Original subtitles

(playful music)

(audience laughs)

(table banging)

- Uh, what are you doing?

- Cooking a strudel.

- That's nice.

- Yeah, well I have a bet with Mrs. Brown

that I can do it using her cookbook.

- Well, if you succeed at strudel, I might one day teach you

how to bake an Armenian hard cake.

I remember once during the French Revolution,

I was posing as a pastry chef in the People's Army.

(audience laughs)

(warbling tone)

(audience laughs)

(warbling tone)

(audience laughs)

- What are you doing?

- Cleaning my antennas.

- [Tim] Well, I never saw you do that before.

- It's like your Saturday night bath.

In a Martian it only comes around once every two years.

- [Tim] Boy, that's great.

- Mm-hmm.

After awhile, when it dries in,

I rub it into a very high gloss.

- No, no. (audience laughs)

I meant your Saturday night only coming around

once every two years.

(audience laughs)

- You're kidding?

One of the few envies Martians have of you Earth people

is your ability to bathe as often as you want

without fearing rust.

- Rust? (audience laughs)

Oh, I never thought of that.

Oil, huh?

- Tim, Tim, please, please.

Don't touch things you don't understand.

Tim, I just told you.

- I'm just taking a peek.

- I just told you don't touch things

that you don't understand.

- Well, I was just a little curious.

All right.

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughs)

- Tim.

Tim, I think your strudel's burning.

(audience laughs)

Tim?

Tim?

Where are you, Tim?

- [Tim] That's what I want to know, Uncle Martin.

Where am I?

- All right, Tim.

Slowly now.

Tell me exactly what happened.

- [Tim] Well, I just touched your antennas.

- After I.

- [Tim] Told me not to touch things

I don't understand, yeah.

- Tim, will you make up your mind where you're gonna be.

You're confusing me.

Oh, boy, you did it.

You really did it.

I mean, you did it.

- [Tim] I did it?

I did what did I did?

Do?

- You burned your strudel.

(audience laughs)

- [Tim] Oh, now come on, Uncle Martin.

What kind of a thing is that to say?

- Shh, don't holler.

You're liable to slip further away.

Fate is a fickle finger, Tim.

To burn your strudel just happens

to be a Martian expression.

It means going too far out on the limb.

To do something so wild it's never been done before.

(warbling tone)

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

I have to think very hard.

You're somewhere out in Limbo.

I never heard of it happening to an Earth person before

and I don't know how to bring you back.

(tone pulsing)

(space-like music)

(tone pulsing)

(lighthearted music)

(tense music)

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

- [Tim] Help me, it's cold out here.

- Tim, I told you what you've done

has never been done before.

- [Tim] Help me.

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

Why do you keep doing that?

- Figuring.

My Martian memory computer.

I'm filing for total recall on accidental

dimension slippage which is what you've done.

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

So far, nothing.

- [Tim] Well, there's gotta be something.

It's cold out here.

- Tim, I might as well tell you.

You're going to have to get used to the cold.

You're going to have to get used to the fogginess.

It's going to be a while before I can bring you back

from where you are.

- [Tim] A while?

Why a while?

Where am I?

- The fourth dimension.

- [Tim] The...

What's that?

- And don't holler.

I told you, you can slip further away.

- [Tim] Who's hollering?

I'm not hollering.

You don't hear me hollering, do you?

(audience laughs)

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

Can you just come in here with me

and sort of keep me company while you're figuring?

I mean, it's spooky out here.

- No, I cannot join you, Tim.

My antennas put me in a fifth and sixth dimension.

Not in the simple fourth which is where you are.

- [Tim] But, why?

I got it from your antenna didn't I?

- You didn't get anything.

You simply charged yourself out of length, breadth,

and width, which is a normal world for you.

Where you can't be seen.

It exists, but it can't be seen.

- [Tim] Does it have to be so cold?

- Yes, it's a world of Limbo

and Limbo has no central heating.

(audience laughs)

But, if you look at yourself, you can warm you.

- [Tim] Look at myself?

(tense music) (warbling tone)

Ow!

Hey, let go of my ears.

(audience laughs)

- Now, turn around.

There you are.

- Hey, wow, there I am.

Hi.

- That's sort of interesting, isn't it?

You're really neither here nor there.

- Everything's clear now and I feel warm again.

- Self love.

It'll be that way as long as you're in the mirror.

Now, watch me.

(tense music)

Ah, ah.

Ah, there it is.

- [Tim] There's what?

- The crack.

- I don't see anything.

- Come away from the mirror and you can see it.

It's the entranceway from the fourth dimension.

- All right.

(audience laughs)

Oh, I see it.

Wow.

That's awfully small.

- It's what you have to come through.

You can do it, I know you can.

Watch me now and keep your eye on the crack.

You bend your shoulder like so.

Then, add a little body English.

