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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,741
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:13,454
See, this is why you put in
all that hard work
during the week,
3
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,180
to get to the end of the week.
4
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:18,045
Or as I sometimes call it,
the "weekend."
5
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,275
What do you guys call it?
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,789
I call it the weekend.
7
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,851
Shut up.
8
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,889
-No, Michael, I think
everyone calls it the weekend.
-I just said shut up.
9
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,486
Now, shut the [bleep] up.
10
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,997
You're ruining my weekend
with all your jibber-jabber.
11
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,800
Weekdays are
for jibber-jabber,
12
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:35,302
weekends are for...
Wait, what are they for,
Marquess?
13
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:38,065
Uh... Rest and relaxation?
14
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,805
Yeah, that's right.
Rest and relaxation.
15
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,081
I love hearing you talk,
Marquess. It relaxes me.
16
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,311
Put me in that
weekend state of mind.
17
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:49,606
-Oopsie. Five-second rule.
-[Pigeon] Hey, what the...
18
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,279
-[Pigeon screaming]
-Cannonball!
19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,620
[Pigeon screaming]
20
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,617
Let's go around the table
and say our pits and peaks.
21
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,389
All right, Pigeon,
let's start with you.
22
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:04,058
Well, let me see.
23
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,567
I would say
the peak of my day was,
24
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:11,000
well, any moment before
being burned alive.
25
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,307
And the pit of my day...
26
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:17,310
I'm not a negative person,
so, these are always hard
to think of,
27
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:22,054
but I'd say it's a tie between
forgetting to record the
opening round of the Masters
28
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,682
and being burned alive!
29
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,048
How about you, Yung?
30
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,446
-Pit and peak.
-Sorry for interrupting,
31
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:31,888
but I have finished my dinner.
May I please be excused?
32
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,185
Um, sure.
33
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,926
Can I offer anyone coffee?
34
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,461
Oh. I would love a cup.
35
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,896
I said "Can I" not "May I."
Burn.
36
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,502
But can I please have a cup
of coffee in the living room?
37
00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,802
Hey, Deezy, you didn't wanna
join us for dinner?
38
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,938
You said you didn't want me
to join you for dinner.
39
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,173
Oh, that's right.
40
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,108
Hey, what you got
on that computer?
41
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:53,653
Oh, I'm just checking out
the Nevada State
Treasurer's Office website.
42
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,810
You know, seeing if there's
any unclaimed funds out there.
43
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,419
You know, any money that
has gone missing in the mail
or what have you.
44
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,591
Every dollar counts.
45
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:04,060
Hey, put my name in there too.
Let's see if I have anything
in those unclaimed funds.
46
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:07,360
Did you ever live at 17-4-9-7,
East Tuckey Avenue?
47
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:10,364
-Oh, yeah.
-Then you got $1,981
coming to you
48
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:11,857
from Western Savings and Loan.
49
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,198
Oh, damn!
50
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,773
See that, Mike?
I get you that money.
51
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,671
Put it in Yung's name.
Her missing money is my money.
52
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:21,374
How do you spell "Yung"?
No MSG, right? [laughs]
53
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,638
Hey, is that a race joke
because she's Asian?
54
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:28,447
What? I was just... I mean,
I was just trying to connect,
you know, on a human level.
55
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,581
I'm sorry. I just felt like
I don't belong
and nobody likes me.
56
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,188
So, I thought
I'd be the funny guy.
57
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,750
Everybody likes the funny guy.
58
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,088
You gotta know your role,
Deezy, Yung is the funny guy.
59
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:38,563
Yung, say something funny.
60
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,632
-What do you mean?
-[laughs]
61
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,760
It's now what she says,
it's how she say it.
62
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,556
Let's see if Marquess
is in there.
63
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,228
Marquess,
what's your last name?
64
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:49,266
Well, for starters,
"Marquess" isn't
my first name.
