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Copyright (C) NRK
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Well, greeting friends and everyone
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It feels fantastic, and at the same time completely natural to stand here before you -
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- as your rightful chieftan.
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And a pretty big surprise is that we have gained a new ally in -
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- Jarl Varg!
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-He ripped off my testicles! - Yes, that does sound like him.
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-He stabbed my children! -Well, yes I will have to take your word for it ...
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They burned down my house and viciously molested me!
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Yes, but in law and war everything is legal an all that ...
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You will just have to take my word that Jarl Varg is a incredibly all right guy.
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All right guy?
He fingered my urethra to pieces!
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Now you are just making stuff up.
That is impossible.
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Its quite possible! When I take a piss, its like emptying a wash bucket!
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Anyways, we will just have to judge Jarl Varg by the actions he takes from here on out.
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He is starting with a clean rune stick.
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Anyways, Jarl Varg will arrive in a few days -
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- to collect the map of the journey West.
This is good news.
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Our new lawmaker Rufus would like to say a few words.
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As you all have head, I will be setting sail for Rome.
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Only the best of the best will be allowed to join me.
Any volunteers?
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Ok! Ragnar, Falk, you and you!
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And Frodo, or what ever your name is.
We leave once Varg has been here, so pack your bags.
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No! Arvid!
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Auch!
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Sorry! Sorry, Frøya! That rock was too big.
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I'm so bad at comparing sizes.
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It looked a lot smaller.
Are you okay?
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- I thought you were dead! -I am not dead.
I am alive.
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I have had some time to think.
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Do you know who I believe has a finger in this game?
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-Varg.
-Off course.
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There are a lot of things pointing in the direction that this was all planned.
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-Yes, that seems obvious.
-Its easy to say now.
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Well, it was easy to say then as well, really.
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But I have a plan.
And it is just insane enough that it might actually work.
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-Hello, Frøya.
-Hi.
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-You look newly penetrated.
-Its been a couple of days.
Or hours.
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Are you over Arvid?
Whats up?
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Frøya, if there is one person you can trust here in Norheim, its me.
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Ok.
If I told you that Arvid is alive and has an insane plan, -
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- what would you say?
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I would ask: What can I do to help?
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Horizontally.
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Then you look in.
Open your hands and look in.
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Its a rectum.
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No, no, no.
Its a vagina.
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Its incredible.
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Welcome.
Welcome to us!
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-I'll have a hug.
-I dont think so, Orm.
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Its nice to ride in here surrounded by peace and prosperity.
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We are friendship towns now, so no one shall commit violence or sodomy.
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-Yes, we will se.
-Well, no one knows where the bunny jumps.
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Anyway, I am here for the map.
And another little thing I want to settle.
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That sounds fine, Vargerino.
Shall we start with the map?
Anyway, I am here for the map.
And another little thing I want to settle.
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That sounds fine, Vargerino.
Shall we start with the map?
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So close to the promised the map! The rumors say that anyone who gets close to the map -
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- gets killed by a trap.
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Something is happening.
They made a lot of different stuff.
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Slave!
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Go fetch the map, slave.
In the chest over there.
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Calmly open the lid of the chest.
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Then grab the map.
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Is this the map?
It looks like a brat drew it.
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All I have to do to sail west is to avoid this sea snake?
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I guess so.
Other people handled the navigation when I left.
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Or every time a go raiding.
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Everything I went through to get this map.
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And all I had to do was sail west?
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Yes.
Thats probably why its called "the map to the west"
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Torstein.
Stool.
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Table.
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Well, I had made that patè by my self.
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But its ruined now.
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I really appreciate you betraying Arvid, but I dont give a shit about your patè.
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Well, have a nice trip
Ride safely.
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One last thing before we leave, Orm.
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The last domino.
One last thing before we leave, Orm.
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The last domino.
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Domino?
I dont know what that is.
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Last time I was here, there was one who in the most cowardly manner -
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- stole my hands.
Last time I was here, there was one who in the most cowardly manner -
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- stole my hands.
