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Original subtitles

EMMA:�We�meet�the�secret�service agent�who�can't�believe

he's�going�to�sacrifice�his�life to�save�Donald�Trump.

MIGUEL:�Market�instability�is

what's�happening�in�the Phillippines.

EMMA:�And�Kellie�Leitch�hopes Conservatives�can�look�past

her�gender�to�see�the�racist�on the�inside.

(THEME�MUSIC�PLAYING)

MIGUEL:�Yeah,�absolutely.

Welcome�to�The�Beaverton,

Canada's�greatest�source of�news�per�square�foot.

-I'm�Miguel�Rivas. -And�I'm�Emma�Hunter,

a�division of�Emma�Hunter�Industries.

The�United�States is�still�upset�with�Russia

for�tampering�with the�2016�presidential�race,

noting�that�fixing�foreign elections�is�something

only�Americans have�the�right�to�do.

Officials�called�the�leaking of�e-mails�"bush�league"

but�stressed they�were�not�referring

to�George�H.�W.�Bush's masterful�influencing

of�the�1990 Nicaragua�election.

In�a�statement,�they�added,

(MIGUEL�READING)

"it�was�okay�because we�were�doing�it�to�protect

"American�interests."

But�is�Russia�doing�it�to protect�American�interests?

Our�sources�say, "Probably�not."

Fed�up�with�what�they�feel is�overly�negative�language

used�to�portray their�industry,

Canada's�oil�producers would�appreciate�it

if�we�all�stopped�referring to�their�product�as�crude.

According�to�a�statement,

(EMMA�READING)

"not�an�Andrew Dice�Clay�routine.

"We�ask�only�that�you�consider your�choice�of�words

"when�speaking�of�us."

Alberta's�oil�producers�have issued�a�list�of�terms

they�find�more�acceptable than�"crude�oil,"

including�"black�gold," "ground�lube,"

"viscous�fixins," and�"precious�Earth�milk."

Industry�insiders plan�to�launch

a�nationwide sensitivity�campaign

aimed�at�curbing oil-related�hate-speak,

tentatively�called, "It�Gets�Bitumen."

Good�news�for�Ontario's Progressive�Conservatives

this�week. A�recent�survey�shows

the�party�has�been out�of�office

just�long�enough�to�poll better�than�the�Liberals.

An�election�held�today�would see�the�Tories�form

their�first�government in�15�years.

It's�a�clear�sign�Ontarians have�finally�forgotten

what�a�smoldering�train�wreck

the�Mike�Harris�years truly�were.

In�a�statement,�a�Conservative spokesperson�called

the�results�encouraging, noting�that,�quote,

(MIGUEL�READING)

"have�made�Walkerton, the�teacher�strikes,

"and�the�many�other terrible�things

"you�just�remembered�we�did

"a�thing�of�the�past.

"But�if�these�polls are�any�indication,

"Ontarians�will�soon�make�them a�thing�of�the�future."

To�Prince�Edward�Island�now

for�a�new�development in�women's�health.

Our�own�Marilla�Wex�has�more.

MARILLA:�For�decades, tiny�PEI�resisted

the�mainland�trend�of a�woman's�right�to�choose.

Islanders�opted�for a�simpler�way�of�life,

where�abortions�were�as accessible�to�the�modern�woman

as�they�were�to Anne�of�Green�Gables�herself.

But�all�that�changed�last�year

when�Premier�Wade�MacLauchlan announced�the�opening

of�the�island's first�abortion�clinic.

All�hope�seemed�lost�for the�surprisingly�high�number

of�social�conservatives

who�live on�this�potato�island.

That�is,�until�they�met Gregory�Hoskins.

(CHANTING)�Your�fetus is�the�size�of�a�fingerling!

At�10�weeks, it's�a�Yukon�Gold!

Mr.�Hoskins�is

the�world's�foremost anti-choice�consultant.

