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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,241
(cheerfully perky music)
2
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:12,346
- Anyway, I said it to her
in words of one syllable.
3
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,483
Look, I said Mrs.
Brown, all of the stuff
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,151
that's in the closets
that we've gone through
5
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,786
that I'm gonna contribute
to the rummage sale
6
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,222
you will find on the
couch in the living room.
7
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,923
Now how can she possibly
misunderstand that?
8
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,493
- And you overlooked one
small but vital detail.
9
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,428
For all her many good qualities,
10
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,730
Lorelei has mind that
absorbs information
11
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,798
like a dry sponge.
12
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:31,965
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
13
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,234
Well she had no
trouble absorbing our
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,603
nice new clothes out
of the closet, look!
15
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,037
This is my brand new sport coat,
16
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:40,108
$59.95 at the Elite
Men's Shop last month.
17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,542
Why here's my favorite slacks,
18
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,744
and there is my most
expensive and good sweater!
19
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,279
- I'm afraid you're right Tim.
20
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,215
We're going to have to do
something that will curb
21
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,417
Lorelei's impulsive generosity!
22
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,019
(audience chuckling)
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,954
- 25, 26, 27, 28, 29...
24
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,760
(audience snickering)
(knocking)
25
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,897
29, 29, 29...
(audience snickering)
26
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,933
Oh Martin am I glad to see you!
27
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,301
Oh Tim I can use you too!
28
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,769
- Yeah Mrs. Brown
I have only very
29
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:09,570
serious but I'd like--
- Yeah hold up your hands,
30
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,638
hold up your hands!
31
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:11,905
- Hold up my hands?
- Yeah.
32
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,375
Don't be silly, hold
up your fingers!
33
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,578
Now it's 29, 30,
31, 32, 33, 34, 35,
34
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,415
36, 37, 38, 39, I need three
more, three more, three more.
35
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:24,185
(audience snickering)
Ah, 39, 40, 41, 42!
36
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:27,555
42!
(audience laughing)
37
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,822
- Wouldn't it be
easier if Mrs. Brown
38
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,023
just grew some more fingers?
39
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:33,261
(audience laughing)
40
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:36,029
(pleasant music)
41
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:42,903
(Martian finger eerily humming)
42
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,242
- Incredible!
43
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,109
Appalling!
44
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:52,846
- What's incredible, appalling?
45
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,416
- Lorelei's financial situation.
46
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,918
- Uh, Tim, have you paid
me the rent for this month?
47
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,620
- Oh, uh, well I uh,
48
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,723
I've been meaning to speak
to you about that Mrs. Brown.
49
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,626
Uh, you see I came up a
little short this month.
50
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,795
- Oh well that's
perfectly all right Tim,
51
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:11,632
I just couldn't remember
whether you'd paid me or not!
52
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,001
- Well uh, we'll come
back later Lorelei,
53
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,337
uh, unless you have further
need of our fingers?
54
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,272
- (laughs) Oh no, I
think I can manage
55
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,540
with the ones I have, thank you!
56
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:20,941
(audience laughing)
Bye!
57
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,343
- Goodnight Lorelei!
58
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:25,379
(suspenseful music)
59
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:33,020
That woman has absolutely no
conception of balanced economy.
60
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,423
Too generous, lending
money, not collecting rent.
61
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,759
The question is do I have
a moral right to interfere?
62
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:41,495
- Well, yes I'd say so if--
63
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,564
- I could do it with
the noodle soup.
64
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:44,998
(audience chuckling)
65
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,567
Tomorrow is Wednesday,
Lorelei always
66
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,068
invites me to
lunch on Wednesday,
67
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:51,239
and invariably makes a
large kettle of noodle soup.
68
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,341
- Oh well then there's
your answer right there!
69
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,508
All you use is--
70
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,509
Noodle soup?
71
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,379
(audience laughing)
72
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:01,249
(pleasant music)
73
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,451
(beeping)
74
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,395
(beeping)
75
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,663
(perky music)
76
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,867
("My Favorite Martian"
opening theme music)
77
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:32,212
(charming music)
78
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:43,190
(doorbell buzzing)
79
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,796
- Oh hello Martin!
