All language subtitles for The.Beaverton.S01E03_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:06,573 Police�warn�consumers of�counterfeit Canada�Goose�jackets 2 00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:08,776 stuffed�with�old Hudson�Bay�jackets. 3 00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,947 MIGUEL: Legendary�hip-hop�artist Dr.�Dre�is�under�fire 4 00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:17,920 for�releasing�an�album that�allegedly�respects�women. 5 00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:21,121 EMMA:��And�our�financial�expert will�teach�you�how to�pay�down�debt 6 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,864 by�selling�your�body�parts on�the�black�market. 7 00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:41,169 Welcome�to��The�Beaverton. 8 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,637 Canada's�most�anecdotal source�of�facts. 9 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:45,006 I'm�your�host,�Miguel�Rivas. 10 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,475 And�I'm�Emma�Hunter. 11 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:50,423 Follow�me�on Twitter,�Instagram and�Christian�Mingle. 12 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,190 Our�top�story. The�Department�of National�Defense 13 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,359 is�denying�Canada committed�war�crimes 14 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,828 when�it�handed�prisoners over�to�local�authorities during�the�Afghan�War, 15 00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:02,428 noting�the�captives�were, quote,�"Probably tortured�humanely." 16 00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:05,032 In�a�statement,�a�spokesperson for�the�Ministry�said... 17 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,195 (READING) 18 00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,806 The�spokesman�did�admit�that Canada�had�no�way�of�knowing 19 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:15,039 for�sure�what�happened following�the�hand-offs, 20 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,005 as�plausible�deniability is�an�essential�component of�playing 21 00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:20,154 "Good�Captor/Bad�Captor." 22 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,150 To�the�Arctic. 23 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,792 Home�to�pristine�wilderness and�Santa's�garish Christmas-themed�mansion. 24 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,949 But�just�who�exactly owns�the�Arctic 25 00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:31,417 and�the�rights�to�ruin�it by�extracting�its�resources? 26 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:35,398 Canadian�officials�believe our�border�extends�all�the�way to�the�North�Pole, 27 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:39,628 thanks�to�the�presence of�Inuit�communities that�suddenly�matter. 28 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,596 However,�Russia�has also�made�a�claim�that their�border�extends 29 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:46,535 to�the�North�Pole�and�then south�again into�eastern�Europe, 30 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,313 and�also�the�rest�of�Europe. 31 00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,535 Of�course, no�matter�who�wins�out, 32 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:56,978 the�big�loser�remains Santa's�beleaguered�army of�diminutive�gift-slaves. 33 00:01:57,016 --> 00:02:00,216 Now�let's�go�to�Syria, where�Marilla�Wex reports�on�ISIS 34 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,963 and�the�one�woman they�won't�oppress, Mother�Nature. 35 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:07,360 ISIS�is�thought�to�be the�largest�threat to�world�order. 36 00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:09,533 But�what's�most-shocking about�them 37 00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,932 isn't�the�possibility of�military�encroachment, 38 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,965 or�an�unpredictable terrorist�attack. 39 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,040 (SHOTS�FIRING) 40 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:19,209 Rather,�it's�their�newfound commitment�to�end�their dependence�on�oil. 41 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,339 According�to military�intelligence, 42 00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:25,384 ISIS�is�undertaking an�aggressive�maneuver to�Go�Green. 43 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:28,881 I�sat�down�with�Cabinet�Member Abdur�Rahmaan�Jaboour, 44 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:33,115 to�discuss�some of�ISIS'�lesser-known environmental�initiatives. 45 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,593 We�reject�the�ideology of�Western�culture, 46 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,292 which�means�we are�very�concerned about�climate�change. 47 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,494 Do�you�think�ISIS�can�actually follow�through�on�their�bold 48 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,898 "Fossil�Free�Before�End�Times" commitment? 49 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,030 There's�nothing�the�infidels can�do�to�stop�us. 50 00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,965 It�has�already�begun. 