All language subtitles for Excuse.Me.for.Living.2012.UNRATED.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NGB

♪ YOU HAVE FORSAKEN
ALL THE LOVE YOU'VE TAKEN ♪

♪ SLEEPIN' ON A RAZOR

♪ THERE'S NOWHERE
LEFT TO FALL ♪

♪ YOUR BODY'S ACHIN',
EVERY BONE IS BREAKIN' ♪

♪ NOTHING SEEMS TO SHAKE IT,
IT JUST KEEPS HOLDIN' ON ♪

♪ AH AH AH AH-AH

♪ AH AH AH
AH AH AH-AH ♪

♪ AH AH AH-AH
AH AH AH-AH ♪

♪ AH AH AH-AH AH
AH AH AH-AH ♪

♪ YOUR SOUL IS ABLE,
DEATH IS ALL YOU CRADLE ♪

♪ SLEEPIN' ON THE NAILS,
THERE'S NOWHERE LEFT TO FALL ♪

♪ YOU HAVE ADMIRED,
EVERY MAN DESIRES ♪

♪ EVERYONE IS KING...

OH!

LET GO OF ME.

CAN'T DO THAT,
SONNY BOY.

I AM NOT YOUR BOY,

AND YOU KINDLY
WILL LET GO, GODDAMN IT!

WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
FOR CHRIST SAKE!

THIS IS REAL ARMANI.
MY FATHER WILL SUE YOUR ASS!

I DON'T CARE IF MARY, MOTHER
OF GOD, WEAVED IT HERSELF.

YOU ARE NOT KILLING YOURSELF ON MY BEAT.

I WAS SIMPLY TAKING
A LEISURELY STROLL

TO VISIT
MY POETRY PROFESSOR

IN HOBOKEN,
YOUR HONOR,

WHEN THIS VERY LARGE
POLICEMAN ACCOSTS ME

FROM NOWHERE,

APPLIES A NO DOUBT
STEROIDS-INDUCED THRASHING,

AND CONJURES WHAT'S PROBABLY
A $150 TAILORING REPAIR JOB

ON MY BILL BLASS.

HE CLAIMED
IT WAS ARMANI.

- SCREW THE COUTURE.
- CO-WHO?

BLESS YOU,
OFFICER FRANKLIN.

AND OVERALL,
I MIGHT SAY, JUDGE...

KAMEL.
- NO. KARMEL.

YES, KARAMEL.

THIS VERY LARGE GENTLEMAN,

AND SUPPOSED PROTECTOR
OF THE COURT,

PROVED HIMSELF TO BE
EXTREMELY INHOSPITABLE.

NEVERTHELESS, IN THE SPIRIT
OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON,

I'M WILLING TO DROP ALL CHARGES
AGAINST HIM IF YOU'LL JUST KINDLY...

WHAT, REMOVE
THE HANDCUFFS?

AND MAY 16th IS NOT
TYPICALLY THOUGHT OF

AS A WINTER HOLIDAY.

YOU'RE GETTING TO BE
A REGULAR HERE, DANIEL TOPLER.

IT'S UNUSUAL TO SEE EVEN
YOUNG DRUG ADDICTS LIKE YOU HERE

THREE TIMES A MONTH.

YELLOW WALLS DO NOTHING
FOR THE DECOR.

- WHY ARE THE LIGHTS SO DIM?
- TOPLER!

ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?

SEND HIM BACK TO
THE REHAB CLINIC AGAIN.

AND GET SOMEONE TO WIPE UP
THAT DROOL, OFFICER FRANKLIN.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN,
I PRESUME.

I'M DR. JACOB Q. BERNSTEIN.

AND I'M FELIX THE CAT.
MEOW.

LET ME OUTTA HERE,

OR I WILL KICK
YOUR 2,000-YEAR-OLD ASS

FROM HERE TO
KINGDOM COME.

FUCK!!

OH, I MUST SAY,

YOU DON'T LOOK SO HOT
YOURSELF, DR. BERNAISE.

- BERNSTEIN.
- YES, BERN-STINE.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND WE'LL
CHAT A WHILE. I COULD USE THE COMPANY.

BUT FIRST, WOULD YOU MIND
SCRATCHING MY NOSE?

SOME FLY PROBABLY SENT BY
A RIGHT-WING NEO-NAZI

LUFTWAFFE HAS BEEN
DIVE-BOMBING ME.

A LITTLE TO THE LEFT.

AH!

YOU ARE A HEALER.

AS A CSN&Y SONG GOES,

"I'M NOT FEELING
UP TO PAR."

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD
CUT MY HAIR,

BECAUSE I ALMOST DID BEFORE
I JUMPED OVER MARTHA.

THE BRIDGE, THAT IS.

LINDA.

OH. OH, NO.

OH, YES.

OOH. OOH-OOH.

HELP.

SAVE ME, PLEASE.

GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING, DANIEL!

HURRY UP
FOR BREAKFAST.

THE VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT
STARTS SOON.

I'LL HAVE WHIPPED CREAM
LICKED OFF YOUR BREASTS.

I'M NOT ON
THE MENU, DANIEL.

WHY SCREW MY OLD MAN

WHEN YOU CAN HAVE
A YOUNG STUD LIKE ME, ELAINE?

WELL, I SEE YOU'RE
VERY MUCH AT HOME HERE, DANIEL.

DR. BERNSTEIN.

WHAT DAY IS THIS?

SATURDAY, 9:00 A.M.

YOU HAD
QUITE A NAP.

I SEE YOUR FATHER'S MILLIONS
HAVE FURNISHED THE ROOM

FROM YOUR
MANHATTAN LOFT.

HM. HAVE YOU READ THIS?

ANYONE WHO'S EVER
TAKEN PSYCHOLOGY 101

HAS READ CARL ROGERS' SEMINAL
WORK ON BECOMING A PERSON.

ALAS, THERE'S NO TIME
FOR NICETIES.

GOTTA BE GOING.
TA-TA FOR NOW,

BUT DUTY CALLS.

WHEN ONE'S PRESIDENT
BEGS ONE TO SERVE ONE'S COUNTRY,

CAN ONE REFUSE?

IT'S HUSH-HUSH.

TOP SECRET
AND ON THE Q.T.

SOMETHING ABOUT
A SCROFULOUS TORSO

LEVITATING FROM
KIM SONG'S TOMB.

YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST THOSE BASTARD
KOREAN DICTATORS TO STAY DEAD.

WHERE ARE THE STANDARDS,
ANYHOW?

BY THE WAY, DID MY DAD
HAVE MY CAR BROUGHT AROUND YET?

SHALL I CALL LINDA AGAIN?

NO. THAT WON'T
BE NECESSARY.

CAN WE TALK?

OKAY, DOC. SIT DOWN.
TAKE A LOAD OFF.

SURE, LET'S BE PALS,

BUT IT DEPENDS.

IT DEPENDS, HUH?
ON WHAT?

ON JUST WHAT KIND OF
HEADSHRINKER YOU ARE.

MY OWN PREFERENCE LEANS HEAVILY
TOWARDS THE DRUGGIES.

PSYCHO-PHARMACOLOGISTS,
YOU MEAN.

I LOVE THE GREEN PILLS,
BUT YELLOW WORKS FOR ME

IF IT WORKS FOR YOU.

THE YELLOWS WORK
FOR YOU, HUH?

OH, I FEEL
A ROGERIAN COMING ON.

CARL ROGERS HELPED
MANY, MANY PEOPLE.

NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT
PUSHING DRUGS,

I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT BE

MY SECOND-FAVORITE
KIND OF VOODOO DOCTOR.

YOU OKAY?

UH, YEAH.

DOC?

WHOA!

- THANK YOU.
- YEAH.

I WANNA TELL YOU ABOUT
A DISCUSSION I LEAD.

OH, MAN, OH, MAN.

HERE WE GO WITH
THE GROUP THERAPY.

IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO
ONE MORE SAD SACK

TELL ME THE PITIFUL STORY
OF HIS LIFE,

I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

FORGET ABOUT IT, DOC.

NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL.

THIS IS A BUNCH OF MEN JUST
GETTING TOGETHER TO KIBBUTZ.

WHAT'S THE CATCH?

A SCHMOOZE WITH YOUR STIFFS,
AND THEN I'M OUTTA HERE?

NOT PRECISELY.

JUST GET TOGETHER
A FEW TIMES.

A FEW TIMES?

- YES, MORE OR LESS.
- MORE OR LESS?!

SIT DOWN!

NOW, LISTEN TO ME,
YOUNG MAN. LISTEN UP CLOSELY.

IF YOU EVER
WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE,

YOU SHOULD TAKE MY OFFER.
YOU UNDERSTAND?

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD.

NOW I'D LIKE YOU TO
JOIN IN A DISCUSSION

WITH MY SENIOR MEN'S
GROUP.

YOU ARE KIDDING,
AREN'T YOU?

WE MEET AT
TEMPLE B'NAl ISRAEL.

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK HERE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT AT THE MEETINGS.

A TEMPLE MEN'S GROUP

FOR DYING PEOPLE.

THIS REALLY IS RICH.

A LOT OF US ARE NOT
QUITE AS DEAD AS YOU MAY THINK.

WHEN I CALL MY DAD,

HE WILL HAVE ME OUT OF HERE
IN A NANO-SECOND.

FUN TIME IS OVER.

THE COURT PUT YOU
IN MY CUSTODY.

BESIDES, YOUR FATHER
THINKS IT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.

WELL?

I'M JUST
GIVING YOUR PROPOSAL

THE UTMOST CAREFUL
CONSIDERATION. NO.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE BACK IN A MONTH
TO SEE IF YOU'VE RECONSIDERED.

LINDA, JOE.

PUT YOUR HAND
IN THERE.

LINDA.

OKAY.

OKAY, THIS IS BLACKMAIL!

I WILL ATTEND YOUR MUMMIFIED
DECAFFEINATED KAFFEE KLATSCH.

FINE.

GOOD CHOICE.

SO SHOULD I BRING
MY OWN DENTURES,

OR DO YOU PASS ONE SET
AROUND FOR EVERYONE?

TOMORROW, 8:00 P.M.,
YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN CAR.

NURSE LINDA WILL GIVE YOU A
PRESCRIPTION TO HELP YOU SLEEP,

AND AN ANTI-ABUSE PILL.
DO NOT...

I REPEAT, DO NOT USE
ANY DRUGS OR ALCOHOL HERE,

OR YOU WILL REALLY
FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DYING.

- HELLO.
- DAD.

I'M BACK HERE AT
THE LIVE FREE OR DIE CLINIC.

YES, I KNOW.

- YOU KNOW THAT?
- THEY CALLED ME.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO GET
A HOLD OF YOU.

THAT'S A CHANGE.

NO, REALLY. I'M HAPPY
TO CHAT WITH YOU.

IN FACT, THE FUNNIEST
THING JUST HAPPENED.

THIS SHRINK SAID
I'VE GOT TO ATTEND

SOME ALTA KOCKER
DISCUSSION GROUP.

ISN'T THAT
A YUK AND A HALF?

I THINK IT'S
AN EXCELLENT IDEA, DANIEL.