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I find it reasonable that I get some hands in return.
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How would that go down?
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Let me tell you a story abut a small boy that lived here -
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- many years ago.
He had a wooden figure he was attached to.
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They were best friends.
Inseparable.
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One day the boys father discovered the wooden figure, -
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- and he told the boy it wasnt healthy having an imaginary best friend.
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Stick-Finn was probably the most real thing the boy knew.
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Then the father broke the stick into tiny pieces so it was destroyed.
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And the boys heart was broken.
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-And the boy was you?
-Its not important who it was.
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The morale is even though you feel you cant live without a thing, body parts, -
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- you will after a while forget that they were there.
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Because, time heals all wounds
The boy discovered that.
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If you think I will let you cut off my hands, you are reading me wrong.
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-Lets call it voluntary work then?
-No.
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-The hands?
-You wont get them.
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-Then I will take them.
-I dont fight handicapped people.
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I dont have a weapon.
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Pathetic.
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Anyone else?
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Remember, we are friendship towns!
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I am doing this for everyone you have molested and killed in Norheim.
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And this is for what you did to Arvid.
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Never turn your back on your enemy, didnt Arvid tell you that?
The pig.
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Thats what I call prosthesis!
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Oh, strong lads.
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Even though this was really unpleasant, -
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- we have at least had an experience for life.
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Maybe this is something we can build on?
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I hope Norheim and Vargnes still are friendship towns?
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Of course, Orm.
Of course.
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This has to be hard for you.
Being a widower with so much responsibility.
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How you are handling this demands respect Orm.
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Its more than anyone can carry.
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-Alone anyway.
-Well, it takes a certain kind of man.
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I have gained so much respect for you.
And all your layers.
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The weeks as a slave really did wonders on your body.
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Well, I have gained some pretty muscle.
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You have become very sexual.
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I am thinking that I have been so blind.
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Fumbling around hunting for the perfect man.
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Then it turns out he has been right in front of me this whole time.
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Dream man or dream man ....
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-You are.
-I am.
I am?
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You are my dream man.
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Okay?
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-Hildur?
-Yes?
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-What was it?
-What?
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-What did you talk to the crew about?
-I am supervising the packing.
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-Arent they packing to much?
-Its easy to pack to little.
-What did you talk to the crew about?
-I am supervising the packing.
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-Arent they packing to much?
-Its easy to pack to little.
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-Thats good.
-I am only trying to help, Rufus.
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-So the ship will soon be ready?
-Yes, the morning after the good bye party.
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-This will be great, Rufus.
-Good.
-So the ship will soon be ready?
-Yes, the morning after the good bye party.
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-This will be great, Rufus.
-Good.
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Kark.
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-Did you see the shaman?
-Yes.
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You?
If Arvids plan works, we might give you your freedom.
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Those arent decisions we need to make now?
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-We have to thank you somehow.
-But freedom?
A handshake would be fine.
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But isnt that too little?
You have to wish for something?
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Well, maybe I could taste human food.
That would be something.
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-Well let us see if we cant sort that out.
-Seriously?
Is it possible?
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-Maybe.
-Wow.
Good.
Thanks.
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Dear everyone gathered.
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It is with a heavy heart we say good bye to our own -
Dear everyone gathered.
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It is with a heavy heart we say good bye to our own -
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- butterfly in winter land.
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Enjoyer and liver of life Rufus.
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Rufus, do you want to say some words?
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I have changed this city -
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-from a primitive warriors nest ti a cultural lighthouse.
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I have made sure that when the histories mention the vikings -
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- you wont be know for your warriors with iconic ships.
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You will be known for abstract installations and performance art.
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My work here is done
Now you will have to manage on your own.
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It would be natural with a roaring applause at this point, people.
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Just slap your hands together.
It isnt magic.
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But moving forward it will be like this. Me for example -
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- might spontaneously pop up at your place.
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And you: "How nice, have a seat.
Are you hungry?"
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Some one finds some instruments and starts singing songs that everyone knows.
