Original subtitles

(cheerful music)

(laughing)

- Oh, I tell you Tim everybody should have an electric bed.

Why, it's positively unbelievable.

You just push a button,

and your head goes up, and your feet go up.

- And your electric bill goes up.

(audience laughing)

- Do you think I was silly to buy it?

- No, no, I was just kidding, Mrs. Brown.

As a matter of fact, I've always said

anyone who has an electric bed more power to them.

(audience laughing)

Good night, Mrs. Brown.

- Good night.

(cheerful music)

Hi, Uncle--

Hey. Hey, that's wild.

But will it sell?

(audience laughing)

I mean, don't you think fathers have enough trouble

climbing up on the tops of buildings trying

to rescue their children's kites?

(audience laughing)

- Tim, you know very well these are not toys.

- Say Uncle Martin, I know you wanna get back to Mars,

but don't you think this idea is just a little far out?

I mean, there must be an easier way

than hitching your spaceship to the back

of one of our rockets.

(door closes)

(walking footsteps)

- [Man] We found the short, colonel.

It was in the second stage input.

- [Colonel] Very good, captain.

That puts the launch time back on schedule.

- [Captain] Check, sir.

Blast off 2200 hours Tuesday.

- Turn it off, Tim.

- Uncle Martin, did I hear what I think I just heard?

- Vandenburg Air Force Base.

- You mean you rigged my hi-fi

so that it would tune them in?

- Well, now how do you think I got

the specifications to build this model?

You know I must calculate he exact point of contact

so as not to jar their rocket off course.

But don't worry, it'll still pick up ball games.

- Forget the ball games, we'll be picked up.

Look, you just can't tune in

on top secret meetings like that.

You're gonna know more about our rockets

than the Air Force does.

- Tim, for centuries we've been using

these in our amusement parks.

- Oh. Thanks a lot.

I'm gonna go to bed.

You see, what I can't hear

they can't shoot me for.

(audience laughing)

- Well, now you needn't worry, Tim.

No one can possibly find out what's going on here.

Let's see, go to UCLA library tomorrow

and pick up additional research.

That's what I'll do.

- Go to UCLA library tomorrow

to pick up additional research.

Oh yes, they say that's a wonderful library, Martin.

(audience laughing)

(beeping)

(beeping)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")

(cheerful music)

Oh Martin!

- Oh, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh Martin, I just had to catch you.

I had the most interesting dream last night.

It was about guess who?

- Well, that does narrow it down considerably.

Me?

- You guessed it.

Oh, I can remember it all so plainly.

You were going to school.

No, no, he wasn't going to school.

He was going to the library for some books.

Yes, yes.

He wanted to find out something about spaces,

or was it space?

Well, anyway isn't that silly?

(audience laughing)

Oh my goodness, I was right!

Well, I must be psycho.

(audience laughing)

- That's psychic,

but don't you worry Mrs. Brown.

- Yes, she has no reason to worry.

(audience laughing)

- I assure you it was a common illusion

known as deja vu.

Without realizing it, you saw the UCLA imprint,

and read the titles on these books,

and then you imagined they were

a part of your dream last night

(laughs)

about me.

- Oh, well thank goodness.

It certainly would be scary going around

thinking you're thinking somebody else's thinking.

(audience laughing)

Well, excuse me I have to put away my groceries.

- Rendezvous.

- They don't seem to be in love with each other.

- It's the magnetic polarization.

It's reversed itself.

- Uncle Martin, the lamp.

(metal clunking)

(screams)

- Good gracious.

- You know, one more second Mrs. Brown

would've lost her favorite lamp.

- And it would've been the end of my favorite finger.

- Yeah.

- I think I strained it.

Well, thank goodness I'm ambidextrous.

You know, somehow my positive turned negative.

- Oh listen, don't feel bad about that Uncle Martin.

Many times I've been positive,

and received a negative answer.

(audience laughing)

- Tim, I assure you that this is much more serious than

Oh.

- Oh?

(knocking)

- [Mrs. Brown] Martin!

Tim!

- You didn't mean, oh.

You meant, uh-oh.

(knocking)

- [Mrs. Brown] Martin!

Tim!

- Come in!

- Where's Martin?

(audience laughing)

Oh, thank heavens you're all right.

Oh I feel so foolish.

