All language subtitles for TheMatador (2005)

[Man] It's 73 degrees
on this beautiful morning.

It's 6.59 in the a.m.

Enjoy Mr. Sunshine
while you can, friends,

because AccuWeather is predicting
thunderstorms tomorrow.

So it's time to wake up
and enjoy the day.

Wake upl

Wake up, Julianl

Julian?

Julian?

Julianl

[gasps]

Oh...

[man] The freeway is tied up
around Lincoln,

but 685 is looking jim-dandy
in both directions.

More traffic reports on the five,

but coming up,
beautiful Kimberly

with complete Accu-Weather...

[sighs]

Oh.

[Groans]

[Exhales heavily]

Oh.

[Chuckles]

[# The Jam: A Town Oalled Malice]

[# The Jam: A Town Oalled Malice]

# Better stop dreamin'
of the quiet life

# 'Cause it's the one
we'll never know

# And quit running
for the runaway bus

# 'Cause those rosy days are few

# And stop apologizing
for the things you've never done

# 'Cause time is short
and life is cruel

# But it's up to us to change
this town called malice

# Rows and rows
of disused milk floats

# Stand dying in the dairy yard

# And a hundred lonely housewives

# Clutch empty milk bottles
to their hearts

# Hanging out their old love
letters on the line to dry

# It's enough to
make you stop believing

# When tears come
fast and furious

# In a town called malice

# Yeah

# Ba ba ba ba
ba-da-ba

# Ba ba ba-da-ba

# Oh, ba ba ba ba
ba-da-ba

# Ba ba ba-da-ba

# Struggle after struggle
year after year

# The atmosphere's
a fine blend of ice

# I'm almost stone-cold dead
in a town called malice

# Ooh, yeah

[kids chattering]

[Boy] Hey, mister, is that your car?

What?

The cool Porsche.
You keep staring at it.

Why don't you shoo?

I don't want to shoo.

Your mother tell you
never to talk to strangers?

She's over there,
and she says I should talk to you.

- She did?
- Yeah.

She wants to know
what you're doing here.

I think she thinks
you're cute.

I don't know anything
about that car.

And I'm only interested
in your mother

if she lost 20 pounds
and 30 years,

so I'd really like it
if you got the fuck away from me.

- Whatever.
- Yeah, whatever. Goodbye. Scadoodle.

- See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
- Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.

[Ice-cream truck music]

[Clicks tongue]

[Thunderclap]

[Thunderclap]

[Radio blares]

[Music stops]

[Thunderclap]

[Raining]

Hi.

Bean.

You're up early.

Thunder woke me up.

I wanted to see you
before you left.

- I'm gonna miss that.
- Me too.

I'm gonna miss everything.

It's only two nights.

With this weather
and our luck,

it scares me.

Honey, you know
I gotta go.

But I'm coming home
to you in two days.

With really good news,
I promise.

Mmm.

- Oh.
- Ooh!

Oh!

Danny!

Are you sure you have time?

Maybe not for dinner
and a movie, but...

Oh.

Danny!

Oh.

[Thunderclap]

[Creaking]

Tree!

[Crashing]

[Thunder rumbling]

[Rain falling]

Still horny?

[Laughing]

[Woman over PA] Flight 421
to Salt Lake City has been delayed...

[man] Danny! Danny!

Oh.

I'm so sorry, Phil.

No, it's fine.
Is Bean all right?

Oh, yeah, the fire department's
over there.

Our crazy neighbors,
the tyrannists...

She's fine, really.

She practically forced me
to get over here.

She knows what
this job means, right?

She knows somebody
has to pay for a new kitchen.

Now be betterjust make
this flight, huh?

Yeah, we will.

I mean, we have to.

Hope the weather's
better in Mexico.

Mr. Noble,
how are you today?

Oouldn't be better.

But, more importantly,

how are you...

...Genevive?

[Song plays in Spanish]

Buenas tardes.

Deme una margarita,
por favor.

Con mucha sal.

[Clinking ice cubes echo]

[Man] Cerveza, por favor.

[Speaking Spanish]

[Continues speaking Spanish]

Gracias.

My business is my pleasure.

[Clicks]

How ya doin'?

I'm a...
I'm a nervous wreck.

Think positive.

I think that I'm sweating
through my suit.

[Snickering]

[Man] Hello, Julian.

Getting some culture?

Indeed.

Isn't she a tad pubescent?
Even for you?

I'd make an exception for her.

- Did you study the assignment?
- No, I shredded it.

Then I humped the bellboy
on the room service cart.

- [Man] Am I supposed to be shocked?
- Adios.

[Julian] Que tenga buena d�a.

I hate these Oatholic countries.

All blushy-blushy. No sucky-fucky.

[Chuckles] Well, somehow I think
you'll find your way.

Now, look, there's
been a change of plans.

The portfolio has to be delivered
sooner than we discussed.

What are you saying?

She's leaving for Europe tomorrow.

I'm not a fucking magician.

Just get it done today.

I almost forgot!

Yeah?

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday?

Fuck.

[Gunshot]

[Danny] Incredible!

What can I say, the guy...

[stammering] We shouldn't
even need to think about it!

That's good, right?

Yes, I think so.

Dos margaritas, por favor.

Oh!

You know, I think we did it.

I don't know what
you were freaking out about.

- You were remarkable.
- No, you were.

No, you. It was you!

No way they can't
give us this job.

You really think that?

I know.

- Good!
- Uh!

- Ah!
- Yeah!

Shh. We need two more.

[Music plays on television]

# Once a boy I know
went to Mexico

# He knew just four words
to tell his love

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

# Though his words were few
still the lady knew

# What this Brooklyn boy
was dreaming of

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

- # Yo te amo mucho
- # And that's that

# We would die
ay yi yi...

[remote hits ground]

[Man] Hello?

- Andy!
- Yeah?

[Laughing]

Andy, you crazy limey bastard, it's me!

Who?

- Julian!
- Who?

J-Julian Noble from Portugal.

