All language subtitles for The Young Ones Season 1 Episode 03 - Boring

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,105 --> 00:00:02,600 Compartilhado por http://DJJ.HOME.SAPO.PT/ 2 00:00:02,614 --> 00:00:05,208 # Uma vez na vida 3 00:00:05,374 --> 00:00:07,285 # Vem um amor assim 4 00:00:07,454 --> 00:00:10,366 # Eu preciso de você, você precisa de mim 5 00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:13,048 # Oh, minha querida, você não pode ver? 6 00:00:15,174 --> 00:00:18,052 # Querida, nós somos os jovens 7 00:00:18,214 --> 00:00:20,330 # Os mais jovens 8 00:00:20,494 --> 00:00:23,372 # (RICK) Não deveria ter medo 9 00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:25,286 # Viver 10 00:00:25,454 --> 00:00:26,773 # Ame 11 00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,811 # Há uma música para ser cantada 12 00:00:28,974 --> 00:00:31,442 # Porque podemos não ser os Jovens 13 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,286 # Muito longo... # 14 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:40,074 Anuncie seu produto ou marca aqui, entre em contato com www.OpenSubtitles.org hoje 15 00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:01,126 Hã? Vejo você, Jimmy. 16 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,331 - Eu tenho o sete de espadas. - Seu rato! 17 00:01:04,494 --> 00:01:06,962 Eu sou um rato. Ha-ha! 18 00:01:09,734 --> 00:01:12,567 (MÚSICA DE DANÇA) 19 00:01:28,894 --> 00:01:31,488 (COCK CROWS) 20 00:01:45,174 --> 00:01:47,165 (BANGING E CRASH) 21 00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:50,053 (NEIL) A manhã rompeu. 22 00:01:50,214 --> 00:01:52,170 Ela me ama. 23 00:01:54,294 --> 00:01:56,285 Ela me ama muito. 24 00:01:57,454 --> 00:01:59,445 Ela me ama. 25 00:02:00,134 --> 00:02:01,931 Ela me ama muito. 26 00:02:02,094 --> 00:02:05,370 Bem, terminei a competição de carros novos. 27 00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:07,525 Vou ganhar um Ford Tippex. 28 00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:10,727 É realmente fácil. 29 00:02:10,894 --> 00:02:17,493 Tudo o que você precisa fazer é combinar seis narizes famosos com seis bogeys famosos. 30 00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:22,890 Pensei que isso te chocaria. 31 00:02:23,054 --> 00:02:26,683 It's not true, 'cause then you've got to say in ten words 32 00:02:26,854 --> 00:02:30,051 what cornflakes mean to you, so I put: 33 00:02:30,214 --> 00:02:32,091 ''Cornflakes. 34 00:02:32,254 --> 00:02:33,733 ''Cornflakes. 35 00:02:33,894 --> 00:02:36,533 ''Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes. 36 00:02:36,694 --> 00:02:40,607 ''Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes.'' 37 00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:42,890 Pathetic! 38 00:02:43,814 --> 00:02:46,203 - You'll never win, Vyvyan. - Why not? 39 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:48,683 There's only nine words. 40 00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:51,846 Oh, yeah... Cornflakes. 41 00:02:52,494 --> 00:02:55,691 You'll still never win. Nothing interesting ever happens to us. 42 00:02:55,854 --> 00:02:59,164 - Stop being so boring, Rick. - That's nice! 43 00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:02,849 That's very nice, coming from someone as boring as you! 44 00:03:03,014 --> 00:03:07,405 Can you two stop hassling each other? I'm getting bored of it. 45 00:03:07,574 --> 00:03:10,293 Oh, dear me! Neil's getting bored. 46 00:03:10,454 --> 00:03:13,571 Boring Neil's getting a taste of his own medicine. 47 00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:17,647 Listen, we're overdoing the boredom motif in this conversation. 48 00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:20,374 It's time to extend our vocabulary. 49 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:24,447 - All I said... - Yeah, we heard and it was boring. 50 00:03:24,614 --> 00:03:27,174 - We decided... - YOU decided, Michael! 51 00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,928 Guys! Guys! 52 00:03:30,614 --> 00:03:32,286 Look at us, 53 00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,365 squabbling, 54 00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:36,411 bickering, 55 00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:38,565 like children. 56 00:03:38,734 --> 00:03:40,645 What's happening to us? 57 00:03:40,814 --> 00:03:44,011 We never used to be like this. 58 00:03:44,174 --> 00:03:46,734 Yes, we did. 59 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,169 He's right, we've always been like this. 60 00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:53,293 Well, yes, I know, but... But that's exactly my point. 61 00:03:53,454 --> 00:03:56,491 Nothing ever changes, nothing ever happens to us. 62 00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:00,450 Monopoly? 63 00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:01,933 Yes. 64 00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:06,453 The Old Kent Road, that's mine. Pay up! 65 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:11,529 All right, I think the Mike Exchequer can handle a debt of £4. 