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1
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I believe in the Church
of Baseball.
2
00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:32,825
I've tried all the major religions
and most of the minor ones.
3
00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:36,245
I've worshipped Buddha,
Allah, Brahma, Vishnu,
4
00:01:36,288 --> 00:01:39,707
Siva, trees, mushrooms
and Isadora Duncan.
5
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:41,834
I know things.
6
00:01:41,918 --> 00:01:45,087
For instance, there are 108 beads
in a Catholic rosary
7
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:48,257
and there are 108
stitches in a baseball.
8
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,801
When I learned that,
I gave Jesus a chance.
9
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:56,765
But it just didn't work out between us.
The Lord laid too much guilt on me.
10
00:01:57,434 --> 00:02:00,185
I prefer metaphysics to theology.
11
00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:02,313
You see, there's no guilt in baseball
12
00:02:02,397 --> 00:02:06,150
and it's never boring,
which makes it like sex.
13
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,278
There's never been a ballplayer
who slept with me
14
00:02:09,321 --> 00:02:11,864
who didn't have
the best year of his career.
15
00:02:12,908 --> 00:02:15,492
Making love is like hitting a baseball,
16
00:02:15,577 --> 00:02:17,912
you just gotta relax and concentrate.
17
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:22,207
Besides, I'd never sleep
with a player hitting under .250
18
00:02:22,292 --> 00:02:26,295
unless he had a lot of RBI's or was
a great glove man up the middle.
19
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:32,718
You see, there's a certain amount
of life wisdom I give these boys.
20
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:35,054
I can expand their minds.
21
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:37,056
Sometimes when I've got
a ballplayer alone
22
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:40,434
I'll just read Emily Dickinson
or Walt Whitman to him.
23
00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:43,938
And the guys are so sweet,
they always stay and listen.
24
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:47,691
Of course, a guy will listen
to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
25
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:52,529
I make them feel confident,
and they make me feel safe
26
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,657
and pretty.
27
00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:58,160
Of course, what I give them
lasts a lifetime.
28
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:01,413
What they give me lasts 142 games.
29
00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:04,541
Sometimes it seems like a bad trade,
30
00:03:04,626 --> 00:03:06,835
but bad trades are part of baseball.
31
00:03:06,878 --> 00:03:11,048
Who can forget Frank Robinson
for Milt Pappas, for God's sake?
32
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:14,301
It's a long season, and
you gotta trust it.
33
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,178
I've tried them all, I really have.
34
00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:18,931
And the only church
that truly feeds the soul
35
00:03:19,015 --> 00:03:22,559
day in, day out, is the
Church of Baseball.
36
00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:01,432
Hey, Skip, that Max, hell of a guy.
37
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:04,059
Where's Ebby?
38
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,020
Ain't he warming up yet?
39
00:04:06,062 --> 00:04:09,607
No. His professional debut tonight,
and he forgets about it.
40
00:04:09,691 --> 00:04:11,942
Better find our "bonus baby."
41
00:04:12,944 --> 00:04:15,696
- Have you seen Ebby?
- No.
42
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,080
Ebby!
43
00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:30,044
Jesus.
44
00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:33,505
Game starts in four minutes.
Why ain't you warm?
45
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:34,632
I am warm.
46
00:04:34,716 --> 00:04:37,801
Jesus, Ebby, this is your
professional debut tonight.
47
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:40,930
Million guys give their left nut
to be in your shoes.
48
00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:44,099
You're leaving your fastball in
the locker room for some piece of ass.
49
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,268
Skip, it is me.
50
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:50,439
I am not some, quote,
"piece of ass," unquote.
51
00:04:50,941 --> 00:04:52,942
Oh, Millie.
52
00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:56,153
Jeez, sorry. Didn't recognize you.
53
00:04:57,614 --> 00:05:00,699
Don't take this personal, Millie,
but if I catch you in here again
54
00:05:00,784 --> 00:05:02,326
you're banned from the ballpark.
55
00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:06,538
You can't ban me from the ballpark
'cause my daddy donated that scoreboard.
56
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:09,833
And if you ban me,
he just might take that scoreboard away.
57
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:12,211
What do we need a scoreboard for?
58
00:05:12,295 --> 00:05:14,463
We ain't scored any runs all year.
59
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,924
Now you get your ass out there!
60
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:18,801
Hey, boss, I got a question.
61
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:20,344
What?
62
00:05:20,428 --> 00:05:22,680
You think I need a nickname?
I think I need a nickname.
63
00:05:22,764 --> 00:05:25,057
We were talking about it.
All the great ones have nicknames.
64
00:05:25,141 --> 00:05:27,434
Like "Oil Can," "Catfish."
What was the one you were...
65
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:28,644
"Pokey."
66
00:05:28,687 --> 00:05:30,479
What do you think of "Pokey"?
67
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,148
You got three minutes.
68
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,110
Goddamn, son of a bitching,
motherfucking shithead!
69
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,153
Time for another quickie.
70
00:05:38,196 --> 00:05:40,906
Jesus, you got a game to pitch.
71
00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:43,033
We got three minutes.
72
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,506
Come on, folks.
Let's hear it for Max Patkin,
73
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,675
the clown prince of baseball.
74
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,802
You gonna sit there all day?
75
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:04,013
And now, "The Greatest Show on Dirt,"
76
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,057
your own Durham Bulls!
77
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:15,024
I'm there. I'm ready.
78
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:21,405
And now
WRDU radio presents
79
00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:23,991
the voice of the Durham Bulls,
Teddy Garland.
80
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,827
The Bulls off to a slow start,
having dropped their first three games.
81
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:29,622
But hope to turn it around tonight
with the professional debut
82
00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:33,542
of heralded young pitcher,
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
83
00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,380
Millie, you gotta stay
out of the clubhouse.
84
00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:39,798
You're gonna get everybody in trouble.
85
00:06:39,883 --> 00:06:41,717
I got lured.
86
00:06:42,093 --> 00:06:44,219
You did not get lured.
Women do not get lured.
87
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,430
They are too strong and powerful for that.
Now say it,
88
00:06:46,514 --> 00:06:52,770
"I did not get lured.
I accept full responsibility for my actions."
89
00:06:52,854 --> 00:06:56,607
That's better. Okay. Now...
You got your radar ready?
90
00:06:56,691 --> 00:06:58,567
- Ready.
- Go to it.
91
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,989
Stepping in for the Peninsula White Sox
is leadoff hitter Willie Foster.
92
00:07:04,074 --> 00:07:06,158
Word on LaLoosh is that
the good-looking, young pitcher
93
00:07:06,243 --> 00:07:09,995
has a major-league fastball, but
sometimes has problems with his control.
94
00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:25,928
Oh, my. Damn.
95
00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:29,515
One ball, no strike to Willie Foster.
96
00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:36,689
No problem! No problem!
97
00:07:36,773 --> 00:07:39,692
Go get 'em, one, two, three, babe.
Get 'em, big guy.
98
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,653
Ninety-five miles an hour.
99
00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,281
That's great. He looks just great.
100
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:58,294
Stepping in for the Peninsula
White Sox, second baseman Allen Powley.
101
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,712
What's it say?
102
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:03,299
It says he's not bending his back
on his follow-through.
103
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:08,304
Scotty, baby, take this to Ebby Calvin.
104
00:08:09,806 --> 00:08:13,934
All right, honey, let's get down to it.
How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
105
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:16,353
Well, he fucks like he pitches.
106
00:08:16,438 --> 00:08:19,106
Sort of all over the place.
107
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:46,008
My!
108
00:08:55,393 --> 00:08:56,936
He walked 1 8.
109
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,104
A new league record.
110
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:03,317
- Struck out 1 8.
- Another new league record.
111
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,694
In addition, he hit the sportswriter,
112
00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:08,864
the public address announcer,
the Bull mascot twice.
113
00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:11,700
Also, new league records.
114
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:18,499
But, Joe, this guy's
got some serious shit.
115
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:22,419
- Yeah, serious shit. Yes.
- Yeah.
116
00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:31,136
Who are you? Who's he?
117
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:33,722
I'm "the player to be named later."
118
00:09:34,015 --> 00:09:37,226
Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins.
119
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,354
And you, Larry Hockett,
should recognize me
120
00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:43,566
'cause five years ago
in the Texas League
121
00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,735
you were pitching for El Paso,
I was hitting clean-up for Shreveport.
122
00:09:46,778 --> 00:09:49,905
You hung a curveball
on an 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game
123
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:53,701
in the bottom of the eighth,
and I tattooed it
124
00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:56,787
over the Michelin tire
sign, beat you 4-3.
125
00:09:56,871 --> 00:09:58,789
I remember.
I should have thrown a slider.
126
00:09:58,873 --> 00:10:00,791
Damn, Crash, how you doing?
127
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:03,168
I'm too old for this shit.
128
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,255
Why the hell am I back in A ball?
129
00:10:06,298 --> 00:10:09,717
'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
130
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,677
Big club's got 1 00 grand in him.
131
00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:14,638
He's got a million-dollar arm
with a five-cent head.
132
00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:17,016
Had a gun on him tonight.
133
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:20,352
Last five pitches he threw
were faster than the first five.
134
00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:24,148
He's got the best young arm
I've seen in 30 years.
135
00:10:24,441 --> 00:10:25,941
You've been around.
136
00:10:25,984 --> 00:10:28,319
You're smart. You're a professional.
137
00:10:29,446 --> 00:10:31,530
We want you to mature the kid.
138
00:10:31,615 --> 00:10:34,283
We want you to room with him
on the road.
139
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:37,369
Stay on his case all year.
He can go all the way.
140
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,498
Yeah? Where can I go?
141
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:45,252
You can keep going to the ballpark
and keep getting paid to do it.
142
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,005
Beats the hell out of working at Sears.
143
00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:52,301
Sears sucks, Crash.
I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores.
144
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,303
Nasty... Nasty work.
145
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:58,891
Even if it is the Carolina League
this is a chance to play every day.
146
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:01,310
You don't want a player.
You want a stable pony.
147
00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:02,394
No.
148
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:04,146
Well, my AAA contract gets bought out
149
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,815
so I can hold the flavor-of-the-month's
dick in the bus leagues.
150
00:11:06,858 --> 00:11:09,735
Is that it? Fuck this fucking game!
151
00:11:19,162 --> 00:11:22,331
I fucking quit, all right? I quit.
152
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:41,976
Who we play tomorrow?
153
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:45,688
Winston-Salem. Batting practice, 11 :30.
154
00:11:49,693 --> 00:11:52,194
So, how's it feel to get
your first professional win?
155
00:11:52,237 --> 00:11:55,489
It feels out there. It's a major rush.
156
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:58,951
I mean, it doesn't just feel out there,
it feels out there.
157
00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:02,621
Kind of radical in a kind
of tubular way, you know.
158
00:12:02,706 --> 00:12:04,540
But most of all, it's out there.
159
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:08,961
This is hopeless.
This is utterly, fucking hopeless.
160
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,726
Hey, I'm Millie.
161
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:27,730
- I'm Tony. I play second base.
- I know.
162
00:12:28,106 --> 00:12:31,901
Max, how do you just keep
coming back every year?
163
00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:36,071
'Cause I love the game, Annie.
I love it.
164
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,198
- Here you go.
- We didn't order these, honey.
165
00:12:38,241 --> 00:12:39,992
- He did.
- Who?
166
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:41,911
The guy in the booth.
167
00:12:45,582 --> 00:12:46,999
Who's that?
168
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:51,295
That's Crash Davis.
Hey, Crash, come here.
169
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:52,963
Come over here.
170
00:12:54,925 --> 00:12:56,800
He's kind of cute.
171
00:12:56,885 --> 00:12:59,303
He's played
in more ballparks than I have.
172
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,721
Hell of a guy.
173
00:13:00,764 --> 00:13:02,598
He's really different.
174
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:06,393
I actually saw him read a book
without pictures once.
175
00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:11,106
- Hi, Max.
- How you doing, Crash?
176
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,776
Come over and sit down.
177
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:16,237
I'm Crash.
178
00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:19,114
Annie Savoy. Wanna dance?
179
00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:20,616
I don't dance.
180
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,576
How embarrassing.
181
00:13:25,914 --> 00:13:28,123
What is that?
182
00:13:41,263 --> 00:13:45,224
- Who's he dancing with?
- All of them, I think.
183
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,823
- You Annie Savoy?
- Uh-huh.
184
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:03,117
Thanks for your note. You're right.
I wasn't bending my back.
185
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:06,704
- You got a live arm there.
- Thanks.
186
00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:09,206
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
187
00:14:09,291 --> 00:14:11,000
You need a nickname, honey.
188
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,168
You know, I've been
telling everybody that.
189
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,505
- You wanna dance?
- Yeah.
190
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,841
She's dancing with me.
191
00:14:18,883 --> 00:14:21,051
Afraid not, pal.
192
00:14:21,303 --> 00:14:24,138
You boys gonna fight over little old me?
193
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:28,851
- No.
- Let's go.
194
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,061
Step outside and party, man.
195
00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:38,068
Don't be such guys. Max, let's dance.
196
00:14:46,077 --> 00:14:48,203
You coming or not, homeboy?
197
00:15:01,343 --> 00:15:04,386
Let's go, man. Come on. We're waiting.
198
00:15:04,846 --> 00:15:07,306
- Let's go, homeboy.
- Come on, Ebby. There he is.
199
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:20,194
Look, I don't believe in fighting.
Let's just...
200
00:15:21,696 --> 00:15:25,407
That's really sweet. "I don't believe..."
Fuck you, you pussy.
201
00:15:28,245 --> 00:15:31,580
All right. Take the first shot at me.
202
00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:34,083
No way, man. I don't hit no man first.
203
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,255
All right, then.
204
00:15:41,258 --> 00:15:43,467
Hit me in the chest with that.
205
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,721
I'd kill you.
206
00:15:47,764 --> 00:15:50,349
Yeah? From what I hear,
you couldn't hit water
207
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:52,434
if you fell out of a fucking boat.
208
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:58,440
Throw it, man.
209
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,318
Throw it, come on. Right in the chest.
210
00:16:01,403 --> 00:16:03,654
- No way.
- Come on, Meat.
211
00:16:03,738 --> 00:16:04,780
You're not gonna hit me
212
00:16:04,823 --> 00:16:07,616
'cause you're starting
to think about it already.