Why, I guess it was just another silly dream.

Suddenly, I got the feeling that you

were involved in some kind of a crash.

- Crash?

- What else did you dream, Mrs. Brown?

- Well, first that you were having

some kind of a rendezvous.

I believe it was on a ship.

- A ship?

(laughs)

Why Mrs. Brown Uncle Martin he gets seasick

just having a chair with one leg uneven.

- Yes, Mrs. Brown you have a very vivid imagination.

- Yes, I don't know what's the matter with me these days.

I'm sorry.

You know, I even had the idea

that Martin injured his finger.

(audience laughing)

Oh my goodness!

Well, I really am psycho!

(audience laughing)

- Mrs. Brown,

it's psychic.

- No Tim it's coincidence.

- Well, you didn't have to keep it from me.

I mean, I don't feel badly about it.

In fact if it's true, it might even be fun.

- Mrs. Brown--

- Now, I've taken up enough of your time.

Now, you just go back to whatever you were doing,

and don't you worry about me.

- Oh, don't worry she says.

- You know Tim, somehow my thoughts

are being broadcast to her.

This is a serious problem.

But the situation could be worse.

- Oh sure, yes maybe a few more people could tune you in,

then you'd have your own network show.

I can just see it.

This is the top secret hour brought to you

by Leavenworth penitentiary.

(audience laughing)

- I'm going to have to work fast, Tim.

But if I can hook up a special feedback condenser,

I think I can find out the cause of all this trouble.

You see somehow Mrs. Brown is picking up

the electrical impulses from my brainwaves.

And the only way I can stop it

is to get a picture of what's serving

as a transmitting unit.

- And all we have to hope

is that this is the one time a woman

can keep her thoughts to herself.

(audience laughing)

(doorbell buzzing)

- [Mrs. Brown] It's open Bill, come on in!

- Lorelei!

- [Mrs. Brown] Oh Bill, the most exciting

thing happened today.

I can't wait to tell you about it.

- What's that?

- [Mrs. Brown] Well, you'll just have to wait.

You're so punctual, you don't even give

a girl a chance to get finished dressing.

- Well, Lorelei punctuality is a necessity with a policeman.

There wouldn't be much point in arriving

at a robbery a half hour late.

- [Mrs. Brown] Well, I guess that's true,

but I don't got to many robberies.

(audience laughing)

- I didn't know you were interested in mentalism.

You know, I took a post-graduate course

in psychic phenomena at Duke.

- That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

I'm psycho.

- Do you mean psychic?

- Maybe I do.

That's what Martin calls it.

- O'Hara.

What is that intellectual know-nothing to do with this?

- Well, he's the one I'm psycho about.

I read his mind.

- That must be a sickening experience.

(audience laughing)

- But I'm not joking.

I've really been doing it.

- If it's true...

In our experiments at Duke,

we had to search far and wide for subjects

who really had extra sensory perception.

- But I knew about his books, and his hurt finger.

I'll bet you I can tell what he's thinking right now.

- If you could, it would be more than

we even came close to doing at Duke.

What's he thinking?

(audience laughing)

- I don't understand it.

All of a sudden my extra sensory isn't percepting.

(audience laughing)

- Perhaps if you relax.

- Relaxed.

Wait a minute.

Every time it happened, I was relaxing on my new bed.

I was right.

Now I'm getting something.

Yes, yes, it's Martin!

- It might be the bed.

We had a woman at Duke who could only

perceive from her grandfather's rocker.

(audience laughing)

What's he thinking?

Canned enser?

- It must be something to eat.

He's hungry right now.

- What else is he thinking?

- About a watercress sandwich.

(audience laughing)

- A watercress sandwich,

and canned enser.

(cheerful music)

- I think it'll work.

Food.

I'm famished.

- Well, if you don't mind I'm gonna have ham and cheese.

Somehow I just flip out over a watercress sandwich.

(audience laughing)

(knocking)

- Mrs. Brown.

Hello.

Lieutenant Brennan.

- Martin, please excuse us,

but Bill wanted to ask you something.

- Oh?

What would you like to ask me, lieutenant.

Have you run out of chalk for marking tires?

(audience laughing)

- It's watercress.

He is eating a watercress sandwich.

- I am, and may I ask do you have

a warrant to search my sandwich?!