80
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,464
Lunch is almost ready!
81
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:53,233
- Uh, well I uh, I like mine
82
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,702
a little more well done Lorelei!
83
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,305
(audience laughing)
Oh, no silly!
84
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,340
This is for Hobard!
85
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,141
Oh yoohoo, Hobard,
86
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,643
time for lunch sweetheart!
(dog growling)
87
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,679
(audience laughing)
88
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,419
Now remember you manners
Hobard, don't bolt your food!
89
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,853
(audience laughing)
90
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,122
(growling)
91
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,327
- Isn't that rather
extravagant Lorelei?
92
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,362
Feeding prime beef
steak to a dog that
93
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:22,763
doesn't even belong to you?
94
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,432
- Well what else
would I do with it?
95
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,199
It's too expensive
for me to eat!
96
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,236
(audience laughing)
97
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,206
(barking)
98
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,141
- What did you say?
99
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,843
(barking)
100
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,745
I am not jealous because
you're eating steak
101
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,279
and I'm having noodle soup!
102
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,914
(audience laughing)
(barking)
103
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,350
Enjoy it while
you can, it may be
104
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,452
the last steak you'll
get from Lorelei!
105
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,321
(barking)
(growling)
106
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:51,024
Descending to your intellectual
level I can only say,
107
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,160
sticks and stones
may break my bones
108
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,062
but names will never hurt me!
109
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,830
(audience laughing)
110
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,032
(barking)
111
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,635
- But of course I had
to send him the money!
112
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,904
After all, he is my
first cousin by marriage,
113
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,473
on my aunt's side of the family!
114
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,840
(audience chuckling)
115
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,710
(Lorelei sighing)
116
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:16,216
(Martian finger eerily humming)
117
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,353
(audience chuckling)
118
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,262
- I uh, I realize it's none
of my business Lorelei,
119
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,932
but it seems to me your
family take undue advantage
120
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,434
of your generous nature.
121
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,103
- Oh no they don't Martin,
I never send any of them
122
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:39,272
one single cent until they
come right out and ask for it.
123
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,309
(audience laughing)
124
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:50,618
(Martian finger eerily humming)
125
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,820
(audience chuckling)
126
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,456
(somber music)
127
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,835
(Martian finger eerily humming)
128
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,938
(audience chuckling)
129
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,943
(tense music)
130
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,760
- Lorelei, what are you doing?
131
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,563
- Oh I just had the most
marvelous idea, Martin!
132
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,598
I can save all these
noodles and use them
133
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,567
again the next time!
134
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,235
You know the old saying,
waste not want not!
135
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:45,272
(audience laughing)
136
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,780
(tense music)
137
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:07,260
(audience chuckling)
Oh, it's you Tim!
138
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,662
Pass, friend!
139
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,898
(audience laughing)
140
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,467
(frenetic music)
141
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,902
- Uncle Martin, uncle Martin!
142
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,171
Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Brown,
she has a got gun!
143
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,673
She's got a shotgun,
it's a two-barrel!
144
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,041
(audience laughing)
It's huge!
145
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,476
- I know, I know.
146
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,514
How perceptive I was that
day I said to Bobby Burns.
147
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,783
"The best laid schemes
of mice and Martians,
148
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,418
"gang aft agley."
149
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,786
(audience chuckling)
150
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,423
- Well bully for Bobby
Burns, but what is--
151
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,627
Mice, and Martians?
152
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,196
- I gave him permission to
alter it for local consumption.
153
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,832
(audience laughing)
- Oh, that was
154
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,535
very nice of you, now
would you mind telling me,
155
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:51,371
what is Mrs. Brown doing
downstairs, with a shotgun?
156
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,873
- She's guarding
her life savings,
157
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,274
she no longer trusts the bank.
158
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,475
(audience snickering)
- What did you do
159
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,244
with the noodle soup?
160
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,948
- Well there was a,
what you might call,
161
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,784
slight over compensation.
162
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,885
(audience chuckling)
163
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,086
- How slight?