- DR. BERNSTINE AND I...
- BERNSTEIN.

DR. BERNSTEIN AND I
CHEWED IT OVER EARLIER TODAY.

HE'S A HIGHLY REGARDED
EXPERT FOR CASES LIKE YOURS.

NOW JUST A SECOND, DAD.

NO, YOU JUST A SECOND,
SONNY BOY.

I HAVE PLACED YOUR WELFARE

COMPLETELY IN
THE DOCTOR'S HANDS.

OBVIOUSLY, YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE GOTTEN NOWHERE WITH YOU.

WHATEVER DR. BERNSTEIN SAYS,
GOES, AND THAT'S THAT.

FATHER!

OH, I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU CALL ME THAT.

DON'T FORGET TO WRITE.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

OH, HONEY.

OH, ALBERT.

OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.

OH. OH, NO.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T THINK
I CAN, DOLL.

OH... AGAIN!

JESUS, ALBERT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GO ON THAT DIET I GAVE YOU,

OR YOU'RE GONNA DROP DEAD
BEFORE YOUR DIVORCE IS FINAL,

AND WE CAN FINALLY
GET MARRIED.

RIGHT. YOU'RE
RIGHT, HONEY BUNNY.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT
DIAMOND BRACELET I GOT YOU?

THE TOPLERS
AREN'T CHEAP.

WHAT WAS THAT, ELAINE?

UM, A FIREFLY, I THINK.

- FIREFLY?
- FORGET ABOUT IT.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.
HOW AM I GONNA GO HOME?

JUST RUN IN AND TELL HER
THAT YOU GOTTA GO REAL BAD.

YOU. YOU'RE LIKE WEBSTER'S.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT WORDS
FOR EVERYTHING.

IF ONLY I HAD
A WIFE LIKE YOU.

YOU WILL HAVE
A WIFE LIKE ME, AL,

VERY SOON.

LOOK AT MY HUSBAND
WITH THIS HARLOT ELAINE.

OKAY.

- CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON HERE.
- MISS DAVIDSON, HARRIET TOPLER.

THIS TIME, I HAVE PICTURES
OF MY HUSBAND CHEATING ON ME.

DON'T WORRY,
MRS. TOPLER.

AS YOUR ATTORNEY, WE'LL TAKE HIM
FOR ALL HE'S GOT,

OR MY NAME ISN'T
CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

PIROT, LET'S GET
A MOVE ON.

THE COSTUME BALL
MUST BE PERFECT.

DID YOU ARRANGE FOR THE
NOTRE DAME TWINS TO BE HERE?

THE CHAMPAGNE,
THE ORGANIC HORS D'OEUVRES?

JAZZ BAND?

DON'T FORGET TO PUT
COKE AND PERFUME BOTTLES

IN EACH BEDROOM.

YES, BOSS.

DANDY MAN. HEY, WHAT TIME
YOU GONNA BE HERE FOR THE BASH?

DON'T KNOW, BRUCIE. MAYBE
I SHOULD PASS ON THIS PARTY

AND FINALLY DRY OUT.

OH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANNA MISS
THIS ONE, I PROMISE YOU.

I'VE GOT A SURPRISE
FOR YOU.

JUST WALK RIGHT ON
UP THE BEACH.

IT'S NOT EVEN A MILE.

BESIDES, THERE'S YOUR
ADORING PUBLIC TO CONSIDER.

YOU WIN, BRUCIE.

NO WONDER YOU BAG
ALL THOSE MERGERS

AT MORGAN STANFIELD.

OKAY, CATCH YA LATER.

TAKE JUST ONE OF EACH
AT BEDTIME, NOT BEFORE.

YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT TO
DAILY BLOOD AND URINE TESTS.

NO DRIVING, EXCEPT FOR
THE MEN'S GROUP,

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT
TAKE ANY DRUGS OR ALCOHOL.

ARE YOU PLAYING?
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?

JESUS.

♪ I GOT TO KEEP MY IMAGE
WHILE SUSPENDED FROM MY THRONE ♪

♪ THAT LOOKS OUT UPON MY KINGDOM
FULL OF PEOPLE ALL UNKNOWN ♪

♪ WHO IMAGINE I'M NOT HUMAN
AND MY HEART IS MADE OF STONE ♪

♪ I NEVER HAD NO PROBLEMS

♪ AND MY TOILET'S
TRIMMED WITH CHROME ♪

♪ I'M A MAN,
YES, I AM ♪

♪ AND I CAN'T HELP
BUT LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ NO, NO, NO

♪ I'M A MAN,
YES, I AM ♪

♪ AND I CAN'T HELP
BUT LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ NO, NO, NO
YES, I AM ♪

♪ NO, NO, NO

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY

♪ YES, I AM

TWO PAIR, ACES UP,
READ 'EM AND WEEP, SUCKERS!

THE DANDY MAN'S HERE!

RISE, GRASSHOPPERS.

WHERE'S THE CHOW?
I'M FAMISHED.

INTRODUCE ME IMMEDIATELY
TO THAT DARK-HAIRED MIRAGE,

OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO
A MAN FROM THE TOAD YOU ARE.

YOU MEAN
CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

OKAY, MY MAN.
TAKE THIS FOR GOOD LUCK.

JUST WAIT UNTIL HE DISCOVERS
SHE'S A KARATE BLACK BELT.

AND HER FATHER'S
EVEN RICHER THAN HIS.

DIDN'T YOU FORGET MY CHANGE
AT McDONALD'S THIS AFTERNOON?

AND I ASKED FOR THE ONION
RINGS, NOT THE FRIES.

WELL, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

I HOPE I CAN FIND A WAY
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

CHAMPAGNE!
I'M DAN TOPLER,

AND NO, I'M ON
THE WAGON JUST NOW.

- UH...
- CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON.

MY FRIENDS CALL ME CHARLIE.

SO YOU'RE
THE DANDY MAN.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
PANTING TO MEET YOU.

LET'S GET ON
THE WAGON TOGETHER.

JUST HAVE
A SQUOSH.

IT'S PRONOUNCED
"SKOSH."

OKAY. SKOSH.

HAVE ONE.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER,
AND SO WILL YOUR WAGON.

ONE MORE.

SHOULD WE TELL HIM THAT
CHARLIE'S COME FROM THE DARK SIDE?

HE'LL FIND OUT
SOON ENOUGH.

SHE'S
A KILLER, DAN!

- JUDGE KARAMEL?
- JUDGE WHO?

THAT'S HAUTE COUTURE,
YOU IMBECILE.

BLESS YOU,
OFFICER FRANKLIN.

I COULD LOCK YOU UP IN A
STRAITJACKET FOR THE NEXT YEAR,

OR I COULD TIE YOU UP
AND HAVE LINDA SPOON-FEED YOU

MOST OF YOUR MEALS.

AN INTERN WOULD COME IN
AND REMOVE YOUR POTTY FOR YOU,

WHEN HE REMEMBERS.

IS THIS WHAT
YOU REALLY WANT?

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU ALMOST
DIED RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME,

YOU LITTLE MORON?

I LIKED YOU BETTER
AS DR. FRANKENSTEIN

THAN YOUR NEW ROLE
AS NURSE RATCHED.

I DON'T CARE HOW ROTTEN
YOU FEEL TOMORROW, DANIEL.

YOU MUST ATTEND
THE DISCUSSION GROUP.

THIS IS YOUR FINAL
CHANCE WITH ME,

OR I'M SHIPPING YOU
UP TO PRISON.

GOT IT?

OH, BOY.

THIS FUNERAL'S EVEN MORE SOMBER
THAN THEY USUALLY ARE.

DID YOU FIX MY LUNCH,
BY THE WAY?

THE CURRIED EGG SALAD SANDWICH
WITH THE PICKLE ON THE TOP,

THE WAY I LIKE IT.

- YES, REVEREND PILATUS.
- THAT'S GOOD.

OH, I SHOULD'VE
BEGGED OFF THIS GIG.

I NEVER WOULD'VE EVEN
ACCEPTED THIS SERVICE,

EXCEPT THAT HIS DAUGHTER
HAS MADE A TREMENDOUS DONATION.

HER NAME IS CHARLOTTE,

AND SHE IS
A PIECE OF WORK.

WHAT'S CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON'S
PERSONAL CASH FLOW?

WITH DADDY DEAD, AND
COMBINED WITH HER TRUST FUNDS,

I'D SAY SOMETHING LIKE
225 MILLION A YEAR.

WHOO! AND DEBT?

MAYBE 500.

MILLION.

NO. $500.
SHE PAYS IN CASH.

YOU MEAN THIS DAME INHERITED A
COMPANY WORTH TWO BILLION SMACKERS,

AND SHE OWES 500 BUCKS?

YES, AND THAT'S JUST AN AVERAGE
OF HER MONTHLY CREDIT CARD BILL.

IT COULD BE LESS.

WHAT ABOUT CHARLOTTE HERSELF?

PERSONAL HABITS,
FRIENDS?

SHE'S A BIG-TIME
PARTY GIRL AND ATHLETE.

A KARATE BLACK BELT,

AND SHE REGULARLY
WINS COMPETITIONS.

A DIVORCE ATTORNEY,
ONLY FOR WOMEN,

AND PRETTY GOOD AT IT, JUDGING
BY ALL HER CLIENTS' AWARDS.

SHE WINS EVERY TIME
IN COURT,

AND LIKES TO POUND
MEN TO THE GROUND.

GREAT. A MONSTROUSLY RICH, KUNG
FU, TIGHTWAD, LITIGATING BALL BUSTER

STANDS IN THE WAY
OF THIS MERGER.

YOU MUST BE ZOE,
MY DEAR.

NO ONE'S EVER CALLED ME
THAT BUT MY FATHER.

YES, YOUR FATHER GANYMEDE
AND I WERE GREAT FRIENDS.

AND YOU ARE?

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I'M BARRY BLACKMON, PROFESSOR
OF GREEK AND ROMAN HISTORY.

AND I MUST SAY, YOUR
FATHER WOULD BE SO HAPPY

TO KNOW YOU WERE
DRESSED THE WAY YOU ARE,

IN THE GREEK TRADITION
OF WHITE,

CELEBRATING THE IMMORTALITY
OF THE SPIRIT,

AS OPPOSED TO BLACK,
MOURNING A PASSED SOUL.

YOUR FATHER OFTEN TOLD ME
OVER A GLASS OF WINE

JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL
HIS DAUGHTER WAS.

I HAD NO IDEA HOW
UNDERSTATED HIS WORDS WERE.

DADDY SAID HE LOVED
LOOKING THROUGH HIS TELESCOPE

AT THE CONSTELLATION
TAURUS,

BECAUSE IT REMINDED HIM
OF ME...

BULL-HEADED
BUT SENSITIVE.

SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

ANOTHER TIME,
MISS DAVIDSON.

ANOTHER TIME.

AS YOU WERE SAYING,
MY DEAR.

DADDY NEVER SHOWED ME
HOW TO USE HIS TELESCOPE.

WHAT A SHAME.
PERHAPS I COULD SHOW YOU.

YOUR FATHER BOUGHT
THE ONE THAT I RECOMMENDED.