Originally�from�Texas,

he�single-handedly created�the�technique

of�shouting�at�scared, pregnant�teenagers

until�they�simply�give�up and�have�the�baby.

Clearly,�the�pro-life movement�in�PEI

was�a�bit�behind�the�times when�I�got�here.

You�know,�they�didn't�even�put pictures�of�dead�babies

on�their�signs.

But�I�can't�take�all the�credit�for�our�success.

I�just�gave�them�some helpful�talking�points.

(CHANTING)�At�10�weeks, it's�a�Yukon�Gold!

PEI�is�the�birthplace of�Canada!

Would�you�have aborted�Confederation?�Eh?

At�six�weeks,

your�fetus�is�the�size of�a�fingerling!

Mr.�Hoskins�may�be a�trifle�modest.

The�organization�says�he's been�crucial�to�their�success.

He�showed�them�how�to�tailor PEI-specific�messages,

coining�phrases�such�as, "Our�soil�is�red�enough,"

and�the�ubiquitous, "Keep�your�baby.

"Don't�be�a�cheap Cape�Breton�whore."

So�these�techniques, are�they�having�any�effect?

Just�last�week,�three�women elected�not�to�abort,

and�many�more�were�stopped

when�we�called�in that�bomb�threat.

All�thanks�to�Greg.

Mr.�Hoskins�says,�while�proud of�his�accomplishments,

his�work�here�is�hardly�done.

He�intends�to�stay�for at�least�another�nine�months

while�planning�a�big�protest condemning�lazy�welfare�moms.

For�The�Beaverton, I'm�Marilla�Wex.

Thank�you,�Marilla.

Your�accent was�the�spoonful�of�sugar

that�helped�the�medicine go�down.

Air�Canada�is�facing�criticism over�a�recent�decision

to�make�emergency�air�masks available�to�passengers

only�if�they�pay with�a�valid�credit�card.

Additionally,�they�will�be adding�surcharges

for�safety�instructions, bathroom�access,

and�landing�gear.

A�spokesperson for�Air�Canada�said,

(EMMA�READING)

"although�they�should�be�aware that�there�will�be

"a�$75 regaining-consciousness�fee."

When�we�come�back, what�type�of�dog�are�you?

If�you're�watching�this, probably�a�smart�one.

You�know,�I�wonder�why�snakes

aren't�considered the�top�house�pet.

I'd�love�to�have�a�snake.

MIGUEL:�That's man's�best�friend.

WOMAN:�Keith,�time�to�get�up for�hockey�practice.

Come�on.�If�you�get�up�now,�we can�stop�at�Tim's�on�the�way.

NARRATOR:�Hockey is�our�game,�our�passion,

the�thing�that�gets�us�up in�the�morning.

But�sometimes�we�need something�other�than�hockey

to�get�going.

Tim�Hortons,�as�Canadian�as the�good�ol'�hockey�game.

For�over�50�years,

we've�been�helping�you start�the�day�right.

Rich�Canadian�flavour,

perfect�for�masking�the�taste and�smell�of�discount�whisky.

Tim�Hortons. No�one�needs�to�know.

And�be�sure�to�check�out our�new�travel�mug.

Great�for�your�secret�wine.

Toronto�commuters�were�met with�a�rude�awakening

on�the�Toronto�subway this�morning

after�a�two-hour�delay on�the�Yonge-University�line.

TTC�spokeswoman Phyllis�Langdon

explained�the�situation to�reporters.

Before�I�begin, I'm�gonna�need�you�reporters

to�move�all�the�way to�the�back.

Behind�the�white�line,�please.

Please�don't�block the�conference-room�doors.

I�can't�proceed

until�everybody stands�clear�of�the�doors.

Please�remove�your�camera�bags to�make�room�for�the�others.

I'll�just�sit�here�and�wait if�I�have�to.

Are�you�really�not�gonna�give a�pregnant�reporter�a�seat?

I'm�not�going�anywhere.

