Original subtitles

Egbert Souse? Why, isn't that an odd name?

&nbsp

lt isn't pronounced ''Souse.'' Accent grave over the ''e.''

&nbsp

Egbert Sousé. Oh, l see.

&nbsp

[ Banging ]

&nbsp

What's he up to now? What is he up to?

&nbsp

Your guess is as good as mine, Ma. l never know what to expect next.

&nbsp

l bet anything he's smoking up in his room again!

&nbsp

This time, Agatha, you've got to just tell him to stop!

&nbsp

His smokin' gave me asthma. Oh, Ma!

&nbsp

lf he don't, l'm going on the county. Ma!

&nbsp

lmagine a man tying to take care of his family...

&nbsp

by going to theater bank nights, working puzzle contests and suggesting slogans.

&nbsp

[ Phone Ringing ] Telephone's ringing!

&nbsp

Don't answer it, Elsie Mae. It's probably the LaCavas wanting their lawn mower back.

&nbsp

We're not finished with it yet. [ Ringing ]

&nbsp

Hello, daughter. Hello.

&nbsp

Hello, Myrtle. Hello.

&nbsp

Hello. Hello.

&nbsp

Agatha, this time you've just got to tell him!

&nbsp

l just can't stand it! It's just a lingering death.

&nbsp

lf you don't, l will go on the county!

&nbsp

[ Sobbing ]

&nbsp

What's eatin' you?

&nbsp

My Sunday school teacher, Mr. Stackhouse, told me...

&nbsp

that he saw my father coming out ofa saloon the other day...

&nbsp

and that Dad was smoking a pipe!

&nbsp

Oh, l'll kill myself

&nbsp

[ Mumbling ] What's the matter with her?

&nbsp

l'll starve myself to death.

&nbsp

lt's the easiest way out. It's not so difficult to do.

&nbsp

l tried it yesterday afternoon. [Knocking]

&nbsp

Oh, that must be Og. Will you excuse me?

&nbsp

- Nice potatoes. - Thank you.

&nbsp

Why don't we get any more crumpets?

&nbsp

[ Ma ] Smoking and drinking!

&nbsp

And reading those infernal detective stories!

&nbsp

House just smells of liquor and smoke.

&nbsp

There he goes again, down to the saloon...

&nbsp

to read that silly detective magazine!

&nbsp

Mother's right. You've been smokin' again in your room.

&nbsp

Oh!

&nbsp

Aah! [ Groaning ]

&nbsp

lmagine the man who takes money out of a child's piggy bank, puts in l.O.U s.

&nbsp

[ Screaming ] Don't you dare strike that child!

&nbsp

You put that down! Put it down!

&nbsp

Uh, Og, l'd like you to meet my father.

&nbsp

Father, this is Og Oggilby. [ Chuckling ]

&nbsp

Og Oggilby.

&nbsp

Sounds like a bubble in a bathtub.

&nbsp

l'm glad to have met ya! Mighty glad to have met you.

&nbsp

Your father seems awfully nice.

&nbsp

Yes, we think so.

&nbsp

What seems to be the trouble?

&nbsp

Are you carrying the proper amount of air in the tires?

&nbsp

Uh, had the brakes tested lately?

&nbsp

Course, it may be the wheelbase.

&nbsp

[ Crashing ]

&nbsp

Those are tools. Why don't you go away and mind your own business?

&nbsp

Listen to the gentleman attentively,James.

&nbsp

Be polite. [ Egbert ] Thank you, madam.

&nbsp

Give me a shift expander. l'll fix it.

&nbsp

A what? Monkeywrench.

&nbsp

Give the gentleman what he asks for,James.

&nbsp

Aah! Ohh!

&nbsp

Here's all you gotta do. Just open up this nut here.

&nbsp

[ Grunting ]

&nbsp

Uh-uh.

&nbsp

## [ Whistling ]

&nbsp

l was down to Cape Cod most of... that year.

&nbsp

Say, you'll have to either Vaseline this place in here or move the post over.

&nbsp

l had half interest in a cod-liver-oil mine down in Cape Cod.

&nbsp

Snowed all winter.

&nbsp

We did a lot of boondoggling.

&nbsp

Did you ever boondoggle,Joe?

&nbsp

No, l can't say that l have.

&nbsp

These cloves are pretty dy.

&nbsp

Better sprinkle them with alcohol.

&nbsp

How do you do?

&nbsp

Meet you up the Elk's Club several weeks ago? No.

&nbsp

Never did, eh?

&nbsp

Ever do any boondoggling? No.

&nbsp

Give me a beer. Never have, eh? Mine's a poultice.

&nbsp

Never done boondoggling. Must've been another fellow, l guess.

&nbsp

Take off your hat in the presence of a gentleman.

&nbsp

Well, here she goes.

&nbsp

Down the hatch.

&nbsp

[ Burps, Coughs ]

&nbsp

But l tell you he's drunk, Q.Q.

&nbsp

Said he had trouble with his wife. Yes.

&nbsp

We have tried, but he isn't sober!

&nbsp

The best l can?

&nbsp

But you don't understand, Q.Q.!

&nbsp

Hello? Hello?

&nbsp

The best l can!

&nbsp

Um, gimme a-- Good morning.

&nbsp

Good morning. What can you give me for shattered nerves?

&nbsp

l've got the jitters.

&nbsp

Joe, if the gentleman has butterflies in his stomach,

&nbsp

l suggest a dash of Rover.

&nbsp

Rover? Uh, dog, absinthe.

&nbsp

lt's very good for the nerves.

&nbsp

That's fine. Thank you.

&nbsp

That's just what l needed.

&nbsp

My name's Mackley Q. Greene.

&nbsp

And a man more beset by trouble you'll ever see. Again.

&nbsp

l'm here in Lompoc on a movie location.

&nbsp

My director started on a bender, and that's always good for ten days.

&nbsp

We've got a 36-hour schedule and a stinko script.

&nbsp

lt's a bubke and opens in this vey town the day after tomorrow.

&nbsp

Ah! Oh, you're yelling right down my alley!

&nbsp

ln the old Sennett days l used to direct Fatty Arbuckle,

&nbsp

Charlie Chaplan, Buster Keaton and the rest of'em.

&nbsp

l can't get the celluloid outta my blood.

&nbsp

Nights l used to tend bar.

&nbsp

Would you entertain a proposition to direct this picture?

&nbsp

Um-- Take a chance on a percentage of the profits basis?

&nbsp

Um, um, yes. Just a moment.

&nbsp

Uh, was l in here last night, and did l spend a $20 bill?

&nbsp

Yeah!

&nbsp

Oh, boy! What a load that is off my mind!

&nbsp

l thought l'd lost it.

&nbsp

Here you are. Keep the change.

&nbsp

l've got a script l've had in mothballs for 20 years.

&nbsp

l read it to Irving and Milton who run the Gem Cinema down here.

&nbsp

They said to me, they said, ''Sousé,

&nbsp

it's better than Gone With the Wind.''

&nbsp

My car's outside. Let's get down on the set. Okay.

&nbsp

Uh, l'll bring the glasses back later.

&nbsp

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

&nbsp

Take a note, please.

&nbsp

Oh, Mr. Clam, please. It's good for you.

&nbsp

Still can't do a thing with him, Mr. Greene. He's tight as a snare drum.

&nbsp

We won't bother anymore with him. Mr. Sousé will take over the direction.

