Original subtitles

No, please don't go. I'm coming right now.

I just said I'm coming right now. I'm outside.

Yeah, I can see you. I'm waving.

FAINT LAUGHTER AND MUSIC

PHONE BUZZES

Hey.

Tom. Erm...

I'd like to catch up with you, but I really need to get this bus,

and I'd give you a hug, but - hands. You didn't wash your hands?

I washed my hands, they're just wet from washing.

Thea... I need to get this bus. I hope you're good.

Stop saying that. You don't get the bus.

I get the bus. No, you don't. Yes, I do.

Right. Which bus are you getting? PHONE BUZZES

All right... That the bus driver calling you now?

Telling you he's outside, yeah?

OK, fine. You caught me.

CHUCKLING: You're such a shit liar.

How's work?

You don't care about my work.

That's not fair. I do. It's fine.

Sold any... Picassos lately?

I don't sell anything.

I advise rich white people who want to spend obscene amounts of money

on paintings they're gonna keep in storage.

Whatever. I've told you this, like, a million times.

How's, urn...

Please don't. ..Ralph the poet?

It's pronounced "Rafe".

Is it a ridiculous name?

Yes, but mispronouncing it doesn't make you impressive.

I'm not trying to impress you.

Ralph's a patronising dick. Yeah, I know that.

He wanted to bang you. It's not my problem.

Please stop telling people that we broke up

because I was jealous of Miss Jenkins.

It makes me look ridiculous. Well, it's true.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

We bumped into Nina at the cinema.

She called me Tommy and was really excited to see how I'd grown,

you gotjealous and dumped me. I wasn't jealous.

Also, don't call her Nina. She was our history teacher.

A long bloody time ago!

I don't want to talk about this. I'm going home.

You can use the bathroom. What?

Well, you were waiting for the bathroom.

I think it's pretty obvious I was waiting to talk to you.

T...

I wanted to do the whole thing.

Marriage, kids...

Affairs when one of us - probably you - got bored.

And then you just dropped me.

It's like, you were my best friend. We were together for years.

And now you avoid me at parties.

What are you doing?

I've had three glasses of Prosecco, so I'm feeling brave.

Get ready for my TED talk.

I'm only doing this one more time, Tom.

Remember Year Seven history?

Er... Not really.

I do.

Miss Jenkins was teaching us about the English Civil War.

Is this relevant to the story? No.

No, it's just interesting.

The point is, I used to ask a lot of questions.

That, I remember.

Anyway...

It was a Thursday morning, and you had just stolen my chocolate bar.

How the hell do you remember this stuff? I swear...

I raised my hand to ask Miss Jenkins a question, and...

she started doing this terrible Nigerian accent.

She goes,

MIMICS: "Eh, eh, eh!

"T'ea has something to say again!

"You know what you are? You're the bloody Energizer Bunny.

"You just go on, and on, and on."

Everyone laughed.

She got what she wanted, cos I just shut the hell up.

I was humiliated.

I remember just...

I just sort of stayed quiet for a few clays,

cos I was trying to figure it out. Like, why?

Why had she done that? What did I do wrong?

Had I really, like, pissed her off by giving a shit?

Could she be...

And you just say, "No, no, no. It's too far.

"Don't be so sensitive, Thea."

I didn't want to accept the truth that she was racist,

because it was too scary.

So I just moved to Mr Diggs' class instead.

Do you remember Mr Diggs?

Everyone used to avoid him and say he was rank.

Oh, they were right. Do you remember his BO?

The man stank!

But at least he didn't bully me because I wanted to learn.

If I'd have known Miss Jenkins said that, I'd have...

I'd have had a go at her. I'd have...

...made her say sorry. It's not really about her.

I'm just trying to explain to you why I'm not jealous of her.

I'm disgusted by her.

And I'm still furious with myself for not complaining about it.

Most of the kids in our class were Black.

Miss Jenkins loved Temi, john... Why would she have...?

Cos my parents had money.

And they-they took me to museums on the weekend.

Because I didn't fit into her narrow definition of Blackness.

Racist white people have one or two reactions to me, Tom.

There's group one. They hear my voice, they see my career.

They see my expertise, and they absolutely love it.

They want to put me on posters.

"Look at Thea! She hasn't been shot!

"She has a good job!

"Institutionalised racism isn't a thing.

"Those other Blacks just need to put their knives away

"and speak properly." And then, there's group two, and I really...

I REALLY piss off group two.

"Blacks come over here and they start moaning about prejudice,

"but look at her.

"Look at all the things she's got!

"Why's this uppity bitch so well off? She needs to know her place.

"It's not fair!"

Miss Jenkins is in group two, Tom.

She loves Black people, especially Black boys,

as long as they're beneath her.

That's so messed up.

HE EXHALES But...

I don't know what it's got to do with me.

I have told you that story before.

No, you didn't.

We never... I'd remember if you told me that.

