All language subtitles for Legally.Blonde.2001.REMASTERED.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

♪ Sun's up ♪

♪ It's a little after 12 ♪

♪ Make breakfast for myself ♪

♪ Leave the work for someone else ♪

♪ People say ♪

♪ They say that it's just a phase ♪

♪ Just a phase ♪

♪ They tell me to act my age ♪

♪ Act my age ♪

♪ Well, I am ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing's standin' in my way ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ When nothing can go wrong ♪

♪ It's the perfect day ♪

♪ Tomorrow's gonna ♪

- ♪ Come too soon ♪
- Yeah.

- ♪ I could stay ♪
- Heads up!

♪ Forever as I am ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Sun's down ♪

♪ A little after 10 ♪

♪ I pick up all my friends ♪

♪ In my Mercedes-Benz ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

♪ Wake up, wake up ♪

♪ Don't tell me it's just a dream ♪

♪ Just a dream ♪

♪ 'Cause when I've had enough ♪

♪ You'll hear me say ♪

- Hi!
- Hey!

- ♪ Now don't you try ♪
- Here it is.

♪ To rain on my ♪

- ♪ Perfect day ♪
- Thanks.

- ♪ Nothing's standin' in my way ♪
- Did you guys sign?

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing can go wrong ♪

- ♪ It's the perfect day ♪
- Hi!

♪ Tomorrow's gonna come too soon ♪

- Did you get the card?
- Yeah

♪ I could stay ♪

♪ Forever as I am ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

And
five, and four, and three.

- All right.
- Yeah!

- Hi!
- Hey girls, sign!

- Oh my God!
- Yeah!

♪ I'm in the race, but I already won ♪

♪ And getting there can be half the fun ♪

- Elle's gonna love it.
- Thanks.

♪ So don't stop me till
I'm good and done ♪

- ♪ Don't you try ♪
- You go girl!

♪ To rain on my ♪

♪ Perfect day ♪

♪ It's the perfect day ♪

♪ It's the perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna bring me down ♪

♪ I could stay ♪

- ♪ Forever as I am ♪
- Thank you!

- ♪ On this perfect day ♪
- Hi girls, sign!

- ♪ Nothing's standing in my way ♪
- Awesome, thanks.

♪ On this perfect day ♪

- ♪ Nothing can go wrong ♪
- There she is.

- Hi.
- Thank you.

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ I'm in the race, but I already won ♪

♪ And getting there ♪

- ♪ Can be half the fun ♪
- Come on.

- ♪ So don't stop me ♪
- Do you have my sweater?

I love that restaurant!

I heard Madonna went into labor there.

Oh, gosh, I have to go shopping.

Okay, I'll see you tonight.

Okay, bye.

Bruiser, what's this?

Ah, good luck tonight.

Elle and Warner forever.

That's so cute.

♪ Lala ♪

♪ You're love makes me so cool ♪

♪ Oh, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Baby ♪

Oh, my gosh, you guys are so sweet.

But I'm not positive it's
gonna happen tonight.

Hello!

He just had lunch with his grandmother.

You know he got the rock.

Why else would she have
flown in from Newport?

It's not like she'd FedEx
a six-carat diamond.

Do you really think?

I can't believe you're getting engaged!

Oh, my gosh.

You guys have to help me
pick out the perfect outfit.

- Come on.
- Totally.

I think you should go with the red.

It's the color of confidence.

I don't understand why you're completely

disregarding your signature color?

He's proposing.

I can't look like I
would on any other date.

This is the date.

The night I'll always remember.

I wanna look special.

Bridal.

But not like I expect anything.

There's nothing I love
more than a dumb blonde

with Daddy's plastic.

You know how he gets excited when he--

Did you see this one?

We just got it in yesterday.

Oh!

Is this low-viscosity rayon?

Uh, yes, of course.

With a half-loop top
stitching on the hem?

Absolutely, it's one of a kind.

Hm.

It's impossible to use a
half-loop top stitching

on low-viscosity rayon.

It would snag the fabric.

And you didn't just get it in.

I saw it in a June Vogue a year ago.

So if you're trying to sell
it to me for full price,

you picked the wrong girl.

Ow.

Girls, this is it.

In a few hours,

I'll be the future Mrs.
Warner Huntington III.

Hello.

Wow.

You look so beautiful.

So do you.

Let's get out of here.

Okay.

It must be strange
having such perfect eyes.

God, you're so wonderful.

Elle, thank you.

Oh.

Here's to us.

To us.

- Ah.
- Mm!

- Elle.
- Yes?

One of the reasons I
wanted to come here tonight

was to discuss our future.

And I am fully amenable
to that discussion.

Good.

Well, you know how we've been having

all kinds of fun lately?

Yeah.

Well, Harvard is gonna be different.

Law school is a completely
different world,

and I need to be serious.

Of course.

I mean, my family expects a lot from me.

Right.

- I expect a lot from me.
- Hm-mm.

I plan on running for office some day.

And I fully support that, Warner.

You know that, right?

- Absolutely.
- Okay.

But the thing is,

if I'm gonna be a senator
by the time I'm 30,

I need to stop dicking around.

Oh, Warner, I completely agree.

Well, that's why I
think it's time for us,

Elle, Pooh Bear.

Yes?

- I do.
- I think we should break up.

What?

Well, I've been thinking about it,

and I think it's the right thing to do.

You're breaking up with me?

I thought you were proposing.

Proposing?

Elle!

If I'm gonna be a senator,

well, I need to marry a
Jackie, not a Marilyn.

So you're breaking up with me

because I'm too blonde?

No, that's not entirely true.

Then what?

My boobs are too big?

Your boobs are fine.

So when you said you
would always love me,

you were just dicking around?

Elle, I, I do love you, I, uh.

I just can't marry you.

You have no idea the
pressure that I am under.

My family has five
generations of senators.

My brother's in the top three at Yale Law,

and he just got engaged to a
Vanderbilt, for Christ's sake!

Bad salad.

Sweetie, Pooh Bear?

It's not like I have a
choice here, sweetheart.

Okay, you get the car.

I'll get the check.

I won't be having salad.

Come on, let me take you home.

No.

Elle, believe me, I
never expected to do this.

But I think it's the right thing.

How can it be the right thing

when we're not together?

Well, I have to think of my future

and what my family expects of me.

So you're breaking up with me

because you're afraid
your family won't like me?

Everybody likes me.

Well, East Coast people are different.

What, just because I'm not a Vanderbilt,

suddenly I'm white trash?

I grew up in Bel Air, Warner,

across the street from Aaron Spelling.

I think most people would agree

that's a lot better than
some stinky old Vanderbilt.

I told you, I need someone serious.

Well, I'm seriously in love with you.

Isn't that enough?

Pooh Bear, just get in the car.

No.

You're gonna ruin your shoes.

Mm, okay.

Morning, Amy.

♪ Downtown walking fast ♪

♪ Faces pass and I'm home bound ♪

Elle, it's Amy.

I'm having trouble with
this whole lip-liner thing.

Sweetie, didn't you hear?

Hear what?

Oh, it's terrible, dumped her.

Why me?

Because you're not gonna remember

anything after tonight.

Oh, you're wrong.