&nbsp

Oh, fine. Glad to meet you, Mr. Sousé. Glad to know you.

&nbsp

Must've been a gnat.

&nbsp

Here comes Francois and Miss Plupp.

&nbsp

Oh, yeah.

&nbsp

Ah. This is Miss Plupp, l take it.

&nbsp

Yeah. And you are Francois?

&nbsp

This is Mr. Sousé. He's taking over the direction of the picture.

&nbsp

Did you sleep well last night? Oh, l--

&nbsp

- Uh, maybe un peu? - Comme ci, comme ça.

&nbsp

l don't know whether this part is suited to my personality or not.

&nbsp

Don't give it a thought. l've changed eveything.

&nbsp

lnstead of it being an English drawing-room drama,

&nbsp

l've made it a circus picture.

&nbsp

Dorothy, don't just sit there! Take down eveything he says.

&nbsp

Good morning, Mr. Greene. Aah!

&nbsp

lt's Saturday afternoon.

&nbsp

You make touchdown after touchdown.

&nbsp

You kick goals. You make passes.

&nbsp

You make the longest run with the ball that was ever made on the field.

&nbsp

ln these clothes? Um,

&nbsp

you could change your hat.

&nbsp

Take it easy there. That's all right, Mr. Clam. Swell. Swell.

&nbsp

Eveything's gonna be all right. Just take--

&nbsp

Uh, he sees you in the $50 seats.

&nbsp

He immediately falls in love with ya.

&nbsp

He can't take his eyes off ya.

&nbsp

How can he play base-- Foot.

&nbsp

ball, and watch me in the grandstand? It's part of the plot.

&nbsp

Attaboy!

&nbsp

Lift him up. That's swell. Now you're doin' good.

&nbsp

We're playin' the thing very digni-- fied.

&nbsp

Uh, service, please.

&nbsp

- Come on, boys. Come on. - Ahh!

&nbsp

[ Car Horn Honking ]

&nbsp

lt's him! For the love of Pete!

&nbsp

Attention.

&nbsp

Ah, we'll just walk through this thing.

&nbsp

Take it, Miss Plupp, where you come down out of the grandstand.

&nbsp

He makes me sick!

&nbsp

Shall l bounce a rock off his head? Respect your father.

&nbsp

What kind of a rock? Oh, shut up!

&nbsp

You're both madly in love with each other.

&nbsp

Embrace.

&nbsp

ls she standing in a hole? No, sir.

&nbsp

Go ahead. Read your lines.

&nbsp

When does this thing stop? It's all right.

&nbsp

You're doing all right.

&nbsp

lce cream. Got any cigars, kid? You know the brand.

&nbsp

We're making motion-picture histoy here.

&nbsp

l want quiet! Quiet from eveybody!

&nbsp

Ooh! [ Groaning ]

&nbsp

Pa is drunk again!

&nbsp

Cut that out. Take your dirty hands off me!

&nbsp

Get back to your places.

&nbsp

Here.

&nbsp

Give this, uh, that number seven expression.

&nbsp

''Those eyes! Those ears!''

&nbsp

l wanna be in the picture.

&nbsp

Uh, l'll put you in later on, dear.

&nbsp

Uh, ''Give me all--''

&nbsp

What's the matter, Pop? Don't you love me?

&nbsp

Sure, l love ya! Don't you dare strike that child.

&nbsp

Ah, she's not gonna tell me l don't love her.

&nbsp

[ Egbert ] ''Those eyes.'' [ francois ] Those eyes.

&nbsp

Those ears!

&nbsp

That nose!

&nbsp

Oh, Godfrey Daniel!

&nbsp

Mother-of-pearl!

&nbsp

The child is only playing with you, you fool.

&nbsp

Mmm, l don't understand her funning.

&nbsp

Let's, uh--

&nbsp

[ Egbert ] Uh, now to continue.

&nbsp

''Those eye--''

&nbsp

## [Joe Whistling ] Um, thanks.

&nbsp

Oh, uh, study that script. Say,Joe.

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé! Mr. Sousé! How do you like that?

&nbsp

Mr. Greene, you haven't another thing to worry about.

&nbsp

l'm perfectly okay. [ Hiccups ] You look it.

&nbsp

## [ Whistling ]

&nbsp

Getting quite late. It is, isn't it?

&nbsp

See you're still at it. Serves ya right.

&nbsp

- Be courteous,James. - Yes, ma'am.

&nbsp

We'll leave the motor running. Come on.

&nbsp

Pass over all that dough and do it quietly.

&nbsp

lmagine a guy parking his car in front of a ''no parking'' sign with the engine runnin'!

&nbsp

A two buck fine'll do him a lot of good. Let's take it to headquarters.

&nbsp

Don't forget to keep your foot off that alarm.

&nbsp

Somebody must've nailed the car. Let's take it on the lam.

&nbsp

[Alarm Ringing ] Help! Help! Police! Help!

&nbsp

Help! Police! Robbery! Help!

&nbsp

Come on! Help! Police! Help!

&nbsp

Help! Help! Police! Robbey!

&nbsp

Did you see them? They went down that alley.

&nbsp

Let's cut that money up right now. Let's keep goin'.

&nbsp

Supposin' we get split up? What of it?

&nbsp

How much money you got? Start countin'. No.

&nbsp

Don't you trust me? l don't trust nobody, not even my mother.

&nbsp

Give me my end of that. Turn loose of me, will ya?

&nbsp

Bank robbers, two of'em! They went down this alley.

&nbsp

''Out to tea.Joe.'' He'll be drinkin' sarsaparilla next.

&nbsp

Gimme half of that dough. l will not!

&nbsp

[ Siren Wailing ]

&nbsp

[ Honking ]

&nbsp

Must be another hold up somewhere nears.

&nbsp

[ Honking Continues ]

&nbsp

There they are!

&nbsp

Grab him while l put these on. That's not one of the crooks.

&nbsp

That's Mr. Sousé. Yeah, Sousé. Accent grave over the ''e.''

&nbsp

Fine job, Mr. Sousé, apprehending this desperado...

&nbsp

and retrieving the bank's funds. What?

&nbsp

You saved the $50,OOO. That's the most important part!

&nbsp

Yeah, 50,OOO ain't hay, no.

&nbsp

Those fellows got away, huh? What happened? Uh, yes.

&nbsp

Yes, he got away. Pulled a knife on me that long!

&nbsp

An assegai. [ Policeman ] Lucky you had that revolver.

&nbsp

You always carry it with you? Ooh, take this.

&nbsp

We detectives gotta do those things.

&nbsp

Never know when you're gonna catch a couple bank robbers.

&nbsp

l know Mr. Skinner would like to thank you personally after what's just happened.

&nbsp

Drop into the bank. l will. l'll go down and tell him all about it.

&nbsp

Which way did the other fellow go? The other fellow?

&nbsp

He went away. Away where?

&nbsp

Look out! Look out there!

&nbsp

l'll give 'im a punch in the nose.

&nbsp

See those handcuffs are on tight, will ya?

&nbsp

Come to headquarters and identify this guy. Okay.

&nbsp

l'll break evey bone in his head.

&nbsp

Myrtle should be proud to have a father like you. l guess she is.

&nbsp

No wonder after a thing like that.

&nbsp

Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé's father...

&nbsp

just caught a burglar, and he tried to cut his throat with a knife this long!

&nbsp

Yeah.

&nbsp

[ Boy ] And he had a gun about this big!