(audience laughing)

- Now don't get angry, Martin.

It's just that I told Bill I could read your mind,

and he wanted to see for himself.

- Lorelei, you can do it.

You really can.

- Now O'Hara what is a canned enser?

- Canned enser?

- Well, I read those words too.

- I assure you that I have no idea

what you could be thinking of.

- Don't you mean what you could be thinking of?

C'mon O'Hara, what does it mean, canned enser?

- Detective Brennan, I know that you

belong to the police force, and all of that stuff,

and that you carry a badge,

but that doesn't give you the right

to look at me as though I were a fingerprint!

(audience laughing)

- Come along, Lorelei.

We aren't getting anywhere here.

- Okay, c'mon.

I know you were covering up.

What's this canned

canned enser?

- Not canned enser, Tim.

Thank goodness she didn't read me very clearly.

The correct pronunciation is condenser.

(audience laughing)

- Oh.

Well anyway you got away with it.

- Not completely.

And I'm afraid that this public nose

has stumbled onto a faint scent.

Now, I've got to move fast.

Tim?

- Hmm?

- You are about to witness something that

no other earthling has ever, ever seen.

- Oh?

Well, I hope it isn't seeing a Martian electrocute himself.

- All right then.

Full scope double mind reading.

The instant that Mrs. Brown reads my mind,

I will be reading hers.

And this will cause a short circuit of both

our thoughts at the point of contact.

Now, whatever is acting as an amplifier

will show up on your television screen right there.

- No kidding. What channel?

(audience laughing)

Hey, that's Mrs. Brown's apartment.

- Of course it is.

What we are seeing is mere audio visual projection

of both Brennan's and Mrs. Brown's minds as I read them.

- In living color?

- What is so unusual about that?

- On a black and white set?

(audience laughing)

- I tell you Lorelei I had the feeling

he was trying to hide something.

- Oh, and I tell you Bill that Martin has nothing to hide.

- Everybody's got something to hide.

- I haven't.

- Tell me Lorelei how old are you?

- I'm...

Well...

Oh, really Bill.

- You see.

- Well.

- Now, Lorelei let's assume I'm wrong,

though I'm rarely am,

and he's not trying to hide something.

Where's your natural inquisitiveness?

Aren't you curious to know what goes in a man's mind?

- Well.

- In the interest of science,

I'd like to start some tests immediately.

- Oh, but I couldn't peep and tell.

I mean, suppose it's something private

that he doesn't want anybody to know?

- What if it was something about you?

- [Mrs. Brown] Me?!

- Ah-ha, you're afraid to find out what he thinks of you.

- Well, I most certainly am not.

- Watch carefully now, Tim.

(electricity buzzing)

Tim, that's our culprit.

A bedspring.

- Her new electric bed?

Well, that means every time she gets in bed,

she'll know what you're thinking.

And if she thinks what you're thinking, you're thunk.

Sunk.

(audience laughing)

- The Mars launch is in 24 hours.

I've got to keep her out of that bed tomorrow night somehow.

- Well, maybe you can make her a sleepwalker.

(audience laughing)

- All I got was a kind of buzzing,

and all I was thinking were my own thoughts.

My head was completely empty.

(audience laughing)

Oh well anyway, I didn't want to do it in the first place.

- I'm sorry Lorelei.

Your psyche is probably tired.

(audience laughing)

Tomorrow's my day off.

We could spend the whole day doing research.

- Oh, did you forget Bill,

I'm going to Palm Springs tomorrow.

- Hey, did you hear Uncle Martin?

That's the answer to a Martian's prayer.

- Not quite.

- Well of course if you had something else in mind,

I mean I don't wanna impose on you.

I can probably get Martin to water the plants,

and let in the plumber.

- Oh, but I'd be happy to Lorelei.

They're painting my apartment,

and I don't even mind sleeping over.

As a matter of fact, I'm anxious to try out

this new electric bed.

- Uncle Martin.

You're not losing a landlady,

you're gaining a bloodhound.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

Well, she just took off.

- Yeah, and in 10 hours I'm supposed to do the same thing.

- What's the matter?

- Look, I tried to make my mind a blank last night,

but unfortunately I, too, can dream.

- You mean she may have picked something up?

- Mm-hm, she did.

Several key words.