I will remember, no matter what.

And I'm never gonna lose you again.

You couldn't.

You're a part of me.

I love you.

Liar!

Honey, you have to leave this room.

It's been, like, a week.

So?

Drink this.

What's the one thing that always

makes us feel better, no matter what?

She had eight grilled-cheese sandwiches.

She just stuffed 'em in
her mouth, all at once.

It was so sad.

We all thought she'd be the
first to walk down the aisle,

and now she's totally adrift.

Totally.

She hasn't conditioned
her hair in like a week.

Maybe she's going
for the grunge look.

And, like,
her nails are full-on chipped.

So trailer park.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Do you know who this is?

No.

That's Warner's older brother.

Who?

Third-year Yale Law student,

Putnam Bowes Huntington III

and his fiancee, Layne Walker Vanderbilt,

first year, Yale Law.

This is the type of girl
Warner wants to marry.

This is what I need to
become to be serious.

What?

Practically deformed?

No!

A law student.

♪ Come on over ♪

♪ We can make it all right ♪

Elle?

Law school?

It's a perfectly
respectable place, Daddy.

Honey, you were first runner-up

at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest.

Why are you gonna throw that all away?

Going to Harvard is the only way

I'm gonna get the love of my life back.

Oh, sweetheart, you
don't need law school.

Law school's for people

who are boring and ugly and serious.

And you, button, are none of those things.

Harvard Law School?

That's right.

But that's a top-three school.

Oh, I have a 4.0.

Yes.

But your major is fashion merchandising.

Harvard won't be impressed

that you aced History
of Polka Dots.

What are your backups?

I don't need backups.

I'm going to Harvard.

Well, then.

You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors.

Okay.

And a heck of an admissions essay.

Right.

And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

I once had to judge
a tighty-Whitey contest

for Lambda Kappa Pi.

Trust me,
I can handle anything.

Thanks.

Welcome.

Because I have a metrabolism.

I have a really high metrabolism.

It's metab, metab, oh.

Oh, my God, what are you doing?

Reading about the LSATs.

My cousin had that.

Apparently you get a really
bad rash on your, hm-mm.

Oh.

The LSATs are an exam.

Girls, I'm going to Harvard.

You mean, like, on vacay?

Let's all go!

Road trip!

No, I'm going to Harvard Law School.

Why?

Elle,

now I know you're upset about all this,

but can't you just take a Percocet?

Okay, once Warner sees me
as a serious law student,

he'll totally want me back.

It's a completely brilliant plan.

But isn't it hard to
get into law school?

Well, I have the
highest GPA in Delta Nu.

Oh, well, here.

You're gonna need this.

Your scrunchie?

My lucky scrunchie.

It helped me pass Spanish.

You passed Spanish

because you gave Professor
Montoya a lap dance

after the final.

Yeah, luckily.

Oh, hi.

My name is Elle Woods,

and for my admissions essay,

I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard

why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.

As president of my sorority,

I'm skilled at commanding
the attention of a room,

and discussing very important issues.

It has come to my attention
that the maintenance staff

is switching our toilet paper
from Charmin to generic.

All those opposed to chafing, say aye.

Aye.

A, neither type of opera

or neither type of rap is on sale.

B, neither type of jazz

and neither type of opera is on sale.

C, neither type of opera

and neither type of soul.

Delta Nu, we love you.

- Yeah we love you, Delta!
- Hey, mm-mm.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm able to recall
hundreds of important details

at the drop of a hat.

Hey, Elle, do you know what happened

on Days of Our Lives yesterday?

Why yes, Margot, I do.

Once again, we joined Hope in
the search for her identity.

As you know, she's been
brainwashed by the evil Stefano.

Three.

Get set, and go!

And six, seven, eight.

143.

I feel comfortable using
legal jargon in everyday life.

I object!

Finally it's here.

- Elle!
- What?

- It's here.
- The LSAT scores!

Open the scores!

I'm so excited to know, ah!

Hurry, what if it's a top score,

- what the score?
- Shh!

What is it?

- I'm so excited.
- Hello?

What is it?

179!

179!

And that's why you should
vote for me, Elle Woods,

future lawyer, for the class of 2004.

She does have a 4.0 from CULA,

and she got a 179 on her LSATs.

A fashion major?

Well, sir, we've never had one before,

and aren't we always
looking for diversity?

Her list of extracurricular
activities is impressive.

She was in a Ricky Martin video.

Clearly, she's interested in music.

She also designed a
line of faux-fur panties

for her sorority's charity project.

Uh-huh, she's a friend to the animals,

as well as a philanthropist.

Elle Woods.

Welcome to Harvard.

♪ We could still belong together ♪

♪ And together is much better ♪

♪ We're okay so, hey, don't worry now ♪

♪ Oh, wow ♪

♪ We could still belong together ♪

♪ And together's so much better ♪

♪ We're okay so, hey, don't worry now ♪

♪ Oh, wow ♪

Oh, Bruiser, it's so exciting.

Look!

Harvard.

Are you excited?

This is our new house
for the next three years.

Oh, are you thirsty?

- What is she wearing?
- Okay,

let's get you some water.

Sweetheart, you just look parched.

Hey, Brad,
check out Malibu Barbie.

Where's the beach, honey?

There you go, good boy.

Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.

Guys, this way.

This ain't LA!

Come on, Bruiser.

Check it out, look at the way she walks.

Ah, it's gonna be so exciting.

Don't be scared, everyone will love you.

Hi, Woods comma Elle.

Class schedule, map, book list.

Wait a second.

My social events calendar is missing.

Your what?

Social events.

You know, mixers, formals,
clambakes, trips to the Cape.

Okay, has Warner Huntington
III checked in yet?

Um.

No.

No, maybe you should check with

the cruise director on the lido deck.

Hm.

Okay, welcome to law school.

This is the part where
we go around in a circle

and everyone says a little
bit about themselves.

Let's start with you.

Uh, my name is David Kidney.

I have a Master's in Russian literature,

a PhD in biochemistry,

and for the last 18 months,

I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.

Awesome.

What about you?

Hey, how you doin'?

I'm Enid Wexler.

Got a PhD from Berkeley
in women's studies,

emphasis in the history of combat.

And last year, I single-handedly organized

the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.

Killer.

Thanks, good times.

Aaron Mitchell.

I graduated first in my
class from Princeton.

I have an IQ of 187.

And it's been suggested
that Stephen Hawking

stole his Brief History of Time
from my fourth-grade paper.

Cool.

Me?

Yeah.

Okay, hi, I'm Elle Woods

and this is Bruiser Woods.

We're both Gemini vegetarians.

I have a bachelor's degree

in fashion merchandising from CULA.

And I was a Zeta Lambda Nu Sweetheart,

president of my sorority, Delta Nu,

and last year I was Homecoming Queen.

Oh!

Two weeks ago I saw
Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal,

and I talked her out of buying

this truly heinous angora sweater.

Whoever said orange was the new pink

was seriously disturbed.

Wish me luck, Bruiser.

This is my first class
as a serious law student.

I totally look the part.

Hi.

Hey.

Elle?

Warner?

I totally forgot you go here.

What are you talking about?

I'm sorry, are you here to see me?

No, silly, I go here.

