Original subtitles

KERMIT: You're watching Muppets Now

streaming directly from the Muppets Studio!

Oh, um, let's... (TYPING)

(LINE RINGING)

Oh! Oh, hey, Chief. Uh, I can't really talk now.

I know, Scooter, you're probably very busy,

but I'm just letting you know that I looked at the title card

-and I have a few notes, so, um... -Great.

-Where'd I put the notes? -Here's the thing, boss.

We need to upload Muppets Now now.

-Now? Wow. -Now.

I know we wanna keep making it better, but our due date is today,

-so I'm gonna drag everything over... -While you're doing that,

I'm gonna send a message to the gang that you are uploading.

Wait! No. Please don't do that!

Oh, just a couple of well wishes. (CHUCKLES)

For a second there,

I thought there was gonna be tons of notes.

No, don't worry about it.

I'm sure the gang is all happy with what we've done,

so I'm gonna leave you to it then, Scooter, okay?

Wait, wait. No. No, no. No. Wait. No!

Hey, guys! I started this little vlog

as a way to give back to the people who love me the most.

Everyone! And it all starts now!

Are you kidding me with this title? This is not what we talked about!

-(UNCLE DEADLY SIGHS) -"Life style!" "Style!"

Texting the graphics team in Lithuania.

Today's topic is personal style.

Ooh, in that case, shall I pick a different outfit for you?

(MISS PIGGY GROWLS)

MISS PIGGY: Pick clothes that complement you.

Or at least a wardrobe person who does.

Ooh, Piggy, you are working this top.

-(MISS PIGGY CHUCKLES) -To death.

-What was that? -Nothing.

MISS PIGGY: Accentuate your favorite features.

What's your favorite feature, Deadly?

Well, um, I'd have to say that I've always been partial to my beard.

I mean favorite feature of mine!

Of course. It would be your...

Careful.

Everything?

Correct! Thank you!

MISS PIGGY: Own your flaws.

They're what make you one of a kind.

Deadly, what's my biggest flaw?

-I don't want to play this game. -Oh, come on. It'll be fun!

No, I shan't!

Come on! I'm gonna own it! What's my biggest flaw?

All right. Well, are we talking external flaw or internal flaw?

-Get outta my sight. -There it is.

I am so excited to try something new with you.

I know. Me too. It's very exciting.

-Today... -Yeah. Ooh!

A face slapping massage.

A what?

This is a very real treatment, Miss Piggy, purported to plump skin,

reduce wrinkles, diminish pores and increase blood circulation.

-Ready? -MISS PIGGY: Wait.

I'm in. All my friends are doing it. We're cool.

Not that you need it.

All right, let's try it!

Our beautician Margaret will begin.

All righty then. It's so wonderful to meet you, Mr. Diggs.

Good to meet you. I'm excited.

-Are you ready? -I'm so ready. Go on.

-All right, here we go. Slap, slap. -Oh!

-Ah, that wasn't so bad. -Mmm-hmm.

Slap, slap.

Oh, that looks okay.

Yes. I can feel it working.

It's like a wave of energy.

Oh, oh, oh! I want that! My turn! My turn!

All right, I go to the pig. You just relax, Mr. Diggs.

-Gimme some of that. -Be right back.

-My skin is already quite supple-- Ow! -(GRUNTS)

-Slap. And, um... -Whoa!

-(GRUNTS) -(EXCLAIMS) What the what...

Yeah. You feeling your skin tingle?

Whoa! What was...

Like champagne for your cheeks, right?

-Hey! -(MISS PIGGY GRUNTING)

Just release it, Piggy.

(PANTING HEAVILY)

-Ooh, Piggy. -Yeah?

You look good.

-Oh, thank you. -TAYE DIGGS: Yeah.

(MISS PIGGY GIGGLES)

Where's Margaret?

Hmm. I don't know.

Welcome to the world's most fabulous panel discussion.

To discuss today's topic... (READING)

-We have, Janice... -Ooh, wow!