&nbsp

You don't say! Did you kill him with one bullet, Mr. Sousé?

&nbsp

Mm-hmm. Ooh.

&nbsp

Jiminy. You're pretty good. Jiminy! Boy!

&nbsp

One or two bullets l don't know. l was so busy shooting him.

&nbsp

- That's the way l catch burglars. - Do another.

&nbsp

Oh, boy! Ooh!

&nbsp

Will you teach me? That's swell.

&nbsp

l'll teach you when you grow up.

&nbsp

l never smoked a cigarette till l was nine.

&nbsp

Sign my autograph book, Mr. Souse? Ah, Sousé, son.

&nbsp

Accent grave over the ''e.'' Sousé. There's the accent.

&nbsp

l saw ya through the window. Did ya?

&nbsp

A knife four feet long, eh? l'll say!

&nbsp

The sword Lee surrendered to Grant was a potato peeler by comparison.

&nbsp

You better come in and have a little poultice on the house.

&nbsp

l don't mind if l do.

&nbsp

[ Reporter ] Mr. Sousé? Yeah?

&nbsp

Here's the interview you gave me for my paper. Look it over and see if it's correct.

&nbsp

Oh, thanks. l'll peruse it instanta

&nbsp

Oh, yes. ''Skinner's National Bank robbed.

&nbsp

''Egbert Sousé makes daring and heroic effort--

&nbsp

- [ Car Horn Honking ] - Hey, you!

&nbsp

''...of Loudmouth McNasty, alias the Wildcat.

&nbsp

''Drawing his revolver, which he carries for such emergencies,

&nbsp

he struck McNasty--''

&nbsp

[ Coughs ] You see, putting things like that on motor cars is what kills people.

&nbsp

- [ Honks ] - Get outta there!

&nbsp

''For such emergencies--''

&nbsp

The Lompoc Picayune Intelligencer...

&nbsp

just got out a special edition telling how l apprehended them two crooks.

&nbsp

For heaven's sake, Egbert, can't you see we're playin' an interesting game?

&nbsp

There was an article in there telling how l apprehended a couple of crooks...

&nbsp

who stole $2 million from Skinner's Lompoc Bank.

&nbsp

You would! Skinner's Lompoc Bank!

&nbsp

Them's the shylocks that's got the mortgage on this house, ain't they?

&nbsp

They're haunting you from morning till night, the old pinchpennies!

&nbsp

Why don't you move-- l'm sorry they didn't get away with the bank.

&nbsp

Leave it to him! He would do a thing like that!

&nbsp

Um, l think l'll go up to my room for a moment.

&nbsp

They want me to come down to the bank to get a reward, or a job or something.

&nbsp

l'll go down in the morning.

&nbsp

Don't you smoke up in your room.

&nbsp

Oh, no, l won't, dear.

&nbsp

What am l doing?

&nbsp

Hello, Og. Hello, honey.

&nbsp

That was a great stunt your father pulled. Huh?

&nbsp

Two crooks stole $25,OOO. l never knew your father had so much intestinal fortitude.

&nbsp

Are you kidding? No!

&nbsp

Come on. Let's talk about us, dear.

&nbsp

Your father took his pistol and hit one of the fellows over the head. He hasn't got a pistol.

&nbsp

The paper said your father took a double-edged assegai from one of the fellas.

&nbsp

A whats-agai? An assegai, a sword.

&nbsp

Where did the newspapers get the stoy? From your father.

&nbsp

He admitted the whole thing to the police. Oh!

&nbsp

Let's talk about us, Og.

&nbsp

Well, l get my bonus pretty soon,

&nbsp

and l've already picked out your engagement ring.

&nbsp

Oh. Ah, Oggie.

&nbsp

Ah! Oh, golly. Mmm.

&nbsp

Shucks.

&nbsp

l have an appointment with Mr. Skinner, president of the bank.

&nbsp

Step to one side, please. Yes. Thank you.

&nbsp

Thank you, Miss Carroll.

&nbsp

l had an appointment with Mr. Skinner, the-- Please, just one side.

&nbsp

Oh.

&nbsp

Here, sir. There you are.

&nbsp

l, uh-- The president-- Please, will you step to one side.

&nbsp

Just a moment.

&nbsp

Nice weather we're having. Yes, it is.

&nbsp

Yes. Clever observation.

&nbsp

How have you been, Mr. Penny? Fine, thank you.

&nbsp

That's good. That's vey interesting.

&nbsp

Uh, l--

&nbsp

Oh.

&nbsp

How do you do? Oh, yeah.

&nbsp

How do you do? Oh, how are you, sir?

&nbsp

Well as can be expected after that tussle l put up with those two bandits.

&nbsp

Oh, yes. Yeah, l went to see the doctor,

&nbsp

and he says as result of that scrap, l'll probably have to have...

&nbsp

a kidney and my gall bladder removed. Tsk, tsk.

&nbsp

He said l also may need an appendectomy.

&nbsp

l saw young Oggilby. He told me to see the president.

&nbsp

Oh, yes. Will you step aside, please. Huh?

&nbsp

Just step to one side.

&nbsp

Ahh! Thank you.

&nbsp

Good mornin', sir. How are you?

&nbsp

l wanna draw my money outta the bank.

&nbsp

- You're not gonna close your account with us, are you? - l sure is!

&nbsp

- Is there any particular reason? - Yes, sir. l'm scared!

&nbsp

Evey time l come in here, you got your hat on.

&nbsp

Look like you gettin' ready to take off. It keeps me nervous.

&nbsp

Oh, l just wear this hat on account of a little hay fever.

&nbsp

Excuse me. That's all right.

&nbsp

l haven't any right standing in front of the hole.

&nbsp

Where's his office? Is he in? Oh, no, oh--

&nbsp

Mr. Skinner's office is right over there. Yes, right over there.

&nbsp

Good morning, Mr. Sousé. Good morning. Good morning.

&nbsp

Mr. Skinner's expecting you. Is he? Thanks vey much. l'll go right in.

&nbsp

We want to show our appreciation of your gallanty and daring. Thank you.

&nbsp

l wish to personally give you a hearty handclasp.

&nbsp

Oh, thanks. Hearty handclasp, yes.

&nbsp

And to present you with the company's compliments...

&nbsp

one of our 1 940 calendars

&nbsp

made especially for this bank,

&nbsp

entitled ''Spring in Lompoc.''

&nbsp

Oh! Doesn't look unlike the Mona Lisa.

&nbsp

- Won't you be seated? - Oh, thanks.

&nbsp

l've been in consultation with our director and we've decided that what's been needed...

&nbsp

in this bank for a long time is a special officer. Oh,yes.

&nbsp

Or to revert to the argot of the underworld, a ''bank dick.'' Oh, yeah.

&nbsp

ln lieu of your heroism, your valiant dauntless courage,

&nbsp

l have the honor to offer you this position. Oh, thank you.

&nbsp

The remuneration at first will be small.

&nbsp

We're a growing concern. We're young. Yes, yes.

&nbsp

But there are many chances for advancement. Who knows?

&nbsp

Within a short time, you may become my vice president.

&nbsp

Oh! My first and only vice.

&nbsp

Very good, very--

&nbsp

What time in the morning? The bank opens at 1 O:OO.

&nbsp

Oh. Well, that's all right.

&nbsp

lf l'm not here on time, just go right ahead without me. l'll catch up with ya.