66 00:04:11,694 --> 00:04:15,607 Wouldn't it be amazing if all this money was real? 67 00:04:17,014 --> 00:04:20,245 That is the single most predictable and boring thing 68 00:04:20,414 --> 00:04:23,008 anybody could say whilst playing Monopoly! 69 00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:26,254 What about saying ''Vyvyan''? That's pretty boring! 70 00:04:26,414 --> 00:04:29,963 ''You have won second prize in a beauty contest, 71 00:04:30,134 --> 00:04:33,251 ''smash Rick over the head with the bank.'' 72 00:04:35,254 --> 00:04:37,370 It did not say that, Vyvyan's cheating! 73 00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:41,290 No, that's exactly what it says. 74 00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:44,844 In biro! In biro over the top of the print! 75 00:04:46,054 --> 00:04:49,012 But we changed the rules 'cause it's so boring! 76 00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:53,133 ''Congratulations, it's your birthday. You may set fire to Rick's bed.'' 77 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,613 Good one! 78 00:04:55,174 --> 00:05:01,170 ''Get out of jail free. Keep this card or stick it up Rick's bottom.'' 79 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:05,213 - Vyvyan, you've ruined the game! - I was bored! 80 00:05:05,374 --> 00:05:06,693 That's nothing. 81 00:05:06,854 --> 00:05:11,370 Neil's so bored, he's gone to the garden to kill himself. And it's his go! 82 00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:21,284 You're a spade. 83 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,843 I always call him that. 84 00:05:29,534 --> 00:05:31,764 From Monopoly to the grave, 85 00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:36,007 the most interesting thing that ever happens to me is sneezing. 86 00:05:36,174 --> 00:05:39,610 - I wish I was Magnus Magnusson. - Hey, Neil! 87 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:42,732 (MIKE) Monopoly passes the time at Christmas... 88 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:46,250 - ..but I'm not waiting that long. - No, it's all right. 89 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:51,647 I'm just digging a grave. I won't kill myself today, but... 90 00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:54,567 ..it's just in case, y'know? 91 00:06:02,014 --> 00:06:05,006 (LAUGHTER AND EXCITEMENT, FUNFAIR MUSIC) 92 00:06:05,854 --> 00:06:10,484 Living in a world where nothing boring ever happens 93 00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:13,771 can be a real pisser! 94 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:18,765 Sire, the man in the time machine has just returned 95 00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:22,051 with the actual video of the birth of Christ. 96 00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:25,365 - Would you care to...? - Not now, minion! 97 00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:30,562 Also, next door the Rolling Stones are making a new album, 98 00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:35,285 while two hippopotamus make love underneath the piano. 99 00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:41,324 The King is bored shitless with interesting things, minion. 100 00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:44,372 And so am I. 101 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,528 What I want is to meet someone 102 00:06:47,694 --> 00:06:53,485 who is totally and utterly mind-numbingly boring. 103 00:06:54,254 --> 00:06:56,893 But I suppose I never will. 104 00:06:57,694 --> 00:07:00,367 (DEEP MELANCHOLY SIGH) 105 00:07:06,294 --> 00:07:09,411 I suppose it's because I'm so boring 106 00:07:09,574 --> 00:07:12,566 that I never get to meet any interesting people. 107 00:07:14,054 --> 00:07:18,650 So you've decided to come in, Neil. We finished Monopoly, and you lost! 108 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:21,567 Oh, I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did. 109 00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,964 (BANGING AT THE FRONT DOOR) 110 00:07:24,854 --> 00:07:27,652 - Someone at the door, Rick. - Someone at the door, Vyvyan. 111 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,374 - Someone at the door, Neil. - Someone at the door, Mike. 112 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,332 I know! (HARDER BANGING AT THE DOOR) 113 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:38,170 - Someone at the door, Rick! - Someone at the door, Vyvyan! 114 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:43,647 - Someone at the door, Mike! - Someone at the door, Neil...? 115 00:07:44,974 --> 00:07:46,965 Don't look at me, I'm in Paris. 116 00:07:48,414 --> 00:07:52,692 - You haven't left the house all day. - You ever heard of cloning? 117 00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:55,288 - No! - Would you swear to that? 118 00:07:55,454 --> 00:07:58,810 Certainly, if that's what you want. 119 00:07:58,974 --> 00:08:01,204 Big jobs! 120 00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:03,653 Ow! 121 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:05,133 (MORE BANGING) 122 00:08:05,294 --> 00:08:08,172 Hey, guys. Great idea, listen. 