And as she was leaving, she gave them to our new neighbor.

- Now wait a minute,

you say that the words are spaysp-carj, mas-lunch, van b.

Yeah, well unless Brennan speaks Martian,

he's not gonna make any sense out of that.

(audience laughing)

- On the contrary Tim, it's good English distorted

when in my sleep I was trying to disguise my thoughts.

Spaysp-carj means spaceship in garage.

And mas-lunch van b, is merely an abbreviated way

of saying--

- Mars launch Vandenburg.

- You guessed it.

- Hmm?

Oh no, no it's in today's paper.

See, Mars launch Vandenburg today.

- And unfortunately, that All-American

nose can read it too.

(audience laughing)

This is going to be tricky.

I hope I can do it.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

- Well, that's what I call freedom of the press.

(audience laughing)

- Now, it's time to try to get our

work done before Brennan's bedtime.

- [Announcer] Mars launch minus nine hours 48 minutes.

Mars launch minus 20 minutes and counting.

All systems go.

- So far, Tim, so good.

But

- But what?

- He's thinking of bed.

- Oh no. All we need are 20 minutes.

- [Announcer] 19.

- All right, 19 minutes.

- He can't decide whether to go to bed, or boil some yogurt.

- Boil yogurt.

- Don't knock it Tim, don't knock it.

Right now, it's better than going to bed.

- Come on yogurt.

(audience laughing)

- Oh no, no, no. He's in the bedroom.

Brennan's on the bed.

- Yes, I'm on the bed.

(audience laughing)

Who said that?

(audience laughing)

- That was close.

- [Announcer] 10 minutes. Final check.

- I'm afraid it's going to be a good deal closer too.

I can't even disguise my thoughts

because I've got to concentrate for my flight,

wind, moisture, air pressure.

All must be measured with absolute accuracy.

- Well, then if he gets back in the bed--

- I'm dead.

I'll just to switch my mind reading

from manual to instinctive.

And try to keep him diverted.

That way, maybe we can stay one move ahead

of that bargain basement James Bond.

(audience laughing)

(dramatic music)

(whirring)

(audience laughing)

(audience laughing)

- [Announcer] Blast off zero minus five minutes.

All systems green and go.

- Time to get down to the garage.

C'mon.

(audience laughing)

- Hey Uncle Martin, can't you take it easy on him now?

- Not till I'm gone, Tim.

Even though I'll be safe on Mars, you'll be here.

- I guess this is it, huh?

What I mean is

what do you say at a time like this?

- Just a simple goodbye, Tim.

With the hope that someday I can return.

And now, you'd better stand clear.

Oh no, no, no.

I crossed levitation circuits.

(audience laughing)

- [Tim] Is he hurt?

- With his head?

No, just temporarily unconscious.

- Oh.

You know, he's gonna have a hard time

wearing a hat tomorrow.

- [Announcer] Three, two, one.

Blast off.

- Well, I guess that's it Uncle Martin.

I guess nothing's gonna stop you from getting home now.

Well...

- Save your goodbyes, Tim.

I'm afraid something already has.

- Hmm?

- Brennan.

- What? What you mean that little dent?

- Mm-hm, just big enough to throw the ship off course.

- Oh, well I wish I could say I'm sorry,

but I'm not.

- Well, I'd like to say I'm sorry too, Tim,

but well, yet somehow even Brennan knocked

himself out to keep me here.

(cheerful music)

- Say Uncle Martin,

are you sure Detective Brennan didn't

see your spaceship before he hit?

- The only thing he saw was stars.

The last thing he recalls is deciding to go to bed.

- Yeah, well what about that bed?

How can you be positive that Mrs. Brown

won't be able to read your mind anymore?

- Because, as I told you, X to the 38th power

equals Y, Pi squared over four.

- But how can you be sure Mrs. Brown

can't read your mind anymore?

(audience laughing)

- In layman's terms, because Brennan's last

big bounce bent one of the bedsprings.

It changed its wavelength, and it's no longer

attuned to my brain frequency.

- But are you sure?

- Brennan and Mrs. Brown have been trying

all day to read my thoughts unsuccessfully.

Here they come again.

(knocking)

- Excuse me.

But I could almost taste it.

I could've sworn he was up here eating an apple.

- Oh no.

(audience laughing)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")

(humming)