213
00:16:08,159 --> 00:16:10,160
Starting to think
how embarrassing it would be
214
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:13,956
to miss in front of all these people,
how somebody might laugh.
215
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,959
Come on, rook.
Show us that million-dollar arm
216
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:21,714
'cause I got a good idea
about that five-cent head of yours.
217
00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:23,924
- Nail him, drop him.
- Hit him, man! Hit him!
218
00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,263
Fuck!
219
00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:32,474
Ball four.
220
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:34,893
Who the fuck are you, man?
221
00:16:40,150 --> 00:16:41,984
Good punch.
222
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,986
I'm Crash Davis. I'm your new catcher
223
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:48,115
and you just got lesson number one,
don't think.
224
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,743
It can only hurt the ball club.
225
00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,168
Come inside, I'll buy you a drink.
226
00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:07,843
He's my new catcher.
227
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:22,483
We fight, she gets the clown.
How's that happen?
228
00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:25,027
God, I like this song.
229
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,375
Did you boys stop fighting?
230
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:41,543
Pals now?
231
00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:43,712
That's good.
232
00:17:43,797 --> 00:17:47,091
I love a little macho male bonding.
233
00:17:47,175 --> 00:17:49,134
I think it's sweet. I do.
234
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:52,179
Even if it probably is latent
homosexuality being rechanneled.
235
00:17:52,222 --> 00:17:55,224
I'm all for rechanneling,
so who cares, right?
236
00:17:59,729 --> 00:18:01,981
Okay, shall we go to my place?
237
00:18:03,775 --> 00:18:07,861
- Which one of us?
- Both of you, of course.
238
00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:46,275
These are the ground rules.
239
00:18:46,318 --> 00:18:47,985
I hook up with one guy a season.
240
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:50,446
Usually takes me a couple weeks
to pick the guy.
241
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:52,865
It's kind of my own spring training.
242
00:18:52,949 --> 00:18:57,620
Well, you two are the most promising
prospects of the season so far.
243
00:18:58,788 --> 00:19:01,498
So, I just thought we should kind of
get to know each other.
244
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:05,127
Time-out. Why do you get to choose?
245
00:19:05,754 --> 00:19:07,963
- Why?
- Why do you get to choose?
246
00:19:08,048 --> 00:19:10,966
Why don't I get to choose?
Why doesn't he get to choose?
247
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:14,970
Actually, nobody on this planet
ever really chooses each other.
248
00:19:15,263 --> 00:19:19,224
It's all a question of quantum physics,
molecular attraction and timing.
249
00:19:19,309 --> 00:19:23,145
There are laws we don't understand
that bring us together and tear us apart.
250
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,731
It's like pheromones.
251
00:19:25,815 --> 00:19:28,609
You get three ants together,
they can't do dick.
252
00:19:28,693 --> 00:19:32,279
You get 300 million of them,
they can build a cathedral.
253
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,660
So is somebody gonna go to bed
with somebody or what?
254
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,120
Honey, you are a regular
nuclear meltdown.
255
00:19:40,163 --> 00:19:41,997
You better cool off.
256
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,460
Wait a minute. Where you going?
257
00:19:47,045 --> 00:19:50,130
After 12 years in the minor leagues,
I don't try out.
258
00:19:50,173 --> 00:19:51,924
Besides,
259
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:55,970
I don't believe in quantum physics
when it comes to matters of the heart.
260
00:19:56,346 --> 00:19:58,597
What do you believe in, then?
261
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:04,019
Well, I believe in the soul,
the cock, the pussy,
262
00:20:04,062 --> 00:20:06,146
the small of a woman's back,
263
00:20:06,189 --> 00:20:09,108
the hanging curveball,
high fiber, good Scotch,
264
00:20:09,192 --> 00:20:12,695
that the novels of Susan Sontag
are self-indulgent, overrated crap.
265
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,863
I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
266
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,199
I believe there ought to be
a constitutional amendment
267
00:20:17,242 --> 00:20:19,535
outlawing AstroTurf
and the designated hitter.
268
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,580
I believe in the sweet spot,
soft-core pornography,
269
00:20:22,664 --> 00:20:25,291
opening your presents Christmas morning
rather than Christmas Eve
270
00:20:25,375 --> 00:20:30,212
and I believe in long, slow, deep,
soft, wet kisses that last three days.
271
00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,966
Good night.
272
00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:35,342
Oh, my.
273
00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:37,595
Crash.
274
00:20:37,679 --> 00:20:40,264
Hey, Annie, what's all
this molecule stuff?
275
00:20:40,348 --> 00:20:41,599
Crash.
276
00:20:42,892 --> 00:20:45,644
Crash, wait! All's I want is a date.
277
00:20:45,729 --> 00:20:47,980
I'm not gonna fall in love
with you or nothing.
278
00:20:48,064 --> 00:20:51,609
I'm not interested in a woman
who's interested in that boy.
279
00:20:51,693 --> 00:20:52,860
Good night.
280
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,321
- I'm not interested yet.
- Who you calling a boy?
281
00:20:55,405 --> 00:20:57,031
See you at the yard, Meat.
282
00:20:57,073 --> 00:21:00,242
Damn, nobody's ever said no
to a date with me before.
283
00:21:00,702 --> 00:21:02,536
He's crazy.
284
00:21:02,579 --> 00:21:04,163
I want you bad.
285
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:15,049
Honey, hold on. Slow down.
286
00:21:15,383 --> 00:21:18,344
I wanna watch.
287
00:21:21,556 --> 00:21:23,599
Go ahead. Put it back on.
288
00:21:24,976 --> 00:21:27,478
Jesus, what kind of chick are you?
289
00:21:28,897 --> 00:21:32,274
When you know how to make love,
then you'll know how to pitch.
290
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,110
I know how to pitch.
291
00:21:35,987 --> 00:21:37,488
Good.
292
00:21:37,614 --> 00:21:40,324
Now take it off slowly.
293
00:21:53,797 --> 00:21:55,172
That's nice.
294
00:22:02,138 --> 00:22:05,140
Oh, my, what a nice back.
295
00:22:06,810 --> 00:22:10,646
Honey. Sweetheart.
296
00:22:10,772 --> 00:22:13,357
Try taking off your
shoes and socks first.
297
00:22:13,441 --> 00:22:15,985
My socks? It's cold in here.
298
00:22:17,612 --> 00:22:18,654
What?
299
00:22:18,697 --> 00:22:21,657
You think Dwight Gooden
leaves his socks on?
300
00:22:53,565 --> 00:22:54,982
Ebby, honey.
301
00:22:57,611 --> 00:23:00,029
Have you ever been tied up in bed?
302
00:23:30,685 --> 00:23:32,937
Bring it on, baby!
303
00:23:33,021 --> 00:23:34,897
I heard about shit like this.
304
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,899
You ever heard about Walt Whitman?
305
00:23:36,983 --> 00:23:38,609
Who does he play for?
306
00:23:38,693 --> 00:23:40,736
He sort of pitches for
the Cosmic All-Stars.
307
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:43,072
- Never heard of him.
- Oh, good.
308
00:23:43,114 --> 00:23:44,406
Listen to this.
309
00:23:47,744 --> 00:23:49,912
"I sing the body electric
310
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:53,874
"The armies of those I love engirth me
and I engirth them
311
00:23:54,417 --> 00:23:57,753
"They will not let me off
till I go with them, respond to them
312
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:01,340
"And discorrupt them and charge them
full with the charge of the soul.
313
00:24:04,636 --> 00:24:09,473
"But the expression of a well-made man
appears not only in his face
314
00:24:09,683 --> 00:24:12,351
"it is in his limbs and joints also."
315
00:24:12,435 --> 00:24:13,936
- Excuse me.
- "It is..."
316
00:24:15,438 --> 00:24:17,606
Are we gonna fuck or what?
317
00:24:19,943 --> 00:24:24,863
"It is curiously in the joints
of his hips and wrists
318
00:24:25,115 --> 00:24:28,367
"love-flesh swelling and
deliciously aching.
319
00:24:28,451 --> 00:24:33,455
"Limitless limpid jets of love,
hot and enormous."
320
00:24:40,964 --> 00:24:44,300
Listen up, guys.
Can I have your attention a minute?
321
00:24:44,342 --> 00:24:46,677
I'm gonna be leading a daily chapel
service here in the locker room
322
00:24:46,761 --> 00:24:49,054
- at 3:00 in the afternoon.
- Amen, brother!
323
00:24:49,139 --> 00:24:52,308
Y'all are invited to stop on by
and worship before batting practice.
324
00:24:52,350 --> 00:24:55,185
Jimmy, God damn it.
Loosen up and get laid.
325
00:24:57,147 --> 00:25:02,860
I know y'all think I'm pretty square,
but I believe what I believe.
326
00:25:06,156 --> 00:25:09,325
Jesus, Ebby, you look like
a truck ran over you.
327
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,537
Nuke. Call me Nuke.
328
00:25:14,331 --> 00:25:16,832
Annie says it's my new nickname.
329
00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,501
Okay, Nuke. Go get 'em.
330
00:25:19,628 --> 00:25:21,795
Annie nailed you? Annie did?
331
00:25:21,838 --> 00:25:24,214
That's great. That means
you're gonna have a great year.
332
00:25:24,299 --> 00:25:28,677
Is she as good as they say?
333
00:25:30,388 --> 00:25:32,473
No, man, we didn't fuck.
334
00:25:33,850 --> 00:25:36,685
No, she read poetry to me all night.
335
00:25:36,895 --> 00:25:39,188
It's more tiring than fucking.
336
00:25:44,444 --> 00:25:46,612
"Limpid jets of love."
337
00:25:48,531 --> 00:25:52,576
Hey, Crash.
Does that mean what I think it means?
338
00:25:52,661 --> 00:25:54,203
"Limpid jets of love."
339
00:25:54,246 --> 00:25:56,872
Your shower shoes have fungus on them.
340
00:25:56,915 --> 00:26:01,168
You'll never make it to the bigs
with fungus on your shower shoes.
341
00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:03,837
Think classy, you'll be classy.
342
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,589
If you win 20 in the Show
343
00:26:05,674 --> 00:26:08,217
you can let the fungus
grow back on your shower shoes
344
00:26:08,260 --> 00:26:10,511
and the press will
think you're colorful.
345
00:26:10,553 --> 00:26:15,516
Until you win 20 in the Show,
however, it means you're a slob.
346
00:26:20,397 --> 00:26:21,730
Y'all don't forget
347
00:26:21,815 --> 00:26:24,942
Saturday is Bull Day
down at the Northgate Mall.
348
00:26:26,611 --> 00:26:27,695
Strike!
349
00:26:27,737 --> 00:26:30,781
Whoa, too bad, Butch. Too bad.
350
00:26:32,158 --> 00:26:33,242
Charge!
351
00:26:35,370 --> 00:26:38,038
Not getting that cheese by me, Meat.
352
00:26:38,290 --> 00:26:42,501
And now batting for the Bulls,
number eight, Crash Davis.
353
00:26:52,596 --> 00:26:53,929
Foul ball!
354
00:26:54,431 --> 00:26:56,599
God, stupid fuck, Crash.
355
00:26:56,683 --> 00:26:58,601
What'd you swing at a breaking ball for?
356
00:26:58,685 --> 00:26:59,977
Fuck me.
357
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:07,067
You usually start me off with a hammer.
358
00:27:07,277 --> 00:27:11,238
You're thinking too much, Crash.
Get out of your fucking head.
359
00:27:11,281 --> 00:27:13,073
Don't let him in your kitchen.
360
00:27:13,116 --> 00:27:16,827
Come on, Crash. Just relax.
You got it, honey.
361
00:27:16,912 --> 00:27:19,538
All right, here we go. Stay back. Relax.
362
00:27:19,623 --> 00:27:21,457
Quick bat. Quick bat.
363
00:27:22,459 --> 00:27:23,667
Foul ball!
364
00:27:28,173 --> 00:27:31,967
Throw that shit again, Meat.
Throw that weak-ass shit again.
365
00:27:32,719 --> 00:27:34,803
Okay, he's got vision there.
Get close, baby, you got it.
366
00:27:34,888 --> 00:27:36,722
One more, baby, one more.
You got him.
367
00:27:37,349 --> 00:27:40,142
All right, he's gonna
throw the deuce now.
368
00:27:40,185 --> 00:27:41,852
He's gotta waste one.
369
00:27:41,937 --> 00:27:45,522
Stay back and wipe
that silly grin off his face.
370
00:27:45,607 --> 00:27:48,234
Come on. Bring it. Bring it.
371
00:27:48,944 --> 00:27:50,069
Jesus Christ!
372
00:27:50,153 --> 00:27:52,154
What was that? What the hell was that?
373
00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:53,948
What goes around, comes around.
374
00:27:53,990 --> 00:27:55,866
Son of a bitch throws hard.
375
00:27:57,994 --> 00:28:00,829
It's okay, Crash.
You take it easy, honey.
376
00:28:01,581 --> 00:28:02,957
Go, Crash!
377
00:28:03,208 --> 00:28:07,127
All right, one and two.
You can hit this shit. Relax.
378
00:28:07,170 --> 00:28:09,171
Annie. Annie.
379
00:28:09,756 --> 00:28:11,674
Annie. Who's this Annie?
380
00:28:11,883 --> 00:28:14,677
Jesus, get out of the box, you idiot.
Where's your head?
381
00:28:14,761 --> 00:28:16,512
Get the broad out of your head!
382
00:28:16,554 --> 00:28:18,180
- Time out!
- Time out!
383
00:28:21,184 --> 00:28:22,685
Give me a rag.
384
00:28:25,438 --> 00:28:27,231
Get a hit, Crash.
385
00:28:27,983 --> 00:28:29,149
Shut up.
386
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,785
All right, you've seen all his pitches.
387
00:28:39,995 --> 00:28:41,704
You've seen them all.
388
00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:46,125
Shorten up, Crash.
Bring me the gas, kid.
389
00:28:46,209 --> 00:28:49,128
Bring me the gas.
390
00:28:51,006 --> 00:28:53,048
Quick bat. Quick bat. Quick bat.
391
00:28:53,466 --> 00:28:54,717
Strike!
392
00:29:00,056 --> 00:29:02,933
Scotty, baby, take this to Crash.
393
00:29:03,977 --> 00:29:07,313
Folks,
we have a little lost girl up here.
394
00:29:07,397 --> 00:29:10,733
Says her name is Lana Ann Baker.
