Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:08,298
Previously on "Wynonna Earp"...
2
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,638
I am a fully grown half-angel.
3
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,007
- I am the guardian.
- I'm sworn to protect Waverly!
4
00:00:13,009 --> 00:00:15,278
They're working on some
inter-dimensional gateway.
5
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:17,395
It's the 2005 chili cook-off
all over again.
6
00:00:17,397 --> 00:00:19,130
I'm gonna be waiting for you
7
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:20,331
back in Purgatory.
8
00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:21,833
Ahh!
9
00:00:21,835 --> 00:00:24,936
I'm here, and we gotta
get back there! Ahh!
10
00:00:24,938 --> 00:00:26,671
No...
11
00:00:26,673 --> 00:00:27,773
Waverly.
12
00:00:28,642 --> 00:00:31,009
- The town...
- You've been gone 18 months,
13
00:00:31,011 --> 00:00:33,311
three weeks, and four days.
14
00:00:33,313 --> 00:00:34,712
All of you have.
15
00:00:41,219 --> 00:00:44,489
Someone has been handing
out hemp neckties.
16
00:00:44,491 --> 00:00:46,791
That's a clear fashion don't.
17
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,259
Who the hell? And why?
18
00:00:48,261 --> 00:00:49,427
Frontier justice.
19
00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:51,129
Retribution must not only be paid,
20
00:00:51,131 --> 00:00:52,664
it must be seen to be paid.
21
00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:55,300
The old-timey version of
"pics or it didn't happen".
22
00:00:56,269 --> 00:00:57,935
Something here is pretty off.
23
00:00:57,937 --> 00:00:59,337
Shorty's.
24
00:00:59,339 --> 00:01:01,439
We think better with a
little fire in our bellies.
25
00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:10,181
Uh, Nedley and I were here,
26
00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:12,417
after you followed
Waverly up the stairs.
27
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:14,252
We drank your tequila,
28
00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:16,354
uh, but we did not macramé.
29
00:01:16,356 --> 00:01:19,123
So unless this is just
a surprise makeover
30
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:21,192
by The Property Brothers...
31
00:01:21,194 --> 00:01:23,728
On occasion, I will put it on
32
00:01:23,730 --> 00:01:26,331
in the middle of the afternoon,
if I have cleaning to do.
33
00:01:28,468 --> 00:01:29,701
What is this menu?
34
00:01:29,703 --> 00:01:32,170
"Gunfight At The Okra Corral".
35
00:01:32,172 --> 00:01:34,038
What the hell is a Cock Holliday?
36
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,841
It says it is chicken bone broth.
37
00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:39,210
- Is that not simply soup?
- Wynonna?
38
00:01:39,212 --> 00:01:40,812
Chrissy Nedley.
39
00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:42,780
Are you a sight for sore livers.
40
00:01:42,782 --> 00:01:45,717
- How dare you?!
- Hey, whoa!
41
00:01:45,719 --> 00:01:47,485
What the fig, Chrissy?!
42
00:01:47,487 --> 00:01:48,953
- Wynonna.
- Ahh!
43
00:01:52,926 --> 00:01:54,359
Let her go.
44
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:00,865
Alright, say your piece, Chrissy.
45
00:02:00,867 --> 00:02:02,400
Say your piece, Chrissy,
just say your piece.
46
00:02:02,402 --> 00:02:04,235
If you wanna chat, I can
chat. I'm a good listener.
47
00:02:04,237 --> 00:02:07,572
Wynonna Earp, I am placing
you under citizen's arrest.
48
00:02:07,574 --> 00:02:09,674
For the murder of my father.
49
00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:11,809
Randall Nedley.
50
00:02:16,983 --> 00:02:19,051
It's just so good to be home.
51
00:02:19,053 --> 00:02:23,521
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
52
00:02:40,073 --> 00:02:41,739
I would never hurt Nedley!
53
00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,574
As if we'd take the word of an Earp!
54
00:02:43,576 --> 00:02:45,209
Your dad did. He trusted me!
55
00:02:45,211 --> 00:02:47,678
- Unhand her at once!
- Nedley can't be dead.
56
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:48,913
We demand proof.
57
00:02:48,915 --> 00:02:50,905
He was last seen with Wynonna.
58
00:02:50,907 --> 00:02:52,883
And that's when she disappeared
for a year and a half!
59
00:02:52,885 --> 00:02:55,820
- What a coincidence!
- Your dad was helping me!
60
00:02:55,822 --> 00:02:56,888
He was hurt,
61
00:02:56,890 --> 00:02:58,823
but I left him safe with Mercedes!
62
00:02:58,825 --> 00:03:00,258
Wait. When did you say?
63
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,326
We were gone mere days. You lie.
64
00:03:02,328 --> 00:03:03,427
No, no!
65
00:03:03,429 --> 00:03:04,796
We've been waiting too long.
66
00:03:04,798 --> 00:03:05,963
No!
67
00:03:09,502 --> 00:03:11,536
Doc!
68
00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:14,139
Wynonna!
69
00:03:15,141 --> 00:03:17,943
Put the rope down and
back away from the woman.
70
00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:22,146
Sheriff.
71
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,782
That's not the sheriff. Where's Nicole?
72
00:03:26,452 --> 00:03:28,152
Miss Chrissy,
73
00:03:28,154 --> 00:03:29,787
your dad lived his life for the law.
74
00:03:29,789 --> 00:03:31,656
What would he think
of your behavior now?
75
00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:33,259
- You didn't know him.
- No.
76
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:35,703
But I do know this is
not the way we do things
77
00:03:35,705 --> 00:03:37,361
in Purgatory.
78
00:03:37,363 --> 00:03:39,331
We want justice!
79
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:43,334
Thank you.
80
00:03:43,336 --> 00:03:44,602
Yeah, this isn't right!
81
00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:46,003
Just like the criminal vermin
82
00:03:46,005 --> 00:03:48,072
we hung last Monday,
83
00:03:48,074 --> 00:03:50,309
Miss Earp shall have a trial first.
84
00:03:51,911 --> 00:03:53,678
Get Waverly! Get Nicole!
85
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,647
I shall get everyone.
86
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:06,758
- Sup?
- Whoa!
87
00:04:07,861 --> 00:04:10,461
Valdez. Rachel Valdez.
88
00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:11,629
Hi.
89
00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:13,665
- I'm, uh...
- Cold?
90
00:04:15,702 --> 00:04:17,635
Yeah. Frozen.
91
00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:19,071
I mean, I'm practically Elsa!
92
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:23,708
- I had no idea you were...
- Kombucha?
93
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,142
Pardon?
94
00:04:25,144 --> 00:04:27,311
I make it myself. And after last night,
95
00:04:27,313 --> 00:04:28,747
I bet you need some hydration.
96
00:04:29,749 --> 00:04:32,183
Mmm.
97
00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:34,218
Microbes.
98
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:36,387
So, you're staying here?
99
00:04:38,224 --> 00:04:39,924
Batman in the microwave!
100
00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:42,059
What? What is that?
101
00:04:42,061 --> 00:04:44,029
- There's something in the trap.
- Which one?
102
00:04:44,898 --> 00:04:46,797
- Behind the barn.
- What are we trapping?
103
00:04:48,368 --> 00:04:50,234
Monsters.
104
00:04:50,236 --> 00:04:51,335
Huh.
105
00:04:59,512 --> 00:05:01,245
There's ten traps on the homestead.
106
00:05:01,247 --> 00:05:03,514
We gotta do a full circuit
check every two hours.
107
00:05:03,516 --> 00:05:05,283
I thought the curse was broken.
108
00:05:05,285 --> 00:05:06,751
Traps aren't for Revenants.
109
00:05:06,753 --> 00:05:08,586
There's all sorts of
things in the woods now.
110
00:05:08,588 --> 00:05:09,822
And one of them,
111
00:05:09,824 --> 00:05:12,356
this big ugly troll, wants in here bad.