-...Rosie... -(BLEATS)

...and as always, my good friend, Linda Cardellini! Welcome!

-Hi! Hi, Piggy. -Hello!

Linda, how would you describe your style?

-If that's what you call it. -(UNCLE DEADLY GRUNTS)

-Well, I like to be comfortable. -Oh, for sure.

-But when I'm going out to some... -I can tell.

You have something else you can change into?

Janice and I were told business casual,

but it looks like you have a really fancy dress on.

And, like, clothes are just, like, an option, you know.

Yeah.

So, now, this is the part where we answer questions from the fans,

so that I don't have to think of more than just one question.

-That part was out loud. -Hmm?

UNCLE DEADLY: Leigh from Seattle wonders...

"Who should I look to for style inspiration?"

-Oh, moi! -Uh...

Definitely. I mean, that's what everybody's gonna say.

-Right, Linda? -Uh, that...

That's what I was going to say.

-See? -Well, not moi. I was gonna say you.

-Yes. Yes. Yes. (CHUCKLES) -(CHUCKLES) Yes.

You can dress in sparkly dresses.

-You can... -Yes, Linda.

-You can wear gloves. -Mmm.

But can a dandelion become a rose?

Can a mosquito become a butterfly?

No.

Well, I leave you with that to ponder.

Until next time, everyone,

au revoir!

-Bye! -Bye-bye.

(ROSIE GRUNTING)

(FLOWER POT CLATTERS)

(BLEATS)

Thank you so much for watching moi's first episode ever of Lifesty!

Oh! Lifestyle. Gotta remember that.

(SCOOTER SIGHS DEEPLY, CLICKS TONGUE)

(DINGS)

She is not okay. Mmm-mmm.

(ANNOUNCER READING)

Is this the final banner we're gonna go with?

Welcome to Muppet Masters,

where we discover the hidden talents of the muppets you think you know so well.

Today... (GASPS)

Kermit the Frog!

Ringleader, cheerleader, bottom feeder...

That's technically not an insult because as you can see, I am a frog.

But did you know

that our muppet master of ceremonies is also a master photographer?

Where... (HESITATES) Who told you that?

WALTER: I am so excited to learn about photography from you.

Yeah, so, Walter, what I need to tell you is...

That I should operate by the rule of thirds. Right, Kermit?

-Actually... -I researched this.

Get the face on the right or left, two-thirds of the frame,

and the eyes on the top, horizontal.

Portraiture, a fine art for important subjects.

Thank you, Sam.

Walter, are we aiming more Norman Rockwell or Grant Wood?

No preference here, both great American photographers.

Walter, this is great, but I gotta level with ya.

Oh! The level, of course!

-(SIGHS) -I should fix the horizon line.

We could use a crop tool later,

but it's better to solve these issues in camera.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Walter, just take the picture and I'll show you.

All right. Okay. You ready, Sam?

-Here we go. -SAM: Hmm.

One, two, three.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Kermit... How did you...

You see, Walter, I'm not a photographer, I'm a photobomber.

-Say what now? -A photobomber.

Yeah, it's fun, huh?

I've been sneakin' into the back of people's photos for years,

I mean, as long as I can remember.

It's kinda my secret hobby.

Did not see this coming.

Yeah. You never do and that's the point, Walter.

Which do you think is my more noble side?

-Here? Or here? -(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Should I adjust the shutter speed? Go faster, so you don't blur.

Look, Walter, you handle the photography and let me handle the photobomby.

All right. Here we go.

One, two, three.

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) -One, two, three. Three, two, one.

(WALTER GASPS)

How are you doing this?

I don't even see you move. I do not know how you do that.

Well, I'm just sort of built for it, Walter.

-(BOTH CHUCKLE) -WALTER: Oh, yeah.

KERMIT: Okay, come on. We need to see the photobomb in a real world situation.

WALTER: Whoa! KERMIT: Yeah.