You go where?

Harvard, Law School.

You got into Harvard Law?

What, like it's hard?

Oh, my gosh, it's gonna be so great.

I'm planning this great mixer.

You totally have to help me.

I'm thinking, like, a luau
or maybe a casino night.

This is gonna be just like
senior year, except for funner.

Uh-huh.

Oh, time to go, have to go to class,

but meet me after, on the benches, okay?

All right, bye!

A legal education means

you will learn to speak in a new language.

You will be taught to achieve insight

into the world around you,

and to sharply question what you know.

The seat you have picked will be yours

for the next nine months of your life!

And those of you in the front row,

beware.

"The law is reason free from passion."

Does anyone know who spoke
those immortal words?

Yes?

Aristotle.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Would you be willing
to stake your life on it?

I think so.

Oh.

What about

- Ow!
- his life?

I don't know.

Well, I recommend
knowing before speaking.

The law leaves much
room for interpretation

but very little for self-doubt.

And you were right.

It was Aristotle.

Good job.

Now, I assume all of you have read

pages one through 48,

and are now well-versed in
subject matter jurisdiction.

Who can tell us about
Gordon versus Steele?

Let's call on someone
from the hot zone.

Elle Woods?

Oh.

Actually, I wasn't aware
that we had an assignment.

Oh.

Vivian Kensington.

Do you think it's acceptable
that Ms. Woods is not prepared?

No.

I don't.

Would you support my decision

to ask her to leave class,

and to return only when she is prepared?

Absolutely.

Now, Ms. Kensington,

Did diversity jurisdiction
exist in this case?

No, it did not.

Good.

How about in the case of
Owens versus Mccullough.

Who does she think she is?

Excuse me, are you okay?

Yeah.

Do they just put you
on the spot like that,

like, all the time?

The professors?

Yeah, they tend to do that.

Socratic method.

So, if you don't know the answer,

they're just gonna kick you out?

So you have Stromwell, huh?

Yes!

Did she do that to you too?

No, but she did make me cry once.

I mean, not in class,

I waited till I got back to my room.

But she'll kick you right in
the ball-yeah, or wherever, you know.

But, yeah, she's tough, really tough.

Great.

Don't worry, though, it gets better.

Who else do you have?

I have Callahan,
Royalton, and Levinthal.

Yeah, let's see.

Speak up in Callahan's class.

He really likes people
that are opinionated.

Okay.

And in Royalton's class,

try to get a seat in the back.

He tends to spit when he talks
about products liability.

And for Levinthal, you know,

make sure you read the footnotes,

'cause that's where he gets

a lot of his exam questions from.

Right.

Wow, I'm really glad I met you.

Hey.

Are you a third-year?

- Well, I'm a--
- Hey, Elle.

Hi.

Thanks for all your help.

Good luck.

Hi, Warner.

Hi, uh.

So, how was your first class?

Oh it was good,

except for this horrible preppy girl

who tried to make me look bad in front

of the professor,
but no biggie.

You're here now.

So how was your summer?

Good, uh, it's good.

Did you do anything exciting?

Uh.

Hey!

Have, have you met Vivian?

Oh, hi, Vivian Kensington.

Do you know her?

She's, uh--

I'm his fiance.

I'm sorry, I just hallucinated.

What?

Yeah, she, she was my
girlfriend in prep school.

And well, we got back together this summer

at my grandmother's birthday party.

Warner told me all about you.

You're famous at our club.

But he didn't tell me you'd be here.

Pooh Bear, I didn't
know she would be here.

Excuse me.

♪ It's over ♪

♪ You told me ♪

♪ Alone now ♪

♪ I know that ♪

♪ You're never ♪

Oh, thank God!

- What are you doing?
- Move it blonde.

- Come on.
- Really, where are you going?

- What are you doing?
- Figures, you couldn't drive.

Are you free?

It's an emergency.

Bad day?

You can't even imagine.

Spill.

I worked so hard to get into law school.

I blew off Greek Week
to study for the LSATS.

I even hired a Coppola

to direct my admissions video.

All to get my boyfriend Warner back,

and now he's engaged to
this awful girl, Vivian.

So it was all for nothing,

and I, I just wish,

I just wish I had never gone to Harvard.

After you went to all that trouble.

He's engaged.

She's got the six-carat Harry Winston

on her bony, unpolished finger.

What am I supposed to do?

You're askin' the wrong girl.

I mean, I'm with my guy eight years,

and then one day it's, I met someone else.

Move out.

Oh, no.

That's awful.

Dewey kept the trailer

and my precious baby, Rufus.

I didn't even get to throw
him a birthday party.

No!

I mean, what's a girl to do?

He's a guy who followed his
pecker to greener pastures,

and I'm a middle-aged high school dropout

who's got stretch marks and a fat ass.

That's terrible.

Yeah, happens every day.

So what's this Vivian
got that you don't have?

Three tits?

She's from Connecticut.

She belongs to his stupid country club.

Is she as pretty as you?

She could use some mascara

and some serious highlights,

but she's not completely
unfortunate-looking.

How ya doing?

Neptunes.

Hello, ladies.

- Hey there.
- How ya doin'?

Sign here.

Oh!

Oh gee!

Oh, look what I did.

- See you later.
- Bye, sugar.

Oh, shit.

Could I have been any
more goddamn spastic?

It's okay.

Are you sure this Warner
guy is, like, the one?

Definitely, I love him.

Mmm.

Well, if a girl like you
can't hold on to her man,

then there sure as hell isn't
any hope for the rest of us.

What are you waitin' for?

Steal the bastard back.

I should warn you, that in addition

to competing against each other

for the top grade in this class,

you will also be competing
for one of my firm's

highly-coveted four
internship spots next year,

where you will get to
assist on actual cases.

Let the bloodbath begin.

Now, let's commence
with our usual torture.

Ms. Woods.

Would you rather have a client

who committed a crime malum
in se, or malum prohibitum?

Neither.

And why is that?

I would rather have a
client who's innocent.

Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.

Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?

Malum prohibitum.

Because then the client would've

committed a regulatory infraction,

as opposed to a dangerous crime.

Well done, Ms. Kensington.

You've obviously done your homework.

Now, let us look at malum
prohibitum a little more closely.

It has been said.

Yes, Ms. Woods?

I changed my mind.

I'd pick the dangerous one,

'cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.

Hike!

Going inside.

- Right.
- Come on guys, come on.

Throw it, throw it,

- throw it, throw it.
- Coming to ya.

Pick it up.

- Come on bro.
- Who is that?

- Woo.
- Woo wee!

Guys.

- Hi!
- She needs some help

with some sunscreen.

Warner, do you know her?

Hi.

- Wow.
- Look at that.

Yeah.

- Goodness.
- All right.

Hi, everybody.

Elle, what are you doing here?

I've come to join your study group.

And look, I brought sustenance.

Who's first?

Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Our group is full.

Oh, is this like an RSVP thing?

No, it's like a smart-people thing.

And, as Viv said, we're full.

Come on, guys.

We can make room for one more.

Ow!

We've already assigned the outlines.

The answer is no.

Oh, okay, I'll just leave, then.

Bye.

Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority

you could, like, join instead, like.