51 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,801 Indeed,�Abdur�has�outfitted all�of�his�wives�in�niqabs made�from�hemp, 52 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,178 converted�his�gun�runners from�Hummers�to�hybrid�sedans, 53 00:02:55,208 --> 00:03:02,118 and�now�electrocutes the�testicles�of�all�his�POWs using�a�lithium-ion�battery. 54 00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:05,448 Best�of�all,�I�telecommute to�my�job�twice�a�week. 55 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,685 You�can�always�order the�execution�of�journalists 56 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,060 from�the�comfort of�your�bunker. 57 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,558 Exactly. 58 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:14,830 I�reject�the�Western�notion of�the�40-hour�work�week. 59 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,931 It's�all�about�balance. 60 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,903 Public�response�has been�surprisingly�positive. 61 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,903 Many�point�out�that the�largest�contributor 62 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,265 to�climate�change is�overpopulation. 63 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,844 By�killing�so�many, 64 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:29,582 ISIS�has�truly been�going�green since�its�inception. 65 00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:35,049 What�good is�a�global�caliphate�if�you don't�have�a�globe? 66 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,681 How,�may�I�ask, does�the�bombing of�historical�sites 67 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:41,717 such�as�the�Al-Madina�Souq in�Allepo�offset�your carbon�footprint? 68 00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,894 Look,�I�love a�farmer's�market as�much�as�the�next�man. 69 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:48,704 But�Northwest�Syria has�the�best topographical�conditions 70 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,858 for�wind�and�solar�farms in�all�the�Levant. 71 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,198 MARILLA: No�one�said�the�transition 72 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,503 away�from�fossil�fuels would�be�easy. 73 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:59,905 But�perhaps�if�the�West was�as�forward-thinking as�Islamic�fundamentalists, 74 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:03,179 we�would�all�be�living a�more�sustainable�lifestyle. 75 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:05,479 For��The�Beaverton, I'm�Marilla�Wex. 76 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:08,246 Thanks�Marilla.�Miggles? 77 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,720 Let's�not�start with�that�one�again. 78 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,493 The�Canadian�Government is�finally�putting�money 79 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:18,091 into�the�creation and�development of�Canadian�artists. 80 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,694 A�100�million�dollar�grant will�be�used�to�locate 81 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,227 promising�young�writers, painters�and�film�makers, 82 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:27,333 then�systematically�inflict tragedy�upon�them, and�those�they�love. 83 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,137 The�Canadian�Council for�the�Arts�noted 84 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,938 that�the�best�art�is�borne of�tragic�circumstances 85 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:35,141 and�advised�that by�creating�a�generation of�destitute�artists, 86 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:38,754 they�hope�they�will never�have�to�fund Canadian�art�again. 87 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,648 For�some�lucky�artists, their�entire�families will�be�given�tuberculosis. 88 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,652 For�others,�their�fathers will�be�bribed�to�say 89 00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,224 they�have�something important�to�tell�them, 90 00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,192 and�then�disappear forever. 91 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:51,021 And�the�most�promising�will�be moved�to�a�secure�community, 92 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:55,597 where�they�will�get�to�live just�like�a�19th�century Irish�orphan. 93 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,628 When�we�come�back, we'll�take�a�look�at the�slave�labor�issues 94 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:01,625 plaguing�the�shrimp�industry in�Thailand. 95 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,068 But�first,�Red�Lobster's endless�shrimp�special's�back! 96 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,414 It's�shrimpier�than�ever! 97 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,840 I�love�their�lobster, it's�fun�there... 98 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,305 Yeah,�you�probably�shouldn't talk�about�slave�labor 99 00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,713 and�then�go�on�to�say you�like... 100 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:12,754 EMMA:�They're�hot. 101 00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,616 DOCTOR: Mr.�Johnson,�your�test results�just�came�in. 102 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,792 DOCTOR: Are�you�sitting�down? 103 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,521 MR.