All language subtitles for Peter Crouch Save Our Summer - 1x08_track3_eng

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This is
Peter Crouch: Save Our Summer!

She's the person everyone wants
to be in a bubble with.

It's Maya Jama!

And he's six foot seven
and sent from heaven.

That's right, it's our hero,

Mr Peter Crouch!

# Ain't no doorframe high enough

# Ain't no trousers long enough

# Ain't no shoes that are big enough

# Oh, Peter, Peter, for you... #

Go on, Roisin!

# Ain't no ceiling high enough

# Ain't no ladder tall enough... #
Come on, Crouchy! Come on, son!

# Ain't no bed that is long enough

# Peter, Peter, for you

# One more time!

# Ain't no minibus long enough

# Ain't no swimming pool
deep enough... #

Hang on a minute, it's David Seaman!

Good luck, Peter.I'm ready.

Oh!

David Seaman! Peter Crouch!

Love, lovely.

That's unnerving.

A childhood dream.
Big David Seaman.

Is that the actual Euro 96 shirt
you've got on there?

It is, mate, yeah.
Really? So that's your shirt?

It's the one I wore in
the quarterfinals against Spain.

Wow!Yeah.That's impressive.

Very special memories.Yeah.

Something I did really want to know,

is that moustache ever
going to make a return?

Uh...no.

It's gone away with the ponytail.

I was going to say, what about
the pony? That was an iconic look.

Still got the hairbands.

Would you say that me
standing over a penalty

was the most daunting...?

Yeah, I was surprised how close
you were, if I'm honest.

I was in the six-yard box,
to be fair. It's my show, all right?

Well, thank you, David.
We'll be seeing a bit more of him

in just a bit for a very special
edition of Musical VAR.

It's David Seaman!

And Roisin Conaty is here.

Hello!How are you?

I'm good. Thanks for having me.

The gloves suit you.
They do suit me.

I think I'd like myself more
if I had bigger hands.

I feel like I look like
I've got more authority.

Thanks, Roisin.

Right, welcome for the last time
to Save Our Summer.

So, we have a jam-packed show for
you tonight to see us out in style.

We've got a massive banger
from AJ Tracey and Mabel

in our Garden Sessions,

the very funny
Roisin Conaty is here,

Crouchy is going to be taking on
Fast Dad for the last time ever,

head-to-head, a very big one,

and Jamie Redknapp goes head-to-head
with Sir Mo Farah in

the grand final of Sporting Fix.

Loads of finals,
loads of head-to-heads.

I think someone's going to
cry today.Yeah.

It's not a bad way
to end the series.

And for the last time, it's our
house band, the Horne Section.

Hello, boys.

Danger! High Voltage

# Danger! Danger! #

Hi, Peter.

Oh, I wanted more of that.That's
all you're getting.I enjoyed that.

Best one?Yeah.That's the first one
you've enjoyed, isn't it?

It's the first time
I didn't want it to stop.Oh, OK.

Right, let's bring out
our first guest.

It's our Sporting Fix finalists,
Sir Mo Farah and Jamie Redknapp.

# Sir Mo Farah

# And Jamie Redknapp!

# Sir Mo Farah and Jamie Redknapp! #

Hello!You all right?

Hi, guys. Crouchy.

Look at them,
the Sporting Fix finalists.

Well done, boys.

This is a big deal. Very big deal.
How does it feel being face-to-face

against each other,
knowing someone's going home crying?

We're not talking.Oh.

I love Mo. How can you not?
Look at him. What a guy.

You're really competitive so
I know you've been practicing.

A little bit. I've been practicing
at home pretty much every day,

throwing ping-pong balls.
You didn't!

Have you not?No.Mate...

Mo, I don't think you realise
who you're against.

He takes it very, very seriously.
Crouchy knows. We played together.

I know, mate. When we were
at Southampton together,

did you ever think
we'd be sitting here?

Mate, I know.

I can honestly say, in football
everyone likes Peter.

Everyone loves Crouchy.
Nobody says a bad word about him

so you couldn't...
What's happening to him

couldn't happen to a nicer guy,
so I'm buzzing.That's so nice.

I appreciate that.Look at him.

And, Mo, you're obviously a sir,
won all these medals,

and now you're going up against
Jamie Redknapp in the Sporting Fix.

I think it's going to be fun.

Obviously I want to win
at everything I go into.

If it's competing against my kids...

Everything I want do, I want to,
like...You want to win.Yeah.

I didn't realise you're 37 now.

Don't say that.
No, you look like a little baby.

He actually looks tiny.Seriously?

Yeah, you look younger than me.
I shaved this morning.Young genes.

And, Jamie, you're almost 60 now,
aren't you?

I just turned 59!

Stop it, Pete.
But you look good, you look good.

Don't throw it in now!
You just killed me

and now you're trying to be
all nice. See, I told you,

he's not as nice as he makes out.

Can we take
that bit out and start now?

You do always get the old jokes,
don't you?

