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(WYNONNA): Previously
on "Wynonna Earp"...
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I am a fully grown half-angel.
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00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,109
- I am the guardian.
- I'm sworn to protect Waverly!
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00:00:06,111 --> 00:00:08,380
They're working on some
inter-dimensional gateway.
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00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:10,497
It's the 2005 chili cook-off
all over again.
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I'm gonna be waiting for you
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back in Purgatory.
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Ahh!
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I'm here, and we gotta
get back there! Ahh!
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No...
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Waverly.
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- The town...
- You've been gone 18 months,
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three weeks, and four days.
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All of you have.
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(INTENSE MUSIC)
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(TENSE MUSIC)
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Someone has been handing
out hemp neckties.
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That's a clear fashion don't.
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Who the hell? And why?
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Frontier justice.
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Retribution must not only be paid,
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it must be seen to be paid.
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The old-timey version of
"pics or it didn't happen".
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Something here is pretty off.
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00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:52,439
Shorty's.
26
00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:54,541
We think better with a
little fire in our bellies.
27
00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:56,610
(SOFT MUSIC)
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(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
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Uh, Nedley and I were here,
30
00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:05,519
after you followed
Waverly up the stairs.
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We drank your tequila,
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uh, but we did not macramé.
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So unless this is just
a surprise makeover
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by The Property Brothers...
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On occasion, I will put it on
36
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in the middle of the afternoon,
if I have cleaning to do.
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What is this menu?
38
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"Gunfight At The Okra Corral".
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What the hell is a Cock Holliday?
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It says it is chicken bone broth.
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- Is that not simply soup?
- Wynonna?
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(SIGHS) Chrissy Nedley.
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Are you a sight for sore livers.
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- How dare you?!
- (MAN): Hey, whoa!
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What the fig, Chrissy?!
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- Wynonna.
- Ahh!
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(GRUNTING)
48
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(GUNS CLICKING)
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Let her go.
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Alright, say your piece, Chrissy.
51
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Say your piece, Chrissy,
just say your piece.
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If you wanna chat, I can
chat. I'm a good listener.
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Wynonna Earp, I am placing
you under citizen's arrest.
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For the murder of my father.
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Randall Nedley.
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(MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
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It's just so good to be home.
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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♪ 'Cause I gave you all I got to give ♪
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♪ I know that ain't no way to live ♪
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♪ So I told that devil ♪
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♪ To take you back ♪
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♪ I told that devil ♪
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♪ To take you back ♪
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I would never hurt Nedley!
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As if we'd take the word of an Earp!
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Your dad did. He trusted me!
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- Unhand her at once!
- Nedley can't be dead.
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We demand proof.
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He was last seen with Wynonna.
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00:02:44,009 --> 00:02:45,985
And that's when she disappeared
for a year and a half!
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00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:48,922
- What a coincidence!
- Your dad was helping me!
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He was hurt,
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but I left him safe with Mercedes!
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Wait. When did you say?
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We were gone mere days. You lie.
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(WYNONNA): No, no!
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We've been waiting too long.
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No!
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(CROWD SHOUTING ANGRILY)
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Doc! (SCREAMING)
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- Wynonna!
- (GUNSHOTS)
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00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:11,045
Put the rope down and
back away from the woman.
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00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:15,248
Sheriff.
85
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That's not the sheriff. Where's Nicole?
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Miss Chrissy,
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00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:22,889
your dad lived his life for the law.
88
00:03:22,891 --> 00:03:24,758
What would he think
of your behavior now?
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00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,361
- You didn't know him.
- No.
90
00:03:26,363 --> 00:03:28,805
But I do know this is
not the way we do things
91
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,463
in Purgatory.
92
00:03:30,465 --> 00:03:32,433
(MAN): We want justice!
93
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Thank you.
94
00:03:36,438 --> 00:03:37,704
(WOMAN): Yeah, this isn't right!
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Just like the criminal vermin
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we hung last Monday,
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Miss Earp shall have a trial first.
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Get Waverly! Get Nicole!
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I shall get everyone.
100
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(WAVERLY HUMMING)
101
00:03:58,393 --> 00:03:59,860
- Sup?
- Whoa!
102
00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,563
Valdez. Rachel Valdez.
103
00:04:03,565 --> 00:04:04,731
Hi.
104
00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:06,767
- I'm, uh...
- Cold?
105
00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,737
Yeah. Frozen.
106
00:04:10,739 --> 00:04:12,173
I mean, I'm practically Elsa!
107
00:04:13,709 --> 00:04:16,810
- I had no idea you were...
- Kombucha?
108
00:04:16,812 --> 00:04:18,244
Pardon?
109
00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:20,413
I make it myself. And after last night,
110
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I bet you need some hydration.
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(GIGGLING) Mmm.
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Microbes.
113
00:04:27,322 --> 00:04:29,489
So, you're staying here?
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00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:31,324
(BELL RINGING)
115
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Batman in the microwave!
116
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What? What is that?
117
00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:37,131
- There's something in the trap.
- Which one?
118
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- Behind the barn.
- What are we trapping?
119
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(GUN CLICKING)
120
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Monsters.
121
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Huh.
122
00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:46,640
(INTENSE MUSIC)
123
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There's ten traps on the homestead.
124
00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,616
We gotta do a full circuit
check every two hours.
125
00:04:56,618 --> 00:04:58,385
I thought the curse was broken.
126
00:04:58,387 --> 00:04:59,853
Traps aren't for Revenants.
127
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There's all sorts of
things in the woods now.
128
00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:02,924
And one of them,
129
00:05:02,926 --> 00:05:05,458
this big ugly troll, wants in here bad.
130
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,895
(DOC): Oh, tarnation!
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00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:12,401
Thank you for the
exceptionally tight welcome.
132
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Rachel, Doc, Doc, Rachel.
133
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Sup?
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Don't move.
135
00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:21,675
I am rather determined not to.
136
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Ohh!
137
00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:28,014
It is good to see you, Sheriff Haught.
138
00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:30,517
Yeah, well, these days,
it's just Nicole, or...
139
00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:32,286
"that crazy ginger bitch".
140
00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:36,089
God, it's...
141
00:05:36,091 --> 00:05:37,724
I'm so, so glad you made it, Henry.
142
00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:39,025
(SMOOCH) Ugh!
143
00:05:39,027 --> 00:05:40,894
You smell aggressively bad.
144
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,163
Yeah, we use skunk
juice to bait the traps.
145
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:44,864
Wynonna isn't marinating in skunk juice
146
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,066
in one of these, is she?
147
00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:48,234
- Wynonna is in jail.
- What?
148
00:05:48,236 --> 00:05:49,502
They have framed her.
149
00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:51,871
For the murder of Randy Nedley.
150
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(INTENSE MUSIC)
151
00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:54,908
Who are you?
152
00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,509
You can call me the Sheriff.
153
00:05:56,511 --> 00:05:58,578
Okay, then you can call me an Uber.
154
00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:01,748
Ooh! Uh...
155
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,083
Back away from the glass, 6-1-3-3.
156
00:06:04,085 --> 00:06:05,118
Dude...
157
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,821
There's a guy in there,
I'm not going in there.
158
00:06:06,823 --> 00:06:08,521
Yeah, main cell's chock-a-block.
159
00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:11,392
But believe you me, he's
far from the worst of 'em.
160
00:06:13,361 --> 00:06:14,661
Uh...
161
00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:16,931
Assless chap? I want my phone call!
162
00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:21,000
- I want my phone call!
- Sorry I can't hear you.
163
00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:22,736
I demand a phone call!
164
00:06:25,607 --> 00:06:29,209
- Who are you?
- Casey. You?
165
00:06:29,211 --> 00:06:31,211
Local nogoodnik, Wynonna Earp.
166
00:06:31,213 --> 00:06:33,480
Ahh!
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I thought I'd be safe in here!
168
00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:36,449
Wow. Didn't even have
to steal your pudding cup
169
00:06:36,451 --> 00:06:38,051
to establish who's boss. Nice.
