All language subtitles for Mike Tyson Mysteries s04e20_English

[theme music playing]

Hey, do I have trouble
maintaining an
organized work space?

-What?
-Okay, I'm gonna put
"one, rarely."

No, hold up, I'm gonna put
"four, very frequently."

I feel like my work space
is all [bleep] up.

Dad, what are you doing?

Man, I'm filling out
this intake questionnaire.

I'm gonna see
this psychiatrist.

I've been feeling
stressed out lately.

Anxious as
a mother [bleep], man.

I think it's
all these mysteries,

these goblins and ghouls.

Dad, I didn't know you were
suffering so much.

I keep it all bottled up.

But that's what you gotta do
when you have no friends,

no loved ones,
no support system.

-[Marquess] What?
-Dad!

Oh, one more question
for you, my friends
and loved ones...

And again, thank you
for your support.

Would you say
I'm "quick to startle"?

-Happy hump day, team!
-[shrieks]

Dad!

I'm gonna put "zero, never."

Hey, Yung, thanks again
for last night.

I can't stop
thinking about it.

[spits]

Oh, my God,
are you two [bleep]?

What? No!

Okay. Oral counts though, eh?

Don't act like oral
doesn't count, you two.

We're not having sex!

You'd be lucky to be
with a man like Deezy, Yung.

I think of Deezy like a son.

And who wouldn't want
their son and daughter
to be together?

Man, this is great news.

My depression is lifting.

We have a wedding to plan.

Deezy, say something!

Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry to say that
Yung and I are not
romantically involved.

Last night,
she was kind enough
to bail me out of jail.

Oh, my...
What were you in jail for?

Now, don't worry, Marquess,
it wasn't anything bad,

nothing that would discredit
the reputation of
the Mystery Team or Mike.

I was simply
soliciting a prostitute

who turned out to be
an undercover cop.

So, you're telling me
there's not going
to be a wedding?

I'm afraid not.

-Unless you'll have me, Yung?
-No.

Worth a try.

Oh, by the way,
you got a new mystery.

You guys have to
do this one
without me, man.

I am so crestfallen
about Deezy and Yung
breaking up, man,

I need to see that
psychiatrist immediately.

I guess at the end
of the day,

I just feel
stressed and anxious
and tired and moody.

[doctor] Well again,
I'm an orthodontist.

I think you probably
wanted Dr. Kozrhaviyani.

She's on the fifth floor.

I'm Dr. Sullivan.

So, I'm not quite sure
how you got us mixed up.

Well, it was a happy accident
because I feel a lot better.

You're very easy to talk to.

Can I see you again
next week?

I suppose.

Are you interested
in teeth straightening?

Well, I guess
the important thing
is that you feel better.

So, how long are you
gonna have braces?

Anywhere from 18 to 24 months,

depending on how good I am
about wearing my rubber bands.

I'm... I'm sorry,

why do your braces
look so, um, extra shiny?

I went with chrome.

They offered me clear,
but I'm not looking
to hide my braces.

And there's no shame
in trying to
better yourself.

Go chrome
or go home, baby!

So, what's today's mystery?

I don't know
if I explained it well
in my note,

but my old hairstylist Dustin,

had a minor surgery
a couple of months ago

and had to take time off.

So I went to another stylist
in the salon, Anastasia,

and she gave me
the best haircut of my life.

So, just to clarify,

the haircut we're
looking at right now,

this is the... best haircut
of your life?

-Yes.
-Mm-kay.

Well, it's a little grown out.

Which is why I need a trim.

The problem is,

I just poked my head in there
and Dustin's back.

But I have an appointment
with Anastasia!

I don't know what to do!

If I go back to Dustin,
I know I'm going to
hate my hair.

But if I go with Anastasia,
Dustin will hate me.

Thank God I talked
to that orthodontist,

because this is just
the type of mystery

that would normally
stress me out.

Um, are you sure
he'll hate you?

'Cause, I mean,
it's just a haircut.

Uh, "just a haircut"?

You know what, Yung,
you can be a real
dumb [bleep] sometimes.

-What?
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
That was harsh.

It's probably because
I'm off sugar.

But the honest
to God's truth is

the right haircut
can change your life.

Which is why,
it is so frustrating for me

that you insist on
keeping this...

unflattering cabbage-shaped
nothing on your head.

You have a round face!

You need length,
you need layers.

I mean, I don't know why
we're wasting our time
with this dumb bitch,

you're the one that needs
a hair appointment.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You're probably
not a dumb bitch.

But I am definitely
a sugar addict,

and going cold turkey
was a [bleep] mistake.

Look, my appointment
with Anastasia starts,
like, right now,

so what are we going to do?

[Pigeon] We are not
going to do anything.

I am going to go inside

and tell the one,
you have an appointment
with the other,

and then we will be done
with this mystery

and I will go to
that Hooters up there,
get sauced

and give one of them
busty gals...

a nice big hot tip.
[chuckles]

Oh, my God. Let me guess,
the tip of your dick?

[Pigeon] No.

I thought, uh, 25%
would be generous?

It wasn't a "minor surgery,"
you heartless [bleep].

That poor man
had testicular cancer.

He had a testicle removed

and he starts radiation
on Monday.

[stutters] I didn't know.

I bet you didn't know,

because you've probably
never asked the man
a single question.