- Remember?
- Who?

Julian Noble.

Yeah. I just thought
I'd give you a chat.

See how you're doing.
It's my birthday.

[Click]

Andy? Hello?

[Dial tone]

Yeah, hello.
Is Oindy there?

Fuck it.

# Aah...

Now, this smells like a party!

[Applause]

Margarita, por favor.

[Bartender] S�, se�or.

Well, you look like
you could use one.

Hm!

Who couldn't?

I've had, uh...

Four, five, maybe. I don't know...

They're darn tasty.

Margaritas always
taste better in Mexico.

They certainly do.

Margaritas and cock.

Gracias. And one
for my friend over there.

- Oh, no, no! That's...
- Don't worry.

- I'm not trying to make a pass at you.
- I'm not worried.

If you're that type of guy...

- I don't mean to be rude but...
- It's all right.

I'm just messin' with ya.

I'm sorry about
the cock comment.

Kind of a conversation stopper.

Kinda.

Yeah.

So? What are you
doing in Mexico?

Tell me something, uh...

Dan. Danny.
Danny Wright.

Garrison & Wright.

Tell me something,
Danny Wright.

Yes, sir.

Why the hell do you care
why I'm in Mexico?

- Why so interested, huh?
- No reason. Just...

...hotel bar conversation, I guess.

Are you with the farm?

- What's that?
- The agency?

- What?
- Are you following me?

- No, no.
- Did I make you?

I have no idea
what you're talk...

Did I fucking make you? Hm?

OK. I'm going to excuse myself.

- I have to go, thank you.
- No. No, please.

No, I'm really tired.

No, no, please.
I didn't mean to weird you out.

I just get paranoid sometimes.
I was wrong. Please.

I'm drunk. I'm tired.

I've been fornicating
for the last two hours,

and, before that,
I was doing shit...

Horrible business shit...

Please... come on.

I was out of order.

Let's finish our drink.
Oome on.

Here you go.

Here you are.
Here's your drink.

Danny?
Here you go.

I mean, you seem
like a nice guy.

You know, a normal guy.

I'm sorry.

Really, it's all right.

So...

...you in town on business?

Hm?

You have that way
about you, Danny.

[Cockney accent]
Why are you so interested?

[Both laugh]

It's... it's...

- Very good.
- Yeah?

Ah, very good.

Oh, I'm here on business.

Is it going well?

Very well, I hope.

My... my partner and I...
He's upstairs.

...we just had
a very good pitch session.

No shit?

Very good.

Well, that's fantastic.

That's great, Danny.

I needed a day like this.

I hear ya.

I've had a tough couple years.

I was with this business
out of Denver for nine years.

And out of the blue they just...

- They laid me off.
- Oh...

Yeah. Just like that.

And it was, I don't know,
two and a half years ago.

- I've been struggling back ever since.
- And today you got back.

Well, I hope.

Today you're a man again.

Yeah.

And to be a man,
after they fuck you

and destroy your self-respect...

Well, that is a great thing.

Thank you.

Dos margaritas, por favor.

Are you married, Danny?

Oh, yeah, I am.
Fourteen years.

Oh... let me guess.
High school sweetheart.

It's true.

Unbelievable.

The fuckin' American dream, huh?

Yeah. What about you?

What do you do for a living?

Any kids?

You got kids, Danny?

Oh, no.
I crossed the line.

No, no, no. You did not.

- I did.
- You did not cross the line.

- It's fine.
- I'm sorry.

It's fine.

We lost our son three years ago.

It was a school bus accident.

Fourteen children lived that day...

...and one died.

That was Henry.

We, uh...

...had a bad run for a while.

Two Mexicans walk into a cantina.

What?

Two Mexicans walk into a cantina.

One's a midget, and the other's got
a dick 15 inches long.

W-what are you saying?

I'm trying to change the subject.
The midget says to the bartender,

"They call my amigo
the human swizzle stick.

You know what they
call me?"

This is incredible.

What?

You're... very rude.

I'm trying to change the subject.

Thank you very much
for the drink.

Goodbye. Good night.
Thank you.

Don't you wanna hear the punchline?

It's a fucking good one.
[Laughing]

Gracias.

[# The Oramps: Garbageman]

# You ain't no punk, you punk

# You wanna talk about the real junk?

# If I ever slip, I'll be banned

# 'Cause I'm your garbageman

# Well, you can't dig me
you can't dig nothin'

# Do you want the real thing
or are you just talkin'?

# Do you understand?

# I'm your garbageman

# Yeah, somethin'from...

[music stops]

You sure you don't want to switch?

No, no, get outta here.
You're the one with the kids.

You're the one with the tree.

You wanna flip another coin?
Somebody's gotta stay for now.

- I'll call you the minute I hear.
- Oall me sooner.

- Oh, God.
- What?

My cell phone.
I think I left it at the front desk.

- Watch my stuff for a sec?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- [Julian] Staying a few days?
- What?

I couldn't help but overhear.

Yeah. So you're spying

on my personal conversations
now, huh? Great.

Something about the asshole buyers
not being completely convinced.

And now wanted to hear
other pitches?

Pfff!

Sorry about that.

I-I knew things
were too good to be true anyway.

I'm sorry about the circumstances,
but I'm glad you're still in town.

It gives me the opportunity to tell you
how truly embarrassed I am

about last night.
See? See, the thing is...

I liked you.

I kind of enjoyed
talking to someone, you know,

just... talking.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And yet...

I tell you about my dead son,

and you mock it.

I lost my wife.

I was 24 years old,
I was drunk,

I plowed our car
into an oak tree.

Jesus.

Since then, I've soiled
my way through life,

been a magnificently cold moron.

I run away from anything
that resembles an emotion.

Thus, you tell me
about your dead son,

I tell you a joke
about a 15-inch schlong.

So you can forgive me, huh?

[Phil] Got it!

Better I remember it now
than somewhere over Amarillo.

Right.

All right.
Speak to you ma�ana, right?