�JOHNSON:�Yes�doctor, what�is? 104 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,586 DOCTOR: Well�I'm�noto say�this.. 105 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,125 According�to�the�numbers you�are�uh... 106 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,800 MR.�JOHNSON: I'm�what�doctor? 107 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:31,258 DOCTOR:�You're�a...You're�a white�male. 108 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:34,027 MR.�JOHNSON: A�white�male?�Are you�sure? 109 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,667 DOCTOR:�Congratulations. 110 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:38,842 MR.�JOHNSON:�I�can't believe�it!�I'm�a�white male!�I'm�a�white�male! 111 00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:43,811 MR.�JOHNSON:�Hey,�Doctor? DOCTOR:�Yes,�Mr.�Johnson? 112 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,813 MR.�JOHNSON:�One�last�question. Now�that�I�know�I'm�a�white�male 113 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,406 is�there�something�I should�be�doing? 114 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:53,718 DOCTOR:�That's�the�thing�Mr. Johnson,�you�can�do�anything�you want. 115 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:56,323 (WOMAN�READING) 116 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,974 The�Ontario�Liberal sex-ed�curriculum 117 00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,472 is�either�a�good�idea or�terrible�one, 118 00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:16,175 depending�on�whether you�ask�your�uncle, or�your�cool�uncle. 119 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,709 For�more,�here's�our own�Aisha�Alfa. 120 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,276 AISHA:��Protests�over the�sex-ed�curriculum 121 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,884 have�put�the�Ontario�Liberals in�an�untenable�position 122 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,946 for�this�centrist�government, 123 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:29,315 needing�to�balance progressive�policy with�cultural�sensitivity. 124 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,015 But�after�two�years of�back-peddling and�stalling, 125 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,928 the�Liberals�are finally�taking�action on�the�controversy, 126 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,901 by�not�taking�a�position. 127 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:39,369 Kathleen�Wynne's�government is�now�attempting�to�appeal 128 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,699 to�every�possible�opinion by�letting�each�school in�the�province 129 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,565 choose�their�own sex-ed�adventure. 130 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:49,705 The�proposed�sex-ed�policies of�this�province�just�do�not align�with�the�traditional, 131 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,312 Anglo-Saxon�Protestant�values of�this�community. 132 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,875 I�see�your�curriculum�starts with�Chapter�One, "Ask�Your�Father." 133 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:59,385 And�continues with�Chapter�Two, "No.�Ask�Your�Mother." 134 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,649 That's�right. 135 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,256 How�does�dancing around�the�issue educate�anyone? 136 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:07,889 Well,�we�eventually�cover�more ground�in�Chapter�Nine, "Ask�Your�Father's�Mistress." 137 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,957 But�while�some�believe�the Liberal�policy�goes�too�far, 138 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:13,097 others�think�it�doesn't go�far�enough. 139 00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:17,172 Children�are�much�more aware�these�days than�their�parents�realize. 140 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:21,943 Which�is�why�we�start�exposing them�to�these�concepts as�early�as�possible. 141 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,484 So,�our�pre-K�and�our�day-care programs�start�with 142 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:29,521 foundational�sexual�anatomy during�independent�play. 143 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:32,919 Even�the�most�progressive educational�advocates might�think�that 144 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:37,762 teaching�pegging in�kindergarten is�a�bit�much. 145 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:42,200 At�Precious�Snowflake, we�believe�in�what's�called "self-guided�learning." 146 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:46,598 And�our�primary�students�keep demanding�that�we�teach 147 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:50,702 the�intricacies of�role�reversal anal�sex�play. 148 00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:53,306 But�ultimately,�the�Liberal's undoing�on�this�issue 149 00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:56,509 has�been�the�response of�religious�and�ethnic minority�groups 150 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,582 who�feel�betrayed�by�the�party they�elected�into�power. 151 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,682 Many�of�the�parents�in�our district�are�uncomfortable 152 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:06,745 with�the�word�"sex"�appearing in�schools�at�all. 153 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,586 In�fact,�they�would�prefer 154 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,591 if�we�removed asexual�reproduction�from the�science�textbooks. 