123 00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:13,124 Listen, why don't we decide who's gonna answer the door, 124 00:08:13,294 --> 00:08:17,253 and then that person can go and answer it, 125 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,963 and find out who it is and who they want to see, 126 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:27,607 come back in here and tell whoever it is that there's someone to see them. 127 00:08:28,134 --> 00:08:30,364 - Neil, do me a favour. - What? 128 00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:32,923 Die! 129 00:08:33,094 --> 00:08:36,803 I suppose I'll have to answer it as usual. 130 00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:46,687 All right? Somebody call a taxi? 131 00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:49,527 Billy Balowski! Who needs pleasure? 132 00:08:49,694 --> 00:08:54,484 - Hello, Billy. How are the trees? - Who called a taxi? 133 00:08:54,654 --> 00:08:57,293 You got a message from Mr Balowski? 134 00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:01,891 - I'm Mr Balowski! - No, your brother Jerzei's message. 135 00:09:02,054 --> 00:09:07,003 Got a piece of paper. Whoever called the taxi can have the message. 136 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,453 All right, all right... I called a taxi. 137 00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:12,730 Okey-dokey, where do you want to go? 138 00:09:13,374 --> 00:09:18,767 - I don't want to go anywhere! - Why did you call a taxi, then? 139 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:22,085 I had to come all the way from Brazil for this! 140 00:09:22,254 --> 00:09:25,405 They'll stop my wages! Know how much I earn? 141 00:09:25,574 --> 00:09:28,327 I can't even afford new shoelaces! 142 00:09:28,494 --> 00:09:31,213 It's a good job you're not a taxi driver, then! 143 00:09:31,374 --> 00:09:36,209 - Good job I'm wearing Wellingtons! - Look! Just give us the note! 144 00:09:37,774 --> 00:09:41,210 - I'm thirsty. - It's in the cupboard. 145 00:09:51,494 --> 00:09:54,406 No, not the goldfish! 146 00:09:54,574 --> 00:09:56,485 (SLURPING NOISES) 147 00:09:57,254 --> 00:10:01,293 A-hem! Don't worry, goldfish everywhere! 148 00:10:01,454 --> 00:10:04,730 I'm in fact a stunt goldfish. 149 00:10:04,894 --> 00:10:07,931 In fact, by the time this programme comes out, 150 00:10:08,094 --> 00:10:11,484 I'll be doing the new James Bond film. 151 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,884 So there's no need to write in. 152 00:10:14,054 --> 00:10:16,329 Sure, they never read the letters anyway! 153 00:10:18,854 --> 00:10:20,173 (LOUD BELCH) 154 00:10:22,734 --> 00:10:25,373 Oh, hello, pussycat! 155 00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:27,445 Here's your Uncle Billy. 156 00:10:27,614 --> 00:10:29,605 What you doing in a bucket? 157 00:10:29,774 --> 00:10:32,049 Come on, let's play Daleks! 158 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,284 Exterminate! Exterminate! 159 00:10:34,454 --> 00:10:36,524 Exterminate! Exterminate! 160 00:10:36,694 --> 00:10:39,288 'Ere, look, what am I now? 161 00:10:39,454 --> 00:10:41,729 Come on, quick, quick! 162 00:10:41,894 --> 00:10:43,805 A pain in the arse? 163 00:10:43,974 --> 00:10:47,649 No, I'm a hairbrush! OK, let's try another one. 164 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,533 'Ere we go. What am I now? 165 00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:54,323 - Clinically insane? - No, Little House on the Prairie! 166 00:10:54,894 --> 00:10:56,885 - Billy... - Sir Billy! 167 00:10:57,054 --> 00:11:00,569 - Sir Billy... - Why don't you just go away? 168 00:11:00,734 --> 00:11:04,773 - 'Cause I got a message for you! - Then give it to us! 169 00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:08,290 - Doesn't he get excited? - Aaaargh! 170 00:11:08,454 --> 00:11:12,208 Right, this is the message. I'll read it to you. 171 00:11:12,374 --> 00:11:15,491 Are we ready, clocks? Right...hang on! 172 00:11:15,654 --> 00:11:19,124 There's no words on this. They must've fallen off. 173 00:11:19,294 --> 00:11:22,411 No, it's all right, they're on the other side... 174 00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:25,045 - Finders keepers, losers weepers! - Rick! 175 00:11:28,774 --> 00:11:31,732 I've not always been mad, but... 176 00:11:31,894 --> 00:11:35,569 I was driven mad by the indifference of architects and council planners. 177 00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:39,693 I live in a tower block, and there's a terrible noise problem. 178 00:11:39,854 --> 00:11:42,652 There's no noise insulation, 179 00:11:42,814 --> 00:11:46,807 and there's always some bastard with a Yamaha home organ. 180 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:50,205 You're about to go to sleep, and you hear... 181 00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:52,729 ''Roll out the barrel!'' 