Yeah, yeah.

- It's gonna be all right.
- I know.

Danny?
Hey, Danny.

Wait. Hey.

I've got an extra ticket to
the bullfights this afternoon.

Supposed to be a good one.

It would mean a great deal
to me if you would join me.

Oh, I'm so...
Thank you.

Thank you very much.
That's very nice of you,

and I... I can't.

I can't. I have work.

On a Sunday afternoon?

Ever seen a bullfight?

No.

You haven't seen the real Mexico Oity
until you've seen a bullfight.

Oome on.

[Crowd] Ol�l

Ol�l

Ol�l

Ol�l

[cheering]

Ol�l Ol�l

[whistles]

Bean is not gonna believe this.

I can't wait to tell her.

[Laughs] Where did you
ever find a woman like that?

A woman you can share
everything with.

She's pretty special.

You must be too.

- I could learn from you.
- [Scoffs] Learn what?

You want my mortgage,
my blood pressure?

I've never had
my blood pressure taken,

and I wouldn't know
how to get a mortgage

for all the teenage twat
in Thailand.

You don't own a house?

No house.

No apartment, no address.

- You bullshittin' me?
- I shit you not. Montecristo?

Uh... yeah!

Thanks.

You don't have a permanent address?
Where do you live?

- I live wherever I'm working.
- So, what do you do, Julian?

What do you possibly do you don't have
a permanent home or an address?

I'd rather not say.

Oh, my God,
did you see that?

Jeez, it's so bloody.

We're lucky.
That matador was very good.

It's much worse
when they're mediocre.

- Why?
- A great matador,

he can kill the bull with
one plunge of the blade.

A lesser one,
he's going to have to

plunge that blade
more than once.

That makes the crowd
very unhappy.

They don't like to see
the bull suffer.

No.

No, no. They clearly care
so very much about these animals.

They respect these beasts.

They want 'em to die with honor.

That's ridiculous.
There's no honor in being killed

by a man with a sword
whether it's one plunge or 20.

Ah, you're wrong.

You're very wrong.

There is honor.

How would you know?

I do.

You're a mysterious man, Julian.

Mm-hm.

[Cheering]

[Bull roars]

- [Danny] You won't tell me what you do?
- It's... confidential.

Oonfidential?

What, do you work
for the government?

The government?
Pfff! Please.

You know what they pay?

Hmph! Forget it.
Watch the picadors.

- You a spy? Something like that?
- You read too many novels, Danny.

Huh? You a spy?

Huh?

So now you're not going
to tell me. It's OK.

It's OK.

All right.

Hm. All right.

If I tell you,
will you keep your cool?

- What do you mean?
- We're in public,

and I don't want you
to lose your shit.

Lose my shit?

My God, w-what
are you gonna tell me?

Sometimes...

Sometimes what?

Sometimes...

...people need to be eliminated.

Oh, come on!

[Chuckling]

What? You're...

- You're a hit man?
- Oh, please.

Please. My handler...

...calls me a facilitator.

A facilitator of fatalities.

That's insane.

Think what you like.

I gotta hand it to ya, Julian,

you're one of the best bullshit artists
I've met, and I've met some.

You're absolutely right, Danny.
My name is Earl Johnson.

I sell aluminum siding
in Minneapolis.

- You actually kill people for a living?
- I do what I'm asked to do.

What makes sense to me.

For like, the Mob?

I tend to be hired
on the more kind of

anonymous high-paying jobs.

Oorporate gigs.

Oorporate gigs?

I'm a great helper
in getting deals closed.

I don't believe you.
I don't believe you.

- I don't believe in the Easter Bunny.
- I don't believe you.

Oome on! Oorporate gigs.

- Think what you will.
- Ridiculous.

- Yes!
- Oorporate gigs.

Yes! My God...

I knew there was a reason
I never told anyone what I did.

Uh-huh.

All right, see that guy over there?

- Fat man and little girl?
- Yeah.

Say I wanted him dead.

I want him dead, his family dead.
Dead. Right now.

- Right here.
- Right now? Oouldn't happen.

I know, but say that it could.

- Money's no object.
- OK.

- You sure you wanna know?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, you sure?
- Yeah.

I want you to facilitate it.

OK, Danny.

All right, come with me.

- Huh?
- Let's go.

[Crowd] Ol�l

Ol�l

Ol�l

Ol�l

I'm a big fan of the gotta-pee theory
of assassinations.

Gotta pee?

Everyone's gotta pee.

Ah.

Now...

...ask me for a cigarette.

- What?
- Do it.

Oan I have a cigarette, please?

Sure. But these things'll
kill ya, you know. [laughs]

Now, look around.

[Coughs]

They're scary.

- Yes and no.
- Why?

They seem more interested
in the beautiful women

coming and going
from the ladies' room.

That's good for us.

Just like those men over there
at the concession stand.

They're only interested in us

if they see us walking over
with our wallets open.

No one is watching
the men's room.

The gotta-pee theory.

You're catching on.

Now, escape routes.

- Escape routes?
- Don't wanna get caught, right?

Don't get caught, it sucks.

- See the main exit?
- Yeah.

That's a traffic jam.

- Where else?
- You tell me.

OK, OK.

Uh, that door over there.

If it... if it weren't locked.

Vietnamese girl I once knew
had her legs so locked together

I couldn't get a whiff
of her spring roll.

Two drinks, half a Quaalude later,
I was at an all-you-can eat buffet.

Every lock can be broken.

It's just a matter of will
and whether it's worth it.

This looks like it's worth it.

[Julian] Uno cigarillos, por favor.

Why are we buying the cigarettes?

'Oause I wanna smoke.

Gracias.

Oome over here.

Now do your shoelaces up.

What time's our flight
to Florida, Seymour?

I think 2:00, Derrick.

Let's go, Seymour.

[Cheering]

Holy shit!

[Chuckles]

[Crowd cheering]

- You ready?
- Ready for what?

You wanted to see
what I do, right?

Yes.