164
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,555
- Well there again,
you might say it's like
165
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,558
a question of relativity,
like, how high is up?
166
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,960
(audience chuckling)
- Uncle Martin?
167
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:17,531
- Lorelei has become an absolute
and unmitigated Scrooge.
168
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,767
There's no need for
undue alarm Tim.
169
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,570
I've already taken steps
to correct the situation.
170
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,905
I've invited her for
dinner this evening.
171
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,775
I'll simply reverse the
process, by again using
172
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,544
the same subliminal agent.
173
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:31,745
- Noodles.
(audience snickering)
174
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,013
- Noodles.
175
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,514
However I am more
worried about her
176
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,617
having all that
money in the house.
177
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:40,487
If anything happened to it,
I'd never forgive myself.
178
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,055
- Uh oh.
179
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,757
- What's the matter?
180
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,431
"Cat burglar invades Westside.
181
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,466
"An elusive cat burglar
has successfully looted
182
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,669
"seven homes in the
Westside area of
183
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,705
"more than $20,000 in cash,
184
00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,140
"furs and jewelry
in the past week."
185
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,976
- Uncle Martin,
you have a problem,
186
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,511
(audience snickering)
So I tell 'ya what,
187
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,580
you worry about the cat burglar,
188
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,015
I'll worry about the noodles.
189
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,719
(audience chuckling)
(comically anxious music)
190
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:14,021
(knocking)
191
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:20,628
- Hello there!
(audience laughing)
192
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,831
I was invited!
193
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,498
(audience chuckling)
- I uh, won't you
194
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,134
come in Mrs. Brown?
195
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,238
Um, let me take that for you!
196
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,640
(tense music)
(audience chuckling)
197
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,808
- I wish you hadn't
done that Tim!
198
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,309
- I wish I hadn't
either Mrs. Brown!
199
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,577
(audience chuckling)
- All the money I have
200
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,012
in the world is in that bag.
201
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,214
You know you can't trust
anybody with money these days.
202
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,917
(audience snickering)
(comically perky music)
203
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,819
- Uncle Martin?
204
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:46,687
Company?
205
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,989
(audience chuckling)
206
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,624
- Good evening Lorelei!
207
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,060
My, how chic you look tonight!
208
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,995
- Oh thank you Martin!
209
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,363
It's just an old
thing I've had hanging
210
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,932
in the closet for
years, I've hardly worn
211
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,300
it at all and I
thought it's about time
212
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,769
I got some good out of it!
213
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,303
(audience chuckling))
- Hmm, an excellent idea!
214
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,572
At any rate, dinner is
served at the moment!
215
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,440
May I?
- Oh thank you!
216
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,911
(anxiously perky music)
217
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,713
Mm, noodle soup.
218
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,816
- Yes, I uh, found a new recipe.
219
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,351
- Martin you shouldn't have
gone to all that expense!
220
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,954
Well I could have rented
you my noodles very cheap!
221
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,455
(audience laughing)
222
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:26,660
- That's very kind of you
Lorelei, perhaps next time.
223
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,431
- I think I'll just save
the rest of mine for later.
224
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,265
(audience snickering)
- But Lorelei,
225
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,834
it will get cold!
226
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,569
- Oh no, not in this it won't.
227
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:39,606
(audience laughing)
228
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,315
You know the old saying,
waste not, want not.
229
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,351
(audience laughing)
230
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,223
Well I must say boys
I don't know when
231
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:59,092
I've enjoyed myself more!
232
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,494
Oh the dinner was
simply delicious.
233
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,030
(audience snickering)
234
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,565
Oh and I've got enough in my
bowser bag for lunch tomorrow.
235
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:06,900
(audience chuckling)
236
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,301
Well, goodnight boys!
237
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,803
Sorry you had to eat and run.
238
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:10,838
- Eat and...
239
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,506
Uh, Mrs. Brown?
240
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,342
You're leaving, we're not.
241
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,511
- Oh, on the contrary Tim,
you haven't paid the rent,
242
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,281
and I have a very firm
rule with all my tenants.