&nbsp

And, oh, yes. We will deduct a certain amount from your salay each week...

&nbsp

Uh-oh. to pay off the interest of the mortgage on your home.

&nbsp

Yes, yes. Otherwise it would necessitate our foreclosing.

&nbsp

ln view of what has transpired, that would cause us heartfelt contrition.

&nbsp

Ah, you took the very words right outta my mouth.

&nbsp

l'll see you here Monday then,

&nbsp

and l'll bring my detective disguises with me.

&nbsp

Oh.

&nbsp

Og. Listen, Og,

&nbsp

there's more to this detective business than meets the eye.

&nbsp

lt requires cunning and resourcefulness,

&nbsp

and l have both.

&nbsp

l have a thousand disguises at home.

&nbsp

l'll come in with one of those disguises on. If you recognize me,you go--

&nbsp

Like this? Not up high. It's too blatant. Go down there.

&nbsp

Just give me a little one, like that.

&nbsp

lf you don't recognize me, go, uh--

&nbsp

Well, if you don't recognize me, you won't know what to do.

&nbsp

And you won't recognize me.

&nbsp

Now, l'll be in here later.

&nbsp

You gotta keep in practice in this game.

&nbsp

You never know when you're gonna...

&nbsp

have to use your gun.

&nbsp

l really have a reason for a snort this morning.

&nbsp

After that bout l put up with those two crooks

&nbsp

l'm still arm weary.

&nbsp

The president of the bank called me in. He says, ''Sousé.''

&nbsp

l says, ''Yes.''

&nbsp

He says, ''l want you down here for our bank dick.

&nbsp

We've wanted a bank dick fora long while.''

&nbsp

He says, ''ln your Christmas box...

&nbsp

will, in all probability, be the vice presidency ofthis bank.''

&nbsp

[Ioe ] What'll it be?

&nbsp

A depth bomb.

&nbsp

## [ Humming ]

&nbsp

Keep your hat off there.

&nbsp

## [ Whistling ]

&nbsp

Very tasty. l think l'll have another one.

&nbsp

## [ Humming ]

&nbsp

Um, some fresh water.

&nbsp

And a towel, thankyou.

&nbsp

Never like to bathe in the same water twice.

&nbsp

Neat little trick, isn't it?

&nbsp

Pardon me. l couldn't help overhearing your conversation.

&nbsp

Oh, pardon me. Pardon me. It's quite all right.

&nbsp

Waterbuy's my name. J. Frothingham Waterbuy.

&nbsp

Thank you. Very glad to know you. My name's Sousé.

&nbsp

How do you do, Mr. Sousé? Accent the grave over the ''e.''

&nbsp

Oh, so? l'm in the bond and stock business. Oh,yeah.

&nbsp

l have 5,OOO shares of the Beefsteak Mines in Leapfrog, Nevada...

&nbsp

that l want to turn over to your bank. Yeah?

&nbsp

l like this town. l want to get some contacts, and l think you're the man.

&nbsp

These shares are selling for ten cents a share, and, uh--

&nbsp

[ Squealing ]

&nbsp

Ten cents cash? That's okay. Oh, that's terrible!

&nbsp

These shares are selling for ten cents a share. Yeah?

&nbsp

A telephone company once sold for five cents a share! Five cents!

&nbsp

These shares are twice as expensive; therefore, they'll be twice as valuable.

&nbsp

Sure they will. Oh, no. Naturally, you're no dunce.

&nbsp

The telephone is now listed at $1 .73, and you can't buy it.

&nbsp

$1 .73. $3,460 for evey nickel you put into it.

&nbsp

The point l'm trying to make is this.

&nbsp

Huh? The point l'm trying to make is:

&nbsp

These shares sell for ten cents. It's simple arithmetic.

&nbsp

If five'll get you ten, ten'll get you twenty. Sure.

&nbsp

Sixteen-cylinder cars. A big home in the city, balconies upstairs and down.

&nbsp

A home in the country, big trees, private golf course,

&nbsp

stream running through the rear of the estate.

&nbsp

Warm Sunday afternoon fishing under the cool trees,

&nbsp

sipping ice-cold beer.

&nbsp

l can almost see the foam. Yeah.

&nbsp

Ham and cheese on ye. With mustard.

&nbsp

Yeah. We have plenty of mustard at the house. Yeah.

&nbsp

Then this guy comes up the shady drive in an armored car from the bank,

&nbsp

and he dumps a whole basket of coupons worth hundreds of thousands of dollars...

&nbsp

Yeah? right in your lap.

&nbsp

And he says, ''Sign here, please, on the dotted line.''

&nbsp

l'll have a fountain pen by that time. Yes.

&nbsp

Then he's off to the soft chirping...

&nbsp

of our feathered friends in the arboreal dell. Oh.

&nbsp

That's what these bonds mean! They do, eh?

&nbsp

l'd rather part with my dear grandmother's paisley shawl or her wedding ring...

&nbsp

than to part with these bonds. Yeah, it must be tough to lose a paisley shawl.

&nbsp

Thank you.

&nbsp

Gosh! Oh, pardon my language.

&nbsp

lt's all right. l swear sometimes myself. l feel like a dog.

&nbsp

But, it's now or never. It must be done.

&nbsp

So take it or leave it. l'll take it.

&nbsp

Fine! Fine. Fine.

&nbsp

Meet me down at the bank in about an hour. Why, certainly!

&nbsp

My card. Oh, thanks.

&nbsp

Boy, l got you set for life. l don't hang around that Black Pussy Cafe for nothing.

&nbsp

l met a fellow who's in trouble.

&nbsp

Something the matter with his grandmother's paisley shawl.

&nbsp

He has 5,OOO shares in the Beefsteak Mine,

&nbsp

and you can buy them for a handful of hay.

&nbsp

Hay? And they're worth--

&nbsp

Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share.

&nbsp

How would you like something better for ten cents a share?

&nbsp

If five gets you ten, ten'll get you twenty.

&nbsp

Beautiful home in the county, upstairs and down.

&nbsp

Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl.

&nbsp

Beer? Beer!

&nbsp

fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell.

&nbsp

A man comes up from the bar,

&nbsp

dumps $3,500 in your lap for evey nickel invested.

&nbsp

Says to you, ''Sign here on the dotted line;'

&nbsp

and then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

&nbsp

Gosh! Do you think he was telling the truth?

&nbsp

You don't think a man would resort to taradiddle, do you?

&nbsp

Why, he sounded like a child at the vey thought of disposing of these shares.

&nbsp

How does the bank make its money?

&nbsp

By investing. That's the point.

&nbsp

You don't want to work all your life.

&nbsp

Take a chance. Take it while you're young.

&nbsp

My uncle, a balloon ascensionist,

&nbsp

Effingham Hoffnagle, took a chance.

&nbsp

He was three miles and a half up in the air.

&nbsp

He jumped out of the basket of the balloon...

&nbsp

and took a chance of lighting on a load of hay.

&nbsp

Golly! Did he make it? H m m.

&nbsp

- Uh, no, he didn't. - Oh.

&nbsp

Had he been a younger man, he probably would have made it.

&nbsp

That's the point. Don't wait too long in life.

&nbsp

l've never done anything like this.

&nbsp

And another thing, l haven't got the money.

&nbsp

Of course, my bonus comes due in four days. That's $500. l could buy 'em then.

&nbsp

Then with all that money, l really might be worthy of your daughter's hand.

&nbsp

Women really appreciate the fine things in life.