65
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:52,172
As I have said
on numerous occasions,
66
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:53,635
my name is John Douglas.
67
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,613
My title is
"Marquess of Queensberry."
68
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,643
And because
"Marquess" sounds
like "Marcus,"
69
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:03,519
and because you are all
monstrously ignorant and lazy,
70
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,180
you call me "Marquess."
71
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,918
And because I don't
give a shit anymore,
I respond.
72
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,094
Nope, nothing in Nevada
for John Douglas.
73
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,993
Well, uh, I lived in Scotland.
Can you search there?
74
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,186
[Deezy] Mmm-hmm.
75
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,187
Okay, here's a John Douglas.
76
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,029
There's an unclaimed account
in your name
at the Royal Bank of Scotland.
77
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,174
Yes. [gasps] That was my bank!
78
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,830
I think I had
a small savings there.
79
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,238
-Well, it's not small anymore.
-What?
80
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:28,041
£3,420,000?
81
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,674
That's almost $5 million.
82
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:33,209
[laughs] I'm telling you,
it's the way she says things.
83
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,046
Oh, my God. I'm rich.
84
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:38,221
I'm rich! Oh, I'm gonna
buy so many things.
85
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:42,251
[gasps] First thing? Yep.
First thing I'm gonna do
is get a brand new wardrobe.
86
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:45,259
I mean, what is this
old-timey [bleep]?
87
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:47,062
It's never gonna
come back in style.
88
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,933
I look like I'm in
a [bleep] Jane Austen novel.
Oh, my God.
89
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,463
You know what else
we're gonna get?
A new [bleep] car.
90
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,169
I am sick
of that shitty van.
91
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,470
We look like a gang
of child molesters
in that thing.
92
00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:01,114
Okay, Deezy,
how do I get my money?
93
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,111
Huh. Normally, you just
put in your information
and they send it to you,
94
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,654
but this says,
if it's been unclaimed
for more than ten years,
95
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,050
-you have to physically
go in to the bank.
-Oh!
96
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:12,852
Then I guess I know
where this week's
mystery takes place.
97
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,446
Scotland, bitches!
98
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:18,087
Oh, well... Uh...
What about this mystery?
99
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,494
"Dear, Mike Tyson
Mystery Team,
100
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,386
"the hospital where my wife
is on life support
101
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,728
is threatening
to pull the plug on Friday.
102
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,503
But I know she'll wake up.
We just need more time.
103
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,073
Please come help.
Her life is in your hands."
104
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,302
[laughs]
105
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:34,108
Hey, man, we gotta go get you
on The Tonight Show withJohnny Carson, man.
106
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,670
You are just too funny.
107
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,609
[call button dings]
108
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:43,575
Okay, um, I'll go ahead
and order another right now,
just to save time. Thanks.
109
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:47,846
Oh, really? So, you're just
gonna judge me
the entire flight to Scotland?
110
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:50,287
I'm sure that woman
will be fine.
111
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,893
There things always have a way
of working themselves out.
112
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,796
And I'm sorry,
but who are we to play God?
113
00:04:56,830 --> 00:05:00,130
Okay, you know what?
Judge away, just judge away.
114
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:01,766
I'm gonna get my buzz on.
115
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,601
I'm gonna watch
My Best Friend's Wedding,
116
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,836
take a nap,
and then watch Runaway Bride,
117
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:09,812
and you can sit there
like Judge Judy
with your can of Sprite
118
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,583
and your sourpuss
and be miserable.
119
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,481
Because you know what, Yung?
You're miserable.
120
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:17,383
And if money could buy
happiness, I would give you
my $5 million.
121
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,477
But it can't.
That's on you, Yung.
122
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,019
That is on you.
123
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:29,029
Oh, my God!
Is my screen not working?
124
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,532
[bleep]! Tittysucker!
125
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,974
Yung, can we switch seats?
126
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,570
[Pigeon] We should go
on a Scotch-tasting
while we're here.
