Original subtitles

Copyright (C) NRK

Well, greeting friends and everyone

It feels fantastic, and at the same time completely natural to stand here before you -

- as your rightful chieftan.

And a pretty big surprise is that we have gained a new ally in -

- Jarl Varg!

-He ripped off my testicles! - Yes, that does sound like him.

-He stabbed my children! -Well, yes I will have to take your word for it ...

They burned down my house and viciously molested me!

Yes, but in law and war everything is legal an all that ...

You will just have to take my word that Jarl Varg is a incredibly all right guy.

All right guy? He fingered my urethra to pieces!

Now you are just making stuff up. That is impossible.

Its quite possible! When I take a piss, its like emptying a wash bucket!

Anyways, we will just have to judge Jarl Varg by the actions he takes from here on out.

He is starting with a clean rune stick.

Anyways, Jarl Varg will arrive in a few days -

- to collect the map of the journey West. This is good news.

Our new lawmaker Rufus would like to say a few words.

As you all have head, I will be setting sail for Rome.

Only the best of the best will be allowed to join me. Any volunteers?

Ok! Ragnar, Falk, you and you!

And Frodo, or what ever your name is. We leave once Varg has been here, so pack your bags.

No! Arvid!

Auch!

Sorry! Sorry, Frøya! That rock was too big.

I'm so bad at comparing sizes.

It looked a lot smaller. Are you okay?

- I thought you were dead! -I am not dead. I am alive.

I have had some time to think.

Do you know who I believe has a finger in this game?

-Varg. -Off course.

There are a lot of things pointing in the direction that this was all planned.

-Yes, that seems obvious. -Its easy to say now.

Well, it was easy to say then as well, really.

But I have a plan. And it is just insane enough that it might actually work.

-Hello, Frøya. -Hi.

-You look newly penetrated. -Its been a couple of days. Or hours.

Are you over Arvid? Whats up?

Frøya, if there is one person you can trust here in Norheim, its me.

Ok. If I told you that Arvid is alive and has an insane plan, -

- what would you say?

I would ask: What can I do to help?

Horizontally.

Then you look in. Open your hands and look in.

Its a rectum.

No, no, no. Its a vagina.

Its incredible.

Welcome. Welcome to us!

-I'll have a hug. -I dont think so, Orm.

Its nice to ride in here surrounded by peace and prosperity.

We are friendship towns now, so no one shall commit violence or sodomy.

-Yes, we will se. -Well, no one knows where the bunny jumps.

Anyway, I am here for the map. And another little thing I want to settle.

That sounds fine, Vargerino. Shall we start with the map? Anyway, I am here for the map. And another little thing I want to settle.

That sounds fine, Vargerino. Shall we start with the map?

So close to the promised the map! The rumors say that anyone who gets close to the map -

- gets killed by a trap.

Something is happening. They made a lot of different stuff.

Slave!

Go fetch the map, slave. In the chest over there.

Calmly open the lid of the chest.

Then grab the map.

Is this the map? It looks like a brat drew it.

All I have to do to sail west is to avoid this sea snake?

I guess so. Other people handled the navigation when I left.

Or every time a go raiding.

Everything I went through to get this map.

And all I had to do was sail west?

Yes. Thats probably why its called "the map to the west"

Torstein. Stool.

Table.

Well, I had made that patè by my self.

But its ruined now.

I really appreciate you betraying Arvid, but I dont give a shit about your patè.

Well, have a nice trip Ride safely.

One last thing before we leave, Orm.

The last domino. One last thing before we leave, Orm.

The last domino.

Domino? I dont know what that is.

Last time I was here, there was one who in the most cowardly manner -

- stole my hands. Last time I was here, there was one who in the most cowardly manner -

- stole my hands.

I find it reasonable that I get some hands in return.

How would that go down?

Let me tell you a story abut a small boy that lived here -

- many years ago. He had a wooden figure he was attached to.

They were best friends. Inseparable.

One day the boys father discovered the wooden figure, -

- and he told the boy it wasnt healthy having an imaginary best friend.

Stick-Finn was probably the most real thing the boy knew.

Then the father broke the stick into tiny pieces so it was destroyed.

And the boys heart was broken.

-And the boy was you? -Its not important who it was.

The morale is even though you feel you cant live without a thing, body parts, -

- you will after a while forget that they were there.

Because, time heals all wounds The boy discovered that.

If you think I will let you cut off my hands, you are reading me wrong.

-Lets call it voluntary work then? -No.

-The hands? -You wont get them.

-Then I will take them. -I dont fight handicapped people.

I dont have a weapon.

Pathetic.

Anyone else?

Remember, we are friendship towns!

I am doing this for everyone you have molested and killed in Norheim.

And this is for what you did to Arvid.

Never turn your back on your enemy, didnt Arvid tell you that? The pig.

Thats what I call prosthesis!

Oh, strong lads.

Even though this was really unpleasant, -

- we have at least had an experience for life.

Maybe this is something we can build on?

I hope Norheim and Vargnes still are friendship towns?

Of course, Orm. Of course.

This has to be hard for you. Being a widower with so much responsibility.

How you are handling this demands respect Orm.

Its more than anyone can carry.

-Alone anyway. -Well, it takes a certain kind of man.

I have gained so much respect for you. And all your layers.

The weeks as a slave really did wonders on your body.