155 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:16,155 So,�what�does�a�non-sexual sex�ed�lesson�plan�look�like? 156 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:20,625 Well,�to�my�constituents, sex�only�happens after�marriage. 157 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,766 But�there�is�a�lot�of education�needed to�plan�that�wedding. 158 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:27,743 While�education�experts�insist these�are�terrible, terrible�ideas, 159 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:30,013 the�individuals who�created their�own�curriculums 160 00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:33,412 were�more�than�happy�to�share their�favorite�lessons with�me. 161 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,876 It�is�very�important�to�know the�proper�technique. 162 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:39,985 By�pinching�the�bottom, you�can�much�more�easily unpeel�the�banana. 163 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,088 Now,�never�forget the�importance�of�ball�play 164 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:48,904 during�oral or�anal�intercourse, my�darlings. 165 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,598 Okay?�Ooh. 166 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:54,200 As�they�travel�through these�two�pathways, 167 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:59,113 please�ensure�there�is�no bottlenecking�in�the�line-up for�the�buffet. 168 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,238 Well,�that�just�makes�sense. 169 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,713 She�knows. 170 00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:07,151 All�right�now,�leverage�and insertion�angles�are�key 171 00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:12,079 for�successfully�engaging in�safe�group�sex. Okay? 172 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,988 I'm�gonna�need�a�volunteer for�this�one. Young�lady? 173 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,521 Yeah,�I'm�gonna�sit�this one�out. 174 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,456 To�address�the�stigma of�teen�pregnancy, 175 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:22,331 here's�how�to�treat�your unwanted�bastard as�your�much�younger�sibling. 176 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:24,031 You�want�to�use circular�tables 177 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:27,573 for�the�wedding�party, never�square. 178 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:34,470 They�seat�more�and�everybody has�easy�access�to�the�bread and�condiments�in�the�middle. 179 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:38,507 Now,�pretend�role�play is�critical�for developing�a�sense 180 00:09:38,544 --> 00:09:41,784 of�imagination�and�defined boundaries. 181 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:46,594 Now,�here's�the�first�thing middle�schoolers�need�to�know about�sadomasochism... 182 00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:49,889 And�that�is�a�natural�place for�us�to�stop,�okay? 183 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,462 -Excuse�me. -Okay,�you�just�zip�it. 184 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,560 (CLEARS�THROAT) 185 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,632 Despite�everyone�getting�their own�way, 186 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,900 parents�are�still�threatening to�boycott�the�lessons altogether. 187 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,630 As�it�turns�out, what�protestors care�about�most 188 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,596 is�mandating�their�views on�other�communities. 189 00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:06,106 For��The�Beaverton, I'm�Aisha�Alfa. 190 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,012 Thanks,�Aisha. 191 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,541 You�know,�regardless�of�who teaches�them,�I�hope�these kids�have�wonderful�sex. 192 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,648 With�each�other. 193 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,449 -Okay... -I�mean�with�adults. 194 00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:18,121 When�they're�adults! Years�from�now. Not�right�now. 195 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,150 I�can't. 196 00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:23,186 The�loonie�dropped to�a�20�year�low�this�week, 197 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:27,792 now�sitting�at�approximately half�the�value�of a�Canadian�Tire�dollar. 198 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,998 To�help�explain�what�this means�for�your�wallet, 199 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,831 we�go�to�our�financial�expert, Laura�Cilevitz. 200 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,597 Thanks,�Emma. 201 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:40,206 There's�been�a�frenzy of�activity�today�as�investors across�the�country 202 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:44,339 rifle�through their�junk�drawers�for Canadian�Tire�dollars. 203 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,147 Financial�analysts�say they�haven't�seen anything�like�it 204 00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,879 since�the Great�Barbecue�Blowout�of�'98. 