OH, HE DID.

PERHAPS WE COULD
GET TOGETHER AND DISCUSS

HOW I COULD CONTINUE
HIS LOVE OF ANTIQUITY.

OF COURSE, ZOE.

HOW SWEET OF YOU
TO CONSIDER IT.

AND WHO IS THIS
CHARMING FRIEND OF YOURS?

- YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. DO I KNOW YOU?
- I'M LAURA, PROFESSOR.

WHEN SHALL WE
MEET AGAIN?

IN THUNDER, LIGHTNING,
OR IN RAIN?

WHY DON'T I PICK YOU UP
AT YOUR OFFICE

WEDNESDAY AT NOON,
AND WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.

SPLENDID.

OKAY, IF I HAVE TO GIVE HER
HALF THE COMPANY,

I WILL.

SHE'S BEEN MY WIFE
FOR 30 YEARS, AFTER ALL.

YOU ALREADY GAVE HER
HALF FIVE YEARS AGO

FOR ESTATE-PLANNING PURPOSES.
HER ATTORNEY WANTS MORE.

WHAT? THE GOLD-DIGGER.

WE'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED
FOR 30 YEARS.

SIT.

NINETY PERCENT.

NINETY PERCENT?!

THAT'S PRACTICALLY
HIS ENTIRE...

PRACTICALLY HIS ENTIRE
NET WORTH, MS. DAVIDSON.

YOU ARE LUCKY WE'RE LEAVING HIM
WITH HIS JOCKEY SHORTS.

HONEY BUNCH, YOU KNOW IT'S ONLY
YOU I EVER REALLY LOVED.

OH, I WISH I COULD
BELIEVE YOU.

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAY
TO HER, TOO?

IF YOU HADN'T SPENT SO MUCH TIME
AT THE ART CENTER, I NEVER...

AND TELL YOUR CLIENT
NEVER TO TALK TO MINE AGAIN

IF HE WANTS TO KEEP
HIS... UNDERWEAR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T LOOK AT THAT.

DANIEL, DANIEL,
DANIEL.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS
AGAIN TO YOUR MOTHER AND ME?

WHY DOES EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENS TO ME

HAVE TO DO WITH
YOU AND MOM?

YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL
VIEW HERE.

YOU KNOW THAT, DANIEL?
HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE TODAY?

IT'S GORGEOUS.

YOU'RE LICKING YOUR CHOPS
OVER ELAINE, NO DOUBT.

IS SHE ON THE BEACH
BOUNCING HER TITS IN VOLLEYBALL?

YOU'RE VERY
RUDE, DANIEL.

HOW CAN YOU THROW
YOUR LIFE AWAY LIKE THIS?

YOU WHO HAD EVERY ADVANTAGE
IN LIFE, EVERY POSSIBILITY.

EVERY POSSIBILITY?
IS IT TOO LATE TO BE A PENGUIN?

YOUR LIFE IS NOT
A SITCOM, BOYCHICK.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
TO BE SO THANKLESS.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' HERE?

DANIEL IS
MY SON, TOO.

ANYWAY, I'M NOT
SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

ARE THE TWO OF YOU
FINALLY GETTING A DIVORCE?

- YES.
- NO.

I LOVE YOUR MOTHER.

YOU GOT A FUNNY WAY
TO SHOW IT.

COUPLES HAVE PROBLEMS,
BUT THEY WORK THEM OUT.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU COME
TO UNIVERSAL LIKE YOUR SISTER?

WE'LL MAKE YOU
A VICE-PRESIDENT OR SOMETHING.

AND THE PAY IS NOT
SO BAD, EITHER.

I MEAN, 100 GRAND A YEAR
WILL KEEP THE WOLF AWAY,

AS LONG AS MOMMY AND DADDY
PROVIDE A HOLIDAY BONUS

AND A NEW CAR
EVERY NOW AND THEN.

AND WASTE MY LIFE
BEING A JUNK DEALER LIKE YOU?

YOU WATCH
YOUR TONGUE.

YOUR FATHER'S COMPANY, TOO UNDIGNIFIED
FOR AN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE BOY,

KEEPS US IN LUXURY, PAL,
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

YOU KNOW, HE DIDN'T HAVE A FATHER WHO
GAVE HIM EVERYTHING UNDER GOD'S CREATION.

WHY SEND ME TO YALE IF YOU JUST
WANT ME TO TAKE OVER THE BUSINESS?

NO, WE WANT YOU
TO GROW UP.

BUT AS YOU SAY,
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.

WHAT KIND OF SON
DID WE RAISE, ANYWAY?

GLAD YOU CAME,
MOM AND DAD.

REALLY.

OH, DAN, BRING
YOUR CUP OVER HERE,

AND COME AND MEET
THE MEN, ALL RIGHT?

GOT A SPECIAL GUEST
THIS EVENING.

DANIEL TOPLER.

I WAS HOPING ALL OF YOU
WOULD BE AGREEABLE

TO HAVING HIM ATTEND
SOME MORE SESSIONS.

CERTAINLY. WHY NOT.

JACK, WHY DOES A YOUNG MAN
LIKE HIM WANT TO COMMUNE

WITH A BUNCH OF
OLD FOGIES?

MORTY MAVIS.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

MORTY IS
A BUSINESS CONSULTANT.

WELL, UH, FOR ME,

I GUESS YOU SHOULD
ALL KNOW...

DANIEL, LET ME DO THE
INTRODUCTION, ALL RIGHT?

DANIEL'S A MEDICAL STUDENT IN
HIS FIRST YEAR AT STONY BROOK,

AND I UNDERSTAND
HE'S CONSIDERING GERONTOLOGY

AS, WELL,
AS A SPECIALTY.

I FIGURED IF HE MET
YOU OLD GUYS,

I COULD POSSIBLY
DISCOURAGE HIM FROM THAT.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BE
A DOCTOR, IS THAT IT?

WELL...

I'VE BEEN A TRADER FOR ALMOST
40 YEARS ON WALL STREET,

AND VERY SUCCESSFULLY, TOO,
I MIGHT ADD.

I LEFT MY FIRM LAST MONTH.
OH, I'M ROB VITRIOFF.

THEY ASKED ME TO STAY,
OF COURSE,

- BUT FOR WHAT, I ASK YOU?
- I THINK...

I CAN TRADE JUST AS WELL
AT HOME NOW WITH THE INTERNET.

MY TIME IS MY OWN.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTIN' AT?

YES. YOU ONLY BORE
YOURSELF NOW.

GLENN HERE.

TRACY AUSPITZ.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

AND TRACY WAS A FORMER DEPUTY
ADMINISTRATOR FOR THE E.P.A.

HELPED DRAFT THE U.S. CLEAN
WATER ACT BACK IN THE EARLY '70s.

- NO KIDDING.
- THANK GOD WE GOT

SOME GOOD GUYS IN GOVERNMENT.

IT SURE AIN'T THE MAJORITY IN CONGRESS.

I SEE SAM BOTKIN IS BEING
HIS USUAL CHEERY SELF.

HIS COMPUTER PROGRAM DESIGNED
THE VERRAZANO BRIDGE.

HARRY ROSENTHAL.

HARRY IS A FORMER MUSICAL
DIRECTOR OF THE METROPOLITAN OPERA.

YEAH?

I'M DAVID, A P.R. MAN
WITH A COUPLE OF CLIENTS LEFT.

WELCOME, DANIEL.
I'M BARRY.

NO LONGER THE YOUNGSTER
OF THIS GROUP.

ONLY 60. A BABY!
BUT DESPITE HIS YOUTH,

HE'S A FAMOUS
CLASSICAL SCHOLAR.

NOW THAT THAT'S
TAKEN CARE OF,

WHAT SHOULD WE
BEGIN WITH FIRST, HUH?

LET'S HUDDLE ON OUR MAIN
NEMESIS, OUR CHILDREN.

DON'T GET ME STARTED
TALKING ABOUT MY CHILD CHUCKY.

HE'S SO INFANTILE.

NOW I CAN'T
SPEAK TO HIM,

OR EVEN MY GRANDDAUGHTER
CAROL ANYMORE.

WE USED TO GET TOGETHER FOR
GRANDDAD-GRANDDAUGHTER TIMES.

SHE WON'T SAY
TWO WORDS TO ME NOW.

HE'S GETTING DIVORCED,
AND HE'S STILL LIVING AT HOME.

IT'S TERRIBLE FOR CAROL. SHE'S
CAUGHT BETWEEN HER PARENTS.

- YOU CAN'T HELP.
- NO.

I CAN'T HELP.

HE'S MY SON, CAROL IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER,

AND I CAN'T HELP.
I CAN ONLY WATCH.

AT LEAST WE'RE LUCKY WE ALL
HAVE CHILDREN WE CAN RELY ON.

I DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN I CAN RELY ON.

MORTY, YOU GOT
TWO GROWN KIDS.

IF YOU'RE IN TROUBLE,
YOU CALL THEM.

YOU, JACK.
YOU I'LL CALL

IF I'M SICK,
NOT MY CHILDREN.

I HARDLY TALK TO THEM.

YOU ALL REMEMBER WHEN
I GOT BAR MITZVAHED AGAIN?

YOU ALL WERE THERE.

- YEAH.
- YES.

MY KIDS COULDN'T BELIEVE
100 PEOPLE SHOWED UP.

THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE
THE ONLY ONES

WHO WOULD BE THERE.

THERE'S YOUR SISTER YOU
COULD CALL IF YOU WERE ILL.

HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER IN OVER
A YEAR. AND FORGET ABOUT MY EX.

NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS.

IT'S NOT EASY NOT BEING
THE MAIN GUY ANYMORE.

WE ALL KNOW THAT
BY NOW.

WELL, GENTLEMEN,
THAT DOES IT FOR TONIGHT.

WRITING THE NEXT
GREAT NOVEL?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I AM.

ARE YOU WAITING FOR
YOUR FATHER, TOO?

YEP. SURE AM.
UM...

LAURA.

LAURA. ONE OF
MY FAVORITE MOVIES.

THE GORGEOUS STAR WAS VERY
NEARLY AS CAPTIVATING AS YOU.

UH, RIGHT.

I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET
BEFORE. WHO'S YOUR DAD?

IT'S...

HIM.

GEE, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO MEET DR. BERNSTEIN'S SON.

NOW YOU HAVE.
LUCKY YOU AND LUCKIER ME.

WELL, HELLO, SWEETHEART.

DANIEL, I SEE YOU'VE MET
MY DAUGHTER LAURA.

I'VE HAD THAT PLEASURE.
THANK YOU, DR. BERNSTEIN.

LISTEN, SWEETIE, I THINK WE
SHOULD GET HOME RIGHT AWAY.

AND I'LL SEE YOU
TOMORROW, DANIEL.

T.T.F.N., DANIEL.

CAN'T CATCH A BREAK.

THERE HE IS,
MISS DAVIDSON.

AHA. HOW ARE YOU,
THOMAS?

AND HOW ARE
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN?

THEY'RE JUST DANDY,
PROFESSOR.

