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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,271 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,674 NARRATOR: Previously on Mike Tyson Mysteries... 3 00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:07,966 Oh... (BLEEP) 4 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,506 Congratulations, Deezy, 5 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:19,448 you are now an official member of the Mike Tyson Mystery Team. 6 00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,116 (STAMMERING) I didn't want to kill someone. 7 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,794 We all had to kill someone to join the team. 8 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,363 We're a special, secret government strike team. 9 00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:29,162 Also known as the Mike Tyson Special Secret Government Strike Team. 10 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:35,369 (STAMMERING) I just... Can't have killed someone. 11 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,872 I took another person's life? 12 00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:38,673 I can't live with that burden! (SCREAMS) 13 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,205 YUNG HEE: No! MARQUESS: Oh my God! 14 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,510 (DEEZY GROANING) 15 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,812 DEEZY: (EXHALES) What happened? 16 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,675 -Where am I? -You're in the hospital. 17 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,583 -You tried to kill yourself. -(PIGEON SCOFFS) 18 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:49,745 PIGEON: Kill himself? 19 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,753 He's holding a loaded gun, 20 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:54,845 and instead he jumped out of the window of a two-story house. 21 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,018 It was nothing but attention seeking. 22 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,917 He's got a broken foot. 23 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:03,429 Of course, they'll keep him overnight for "observation". 24 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:08,433 And who pays for that? John Q. Taxpayer, that's who. 25 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,498 This is why I voted for Trump! 26 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:13,437 I'm a Trump man! Always have been. 27 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,243 Give 'em hell, Trump. 28 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,075 (CHANTING) Drain that swamp! 29 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:21,350 Build that wall! Lock her up! 30 00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:24,121 So what is this secret government strike team you got me on? 31 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,051 What do we do? Do you have to keep killing people? I can't! 32 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,947 You can't make me. Oh, God! 33 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,889 Oh, God! Oh, God, I killed someone! 34 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,364 Blood on my hands, Lord! 35 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,692 -Dad. -What? 36 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,457 -(DEEZY SOBBING) -You have to tell him. 37 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,395 Tell me what? That I'm off the team? 38 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,630 No, I just got on this team. I can kill. 39 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,426 Who do you want me to kill? I can kill anyone. 40 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:42,898 I'll kill that old man to prove it. 41 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,796 -Prove my loyalty. -Deezy, stop. 42 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:48,568 Michael, tell him! I will not be party to this any longer. 43 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,938 Okay, fine. Deezy, I have a confession to make. 44 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:55,248 There's no Mike Tyson Secret Government... Uh... What'd I call it? 45 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,122 Secret Government Strike Team. 46 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,150 Yeah, there's no such thing as that. 47 00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,716 -I made it up. -What? 48 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,124 Yeah, here's the truth of it, Deezy. 49 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,615 You're a real shitty agent. 50 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,417 And I wanted to fire you for a long time. 51 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,159 But my problem is that I'm non-confrontational. 52 00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,626 That was my problem in boxing, that's my problem in life. 53 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,996 So instead of just telling you I would no longer like you to be my agent, 54 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,466 -we decided... -Michael. 55 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,105 I decided to trick you into thinking, 56 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,441 that you are on a secret government team 57 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,776 and so instead of being my agent, 58 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:29,312 I would send you to like, um, Pakistan and just maybe, um... 59 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,819 Never hear from you again. 60 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,350 But what about that guy I shot and killed? 61 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,685 That dude that looked just like me? 62 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,950 You mean Terry, our pool man? 63 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,589 Terry, come on in. 64 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,664 Hi, everyone. Hi, Deezy. 65 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,163 Wait, I shot you. 66 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,764 I was wearing a bulletproof vest. 67 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,926 But, how do you look exactly like me? 68 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,765 Is that some kind of a mask? 69 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,340 No. I really did have total facial reconstructive surgery. 70 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:53,040 I've undergone over a thousand skin grafts. 71 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,613 I'd do anything for the champ. 72 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,841 And in return he promised me 73 00:02:56,876 --> 00:03:00,146 that I'd be made a member of the Mike Tyson Secret Government Strike Team. 74 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,480 I leave for Pakistan first thing in the morning. 75 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,975 -Bon voyage, Terry. -Good day, everyone. 76 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,124 He never got the chlorine level right in the pool, 77 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,856 but I didn't have the heart to let him go. 78 00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:13,161 That's my problem. 79 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,563 Okay, team, time to fly. 80 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:18,455 That's my new catchphrase when we're going somewhere. 81 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:20,228 "Time to fly." 82 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,127 Deezy, why don't you see about copyrighting that (BLEEP). 83 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,468 So wait, what does that mean, Mike? Am I still your agent? 84 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:29,505 [MIKE'S THOUGHTS] Say no, just say no. Say, "Deezy, you're 85 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,242 fired." Of course, you're still my agent. 86 00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:32,738 Mother... (BLEEP) 87 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,179 And can I still stay at your house? 