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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,168
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,808
[Mike] Family meeting
has begun. No more talking,
no more fun.
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,482
Okay, first order of business.
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:14,110
Does anyone watch Showtime,
Starz or the Sundance Channel?
5
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:16,207
Deezy thinks we're paying
too much for cable.
6
00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:17,819
[stammers] Well,
I watch those, Mike.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,251
I was thinking more like
your Nat Geos, your Lifetime,
8
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:22,347
your CNNs, your CNBCs...
9
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,989
Then what would I watch?
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,664
No, this motion is tabled until
the next family meeting.
11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,834
Okay, next agenda item.
12
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,233
Should we get a dog?
13
00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,074
Let's get some pros
and cons on the board.
14
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,170
I'll start.
15
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,171
Good to eat.
16
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,702
[Marquess] What?
17
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:39,036
Deezy says we're spending
too much money on groceries.
18
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,312
We could get a big dog,
chop him up
19
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,741
and whatever we don't eat,
we freeze him for the winter.
20
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,577
Dad, you can't eat a dog.
21
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,383
Well then, that's a "con."
22
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,845
Well, I for one, think
we should get a dog.
23
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,894
They're cute and cuddly
and it could protect
the house when we're gone.
24
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,660
Okay, wait. Well,
now I hate to be
the bearer of bad news
25
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,220
but I am deathly allergic
to dogs.
26
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:02,189
Well, I say, if Marquess
is deathly allergic to dogs,
27
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,429
we run, not walk, to get a dog!
28
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:05,704
Family meeting adjourned.
29
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,132
[Marquess] Okay, uh,
he can't do that.
30
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,637
[all screaming]
31
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:18,435
This is why we have to shut
the sliding glass door, Pigeon.
32
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:19,378
[gasps]
33
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,682
Dad, you killed it.
34
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,954
But now we have food
for the winter.
35
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:27,053
Oh, the poor thing was carrying
a mystery message. Uh...
36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,587
"Dear Mike Tyson
Mystery Team,
37
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,092
I'm afraid
my 17-year-old son Landon
38
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,794
is addicted to pain pills.
39
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,956
I wanted to have
an intervention
but as a single dad
40
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,355
I could use your help.
41
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,526
Kenneth Boone,
Santa Barbara, California."
42
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,455
Oh. [gasps]
43
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:40,769
I adore Santa Barbara.
44
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,470
I would move there
in a New York minute.
45
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:45,202
Oh, who am I kidding?
I would move to New York
46
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,538
in a Santa Barbara minute.
47
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,543
[chuckles] Anywhere but
this shithole.
48
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,035
Deezy says we have
to live in Las Vegas
49
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,837
for tax purposes.
50
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,879
Yeah, I think that's right.
I should check up
on that though.
51
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,745
I might have been thinking of
the Cayman Islands.
52
00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:00,253
Oh, well, maybe that'd be
a fun place to move to.
53
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,347
[Kenneth Boone] Thank you
so much for coming.
54
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,619
Sorry, I just need
to get Sophie fed.
55
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,487
She's six, kind of
a picky eater.
56
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:08,985
My wife used to do
all the cooking.
I can barely boil water.
57
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,299
It's very easy.
58
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:13,370
Um... How long since
your wife passed?
59
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,770
"Passed"? [scoffs]
I mean come on,
60
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,702
passed, what is that?
Just say "died."
61
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:21,567
His wife died.
Is "died" a bad word?
62
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:24,438
You know? You know
what a bad word is? [bleeping]
63
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:28,147
...is a bad word.
"[bleep] sucker" is a bad word.
64
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:29,921
But you can say "died."
Say "died".
65
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:33,290
-Okay, fine. Died.
-Okay, now say
"[bleep] sucker."
66
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,790
-[gasps]
-[laughs]
67
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,791
-My God, Pigeon.
-Maggie left us
four months ago.
68
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,963
"Left us"? That's worse
than "passed."
69
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,093
You know what I'm gonna do?
70
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:43,597
I'm gonna "leave us" right now
71
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,730
and go "pass" a giant turd
72
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,895
in this [bleep] sucker's
bathroom.
73
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:48,874
Okay, ew.
74
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,302
Sophie. Lunch is ready.
75
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,967
[sighs] Maggie was sick
for a long time.
76
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:55,035
She was in horrible pain
so we had every kind of
pain pill
77
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,405
they'll prescribe in the house.
78
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,984
I should have gotten rid
of them sooner
79
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,952
but the thought of cleaning out
her medicine cabinet
80
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,251
seemed overwhelming.
81
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,953
I finally got the courage
a few days ago
82
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,345
and they were all gone.