YOU'RE LOOKIN' MIGHTY FINE.
MAKIN' TIME WITH THE CO-EDS?

YOU MAKE ME BLUSH, SIR.

- YOU KNOW THOMAS?
- USUAL PLACE?

MORE SECRETS.

EVERYONE KNOWS
THIS MAN BUT ME.

AND WHERE ARE WE GOING?

I THOUGHT I WAS
TAKING YOU FOR LUNCH.

YOU DATE YOUR STUDENTS,
PROFESSOR BLACKMON?

THOMAS TEASES ME BECAUSE HE
KNOWS I'M A CONFIRMED BACHELOR.

HE KNOWS THAT MEN MY AGE AREN'T
ONLY UNATTRACTIVE TO YOUNGER WOMEN,

WE'RE INVISIBLE.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, THOMAS?

YES, PLEASE,
THE USUAL PLACE.

I THOUGHT, ZOE, WE WOULD DINE
WHERE YOUR FATHER AND I USED TO SUP.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FINEST
OF NEW YORK'S HAUTE CUISINE.

- YASSOU.
- YASSOU FILE MOU.

HOW'S BUSINESS?

YOU BRING ME ALWAYS
GOOD LUCK, PROFESSOR.

TWO OF THE USUAL, PLEASE.

THERE, ZOE.

SEE THE GORGEOUS GOLDEN
PYRAMIDAL ROOF,

AND THE SPLENDID
SPANDRELS?

IT'S THE 40-STORY NEW YORK
LIFE INSURANCE BUILDING.

DESIGNED BY CASS GILBERT
IN 1926.

THE INDIANA LIMESTONE,
THE GOTHIC STYLE.

2,180 WINDOWS.

AND AFTER TODAY, MY FAVORITE
ARCHITECTURE IN THE CITY.

AND WHY NOW YOUR FAVORITE?

BECAUSE IT'S
THE LIFE BUILDING,

AND ZOE MEANS LIFE
IN GREEK.

THIS WAS DELICIOUS,
PROFESSOR.

AH! WHAT TYPE OF LAW
DO YOU PRACTICE, ZOE?

A DIVORCE ATTORNEY.

AS YOUR FATHER'S DAUGHTER,
I'M SURE YOU DO YOUR BEST

TO RECONCILE THE PARTIES AND FIND
HARMONY BETWEEN THE HUSBAND AND WIFE.

I KNOW I'M NAIVE,
BUT I'M NOT A MODERN MAN.

I AM TERRIBLY
SORRY, PROFESSOR,

BUT I HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT.

CAN THOMAS TAKE YOU
ANYWHERE?

NO, NO, NO.
NOT AT ALL, DEAR.

I WAS ACTUALLY
PLANNING ON STROLLING

UP TO THE NEW YORK
PUBLIC LIBRARY TO STUDY

A RARE BOOK THEY HAVE
ON NORSE MYTHOLOGY.

BUT I DO LOOK FORWARD
TO SEEING YOU AGAIN,

WHENEVER YOU THINK YOU CAN TOLERATE
THE COMPANY OF AN OLDER MAN.

SIXTY IS YOUNG,
PROFESSOR.

THE INTERNET.

I FORGET WE'RE ALL
SO PUBLIC NOWADAYS.

AND I AM YOUNG.
THANK YOU FOR NOTICING.

I SUPPOSE I JUST ACT THIS
WAY SO PEOPLE YOUR AGE

DON'T THINK ME FOOLISH.

WELL, ADIEU,
SWEET GIRL.

AND ZOE,

PLEASE CALL ME BARRY.

I DON'T CARE
WHO TALKS FIRST.

I JUST WANNA
HELP YOU.

OKAY. HELP ME WITH YOUR
DAUGHTER'S TELEPHONE NUMBER.

TELL ME YOUR IMPRESSIONS
OF LAST NIGHT.

ROB IS HAVING DIFFICULTIES

DEALING WITH HIS LOSS
OF INFLUENCE AND CONTROL

OVER HIS SON'S LIFE.

YOU BRINGING HIM
TO SAY SO ALOUD

WAS VERY THERAPEUTIC.

GOOD WORK, DOCTOR.

HE NEEDS TO LET
HIS GRANDDAUGHTER KNOW

IT'S OKAY IF THEY JUST
SIT TOGETHER QUIETLY,

OR WATCH A MOVIE
WITHOUT SPEAKING.

SHE'LL COME AROUND
WHEN SHE'S READY.

TELL THE WHOLE FAMILY
TO TAKE TWO ASPIRIN

AND CALL ME
IN THE MORNING.

AMUSED.

STILL, YOU COULD BE
A TOP-NOTCH PSYCHIATRIST,

BUT INTELLECT
IS NOT ENOUGH.

WHO SAID I WANNA
BE A SHRINK?

OR ANY KIND OF M.D.?

I KNOW FOR A FACT
YOU WERE PRE-MED AT YALE,

AND YOU GOT INTO EVERY
MEDICAL SCHOOL YOU APPLIED TO.

SO... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

WHAT HAPPENED?

DIDN'T WANNA BE
ONE OF THOSE IDIOTS

GOING TO TRADE SCHOOL
TO FIX MENTAL FAUCETS.

I'D RATHER BE
A REAL PLUMBER.

SPEAKING OF PLUMBERS,
DID YOU EVER HEAR...

PLEASE STOP.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU,

AND STOP DEFENDING YOURSELF.
I'M NOT ATTACKING YOU.

YOU USE LANGUAGE
AS A WEAPON AND A SHIELD.

THE ONLY WAR IS INSIDE OF
YOU, BUT WORDS CAN'T HELP.

I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.

DON'T YOU KNOW
THAT THERAPY

IS SUPPOSED TO TAKE MONTHS,
YEARS, MAYBE FOREVER?

LAYING IT ALL
ON THE TABLE SO SOON

ISN'T IN THE PSYCHIATRIC
PLAYBOOK, IS IT?

THIS IS
NO GAME, DANIEL.

I'M NOT PLAYING
WITH YOUR LIFE.

NEXT TIME YOU JUMP OFF A BRIDGE
OR MIX DRUGS WITH ALCOHOL,

YOU COULD PREVENT A BRILLIANT
CAREER, WITH A WIFE AND CHILDREN.

DEATH IS FOREVER.

IT CAN WAIT ITS TURN.

NOW TELL ME ABOUT
YOUR DEPRESSION.

WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF MIND READER?

FIRST I'M A LOST LAMB
HEADSHRINKER.

NOW I'M A DEPRESSED NUT.

WHAT HAVE I GOT TO BE
DEPRESSED ABOUT ANYWAY?

I'VE GOT A TRUST FUND.

FRIENDS, A BEAUTIFUL
HOME AWAY FROM HOME

HERE IN ZOMBIEVILLE.

THIS... IS THE LIFE.

WHAT KIND OF LIFE
IS IT, HMM?

TRY STICKING TO YOUR
REGIMEN, IF YOU POSSIBLY CAN.

THEN MAYBE YOU CAN
PULL YOUR LIFE TOGETHER AGAIN.

YEAH.

SURE.

WHY DO YOU ATTEMPT
SUICIDE?

WHY NOT?

I WAS TOP OF MY CLASS
AT PREP SCHOOL,

AND VALEDICTORIAN AT
YALE, DESPITE MY HABIT.

THEN I NEEDED MORE OF
THE STUFF AND MORE OFTEN.

FIRST FEW WEEKS
OF MED SCHOOL,

I WAS SO ZONKED,

I COULDN'T
GET OUT OF BED.

SO I DROPPED OUT.

WHAT SHOULD I DO
NOW, DOC?

SPEND MY LIFE
WHORING HALF THE TIME,

AND ASLEEP
THE OTHER HALF,

WHILE MY BUDDIES
HAVE REAL LIVES?

I SCREWED UP...
ROYALLY.

BEYOND HELP.

YOU HAPPY NOW, DOC?

NO, NO. I'M NOT HAPPY.

AND YOU'RE NOT
BEYOND REDEMPTION.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, DANIEL.

THAT'S IT?

CARL ROGERS SAID,

WHEN I CAN ACCEPT MYSELF
AS I AM,

I CAN CHANGE.

I KNEW IT.

YOU ARE A CARL ROGERS
DISCIPLE.

HE WAS MY MENTOR.

WE PUBLISHED A COUPLE OF
PEER REVIEW ARTICLES TOGETHER.

WE WERE CLOSE FRIENDS,
AND COLLEAGUES.

YOU'RE A CLOSE FRIEND
AND COLLEAGUE OF CARL ROGERS.

YES.

AHOY THERE, MATEY.

PRETTY ROUGH SEA YOU FOUND
YOURSELF IN. YOU OKAY?

ARGH, COULDN'T BE BETTER,
ME HEARTY.

'TWAS THE GROG
THAT DID ME IN, YOU SCURVY DOG.

I THINK IT WAS THE WENCH
THAT KEELHAULED YOU, DANDY MAN.

WE MISSED YOU AT MY QUOTIDIAN
BASH LAST NIGHT, OLD BEAN.

A CERTAIN TEMPTRESS
WANTS ANOTHER SHOT AT YOU.

YOU THINK CHARLIE WOULD
EVEN TALK TO ME AGAIN?

TALK ISN'T WHAT'S
ON HER MIND.

YEAH? WILL SHE BE THERE
SATURDAY NIGHT?

WITH BELLS ON
HER CLOVEN TOES.

I DON'T KNOW.

I PROBABLY SHOULD
SIT THIS ONE OUT, BRUCIE.

HAVING YOUR STOMACH PUMPED
ISN'T THE FUN

THAT IT'S
MADE OUT TO BE.

- HI.
- NOT A PROBLEM, DANDY.

YOU SHOULD
SIT THIS ONE OUT.

I'LL JUST TELL HER THAT YOU
CONSIDER HER AN UNWORTHY SLUT

AND SHE OUGHTA
TAKE UP WITH ME AGAIN.

WITH YOU?

YEAH. THERE'S NO
READY TOMATO

LIKE THE ONE REBOUNDING
FROM PUKE ON HER DRESS.

OKAY, PAL. YOU'VE
SWEET-TALKED ME INTO

ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR
LOWBROW SOIREES.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO KNOW
A GIRL

BY THE NAME OF
LAURA BERNSTEIN, DO YOU?

HOW WOULD YOU COME TO KNOW
THE NAME OF AN HONEST WOMAN?

I'M WAITING, BRUCIE.

YOU WON'T LIKE ME
WHEN I'M ANGRY.

I DON'T MUCH
LIKE YOU NOW.

UH, WELL, LAURA AND CHARLIE
WERE BUDDIES AT THE SORBONNE.

QUITE THE BUDDING
LITERARY LION, I HEAR.

BESIDES HER DARLING FACE,

LAURA'S A CONSUMMATELY
DECENT WOMAN.

NOT AT ALL YOUR TYPE,
DANDY MAN.

WHAT'S HER NUMBER?

I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I COULD ASK CHARLOTTE

TO BRING LAURA
TO THE PARTY.

DON'T BE AN ASS.

ASK CHARLIE FOR THE NUMBER,

AND DON'T TELL HER
IT'S FOR ME.