88 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,914 MIKE: No way, Jose. 89 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,749 My casa es su casa, Jose. 90 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,745 Oh, no, what is my problem? 91 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,593 Hmm... Does that taste good, Pigeon? 92 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,155 Oh, does this bird seed taste good? 93 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,664 -Is that your question, Marquess? -MARQUESS: Okay. 94 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:52,026 -Does this bird seed taste good? -Mmm-hmm. 95 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,365 No, it doesn't taste good, you witless gadfly. 96 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:59,402 I want to eat what you're eating, but I can't because it gives me diarrhea. 97 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,939 This is the only thing that doesn't give me diarrhea. 98 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,275 My asshole is so raw, 99 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:08,551 it's just red and raw from all the (BLEEP) damn diarrhea. 100 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:11,051 Okay, that... That's not really breakfast talk. 101 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,694 Oh! Should we talk about my piss? 102 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,290 How it's dark, almost orange. 103 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:18,363 Because I'm so dehydrated 104 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,931 on account of how much diarrhea I have, 105 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,960 while I'm not eating bird seed. 106 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,596 This delicious bird seed. Go (BLEEP) yourself! 107 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,537 Why do you engage with him? 108 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,740 Learn your lesson, Marquess. 109 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,412 It's better to let someone walk away from you than walk all over you. 110 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,313 When people treat you like they don't care, believe them. 111 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,406 One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make 112 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:45,078 is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart. 113 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,648 My God! Are you still talking? 114 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,817 Ah, to hell with it. Give me a bite of that. 115 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:54,331 Ooh, that is good. (EXCLAIMS) 116 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,231 It's gonna burn coming out, 117 00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:58,802 but you can't say it's not good going in. (LAUGHING) 118 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,972 Real nice hot cakes, Mike. 119 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,770 Thank you for saying so, Pigeon. 120 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,342 At least someone in this house has manners. 121 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,942 Morning, Deezy. You sleep well? 122 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,473 You're covered in bird (BLEEP), so probably not. 123 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,579 Just feeling blessed to have a roof over my head, Mike. 124 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,181 Got a mystery here for you guys. 125 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,913 Thanks, Deezy. Here, Yung, why don't you read it? 126 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,948 You haven't spoken in quite some time. 127 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,123 Oh, hmm, all right. 128 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,622 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team..." 129 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,593 No, it's too boring when you read it. 130 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:25,322 Marquess, you read it. You have that flamboyant style. 131 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,658 Uh... Thank you? 132 00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:29,264 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team..." 133 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,355 Hmm... Maybe it's Pigeon that's the flamboyant one. 134 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:32,798 You read it, Pigeon. 135 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,502 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team..." 136 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,634 Damn, maybe I'm the flamboyant one. 137 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,939 "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team, 138 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:44,112 no one believes me, but my husband was abducted by aliens, please help. 139 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,014 Megan Von Breyer." 140 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:47,945 Yeah, I'm the flamboyant one. 141 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,181 All right, team, time to fly. 142 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,617 Hey, Deezy, what's the status on that "Time to Fly"? 143 00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:55,193 You get that shit copyrighted? 144 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,291 We should be making a lot of money off that shit. 145 00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,723 I'm one step ahead of you and two steps back, Mike. 146 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,659 Ordered 10,000 ball caps with "Time to Fly" on the front. 147 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,195 We have a website up and running, 148 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,230 and we're already being sued by United Airlines. 149 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,696 No, Southwest. 150 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,074 -No, American Airlines. -(ENGINE STARTS) 151 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,202 Oh, maybe it was Air France. 152 00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,497 -It's some airline, I gotta check my notes. -(VEHICLE DEPARTING) 153 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,539 I think I left them in the coop. 154 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,040 Can I help you? 155 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,508 Oh, hello, we're the Mike Tyson Mystery Team. 156 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,078 -We got your note about the aliens. -Huh! 157 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:27,147 That little bitch. Abducted by aliens? 158 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,247 -She murdered my father. -Oh! 159 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,659 -So you're not Megan Von Breyer? -No. 160 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,431 I'm Emily Von Breyer. 161 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,360 Carlton Von Breyer's daughter. 162 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,495 And I was just asked to leave 163 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,230 by the grieving widow. (EXCLAIMS) 164 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,926 Oh, sorry about that. 165 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:45,368 I had pancakes for breakfast. (LAUGHING SHEEPISHLY) 166 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,440 YUNG HEE: Ugh, gross. 167 00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,205 She just married him for his money. 168 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,343 Now, now, Yung, you don't know that. 169 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:55,878 Why, perhaps he was a world-class cunnilingust. 170 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,445 A magnificent (BLEEP) eater. 171 00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,385 A proper (BLEEP) muncher. 172 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,720 -MARQUESS: Just stop. -Oh, there she is, outside. 