170
00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:41,355
From demons and famous demon hunters.
171
00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:46,058
Back up one sec.
172
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Pretend I haven't been here
for, say, a year and a half,
173
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and just explain to me.
174
00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:52,098
Uh, since the town was evacuated
175
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,534
- for the forest fires?
- Say I remember that.
176
00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:56,703
Oh, well, the townspeople left,
177
00:06:56,705 --> 00:06:57,937
but demons came.
178
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,706
You know when there's,
like, a bush party?
179
00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,441
And nobody knows who started it,
180
00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:03,510
but everybody hears about it somehow?
181
00:07:03,512 --> 00:07:04,978
They all just started showing up.
182
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,513
Everybody shows up for bush.
183
00:07:06,515 --> 00:07:08,848
Yeah, the townspeople were
allowed to come back home,
184
00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:11,017
and there was, like,
an ongoing demon rager,
185
00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:13,052
centered around the woods.
186
00:07:13,054 --> 00:07:15,455
- The stairs.
- I'm not, I'm not staring!
187
00:07:15,457 --> 00:07:17,090
Also I'm only a half-demon!
188
00:07:17,092 --> 00:07:18,224
So, you know, please don't shoot!
189
00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:19,425
Casey, don't be a weenie.
190
00:07:19,427 --> 00:07:21,327
I don't even have my gun anymore.
191
00:07:21,329 --> 00:07:23,329
In here...
192
00:07:23,331 --> 00:07:24,971
Obviously the Sheriff
would have taken it.
193
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,600
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
194
00:07:27,602 --> 00:07:28,701
(SIGHING)
195
00:07:28,703 --> 00:07:31,371
So the woods are full of monsters.
196
00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,006
Crawling with 'em.
197
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,808
These days, the only place
scarier than in here...
198
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,477
is out there.
199
00:07:37,479 --> 00:07:40,314
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
200
00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:45,819
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
201
00:07:47,622 --> 00:07:49,657
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
202
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:52,660
(METAL CLANGING)
203
00:07:56,298 --> 00:07:57,731
(SCREAMING, MONSTER GROWLING)
204
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:00,389
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
205
00:08:00,391 --> 00:08:03,759
I have a half-knitted scarf I
was making him for Christmas.
206
00:08:03,761 --> 00:08:05,661
His waders are still in the barn.
207
00:08:05,663 --> 00:08:06,697
Yeah. I know, Waves.
208
00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:09,240
It's tough to think of a world
without Randy Nedley.
209
00:08:09,242 --> 00:08:12,944
- (KETTLE WHISTLING)
- How can he just... be gone?
210
00:08:12,946 --> 00:08:15,880
It was months of chaos
after the evacuation ended.
211
00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:17,715
People came back, yeah, but...
212
00:08:17,717 --> 00:08:20,152
to be blunt, others just disappeared.
213
00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:22,220
Kate?
214
00:08:22,222 --> 00:08:24,022
I saw her on one of
the evacuation trains.
215
00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:25,090
But beyond that...
216
00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:27,092
Jeremy? And Robin?
217
00:08:27,094 --> 00:08:28,412
Jeremy's getting by,
218
00:08:28,414 --> 00:08:30,781
though I haven't heard
from him in months.
219
00:08:30,783 --> 00:08:32,717
Robin...
220
00:08:34,787 --> 00:08:36,585
How could we have been in that garden
221
00:08:36,587 --> 00:08:37,921
for a year and a half?
222
00:08:37,923 --> 00:08:41,226
We were not. Time
must be differentiated,
223
00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:42,592
fluid in some manner.
224
00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:45,429
Yeah, God, it's such a mind-frog.
225
00:08:45,431 --> 00:08:47,130
I mean, how old even am I?
226
00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:48,332
(GASPS)
227
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:49,968
I missed so many Property Brothers!
228
00:08:50,836 --> 00:08:52,369
I feel that.
229
00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:54,438
At least if we'd have
lived the past 18 months,
230
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,773
it would be easier to...
231
00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:58,077
There was nothing easy about
those months. Not a thing.
232
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,213
No, I didn't mean it like that.
233
00:09:01,613 --> 00:09:02,946
Not like that at all.
234
00:09:02,948 --> 00:09:04,948
There's no almond milk.
235
00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:07,751
It's still hard to get
some things. Sorry.
236
00:09:07,753 --> 00:09:11,154
Please don't say you're
sorry anymore, okay?
237
00:09:11,156 --> 00:09:12,756
You don't need to be.
238
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:14,726
What you have done, Sheriff...
239
00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:20,197
Nicole...
240
00:09:20,199 --> 00:09:22,165
is nothing short of heroic.
241
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,907
In the face of all adversity,
242
00:09:23,909 --> 00:09:26,177
you alone kept the homestead safe.
243
00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:28,872
I had Rachel.
244
00:09:28,874 --> 00:09:30,675
And the Earp shotguns.
245
00:09:31,844 --> 00:09:34,779
And Wynonna still hasn't come home.
246
00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,547
They have to let us see her.
247
00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:41,018
Wynonna said she last
left Nedley with Mercedes.
248
00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:43,553
- What is the news on her?
- It's not good.
249
00:09:43,555 --> 00:09:45,489
There's a new demon bar
out on Horsehead Trail.
250
00:09:45,491 --> 00:09:48,127
And, though given the circumstances,
251
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,696
it is but a trifle...
252
00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,196
is there word of my Charlene?
253
00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:55,098
♪ Tell your mama ♪
254
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,767
♪ Tell your pa ♪
255
00:09:56,769 --> 00:10:00,203
♪ Tell your daddy what you never saw ♪
256
00:10:00,205 --> 00:10:02,672
♪ You can run out ♪
257
00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:03,807
Woo-hoo!
258
00:10:03,809 --> 00:10:05,542
♪ Run out that door ♪
259
00:10:05,544 --> 00:10:07,245
(ENGINE REVVING)
260
00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:11,682
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
261
00:10:14,436 --> 00:10:16,704
Vacation is over, assholes.
262
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:21,192
It is time for a Holliday.
263
00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:25,596
The club is members only.
264
00:10:26,665 --> 00:10:27,965
Well, here are my dues.
265
00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:33,336
Salutations, Patrons of...
266
00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:36,073
The Glory Hole?
267
00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:38,608
Is that really the name of this latrine?
268
00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,478
"Why should I obtain by force
269
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,815
that which I can obtain by cheating?"
270
00:10:44,817 --> 00:10:47,784
John Henry Holliday,
271
00:10:47,786 --> 00:10:51,221
born 1851, Griffin, Georgia.
272
00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:52,223
Amon.
273
00:10:53,892 --> 00:10:56,159
I'm the proprietor of this latrine.
274
00:10:56,161 --> 00:10:59,062
You sure you wouldn't rather
cheat than force your way in?
275
00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:01,131
Bring me Ms. Gardner.
276
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:04,000
Unless you fancy kissing hardwood too.
277
00:11:04,002 --> 00:11:05,735
Hmm, well...
278
00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,890
There were parts of that scenario
279
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:10,327
which I found enticing.
280
00:11:12,411 --> 00:11:15,079
Big fan, Mr. H.
281
00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:18,783
It's a demon bar.
282
00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:23,855
You think we're not thrilled
to welcome an undead legend?
283
00:11:26,391 --> 00:11:28,592
Not the worst thing I've been called.
284
00:11:28,594 --> 00:11:29,993
(CHUCKLES)
285
00:11:29,995 --> 00:11:31,261
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
286
00:11:31,263 --> 00:11:33,830
(WOMAN): Welcome to my Glory Hole.
287
00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:35,966
- (MAN CHEERING)
- That's right, bonbons.
288
00:11:35,968 --> 00:11:38,268
It's time for your nicest vice,
289
00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:40,971
the mistress of the ruthless.
290
00:11:40,973 --> 00:11:43,173
(APPLAUSE)
291
00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:44,474
Portia Control.