Well, I'm getting old.It's because
he looks well, that's why.

I thought he was younger than he is.
He's my dad's age.Nice.

I like this theme. You look amazing,
I look about 60. Great.

No, I'm joking, I'm joking.

You know, during lockdown,

people that have never run in their
lives started taking up running.

Like, have you been going out
during lockdown and stuff?Yeah.

And when you see
these first-time runners

and they're getting in your way,

are you just thinking,
"What on Earth are you doing?"

It's just nice to see so many people
running during lockdown,

because we were given an hour

and then later on we were given
twice a day to go out.Yeah.

I go running along the river
and people are just like...

"That's Mo! That's Mo!"

And then someone will come up
to you nicely and wave at you.

It's just nice to see so many
people, like you made their day.

That must be demoralising, though,

when you're going through
in the park like that,

running around Richmond Park and Mo
Farah's just like...Blowing past.

"Who's that bloke?"

Do people try and race you?
When you're in the park,

do people try and give you...?

Yeah, you do get some people
that are fitter,

like club runners or someone else,
where you're on a long run.

Like Sunday, I was doing
a 20-mile-long run along the river,

and then you get some runners
and they try keep up with you.

You can just hear
the footstep going doof, doof.

And then the breath.
Your instinct tells you,

"Pick it up, pick up the pace!"
So you pick up just a little bit.

So you do actually race them?
No way!

I don't race them, you just pick up.

Sometimes they want to
have a chat, say, "Hi, how are you?

"How far are you going? Three miles?

"I'm going 20 miles,
I've still got 18 left."

But you obviously had a very good
football career as well.

You were well involved for a long
time, now you're a TV star too.

What was your highlight in life,
do you reckon?

To play for your country is just
the most incredible achievement.

As a little boy all you
want to do is play football, then
you want to become professional

and then to play for your country
and put on the Three Lions

is very special. So we're
very fortunate, it's been good.

How good was Euro 96? Being a part
of that must have been special.

It was because of the characters
involved. I think the game...

The game's obviously changed so
much now but the characters we had,

like Paul Gascoigne, Robbie Fowler
was in the squad, David Seaman...

Shearer.Paul Gascoigne was
such an amazing player

but an amazing character.

And Steve McManaman,
Robbie Fowler and myself,

we all took turns to babysit him

because he was always up to no good.
He had so much energy

he'd want to play tennis,
he'd want to go for a run,

he'd want to play football,
so after training

one of us always had to spend
a couple of hours with him.

Just to look after him.And that was
our job and I'd ring Macca up

and say, "Can you have a go now?
I've got to go to sleep."

That's amazing.
But it was great times.

We did actually see -
well, I saw for the first time -

a picture of you in your white suit
and your glasses,

looking completely different
back in the day.

What were they called, the Liverpool
team then?Oh, the Spice Boys.

There he is!Yeah, yeah.

I love that.I thought, well,
I'd put a white suit on

but let's make it worse by putting
some stinking glasses on as well.

What do you feel about that? Because
you're quite a stylish man now.

What does that do for you?

It was... David James was
modelling for Armani.Yeah.

He was a big model at the time,
and obviously a great goalkeeper,

and Armani said that
they'll do our suits for us.

So David said to all the guys,
"Do you fancy it?"

We were like, "Yeah, brilliant.
This sounds good -

"you get a free suit, you can
wear it again after the cup final."

Then it came and...
There he is.Stop it.

But I'm not sure, I think it was
Giorgio's brother, Freddie Armani,

that designed them. Because
there is no way they're Giorgio.

Look at the state of them!

They're like a lollipop man
or ice cream van outfit.

You learn from your mistakes, Maya.
And that was certainly a mistake.

Well, obviously, as well,
you're kind of basically family.

Harry obviously managed
Peter quite a lot of times.

He's family, he is.
Three times Dad signed you?

Yeah, I played for him three,
possibly four times, I think, yeah.

Did Arsenal ever ask you
to play for them?

No, I was at Tottenham as a kid.
Full-time?

Yeah, I was at Tottenham as a kid

and played against
Arsenal loads of times.

I always did all right against
Arsenal.Always scored against us.

Yeah, you're a massive Arsenal
fan, aren't you?Yeah, massive.

Weren't you going to name...?
One of your boys' middle names
was going to be Arsenal?

His first name is Hussein
and I was going to call him Arsenal

and then Farah. People'd be saying
Arsenal Farah.What happened?

Why didn't you go for it?
The wife wouldn't let me.

My wife wouldn't let me,
she was like...Out of order.

.."You're not calling him that."

I was going to ask you about that
special day, obviously.

Super Saturday.
Yeah, what was that like?

To be part of that, I mean,
it's incredible.

It was just, for me it was
a dream come true.There he is.

To do what I did
at your home Olympics

and to have 75,000 people
to cheer for you,

and the whole country
just getting behind you,

that's what really drives me
every day to get out of bed

and just to continue, and you're
just looking for that feeling and...

