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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,130 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:05,867 MAN: (ON TV) And the question here is, 3 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,613 what will the Iowa State Cyclones do 4 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,068 here on third down. 5 00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,736 They've been sputtering a little bit. 6 00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:12,375 MIKE: Whoa, Marquess! My Cal Bears are all over 7 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,710 your Iowa State Cyclones, man. 8 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,245 Huh, what's that? 9 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,920 Your Iowa State Cyclones are going down, baby. 10 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,120 My what? 11 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,252 Your Cyclones. 12 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,716 They're going down. 13 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,834 ♪ Your Cyclones are going down 14 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,957 ♪ Your Cyclones are going down 15 00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:32,804 -♪ Your Cyclones are going down... -Okay, um... 16 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,930 I don' know what you're talking about, I don't... 17 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,165 Ugh. Is this a sport? 18 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,440 In your face, Marquess! 19 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,468 In your face! 20 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,143 Michael, it's a little early for a crotch chop. 21 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,343 Golden Bears! Golden Bears! Golden Bears! 22 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,306 Michael, what are you doing? 23 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,654 I am trash-talking you, Marquess. 24 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,120 Bear Nation, Bear Pride! 25 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,249 Don't worry how much you get high. 26 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,285 What does that even mean? 27 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,490 We were hibernating, but now we are awake! 28 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,993 (GROWLS) Us bears are in the rivers, 29 00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,326 eating all the salmon, 30 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,460 but the salmons aren't salmon. 31 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:08,496 They're the Iowa State Cyclone salmon! 32 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,502 Hey, weren't you rooting for Iowa State, like, 10 minutes ago? 33 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,805 I was, but they're losing. 34 00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:15,668 So, now I'm a Cal Bear guy. 35 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,506 Fair weather fan, always have been. 36 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,451 Life's too short to root for a loser. 37 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,147 MAN: (ON TV) And he explodes through the hole! 38 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,148 No one's going to catch him, touchdown, Iowa State! 39 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,021 Cyclones baby, we're the Iowa State Cyclones. 40 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,561 Give me a "I," give me a "O," give me a "State." 41 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,287 Cyclones! 42 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,662 -MAN 1 (ON TV): Ooh, flag on the field. -MAN 2: Yeah, 43 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,130 I think this one's coming back. 44 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,058 I think it's holding on Iowa State. 45 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:39,903 That's on the left tackle, senior Ken Ewadatatupu. 46 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,030 MAN 1: That is... 47 00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,365 Oh, man, holding. 48 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:47,370 Cal Bears baby, Cal Bears, there we go baby, in your face! 49 00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,374 Okay, well... 50 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,206 It's five o'clock somewhere. 51 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,882 YUNG HEE: Hey, everyone, we have a new mystery. 52 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,910 Oh, ooh, let's go. 53 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,845 Oh, you... You want me to pause the game? 54 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:58,881 Nah, I don't care about college football. 55 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,016 If any of them was that good, they'd be in the pros. 56 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,451 MAN 2: (ON TV) ...got hair coming out of the back of his helmet. 57 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,060 What the (BLEEP) is that? 58 00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:11,033 It's a Bermuda rock slide. 59 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,701 It's basically a Mexican rock slide, but instead of tequila, 60 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,131 you sub rum. 61 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:17,065 Why do... 62 00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,671 -You want me to make you one? -Sure. 63 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,913 (SCOFFS) 64 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,575 What? You offered. 65 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,837 Yeah, well, I know. I was just being polite. 66 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,546 So, you're not going to make me a drink, 67 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,418 even though you asked me if you could make me a drink? 68 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:34,347 Well, they take a long time, I have to muddle hibiscus. 69 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,585 So, get muddling! 70 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,789 What, I... 71 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,990 (SLURPING) 72 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,926 -Asshole. -(CHUCKLES) 73 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,099 Read the mystery, honey. 74 00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,257 It says, "Yard Sale." 75 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,595 (READING) 76 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,573 I don't get it. What's the mystery? 77 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,742 I don't think it's a mystery. 78 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,270 It's a straight up advertisement. 79 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,275 And it worked, it got my attention. 80 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:59,407 Let's go, let's go buy some shit. 81 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,713 To the mystery mobile. 82 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,815 (HUMMING) 83 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:08,648 -(CAR HONKING) -Oh, for God's sake, give me a mother (BLEEP) second. 84 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,857 (GASPS) Ah, ah! 85 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:18,500 (CHUCKLES) 86 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,397 (HUMMING) 87 00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:28,644 (CAR HONKING) 88 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,282 Son of a... 89 00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:33,577 Hold your GD horses, you bunch of (BLEEP) assholes. 