292
00:11:44,476 --> 00:11:47,210
♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪
293
00:11:47,212 --> 00:11:49,946
♪ See the city lights, it's
the red light district ♪
294
00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:53,016
♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪
295
00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:55,584
(WOMEN CHEERING)
296
00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:58,188
If they think they're
gonna lock up my sister
297
00:11:58,190 --> 00:12:00,357
for the maybe murder
of my favorite Sheriff,
298
00:12:00,359 --> 00:12:02,192
present company excepted, of course.
299
00:12:02,194 --> 00:12:03,627
Present company not the Sheriff.
300
00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:05,896
Yeah, and what the hell's that about?!
301
00:12:05,898 --> 00:12:07,797
Yeah. You haven't met the "they" yet.
302
00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:10,033
Nicole. I am gonna go to town
303
00:12:10,035 --> 00:12:11,968
and I am gonna kick so much ass,
304
00:12:11,970 --> 00:12:13,504
I might go up a shoe size.
305
00:12:14,706 --> 00:12:16,574
God, I've missed you, Waverly Earp.
306
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:20,377
Though how do I, an adult woman,
307
00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:22,678
own this many fuzzy garments?
308
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,681
It's only cause I
organized it by fabric.
309
00:12:24,683 --> 00:12:27,004
I did faux fur, flirty florals,
310
00:12:27,006 --> 00:12:28,607
feminine flannels...
311
00:12:29,888 --> 00:12:31,388
You saved it all.
312
00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,390
- (RACHEL SHOUTING IN BACKGROUND)
- So carefully.
313
00:12:33,392 --> 00:12:35,356
Yeah, everything I could, anyway.
314
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:36,925
(RACHEL): A little help here, please!
315
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,596
- (KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
- Geez. Hey, Rachel!
316
00:12:39,598 --> 00:12:41,971
Not like that!
317
00:12:41,973 --> 00:12:44,902
Honestly, it's like this girl has
never milked a skunk before.
318
00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:48,690
You're saying all these
words like they make sense.
319
00:12:48,692 --> 00:12:51,508
I gotta go save her from herself.
320
00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:53,778
Come back safe, okay? Again.
321
00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,446
And with Wynonna this time.
322
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,114
(RACHEL): I just need your juice!
323
00:12:58,116 --> 00:13:00,318
- (SIGHS)
- Okay.
324
00:13:03,889 --> 00:13:05,121
(WYNONNA SIGHS)
325
00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:06,856
What are you in for?
326
00:13:06,858 --> 00:13:08,786
I splatowed one of my customers.
327
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,422
I thought she was a Medusa.
328
00:13:10,424 --> 00:13:13,192
- 'Cause of how high you were?
- No, because she was a Medusa.
329
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:19,169
If Purgatory's such a
hellhole now, why stay?
330
00:13:19,171 --> 00:13:21,772
Wait... How'd you get around
the problem of the border?
331
00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:24,573
What problem with the border?
332
00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,709
Oh, did I not mention that?
333
00:13:26,711 --> 00:13:28,044
- (WYNONNA SIGHS)
- Okay...
334
00:13:28,046 --> 00:13:30,013
After all the demons moth-to-a-flamed
335
00:13:30,015 --> 00:13:32,957
the Ghost River Triangle,
some government dickpickles
336
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:35,218
set up, like, a quarantine
around the place.
337
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,955
Whoa, whoa, whoa, so,
people can't get out now?
338
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,222
Demons can't. Reg peeps can.
339
00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:40,624
Good.
340
00:13:40,626 --> 00:13:42,425
Wait. Not criminals!
341
00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:44,561
There's no way in Herojuana
they'll let you out.
342
00:13:44,563 --> 00:13:47,264
This is a Russian doll of suckage.
343
00:13:47,266 --> 00:13:50,290
Inside an arbitrary border,
there's a hellmouth,
344
00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:51,896
inside that is a demon bush party,
345
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,336
inside that is a jail,
346
00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:54,771
and inside that,
347
00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:56,806
I'm at the mercy of a
Dukes of Hazzard reject
348
00:13:56,808 --> 00:13:58,675
who wouldn't know justice
if it splatowed him
349
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:00,944
- in his butter sculpture face.
- (KNOCKING)
350
00:14:00,946 --> 00:14:02,846
Ms. Earp? You have a visitor.
351
00:14:02,848 --> 00:14:04,414
Good.
352
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:06,082
Give me a heads up next time.
353
00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:07,417
You were in the zone.
354
00:14:07,419 --> 00:14:09,639
My client has the right to a trial.
355
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,254
Your sister will get one.
356
00:14:11,256 --> 00:14:12,985
That's the whole
reason I brought her in,
357
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:14,488
instead of letting the town hang her.
358
00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:17,660
I'm issuing a writ of habeas corpus.
359
00:14:17,662 --> 00:14:18,928
No!
360
00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:20,997
These dickpickles are gonna
have to show us a body.
361
00:14:20,999 --> 00:14:23,600
That is literally what
habeas corpus means.
362
00:14:23,602 --> 00:14:25,435
You two wanna let me know
when you're done slap-fighting
363
00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:26,971
'cause I've got a hell of a backlog.
364
00:14:26,973 --> 00:14:28,274
Oh, you've got a backlog?
365
00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:30,610
Buddy, apparently I haven't
pooped in 18 months.
366
00:14:30,612 --> 00:14:32,513
I have a backlog.
367
00:14:33,845 --> 00:14:35,478
Motion to strike that from the record.
368
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,946
Motion denied.
369
00:14:36,948 --> 00:14:39,015
Nice of you to join us, Magistrate.
370
00:14:39,017 --> 00:14:41,319
- Mm-hmm.
- Magistrate?
371
00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,721
The family member here
would like to register
372
00:14:44,723 --> 00:14:46,289
a judicial complaint, Your Honor.
373
00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:47,391
Yeah, I don't do those.
374
00:14:47,393 --> 00:14:49,225
I just like the part
where I'm all judgy.
375
00:14:49,227 --> 00:14:51,329
It's regarding the Earp case.
376
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:57,168
That's her?
377
00:14:58,337 --> 00:14:59,836
That?
378
00:14:59,838 --> 00:15:01,471
That can hear you.
379
00:15:01,473 --> 00:15:03,907
Um, we need to manage
this one carefully.
380
00:15:03,909 --> 00:15:06,142
There was an incident downtown, and...
381
00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:08,902
- people are watching.
- Ooh, fun.
382
00:15:08,904 --> 00:15:11,831
Uh, can we not refer to
the attempted execution
383
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,384
of my client as fun?
384
00:15:14,186 --> 00:15:16,286
Can I speak with you
for a moment privately?
385
00:15:16,288 --> 00:15:17,822
In my office?
386
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,025
Cute outfit.
387
00:15:22,894 --> 00:15:24,461
(DOOR CLOSING)
388
00:15:24,463 --> 00:15:26,629
(WHISPERING): Is this our
plan? Is this our entire plan?
389
00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:28,031
No, of course not.
390
00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:30,266
Wynonna, we're gonna prove
you didn't kill Nedley.
391
00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:31,269
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
392
00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:32,672
Doc's all over it.
393
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,538
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
394
00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:38,508
♪ Do you wanna go downtown ♪
395
00:15:38,510 --> 00:15:41,077
(CROWD CHEERING)
396
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:42,912
Behave, bunnies.
397
00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:44,582
Or don't.
398
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:49,886
What a dame.
399
00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:52,256
Do you want another Brandy Alexander?
400
00:15:53,058 --> 00:15:55,725
I wish I could offer
you something different,
401
00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:59,195
but my supply trucks keep
getting eaten by the woods.
402
00:15:59,197 --> 00:16:03,834
And what with this county
technically dry these days...
403
00:16:07,439 --> 00:16:09,239
Doc!
404
00:16:09,241 --> 00:16:11,741
What a relief it is to see you.