That is lovely.
That must have been nuts.

But the thing is, with
these two achieving that, you know,

I won the Charity Shield.

Hey, celebrate every achievement.

"Peter, he's just won
the gold medal at the Olympics."

Bit different.And you were supposed
to do the Olympics in Tokyo

this year, so when that was
cancelled, where were you?

Do you remember?At the time,
I was in training camp in Ethiopia.

Right.When it got cancelled,
it was a relief for me

because, as an athlete leading up
to it, you want to be able to have

six or seven races to test yourself,
see where you are.

And at the time I tore my Achilles

so I was just coming back
from injury anyway,

so for me
it actually worked out better.

At the time, yeah.And as you said,
I don't look that old now, so...

Yeah.All right, well,
it's almost time for you

to take on our Sporting Fix live
final right here in the studio.

Are you ready?I'm ready.
Are you ready, Jamie?Yeah.

We've had eight weeks of
ferocious cup-based competition

between eight of the world's
greatest sporting stars.

We've seen footballers,
cricketers, rugby players,

Olympic and Paralympic legends

all battle it out for the chance
to get to the final,

and tonight you could be taking home
this mighty Cup of Cups trophy.

# Ah aa-aa-aaaah! #

That's better than
the Olympic ceremony, surely.

It's definitely much bigger.

Right, before we reveal
tonight's challenge,

let's have a look
at your road to the final.

The quarterfinal stages
had a strong start

when Mo Farah took on Ellie Simmonds

for some Cesc Fabregas-inspired
teabag flicking.

It was nearly Ellie's victory
early on,

but Mo steamed ahead,

succeeding in the fewest attempts.

Got it!

Jamie Redknapp took on
Kevin Pietersen for a challenge

that saw saucepans and ping-pong
balls unite for the first time

in the history of sport.

Jamie wowed with a trick shot off
two pans and a bounce off the grass.

Yes!

Landing himself a place
in the semis against the fastest

woman in Britain, Dina Asher-Smith.

Dina did it in just two strikes.

I did it!

But maintaining
his sporting integrity...

..Jamie sailed into the final,

executing the perfect
free kick first time.

Yes! Through to the final. Come on!

Mo Farah's semifinal
challenge found him

tossing yet more teabags,

this time against the mighty
Jessica Ennis-Hill.

Oh!

Mo's brilliant batting
knocked Jess for six,

winning him a place in the final,

just in time for tea.Cup of tea?

Yes, tonight's final is
inspired by the viewers' absolute

favourite of the series,
the ping-pong pan challenge,

but we've ramped it up a notch.

You'll be taking on the ping-pong
pan pendulum challenge.

Yeah, very difficult, this one.

So you'll each take it in turns
to bounce a golden ping-pong ball

onto the upturned saucepans,
into the ultimate goal -

the Cup of Cups trophy, swinging
from the ceiling over there.

It's sudden death with
the winner being the first person

to cup their own ball, plus
you get to go home with that

golden-painted swinging bin trophy,

which I know you so desperately
want.

It's a tough one.
Are you feeling confident?

I'm nervous.

I'm nervous but I'm confident.

Right. It doesn't get
any bigger than this.

It's Farah versus Redknapp.

It's runner versus footballer.

It's knight of the Realm
versus a commoner.

This is the final
of the Sporting Fix.

# Peter Crouch's

# Sporting Fix

# The final! #

Yeah!Tension in the air.

Right, we're going to start
with you, Mo.

Take your position
and I'll swing the Cup of Cups.

It's off all four pans to win.
Happy with that? Yeah?

Good luck, Mo.Come on, Mo!

Come on, Mo!

Ooh!Unlucky, unlucky.

Go on, mate.
So, Jamie, it's your go.Peter.

It's so tense.

That's a big swing, though -
that's going kind of fast.

This is for you, Pete,
this is for you.

Good. ALL:Oh!

Sorry, Pete.If only
this was the two-pan challenge.

Don't let me down again, Jame.

Come on!Ooh!

Oh!So close.

Come on.You ready?This to win it.

Oh!

I'm absolutely...
I've found my rhythm, Pete.

He's got it, he's got it.This is
better than the football restarting.

This is great.

Oh!Interesting.You ready, Pete?

I'm actually really enjoying this.

This to win, this to win.

Oh!He had it, he thought he had it.

The final hurdle.
It's like my football career.

You've got this, Mo.

Oh!

Sorry.He's rimmed it,
he's rimmed it.Unbelievable!

Jamie, to win it.Pete, this is it.
Come on, mate. For Harry.Ready?

For Harry.

Oh!What an anti-climax that was.
Sorry, Dad.

Jamie, you get a go.
One more go, one more go.Yes!

Jamie, you've got one go
to salvage something here.Yeah.

Otherwise Mo Farah is
the Cup of Cups Champion 2020.Yeah.

Oh!

Mo Farah's the winner!

Well done, Mo.Oh, my God.
Well done, Mo.

That's what we like!Well done, Mo.