You know, if you had
come to a rush party,

I would have at least been nice to you.

Oh, is that before you voted against me,

and then called me a dyke behind my back?

I don't use that word.

You must have heard it from Vivian.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

It's Elle!

Guess what I'm doing right this second?

I don't know, what?

I'm picking out my wedding dress!

What?

Josh proposed.

Did you get the rock yet?

Um, almost.

Well, hurry up, so you can come home.

We miss you.

Uh, I miss you guys too.

The people here are so vile.

Hardly anybody speaks to me, unless--

Oh, my God.

I almost forgot to tell you.

What?

I got bangs.

My hair is so now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay, so just listen to me.

Keep June 1st open.

You're one of my bridesmaids.

And give Warner our love.

Because I'm getting married!

I'm getting, ah!

Hm.

So don't forget.

Eight o'clock at 45 Dunstan Street.

- It'll be a really nice party.
- Okay we'll be there.

Oh, and don't forget to
bring your own Merlot.

- Okay.
- No way!

Is somebody at this school
actually having a party?

Yes.

But it's a costume party.

You probably wouldn't wanna come.

I love costume parties.

Oh, well, then, I guess
we'll see you there.

Okay.

Oh at 45 Dunstan Street.

- Hm-mm.
- Okay.

♪ No need to front, we the exquisite ♪

♪ We could be your favorite,
yeah you could come brassiere ♪

♪ What you about to witness
ain't no kind of fear ♪

♪ It's immaculate, look at
what we're comin' with ♪

♪ Yeah I tease you when I
hit you with them tid bits ♪

♪ But you tease me when you
be wearing them outfits ♪

♪ Every angle of it ♪

- ♪ Is so perfect ♪
- Oh come on

Oh, my God!

♪ Every little thing we do's magic ♪

♪ Anything we do will not go wrong ♪

♪ Every little thing we do's like magic ♪

- ♪ Everywhere we go ♪
- Hey.

♪ We're rockin' on ♪

♪ Every little thing we do's like magic ♪

♪ Anything we do will not go wrong ♪

♪ Every little thing we do's like magic ♪

♪ Everywhere we go we're rockin' on ♪

Ah!

Thanks for inviting me, girls.

This party is super fun.

Nice outfit.

Oh, I like your outfit, too.

Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch,

I try not to look so constipated.

Oh!

Uh, she's horrible.

You've got the ring, sweetie.

Hm.

- Nice ears.
- How you doin'?

Warner, Warner!

The English language it is all
about subliminal domination.

I mean, take the word, semester, okay?

This is a perfect example of
this school's discriminatory

preference of semen to ovaries.

That's why I'm petitioning
to have next term

be referred to as the winter ovester.

Excuse me, hey, Warner.

Wow, well, don't you
look like a walking felony?

Thank you, you're so sweet.

Ugh!

Are you having fun?

I am now.

What, what's with the costume?

Oh, I just decided to dress up.

Really?

You know, I feel like we barely get to

see each other since we've been here.

Oh, I know,

I'm so busy with these
case studies and hypos.

I know what you mean.

I can't imagine doing all this

and Callahan's internship next year.

This is gonna be so much.

Oh, Elle.

Come on, you're never gonna get the grades

to qualify for one of those spots.

You're not smart enough, sweetie.

Wait, am I on glue,

or did we not get into the
same law school, Warner?

Well, yeah, but--

But what?

We took the same LSATs,

and we're taking the same classes.

I know.

But come on, Elle, be serious.

You can do something more
valuable with your time.

I'm never gonna be good
enough for you, am I?

Elle, oh come on.

Just forget it.

I'll show you how valuable
Elle Woods can be.

♪ I'm not your average type of girl ♪

♪ I'm gonna show the
world the strength in me ♪

♪ That sometimes they can't see ♪

♪ I'm about to switch my style ♪

Don't ask.

Wasn't gonna.

♪ But I'll prove I can conquer anything ♪

♪ So from my head to toe
I'm taking full control ♪

♪ I'll make it on my own ♪

♪ This time ♪

I love that sweater, it's Chanel.

♪ Better watch out ♪

♪ Going for the knock out ♪

Look.

Is she carrying books?

♪ Until I get what's mine ♪

♪ This time ♪

♪ Better check that I'm about to upset ♪

♪ And I'm hot now ♪

♪ So you better step back ♪

- ♪ I'm taking over ♪
- Thanks.

♪ So watch me shine ♪

So, you've filed a claim.

♪ Ooh ♪

What next?

♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪

Ms. Woods?

Don't you need to have evidence?

Meaning?

Meaning you need reasonable belief

that your claim should have,
like, evidentiary support?

And what kind of evidentiary support

does this case require?

♪ But my mind ♪

- ♪ And body are strong ♪
- Yo quiero Taco Bell.

♪ Bet you don't think I can make it ♪

♪ It won't take long ♪

♪ Bet you don't think I can take it ♪

- ♪ But my mind and body ♪
- Welcome back to

- ♪ Are strong ♪
- Tonight With Facts

With us Mark Jacobson

- ♪ Bet you don't think ♪
- And Richard Roberts Mark.

♪ I can make it ♪

- It won't take long
- In the article you talk

about all sort of things,

corrupt cops.
♪ Now watch me shine ♪

♪ Better watch out ♪

♪ Going for the knockout ♪

♪ And I won't stop ♪

♪ Till I'm on top now ♪

♪ Not gonna give up ♪

♪ Until I get what's mine ♪

♪ Better check that I'm about to upset ♪

And the purpose of
diminished capacity is?

♪ I'm taking over ♪

♪ So watch me shine ♪

To negate mens rea?

♪ Better watch out ♪

♪ Going for the knock out ♪

♪ And I won't stop ♪

♪ Till I'm on top now ♪

♪ Not gonna give up ♪

♪ Until I get what's mine ♪

♪ Better check that ♪

♪ I'm about to upset ♪

♪ And I'm hot now ♪

♪ So you better step back ♪

♪ I'm taking over ♪

♪ So watch me shine ♪

Are you ready?

No.

Uh, yes, yes, you are.

Go, you can do this.

Listen to me, Dewey.

You shut your mouth.

No, you shut your big mouth.

I'm doing all the talking.

What the hell do you want?

We're eatin' lunch.

I just thought that maybe I could--

You just thought you could come here

and show me what I'm
definitely not missin'?

That's not why I came by.

Hey, Paulette, how many times you gonna

come over here beggin'
me to take you back, huh?

I was, um, I.

Dewey Newcombe?

Who's askin'?

I'm Elle Woods,

Ms. Bonifante's attorney.

And I'm here to discuss the
legal situation at hand.

Come again?

Do you understand what
subject matter jurisdiction is?

No.

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Well, due to habeas corpus,

you and Ms. Bonifante had
a common law marriage,

which, heretofore, entitles her

to what is legally referred to

as equitable division of the assets.

Come again?

Due to the fact that you've
retained this residence

Ms. Bonifante is entitled

to full canine property ownership,

and will be enforcing
said ownership right now.

Huh?

Tell him, Paulette.

I'm takin' the dog, dumb-ass!

We did it!

Come here.

Oh, my gosh, did you see him?

He's probably still scratching his head.