112
00:05:12,358 --> 00:05:14,793
Oh, tarnation!
113
00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:19,299
Thank you for the
exceptionally tight welcome.
114
00:05:19,301 --> 00:05:22,033
Rachel, Doc, Doc, Rachel.
115
00:05:22,035 --> 00:05:23,768
Sup?
116
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,137
Don't move.
117
00:05:25,905 --> 00:05:28,573
I am rather determined not to.
118
00:05:30,243 --> 00:05:31,909
Ohh!
119
00:05:31,911 --> 00:05:34,912
It is good to see you, Sheriff Haught.
120
00:05:34,914 --> 00:05:37,415
Yeah, well, these days,
it's just Nicole, or...
121
00:05:37,417 --> 00:05:39,184
"that crazy ginger bitch".
122
00:05:41,821 --> 00:05:42,987
God, it's...
123
00:05:42,989 --> 00:05:44,622
I'm so, so glad you made it, Henry.
124
00:05:44,624 --> 00:05:45,923
Ugh!
125
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:47,792
You smell aggressively bad.
126
00:05:47,794 --> 00:05:50,061
Yeah, we use skunk
juice to bait the traps.
127
00:05:50,063 --> 00:05:51,762
Wynonna isn't marinating in skunk juice
128
00:05:51,764 --> 00:05:52,964
in one of these, is she?
129
00:05:52,966 --> 00:05:55,132
- Wynonna is in jail.
- What?
130
00:05:55,134 --> 00:05:56,400
They have framed her.
131
00:05:56,402 --> 00:05:58,769
For the murder of Randy Nedley.
132
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:01,806
Who are you?
133
00:06:01,808 --> 00:06:03,407
You can call me the Sheriff.
134
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,476
Okay, then you can call me an Uber.
135
00:06:05,478 --> 00:06:08,646
Ooh! Uh...
136
00:06:08,648 --> 00:06:10,981
Back away from the glass, 6-1-3-3.
137
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:12,016
Dude...
138
00:06:12,018 --> 00:06:13,719
There's a guy in there,
I'm not going in there.
139
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,419
Yeah, main cell's chock-a-block.
140
00:06:15,421 --> 00:06:18,290
But believe you me, he's
far from the worst of 'em.
141
00:06:20,259 --> 00:06:21,559
Uh...
142
00:06:21,561 --> 00:06:23,829
Assless chap? I want my phone call!
143
00:06:24,764 --> 00:06:27,898
- I want my phone call!
- Sorry I can't hear you.
144
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,634
I demand a phone call!
145
00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:36,107
- Who are you?
- Casey. You?
146
00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:38,109
Local nogoodnik, Wynonna Earp.
147
00:06:38,111 --> 00:06:40,378
Ahh!
148
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:41,779
I thought I'd be safe in here!
149
00:06:41,781 --> 00:06:43,347
Wow. Didn't even have
to steal your pudding cup
150
00:06:43,349 --> 00:06:44,949
to establish who's boss. Nice.
151
00:06:44,951 --> 00:06:48,253
From demons and famous demon hunters.
152
00:06:50,923 --> 00:06:52,956
Back up one sec.
153
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,060
Pretend I haven't been here
for, say, a year and a half,
154
00:06:56,062 --> 00:06:57,595
and just explain to me.
155
00:06:57,597 --> 00:06:58,996
Uh, since the town was evacuated
156
00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:01,432
- for the forest fires?
- Say I remember that.
157
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:03,601
Oh, well, the townspeople left,
158
00:07:03,603 --> 00:07:04,835
but demons came.
159
00:07:04,837 --> 00:07:06,604
You know when there's,
like, a bush party?
160
00:07:06,606 --> 00:07:08,339
And nobody knows who started it,
161
00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:10,408
but everybody hears about it somehow?
162
00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:11,876
They all just started showing up.
163
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:13,411
Everybody shows up for bush.
164
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:15,746
Yeah, the townspeople were
allowed to come back home,
165
00:07:15,748 --> 00:07:17,915
and there was, like,
an ongoing demon rager,
166
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:19,950
centered around the woods.
167
00:07:19,952 --> 00:07:22,353
- The stairs.
- I'm not, I'm not staring!
168
00:07:22,355 --> 00:07:23,988
Also I'm only a half-demon!
169
00:07:23,990 --> 00:07:25,122
So, you know, please don't shoot!
170
00:07:25,124 --> 00:07:26,323
Casey, don't be a weenie.
171
00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:28,225
I don't even have my gun anymore.
172
00:07:28,227 --> 00:07:30,227
In here...
173
00:07:30,229 --> 00:07:31,869
Obviously the Sheriff
would have taken it.
174
00:07:32,632 --> 00:07:34,498
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
175
00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:38,269
So the woods are full of monsters.
176
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:39,904
Crawling with 'em.
177
00:07:39,906 --> 00:07:42,706
These days, the only place
scarier than in here...
178
00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:44,375
is out there.
179
00:08:10,111 --> 00:08:13,479
I have a half-knitted scarf I
was making him for Christmas.
180
00:08:13,481 --> 00:08:15,381
His waders are still in the barn.
181
00:08:15,383 --> 00:08:16,417
Yeah. I know, Waves.
182
00:08:16,419 --> 00:08:18,960
It's tough to think of a world
without Randy Nedley.
183
00:08:18,962 --> 00:08:22,664
How can he just... be gone?
184
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:25,600
It was months of chaos
after the evacuation ended.
185
00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:27,435
People came back, yeah, but...
186
00:08:27,437 --> 00:08:29,872
to be blunt, others just disappeared.
187
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:31,940
Kate?
188
00:08:31,942 --> 00:08:33,742
I saw her on one of
the evacuation trains.
189
00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:34,810
But beyond that...
190
00:08:34,812 --> 00:08:36,812
Jeremy? And Robin?
191
00:08:36,814 --> 00:08:38,132
Jeremy's getting by,
192
00:08:38,134 --> 00:08:40,501
though I haven't heard
from him in months.
193
00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:42,437
Robin...
194
00:08:44,507 --> 00:08:46,305
How could we have been in that garden
195
00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:47,641
for a year and a half?
196
00:08:47,643 --> 00:08:50,946
We were not. Time
must be differentiated,
197
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,312
fluid in some manner.
198
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:55,149
Yeah, God, it's such a mind-frog.
199
00:08:55,151 --> 00:08:56,850
I mean, how old even am I?
200
00:08:58,054 --> 00:08:59,688
I missed so many Property Brothers!
201
00:09:00,556 --> 00:09:02,089
I feel that.
202
00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:04,158
At least if we'd have
lived the past 18 months,
203
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,493
it would be easier to...
204
00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:07,797
There was nothing easy about
those months. Not a thing.
205
00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:09,933
No, I didn't mean it like that.
206
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,666
Not like that at all.
207
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:14,668
There's no almond milk.
208
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:17,471
It's still hard to get
some things. Sorry.
209
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,874
Please don't say you're
sorry anymore, okay?
210
00:09:20,876 --> 00:09:22,476
You don't need to be.
211
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,446
What you have done, Sheriff...
212
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:29,917
Nicole...
213
00:09:29,919 --> 00:09:31,885
is nothing short of heroic.
214
00:09:31,887 --> 00:09:33,627
In the face of all adversity,
215
00:09:33,629 --> 00:09:35,897
you alone kept the homestead safe.
216
00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:38,592
I had Rachel.
217
00:09:38,594 --> 00:09:40,395
And the Earp shotguns.
218
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:44,499
And Wynonna still hasn't come home.
219
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:47,267
They have to let us see her.
220
00:09:47,269 --> 00:09:50,738
Wynonna said she last
left Nedley with Mercedes.
221
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:53,273
- What is the news on her?
- It's not good.
222
00:09:53,275 --> 00:09:55,209
There's a new demon bar
out on Horsehead Trail.