405
00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:14,412
And a letdown to smell you.
406
00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:17,147
Well, careful now.
407
00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:18,915
You will make your bunnies jealous.
408
00:16:18,917 --> 00:16:20,884
They just love when I serve them up
409
00:16:20,886 --> 00:16:23,353
all that bloodsucker realness.
410
00:16:23,355 --> 00:16:26,222
Who turned you? Was it Kate?
411
00:16:26,224 --> 00:16:29,459
What? I'm not a vamp!
412
00:16:29,461 --> 00:16:30,894
Realness means faking it.
413
00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:32,729
God. Keep up!
414
00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:35,432
Wait, so you are not actually a demon?
415
00:16:35,434 --> 00:16:37,501
I just let them think that I am,
416
00:16:37,503 --> 00:16:39,536
because it's safer that way.
417
00:16:39,538 --> 00:16:42,572
What does that tell you about
what this town has become?
418
00:16:42,574 --> 00:16:44,541
Please tell me everyone's okay, Doc.
419
00:16:44,543 --> 00:16:47,110
Waverly is fine. Wynonna is in jail.
420
00:16:47,112 --> 00:16:49,746
Frick. I was worried about that.
421
00:16:49,748 --> 00:16:51,315
What really happened to Nedley?
422
00:16:52,484 --> 00:16:54,617
When Wynonna left him with me,
423
00:16:54,619 --> 00:16:56,419
I tried my best to Meredith Grey
424
00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:58,121
that magnificent old
bitch back to health.
425
00:16:58,123 --> 00:17:00,356
But eventually, he did a runner on me.
426
00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:01,424
Why?
427
00:17:01,426 --> 00:17:04,559
He was oozing. And he smelled.
428
00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:07,385
Like a teen boy's feet,
coated in blue cheese.
429
00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:09,299
Worse than you!
430
00:17:09,301 --> 00:17:11,000
You paint quite a picture, Portia.
431
00:17:11,002 --> 00:17:13,169
I tried my best.
432
00:17:13,171 --> 00:17:15,038
But this place was getting real.
433
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,340
And after a few days, he just...
434
00:17:17,342 --> 00:17:19,310
he took off into the woods.
435
00:17:20,111 --> 00:17:21,746
Where the monsters are.
436
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,484
You must come and attest to that.
437
00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:29,486
Doc, this isn't the
world that you all left.
438
00:17:29,488 --> 00:17:31,621
We must produce Nedley,
439
00:17:31,623 --> 00:17:33,724
either alive or dead, we must find him.
440
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,861
I can tell you where
the people-eater is,
441
00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:39,596
it's out at Grizzly Flats.
442
00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:41,698
Maybe you'll find
something to show them.
443
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,598
Doc, they say it's claws
are like if Wolverine
444
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,034
impregnated a chainsaw.
445
00:17:46,204 --> 00:17:47,738
Thank you, Mercedes.
446
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:56,012
Oh! (LAUGHING)
447
00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:57,380
Can we try a jailbreak?
448
00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,315
No! They've got a lot
of guys working for them,
449
00:17:59,317 --> 00:18:00,750
- whatever they are.
- Yeah.
450
00:18:00,752 --> 00:18:02,318
- What if they're all demons?
- Exactly,
451
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,320
- and I don't have my...
- (DISTANT LAUGHING)
452
00:18:04,322 --> 00:18:06,256
... shiny thing that
makes with the peace.
453
00:18:06,258 --> 00:18:07,924
- Shit.
- Ahem!
454
00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:10,027
I have an announcement to make!
455
00:18:10,862 --> 00:18:12,428
So!
456
00:18:12,430 --> 00:18:14,063
(CLEARING THROAT)
457
00:18:14,065 --> 00:18:17,333
- (MEGAPHONE FEEDBACK)
- You think that our jails
458
00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:19,936
are too crowded, and
our courts are too slow?
459
00:18:19,938 --> 00:18:22,672
Think there's nothing to
do in this lame-ass town?
460
00:18:22,674 --> 00:18:25,408
Think we need a little bit
more junk in our trunks?
461
00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,846
- Is she asking me?
- And as always,
462
00:18:27,848 --> 00:18:29,582
we aim to please,
463
00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,652
and we're here to fix any problem
464
00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:34,050
you guys think you might have. So...
465
00:18:34,052 --> 00:18:37,387
lock up your daughters,
and lube up your saucepans!
466
00:18:37,389 --> 00:18:41,224
All of our jailbirds
will be competing for one,
467
00:18:41,226 --> 00:18:44,027
yes, one, get-out-of-jail-free card.
468
00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:45,931
- In the first ever...
- What?
469
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:49,032
... Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off
470
00:18:49,034 --> 00:18:51,435
For Freedom! Yay!
471
00:18:53,171 --> 00:18:56,739
Is... Is this real life?
472
00:18:56,741 --> 00:18:59,310
Might be for you. But I'm dead.
473
00:19:00,482 --> 00:19:04,085
(PIANO MUSIC)
474
00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:10,849
Hope you're ready to stumble!
475
00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,752
'Cause this tummy is
starting to grumble!
476
00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:15,287
- (WOMAN): Woo!
- (CHUCKLING)
477
00:19:15,289 --> 00:19:18,391
She is Grade A, USDA certifiable.
478
00:19:18,393 --> 00:19:19,808
Hey, just be glad you weren't here
479
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:23,245
for the Tops-Off-Dance-Off For Freedom!
480
00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,613
Every month or so,
481
00:19:24,615 --> 00:19:27,082
the Magistrate manages
to out-whackadoo herself.
482
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,084
I don't get it. What's her endgame?
483
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,753
Ugh, classic bread and circuses, brah.
484
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,155
Keep the populace fed and entertained,
485
00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:36,569
and you can get away
with all kinds of devilry.
486
00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:38,976
Yup. Okay, your trash talk is
a little all over the place.
487
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,245
Hey, they set people
free after these contests.
488
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:42,546
I've seen it.
489
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:45,016
What if this is the only
chance for us to get out?
490
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,318
Wynonna!
491
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,054
Hi.
492
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,256
Haught.
493
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,026
Thanks for getting her home.
494
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,128
I only did it for me.
495
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,231
Like everything you've ever done.
496
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,734
It's been a while.
497
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,570
A long while, apparently.
498
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,472
- How you holding up?
- Peachy.
499
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,908
Hey. I brought a few things from home.
500
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,309
Is that against the rules?
501
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,644
Uh, I feel like the only rule
502
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,080
is don't tell the Empress
she's got no clothes.
503
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,816
Well she's def got no panties.
504
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,652
What? She jumped up on a
desk. I couldn't help it.
505
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,887
- Is she waxed?
- (AIRHORN BLARING)
506
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,423
- Fudge!
- And that's the first toot
507
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,759
of the Randy Nedley Memorial
Chili Cook-off For Freedom!
508
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,861
With a lot more toots to follow.
509
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,363
Now get cooking, left-swipes!
510
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,933
- Cook!
- Do I put the cheese in first?
511
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,769
- Probably, right?
- Oh!
512
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:39,870
- Okay.
- Okay.
513
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:40,938
- Yup.
- Yup.
514
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,440
We're on it. We're on it.
515
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,178
(EERIE MUSIC)
516
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,176
Ohh...
517
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,080
Oh, sweet honey-lamb.
518
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,522
(MONSTER GROWLING)
519
00:21:33,592 --> 00:21:36,227
(TENSE MUSIC)
520
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,332
Come closer, now.
521
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,169
It is time we met.
522
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,503
(GROWLING)
523
00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:48,540
(COUNTRY MUSIC)
524
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,875
Woo! You want a t-shirt?!
525
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:52,943
You want a t-shirt?
526
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,179
And you get a t-shirt! Oh!
527
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,647
In the nads!
528
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,650
Now they're also XXL!
529
00:21:58,652 --> 00:21:59,952
Probably better not to be Sheriff
530
00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:01,421
while she's got her hands on that thing.