&nbsp

You don't wanna die and leave your wife and children paupers, do you? No.

&nbsp

Borrow the $500 from the bank.

&nbsp

You intend to pay it back when your bonus comes due, don't ya?

&nbsp

Oh, sure. Surely! Don't be a luddy-duddy.

&nbsp

Don't be a moon calf.

&nbsp

Don't be a jabbernowl. You're not those, are you? No.

&nbsp

l guess there's no way you could confuse it with stealing, is there?

&nbsp

Ha! Nothing could be more absurd!

&nbsp

Well, all right. Send him in.

&nbsp

He won't be here till 11 :OO.

&nbsp

Got him! Back! Back! Oh, what do you mean?

&nbsp

The idea! Is that gun loaded?

&nbsp

Certainly not, but l think you are.

&nbsp

Mommy, doesn't that man have a funny nose?

&nbsp

You mustn't make fun of the gentleman, Clifford.

&nbsp

You'd like to have a nose like that full of nickels, wouldn't you?

&nbsp

l'll throw him in the wastepaper basket next time he comes in here.

&nbsp

How do you do? How do you do?

&nbsp

l'm the officer. Can l help you?

&nbsp

l'd like to see Mr. Skinner, please.

&nbsp

Yes, he'll be vey glad to see you, l'm sure.

&nbsp

Very glad.

&nbsp

J. Pinkerton Snoopington, bank examiner.

&nbsp

Is that right? Yes.

&nbsp

He'll be very glad to see you, but, um,

&nbsp

he's gone out to the golf course on business...

&nbsp

and probably won't be back till midnight.

&nbsp

If he does return, where can he call you?

&nbsp

I'm stopping at the New Old Lompoc House on the avenue.

&nbsp

Oh, New Old Lompoc House! Yes, yes.

&nbsp

Frank Cridellhoffer, the management. l know him well.

&nbsp

You do? If you need anything during the night,

&nbsp

just mention my name. Yes, l will.

&nbsp

That's fine, yes.

&nbsp

Got some bad news for ya.

&nbsp

Can you take it now, or shall l hold it off a little longer?

&nbsp

That was the bank examiner, wasn't it?

&nbsp

You guessed it the first time. Ooh.

&nbsp

l knew this would happen. l was a perfect idiot to ever listen to you.

&nbsp

You listen to me, Og.

&nbsp

There's nothing in this world that is perfect.

&nbsp

It'll be four days before l get my bonus and can replace that money.

&nbsp

Oh, was I a dope. I've sacrificed eveything:

&nbsp

my job, my marriage to your daughter.

&nbsp

Keep my daughter's name out of this.

&nbsp

Don't you ever tell me again l'm not a jabbernowl and a moon cal_

&nbsp

Please get out of the office, Mr. Sousé. This is terrible.

&nbsp

l reiterate, Ogilthorpe. Leave eveything to me.

&nbsp

Don't wory about a thing.

&nbsp

Hello, hello.

&nbsp

Give me the New Old Lompoc House.

&nbsp

Yeah, the New Old.

&nbsp

Charlie on the desk?

&nbsp

What's a six-letter word meaning ''embezzlement''? Prison.

&nbsp

[ Loud Knocking ]

&nbsp

[ Sighs ] l'll bet that's Og.

&nbsp

Hmm, he's got her bettin'. She never gambled before she met him.

&nbsp

Ah, hello, Og. Hello, dear.

&nbsp

Still workin' on your crossword-puzzle book? Uh-huh.

&nbsp

l'll tell you one on Grandma. l asked 'em to give me...

&nbsp

a six-letter word meaning ''embezzlement;' and she said ''prison.''

&nbsp

lsn't that a hot one?

&nbsp

Huh?

&nbsp

She's right. What's the matter with you?

&nbsp

l've got something to confess.

&nbsp

Our engagement is off. Og, what are you saying?

&nbsp

Oh, well, it's only off for a while, dear;

&nbsp

that is, if you're willing to wait until l get out of prison.

&nbsp

Og, don't scare me. Oh, stop fooling.

&nbsp

What do you mean? Oh, l don't know. l can't think straight.

&nbsp

Your father brought a man into the bank who sold me...

&nbsp

his old grandmother's paisley shawl with a beer river running through it.

&nbsp

l don't know what it was! Are you sick?

&nbsp

Let me feel your head. Ooh, you've got a fever.

&nbsp

l don't know what l've got, but your father got me to take $500 from the bank...

&nbsp

and invest it in-- Og!

&nbsp

Shh. Not so loud. l don't want your mother or grandmother to hear this.

&nbsp

He got me to invest it in telephone and telegraph and electric light company.

&nbsp

No, it wasn't telephone or telegraph. It was a Beefsteak Mine.

&nbsp

A Beefsteak Mine! Og, have you been drinking?

&nbsp

l'm going to tell my mother that my father got you to drink and steal money from the bank.

&nbsp

No, listen, dear. l'm gonna tell my mother right away...

&nbsp

that my father got you to steal money from the bank and invest it in a Beefsteak Mine.

&nbsp

Oh, now, Myrtle!

&nbsp

lt was nice of you to call me. Oh, not at all!

&nbsp

l knew you were a stranger. l wanted to make your stay happy.

&nbsp

l work for the Chamber of Commerce when l'm not on my regular--

&nbsp

Would you like to weigh yourself? Oh, no.

&nbsp

l know the manager here. He'll let you weigh yourself for nothing.

&nbsp

Um, Lompoc is noted for its beautiful girls.

&nbsp

l imagine you've noticed some. Yes, l have.

&nbsp

l'm a married man with a grown daughter 18 years ofage.

&nbsp

Oh, l'd like to meet her.

&nbsp

l'm very fond of children-- girl children around 18, 20.

&nbsp

l have a young daughter of marriageable age, also a small daughter;

&nbsp

nice wife and a mother-in-law that loves me like her own son.

&nbsp

Would you like to give the town a double ''O''?

&nbsp

A little constitutional couldn't possibly hurt. No.

&nbsp

Ha! The Black Pussy Cafe and snack bar.

&nbsp

Hello, Fancy. How would you like to go in and have a little spot?

&nbsp

Mm-mm. No, no. l never drink during business hours, thank you.

&nbsp

Just a little spot, and we'll find out how Gumlegs came out at Del Mar today.

&nbsp

This, uh-- This place isn't crowded, is it?

&nbsp

No! If it wasn't for me, the place'd starve to death.

&nbsp

Well, l'll dawdle for about ten minutes. We'll dawdle together.

&nbsp

Oh, after you. Thank you.

&nbsp

Nice little place here. Psst, psst.

&nbsp

Could we find a secluded spot where we won't be observed?

&nbsp

Oh, surely. Sit down there. Nobody will see you.

&nbsp

These are just a couple of local beer guzzlers.

&nbsp

Could we pull the shade?

&nbsp

You can pull anything you want in here. It's a regular joint.

&nbsp

l know Joe very well. What's your pleasure?

&nbsp

Uh, Rye highball. Rye highball.

&nbsp

Make it light. Light? Fine.

&nbsp

Hi, Mr. Sousé. What'll it be?

&nbsp

[ Egbert ] l want two highballs.

&nbsp

One very light. You can double up on mine.

&nbsp

Has Michael Finn been in here today?

&nbsp

- No, but he will be. -Mm-hmm.That's good.

&nbsp

How'd Gumlegs come out in the fifth? He ran sixth.