223
00:09:55,211 --> 00:09:57,847
And, though given the circumstances,
224
00:09:57,849 --> 00:09:59,416
it is but a trifle...
225
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:02,916
is there word of my Charlene?
226
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,527
Woo-hoo!
227
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,424
Vacation is over, assholes.
228
00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:30,912
It is time for a Holliday.
229
00:10:33,616 --> 00:10:35,316
The club is members only.
230
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,685
Well, here are my dues.
231
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:43,056
Salutations, Patrons of...
232
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:45,793
The Glory Hole?
233
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:48,328
Is that really the name of this latrine?
234
00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:51,198
"Why should I obtain by force
235
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,535
that which I can obtain by cheating?"
236
00:10:54,537 --> 00:10:57,504
John Henry Holliday,
237
00:10:57,506 --> 00:11:00,941
born 1851, Griffin, Georgia.
238
00:11:00,943 --> 00:11:01,943
Amon.
239
00:11:03,612 --> 00:11:05,879
I'm the proprietor of this latrine.
240
00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:08,782
You sure you wouldn't rather
cheat than force your way in?
241
00:11:08,784 --> 00:11:10,851
Bring me Ms. Gardner.
242
00:11:10,853 --> 00:11:13,720
Unless you fancy kissing hardwood too.
243
00:11:13,722 --> 00:11:15,455
Hmm, well...
244
00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:17,610
There were parts of that scenario
245
00:11:17,612 --> 00:11:20,047
which I found enticing.
246
00:11:22,131 --> 00:11:24,799
Big fan, Mr. H.
247
00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:28,503
It's a demon bar.
248
00:11:29,538 --> 00:11:33,575
You think we're not thrilled
to welcome an undead legend?
249
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,312
Not the worst thing I've been called.
250
00:11:40,983 --> 00:11:43,550
Welcome to my Glory Hole.
251
00:11:43,552 --> 00:11:45,686
That's right, bonbons.
252
00:11:45,688 --> 00:11:47,988
It's time for your nicest vice,
253
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:50,691
the mistress of the ruthless.
254
00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:54,194
Portia Control.
255
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:56,930
♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪
256
00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:59,666
♪ See the city lights, it's
the red light district ♪
257
00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:02,736
♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪
258
00:12:05,306 --> 00:12:07,908
If they think they're
gonna lock up my sister
259
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:10,077
for the maybe murder
of my favorite Sheriff,
260
00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:11,912
present company excepted, of course.
261
00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:13,347
Present company not the Sheriff.
262
00:12:13,349 --> 00:12:15,616
Yeah, and what the hell's that about?!
263
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:17,517
Yeah. You haven't met the "they" yet.
264
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,753
Nicole. I am gonna go to town
265
00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:21,688
and I am gonna kick so much ass,
266
00:12:21,690 --> 00:12:23,224
I might go up a shoe size.
267
00:12:24,426 --> 00:12:26,294
God, I've missed you, Waverly Earp.
268
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,097
Though how do I, an adult woman,
269
00:12:30,099 --> 00:12:32,398
own this many fuzzy garments?
270
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,401
It's only cause I
organized it by fabric.
271
00:12:34,403 --> 00:12:36,724
I did faux fur, flirty florals,
272
00:12:36,726 --> 00:12:38,327
feminine flannels...
273
00:12:39,608 --> 00:12:41,108
You saved it all.
274
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:43,110
So carefully.
275
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:45,076
Yeah, everything I could, anyway.
276
00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:46,645
A little help here, please!
277
00:12:46,647 --> 00:12:49,316
Geez. Hey, Rachel!
278
00:12:49,318 --> 00:12:51,691
Not like that!
279
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:54,622
Honestly, it's like this girl has
never milked a skunk before.
280
00:12:55,724 --> 00:12:58,410
You're saying all these
words like they make sense.
281
00:12:58,412 --> 00:13:01,228
I gotta go save her from herself.
282
00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:03,498
Come back safe, okay? Again.
283
00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,166
And with Wynonna this time.
284
00:13:06,168 --> 00:13:07,834
I just need your juice!
285
00:13:07,836 --> 00:13:10,038
Okay.
286
00:13:14,843 --> 00:13:16,576
What are you in for?
287
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,506
I splatowed one of my customers.
288
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,142
I thought she was a Medusa.
289
00:13:20,144 --> 00:13:22,912
- 'Cause of how high you were?
- No, because she was a Medusa.
290
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,889
If Purgatory's such a
hellhole now, why stay?
291
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,492
Wait... How'd you get around
the problem of the border?
292
00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:34,293
What problem with the border?
293
00:13:34,295 --> 00:13:36,429
Oh, did I not mention that?
294
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:37,764
Okay...
295
00:13:37,766 --> 00:13:39,733
After all the demons moth-to-a-flamed
296
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,677
the Ghost River Triangle,
some government dickpickles
297
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:44,938
set up, like, a quarantine
around the place.
298
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:46,675
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so,
people can't get out now?
299
00:13:46,677 --> 00:13:48,942
Demons can't. Reg peeps can.
300
00:13:48,944 --> 00:13:50,344
Good.
301
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,145
Wait. Not criminals!
302
00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:54,281
There's no way in Herojuana
they'll let you out.
303
00:13:54,283 --> 00:13:56,984
This is a Russian doll of suckage.
304
00:13:56,986 --> 00:14:00,010
Inside an arbitrary border,
there's a hellmouth,
305
00:14:00,012 --> 00:14:01,616
inside that is a demon bush party,
306
00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:03,056
inside that is a jail,
307
00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:04,491
and inside that,
308
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:06,526
I'm at the mercy of a
Dukes of Hazzard reject
309
00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:08,395
who wouldn't know justice
if it splatowed him
310
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:10,664
in his butter sculpture face.
311
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,566
Ms. Earp? You have a visitor.
312
00:14:12,568 --> 00:14:14,134
Good.
313
00:14:14,136 --> 00:14:15,802
Give me a heads up next time.
314
00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:17,137
You were in the zone.
315
00:14:17,139 --> 00:14:19,359
My client has the right to a trial.
316
00:14:19,361 --> 00:14:20,974
Your sister will get one.
317
00:14:20,976 --> 00:14:22,705
That's the whole
reason I brought her in,
318
00:14:22,707 --> 00:14:24,208
instead of letting the town hang her.
319
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:27,380
I'm issuing a writ of habeas corpus.
320
00:14:27,382 --> 00:14:28,648
No!
321
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:30,717
These dickpickles are gonna
have to show us a body.
322
00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:33,320
That is literally what
habeas corpus means.
323
00:14:33,322 --> 00:14:35,155
You two wanna let me know
when you're done slap-fighting
324
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:36,691
'cause I've got a hell of a backlog.
325
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:37,994
Oh, you've got a backlog?
326
00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:40,330
Buddy, apparently I haven't
pooped in 18 months.
327
00:14:40,332 --> 00:14:42,233
I have a backlog.
328
00:14:43,565 --> 00:14:45,198
Motion to strike that from the record.
329
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,666
Motion denied.
330
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,735
Nice of you to join us, Magistrate.
331
00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:51,039
- Mm-hmm.
- Magistrate?
332
00:14:52,273 --> 00:14:54,441
The family member here
would like to register
333
00:14:54,443 --> 00:14:56,009
a judicial complaint, Your Honor.
334
00:14:56,011 --> 00:14:57,111
Yeah, I don't do those.
335
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,945
I just like the part
where I'm all judgy.
336
00:14:58,947 --> 00:15:01,049
It's regarding the Earp case.
337
00:15:05,788 --> 00:15:06,888
That's her?
338
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,556
That?
339
00:15:09,558 --> 00:15:11,191
That can hear you.
340
00:15:11,193 --> 00:15:13,627
Um, we need to manage
this one carefully.
341
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:15,862
There was an incident downtown, and...
342
00:15:15,864 --> 00:15:18,622
- people are watching.
