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1
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:05,867
MAN: (ON TV)
And the question here is,
3
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,613
what will the Iowa StateCyclones do
4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,068
here on third down.
5
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,736
They've been sputteringa little bit.
6
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:12,375
MIKE: Whoa, Marquess!
My Cal Bears are all over
7
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,710
your Iowa State Cyclones, man.
8
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,245
Huh, what's that?
9
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,920
Your Iowa State Cyclones are
going down, baby.
10
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,120
My what?
11
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,252
Your Cyclones.
12
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,716
They're going down.
13
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,834
♪ Your Cyclones are going down
14
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:29,957
♪ Your Cyclones are going down
15
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:32,804
-♪ Your Cyclones aregoing down...
-Okay, um...
16
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,930
I don' know what you're
talking about, I don't...
17
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,165
Ugh. Is this a sport?
18
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,440
In your face, Marquess!
19
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,468
In your face!
20
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,143
Michael, it's a little early
for a crotch chop.
21
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,343
Golden Bears! Golden Bears!
Golden Bears!
22
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,306
Michael, what are you doing?
23
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,654
I am trash-talking you,
Marquess.
24
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,120
Bear Nation, Bear Pride!
25
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,249
Don't worry
how much you get high.
26
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,285
What does that even mean?
27
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,490
We were hibernating,
but now we are awake!
28
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,993
(GROWLS)
Us bears are in the rivers,
29
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,326
eating all the salmon,
30
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,460
but the salmons aren't salmon.
31
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:08,496
They're the Iowa State
Cyclone salmon!
32
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,502
Hey, weren't you rooting
for Iowa State, like,
10 minutes ago?
33
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,805
I was, but they're losing.
34
00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:15,668
So, now I'm a Cal Bear guy.
35
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,506
Fair weather fan,
always have been.
36
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,451
Life's too short
to root for a loser.
37
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,147
MAN: (ON TV) And he explodesthrough the hole!
38
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,148
No one's going to catch him,touchdown, Iowa State!
39
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,021
Cyclones baby, we're
the Iowa State Cyclones.
40
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,561
Give me a "I," give me a "O,"
give me a "State."
41
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,287
Cyclones!
42
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,662
-MAN 1 (ON TV):
Ooh, flag on the field.
-MAN 2: Yeah,
43
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,130
I think this one'scoming back.
44
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,058
I think it's holdingon Iowa State.
45
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:39,903
That's on the left tackle,senior Ken Ewadatatupu.
46
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,030
MAN 1: That is...
47
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,365
Oh, man, holding.
48
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:47,370
Cal Bears baby, Cal Bears,
there we go baby,
in your face!
49
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,374
Okay, well...
50
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,206
It's five o'clock somewhere.
51
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,882
YUNG HEE: Hey, everyone,we have a new mystery.
52
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,910
Oh, ooh, let's go.
53
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,845
Oh, you... You want me
to pause the game?
54
00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:58,881
Nah, I don't care
about college football.
55
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,016
If any of them was that good,
they'd be in the pros.
56
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,451
MAN 2: (ON TV)
...got hair coming outof the back of his helmet.
57
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,060
What the (BLEEP) is that?
58
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:11,033
It's a Bermuda rock slide.
59
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,701
It's basically a Mexican rock
slide, but instead of tequila,
60
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,131
you sub rum.
61
00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:17,065
Why do...
62
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,671
-You want me to make you one?
-Sure.
63
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,913
(SCOFFS)
64
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,575
What? You offered.
65
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,837
Yeah, well, I know.
I was just being polite.
66
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,546
So, you're not going
to make me a drink,
67
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,418
even though you asked me
if you could make me a drink?
68
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:34,347
Well, they take a long time,
I have to muddle hibiscus.
69
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,585
So, get muddling!
70
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,789
What, I...
71
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,990
(SLURPING)
72
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,926
-Asshole.
-(CHUCKLES)
73
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,099
Read the mystery, honey.
74
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,257
It says, "Yard Sale."
75
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,595
(READING)
76
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,573
I don't get it.
What's the mystery?
77
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,742
I don't think it's a mystery.
78
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,270
It's a straight up
advertisement.
79
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,275
And it worked,
it got my attention.
80
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:59,407
Let's go,
let's go buy some shit.
81
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,713
To the mystery mobile.
82
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,815
(HUMMING)
83
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:08,648
-(CAR HONKING)
-Oh, for God's sake, give me
a mother (BLEEP) second.
84
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,857
(GASPS) Ah, ah!