243
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,718
If anyone is more than
one week in arrears,
244
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,220
out they go.
(audience laughing)
245
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:30,590
(comically tense music)
246
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,593
- Do something!
247
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,762
- Well I'm afraid there's
nothing I can do Tim.
248
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,463
She's within her rights.
249
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,898
- Goodnight Boys!
250
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,334
(audience chuckling)
251
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,872
(comically anxious music)
252
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,253
I'm awfully sorry, Martin, Tim,
253
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:03,023
I uh, well know this is
a terrible thing to do
254
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,592
to my dearest
friends but, well I,
255
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,861
I just can't seem
to help myself.
256
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:11,531
(audience chuckling)
257
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,066
- Our first concern
must be Lorelei,
258
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,602
we've got to protect
her from herself!
259
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,469
- Yeah.
260
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,706
But who's gonna protect
us, from herself?
261
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,742
(audience laughing)
262
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:28,315
(Martian powers humming)
263
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,655
(audience chuckling)
264
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,594
(barking)
265
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:42,562
- What?
266
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,964
(barking)
267
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,833
Well if you must
know I'm testing for
268
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,835
inimical brain
wave transmissions.
269
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,502
(audience snickering)
(barking)
270
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,271
Well I don't know whether
I can simplify it enough
271
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,706
for your meager
understanding, but I'll try.
272
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,143
(audience chuckling)
Now Lorelei has a great deal
273
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,979
of money in her house,
there is reportedly
274
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,882
a cat burglar operating
in the neighborhood.
275
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:05,385
By emitting certain reflective
signals from my brain,
276
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,554
I can detect other
brain waves and
277
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,723
identify them as
friendly or unfriendly.
278
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,293
Now, will you kindly get lost?
279
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,462
(audience chuckling)
(dog barking)
280
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:18,331
You're interfering
with my transmission!
281
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,533
(barking)
282
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,535
Oh for the love of Pluto's pups.
283
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,637
(audience chuckling)
Don't be so sensitive!
284
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,506
I never said I didn't like you!
285
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,641
(audience chuckling)
286
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,011
(barking)
Well I did say that, yes.
287
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,946
(dog growling)
288
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,049
I don't approve of freeloaders,
shaggy or otherwise!
289
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,750
(audience chuckling)
(barking)
290
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,753
Now if the shoe fits,
you wear it pal!
291
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:44,491
(audience chuckling)
(barking)
292
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,358
Hmm.
293
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:49,762
(anxious music)
294
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,900
- Wha-What, what's going on?
295
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,434
- A policeman is patrolling
the neighborhood,
296
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,436
under the circumstances I
don't think it would be wise
297
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,972
to get involved in any
lengthy explanations
298
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,508
of why we're taking the
night air at 3:00 a.m.!
299
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,677
(audience chuckling)
- Whatever you say, Mar...
300
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,579
(audience snickering)
301
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,116
(tense music)
302
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,587
(suspenseful music)
303
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,739
(cheerful music)
304
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,681
- Help, police, help!
305
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,351
Help!
306
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,353
(thumping)
307
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:50,290
(Martian finger eerily humming)
308
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:57,030
(audience laughing)
309
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,666
Help, police!
310
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:05,505
(shotgun firing)
(audience laughing)
311
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:10,843
(frenetic music)
Help, police, help!
312
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,013
(Martian antennas
eerily humming)
313
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,182
(audience laughing)
314
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,718
(comically anxious music)
315
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:22,822
- Ha ha ha!
316
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,259
(audience laughing)
317
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,096
Anyone know where I can find
a, an all-night laundry?
318
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,132
(audience laughing)
319
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,536
- O'Hara, do you realize
you're not only being
320
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,305
unfair to the
taxpayers of this city
321
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,839
but you're keeping
us up all night!
322
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,141
(mechanical buzzing)
- I'm really sorry about that
323
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,075
Detective Smithers--
- I don't ca--
324
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,510
- but it's been a terrible week.
325
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:44,677
(mechanical buzzing)
- Detective Smithers here!
326
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,313
Hello, hello!