The first time was when we were 23.

I was working in that gallery in Soho.

I wouldn't even bring that stuff up with you,

but you came to see me at lunch, and you were being so nice.

You were so sweet.

And I sat there, and I tried to explain everything to you,

and you told me that I was overreacting.

I don't think I would have said that.

I don't remember all this stuff like you do.

I wish I didn't remember everything.

I wish that I didn't have to think about everything!

I'm constantly trying to figure out why it is that I'm being mistreated,

and then, being told that I'm paranoid!

Can we...

Can we go outside?

For a second. Please.

I just need to take a minute, cos I...

Throwing all this stuff at me. I know it's...

I know it's really important.

And l-l want to just make it right, you know?

I just need to pause for a second.

Also, I think there's some people waiting for the toilet

that don't want to bother us.

I mean, you were happy, before. With me.

Of course I was happy.

Most girls have a story

about the boy who treated them like shit when they were 16, but I...

...l had you.

If you didn't make me so happy, this would be a lot easier.

God, T, you're so difficult to read.

I don't remember that conversation at the gallery, all right?

But I do remember being...

23 and listening to my girlfriend,

someone I'd been chasing since we were kids...

I did all the chasing.

...my girlfriend, who calls cocktail parties "work",

who lives in a house her lovely parents help her out with,

who pays a guy called Hunter 50 quid a week

to teach her how to do a squat...

My 23-year-old girlfriend,

who has two degrees to my zero

and will soon be light years away from me.

Me, a normal guy,

on minimum wage, from a normal family,

with a dad who kills himself working 14-hour days.

I've got a dodgy uncle

and a brother who has made some bad choices,

but has been let out early on good behaviour,

so I don't remember that conversation, Thea.

Because I probably wasn't listening.

I switch off when you start talking about

straight white men who rule the world,

because I don't know who the fuck you're talking about.

Right, we're finally doing this.

OK? And l-l need to tell you everything.

Cos despite what I just said, Thea,

I know about the bullshit.

Me and the boys, we used to do a lot of dumb stuff when we were kids.

I always got away with it.

I never got stopped, I never got searched,

and I never got attacked by a white gang on my way home from school.

And for a long time, I thought that was a coincidence.

Except the gang thing. They were pretty openly racist.

But generally, I thought I got second chances

because I had good chat and people liked me.

It took me a long time to know what else was going on.

But I can see it now, right?

I know now. But I was never that guy.

I was never that...

"Take our country back, racism is fake" group two guy.

So don't talk to me like I'm that guy.

Don't talk to me like you don't know me, Thea,

cos it really hurts.

God, if...

If I was that guy, I wouldn't exactly...

Have Black friends and girlfriends?

One girlfriend.

Two girlfriends. One girlfriend. You. Two.

One, me.

Two, Keesha.

You got with her after the Year Nine talent show.

I can't believe you remember that!

Keesha kicked me out of her group

cos she said I danced like a chicken.

HE LAUGHS

So I ended up with Jessica A and Jessica B,

singing 'Too Close' by Next. HE LAUGHS

Their choreography was complex, so I just... did the Macarena.

THEY LAUGH

I can't believe the teachers let you do a song about a boner.

Oh, my gosh. It's about an erection?

Yeah, they sing about being hard in the first line!

LAUGHING: I thought it was "hard" as in, like, tough!

Look, Thea...

I can learn all the words, yeah? I can post stuff online.

I don't care about that stuff, Tom.

People who perform activism

can rarely see their own shitty behaviour. So, what?

You were never into Ralph?

Rafe.

Rafe's a joke.

And for the record, he was weirdly obsessed with your body.

He kept asking me how much you lift.

Yeah? What did you tell him?

I should really go. Thea?

You just dumped me. We never had a fight.

There was no shouting, no screaming.

We slept together, and then you kicked me out of your life.

I haven't seen you in a year.

That's not normal, is it?

Tom, I think I was just exhausted.

I know I live a ridiculously good life.

I know that I am protected from the racism

that literally kills poor people who look like me.

I know that I live in a bubble, but it is very easily permeated.

So this isn't easy for me. Talking to you about this,

it just makes me feel sad and betrayed.

Because here I am, tearing myself apart

and you still don't get it. You never will, so I'm done, Tom,

and I don't want to teach you how the world works.

I can't...

l-l can't go through that again. I...

I can't, not with you.

It hurts too much.

Why didn't we talk like this before?

I wanted you to think I was fun.

Guess I wasn't as confident back then.

You hid it well.

We could just be mates.

You can't be friends with people you want to have sex with.

Says who? Like, every film. Ever.

We're totally different people.

Living totally different lives.

I'm not into your shit, you're not into mine.

But this...

This just works. We work.

It's not enough.

Thea...

I lied to you before.

I WAS trying to impress you.

Always trying to impress you.

Subtitles by ITV SignPost