Did you know that
he lost his partner

to a drunk driver in 2007?

Did you know that
he hasn't spoken to anyone
in his family since 2003,

merely because
he came out as homosexual?

As if that is anything
but an example
of pure courage?

I had no idea.

I'm sorry, team.

But I can't
in good conscience,

participate in the solving
of a mystery

for someone of
such low moral character.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't believe
how selfish I was being.

I am going to cancel
with Anastasia
and stay with Dustin.

Wow. Man, that guy's
been through so much.

Oh, yeah, what guy's that?

Dustin. The hairdresser.

Oh, no, I just
made that all up.

-Wait, what?
-[Yung] Pigeon!

I asked him if I could
use the men's room,

and he started
yammering about

how they don't have
a "men's" bathroom
or a women's bathroom,

they have, get this,
an all-gender bathroom.

So then I asked him,
"Ah, who cares,

how do you get up to
that upper level
where the Hooters is?"

And he said
there's an escalator.

And so I go, "Oh, yeah,

is it an all-gender
escalator?"

[chuckles]

Oh, yeah, [bleep] it,
let's all go.

We solved the mystery.
We deserve a little treat.

Wait, but... what's happening?

Where the [bleep]
is this taking us?

[trumpet sounding]

-Oh, dear. Oh, no!
-What?

That's Gabriel
blowing his horn.

They are calling me home.

Good, because I need
to take a shit

and I don't like
public restrooms.

Especially not one of those
all-gender bathrooms.

Trust me, the ladies
don't like following me

after I've taken a shit
in an all-gender bathroom.

I'm not talking about
our home, Michael.

I'm talking about home-home.

Heaven.

Welcome home, Marquess.

Gabriel, why am I here?

You've been a ghost
long enough, Marquess.

-You've been promoted!
-What... Oh, wait...

Are you... [gasps]

Are you saying what
I think you're saying?

You're gonna get
your wings, Marquess.

Shut up.
Shut the [bleep] up.

Are you [bleep] serious?

Are you being [bleep]
serious right now?

Abso-[bleep]-lutely...

-[screams]
-...[bleep]-serious.

-You earned it, sweetie!
-Oh!

Let's get the rest
of the angels out here.

-It's a celebration, after all.
-[Marquess] Oh!

Did you want to blow it?

-Did you want to
blow my horn?
-Oh.

[stutters] Oh, I...

-No, I can't...
-Come on.

Don't be nervous.

You know how to
give a good blow.

Eh, that I do, no complaints.

Okay. Here we go. [inhales]

[trumpet sounds]

-See? There's Azrael.
-[Marquess] Azrael!

-Raphael.
-[Marquess] Raphael!

-Sariel.
-[Marquess] Sariel!

-Uriel.
-[Marquess] Aww!

You get the point.

[angels] G'day, Marquess.

Good lord, is heaven made up

entirely of the
Thunder From Down Under
all-male revue?

Okay now, Marquess,

I'm afraid it's time
for you to say goodbye
to your mates.

Wait, you're staying here?

You're not coming
home with us?

Oh... Oh, dear, that's right.

I won't see them again.

Oh, there there,

sweet Yung.
I'll miss you, too.

I always imagined
I'd be at your wedding,

be at the birth
of your first child.

But who are we kidding,

none of that's gonna happen

if you don't do something
different with this hair.

My sweet, sweet Michael.

Where do I begin? Ah!

From the moment I--

I'm sorry to
cut you off, Marquess,

but I gotta get back
down to Earth

and take that [bleep]
I was talking about.

[Michael farts]

Pigeon...

Pidge! The Pidge Man...

Shut up and kiss me.

[Marquess moans]

Pigeon! I don't know
what to say.

I never knew you...
had such feelings for me.

I don't!

I don't, it's just
those deeply muscular,

heavily-oiled,
hard-bodied angels

got me all horned up.

I mean, you are
all beautiful men.

I would be honored to share
an all-gender bathroom
with any of you.

All right,
take it easy, Marquess.

[Pigeon] And I coulda done
without the tongue.

I'm happy for you, Marquess.

But to me, you already
were an angel.

-[thunderclap]
-[God] Marquess!

Oh, that's God now.

Now, remember, Marquess,
no one can see
the face of God.

-[gasps]
-It is a light too pure
and beautiful to witness.

So, close your eyes,

for he who looks
upon God's face
shall be no more.

-[thunderclap]
-[God] Marquess!

[sighs]

I'm really gonna miss him.

-Oh, yeah, who's that?
-[Mike] Get outta the way!

Every all-gender bathroom
was taken down there,

and I can't hold it
much longer! [farts]

[angelic vocalization]

[Mike] Marquess,
where's the bathroom?

Michael, shut your eyes!

You're in
the presence of God!

Ooh, it feels so good!

I feel you, God!

I love you, God!

[God gasps] I've never seen
my face before.

I'm so beautiful!

[explosion]

[wind whistling]

-Marquess! What happened?
-Nothing. Nothing.

I just... Just didn't want
to be an angel.

Swear to God.

Okay, or, you know,
swear to... whatever.

Let's get the [bleep]
outta here.

Oh, maybe we can stop
in that department store

and see about getting me
a new pair of sweatpants,

because I took
a shit in these.

[rumbling]

[theme music playing]