- Ooh, fun.
343
00:15:18,624 --> 00:15:21,551
Uh, can we not refer to
the attempted execution
344
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:23,104
of my client as fun?
345
00:15:23,906 --> 00:15:26,006
Can I speak with you
for a moment privately?
346
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,542
In my office?
347
00:15:28,744 --> 00:15:30,745
Cute outfit.
348
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,349
Is this our plan? Is
this our entire plan?
349
00:15:36,351 --> 00:15:37,751
No, of course not.
350
00:15:37,753 --> 00:15:39,986
Wynonna, we're gonna prove
you didn't kill Nedley.
351
00:15:39,988 --> 00:15:40,989
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
352
00:15:40,991 --> 00:15:42,392
Doc's all over it.
353
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:48,228
♪ Do you wanna go downtown ♪
354
00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:52,632
Behave, bunnies.
355
00:15:52,634 --> 00:15:54,302
Or don't.
356
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,606
What a dame.
357
00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:01,976
Do you want another Brandy Alexander?
358
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:05,445
I wish I could offer
you something different,
359
00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:08,915
but my supply trucks keep
getting eaten by the woods.
360
00:16:08,917 --> 00:16:13,554
And what with this county
technically dry these days...
361
00:16:17,159 --> 00:16:18,959
Doc!
362
00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:21,461
What a relief it is to see you.
363
00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:24,132
And a letdown to smell you.
364
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:26,867
Well, careful now.
365
00:16:26,869 --> 00:16:28,635
You will make your bunnies jealous.
366
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,604
They just love when I serve them up
367
00:16:30,606 --> 00:16:33,073
all that bloodsucker realness.
368
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,942
Who turned you? Was it Kate?
369
00:16:35,944 --> 00:16:39,179
What? I'm not a vamp!
370
00:16:39,181 --> 00:16:40,614
Realness means faking it.
371
00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:42,449
God. Keep up!
372
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:45,152
Wait, so you are not actually a demon?
373
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:47,221
I just let them think that I am,
374
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,256
because it's safer that way.
375
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,292
What does that tell you about
what this town has become?
376
00:16:52,294 --> 00:16:54,261
Please tell me everyone's okay, Doc.
377
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,830
Waverly is fine. Wynonna is in jail.
378
00:16:56,832 --> 00:16:59,466
Frick. I was worried about that.
379
00:16:59,468 --> 00:17:01,035
What really happened to Nedley?
380
00:17:02,204 --> 00:17:04,337
When Wynonna left him with me,
381
00:17:04,339 --> 00:17:06,139
I tried my best to Meredith Grey
382
00:17:06,141 --> 00:17:07,841
that magnificent old
bitch back to health.
383
00:17:07,843 --> 00:17:10,076
But eventually, he did a runner on me.
384
00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:11,144
Why?
385
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:14,279
He was oozing. And he smelled.
386
00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:17,105
Like a teen boy's feet,
coated in blue cheese.
387
00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:19,019
Worse than you!
388
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,720
You paint quite a picture, Portia.
389
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,889
I tried my best.
390
00:17:22,891 --> 00:17:24,758
But this place was getting real.
391
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,060
And after a few days, he just...
392
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:29,030
he took off into the woods.
393
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,466
Where the monsters are.
394
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:37,204
You must come and attest to that.
395
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:39,206
Doc, this isn't the
world that you all left.
396
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,341
We must produce Nedley,
397
00:17:41,343 --> 00:17:43,444
either alive or dead, we must find him.
398
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,581
I can tell you where
the people-eater is,
399
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,316
it's out at Grizzly Flats.
400
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,418
Maybe you'll find
something to show them.
401
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,318
Doc, they say it's claws
are like if Wolverine
402
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:54,754
impregnated a chainsaw.
403
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:57,458
Thank you, Mercedes.
404
00:18:03,765 --> 00:18:05,732
Oh!
405
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:07,100
Can we try a jailbreak?
406
00:18:07,102 --> 00:18:09,035
No! They've got a lot
of guys working for them,
407
00:18:09,037 --> 00:18:10,470
- whatever they are.
- Yeah.
408
00:18:10,472 --> 00:18:12,038
- What if they're all demons?
- Exactly,
409
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,040
and I don't have my...
410
00:18:14,042 --> 00:18:15,976
... shiny thing that
makes with the peace.
411
00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:17,644
- Shit.
- Ahem!
412
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,747
I have an announcement to make!
413
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:22,148
So!
414
00:18:23,785 --> 00:18:27,053
You think that our jails
415
00:18:27,055 --> 00:18:29,656
are too crowded, and
our courts are too slow?
416
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:32,392
Think there's nothing to
do in this lame-ass town?
417
00:18:32,394 --> 00:18:35,128
Think we need a little bit
more junk in our trunks?
418
00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:37,566
- Is she asking me?
- And as always,
419
00:18:37,568 --> 00:18:39,302
we aim to please,
420
00:18:39,304 --> 00:18:41,372
and we're here to fix any problem
421
00:18:41,374 --> 00:18:43,770
you guys think you might have. So...
422
00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:47,107
lock up your daughters,
and lube up your saucepans!
423
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:50,944
All of our jailbirds will
be competing for one,
424
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:53,747
yes, one, get-out-of-jail-free card.
425
00:18:53,749 --> 00:18:55,651
- In the first ever...
- What?
426
00:18:55,653 --> 00:18:58,752
... Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off
427
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:01,155
For Freedom! Yay!
428
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:06,459
Is... Is this real life?
429
00:19:06,461 --> 00:19:09,030
Might be for you. But I'm dead.
430
00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:22,975
Hope you're ready to stumble!
431
00:19:22,977 --> 00:19:25,878
'Cause this tummy is
starting to grumble!
432
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,413
Woo!
433
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:30,517
She is Grade A, USDA certifiable.
434
00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:31,934
Hey, just be glad you weren't here
435
00:19:31,936 --> 00:19:35,371
for the Tops-Off-Dance-Off For Freedom!
436
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,739
Every month or so,
437
00:19:36,741 --> 00:19:39,208
the Magistrate manages
to out-whackadoo herself.
438
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,210
I don't get it. What's her endgame?
439
00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:43,879
Ugh, classic bread and circuses, brah.
440
00:19:43,881 --> 00:19:46,281
Keep the populace fed and entertained,
441
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:48,695
and you can get away
with all kinds of devilry.
442
00:19:48,697 --> 00:19:51,102
Yup. Okay, your trash talk is
a little all over the place.
443
00:19:51,104 --> 00:19:53,371
Hey, they set people
free after these contests.
444
00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:54,672
I've seen it.
445
00:19:54,674 --> 00:19:57,142
What if this is the only
chance for us to get out?
446
00:19:58,711 --> 00:20:00,444
Wynonna!
447
00:20:00,446 --> 00:20:02,180
Hi.
448
00:20:02,182 --> 00:20:03,382
Haught.
449
00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:08,152
Thanks for getting her home.
450
00:20:08,154 --> 00:20:10,254
I only did it for me.
451
00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:12,357
Like everything you've ever done.
452
00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:14,860
It's been a while.
453
00:20:16,262 --> 00:20:18,696
A long while, apparently.
454
00:20:18,698 --> 00:20:20,598
- How you holding up?
- Peachy.
455
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,034
Hey. I brought a few things from home.
456
00:20:23,036 --> 00:20:24,435
Is that against the rules?
457
00:20:24,437 --> 00:20:25,770
Uh, I feel like the only rule
458
00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:28,206
is don't tell the Empress
she's got no clothes.
459
00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:30,942
Well she's def got no panties.
460
00:20:30,944 --> 00:20:33,778
What? She jumped up
on a desk. I couldn't help it.
461
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:36,013
Is she waxed?
462
00:20:36,015 --> 00:20:37,549
- Fudge!
- And that's the first toot
463
00:20:37,551 --> 00:20:40,885
of the Randy Nedley Memorial
Chili Cook-off For Freedom!