173 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,421 -Surprise! -(GASPS) Ah! 174 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,229 -Oh! -Sorry, I sometimes shout, "Surprise!" 175 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,332 -when I really mean to whisper, "Hello." -(GASPING) 176 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,730 You should have let me fall. 177 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,468 My life is already over. 178 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,474 Everyone thinks I murdered Carlton. 179 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,766 Why? Because he was 84 and I'm 23. 180 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:27,209 Because he had just changed his will so that I would be the sole beneficiary. 181 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,277 -Uh, yeah. -It was his anniversary gift to me. 182 00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:33,746 He told me right here, right before I gave him his gift. 183 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,146 A shove off the cliff? 184 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,888 You're just like the rest of 'em. 185 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,123 No, I got him a great gift. 186 00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:40,958 I got him a star. 187 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,804 -What? -Online, you can name a star after someone. 188 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,260 And you get a little certificate 189 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,928 that tells you exactly where the star is. 190 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,727 The Carlton Star. 191 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,269 It's up there... Somewhere. 192 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,505 (CRYING) 193 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,940 -And so is he. -Oh, my God. 194 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,805 That is a great gift. You know what else is a great gift? 195 00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,775 A lottery ticket. 196 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,783 It seems like something, but it's really nothing. And it's cheap. 197 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,576 So, after you gave him this "star", 198 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,249 is that when the aliens 199 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,618 conveniently showed up to take him off your hands? 200 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,857 If I pushed Carlton off this cliff, 201 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,032 how come the police didn't find a body? 202 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,961 Because there is no body. 203 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:20,596 Because aliens took him. They took him into space. 204 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:24,043 Please, you're my only hope to clear my name. 205 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:27,140 Find Carlton. Bring him back to me. 206 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:31,341 Okay, seems pretty clear what we have to do. 207 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,607 Simply go to space, simply find these aliens, 208 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,447 simply negotiate with them 209 00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:39,552 over the release of Carlton and simply return to Earth. 210 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,446 We may need to get a heat shield. 211 00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,717 I think when you return to Earth you need a heat shield 212 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,356 or you burn up in the atmosphere. 213 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,061 But the rest is pretty straightforward. 214 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,563 Dad, it's obvious she murdered him. 215 00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,656 Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. 216 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,598 And now we don't need that heat shield. Good job, Yung. 217 00:08:56,936 --> 00:09:00,166 There has to be some evidence down there that the police missed. 218 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,466 Ooh, Yung is on a roll. 219 00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:05,238 You didn't talk much at the beginning, but now, boy, you're talking a lot. 220 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,808 Go Yung! 221 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,876 Marquess, Pigeon, what are you guys doing, huh? 222 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:11,375 You're only good as your last line of the dialogue. 223 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:14,147 (STAMMERS) Well, how on Earth would we get down there? 224 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,347 MIKE: Ooh, Marquess, getting it in there. 225 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,819 Come on, Pigeon, what do you got to say? 226 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,928 -(MARQUESS SCREAMING) -Whoa! 227 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,390 Pigeon with the unexpected physical move. 228 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,829 Now we're working like a team. 229 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:29,065 Ah! Pigeon, you asshole! 230 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,002 I thought you could fly. 231 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:34,437 -Aren't you an angel? -MARQUESS: (YELLING) I'm a ghost! 232 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:38,544 But, isn't your catchphrase, "Time to fly"? 233 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,678 MARQUESS: That is Michael's catchphrase! 234 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,854 PIGEON: Oh, you know what, 235 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,153 I think you're right. 236 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,419 (GASPS) Oh, my! 237 00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:50,924 His wheelchair! Look! 238 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,587 It's Carlton's wheelchair! 239 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,725 So she did push him off the cliff. 240 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,431 And now we have our evidence. 241 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:59,302 We also have something for me to use on long walks, 242 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,732 just in case my legs get tired. 243 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,768 I didn't do it! I swear! 244 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,743 The wheelchair fell into the ocean when the aliens beamed him up. 245 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,276 I'm actually glad she's as young as she is. 246 00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:16,482 It'll be more time that she gets to rot in prison. 247 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,619 What are your intentions with our star which you claim is your own? 248 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,315 I have no intentions. It was just a gift from my wife Megan. 249 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,129 It was meant to be romantic. 250 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:31,261 She's the most loving, kindhearted woman I've ever known. 251 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,127 So you have no plans on enforcing this document and enslaving us? 252 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,798 Of course not. I just want to go home to my wife. 253 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,268 Then we shall release you. 254 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:44,406 CARLTON: Oh! (SCREAMING) 255 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,014 -Hmm... -We forgot to give him a heat shield. 256 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:48,980 Time to fly. 257 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:52,717 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 20187

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