Original subtitles

[THUNDER CRASHING]

RUSS: Okay, last scene.

[LEVER CREAKING]

[LAUGHING] Oh.

Genius!

Wow, Archie. I don't know why you tried to destroy this film.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Oh, come on. Don't start that again.

This film needs to be restored for future generations.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Whoa, whoa!

What's with the personal attacks?

You leave Laura out of this.

How many times do I have to tell you? We're taking a mutual break.

She'll come back.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Oh, you wanna go? It's on, flat boy.

[GRUNTING]

Stay down, man. Come on, this isn't us.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Archie? Uh, look, man.

Things were said, it got a little heated.

It's just the job, man.

The pressure's getting to us.

You'll see. The world will love your final film.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Hmm?

[SCREAMING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

SCOOBY-DOO: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

TOUR GUIDE: And to your left is the house where

they recently filmed, I Married a Dachshund.

Boy, did that movie put Fletcher Films in the doghouse.

Come on, this stuff has to be scripted for you, right?

Life isn't scripted. Let's get the real tour.

She's right.

[ALL SCREAMING]

TOUR GUIDE: Unscripted!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Okay, here's the real deal.

A hundred years ago, Fletcher Films silent movies

were the pinnacle of Hollywood artistry.

They have stood the test of time.

Nowadays, the studio only releases garbage

that panders to the lowest common denominator.

LikeMonkey Wearing a Suit 3.

Yeah, like eve Monkey Wearing a Suit 2,

was a crass retread of the original.

Such potential squandered.

It all started to go bad when famous silent film star,

Archie Barnes, quit the studio.

SCOOBY-DOO: Who?

Archie Barnes was one of the masters of the silent comedy era.

He wrote, directed and starred in 60 movies,

includingBonk! on the Head and theQuiet Funny Person.

He put Fletcher Studios on the map.

Legend has it, studio head, Frank Fletcher tampered

with Archie's final movie, Road Tripping.

Archie hated the film so much, he destroyed it

before it was ever completed.

Archie quit and was never heard from again.

Uh, Velma, how do you know so much about Archie Barnes?

Yeah, I never saw you as a fan of slapstick comedy.

Or just comedy in general.

Or even having fun in any recognizable sense of the word.

Great comedy is about mathematical precision,

physics and timing.

In fact, one can't truly appreciate what's funny

until one has thoroughly analyzed and dissected it.

Scientifically.

Yup, that's comedy.

So, that was the end of Archie Barnes?

Until recently, an archivist found Archie's legendary last movie.

Just as he restored the last frame,

Archie Barnes' ghost attacked him!

It was artistic integrity from beyond the grave.

BOTH: Artistic integrity?

Sounds like a silent, funny mystery.

No, it's justice!

The only mystery is,

why are they trying to release it?

-Look, they're even shooting new scenes for this movie. -[BELL RINGING]

All this studio does, is revamp old stuff.

What happened to originality? Oh, it makes me so mad.

You know what? That's it, I quit.

ALL: Hmm?

[ALL SCREAMING]

Now, that was unscripted.

And if you look to your right,

-you can see Tony giving up all hope. -[TONY WAILING]

And so, on kind of a downer note,

that concludes our studio tour.

And begins our mystery.

Velma and Daphne and I will check out the archives

where the ghost was last seen.

Shaggy, Scooby, look for any place

Archie's films are being shown.

There may be a link between the ghost and all of his movies.

I'm Daphne and I'll be your tour guide on this mystery.

If you'll look to both your left and right,

you'll see your fellow mystery solvers realize

I'm not going to stop doing this.

Can I go with them?

[SIGHS] Fine.

This theater plays Archie's first film Skyscraping

on a continuous loop.

Like, do they have a concession stand?

We can't watch a movie without popcorn, hotdogs,

candy, nachos, and soft pretzels!

It's in our contracts.

You realize this movie is only 16-minutes long.

You won't have time to eat all...

[SHAGGY AND SCOOBY-DOO LAUGHING]

SCOOBY-DOO: Hmm.

[SHAGGY AND SCOOBY-DOO GASPING]

SCOOBY-DOO: Huh. SHAGGY: Oh, look out!

I agree, it's amusing.

But, this was only his first film.

Most of these jokes are lifted directly from Isaac Newton's

First and Third Laws of Motion from 1687.

BOTH: Hmm?

[BOTH CLEARING THROAT]

[CLEARING THROAT LOUDER]

BOTH: Hmm.

Like, excuse me, but we can't see Archie.

[WHIMPERING]

-Now, we can. -Run!

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

DAPHNE: We are now entering Fletcher Studios' film archive room.

This is where people archive

film in a room?

[BOTH SCREAM]

Uh, hi.

Are we interrupting something weird?

Who are you? Friends of yours?

We're, uh... We're just looking into these stories

about the ghost of Archie Barnes?

They're not stories. It really happened.

We were there.

He attacked me because he doesn't want anyone to see that film.

It's cursed.

Ray Fletcher, the studio head, insisted I transfer

this footage so he could finish that film

and finally share it with the world.

But I say anyone foolish enough to watch that movie

gets what they deserve. Right?

