐wee hockey team.

His hot‐shot persona on the ice

didn't immediately make him the coach these kids wanted,

but he was the coach they needed.

Little did he know how much these kids

would end up teaching him,

and together, they won the championship

with the "Don't Push" Button's signature triple deke.

This story was completely plagiarized.

My goodness, that is incredible.

Okay, if you push the "Don't Push" Button

and you complete the game perfectly,

you double the bank on this game to $40,000.

‐Let's go! ‐Woo!

But if you don't complete the game perfectly,

you guys also run the risk

of getting your winnings for this game

cut in half.

What do you think?

Are you confident enough to not drink

to hit that button?

‐What do you guys think? ‐What do we think?

What do we think? People, what do we think?

What do we think? Should we do it?

Should we do it?

Let's check our Peer Pressure Meter.

[ Audience chanting "Push it!" ]

Reagan: Hey, hey, give the people what they want.

[ Audience cheers ]

Woo!

Come on!

♪♪

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Woo!

♪♪

Have you chosen who's gonna be the non‐drinker?

‐Reagan. ‐Yeah, I'll do it.

Come on up here, Reagan.

‐Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! ‐Woo!

"Don't Drink."

♪♪

Now, I don't know if you noticed,

but behind you,

there's a nice, toasty, hot heat lamp.

Reagan: I need the sun.

Just gonna keep you warm.

Now, before we start, I'm just gonna explain

that there's something called the Scoville scale

that they measure spiciness by.

This first delectable that I'm gonna bring over

is just a jalapeño on the cob.

So if you eat this entire thing, Reagan,

and you don't take a drink, you get $4,000.

And two qualifying credits toward your dual major

in agricultural studies and game show physiology.

Here we go.

Mm, yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Mm.

Are you feeling anything yet?

[ Coughs ]

You weren't lying.

Yeah, that 8,000 on the Scoville scale

is really hitting you where it counts.

I can see his eyes watering.

Nathan: Lookit.

Now that you've finished that...

You look like you're struggling here.

Ice water.

If you take a sip, it'll provide relief.

♪♪

But you're gonna lose that $4,000.

What do you think?

Do you want a sip of water?

Don't you dare.

You know, Adam, you ever have that feeling

when your lips are, like, on fire?

Yeah.

Water normally helps that.

Yeah.

♪°♪

But I'm gonna have to pass right now.

[ Cheers and applause ]

That's $4,000.

Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

I love it! Let's go!

Next up, Reagan, do you like mixed vegetables?

You know, it's not my favorite.

Hopefully his favorite is increasingly spicy peppers.

We got some yummy tomatoes,

nothing like some raw broccoli.

Y‐Yeah.

And then these are Thai peppers.

Now, these guys are 50,000 on the Scoville scale.

Reagan, if you wouldn't mind just grabbing two of those

and eating them whole.

You're good, you're good, you're good.

You got this.

Adam: See how it feels.

♪♪

[ Audience groans ]

Swallow it, yep. You got it.

‐Whew! ‐Nice!

[ Coughs ]

Oh, ouch.

How does that feel?

Yeah, my lips were on fire,

and now my throat feels like it's in Hell.

That's unpleasant.

No, no, not what you want, for sure.

You know the old adage,

"There's nothing better for Satan in your throat

than some orange soda."

♪♪

This episode brought to you by

non‐descript orange soda brand company.

♪♪

Oh, orange is my favorite, man.

Leita: Reagan loves himself some orange soda.

That's the fave there, man.

Well, what do you think?

Do you want a sip of orange soda?

Don't you dare.

♪♪

Coming up, will Reagan be able to eat his way to $40,000,

or will his love of orange soda

tear apart the Williams Family once again?

Don't do it.

Later, will Adam stop asking questions?

Who's gonna be launching the fire ball?

He escaped?

Are my sunglasses in there?

How does that feel? Are you guys ready?

Graham, are you next? How impressed?

How badly? How you feeling?

You a big sushi eater? And who is?

What's? Where is?

He won't.

Adam: Welcome back to "Don't,"

where the Williams Family is a sip away

from losing $40,000.

Whoa. Oh, ouch.

My throat feels like it's in Hell.

But only if Reagan gives in to his deepest desires.