182 00:11:52,894 --> 00:11:55,089 (IMITATES ELECTRONIC ORGAN) 183 00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:59,611 The people who live upstairs, I can't understand what they're doing. 184 00:11:59,774 --> 00:12:03,562 All I can hear is this weird noise. It goes, ''Vroom, vroom! Blam, blam!'' 185 00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:05,611 ''Vroom, vroom! Blam, blam!'' 186 00:12:05,774 --> 00:12:10,404 It sounds like two elephants on a motorbike riding round 187 00:12:10,574 --> 00:12:14,328 while a seal bangs a kipper on the table. 188 00:12:14,494 --> 00:12:19,488 I went upstairs to complain and was met by an elephant in a crash helmet! 189 00:12:19,654 --> 00:12:23,772 Standing behind was a seal going, ''What is it now, Ralph?'' 190 00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:28,325 Something cracked inside, and I thought I was a piece of sponge. 191 00:12:28,494 --> 00:12:32,487 I started getting very depressed, and I just can't hold it down... 192 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,323 What does the note say, Mike? 193 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,132 ''Dear boys, 194 00:12:38,294 --> 00:12:41,206 ''Don't let Billy near the goldfish bowl. 195 00:12:41,374 --> 00:12:44,332 ''Your friend and landlord, Jerzei Balowski.'' 196 00:12:46,654 --> 00:12:49,851 There's no one there. 197 00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:52,369 God, how boring! 198 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:59,765 (ARTHUR BROWN) I am the god of hell-fire, I bring you fire... 199 00:13:04,374 --> 00:13:06,842 - Would Mr Saunders like some cake? - Yes, please. 200 00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:08,811 There we are, then. 201 00:13:08,974 --> 00:13:11,807 - That looks nice, doesn't it? - Thank you. 202 00:13:11,974 --> 00:13:14,363 - Anything wrong? - I can't reach it. 203 00:13:14,534 --> 00:13:17,367 He can't reach it. No problem. 204 00:13:19,814 --> 00:13:23,773 - Look, it's spilt some! - Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 205 00:13:23,934 --> 00:13:28,564 Who's a naughty boy? We'll have to get that cleaned up. 206 00:13:28,734 --> 00:13:30,452 - Orgo? - Yes, Futma? 207 00:13:30,614 --> 00:13:32,570 - Ftumch! - Ftumch. 208 00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,646 Pass me that can of lager. 209 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:38,772 Soon have it looking like a new pin. 210 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,925 Oh, yeah. 211 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,773 Yeah! 212 00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:46,085 - Brillo pad. - Oh, no! No, please! 213 00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:53,930 - Let's give it some Barry Manilow. - Oh, no! 214 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:56,130 (MUSIC THROUGH HEADPHONES) 215 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,206 It really gets off on Barry. 216 00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:02,286 Orgo? Any news of your promotion? 217 00:14:02,454 --> 00:14:03,967 Oh, yeah... 218 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:10,403 I've got another ten souls to collect and then it's a cushy job in admin. 219 00:14:10,574 --> 00:14:14,169 Mind you, it's taken me five millennia to get this far, 220 00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:17,804 'cause no one summons you up to Earth with a name like Orgo. 221 00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:21,523 People don't say Orgo by accident, do they? 222 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,050 Oh, is it not loud enough for you? 223 00:14:27,454 --> 00:14:29,445 At least you're in with a chance. 224 00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:34,404 Someone might say, ''Shall we go to the theatre or-go to the cinema?'' 225 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:38,362 They might say, ''Shall we go shopping or-go...?'' 226 00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:42,049 But no one ever says my name. No one says Ftumch. 227 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,968 - Why couldn't I be called William? - I don't know. 228 00:14:46,134 --> 00:14:48,887 'Ere, look at this. 229 00:14:50,894 --> 00:14:52,566 - What's that? - Dunno. 230 00:14:52,734 --> 00:14:54,725 Bloody hell! 231 00:14:58,014 --> 00:14:59,891 Bloody hell! 232 00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:02,932 No room for me on the sofa as usual. 233 00:15:03,094 --> 00:15:06,484 I'll have to sit on the rickety chair. 234 00:15:06,654 --> 00:15:08,565 Oh, goody gum drops! 235 00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:12,204 Just in time to watch ''Oh, Crikey'' on ITV. 236 00:15:12,374 --> 00:15:15,684 Oh, Rick! We were watching ''Bastard Squad''. 237 00:15:15,854 --> 00:15:20,405 Were you? Get off the sofa and turn it over, I don't mind. 238 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:25,083 Oh...no, I've hurt my back. 239 00:15:25,254 --> 00:15:27,210 What a shame! 