&nbsp

Oh, the dog!

&nbsp

You ever bet on the races? No. l never wager.

&nbsp

You never wager. It's not a bad idea. It's a good system.

&nbsp

l bet on that Gumlegs once.

&nbsp

He won. But the jockey got of fat the three-quarters...

&nbsp

and had to carry him across the tape on his back.

&nbsp

He's a beetle. The jockey was a very insulting fellow.

&nbsp

He referred to my proboscis...

&nbsp

as an adsatitious excrescious.

&nbsp

l had to tweak his nose.

&nbsp

l was compelled to-- Oh, that's fine, thank you.

&nbsp

Well, no one's looking.

&nbsp

Down the hatch. Down the-- [ Clears Throat ]

&nbsp

[ Gasps ]

&nbsp

[ Gasps ]

&nbsp

[ Hiccups ]

&nbsp

l feel deathly ill. Oh.

&nbsp

Well, fill 'em up again, Joe.

&nbsp

No, no, please. l've never had such a feeling in all my life.

&nbsp

Probably it's something you've eaten. [ Hiccups ]

&nbsp

I haven't eaten anything. There you are, you haven't eaten.

&nbsp

Let's go over. l'll get you some nice chili con carne.

&nbsp

Or it may be the altitude.

&nbsp

Come on. Ooh!

&nbsp

My error. Don't worry about a thing. You're all right.

&nbsp

lt may be the altitude. This town has an altitude of 500 feet.

&nbsp

Population is 4,500.

&nbsp

Schools. Churches. Public library. [ Groans ]

&nbsp

Three blocks of paved streets.

&nbsp

Two trains a day, not counting the milk train at 4:OO in the morning.

&nbsp

We have three drugstores. One actually sells medicine. Stop.

&nbsp

Stop, l'm dying. Could you direct me to a culvert?

&nbsp

Why don't you wait till you get to the hotel? It's only six blocks.

&nbsp

We pass the Spanish Americo Chili Parlor on the way up.

&nbsp

[ Hiccups ]

&nbsp

Maybe you've eaten an oyster in a month that had an ''R'' in it.

&nbsp

Don't let these people know. It's a vey respectable place.

&nbsp

That's all right. That's all right.

&nbsp

Come on, come on. Equilibrium's the thing.

&nbsp

lf your friend is drunk, don't bring him into this hotel.

&nbsp

He's already registered here. J. Pinkerton Snoopington.

&nbsp

Little case of ptomaine poisoning.

&nbsp

Well, get him out of sight as quickly as possible. Something he ate.

&nbsp

He's in room 5. Room 5. Come on, old boy.

&nbsp

This won't last forever. Come on. Look out! Look out.

&nbsp

That's it. Now, you're all right.

&nbsp

You'll be fine or l'll fix it so you will be...

&nbsp

in due time. l shall make it my business to see...

&nbsp

that the Lompoc Ladies Auxiliary will be informed.

&nbsp

l thought this was a family hotel. Yes, indeed it is.

&nbsp

Uh, uh, Mr. Snoopington has a touch of ptomaine.

&nbsp

Hmm. Didn't smell like ptomaine.

&nbsp

[ Gasps ] Well!

&nbsp

Drat, drat, drat, drat.

&nbsp

Come on! Here you are.

&nbsp

Okay, okay! What are you trying to do?

&nbsp

Fill this hotel full of delirium tremens? We've a reputation uphold!

&nbsp

This is the same man, just fell out the window.

&nbsp

Friend of mine caught him on the first bounce. Oh, yeah?

&nbsp

Face up. l'll see that he doesn't bounce again.

&nbsp

Come now, Mr. Snoopington. Come, let's pull ourselves together now.

&nbsp

Here we go. Up, up, up.

&nbsp

Oh, yes, he's blotto.

&nbsp

lsn't he-- Oh!

&nbsp

[ Operator ] When you hear the tone, it will be 22 and one half minutes till 7:OO.

&nbsp

Listen, l'm calling Dr. Stall, and as a matter of fact,

&nbsp

when l hear the tone, it'll be 22 and one half minutes till 6:OO.

&nbsp

Give me Dr. Stall. l'll give you information please.

&nbsp

l don't want information please or Professor Quiz or calling all cars.

&nbsp

l want Dr. Stall. Louder, please.

&nbsp

''Louder, please.'' If l spoke any louder, l wouldn't need a telephone.

&nbsp

Gimme Dr. Stall.

&nbsp

[ Loud Crunching ]

&nbsp

[ Ringing ]

&nbsp

Hello.

&nbsp

Just a moment, please.

&nbsp

The first thing you've got to do is cut out all health foods.

&nbsp

That'll be $1O.OO. The nurse will return your clothes with the receipt.

&nbsp

Hello.

&nbsp

This is Sousé speaking, Doc. How are you?

&nbsp

l'm here at the New Old Lompoc House.

&nbsp

There's a bank examiner in town, an old friend of the family's.

&nbsp

He's evidently been on a bender. He's full of nose paint.

&nbsp

[ Groaning ] [ Knocking ]

&nbsp

Hello, Snoopy, old boy! How do you feel?

&nbsp

Oh, l feel as though l've been poisoned. [ Laughing ]

&nbsp

You look the picture of health!

&nbsp

Oh, oh!

&nbsp

Shame. Agony.

&nbsp

My poor wife.

&nbsp

Little Doret.

&nbsp

I forgot to telephone them Last night.

&nbsp

Why don't you let me get you something to eat?

&nbsp

How'd you like some breaded veal cutlet with tomato sauce?

&nbsp

A chocolate eclair with whip cream?

&nbsp

Poor fella hasn't had anything to eat.

&nbsp

[ Knocking ] Oh.

&nbsp

Guess that's the doctor.

&nbsp

Hello, Doc. How are ya?

&nbsp

How's business? Oh, fair, fair.

&nbsp

l don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping-cough epidemic again.

&nbsp

No, l don't suppose we will.

&nbsp

Ah, this is the eminent, uh, Dr. Stall--

&nbsp

diagnostician, our town's leading physician.

&nbsp

What's the name? J. Pinkerton Snoopington.

&nbsp

Business? Bank examiner.

&nbsp

Bank examiner? Quite a lucrative occupation. Yes.

&nbsp

Do you mind, uh, showing me your tongue?

&nbsp

You must eat more solids; meats and sauces.

&nbsp

You need iron; liver and bacon.

&nbsp

You lack vitamins ''A'',''B'' and ''C.''

&nbsp

Skip the rest down to ''X'' and ''Y.'' If''Z'' is necessay, we'll give you that later.

&nbsp

What you need most of all is rest.

&nbsp

Rest will do more for you than all the doctors in the world.

&nbsp

No exercise! No.

&nbsp

Now, you take two of these...

&nbsp

in a glass of castor oil for two nights running, then you skip one night.

&nbsp

But l thought you said l wasn't to take any exercise. You take me too literally.

&nbsp

What l should say is,

&nbsp

you take two for two nights consecutively,

&nbsp

and then you, uh-- Refrain from taking them one night.

&nbsp

Yes.

&nbsp

That's absolutely true and they're tasteless. Good with goulash.

&nbsp

[Dr. Stall] With the proper rest, l'll get you out of here in three days.

&nbsp

Yes, sir, l'll get you out in three days.

&nbsp

Three more days and you'll be outta here. Four!