And then. (audience laughs)

- [Tim] Okay, I'm bent, but wow that's small.

- I know, but don't get nervous

and try not to push as much as slip.

(audience laughs)

- Sorry.

Oh, it's pepper.

- Pepper?

- Yes, for Tim's strudel.

You see, he borrowed my cookbook.

We have a bet on and.

Where is he?

(sniffing)

Oh, his strudel's burning.

- Oh, no, no, no it's not burnt.

It was burning, but I've turned it off

and just slipped out into the back.

He slipped out into the back, I didn't.

He did.

He was looking for some ground herbs.

- Ground herbs?

- (laughs) From the ground.

(audience laughs)

For his strudel.

- Ground herbs?

Oh no, it's the pepper.

That's what's missing.

(audience laughs)

What was that?

- Uh, what was what?

Oh, that.

That was a draft.

It's a very drafty apartment I guess because

he left the back door open.

(audience laughs)

- Well, it feels like somebody's pushing or pulling me.

- Oh, don't be silly.

Who could be pushing you?

It's the draft I told ya.

Especially with the front door open.

- Oh, I didn't realize it is drafty in here.

(audience laughs)

- Tim, are you crazy or something?

Pushing Mrs. Brown like that.

- [Tim] Sure, I'm crazy, but do you see

how small that hole is now?

(sneezes)

- You're right.

It's closing.

- [Tim] Well, hurry.

Get me out of here.

- We may have to grease up the opening.

- What?

- [Martin] You know, slip you through.

- Slip?

- Or grease you.

- What if I run?

- What do you mean?

- Well, you know.

Like getting a running start

and using the momentum to carry me through.

Couldn't I do that?

- Yes, if you think you can run

fast enough and straight enough.

- Yeah, well I'd rather try it that way

than getting all greased up,

or greasing the crack is sort of yuck.

(audience laughs)

- Okay, let's try.

(determined music)

All right, now you start on the back porch,

run like crazy and jump through.

I'll try and catch you.

If you come through too strong, we've got all the way

to the front porch to brake.

- Got it.

(descending tone)

(audience laughs)

Hey!

- You made it.

- Yeah, isn't that the truth.

The truth, the truth.

(sneezing)

(audience laughs)

- Tim.

Tim?

Tim!

- [Tim] Ow!

- What, what?

(audience laughs)

- Wow, look at this.

- You just hit a pressure belt going back in.

- Yeah, it looks more like it hit me.

Listen, maybe you're right, you know, the grease?

Maybe this time we should use it.

- No, no.

The opening has gotten tighter.

Too tight.

If you use the grease, you'll shoot right out over

Mrs. Brown's house and wind up in some strangers backyard.

Don't argue, it's getting close.

The worst that can happen is

a small head bruise or a shoulder burn.

Come on, hurry.

- Okay.

(audience laughs)

- Now, do it speedy, Tim.

Run like mad.

Make like the wind.

- Wind?

- Wind?

- [Mrs. Brown] You see, I told you it was drafty in here.

- Well, in the first place they shouldn't

leave the front door open.

(audience laughs)

- Martin, this is Mr. Dinkle.

Mr. Dinkle's one of the carpenters

who helped build this house.

- And I told her if anything ever goes wrong,

just to give Dinkle a jingle.

(audience laughs)

- Well, would you excuse me just a minute, please?

I, uh, and, uh.

I think it might be a good idea

if you'd come back some other time.

- No, no.

I came here to do a job and while I'm here,

I'm gonna do it.

(audience laughs)

Now, you must keep that door closed

so I can check for hidden drafts.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. Dinkle's a very nice man and very conscientious.

And he'd feel awful if his work wasn't Grade A, tip top.

- Well, I have no complaints.

- Oh, yes you do.

You said it was drafty in here.

Now, don't you remember you said it was drafty in here?

- All sealed tight in there.

Now, we'll try the kitchen.

Which way is the kitchen?

- There.

- Thank you.

(laughs)

(audience laughs)

- He's from the old school.

A job not well done is not a job done at all.

What's the matter with your hand?

- Oh, nothing. (laughs)

Just a little rheumatic pain.

- Aha, you see there is a draft.

Now, why should a young man like you

have muscular aches and pains?

(audience laughs)

Oh, Mr. Dinkle, how are you doing?

- Just fine.

(audience laughs)

- Tim.

Tim?

- [Tim] Shh, I'm here by the kitchen door.

- Make a run for it.

- [Tim] I can't.

He just closed the back door and it's not

a long enough distance for a good run.

It's not a good.

- Now, take as much room as you can and dash.

Worst that can happen is that we'll both

go over that porch together.

Now, it'll only lay you up for a few weeks.

Now, come on.

- What? (audience laughs)

- Oh, rheumatism.

- Mr. Dinkle wants the front door closed.