531
00:22:01,423 --> 00:22:03,487
Imagine the lawsuits?
532
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,089
I never imagined you giving up the star,
533
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:07,858
power-hungry fiend that you are.
534
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,760
I didn't give up. Cleo showed up,
535
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,862
reincorporated the town,
made herself magistrate,
536
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:14,565
- and elected her own Sheriff.
- So nobody stopped her?
537
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:17,434
Who had time for politics? I
had Rachel, and the homestead,
538
00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:19,437
and people to look for.
539
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,073
And I did look. Hard.
540
00:22:21,075 --> 00:22:22,509
Where'd you look? Up Bunny Loblaw's...
541
00:22:22,511 --> 00:22:24,178
Don't come at me about
it, okay, Wynonna?
542
00:22:24,180 --> 00:22:26,410
I know I let everybody down.
543
00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:28,045
Nicole, I would never say...
544
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:30,447
Are you two chatting?
I need those onions, stat!
545
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,382
Yes, chef! Coming.
546
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:35,051
Okay. Now, for the pressed seitan.
547
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,554
What?! Who's President Satan?
548
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,224
No. Seitan. As in vital wheat gluten.
549
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:41,725
It's the secret to a hearty vegan chili.
550
00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,493
We're making vegan chili?!
551
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:46,130
Baby, how's she supposed to win
anything with vegan chili?!
552
00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:48,532
(GASPS)
553
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:51,668
Not today, Satan!
554
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:52,769
Afternoon, Ms. Haught.
555
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,938
Sheriff Clayborn.
556
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,540
Makes a change to see you back in town.
557
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,409
I hope that means
there's no hard feelings.
558
00:22:59,411 --> 00:23:01,112
About the election.
559
00:23:01,114 --> 00:23:03,480
I didn't have as much time to campaign.
560
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,949
Or your other rumored advantages.
561
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:08,452
Nice you can afford a break now, though.
562
00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:09,687
I mean, that is,
563
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:11,709
if you feel the homestead
is safe with a...
564
00:23:11,711 --> 00:23:13,512
teenage girl on the case.
565
00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:16,728
Good luck with the chili.
566
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:26,770
Aw, you have your little worry wrinkle.
567
00:23:26,772 --> 00:23:29,406
There are things, Waverly.
Every night, in those traps.
568
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,608
The monster really wants inside.
569
00:23:31,610 --> 00:23:33,144
You're worried about Rachel.
570
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,146
Why don't you go home?
571
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,614
You sure you don't mind?
572
00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:38,916
No.
573
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,826
I'll give you 20 bucks
for half your bacon.
574
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:52,663
You don't have 20 bucks.
575
00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,299
Wynonna!
576
00:23:56,402 --> 00:23:57,968
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
577
00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,737
For Randy Nedley.
578
00:23:59,739 --> 00:24:02,741
(GUNSHOTS, MONSTER GROWLING)
579
00:24:14,653 --> 00:24:16,854
(GROWLING)
580
00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,557
Rachel?!
581
00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:23,794
- Valdez?!
- Nicole! I'm okay!
582
00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,829
Okay. You're okay?
583
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:27,531
Don't make it more
painful by mommying me.
584
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:28,965
What happened?
585
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,867
I'm out re-baiting trap
seven, by the poplars,
586
00:24:30,869 --> 00:24:33,804
and you scared away the skunks
earlier, so I used kombucha.
587
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,539
What? It kills all kinds of things,
588
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,774
you know, like intestinal
parasites, and...
589
00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:39,176
Ow, ow!
590
00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:40,944
So I'm filling up the trap,
591
00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,313
and it runs in, you know,
the big, crusty one.
592
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:45,882
But then, you know that
old-timey cowboy dude?
593
00:24:45,884 --> 00:24:47,117
Daddy Blue Eyes?
594
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,553
- Doc.
- Yeah!
595
00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,189
He's on the hill, and he's yelling at it
596
00:24:50,191 --> 00:24:51,625
to come get him instead.
597
00:24:51,627 --> 00:24:54,024
- Did he kill it?
- No, but he shot it.
598
00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:56,497
Okay. You are coming inside.
599
00:24:56,499 --> 00:24:58,362
And that is my mommy voice.
600
00:24:58,364 --> 00:25:00,997
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
601
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:02,632
Oh, my God. It's edible. Try it!
602
00:25:02,634 --> 00:25:04,468
You threw stolen beef
and a can of anchovies
603
00:25:04,470 --> 00:25:06,336
into my vegan masterpiece!
604
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:07,571
Ahh!
605
00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,005
Damn.
606
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,174
I'm gonna shove that thing
up her canned anchovies.
607
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,944
Criminal, take it.
608
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,380
And this.
609
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,181
Criminal chiliheads!
610
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,585
As you all know, I
excel at having opinions.
611
00:25:21,587 --> 00:25:23,553
And I was going to decide today's winner
612
00:25:23,555 --> 00:25:25,021
all by my lonesome,
613
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,590
but a little voice in my head was like,
614
00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:28,859
don't be such a greedy
skank's toilet, Cleo!
615
00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:30,060
- Cleo?
- Toilet?
616
00:25:30,062 --> 00:25:32,963
So I asked the second...
617
00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,232
prettiest girl in all of Purgatory
618
00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:36,401
to come help me out.
619
00:25:36,403 --> 00:25:39,770
So slap your bits together
for your Miss Kidney Bean:
620
00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,571
Chrissy Nedley!
621
00:25:41,573 --> 00:25:43,241
(CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
622
00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:49,579
(TENSE MUSIC)
623
00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:52,349
Oh... You weren't kidding.
624
00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,352
She really does think
you killed her dad.
625
00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:58,188
Yeah, I don't think you're gonna win.
626
00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:00,670
I'm gonna turn out the lights
in case it's attracted to them.
627
00:26:01,593 --> 00:26:03,960
(MONSTER ROARING)
628
00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:05,595
It's here.
629
00:26:05,597 --> 00:26:08,432
(STOMPING)
630
00:26:08,434 --> 00:26:11,134
(DOC): Nicole! Let me in! Let me in!
631
00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:13,970
(RACHEL): It's Dr. Mustache,
we have to save him!
632
00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:15,773
(DOC): I'm going out front!
633
00:26:16,809 --> 00:26:18,642
It's gonna break the glass!
634
00:26:18,644 --> 00:26:19,810
(DOC): Open up!
635
00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,645
Nicole, you have to let him in!
636
00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:23,413
- (STOMPING)
- Nicole!
637
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,784
- (MONSTER ROARING)
- Nicole!
638
00:26:25,786 --> 00:26:27,006
(ROARING)
639
00:26:27,008 --> 00:26:28,508
Wake up!
640
00:26:28,510 --> 00:26:30,843
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
641
00:26:30,845 --> 00:26:33,213
- (MONSTER ROARING)
- (DOC): Please!
642
00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:36,829
That felt like it took forever.
643
00:26:36,831 --> 00:26:38,932
- Yeah, I bet.
- Move!
644
00:26:40,501 --> 00:26:43,136
(INTENSE MUSIC)
645
00:26:45,606 --> 00:26:48,607
(GUNSHOT, MONSTER ROARING)
646
00:26:48,609 --> 00:26:51,543
You carried a bottle the
whole time you were running?
647
00:26:51,545 --> 00:26:53,513
- You are goals.
- No, he is not goals,
648
00:26:53,515 --> 00:26:55,916
- he needs water.
- Or maybe he needs...
649
00:26:55,918 --> 00:26:57,919
(BOTH): Don't say kombucha.
650
00:26:57,921 --> 00:26:59,818
Thanks for distracting
the crusty booger beast.
651
00:26:59,820 --> 00:27:02,120
- Right, Haught?
- Yeah. Thanks, Doc.
652
00:27:02,122 --> 00:27:04,056
Do not let me set here
for more than ten minutes.
653
00:27:04,058 --> 00:27:06,091
I am fixing to return to the woods.