How does it feel to be the winner
of the Cup of Cups trophy?

That's amazing. We showed we're
good sportsmen, both of us.Yeah.

Well, listen, you know,
there we have it.

Eight weeks of global sports stars
and the champion of champions,

the winner of the Sporting Fix
Cup of Cups...

..is Sir Mo Farah.

# The champion! #

Well done to Mo,
champion of the Sporting Fix.Yeah!

# Peter Crouch's Sporting Fix. #

The winner is Mo Farah!

God, that was so good.

It's literally
like Super Saturday all over again.

Right,
time to welcome our next guest.

It's the very funny Roisin Conaty.

# Roisin Conaty, Roisin Conaty

# Roisi-i-i-in! #

Welcome.Oh, thanks for having me.
What a treat.Our absolute pleasure.

Do you know Alex well?I know Alex.
Hi, Roisin!Hi, Alex.

Once Alex, um...
Can I tell them that story?

I don't know what the story is yet.
OK, I'm going to go for it anyway.

Oh, right. OK.

It's happening, no matter.
Regardless.

It was at Alex's birthday
many years ago,

and we all ended up
going back to mine.

And me and Sara Pascoe, a comedian,
we went on my balcony

and Alex had passed out.
And he woke up,

genuinely about four in the morning,

and went, "Tom, Barney - bed!"
Then went back to sleep.

I'm a pretty good father.

He's a good father!
Just in dad mode.

You are a good dad, aren't you?

They look pretty similar
in some ways.

We've got, obviously, some legendary
sportspeople here today.Yeah.

Are you into any sports at all?

I baby-sat Joe Cole once.
Oh, wow!No way!

Yeah, so I dine out on that
quite a lot...Really?That's mad.

..when sport comes up.Wow.

And I let him knock his brother out.

He told me...

He told me he was allowed to fight
with gloves, and they weren't.

And, yeah,
so I'm friends with his cousin.

And I was in a pub with him when
David Beckham got sent off as well.

We watched that together.Legendary.

How did Joe react
to David Beckham getting sent off?

He wasn't pleased.

It should have been Edinburgh
Festival this...August, yeah, yeah.

..August, wasn't it? Yeah, so...
And you started there.

How much does it mean to you?

Oh, yeah, I think
for comics, comedians,

it's sort of everything, Edinburgh.

And it's the biggest
arts festival in the world.

It's just, you know... So it's
so weird it's not going to happen.

You won Best Newcomer ten years ago.
Yeah, yeah. That was, er...

..wild.Was it?
Yeah, my night was so good

that the next day I was like,

"Are there any doctors in?
What part of your body's this?"

Obviously you're an actress as well.
Yeah.

And you've written your own sitcom.

I have, yeah.
GameFace, yeah, yeah.

So what's it about,
for people that don't have...?

Oh, it's Marcella is a failed
actress, and her ex marries a girl

that he met in Vegas after two
weeks, and her brother's on drugs.

So...

Is there any, like, truth...?

I thought you were going to say,
"Is there any joy?"

"Is there any happiness?"

No, but, like,
was that about somebody,

or did you just write it
as a character?

No, no-one I know. Bits of it.

Tiny bits of it. But, no, most of it
is... You just sit down and write.

But, of course, bits of it are true.

You just have to hide those bits so
people don't recognise themselves.

Yeah, different names,
different houses.Yeah.

And how about lockdown?
Did you find it hard?

Were you quite busy?
I found it quite... Not too bad.

I just ate my way through it,
watched the Sopranos.

Did you? Have you never
watched it before?No.Oh, no way!

Cos we're thinking about going back
and starting it all again,

cos I loved it that much.

I'd never seen it, and I got
to the end and cos I felt

like I wasn't going to see them
again, I burst out sobbing.

It was the pandemic, and I was
a bit like, you know, wild.

And then my flatmate leaned over,
touched my arm,

and I thought she was going to say
something comforting.

And she went, "Can I film you?"

God! In tears!
Cos I was crying so much.

It must be that good, then.
I've not seen it.Oh, no, honestly.

Best thing ever?

It's a bit of a thing for me and
Abbey,

cos when we first got together,

we used to make a little, like,
bed on the floor and watch it.

Oh, I love that.
And it was... It was really nice.

And now we just watch stuff
in separate rooms.

But how did you find lockdown
in general?

Are you a cooker?
Do you like cooking?

Not really.Me neither.
No. But I've had to learn.

Yeah.And it's been...spicy.

I'm not a fan myself but, Jamie,

haven't you done some
cheffing on Zoom?

Yeah, a little bit.

One of my mates is,
like, a Michelin-star chef.

Actually with Joe Cole. Joe Cole's
not even on the show today!

He joins in the Zoom.

Every footballer in the
Premier League's been invited

to this chef doing these dishes,
apart from me.Yeah.Honestly.

You just openly said you can't cook,
though. No-one wants your food.

Pete, do you want to join in?

No, not really.

Amazing.What have you been making?
Everything.