395
00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:13,402
- She'll be waiting...
- It's for Crash.
396
00:29:13,445 --> 00:29:15,279
...at the ticket box
for her daddy, Cedar Baker.
397
00:29:15,363 --> 00:29:17,573
- Cedar, come on and get your little girl.
- Crash.
398
00:29:17,616 --> 00:29:20,117
- What?
- From Annie.
399
00:29:20,201 --> 00:29:21,535
Read it.
400
00:29:25,248 --> 00:29:30,544
"Dear Crash, you have a lovely swing
but you're pulling your hips out too early.
401
00:29:30,587 --> 00:29:34,506
"I'd be happy to meet with you tomorrow
at the batting cage to discuss it."
402
00:29:34,591 --> 00:29:36,175
Signed, "Annie."
403
00:29:37,093 --> 00:29:39,762
If there's one chick who'd know
you were pulling your hips out early
404
00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:41,388
it'd be Annie.
405
00:29:49,898 --> 00:29:52,566
It's kind of a personal note, kid,
so don't read it.
406
00:29:52,609 --> 00:29:54,151
There you go.
407
00:30:02,702 --> 00:30:04,495
Here, Millie.
408
00:30:04,579 --> 00:30:06,080
What's it say?
409
00:30:07,290 --> 00:30:11,543
It says,
"I wanna make love to you. Crash."
410
00:30:12,045 --> 00:30:13,337
Oh, my.
411
00:30:22,264 --> 00:30:24,723
- See my hips?
- Yep.
412
00:30:26,142 --> 00:30:29,687
And I think Susan Sontag is brilliant.
413
00:30:31,147 --> 00:30:33,691
Is this gonna happen? Us?
414
00:30:35,986 --> 00:30:38,612
I'm committed to Nuke for the season.
415
00:30:41,116 --> 00:30:43,701
You had your chance the other day.
416
00:30:44,035 --> 00:30:45,578
What is it you see in this guy?
417
00:30:45,704 --> 00:30:49,290
He's a young, wild,
418
00:30:49,833 --> 00:30:51,625
dim pretty boy.
419
00:30:51,668 --> 00:30:54,795
Young men are uncomplicated.
420
00:30:54,838 --> 00:30:58,841
And he's not dim.
He's just inexperienced.
421
00:30:59,676 --> 00:31:04,805
It's my job to give him life wisdom and
help him get on to the major leagues.
422
00:31:04,848 --> 00:31:07,391
That's funny, that's my job, too.
423
00:31:08,184 --> 00:31:09,685
Damn!
424
00:31:11,563 --> 00:31:12,730
You're pulling your hips.
425
00:31:12,814 --> 00:31:16,734
I know.
I know, I know, but they're nice hips.
426
00:31:17,068 --> 00:31:19,403
- I looked up your records.
- You what?
427
00:31:19,487 --> 00:31:22,364
You hit 227 home runs in the minors.
428
00:31:22,699 --> 00:31:25,868
- That's not bad.
- Don't tell anybody.
429
00:31:25,952 --> 00:31:27,786
Why not? You hit 20 more this year
430
00:31:27,871 --> 00:31:29,830
you're gonna be the all-time
minor-league champ.
431
00:31:29,873 --> 00:31:31,457
The record's 246.
432
00:31:31,541 --> 00:31:37,671
Well, 247 home runs in the minor-leagues
would be a kind of dubious honor.
433
00:31:37,714 --> 00:31:40,382
I think it would be great.
The Sporting News should know about it.
434
00:31:40,467 --> 00:31:43,886
No. Just no. Please.
435
00:31:45,055 --> 00:31:46,388
Okay.
436
00:31:47,933 --> 00:31:51,852
Last chance, your place or mine?
437
00:31:52,145 --> 00:31:55,064
Despite my rejection
of most Judeo-Christian ethics
438
00:31:55,106 --> 00:31:58,943
I am, within the framework
of the baseball season, monogamous.
439
00:32:01,071 --> 00:32:02,738
- Give me a break.
- It's true.
440
00:32:02,781 --> 00:32:03,989
Stop it.
441
00:32:06,826 --> 00:32:09,245
Jeez, the fact is
442
00:32:09,287 --> 00:32:11,789
you're afraid of meeting a guy like me,
'cause it might be real
443
00:32:11,873 --> 00:32:15,793
so you sabotage it with some,
what is it, bullshit
444
00:32:15,877 --> 00:32:18,796
about commitment to a young boy
you can boss around.
445
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,590
- That's a great deal.
- Nice.
446
00:32:21,675 --> 00:32:26,053
I know women like you.
447
00:32:26,513 --> 00:32:28,681
You're a regular patron saint, you know.
448
00:32:28,765 --> 00:32:31,934
Stray cats, lost causes
449
00:32:32,018 --> 00:32:35,479
or 6'3" homeless studs.
450
00:32:36,273 --> 00:32:38,774
Oh, Crash, you do make speeches.
451
00:32:50,328 --> 00:32:51,328
My!
452
00:32:54,416 --> 00:32:56,584
Crash, that was fabulous.
453
00:32:58,587 --> 00:32:59,795
Crash?
454
00:33:00,964 --> 00:33:03,799
You mean Nuke. You said, "Crash."
455
00:33:05,510 --> 00:33:10,097
No, honey, I said, "Nuke."
456
00:33:10,140 --> 00:33:12,683
- You said, "Crash."
- Oh, no.
457
00:33:13,184 --> 00:33:15,311
Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't
listen to what a woman says
458
00:33:15,395 --> 00:33:18,522
when she's in the throes of passion.
459
00:33:18,607 --> 00:33:20,816
They say the dandiest things.
460
00:33:20,859 --> 00:33:22,651
Yeah, you said, "Crash."
461
00:33:24,279 --> 00:33:25,654
Honey,
462
00:33:26,197 --> 00:33:28,657
would you rather I�d be making love
to him using your name
463
00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:32,328
or making love to you using his name?
464
00:33:37,709 --> 00:33:39,835
Yeah, maybe you're right.
465
00:33:42,923 --> 00:33:46,508
Welcome to the Eastern Seaboard
Tobacco Growers
466
00:33:46,593 --> 00:33:49,595
City Council Little
League Cash Drop Day.
467
00:33:49,679 --> 00:33:53,974
These young fellas, young men,
I should say, over here to my left...
468
00:33:54,017 --> 00:33:57,019
Hi, 1 8. Hi, 12.
469
00:33:57,103 --> 00:33:58,562
Hey, Dino.
470
00:34:03,276 --> 00:34:04,860
Hey, Millie.
471
00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:11,033
Hey. I'm Millie.
472
00:34:11,743 --> 00:34:13,202
I'm married.
473
00:34:20,627 --> 00:34:23,545
- What is that?
- Chicken bone cross.
474
00:34:24,464 --> 00:34:27,216
Takes the curse off the bat
that brings me hits.
475
00:34:27,550 --> 00:34:30,094
What are you, a goddamn witch?
476
00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:33,222
Yes, a switch-hitting witch.
477
00:34:34,808 --> 00:34:36,600
Will that work for me?
478
00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:38,686
If you believe in voodoo.
479
00:34:38,728 --> 00:34:41,522
Jose, I am zero for 16.
480
00:34:41,564 --> 00:34:43,774
A big fucking donut hole for 16.
481
00:34:43,858 --> 00:34:46,402
I can't remember the last time
I had a base hit.
482
00:34:46,444 --> 00:34:48,279
Come on, man.
Let me have some of that stuff.
483
00:34:48,363 --> 00:34:50,906
Man, that is not belief.
That's desperation.
484
00:34:50,991 --> 00:34:54,243
Jose, come on. Just touch my bat once.
485
00:34:55,745 --> 00:34:58,080
Come on, just once.
I won't bother you the rest of the day.
486
00:34:58,123 --> 00:35:00,082
I swear to God. Just touch the bat once.
487
00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:04,336
Ladies and gentlemen,
five, four
488
00:35:04,421 --> 00:35:07,923
three, two, one.
489
00:35:07,966 --> 00:35:10,593
Let her go!
490
00:35:10,635 --> 00:35:13,721
One thousand big ones!
491
00:35:27,235 --> 00:35:29,695
That batter ain't nothing.
Come on, Nuke.
492
00:35:40,290 --> 00:35:41,457
Cut it!
493
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,169
Time-out.
494
00:35:45,253 --> 00:35:47,421
Let's play ball! Let's go!
495
00:35:47,964 --> 00:35:50,299
Stay there. Give me the ball.
496
00:35:51,301 --> 00:35:52,426
Hey.
497
00:35:53,803 --> 00:35:55,721
Relax, all right?
498
00:35:55,805 --> 00:35:58,307
Don't try to strike everybody out.
499
00:35:58,350 --> 00:36:01,644
Strike-outs are boring.
Besides that, they're fascist.
500
00:36:01,728 --> 00:36:03,812
Throw some ground balls.
501
00:36:03,855 --> 00:36:05,773
It's more democratic.
502
00:36:06,566 --> 00:36:08,609
What's this guy know, anyway?
503
00:36:08,652 --> 00:36:11,695
If he's so great, how come he's
been in the minors for 1 0 years?
504
00:36:11,780 --> 00:36:13,989
If he's so hot, how come
Annie wants me instead of him?
505
00:36:14,074 --> 00:36:15,115
Oh, hey.
506
00:36:15,158 --> 00:36:18,452
And another thing, Meat,
you don't know shit. All right?
507
00:36:18,495 --> 00:36:20,663
You wanna make it to the Show,
you'll listen to me.
508
00:36:20,747 --> 00:36:24,041
Annie only wants you
'cause she can boss you around. Got it?
509
00:36:25,168 --> 00:36:26,919
Relax. Let's have some fun out here.
510
00:36:27,003 --> 00:36:29,129
This game's fun, okay?
511
00:36:29,172 --> 00:36:31,257
Fun, God damn it.
512
00:36:31,341 --> 00:36:34,009
And don't hold the ball so hard, okay?
513
00:36:34,052 --> 00:36:37,012
It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
514
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:44,687
What's he know about fun?
I'm young. I know about fun.
515
00:36:44,729 --> 00:36:47,523
Old man, he don't know
nothing about fun.
516
00:36:47,607 --> 00:36:49,858
All right. Nobody's gone out there.
517
00:36:52,571 --> 00:36:54,780
Why's he calling for a curveball?
518
00:36:55,699 --> 00:36:57,283
I wanna bring heat.
519
00:36:58,660 --> 00:37:01,704
Shake him off. Throw what you want.
520
00:37:06,334 --> 00:37:08,043
God damn it. Time-out.
521
00:37:08,128 --> 00:37:11,839
Hey, why you shaking me off?
522
00:37:12,841 --> 00:37:15,551
I wanna bring the heater.
Announce my presence with authority.
523
00:37:15,635 --> 00:37:18,053
- To announce your what?
- Announce my presence with authority.
524
00:37:18,096 --> 00:37:20,014
"To announce your fucking presence
with authority?"
525
00:37:20,056 --> 00:37:22,433
This guy's a first-ball fastball hitter,
he's looking for heat.
526
00:37:22,517 --> 00:37:24,977
Oh, yeah? So what. He ain't seen my heat.
527
00:37:27,814 --> 00:37:30,399
All right, Meat. Give him your heat.
528
00:37:32,777 --> 00:37:35,321
Why is he always calling me Meat?
529
00:37:35,405 --> 00:37:37,323
I'm the guy driving a Porsche.
530
00:37:38,742 --> 00:37:40,451
Fastball.
531
00:37:43,830 --> 00:37:47,207
Come on, Nuke. Settle down.
Settle down, boy. Take your time.
532
00:37:57,928 --> 00:38:01,680
Home run for Burt Crook
of the Fayetteville Generals.
533
00:38:01,765 --> 00:38:04,683
What are you doing? What are you doing
standing here? I gave you a gift.
534
00:38:04,768 --> 00:38:07,770
You stand here showing up my pitcher?
Run, dummy!
535
00:38:10,690 --> 00:38:12,358
Give me the ball.
536
00:38:14,152 --> 00:38:17,696
Well, he really hit the shit
out of that one, didn't he?
537
00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:20,783
- I held it like an egg.
- And he scrambled the son of a bitch.
538
00:38:20,825 --> 00:38:22,534
Look at that. He hit the fucking bull.
539
00:38:22,619 --> 00:38:24,536
Guy gets a free steak.
540
00:38:26,456 --> 00:38:29,416
- You having fun yet?
- Oh, yeah, I'm having a blast, thanks.
541
00:38:29,459 --> 00:38:30,626
Good.
542
00:38:31,795 --> 00:38:34,630
Sucker teed off on that like he knew
I was gonna throw a fastball.
543
00:38:34,714 --> 00:38:37,299
- He did know.
- How?
544
00:38:37,884 --> 00:38:39,134
I told him.
545
00:38:40,553 --> 00:38:42,554
One down now!
546
00:38:42,806 --> 00:38:46,225
Come on, Nuke. You're the man.
No batter. Chuck hard, baby.
547
00:38:46,309 --> 00:38:50,938
Don't think, just throw.
548
00:39:00,407 --> 00:39:01,824
Strike!
549
00:39:03,243 --> 00:39:05,995
God, that was beautiful. What did I do?
550
00:39:13,420 --> 00:39:15,754
Hang on, Millie. Here we go again.
551
00:39:38,987 --> 00:39:42,406
That's the first home run
of the year for Crash Davis.
552
00:39:42,490 --> 00:39:47,119
That brings the score up to
Fayetteville 14, Durham 2.
553
00:39:49,039 --> 00:39:50,873
Hell of a shot.
554
00:39:51,791 --> 00:39:53,709
Sorry it got wasted.
555
00:39:55,378 --> 00:39:57,838
I don't know what to do with these guys.
556
00:39:57,881 --> 00:40:01,634
I beg. I plead. I try to be a nice guy.
557
00:40:01,718 --> 00:40:03,761
- I'm a nice guy. But I don't...
- Scare 'em.
558
00:40:04,888 --> 00:40:06,889
They're kids. Scare 'em.
559
00:40:09,017 --> 00:40:10,643
That's what I�d do.
560
00:40:12,437 --> 00:40:13,646
Yeah.
561
00:40:20,904 --> 00:40:22,571
Everybody into the shower!
562
00:40:22,656 --> 00:40:26,283
Anybody ain't in this shower
in ten seconds gonna get fined $1 00.