90 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,051 (HUMMING A TUNE) 91 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:41,021 Ah, no, I'll get the door too. 92 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,661 I mean, Pigeon, I'm sorry, but you could've actually waited 93 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,058 to take the drink yourself. 94 00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,228 It's very full, so here. 95 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,899 -You got it? -I got it. 96 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,311 Oh! (GASPS) 97 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,107 Oh, I thought you had it. 98 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,479 (SIGHS) 99 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,837 Seatbelt, Marquess. 100 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,605 I got it, Michael. 101 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,354 -MARQUESS: I know how to put that on! -(ENGINE STARTING) 102 00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,655 Well, I'm just so pleased 103 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,857 these things will find a new home. 104 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,329 My husband would've wanted it that way. 105 00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,698 Oh, did he pass away? I'm so sorry. 106 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,958 Thank you. 107 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,026 Victor was the love of my life. 108 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,365 We were soulmates. 109 00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,370 Married for 43 years. 110 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,372 Hey, how much for that stationary bike? 111 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,214 Uh, does $50 sound fair? 112 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,380 -I'll give you $20. -Michael. 113 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,679 How much for the desk? 114 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,380 Oh, that was Victor's desk. 115 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,483 -I didn't ask that. -Dad! 116 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,215 It's okay, Yung. It's all part of the haggle. 117 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:49,391 -They like it. -Uh, $40? 118 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,190 No way, Jose. $30. 119 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,191 But then you've got to throw in the silverware. 120 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,033 This was my grandmother's silverware. 121 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,500 Hey, let me ask you something. 122 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,228 Did anyone ever put these forks 123 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,933 -up their butt or buttholes? -Oh! 124 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,434 Excuse me? 125 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,336 I know it's an uncomfortable question, ma'am, 126 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,738 but I'll kick myself if I didn't ask. 127 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:10,280 I can't imagine anyone doing anything like that. 128 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,337 I'll tell you what, throw in the necklace 129 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,946 and we'll call it even. 130 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,917 Oh, this isn't for sale. I couldn't part with this. 131 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,017 Hmm. Then just give me that VCR. 132 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,228 So, we're just going to leave the desk here? 133 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,257 Yeah, now we have a reception area. 134 00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,103 And when people come over, we'll be like, 135 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,468 "Can I help you?" And they'll be like, 136 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,027 "Hey, I'm here to see the Mike Tyson Mystery Team." 137 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,036 And we'll be like, "It'll just be a moment." 138 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,938 Why don't you just take a seat on this stationary bike 139 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,570 while you're waiting. 140 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,405 And they'll be like, "Do you validate for parking?" 141 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,310 And we'll be like, "Yes, we do let me stamp your ticket." 142 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,783 Now, where's my stamp? 143 00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,949 What the (BLEEP) is this? 144 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,286 Well, it's a bunch of old letters. 145 00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:56,589 (GASPS) 146 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,390 They're love letters to Victor. 147 00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,132 Oh, that's that woman's husband who died. 148 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,628 He must've saved all the love letters 149 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,459 his wife ever wrote him. 150 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,395 That poor woman would want these. 151 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,270 -We should take them back. -PIGEON: "My dearest Victor..." 152 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,468 "As the leaves begin to fall, my heart aches" 153 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,912 "longing for your embrace," blah, blah, blah. 154 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,337 Never mentions her (BLEEP). I don't want these. 155 00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,143 To the mystery mobile! 156 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,845 Does anybody need me to validate their parking 157 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,707 before they go? 158 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,483 We know how much you miss your husband, 159 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,316 and though we can't bring him back, we have something for you 160 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:30,661 that we hope, at the very least, will bring you comfort. 161 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,657 Victor must've loved you a great deal. 162 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,029 He saved all these love letters you wrote him. 163 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,502 I didn't write this. 164 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,428 I didn't write any of these. 165 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,703 Who's Cathy? 166 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,774 Oh, my God. 167 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,670 Oh, my God. 168 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,011 Victor, you son of a bitch! 169 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,537 How could you? 170 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,182 You were having an affair with this whore? 171 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,678 My whole life has been a lie. 172 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,710 (SOBBING) 173 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,016 My heart hurts. 174 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,178 (GASPING) 175 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,516 Are you okay? 176 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,021 My heart! 177 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,422 -(WHISPERS) Oh, dear God. -My heart! 178 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,533 YUNG HEE: Oh, no. 179 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,259 -Is she... -Mmm. 180 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:15,199 -We should... -Take her necklace. 