See?

Yeah.

So, where did you find the film to begin with?

We discovered this trunk in the old prop warehouse.

Inside is what Archie left in his office when he quit.

Including his last damaged film.

FRED: This must be Archie's notebook.

It shows, in his own hand, how he worked out the stunts and visual effects

for all his films.

Amazing, isn't it?

You may be a violent monster, Archie, but you're also a genius.

You take that back. [GRUNTS]

And if you look to your right... Wow!

Uh, actually, no. Don't look to your right.

Uh, Film Archive tour is over!

And now, we come to the part of our tour

where we collide with our friends.

[ALL GRUNTING]

What happened to you guys?

Like, we saw an Archie Barnes movie

followed by the sequel,

Archie Barnes 2 Horrifying Ghost Attack.

They ruined the franchise.

I've studied Archie Barnes and I gotta say

the ghost looked, moved and didn't talk just like him.

-Hmm. -[RATTLING]

Hmm?

Hey, watch out!

[PIANO KEYS POUNDING DISCORDANTLY]

That was close.

Lucky for you, I've developed an almost superhuman awareness of my surroundings.

DIRECTOR: Cut!

CREW MEMBER: Man, that was the 80th take!

[LAUGHING] Get off me. Novice.

Who are you supposed to be? Super ascot man?

Is this another Ray Fletcher rewrite?

-Ray Fletcher? -Yeah.

As in Fletcher Studios. The guy who owns this place and whose bright ideas

are currently ruining my movie.

I'm sorry. I saw the woman and the piano and...

[GROANS] Someone get me Ray on the phone. And where's my latte?

And there, storming away, is up-and-coming director Lori Logan,

in front of whom Fred just humiliated himself.

-She must be directing.. -Badly.

She must be directing the new scenes for Archie's

unfinished film, Road Tripping.

You know, they recovered that film in the old prop warehouse.

Let's check it out for clues.

VELMA: Amazing! These props and sets go back to the golden age of silent movies.

Hmm.

May I direct your attention to the way

they treat these gorgeous old costumes?

Looks like my high school bedroom.

[ALL GASPING]

And now, we come to the screamy part of the tour.

[SCREAMING]

Run!

[SCREAMING]

SCOOBY-DOO: Shaggy!

Whoa!

[SHAGGY YELPS]

[WHIMPERING]

SHAGGY: Cut!

Like, this is not how we rehearsed this scene, Archie.

Decades of lifelessness is no excuse for a lack of professionalism.

Script! It's simple. Your character is a pharaoh, groom, ballerina,

baseball player, Arctic-explorer carrot

who's come to jail on the moon in a pet store

in the middle of the ocean

in a log cabin in a dentist office

to confront, the reverse mermaid, judge, ancient Roman cowboy

who has stolen your...

Grape!

See! A story as old as time itself.

Now, let's see your, "I'm so angry without my grape," face.

Now that is what I call, grape anger.

Okay, everyone, let's try this again. From the beginning.

You go backstage and wait for your cue, which is,

"Quick, let's get out of here before he figures out this whole thing

"has been a ruse to allow us to escape."

[SHAGGY YELLS]

[INAUDIBLE]

[PANTING]

DAPHNE: And if you look to your left, you can't see us.

-[BOTH GASPING] -Like, don't do that.

[WHINES] I lost the grape.

Guys, keep it down. I don't think we're allowed to be here after hours.

The last thing we need is for someone to ask us...

Who are you and what are you doing here?

Now, this is a special treat!

Standing right in front of us is Ray Fletcher,

the owner of Fletcher Studios, and...

Uh, this is Charlie Dairy, my right hand.

And Charlie Dairy, which is a special treat for our right hands.

We heard you found Archie Barnes' legendary last film.

I'm on my way to the editorial building to see it now.

I think it could be our next big hit.

Of course, we had no choice but to give it some updates.

Uh, Ray, we really should check in with Lori Logan first.

She's having some issues with those

updates you've requested.

Oh, she's impossible. It's nothing we can't fix by adding a few...

Uh, what's those things that kids are into these days?

Health, hope and a secure future?

Education, environmental solutions, love?

No, those remote whirly-gig things!

-Quadcopters. -Quadcopters, exactly!

The grandkids love them!

[IMITATES WHIRRING]

[LAUGHS] You kids enjoy the tour.

[CHUCKLES]

Wow, Ray and Lori are really at odds

on how to handle Archie's last movie.

I wonder what other modernizations he's trying to make.

There's only one way to find out.

We are now in the editorial building.

On your left and right,

are all the possible screening rooms, that might be showing

Archie's last movie.

[TAPPING]

I think I hear something in this one.

Ray, this is Archie Barnes' final masterpiece.

All this stuff you're adding just kills it.

What are you talking about? Kids are gonna love it.

If we ever finish it.

Now there's rumors that Archie's ghost is haunting the production.

He always did have to be the center of attention.

Psst!

I think this is the Road Trippingedit bay.

I bet we can see it in here.

Russ, the archivist, said he sent Ray a digital copy of the film.

Ha! There.

FRED: "Road Tripping Cursed Version slash You're All Doomed."