Yes, I've been watching.

- But, you know...
- What? Show-and-tell is over.

The real deal is about to start.

- The real deal?
- Mm-hm.

Show-and-tell is for sissies.

But a sissy I'm not.

- Oome on!
- My God, fire!

- Oome on. It's a distraction.
- Are you crazy?

Fire or tits, either one will
distract most cops.

Are you ready to finish
what we started?

That was extremely dangerous.
You proved your point.

Baloney! Baloney!

The cops may have
gone towards the fire,

- but his bodyguard probably stood firm.
- Bodyguard?

If I'm asked to kill,
they have a bodyguard.

If they didn't, they'd ask you.

So I slit the guard's throat
in one move,

push him into the bathroom...

And now we're set up for the kill.

Where the hell
did you get the knife?

He's not peeing,
so it must be number dos.

OK, joke's over.
Point made, Julian.

- Not yet. Not yet.
- Point made.

The point's made.
Let's get out of here...

Don't fuckin' ruin things,
OK? Don't do it.

OK. Julian?

I'm asking you to stop this!

No way, job's not done.

But this is not a job!

You said money was no object!

# Bingo was his name-o #

- This is want you wanted?
- No!

- You helped me.
- I didn't help you!

Oh, yes, you did!

- Oh, yes, you did!
- No! No, no.

Oh, God, no!

Oh! Disculpa me, por favor.

Lo siento.

Fun, huh?

[Laughing]

Oome on. [laughing]

[Danny] Whoo-hoo!
That was incredible!

- You scared the hell out of me!
- You liked that. You did?

- I really bought it!
- What, that I'd stab a stranger?

[Laughing] I don't know.

Just like that?
A complete stranger?

Well, yes!
Yes, I did.

- I'm not psychotic.
- No, I know.

- Psychopathic, not psychotic.
- I don't think you're a psychopath.

Well, I kill people. Doesn't that
seem a wee bit psychopathic?

Well, yeah, but...

- Don't get the wrong impression.
- Huh?

Because we share a laugh
doesn't mean I'm not unsavory.

No, what you do is unsavory.

You know what they say.
You are what you do.

Gracias.

Gracias.

Tell me...

...will Bean stay with you if
this job doesn't come through?

- What?
- Will Bean stay with you

if you continue this losing streak
without any end?

If she ever left me
I'd fall apart...

You're not answering my question.

To be quite honest...

...I don't know how much faith
the woman has left in her.

[Sighs] Hey.

Hey.

Oomforting me?

- Hey.
- Let's change the subject. Please.

- I agree.
- Something sunnier.

Sunnier.

Absolutely.

There's something
I wanted to talk about.

- It's a favor, really.
- Sure.

It's big, if that's OK.
A big favor.

No, it's OK.

See, the thing is...

...I could use your help.

Help in what?

I'm down here,

I finished my otherjob early,
so I let it be known.

You let it be known?

Yeah, to the powers that be,
that I was available.

- The powers that be?
- Yeah.

Anyway, they called me up.
An urgent thing. Has to happen today.

An-anotherjob?

Mm-hm.

Jesus Ohrist.

The thing is, I could
really use your help.

Oh! [laughs]

You're kidding right now.

I'm as serious
as an erection problem.

- I mean, I...
- Gracias.

I can't help you, Julian.

You could.

Well, I could, but I-I can't,

I'm not gonna help
kill an innocent man.

- Who says he's innocent?
- This is ridiculous.

- Just assisting.
- No!

- You'd just have to...
- No, no, no, no!

I'm not listening.
I can't hear you. I can't hear you.

- Bup...
- You're being childish.

Ooga-shacka, ooga-shacka...

- Not listening.
- Ohildish.

You're being childish.
All I'm asking you...

- Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
- All right. All right.

I won't tell you.

- Good.
- Won't mention it.

- Great.
- I won't say that

all you have to do
is trip on the street.

- I can't believe you just said that.
- Just trip in half an hour

- so his bodyguards look the other way.
- No way.

Fifty thousand dollars
is what I could pay you.

- No.
- A lot of money. Oash.

- It could be interesting and fun.
- I said no.

He's a prick, a real prick!

I don't give a darn
who he is or what he did

or anything like that.

I'm not gonna help you, Julian.
I'm not gonna do that.

And if you bring it up again,
I'll... I'll leave.

[Julian clears throat]

- Fine.
- Fine.

- Ohange the subject.
- Good. You do it.

- Ohange it.
- You.

- Fine.
- OK.

When I was a kid,
I wanted to be a cheerleader.

Really. A cheerleader.

Yeah. I wanted to be thrown in the air
and march in the band.

Seriously?

Mm-hm.

That's so funny.

I've got a brother-in-law
who was a male cheerleader...

Jesus Ohrist, Danny!
I'm fucking kidding!

I don't want to
talk about cheerleaders

unless I talk about getting in
a shower with them!

I want to talk about what I wanted to,
which you don't want to!

There's nothing
to talk about!

Well, then,
it was nice knowing you.

Oh, come...
Now, Julian...

Oome on, what are you...
You're leaving?

I've got business to attend to.

- I really thought...
- Nothing.

Think nothing. Just consider me the best
cocktail party story you ever met.

Bye, Danny.

Julian!

[Phil] So unfortunately,
I was right.

I finally got in touch with Alejandra

and she said her bosses are

leaning towards Cardenas
and his group,

and not us.

Now, things still might
break in our favor.

I mean, their first instinct
was to go with us,

but they're getting intense pressure

to sign with a Mexican company.

I'm trying to get Antonio
so I can set up

one more meeting
with you guys tomorrow.

I'll call you
when I hear something.

So hang in there.
It's not over yet.

- [Hangs up]
- [Operator speaks Spanish]

- [Knocking]
- [Julian] Danny.

Danny, it's Julian.

Oome on, Danny,

I just want to say I'm sorry.

I know it's late,
and I'm a little fucked up.

But... I'm sorry.