Like chicken Kievs,
like, from the start.Lovely.

Yeah, like, the best
steak and chips ever.

Have you gone to the '80s for this?
Yeah, it really was.

It was taking me back in time.

Mo, have you learnt any new skills?
Just looking after the kids,

getting involved and just
being part of their life, really.

As you know, a lot of the time
I'm away in training camp,

so this actually got us
a lot closer together.

We set up a triathlon in the house,

where someone swam,
ran, the monkey bars.

Just been getting involved with
everything, really.That's great.

Did you win?
Er, I think I did!

But didn't you learn
a secret skill during lockdown?

Are you on about my ventriloquism?
I hear that you can do that.

I can't really do it,
but I think, with time,

I think I could be good at it.

OK, would you mind giving us
a little demonstration?

Oh, here we go.
I can't do it very well.

Hello, my name's Roisin.
My God. That is well, though.

That's not bad.
Are you going out tonight?

Yeah, I'm actually
going out tonight.

Is that right?
Where you going, girls?

Yeah!Where you going?
Yeah, that's really good, actually.

You look stiff as hell.

Say your name, though.
That's the tricky thing.

'E'er C'oush.Peter Crouch. Do it...

Do it down the camera, because you
actually look kind of scary. Go on.

'E'er C'oush.

I want to do a killer voice.
Hold on.

"I'm going to kill you."Oh!

There you go.That's horrible.
I hated that!

"I'm going to kill you!"

All right, so you're sticking around
but, for now, Roisin Conaty!

All right, over the series,
there's been one relationship

that, rather than blossomed,

has deteriorated
into an absolute nightmare,

and I've loved every second.
I think it's been fantastic.

Here's Guy Mowbray to remind us
of the epic battle

that has been Peter Crouch versus
his arch nemesis, Fast Dad.

What began at a school sports day

has now become
the nation's biggest rivalry.

You haven't seen or spoken to him
since he totally rinsed you

in front of your children,
your whole family...

What, have you got Fast Dad
here now?He's here tonight.

Over the past eight weeks,
Crouchy has fought tooth and nail

to keep his sporting
reputation intact.

The fight was against one man...

..in chinos.

I think
when you're an elite sportsman,

you should be winning
the dads' race.

Have you ever lost a dad race?

No.

Go!

Fast Dad is the winner!

Get set! Egg and spoon!

The winner was Fast Dad.

Oh!

Oh, God!

Oh, no!

Oh!

Yes!

Woo! This is my house!

My house!

Oh!Fast Dad!

Yeah? Green!Oh, he's done it!
Green counts!

Peter Crouch is the winner!Yay!

Need that.

Fast Dad's doing press-ups.
Oh, my God.That's amazing!

Mate, that's what I'm dealing with.

After Peter packed a punch,
it was neck-and-neck,

and there was everything
to play for.

In the hole!

Oh!

Lovely stroke. So that's two shots.

Peter, to win
you must get a hole-in-one.

Oh, no!

It's a draw! It's a draw!
Even Stevens.

So it's all square
heading into the final showdown.

There can only be one winner.

It ends now.

That is amazing. I felt a bit
emotional watching that.I did.

You've got a tear in your eye!God,
the competition's intense!It is.

It is big.And I want this so much.

OK. So, for the last time,
we are going to try and give away

one more bit of
your old football junk

as you take on Fast Dad
in Win Peter's Stuff.

It's the big'un. And, Alex,
I know you've got a fan waiting

to take Peter's stuff
for the last time.I do.

What a journey we've been on.
Such a journey.

As you know, I'm president of
the leading Peter Crouch fan club.

It's called
The Peter Crouch Fan Club.

And all the members are called
The Peter Crouch Fans.

I then selected...
Straight to the point!

I selected
one devoted Peter Crouch fan

who correctly answered
this question

that only a Peter Crouch fan
would know the answer to.

It was this.

When they first got together,

what did Peter sent Abbey
to express his love?

Ooh.A romantic question.

Tonight's fan
in with a chance of winning

Peter's prized possessions
is Cody Griffiths from Norfolk!

There he is!Hiya!Cody!Hello!

Yes, I can tell you
a little bit about Cody.

He's a big fan of Crouchy,

he cried when you left Tottenham
for Stoke City. He's never met you.

His uncle was going to get him
a Crouchy T-shirt

but he got him
a Fernando Torres one instead.

Oh.Yeah, fair enough.

Hello, Cody. You all right?

Hiya! Not bad, thanks. Yourself?
Good, thank you.

How does it feel, seeing, you know,

your idol in front of you here
on a little yellow stool?

It's pretty intense,
pretty terrifying.He's a nice guy.

I had an argument with my mum
and that about him.

Is she downstairs?Yeah, yeah.

She wasn't the biggest fan of Peter
when he played football, and I was.

Oh.Yeah, leave her downstairs,
mate. No worries.

So the question is, what did Peter
send Abbey to express his love?

Romantic poetry.