240 00:15:27,374 --> 00:15:31,003 (WOMAN) No, that"ll be the vicarI Answer the door. 241 00:15:31,174 --> 00:15:34,723 - Why can"t you? - I have my apron onI Ha-haI 242 00:15:34,894 --> 00:15:37,966 I"ll go and take it off while you answer the door. 243 00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:39,453 RightI 244 00:15:42,454 --> 00:15:45,173 No, no...I Oh, dear. 245 00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:49,771 My trousers have fallen down. Lucky the vicar didn"t see. 246 00:15:49,934 --> 00:15:53,290 No, Biffo, noI 247 00:15:53,454 --> 00:15:57,766 Come here, you naughty boyI Biffo, hold still. 248 00:15:57,934 --> 00:16:00,050 Biffo, come hereI 249 00:16:00,214 --> 00:16:03,126 - Oh, crikeyI - CrikeyI 250 00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,285 I can explain... 251 00:16:07,414 --> 00:16:09,211 Oh, crikeyI 252 00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:15,288 Ha-ha! Fooled you! You fell right into my trap! 253 00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:18,207 - You can sit on the rickety chair. - Yeah? 254 00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:20,285 Oh, yeah! 255 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:25,851 I'll sit on the floor, if that's all right with you? 256 00:16:26,014 --> 00:16:28,130 Mike? Not in your way, am I? 257 00:16:28,294 --> 00:16:30,569 This is my favourite programme. 258 00:16:30,734 --> 00:16:34,727 It'd be typical if it was interrupted by a news flash about a siege. 259 00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:39,370 (ANNOUNCER) We interrupt this programme 260 00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:43,288 to bring you up-to-the-minute coverage of a siege in north London. 261 00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:47,413 We join BBC"s reporter, Dan Prick, on the spot. Dan... 262 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,652 A lunatic terrorist, 263 00:16:49,814 --> 00:16:53,204 a raving red, who crops up now we"ve stopped running the world, 264 00:16:53,374 --> 00:16:58,573 is now taking refuge in a slum dwelling, a place for squatters. 265 00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:02,249 A police and army siege is now under way. 266 00:17:02,414 --> 00:17:04,086 Oh, Christ! 267 00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:06,051 Boring! 268 00:17:06,214 --> 00:17:09,843 Now we get a shot of a street for the next four hours! 269 00:17:10,014 --> 00:17:13,848 Nothing ever happens in these things. If it does, we don't get to see it. 270 00:17:14,014 --> 00:17:18,530 Looks like something"s happening. The police and army are moving in. 271 00:17:19,894 --> 00:17:21,213 Right on! 272 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,649 Rule Britannia! 273 00:17:23,814 --> 00:17:27,966 A tiny figure jumps over a gate. Rule Britannia! 274 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:32,730 (MACHINE GUN FIRE) They're dubbing that sound on! 275 00:17:34,614 --> 00:17:37,890 - Isn't that your car, Vyv? - No. 276 00:17:38,054 --> 00:17:41,126 Mine's a yellow Ford Anglia with flames up the side. 277 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,854 That's a yellow Ford Anglia with flames. 278 00:17:44,014 --> 00:17:46,847 But it's not mine, is it? 279 00:17:49,294 --> 00:17:52,491 God! That was a loud one. 280 00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:56,607 Look, is anybody watching this? 281 00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:58,287 (REPORTER) That"s it. 282 00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:03,847 Sorry about ""Bastard Squad"", but at least we got the mad coon, eh? 283 00:18:17,534 --> 00:18:19,889 Hey, guys! 284 00:18:20,054 --> 00:18:22,614 Why don't we eat? 285 00:18:22,774 --> 00:18:24,924 That'd be interesting, wouldn't it? 286 00:18:25,094 --> 00:18:26,766 Yes! Yes! 287 00:18:26,934 --> 00:18:29,368 Yes, eat, eat. 288 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:35,448 I wonder how many lentils I've eaten in my life. 289 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:39,448 - Four! - It must be more than that, Vyv. 290 00:18:39,614 --> 00:18:41,764 Lentils are really good. 291 00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:46,132 No matter how often you have them, they never get boring. 292 00:18:48,814 --> 00:18:52,124 Neil, that's our tea! You've just blown it up. 293 00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:55,448 Well, I didn't do it on purpose. 294 00:18:55,614 --> 00:18:58,287 We paid for that, 15p, pay up! 295 00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,014 But I haven't collected this week's money. 296 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:04,849 - That's hardly the point. - But it was an accident. 297 00:19:05,014 --> 00:19:08,211 I just looked at it, and it blew up, Rick. 298 00:19:09,094 --> 00:19:13,212 There's still some on the wall. Maybe we can save some. 299 00:19:14,374 --> 00:19:18,333 I'll get some together for supper, then. 300 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,606 Let's do something. We're bored stupid. 