That must be it.

Got it. Opening file...

[SLURPING NOISES]

It's in our contracts.

We're about to become the first people in history

to watch Archie Barnes' last movie

and supposed masterpiece Road Tripping.

Okay, I just felt the pilomotor reflex.

Goosebumps.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON COMPUTER]

[INAUDIBLE]

So far, so good.

[EXPLOSION]

[INAUDIBLE]

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, okay. Now I just felt the gag reflex.

Like, that was

awesome!

Still needs some quadcopters.

Hmm?

-[WHINING] -I know, Scoob, quadcopters!

But otherwise, I think it's his best work.

Great, tell him that.

[SCREAMING]

Run!

[PUNK ROCK MUSIC]

♪ Two, three, four

♪ Two, three, four

[TIRES SCREECHING]

♪ Two, three, four

♪ Left all away

♪ Been here for too long

♪ We ain't gonna stand for it

♪ Baby, now

Cut!

♪ A rags to riches story

♪ I don't have to worry

♪ A rags to riches story

♪ I don't have to worry

♪ I don't have to worry

♪ Two, three, four

♪ A rags to riches story

♪ I don't have to worry

♪ A rags to riches story

♪ On your path to glory

♪ Path to glory

♪ Hey, hey, hey

[THUDS]

Like, great, isn't this the set of that sitcom, Monkey Gets a Show Now

that just got canceled?

Yeah, it looks like this mystery just got canceled as well.

Sorry, gang, we started out in an exciting action adventure mystery

and ended up in a failed situation comedy.

[CANNED LAUGHTER PLAYING]

[AUDIENCE GASPING]

I can't believe it. Once that movie gets out,

this historic studio will go down the drain.

Along with the reputation of the great Archie Barnes.

Well, you gotta give Archie credit for going

to such great lengths to prevent that movie from coming out.

After all, your reputation outlives you.

I can only hope, one day, people look back at me and say...

Wait, Daphne. That's it. That's the key to this mystery.

ALL: Huh?

Fred, you're right! We've been looking in the wrong direction

-the whole time. -Hmm...

Hey, what do you want from me? It was my first tour.

Gang, this mystery isn't wrapped yet.

We have a ghost to catch.

Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts.

We're about to enter, The Trap.

Wow, I can't believe we get to watch the never before seen Archie Barnes film.

It was worth the wait.

-Excuse us. Excuse us. -Pardon us. Pardon us.

[FANFARE PLAYING]

[MUNCHING]

BOTH: Hmm?

Like, I guess he doesn't like what they've done with this movie, either.

Attacking is a valid criticism.

[YELPS]

[WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING]

Come on, Archie. Your calculations have to be perfect.

I have faith in you.

Almost there.

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

BOTH: Now!

[GRUNTING]

Mathematical precision, physics and timing.

Way to go, Archie!

Can we open our eyes yet?

Was it funny?

So I've been meaning to ask,

how is it handcuffs work on ghosts?

Good question, if it was a ghost.

ALL: Lori Logan?

Lori, what is this?

Are you pitching an Archie Barnes biopic?

No, but as an aside,

I'd see that movie.

Lori Logan is a talented young director

with a reputation for quality movies.

Being an Archie Barnes fan, she was thrilled to be chosen

to complete his final film.

But Ray Fletcher got too involved,

forcing his ideas into her movie.

She thought the film would be the end of her career.

VELMA: Lori knew the legend of Frank Fletcher ruining Archie's last film.

She could relate a little too much.

Lori decided to use his legend to make sure

her movie never saw the light of day,

even if it meant ruining Fletcher Studios in the process.

DAPHNE: Archie's film was found in the prop warehouse

where Lori also found Archie's trademark costume

and where we found evidence someone had rifled through the wardrobe trunks.

But it takes more than clothes to make a man like Archie Barnes.

VELMA: To be believable, Lori had to do physical comedy stunts.

That's why she chased Russ out of the archive room.

We assumed it was Archie's revenge for restoring his film.

But really, Lori wanted to see Archie's notebook

to learn how he did his stunts.

At first, we thought the ghost was connected to the discovery of Archie's film.

When Daphne mentioned how far Archie went to make sure his studio-tampered film

would never be seen,

we were reminded of another director

who was in the same situation.

The only way to be sure was to do the very thing Lori was trying to avoid.

Show people her movie.

Ironically, thanks to Archie Barnes

and his scientific approach to humor,

we were able to catch Lori in the act.

My film would have been great too,

if it wasn't for you meddling with it.

And if you take a look to your future, jail.

Thank you, kids. You know, I should have learned from

my grandfather's mistakes,

instead of repeating them.

How can I ever repay you?

Actually, I'd love to study Archie's notebook.

May I borrow it?

As long as I am still in charge

of making horrible decisions, you can have it.

Thank you, Mr. Fletcher.

Velma, I apologize for what I said about you not appreciating comedy.

I see now by totally disengaging from it

on an emotional and visceral level

and breaking it down scientifically,

until all the life has been sucked out of it,

you understand what's funny on a level

the rest of us aren't even capable of.

Is that a joke?

You tell me.