Eventually,�the�TTC�disclosed the�delay�was�a�result

of�three�commuter�deaths at�Queen's�Park�station.

To�health�news,�where a�drug-resistant�strain

of�super�gonorrhea has�doctors�concerned

that�antibiotics may�not�be�keeping�up

with�the�public's insatiable�need

for�unprotected�casual�sex.

Scientists�warn�the�rise of�Tinder�and�Grindr

has�already�created unstoppable�bugs,

like�ultra�syphilis, self-aware�herpes,

and�Tyrannosaurus rectal�warts.

If�new�antibiotics aren't�found�soon,

doctors�may�have�to�resort

to�the�drastic gonorrhea�treatments

from�the�early�20th�century,

where�men�received an�injection�of�mercury

directly�into�the�penis.

And�women�received�nothing because�who�cares.

The�long-form�census returned�last�year,

and�Canadians�filled�it�out in�record�numbers.

Here�with�more�on the�surprising�popular�piece

of�bureaucratic information�gathering

is�our�own�Aisha�Alfa.

Aisha,�it�seems�like�Canadians are�really�excited

to�complete�the�census.

Well,�after�a�10-year�absence, people�clearly�had�some�things

they�really�wanted to�get�off�their�chest.

You�mean,�things�like

how�many�people live�in�their�household,

what�their�ages�were, how�many�were�employed?

Yes,�all�of�that.

But�what�really�struck Statistics�Canada

was�the�sheer�level of�unsolicited�information

people�shared.

Everything�from which�of�their�children

they�love�the�most

to�detailed�essays on�what�they�wanted�to�be

when�they�grew�up

versus�what they�actually�became.

And�in�one�case,

some�pretty�disturbing parliamentary�fan�fiction.

Sound�like�a�case�of "too�much�information,"

like�when�you�ask�Miguel how�he�spent�his�weekend.

I�answer�honestly and�completely.

So,�Aisha,�in�the�last�decade,

the�definition�of�a�family has�changed�significantly.

Are�we�seeing�that�reflected in�the�census�data?

Definitely.

We've�seen�a�marked�uptick in�same-sex�parents,

cohabitation�of�families,

and�loads�of�information on�polyamorous�couples,

who,�frankly,�just�wouldn't shut�up�about�it.

But,�Aisha,�isn't�it useful�to�have

as�much�information as�possible

so�policy�makers have�accurate�data

about�schools,�hospitals, and�other�poor-people�stuff?

Sure,�the�government needs�to�know

which�communities are�most�at�risk

and�how�the�communities not�at�risk�feel

about�ignoring�those�people.

So,�are�you�saying�the�census wasn't�the�success

most�Canadians�think�it�was?

Well,�it�did�have�one�upside.

It�confirmed all�the�information

the�government�has�been�buying from�Facebook.

Thanks,�Aisha.

As�the�daughter�of�a�mother,

the�issue�of�women's�safety is�very�important�to�me.

It's�fortunate,�then, that�I�live�in�Canada,

which,�statistics�show,

is�one�of�the�safest�places for�women,

especially�compared to�contemporary�Sweden,

which�has�seen�a�shocking�rise in�violence�against�women.

To�investigate�what�has�gone wrong�in�the�Nordic�country,

I�decided to�visit�there�myself.

I'm�in�Stockholm,�having recently�purchased

and�assembled this�affordable�piece

of�modern, minimalist�furniture.

But�something�else�is�proving harder�for�Swedes�to�assemble,

women's�safety.

I�spoke�with�Elsa�Erikkson, women's�rights�educator.

Hopefully,�she�can learn�something

from�Canada's�shining�example.

Why�is�Sweden�falling so�far�behind�in�feminism?

I�didn't�realize�feminism is�a�competition.

Well,�it�isn't�anymore.

We've�already�won.�Have�you seen�our�prime�minister?

He's�a�total�smoke�show.

Yes,�you�objectify�and validate�your�leader

based�on�his�looks.