85
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:18,500
(CHUCKLES)
86
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,397
(HUMMING)
87
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:28,644
(CAR HONKING)
88
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,282
Son of a...
89
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:33,577
Hold your GD horses, you bunch
of (BLEEP) assholes.
90
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,051
(HUMMING A TUNE)
91
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:41,021
Ah, no, I'll get the door too.
92
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,661
I mean, Pigeon, I'm sorry,
but you could've
actually waited
93
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,058
to take the drink yourself.
94
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,228
It's very full, so here.
95
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,899
-You got it?
-I got it.
96
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,311
Oh! (GASPS)
97
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,107
Oh, I thought you had it.
98
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,479
(SIGHS)
99
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,837
Seatbelt, Marquess.
100
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,605
I got it, Michael.
101
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,354
-MARQUESS: I know how to
put that on!
-(ENGINE STARTING)
102
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,655
Well, I'm just so pleased
103
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,857
these things will find
a new home.
104
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,329
My husband would've wanted it
that way.
105
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,698
Oh, did he pass away?
I'm so sorry.
106
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,958
Thank you.
107
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,026
Victor was the love
of my life.
108
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,365
We were soulmates.
109
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,370
Married for 43 years.
110
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,372
Hey, how much
for that stationary bike?
111
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,214
Uh, does $50 sound fair?
112
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,380
-I'll give you $20.
-Michael.
113
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,679
How much for the desk?
114
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,380
Oh, that was Victor's desk.
115
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,483
-I didn't ask that.
-Dad!
116
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,215
It's okay, Yung.
It's all part of the haggle.
117
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:49,391
-They like it.
-Uh, $40?
118
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,190
No way, Jose. $30.
119
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,191
But then you've got
to throw in the silverware.
120
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,033
This was my grandmother's
silverware.
121
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,500
Hey, let me ask you something.
122
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,228
Did anyone ever put
these forks
123
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,933
-up their butt or buttholes?
-Oh!
124
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,434
Excuse me?
125
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,336
I know it's an uncomfortable
question, ma'am,
126
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,738
but I'll kick myself
if I didn't ask.
127
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:10,280
I can't imagine anyone doing
anything like that.
128
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,337
I'll tell you what,
throw in the necklace
129
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,946
and we'll call it even.
130
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,917
Oh, this isn't for sale.
I couldn't part with this.
131
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,017
Hmm.
Then just give me that VCR.
132
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,228
So, we're just going
to leave the desk here?
133
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,257
Yeah, now we have
a reception area.
134
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,103
And when people come over,
we'll be like,
135
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,468
"Can I help you?"
And they'll be like,
136
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,027
"Hey, I'm here to see
the Mike Tyson Mystery Team."
137
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,036
And we'll be like,
"It'll just be a moment."
138
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,938
Why don't you just take a seat
on this stationary bike
139
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,570
while you're waiting.
140
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,405
And they'll be like,
"Do you validate for parking?"
141
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,310
And we'll be like, "Yes, we do
let me stamp your ticket."
142
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,783
Now, where's my stamp?
143
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,949
What the (BLEEP) is this?
144
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,286
Well, it's a bunch
of old letters.
145
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:56,589
(GASPS)
146
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,390
They're love letters
to Victor.
147
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,132
Oh, that's that woman's
husband who died.
148
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,628
He must've saved
all the love letters
149
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,459
his wife ever wrote him.
150
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,395
That poor woman would
want these.
151
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,270
-We should take them back.
-PIGEON:
"My dearest Victor..."
152
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,468
"As the leaves begin to fall,
my heart aches"
153
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,912
"longing for your embrace,"
blah, blah, blah.
154
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,337
Never mentions her (BLEEP).
I don't want these.
155
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,143
To the mystery mobile!
156
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,845
Does anybody need me
to validate their parking
157
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,707
before they go?
158
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,483
We know how much
you miss your husband,
159
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,316
and though
we can't bring him back,
we have something for you
160
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:30,661
that we hope, at the very
least, will bring you comfort.
161
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,657
Victor must've loved you
a great deal.
162
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,029
He saved all these love
letters you wrote him.
163
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,502
I didn't write this.
164
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,428
I didn't write any of these.
165
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,703
Who's Cathy?
166
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,774
Oh, my God.
167
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,670
Oh, my God.
168
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:47,011
Victor, you son of a bitch!
169
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,537
How could you?
170
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,182
You were having an affair
with this whore?
171
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,678
My whole life
has been a lie.
172
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,710
(SOBBING)
173
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,016
My heart hurts.