127
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,403
Go to one of those
old distilleries.
128
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:39,838
Well, I'm only 18.
129
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,743
I think
that's old enough here.
130
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,805
You can get drunk
and lose your virginity
131
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:47,513
to one of those red-bearded
sweaty Scotsmen
they got running around here.
132
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,607
Ew! No way. Gross.
133
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,319
Yung, now be honest.
134
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,552
You're a lesbian, aren't you?
135
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,216
It's none of your business.
136
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,215
Okay? And I don't believe
in labels.
137
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,617
Well, I do, sister.
138
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,888
So what's your poison?
The penis or the vagina?
139
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:04,097
Well, if anything,
I identify as pan.
140
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,830
Wait, what?
141
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,495
Mike, did you know this?
Did you know your daughter
is pan?
142
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,795
Like a pan? Like a frying pan?
143
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,297
Like her face
is like a frying pan?
144
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,939
Yeah, of course I know that.
145
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:17,484
When she was little
I used to call her
"Frying Pan Fran."
146
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,510
-You remember that, Yung?
-Yeah.
147
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,506
Unreal.
148
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,908
They won't give me my money.
149
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,619
Wanna know why?
Because I'm deceased.
150
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,352
No shit, Sherlock!
151
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,647
So, we came all this way
for nothing?
152
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,719
That's why you should
always call first.
153
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,688
They said they can release
the money to a living heir.
154
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,127
Well, do you have
a living heir?
155
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,362
Evidently.
156
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,227
Ian Douglas.
I think he would be
157
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:42,565
my great-great-great-grandson,
or maybe one more "great."
158
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,072
I don't know.
I'm just so [bleep] mad.
159
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:49,074
I have an address. Get this,
he lives in Glasgow.
160
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,438
He works in a factory,
161
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:55,408
a fish-processing factory.
Jesus.
162
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:59,718
I am rolling over
in my own grave.
163
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:03,422
Ian, it should be
very straightforward.
Just a quick trip to the bank,
164
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:06,556
and... I'm sorry,
is there maybe a scented
candle we can light?
165
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:10,903
Or a can of Febreze?
Just a quick, quick,
quick spritz?
166
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,770
[chuckles] So, you're
telling me we're kin?
167
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,330
You're my great-great-great-
great-great-grandfather?
168
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,269
And you want me
to go with you and sign
some papers in a bank,
169
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,405
and we are rich?
170
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,040
No, no, we're not rich,
171
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,976
I'm rich. Oh! Oh, my God!
172
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:28,251
Okay, okay.
So, when do you get off work?
173
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,681
Hmm? Again, it's just
a quick zip to the bank,
zip in and zip out.
174
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:35,288
Well, it could be a while.
I've got to process
the rest of those...
175
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,961
Unless you wanna
give me a hand?
176
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,390
You just take a fish,
and first,
you saw off the head.
177
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:41,725
And then you grab the spine
and give it a yank.
178
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:45,431
Sometimes, you gotta
use your teeth, you know,
get the knob of the spine.
179
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,625
[grunts and spits]
180
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,167
Then you lay the carcass
back for rendering.
181
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,803
[whirring]
182
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,213
Well, come on, then.
183
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:58,141
These fishes aren't gonna
process themselves. [chuckles]
184
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,324
Honey, I'm home!
185
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:09,692
Fiona, come meet my
great-great-great-great-great-
great-grandfather.
186
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:14,234
[sighs] These are my babes.
187
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:15,660
Here you are, Fiona.
188
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:18,095
Hey, you can give her
your fish heads, lads.
189
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,471
Man, where you want
these fish heads, man?
190
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,430
In the trash
or in the garbage?
191
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:25,768
Just give them all
to Fiona here, she'll make
a great fish head stew.
192
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,505
Fish heads in hot water,
193
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:30,140
a dinner fit for kings, eh?