We almost have it?

Ah, I see what we're doing.

A time-lapse. Yes, yes. Very good. Very good.

I will hold perfectly still.

Walter, it's important to try out

-some photobombs in the wild. -Hmm.

First you need to find someone

-who isn't paying attention... -Ah.

-I'm putting this on your Insta page. -Right.

Then we'll do some stories.

-Yes? All right. -Yes.

-The right target is key. -(WALTER GASPS)

-UNCLE DEADLY: Wonderful. -I've got this.

-Good luck, Walter. Oh, no. -UNCLE DEADLY: Excellent.

We are going to boost my influence,

-let's not forget that. -Of course.

-All right. What's this one called? -Oh, yes. Um...

-Hashtag, send me makeup. -All right.

-And? What's the next one? -Okay. Now we have...

(WHISPERS) Walter.

Hashtag, send me diamonds.

-Oh, lovely. Yes. -(MISS PIGGY GIGGLES)

-Not a good idea. -UNCLE DEADLY: And we've got it.

-MISS PIGGY: Now... -I can't watch.

-MISS PIGGY: Pièce de résistance. -What?

UNCLE DEADLY: Ooh. MISS PIGGY: Ha...

Hashtag, send me lifetime supply of chunky chips!

UNCLE DEADLY: We'll do this on personal, shall we?

-Hashtag, get out of my shot! -But I...

-Hi-yah! -(WALTER SCREAMS)

-(WALTER GROANS) -(WHIMPERS)

Oh, well, uh, you just learned the most important rule of photobomby.

-Photobombing? -That's right.

That sometimes, you bomb the photo, sometimes, the photo bombs you.

Let's get you down from there, little guy.

-All right? I'm just gonna pull. -Yeah. Okay.

-KERMIT: One, two, three. (YELPS) -(BODY THUDS)

(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKING FAUX SWEDISH)

SCOOTER: Uh-huh.

(IN ENGLISH) Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I, I hear you, Chef!

Yep! Exactly what I was thinking.

Got your email. We're all good here, Chef.

No idea what he's saying.

(SWEDISH CHEF CONTINUES SPEAKING FAUX SWEDISH)

(POLSKA MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome to Okey Dokey Kookin!

I am your host, Beverly Plume,

and today, we bring

two chefs, two cuisines

two dishes together in one challenge for your taste buds.

Our first challenger is, of course, our very own Swedish che... (HESITATES)

Yes, well, we are delighted

to welcome our guest challenger,

a multi-talented culinary artist, Carlina Will!

(BOTH SQUEALING)

I'm so glad you're here!

Thank you! I'm glad to be here!

We are supposed to have the Swedish Chef here to get--

-(HUMMING) -(GIBBERS)

(SPEAKING FAUX SWEDISH)

(IN ENGLISH) Well... Hello, Chef, so glad you could finally make it.

Hmm. (SPEAKING FAUX SWEDISH)

(IN ENGLISH) All righty, then.

Let's dive into a delicious dish with roots in Carlina's culture!

A flavorful... (READING)

Now, Carlina, you've already got a few things going on here.

CARLINA: Yeah. I have my curried chicken,

which was simmering for an hour on the stove.

-BEVERLY: Oh! -Oh, oh, oh!

(SWEDISH CHEF GRUNTS)

-Everything all right, Chef? -Yep, yep, yep.

-(SIGHS) -Oh, my goodness. Okay!

Too long to explain. I...

I'm gonna cut up these potatoes,

and then you're just gonna want them to be in little squares like this.

I'm just gonna put some of those in there.

Carrot, fresh basil... Smell it a little.

-(SNIFFS) Oh! -Smells so good.

BEVERLY: All righty then. Chef? Uh...

CARLINA: I didn't say popcorn, but okay.

Well... (HESITATES) he's got a style.

(SWEDISH CHEF HUMMING)

-CARLINA: Is that a whole pineapple? -Mixee.

Okay. What are you...