He has the back door closed and that's

the only way he can check for drafts.

And besides, it's bad for your rheumatism, you poor thing.

(spring springing)

What was that?

- I wouldn't even want to guess.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, look at that lovely new portrait you have of Tim.

(audience laughs)

Why, it's so lifelike.

When did you get it?

- Oh, it came in the mail from when

last summer Tim was at Playland.

- [Mrs. Brown] Oh.

(audience laughs)

Then, why did he have it taken with two black eyes?

- It was a joke.

It's one of those joke pictures, you know.

Like they take at Playland.

- Oh, yes.

I have one with my head on the body

of a big fat lady in a bathing suit.

Oh, I just love Playlands.

I especially love that house with the crazy mirrors.

(audience laughs)

(sneezes)

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin, the opening closed.

I mean, I saw it closing and I ran for it and it.

- I know.

I heard the thwonk.

(audience laughs)

- Look, get a crowbar, or a pick, or something,

but you gotta open it up for me.

- It doesn't work that way.

- Hey, Uncle Martin, listen to me.

I can't stay out here forever.

- Well, maybe I can find a way to get you some warm clothes.

- Get me what?

You think I'm just gonna stay out here

and be a floating head?

- Well, we can get you a larger and longer mirror.

(audience laughs)

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

The Mad Hatter.

Do you see a Mad Hatter, Tim?

- A Mad Hatter?

- Tim, you're Alice in Wonderland.

You may be stuck out there forever.

I'm thorry.

I mean, I'm sorry.

(audience laughs)

(sneezes)

(audience laughs)

(tense music)

Nothing.

The opening's gone.

- Well, it can't be gone.

I mean, if it's gone.

What happens if I cry?

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean does something spooky happen?

Like, do I make a flood?

I've never been in Limbo before.

I really think I'm gonna cry.

- Tim, will you stop being silly?

- Silly?

What's so silly about seeing a grown young man cry?

- You could stay frozen in there forever, Tim.

And Mrs. Brown has seen you.

I'm going to have to move you.

I'll hide this in our closet, Tim.

That at least solves the problem

of you having to stay there.

- [Tim] Uncle Martin?

I'm cold again.

- Take it easy, Tim.

This isn't easy to figure.

- Oh, Martin.

Where are you going with Tim's picture?

- Oh, nowhere.

The closet.

I wanted to see how it would look hanging in there.

- In the closet?

(audience laughs)

And where is Tim?

I know you said he went out for herbs,

but he's been gone an awfully long time.

But, this is a mirror.

Where's Tim's picture?

- Oh, it's not really.

It's one of those trick pictures, you know.

Where you have to stand a little bit away to see.

- Oh, really?

Oh.

Oh, there he is.

Oh, I see it.

(audience laughs)

But, it's fascinating.

And do the eyes follow me like on those pictures?

(audience laughs)

They do.

- I'll take him in the bedroom.

- Oh, good.

That's nicer than hanging him in the closet.

Oh, I'm going downstairs to get some oregano.

- Oregano?

- Yes.

Tim's wasting his time looking for ground herbs.

It's oregano that he needs.

I'll surprise him and have his strudel all done

by the time he gets back.

- Oregano?

- [Tim] Cold, I'm cold.

No, over here.

- I just got an idea, Tim.

Oregano.

Chief Oregano on our African Mars.

- [Tim] I don't know what you're talking about,

but I'm co, I'm co, freezing.

- Sofia Loren.

- [Tim] Huh?

- Think of Sofia Loren.

Images.

That should keep you warm.

(audience laughs)

- [Tim] Sophia Loren.

Sophia Loren.

(audience laughs)

- Does that stove have to be on?

Mrs. Brown turned it on and I think it's too hot.

- Well, if she turned it on, we'd better leave it on.

You don't happen to have a carpenter's level

that I could borrow, do ya?

- Oh, sure.

What for?

- Well, since you're here I thought I might take advantage

and check the floorboards in the living room.

- They're not level?

I'll check it.

- Oh, I don't want you to bother.

It's probably all in my mind

and you haven't finished in here yet.

And if it's not in my mind, if it's in the floor,

I'll call you.

- Okay.

That stove.

- It always works that way, especially with strudel.

Gets very hot.

Whatever you do, don't touch it.

- Oh, I won't.

I don't like strudel.

(audience laughs)

(warbling tone)

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

- [Tim] What are you doing?

- You're in Limbo.

You can dance your way out.

I remember an old African Martian trick.

I saw it only once.

A variation on your Earth limbo dance,

but on Mars we can really get into Limbo and out of it.

But first, I'll need a broom with a long handle.

- Sophia Loren.

Sophia Loren.

(audience laughs)

- That smoke.

- [Martin] What smoke?

- That smoke.

Don't you think it's a little too smokey in here?

- Nonsense, it's good for the strudel.