Yeah, which must be a
nice vacation for his balls.

Oh!

Thank you.

Well according to
Swinney versus Newbert,

Swinney, who was also
a private sperm donor,

was allowed visitation rights

as long as he came to terms

with the hours set forth by the parents.

So, if we're sticking to past precedent,

I mean, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.

He was clearly within his
rights to ask for visitation.

But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor.

And, in our case, the defendant
was an habitual sperm donor,

who also happens to be harassing

the parents in his quest for visitation.

Well, yeah, but I mean,
without this man's sperm

the child in question wouldn't exist.

Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

Hm-mm.

Yes, Ms. Woods?

Although Mr. Huntington
makes an excellent point,

I have to wonder if the
defendant kept a thorough record

of every sperm emission
made throughout his life.

Interesting.

Why do you ask?

Well, unless the defendant attempted

to contact every single one-night stand

to determine if a child
resulted in those unions,

he has no parental claim
over this child, whatsoever.

Why now?

Why this sperm?

I see your point.

And for that matter,

all masturbatory emissions where his sperm

was clearly not seeking an egg,

could be termed reckless abandonment.

I believe you've just won your case.

Ms. Woods, you did well today.

Really?

You're applying for my
internship, aren't you?

I don't know.

Well, you should.

Do you have a resume?

Yes, I do.

Um.

Here it is.

It's pink.

Oh, and it's scented.

I think it gives it a
little something extra,

don't you think?

Okay, well, see you next class.

Do you think she woke
up one morning and said,

I think I'll go to law school today?

Well, that lapse in judgment aside,

I think she's got a lot of potential.

Here's the Windham file.

Smell this.

What's that?

It's her resume.

It smells good.

What's going on?

Callahan's firm is
defending a murder trial.

His case load is so big,

he's taking on first-year interns.

He picked 'em already?

Oh my God,

I can't believe it, Warner!

- We got it!
- Yes.

That only leaves one for.

Me!

Yes!

Oh, Warner.

Do you remember when we spent
those four amazing hours

in the hot tub after Winter Formal?

Yeah, no.

This is so much better than that!

Excuse me.

I have some shopping to do.

Four hours?

You look very nice today, Vivian.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

We're defending Brooke Windham,

whose very wealthy husband

was found shot to death in
their Beacon Hill mansion.

Gold-digger?

You'd think so, since the stiff was 60,

but she was rich on her own.

Some kind of fitness empire.

You can buy her exercise
tapes on infomercials.

Wait, are you talking
about Brooke Taylor?

Maiden name, Taylor.

You know her?

She's a Delta Nu.

She wasn't in my pledge class.

She graduated four years before me.

But I used to take her class

at the Los Angeles Sports Club.

She's amazing.

Amazing, how?

She can make you lose like
three pounds in one class.

She's completely gifted.

Well, in all likelihood,

she's completely guilty as well.

She was seen standing
over her husbands body.

By who?

His 26-year-old
daughter and the pool boy.

Sorry I'm late, excuse me.

This is Emmett Richmond, an associate.

Top three in his class

and former editor of Harvard Law Review.

You've probably seen him lurking

around campus doing my research.

Thanks for the introduction.

So, what about the
murder weapon?

The gun is missing.

Coroner said he'd been dead 30
minutes when the cops arrived

giving Brooke plenty of time to stash it.

I just don't think Brooke
could have done this.

Exercise gives you endorphins.

Endorphins make you happy.

Happy people just don't
shoot their husbands.

They just don't.

I didn't do it.

I walked in.

I saw my husband lying on the floor.

I bent down to check his heart,

screamed my head off,

and then Enrique and Chutney ran inside.

Okay, your stepdaughter

and the pool boy came in,

where they saw you standing

over the body, covered in his blood.

Why would I kill my husband?

Insurance?

A love affair?

Pure unadulterated hatred?

Believe me, the DA will come
up with plenty of reasons.

I loved him.

He was 34 years older than you.

That doesn't look so good to a jury.

Then show them a picture of his dick.

That might clear a few things up.

Brooke, I believe you.

But a jury is gonna want an alibi.

Well, I can't give you that.

And if you put me on the stand, I'll lie.

Well, then,

I guess we're done for today.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I know you.

I'm a Delta Nu.

And I'm a huge fan of yours.

You took my class in LA.

Uh-huh.

You had the best high
kick I've ever seen.

Are you one of my lawyers?

Yeah, sort of.

Well, thank God one of you has a brain.

Let's go.

I'm the only one that believes her.

Callahan totally thinks she's guilty.

Yeah, that's 'cause men are
big fat retards who don't--

Afternoon, ladies.

Hey, how's it going?

It's him.

Paulette Bonifante.

♪ That's the way ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ I like it ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

He's coming over here.

♪ Babe, oh babe ♪

I've got a package.

♪ Will you give me ♪

He's got a package.

♪ What you doing today ♪

♪ Girl, let's just dance ♪

♪ Aw ♪

♪ That's the way ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

How you doin' today?

Fine.

♪ I like it ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ That's the way ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

♪ I like it ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, uh-huh ♪

Take it easy.

See you later.

Take it easy.

That's great, Paulette.

Is this the only interaction
you two have ever had?

No!

Sometimes I say, okay,
instead of fine.

Why don't you offer him a cold beverage,

or a neck massage, or something?

Oh, come on, what's the point?

Trust me, Paulette, you
have all the equipment.

You just need to read the manual.

♪ Get up, jump on up ♪

Do you know what I'm saying?

Mm-mm.

♪ Get up, get up ♪

Okay, I'm gonna show a little maneuver

that my mother taught me in junior high.

In my experience, it
has a 98% success rate

of getting a man's attention

and, when used appropriately,

it has an 83% rate

of return on a dinner invitation.

Wow.

It's called the bend and snap.

Watch this.

♪ Feels so good ♪

I think I dropped something

on the floor that I need to pick up.

So you bend

♪ Right up, right up ♪

and snap.

See?

Come on, you try.

♪ I won't stop till the morning ♪

Bend and snap.

Okay, um, yeah.

A little less bend, a little more snap.

Okay?

Like this?

Good snap!

Come on.

You!

Come on, you can do it.

Bend and snap.

Oh my goodness.

We can all do it.

Come on, guys!

♪ Shake it now ♪

♪ Shake that body now ♪

You're gonna bend and snap.

Now put your head into it.

- Bend and snap.
- Go on over and try it.

Bend and snap.

Good job!

A little attitude, please.

Now, everybody, smile.

That's very important.

Pump!

Pump, pump!

Bend and snap.

Good job, everybody.

- ♪ I've got bounce ♪
- Work it out!

Work it out!

♪ Feels so good ♪

Wow!

♪ Everybody ♪

- Come on, Paulette.
- Yeah!

♪ It feels so right ♪

- Bend and snap.
- Yes!

Oh, my God.

The bend and snap.

Works every time.

Well, if Brooke didn't
kill the guy, then who did?

My money is on the angry
daughter or the ex-wife.

Chutney has a trust fund.

She didn't need the insurance
payoff or the inheritance.

What about the mother?

Covered, she was in Aspen at the time.

Vivian, get me some plum sauce.

Ten people saw her downing

cosmopolitans at the Caribou Club.