(mechanical buzzing)
327
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,547
(thumping)
(mechanical buzzing)
328
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,781
What's the matter
with this thing?
329
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,017
I'm gonna find out
what's wrong with that,
330
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,551
now you stay put!
(mechanical buzzing)
331
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:55,422
(audience snickering)
332
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,125
(anxious music)
333
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,162
(Martian antennas
eerily humming)
334
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:05,432
(audience laughing)
335
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,299
- Hobard!
336
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,606
Uncle Martin?
337
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,377
(audience laughing)
338
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:20,547
I thought you two couldn't
stand the sight of each other?
339
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,749
- I had to eat humble pie Tim.
340
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,018
I forgot the old Martian axiom.
341
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,587
Never willfully make an enemy.
342
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,756
You never know when you
may need him for a friend.
343
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,924
Or in this case, for a witness.
344
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,860
(audience snickering)
Hobard is the only one
345
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:37,230
who got a good close
look at the cat burglar.
346
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,731
- Oh.
347
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,200
Well what are you doing here?
348
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:43,002
- I want to take a good look
at the police mug books!
349
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,106
(audience chuckling)
350
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:49,476
Hmm?
351
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,247
Uh oh, your friend
and benefactor
352
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,749
Mr. Smithers is about to return!
353
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,685
(Martian antennas
eerily humming)
354
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,153
- Hold it just one second!
355
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,388
What do I do about him?
356
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,922
- Well I can't make
him disappear too!
357
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:06,059
You'll have to keep
Detective Smithers occupied.
358
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,627
(audience laughing)
359
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,462
- [Smithers] No
more phone calls.
360
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,930
- Hi!
(audience snickering)
361
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,932
I've decided to tell the whole
story Detective Smithers!
362
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,401
- Very good, good, very good.
363
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:15,735
Maybe get this wrapped
up in time for lunch.
364
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,304
- Yeah, yeah.
365
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:21,908
Well you see, it all
started when I was a child.
366
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,476
- Uh.
- Oh yes, there was this
367
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:27,414
apple tree in our neighbor's
yard, and some of the branches,
368
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:30,417
(audience snickering)
hung over, into our yard.
369
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,953
Well naturally some of the
apples fell on our side
370
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,722
of the fence, oh yes!
371
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,225
(audience snickering)
Yes, that's when it all began.
372
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,427
You see, I ate the apples,
373
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,765
that fell on our
side of the yard.
374
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:49,136
And before I knew
it, I was hooked.
375
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,570
(audience laughing)
- Hooked?
376
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,971
- Yeah, I became
377
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,806
an apple addict.
(audience laughing)
378
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:58,010
And I had to have more,
and more, and more!
379
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:59,045
And then it happened!
380
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,213
- Then what happened?
381
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,249
(dog yipping)
382
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,451
What in the?
(audience laughing)
383
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,319
Where did this mutt,
mutt come from?
384
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,888
- Uh, I thought it
was a police dog.
385
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,323
(audience chuckling)
386
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,425
- Let's get out of here,
you're lousing up my schedule!
387
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,393
Police dog!
388
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,164
(tense music)
389
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,771
- Is that the guy?
- Uh hmm.
390
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,906
Hobart says no question,
no question about it.
391
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,341
Positive identification.
392
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,542
(audience snickering)
Now all we have to do is to
393
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,144
invite him to lunch, here!
394
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,479
- Lunch here at
the police station?
395
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,147
- Uh hmm.
- Oh no no don't tell me,
396
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,916
I can guess, I have to
order noodles soup, right?
397
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,519
- Three bowls full.
- Three?
398
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,988
- Insist on it, it's
your right as a taxpayer!
399
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,024
(audience laughing)
400
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:47,660
- Well O'Hara you gonna talk or
401
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,928
you gonna waste some more time?
402
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,931
- Uh, uh, no sir, I am,
I'm willing to confess.
403
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,099
Right after lunch.
404
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,601
(audience laughing)
- After lunch?
405
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,802
- Yeah well I, I confess
better on a full stomach.