That is correct, yeah.

But, listen, I express my love
in lots of different ways,

but that is one of them. So I used
to write little bits for her.

Like, in cards,
it was Valentines or birthdays -

I'd write a little poem
in the card, always.

That's so nice.Like,
"Roses are red, violets are blue,

"how have I pulled you?"

Something like that?

That was good. That was a good one.
No-one's ever written me a poem.

Have you had a poem before?Yeah.

Weren't great.Was it not?

Alex, have you ever written
a poem about someone?

I have written some poetry
in the pa... In the very recent...

Today.

It's about Peter, though.
It's very embarrassing. I don't...

No, Alex...Yeah, OK.
No, I will read it, I will read it.

OK, all right.OK.Yeah.

He was an astonishingly
talented footballer

Who staggered round the pitch
like a skilful heron

But now he is my best friend
in the whole world

And I tell everyone I meet
that I am friends with him

He's big, he's red

His feet stick out the bed

He's my best friend, Peter

Crouch.

Aw!Yeah?

You like?

Do you want to keep...keep it?

No. No, thanks.No? OK, fine.

It's time now to go over to Peter's
much better half, Abbey Clancy,

to find out what item
of Peter's stuff

she wants to get rid of tonight.

Hey, guys,
and welcome to our garage.

Ta-da!

This week, I'm giving away
this 2010 England v Mexico,

smelly, covered-in-grass stains

with-scribble-all-over-it
England shirt.

If you want it, be my guest, because
I'll only just put it in the bin.

Amazing.Oh, she means that.
She's going to dash it?

Yeah, she probably would.Do you
care a lot about it?Well, yeah!

It's an England shirt, you know?
It is.Like, there's not many about.

How many have you got?

42.OK! All right.

Roisin, you are guarding
that T-shirt with your life.

I'm guarding it.There we are. Does
it smell of anything? Is it...?

England.

England! Lovely!

Do you like that?
Would you want that?

That would be amazing. That would be
amazing if I could get hold of that.

So, Alex, you've actually got some
facts on Peter's England T-shirt,

haven't you?
Not a T-shirt, it's a shirt,

and it's an amazing shirt,
this one.

It's from 2010, England versus
Mexico, Peter got an assist

and a goal in that one, before
being subbed off as usual.

It's...80% polyester,
20% nylon, that one,

but the bit around the collar
is 91% polyester, 9% spandex.

And the bit on the trim, I think...

..yes, it's 65% polyester,
35%, everyone...?

Nylon.

Everyone?

Can I just say that that kit
was actually the only time

we ever got tailored for a
football kit.It says on the back.

Yeah, and I think if you look
in the inside of it, it says "PC".

So like in the collar,
at the back.It does say "PC".Wow!

Yeah, it says "PC", because it's
been actually designed for me.

Didn't happen in your day, Jame,
did it?Didn't, Pete, no. Seriously.

Your suit looked massive, that
white one.Oh, it was horrendous.

Would you ever give away
any of your England stuff?

I don't know where most of it is.

When you go to Pete's, he's
got his stuff everywhere,

he's got pictures of himself
all round the house.

Oh, no!Who do you reckon
out of me or Jamie, right,

has got pictures of themselves?
Well, knowing you both, I'm going

to say Jamie's got one above his
toilet, and the bed, of himself.
The toilet?

I imagine Jamie's
got a painting of himself.

It wouldn't surprise me.
Oh, stop it! Roisin, come on!

All right, well, it is time to
welcome, for the very last time,

fresh from the Great Wall of Chino,
it's Fast Dad!

# It's Fast Dad!

# Yes!
Fast Dad! #

Still in chinos!

I love him so much!
He is so fast.

He looks pretty fit there, mate!

You all right, Fast Dad?I'm
all right, you all right?Yeah.

Fast Dad...?Hey!..how did
you actually get so fast?

Er, I think it was a
combination of genetics and luck.

I'd like to ask a question.
Go on.

Have you got a job?

Yeah, I'm a pilot.
Pilot?Oh, look at that.Lovely!

Even that's impressive.

And how much has this meant to you?

Because obviously this is
different to your day-to-day.

Yeah, this has been great fun.

And, you know, I haven't been
working for a couple of months now,

so this has been great,
really enjoyable. And, well, it's

only really going to be enjoyable
if I win, isn't it? Let's be honest.

Yeah.Do you know what I love?

I love the fact that he wants it,
and so do I.

It's genuine.
Like, it's a genuine battle.

OK, well, this
is what it's come down to.

Yes, we're ready, it's currently
a draw, so it's all to play for.

Peter, as always, if you
win, you keep your England top.

If you win, Fast Dad,

Cody will receive it in the
post in 3-4 working days.

Now, I don't want to be overly
dramatic, but it all ends once

and for all, right here, tonight,

here, it ends, once and for all,
tonight.

And we've saved the
wettest till last.

This is the SOS Final Splash Down!

So, you'll take your places on
your Final Splash Down seats

and will take alternate
throws at each other's targets.