205 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:55,916 Is�there�a�chance the�Canadian�Tire�dollar becomes�our�national�currency? 206 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,585 Not�necessarily. 207 00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:01,033 Other�strong contenders�include Scotiabank�Scene�points, 208 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,190 Aeroplan�miles, 209 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:05,698 and�unrolled roll-up-the-rim�cups. 210 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:08,901 But�for�now,�Bay�Street is�bullish�on Canadian�Tire�dollars. 211 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,704 I'm�curious�Laura. 212 00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,836 Is�there�something about�Canadian�Tire�dollars in�particular 213 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,572 that�allow�them�to�maintain their�value? 214 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:18,137 Canadian�Tire�sells�a�variety of�products�all�year�round. 215 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:23,217 In�the�summer�it's patio�furniture,�lighter�fluid and�camping�lingerie. 216 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,749 But�in�the�winter�they�pivot into�winter�tires 217 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,945 and�Canadian�Tire-brand mulled�wine. 218 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:31,158 And�that's�how�the�currency keeps�stable. 219 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:35,590 So,�by�diversifying into�a�variety�of�industries, they�have�ostensibly�protected 220 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,758 their�economic�interests if�one�of�them, say,�motor�oil,�fails. 221 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:42,438 Exactly.�Could�you�imagine tying�your�entire economic�future 222 00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,338 to�a�single�product like�oil? 223 00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:51,043 It�would�be�astoundingly short-sighted. 224 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,307 The�point�is,�government backed�currencies�are�out 225 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:56,715 and�consumer loyalty�programs�are�in. 226 00:11:56,749 --> 00:12:00,619 Well,�you�heard�it�here first,�folks, burn�all�your�money. 227 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,693 Thank�you,�Laura. 228 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:06,662 Up�next, Portuguese�people�seem to�be�celebrating�something. 229 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:08,432 Find�out�what�after�the�break. 230 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,429 (BOTH�ARGUING) 231 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,938 Coming�up�later. 232 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:26,176 EMMA:��The�NYPD�is�replacing its�controversial 233 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,682 Stop�and�Frisk�program 234 00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,953 with�the�more�efficient Point�and�Shoot. 235 00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:32,953 MIGUEL:��A�royal�flap�at Buckingham�Palace, 236 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:37,585 as�Prince�William�finds himself�embroiled in�a�nepotism�scandal. 237 00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:41,063 EMMA:��We'll�tell�you�the�best dumb�names�to�name your�stupid�baby. 238 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,198 Canadian�tech�firm,�Nerudine, is�promising�to�build 239 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,771 the�world's�first working�hyper�loop 240 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,729 between�Montreal�and�Toronto. 241 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,468 A�feat�it�says�is�possible because�the�train only�has�to�go 242 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,814 from�Montreal�to�Toronto. 243 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:58,579 Montrealers�are�already calling�the�unidirectional hyper�loop,�a�game-changer. 244 00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,951 Making�it�easier�than�ever 245 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,309 to�abandon their�dumpster�fire�of�a�city, 246 00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,918 for�a�place�with�an actual�future. 247 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:09,261 Mayor�Denis�Coderre interrupted�his�third�lunch of�the�day 248 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,358 to�praise�the�design, calling�it... 249 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,960 (READING) 250 00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:20,533 Now�on�to�the�human hyper�loop,�blood. 251 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,566 Our�own�Donavon�Stinson reports�on Canadian�Blood�Services 252 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,672 and�their�policy�of�rejecting many�would�be�blood�donors. 253 00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:28,773 (INDISTINCT) 254 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:36,923 Blood,�is�it�really�in�you to�give? 255 00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,819 Not�if�you're�considered a�"high�risk"�donor�by Canadian�Blood�Services. 