Well all I know is that it's not Brooke.

That's touching, Elle,
but we need an alibi.

I brought you some necessities.

Some Calvin Klein 720-count sheets,

the entire Clinique skincare line,

some aromatherapy candles, a loofah.

Oh!

And the Bible.

You're an angel.

So how are you?

Are you all right?

You look so orange.

I'm just glad that it's
you and not Callahan.

He means well.

He's very brilliant.

Oh, he better be, for
what I'm paying for him.

I have to tell you the
real reason I came here.

Professor Callahan says

we really, really need your alibi.

Elle, I can't.

I mean, you don't understand.

Who could understand better than me?

It's so shameful.

Whatever it is, Brooke,
it could save you.

No, that's just it.

It would ruin me.

How?

I've made my fortune on the ability

to perfect women's bodies

with Brooke's butt-buster workout.

I know, you helped me
go from a six to a four.

That's great!

On the day of Heyworth's murder.

What?

I was getting liposuction.

Huh?

Liposuction!

Oh, God!

No!

I know, I'm a fraud!

But it's not like normal
women can have this ass!

If my fans knew that I bought it,

I would lose everything.

I've already lost my husband.

I'd rather go to jail
than lose my reputation.

Brooke, your secret's safe with me.

Thank you.

Vivian, grab me some coffee.

We got two interviews tomorrow

that Gerard and Bobby are gonna handle,

and the ex-wife in an hour.

According to this
communique from the prison,

our client apparently had
a visit from her sister.

A Miss Delta Nu.

Anyone you know?

Yes, I went to visit her.

What the hell do you
mean, you went to visit her?

I went to get her alibi.

Did you get it?

Mm-hmm.

It's really good.

Well, great.

What is it?

Oh, I can't tell you.

Why the hell not?

Because I promised her
I'd keep it a secret.

And I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.

Screw Sisterhood!

This is a murder trial,

not some scandal at the sorority house.

I want the alibi.

I can't give it to you.

But I can tell you she is innocent.

Mr. Callahan,

Mrs. Windham Vandermark
is on line two for you.

Someone reason with
her while I take this.

Are you crazy?

Just tell him the alibi.

No!

We're gonna lose the case if you don't.

Well then we're not very good lawyers.

If you tell him,

he'll probably hire you
as a summer associate.

Who cares about Brooke?

Think about yourself.

I gave her my word, Warner.

So what?

The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned

with the fact that her interview is today.

She's at a spa in the Berkshires.

A spa.

Isn't that kind of like your mothership?

I could go if you want me to.

Emmett.

Yeah?

Go with her.

Okay.

She seems completely
untrustworthy to me.

Why?

I mean, this is a person
who's made her living

by telling women they're too fat.

Brooke would never tell a
woman that she was too fat.

And she seems to me like
she's hiding something.

Then maybe it's not what you think.

Maybe it's exactly what I think.

You know, you're
really being a butthead.

A butthead?

Why would you call me that?

You know, Emmett,

you just need to have a
little more faith in people.

You might be surprised.

I can't believe you
just called me a butthead.

I mean, no ones' called me a butthead

since about the ninth grade.

Maybe not to your face.

So this is what
a spa looks like, wow.

How do we find her?

I called ahead.

She's in the mud room.

She's not naked, is she?

Mrs. Windham Vandermark?

So, you found me.

Yes.

We're from Austen, Platt, Jaret & Callahan

and we're here to ask you a few questions.

So, I hear that that little tart

from California shot poor Heyworth.

Well, that's what we're trying to prove

didn't happen, actually.

Do you have any reason
to believe that it did?

Well, I've never actually met the woman.

But my daughter tells me

she can be quite the little bitch.

Now, did your daughter
ever mention anything to you

about the relationship
between Brooke and Heyworth?

Well, she did say that
they humped like gorillas.

I guess it wasn't enough,
though, for Brooke.

Uh, why do you say that?

Well,

haven't you seen the cabana boy?

She's lying.

And you know this for a fact?

Did you see the icky
brown color of her hair?

So?

Now you discriminate against brunettes?

Why shouldn't I?

I'm discriminated against as a blonde.

You know, being a blonde

is actually a pretty powerful thing.

You hold more cards than you think you do.

I personally would like
to see you take that power

and channel it towards the
greater good, you know?

Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow.

All right.

Hey.

Yeah?

How do you think I'd look
as a blond, you know?

Hmm, I'm not sure you could handle it.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So I called your
room last night.

I heard.

I was thinking maybe we
could go out sometime.

No, you're a dork.

I'm in law school.

Look, I'm not gonna
go out with you.

I can't believe you'd even ask.

Girls like me don't go
out with losers like you.

Let's get out of here.

Excuse me.

Why didn't you call me?

What?

We spent a beautiful night together,

and I never hear from you again?

I, I'm sorry?

Sorry for what? For breaking my heart?

Or for giving me the greatest
pleasure I've ever known

and then just taking it away?

Uh.

Both?

Well, forget it.

I've already spent too
many hours crying over you.

So when did you wanna go out?

Come in.

Are you done with that deposition yet?

Oh, yeah, here, take it.

I've read it, like, 20 times.

Okay.

You know, Elle, I still can't believe

you didn't tell Callahan the alibi.

It's not my alibi to tell.

I know.

And I thought that was very classy of you.

Really?

Sure.

Thanks.

Did you ever notice how Callahan

never asks Warner to bring him his coffee?

I mean, he's asked me at least ten times.

Well, men are helpless, you know that.

I know.

Warner doesn't do his own laundry.

I know.

He has to have it sent out.

I know.

Did you know, when he first
applied he got wait-listed?

What?

His father had to make a call.

You're kidding.

Mm-mm!

No way!

Oh, God.

That is such a precious dog, hi.

His name is Bruiser.

Do you wanna hold him?

Oh.

- He's very friendly.
- Sure.

Oh.

Aw.

Look, he likes you.

Oh, he's giving me kisses.

Thanks, Jeff.

We're here today covering
the trial of Brooke Windham.

Now you may remember, she's charged

with the murder of her husband,

Boston millionaire Heyworth Windham.

First to testify are the
victim's daughter and ex-wife.

Superior Court of Suffolk County

is now in session.

The Honorable Judge Marina
R. Bickford presiding.

You may be seated.

And where was she exactly?

Standing over my father's dead body.

And what was the defendant doing?

Well, she was sitting
next to the pool, topless

while the Latin boy handed her a drink.

Hm.

Mr. Salvatore,
can you tell us what this is?

My uniform.

This is the uniform that Mrs. Windham

asked you to wear while cleaning her pool?

Yes.

And are you, or are you not,

having an affair with Brooke Windham?

Define affair.

Have you and Mrs. Windham
had sexual relations?

Yes, okay, yes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

court will reconvene
tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.

We're adjourned.

You know a Delta Nu would never

sleep with a man who wears a thong.

Never!

I just liked watching
him clean the filter.

I know, I believe you, Brooke.

Take care of me, Elle.

I will.

♪ I believe in miracles ♪

I got a big one for ya.

♪ Where you from? ♪

♪ You sexy thing ♪

♪ Sexy thing ♪

Can you sign?