Whoa.

There's nothing better for Satan in your throat

than some orange soda.

Oh, orange is my favorite, man.

Leita: Don't do it.

[ Coughs ]

You hit that "Don't Push" Button,

so you're going for $40,000.

Don't do it.

♪♪

[ Coughs ]

You got this.

♪♪

Um, I'm gonna have to opt out on that one, too, bub.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Woo! That's another $4,000.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Come on!

Equally exciting, this is the first time

Adam has ever been called "Bub."

Okay, are you a fan of this newer, kind of culinary trend

that's popping up everywhere, avocado toast?

You know, uh, not the kind you're referring to.

[ Laughter ]

This isn't avocado toast.

This is actually wasabi toast.

Whew!

Pure wasabi is about twice the intensity

of a Thai pepper.

So if you're interested in continuing,

you just lick that mound of wasabi off the top.

We save that toast for other games.

You a big sushi eater?

You know, I've had one or two.

Okay. Have you had the wasabi with it?

Yeah, I normally opt out of that. Yeah.

But, uh ‐‐ It's pretty strong.

This is something to make a grown man cry.

Think about that $40,000

as you lick the wasabi off that toast.

See if that helps.

Let's go, baby! Come on.

‐Keep walking. ‐Yeah.

♪♪

Oh, my God, his mouth is burning.

♪♪

This orange soda is about to go away.

You've got one more chance at it.

What do you think?

It'll lessen the pain,

but this drink will cost you $40,000.

[ Audience shouting ]

Don't do it. Don't do it, Reagan.

‐Don't do it. Come on. ‐Don't do it.

I'm gonna have to let it go away, man.

It's gonna go away? Yeah, let it go away!

Let's go!

$4,000, everybody.

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Woo! ‐Let's go.

Keep it up, Reagan, keep it up!

You got this, bro, come on.

So you've got $12,000 so far, Reagan.

Okay, if you eat the next crazy hot dishes

without taking a drink, you'll win $40,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Woo. Come on.

He is dying.

It's been warm lately.

How about an ice cream sundae?

What do you think?

That's music to my ears.

There is something special about this ice cream sundae,

and that is that there's a habanero pepper

on top of it.

[ Audience groans ]

Yeah, the jalapeño was 8,000 on the Scoville scale.

This habanero right here is 150,000.

Oh...

Oh, thank God this is not me.

You just pop it out of there and eat the whole thing.

There you go.

‐Kind of like a cherry. ‐Oh, yeah, you got this.

‐You got it. ‐Let's go, Reagan. Come on.

‐There you go. ‐Stem and all, stem and all.

Going for the stem.

Oh, with the stem! With the stem!

It seems like they've played with the stem before,

and I'm very uncomfortable.

How does that feel?

[ Coughs ]

Leita: How are you surviving?

‐You're good. ‐You're good.

Nathan: Hold that throw‐up back.

I'm trying.

[ Coughs ]

Breathe, breathe. You got to breathe.

Oh, man...

Oh, man!

Son of a Seabiscuit!

Here we have a delicious milkshake.

What flavor?

It's actually vanilla bean.

There's something in milk called casein

that directly attacks the compound

that actually causes the burning

and relieves it.

And it's here for you if you'd like it.

What do you think?

I mean, it has a bendy straw and everything.

Yeah.

It's irresistible with the bendy straw.

Don't do it, don't do it.

♪♪

I'm gonna have to say no, sir!

‐Yeah! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Come on!

Let's go, baby! Yeah!

Woo!

That's another $4,000.

Reagan, you're up to $16,000 now.

Oh, my gosh.

♪♪

The next one we've got here,

you're not even allowed to touch it.

[ Gasps ]

Adam: This is a scorpion pepper.

[ Audience groans ]

Oh, that makes me want to die inside.

This guy is, uh, 1.4 million on the Scoville scale.

So, we are gonna ask you to just eat it, swallow it,

and if you do that and you refuse a drink,

$40,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Woo!

[ Applause ]

Leita: Chomp down hard, chomp down hard.

[ Applause ] Wow.

You got this, Reagan.

♪♪

[ Crunching ]

[ Audience groans ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

You got it, Reagan! Reagan, stay up!

Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. You got this.

‐[ Coughs ] ‐Head up, head up, head up.

Head up, head up, head up.

Head up, come on. You got it, baby. You got it.

‐Alright! ‐You've got it. Come on.

Graham: Holy cow, he's got it!

Oh!

‐You got it, man! ‐You got this.

Oh!

How about this milkshake?

What do you think?

You better not.

Don't get tempted by the bendy straw.

Don't do it, Reagan. Don't do it.

Graham: I love it.

But don't drink it, don't drink it!

Adam...

♪♪

No, sir!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Woo‐hoo‐hoo!

That is $40,000.

‐We did it! ‐Yeah!

‐Woo! ‐Yeah!

Altogether, you have now earned $55,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Yeah! ‐Yeah!

We will be right back with more "Don't."

Think you have what it takes to be on "Don't"?

Post an audition tape on your favorite social media platform

telling us why.

This is definitely a real selection process

and not a sad attempt to make us seem culturally relevant.

♪♪

Welcome back to "Don't," where the Williams Family is currently up to...

Woo!

...56 "Woos" on the "Woo" Counter.

Woo!

Now 57.

We're here with the Williamses.

Do you guys get to spend a lot of time together,

or is it really special

being able to have this time together?

I would say it's super, super special

that we all get to spend time together.

Reagan and I are in school together,

but we're all always doing different things...

Yeah. ...involved in a ton of stuff,

but this is, like, a huge unifying moment.

Okay, well, not for long.

[ Laughter ] Okay, are you guys ready?

‐We're ready! ‐Woo!

Okay, our next game is also

an important public service announcement ‐‐

"Don't Play with Matches."

Adam: To succeed here,

one of you has to shoot fireballs

at fires to put them out,

literally fighting fire with fire.

For each fire you knock out, you'll earn $3,000.

Knock out all six fires, and you'll win $20,000.

But you'll only have two minutes,

and in your way are three giant matches

who will try to deflect the fireballs.

"Don't Play with Matches."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Now, playing defense will be an all‐star team

of oversized, moving matches.

It'll be their job to stop the fireballs

from hitting the flames.

Let's meet our matches,

which are definitely not repurposed,

oversized French fries!

We have Stryker.

Stryker is 9'5"

and really feeling an energy boost

ever since starting intermittent fasting.

We have Flint.

Flint recently adopted a rescue dog

and won't stop posting photos about it.

And Walter.

Walter just got his test results back.

It's benign.

Okay, Williamses,

you will have two minutes

to extinguish the flaming targets with the fireballs.

Now, you'll win $3,000 for each flame extinguished,

and if you get all six, you'll win $20,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

‐Come on! ‐Woo‐hoo!

Okay, guys, who is gonna be launching the fireballs?

Graham? That is me.

All right, get on over there.

Reagan: Woo!

Graham still believes that after this challenge,

he'll get a chance to pitch the Sharks.

And who is going to be loading the fireballs?

That's me, baby! Come on. Nathan.

Nathan: Yeah! Let's go! Woo!

Come on. Yes, sir.

Woo! Woo!

Okay, we're gonna play this game,

and it's going to be fun,

and, oh, my God, those matches are looking like

they are ready to go.

[ Laughter ]

Now, before we continue, I have an offer for you.

I "Don't You Dare" you

to let me add a fourth matchstick...

Oh.

...for an extra $5,000.

"Don't You Dare."

What do you say?

What do y'all think? What do y'all think?

What do you think?

‐All right, yeah? ‐Let's do it, let's do it.

Okay, an extra $5,000.

Come on, let's do it!

Let's meet the extra matchstick.

Here he is.

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your hands together for...Walter.

His name's also Walter.

[ Laughter ]

No relation to the other Walter,

just like the majority of people with the same first name.

♪♪

He's going down.

So you took the "Don't You Dare" you,

you have an extra $5,000, you have an extra defender.

Are we ready? Ready.

Set the timer, please, to two minutes.

Here we go.

"Don't Play with Matches."

♪♪

Each flame is worth $3,000.

♪♪

‐Oh! ‐Ohh!

There it goes.

‐Yes! ‐Woo!

‐$3,000 so far. ‐Woo.

♪♪

Middle, middle!