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

-Oh! Uh... -Wait. What is happening over there?

Chef, I see you're marinating your chicken.

-Yep. Marinating the chickee. -(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

Chickee, chickee, chickee!

-Oh. -I'm concerned.

Okay. We're gonna add some curry

and then we're gonna let it cook for another 15 to 20 minutes.

Oh! Glorious!

And, Chef-- Ah!

Chef! You have a little spot of fire on your...

It's the spicy curry! (BLOWING AIR)

-(BEVERLY GIBBERING) -CARLINA: Uh...

He's making it burn.

(WHIMPERING)

-(BOTH COUGHING) -(FIRE EXTINGUISHER HISSES)

-(SPITS) -Ugh!

I understand that you are also preparing some plantains

-that complement your curry. -Huh?

Okay, so this is actually a spin on my family's recipe.

So, with plantains you usually just eat it as a side for the curry.

Yes. Chef! What are you doing?

Ooh! Making the plantees!

BEVERLY: No. "Plantains."

You know, the curved yellow fruit.

Looks a little like a banana.

Okay.

(BEVERLY HESITATES AND GROANS)

What...

Those are bananas! And... Ugh!

(SWEDISH CHEF GRUNTING)

CARLINA: First you're just gonna cut them into little circles.

Just gonna slowly add in your oil.

-SWEDISH CHEF: Squishy, squishy. Squishy. -Oh, I...

Okay, Chef.

He is bananas.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

CARLINA: All right, so you see that it's bubbling already.

-Let's add in some of the pineapples. -BEVERLY: Whoo!

CARLINA: And then we have some of the mango.

-Chef, how's your curry coming along? -Hmm?

Ooh, any minute.

Okay. All right.

-Gonna check it. -CARLINA: Look at these.

BEVERLY: We are about ready, aren't we? CARLINA: Yes.

BEVERLY: (SING-SONG) It's plating time!

We're gonna start with the plating of the plantain.

You want the plantain on the bottom,

then you do a pineapple and then a mango cube.

-So, Chef. -Yep.

Carlina is plating her dish.

Okey-dokey!

Hmm. All right.

-(CELL PHONE VIBRATES) -Hmm. (CLEARS THROAT)

CARLINA: What I'm going to do is get some of the rice,

-and then we have the beans. -(BEVERLY CHUCKLES)

I'm gonna put this piece in for you, and then I have some carrots, potatoes...

BEVERLY: It smells and looks delicious!

Here you go.

This is the curry chicken, with rice and beans!

(SQUEALS) It's so beautiful!

Thank you!

-We can share with Chef, I guess. -MAN: Delivery for an S. Chef?

BEVERLY: Oh, Carlina, that is simply glorious!

Well... What?

-Chef, I-- -SWEDISH CHEF: Plantees.

BEVERLY: I... Ugh.

Right. Well, there it is.

We have Carlina's delectable curry and plantains,

-and the Swedish Chef's... -Ta-da!

...effort.

Thank you, Carlina!

CARLINA: Thank you so much!

And you, Chef, please pay your delivery person.

-No tip. No tip. -MAN: No, but, I just--

Please do join us again

-for some Okey Dokey Kookin! -I just need a signature.

So long!

-Thank you for having me! -So sorry.

I just need someone to sign. Anybody here. Please?

Carlini, Carlini.

-Can you sign, please? -Is this Chef's credit card?

-Oh, yeah. -MAN: That's the...

No, no! No! No tipping! No tipping!

-Thank you. -So long, everyone!

Bye.

(SIGHS)

-Hey, Scooter! -Oh, hey, Gonzo,

I'm about to upload.

I hope it's not my survival show where I live in the woods for 30 days

using only my wits and a salad fork.

Uh... No.

Oh, good, because I haven't shot it yet. (CHUCKLES)

-I gotta go. -Wait! Gonzo!

Aren't you taking your camera with you?

-GONZO: That would be cheating! -Hmm. Of course it would.