654
00:27:06,093 --> 00:27:07,659
- For what?
- To complete the job.
655
00:27:07,661 --> 00:27:10,429
- That is a host animal.
- For the little puffballs!
656
00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,264
I saw it leaking from the wound.
657
00:27:12,266 --> 00:27:14,766
I believe it has slowed a little.
658
00:27:14,768 --> 00:27:16,569
Then it's time we strike back.
659
00:27:17,872 --> 00:27:20,372
- It might be okay.
- (AIRHORN BLARING)
660
00:27:20,374 --> 00:27:22,007
- I'll never get used to that.
- So...
661
00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:24,210
Clearly some of you
didn't want it bad enough.
662
00:27:24,212 --> 00:27:25,646
Seriously, four of those chilis
663
00:27:25,648 --> 00:27:27,326
was just hot diarrhea with beans.
664
00:27:27,328 --> 00:27:28,794
- Certainly mine.
- Ew.
665
00:27:28,796 --> 00:27:31,197
So, thank you for attending
666
00:27:31,199 --> 00:27:33,966
the first Randy Nedley
Memorial Chili Cook-off.
667
00:27:33,968 --> 00:27:35,602
If you leave off the
"For Freedom", so help me,
668
00:27:35,604 --> 00:27:37,903
I will treat you to an
actual bowl of hot diarrhea.
669
00:27:37,905 --> 00:27:39,538
For Freedom!
670
00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:42,541
My father had a complicated
relationship with this cook-off.
671
00:27:42,543 --> 00:27:44,805
If he were here today, he would say...
672
00:27:44,807 --> 00:27:46,880
God, no one cares, Pissy, who won?!
673
00:27:48,149 --> 00:27:50,449
And today's winner of our
get out-of-jail-free card
674
00:27:50,451 --> 00:27:51,684
goes to...
675
00:27:51,686 --> 00:27:53,219
Please, please, please, please.
676
00:27:53,221 --> 00:27:55,488
Wynonna Earp!
677
00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:57,557
- What?
- (CROWD WHISTLING)
678
00:27:59,394 --> 00:28:01,361
(SQUEALING)
679
00:28:02,997 --> 00:28:06,699
Winner, winner, chili dinner! I win!
680
00:28:06,701 --> 00:28:08,802
- Glad it was you, Cell-y!
- Listen, you can have the rest
681
00:28:08,804 --> 00:28:10,505
- of my chili if you want.
- Ah, I'm good.
682
00:28:11,839 --> 00:28:13,539
What?
683
00:28:13,541 --> 00:28:14,641
Ah...
684
00:28:16,043 --> 00:28:18,277
- No way, right?
- Okay!
685
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:20,112
Bye!
686
00:28:20,114 --> 00:28:23,349
- Pound it. No? No?
- (WAVERLY GAGS)
687
00:28:23,351 --> 00:28:26,252
It tastes like peppermint butt.
688
00:28:26,254 --> 00:28:27,586
- Hey, hey!
- So why?
689
00:28:27,588 --> 00:28:29,790
Unhand your Chili Queen!
690
00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,393
That's why.
691
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:37,696
Where are those keys?
692
00:28:37,698 --> 00:28:39,460
To my new car?
693
00:28:39,462 --> 00:28:41,534
Wow, this contest has everything!
694
00:28:41,536 --> 00:28:44,203
Holt, or Sheriff Clayborn,
695
00:28:44,205 --> 00:28:46,071
doesn't like it when I
drive department vehicles,
696
00:28:46,073 --> 00:28:48,340
but he can have a big
old gag of my gavel.
697
00:28:48,342 --> 00:28:50,776
Did you forget the "freedom" part?
698
00:28:50,778 --> 00:28:52,545
Yeah, not 'til you get to the border.
699
00:28:52,547 --> 00:28:53,632
I'm not leaving town.
700
00:28:53,634 --> 00:28:55,210
Don't worry, I can get
you out. I know people.
701
00:28:55,212 --> 00:28:56,782
No, I mean, I won't.
702
00:28:56,784 --> 00:28:58,417
Do you know how many Purgatorians
703
00:28:58,419 --> 00:29:00,453
would have murdered for this prize?
704
00:29:00,455 --> 00:29:02,621
(GASPS) Oh, weird...
705
00:29:02,623 --> 00:29:04,724
I just realized that that's
exactly what you did!
706
00:29:07,428 --> 00:29:09,462
You acted like you knew who I was.
707
00:29:09,464 --> 00:29:11,230
When we first met.
708
00:29:11,232 --> 00:29:12,566
But you're not a Revenant.
709
00:29:13,935 --> 00:29:16,470
And if you were really
powerful, you'd just kill me.
710
00:29:19,607 --> 00:29:20,974
(GASPS) Yay!
711
00:29:21,776 --> 00:29:23,043
Keys!
712
00:29:23,045 --> 00:29:24,512
I wish I knew what we were up against,
713
00:29:24,514 --> 00:29:26,812
so we could prep a silver
bullet or a wooden stake.
714
00:29:26,814 --> 00:29:28,848
- Sorry, Doc.
- Understood.
715
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:30,816
Okay, don't yell at me, but...
716
00:29:30,818 --> 00:29:33,185
the creature did make a Chewbacca howl
717
00:29:33,187 --> 00:29:34,720
when it stepped in
the puddle of kombucha.
718
00:29:34,722 --> 00:29:36,622
For the last time,
home brewed mold juice
719
00:29:36,624 --> 00:29:38,025
will not defeat pure evil.
720
00:29:38,027 --> 00:29:39,825
It smelled like pure evil.
721
00:29:39,827 --> 00:29:42,995
When it was leaking? Like
blue cheese and boy feet.
722
00:29:42,997 --> 00:29:45,097
Did you hear someone say that?
723
00:29:45,099 --> 00:29:47,633
It dealt it. I simply smelt it.
724
00:29:47,635 --> 00:29:50,436
Look, I am not suggesting
we refrain from hunting it...
725
00:29:50,438 --> 00:29:51,572
Like hell I would.
726
00:29:51,574 --> 00:29:53,973
... but I looked into its eyes
and I'm remain unconvinced
727
00:29:53,975 --> 00:29:55,407
it is our enemy.
728
00:29:55,409 --> 00:29:57,397
This thing wants to take Waverly's home,
729
00:29:57,399 --> 00:30:00,279
and our ability to
think of anything else.
730
00:30:00,281 --> 00:30:01,914
I found this in the trap,
731
00:30:01,916 --> 00:30:03,415
last year when you guys were...
732
00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:04,751
Gone for too long.
733
00:30:05,953 --> 00:30:07,421
At first I thought it was irrelevant,
734
00:30:07,423 --> 00:30:09,488
but then I figured it out.
735
00:30:09,490 --> 00:30:11,190
It's a Hawaiian shirt, Doc.
736
00:30:11,192 --> 00:30:13,527
It's... It's Nedley's shirt.
737
00:30:14,962 --> 00:30:16,595
That thing killed him,
738
00:30:16,597 --> 00:30:18,565
and now we need to kill it.
739
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,500
The ballpuffers are parasites,
740
00:30:21,502 --> 00:30:23,669
and they took over something.
741
00:30:23,671 --> 00:30:25,505
Someone.
742
00:30:26,374 --> 00:30:29,808
Someone that always
comes back to you, Nicole.
743
00:30:29,810 --> 00:30:31,043
No.
744
00:30:31,045 --> 00:30:33,712
What if the ogre didn't eat Nedley?
745
00:30:33,714 --> 00:30:36,148
- What if the ogre...
- ... is Nedley?
746
00:30:36,150 --> 00:30:37,851
(TENSE MUSIC)
747
00:30:40,254 --> 00:30:42,087
People will find out...
748
00:30:42,089 --> 00:30:45,424
about the contest, about
you not keeping your word.
749
00:30:45,426 --> 00:30:47,928
One, how are they gonna find out?