464
00:20:40,887 --> 00:20:42,987
With a lot more toots to follow.
465
00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,489
Now get cooking, left-swipes!
466
00:20:45,491 --> 00:20:48,059
- Cook!
- Do I put the cheese in first?
467
00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:49,895
- Probably, right?
- Oh!
468
00:20:50,896 --> 00:20:51,996
- Okay.
- Okay.
469
00:20:51,998 --> 00:20:53,064
- Yup.
- Yup.
470
00:20:53,066 --> 00:20:54,566
We're on it. We're on it.
471
00:21:28,835 --> 00:21:31,302
Ohh...
472
00:21:31,304 --> 00:21:34,206
Oh, sweet honey-lamb.
473
00:21:52,325 --> 00:21:54,458
Come closer, now.
474
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:57,295
It is time we met.
475
00:22:01,968 --> 00:22:04,001
Woo! You want a t-shirt?!
476
00:22:04,003 --> 00:22:05,069
You want a t-shirt?
477
00:22:05,071 --> 00:22:07,305
And you get a t-shirt! Oh!
478
00:22:07,307 --> 00:22:08,773
In the nads!
479
00:22:08,775 --> 00:22:10,776
Now they're also XXL!
480
00:22:10,778 --> 00:22:12,078
Probably better not to be Sheriff
481
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,547
while she's got her hands on that thing.
482
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:15,613
Imagine the lawsuits?
483
00:22:15,615 --> 00:22:18,215
I never imagined you giving up the star,
484
00:22:18,217 --> 00:22:19,984
power-hungry fiend that you are.
485
00:22:19,986 --> 00:22:21,886
I didn't give up. Cleo showed up,
486
00:22:21,888 --> 00:22:23,988
reincorporated the town,
made herself magistrate,
487
00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:26,691
- and elected her own Sheriff.
- So nobody stopped her?
488
00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:29,560
Who had time for politics? I
had Rachel, and the homestead,
489
00:22:29,562 --> 00:22:31,563
and people to look for.
490
00:22:31,565 --> 00:22:33,199
And I did look. Hard.
491
00:22:33,201 --> 00:22:34,635
Where'd you look? Up Bunny Loblaw's...
492
00:22:34,637 --> 00:22:36,304
Don't come at me about
it, okay, Wynonna?
493
00:22:36,306 --> 00:22:38,536
I know I let everybody down.
494
00:22:38,538 --> 00:22:40,171
Nicole, I would never say...
495
00:22:40,173 --> 00:22:42,573
Are you two chatting?
I need those onions, stat!
496
00:22:42,575 --> 00:22:44,508
Yes, chef! Coming.
497
00:22:44,510 --> 00:22:47,177
Okay. Now, for the pressed seitan.
498
00:22:47,179 --> 00:22:49,680
What?! Who's President Satan?
499
00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:52,350
No. Seitan. As in vital wheat gluten.
500
00:22:52,352 --> 00:22:53,851
It's the secret to a hearty vegan chili.
501
00:22:53,853 --> 00:22:55,619
We're making vegan chili?!
502
00:22:55,621 --> 00:22:58,256
Baby, how's she supposed to win
anything with vegan chili?!
503
00:23:00,660 --> 00:23:03,794
Not today, Satan!
504
00:23:03,796 --> 00:23:04,895
Afternoon, Ms. Haught.
505
00:23:04,897 --> 00:23:07,064
Sheriff Clayborn.
506
00:23:07,066 --> 00:23:08,666
Makes a change to see you back in town.
507
00:23:08,668 --> 00:23:11,535
I hope that means
there's no hard feelings.
508
00:23:11,537 --> 00:23:13,238
About the election.
509
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,606
I didn't have as much time to campaign.
510
00:23:15,608 --> 00:23:18,075
Or your other rumored advantages.
511
00:23:18,077 --> 00:23:20,578
Nice you can afford a break now, though.
512
00:23:20,580 --> 00:23:21,813
I mean, that is,
513
00:23:21,815 --> 00:23:23,835
if you feel the homestead
is safe with a...
514
00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:25,638
teenage girl on the case.
515
00:23:27,053 --> 00:23:28,854
Good luck with the chili.
516
00:23:36,796 --> 00:23:38,896
Aw, you have your little worry wrinkle.
517
00:23:38,898 --> 00:23:41,532
There are things, Waverly.
Every night, in those traps.
518
00:23:41,534 --> 00:23:43,734
The monster really wants inside.
519
00:23:43,736 --> 00:23:45,270
You're worried about Rachel.
520
00:23:46,539 --> 00:23:48,272
Why don't you go home?
521
00:23:48,274 --> 00:23:49,740
You sure you don't mind?
522
00:23:49,742 --> 00:23:51,042
No.
523
00:23:59,919 --> 00:24:01,952
I'll give you 20 bucks
for half your bacon.
524
00:24:01,954 --> 00:24:04,789
You don't have 20 bucks.
525
00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:06,425
Wynonna!
526
00:24:10,096 --> 00:24:11,863
For Randy Nedley.
527
00:24:30,917 --> 00:24:32,683
Rachel?!
528
00:24:32,685 --> 00:24:35,920
- Valdez?!
- Nicole! I'm okay!
529
00:24:35,922 --> 00:24:37,955
Okay. You're okay?
530
00:24:37,957 --> 00:24:39,657
Don't make it more
painful by mommying me.
531
00:24:39,659 --> 00:24:41,091
What happened?
532
00:24:41,093 --> 00:24:42,993
I'm out re-baiting trap
seven, by the poplars,
533
00:24:42,995 --> 00:24:45,930
and you scared away the skunks
earlier, so I used kombucha.
534
00:24:45,932 --> 00:24:47,665
What? It kills all kinds of things,
535
00:24:47,667 --> 00:24:49,900
you know, like intestinal
parasites, and...
536
00:24:49,902 --> 00:24:51,302
Ow, ow!
537
00:24:51,304 --> 00:24:53,070
So I'm filling up the trap,
538
00:24:53,072 --> 00:24:55,439
and it runs in, you know,
the big, crusty one.
539
00:24:55,441 --> 00:24:58,008
But then, you know that
old-timey cowboy dude?
540
00:24:58,010 --> 00:24:59,243
Daddy Blue Eyes?
541
00:24:59,245 --> 00:25:00,679
- Doc.
- Yeah!
542
00:25:00,681 --> 00:25:02,315
He's on the hill, and he's yelling at it
543
00:25:02,317 --> 00:25:03,751
to come get him instead.
544
00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:06,150
- Did he kill it?
- No, but he shot it.
545
00:25:06,152 --> 00:25:08,623
Okay. You are coming inside.
546
00:25:08,625 --> 00:25:10,488
And that is my mommy voice.
547
00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:14,758
Oh, my God. It's edible. Try it!
548
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,594
You threw stolen beef
and a can of anchovies
549
00:25:16,596 --> 00:25:18,462
into my vegan masterpiece!
550
00:25:18,464 --> 00:25:19,697
Ahh!
551
00:25:19,699 --> 00:25:21,131
Damn.
552
00:25:21,133 --> 00:25:23,300
I'm gonna shove that thing
up her canned anchovies.
553
00:25:23,302 --> 00:25:26,070
Criminal, take it.
554
00:25:26,072 --> 00:25:27,506
And this.
555
00:25:28,474 --> 00:25:30,307
Criminal chiliheads!
556
00:25:30,309 --> 00:25:33,711
As you all know, I
excel at having opinions.
557
00:25:33,713 --> 00:25:35,679
And I was going to decide today's winner
558
00:25:35,681 --> 00:25:37,147
all by my lonesome,
559
00:25:37,149 --> 00:25:38,716
but a little voice in my head was like,
560
00:25:38,718 --> 00:25:40,985
don't be such a greedy
skank's toilet, Cleo!
561
00:25:40,987 --> 00:25:42,186
- Cleo?