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Mup Close and Personal,

where Kermit the Frog talks to fellow professional multitasker, RuPaul.

The Muppets are so excited about this episode's guest.

We've been talking about it all week.

So, without any further ado, let me introduce the one and only RuPaul!

(CHUCKLING)

-Hi, Kermit. -Hi there, RuPaul.

Hey, you know, I am in such awe of you.

You're a host, an actor. Right?

You're a model, a singer, an author, and so much more.

But my first question has gotta be...

(CLEARS THROAT) how do you find the time?

(LAUGHS)

You know, when you love something, Kermit, you find the time.

That's very true. Can I ask you what would you say

to seven-year-old RuPaul if you met them right now?

I would say, you are on the right track, baby.

Keep laughing, keep dancing, keep smiling, and keep loving.

And I would also add to that, um,

allow people to love you,

because, for most humans, that's a very scary thing.

-Yeah. -I've had to teach myself how to do it.

I've had to practice doing that.

You know what, RuPaul? You are really inspiring me today.

-This is really great. -Excuse me, pardon me, I'm sorry.

-Gonzo-- -Hello, RuPaul!

Hi! Oh, it's great to see you.

Excuse me, Gonzo, we were...

I just have a couple of questions for RuPaul.

-Sure. -...doing an interview.

Um, how many pennies do you think would fit in this room here?

-It's a lot. I don't know how many. -GONZO: Yeah.

RUPAUL: Uh...

Yeah, I'm not good with math, Gonzo.

Okay. Well, we can move on.

Gonzo, please, just move on.

I just have another one.

You know how they say spiders crawl in your mouth when you're sleeping?

-Who says that? -Everybody says it.

Are you also disappointed that you're not awake for that?

-(KERMIT SIGHS) -Well, uh...

You know, I don't know how to answer that.

-You don't have to answer that. -No, let him go.

-You can move on. It's okay. -He wants to.

Um, yeah, I'd like to meet a spider

who's bold enough to crawl into my mouth. (LAUGHS)

KERMIT: Thank you, Gonzo.

Okay, now let's just suppose if you were sitting

on a trap door over a pit of crocodiles,

would you wanna know about it?

-Why do you keep looking down there? -I'm just looking.

Would you wanna know?

Yes, I... Well, no. I would...

I mean, I love the surprise of that,

and I love trap doors, by the way,

I just don't wanna be on top of one.

I would love to be able to control a trap door.

If a Queen disappoints me,

I can just press a button and say, "Sashay away."

Doing!

-Bennie, he wants the switch. -Wait. (CHUCKLES)

Okay, all right, Gonzo. Are you finished?

-I'm done. -Thank you very much.

-Oh, my God! -GONZO: Oh, my gosh.

He's here! I heard he was coming.

-And you're here. -Howard.

We're shooting something here.

Oh, my goodness, it's you!

-You're Howard? -HOWARD: Yes!

-It's Howard. I'm sorry. -Can I come over here...

-I wanna touch the fabric and the man. -Pleasure to meet you.

(RUPAUL AND HOWARD LAUGHING)

-KERMIT: Howard! -Yeah! What?

I've been trying to do an interview. Do you mind just...

Oh, can I...

Let me just stay.

-I've got a few questions-- -Sorry.

If you don't mind just being quiet.

-You're wonderful! -Thank you.

-You're so wonderful. -That's very kind of you.

I'm gonna go ahead and ask the questions.

Okay.

-Where you were born and raised? -San Diego.

I'm sorry, I won't interrupt.

Well, no, he's right. I'm from San Diego.

-San Diego. Okay, great. Howard, please. -Okay, sorry.

Your name, you know, it's kind of unique.

How did you get your name?

Well, his mother, Ernestine, who was from Louisiana,

apparently based it on the gumbo, correct?

-The base of the gumbo. -Yeah.

You make a roux before you make a gumbo and that's where she got it.

That's why his mother called them that.