So�he�is�at�least�halfway to�understanding

the�plight�of�women.

But�has�he�enacted any�legislation

to�make�women's�lives�better?

I�suppose�not.

But�it�sure�feels like�he's�working�on�it.

Now,�according�to�my�numbers,

Sweden�has�become�one of�the�least�safe�places

for�a�woman.

Statistics�can�be�misleading.

Sweden�instituted a�new�law�in�2005,

expanding�the�definition of�sex�crimes

to�make�it�easier�for�a�woman to�ensure�conviction

against�her�attacker.

So�it�is�like�this.

-If�your�boss...�If�he... -Or�she.

(CHUCKLES)�Sure.

If�he�rubs�against�you every�day�for�a�year,

that�would�be�365�counts of�sexual�assault.

-Hmm. -What�would�this�be�in�Canada?

I�think�the�official�term for�it�at�the�CBC�is�"Shh."

The�so-called Swedish�rape�crisis

is�actually�an�increase in�reported�rapes.

We're�treating�sexual�assault like�the�crime�it�is.

Oh,�well,�I�guess Sweden�is�doing�pretty�great.

Is�there�anything we�can�hold�against�you?

(CHUCKLES)

Yes,�we�are�still shockingly�racist.

Oh,�fun.

Even�though�Sweden seemed�pretty�good,

I�knew�Canada�was�still�great,

so�I'm�taking�to�the�streets to�ask�Canadian�women

how�they�feel�about�living�in Trudeau's�feminist�paradise.

Oh,�excuse�me,�ma'am.

Um,�just�out�of�curiosity,

how�has�Trudeau's gender-neutral�cabinet

made�you�feel�safer as�a�woman?

Uh...�What?

Um,�excuse�me,�you,�sir.

Doesn't�it�feel�good�knowing that�your�girlfriend�is�safe?

Uh,�he's�not�my�boyfriend.

I�just�asked�him to�walk�me�home

because�there�was�a�guy harassing�me.

Oh.�Well...�Um...

While�these�particular�few women�had�bad�experiences,

I�was�sure�statistics would�confirm

what�we�all�know�in�our�heart about�this�great�land,

so�I�sat�down with�Harold�Smulders,

a�rape�prevention�advocate.

Rape�ruins�lives.

The�ramifications�ripple

through�a�person's entire�being,

causing�anxiety,�depression, loss�of�swimming�scholarships.

So�what�is�Canada�doing�to keep�its�rape�numbers�so�low?

Ah!�Well,�the�government has�worked�for�decades

to�make�sure�that�reporting sexual�assaults

is�extremely�confusing and�traumatic.

Plus,�any�woman that�does�come�forward

can�expect�to�be�shamed

by�the�helpful�folks on�Twitter...

But�victim�blaming and�rape�culture...

Excuse�me. Please,�don't�interrupt

while�I'm�explaining how�rape�prevention�works.

-Right. -Thank�you.�Um...

Where�was�I?�Uh...�Oh!

We�all�want�to�keep�Canada's assault�numbers�low,�right?

So�we�worked�very�hard�to keep�the�rape-reporting�stats

at�about�4.5%,

which�accomplishes basically�the�same�thing.

Sorry,�uh,�4.5%?

Oh,�yeah,�I�know.�It's�great.

Uh,�470,000�self-reported rapes�in�2011.

But�only�22,000 reported�to�the�police.

Oh,�and�since�our�criminal defense�system

heavily�favours�the�accused,

there�were�only 1,610�convictions.

-This�is�terrifying. -Why?

You�live�in�the�most statistically�safe�country

on�Earth.

Have�you�seen�the�numbers in�Sweden?�Oh,�they�are�scary.

-Thank�you�for�this. -Oh,�you're�very�welcome.

-We�just�want�to�help. -Yeah.

Coming�up�later,

Corruption�in�India is�at�an�all-time�low,

according�to a�$12�billion�study.