- Toilet?
562
00:25:42,188 --> 00:25:45,089
So I asked the second...
563
00:25:45,091 --> 00:25:47,358
prettiest girl in all of Purgatory
564
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:48,527
to come help me out.
565
00:25:48,529 --> 00:25:51,896
So slap your bits together
for your Miss Kidney Bean:
566
00:25:51,898 --> 00:25:53,697
Chrissy Nedley!
567
00:26:01,707 --> 00:26:04,475
Oh... You weren't kidding.
568
00:26:04,477 --> 00:26:07,478
She really does think
you killed her dad.
569
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,314
Yeah, I don't think you're gonna win.
570
00:26:10,316 --> 00:26:12,796
I'm gonna turn out the lights
in case it's attracted to them.
571
00:26:16,088 --> 00:26:17,721
It's here.
572
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,260
Nicole! Let me in! Let me in!
573
00:26:23,262 --> 00:26:26,096
It's Dr. Mustache, we have to save him!
574
00:26:26,098 --> 00:26:27,899
I'm going out front!
575
00:26:28,935 --> 00:26:30,768
It's gonna break the glass!
576
00:26:30,770 --> 00:26:31,936
Open up!
577
00:26:31,938 --> 00:26:33,771
Nicole, you have to let him in!
578
00:26:33,773 --> 00:26:35,539
Nicole!
579
00:26:35,541 --> 00:26:37,910
Nicole!
580
00:26:41,330 --> 00:26:42,830
Wake up!
581
00:26:45,167 --> 00:26:47,535
Please!
582
00:26:49,584 --> 00:26:51,151
That felt like it took forever.
583
00:26:51,153 --> 00:26:53,254
- Yeah, I bet.
- Move!
584
00:27:02,931 --> 00:27:05,865
You carried a bottle the
whole time you were running?
585
00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:07,835
- You are goals.
- No, he is not goals,
586
00:27:07,837 --> 00:27:10,238
- he needs water.
- Or maybe he needs...
587
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,241
Don't say kombucha.
588
00:27:12,243 --> 00:27:14,140
Thanks for distracting
the crusty booger beast.
589
00:27:14,142 --> 00:27:16,442
- Right, Haught?
- Yeah. Thanks, Doc.
590
00:27:16,444 --> 00:27:18,378
Do not let me set here
for more than ten minutes.
591
00:27:18,380 --> 00:27:20,413
I am fixing to return to the woods.
592
00:27:20,415 --> 00:27:21,981
- For what?
- To complete the job.
593
00:27:21,983 --> 00:27:24,751
- That is a host animal.
- For the little puffballs!
594
00:27:24,753 --> 00:27:26,586
I saw it leaking from the wound.
595
00:27:26,588 --> 00:27:29,088
I believe it has slowed a little.
596
00:27:29,090 --> 00:27:30,891
Then it's time we strike back.
597
00:27:32,194 --> 00:27:34,694
It might be okay.
598
00:27:34,696 --> 00:27:36,329
- I'll never get used to that.
- So...
599
00:27:36,331 --> 00:27:38,532
Clearly some of you
didn't want it bad enough.
600
00:27:38,534 --> 00:27:39,968
Seriously, four of those chilis
601
00:27:39,970 --> 00:27:41,648
was just hot diarrhea with beans.
602
00:27:41,650 --> 00:27:43,116
- Certainly mine.
- Ew.
603
00:27:43,118 --> 00:27:45,519
So, thank you for attending
604
00:27:45,521 --> 00:27:48,288
the first Randy Nedley
Memorial Chili Cook-off.
605
00:27:48,290 --> 00:27:49,924
If you leave off the
"For Freedom", so help me,
606
00:27:49,926 --> 00:27:52,225
I will treat you to an
actual bowl of hot diarrhea.
607
00:27:52,227 --> 00:27:53,860
For Freedom!
608
00:27:53,862 --> 00:27:56,863
My father had a complicated
relationship with this cook-off.
609
00:27:56,865 --> 00:27:59,127
If he were here today, he would say...
610
00:27:59,129 --> 00:28:01,202
God, no one cares, Pissy, who won?!
611
00:28:02,471 --> 00:28:04,771
And today's winner of our
get out-of-jail-free card
612
00:28:04,773 --> 00:28:06,006
goes to...
613
00:28:06,008 --> 00:28:07,541
Please, please, please, please.
614
00:28:07,543 --> 00:28:09,810
Wynonna Earp!
615
00:28:09,812 --> 00:28:11,879
What?
616
00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:21,021
Winner, winner, chili dinner! I win!
617
00:28:21,023 --> 00:28:23,124
- Glad it was you, Cell-y!
- Listen, you can have the rest
618
00:28:23,126 --> 00:28:24,827
- of my chili if you want.
- Ah, I'm good.
619
00:28:26,161 --> 00:28:27,861
What?
620
00:28:27,863 --> 00:28:28,963
Ah...
621
00:28:30,365 --> 00:28:32,599
- No way, right?
- Okay!
622
00:28:32,601 --> 00:28:34,434
Bye!
623
00:28:34,436 --> 00:28:37,671
Pound it. No? No?
624
00:28:37,673 --> 00:28:40,574
It tastes like peppermint butt.
625
00:28:40,576 --> 00:28:41,908
- Hey, hey!
- So why?
626
00:28:41,910 --> 00:28:44,112
Unhand your Chili Queen!
627
00:28:45,948 --> 00:28:47,715
That's why.
628
00:28:49,118 --> 00:28:52,018
Where are those keys?
629
00:28:52,020 --> 00:28:53,782
To my new car?
630
00:28:53,784 --> 00:28:55,856
Wow, this contest has everything!
631
00:28:55,858 --> 00:28:58,525
Holt, or Sheriff Clayborn,
632
00:28:58,527 --> 00:29:00,393
doesn't like it when I
drive department vehicles,
633
00:29:00,395 --> 00:29:02,662
but he can have a big
old gag of my gavel.
634
00:29:02,664 --> 00:29:05,098
Did you forget the "freedom" part?
635
00:29:05,100 --> 00:29:06,867
Yeah, not 'til you get to the border.
636
00:29:06,869 --> 00:29:07,954
I'm not leaving town.
637
00:29:07,956 --> 00:29:09,532
Don't worry, I can get
you out. I know people.
638
00:29:09,534 --> 00:29:11,104
No, I mean, I won't.
639
00:29:11,106 --> 00:29:12,739
Do you know how many Purgatorians
640
00:29:12,741 --> 00:29:14,775
would have murdered for this prize?
641
00:29:14,777 --> 00:29:16,943
Oh, weird...
642
00:29:16,945 --> 00:29:19,046
I just realized that that's
exactly what you did!
643
00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:23,784
You acted like you knew who I was.
644
00:29:23,786 --> 00:29:25,552
When we first met.
645
00:29:25,554 --> 00:29:26,888
But you're not a Revenant.
646
00:29:28,257 --> 00:29:30,792
And if you were really
powerful, you'd just kill me.
647
00:29:33,929 --> 00:29:35,296
Yay!
648
00:29:36,098 --> 00:29:37,365
Keys!
649
00:29:37,367 --> 00:29:38,834
I wish I knew what we were up against,
650
00:29:38,836 --> 00:29:41,134
so we could prep a silver
bullet or a wooden stake.
651
00:29:41,136 --> 00:29:43,170
- Sorry, Doc.
- Understood.
652
00:29:43,172 --> 00:29:45,138
Okay, don't yell at me, but...
653
00:29:45,140 --> 00:29:47,507
the creature did make a Chewbacca howl
654
00:29:47,509 --> 00:29:49,042
when it stepped in
the puddle of kombucha.
655
00:29:49,044 --> 00:29:50,944
For the last time,
home brewed mold juice
656
00:29:50,946 --> 00:29:52,347
will not defeat pure evil.