[laughs]
194
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,276
Angel, I have to go
to the bank with these
fine people
195
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,982
and help them get us
millions of dollars.
196
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,353
And then I'll come home
and eat a bite of stew,
197
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:39,482
and then get to the hospital
for my night shift where I
remove rectums from cadavers.
198
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,419
[gasps]
199
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,464
So the scientists who study
these rectums can
find a cure! [chuckles]
200
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:45,960
Now, let me go put on a tie.
201
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,792
We're going
to a bank after all.
202
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,527
Show some respect
to the financial institution.
203
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,933
He's such a good man.
204
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,696
Such a good husband
and father.
205
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,065
And he works so hard.
206
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,714
Now, let's go get you
your money, sir.
207
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,811
Marquess, these people
need the money more than you.
208
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,884
-It's my money.
-Not really.
209
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:10,053
He's your living heir.
You can't even get it out
of the bank without him.
210
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,923
Ugh! Fine!
211
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,991
Ian? Ian?
212
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,890
-[thunder rumbling]
-Okay, Ian, listen.
213
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,392
You are my great-great-
great-great-great-grandson.
214
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,225
And more importantly,
215
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:25,360
you are a great, great, great,
great, great human being.
216
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,998
So, I'm gonna split
the money with you.
217
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,804
You're gonna receive
$2.5 million.
218
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,537
I don't know what to say.
219
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,312
-That's the kindest thing
anyone has ever done for me.
-Aw.
220
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:39,941
Oh. Oh! Even the rain smells
in this godforsaken place.
221
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,349
-That's because it's piss.
-Ugh!
222
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,882
[Ian] Alastair Flanagan,
have you no shame?
223
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,717
Use a cludgie
like the rest of us.
224
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,053
Oh. "Cludgie"
means bathroom.
225
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,258
-[horns honking]
-[Marquess] Ah, this traffic.
226
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,590
The bank closes at 5:00.
227
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:56,226
Wait. Why are we stopping?
228
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,562
Come on, lads.
229
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,327
[stammering]
What is happening?
230
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,125
[Yung Hee] Where are we going?
231
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,227
[thunder rumbles]
232
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,206
[whistles]
233
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,384
[alarm blares]
234
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,213
Lads, this fine man,
235
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,749
John Douglas,
the Marquess of Queensberry,
236
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,645
has gifted me
half of his fortune.
237
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,047
And just as
he's shared it with me,
238
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:26,459
I intend on sharing mine
with all of you.
239
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,562
Our days of gutting fish
are over.
240
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:31,264
We'll have more time to spend
with our loved ones.
241
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,257
[all cheering]
242
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,399
[chuckles] All right, okay,
that was very nice,
243
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,896
but we should really
get going before
the bank closes.
244
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:41,838
So, let's give three cheers
for John Douglas,
245
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,814
the Marquess of Queensberry.
246
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,683
-Hip hip...
-[all] Hurray!
247
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:47,152
-Okay.
-Hip hip...
248
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,980
-[all] Hurray!
-Yeah. We got it.
249
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,615
-Hip hip...
-[all] Hurray!
250
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,980
Okay, that's three, let's go.
251
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,218
-Hip hip...
-[all] Hurray!
252
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:54,452
-Hip hip...
-[Marquess] Michael!
253
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,217
Jesus! Quiet! Back to work.
254
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:57,755
-Hip hip...
-[all] Hurray!
255
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,730
Come on! Do you want
your money or not?
256
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,960
[people gasping]
257
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,734
-[machine whirring]
-[crunching]
258
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:12,341
Can I change my peak?
This is the new peak
of my day.
259
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,371
[theme music playing]
260
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,720
Damn, son, see if I got
any financial funds
laying around anywhere.
261
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:25,821
[man] Oh.
262
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,752
[keyboard clacking]
263
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,787
[man] Do you?
264
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,185
I have nothing.
20830
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