- Yeah, but I'm trying to check for hidden drafts

and I have to keep the doors and windows closed.

- Well, then open them up.

That's why it's smokey in here.

(audience laughs)

- Couldn't we shut down the stove just a little?

- Once you start a strudel, you're committed.

It's like an atomic countdown.

250, 350, 450, 550, zero.

That's strudel for ya.

- Not for me.

I'm a smoked oyster man.

(audience laughs)

(determined music)

(warbling tone)

- Hey!

- Shh.

- What are you?

- Shh.

I'm trying to remember what that

marvelous old Watusi Chief did.

- Wa?

(fingers snap)

(audience laughs)

(warbling tone)

Well, where'd it go?

The broom?

- In Limbo with you.

- Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I can see it now.

- Good.

Now, you have to dance under it.

- But, it's on fire.

- Nothing good comes easy.

You said you were cold.

Get hot.

(audience laughs)

- I'm turning off that stove.

I don't care what happens to that strudel

and I'm opening that door and letting the smoke

clear out of there.

Anytime you want to check the floor level, you ask me.

(audience laughs)

(rhythmic banging)

Staying in a house doesn't mean

you know how to take care of it.

(audience laughs)

(coughing)

(audience laughs)

- That's a bad break.

- [Tim] What's a bad break?

- Opening the back door.

Hurry, Tim, get with it.

Simba.

- Yeah, get with it.

Hey, that broom is flaming higher.

- I know, the draft.

The back door, I told you it was a bad break.

Simba, simba.

Start dancing.

- Simba, simba.

Simba who?

- Simba you.

Follow the rhythm, undulate.

Just let your feet be your guide and dance under the flames.

Get hot.

Simba, simba.

- Simba, simba.

(audience laughs)

- I opened up the back door.

I'm opening up the front door, too.

- All right, but don't get in the way.

- Oh, I won't.

(audience laughs)

Let me ask you a question.

Why are you standing there banging on that kitchen pot?

- I'm getting ready for the strudel.

- Strudel?

Banging on the pot helps the strudel?

- I'm warming it up.

Simba, simba. (audience laughs)

(coughs)

(descending tone)

(audience laughs)

- It is drafty in here.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I have the oregano.

- Oregano?

Oh, dear, is it catching?

- Oh, there's Tim.

(breathing heavily)

- Help me.

(audience laughs)

- Pardon me.

Does he always come upstairs that way?

- Well, you see.

Tim is thinking of joining a mountain climbing group

and I told him to come upstairs like this

in order to strengthen his legs.

- (rapid breathing) Hi.

- Oh, you've been to Playland again.

(audience laughs)

But, I thought you said he was shopping for ground herbs?

- He was.

- Well, then why does he have black eyes?

- Fighting in the market where he's been

shopping for ground herbs.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, well I could've told you that ground herbs were wrong.

What you need is oregano.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- I turned off the strudel.

(audience laughs)

- The strudel?

But, you can't.

- [Mr. Dinkle] Now, now, wait a minute.

If you want me to work in there.

- Wow, was that broom hot.

- It's good.

Popped you through so fast they didn't see a thing.

You got away with it.

- Yeah, but I almost cooked.

What heat.

Why, it was just like going through, well I almost cooked.

- That's funny.

Mrs. Brown's been seasoning the wrong man.

(audience laughs)

Forgive me, Tim.

It's my sense of humor.

It's quite funny on Mars.

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

How are you, Tim?

- I'm fine.

My eyes have cleared up and the ringing stopped in my ears.

- Hmm, it's pressure.

What you went through is not unlike divers

coming up from the bottom of the sea.

- What are you doing?

- I'm making a strudel.

It's about time.

After all this talk about strudels,

I thought I'd try my hand.

- No more for me, thanks.

I've had it.

Oh, has Mrs. Brown said anything more about my picture?

The one with the black eyes?

- Well, I think she went down to Playland

to see if she could bring one back with her.

(audience laughs)

You know, it's a funny thing about strudel.

It's an inner form of expression.

A tremendous release of tension anxieties.

(metal clanking)

(spring springing)

(audience laughs)

(warbling tone)

- I do appreciate it, you know?

- [Martin] I understand, Tim.

And you're welcome.

- Well, I mean, there I was and there you were

with that simba, simba thing.

You know, I guess I was really truly the first Earth person

to ever be (imitates sucking) right into Limbo.

- Well, as long as you've learned, Tim.

If nothing else, let my experiences down here

be the education of a young man.

And in this instance, it's wise never

to touch things impulsively.

(thuds)

(audience laughs)

(thudding)

(audience laughs)

I had them suspended in parallel.

- Well, can't you just (imitates sucking)

back in the shells?

- No, Tim.

Martians are not omnipotent.

Only a chicken can do that.

(audience laughs)

(lighthearted music)