[ Audience groans ]

That was a great shot. Great shot.

Adam is lying.

Come on!

[ Cheers and applause ] All right, Graham.

Leita: Go for the middle.

Oh!

Yo! Yes!

That is two flames extinguished

for $6,000 so far.

Here we go.

You knock them all down, you get $20,000.

We're good, we're good.

♪♪

Nathan: Come on.

You got one matchstick down.

You've only got three matchsticks now

to deal with.

Should we be worried about that matchstick?

Take your time. Take your time.

‐Right here, right here. ‐Angle down.

[ Audience groans ]

40 seconds remaining.

Is that Walter?

Because I'm pretty sure he has a heart condition.

Take your time.

‐You're good. ‐Slow down. Slow down.

[ Audience groans ]

Seriously, can someone help Walter?

20 seconds, 20 seconds.

Maybe try the unguarded ones.

Nathan: You got this.

♪♪

Oh!

Leita: 10, 10, go!

You're good, you're good.

10 seconds.

All: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6,

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[ Buzzer ]

Hey, good job, good job! Yeah!

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐All right. ‐Yeah!

Williams Family, you took the dare,

which made the defense more difficult,

but you got an extra $5,000.

You just earned yourself $11,000.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

How exciting ‐‐

the audience has joined in on the "Woos."

Woo!

Got yourself a total so far of $66,000.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

We have to take a break,

but more money and more surprises when we come back.

‐Yeah! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo! Woo!

While viewers at home are watching, laughing,

our good friend Walter was down.

Man: All right, we are clear, guys.

You can clear the match set out.

We all thought it was just part of the show,

a funny prank,

but it turns out that when you put a human

in a giant, oversized match costume

and they fall,

it's impossible to get up.

Matchstick code red.

The "Don't" Rapid Response Team

rushed to the scene ‐‐ a tense moment ‐‐

but thanks to their quick action,

they were able to help Walter get up

and remind him that he'd signed a liability waiver,

so this was on him.

Truly a happy ending for all.

Welcome back.

If you have a strange desire to lease a new truck

with zero percent APR financing,

don't worry, that just means commercials are working.

All right, Williamses, how's everybody feeling?

You won $66,000 so far.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Yes! Woo!

All right.

Have you guys had any epic family road trips together?

Together as siblings, we've gone to Colorado.

What do you do in Colorado?

We've gone to some camps out there. Uh‐huh.

Graham: Oh, yeah. Anything crazy happen on those trips?

[ Chuckles ]

Nothing we can talk about on TV.

[ Laughter ] Oh, whoa, okay.

Now, Williamses, are you ready?

Because here is how this game works.

Adam: "Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

It's tough enough being crammed in a small car

on a long road trip,

but when it's your whole family, it's much harder.

Here you'll have to run a course

that tests your balance, coordination, and timing.

If you complete the course in under a minute,

you'll earn $20,000.

But if it takes more than 60 seconds to finish,

we'll deduct $1,000 for each 10‐second increment.

Don't fall, don't delay,

and "Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Okay, let's see how you will be riding in style

right here.

Whoa, look at that.

Come on over, guys.

"Don't" star wipe.

‐Woo! Woo! ‐Woo! Woo!

Okay, before we hit the road,

let's look at the course ahead.

First, you have to coordinate your footwork

to cross the spinning roundabout.

Then avoid falling off the narrow log

and the wobbly teeter‐totter.

And finally, you have to work together

to cross the slippery stumps and another roundabout.

Your journey is complete when you back the van

into the final parking space.

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

A flock of Williams Family members

is called a "Woo."

Uh, guys, sorry.

Before we start, are my sunglasses in there?

I was driving that car yesterday.

I can't...

Leita: Finders keepers.

Oh, okay, sorry, false alarm.

They've been found.

Okay, guys, here we go.

"Don't Make Me Turn This Car Around."

[ Cheers and applause ]

3, 2, 1, go!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Woo! Here we go, here we go, here we go.

The owner of "The Flintstones" sued over this game,

but we crushed them with our

"But they aren't barefoot" defense.

‐Oh, yeah. ‐Are we all on?

Yeah, we got to go all the way around. Okay, I'm going.