♪ Since you came along ♪

♪ You sexy thing ♪

Oh yeah.

♪ Where did you come from baby ♪

♪ In my heart gladly ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

I got it.

♪ Close to me ♪

♪ Shake it ♪

You broke his nose?

Oh, I blew it, Elle.

My snap was all over the place.

I'll be there right as
as soon as court is out.

We have to cross-examine Enrique.

But don't worry, my girlfriend, Serena,

once barfed on a guy during
The Blair Witch Project,

and they ended up dating for three months.

Really?

- Hm-mm.
- All right, bye-bye.

Okay, bye.

Don't stomp your little

last-season Prada shoes at me, honey.

They're not last season.

Emmett.

He's gay.

Enrique is gay.

What?

Warner, what kind of shoes are these?

Uh, black ones.

See?

What are you talking about?

He's gay.

He isn't Brooke's lover.

He's making it up.

Wait, back up.

How do you know that he's gay?

Gay men know designers.

Straight men don't.

You know what?

He did leave a Cher tape
in the pool house one time.

While I appreciate your
masterful legal theory,

I have a murder trial to attend to.

Emmett.

Okay.

I'll take care of it, thanks.

Okay.

Court will come to order.

Mr. Salvatore,
do you have any proof

that you and Mrs. Windham
were having an affair?

Only the love in my heart.

Well, if that's all the
proof that he has, Your Honor,

I think I'm done here.

You may step down.

I'd like to ask a couple
of questions, Your Honor.

Just give me a couple of minutes.

Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?

Yes.

Where?

A restaurant in Concord,
where no one could recognize us.

And how long have you been
sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

Three months.

And your boyfriend's name is?

- Chuck.
- Right.

Silence!

Silence!

Pardon, pardon me.

Yes, Mr. Salvatore?

I was confused, you see?

I thought you said friend,
Chuck is just a friend.

Oh, okay.

You bitch!

Chuck wait!

Silence in my court.

Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.

Silence in my courtroom!

How did I miss that?

Silence in my courtroom.

Thanks.

Wow.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, Elle. Callahan asked
to see you before you leave.

Really?

Yeah, you know, he
already has his coffee,

but maybe he needs a donut.

Okay.

Do you need help?

No, I'm fine.

Okay. Bye.

Come on in.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Sit down.

Okay.

Is everything all right?

You followed your intuition today,

and you were right on target.

I should have listened.

Thank you.

About the alibi.

I'm sorry--

I'm impressed that you took

the initiative to go there and get it.

That's what makes a good lawyer.

And on top of that,

you gained the client's trust and kept it.

That's what makes a great lawyer.

You're smart, Elle.

Smarter than most of
the guys on my payroll.

Wow.

I think it's time to
discuss your career path.

Have you thought about

where you might be a summer associate?

Oh not really.

I know it's very competitive.

Well, you know what

competition's really about, don't you?

It's about ferocity, carnage.

Balancing human intelligence
with animal diligence.

Hm-mm.

Knowing exactly what you want

and how far you'll go to get it.

How far will Elle go?

Are you hitting on me?

You're a beautiful girl.

So everything you just said?

I'm a man who knows what he wants.

And I'm a law student who just realized

her professor is a pathetic asshole.

Too bad.

I thought you were a law student
who wanted to be a lawyer.

You almost had me fooled.

What?

Well, maybe you should
sleep with the jury too.

Then we can win the case.

Hey.

I'm quitting.

Why?

Law school was a mistake.

This whole internship was a mistake!

What are you talking about?

You earned it.

I didn't earn anything, Emmett.

Callahan only gave me that internship

because he liked the way I looked.

Which he made clear tonight

when he tried to feel me up.

Callahan did what?

Just forget about it.

I'm going back to LA.

No more boring suits, no more pantyhose.

No more trying to be
something that I'm just,

I'm just not.

What if you're trying
to be somebody you are?

I mean, the hell with Callahan.

Stay.

Call me if you're ever
in California, okay?

What's the point in staying, Paulette?

I mean,

all people see when they look at me

is blonde hair and big boobs.

No one's ever gonna take me seriously.

People at law school don't.

And Warner doesn't.

I don't even think my own
parents take me seriously.

It just felt like, for the first time,

that someone expected me to,

to do something more with my life

than just become a
Victoria's Secret model.

But I was just kidding myself.

Callahan never saw me as a lawyer,

he just saw me as a piece of ass.

Just like everybody else.

Turns out I am a joke.

No, you're not a joke.

Just brush this right here.

There you go.

The hell with law school.

I just wanted to say goodbye.

And you're all done.

If you're going to let

one stupid prick ruin your life

you're not the girl I thought you were.

Did you go in there knowing

how you were going to
discredit Mr. Salvatore?

Oh, absolutely.

It's a little thing I
like to call strategy.

You know, I had a about
feeling Mr. Salvatore.

Is he always such an ass?

He's the top defense
attorney in the state.

Of course he's an ass.

Fine, but is he an ass
that's gonna win my case?

Well, he's an ass that's gonna try.

He thinks I'm guilty, doesn't he?

That's not what's important.

If he doesn't trust me,
why should I trust him?

Ask Elle.

She looked pretty cozy
with him last night.

No, you don't even know

what the hell you're talking about.

What's going on here?

Elle quit.

What?

Yeah, Callahan hit on her, so she quit.

Oh, my God, scumbag.

Oh, God.

What?

I feel terrible.

I made a huge mistake.

Well, maybe there's
something we can do about it.

Thank you.

What are you so happy about?

You're on trial for murder.

Get up.

What?

You're fired.

I have new representation.

Who?

Excuse you.

You're in my way.

She's law a student.

She can't defend you.

Massachusetts Supreme
Judicial Court Ruling 3.03.

See?

Thank you, David.

Counselors, approach the bench.

You're not going up there.

Oh, yes, I am.

I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me.

You're fired.

Counselors, now!

All of you.

Elle Woods, Your Honor.

Rule 3.03 of Supreme Judicial Court

states that a law student
may appear on behalf

of a defendant in criminal proceedings

Your Honor, I have no problem with this.

I do, I'm not allowing it.

Oh, but you agreed last night.

In your office, when we
were discussing my career?

The ruling also states that you need

a licensed attorney to supervise you.

Mr. Callahan?

That I won't agree to.

I'll supervise, Your Honor.

Well, then, Ms. Woods, proceed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Hi.

Enjoy prison.

Mrs. Windham, you do
realize what you're doing?

Absolutely.

Oh, my God.

There she is, Elle!

Elle, we came to see your trial.

Oh, look, how cute!

There's, like, a judge and
everything and jury people.

Vote for Elle!

Ladies, take a seat.

Go, girl.

Do you swear to
tell the whole truth

and nothing but the
truth, so help you God?

I do.

Be seated.

Ms. Woods, you may
begin your questioning.

First of all, I would
like to point out that,

not only is there no proof in this case,

but there's a complete lack of mens rea,

which, by definition, tells
us that there can be no crime

without a vicious will.

I am aware of the meaning of mens rea.

What I'm unaware of is why

you're giving me a vocabulary lesson

when you should be
questioning your witness.

Yes, Your Honor.

Ms. Windham,

when you arrived back at the
house was your father there?