That would've been great to hear

RuPaul tell me that instead of you, Howard.

-Yes. -(LAUGHING)

All right, uh...

-Do you come from a big family, or-- -Three sisters.

-(KERMIT SIGHS) -Okay. I've said too much.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna "sashay away."

(HOWARD LAUGHING)

Ru, I really appreciate your patience.

-No problem. -Ru, wonderful to see you!

(CHUCKLES) Hello, Miss Piggy!

I didn't know you were going to be here.

You look gorgeous, by the way.

MISS PIGGY: Thank you.

I wasn't fishing, but I'll take it.

While I'm here, I just have a question for you.

Okay.

"Diva," it's a positive term, right?

Oh, absolutely.

It's a term of endearment.

It's a term that really signifies your importance in the industry,

and, madam,

you are the most important female figure in the entertainment industry. Absolutely.

-Did you hear that? -Unfortunately, yes.

Unfortunately you heard it.

I could not agree with you more. (CHUCKLES)

Now, we're both fashion role models.

Well, sure, I know you are.

Yes, yes, No. No, you are too!

I wanna know what you think your clothes say about you.

Well, it's great to have a body,

and I wanna celebrate it by putting beautiful clothes on it.

-Yes. -Yeah.

-Okay. Thank you, Miss Piggy. -Oh, are you hungry?

-Wanna do lunch? Let's do it! -MISS PIGGY: Sure.

-Let's go grab some lunch. -I love that idea.

Ru is doing something right now, Piggy.

Trying to do an interview here, right, with me!

-Oh, right. -Well, all right, then.

-All right. -(MISS PIGGY SIGHS)

-Sorry, we'll do it later. -Rain check?

-Okay. -RUPAUL: Piggy, thank you!

-Okay. -MISS PIGGY: Bye.

All right. Bye-bye.

-She is so wonderful. -She's something else. (CLEARS THROAT)

I'm really sorry I lost it there, but--

Kermit, just remember.

If you're in a jam like that, you've gotta center yourself, right?

Breathe,

laugh,

repeat.

-Breathe, laugh, repeat. -Simple.

-(TAKES DEEP BREATH) -(LAUGHS)

You know, it is simple. Thanks--

Kermit, you're dying out here!

What are you doing? All these interruptions.

I know, Fozzie, believe me.

Leave it to me, I got an idea.

You do? You're gonna keep everybody away

while I finish up my last question with RuPaul?

No. Even better.

I'll have everybody ask their questions at once.

-Hey, everybody! -GONZO: What is it?

-Come on in. Yeah. -(RUPAUL CHUCKLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

KERMIT: Thank you very much--

Thank you very much, RuPaul!

Thanks to our guest RuPaul. We'll see you next time.

(NERVOUSLY) Uh...

You know, maybe we should end it here!

End it here.

Roll the credits and we'll be done.

HOWARD: In episode seven, season two, where'd you get the jacket?

-(KERMIT SIGHS) -The one with the sequins on the lapel.

RUPAUL: ...made for me.

Great news, Chief! Everything is uploaded!

Ah, thank you very much, Scooter.

And I hope that nobody drove you crazy with any last-minute requests or notes.

Nope! You know, it comes with the territory.

-Huh. Gee, that is just great, Scooter. -Mmm-hmm.

Because I got some thoughts for the next batch and I'd like to, well,

I'd like to swap out some of the music and, oh, the graphics.

The graphics still need work. I mean, it's all great, but...

Uh... Scooter, are you okay?

Hmm? Oh... (HESITATES)

Yes. Got a busted chair, Chief. Mmm-hmm.

-Ah, your chair. I know how that can be. -Yeah. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Anyway, I was thinking that maybe,

everything could be a little tighter perhaps.

-I've got notes here. -SCOOTER: Tighter...

Starting from the top, maybe some kind of, um...

-Some sort of... -(SCOOTER GRUNTS)

Scooter?

Scooter?

Sheesh.