83
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,917
Every pill, every bottle.
84
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:12,485
Now, what makes you so sure
your son took them?
85
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:16,525
He just hasn't been himself.
He's suddenly so secretive.
86
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:19,233
And no one else has been
in our house since
Maggie departed.
87
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,666
"Departed"? Really?
88
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,272
Honey, why aren't you eating?
89
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,803
There's nothing to eat.
90
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,668
[Mike] Oh, was
the mac and cheese for her?
91
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:30,877
I'm sorry, little girl,
let me make you some.
92
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,510
Dad, wha-what's going on?
93
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,505
Landon... You know how much
I love you, right?
94
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,348
What are you talking about?
Who are these people?
95
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,315
Seriously? You don't know
who that is?
96
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,293
The one with the face tattoo?
97
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,962
I'll give you three guesses.
Bill Cosby, Mike Tyson
or Jaws the shark.
98
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:49,092
You have one minute
and your time starts now.
99
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,159
Landon, this is
an intervention.
100
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:52,497
For what?
101
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,802
I know you've been
taking Mom's pain pills.
102
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,274
What? No, I haven't.
103
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,603
Landon, you need help.
104
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,397
You're addicted to opioids.
105
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,539
Dad, I swear I'm not!
106
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,914
[voice breaks] My son,
my beautiful son,
107
00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:07,713
I know you're hurting.
We all miss her so much.
108
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,477
And it makes sense
to want to numb the pain.
109
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,247
Dad, I'm not taking pain pills!
110
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,586
Oh, come on, Landon.
You isolate.
111
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,792
You're always in your room
with the door locked.
112
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:22,964
Dad, please believe me.
I-I swear on Mom's grave.
113
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,466
[tearfully]
I've never taken an opioid.
I-I just miss Mom.
114
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,169
I believe you.
115
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,414
[both sobbing]
116
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,380
-[chair skids]
-[Marquess] Lies!
117
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:42,051
This is all lies.
An addict can't be trusted.
118
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,982
An addict cares about
one thing and one thing only.
119
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,388
Their next fix.
And they don't care
120
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,390
whose lives they have
to destroy to get it.
121
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,162
-Marquess.
-I-I'm sorry, I am sorry, Yung,
122
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:55,031
I am sorry. I just know
what it is like to lose someone
123
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,931
I love to addiction.
124
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,033
[Marquess] It was 1869...Summer.
125
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,995
The summer of '69we called it...
126
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,744
Sir Rodney Pumpbuttersand I ran off to the Orient,
127
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,910
two young vibrant men,no older than Landon here,
128
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,940
seeking adventureand new experiences.
129
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:12,435
Oh, we bought spices and silksin Shenzhen
130
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,879
and took a slow boat
131
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,153
down the Yangtze Riverto Nanjing.
132
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:18,352
It was therewe were first introduced
133
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,945
to the power of the poppy.
134
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:23,656
It was an ecstasyunlike any I had ever felt.
135
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,490
We spent weeksin our little opium den,
136
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,426
drifting in and out ofconsciousness.
137
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,161
Oh, dancing. Writing poetry.
138
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:33,766
Making love. But when summerturned to fall to winter,
139
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,730
I knew it was timeto come home.
140
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,669
I went to arrangepassage back to England
141
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:41,274
and discovered that Rodneyhad stolen my funds.
142
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:45,207
Oh, every last bank notehe used up chasing the dragon.
143
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,635
He lied to me of course,
144
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:49,979
he swore onhis mother's grave, too.
145
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,546
I never saw him again.
146
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,154
He reportedly died
147
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,746
when high as a kiteand holding a candelabra,
148
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,559
wandered intoa Chinese fireworks factory.
149
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,561
[explosions]
150
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,372
Now, Kenneth,
get your car keys.
151
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,144
You're taking
your son to rehab.
152
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,673
No! I'm not an addict!
153
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,538
He'll say anything
in this state,
154
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,737
anything he thinks
we want to hear.
155
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,309
Michael. Grab the boy.
Get him in the car.
156
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,248
Oh, good.
I was having trouble
boiling that water.
157
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,475
It-it's harder than it looks.
158
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,019
Hey. Stop. No--
159
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,358
Don't worry,
we'll watch Sophie.
160
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,793
Okay, thanks.
161
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,730
Your brother's gonna be okay.
162
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,625
Not likely. No, they have
a very poor rate of success
163
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:42,928
at these facilities.
164
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,469
Um, what happens
is they'll keep him
165
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,104
until the insurance
runs out
166
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,469
then they'll say he's cured
167
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,667
and then he'll suspiciously
overdose
168
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:50,939
and we'll be done
with the matter.