Not that I saw.

But like I said, I went straight
upstairs to take a shower.

And when you came
downstairs, what happened?

I saw Brooke standing over his body,

drenched in his blood.

But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?

No, she'd stashed it by then.

Move to strike that from
the record, Your Honor.

It's speculation.

So stricken.

Go ahead.

Ms. Windham, did you hear a shot fired?

No. I was in the shower.

Okay.

So, sometime in the 20 minutes

that you were in the shower
your father was shot?

I guess.

Your father was shot

while you were in the shower

but you didn't hear the shot

because, um,

because you were in the shower?

Yes.

I was washing my hair.

Where is she going with this?

Have a little faith, Gerard.

Ms. Windham, what had
you done earlier that day?

I got up, got a latte, went to the gym,

got a perm and came home.

Where you got in the shower?

I believe the witness has made it clear

that she was in the shower.

Yes, Your Honor.

Ms. Windham, had you ever
gotten a perm before?

Yes.

How many, would you say?

Two a year since I was 12.

You do the math.

You know, a girl in my sorority,

Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.

We all tried to talk her out of it.

Curls weren't a good look for her.

She didn't have your bone structure.

Aww.

But thankfully, that same day,

she entered the Beta Delta
Pi wet T-shirt contest,

where she was completely

hosed down from head to toe.

Objection!

Why is this relevant?

Oh, I have a point, I promise.

Then make it.

Yes, ma'am.

Chutney, why is that
Tracy Marcinko's curls

were ruined when she got hosed down?

Because they got wet.

Exactly.

Because isn't it the first
cardinal rule of perm maintenance

that you're forbidden to wet
your hair for at least 24 hours

after getting a perm at
the risk of deactivating

the ammonium thioglycolate?

Yes.

And wouldn't somebody who's had,

say 30 perms before in their life

be well aware of this rule?

And if you weren't washing your hair,

as I suspect you weren't,

because your curls are still intact,

wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?

And if, in fact, you
had heard the gunshot,

Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time

to hide the gun before you got downstairs,

which would mean that you would've

had to have found Mrs. Windham

with a gun in her hand to
make your story plausible.

Isn't that right?

She's my age, did she tell you that?

How would you feel if your father

married someone who was your age?

You, however, had time to hide the gun,

didn't you, Chutney?

After you shot your father.

I didn't mean to shoot him!

I thought it was you
walking through the door!

Order, order.

Order.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Bailiff, take the witness into custody,

where she will be charged

for the murder of Heyworth Windham.

In the matter of The State
versus Brooke Windham,

this case is dismissed.

Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.

Yes!

Thank you!

Elle, how did you
know Chutney was lying?

'Cause she's brilliant, of course.

The rules of hair care
are simple and finite.

Any Cosmo girl would've known.

Elle, Elle, Elle, Elle.

What?

I just wanted to say that you were

so brilliant in there.

And that I was wrong.

And you are the girl for me.

Really?

Yes.

Pooh Bear, I love you.

Oh, Warner.

I've waited so long to hear you say that.

But if I'm gonna be a partner in

a law firm by the time I'm 30,

I need a boyfriend who's

not such a complete bonehead.

Thank you, boys.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I present the graduates
of Harvard Law School.

Class of 2004.

I am personally very honored to introduce

this year's class-elected speaker.

After getting off to a quite

interesting start here at Harvard,

she graduates today with
an invitation to join

one of Boston's most
prestigious law firms.

I am sure we are going to
see great things from her.

Ladies and gentlemen, Elle Woods.

Yeah!

On our very first day at Harvard,

a very wise professor quoted Aristotle.

"The law is reason free from passion."

Well, no offense to Aristotle,

but in my three years at Harvard,

I have come to find that passion

is a key ingredient to the study

and practice of law and of life.

It is with passion, courage of conviction,

and strong sense of self

that we take our next
steps into the world,

remembering that first impressions
are not always correct.

You must always have faith in people

and most importantly you must
always have faith in yourself.

Congratulations, class of 2004.

We did it!

♪ Sun's up ♪

♪ It's a little after 12 ♪

♪ Make breakfast for myself ♪

♪ Leave the work for someone else ♪

♪ People say ♪

♪ They say that it's just a phase ♪

♪ They tell me to act my age ♪

♪ Well, I am ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing's standin' in my way ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ When nothing can go wrong ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Wake up ♪

♪ Don't tell me it's just a dream ♪

♪ 'Cause when I've had enough ♪

♪ You'll hear me say ♪

♪ Now don't you try to rain on my ♪

♪ Perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing's standin' in my way ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ Nothing can go wrong ♪

♪ It's a perfect day ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ On this perfect day ♪

♪ I wear a disguise ♪

♪ I'm not just your average Jane ♪

♪ The super doesn't stand for model ♪

♪ But that doesn't mean I'm plain ♪

♪ If all you see is how I look ♪

♪ You miss the super chick within ♪

♪ And I christen you Titanic ♪

♪ Underestimate and swim ♪

♪ I got the rightful gonna be myself ♪

♪ And I'll be everything
that I want to be ♪

♪ I am confidence in insecurity ♪

♪ I am a voice yet waiting to be heard ♪

♪ I'll shoot the shot ♪

♪ Bang ♪

♪ That you hear round the world ♪

♪ And I'm a one girl revolution ♪

♪ I'm a one girl revolution ♪

♪ Some people see the revolution ♪

♪ But most only see the girl ♪

♪ I can lose my hard earned freedom ♪

♪ If my fear defines my world ♪

♪ I declare my independence ♪

♪ From the critics and their stones ♪

♪ I can find my revolution ♪

♪ I can learn to stand alone ♪

♪ And I'll be everything
that I want to be ♪

♪ I am confidence in insecurity ♪

♪ I am a voice yet waiting to be heard ♪

♪ I'll shoot the shot ♪

♪ Bang ♪

♪ That you hear round the world ♪

♪ I'm a one girl revolution ♪

♪ I don't need you to tell me I'm pretty ♪

♪ To make me feel beautiful ♪

♪ I don't need you to
give me your strength ♪

♪ To make me feel I'm strong ♪

♪ I got all of this strength that I need ♪

♪ Here inside my own two hands ♪

♪ All that I want is your love
and respect for who I am ♪

♪ What I really need comes
from deep inside of me ♪

♪ Don't need you to tell me I'm pretty ♪

♪ To make me feel beautiful ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Don't need you to make me strong ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm strong all on my own ♪

♪ Doesn't come from outside,
this beauty I know ♪

♪ Comes from inside my soul ♪

♪ Don't need to come to
you for confirmation ♪

♪ Because I finally found
too, this revelation ♪

♪ What I really need ♪

♪ What I really need, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna find inside of me ♪

♪ Find inside of me ♪

♪ Not in somebody else ♪

♪ Respect comes when
you respect yourself ♪

♪ Don't need you to tell me I'm pretty ♪

♪ To make me feel beautiful, no, no, no ♪

♪ Don't need you to make me strong ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm strong all on my own ♪

♪ Doesn't come from outside,
this beauty I know ♪

♪ Comes from inside my soul ♪

♪ Don't need you to tell me I'm pretty ♪

♪ To know I'm beautiful ♪