&nbsp

Careful waving that cane. You might hit something.

&nbsp

Yeah, l might hit that globe up there.

&nbsp

That'll be just one day before the boys at the bank get their bonus.

&nbsp

Yes, sir, I'll have you out in three days--

&nbsp

unless, of course, complications set in. Oh, yes.

&nbsp

That'll naturally take an extra day. Yes!

&nbsp

Leave everything to me.

&nbsp

l'll do the worrying. Be happy and gay!

&nbsp

l'll have the management send you up a radio.

&nbsp

Come on, Doc. We better be going.

&nbsp

Toodle-oo!

&nbsp

Gonna have the missus bake you a nice coconut custard pie with savaloi pudding.

&nbsp

[ Hiccups ]

&nbsp

You haven't a thing to worry about.

&nbsp

I've got Snoopington down at the New Old Lompoc House. He's still in bed.

&nbsp

Oh, much obliged. l gotta put on my work clothes now.

&nbsp

Okay, go ahead.

&nbsp

Uh, what do you mean?

&nbsp

Ha, yeah. l thought l lost it.

&nbsp

How-dee-do, Mr. Skinner?

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé, we appreciate the capture you made...

&nbsp

and the manhandling you gave those criminals.

&nbsp

Oh, nothing at all! Nothing really.

&nbsp

They were a couple of tough fellows.

&nbsp

One of them pulled a knife on me.

&nbsp

Pulled a knife that was really-- It was--

&nbsp

It was about that--

&nbsp

It was about that long. It was really an assegai.

&nbsp

Doesn't anyone ever pull a short knife on you, Mr. Sousé?

&nbsp

A little one... about that long?

&nbsp

Oh, yes! Yes, yes.

&nbsp

Major Moe one time, a little colored midget, pulled one on me.

&nbsp

It was just about that long. Wasn't really a knife, it was a razor.

&nbsp

We're grateful to you for retrieving the bank's funds.

&nbsp

Oh, that was in the line of duty.

&nbsp

And we feel we've shown our gratitude by giving you a position as bank's officer.

&nbsp

But when you caution Mrs. Muckle's little son...

&nbsp

about carrying a toy pistol into the bank, that's going too far.

&nbsp

l cannot impress upon you too firmly,

&nbsp

the Skinner Bank is a dignified institution.

&nbsp

Yeah, that's the way l always figured it.

&nbsp

l guess you figured it the same way, working here the same as l do.

&nbsp

Furthermore, l've been informed that you are a frequenter...

&nbsp

of a café known as the Black Pussy.

&nbsp

Oh, yes. Say, that reminds me.

&nbsp

One of the customers gave it to me last night. Thank you.

&nbsp

By the way,

&nbsp

accept this silver-plated napkin ring with my compliments.

&nbsp

l won it over at the bowling alley last night. Thanks.

&nbsp

- You're welcome. -Why, Mr. Snoopington!

&nbsp

Aaah! [ Muttering ]

&nbsp

l beg your pardon.

&nbsp

lt's an unexpected pleasure to see you in Lompoc. It's no pleasure for me.

&nbsp

l'm a very sick man. But l'm also a man for duty.

&nbsp

lf you don't mind, l'd like to look over your books.

&nbsp

[ Buzzer ] Aaah!

&nbsp

[ Skinner ] Of course we don't mind. This bank is always ready for an audit, yes, sirree.

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé, our special officer, will give you evey assistance you wish.

&nbsp

- [ Knocking ] - Come in.

&nbsp

Not feeling well, Mr. Snoopington? No, l'm not feeling very fit.

&nbsp

Well, l'll leave you to Mr. Sousé.

&nbsp

And rest assured you are in proper hands.

&nbsp

Thank you.

&nbsp

Are you, um--

&nbsp

Are you still suffering from that slight nausea you had yesterday?

&nbsp

Yes, l haven't quite gotten over it yet. Well, listen,

&nbsp

l don't want to be a crepe hanger,

&nbsp

but in your weakened condition, you're subject to all sorts of maladies.

&nbsp

Now, l want to tell you something very confidentially. Yes?

&nbsp

l know positively that our good friend Dr. Stall...

&nbsp

has treated this boy who thumbs the pages of these books...

&nbsp

for Malta fever, beriberi

&nbsp

and that dreaded of all diseases mogo on the ga-go-go.

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé, if duty called,

&nbsp

l would go into the tsetse fly country of Africa and brave sleeping sickness...

&nbsp

if there were books to be examined. Hmm.

&nbsp

This way? Uh, yeah.

&nbsp

Would you like to examine the books of the Black Pussy Cafe?

&nbsp

Thank you.

&nbsp

[ Groans ]

&nbsp

What you need to get is a description of that place.

&nbsp

Okay.

&nbsp

[ Groaning ] Og, what's the matter?

&nbsp

Exactly what l suspected!

&nbsp

What? The old mogo on the ga-go-go.

&nbsp

Og? Whiskey!

&nbsp

Whiskey? Look out! l'll get it!

&nbsp

Whiskey. What's the matter? Speak to me!

&nbsp

What happened to him? l don't know.

&nbsp

Help me lift him up. Just wet his lips.

&nbsp

Okay.

&nbsp

Here you are.

&nbsp

[ Hiccups ]

&nbsp

Uh--

&nbsp

Ooh! Something in the clamp?

&nbsp

Oh, that's a good question.

&nbsp

Ah, unfortunately you must've had your hand in there.

&nbsp

That'll interfere with your writing, won't it?

&nbsp

It won't interfere with my writing. Fortunately, l'm left-handed.

&nbsp

Oh, that's unfort-- Oh, yeah.

&nbsp

Get him a glass of water, will you, Scotty? Feel better?

&nbsp

Psst!

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé.

&nbsp

Did l see that bank examiner here?

&nbsp

Why, l don't imagine so.

&nbsp

With my introspective eye as a detective,

&nbsp

l would naturally have seen him--

&nbsp

Ah,just as l thought: recurring fever.

&nbsp

l'm sorry to appear overzealous,

&nbsp

but these books have got to be examined.

&nbsp

Let me help you, Mr. Snoopington. Oh, thank you.

&nbsp

Here you are, sir. Oh, l'm sorry, sir.

&nbsp

That's all right. l can't see a thing without my glasses.

&nbsp

Here you are, sir. Thank you.

&nbsp

- l'll be right over here if you need me, sir. - All right.

&nbsp

If I can be of--

&nbsp

Oh, sorry. And l try to be so helpful.

&nbsp

Well-- Oh. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

&nbsp

l hope that won't intefere with your auditing the books.

&nbsp

lt certainly will not!

&nbsp

Oh, that's good, that's good.

&nbsp

It couldn't be possible that Mr. Sousé is trying to keep me from examining the books.

&nbsp

There, you see?

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé, l've done Mr. Oggilby a great wrong.

&nbsp

And I'm here to recti_ that wrong.

&nbsp

I was hoodwinked into believing that those bonds were 1OOM.

&nbsp

l've never been guilty of a dishonest act in my life.

&nbsp

So I'll take those bonds off his hands if I have to pay for them with my blood.

&nbsp

Transfusion? Anything.

&nbsp

There you are. The man is willing to buy the bonds back with his own blood.

&nbsp

l don't want blood. l want money. Let him give me back the $500.

&nbsp

The boy needs money. He doesn't want blood.

&nbsp

He's got high blood pressure already.

&nbsp

Give him what he paid for the bonds in cash.