Adam: Careful now, this transition is tricky,

and you're not all in sync.

‐Oh, yeah, baby. ‐Oh [bleep]

Oh, my God.

FYI, Reagan, you can't say...on TV.

We're good, we're good, we're good!

Okay, you made it, you made it.

Leita: We're all on, all on.

Going over the teeter‐totter.

‐Okay, get ready for the drop! ‐Get ready for the drop!

Here we go, and...

Great job, you guys.

Whether you call it a see‐saw or a teeter‐totter,

we can all agree it's disappointing

that they didn't fall.

[ Air hisses ]

I'm going up. Reagan: Oh, yeah!

This is squishy! This is squishy!

Hey, move your feet. Be moving your feet.

Graham: Everybody ready?

Okay, I'm going forward.

Moving forward.

[ Shouting ]

Forward a little.

Going down a little.

‐We're good. ‐Okay, I'm going forward.

Going over the ‐‐ Oh, my God, you guys.

‐Now we're going down. ‐Okay, stop.

♪♪

Stop, wait, wait.

Leita: Okay, I'm going down. Going down!

♪♪

Adam: Can they do it?

20 more seconds to go.

Go, go, go, go!

‐We made it! Yeah! ‐Let's go!

‐Woo! ‐Oh, my goodness, you did it.

‐Woo! ‐Let's go!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Uh, guys?

You haven't won yet.

All right, Reagan, you're kicking us off.

Adam: If you're gonna do it, you got to do it now.

All: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Adam: Got to go, you got to go!

You did it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ All shouting "Woo!" repeatedly ] Incredible!

Wow.

[ All shouting "Woo!" ]

[ Buzzing ]

My God, they've broken the "Woo" Counter.

Adam: That was incredible!

Now, Reagan, you almost went off the log over here.

Reagan: Very true.

One step away.

I think the hardest part was backing off of the ‐‐

Oh, for sure.

Yeah, I did not know if you guys were gonna make that,

because this thing was going pretty fast.

Hey, we had a pretty notable backseat driver, I must say.

Yeah, yeah.

Reagan is getting dangerously close to a pun.

Okay, so you just added $20,000 to your total.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Bringing your total to $86,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

We've got a lot more to go, so you guys ready?

‐We're ready, baby! ‐Woo!

Okay, we will be right back.

Don't go anywhere.

[ All chanting "Williams!" ]

♪♪

If you or a family member purchased a "Don't" Van

during the years 2019 or 2020,

you could be eligible for a class action recall.

The "Don't" Vans produced in those years

were shipped without wheels or engines,

and entirely unsafe for driving on roads or the highway.

Additionally, the "Don't" Vans had a dangerous factory defect

where they came with no brake system or headlights.

Please dial this 1‐800 number

and see if you qualify.

Call now.

Also, don't sit in them.

Adam: Welcome back to "Don't."

So far tonight, the Williams Family

has put an impressive number of "Woos" on the board.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Woo!

Adam: Leita has 18,

Graham with 23,

Reagan has 29,

and Nathan with a strong 36.

Woo! Woo! Woo!

Adam: There have been some top‐quality "Woos" tonight

across all games,

all at different volumes,

and, frankly, it's anybody's game

going into this last challenge.

Woo!

They've also won some money,

but to be honest, I'm just in it for the "Woos."

Woo!

And we're back.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Adam: All right. Nathan: Woo!

Williams Family, you have a total of $86,000.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

And it has all led you here to our final game

and one final chance to win $20,000.

[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah!

Come on! Woo! Woo!

Now, guys, you made some sort of pact

that if you met the $50,000 threshold,

you would do something together?

What was it?

Yeah, we all kind of agreed

that if we made the $50,000 mark

that we're gonna get "Don't" tattoos.

[ Laughter ] Nathan: All four of us.

Permanently on your body.

Across the forehead or across the chest.

It's legally binding now.

You have to get it on your forehead.

Well, our tattoo artists are standing by.

Okay, guys, are you ready for our final game?

‐We are ready. ‐Let's go.

Let's play "Don't Look Back."

♪♪

Adam: This is the game the Ancient Greeks rejected

for Olympia 776 BC.

You'll each try to outrun or out‐hop

a massive zorb ball

while your legs are conveniently bound together.