750
00:30:48,729 --> 00:30:52,064
And two, what does an Earp know
about keeping their word, huh?
751
00:30:52,066 --> 00:30:53,999
That is priceless.
752
00:30:54,001 --> 00:30:55,467
You are hilare.
753
00:30:55,469 --> 00:30:56,903
So this is personal.
754
00:30:59,073 --> 00:31:01,608
(GRUNTING)
755
00:31:03,144 --> 00:31:04,744
(WYNONNA GROANING)
756
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:07,646
No.
757
00:31:07,648 --> 00:31:09,081
See this...
758
00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:12,486
This is hereditary, daughter of Earps.
759
00:31:13,688 --> 00:31:15,754
(CLEO LAUGHING)
760
00:31:15,756 --> 00:31:17,990
Besides, we have to keep
761
00:31:17,992 --> 00:31:20,259
feeding something to this monster,
762
00:31:20,261 --> 00:31:22,928
whatever it is, to keep it out of town.
763
00:31:22,930 --> 00:31:24,563
See, Sheriff Holt and I?
764
00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:26,599
We know what it takes
765
00:31:26,601 --> 00:31:29,468
to get dirty jobs done.
766
00:31:29,470 --> 00:31:31,671
And if that dirty job...
767
00:31:33,407 --> 00:31:35,475
happens to be you?
768
00:31:36,811 --> 00:31:38,611
Bonus.
769
00:31:38,613 --> 00:31:40,747
- Now scream.
- Argh!
770
00:31:41,816 --> 00:31:43,782
(QUIETLY): Eat my vegan seitan.
771
00:31:43,784 --> 00:31:46,118
(SIGHS) See, they lied.
772
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,487
You're not even fun.
773
00:31:48,556 --> 00:31:50,590
(SCREAMING)
774
00:31:52,059 --> 00:31:53,959
Beastie boy!
775
00:31:53,961 --> 00:31:55,962
Come and get it!
776
00:31:59,533 --> 00:32:00,766
Where are you going?
777
00:32:00,768 --> 00:32:02,868
Oh, to sit in my car.
778
00:32:02,870 --> 00:32:04,637
Take a few pics!
779
00:32:04,639 --> 00:32:07,740
Maybe buff my muff, if the mood strikes.
780
00:32:07,742 --> 00:32:09,142
You are so weird.
781
00:32:12,413 --> 00:32:13,946
Previews are over.
782
00:32:13,948 --> 00:32:15,781
Looks like the creature
feature is starting.
783
00:32:15,783 --> 00:32:17,583
Get away from her, skank toilet!
784
00:32:17,585 --> 00:32:18,652
Ahh!
785
00:32:18,654 --> 00:32:20,552
For the record, I don't
believe in skank shaming,
786
00:32:20,554 --> 00:32:21,788
but you said it first.
787
00:32:24,291 --> 00:32:26,191
Sis, you okay?
788
00:32:26,193 --> 00:32:27,793
We need a knife or scissors.
789
00:32:27,795 --> 00:32:30,429
I have... teeth?
790
00:32:30,431 --> 00:32:32,332
Ugh! She's got a weapon!
791
00:32:33,267 --> 00:32:35,034
Friggin' skanks always do.
792
00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:36,702
Wait, I gotta stop saying that.
793
00:32:36,704 --> 00:32:38,538
Okay, stay there!
794
00:32:43,678 --> 00:32:46,111
No, no, no!
795
00:32:46,113 --> 00:32:48,147
(CLEO SCREAMING)
796
00:32:48,149 --> 00:32:49,448
(GROWLING)
797
00:32:49,450 --> 00:32:52,218
(WHIMPERING)
798
00:32:56,691 --> 00:32:58,624
(GRUNTING)
799
00:32:58,626 --> 00:32:59,825
(GROWLING)
800
00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:01,227
Waverly!
801
00:33:03,297 --> 00:33:04,798
Waverly!
802
00:33:05,966 --> 00:33:07,734
- Hold your fire!
- It's Nedley!
803
00:33:10,638 --> 00:33:12,037
Doc, flank him on the back!
804
00:33:12,039 --> 00:33:14,207
Waverly, find your position!
805
00:33:15,710 --> 00:33:18,578
(TENSE MUSIC)
806
00:33:21,348 --> 00:33:23,183
(ENGINE STARTING)
807
00:33:24,351 --> 00:33:26,219
(GROWLING)
808
00:33:31,058 --> 00:33:34,761
(SOFT, JOYFUL MUSIC)
809
00:33:42,737 --> 00:33:47,573
♪ I used to take on
the world on my own ♪
810
00:33:47,575 --> 00:33:51,077
♪ Thought I was so strong ♪
811
00:33:54,949 --> 00:33:57,249
♪ As long as I'm here ♪
812
00:33:57,251 --> 00:33:59,718
♪ By your side ♪
813
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,755
♪ Ten times as strong together ♪
814
00:34:02,757 --> 00:34:06,059
♪ We're amplified ♪
815
00:34:09,597 --> 00:34:11,196
Idiots.
816
00:34:11,198 --> 00:34:12,731
(LAUGHING)
817
00:34:12,733 --> 00:34:14,367
(GROWLING)
818
00:34:16,871 --> 00:34:20,106
♪ And I'm here by your side ♪
819
00:34:25,279 --> 00:34:26,578
(LAUGHING)
820
00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:27,881
Wynonna?
821
00:34:28,716 --> 00:34:29,982
What did I do?
822
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:32,217
You survived, Nedley.
823
00:34:32,219 --> 00:34:33,452
That's what you did.
824
00:34:33,454 --> 00:34:35,021
You made it home.
825
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,093
Fuck yeah.
826
00:34:44,605 --> 00:34:47,308
Nedley, I'm not coming any closer
827
00:34:47,310 --> 00:34:48,510
until you put this on.
828
00:34:50,471 --> 00:34:52,170
There's been enough crime today.
829
00:34:52,172 --> 00:34:54,005
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
830
00:34:54,007 --> 00:34:55,441
Hey.
831
00:34:57,894 --> 00:35:00,695
- Nicole, what's going on?
- I...
832
00:35:00,697 --> 00:35:03,132
You were not in possession
of your own faculties.
833
00:35:05,702 --> 00:35:07,368
Why do I taste skunk?
834
00:35:07,370 --> 00:35:08,871
That may be me.
835
00:35:10,473 --> 00:35:12,641
That's some intense, brother.
836
00:35:17,113 --> 00:35:19,181
(SOFT MUSIC)
837
00:35:29,081 --> 00:35:30,214
- Dad.
- Chrissy!
838
00:35:30,216 --> 00:35:32,050
Oh, my God. Dad!
839
00:35:32,952 --> 00:35:35,987
- (CRYING)
- Shh, shh.
840
00:35:39,959 --> 00:35:41,693
They told me you were dead.
841
00:35:42,528 --> 00:35:45,764
This stubborn mule? Not yet.
842
00:35:47,233 --> 00:35:50,033
Where were you? What happened?
843
00:35:50,035 --> 00:35:51,368
I really don't remember.
844
00:35:51,370 --> 00:35:54,505
- Ah, might be for the best.
- Might be?
845
00:35:54,507 --> 00:35:56,888
Look, um, we think he'll be fine.
846
00:35:56,890 --> 00:35:59,659
But just for fun, maybe keep
him away from small game.
847
00:36:02,982 --> 00:36:05,149
Wynonna. I don't even know what to say.
848
00:36:05,151 --> 00:36:06,351
(WYNONNA): I know.
849
00:36:07,153 --> 00:36:09,353
It's just, since the evacuation, I...
850
00:36:09,355 --> 00:36:11,990
this place... it got to me and I...
851
00:36:11,992 --> 00:36:14,326
Needed us and got hurt
when we weren't here?
852
00:36:16,362 --> 00:36:18,730
- Yeah.
- It won't happen again.
853
00:36:21,834 --> 00:36:23,268
Hey, you.