I'm a mess! I'm a fucker! Ha!

[Sighs] Look, I shouldn't
have asked you to help me.

I infringed...
I infringed on your kindness,

but please...

...let me tell you I'm sorry.

Let me apologize.

Oan't you see
how guilty I feel?

Danny!

Danny!

[Glass breaking]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yes.

[# Tom Jones: It's Not Unusual]

# It's not unusual
to be loved by anyone

# It's not unusual
to have fun with anyone

# But when I see you
hanging about

# With anyone

# It's not unusual
to see me cry

# I wanna die

# It's not unusual
to go out at any time

# But when I see you out and about
it's such a crime

# If you should ever
wanna be loved by anyone

# It's not unusual
It happens every day

# No matter what you say...

[bell tolls]

Hello, Julian.

Getting some culture?

Anytime I can.

You look tired.

I am.

- I need a break.
- What are you saying, Julian?

Moscow, Las Vegas,
Vienna, the Philippines.

Now Budapest. I'm exhausted.

Well, you know what it's like.

You take a break,
we go with a younger, cheaper kid.

- Oh.
- He does all right.

Maybe we don't want you back when
you're ready to get back in the game.

You'll always want me.

No, not always.

Not if we can save a few dollars.

Not if it gets sloppy again,
like in Manila.

That was one time.

Made some people nervous.

It made me nervous.

Well, that's why
I need a break.

I don't want to have
that happen again.

- It can't.
- I know, that's what I'm saying.

But I'm feeling burnt-out,
I'm feeling...

...shaky.

Oan you believe this shit?

I mean, can you believe
the words coming out of my mouth?

Did you ever think
you'd live to see the day?

I never thought you'd
live to see the day.

There's not a retirement home
for assassins, is there?

Archery at four, riflery at five?

A little early-bird dinner at six?

Goddamn it, you leave the game,
even for a while,

I don't know if they'll
let you back in.

And then what
are you gonna do?

Waste days picking up
illiterate teenagers

for suck-and-fuck sessions
behind the Old Navy store?

- Sounds delightful to me.
- Julian, do this job.

If you don't, you're going to regret it,
I promise you.

How do you know?

Just do it, Julian.
Please, do it. OK?

[Exhales]

[Grunts]

[Breathing heavily]

Oh.

[Muffled gunshots]

[Bell tolls]

[Bell tolls]

We have a problem, Mr. Randy.

The problem is Julian Noble.

Seems he didn't
deliver the portfolio.

You know...

...it says it took 53 years

to paint this ceiling.

People are upset, Mr. Randy.

Mr. Stick is upset.

Mr. Stick knows?

Mr. Stick knows.

Well, he knows we can fix it.

I'm just the messenger.

But he knows we can fix it.

We always fix any problems.

You can't fix it with Noble.

Ladies.

All right. I'll replace him.

No.

Yes, you'll replace him,

but no.

Mr. Stick has asked
for other things.

No, it's ridiculous.

Julian has been
with us for 22 years.

Two little mistakes...

Julian Noble... is a dead man.

[Danny] Oh! Ohh! Oh, yeah!

- Oh, that's it, Danny boy!
- Oh, yeah!

Give it to me,
Danny boy!

[Both panting and grunting]

Danny boy! Oh! Uh!

[Grunting]

Oh! Excellent.

- [Buzzing]
- Oh!

- Laundry's done.
- Oh!

[Wind blowing]

Tomorrow's four years.

I know.

It's such a long time, really,
when you think about it.

Seems like yesterday, right?

Henry was alive...

...here.

When I was first in high school,
I told you they made fun of me.

And they called me Hippo Hips

and Plate of Beans, the works.

And even though I did basketball

and... and chorus and...

And I had a few friends
and I acted strong...

...I never was.

Because I believed them always,
every last cruel word.

And I...

I always thought
I would believe them.

Until I met you.

You arrived in 12th grade...

...and you told me
that I was pretty.

And for the first time,
I believed it.

You told me that I was sexy.

You were sexy back there
on the dryer.

And when Henry died...

[crying]... you told me
to stay strong...

...and that we would
get through it.

And we did.

We did.

It's because you
never gave up on me.

I never could.

I never will.

[Doorbell ringing]

Who could that be
at 11:30 at night?

[Doorbell continues ringing]

[Knocking on door]

Yeah?

[Julian] Danny Wright?

Yes. Who's there?

Danny, Danny!

Danny with the large white fanny!

- Julian!
- Would you mind opening up, Danny?

It's freezing out here!
My balls are like bonbons!

[Laughing]

I was praying
you'd remember me.

It's been a spell.

[Chuckles]

Please, please, come on...

- Oome on in.
- Thank you, thank you.

[Laughs]

Oooh!

Hey.

Oh, I decided to...

How did you find me?

I found a whore
with a heart of gold once.

I can find Danny Wright's card
in my address book.

[Giggles]

Oh.

Oh, excuse me.
I didn't realize. Sorry.

It's OK.

You must be Bean.

- My wife.
- Oh, this...

- Um...
- Oh, my...

My boots.

I've heard so much about you.

And me, you.

Oh...

There's no doubt you're every bit
as lovely as Danny said.

[Chuckling] Danny...

I always said you were
the luckiest man I ever met.

Well...

What are you doing here, Julian?

I really don't know.

I don't know.

I hope it's all right, my being here.
I mean...

I guess it's the middle
of the night. [chuckling]

- Yes, it's...
- Well...

I could sure use some coffee.

Just a cup.

Yes. All right.

Of course.
I could get coffee.

That'd be great.

- Or some whiskey?
- Even better.

- Mm.
- Tonight's a night for whiskey, then.

And song and dance.

Well, whiskey, at least.

This is really odd.

Really, really odd.

I could ask him to leave.

We just asked him to stay.

We could change our minds.

Why? Do you think he's dangerous?

He's an assassin, Bean.
Of course he's dangerous.

But I mean "dangerous" dangerous.

You said he was a nice guy.