Well, I have gained some pretty muscle.

You have become very sexual.

I am thinking that I have been so blind.

Fumbling around hunting for the perfect man.

Then it turns out he has been right in front of me this whole time.

Dream man or dream man ....

-You are. -I am. I am?

You are my dream man.

Okay?

-Hildur? -Yes?

-What was it? -What?

-What did you talk to the crew about? -I am supervising the packing.

-Arent they packing to much? -Its easy to pack to little. -What did you talk to the crew about? -I am supervising the packing.

-Arent they packing to much? -Its easy to pack to little.

-Thats good. -I am only trying to help, Rufus.

-So the ship will soon be ready? -Yes, the morning after the good bye party.

-This will be great, Rufus. -Good. -So the ship will soon be ready? -Yes, the morning after the good bye party.

-This will be great, Rufus. -Good.

Kark.

-Did you see the shaman? -Yes.

You? If Arvids plan works, we might give you your freedom.

Those arent decisions we need to make now?

-We have to thank you somehow. -But freedom? A handshake would be fine.

But isnt that too little? You have to wish for something?

Well, maybe I could taste human food. That would be something.

-Well let us see if we cant sort that out. -Seriously? Is it possible?

-Maybe. -Wow. Good. Thanks.

Dear everyone gathered.

It is with a heavy heart we say good bye to our own - Dear everyone gathered.

It is with a heavy heart we say good bye to our own -

- butterfly in winter land.

Enjoyer and liver of life Rufus.

Rufus, do you want to say some words?

I have changed this city -

-from a primitive warriors nest ti a cultural lighthouse.

I have made sure that when the histories mention the vikings -

- you wont be know for your warriors with iconic ships.

You will be known for abstract installations and performance art.

My work here is done Now you will have to manage on your own.

It would be natural with a roaring applause at this point, people.

Just slap your hands together. It isnt magic.

But moving forward it will be like this. Me for example -

- might spontaneously pop up at your place.

And you: "How nice, have a seat. Are you hungry?"

Some one finds some instruments and starts singing songs that everyone knows.

And suddenly everyone is naked without that being planned at all.

Then you dont care at all who is your partner, what sex you have.

And you wake up the next day embarrassed, no, proud.

Then you stand by it. You have broken some barriers.

Orm? We have a little surprise. Come with?

Right? Have fun. Well talk later ...

A small welcome drink to the power elite. There you are. Just drink. Right? Have fun. Well talk later ...

A small welcome drink to the power elite. There you are. Just drink.

You too, Liv. Enjoy.

-Cheers. -Wait, wait. Hold on.

You shouldnt drink something that someone is so excited for you to drink.

-You havent put bodily fluids in this? -Seriously?

Who expels bodily fluid and puts it in mead?

Its completely normal mead. No bodily fluids of any kind in it.

Let me suggest that Kark takes the first sip. Just to be sure.

Of course.

(Voices change) Now? Did it have a taste of body or sex?

Nope. No. This is super.

Lovely taste.

(Distorted voices) Good. The sub human has spoken. No sex in the mead. Cheers.

Cheers for Rufus and Rome, cheers for the chieftan.

Yes ...

Orm!

Orm.

Are you there?

Liv.

Liv, wake up.

Liv!

What is happening? Where is everyone?

Loke knows.

Hello!

No, no, no, no!

Too bad they took the ship.

Auch.

There. You are awake as well Sorry we brought you along against your will.

-For you wouldnt have come voluntarily? -Thats right on the dot, Arvid.

-Where are you going? -The land to the west.

-We need someone to cultivate the land. -Damn, Loke ...

It will be great. Colonizing. Molest on a much larger scale.

Can one of you get Frøya? She was sleeping so soundly.

Arvid ...

Frøya ...

-Frøya what? -Jarl Varg -

- had knives in his prosthesis.

Knives? She was just sleeping.

Frøya? Frøya?

Frøya!

At least I am still chieftan. That is something.

The last time we were alone we were lawless cowards in a forest.

You are chieftan of an abandoned village!

-You know what we have to do now? -Yes.

No. Well yes, or ...

We need to build a ship that can get me back to Rome!

Good luck.

We need a crew, people that can build a ship and get going!

You realize that you have to let this go, Rufus?

But we have each other. And it was really nice having sex with you Liv.

Its incredible that we havent found each other before now, but ...

If there is one thing we have now, it is time to lie here in the longhouse -

- and have sex and await better times.

Arvid?

Its important not to be buried by the grief. Arvid?

Its important not to be buried by the grief.

We need to be strong and work together to get through this.

We need to lay all of this behind us and move on with life.

-That is what Frøya would have wanterd. -Do you think so?

Everything happens for a reason, Arvid.

I have lost my husband; you your girlfriend.

-Its pretty clear what the gods want. -That we stay single forever.

No, Arvid. That you and I should be together.

As chieftan and chieftans wife.

Are you ready to bathe in the tree M''s?

Mat(food), mjød(mead) and knusktørr mus(bone dry pussy)?

I hold the key to the west in my hand.

This map will make Vargnes the most powerful city in Norway!

We will crush all resistance we meet!

We will cut our enemies into small pieces!

We will burn them inside their own houses!

I am going to cut of their skin, dry it, and use it -

- as some kind of suit.

Oh, I have a lot of good ideas. I am bubbling over with them.

It is incredible.