MIGUEL:�A�popular Halifax�community�garden

produces�a�bumper�crop of�used�condoms.

EMMA:�And�in�a�sports�first, all�the�teams�won�last�night.

Canada�has�a�robust�history of�celebrated�authors.

Yet�none�of�them�have�taken a�hard,�honest�look

at�our�nation as�it�reaches�a�crossroads.

Like�I�have,�in�my�book.

You're�a�Stupid�Baby: How�Canada's�Foreign�Policy

Has�Left�Us�Vulnerable to�Explosions

examines�how�we're�shooting ourselves�in�the�foot

by�not�producing�more�tanks, guns,�and�bombs.

That's�a�controversial position.

Indeed.

And�to�satisfy�the�people who�this�doesn't�appeal�to,

I've�written�a�different�book,

A�Nation�of�Hitlers:

How�the�Military Industrial�Complex

Has�More�Bullets�Than�Brains.

Both�sides�of�this�discussion need�to�be�heard,

and�I�am�thrilled�to�be the�one�to�do�it.

But�which�side�are�you actually�on?

The�right�side�of�history.

Fashion,

it's�more�than�just�a�thing our�co-worker�Emma

aggressively�mocks�us�for.

With�an�inside�look at�Canada's�clothing�industry,

here's�our�own�Laura�Cilevitz.

LAURA:�Canada's�once�powerful manufacturing�sector

has�dwindled�significantly

since�the�benefits of�free�trade

somehow�stopped�reaching the�working�class.

But�one�company is�taking�a�stand

against�outsourcing to�third-world�countries.

Jill�Crisp�is�the�CEO and�namesake

of�Canada's�most�successful pharmacy-based�retailer.

She�says she's�always�felt�guilty

about�how her�products�are�made.

I�visit�our�factories in�Bangladesh,

and�I�see�kids�working 18-hour�days,

and�I�think�that's�not�right.

Those�jobs�should�be going�to�Canadians.

Excuse�me,�Ms.�Cwisp.�We�just had�a�industwial�uh-oh.

Then�go�tell�HR,�Casper.

Who's�that?

My�soon-to-be�ex-foreman.

LAURA:�Despite�offering

a�comprehensive�health�care plan�of�kisses

for�ouchies�and�boo-boos,

Jill�Crisp's�factory�was shut�down�by�the�government

later�that�day.

This�injustice�made�it�clear

that�the�Ministry of�Labour�values

the�health�of�our�children

over�the�health of�our�economy.

But�we�can�always make�more�kids,

we�can�only�have�one�economy.

But,�true�to�her entrepreneurial�spirit,

Crisp�refused�to�give�up, going�back�into�business

by�tapping�into this�country's�largest

unmonetized�natural�resource,

the�thousands�of�refugees living�here�right�now,

desensitized to�inhumane�conditions

and�completely�unfamiliar with�local�labour�laws.

Our�nation's�consumers can�take�pride�in�knowing

the�clothes�on�their�backs were�made�right�here

by�the�very�refugees we�saved�from�oppression.

Because�if�there's�one�thing Canadians�love

even�more�than�human�rights, it's�affordable,�fun�fashion.

For�The�Beaverton, I'm�Laura�Cilevitz.

Thanks,�Laura. When�we�come�back,

we'll�check�in�with our�Yellowknife�correspondent

for�the�first�time in�five�years.

You�know,�I�wonder what�he's�up�to.

Well,�I�wonder�who�it�is.

-Yeah. -Is�it�a�boy�or�a�girl?

-Whoa! -I've�never�seen...

Welcome�back.

Now�it's�time�to�check�in with�Dave�Barclay

for�the�latest in�all�things�technology.

Thanks,�Miguel.

How�many�times have�you�found�yourself

watching�a�movie, and�asked�yourself,

"Who�is�that�guy?

"Is�he�from�that�thing?

"And�what�terrible�thing�is�he alleged�to�have�done?"

I�wonder�about�that all�the�time.