563
00:40:26,368 --> 00:40:28,369
- Larry.
- One Mississippi,
564
00:40:28,411 --> 00:40:30,287
two Mississippi, three Mississippi,
565
00:40:30,372 --> 00:40:33,082
- four Mississippi...
- Get in there! Hurry it up!
566
00:40:33,166 --> 00:40:37,753
...seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi,
nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi.
567
00:40:38,004 --> 00:40:43,175
You guys, you lollygag the ball
around the infield.
568
00:40:43,260 --> 00:40:45,803
You lollygag your way down to first.
569
00:40:46,096 --> 00:40:49,682
You lollygag in and out of the dugout.
570
00:40:49,766 --> 00:40:52,351
You know what that makes you? Larry.
571
00:40:52,435 --> 00:40:54,311
- Lollygaggers.
- Lollygaggers.
572
00:40:55,397 --> 00:40:58,023
- What's our record, Larry?
- Eight and 16.
573
00:40:58,108 --> 00:41:00,776
Eight and 16.
574
00:41:01,778 --> 00:41:04,113
- How'd we ever win eight?
- It's a miracle.
575
00:41:04,197 --> 00:41:05,656
It's a miracle.
576
00:41:06,950 --> 00:41:10,244
This is a simple game.
577
00:41:11,121 --> 00:41:13,581
You throw the ball.
578
00:41:13,957 --> 00:41:15,749
You hit the ball.
579
00:41:16,835 --> 00:41:18,794
You catch the ball.
580
00:41:19,462 --> 00:41:21,255
You got it?
581
00:41:22,340 --> 00:41:26,969
Now we have got a 12-day road trip
starting tomorrow.
582
00:41:29,431 --> 00:41:31,432
Bus leaves 6:00 in the morning.
583
00:41:32,809 --> 00:41:36,353
Goddamn, son of a bitching,
motherfucking shithead. God damn it!
584
00:41:40,317 --> 00:41:42,276
Yeah, Skipper, you wanted to see me?
585
00:41:42,319 --> 00:41:45,821
Yeah, Bobby. Shut the door.
586
00:41:55,624 --> 00:41:59,335
This is the toughest job a manager has.
587
00:42:00,170 --> 00:42:04,298
But the organization
has decided to make a change.
588
00:42:04,341 --> 00:42:06,383
They're releasing you
from your contract.
589
00:42:06,468 --> 00:42:10,304
Skip, I know I'm in a goddamn slump,
but I hit the ball hard today.
590
00:42:10,555 --> 00:42:13,849
Couple flares drop in for me,
I'm right back in the groove.
591
00:42:15,226 --> 00:42:16,894
Sorry.
592
00:42:26,988 --> 00:42:28,113
Let's go. Come on.
593
00:42:28,198 --> 00:42:30,366
Nuke, honey.
594
00:42:31,117 --> 00:42:35,120
Let's go. Come on. We got five hours.
Hurry up. Five hour drive coming up.
595
00:42:38,208 --> 00:42:41,210
Honey, I want you to wear these
when you're pitching on the road.
596
00:42:41,294 --> 00:42:43,170
- What are they?
- They're garters.
597
00:42:43,213 --> 00:42:44,713
They're gonna hug your waist and snuggle
598
00:42:44,756 --> 00:42:47,466
and kind of dangle off your thighs
and buns in such a wonderful way.
599
00:42:47,550 --> 00:42:49,218
It'll help you see things differently.
600
00:42:49,302 --> 00:42:51,553
Plus, it'll remind you of me,
which is a lot nicer
601
00:42:51,596 --> 00:42:54,265
than thinking about all
those nasty hitters.
602
00:42:54,349 --> 00:42:56,809
Jesus, Annie, I don't know.
603
00:42:56,893 --> 00:42:58,894
You've been pitching
out of the wrong side of your brain.
604
00:42:58,937 --> 00:43:01,438
This will help put things
on the right side.
605
00:43:01,523 --> 00:43:03,899
Big-league pitchers don't use these.
606
00:43:03,942 --> 00:43:06,277
They did when they were
in the Carolina League.
607
00:43:06,361 --> 00:43:09,697
Nuke. Nuke, excuse me.
Time to go to work.
608
00:43:09,739 --> 00:43:10,906
All right.
609
00:43:18,582 --> 00:43:20,708
Bye, y'all. Bye.
610
00:43:20,750 --> 00:43:22,126
Give me a break.
611
00:43:22,836 --> 00:43:25,462
Go get 'em, boys!
Hit them where they ain't.
612
00:44:07,797 --> 00:44:09,465
Stop it.
613
00:44:10,133 --> 00:44:11,634
Thank you.
614
00:44:11,718 --> 00:44:14,637
- What?
- It's not "woolly."
615
00:44:14,971 --> 00:44:17,181
Nobody gets "woolly."
Women get "weary."
616
00:44:17,265 --> 00:44:18,974
They don't get "woolly."
617
00:44:19,392 --> 00:44:21,727
Nobody's got "stress,"
they're wearing a "dress."
618
00:44:21,811 --> 00:44:24,772
God damn, I hate people
that get the words wrong.
619
00:44:26,816 --> 00:44:28,817
How come you don't like me?
620
00:44:28,944 --> 00:44:31,987
You don't respect yourself,
which is your problem.
621
00:44:33,740 --> 00:44:36,784
But you don't respect the game,
and that's my problem.
622
00:44:37,035 --> 00:44:39,662
- You got a gift.
- What do I got?
623
00:44:39,704 --> 00:44:42,164
You got a gift. When you were a baby,
the gods reached down
624
00:44:42,207 --> 00:44:44,416
and turned your right arm
into a thunderbolt.
625
00:44:44,501 --> 00:44:47,086
You got a Hall of Fame arm,
but you're pissing it away.
626
00:44:47,170 --> 00:44:49,797
I ain't pissing nothing away.
I got a Porsche already.
627
00:44:49,839 --> 00:44:52,299
I got a 911 with a
quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
628
00:44:52,342 --> 00:44:54,885
You don't need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
629
00:44:54,970 --> 00:44:56,887
What you need is a curveball.
630
00:44:57,013 --> 00:44:58,973
In the Show, everybody
can hit a fastball.
631
00:44:59,015 --> 00:45:01,016
How would you know?
632
00:45:01,434 --> 00:45:03,519
You've been in the majors?
633
00:45:07,023 --> 00:45:08,857
Yeah, I've been in the majors.
634
00:45:08,900 --> 00:45:10,818
You were? Yeah?
635
00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:12,903
You've been in the Show, man?
636
00:45:13,697 --> 00:45:15,656
Yeah, I was in the Show.
637
00:45:16,741 --> 00:45:19,451
I was in the Show for 21 days once.
638
00:45:21,746 --> 00:45:24,331
Twenty-one greatest days of my life.
639
00:45:25,125 --> 00:45:27,293
You know, you never handle your luggage
in the Show.
640
00:45:27,377 --> 00:45:29,295
Somebody else carries your bags.
641
00:45:29,379 --> 00:45:31,088
It's great.
642
00:45:31,172 --> 00:45:33,716
You hit white balls
for batting practice.
643
00:45:35,093 --> 00:45:36,885
Ballparks are like cathedrals.
644
00:45:39,556 --> 00:45:42,057
The hotels all have room service.
645
00:45:43,268 --> 00:45:46,478
The women all have long legs and brains.
646
00:45:49,482 --> 00:45:52,401
- They're really hot?
- Yeah, and so are the pitchers.
647
00:45:52,444 --> 00:45:54,987
They throw ungodly breaking stuff
in the Show.
648
00:45:55,071 --> 00:45:56,739
Exploding sliders.
649
00:45:59,492 --> 00:46:01,493
You could be one of those guys.
650
00:46:02,454 --> 00:46:05,623
Nuke could be one of those guys,
but you don't give a fuck, Meat.
651
00:46:05,707 --> 00:46:09,543
Listen, I am sick and fucking
tired of you calling me Meat.
652
00:46:10,921 --> 00:46:12,755
You wanna step outside?
653
00:46:12,797 --> 00:46:14,506
Yeah, I'll step outside.
654
00:46:14,591 --> 00:46:17,051
Hey, hey, hey! Come on, Crash!
655
00:46:17,093 --> 00:46:19,470
He was kidding. He was kidding.
656
00:46:21,765 --> 00:46:23,098
What's the problem?
657
00:46:23,141 --> 00:46:25,059
Crash, Crash. Nuke, what's happening?
658
00:46:25,101 --> 00:46:29,146
I was just gonna ask Crash to show me
how to throw a breaking ball.
659
00:46:29,230 --> 00:46:32,816
Good idea. Did anybody bring a ball?
660
00:47:10,146 --> 00:47:11,689
Double off the wall by Higgins.
661
00:47:11,773 --> 00:47:13,357
Once again,
the Durham pitchers are unable
662
00:47:13,441 --> 00:47:14,733
to get the first out of the inning.
663
00:47:36,548 --> 00:47:39,174
The Bulls will attempt to
end a six-game losing streak
664
00:47:39,259 --> 00:47:42,636
against the Greensboro Hornets
with Nuke LaLoosh on the hill.
665
00:47:52,772 --> 00:47:55,024
Base hit to center field off LaLoosh.
666
00:48:01,656 --> 00:48:03,741
That closes the book on LaLoosh today.
667
00:48:03,825 --> 00:48:08,370
Five earned runs, five hits, five strikeouts,
five walks and five wild pitches.
668
00:48:09,247 --> 00:48:10,998
It's time to tell it
like it is, sports fans.
669
00:48:11,041 --> 00:48:14,543
And this is the most wretched
road trip I've seen in 20 years.
670
00:48:14,586 --> 00:48:17,379
And possibly the worst Durham team
in half a century.
671
00:48:17,672 --> 00:48:20,799
Is the modern-day athlete a pale
imitation of the great old warriors?
672
00:48:20,884 --> 00:48:23,052
Only Crash Davis stands out this year.
673
00:48:23,094 --> 00:48:25,262
Begging the question,
what are these boys thinking about?
674
00:48:25,347 --> 00:48:27,389
'Cause it sure ain't baseball.
675
00:48:45,575 --> 00:48:48,577
Hey, Mr. Hormone, check out this.
676
00:48:48,662 --> 00:48:51,914
Ice-skaters. God, look at them.
677
00:48:52,123 --> 00:48:54,083
Hey, fellas, that's what we need, man.
678
00:48:54,167 --> 00:48:56,919
One night with some of these skaters,
we can get right back on track.
679
00:48:57,003 --> 00:48:58,087
Yeah, right.
680
00:48:58,171 --> 00:49:00,589
Just need a night off
to end our losing streak.
681
00:49:00,632 --> 00:49:02,758
What we need is a rainout.
682
00:49:02,842 --> 00:49:04,426
I can get us a rainout.
683
00:49:04,469 --> 00:49:07,054
Man, there ain't been a cloud
in the sky in weeks.
684
00:49:08,848 --> 00:49:12,017
Hundred bucks says I can get us
a rainout for tomorrow.
685
00:49:17,857 --> 00:49:19,692
You're on.
686
00:49:26,950 --> 00:49:29,660
I ain't paying for this.
Crash, pay for this.
687
00:49:29,744 --> 00:49:32,037
Shut up. You're gonna wake everybody up.
688
00:49:32,122 --> 00:49:34,164
Let the bonus baby pay for it.
689
00:49:34,624 --> 00:49:36,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
690
00:49:36,668 --> 00:49:38,210
Jesus, man.
691
00:49:56,313 --> 00:49:59,064
Crash, what are you doing?
692
00:50:08,325 --> 00:50:10,034
Oh, my goodness!
693
00:50:12,329 --> 00:50:15,039
We got ourselves a natural disaster.
694
00:51:57,892 --> 00:52:00,185
Hey, hey.
695
00:52:00,937 --> 00:52:02,563
- Wake up.
- Huh?
696
00:52:02,606 --> 00:52:04,607
You're awake.
697
00:52:04,649 --> 00:52:06,025
You're okay.
698
00:52:07,444 --> 00:52:09,111
You were dreaming.
699
00:52:11,406 --> 00:52:12,823
You're okay.
700
00:52:13,575 --> 00:52:15,951
I was playing damn near naked.
701
00:52:16,077 --> 00:52:18,913
- What?
- I was naked.
702
00:52:18,955 --> 00:52:20,581
Playing naked.
703
00:52:22,125 --> 00:52:23,417
I know.
704
00:52:24,294 --> 00:52:27,129
I know. I have that dream
all the time, too.
705
00:52:28,632 --> 00:52:30,341
We're almost home.
706
00:52:37,432 --> 00:52:39,516
Watch your head.
707
00:52:39,601 --> 00:52:42,102
Here you go. Let me get that black bag.
708
00:52:42,145 --> 00:52:45,314
- I'm not your slave.
- No, that one over there.
709
00:52:54,282 --> 00:52:55,366
Hi.
710
00:53:02,874 --> 00:53:03,874
Whoa!
711
00:53:17,597 --> 00:53:19,181
God, I'm tired.
712
00:53:20,475 --> 00:53:22,017
What a trip.
713
00:53:22,936 --> 00:53:26,272
I was lousy. I was worse than lousy.
714
00:53:26,356 --> 00:53:30,901
I mean, every time I pitched,
it was like throwing gasoline on a fire.
715
00:53:35,657 --> 00:53:36,699
I mean, I...
716
00:53:36,783 --> 00:53:39,910
What is all this "I, I, I" stuff?
What about me?
717
00:53:39,995 --> 00:53:41,954
Aren't you glad to see me?
718
00:53:42,038 --> 00:53:44,081
Don't I look nice?
719
00:53:45,250 --> 00:53:47,585
You look great. I'm sorry.
720
00:53:47,669 --> 00:53:49,712
I'm just totally exhausted.
721
00:53:49,796 --> 00:53:53,048
Good. Physical exhaustion
can be spiritually fabulous.
722
00:53:53,925 --> 00:53:56,760
What you need is a good game of catch.
723
00:53:56,845 --> 00:53:58,220
- Catch?
- Mmm-hmm.
724
00:53:59,347 --> 00:54:02,057
Baby, come on. Fire one in here.
725
00:54:02,100 --> 00:54:04,560
This is ridiculous. I'm a professional.
726
00:54:04,644 --> 00:54:07,271
Will you just give it a try and lean in?
727
00:54:09,733 --> 00:54:10,900
Thank you.