301 00:19:24,774 --> 00:19:27,368 Ha-ha! Rick didn't have far to go! 302 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,253 I knew you'd say that. 303 00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:34,532 - That's a complete lie, you poof! - I knew you'd say that, too! 304 00:19:36,494 --> 00:19:39,452 You didn't know I'd do that, did you? 305 00:19:39,614 --> 00:19:42,447 All right, Vyvyan, I didn't know that. 306 00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:45,287 We're bored stupid with nothing to eat. 307 00:19:45,454 --> 00:19:49,129 The time has come for us to go down to the pub. 308 00:19:49,294 --> 00:19:53,572 Darling carrot, could you ever love a cripple? 309 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,328 No, I don't think so. 310 00:19:58,694 --> 00:20:01,447 (''HOUSE OF FUN'' BY MADNESS) 311 00:20:13,654 --> 00:20:17,010 # Good morning, Miss Can I help you, son? 312 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:20,211 # Sixteen today and up for fun 313 00:20:20,814 --> 00:20:25,012 # I'm a big boy now or so they say So if you'll serve I'll be on my way 314 00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:31,931 # Box of balloons With a featherlite touch 315 00:20:32,094 --> 00:20:35,689 # Pack of party poppers That pop in the night 316 00:20:35,854 --> 00:20:37,924 # A toothbrush and hairspray, Plastic grin 317 00:20:38,094 --> 00:20:39,971 # Miss Clay on all corners Has just walked in 318 00:20:40,134 --> 00:20:43,649 # Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age 319 00:20:43,814 --> 00:20:46,408 # Welcome to the House of Fun 320 00:20:47,574 --> 00:20:51,089 # Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on its way... # 321 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:56,208 I tell you somewhere else I've never been. 322 00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:58,729 - Where? - Down. 323 00:21:00,094 --> 00:21:03,882 # N-n-n-no, no, Miss You misunderstood 324 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:07,205 # Sixteen, big boy Full pint in my manhood 325 00:21:07,814 --> 00:21:11,853 # I'm up to date and the date's today So if you'll serve I'll be on my way 326 00:21:12,014 --> 00:21:15,450 # Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age 327 00:21:15,614 --> 00:21:19,209 # Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on its way... # 328 00:21:22,054 --> 00:21:24,090 Which one are we going to? 329 00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:28,088 - Down the Kebab. - Doner kebab? I've already eaten. 330 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:29,573 Shut up! 331 00:21:32,254 --> 00:21:35,769 # I'm sorry, son But we don't stock 332 00:21:35,934 --> 00:21:39,085 # Party gimmicks in this shop 333 00:21:40,094 --> 00:21:43,643 # Try the House of Fun It's quicker if you run 334 00:21:43,814 --> 00:21:46,533 # This is a chemist Not a joke shop 335 00:21:46,694 --> 00:21:49,970 # Party hats Simple enough, clear 336 00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:53,604 # Comprehende, savvy, understand Do you hear? 337 00:21:53,774 --> 00:21:57,813 # A pack of party hats With the coloured tips 338 00:21:57,974 --> 00:22:00,966 # Too late Gorgon's heard gossip 339 00:22:01,134 --> 00:22:03,045 # Well, hello, Joe Hello, Miss Clay 340 00:22:03,214 --> 00:22:04,806 # Many happy returns from the day 341 00:22:04,974 --> 00:22:08,762 # Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age 342 00:22:08,934 --> 00:22:12,244 # Welcome to the House of Fun 343 00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:16,293 # Welcome to the lion's den Temptation's on its way 344 00:22:16,454 --> 00:22:20,129 # Welcome to the House of Fun 345 00:22:20,294 --> 00:22:23,684 # Welcome to the House of Fun Now I've come of age 346 00:22:23,854 --> 00:22:26,448 # Welcome to the House of... # 347 00:22:29,454 --> 00:22:31,445 (SINGER) Thank you. 348 00:22:33,374 --> 00:22:36,366 - Is there a band on tonight? - No, no! 349 00:22:36,534 --> 00:22:40,163 (NEIL) Why not? (BAND ) Electricity. On strike. 350 00:22:40,334 --> 00:22:41,653 Heavy. 351 00:22:41,814 --> 00:22:45,090 Do you know ''Summer Holiday'' by Cliff Richard? 352 00:22:45,254 --> 00:22:48,087 You hum it, I'll smash your face in. 353 00:22:48,254 --> 00:22:50,529 I'll go and sit over there. 354 00:22:50,694 --> 00:22:53,686 It's madness, isn't it? It's an embarrassment. 355 00:23:01,374 --> 00:23:04,366 Just as I expected, totally boring! 356 00:23:04,534 --> 00:23:07,048 The service is terrible, too. 357 00:23:07,214 --> 00:23:08,886 Waiter! 358 00:23:10,134 --> 00:23:12,090 Waiter! 359 00:23:13,494 --> 00:23:15,485 You, woman! 360 00:23:17,454 --> 00:23:22,528 Look, I stole some money from Rick's bedroom, so I'll get these. 361 00:23:23,974 --> 00:23:27,444 - What would you like, Rick? - Coffee, please, Vyvyan. 362 00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:29,730 This is a pub, they don't do coffee. 363 00:23:29,894 --> 00:23:33,330 In that case, I don't want anything. It's not clever to drink. 