Well,�say�hello�to�No-Stalgia,

the�new�app�that Palo�Alto�insiders�are�calling

the�Shazam�for�horrific celebrity�revelations.

How�does�it�work?

It�uses voice-recognition�software.

You�just�turn�it�on�while you're�enjoying�a�movie

or�some�music,

and�within�seconds No-Stalgia�will�give�you

a�detailed�rap�sheet

of�all�the�awful�acts committed�by�everyone

you're�listening�to and/or�watching.

With�a�library�of�over�700,000 celebrity�atrocities,

you'll�never�accidentally enjoy�a�Sean�Penn�film�again.

Oh,�no!�What�did�he�do?

Aside�from�Gangster�Squad?

You'll�have�to�buy�the�app to�find�out.

I�kind�of�liked Gangster�Squad.

(CHUCKLES)�Well, you�won't�after�this.

And�you�sure�won't�enjoy the�works�of�Terrence�Howard,

Mark�Wahlberg,�or�the classic�movie�Annie�Hall.

What�did�Diane�Keaton�do?

Oh,�right,�that�guy.

Is�there�any�concern�that, with�using�this�app,

it's�going�to�make�people very�uncomfortable

with�the�idea that�these�celebrities

are�still�walking�the�street?

Well,�luckily, No-Stalgia's�developer

has�also�created a�new�GPS�app,

Holly-Won't.

This�app�keeps�track of�which�celebrities

are�shooting,�recording,

or�just�prowling around�your�neighbourhood.

For�instance,�Emma, this�is�your�address.

Oh,�my�God.

How�am�I supposed�to�go�for�a�run

without�fear�of�a�famous�actor or�director�leaping�out

of�the�bushes�at�me?

This�app�only�tracks major�felonies,�right?

Not,�like,�stealing a�pack�of�gum

from�a�convenience�store

just�to�feel�alive�for�once in�your�workaday�life.

Miguel,�don't�worry.�This�app only�tracks�celebrities.

Thanks,�Dave.

It's�hard�to�believe, but�this�episode�has�been

on�the�air for�nearly�20�minutes.

It's�been�a�wild�ride of�highs�and�lows,

tears�and�laughter, and�at�least�one�pregnancy.

Please�join�us in�taking�a�look�back

at�the�episode that�changed�it�all.

This�episode.

It�was�a�magic�start

to�an�episode many�are�calling�very�good.

There�were�moments that�captured�our�hearts.

A�spokesperson for�Air�Canada�said,

(EMMA�READING)

EMMA:�And�moments that�filled�our�hearts

with�disappointment.

I'm�Miguel�Rivas.

Facts,�news,�teamwork, commitment,�and,�at�times,

incoherent�nonsense.

What�type�of�dog�are�you?

Thank�you�for�inviting�us into�your�homes

all�these�minutes.

It's�been�a�pleasure from�start...

Welcome�to�The�Beaverton.

...to�finish.

For�The�Beaverton, I'm�Emma�Hunter.

I'm�Miguel�Rivas.

And�as�always, I'm�Chet�Connington,

saying�good�evening, and�bonne�chance.

What�an�incredible journey,�Miguel.

-Sure.�Question. -Yeah.

Who�the�hell is�Chet�Connington?

I�thought�you�knew�him.

Also,�how�did�you�get the�footage�of�us�signing�off?

We�haven't�done�that�yet!

Yeah,�yeah.�The�camera�guy owed�me�a�favour.

Well,�that�doesn't�explain...

For�The�Beaverton, I'm�Emma�Hunter.

I'm�Miguel�Rivas.

And�as�always, I'm�Chet�Connington,

saying�good�evening and�bonne�chance.

Why�does�he�do�this�thing?

Some�people�thought I�shouldn't�end�the�show

by�saying�"bonne�chance."

They�actually�thought I�should�end�it

by�saying�good�luck.

MIGUEL:�There�are�bees coming�out�of�his�mouth.

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