728
00:54:12,068 --> 00:54:15,404
Now, I want you to breathe
through your eyelids.
729
00:54:15,447 --> 00:54:16,572
- My eyelids?
- Yeah.
730
00:54:16,615 --> 00:54:18,741
Like the lava lizards
of the Gal�pagos Islands.
731
00:54:18,783 --> 00:54:22,369
Some lizards have a parietal eye behind
their heads so they can see backwards.
732
00:54:22,412 --> 00:54:24,496
Haven't you ever noticed
how Fernando Valenzuela,
733
00:54:24,581 --> 00:54:27,458
he just doesn't even
look when he pitches?
734
00:54:27,542 --> 00:54:29,585
He's a Mayan Indian.
735
00:54:29,669 --> 00:54:31,879
Or an Aztec. I forget which one.
I get them confused.
736
00:54:31,922 --> 00:54:33,964
- So do I.
- Stand up for a second.
737
00:54:34,049 --> 00:54:35,966
I want you to be aware
of the chakra connection
738
00:54:36,051 --> 00:54:37,885
between your feet and your testicles.
739
00:54:37,928 --> 00:54:41,055
- Chakra.
- Your right leg and left testicle
740
00:54:41,097 --> 00:54:42,932
and your left leg and
your right testicle.
741
00:54:42,974 --> 00:54:45,601
- I like that.
- I bet you do.
742
00:54:45,644 --> 00:54:47,770
Give me the ball. Come on.
I'm tired of hearing this.
743
00:54:47,854 --> 00:54:49,772
Fire one in there. Come on.
744
00:54:50,607 --> 00:54:51,899
Okay.
745
00:54:54,611 --> 00:54:57,488
You're patronizing me,
and I will not be patronized.
746
00:54:57,572 --> 00:55:00,616
If I throw too hard,
I'm gonna hurt the girl.
747
00:55:00,700 --> 00:55:02,785
This girl has handled a lot of pitchers
748
00:55:02,869 --> 00:55:05,788
whose records are a lot better
than one and seven.
749
00:55:05,872 --> 00:55:09,291
- One and six. Give me the goddamn ball.
- Oh, sorry.
750
00:55:17,175 --> 00:55:19,134
- How do you like that?
- That was much better.
751
00:55:19,469 --> 00:55:21,470
Did you see that?
Because your delivery was fully integrated
752
00:55:21,554 --> 00:55:24,348
because you weren't thinking about it,
'cause you were pissed off at me.
753
00:55:24,432 --> 00:55:27,059
Now, that's progress. Come on up here.
Get your butt up here.
754
00:55:27,143 --> 00:55:28,936
Let's bend over, and
I'm gonna show you...
755
00:55:28,979 --> 00:55:33,357
I give up. I give up. Let's go inside
and make love and fall asleep
756
00:55:33,441 --> 00:55:35,734
until it's time to go to the ballpark.
757
00:55:37,404 --> 00:55:41,490
Or we could just take
all that sexual energy
758
00:55:41,533 --> 00:55:44,660
and kind of hold onto it for a few hours
759
00:55:44,744 --> 00:55:48,163
and then rechannel it
into your pitching tonight.
760
00:55:50,667 --> 00:55:53,544
You're a powerful young thing,
Ebby Calvin.
761
00:55:56,548 --> 00:55:58,173
You want something
for that sore shoulder?
762
00:55:58,258 --> 00:56:00,843
Yeah, I want that shit
that don't smell bad.
763
00:56:00,885 --> 00:56:03,846
- It's on back order.
- Give him some of that shit.
764
00:56:17,027 --> 00:56:18,402
That's hot.
765
00:56:19,362 --> 00:56:21,655
No, I mean it, that's very hot.
766
00:56:23,408 --> 00:56:25,701
Annie says it'll keep
one side of my brain
767
00:56:25,744 --> 00:56:28,996
occupied while I'm on the mound,
thus keeping my brain slightly off-center
768
00:56:29,039 --> 00:56:32,041
which is where it should be
for artists and pitchers.
769
00:56:33,251 --> 00:56:34,376
Okay.
770
00:56:36,504 --> 00:56:40,716
She also said I should throw
whatever pitches you call for.
771
00:56:42,135 --> 00:56:44,178
Annie's a very smart lady.
772
00:56:47,557 --> 00:56:48,641
What?
773
00:56:51,853 --> 00:56:54,396
The rose goes in the front, big guy.
774
00:56:58,902 --> 00:57:03,364
Now batting for the Salem
Bucks, the center fielder, Joe McCorkle.
775
00:57:06,076 --> 00:57:08,327
This underwear feels kind of sexy.
776
00:57:09,537 --> 00:57:12,081
That don't make me queer, right? Right.
777
00:57:17,045 --> 00:57:18,921
Breaking ball.
778
00:57:23,468 --> 00:57:24,468
Yeah!
779
00:57:24,552 --> 00:57:27,012
All right! Good way to start, baby.
780
00:57:29,849 --> 00:57:31,892
I ain't queer. No, I ain't.
781
00:57:37,107 --> 00:57:38,649
Fastball.
782
00:57:42,237 --> 00:57:43,612
Strike!
783
00:57:44,573 --> 00:57:47,032
Ninety-six miles an hour. He looks good
784
00:57:47,117 --> 00:57:48,951
but why is he all twisting up like that?
785
00:57:49,035 --> 00:57:51,787
He's using his parietal eye,
just like Fernando.
786
00:57:52,747 --> 00:57:54,290
Whoo, that was a humdinger.
787
00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:56,625
Yeah.
788
00:58:00,589 --> 00:58:02,298
Fastball again? Why's he want the heat?
789
00:58:02,340 --> 00:58:04,758
I just threw heat. Don't think, Meat.
790
00:58:04,801 --> 00:58:06,844
Just give them the gas.
791
00:58:10,682 --> 00:58:11,890
Strike!
792
00:58:13,310 --> 00:58:16,061
Jesus, what's got into Nuke?
793
00:58:16,146 --> 00:58:17,563
He's wearing garters
794
00:58:17,647 --> 00:58:20,900
and he's breathing out of his eyelids
like a lava lizard.
795
00:58:21,026 --> 00:58:22,526
It's an old Mayan deal.
796
00:58:22,611 --> 00:58:24,486
- Aztec.
- Aztec deal.
797
00:58:31,494 --> 00:58:33,787
Got it! I got it!
798
00:58:35,957 --> 00:58:38,042
Way to go. Hustle in!
799
00:58:41,004 --> 00:58:43,505
Have my mojo working.
800
00:58:43,590 --> 00:58:45,674
You know what a mojo is?
801
00:58:45,759 --> 00:58:47,343
- Sure.
- No, you don't.
802
00:58:48,094 --> 00:58:50,012
I was great, huh?
803
00:58:50,639 --> 00:58:53,349
Your fastball was up.
Your curveball's hanging.
804
00:58:53,391 --> 00:58:56,185
In the Show, they would have ripped you.
805
00:58:57,437 --> 00:58:59,396
Can't you even let me enjoy the moment?
806
00:58:59,481 --> 00:59:01,190
The moment's over.
807
00:59:04,527 --> 00:59:05,903
Come on, Crash.
808
00:59:05,987 --> 00:59:08,530
This guy starts me off
with a breaking ball
809
00:59:09,783 --> 00:59:11,617
I'm taking him downtown.
810
00:59:17,999 --> 00:59:20,125
I dare you to throw me the hammer.
811
00:59:20,585 --> 00:59:22,044
You ain't that stupid.
812
00:59:22,087 --> 00:59:25,381
Stepping up to the plate
for Durham, our own Crash Davis.
813
00:59:25,423 --> 00:59:27,549
Come on.
Put your hands together for Crash.
814
00:59:27,634 --> 00:59:28,884
Let's hear it!
815
00:59:31,972 --> 00:59:33,138
Let's go.
816
00:59:33,223 --> 00:59:36,725
Come on, Meat.
Bring me that weak-ass shit.
817
00:59:36,768 --> 00:59:39,561
Bring it. Bring it. Bring it.
818
00:59:44,568 --> 00:59:46,652
Oh, my.
819
00:59:55,078 --> 00:59:56,620
Two-nothing Bulls in the second.
820
00:59:56,705 --> 00:59:59,790
First time the Bulls have been
ahead in weeks, eh, Whitey?
821
00:59:59,874 --> 01:00:02,585
Let's see if the real
Nuke LaLoosh will show up.
822
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,046
There you go! Dig in there!
823
01:00:15,432 --> 01:00:17,349
Back! Back! Back!
824
01:00:17,434 --> 01:00:19,351
Crash, you got room!
825
01:00:20,061 --> 01:00:21,604
You got room!
826
01:00:25,442 --> 01:00:27,026
All right, yeah!
827
01:00:28,820 --> 01:00:31,488
What are you doing out here?
I'm cruising, man.
828
01:00:31,990 --> 01:00:34,074
I want you to throw
the next one at the mascot.
829
01:00:34,117 --> 01:00:36,327
Why? I'm finally throwing it
where I want to throw it.
830
01:00:36,411 --> 01:00:38,495
Just throw it at the bull, all right?
831
01:00:38,580 --> 01:00:39,872
Trust me.
832
01:00:43,168 --> 01:00:44,710
He's the boss.
833
01:00:50,300 --> 01:00:51,467
A staggering start by LaLoosh.
834
01:00:51,509 --> 01:00:54,803
He's thrown five outs on nine pitches,
all of them strikes.
835
01:00:54,846 --> 01:00:57,556
He's got pinpoint control
here tonight, Bull fans.
836
01:00:57,641 --> 01:00:58,974
Here's the pitch.
837
01:01:08,944 --> 01:01:10,110
This guy's crazy.
838
01:01:10,153 --> 01:01:13,197
Yep. I wouldn't dig in
there if I was you.
839
01:01:13,281 --> 01:01:15,282
Next one might be at your head.
840
01:01:16,493 --> 01:01:18,869
I don't know where it's gonna go.
841
01:01:18,954 --> 01:01:20,454
I swear to God.
842
01:01:36,429 --> 01:01:39,515
You're the man! You're the man!
Easy game!
843
01:01:42,352 --> 01:01:43,686
Top of the ninth. Two outs.
844
01:01:43,770 --> 01:01:47,314
One out away from a stunning
two-hit shutout for LaLoosh.
845
01:01:48,275 --> 01:01:51,318
Bring it on, Meat. Don't let up.
846
01:01:51,361 --> 01:01:53,195
You own these guys.
847
01:01:54,531 --> 01:01:56,532
Dad would love a shutout.
848
01:02:01,371 --> 01:02:03,163
No. No, no.
849
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:08,502
No, no, he's looking for heat.
850
01:02:08,545 --> 01:02:10,379
Let me give him the deuce.
851
01:02:11,047 --> 01:02:12,881
Play ball!
852
01:02:13,216 --> 01:02:16,051
Oh, no, he's shaking off the signs.
853
01:02:16,136 --> 01:02:17,469
Big mistake.
854
01:02:17,554 --> 01:02:19,930
This son of a bitch
is throwing a two-hit shutout.
855
01:02:20,015 --> 01:02:22,516
He's shaking me off.
You believe that shit?
856
01:02:24,227 --> 01:02:27,730
Charlie, here comes the deuce.
857
01:02:27,856 --> 01:02:30,399
And when you speak of me, speak well.
858
01:02:35,906 --> 01:02:38,741
- No, no. Serve it up.
- Yeah.
859
01:02:47,500 --> 01:02:49,418
Home run.
860
01:02:50,086 --> 01:02:51,754
Give me the ball.
861
01:02:58,595 --> 01:03:00,596
You told him I was gonna
throw a deuce, right?
862
01:03:00,639 --> 01:03:01,847
Yep.
863
01:03:03,391 --> 01:03:06,018
Man, that ball got out
of here in a hurry.
864
01:03:07,270 --> 01:03:10,147
Anything that travels that far ought
to have a damn stewardess on it.
865
01:03:10,231 --> 01:03:11,857
Don't you think?
866
01:03:48,311 --> 01:03:52,147
When Nuke started listening to
Crash, everything fell into place.
867
01:03:52,274 --> 01:03:55,401
He started throwing strikes,
and we started to win.
868
01:03:55,485 --> 01:03:57,861
But Nuke was still confused.
869
01:03:57,946 --> 01:03:59,822
He was so encouraged by his victory
870
01:03:59,906 --> 01:04:02,700
that he vowed not to have sex
until he lost.
871
01:04:02,784 --> 01:04:04,827
Unfortunately, however,
he kept on winning
872
01:04:04,869 --> 01:04:07,121
and for one extraordinary June and July
873
01:04:07,163 --> 01:04:12,918
the Durham Bulls began playing baseball
with joy and verve and poetry.
874
01:04:13,962 --> 01:04:17,381
The two sides of my own brain
were all jumbled up and cross-wired.
875
01:04:17,465 --> 01:04:19,425
While one side was being neglected
876
01:04:19,509 --> 01:04:23,178
the other was in paradise watching
our Bulls play like big-leaguers.
877
01:04:23,847 --> 01:04:27,182
We swept a four-game series at Kinston,
two games at Winston-Salem
878
01:04:27,267 --> 01:04:30,519
and kicked the holy shit
out of Greensboro in a three-game set.
879
01:04:30,604 --> 01:04:32,563
And Crash, who kept hitting dingers
880
01:04:32,647 --> 01:04:37,192
was approaching the minor-league record,
though I told nobody.
881
01:04:38,445 --> 01:04:43,532
After sweeping the July 4 doubleheader
the Durham Bulls were tied for first.
882
01:04:43,575 --> 01:04:48,078
Beautiful as the winning streak was,
I was getting damn lonely.
883
01:04:48,204 --> 01:04:50,080
Something had to be done.
884
01:04:50,165 --> 01:04:51,957
I needed a man.
885
01:05:00,550 --> 01:05:02,092
Yeah!
886
01:05:02,177 --> 01:05:04,345
I love winning, man.
887
01:05:04,387 --> 01:05:06,722
I fucking love winning.
888
01:05:06,806 --> 01:05:10,267
You hear what I'm saying?
It's like better than losing.
889
01:05:11,728 --> 01:05:14,521
Teach me something new. I need to learn.
890
01:05:14,814 --> 01:05:16,565
Teach me something.
891
01:05:17,025 --> 01:05:18,734
You got something to write with?