406
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:59,406
(audience chuckling)
407
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:03,210
(suspenseful music)
408
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,145
(machine clacking)
409
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,653
(Martian finger eerily humming)
410
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:17,023
(audience snickering)
411
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,892
- Calling car 12,
car 12, code 17,
412
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:24,897
proceed to 2727 Carlots
Drive, assist officer.
413
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:34,841
Car 28, car 28, code
four, proceed to
414
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:38,678
2040 North Genissee,
bring suspect to station
415
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,647
for routine questioning.
416
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,384
Report to Detective H. A.
Smithers, Burglary Detail.
417
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,687
Suspect is known as Henry
Kipling Black, alias--
418
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,891
(suspenseful music)
(audience snickering)
419
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,729
- Yes, this is Mrs. Brown!
(audience chuckling)
420
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,165
Oh, about the burglary!
421
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,134
You want me to come down
to the Police Station now?
422
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:06,906
Well I suppose I could,
except it's almost lunch time.
423
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,875
Oh, you'll furnish the lunch.
424
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,209
(audience snickering)
Free?
425
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,911
(audience laughing)
Oh well in that case
426
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,513
I'll be right down!
427
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,550
- [Tim] I asked for noodle soup!
428
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,219
- And I told 'ya they
didn't have noodle soup.
429
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,621
(audience chuckling)
430
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,324
- But uh, clam chowder?
431
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:27,494
- I've already got you
pegged as a time waster.
432
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,796
Do I have to put you
down as a trouble-maker?
433
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,698
(audience chuckling)
- No sir.
434
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,333
You don't understand.
435
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,934
It doesn't work
with clam chowder.
436
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,469
(audience laughing)
- O'Hara you demanded
437
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:40,773
three bowls of soup, and
you got three bowls of soup!
438
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,475
One, two, and three!
439
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,578
(audience snickering)
Now eat and confess!
440
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,680
- All right all
right come on now!
441
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,549
Get in there!
- All right leave go will 'ya!
442
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,817
- All right!
- Come on!
443
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:51,984
- Here's that guy Smitty
you wanted picked up,
444
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,453
Henry Kipling Black.
445
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,054
- What'd I do, what'd I do?
446
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,423
What what what?
(audience snickering)
447
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,224
I never done nuttin', what I do?
448
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,759
- I'll tell you what you did?
449
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,961
You stole Mrs. Brown's life
savings, that's what you did!
450
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,029
- Who me?
451
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:04,230
- Yeah!
- This way Mrs. Brown,
452
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,498
he's right in here.
- I never!
453
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,233
- Mrs. Brown says you
invited her to lunch.
454
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,402
- Wait a minute I didn't
order anybody picked up,
455
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,103
and I didn't invite
anybody for lunch!
456
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,204
- What are you talking about?
457
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,240
(all arguing)
458
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,475
(Martian antennas
eerily humming)
459
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,209
(audience chuckling)
460
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:20,447
(all arguing)
461
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,748
(hand slapping)
- Hold it!
462
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:22,782
(audience chuckling)
463
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,216
And who are you?
464
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:26,986
- Oh, that's Tim's uncle
Martin, he's the other crook.
465
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,555
(audience snickering)
Hello Martin.
466
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:29,822
- Good afternoon Lorelei.
467
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:31,658
- You are Martin O'Hara?
468
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:32,925
- That is correct.
469
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,293
I understand you have
an all-points bulletin
470
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:35,762
out for my apprehension.
471
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,230
- Oh you can bet your
sweet potato whistle I do.
472
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,466
(audience snickering)
Now put the cuffs
473
00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:40,433
on the character
until we find out
474
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,101
what's going on here!
475
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,103
(Martian finger eerily humming)
476
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:47,206
(audience chuckling)
477
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:49,842
- What about my free lunch?
478
00:21:49,876 --> 00:21:52,479
- Mrs. Brown, this
is a police station,
479
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,980
not a free lunch counter!
480
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,748
(audience snickering)
- Well!
481
00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:57,717
You don't expect
me to pay for it!