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And suddenly everyone is naked without that being planned at all.
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Then you dont care at all who is your partner, what sex you have.
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And you wake up the next day embarrassed, no, proud.
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Then you stand by it.
You have broken some barriers.
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Orm?
We have a little surprise.
Come with?
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Right?
Have fun.
Well talk later ...
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A small welcome drink to the power elite.
There you are.
Just drink.
Right?
Have fun.
Well talk later ...
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A small welcome drink to the power elite.
There you are.
Just drink.
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You too, Liv.
Enjoy.
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-Cheers.
-Wait, wait.
Hold on.
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You shouldnt drink something that someone is so excited for you to drink.
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-You havent put bodily fluids in this?
-Seriously?
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Who expels bodily fluid and puts it in mead?
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Its completely normal mead.
No bodily fluids of any kind in it.
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Let me suggest that Kark takes the first sip.
Just to be sure.
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Of course.
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(Voices change) Now?
Did it have a taste of body or sex?
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Nope.
No.
This is super.
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Lovely taste.
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(Distorted voices) Good.
The sub human has spoken.
No sex in the mead.
Cheers.
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Cheers for Rufus and Rome, cheers for the chieftan.
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Yes ...
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Orm!
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Orm.
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Are you there?
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Liv.
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Liv, wake up.
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Liv!
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What is happening?
Where is everyone?
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Loke knows.
197
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Hello!
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No, no, no, no!
199
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Too bad they took the ship.
200
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Auch.
201
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There. You are awake as well
Sorry we brought you along against your will.
202
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-For you wouldnt have come voluntarily?
-Thats right on the dot, Arvid.
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-Where are you going?
-The land to the west.
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-We need someone to cultivate the land.
-Damn, Loke ...
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It will be great.
Colonizing.
Molest on a much larger scale.
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Can one of you get Frøya?
She was sleeping so soundly.
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Arvid ...
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Frøya ...
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-Frøya what?
-Jarl Varg -
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- had knives in his prosthesis.
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Knives?
She was just sleeping.
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Frøya?
Frøya?
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Frøya!
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At least I am still chieftan.
That is something.
215
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The last time we were alone we were lawless cowards in a forest.
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You are chieftan of an abandoned village!
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-You know what we have to do now?
-Yes.
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No.
Well yes, or ...
219
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We need to build a ship that can get me back to Rome!
220
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Good luck.
221
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We need a crew, people that can build a ship and get going!
222
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You realize that you have to let this go, Rufus?
223
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But we have each other.
And it was really nice having sex with you Liv.
224
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Its incredible that we havent found each other before now, but ...
225
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If there is one thing we have now, it is time to lie here in the longhouse -
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- and have sex and await better times.
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Arvid?
228
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Its important not to be buried by the grief.
Arvid?
229
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Its important not to be buried by the grief.
230
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We need to be strong and work together to get through this.
231
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We need to lay all of this behind us and move on with life.
232
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-That is what Frøya would have wanterd.
-Do you think so?
233
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Everything happens for a reason, Arvid.
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00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,860
I have lost my husband; you your girlfriend.
235
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:38,500
-Its pretty clear what the gods want.
-That we stay single forever.
236
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:43,740
No, Arvid.
That you and I should be together.
237
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:47,400
As chieftan and chieftans wife.
238
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,940
Are you ready to bathe in the tree M''s?
239
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:28,040
Mat(food), mjød(mead) and knusktørr mus(bone dry pussy)?
240
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,660
I hold the key to the west in my hand.
241
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:40,960
This map will make Vargnes the most powerful city in Norway!
242
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,080
We will crush all resistance we meet!
243
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,920
We will cut our enemies into small pieces!
244
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,820
We will burn them inside their own houses!
245
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:59,260
I am going to cut of their skin, dry it, and use it -
246
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,240
- as some kind of suit.
247
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:08,940
Oh, I have a lot of good ideas.
I am bubbling over with them.
248
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,840
It is incredible.
19929
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