256 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:42,122 And�when�my�own�blood was�rejected�for�donation, 257 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:45,794 I�had�to�go�to CBS�headquarters, to�find�out�why. 258 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:49,655 Okay,�so�there�are�many reasons�a�donation�would�be rejected. 259 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,195 So,�let's�have�a�look at�your�application. 260 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:54,630 Of�course,�yeah. As�I'm�sure�you're�aware of�my�work, 261 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,267 I�included�the�time�that I�traded�leeches�with�my segment�producer, 262 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:03,144 the�2014�raccoon�bite, and�last�year's�on-camera testicle�piercing�gone�awry. 263 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,275 Was�any�of�that�flagged? 264 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,511 Given�the�timing�of�those activities,�they�are�all acceptable�risks. 265 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:11,976 Oh,�and�I�also�shared�needles with�a�chimp�for�a�segment�on primate�fentanyl�addiction. 266 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,917 -Also�fine.�Yeah. -Really? 267 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,223 Okay,�then�why�was�I�rejected? 268 00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:19,425 Ah!�Well,�you�told�us�that you�had�sex�with�a�man in�the�last�year? 269 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,558 Yep. 270 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,093 And�it's�the�position�of Canadian�Blood�Services 271 00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:23,757 to�not�allow�sexually active�gay�men... 272 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,896 Or�fluid. I�should�point�that�out to�my�female�viewers. 273 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,740 To�donate�blood. 274 00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,238 Okay.�So, what�you're�saying�then 275 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,210 is�that�they need�to�be�in�a monogamous�relationship? 276 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,140 No,�they�need�to�have�not had�sex�with�anyone. 277 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,247 Unless�it's�a�woman. 278 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,549 What�if�it's really�boring�sex? 279 00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,482 -Not�even. -What�if�they�just�watched? 280 00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:46,647 That's�fine. 281 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:47,745 What�if�they wrestled�a�naked�man 282 00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,356 like�the�Ancient�Greeks used�to�do? 283 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,318 -Sure. -And�what�if,�while 284 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,487 wrestling�said�naked�man, it�slipped�in for�just�a�second? 285 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:53,794 -Nope. -Just�the�tip? 286 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,896 Not�even. 287 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,858 And�the�reason�for�this�is that�you�assume�gay�men�have higher�exposure�to�HIV? 288 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,268 No,�no,�no.�This�has�nothing to�do�with�HIV. 289 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,640 There's�a�very simple�test�for�it 290 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,568 and�all�donations are�screened�for�it�anyway. 291 00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,013 Okay. 292 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:07,468 Then�why? 293 00:15:07,506 --> 00:15:10,336 Simple.�It�is�the�belief�of Canadian�Blood�Services 294 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:14,946 that�giving�recipients the�"gay�blood"�will,�in�fact, turn�them�"gay." 295 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,994 Where�did�you�go�to medical�school? 296 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,149 It's�a�country�that no�longer�exists. 297 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,118 Southeast�Timor. 298 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,027 -Can�I�get�that�back? -Yeah,�absolutely. 299 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,429 DONAVON: I�couldn't�believe�what�I'd heard�from�Dr.�Thornbury. 300 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:31,801 But�he�did�assure�me�that�they were�making�progress. 301 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,600 After�all,�they�recently cut�down�the�ban�on�sexually active�gay�men 302 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,873 from�five�years�to�one�year after�they�determined 303 00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:41,712 it�only�takes�300�days for�"gay�blood�cells" to�"die�out." 304 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,640 For��The�Beaverton, Donavon�Stinson,�signing�off. 305 00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,511 Thanks,�Donovan. 306 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:51,816 For�some,�like�Miguel, being�a�new�parent�can�be completely�overwhelming. 307 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:55,390 Fortunately,�there's�dads like�these�guys who�can�help�us�out. 308 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,961 Thank�you�for�that�stirring vote�of�confidence,�Emma. 309 00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,990 I'd�just�like�to�point�out that�I'm�not�actually having�any... 310 00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:02,955 Hi,�I'm�Pat�Dussault, professional�father�of�three 311 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,695 and�founder�of�the�hit�blog, The�Walking�Dad. 312 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,201 -Miguel,�you're�doing�great. -Thanks. 