I'LL CATCH YA LATER.

- BERTRAND!
- COMING, SIR.

BERTRAND, CALL
HAMPTON CATERING.

TELL THEM TO DOUBLE THE AMOUNT
OF PERRIER-JOUET FOR SATURDAY.

AND TELL PIROT TO BRING
EXTRA SNOW FOR DAN TOPLER.

OKAY, MORTY, WHY DON'T
YOU START THE MEETING?

AS YOU ALL KNOW,

JACK HAS TO HAVE SURGERY FOR
THE TUMOR THEY FOUND LAST MONTH,

AND JACK, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE IT FROM THERE, HUH?

ACTUALLY, THEY FOUND
TWO TUMORS

TWISTED AROUND
MY KIDNEY.

THEY'RE GONNA SCHEDULE
SOME MORE TESTS,

AND MY OPERATION WILL BE
SOON AFTER.

BUT WHAT SCARES ME MOST
IS THE FACT THAT,

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
OF BEING A DOCTOR,

I'M JUST A STRANGER,
ANOTHER PATIENT IN A HOSPITAL

I NEVER EVEN VISITED.

I ALMOST NEVER
LOSE PHONE NUMBERS,

BUT WHAT CAN I SAY? THE
PRESSURES OF DAILY LIFE,

THE CORPORATE
BOARD MEETINGS,

THE PRESS INTERVIEWS,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

THEY SUCK THE LIFE
OUT OF YOU.

SO PLEASE,
GIVE IT TO ME AGAIN.

NOT TOO FAST,
'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE SLOW.

ACTUALLY, YOU'RE AS FAST AS THEY COME.

AND SINCE WE'RE
BROTHER AND SISTER,

WHY DON'T YOU ASK OUR FATHER
IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THE NUMBER.

AH, YES.

MY LITTLE FIB.

WHAT DID DADDY-O
SAY ABOUT ME?

DADDY-O DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING AT ALL.

WHAT SHALL WE SAY?

I'M A PATIENT OF
DR. BERNSTEIN'S

AT LIVE FREE
OR DIE.

I'M HERE AT
THE NEW BEGINNINGS MEETINGS

TO WITNESS THE REAL
DIFFICULTIES AND PLEASURES

OF LIFE AND AGING.

I'M FORBIDDEN
TO DRINK ALCOHOL

OR TAKE DRUGS.

THE MIXTURE, WITH MY MEDICINE,
MIGHT KILL ME.

CONCISE CONFESSION
AND SELF-ANALYSIS.

THAT'S EXCELLENT,
DANIEL.

HONEY, I GOTTA GO. I GOTTA
GET UP EARLY TOMORROW, OKAY?

YOUR NUMBER, LAURA?

LOOK, I WANNA
TALK TO YOU.

YOU'RE MY PATIENT,

AND YOU'RE STILL
IN DANGER, IT SEEMS TO ME.

FURTHERMORE, THIS IS NOT THE
TIME TO PURSUE ROMANTIC INTERESTS.

YOU DON'T THINK I'M FIT
TO SEE YOUR DAUGHTER, DOC?

IS THAT IT?

THAT'S EXACTLY IT.
STAY AWAY FROM HER.

ARE YOU SPEAKING AS MY
DOCTOR OR HER FATHER?

BOTH, FRANKLY. ALL
RIGHT, HONEY, LET'S GO.

AH, PATIENTS ARE FUNNY,
DANIEL TOPLER.

YOU KNOW ME?

THE DOCTORS KNOW
ALL THE GUESTS.

YA KNOW, WE HAVE TO
CALL THEM THAT.

GOD FORBID, WE CALL
THEM PATIENTS.

SIT DOWN.

WHY ARE WE FUNNY, DOC?

PLEASE.
CALL ME DOCTOR.

WHY FUNNY?

FOR EXAMPLE,

I HAVE THIS ONE...
GUEST

WHO NEVER ARRIVES
ON TIME.

HE'S A CONTROL FREAK.

COMING LATE IS A WAY
OF SHOWING ME

THAT HE CALLS THE SHOTS
AROUND HERE.

HAVE I JOINED
THE MEDICAL STAFF?

SO, AT OUR
LAST MEETING,

I SAY TO HIM WHEN HE
COMES IN 20 MINUTES LATE,

"YOU'RE A BIT TARDY.

WHY DO YOU THINK
THAT IS?"

BY THE TEXTBOOK
PROFESSIONAL

WITH ALL THAT RIGMAROLE I
LEARNED AT HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

WHY, HE SAYS,

"I'M NOT LATE AT ALL."

THAT'S WHAT
THAT NUT SAYS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT?

WELL, SOME OF US HERE ARE IN NEED
OF PSYCHIATRIC HELP, I'M TOLD.

THEN WHAT DID
YOU SAY?

YOU SEE?

THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.

HMM.

YOU PATIENTS
TAKE LIBERTIES.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I SAID.

"MY TIME HERE
IS VALUABLE.

"I CAN'T WASTE IT WAITING FOR
HALF-WITS LIKE YOU

TO WANDER IN
WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT."

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

PRETTY STRONG STUFF.

NOW,
THIS... THIS...

PATIENT... UH,
PATIENT SAYS...

THIS PATIENT SAYS,
"20 MINUTES IS NOTHIN'."

SO I SAY TO HIM,

"MAYBE 20 MINUTES
IS NOTHIN' TO YOU,

LARS, GODDAMN IT... "

NEVER MET A LARS
I DIDN'T LIKE.

THE GOOD LORD JEHOVAH

MADE THE EARTH
IN SEVEN DAYS!

- SIX, REALLY.
- AND 20 MINUTES

IS ENOUGH TIME TO FILL
THE WATERS WITH FISHES

AND MAKE THIS BREATH
SINNER SCREAM.

OR MY NAME ISN'T
DR. JACOB Q. BERNSTEIN.

I'M GLAD I FOUND
YOU, LARS.

DANIEL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.

I HAVE TO HAVE A BRIEF
CHAT WITH THIS GUEST.

SORRY I'M A BIT
TARDY, JACK.

BUT I THINK I'M ONLY
20 MINUTES LATE.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, LARS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

TWENTY MINUTES IS
NOTHING, NOTHING. COME.

WOW!

GOODY GOODY.
RORSCHACH TEST.

DO I GET TO LOOK AT
PICTURES OF VAGINAS?

TELL ME THE FIRST THING
THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND.

SEX.

FIRST YOU HAVE TO
LOOK AT THE INKBLOT.

IT WON'T CHANGE.
IT'LL STILL BE SEX.

LOOK, I AM TRYING
TO HELP YOU.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TRY TO BE GOOD.

THANK YOU.

WELL?

WHICH PART OF THE PICTURE
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO X-RAY?

DO YOU THINK
THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE?

OBSERVING THE PROJECTION OF
MY PERSONALITY ONTO THE PICTURE

IS THE POINT OF
THE TEST, IS IT NOT?

YES, THAT'S CORRECT.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE BEEN DOING
SOME READING ABOUT THE SUBJECT.

WELL, THEN, ARE YOU
INTERESTED IN THE ANAL PART

OF MY PERSONALITY,

WHICH DEALS WITH ONE
PORTION OF THE INKBLOT?

PERHAPS I SHOULD FOCUS ON
THE TERRIFYING SAVAGE FORMS

ON THE LOWER HALF.

THAT TELLS US IF
I'M ALIENATED.

JUST TELL ME WHAT THE WHOLE PICTURE
SAYS TO YOU, WOULD YOU PLEASE?

IT'S A PORCUPINE.

OH! AT LAST,
SOME COOPERATION.

AND WHAT IS
THE PORCUPINE DOING?

IT'S PLAYING WITH
ITS VAGINA.

WHAT A LAME EXCUSE TO
INVITE HIM OVER SO SOON.

I WOULD BE DELIGHTED,
MY DEAR.

I LOOK FORWARD TO DINING
WITH YOU THIS EVENING AT 9:00.

SOUNDS SO FORMAL
AND OLD-FASHIONED.

WHAT AN ASS I AM.

I JUST WANNA THANK YOU FOR
THE WONDERFUL LUNCH YESTERDAY.

GOD! IT COULDN'T HAVE SOUNDED
MORE LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH.

HE MUST THINK
I'M AN OVERGROWN TEENAGER.

MUST BE SOME SORT OF
CHARITY CASE FOR ZOE.

AN ACADEMIC ODDITY.

PERFECT FOR RIDICULE.

I'M SUCH A FOOL
TO BE INFATUATED.

COME IN.

OOH LA LA!

WHO MIGHT THIS BE?

I DON'T KNOW, PROFESSOR.
I THINK I MIGHT PREFER YOU

IN YOUR COMFORTABLE
TEACHING DUDS

THAN THIS STYLISH
TAILORED SUIT.

I'D GLADLY WEAR ANYTHING
THAT PLEASES YOU, DEAR ZOE.

THIS BOTTLE IS FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

I'VE BEEN SAVING THAT WINE
FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

IT'S FROM A VINEYARD
ON SANTORINI ISLAND

IN THE AEGEAN SEA
JUST NORTH OF CRETE.

BUT THE ISLAND'S
ANCIENT NAME, CALISTA,

SUITS YOU BETTER.

AND WHY IS THAT,
PROFESSOR?

PLEASE, CALL ME BARRY.

BECAUSE CALISTA MEANS
"THE FAIREST ONE."

OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET...
BARRY.

BUT I PROMISED TO SHOW YOU
HOW TO USE

YOUR FATHER'S TELESCOPE.

THIS IS A GALAXY
16-INCH RCX 400

WITH A GLOBAL
POSITIONING SYSTEM.

AT NIGHT, YOU CAN SEE
THE RINGS OF SATURN.

DURING THE DAY,
DAZZLING SUNSPOTS.

IT HAS A PRECISION
FRONT CORRECTOR LENS.

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.

THAT'S THE M.I.T. NERD
IN ME, ZOE.

PAY NO ATTENTION.

WITH A LENS LIKE THIS,

THERE'S VIRTUALLY
NO DISTORTION IN THE OPTICS.

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU DON'T KNOW, BARRY?

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, ZOE,

I REALIZE I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING AT ALL.

DANDY DAN!

MAYBE I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE.

WE HAVE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

- HEY, DANDY DAN.
- WHOA!

- HELLO.
- I LIKE YOUR JACKET.

BETTER AND BETTER.
THANK YOU.

I THINK I LIKE
YOUR JACKET BETTER OFF.

OKAY. SOME PARTY.

I THINK I'D LIKE
THIS BETTER OFF, TOO.

I THINK YOU
DESERVE A DRINK.

- NO.
- COME ON.

NO. NO!
I DON'T WANT IT.

CHARLOTTE, LAURA.
WHAT A SURPRISE.

- COME ON, JUST...
- NO.

- JUST A LITTLE SIP.
- NO!!

CATCH A RIDE HOME, CHARLIE.

DID I THANK YOU FOR
SAVING MY LIFE, BY THE WAY?

YOUR DAD SAYS THE LITTLE BITTY
RED ONES CAN BE FATAL WITH ALCOHOL.