892
01:05:18,777 --> 01:05:20,694
Good. It's time to work
on your interviews.
893
01:05:20,737 --> 01:05:23,155
My interviews? What do I gotta do?
894
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:25,282
You have to learn your clich�s.
895
01:05:25,367 --> 01:05:28,786
You're gonna have to study them,
you're gonna have to know them.
896
01:05:28,870 --> 01:05:31,580
They're your friends. Write this down.
897
01:05:32,707 --> 01:05:35,501
We gotta play 'em one day at a time.
898
01:05:35,585 --> 01:05:38,545
"Got to play..."
899
01:05:38,588 --> 01:05:40,256
- It's pretty boring.
- Of course it's boring.
900
01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:41,632
That's the point. Write it down.
901
01:05:41,716 --> 01:05:45,261
"One day at a time."
902
01:05:45,345 --> 01:05:48,097
I'm just happy to be here.
903
01:05:48,181 --> 01:05:50,599
Hope I can help the ball club.
904
01:05:51,726 --> 01:05:53,686
I know. Write it down.
905
01:05:54,604 --> 01:05:58,774
I just wanna give it my best shot.
906
01:05:58,858 --> 01:06:03,112
And the good Lord willing,
things will work out.
907
01:06:03,780 --> 01:06:07,116
"Good Lord willing
908
01:06:07,409 --> 01:06:09,910
- "things will work out."
- Things will work out.
909
01:06:09,953 --> 01:06:11,453
How's Annie?
910
01:06:15,458 --> 01:06:17,835
She's getting pretty steamed, actually,
911
01:06:17,919 --> 01:06:20,963
'cause I'm still rechanneling
my sexual energy.
912
01:06:23,883 --> 01:06:26,051
I'm figuring I'm just gonna cave in
and sleep with her.
913
01:06:26,136 --> 01:06:28,637
You know, to calm her down.
914
01:06:29,139 --> 01:06:31,015
Are you out of your mind?
915
01:06:31,099 --> 01:06:33,475
- I'm just... Talking about one time.
- Are you out of your mind?
916
01:06:33,518 --> 01:06:36,562
If you give in now,
you might start losing.
917
01:06:40,317 --> 01:06:43,986
Never fuck with a winning streak.
918
01:06:49,993 --> 01:06:51,452
Hi, boys.
919
01:06:52,621 --> 01:06:54,830
Hi, darling. Get in here.
920
01:06:54,873 --> 01:06:56,707
Hey, Jimmy!
921
01:06:56,791 --> 01:06:58,250
Want a ride?
922
01:06:59,878 --> 01:07:03,589
Have you accepted Jesus Christ
as your personal savior?
923
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:05,215
No.
924
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:08,010
Can I give you my testimony?
925
01:07:08,929 --> 01:07:11,221
You can do anything you want.
926
01:07:16,144 --> 01:07:17,353
Hop in.
927
01:07:21,566 --> 01:07:24,026
I am so proud of you guys.
928
01:07:28,740 --> 01:07:32,201
- You want some more soup, honey?
- No, thanks. That was great.
929
01:07:36,331 --> 01:07:39,416
How about a little back rub?
930
01:07:39,501 --> 01:07:41,418
No, I'm okay.
931
01:07:41,503 --> 01:07:43,712
I think I'll just take a little nap.
932
01:07:44,047 --> 01:07:45,714
You want me to tuck you in?
933
01:07:45,799 --> 01:07:48,133
Annie, you can't seduce me.
934
01:07:49,678 --> 01:07:52,846
Sweetie, I'm not gonna
try to seduce you.
935
01:07:55,934 --> 01:07:58,644
- What's that?
- That's my leg.
936
01:07:58,728 --> 01:08:00,062
I know what it is.
937
01:08:00,105 --> 01:08:02,189
I thought maybe we could work
on some fundamentals
938
01:08:02,232 --> 01:08:06,819
since we're not gonna make love,
and improve your hand-eye coordination.
939
01:08:06,903 --> 01:08:10,698
- My hand-eye coordination?
- Unsnap my stocking.
940
01:08:12,158 --> 01:08:17,288
The other day,
Crash called a woman's...pussy...
941
01:08:18,206 --> 01:08:21,834
You know how the hair is kind of
in a V-shape?
942
01:08:22,586 --> 01:08:23,836
Yes, I do.
943
01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:26,380
He called it the Bermuda Triangle.
944
01:08:26,423 --> 01:08:29,592
He said a man could get lost in there
and never be heard from again.
945
01:08:29,676 --> 01:08:33,679
- What a nasty thing to say.
- He didn't mean it nasty.
946
01:08:35,056 --> 01:08:39,059
He said that getting lost and disappearing
from the face of the earth
947
01:08:39,102 --> 01:08:42,980
was sometimes a good thing to do,
especially like that.
948
01:08:43,064 --> 01:08:49,194
But he also said that there were times
for discipline and self-control.
949
01:08:49,279 --> 01:08:51,196
And I think this is one of those times.
950
01:08:51,281 --> 01:08:53,824
Crash is a very smart man.
951
01:08:54,075 --> 01:08:56,285
Now, honey, let's give it a try.
952
01:09:02,375 --> 01:09:04,460
Here, wait a minute. Watch. Watch.
953
01:09:09,925 --> 01:09:11,634
Now you try. Go ahead.
954
01:09:17,933 --> 01:09:18,933
Mmm-hmm.
955
01:09:21,728 --> 01:09:23,395
Yep.
956
01:09:28,318 --> 01:09:29,568
You're playing with my mind.
957
01:09:29,653 --> 01:09:31,195
I'm trying to play with your body.
958
01:09:31,279 --> 01:09:32,821
I knew it. You're trying to seduce me.
959
01:09:32,864 --> 01:09:34,865
Of course I'm trying to seduce you
for God's sake.
960
01:09:34,950 --> 01:09:37,993
I'm doing a damn poor job of it.
Aren't I pretty?
961
01:09:38,036 --> 01:09:40,037
God, I think you're real cute.
962
01:09:40,121 --> 01:09:44,124
Cute? Baby ducks are cute. I hate cute!
963
01:09:44,501 --> 01:09:47,544
I wanna be exotic and mysterious.
964
01:09:47,629 --> 01:09:51,632
You are.
You're exotic and mysterious and cute.
965
01:09:53,260 --> 01:09:54,802
That's why I better leave.
966
01:09:54,844 --> 01:09:57,054
Nuke, you got it all wrong.
967
01:09:57,138 --> 01:09:59,473
There's no relationship
between sex and baseball.
968
01:09:59,516 --> 01:10:01,183
- Ask Crash.
- I did.
969
01:10:01,268 --> 01:10:02,685
And what did he say?
970
01:10:02,727 --> 01:10:05,688
He said, if I give into you,
I'll start losing again.
971
01:10:06,273 --> 01:10:08,732
- He did?
- Yeah.
972
01:10:09,442 --> 01:10:11,527
I'll be back when we lose.
973
01:10:17,242 --> 01:10:18,576
Damn it!
974
01:10:32,757 --> 01:10:35,259
How dare you tell Nuke
to stay out of my bed.
975
01:10:35,343 --> 01:10:38,137
You are messing with my private life!
976
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:40,723
Knock-knock, you know? Come in.
977
01:10:40,765 --> 01:10:42,891
- Words like, thank you.
- You're confusing him.
978
01:10:42,976 --> 01:10:44,727
- You're bending his mind all out of shape.
- I'm what?
979
01:10:44,811 --> 01:10:46,145
You're confusing him!
980
01:10:46,229 --> 01:10:47,563
I'm confusing him?
981
01:10:47,647 --> 01:10:49,940
You got him breathing out
of the wrong goddamn eyelid.
982
01:10:50,025 --> 01:10:52,234
You got him parading around
the locker room like a fruit.
983
01:10:52,319 --> 01:10:55,279
That is a religious ritual
and it happens to be working,
984
01:10:55,363 --> 01:10:56,405
if you don't mind my saying.
985
01:10:56,448 --> 01:10:59,241
Wait a second.
Who dresses you?
986
01:10:59,326 --> 01:11:00,743
- What?
- Who dresses you?
987
01:11:00,827 --> 01:11:03,913
You think this is a little excessive
for the Carolina League?
988
01:11:03,997 --> 01:11:07,541
"The road of excess leads to
the palace of wisdom." William Blake.
989
01:11:07,584 --> 01:11:09,585
- William Blake?
- William Blake.
990
01:11:09,669 --> 01:11:11,420
- William Blake?
- William Blake!
991
01:11:11,463 --> 01:11:14,840
- What do you mean, "William Blake"?
- I mean, "William Blake."
992
01:11:17,177 --> 01:11:20,304
Who are you? I mean, do you have a job?
993
01:11:20,388 --> 01:11:23,515
I teach part-time
at Alamance Junior College,
994
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:26,352
English 1 01 and Beginning Composition.
995
01:11:26,603 --> 01:11:29,396
You know, having a conversation
with you is like...
996
01:11:29,439 --> 01:11:33,067
Is like a Martian talking to a fungo.
997
01:11:33,109 --> 01:11:34,818
Oh, cute. That's really cute.
998
01:11:34,903 --> 01:11:36,946
Just because sometimes
you manage to be clever
999
01:11:36,988 --> 01:11:39,531
and have a nice smile,
does not mean you are not full of shit.
1000
01:11:39,616 --> 01:11:43,327
- What, I'm full of shit?
- You are full of shit.
1001
01:11:43,411 --> 01:11:45,955
- Nuke's chastity was your idea.
- I know! I'm telling you
1002
01:11:46,039 --> 01:11:47,790
- keep your hands out of this.
- I never told him
1003
01:11:47,832 --> 01:11:49,833
- to stay out of your bed.
- You most certainly did.
1004
01:11:49,918 --> 01:11:51,752
- I never told him to stay out of your bed.
- Yes, you did.
1005
01:11:51,795 --> 01:11:55,089
I told him that a player on a streak
has to respect the streak.
1006
01:11:55,131 --> 01:11:56,465
- Fine.
- You know why?
1007
01:11:56,508 --> 01:11:58,467
- 'Cause they don't happen very often.
- Right.
1008
01:11:58,551 --> 01:12:00,803
If you believe you're playing well
because you're getting laid
1009
01:12:00,887 --> 01:12:04,431
or because you're not getting laid,
or because you wear women's underwear
1010
01:12:04,474 --> 01:12:07,476
then you are, and you should know that.
1011
01:12:12,816 --> 01:12:15,776
Come on, Annie.
Think of something clever to say.
1012
01:12:17,279 --> 01:12:21,490
Something full of magic,
religion, bullshit.
1013
01:12:22,742 --> 01:12:24,493
Come on. Dazzle me.
1014
01:12:26,830 --> 01:12:28,831
I want you.
1015
01:12:29,416 --> 01:12:30,916
What?
1016
01:12:31,251 --> 01:12:34,253
- I said, "I want you."
- Stop it.
1017
01:12:40,343 --> 01:12:41,885
You're scared.
1018
01:12:47,100 --> 01:12:48,684
Maybe I am.
1019
01:12:49,603 --> 01:12:52,021
But I still think you should leave.
1020
01:12:55,025 --> 01:12:57,192
Okay. Well,
1021
01:12:57,611 --> 01:13:00,446
this is the damnedest season
I've ever seen.
1022
01:13:00,530 --> 01:13:03,782
I mean, the Durham Bulls can't lose,
and I can't get laid.
1023
01:13:09,539 --> 01:13:11,707
Come on.
Show them what you got, Super Nuke!
1024
01:13:11,791 --> 01:13:14,376
Show them there, Super Nuke!
Super Nuke!
1025
01:13:14,711 --> 01:13:18,714
LaLoosh. L-A-Loosh! Come on, LaLoosh!
L-A-Loosh! L-A-Loosh!
1026
01:13:19,758 --> 01:13:22,551
Just relax out there.
Don't aim the ball.
1027
01:13:25,472 --> 01:13:28,098
Nuke's overthrowing tonight.
Don't look loose.
1028
01:13:28,183 --> 01:13:30,351
Anything bothering him?
1029
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:32,144
He says his chakras are jammed.
1030
01:13:32,228 --> 01:13:34,605
He's having trouble breathing
out of his left eyelid.
1031
01:13:34,689 --> 01:13:35,731
- Left eyelid?
- Right eyelid.
1032
01:13:35,774 --> 01:13:37,024
Right eyelid.
1033
01:13:42,739 --> 01:13:45,074
- Give me the ball.
- Fuck!
1034
01:13:47,911 --> 01:13:48,994
Time out!
1035
01:13:49,079 --> 01:13:51,413
Up to the plate,
Junior Chavley.
1036
01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:52,873
What's wrong?
1037
01:13:52,999 --> 01:13:55,251
I'm a little nervous. My old man's here.
1038
01:13:55,293 --> 01:13:57,628
Your dad's here? Where's he at?
1039
01:13:57,712 --> 01:14:00,673
He's right behind home plate.
Don't look. Don't look.
1040
01:14:03,510 --> 01:14:06,178
Look, he's waving.
Hey, he's just your old man.
1041
01:14:06,263 --> 01:14:07,805
He's as full of shit as anybody.
1042
01:14:07,889 --> 01:14:08,931
What's going on?
1043
01:14:09,015 --> 01:14:10,933
You breathing through
the wrong fucking eyelid again?
1044
01:14:11,017 --> 01:14:13,477
- Shut up.
- You guys hear about Jimmy and Millie?
1045
01:14:13,561 --> 01:14:16,605
They got engaged. Can you believe that?
1046
01:14:16,648 --> 01:14:19,650
Yeah? Wait till I tell him she's gone
down on half the Carolina League.
1047
01:14:19,734 --> 01:14:22,736
Anybody says anything bad about Millie,
I break his neck.
1048
01:14:22,779 --> 01:14:25,281
Excuse me, guys.
I've got a game to pitch here.
1049
01:14:28,618 --> 01:14:30,578
Hey, you guys. Don't throw me anything.
1050
01:14:30,620 --> 01:14:32,204
My girlfriend put a curse on my glove.
1051
01:14:32,289 --> 01:14:34,498
I'll take the hex off the fucking glove.
Give me the glove.
1052
01:14:34,583 --> 01:14:36,875
You gotta cut the head
off a live rooster.
1053
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:39,086
Guys! Play ball!
1054
01:14:40,755 --> 01:14:43,132
What the hell's going on out there?