He is. For an assassin,
he's... very nice.

Fuck.

Fuckity-fuck!

What? I'm allowed to curse.

Especially now.
If not now, when?

True.

This is the fucking perfect time

to be fucking cursing.

There's a fucking killer

standing in our
fucking living room.

Do you think he
would show me his gun?

[Bean] A toast, maybe?

To a stranger,

arriving in
the middle of the night.

Well, you're not a stranger.

Well, I'm pretty strange.

Be that as it may,
you're not a stranger, Julian.

Far from it.

The toast really
should be to you, Danny.

And to you, Bean.

For your hospitality
and your warmth.

- Oh.
- [Coughs]

Hmm! [chuckling]

I never thought
I'd see you again, Julian.

I never thought
I'd see you again, Danny.

But, well...

...things, uh...

Things change.
They just change.

[Julian] Is that...?

- You saved it.
- I did.

You saved it.
I can't believe it.

- [Bean] He still talks about that.
- No, it's...

It touches me
that you kept it.

How could I not?

- That was a special day.
- Yes.

So Danny told you what I did?

Professionally?

Did you bring your gun?

Yes... as a matter of fact.

May I see it?

Really?

- Yes, please.
- Honey, he's notjust...

- Here you go.
- OK.

Is that a.38?

Yes, it is.

You know your guns, Bean.

Yes, well...

My God.

You are a magnificent woman.

Hm.

Bean knows a lot of things
about a lot of things.

Bean, tell me,

did Danny tell you everything

about our time
in Mexico together?

Yes, I'm sure. Why?

Oh.

My God, you look great, Danny.

[Laughing] Really great.

- You do too, Julian.
- Oh, no.

I look like a Bangkok hooker
on a Sunday morning

after the Navy left town.

But you...

Life's been good to you,
am I right?

Pretty good, yeah.

Your work? You have that respect
you wanted back again?

I do.

So you got thatjob
you were in Mexico for?

We did.

And your luck?
It's better, right?

No more trees in the kitchen?

You told him about that?

And you love Bean
more than ever.

Mm. That I do.

Then what more could you want?

Here's a toast.

To a man with respect again,

to a woman who's more lovely
than any man deserves

and to me.

What is the toast to you for?

Toast to a dead man, Bean.

Toast to a dead man.

[Julian] Then about two months ago
I had this job in Manila.

Now, normally,
this would make me happy.

I like the hot climate.

The guys look like chicks.
It's fucking fantastic.

The thing was,
I was burnt-out.

I didn't know it, didn't even know
what "burnt-out" meant at the time.

But I was.
I was a classic textbook case.

[Julian] I was having panic attacks.

I was completely
losing control of myself.

I tried to counter this
with booze, of course,

but nothing was working.

I drank and drank and...

...nothing.

I was still feeling edgy,

still feeling like
my head was going to explode.

So...

...I moved on
to my other usual diversions.

A wonderful little
whorehouse I knew

right off of Mabini Street.

But that wasn't workin'either.

And a good fuck usually does.

Excuse my French.

- Go on.
- So I had this assignment.

Nothing special,
some copper wire executive,

someone doesn't
want him around.

You know,
my usual type gig.

Well, I knew that this copper wire guy

always came to this sweaty little
outdoor market every Thursday

to buy fruit.

The guy liked his fruit.

[Monkeys chattering]

It was a simple plan.

As he walks through the crowds
I bump into him

and stab him.

The thing was,
I was still a mess.

And every time I looked at the guy,
I didn't see him,

but I saw a little boy insteadl

And it wasn't just any boy.

It was me.

Me, as a child!

It was freaky shit, right?

Real nervous breakdown sort of stuff.

Still readied the knife,
still prepared for thejob.

But...

...I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't do it.

Then what happened?

I woke up in a pile
of donkey shit.

I fainted.

And I guess I landed
in a pile of donkey shit.

[Donkeys braying]

And since then,

it's been extremely
hot and cold.

Some jobs go OK,
others not so OK.

And then a few weeks ago
I fucked up again. In Budapest.

Froze.

Right at the moment
I should have been firing.

[Sighs] Oouldn't finish the job.

And that was that.

And now it's just a matter of time.

Well, isn't there somebody
that you can talk to?

Like Mary Beth
in Human Resources?

Oome on, this is...
this is insane.

They're gonna kill you
for botching a job?

Mm-hm.

Well, can't you just,
you know, say to them,

you know, "You know what? I'm sorry.

You know,
I was a little burned out,

and I'm a little messed up."

I mean, can't you do that?
But...

I mean, you were seeing images
of yourself as a small boy.

If that's not a Freudian meltdown,
I don't know what is.

But certainly,
they have to see that.

No, they don't.
They don't.

I mean, I...

I'd be dead if my handler
hadn't risked his life

and tipped me off to the plans.

I barely got out of Budapest alive.

And how did you end up here?

In Denver?

Hm.

That's funny.

Some people run home
in a time of crisis.

My problem,

the problem I shared
with Danny in Mexico,

is that I don't have a home.

I mean...

...that's why I'm here.

You're the only friend I have.

Oh, well, that's...
that's ridiculous.

I... You have... you have friends.

I don't.

I really don't.

You all right?

[Laughing] It's fucking crazy, right?

You're my only friend,
and I barely know you.

[Chuckles]

This home...

...your home...

[sighs]

...it's the only home I know.

[Julian] God, she's really
fantastic, Danny.

She's lovely.

[Danny] She's everything to me.

You said that to me in Mexico.

And I nodded and listened...

...but now I see.

I see.

You were right.

You told her everything
that happened in Mexico?

I told her about
our time together, yes.

And where does that story end?

She knows the last I heard of you

you were knocking on my room
in the middle of the night

asking forgiveness for trying
to involve me in a job.

That's what you said?

That I knocked and knocked.

And you never answered?

Yes.

[Bean] Gentlemen.

- I'm a bit drunk.
- [Julian chuckles]

That's a nice place to be.

Julian, you will stay
the night, of course?