181 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,142 No! Call someone. 182 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,137 All right. 183 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,339 -(PHONE DIALING) -Wait a second. This one's unopened. 184 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,542 And it's from Victor to Cathy. 185 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,305 -He never mailed it. -Well, open it. 186 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,883 Maybe he talks about Cathy's (BLEEP). 187 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,553 Pigeon, no! We are not going to open it. 188 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,193 We need to find this Cathy and give it to her. Maybe... 189 00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:37,219 Maybe then there can be some kind of closure 190 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,894 to this awful situation. 191 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,092 Yeah, uh-huh. Uh-huh. I hear you. 192 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,534 Is that the police? 193 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,059 No, it's Deezy. He wants to know if I want to be 194 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,864 a presenter at the Hip Hop Awards. 195 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,166 (BLEEP) yeah, I do! 196 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,767 As long as my Iowa State Cyclones 197 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,339 aren't playing that day. 198 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,097 I really think they'll go all the way this year, 199 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,835 I really do. Maybe not. 200 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,250 Can I help you? 201 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,919 Hello, we're looking for a Cathy Walker. 202 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,547 Does she still live here? 203 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,222 No. I've never heard of anyone named Cathy Walker. 204 00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:11,592 Allan, I'll take care of this. You go back to the party. 205 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,862 Yes, Mother. 206 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,060 You're looking for Cathy Walker? 207 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,962 I haven't heard that name in almost 30 years. 208 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,296 Do you know her? 209 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,770 Oh, little boy, 210 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:24,668 I was her. Come inside. 211 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,135 Oh, whose birthday is it? 212 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,471 Why would you ask that? 213 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,936 You don't know any of these (BLEEP) people. 214 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,284 Who gives a shit whose birthday it is? 215 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,280 Actually, it's my birthday. 216 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,952 We're about to have cake. 217 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,890 Well, congratu (BLEEP) lations. 218 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:43,657 So, what did you mean when you said you were Cathy Walker? 219 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,287 I was a spy for the Soviet Union. 220 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:49,393 My real name is Katia Petrova. 221 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,156 I spent the Cold War living here 222 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,104 under cover as an American. 223 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,570 But I grew to love this country and I stopped 224 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,069 passing information to the KGB. 225 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,601 How did you find me? 226 00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,706 We found this. 227 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,314 Victor. 228 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,940 He was my contact. 229 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,305 We communicated only by mail. 230 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,854 Love letters that contained secret coded information. 231 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,021 Did he ask you to give this to me? 232 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,320 I'm afraid Victor passed away. 233 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,362 We found this in his desk. 234 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,987 (READING) "Katia. 235 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,832 "I had hoped never to have to send you this letter. 236 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,827 "So, if you're reading this, it means we are compromised. 237 00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,600 "There must be no loose ends, I'm sorry. 238 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,470 "The ink in this letter is a poison 239 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,368 "that has already penetrated your skin. 240 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,540 "I wish it could be painless, but it will be anything but. 241 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,010 "Dasvidanya comrade." (GASPS) 242 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:42,110 ♪ Happy birthday to you. 243 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:46,045 ♪ Happy birthday to you. 244 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:50,993 ♪ Happy birthday dear Nana 245 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:55,831 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 246 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:56,959 Happy birthday, Mother. 247 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,064 (GASPS) 248 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,598 (GROANS) 249 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:04,973 (GURGLING) 250 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:15,511 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING) 251 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,745 (ON MICROPHONE) And the award to best female hip-hop artists goes to... 252 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:25,323 Oh, yeah, my girl, the Iowa State Cyclone! 253 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,385 (END THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 254 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:34,865 For today's episode we didn't think 255 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,368 we could use Happy Birthday for, you know, 256 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,401 legal reasons, so we had a backup plan. 257 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,736 Listen to this. 258 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,211 Yay, yay, yay It's your birthday 259 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,780 Hey, hey, hey, it's your day 260 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,949 It's not Monday It's not Tuesday It's not Wednesday 261 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,879 ♪ It's not Thursday It's not Friday 262 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:54,124 ♪ It's not Saturday It's not Thursday 263 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,491 ♪ It's your birthday ♪ 264 00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,216 I (BLEEP) the days up. 265 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,256 -(LAUGHING) -(CREW LAUGHING) 266 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,198 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 19334

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