IT'S GOOD MATERIAL
FOR MY NOVEL,

EVEN IF IT COST ME
MY FAVORITE BLOUSE.

AND NOW, I FEAR,
YOUR BRA AND UNDIES.

THANK YOU, DR. BERNSTEIN, FOR
SHOWING ME HOW DANNY IS DOING.

HE'S MAKING MUCH BETTER PROGRESS
THAN I'D HOPED FOR, MR. TOPLER.

WOW! I SEE WHAT
YOU MEAN, DOCTOR.

IS THAT PART OF
THE TREATMENT?

NO, THAT'S NOT
PART OF THE TREATMENT.

THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE
DANIEL AGAIN EVER.

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

- LAURA.
- DAN.

- I'M SORRY.
- I'M SORRY.

WHAT IF DADDY
SENDS YOU TO PRISON?

IT WOULDN'T BE
PROFESSIONAL OF HIM

TO TAKE HIS FEELINGS OUT
ON ME.

AM I EVER GONNA
SEE YOU AGAIN?

TONIGHT, LOVER.

I'M WRITING MY OWN STORY
FOR A CHANGE.

BUT TURN YOUR ALARM ON
THIS TIME, DUMMY.

WHOO-HOO!

SO HOW DO YOU KNOW
THE DANDY MAN?

THE DANDY MAN?

THE STUD YOU STOLE
FROM ME AT BRUCE'S.

DAN TOPLER. THAT'S THE
GUY YOU'VE BEEN STALKING?

DANNY'S ALL YOURS, LAURA. I
HAVE OTHER FISH TO FRY JUST NOW.

WHAT HAPPENED, CHARLIE?

DAN'S NOT UP TO YOUR
LEVEL OF COMPETITION?

- FOR NOW.
- FOR NOW?

MMM. I MIGHT NOT BE
THROUGH WITH HIM JUST YET.

AND YOU? ARE YOU STILL
A CHASTE ALBEIT SMUTTY WRITER

AFTER YOU DRAGGED
THE DANDY MAN FROM ME?

- NO.
- OOH, START TO SHOVEL. I AM ALL EARS FOR THE DIRT.

IT'S KIND OF
EMBARRASSING.

YOU KNOW DAN
AS WELL AS I DO.

EMBARRASSING SOUNDS STRANGE
COMING FROM A NICE JEWISH GIRL

WHO STRIPS IN FRONT OF DRUGGIES
AND DRAGS A HALF-NAKED MAN

OUT THE DOOR.

WE WENT TO HIS... PLACE.

YES, GO ON.
DID HE FUCK YOU?

- CHARLIE, HOW CAN YOU TALK LIKE THAT?
- OH, COME ON!

YOU USE MY EVERY WORD
IN YOUR NOVELS.

FROM NOW ON, I AM WRITING
STORIES WITH MATERIAL

FROM MY OWN LIFE,
NOT YOURS ANYMORE.

BRUCE CALLED AND INVITED ME TO KEEP
COMING TO AS MANY PARTIES AS I LIKE.

I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, LAURA.

THAT CROWD'S INTO HARD
DRUGS, NOT JUST DRINKING.

- YOU PARTY WITH 'EM.
- BUT I CAN PROTECT MYSELF.

BRUCE INVITES LOWLIFES
FOR ATMOSPHERE.

IT AMUSES HIM TO HAVE
GUYS LIKE PIROT AROUND,

BUT THEY CAN
BE DANGEROUS.

DAN'S JUST A HARMLESS
PREPPY BY COMPARISON.

AND WHAT MAKES YOU
SUCH AN EXPERT ON DANNY?

I'M NOT AN EXPERT
ON HIM, LAURA.

YOU'RE JEALOUS,

BECAUSE HE WANTS ME
AND NOT YOU.

NOW HE'S
THE INVINCIBLE ONE.

NO MAN IS INVINCIBLE.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU
WERE CHARLOTTE'S LOVER, DAN.

LAURA.

MAYBE I SHOULD SEE
IF SHE'S OKAY.

THAT PSYCHO'S BEEN
CHASING HER.

YOU'RE A PATIENT
HERE, REMEMBER, DAN?

THIS ISN'T THE TEMPLE
MEETINGS WHERE MY FATHER

LETS YOU PRETEND TO BE
A MEDICAL STUDENT.

THEY HAVE PSYCHIATRISTS, REAL
PSYCHIATRISTS, WHO CAN HELP HER.

STOP FOLLOWING ME.

WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS.
FOR ME, IT HAS TO BE NOW.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK,
DREAMBOAT.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT IT? I'M A DOCTOR.

NO, LARS,
SHE WOULDN'T.

WOULD YOU TWO OLD GUYS
JUST BEAT IT?

OLD GUYS?

YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
ON THE OUTSIDE OF THIS ZOO

LOOKIN' IN A GLASS WINDOW,
ARE YOU, MY BOY?

YOU BETTER DROP
THAT DOCTOR CRAP, LARS.

THEY'LL PUT YOU IN
A REAL JAIL.

I'M A REAL DOCTOR,
YOUNG MAN.

I TOLD YOU.

A PSYCHOANALYST.

SUCH HORSESHIT.

A DAZED, DIRECTIONLESS
DRUG ADDICT,

WHO'S NEVER DONE
A LICK OF WORK,

KNOWS WHAT'S REAL?

BUT, YOU KNOW, MANY
PSYCHIATRISTS CHOOSE THEIR CAREERS

TO SOLVE
THEIR OWN PROBLEMS.

JACK BERNSTEIN OFTEN ASKS
MY ADVICE ABOUT CASES.

GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF

BEFORE YOU CRITICIZE ME,
YOU JUNKIE.

AT LEAST I'M A HAS-BEEN,

NOT A NEVER-WERE
LIKE YOU... DANDY MAN.

ISN'T THAT
WHAT THEY CALL YOU?

HELEN, THAT FRUITCAKE LARS
CLAIMS HE'S A REAL SHRINK.

FORMER CHIEF PSYCHIATRIST
AT BELLEVUE.

REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?

ONE DAY, HE WAS PICKED UP
STANDING IN BLOOMINGDALE'S WINDOW.

OH!

OH, NO.

- HI.
- HEY.

THESE ARE PICTURES
OF MY EX-WIFE MILDRED.

WHY SO MANY?

I SET FIRE TO ONE EACH
NIGHT, MAY SHE REST IN PEACE.

WHEN DID SHE DIE?

I'M STILL WAITING.

WELL, ON THAT NOTE,

SUPPOSE WE DISCUSS
DEPRESSION TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

I GOT LAID OFF MY
FIRST JOB AT A COLLEGE.

I COULDN'T FIND
WORK FOR MONTHS.

I FELT LIKE
A FAILURE.

MY CONSULTING WITH
LIVE FREE OR DIE

CERTAINLY HELPED ME
OVERCOME THE FEAR I HAD

FOR MY UPCOMING SURGERY.

WHO'S GONNA LEAD
THE DISCUSSIONS DURING...

WHILE YOU'RE
RECUPERATING, JACK?

DAN HAS VOLUNTEERED, IF IT'S
ALL RIGHT WITH YOU FELLAS.

- WHAT?
- I THINK THAT'S GREAT, DAN.

WE COULD USE SOME YOUNG
BLOOD IN THESE MEETINGS.

THANKS FOR THE TOTALLY UNDESERVED
VOTE OF CONFIDENCE, MEN.

SINCE MY OPERATION'S
COMING UP PRETTY SOON,

WHY DON'T YOU
START TONIGHT, HUH?

UH...

DEPRESSION...

UH, CAN HIT ANYONE
AS WE GROW OLDER.

OKAY, OKAY. I'M NOT
AS OLD AS YOU ARE.

NOT BY HALF.

YEAH, WE'RE NOT YOUNG
AND HEALTHY ANYMORE.

WELL, YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

EVEN AT MY AGE...

LIFE'S NOT EASY.

I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF
TO GET OUT OF BED.

YA KNOW? NOT GET
DRAGGED DOWN

BY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.

FIGURE OUT...

WHY I SHOULD LIVE
EACH DAY.

I HAD DEPRESSION!

WELL, THANK YOU
FOR SHARING THAT, SAM.

IS THAT OPERATION
ON YOUR LEG GETTIN' YOU DOWN?

I CAN'T WALK ANYWHERE
WITHOUT THIS ANYMORE.

I'M BORED.
BORED TO DEATH.

DO YOU SEE
YOUR GRANDCHILDREN?

I WISH I HAD
GRANDCHILDREN.

I'M JUST A LONELY
BACHELOR NOW.

WHY LONELY? I BET
THERE'S PLENTY OF WOMEN

WHO'D LIKE TO SHARE
YOUR COMPANY.

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
I DO SEE WOMEN LOOKIN' AT ME.

YEAH. THEY WONDER WHAT'S
KEEPING YOU FROM FALLING DOWN.

YOU PUTZ.

I SAW YOU READING.

BEEN TRYING TO RAISE FUNDS FOR A
NEW LIBRARY FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW.

THAT'S TOO BAD. A LIBRARY
WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE

FOR YOU TO MEET A WOMAN.

IT'S A LITTLE SILLY,
DON'T YOU THINK,

FOR ME TO START
DATING AGAIN?

YOU KNOW, MORTY,

I KNOW A VERY ATTRACTIVE
SINGLE WOMAN,

THE ATHLETIC DIRECTOR
AT LIVE FREE OR DIE,

LOOKIN' FOR
A MAN LIKE YOU.

- ATHLETIC, HUH?
- OH, YEAH.

I COULD INTRODUCE YOU.

INTRODUCE ME,
FOR CHRIST SAKE?

FOR 40 YEARS, I'VE BEEN
MAKING INTROS FOR OTHERS

AS A CONSULTANT.

IF A BABE WANTS TO GLOM
A REAL MAN, I'M THE GUY.

OKAY, SUIT YOURSELF.
I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

WHENEVER.

SOME ROTTEN FRIEND
YOU ARE.

ROTTEN IS WHAT
I DO BEST, OLD CHUM.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM?

WELL, LET'S START WITH
ATTEMPTED MURDER

WHEN YOU TRIED TO
PLY ME WITH MARTINIS

IN THE CASTLE CHAMBER
UPSTAIRS LAST SATURDAY.

WHY WOULD I MURDER YOU
WHEN YOU'RE DOING

SUCH A BONNIE GOOD JOB
OF DOING IT YOURSELF?

YOU SET ME UP, BRUCE.

LAURA AND CHARLIE ARRIVING IN
THE ROOM AT THE EXACT MOMENT

I'M SET UP AS
AN OBJECT OF RIDICULE

FOR YOUR DRUGGIE
HANGERS-ON.

LAURA WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

NOT EVEN YOU, MY FRIEND,

CAN TELL ME WHOM I CAN
INVITE IN MY OWN HOME.

SO WHAT'S YOUR COMPLAINT?

I'M SURE YOU NAILED LAURA,
WHO, BY THE WAY,

LIES UPSTAIRS NEXT TO
THE CHIPSTER

WITH SEVERAL LINES
IN HER NOSTRILS.

- I WONDER IF HE'S DRILLED HER YET.
- I'LL BREAK HIM IN HALF.