657
00:29:52,349 --> 00:29:54,147
It smelled like pure evil.
658
00:29:54,149 --> 00:29:57,317
When it was leaking? Like
blue cheese and boy feet.
659
00:29:57,319 --> 00:29:59,419
Did you hear someone say that?
660
00:29:59,421 --> 00:30:01,955
It dealt it. I simply smelt it.
661
00:30:01,957 --> 00:30:04,758
Look, I am not suggesting
we refrain from hunting it...
662
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:05,894
Like hell I would.
663
00:30:05,896 --> 00:30:08,295
... but I looked into its eyes
and I'm remain unconvinced
664
00:30:08,297 --> 00:30:09,729
it is our enemy.
665
00:30:09,731 --> 00:30:11,719
This thing wants to take Waverly's home,
666
00:30:11,721 --> 00:30:14,601
and our ability to
think of anything else.
667
00:30:14,603 --> 00:30:16,236
I found this in the trap,
668
00:30:16,238 --> 00:30:17,737
last year when you guys were...
669
00:30:17,739 --> 00:30:19,073
Gone for too long.
670
00:30:20,275 --> 00:30:21,743
At first I thought it was irrelevant,
671
00:30:21,745 --> 00:30:23,810
but then I figured it out.
672
00:30:23,812 --> 00:30:25,512
It's a Hawaiian shirt, Doc.
673
00:30:25,514 --> 00:30:27,849
It's... It's Nedley's shirt.
674
00:30:29,284 --> 00:30:30,917
That thing killed him,
675
00:30:30,919 --> 00:30:32,887
and now we need to kill it.
676
00:30:33,722 --> 00:30:35,822
The ballpuffers are parasites,
677
00:30:35,824 --> 00:30:37,991
and they took over something.
678
00:30:37,993 --> 00:30:39,827
Someone.
679
00:30:40,696 --> 00:30:44,130
Someone that always
comes back to you, Nicole.
680
00:30:44,132 --> 00:30:45,365
No.
681
00:30:45,367 --> 00:30:48,034
What if the ogre didn't eat Nedley?
682
00:30:48,036 --> 00:30:50,470
- What if the ogre...
- ... is Nedley?
683
00:30:54,576 --> 00:30:56,409
People will find out...
684
00:30:56,411 --> 00:30:59,746
about the contest, about
you not keeping your word.
685
00:30:59,748 --> 00:31:02,250
One, how are they gonna find out?
686
00:31:03,051 --> 00:31:06,386
And two, what does an Earp know
about keeping their word, huh?
687
00:31:06,388 --> 00:31:08,321
That is priceless.
688
00:31:08,323 --> 00:31:09,789
You are hilare.
689
00:31:09,791 --> 00:31:11,225
So this is personal.
690
00:31:20,402 --> 00:31:21,968
No.
691
00:31:21,970 --> 00:31:23,403
See this...
692
00:31:23,405 --> 00:31:26,808
This is hereditary, daughter of Earps.
693
00:31:30,078 --> 00:31:32,312
Besides, we have to keep
694
00:31:32,314 --> 00:31:34,581
feeding something to this monster,
695
00:31:34,583 --> 00:31:37,250
whatever it is, to keep it out of town.
696
00:31:37,252 --> 00:31:38,885
See, Sheriff Holt and I?
697
00:31:38,887 --> 00:31:40,921
We know what it takes
698
00:31:40,923 --> 00:31:43,790
to get dirty jobs done.
699
00:31:43,792 --> 00:31:45,993
And if that dirty job...
700
00:31:47,729 --> 00:31:49,797
happens to be you?
701
00:31:51,133 --> 00:31:52,933
Bonus.
702
00:31:52,935 --> 00:31:55,069
- Now scream.
- Argh!
703
00:31:56,138 --> 00:31:58,104
Eat my vegan seitan.
704
00:31:58,106 --> 00:32:00,440
See, they lied.
705
00:32:00,442 --> 00:32:01,809
You're not even fun.
706
00:32:06,381 --> 00:32:08,281
Beastie boy!
707
00:32:08,283 --> 00:32:10,284
Come and get it!
708
00:32:13,855 --> 00:32:15,088
Where are you going?
709
00:32:15,090 --> 00:32:17,190
Oh, to sit in my car.
710
00:32:17,192 --> 00:32:18,959
Take a few pics!
711
00:32:18,961 --> 00:32:22,062
Maybe buff my muff, if the mood strikes.
712
00:32:22,064 --> 00:32:23,464
You are so weird.
713
00:32:26,735 --> 00:32:28,268
Previews are over.
714
00:32:28,270 --> 00:32:30,103
Looks like the creature
feature is starting.
715
00:32:30,105 --> 00:32:31,905
Get away from her, skank toilet!
716
00:32:31,907 --> 00:32:32,974
Ahh!
717
00:32:32,976 --> 00:32:34,874
For the record, I don't
believe in skank shaming,
718
00:32:34,876 --> 00:32:36,110
but you said it first.
719
00:32:38,613 --> 00:32:40,513
Sis, you okay?
720
00:32:40,515 --> 00:32:42,115
We need a knife or scissors.
721
00:32:42,117 --> 00:32:44,751
I have... teeth?
722
00:32:44,753 --> 00:32:46,654
Ugh! She's got a weapon!
723
00:32:47,589 --> 00:32:49,356
Friggin' skanks always do.
724
00:32:49,358 --> 00:32:51,024
Wait, I gotta stop saying that.
725
00:32:51,026 --> 00:32:52,860
Okay, stay there!
726
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,433
No, no, no!
727
00:33:14,149 --> 00:33:15,549
Waverly!
728
00:33:17,619 --> 00:33:19,120
Waverly!
729
00:33:20,288 --> 00:33:22,056
- Hold your fire!
- It's Nedley!
730
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,359
Doc, flank him on the back!
731
00:33:26,361 --> 00:33:28,529
Waverly, find your position!
732
00:34:23,919 --> 00:34:25,518
Idiots.
733
00:34:40,902 --> 00:34:42,203
Wynonna?
734
00:34:43,038 --> 00:34:44,304
What did I do?
735
00:34:44,306 --> 00:34:46,539
You survived, Nedley.
736
00:34:46,541 --> 00:34:47,774
That's what you did.
737
00:34:47,776 --> 00:34:49,343
You made it home.
738
00:34:52,315 --> 00:34:53,415
Fuck yeah.
739
00:35:01,591 --> 00:35:04,294
Nedley, I'm not coming any closer
740
00:35:04,296 --> 00:35:05,496
until you put this on.
741
00:35:07,457 --> 00:35:09,156
There's been enough crime today.
742
00:35:10,993 --> 00:35:12,427
Hey.
743
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,681
- Nicole, what's going on?
- I...
744
00:35:17,683 --> 00:35:20,118
You were not in possession
of your own faculties.
745
00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:24,354
Why do I taste skunk?
746
00:35:24,356 --> 00:35:25,857
That may be me.
747
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:29,627
That's some intense, brother.
748
00:35:46,067 --> 00:35:47,200
- Dad.
- Chrissy!
749
00:35:47,202 --> 00:35:49,036
Oh, my God. Dad!
750
00:35:49,938 --> 00:35:52,973
Shh, shh.
751
00:35:56,945 --> 00:35:58,679
They told me you were dead.
752
00:35:59,514 --> 00:36:02,750
This stubborn mule? Not yet.
753
00:36:04,219 --> 00:36:07,019
Where were you? What happened?
754
00:36:07,021 --> 00:36:08,354
I really don't remember.
755
00:36:08,356 --> 00:36:11,491
- Ah, might be for the best.
- Might be?
756
00:36:11,493 --> 00:36:13,874
Look, um, we think he'll be fine.
757
00:36:13,876 --> 00:36:16,645
But just for fun, maybe keep
him away from small game.
758
00:36:19,968 --> 00:36:22,135
Wynonna. I don't even know what to say.