If you hit the target, it will
soak your opponent, making them

officially the ultimate loser.

Fast Dad, you're going first.

Over to you, Maya.All right,
thank you, Alex.

So, for the final time this series,

it's our ultimate
dad-on-dad face-off.

On your marks, get set,
splashdown!

Go on, Fast Dad!

Oh!

Go on, Crouchy.

Oh!It's coming, it's coming.
Closer.

It's another miss.

Ah! This is so close!

Oh!Come on, Crouchy.

Go on, Crouchy!Well done, Crouchy.

Yes!That was
for Jamie and Harry, that.

Thanks, Pete.

What a way...Sorry, I wasn't
very gracious there, was I?

That wasn't gracious.

Well, in case you didn't realise,
the winner is Mr Peter Crouch!

Which means the person going home
with the England shirt is Peter!

Aw.Yes!Bring it back home!

No, do you know what?
I'm that buzzing, he can have it.

Lovely! Cody, are you happy
with that?Yeah, I'm buzzing.

Never trust a man in chinos.

Aw! I feel like a strong bond has
come from this. Even though you've

been rivals the whole series, at the
end of the day, you're both dads,

you both really got stuck in and
now you can be friends forever.

Can I be honest?Go on.

Like, it's been great competition,
but it's been a lot of fun,

and thanks for doing it.

Yeah, it's been a highlight.
It's been great fun.

Yes, we're all going to miss him,

but it is time for him to run home,
back to his beautiful, fast wife.

Thank you, Fast Dad!

And thanks for playing
Win Peter's Stuff!

# Win Peter's stuff,
Peter's stuff, Peter's stuff

# Win! Win Peter's stuff,
Peter's stuff, Peter's stuff

# Win! #

All right, it's
time for some music now.

In this series, we've had some
absolutely incredible performances

from the likes of Black Eyed Peas,
Anne-Marie and John Legend, just to

help us fill that festival-shaped
hole that we've had in our hearts.

Yeah, and we've got an absolute
treat for you for the final

garden sessions,
one of the summer's biggest tracks.

This is AJ Tracey,
featuring Mabel with West Ten.

# Don't you know I'm walkin' away?

# And if you don't want me
to stay, only, only, only

# D-D-Daytrip took it to ten
Hey!

# Don't you know I'm walkin' away?

# Now, I'm in my own space

# Babe, you know I
ain't waitin' for you

# And if you don't want me to stay

# Only one thing to say

# Babe, you know
I ain't waitin' for you

# Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Want me to stay

# Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Want me to stay
Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Big beast when it
comes to the lyrics

# Me, I do this ting on the
mic with no gimmicks

# Came a long way,
I was servin' in old Civics

# And you were tryna keep me from
winnin' but I did it, I did it

# Ask about me, I did it

# Let man stay on my sofa, I did it

# Buss down my watch and my choker,
I did it

# I kept a straight face
in this poker, I did it

# Look, rest assured man's got you

# If life's weighing you down then
I'll spot you

# Water you, show you sun,
never block you

# If no-one's backin' your beef,
then I've got to

# Yeah, back your beef,
that's my job

# Just ride for me,
don't write off

# I've got your back, hold tight
when you climb on

# I've always been a real
brother to rely on

# Don't you know I'm walkin' away?

# Now, I'm in my own space

# Babe, you know I
ain't waitin' for you

# And if you don't want me to stay

# Only one thing to say

# Babe, you know I
ain't waitin' for you

# Ask about me, I did it

# Buss down my watch and my choker,
I did it

# Want me to stay
Kept a straight face in this poker,
I did it

# I kept a straight face in this
poker, I did it, I did it
Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Ask about me, I did it
Let man stay on my sofa, I did it

# Want me to stay
Buss down my watch and my choker,
I did it

# I kept a straight face in this
poker, I did it
Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Live and direct don't mean that
I'm live

# Live and direct means I'm building
a vibe

# Touch one of mine,
on God Imma ride

# I'll win and break bread
For my fam, I provide

# Eight-piece AP, come and get me

# Set piece, curl it
in from a set piece

# AJ makes the waves
like a Jet Ski

# Iced out, ice
everywhere like a Gretzky

# Sayin' that I'm out of love
but you don't know about me

# And maybe if you took the time
then you would know what I need

# Don't know what you came here for

# Watch me walkin' out the door
It's over now, babe

# I ain't yours, ain't
waitin' for your love no more

# Only, only, only
Hey!

# Don't you know I'm walkin' away?

# Now I'm in my own space

# Babe, you know
I ain't waitin' for you

# And if you don't want me to stay

# Only one thing to say

# Babe, you know
I ain't waitin' for you

# Ask about me, I did it

# Let man stay on my sofa, I did it
# Want me to stay

# Buss down my watch and my choker,
I did it

# I kept a straight face in this
poker, I did it, I did it
Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Ask about me, I did it
Let man stay on my sofa, I did it

# Want me to stay
Buss down my watch and my choker,
I did it

# I kept a straight face in this
poker, I did it
Know I ain't waitin' for you

# Want me to stay
Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Know I ain't waitin' for you
Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Want me to stay
Want me, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Know I ain't waitin' for you. #

Thank you to AJ Tracey and Mabel.
That track is out right now.