DAN, DON'T DO
ANYTHING STUPID.

DANDY MAN.

HOW'S TRICKS?

DANDY MAN, YOU'RE A HELL OF A
LOT STRONGER THAN ONE MIGHT THINK.

WELL, CLARK KENT, I GUESS
THAT MAKES ME LOIS LANE, HUH?

GET DRESSED.

DO I GET TO SEE THE ICE
CASTLES LIKE IN SUPERMAN 3?

SUPERMAN 2.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE
AND PROVE YOU'RE A MAN OF STEEL.

WHEN DID YOU GIVE UP READING
THE NEW YORKER FOR HUSTLER?

PUT YOUR DRESS ON.

AH, SCREW YOU, DAN.

YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS
TIME IF YOU'RE SO DAMN HOT FOR ME?

LET'S ASK YOUR FATHER THESE
QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW, WHY DON'T WE?

SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY ABOUT
HIS DAUGHTER SNIFFING BLOW.

DON'T DO THAT.

MY FATHER'S TOO ILL. IT
WOULD KILL HIM. I'M GOING.

WE'RE GOING.

THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP?

MARKET RESEARCH
FOR THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL?

"THE ARMED AND DANGEROUS
POVERTY-STRICKEN BOY

"COULDN'T WAIT TO
RELIEVE HIS LUST.

"HE FORCED HER INTO
A NEARBY MOTEL

"WHERE HE RAVISHES
THE STUNNING BRALESS

AND NEARLY UNCONSCIOUS
AUTHOR."

WELL, I AM... OOH!

UNEMPLOYED, BUT I WOULDN'T EXACTLY
CALL MYSELF DESTITUTE, LAURA.

AND WHO WANTS
TO RAVISH WHO?

RAVISH WHOM?

AND GO GET YOUR OWN JOB
IF YOU CAN.

THIS IS NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW I'M CRAZY
ABOUT YOU, DON'T YOU, LAURA?

YOU ARE CRAZY. PERIOD.

BUT NOT ONLY
IN A BAD WAY.

LET'S TALK.

IS TALK THE FOUR-LETTER
WORD YOU HAD IN MIND?

DR. BERNSTEIN WAS TAKEN
TO THE HOSPITAL.

HE'S IN SEVERE PAIN.

LET ME HAVE
MY CAR KEYS, HELEN.

DR. HEINE HAS 'EM, HONEY.

PLEASE ENTER.

A VERY GOOD AFTERNOON
TO YOU, DR. HEINE.

I'M DANIEL TOPLER...

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

OKAY. BEFORE YOU LEAVE
FOR THE WEEKEND,

I THOUGHT I WOULD COME IN
AND GET ACQUAINTED.

LET YOU KNOW ABOUT
THE ROUTINE

THAT DR. BERNSTEIN
AND I HAVE.

I WAS SAD TO HEAR
OF HIS ILLNESS.

PROBABLY WON'T
MAKE IT, I IMAGINE.

- YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE...
- YES.

WELL, I WOULD LIKE
TO PAY HIM A VISIT.

WHILE I'M HERE, I WOULD
LIKE TO GET THE KEYS TO MY CAR

OR MY MONEY IN THE SAFE
FOR A CAB.

OUT OF THE QUESTION.

THANK YOU FOR
COMING, DANIEL.

WE WILL BE SEEING
A GREAT DEAL OF EACH OTHER,

BUT YOU MUST
LEAVE NOW.

AUF WIEDERSEHEN.

I DON'T THINK
THIS MEN'S GROUP YOU ATTEND

CAN HELP YOU.

SO YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
THE KEYS FOR THAT, EITHER.

HAVE A PLEASANT WEEKEND.

THAT SCARFY THING.

MY, OH, MY.

LOOK WHAT BIRD
THE CAT DRAGGED IN

FROM THE LOONEY BIN
NEXT DOOR.

STILL FEELING HUFFY, DANDY MAN, OR
ARE YOU JUST COMING TO THE BASH EARLY?

- LOOK, BRUCIE...
- SO IT'S BRUCIE AGAIN, IS IT?

YOU GONNA THROW ME
OUT THE WINDOW, TOO?

ANY MORE OF THOSE
SHENANIGANS, OLD MAN,

AND I'LL BE FORCED TO CROSS
YOU OFF MY INVITATION LIST.

I'M SORRY FOR
THE OTHER NIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENS TO ME
IS MY FAULT, NOT YOURS.

EXACTAMENT, MON AMI.

MY APOLOGIES
TO THE CHIPSTER.

POOR GUY COULDN'T FORCE
A LIFE-SIZE PLASTIC DOLL

- TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.
- HE'S TRIED, I ASSURE YOU.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT.

WE'VE KNOWN
EACH OTHER FOREVER.

SO... YOU'RE HERE TO
CAROUSE NICELY THIS TIME?

BRUCIE, DO YOU EVER PARTAKE OF THE
PIXIE DUST THAT YOU SERVE AT THE PARTIES?

ME? NO, NEVER
TOUCH THE STUFF.

NEVER?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THE VERY
FIRST TIME THE FOUR OF US

EVER BOUGHT SNOW TOGETHER
ON CHRISTMAS VACATION?

- WE ALL GOT RIPPED.
- HOW COULD I NOT REMEMBER?

YOU GOT SO STONED THAT WE HAD TO
CARRY YOU TO THE PARKING GARAGE.

MM-HMM.

YOU BEGGED US
NOT TO TELL ANYONE,

OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT NOT GET THE
AWARD FOR HEAD STUDENT AGAIN.

YOU WERE THE SCHOOL STAR.

IT WAS FUNNY TO SEE YOU
SO SPACED OUT.

BUT YOU TOOK SOME, TOO.

WE ALL DID.

NO, DANDY MAN.
ONLY YOU.

RONNIE, CHIPSTER AND I
ALL FAKED IT.

WE WERE TOO SCARED
TO TRY THE STUFF.

NONE OF THE FOUR OF US HAVE EVER
DUSTED OUR NOSES WITH COKE BUT YOU, PAL.

I DO NEED A FAVOR.

BUT FIRST...

I WILL GIVE HIM
THE FAVOR.

THAT WON'T BE
NECESSARY, PIROT.

WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT FOR?

THE DRUGS I'VE TAKEN
HAVE ALWAYS COME FROM YOU.

YOU COULD'VE BEEN
A BETTER FRIEND... BRUCIE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS THE
BRILLIANT ONE IN SCHOOL, DAN.

EVERYTHING ALWAYS CAME
SO EASILY TO YOU.

AND I NEVER THOUGHT IT,
I SWEAR,

BUT MAYBE IT WAS
TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.

IS THAT SLUG TO MY CHIN
THE ONLY FAVOR YOU WANTED?

NO.

I NEED YOUR CAR.

AND SOME MONEY.

PIROT, INVITE THOSE TWINS
AGAIN FROM AMSTERDAM.

THEY WERE A BIG HIT.

WE HAVE UNFINISHED
BUSINESS, DANNY.

COME TO
150 CENTRAL PARK SOUTH.

CHARLOTTE'S
WAITING FOR YOU. COME NOW.

YES. COME NOW.

SO DAN THINKS
HE'S INVINCIBLE, DOES HE?

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
WE WERE GOING BOWLING, CHARLIE.

I WOULD'VE BROUGHT
MY OWN BALL.

NO MAN IS INVINCIBLE.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
LET'S DO LUNCH.

JUST VISITING.

BARRY'S NEXT.

DAN, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M WORRIED.

HELEN SAID YOU LEFT
L.F.O.D. HOURS AGO.

I'M JUST STUCK IN
HEAVY TRAFFIC, LAURA,

BUT I'LL BE AT
THE HOSPITAL SOON.

BARRY, OPEN UP
THE DOOR NOW.

ZOE?

A PLEASANT SURPRISE,
EVEN AT THIS LATE HOUR.

YOU ARE GETTING LAID.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, ZOE?

YOU SEEM DISTRESSED.

NO. I SAID GET IN
THE BEDROOM NOW.

YOU ARE GOING
TO BED ALONE.

DO NOT COME OUT
UNTIL THE MORNING.

I NEED SOME REST.

WOMEN.

IT WAS
SO SHITTY OF ME.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, LAURA.

THAT WAS CHARLIE, HUH?

DID I EVER TELL YOU THE ONE
ABOUT THE TRAVELING SALESMAN

WITH THE BROKEN-DOWN CAR WHO
KNOCKS ON THE FARMHOUSE DOOR?

JUST LEAVE.

THE DOOR OPENS,
AND THE SALESMAN SAYS,

I SELL INSURANCE,
AND I NEED TO

- SLEEP HERE TONIGHT.
- GET OUT.

SECURITY? YES, THERE IS
A DANGEROUS INTRUDER

- IN MY FATHER'S ROOM.
- SO THE FARMER SAYS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SLEEP WITH MY
DAUGHTER, OR WITH MY MAGIC PIG?

PLEASE ARREST THIS LUNATIC. HE
FORCED HIS WAY IN MY FATHER'S ROOM.

WELL, THAT DEPENDS,
SAYS THE SALESMAN.

WHICH ONE CAN SIGN
THE PREMIUM CHECKS?

LAURA, I'D RATHER SLEEP WITH
THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER

THAN WITH HER SORCERESS
FRIEND. JUST SIGN THE CHECK!

YOU KNOW, YOU ONLY GOT
YOURSELF TO BLAME,

BECAUSE I'M NOT
LEAVING HERE... EVER.

SUIT YOURSELF, ZOE DEAR.

YOU'LL BE COMMITTING YOURSELF
TO A BORING PROFESSOR'S LIFE

OF LECTURES ON
DEAD GREEK POETS,

TRIPS TO MOUNTAIN
OBSERVATORIES,

AND SEASON TICKETS
TO THE YANKEES.

AHA! THAT'S IT!

YOU'RE A GONER NOW
FOR SURE.

THIS IS YOUR LAST
CHANCE TO BOLT, PROFESSOR.

I'M GONNA CALL THOMAS AND
HAVE HIM BRING MY THINGS OVER.

ASK HIM TO PLEASE
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT TELESCOPE.

WHAT ELSE CAN THAT WITCH
CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON WANT FROM ME?

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET TO
KEEP YOUR JOCKEY SHORTS, AFTER ALL.

I HIRED YOU AS
A LEGAL SHARK.

YOU TURNED OUT
TO BE A MINNOW!

AL! AL, YOU OKAY?

MY PITY PITCH
HAS NEVER FAILED ME.

WATCH AND LEARN.

ALBERT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HARRIET, DARLING,
IS THAT YOU?

I CAN'T SEE.

OH, IT IS YOU.

HARRIET. HARRIET,
ALWAYS REMEMBER

THAT I LOVED YOU,

AND IN HEAVEN,
I WILL FORGIVE YOU.

- FORGIVE ME?
- YES.

YES, FORGIVE YOU, BUT
NOT YOUR SHYSTER LAWYER.

CALL AN AMBULANCE.

I DON'T THINK THAT
WILL BE NECESSARY, ALBERT.