1055
01:14:43,216 --> 01:14:46,802
Looks like a convention.
Pretty soon they're gonna call the roll.
1056
01:14:47,804 --> 01:14:50,723
- Get your ass out there and check it out.
- You bet.
1057
01:14:54,352 --> 01:14:57,438
- Let's play some baseball!
- Hurry up!
1058
01:14:58,565 --> 01:15:01,609
Excuse me.
What the hell's going on out here?
1059
01:15:01,651 --> 01:15:03,319
Well, Nuke's scared
1060
01:15:03,403 --> 01:15:06,113
'cause his eyelids are jammed
and his old man's here.
1061
01:15:06,156 --> 01:15:08,657
We need a live... Was it a live rooster?
1062
01:15:08,742 --> 01:15:11,160
We need a live rooster
to take the curse off Jose's glove
1063
01:15:11,244 --> 01:15:13,913
and nobody seems to know
what to get Millie or Jimmy
1064
01:15:13,997 --> 01:15:15,539
for their wedding present.
1065
01:15:15,624 --> 01:15:18,083
That about right?
We're dealing with a lot of shit.
1066
01:15:21,004 --> 01:15:23,422
Okay, well,
candlesticks always make a nice gift.
1067
01:15:23,673 --> 01:15:25,215
Maybe you could find out
where she's registered.
1068
01:15:25,300 --> 01:15:27,843
Maybe a place setting
or a silverware pattern's good.
1069
01:15:27,886 --> 01:15:30,220
Okay, let's get to it. Go get 'em.
1070
01:15:31,181 --> 01:15:33,515
Come on. Get your ass in gear.
1071
01:15:37,270 --> 01:15:40,147
LaLoosh looks in
for the sign. Here's the pitch.
1072
01:15:40,190 --> 01:15:42,983
Ball hit deep in the right
field, off the wall.
1073
01:15:43,026 --> 01:15:44,985
You should be at the game, Annie.
1074
01:15:45,028 --> 01:15:46,528
No, I'm fine.
1075
01:15:46,571 --> 01:15:49,198
Beautiful night for baseball here
in Durham.
1076
01:15:49,282 --> 01:15:50,532
And as the batter steps in...
1077
01:15:50,617 --> 01:15:54,787
How much time did you
and Jimmy spend together
1078
01:15:54,871 --> 01:15:57,039
before he proposed?
1079
01:15:57,082 --> 01:15:59,208
About five hours, I guess.
1080
01:15:59,292 --> 01:16:00,960
We both just knew.
1081
01:16:01,044 --> 01:16:03,045
Once again, he goes to the rosin bag.
1082
01:16:03,129 --> 01:16:04,338
Annie,
1083
01:16:05,340 --> 01:16:07,967
do you think I deserve to wear white?
1084
01:16:08,843 --> 01:16:10,552
Honey, we all deserve to wear white.
1085
01:16:10,595 --> 01:16:11,845
Ball two, in the dirt.
1086
01:16:11,888 --> 01:16:13,722
Come on, Nuke, go get them!
1087
01:16:16,017 --> 01:16:18,394
Shit! Piss! Fuck!
1088
01:16:19,562 --> 01:16:21,355
Bring it! Bring it! Bring it!
1089
01:16:21,398 --> 01:16:22,523
Come on!
1090
01:16:22,565 --> 01:16:24,191
He's coming. Go home! Home!
1091
01:16:24,234 --> 01:16:26,193
We got him! We got him!
1092
01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:30,489
- Safe!
- No, I got him!
1093
01:16:30,574 --> 01:16:32,491
- You missed him!
- I didn't miss him!
1094
01:16:32,576 --> 01:16:36,078
- Don't bump me!
- He still hasn't touched the plate!
1095
01:16:36,329 --> 01:16:38,581
He still ain't touched the plate!
1096
01:16:39,082 --> 01:16:42,626
Fuck it! It's a cocksucking call!
1097
01:16:42,711 --> 01:16:45,129
- Did you call me a cocksucker?
- No, l...
1098
01:16:45,213 --> 01:16:47,756
I said it was a cocksucking call!
You can't throw me for that.
1099
01:16:47,841 --> 01:16:49,967
- You can't run me for that.
- You missed the tag!
1100
01:16:50,051 --> 01:16:53,095
- You just spit on me!
- I did not spit on you!
1101
01:16:53,179 --> 01:16:56,265
You're in the wrong business!
You're Sears & Roebuck material!
1102
01:16:56,308 --> 01:16:58,809
You're pushing it, buddy!
You want me to run you out? I'll run you!
1103
01:16:58,893 --> 01:17:01,437
- You want me to call you a cocksucker?
- Go ahead. Try it.
1104
01:17:01,479 --> 01:17:04,899
Beg me! Pretty please, beg!
Pretty please, beg!
1105
01:17:04,941 --> 01:17:06,775
Call me a cocksucker,
and you're out of here!
1106
01:17:06,860 --> 01:17:08,277
You're a cocksucker.
1107
01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:10,029
- You're a cocksucker.
- You're out of here!
1108
01:17:10,113 --> 01:17:11,322
Shit!
1109
01:17:11,406 --> 01:17:14,241
- What the fuck is that?
- Holy shit!
1110
01:17:19,289 --> 01:17:22,249
- He called me a cocksucker!
- He missed the tag!
1111
01:17:22,626 --> 01:17:24,585
I've never seen
Crash so angry.
1112
01:17:24,628 --> 01:17:26,962
And frankly, sports fans,
he used a certain word
1113
01:17:27,047 --> 01:17:28,964
that's a no-no with umpires.
1114
01:17:31,301 --> 01:17:33,510
Crash must have called
the guy a cocksucker.
1115
01:17:33,637 --> 01:17:36,639
Mmm. God, he's so romantic.
1116
01:17:39,392 --> 01:17:42,436
When Crash got thrown out,
the game got out of hand.
1117
01:17:43,271 --> 01:17:46,649
Jose made three errors
with his cursed mitt.
1118
01:17:46,816 --> 01:17:50,069
Nuke never quite got in the groove,
though he didn't pitch bad
1119
01:17:50,153 --> 01:17:53,781
and the winning streak
came to an end with a 3-2 loss.
1120
01:17:54,241 --> 01:17:57,576
The good news was that a man
was about to come calling.
1121
01:17:57,827 --> 01:18:00,913
Bad news was it was the wrong guy.
1122
01:18:37,117 --> 01:18:38,492
Annie.
1123
01:18:43,206 --> 01:18:44,498
Annie.
1124
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:50,337
I know you're in there.
I can hear that crazy Mexican singer.
1125
01:18:56,219 --> 01:18:57,720
We lost.
1126
01:18:58,388 --> 01:18:59,722
It's okay.
1127
01:19:01,308 --> 01:19:04,226
Oh, Annie, I�d like you
to meet my father.
1128
01:19:04,269 --> 01:19:05,603
Oh, my!
1129
01:19:05,687 --> 01:19:08,314
Ebby's told me a lot about you.
1130
01:19:08,398 --> 01:19:12,693
Ebby tells me you taught him a lot
about discipline and self-control.
1131
01:19:12,736 --> 01:19:15,362
We were worried that he might
get involved in the wrong crowd.
1132
01:19:15,405 --> 01:19:17,573
We're so pleased
he met a Christian woman.
1133
01:19:17,616 --> 01:19:19,074
Praise the Lord.
1134
01:19:21,494 --> 01:19:22,578
Excuse me.
1135
01:19:22,746 --> 01:19:24,038
Excuse me, Dad.
1136
01:19:27,125 --> 01:19:29,209
Hello? What?
1137
01:19:31,630 --> 01:19:34,840
- We got a lot of catching up to do.
- Your father is right there.
1138
01:19:34,925 --> 01:19:36,550
Crash tells me I gotta quit
worrying about him
1139
01:19:36,593 --> 01:19:39,303
so I think it's a good opportunity
to go for a quickie.
1140
01:19:39,387 --> 01:19:41,680
We gotta talk. We gotta...
1141
01:19:41,765 --> 01:19:43,265
Hello?
1142
01:19:43,767 --> 01:19:46,393
Yes, he most certainly is here.
1143
01:19:46,436 --> 01:19:48,354
It's Skip for you.
1144
01:19:49,898 --> 01:19:51,398
Hey, Skip, it's me.
1145
01:19:56,154 --> 01:19:57,279
What?
1146
01:19:59,699 --> 01:20:00,991
My God.
1147
01:20:03,995 --> 01:20:05,162
Okay.
1148
01:20:06,206 --> 01:20:08,290
Yeah. All right.
1149
01:20:08,333 --> 01:20:10,167
What?
1150
01:20:10,293 --> 01:20:12,127
I'm going to the Show.
1151
01:20:18,134 --> 01:20:19,510
Dad!
1152
01:20:19,594 --> 01:20:22,596
They're sending me up to the majors.
I leave first thing in the morning.
1153
01:20:22,639 --> 01:20:24,306
Can you believe it?
1154
01:20:26,184 --> 01:20:27,935
MR. LaLOOSH: Let's have
a quick word of prayer.
1155
01:20:27,978 --> 01:20:29,645
Oh, let's not.
1156
01:20:30,814 --> 01:20:32,648
I gotta find Crash.
Come on. I'll dump you off.
1157
01:20:32,691 --> 01:20:33,816
Wait.
1158
01:20:35,402 --> 01:20:38,028
Not so fast. He'll be right with you.
1159
01:20:38,113 --> 01:20:41,574
Come on, sweetie. I just want
to have you alone for a second
1160
01:20:41,658 --> 01:20:44,118
so we can say goodbye.
1161
01:20:44,160 --> 01:20:45,661
I'll be back.
1162
01:20:45,704 --> 01:20:48,205
When somebody leaves Durham,
they don't come back.
1163
01:20:48,290 --> 01:20:49,873
I mean, later.
1164
01:20:53,336 --> 01:20:54,336
Oh.
1165
01:21:00,719 --> 01:21:01,719
Huh.
1166
01:21:05,015 --> 01:21:08,434
Oh, God, Annie. Jeez.
1167
01:21:10,562 --> 01:21:14,607
- What do you have in there?
- Nothing.
1168
01:21:15,025 --> 01:21:17,568
You're not going to
be needing these anymore.
1169
01:21:17,736 --> 01:21:20,696
- I�d better take them.
- No, you're ready.
1170
01:21:20,906 --> 01:21:23,449
You think so?
You think I'm ready for this?
1171
01:21:24,659 --> 01:21:27,202
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh,
1172
01:21:30,373 --> 01:21:32,333
don't think too much.
1173
01:21:34,836 --> 01:21:36,295
I won't.
1174
01:21:40,091 --> 01:21:42,051
You know something, Annie.
1175
01:21:43,428 --> 01:21:46,221
You can't breathe through your eyelids.
1176
01:21:47,223 --> 01:21:49,058
Of course you can't breathe
through your eyelids.
1177
01:21:49,100 --> 01:21:52,227
Whoever told you such
a ridiculous thing?
1178
01:22:06,368 --> 01:22:08,244
Now, get. Come on.
1179
01:22:12,207 --> 01:22:14,124
Drive careful.
1180
01:22:16,628 --> 01:22:18,212
Oh, my.
1181
01:22:34,437 --> 01:22:36,272
Hey, there you are.
1182
01:22:37,065 --> 01:22:38,816
Crash.
1183
01:22:39,943 --> 01:22:43,362
Hey, Crash, guess what.
1184
01:22:44,656 --> 01:22:46,323
Guess what, man.
1185
01:22:48,118 --> 01:22:49,952
I'm going to the Show.
1186
01:22:51,288 --> 01:22:54,123
Big club's expanding its roster
to finish out the season.
1187
01:22:54,165 --> 01:22:55,291
Nice shot.
1188
01:22:55,375 --> 01:22:57,459
And I am going to the Show.
1189
01:22:58,712 --> 01:23:00,671
So why don't you go then?
1190
01:23:00,839 --> 01:23:02,756
Let's celebrate!
1191
01:23:04,301 --> 01:23:05,968
Congratulations.
1192
01:23:07,929 --> 01:23:09,597
Hope you end up on the cover
of Sports Illustrated
1193
01:23:09,639 --> 01:23:11,265
or maybe a cereal box.
1194
01:23:13,018 --> 01:23:15,102
What's your problem, man?
1195
01:23:15,645 --> 01:23:17,521
I'm trying to thank you.
Come on. Let's get out of this dump.
1196
01:23:17,606 --> 01:23:19,315
- I'll buy you a beer.
- Hey.
1197
01:23:19,524 --> 01:23:23,152
- You calling my place a dump?
- No, he's not. No, he's not.
1198
01:23:24,529 --> 01:23:26,155
- He's not. Are you?
- No.
1199
01:23:26,197 --> 01:23:27,489
He's not.
1200
01:23:27,532 --> 01:23:29,325
All right?
1201
01:23:29,409 --> 01:23:31,118
Nuke, do you know who this is?
1202
01:23:31,912 --> 01:23:33,662
This is Sandy Grimes.
1203
01:23:33,705 --> 01:23:37,291
Sandy Grimes hit .371
in Louisville in 1 967.
1204
01:23:37,334 --> 01:23:39,501
.376.
1205
01:23:39,544 --> 01:23:43,964
I'm sorry. He hit .376.
That's a career, man.
1206
01:23:46,676 --> 01:23:48,886
- In any league.
- Got that right.
1207
01:23:48,970 --> 01:23:52,765
Did you hear what I said?
I'm going to the Show.
1208
01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:57,102
You know what the difference
between hitting .250 and .300 is?
1209
01:23:58,355 --> 01:24:00,147
It's 25 hits.
1210
01:24:00,982 --> 01:24:05,194
Twenty-five hits
in 500 at-bats is 50 points. Okay?
1211
01:24:05,237 --> 01:24:07,988
There's six months in a season.
That's about 25 weeks.
1212
01:24:08,031 --> 01:24:11,367
That means if you get
just one extra flare a week. Just one.
1213
01:24:11,409 --> 01:24:13,869
A gork. You get a ground ball.
1214
01:24:13,912 --> 01:24:16,205
You get a ground ball with eyes.
1215
01:24:16,248 --> 01:24:18,540
You get a dying quail.
1216
01:24:20,126 --> 01:24:24,588
Just one more dying quail a week
and you're in Yankee Stadium.
1217
01:24:25,715 --> 01:24:28,884
You still don't know
what I'm talking about, do you?