Garage feels, we like that.

Yeah, that took me back to
Ayia Napa '96, something like that.

All right, time once again to mix
sport and music,

and this week it's an extra-special,
football-themed finale

as Jamie Redknapp, Crouchy and
David Seaman all play Musical VAR.

# Musical

# Yes, Very Accurate Rhythm! #

All right.

Hello, everyone.
Welcome back, David.

Thank you!
We've missed you, in every way.

It's lovely to have you here.

This is the final
Musical VAR of the series,

so we're finishing with a flourish.

It's the Footballing
Legends Kick-Up finale.

So, we've got three actual
England Lions here.

You're going to be controlling
the tempo of the band with kick-ups,

and because we have three
England Lions,

we're going to be playing Three
Lions, which should sound like this.

# Three Lions on the shirt

# Jules Rimet still gleaming... #

OK. You know that one?I know that
one.It's a good one, isn't it?

Love it. Loved that one, H,
didn't we?Very much so.

All right.
So, the rules are very simple.

I'll be timing it, you're trying
to hit 30 seconds exactly.

Crouchy's already got 30.09.

So, you're going
to do well to beat that.

The music should last 30 seconds.
That's your target.

And it will start when you complete
your first kick-up. Good luck.

Go on, H.

# It's coming,
football's com-ing...home

# It's coming home,
it's com-ing...home

# It's coming

# Football's com-ing...home...
Here we go!

# Three Lions on the shirt... #

Ah!Lovely!Woo!

# Jules Ri-met still gleaming...

# 30 years...of...hurt... #

Yes, David!

# Never stopped me dreaming... #
A big shot to finish, here we go.

Oh!

David Seaman scores!

Great finish, great finish!

Well, I can tell you,
we have finished in style.

You did that in exactly
33.56 seconds.

Very good!Is that good?
Your score is 3.5...

It's respectable, it's respectable.

I think it's respectable -
you know, three England players...

..just below Aisling Bea.

Plus a goalie!

So, the winner overall was Liam
Gallagher featuring Peter Crouch!

Well done, Peter.

A musical

Very Accurate Rhythm! #

Well, that is just
about it for this series.

A massive thank you to
all of our guests tonight -

Roisin Conaty, Sir Mo Farah,
Jamie Redknapp, David Seaman,

AJ Tracey and Mabel and, of course,
everyone's favourite Fast Dad.

Yeah, I want to say thanks to
Maya, Alex and the Horne Section,

and all our guests
across the series.

I've jumped out of planes,
I've had my eyebrow pierced,

I met some brilliant people
and I've had a real laugh.

Hopefully, we've gone some
way to saving your summer.

Yup, and thank you
so much at home for watching.

To play us out for the final time,
Alex and the Horne Section

are dedicating
a song to some of the unsung

heroes of the last few months.

Who are we thanking for
the final week, Alex?

Well, this week we're going to try

and cram in as many
people as we can.

So, this song goes out to the
bus drivers, the greengrocers,

the supermarket workers,
the posties, the pharmacists,

the dentists,
the plumbers and the vets.

Thanks so much for
joining us this series,

we've absolutely loved it.

From me, Maya, Alex and the
Horne Section, goodnight!

# We've come so far
A-a-a-a-ah

# We've tried to get by
A-a-a-a-ah

# We've made it through to
the end of the month of July

# And it's thanks to you
A-a-a-a-ah

# And the things you do
A-a-a-a-ah

# There've been some long days

# But you guys have
all been the key

# Thank you

# We've had good fruit
Thank you

# We've had good veg
Thank you

# Thanks to Voskos
Thanks to Voskos!

# John!

# Thanks for all
the mail in West Boldon

# Thank you, bus drivers,
for your smiles

# Thanks Sam, Jane
and Emma for your shop

# Everybody's been there

# With two metres on my mind

# I would stand in
the line of Co-op... #

Thank you.

# And I knew I could make it

# Once my dog was ill but I
looked at your website and saw

# You vets were working in lockdown

# One time a pipe burst
I didn't know what to do

# But Darren came and fixed it
so I got to thank you

# I knew I could call on
June and all pharmacists

# And I talked to my dentist
about the gap in my teeth... #

Here we go!

# We'll never

# Forget what you've done for us

# Forever... #

Thank you so much.

# We'll show you how we feel

# Thank you!

# From everyone in our team... #

Thank you.

# You are the
country's dream team... #

That's right, here we go!

# Never

# Forget what you've done for us

# Some day

# We'll meet again
in the park again... #

Thank you.
# Never

# We'll touch each other, we'll
fondle each other, we'll do all that

# Some day

# We'll never forget,
we'll never forget

# Thank you! #

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