364 00:23:33,494 --> 00:23:35,325 - I want to stay in control. - Mike? 365 00:23:35,494 --> 00:23:38,372 - Water, Vyvyan. In a straight glass. - Uh-uh. 366 00:23:38,534 --> 00:23:42,846 - Neil? - Just a bag of crisps, please, Vyv. 367 00:23:43,014 --> 00:23:48,327 Not meat-flavoured, as I don't abuse my body and the world I live in. 368 00:23:49,334 --> 00:23:53,122 OK, I want a pint of water in a straight glass, 369 00:23:53,294 --> 00:23:55,728 a bag of roast ox crisps, 370 00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:58,454 and mine's a Babycham. 371 00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:07,687 - Hello, Vyvyan! - Oh...hello, Mum. 372 00:24:08,974 --> 00:24:13,286 Fancy seeing you here. I didn't know you lived in London. 373 00:24:13,454 --> 00:24:15,251 Yeah, yeah... 374 00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:18,972 How's Dad? 375 00:24:19,134 --> 00:24:22,331 Honestly, I do wish you wouldn't ask me that. 376 00:24:22,494 --> 00:24:25,930 You know I've absolutely no idea who he is. 377 00:24:26,094 --> 00:24:30,485 Well, Vyvyan, you never said your mother was a bartender. 378 00:24:31,454 --> 00:24:35,413 Well, she was a shoplifter when I knew her! 379 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:38,566 She doesn't look strong enough. 380 00:24:39,694 --> 00:24:41,207 To lift shops. 381 00:24:41,374 --> 00:24:46,164 - That'll be £28.50, Vyvyan. - I've only got a fiver! 382 00:24:47,214 --> 00:24:50,012 I'll have the ring and the watch. 383 00:24:56,174 --> 00:24:59,484 Ain't you gonna introduce me to your friends? 384 00:24:59,654 --> 00:25:01,963 This is a friend called Mike. 385 00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:04,568 This is a friend called Neil. 386 00:25:04,734 --> 00:25:08,170 That's a complete bastard I know called Rick. 387 00:25:08,334 --> 00:25:13,089 He's just joshing, Mrs Vyvyan, we're actually terrific friends. 388 00:25:13,254 --> 00:25:15,848 Oh, he is a bastard, isn't he? 389 00:25:16,814 --> 00:25:21,126 Tell me, Mrs Vyvyan, why did you give him a girl's name? 390 00:25:24,334 --> 00:25:27,690 Come and tell me what you've been doing the last ten years. 391 00:25:27,854 --> 00:25:32,211 - OK, Mum. - Not you, zit face! 392 00:25:32,374 --> 00:25:35,252 - Him! - Hey, Vyv! Vyv! 393 00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:39,445 I should've stayed at home. 394 00:25:45,494 --> 00:25:50,852 # If you go down in the woods today You"re sure of a big surprise 395 00:25:51,014 --> 00:25:56,168 # If you go down in the woods today You better go in disguise 396 00:25:56,334 --> 00:26:01,454 # For every bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain because 397 00:26:01,614 --> 00:26:07,132 # Today"s the day The teddy bears have their picnic # 398 00:26:16,414 --> 00:26:19,247 Uurgh! Bloody hippie food! 399 00:26:19,854 --> 00:26:24,325 Coming, Mike, or still talking to the old bag about your herpes? 400 00:26:24,494 --> 00:26:26,644 Excuse me, Mrs Vyvyan. 401 00:26:29,214 --> 00:26:34,004 - ..because you're conservative. - I think pubs are bourgeois. 402 00:26:35,334 --> 00:26:38,007 - Right-o, Mike. - All right, let's go. 403 00:26:41,894 --> 00:26:45,569 'Course, you see, I look at life like this... 404 00:26:49,454 --> 00:26:52,207 - Why's that? Problems? - Yeah. 405 00:26:52,814 --> 00:26:56,011 Had a heavy bust-up this morning with my lady. 406 00:26:56,174 --> 00:26:58,847 WPC...? 407 00:26:59,014 --> 00:27:01,653 Dunno, never could remember her name. 408 00:27:01,814 --> 00:27:05,568 It's got a four in it, 'cause I remember surrounding one. 409 00:27:05,734 --> 00:27:08,487 - Has it got a tail? - Yeah. 410 00:27:08,654 --> 00:27:10,645 It's a ''Q'', yeah. 411 00:27:11,294 --> 00:27:13,364 Pretty sure. 412 00:27:14,294 --> 00:27:17,092 I've been going out 'kin years. 413 00:27:18,334 --> 00:27:21,167 - How long? - 'Kin years. 414 00:27:21,334 --> 00:27:24,326 Reckon if I played me cards right, I could've... 415 00:27:27,094 --> 00:27:29,210 - Kneed her in the groin? - No, the other one. 416 00:27:29,374 --> 00:27:31,251 - Slept with her? - Yeah. 417 00:27:31,414 --> 00:27:34,326 I could've slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. 418 00:27:34,494 --> 00:27:39,932 Well, we had a row, and I said something about the Pope. 419 00:27:40,094 --> 00:27:42,324 That's a bit stupid, she's Catholic. 420 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,487 I know she's Catholic. I didn't know the Pope was. 421 00:27:47,734 --> 00:27:50,532 It's a laugh, eh, innit? 422 00:27:50,694 --> 00:27:52,013 What? 423 00:27:53,134 --> 00:27:56,888 That noise you make in the back of your throat. 424 00:27:57,054 --> 00:27:59,170 Yeah, that's a laugh. 425 00:28:10,574 --> 00:28:14,965 Know what? There are now more tin cans than people. 426 00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:17,724 Neil, wanna see my new trick? 427 00:28:17,894 --> 00:28:19,452 (NEIL CHANTS) 428 00:28:20,054 --> 00:28:25,048 - Mike, wanna see my new trick? - No, I'm busy with the paper. 429 00:28:25,214 --> 00:28:26,693 - Rick? - No! 430 00:28:26,854 --> 00:28:30,005 I've got something more important to think about actually. 