854
00:36:27,206 --> 00:36:29,073
It's good to have you back.
855
00:36:39,051 --> 00:36:40,051
Nicole.
856
00:36:41,754 --> 00:36:43,187
You should get Chrissy out of here.
857
00:36:43,189 --> 00:36:44,722
While you still can.
858
00:36:56,368 --> 00:36:58,235
You did the chili cook-off without me?
859
00:36:58,237 --> 00:37:01,472
(LAUGHING) Dad...
860
00:37:01,474 --> 00:37:03,875
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
861
00:37:06,679 --> 00:37:09,714
Here I thought all my flirting
was getting me nowhere.
862
00:37:10,616 --> 00:37:12,716
There is more where that came from.
863
00:37:12,718 --> 00:37:16,453
That would get my slacks off in a snap.
864
00:37:16,455 --> 00:37:18,889
'Cause that would be a challenge.
865
00:37:18,891 --> 00:37:21,291
I paid for that truck, and its contents,
866
00:37:21,293 --> 00:37:22,726
and I'll be french-fried
867
00:37:22,728 --> 00:37:25,128
if you're going to sell my
own property back to me.
868
00:37:25,130 --> 00:37:28,514
Except I know where
it is and you do not.
869
00:37:28,516 --> 00:37:30,767
But I suppose I could sell said contents
870
00:37:30,769 --> 00:37:32,436
to the human bar in town...
871
00:37:32,438 --> 00:37:34,939
Let's not get off on the wrong foot.
872
00:37:36,308 --> 00:37:38,809
I also suggest that you acquire
873
00:37:38,811 --> 00:37:41,979
protection for your next
order and that would be,
874
00:37:41,981 --> 00:37:44,014
well, yours truly.
875
00:37:44,016 --> 00:37:46,350
An experienced hand
with local knowledge,
876
00:37:46,352 --> 00:37:50,988
who can then safely convey
said truck right to your...
877
00:37:50,990 --> 00:37:52,690
back door.
878
00:37:53,626 --> 00:37:55,860
What would you require in return?
879
00:37:56,996 --> 00:38:00,131
Something to quench
that vampiric appetite?
880
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,966
When was the last time you fed?
881
00:38:02,968 --> 00:38:05,035
My hunger...
882
00:38:05,037 --> 00:38:06,503
is none of your concern.
883
00:38:06,505 --> 00:38:10,007
What I require is something
more... tangible.
884
00:38:10,009 --> 00:38:11,676
A future favor.
885
00:38:12,511 --> 00:38:14,745
And two thousand a load.
886
00:38:14,747 --> 00:38:17,247
(CHUCKLING) That's highway robbery.
887
00:38:17,249 --> 00:38:19,416
Precisely. And at a reasonable cost.
888
00:38:19,418 --> 00:38:22,986
But I assure you, I am the best.
889
00:38:22,988 --> 00:38:24,455
Mm-hmm...
890
00:38:29,795 --> 00:38:31,496
(ELECTRONIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
891
00:38:32,965 --> 00:38:34,464
You smell like heaven.
892
00:38:34,466 --> 00:38:35,833
I know.
893
00:38:44,710 --> 00:38:49,614
♪ If you could love me completely ♪
894
00:38:52,551 --> 00:38:56,721
♪ If you could show me a sign ♪
895
00:38:59,825 --> 00:39:03,360
Having trouble remembering
where you like these lips.
896
00:39:03,362 --> 00:39:05,597
You seem to be figuring it out.
897
00:39:07,484 --> 00:39:10,152
You know, the garden tried to fool me.
898
00:39:11,070 --> 00:39:13,170
With a fake you.
899
00:39:13,172 --> 00:39:14,805
You didn't...
900
00:39:14,807 --> 00:39:17,574
No. Not even close.
901
00:39:17,576 --> 00:39:20,044
But I would've known in a second.
902
00:39:21,180 --> 00:39:22,914
I know every curve...
903
00:39:24,750 --> 00:39:26,551
every sigh...
904
00:39:27,653 --> 00:39:29,554
every taste...
905
00:39:30,589 --> 00:39:32,023
(DOOR CLOSING)
906
00:39:34,426 --> 00:39:38,161
Wynonna, her midnight
snack, and the pantry door.
907
00:39:38,163 --> 00:39:40,598
She never met a thing she couldn't slam.
908
00:39:42,468 --> 00:39:44,669
Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten.
909
00:39:46,038 --> 00:39:47,938
I love you, Nicole Haught.
910
00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:51,142
And I can't wait for the
rest of our lives to unfold.
911
00:39:56,487 --> 00:39:58,588
Can you tell me about
your year and a half?
912
00:40:00,586 --> 00:40:03,320
I'm sorry, I'm just... distracted.
913
00:40:03,322 --> 00:40:05,055
I gotta go check those traps.
914
00:40:05,057 --> 00:40:06,423
Oh.
915
00:40:06,425 --> 00:40:08,959
Yeah. Okay. Uh...
916
00:40:08,961 --> 00:40:10,528
Can I come with you?
917
00:40:11,864 --> 00:40:13,397
Always.
918
00:40:13,399 --> 00:40:16,134
(SOFT MUSIC)
919
00:40:26,245 --> 00:40:29,546
- Expected date of return?
- Never.
920
00:40:29,548 --> 00:40:32,282
My Dad's birthday is in
August. Might surprise him.
921
00:40:32,284 --> 00:40:34,118
I have to get my supervisor.
922
00:40:36,088 --> 00:40:38,555
(RADIO TURNS ON)
923
00:40:38,557 --> 00:40:40,591
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
924
00:40:44,997 --> 00:40:46,664
(MAN): You're cleared to go.
925
00:40:49,168 --> 00:40:50,902
(WHISPERING): They're back.
926
00:41:05,308 --> 00:41:08,888
I'll move out to the barn,
now that everyone's back.
927
00:41:08,890 --> 00:41:11,357
- Which is good.
- Take the bed.
928
00:41:11,359 --> 00:41:13,126
You've earned it, kid.
929
00:41:13,128 --> 00:41:14,428
Besides...
930
00:41:15,864 --> 00:41:17,698
I'm better in the cold.
931
00:41:18,967 --> 00:41:21,834
Okay, Jon Snow in a B cup.
932
00:41:21,836 --> 00:41:23,771
And I'm not a kid, Wynonna.
933
00:41:26,374 --> 00:41:28,242
Why'd you leave Monument?
934
00:41:29,344 --> 00:41:31,946
When you're a person who's
gone through some stuff,
935
00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,049
and you see somebody else,
who's a good person,
936
00:41:34,051 --> 00:41:35,685
also going through some stuff...
937
00:41:37,318 --> 00:41:38,786
How bad is Nicole?
938
00:41:39,921 --> 00:41:43,023
She was alone for a really long time.
939
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:47,646
Well, thanks for taking
care of my friend,
940
00:41:47,648 --> 00:41:49,915
Rachel Valdez.
941
00:41:49,917 --> 00:41:52,851
Thank you for noticing, Wynonna Earp.
942
00:41:52,853 --> 00:41:54,787
Oh, the Earp heir.
943
00:42:01,528 --> 00:42:03,528
Listen. My bed, yeah.
944
00:42:03,530 --> 00:42:05,730
My leather pants, no.
945
00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,399
Pfft, please.
946
00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:09,881
I wouldn't be seen wearing these
in front of the skunks I milk.
947
00:42:12,339 --> 00:42:14,607
Your fringed leather jacket, though...
948
00:42:16,228 --> 00:42:18,429
Don't push your luck, Smalldez.
949
00:42:19,713 --> 00:42:22,014
- Good night.
- Good night, Wynonna.
950
00:42:23,884 --> 00:42:25,718
(SIGHING)
951
00:42:30,190 --> 00:42:33,091
- Hello, chaps!
- Hands up.
952
00:42:33,093 --> 00:42:35,761
Like I said: so good to be home.
953
00:43:06,382 --> 00:43:09,412
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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