Oh, thank you, Bean.

I promise I'll be
out of here tomorrow.

Oh, let's not talk about that now.

You know, I don't think
I've been up with a guest

till 2:30 in the morning
in a long time.

It's good, right?

- Oh, it's very good.
- Hey...

Oan I turn on your stereo?

- Sure. Now?
- Yeah, I saw this old record of yours,

and I just wanted to hear In the Wee
Small Hours of the Morning. You know?

Since we're in the wee small hours
of the morning?

Is that OK?

Oertainly. I guess.

[# Dave Van Norden:
In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning]

[Julian] Danny.

I hope you approve, but...

...I would really like
to ask your wife to dance.

Julian, you have had
too much to drink.

Bean.

Please, may I have this dance?

# In the wee small hours

# Of the morning

# While the whole wide world

# Is fast asleep

# You lie awake

# And think about the girl

# And never, ever think

# Of counting sheep

# When your lonely heart

# Has learned its lesson

# You'd be hers

# If only she would call

# In the wee small hours

# Of the morning

- # That's the time...
- Bravo! Bravo!

- [Laughing]
- [Pounding]

I learned to dance in a South American
jail by a chap named Morales.

Well, that's another story,
another time.

The final nightcap.

I can't think about the headache
I'm gonna have.

Then don't. Or do.
Take three aspirins and a raw egg

before you go to bed.

Where'd you hear that one?
The Assassin's Book of Home Remedies?

[Both laughing]

The only woman I ever loved.

My mother.

- What about your wife?
- Hm?

- My wife?
- Danny told me that you were married

and that she died in a car accident.
You loved her.

Um...

Oh, my God!

I can't believe this!

I was never married.

- I can't believe this!
- No car accident?

No. I'd been insensitive
to Danny about your son

and was trying to win him over.
It was stupid.

You know what,
I'm the one that was stupid.

No, no, no, no, no!

You're not stupid.
I'm a prick! Me, not you!

The thing is, I could have
kept lying to you now,

but I chose not to,
as a sign of respect.

Because... well, now we're friends.

Oh.

We are friends, aren't we?

So, what other bullshit
did you pour over me?

Yeah, are you even
a hit man, Julian?

Yeah, a facility fatalitator,
whatever the fuck you call yourself.

Yes, I am.

And to answer your question,
Danny, I lie when I need to,

tell the truth when I can.

With you...

...it's mostly been the truth.

[Clears throat]
Shall I go?

No.

No.

No...

[laughing]

Aren't we fucking cosmopolitan?

Having a trained assassin
stay over the night.

Letting heartbreaking lies

just roll over us
like the summer breeze.

Next we shall be
wife swapping. Ha!

You don't have a wife.

Remember?

[Both laugh]

[Laughs]

That's a good point.

[Breathing]

[Door opens]

[Whispers] Danny.

Danny.

- Danny.
- No. I don't like chicken.

Oome on.
I've gotta talk to you.

What is it, Julian?
What do you want?

We can't talk about it here.

- What?
- Oome on.

[Danny] OK, Julian,
we're in your rent-a-car.

- What is it?
- The thing is, Danny...

...the thing I didn't tell you,

the thing that I omitted
because Bean was present,

was that I've been offered a way
out of my fatal predicament.

- Well, that's good.
- I know, I know.

No, that's really good.
What is it?

My handler, Mr. Randy,
contacted me like he always does

with an ad in the International Tribune
looking for cat-sitters in Bali.

Is that how you stay in contact?
Oat-sitter ads?

Yeah.

OK, you know,
this is ridiculous.

- I'm so tired, Julian.
- Well, anyway,

he contacted me four days ago

and basically said
he'd been to the higher-ups

and got me a reprieve.

Well, like I said, that's...
that's... great news.

The thing is...

...he's asked me
to do one more job.

I have no choice.
It's do the job or else.

Right.

And that brings us
to the dirty little problem.

All right.

What's the problem?

It's a pretty big problem,
and you're really not gonna like it.

- I'm not gonna like it?
- Not at all.

Because the job...

...involves you.

You're not saying
what I think you're saying.

What do you think I'm saying?

You know what
I think you're saying.

No. I don't think I know
what you think I'm saying.

Does somebody want me dead?

- No.
- What's that?

No one wants you dead, Danny.

- Jesus!
- [Whimpering] You scared me!

No. No...

You were doing that...

But I need your help
in facilitating a fatality.

- What?
- I need your help.

No, no, no.
My help is exactly what you don't need.

I'm a mess, Danny, you know that.

I'm a complete mess.

I don't know
if I can do this job by myself.

You gotta talk
to somebody else, a colleague.

- I don't know colleagues.
- You must!

- I don't.
- Well, I can't help you.

I know you're not
the ideal candidate...

No. I'm far, far from ideal, Julian.

Remember my reaction the last time
you proposed something this asinine?

That was Mexico.
I was trying to show you a good time!

Oh, so now killing somebody
is a good time?

Oan be.

- Oh... I'm going to sleep.
- Danny, come on.

You don't even need
a second person.

Haven't you done these things yourself?

Some jobs are better
with two men.

I think it's better
if the second man isn't scared shitless,

and... and unprepared.

And unqualified and uninterested!

Now I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm in a very dangerous position here.

I'm in no shape to try this myself.

An assassin without confidence
is a horrible thing.

It's like a relief pitcher
who fumbles the ball.

Tell me you know you mixed
two sports in your metaphor.

Huh? I can't do that.

Yeah.

Danny! Danny, please!

I need your help!

Someone's gonna die,
a stranger or me.

Which would you rather? Hm?

Look,

if I can do the job successfully,
I'm free and clear.

Free and clear, Danny!

I have enough money to retire
to a beautiful Greek island

with beautiful Greeks.

Heaven awaits me, Danny,
if you and I do this job.

- I can't.
- Oh, damn it, Danny!

You're my only friend!

- Oh, Julian.
- It's true!

And...

- Oh...
- And what?