431 00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:34,372 Look, watch my trick, you bastards, or I'll kill you! 432 00:28:36,094 --> 00:28:38,130 Brilliant, eh? 433 00:28:40,614 --> 00:28:44,402 Oh, dear...wrong finger! 434 00:28:51,574 --> 00:28:53,644 Hey, Vyvyan! 435 00:28:53,814 --> 00:28:57,853 Vyvyan! I think you cut off one of your fingers! 436 00:28:58,014 --> 00:29:01,768 Hey, listen to this: ''Under the new ruling, 437 00:29:01,934 --> 00:29:05,483 ''all a student needs to qualify for an increased grant 438 00:29:05,654 --> 00:29:11,604 ''is a...nmkl pkjl ftumch... from the local authority.'' 439 00:29:13,814 --> 00:29:18,683 - What was that? - A nmkl pkjl ftumch. 440 00:29:18,854 --> 00:29:21,322 Don't you ever read The Guardian, Neil? 441 00:29:21,494 --> 00:29:23,564 What's a ftumch? 442 00:29:28,214 --> 00:29:29,932 I've got three minutes. 443 00:29:30,094 --> 00:29:33,643 Nah, it doesn't seem to make any sense. 444 00:29:35,174 --> 00:29:37,642 Neil, have you just farted? 445 00:29:41,294 --> 00:29:42,807 I don't think so. 446 00:29:42,974 --> 00:29:48,048 There's a horrible farty smell, and it's definitely not from my bottom! 447 00:29:50,334 --> 00:29:55,488 - Knickers! - It's worse than cattle's business! 448 00:30:00,374 --> 00:30:03,571 (RICK) That's better. - Knackers! 449 00:30:05,254 --> 00:30:08,929 Was it you that farted, Mike? 450 00:30:09,094 --> 00:30:13,849 Who can tell, Neil? I'm a strange guy. 451 00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:17,563 I'll deal with that spotty herbert later. 452 00:30:17,734 --> 00:30:19,725 Look, a little girl. 453 00:30:20,534 --> 00:30:22,525 Meditate on this! 454 00:30:22,694 --> 00:30:25,492 (CRACKLING ELECTRIC CURRENT) 455 00:30:30,374 --> 00:30:31,693 Hey! 456 00:30:31,854 --> 00:30:34,084 I just had a great idea! 457 00:30:35,254 --> 00:30:38,451 Why don't we go and see a film? Yes! 458 00:30:38,614 --> 00:30:42,402 Let's go and see a film. Where's the local paper, Mike? 459 00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:45,247 In the local paper shop, where d'you think? 460 00:30:45,414 --> 00:30:46,733 Right! 461 00:30:49,134 --> 00:30:51,284 - Hey, Rick? - Yes? 462 00:30:51,454 --> 00:30:55,606 I'm just going down the local paper shop, OK? 463 00:31:05,414 --> 00:31:09,407 That's funny, I don't remember ramming a skewer into my head! 464 00:31:12,814 --> 00:31:14,611 I don't believe it! 465 00:31:28,014 --> 00:31:30,244 Ho-ho-ho! Ha-ha-ha! 466 00:31:30,414 --> 00:31:35,408 Well, Mr Sambo Darkie Coon, I've got your number, you're nicked! 467 00:31:35,574 --> 00:31:41,888 - Is anything the matter, officer? - Don't we talk lovely, Mr Rastas Chocolate Drop? 468 00:31:42,054 --> 00:31:44,966 I've done a weekend's training with the SAS. 469 00:31:45,134 --> 00:31:48,410 I could pull your arms off without a trace of violence! 470 00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:53,045 - Lord Scarman need never know. - What seems to be the trouble? 471 00:31:53,214 --> 00:31:56,889 That's white man's electricity you're burning! That's theft! 472 00:31:57,054 --> 00:31:58,885 I've got your number! 473 00:31:59,054 --> 00:32:03,047 Officer, I represent Kellogg's Cornflakes Car Competition. 474 00:32:04,094 --> 00:32:06,608 Oh! Sorry, John. 475 00:32:06,774 --> 00:32:09,811 I thought you was a nigger. Sorry, sir. 476 00:32:09,974 --> 00:32:11,487 Carry on! 477 00:32:13,174 --> 00:32:15,483 Hey, guess what, kid? 478 00:32:15,654 --> 00:32:17,804 You've won a new Ford Tippex. 479 00:32:17,974 --> 00:32:22,809 (SATAN) Ftumch, your time is upI - I think you got the wrong house. 480 00:32:25,654 --> 00:32:28,646 What a piece of luck! 481 00:32:32,254 --> 00:32:33,573 God! 482 00:32:33,734 --> 00:32:36,123 What a boring day! 483 00:32:38,534 --> 00:32:42,573 I went to the shop, but they didn't have a local paper. 484 00:32:42,734 --> 00:32:46,886 They obviously don't come from this area, Neil. 485 00:32:47,054 --> 00:32:50,285 Hey, guys, tomorrow... 486 00:32:50,454 --> 00:32:53,764 ..why don't we, as just a suggestion, 487 00:32:53,934 --> 00:32:57,051 why don't we try going into college? 488 00:32:59,534 --> 00:33:01,923 Now, Neil, listen... 489 00:33:02,094 --> 00:33:05,643 ..things may be bad, but there's no need to panic! 490 00:33:06,374 --> 00:33:09,969 No, I'll treat this problem like my mattress... 491 00:33:10,134 --> 00:33:12,568 ..and sleep on it. 492 00:33:12,734 --> 00:33:14,053 Goodnight. 493 00:33:20,094 --> 00:33:21,891 (OWL HOOTS) 494 00:33:24,574 --> 00:33:27,930 (MUSIC: ''THE TEDDY BEARS' PICNIC'') 495 00:33:31,574 --> 00:33:34,532 (FATHER BEAR) Who's been gobbing in my lentils? 496 00:33:34,694 --> 00:33:38,050 (MOTHER AND BABY BEAR) Who's been gobbing in our lentils? 497 00:33:38,214 --> 00:33:40,887 (FATHER BEAR) Sod it! Let's go to MacDonald's. 498 00:33:41,054 --> 00:33:43,045 (MOTHER AND BABY BEAR) Yes! 499 00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:53,845 (BABY BEAR) Hee-hee! Hee-hee! 500 00:34:00,574 --> 00:34:03,566 (ELECTRONIC PULSE) 501 00:34:04,305 --> 00:34:10,592 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player39056

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.