1218
01:24:28,927 --> 01:24:30,886
Get the hell out of here.
1219
01:24:31,137 --> 01:24:32,680
All right.
1220
01:24:33,139 --> 01:24:34,765
Fuck.
1221
01:24:35,433 --> 01:24:36,976
Send you a postcard.
1222
01:24:37,060 --> 01:24:39,061
Send me a postcard? Hey, I made it.
1223
01:24:39,104 --> 01:24:40,562
You made it. You made shit.
1224
01:24:40,605 --> 01:24:42,606
Hey! Hey!
1225
01:24:45,735 --> 01:24:46,902
You crazy?
1226
01:24:46,945 --> 01:24:48,821
What the hell's wrong with you?
1227
01:24:48,905 --> 01:24:51,865
- I'll be all right.
- I'm talking about my mirror.
1228
01:24:53,326 --> 01:24:55,327
Shit, I'm sorry. Hey!
1229
01:24:55,412 --> 01:24:57,580
I'm not gonna fight you, man.
I'm not gonna fight you.
1230
01:24:57,664 --> 01:24:59,665
What do you mean,
you're not gonna fight me, you fuck?
1231
01:24:59,749 --> 01:25:01,959
- Fuck. Why am I a fuck?
- Why are you a fuck?
1232
01:25:02,043 --> 01:25:03,627
Because you got talent.
1233
01:25:03,878 --> 01:25:06,630
I got brains, but you got talent.
1234
01:25:07,799 --> 01:25:11,218
See this right arm?
Worth a million bucks a year.
1235
01:25:11,261 --> 01:25:14,013
All my limbs put together
aren't worth seven cents a pound.
1236
01:25:14,097 --> 01:25:15,931
What are you talking about?
You're a great catcher.
1237
01:25:15,974 --> 01:25:18,934
- I'm a great catcher?
- Yeah.
1238
01:25:19,311 --> 01:25:20,561
- Forget it.
- Hey.
1239
01:25:20,604 --> 01:25:22,605
- Fucking forget it.
- Hey, Meat.
1240
01:25:25,817 --> 01:25:27,026
Damn!
1241
01:25:28,737 --> 01:25:30,821
I didn't mean to hit you, man.
1242
01:25:33,158 --> 01:25:35,367
You hurt my eye!
1243
01:25:37,412 --> 01:25:39,038
Sorry.
1244
01:25:39,122 --> 01:25:47,546
Did you hit me with your right hand,
did you hit me with your left?
1245
01:25:47,631 --> 01:25:50,174
- My left.
- Good. That's good.
1246
01:25:50,258 --> 01:25:54,595
When you get in a fight with a drunk,
you don't hit him with your pitching hand.
1247
01:25:54,971 --> 01:25:58,098
God, I can't keep giving you
these free lessons.
1248
01:25:58,141 --> 01:26:00,643
So quit screwing around and help me up.
1249
01:26:07,317 --> 01:26:09,109
You look great, man.
1250
01:26:20,205 --> 01:26:22,122
Be careful with the bags.
1251
01:26:22,749 --> 01:26:25,125
We got a boy going to the Show.
1252
01:26:54,322 --> 01:26:56,240
Sorry about last night.
1253
01:27:00,245 --> 01:27:01,620
Forget it.
1254
01:27:05,083 --> 01:27:09,878
I have been known on occasion
to howl at the moon.
1255
01:27:11,673 --> 01:27:13,215
You understand?
1256
01:27:15,218 --> 01:27:16,218
Um...
1257
01:27:18,221 --> 01:27:19,722
No.
1258
01:27:20,390 --> 01:27:21,932
Well, you will.
1259
01:27:24,269 --> 01:27:25,686
Look, Nuke,
1260
01:27:26,146 --> 01:27:29,231
these big-league hitters are going
to light you up like a pinball machine
1261
01:27:29,274 --> 01:27:31,901
for a while, all right?
1262
01:27:31,943 --> 01:27:33,861
Don't worry about it.
1263
01:27:33,904 --> 01:27:37,573
You be cocky and arrogant,
even when you're getting beat.
1264
01:27:39,409 --> 01:27:40,910
That's the secret.
1265
01:27:43,079 --> 01:27:47,124
You gotta play this game
with fear and arrogance.
1266
01:27:49,085 --> 01:27:50,669
Fear and ignorance.
1267
01:27:52,088 --> 01:27:56,634
No, fear and arrogance,
you hayseed, not ignorance.
1268
01:27:56,718 --> 01:27:58,260
I know. I know.
1269
01:27:59,429 --> 01:28:01,931
I just like seeing you
get all worked up.
1270
01:28:08,229 --> 01:28:09,438
Listen.
1271
01:28:13,276 --> 01:28:14,485
Thanks.
1272
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:33,128
Hey, Nuke.
1273
01:28:35,924 --> 01:28:37,299
Good luck.
1274
01:28:37,634 --> 01:28:40,636
You too, Meat.
1275
01:29:00,949 --> 01:29:03,117
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1276
01:29:03,159 --> 01:29:05,160
You may kiss the bride.
1277
01:29:37,903 --> 01:29:42,239
Jimmy, we all pitched in,
and we got you a little gift.
1278
01:29:42,324 --> 01:29:43,407
Tony.
1279
01:29:43,491 --> 01:29:46,660
Kind of a special wedding cake
from the Durham Bulls.
1280
01:29:50,290 --> 01:29:52,207
Oh, my Lord!
1281
01:29:56,880 --> 01:29:58,672
Yeah, Skip?
1282
01:29:59,883 --> 01:30:01,800
You wanted to see me?
1283
01:30:02,552 --> 01:30:06,013
Crash, shut the door.
1284
01:30:10,977 --> 01:30:12,436
I wanna thank everyone!
1285
01:30:12,520 --> 01:30:14,271
Give me a piece of that!
1286
01:30:26,451 --> 01:30:29,411
This is the toughest job a manager has.
1287
01:30:32,749 --> 01:30:34,041
But...
1288
01:30:37,045 --> 01:30:39,546
The organization wants to make a change.
1289
01:30:40,757 --> 01:30:45,636
Now that Nuke's gone,
they wanna bring up some young catcher.
1290
01:30:45,720 --> 01:30:48,097
Some kid hitting .300
in Bluefield.
1291
01:30:48,139 --> 01:30:50,057
He's probably a bust.
1292
01:30:50,850 --> 01:30:54,019
I put in a word for you
with the organization.
1293
01:30:54,104 --> 01:30:58,482
Told them I thought you might make
a fine minor-league manager someday.
1294
01:31:01,027 --> 01:31:05,531
There might be an opening
at Visalia next year.
1295
01:31:08,618 --> 01:31:10,661
You had a hell of a year, Crash.
1296
01:31:12,247 --> 01:31:13,455
But...
1297
01:31:14,624 --> 01:31:16,458
you know how it is.
1298
01:32:39,834 --> 01:32:41,752
I got released.
1299
01:32:42,837 --> 01:32:44,380
I heard already.
1300
01:34:00,957 --> 01:34:02,958
Oh, my.
1301
01:35:01,101 --> 01:35:03,560
I think probably with my love
for four-legged creatures
1302
01:35:03,645 --> 01:35:06,522
and hooves and everything,
that in another lifetime
1303
01:35:06,564 --> 01:35:09,358
I was probably Catherine the Great
or Francis of Assisi.
1304
01:35:09,401 --> 01:35:11,360
I'm not sure which one.
1305
01:35:12,654 --> 01:35:14,363
What do you think, honey?
1306
01:35:16,491 --> 01:35:20,911
How come in former lifetimes
everybody is somebody famous?
1307
01:35:26,376 --> 01:35:27,876
I mean...
1308
01:35:30,297 --> 01:35:33,382
How come nobody ever says
they were "Joe Schmoe"?
1309
01:35:33,466 --> 01:35:36,760
Because it doesn't work that way,
you fool.
1310
01:35:45,437 --> 01:35:47,354
God, you are gorgeous.
1311
01:35:50,066 --> 01:35:51,775
You wanna dance?
1312
01:36:07,083 --> 01:36:08,167
Yes.
1313
01:36:08,919 --> 01:36:10,336
I guess you do.
1314
01:38:45,116 --> 01:38:47,368
Crash took off at dawn.
1315
01:38:47,410 --> 01:38:49,912
Said he heard there might be
an opening for a catcher in Asheville
1316
01:38:49,996 --> 01:38:51,997
in the South Atlantic League.
1317
01:38:52,958 --> 01:38:54,917
A woman should be
so strong and powerful
1318
01:38:54,960 --> 01:38:57,544
that she's not affected by such things.
1319
01:38:57,879 --> 01:39:00,089
I mean, it wasn't the first time
I went to bed with a guy
1320
01:39:00,173 --> 01:39:02,216
and woke up with a note.
1321
01:39:02,592 --> 01:39:05,261
At least the son of a bitch
left me breakfast.
1322
01:39:07,973 --> 01:39:12,101
You have to respect a ballplayer
who's just trying to finish the season.
1323
01:39:12,269 --> 01:39:14,520
At least, that's what I told myself.
1324
01:39:15,480 --> 01:39:18,732
Baseball may be a religion
full of magic, cosmic truth
1325
01:39:18,775 --> 01:39:21,902
and the fundamental ontological
riddles of our time,
1326
01:39:22,112 --> 01:39:24,113
but it's also a job.
1327
01:39:25,865 --> 01:39:29,118
Come on, Meat.
Throw me that weak-ass shit.
1328
01:39:29,953 --> 01:39:32,496
Come on.
You ain't getting that cheese by me.
1329
01:39:32,706 --> 01:39:36,625
Bring it. Bring it. Bring it.
1330
01:39:37,669 --> 01:39:42,631
When Crash hit his 247th home run,
I knew the moment it happened.
1331
01:39:42,716 --> 01:39:44,633
But I'm sure nobody else did.
1332
01:39:45,051 --> 01:39:48,470
And The Sporting News
didn't say anything about it.
1333
01:39:49,848 --> 01:39:53,017
"Full many a flower is born
to blush unseen,
1334
01:39:53,101 --> 01:39:57,229
"And waste its sweetness
on the desert air." Thomas Gray.
1335
01:39:57,981 --> 01:40:01,317
Or William Cullen Bryant.
I don't know. I get 'em mixed up.
1336
01:40:01,651 --> 01:40:05,613
Anyway, my attempts at housekeeping
were feeble as usual.
1337
01:40:05,655 --> 01:40:08,407
I sometimes get easily distracted.
1338
01:40:08,783 --> 01:40:12,077
Funny thing was
I stopped worrying about Nuke.
1339
01:40:12,162 --> 01:40:14,705
Somehow I knew nothing would stop him.
1340
01:40:14,789 --> 01:40:18,876
The world is made for people
who aren't cursed with self-awareness.
1341
01:40:19,085 --> 01:40:22,087
Crash was right, Nuke had a gift.
1342
01:40:22,172 --> 01:40:26,133
I'm just happy to be here,
and I hope I can help the ball club.
1343
01:40:26,343 --> 01:40:28,218
You know, I just wanna
give it my best shot.
1344
01:40:28,303 --> 01:40:30,429
And the good Lord willing,
things will work out.
1345
01:40:30,513 --> 01:40:32,723
You know, you gotta play 'em
one day at a time, though.
1346
01:40:32,807 --> 01:40:34,934
Raye Anne, right?
That's a beautiful name.
1347
01:40:35,018 --> 01:40:38,270
Is that Greek? Raye Anne.
It's a beautiful name.
1348
01:40:38,355 --> 01:40:40,856
There's a great song by Motley Crue.
Do you know it?
1349
01:40:40,941 --> 01:40:43,275
"Raye Anne, she's a stay in." No?
1350
01:40:43,360 --> 01:40:45,444
Anyway, a good friend of mine
used to say,
1351
01:40:45,528 --> 01:40:47,404
"This is a very simple game.
1352
01:40:47,489 --> 01:40:50,032
"You throw the ball,
you catch the ball, you hit the ball.
1353
01:40:50,075 --> 01:40:53,285
"Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
1354
01:40:53,536 --> 01:40:56,080
"Sometimes it rains."
1355
01:40:56,498 --> 01:40:58,374
Think about that for a while.
1356
01:41:45,130 --> 01:41:47,339
Oh, my.
1357
01:42:30,926 --> 01:42:32,426
What happened?
1358
01:42:34,137 --> 01:42:35,304
I quit.
1359
01:42:37,974 --> 01:42:40,434
Hit my dinger and I hung them up.
1360
01:42:47,025 --> 01:42:48,984
I'm quitting too.
1361
01:42:49,027 --> 01:42:51,237
I mean, boys, not baseball.
1362
01:42:53,949 --> 01:42:58,160
There might be an opening for a manager
in Visalia next spring.
1363
01:43:02,582 --> 01:43:05,292
Think I could make it
to the Show as a manager?
1364
01:43:07,379 --> 01:43:12,925
You'd be great.
1365
01:43:14,719 --> 01:43:19,014
I mean, because you understand
about nonlinear thinking.
1366
01:43:19,057 --> 01:43:23,560
I mean, baseball seems like a linear game
with all those lines and box scores.
1367
01:43:23,645 --> 01:43:26,188
But the fact is, it's a spacious
non-time kind of time to it.
1368
01:43:26,231 --> 01:43:27,356
Annie.
1369
01:43:28,483 --> 01:43:29,650
What?
1370
01:43:30,235 --> 01:43:33,070
I got a lot of time to
hear your theories.
1371
01:43:33,613 --> 01:43:36,365
And I wanna hear every damn one of them,
1372
01:43:38,451 --> 01:43:41,954
but now I'm tired and I don't want
to think about baseball.
1373
01:43:42,038 --> 01:43:44,331
And I don't wanna think
about quantum physics.
1374
01:43:44,374 --> 01:43:46,792
And I don't wanna think about nothing.
1375
01:43:51,131 --> 01:43:52,756
I just wanna be.
1376
01:43:55,176 --> 01:43:57,094
I can do that, too.
1377
01:43:59,514 --> 01:44:04,059
Walt Whitman once said,
"I see great things in baseball.
1378
01:44:04,144 --> 01:44:07,187
"It's our game. The American game.
1379
01:44:07,230 --> 01:44:10,566
"It will repair our losses
and be a blessing to us."
1380
01:44:11,234 --> 01:44:12,735
You could look it up.104812
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