174
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,178
(GASPING)
175
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,516
Are you okay?
176
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,021
My heart!
177
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,422
-(WHISPERS) Oh, dear God.
-My heart!
178
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,533
YUNG HEE: Oh, no.
179
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,259
-Is she...
-Mmm.
180
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:15,199
-We should...
-Take her necklace.
181
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,142
No! Call someone.
182
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,137
All right.
183
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,339
-(PHONE DIALING)
-Wait a second.
This one's unopened.
184
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,542
And it's from Victor to Cathy.
185
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,305
-He never mailed it.
-Well, open it.
186
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:29,883
Maybe he talks
about Cathy's (BLEEP).
187
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,553
Pigeon, no! We are not
going to open it.
188
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,193
We need to find this Cathy
and give it to her. Maybe...
189
00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:37,219
Maybe then there
can be some kind of closure
190
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,894
to this awful situation.
191
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,092
Yeah, uh-huh.
Uh-huh. I hear you.
192
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,534
Is that the police?
193
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,059
No, it's Deezy. He wants
to know if I want to be
194
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,864
a presenter at the
Hip Hop Awards.
195
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,166
(BLEEP) yeah, I do!
196
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,767
As long as my
Iowa State Cyclones
197
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,339
aren't playing that day.
198
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,097
I really think they'll go
all the way this year,
199
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,835
I really do.
Maybe not.
200
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,250
Can I help you?
201
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,919
Hello, we're looking
for a Cathy Walker.
202
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,547
Does she still live here?
203
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,222
No. I've never heard of anyone
named Cathy Walker.
204
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:11,592
Allan, I'll take care of this.
You go back to the party.
205
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,862
Yes, Mother.
206
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,060
You're looking
for Cathy Walker?
207
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,962
I haven't heard that name
in almost 30 years.
208
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,296
Do you know her?
209
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,770
Oh, little boy,
210
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:24,668
I was her.
Come inside.
211
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,135
Oh, whose birthday is it?
212
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,471
Why would you ask that?
213
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,936
You don't know any of these
(BLEEP) people.
214
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,284
Who gives a shit
whose birthday it is?
215
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,280
Actually, it's my birthday.
216
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,952
We're about to have cake.
217
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,890
Well, congratu
(BLEEP) lations.
218
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:43,657
So, what did you mean when you
said you were Cathy Walker?
219
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:46,287
I was a spy
for the Soviet Union.
220
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:49,393
My real name is Katia Petrova.
221
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,156
I spent the Cold War
living here
222
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,104
under cover as an American.
223
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,570
But I grew to love this
country and I stopped
224
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,069
passing information
to the KGB.
225
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,601
How did you find me?
226
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,706
We found this.
227
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,314
Victor.
228
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,940
He was my contact.
229
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,305
We communicated only by mail.
230
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,854
Love letters that contained
secret coded information.
231
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,021
Did he ask you
to give this to me?
232
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,320
I'm afraid Victor passed away.
233
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,362
We found this in his desk.
234
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,987
(READING) "Katia.
235
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,832
"I had hoped never to have
to send you this letter.
236
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,827
"So, if you're reading this,
it means we are compromised.
237
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,600
"There must be
no loose ends, I'm sorry.
238
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,470
"The ink in this letter is
a poison
239
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,368
"that has already penetrated
your skin.
240
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,540
"I wish it could be painless,
but it will be anything but.
241
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,010
"Dasvidanya comrade." (GASPS)
242
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:42,110
♪ Happy birthday to you.
243
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:46,045
♪ Happy birthday to you.
244
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:50,993
♪ Happy birthday dear Nana
245
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:55,831
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
246
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:56,959
Happy birthday, Mother.
247
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,064
(GASPS)
248
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,598
(GROANS)
249
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:04,973
(GURGLING)
250
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:15,511
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING)
251
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,745
(ON MICROPHONE) And the awardto best femalehip-hop artists goes to...
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Oh, yeah, my girl,the Iowa State Cyclone!
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(END THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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For today's episode
we didn't think
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we could use Happy Birthday
for, you know,
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legal reasons,
so we had a backup plan.
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Listen to this.
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Yay, yay, yayIt's your birthday
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Hey, hey, hey, it's your day
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It's not MondayIt's not TuesdayIt's not Wednesday
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♪ It's not ThursdayIt's not Friday
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♪ It's not SaturdayIt's not Thursday
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♪ It's your birthday ♪
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I (BLEEP) the days up.
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-(LAUGHING)
-(CREW LAUGHING)
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(MUSIC CONTINUES)
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