&nbsp

I'm the saddest man in the world.

&nbsp

You may be the second saddest, but he's the saddest.

&nbsp

l'm prepared to pay you $350 cash.

&nbsp

l'll pay the rest in weekly installments of $25 per week.

&nbsp

I'll even give you my favorite aunt's wedding ring as security.

&nbsp

l want to prove that l am honest in the worst way.

&nbsp

The worst way.

&nbsp

Thanks. l was a fool to listen to Mr. Sousé in the first place. In the second place too.

&nbsp

Paper, mister? How'd Gumlegs come out in the fourth today?

&nbsp

l don't know. Let me see your paper.

&nbsp

A bonanza! Bee_teak Mine.

&nbsp

Godfrey Daniel!

&nbsp

Oh! What are you doing? Just as l was getting some of my money back!

&nbsp

You read this paper. You're a millionaire!

&nbsp

Go away, Mr. Sousé. Look at that window.

&nbsp

Read that paper.

&nbsp

Oh! Now l can put the money back without waiting for my bonus.

&nbsp

Mr. Snoopington's no longer a nightmare. Bring him in here! l'll kill him!

&nbsp

Calm yourself. Oggilby, my boy. Calm yourself.

&nbsp

Golly. Oh, Mr. Sousé! Cut it out.

&nbsp

Oh, Mr. Sousé, l don't need all this money. l don't deserve it.

&nbsp

You engineered the whole thing. You're a financial wizard.

&nbsp

l'm gonna split with ya. l'll give you half of'em. Thank you, Og.

&nbsp

Wait. l'll follow ya.

&nbsp

Anything l can do for you? You sure can, brother.

&nbsp

Turn around. Now start walking toward the cashier's cage and keep quiet.

&nbsp

Ooh! That tickles.

&nbsp

[ Crook ] You remember me, don't you?

&nbsp

Ah, you remember the gentleman, Og?

&nbsp

Yes, sir. That's the man that held me up the last time.

&nbsp

Ah, mind your, uh-- mind your language, Og.

&nbsp

Here. Hate for you to be the fall guy, but fill that up.

&nbsp

Do what the gentleman tells you to, Og, quickly. Yes, sir.

&nbsp

Don't-- Oh, don't-- Shut up.

&nbsp

This is my Beefsteak stock. fill that up.

&nbsp

[ Egbert ] Do what the gentleman tells you to, Og.

&nbsp

Thanks.

&nbsp

Do you mind accompanying me to the door? Not at all, no.

&nbsp

How-dee-do, Mrs. Chiselbottom?

&nbsp

Keep your foot off the alarm, or l'll come back and plug you. Are you still there?

&nbsp

Hello, Mr. Sousé. Making more movies?

&nbsp

Sousé, huh? Get in that car and start driving. We're goin' for a ride.

&nbsp

Reach for the sky and back up there.

&nbsp

[Alarm Ringing ]

&nbsp

Oggilby, you're arousing the bank.

&nbsp

You have the alarm on. What's the matter?

&nbsp

Like to see some of the places of interest in town? No, keep driving.

&nbsp

There's the Black Pussy Cafe. Be careful!

&nbsp

Help! We've been robbed!

&nbsp

Johnson, get on that phone and get the police. There's been a robbey here.

&nbsp

Help! Police!

&nbsp

He took Mr. Sousé? He certainly did, right from under my contract.

&nbsp

l've just called the police.

&nbsp

Follow that gray car. Come on, come on!

&nbsp

Hold up! Bank robbers up that way.

&nbsp

Don't let that car out of your sight. Hurry. That police car.

&nbsp

These are catalpa trees. Step on that gas.

&nbsp

Keep moving! l'm stepping on it. [ Muttering ]

&nbsp

Mr. Sousé's liable to get hurt. And me with $1O,OOO in the briefcase for him.

&nbsp

For Sousé? What for? For a stoy he told me while he was directing.

&nbsp

l sent it in with the day's report, and the boss went nuts about it.

&nbsp

He wants it and Sousé too.

&nbsp

There goes the helmet.

&nbsp

- [ Gunshot ] - Come back here, you.

&nbsp

There's more catalpa-- l'm sorry.

&nbsp

Never mind about those trees. Keep stepping on the gas.

&nbsp

You know who's in that car with Sousé? No, who?

&nbsp

Repulsive Rogan. There's a $5,OOO dead-or-alive reward on him.

&nbsp

Stay awake! Be careful, driver.

&nbsp

Hey! Magic carpet.

&nbsp

Wipe off that windshield, you. Here.

&nbsp

You wipe it off. l'm driving.

&nbsp

Lake Shoshobogomo is right over the top of this mountain.

&nbsp

Get out and push!

&nbsp

What do you think this is, a kiddie car?

&nbsp

Can't push a hulking truck like this.

&nbsp

Start pushing.

&nbsp

Seems to be a great deal of traffic here for a county road, don't you think?

&nbsp

Keep going. Yeah.

&nbsp

Hiya, toots!

&nbsp

Look out!

&nbsp

The resale value of this car is gonna be nil after you get over this trip.

&nbsp

You're goin' too fast! Slow down.

&nbsp

Foot brake's gone. Where's your emergency?

&nbsp

Here it is, but it won't do you any good in that backseat.

&nbsp

Gimme that wheel. Here, grab it!

&nbsp

Put it on there! We're gonna have an accident if you're not careful.

&nbsp

You're gonna have a real accident in a minute!

&nbsp

The wheel is comin' off

&nbsp

That's what l thought. Going to be very dangerous.

&nbsp

l'm gonna jump. Huh?

&nbsp

Have to take the boat from here on anyway.

&nbsp

Looking for someone?

&nbsp

You better stop by the station and see about that $5,OOO reward, Mr. Sousé.

&nbsp

This sure is your lucky day, Mr. Sousé.

&nbsp

Here's a check for $1O,OOO from the Tel-Aviz Company for that story you told us,

&nbsp

as well as a contract for you to bring it to the screen.

&nbsp

Looks like it's all here, Mr. Skinner, including the Beefsteak Mine.

&nbsp

l don't know whether it is or not, but allow me to give you another hearty handclasp.

&nbsp

Judkins, has Mr. Sousé had his café rum a la papa?

&nbsp

Yes, ma'am. Thank you, dear. l've had a double noggin.

&nbsp

What time is it, Daddykins?

&nbsp

lt's one minute till 9:OO.

&nbsp

l gotta get down to the sal-- the, uh, office.

&nbsp

Good-bye, Daddy dear.

&nbsp

Good-bye, dear. Gimme a kiss.

&nbsp

l'll give you two of'em. Good bye, paternoster.

&nbsp

Good-bye, dear. Take care of yourself.

&nbsp

l shall, dear. Good-bye, my darling.

&nbsp

Hurry home if you feel like it. l'll be waiting up as usual.

&nbsp

Oh, thank you, dear. l'll be home early.

&nbsp

Hey, that doesn't look bad, does it?

&nbsp

l think, sir, this is the more appropriate.

&nbsp

Yeah, that's nice and cool though. Thanks.

&nbsp

Thank you.

&nbsp

Good-bye.

&nbsp

Thanks.

&nbsp

Thank you.

&nbsp

What a changed man.

&nbsp

You deserve a lot of credit, Agatha. Hasn't been easy.

&nbsp

## [Joe Whistling ]

&nbsp

Uh, say! Hey!

&nbsp