313 00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:13,135 Miguel,�this�must�be�very difficult�for�you. 314 00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,512 I�don't�know�why�everyone thinks�I'm�having such�a�hard�time. 315 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,811 I've�actually�enjoyed my�first�two�months of�fatherhood. 316 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:20,153 Still,�it�can't�be�easy rushing�back�to�work like�this. 317 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,609 Is�this�the�first�show since�the�baby�was�born? 318 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,778 No,�I've�actually�been�back for�weeks. 319 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:29,817 Oh. Well,�that's�a... choice. 320 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,515 Well,�my�wife�and�I�share responsibilities,�so... 321 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,788 Oh,�well,�speaking�of part-time�parents, Justin�Trudeau. 322 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,498 Seems�like�a�nice�fella, 323 00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:40,169 but�can�he�really�be a�good�Prime�Minister and�a�great�dad? 324 00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:43,339 Uh...�Look,�I�get�it. He�wants�to�have�it�all. 325 00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:47,639 But�he�can't�always�be out�gallivanting�with Angela�Merkel,�okay? 326 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,483 If�it�were�up�to�me, I'd�rather�be�at�home with�my�little�ones, 327 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,839 and�turn�on�the�TV�and�see what�Ryder 328 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:54,107 and�his�team�of�pups are�up�to�on��Paw�Patrol. 329 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,050 (SIGHS) Amen�to�that,�brother. 330 00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,692 If�you�ask�me,�you�gotta�be more�concerned�with�your 331 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:02,348 own�child's�development than�the�developing�world. 332 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:07,188 Absolutely. But�it�is�important�to�keep a�good�work-life�balance. 333 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:12,196 You�know,�I'm�able�to�keep�up with�my�Etsy�crafting�and�make a�family�meal�every�day. 334 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:15,331 But�I'm�lucky, my�children�are�advanced. 335 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,072 It�kind�of�feels�like�you�guys are�mom�shaming the�Prime�Minister. 336 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,975 Uh,�that's�impossible,�Miguel, because�we're�dads. 337 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:27,848 Still,�do�we�even�know where�Justin�stands�on�the key�issues,�like�co-sleeping? 338 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,980 And�what�about�swaddling, sleep�training,�cloth�diapers? 339 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,917 Who's�getting�up�to�give the�midnight�feeding? 340 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,292 That's�something�I�can relate�to. 341 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,960 Sometimes�my�daughter won't�take�a�bottle. 342 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,860 I'm�sorry,�you�give�your two-month�old�a�bottle? 343 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,893 Ugh. 344 00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:43,657 Guys,�I'm�just going�to�say�it. 345 00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,095 It�kinda�feels�like you're�holding�dads up�to�an�impossible�standard. 346 00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,201 I'm�sorry,�what�do�you�expect? We're�two�upper�middle�class 347 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,903 white�guys talking�about�parenting. 348 00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,166 I�thought�you�guys�were�here to�give�advice�to�new�parents. 349 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,905 Do�you�have any�practical�tips? 350 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,940 Oh,�yeah,�absolutely. Uh,�you�know... 351 00:17:56,975 --> 00:18:00,775 Stay�calm,�always�pay your�nanny�under�the�table. 352 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:05,153 And�most�importantly, during�nap�time,�choose�the liquor�that's�right�for�you. 353 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,094 Oh,�yeah.�Self-medicating is�really�important. 354 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,020 This�is�a�Manhattan, straight-up. 355 00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,787 Seriously? You�drink�when�you're�at�home with�your�children? 356 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,486 Okay.�Well,�now�who's mom�shaming? 357 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,459 Thanks�so�much,�Pat�and�Kurt. 358 00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,497 I'm�sure�your�kids�will�not resent�you�at�all. 359 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,372 Back�to�you,�Emma. 360 00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,001 Later�this�hour, an�entirely�different�show. 361 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:27,665 (SPEAKING�INDISTINCTLY) 362 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:43,219 Breaking�news, Governor�General David�Johnston�collapsed 363 00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:45,855 during�an�opening�ceremony for�a�new�library. 