169
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:51,737
Mystery solved.
170
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,038
-Pigeon.
-[Pigeon] Huh?
171
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,421
Oh, no, no, no, no,
don't have candy,
172
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,850
I'll make you something
good to eat.
173
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,115
It's not for me.
174
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,431
A.F.O.S., I brought you
some candy.
175
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,527
[all gasp]
176
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:18,068
No! No one's supposed
to know about him,
177
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,004
not even Daddy.
178
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,575
[Pigeon] What the [bleep]
is that?
179
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,310
We call him A.F.O.S.
180
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,305
He's an alien from outer space.
181
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,947
His spaceship crash-landed
and Landon found him
182
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,583
on his walk home from school.
183
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,448
Landon says no one
can know about him
184
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:36,616
or they'll do bad experiments
on him.
185
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,056
Did you take
your medicine, A.F.O.S.?
186
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,333
Are those your mom's
pain pills?
187
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,296
He hurt his leg in the crash.
188
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,744
So Landon gave him
Mom's medicine for the pain.
189
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:55,041
A.F.O.S. take medicine.
190
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,084
A.F.O.S. like pills.
191
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,380
Want more pills.
192
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,652
Oh, dear God.
193
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,810
[gasps] That boy
was telling the truth.
194
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:08,490
Opioid addiction can be
a lifelong battle.
195
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,761
I'm gonna recommend
a 90-day program.
196
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,630
Oh. He's supposed to start
his freshman year
197
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,190
at Stanford in two weeks.
198
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,258
Well, there is a new treatment
that in some patients
199
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,928
can work practically overnight.
200
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:22,866
An electromagnet is placed at
the base of the brain
201
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:25,642
and one large pulse
is delivered.
202
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,372
It's very effective,
but it's...
203
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,868
It is extremely expensive.
204
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:33,079
I don't care what it costs.
Are there any risks?
205
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,282
Not to Landon.
206
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,314
No. Now, if someone like you
207
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,819
or I were to have it done,
208
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,490
someone who's not addicted
to opioids, uh...
209
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,150
It would be catastrophic.
210
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,558
Well, lucky for us that Landon
is addicted to opioids.
211
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:46,692
Let's do it.
212
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,356
Wonderful.
213
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,664
I'll warm up the machine.
214
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,303
Oh. [gasping]. Wait here.
215
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,136
Where's Landon?
216
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,205
Getting cured.
217
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:04,876
Oh!
218
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,548
Landon... How did it go?
219
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,923
Um...
220
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:16,152
Now, are we sure
he was addicted to opioids?
221
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,619
We're 100% sure, right,
Marquess?
222
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,428
The doctor is asking
because we have given him
223
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,730
an experimental procedure
that would be catastrophic
224
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:24,803
if he wasn't.
225
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,861
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
226
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,999
Yeah, yeah. He was an addict,
227
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:32,735
and um, now he's, uh,
had, uh... treatment...
228
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,772
And, um, yeah.
Now we should all go back
229
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,708
to beautiful Nevada
and let this family, um...
230
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,245
You know, let this family heal.
231
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,721
[knocking at door]
232
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,384
[Pigeon] What do you want?
233
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,389
Can we come in?
234
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,690
[Pigeon] No.
235
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,761
Well, uh, do you want
to sign this card?
236
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:52,991
[Pigeon] What card?
237
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,356
It's a farewell card
for A.F.O.S.
238
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,464
He's finally off opioids
and ready to go back
239
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,756
to his home planet.
240
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,798
[Pigeon] No.
241
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,632
What are you doing
in there? I--
242
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,938
Eh, uh, I'll sign it for him.
243
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:08,212
A.F.O.S., we have something
for you.
244
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,641
-[Marquess] Eh.
-[Yung Hee] Ah.
245
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,036
Where is he?
246
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:15,005
Dad, have, uh,
have you seen A.F.O.S.?
247
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,478
That little turtle
that we brought home
248
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,746
from Santa Barbara?
249
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,724
Well, he's not a turtle.
He's an alien.
250
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,023
Alien from outer space.
A.F.O.S.
251
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,316
Oh, damn.
I thought it stood for
252
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,587
another [bleep] option
besides steak.
253
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,386
That's why I called him
A.F.O.B.S.
254
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,398
Anyway he's right here.
255
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,000
[Yung Hee and Marquess gasp]
256
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,401
I know it looks like
a lot of food but whatever
257
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,904
we don't eat we can chop it up,
258
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,165
freeze it and save it
for the winter.
259
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,004
Damn, Mike,
with savings like this,
260
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,409
I think we can see about
getting Showtime
hooked back up.
261
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,642
[theme music playing]
19621
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