759
00:36:22,137 --> 00:36:23,337
I know.
760
00:36:24,139 --> 00:36:26,339
It's just, since the evacuation, I...
761
00:36:26,341 --> 00:36:28,976
this place... it got to me and I...
762
00:36:28,978 --> 00:36:31,312
Needed us and got hurt
when we weren't here?
763
00:36:33,348 --> 00:36:35,716
- Yeah.
- It won't happen again.
764
00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:40,254
Hey, you.
765
00:36:44,192 --> 00:36:46,059
It's good to have you back.
766
00:36:56,037 --> 00:36:57,037
Nicole.
767
00:36:58,740 --> 00:37:00,173
You should get Chrissy out of here.
768
00:37:00,175 --> 00:37:01,708
While you still can.
769
00:37:13,354 --> 00:37:15,221
You did the chili cook-off without me?
770
00:37:15,223 --> 00:37:18,458
Dad...
771
00:37:23,665 --> 00:37:26,700
Here I thought all my flirting
was getting me nowhere.
772
00:37:27,602 --> 00:37:29,702
There is more where that came from.
773
00:37:29,704 --> 00:37:33,439
That would get my slacks off in a snap.
774
00:37:33,441 --> 00:37:35,875
'Cause that would be a challenge.
775
00:37:35,877 --> 00:37:38,277
I paid for that truck, and its contents,
776
00:37:38,279 --> 00:37:39,712
and I'll be french-fried
777
00:37:39,714 --> 00:37:42,114
if you're going to sell my
own property back to me.
778
00:37:42,116 --> 00:37:45,500
Except I know where
it is and you do not.
779
00:37:45,502 --> 00:37:47,753
But I suppose I could sell said contents
780
00:37:47,755 --> 00:37:49,422
to the human bar in town...
781
00:37:49,424 --> 00:37:51,925
Let's not get off on the wrong foot.
782
00:37:53,294 --> 00:37:55,795
I also suggest that you acquire
783
00:37:55,797 --> 00:37:58,965
protection for your next
order and that would be,
784
00:37:58,967 --> 00:38:01,000
well, yours truly.
785
00:38:01,002 --> 00:38:03,336
An experienced hand
with local knowledge,
786
00:38:03,338 --> 00:38:07,974
who can then safely convey
said truck right to your...
787
00:38:07,976 --> 00:38:09,676
back door.
788
00:38:10,612 --> 00:38:12,846
What would you require in return?
789
00:38:13,982 --> 00:38:17,117
Something to quench
that vampiric appetite?
790
00:38:17,986 --> 00:38:19,952
When was the last time you fed?
791
00:38:19,954 --> 00:38:22,021
My hunger...
792
00:38:22,023 --> 00:38:23,489
is none of your concern.
793
00:38:23,491 --> 00:38:26,993
What I require is something
more... tangible.
794
00:38:26,995 --> 00:38:28,662
A future favor.
795
00:38:29,497 --> 00:38:31,731
And two thousand a load.
796
00:38:31,733 --> 00:38:34,233
That's highway robbery.
797
00:38:34,235 --> 00:38:36,402
Precisely. And at a reasonable cost.
798
00:38:36,404 --> 00:38:39,972
But I assure you, I am the best.
799
00:38:39,974 --> 00:38:41,441
Mm-hmm...
800
00:38:49,951 --> 00:38:51,450
You smell like heaven.
801
00:38:51,452 --> 00:38:52,819
I know.
802
00:39:01,696 --> 00:39:06,600
♪ If you could love me completely ♪
803
00:39:09,537 --> 00:39:13,707
♪ If you could show me a sign ♪
804
00:39:16,811 --> 00:39:20,346
Having trouble remembering
where you like these lips.
805
00:39:20,348 --> 00:39:22,583
You seem to be figuring it out.
806
00:39:24,470 --> 00:39:27,138
You know, the garden tried to fool me.
807
00:39:28,056 --> 00:39:30,156
With a fake you.
808
00:39:30,158 --> 00:39:31,791
You didn't...
809
00:39:31,793 --> 00:39:34,560
No. Not even close.
810
00:39:34,562 --> 00:39:37,030
But I would've known in a second.
811
00:39:38,166 --> 00:39:39,900
I know every curve...
812
00:39:41,736 --> 00:39:43,537
every sigh...
813
00:39:44,639 --> 00:39:46,540
every taste...
814
00:39:51,412 --> 00:39:55,147
Wynonna, her midnight
snack, and the pantry door.
815
00:39:55,149 --> 00:39:57,584
She never met a thing she couldn't slam.
816
00:39:59,454 --> 00:40:01,655
Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten.
817
00:40:03,024 --> 00:40:04,924
I love you, Nicole Haught.
818
00:40:04,926 --> 00:40:08,128
And I can't wait for the
rest of our lives to unfold.
819
00:40:13,473 --> 00:40:15,574
Can you tell me about
your year and a half?
820
00:40:17,572 --> 00:40:20,306
I'm sorry, I'm just... distracted.
821
00:40:20,308 --> 00:40:22,041
I gotta go check those traps.
822
00:40:22,043 --> 00:40:23,409
Oh.
823
00:40:23,411 --> 00:40:25,945
Yeah. Okay. Uh...
824
00:40:25,947 --> 00:40:27,514
Can I come with you?
825
00:40:28,850 --> 00:40:30,383
Always.
826
00:40:43,231 --> 00:40:46,532
- Expected date of return?
- Never.
827
00:40:46,534 --> 00:40:49,268
My Dad's birthday is in
August. Might surprise him.
828
00:40:49,270 --> 00:40:51,104
I have to get my supervisor.
829
00:41:01,983 --> 00:41:03,650
You're cleared to go.
830
00:41:06,154 --> 00:41:07,888
They're back.
831
00:41:23,302 --> 00:41:26,882
I'll move out to the barn,
now that everyone's back.
832
00:41:26,884 --> 00:41:29,351
- Which is good.
- Take the bed.
833
00:41:29,353 --> 00:41:31,120
You've earned it, kid.
834
00:41:31,122 --> 00:41:32,622
Besides...
835
00:41:33,858 --> 00:41:35,692
I'm better in the cold.
836
00:41:36,961 --> 00:41:39,828
Okay, Jon Snow in a B cup.
837
00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:41,765
And I'm not a kid, Wynonna.
838
00:41:44,368 --> 00:41:46,236
Why'd you leave Monument?
839
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:49,997
When you're a person who's
gone through some stuff,
840
00:41:49,999 --> 00:41:52,401
and you see somebody else,
who's a good person,
841
00:41:52,403 --> 00:41:54,037
also going through some stuff...
842
00:41:55,312 --> 00:41:56,780
How bad is Nicole?
843
00:41:58,125 --> 00:42:01,227
She was alone for a really long time.
844
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,095
Well, thanks for taking
care of my friend,
845
00:42:06,097 --> 00:42:08,180
Rachel Valdez.
846
00:42:08,182 --> 00:42:11,117
Thank you for noticing, Wynonna Earp.
847
00:42:11,119 --> 00:42:13,053
Oh, the Earp heir.
848
00:42:19,981 --> 00:42:21,981
Listen. My bed, yeah.
849
00:42:21,983 --> 00:42:24,183
My leather pants, no.
850
00:42:24,185 --> 00:42:25,852
Pfft, please.
851
00:42:25,854 --> 00:42:28,334
I wouldn't be seen wearing these
in front of the skunks I milk.
852
00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:33,060
Your fringed leather jacket, though...
853
00:42:34,681 --> 00:42:36,882
Don't push your luck, Smalldez.
854
00:42:38,166 --> 00:42:40,467
- Good night.
- Good night, Wynonna.
855
00:42:48,643 --> 00:42:51,544
- Hello, chaps!
- Hands up.
856
00:42:51,546 --> 00:42:54,214
Like I said: so good to be home.
857
00:43:15,108 --> 00:43:18,108
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
59583
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