482
00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:00,353
I went to considerable
expense to come down here,
483
00:22:00,387 --> 00:22:02,589
to get it for nothing!
(audience snickering)
484
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:03,623
- Excuse me.
485
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:05,758
Gentlemen.
486
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,727
(audience laughing)
487
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,697
What are you two clowns
trying to do, spoil the image?
488
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,065
(audience chuckling)
- You see Smitty,
489
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,301
I don't know what
happened, we, we
490
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,536
(audience chuckling)
got the handcuffs out, and all
491
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:19,772
of a sudden, me and Red,
were hooked together.
492
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:22,875
(audience chuckling)
493
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,413
- Lorelei, won't you
join us for lunch?
494
00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:28,280
- Oh thank you Martin.
495
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:34,220
- That's not noodle soup,
that's clam chowder!
496
00:22:34,253 --> 00:22:35,855
- I know, I was
standing just outside
497
00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:38,124
the door when they delivered it.
498
00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:41,661
Here.
(audience chuckling)
499
00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:44,497
- Yes?
500
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,602
(tense music)
501
00:22:49,636 --> 00:22:53,806
(audience laughing)
- What's going on here?
502
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:58,911
(Martian finger eerily humming)
503
00:23:00,246 --> 00:23:02,348
(audience laughing)
504
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,484
- Have some noodle soup!
505
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:08,187
- I wha, no thanks
mister, I-I ain't hungry.
506
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:10,322
(audience laughing)
507
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:14,360
(Martian finger eerily humming)
508
00:23:19,599 --> 00:23:23,770
As long as I ain't going
anywheres anyway (laughs)!
509
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,007
(tense music)
510
00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:33,179
(Martian finger eerily humming)
511
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:36,315
(audience chuckling)
512
00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:49,061
(Martian finger eerily humming)
513
00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:51,397
(audience laughing)
514
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:52,431
- Hey Uncle Martin?
515
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:53,666
- Yes?
516
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:55,835
- That's what I call
using the old noodle.
517
00:23:55,868 --> 00:23:58,871
(audience laughing)
518
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:03,910
(cheerful music)
(Tim whistling)
519
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,478
- Allow me to
congratulate you Tim,
520
00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:08,347
on an excellent story about
the cat burglar's confessing.
521
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:09,916
- Well thank you uncle Martin.
522
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,684
Hey how 'bout that!
523
00:24:11,718 --> 00:24:13,219
Byline and everything!
524
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:14,754
Hey listen we better hurry, huh?
525
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:15,688
We don't want to keep Mrs.
Brown and my date waiting.
526
00:24:15,722 --> 00:24:17,189
- Oh quite sure.
527
00:24:17,223 --> 00:24:19,225
You know it will be a pleasure
to dine with Lorelei again,
528
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:20,893
especially now that
she's her old self.
529
00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:23,930
- Oh uncle Martin by the way,
um, about my date, tonight?
530
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:28,300
Well, lately she's been
sort of, um, distant,
531
00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:31,037
you see, so I thought maybe
tonight, you might uh,
532
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,404
rearrange her noodles for me?
533
00:24:32,438 --> 00:24:33,439
(audience chuckling)
- Well of course Tim,
534
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:34,907
I shall be delighted!
535
00:24:34,941 --> 00:24:36,776
- Ah, you're just a great guy!
536
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:37,944
(audience snickering)
537
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:40,046
- You realize of course
that if the scheme
538
00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:44,884
should go agley this time,
that you could end up married?
539
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:46,553
(audience snickering)
- Married?
540
00:24:46,586 --> 00:24:51,057
- Married.
(audience chuckling)
541
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:53,459
- Uh, uncle Martin, uh forget,
542
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:54,827
forget, forget the noodles!
543
00:24:54,861 --> 00:24:56,963
(audience chuckling)
544
00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:58,865
Uncle Martin we'll eat
out at the pizza parlor!
545
00:24:58,898 --> 00:25:01,200
(audience laughing)
546
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:05,404
("My Favorite Martian"
closing theme music)
547
00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:39,171
(reverberating tone)
548
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:42,141
(thunder rumbling)
39495
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