Every ribbon broken earns you more cash,

and if you play the game perfectly,

you'll bounce away with $20,000.

So, don't get hit, and "Don't Look Back."

[ Cheers and applause ]

All right, Reagan, how you feeling?

Feeling good.

‐Come on. ‐Let's go!

Do your siblings have any advice for you?

‐Don't look back. ‐Don't look back.

[ Laughter ]

Their advice is literally just the name of the game.

Go. Come on. All right.

You're trying to get to $5,000 down there.

If you can all do that,

you're gonna get $20,000,

and you will actually go above $100,000.

Woo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Woo! Woo! Woo!

All right, so here we go.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Air horn blares ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

$1,000, $2,000.

$4,000, $5,000!

He got it!

Amazing.

That a boy, G! Yes!

Woo! Woo!

Did you know that each one of these dollar markers

has to be meticulously replaced by hand

every time the ball is rolled?

In the biz, we call that poor game design.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Yeah!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

All right, great job, man.

You just got $5,000 more.

‐Let's go. ‐Woo!

Leita, are you ready?

Let's go. Let's go. Get down there.

‐All right, Leita, come on. ‐Woo! Woo!

Right now, Williams Family,

you're on track to reach the $100,000 mark.

Okay, Leita, here we go.

♪♪

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Air horn blares ]

♪♪

She's gonna go the distance, I can tell ‐‐

Oh, no.

[ Applause ]

All right, Leita!

Nice job, Leita. You won $1,000 for that round,

giving you a total of $6,000.

Okay, who is next? Graham, are you next?

‐I'm ready. ‐Let's go.

Okay, let's get down there. Let's do this.

[ Cheers and applause ]

All right, Graham, let's see if you can stay on track

to take home 100 grand.

Woo!

Okay, Graham, here we go.

You're gonna do great, Graham.

Right now, still mistaken about what show he's on,

Graham thinks he's proving to the Sharks

how dedicated he is

to taking his business all the way.

Adam: 3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Air horn blares ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

$2,000, $3,000,

$4,000, $5,000!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Woo!

Unbelievable!

‐Woo! ‐Yeah!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Great job, Graham.

You just earned $5,000

and brought the total up to $97,000.

‐Yes! ‐Woo! Woo!

Nathan, how badly do you want to break $100,000?

Oh, we want it, man. We want it!

Okay, let's do it. Come on, man.

‐Come on, Nate! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

♪♪

Okay, Nathan, this is your family's last shot.

If you make it to the $5,000 mark,

you're gonna bring your family's total

up to $102,000. Woo!

Let that sink in. Come on, Nate.

Come on, Nathan! Yeah.

Here we go, Nathan.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Air horn blares ]

♪♪

$1,000, $2,000!

[ Audience groans ]

♪♪

Adam: Okay, Nathan,

This is your family's last shot...last shot...

Graham: Come on, Nathan! Come on, Nathan!

[ Cheers and applause ]

100 grand... 100 grand...

♪♪

Don't Master: Sometimes when life knocks you down...

♪♪

...it's best you just stay face‐down for a while

and think about how you failed.

Great jobs, Williams Family.

You managed to earn another $13,000.

‐Yes! Woo! ‐Woo!

And you guys are going home with $99,000.

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

Good night, everybody.

Thank you, Williams Family.

‐Woo! Thank you. ‐Thank you, ABC.

Thank you, Don't Master.

Thank you, zorb ball.

Thank you, games.

Thank you, shows.

Thank you, everyone at home.

Good night!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

‐Yeah! ‐Woo!

‐Woo! ‐Woo!

After the show, Nathan sensed that Walter K

might need someone to talk to.

They become fast friends

and FaceTime every night before falling asleep.

Keeping his promise,

Graham got a "Don't" face tattoo,

but his grandfather will no longer speak to him.

Reagan did graduate.

He's now returned to get his master's degree.

He's studying pepper ingestion

and televised game shows during late stage capitalism.

Bow, bow, bow!

And Leita...

As can happen in a rare number of game show contestants,

she continued to shout "Woo!" and uncontrollably clap

in response to everything in her real life.

She's now a motivational speaker.

A damn good one.

Man: Woooooo!