And...

[sighs]

You owe me.

If this were to happen,
when would it take place?

Today. The horse races.

- Today?
- Yeah, Arizona.

No, that couldn't happen.

Sorry, no choice.

Today is the four-year anniversary
of my son Henry's death.

We go to the cemetery.
That's what we do.

What time does
the cemetery close, Danny?

Well, I-I don't know.

We'll have you back at 4:30,
flowers in hand. I promise.

Oh. Oh.
You'll do that? OK.

How will you do that, Julian?

Well, we have a 7:40 plane reservation
to Tucson this morning.

Plenty of time
to catch the 2:30 back.

- We do?
- Mm-hm.

I made it yesterday.
First class. Real fancy.

Now, chop-chop.

Upstairs. Get dressed.
Make a story up to Bean.

We've gotta get
this road on the show. Eh?

Danny.

[# Asia: Heat of the Moment]

# I never meant
to be so bad to you

# One thing I said
that I would never do

# One look from you
and I would fall from grace

# And that would wipe the smile
right from my face

# Do you remember
when we used to dance?

# An incidence arose
from circumstance

# One thing led to another
We were young

# And we would scream together
songs unsung

# It was the heat
of the moment

# Telling me what
your heart meant

# The heat of the moment

# Showed in your eyes

[chatter over walkie-talkie]

[Alarm blares]

# Heat of the moment

# Telling me
what your heart meant

[Danny] I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I... I...

I did it. I did it.

I did it, I leaned against that.

I was yawning,
and I apologize. I just...

Ah. Turn it off!

Sorry.

Bingo.

[Crowd roaring]

[No alarm]

[Playing fanfare]

[Horses snorting]

[Crowd roars]

Oh, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!

[Panting]

Julian!

Hey. Julian!

Julian!

Julian!

Julian?

Hey.

What... what the hell
is going on?

Julian!

You drag me out to Arizona,

to the goddamn horse races.

To do this job, right?

To do this job,
this one lastjob.

To kill somebody
that I don't even know

so that you can live out
the rest of your life with Greeks...

"Beautiful little Greeks, Danny!"
We do... I do everything perfectly.

Not you, me. Perfectly.

Did you see me, Julian?
I was brilliant!

You get a clean shot.
You had a clean shot,

and you don't take it?
What's going on?

I've lost it, Danny.

Oh, really?
Well, they're gonna kill you.

But I've lost it.

That... that's
an unacceptable answer!

- But it's the truth.
- Oh, jeez.

Hey. Hey.

Ooncentrate here, OK?

I need you to concentrate.

Just look at me, Danny,
look at me.

I'm a wreck. I'm a parody.

Julian, you gotta go up there
and finish this job.

No, no, just leave me alone.

Please, just forget everything.

I can't believe I'm in a stairwell

trying to convince you
to assassinate somebody!

Just go. Just go, Danny.
Just go. Go.

No.

No, we're gonna do this.

But I can't.

Julian, you have to.
Hey, you have to, OK?

If you don't, they're gonna kill you.
You understand?

- Yeah.
- You understand?

And I won't let that happen.

Huh? I refuse to let that happen.
How about that?

We're gonna go up there together,
I'm gonna talk you through it.

OK? I'm gonna
talk you through it.

And you are gonna do the job
that you came to do. OK?

OK? All right?

- Huh? Huh?
- Yeah.

- OK.
- OK.

All right, up. Up, up, up, up.
There you go.

- OK?
- You're gonna stay there with me?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

- You're gonna talk me through it?
- That's right.

Thank you.

All right, let's go kill
this motherfucker already

and get the hell
out of here.

[Female voices] Go, Julian!

Yay!

Thank you.

No, really, I mean it.

I was a mess back there.

You helped me.

You helped me a lot.

I think I can handle
the deviant Julian.

I can handle the lying Julian.

I can even handle
the killing Julian.

I just don't know if I can
handle the humble pie Julian.

[Laughing]

Well, enjoy it.
It won't last.

That's a given.

[Bell dings over PA]

Really, it's...

...no problem.

You said it yourself.

I owed you.

Do you think if you hadn't opened
the door that night in Mexico Oity

the two of us would be
sitting on this plane now?

Probably not.

[Knocking]

[Julian] Oome on,
I want to say I'm sorry.

I know it's late,
and I'm a little fucked up.

But I'm sorry.

Oan't you see how guilty I feel?

Danny!

- Danny!
- Hold on, Julian.

I'm coming.

I don't know what I'll do
if I don't get this job.

[Sighs]

And you're sure if I kill off this
Oardenas guy you'll get the contract?

He's our only competition.

And you can live with that?

Yeah.

You can live with
that blood on your hands, hm?

Isn't that what people do?

Don't people...

...successful people...

...always live with
blood on their hands?

[Danny] You became my friend
that night, Julian.

You became my lifelong friend.

I'm not gonna do it for you.

You're making a late night...

...exhausted, desperate decision,

and if I did it,
you would regret it instantly

and feel nothing
but guilt and shame

for the rest of your life,
believe me.

I'm so scared, Julian.

Guys like you...

...you think you have no luck.

But you have
all the luck in the world.

You just need to see it.

She's at home waiting for you.

If I did thatjob for you,

your luck would run bad
for the rest of your days.

You don't want me to do it, anyway.
I know you don't.

You're not that type of person.

Hm.

That's why I like you.

[Laughing]
You're the exact opposite of me.

Huh?

[Danny] You surprised me that night.

I surprised myself.

Well...

...I guess your boss
must be satisfied, right?

You completed the assignment,

no longer on the hit list.

Well, I'm no longer
on the hit list,

but I didn't do any assignment.

I don't understand.

I thought your boss
wanted you to do this job.

My boss...

...Mr. Stick...

...he was the job.

You mean we just killed...

We killed the man
who wanted to kill me.

Problem solved.

You...

[chuckling]

You son of a bitch.

Among many other things.

- Don't ever hit me again.
- Sorry.