364 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:49,601 Doctors�say�it�was�the�result of�exhaustion,�brought�on by�his�grueling�schedule 365 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,598 of�doing�whatever�it�is the�governor�general�does. 366 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,171 According�to Johnston's�doctor... 367 00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,199 (READING) 368 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,036 ...in�between representing�Canada, 369 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:03,141 bringing�Canadians�together, and,�um,�visiting�places, I�guess? 370 00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:06,205 In�related�news,�all 105�members�of�the�senate 371 00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:09,175 are�taking�a�personal�health day�after�coming�down with�a�bad�case 372 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,354 of��Cirque�De�Soleil�tickets. 373 00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:13,723 To�conclude�tonight, we'd�like�to�correct a�few�errors 374 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,222 from�last�week's�broadcast. 375 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,124 I�referred�to Mohamed�Taha�Siala 376 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,956 as�the�Libyan�Minister of�the�Interior. 377 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,361 He�is,�in�fact, the�Minister�of Foreign�Affairs. 378 00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,203 I�regret�the�error. 379 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,898 -Big�screw�up,�Miguel. -I�know. 380 00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,330 Last�week,�I�incorrectly reported�that�a�series of�break-ins, 381 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:32,267 featuring�devoured�leftovers, gnawed�furniture�and clawed�mattresses, 382 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:35,574 was�the�work�of�one Maureen�Pfeffer. 383 00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,937 It�turns�out�that�this�was done�by�a�wolf. 384 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:40,176 A�pack�of�wolves, to�be�specific. 385 00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:41,882 I�regret�the�error. 386 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,424 Maureen�Pfeffer? 387 00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:44,818 Don't�you�have�a�neighbor named�Maureen�Pfeffer? 388 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,390 I�have�a�lot�of�neighbors, Miguel. 389 00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,148 Fair�enough. 390 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,317 I�reported�that�the�best�album of�all�time�was Take�Care�by�Drake. 391 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,656 However,�I�re-listened to��Views�last�night, and�I�now�know 392 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,332 that�I�made a�monumental�mistake. 393 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,571 Last�week,�in�my�on-going coverage�of�"Maureen-gate", 394 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:03,738 I�publicized�Ms.�Pfeffer's e-mail�address,�password and�phone�number. 395 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,540 Yes,�that's�the�one. 396 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,812 That's�the�information I�should�not�have�shared during�the�segment 397 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:13,681 where�I�reported�she�was disturbing�the�peace with�her�howling. 398 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:17,222 Turns�out�that�was�again the�large�pack of�arctic�gray�wolves. 399 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,017 Yeah,�Maureen. 400 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,052 Wasn't�she�the�one�you�had some�sort�of�property�dispute with? 401 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,157 Her�tree�was�growing�over your�property�line or�something? 402 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,459 Yeah,�it�was four�feet,�Miguel! 403 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,330 My�hot�tub�is�full of�crab�apples. 404 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:33,268 Lastly,�I'd�like�to�apologize for�personally�going�to Maureen's�home 405 00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:37,868 and�accusing�her�of�mauling those�two�campers�outside Surrey,�B.C. 406 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,213 We�at��The�Beaverton�deeply regret�this�error, 407 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,809 and�hope�Maureen�will�accept our�apology. 408 00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:48,079 Next�week,�after�two�elk�were found�savaged�in�Nunavut, 409 00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,553 a�terrified�nation asks�itself, 410 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:51,982 is�Maureen�at�it�again? 411 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,889 It's�not�journalistically responsible�to�invoke Maureen's... 412 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,622 (SPEAKING�INDISTINCTLY) 40534

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.