I THINK A LITTLE
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION

- WILL DO THE TRICK. - YES,
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH. MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

GO AHEAD AND
SAVE YOUR FRIEND.

HUH?

- WHO ME?
- YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.

ALL RIGHT,
TAKE MY JOCKEYS.

HA HA. KEEP THEM ON.

I HAVE CHANGED MY DIVORCE
PRACTICE TO MEDIATION.

I WANNA TRY TO BRING
THE TWO OF YOU CLOSER AGAIN,

AS A COUPLE.

I NEVER WANTED
A DIVORCE,

OR THE MONEY.

BUT YOU NEEDED
A LESSON FOR HURTING ME.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I NEVER LOVED
ANYONE BUT YOU, HONEYBUNCH.

I PROMISE, I'LL NEVER
LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN.

FOR ME NOW, A WOMAN
IS JUST LIKE A MAN...

A MAN WHO'S HAD A TRAGIC
BOATING ACCIDENT.

- LAURA?
- SHE'S ON HER WAY TO L.F.O.D.

I'M SO SORRY, DAN.

I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS
CAN GET BACK TOGETHER.

UH, THANKS, CHARLIE.

I TOLD YOU
NOT TO TALK TO ME.

THEN WHY ARE YOU STANDING
AROUND WAITING FOR ME?

I WAS BEHIND THE TREE
WATCHING YOU.

GO FOR IT!

CHARLOTTE TAUGHT ME
HOW TO DO THAT.

OW. WELL, THANK HER
FOR ME, WOULD YA?

ALSO, KISS HER
LIKE THIS.

TELL HER WE'RE
ALL EVEN NOW.

WORLD WAR III IS OVER.

THIS DOESN'T CHANGE
ANYTHING BETWEEN US, DANNY.

YOU'RE STILL
A SELF-CENTERED,

UNFOCUSED, UNEMPLOYED
DRUGGIE.

AND THOSE ARE
MY GOOD POINTS.

COUPLES HAVE PROBLEMS,
BUT THEY WORK THEM OUT.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

EVERYTHING IS JUST
FUN AND GAMES WITH YOU.

AND I STILL CAN'T
DISOBEY MY FATHER'S WISHES

ABOUT OUR SEEING
EACH OTHER.

WE'RE THROUGH.

AFTER TONIGHT.

YES!

I NEED A LIFT TO
THE MEN'S GROUP TONIGHT.

MAYBE AN INTRO TO
THAT ATHLETIC DAME FROM TOPLER

WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SUCH A BAD IDEA.

MAY I HELP YOU?
- HUH?

YEAH, SURE.

YEAH, I'M LOOKING FOR
A DANIEL, UH...

UH...

OH, YES.

YOU MUST MEAN
DANIEL TOPLER.

YEAH, THAT'S HIM.

SAD CASE.

I'M HIS PHYSICIAN HERE.

OH, YEAH?

I HOPE I'M NOT
SPEAKING OUT OF TURN.

ARE YOU A RELATIVE?

NO, JUST
AN ACQUAINTANCE KINDA.

WE'RE IN THE SAME
MEN'S CLUB.

I SEE, I SEE.

THEN PERHAPS YOU DON'T
NEED TO KNOW THE DETAILS

OF HIS HOMICIDAL
TENDENCIES.

ARE YOU SAYING
HE WANTS TO KILL PEOPLE?

SIR, PLEASE,
DON'T BE CONCERNED.

TO OUR KNOWLEDGE,
HE'S NEVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL.

ALTHOUGH,
WE CAN'T BE SURE.

I HAVE TO WATCH
MY WORDS.

A LITIGATION PRECAUTION.

OF COURSE, OF COURSE. MAYBE
I DON'T NEED TO SEE HIM TODAY.

I CAN SEE
I'VE ALARMED YOU,

MISTER...

MAVIS. MORTY MAVIS.
MORTY MAVIS.

AH, MORTY.
MAY I CALL YOU THAT?

YES, PLEASE.

LISTEN, MORTY,
WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN?

WELL, I DON'T HAVE
TOO MUCH TIME.

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK
CONFIDENTIALLY WITH YOU,

IF I MAY, MORTY.

WHY ARE YOU
REALLY HERE?

LOOK AT YOUR
ELEGANT CLOTHES,

AND YOUR OILY HAIR
CAREFULLY COMBED.

I CAN SMELL A FRESHLY
APPLIED AFTERSHAVE LOTION.

YOU'RE HERE TO CHASE
SOME WOMAN, AREN'T YOU?

YOU REPROBATE.

IT CAN'T BE ONE OF
THE PUTRESCENT SCAGS

INCARCERATED
IN THIS HELL HOLE,

SO MUST BE
SOME STAFF MEMBER?

NOW LET ME THINK

WHO THE LUCKY LADY
MIGHT BE.

THAT'S ALL TRUE, YA KNOW,

BUT I ALSO, I'M LOOKING
FOR DANIEL TOPLER.

WHY AM I HERE?

CAN IT BE THAT
WE'RE ALL HERE

JUST TO WATCH TV,
PLAY SHUFFLEBOARD,

AND EAT THE CRAP THEY
SERVE IN THIS BOOBY HATCH?

I'M NOT SURE
I FOLLOW YOU, DOCTOR.

YOU DO KNOW
LIVE FREE OR DIE

IS A REHABILITATION
CLINIC?

I HAVE HEARD SOMETHING
TO THAT EFFECT.

THE STAFF HAS TO
SUGARCOAT IT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- THIS IS A NUT HOUSE.

OH.

AND THAT DANIEL TOPLER,

OH, LORD! HE'S THE BIGGEST
NUT HERE.

IS THAT THE KIND
OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE,

MORTON MAVIS?

YOU KNOW, I REALLY
HAVE TO BE GOING.

JUST STAY
WHERE YOU ARE,

MR. LOONEY TUNES FRIEND
OF DANIEL TOPLER'S.

SEE? SEE WHAT I MEAN,
JEHOVAH?

THE PERNICIOUS
TOPLER CONSPIRATOR,

LIKE THIS PATHETIC
SINNER,

ARE OFF THEIR ROCKERS!

AND HERE AM I,
DR. JACOB Q. BERNSTEIN...

BY COINCIDENCE,
I HAPPEN TO KNOW

A DR. JACOB Q. BERNSTEIN.

WILL YOU PLEASE
SHUT YOUR YAP?!

I'M THE SENIOR
NUTCRACKER HERE,

AND I HAVE TO PUT UP
WITH INSANE PATIENTS,

AND THEIR WACKO
VISITORS, TOO.

OY!

SO ALBERT WENT BACK
TO HIS WIFE.

THAT LITTLE FAT RAT.

- MAY I HELP YOU, SIR?
- WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY?

OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE
SUCKING ON THE GIANT BINKY?

YEAH, THAT MAMZER.

IT'S LARS.

HE'S A GUEST HERE.
HE'S HARMLESS.

HARMLESS.

UH, I'M LOOKING FOR
DANIEL TOPLER.

HE TOLD ME I COULD
GET TENNIS LESSONS

FROM THE ATHLETIC
CHEERLEADER HERE.

KIM NOVAK LOOKALIKE.

SOMEONE WHO MIGHT
POSSIBLY LOOK LIKE YOU,

- MISSUS, UH...
- MISS BUSHKIN.

I'M SURE DANNY
WAS TALKING ABOUT ME.

I AM THE ATHLETIC DIRECTOR
HERE AT LIVE FREE OR DIE.

I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT I
RESEMBLE THE STAR OF VERTIGO,

BUT IT WAS
SO MANY YEARS AGO.

HOW LONG AGO
COULD THAT HAVE BEEN?

I MEAN, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
JUST GOT OUT OF GRADE SCHOOL.

WOULD YOUR WIFE
LIKE LESSONS, TOO?

WELL, SADLY,
MY WIFE AND I

HAVE BEEN DIVORCED
MANY YEARS,

AND, UH, I LIVE ALONE
IN A MANSION

WITH A GIANT, SUB-ZERO FRIDGE
WITH ICEMAKER, I MIGHT ADD.

OLYMPIC-SIZED
SWIMMING POOL.

GRASS TENNIS COURTS.

GRASS, HUH?

THAT MUST BE VERY
EXPENSIVE, YOU POOR MAN.

SO WHEN WOULD YOU
LIKE YOUR LESSONS?

I'M ONLY FREE NIGHTS
AND WEEKENDS.

HOW ABOUT THIS WEEKEND?

I'LL GO AHEAD
AND CALL DAN.

- I DON'T KNOW...
- DAN TOPLER.

OOH, NO.
NO, DON'T BOTHER.

I DON'T NEED
THE KID NOW.

I FOUND WHAT I WANTED.

MEN, I HAVE TO
CONFESS SOMETHING.

I HOPE YOU'LL LET ME
CONTINUE TO COME.

I'M NOT A MEDICAL SCHOOL
STUDENT.

I'M A PATIENT OF JACK'S, AND TRYING
TO RECUPERATE AT A REHAB CLINIC.

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

YOU THINK JACK
WOULDN'T TELL HIS FRIENDS

THAT HE WAS BRINGING
SOME NUT CASE TO OUR MEETINGS?

YOU'RE DOING A GREAT
JOB AS OUR NEW LEADER.

FORGET ABOUT IT.

GREAT. UH, THAT'S IT
FOR TONIGHT, GUYS.

DR. BERNSTEIN'S DAUGHTER
IS PICKING ME UP

AND TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL
AS A FAVOR TO HER DAD.

BULLSHIT.

I KNOW JACK'S
DAUGHTER LAURA.

LAURA BERNSTEIN.
OF COURSE.

I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED
HER FROM THE FUNERAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT WAS GOIN' ON
IN THE CAR THE OTHER NIGHT?

YOU AND LAURA, YOU
COULD'VE CHARGED TICKETS.

WATCHED ALL THOSE FIREWORKS. SO
WHAT ELSE IS GOIN' ON IN YOUR LIFE?

COME ON,
COME CLEAN WITH US.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND.

MAYBE A LOT MORE.

YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER,
IS THAT IT?

WELL, WE WERE IN
THE MIDDLE OF THIS FIGHT,

AND THIS FANTASTIC WOMAN...
- YOU MEAN LAURA?

NO, ANOTHER WOMAN
NAMED CHARLOTTE.

PRACTICALLY A HYPNOTIST.

SHE'S A DIVORCE ATTORNEY
AND GOOD BUDDY OF LAURA'S,

SCREWED MY BRAINS OUT

FRIDAY NIGHT, KICKS ME OUT
OF HER CENTRAL PARK PENTHOUSE,

AND THEN,
SHE TELLS LAURA!

SO I'M IN DEEP DOO-DOO.

YOU'RE LAYIN' YOUR
GIRLFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND?

THEY'RE YOUNG.
GO FIGURE IT OUT.

WAS THIS LAST
FRIDAY NIGHT, DAN?

UH, YES.
WHY, BARRY?

NO REASON.

I'M JUST GETTING OLD,

AND SLOW TO REALIZE IT.

I'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT TO
THE TRAIN STATION, BARRY.

I THINK I'LL WALK.
THANK YOU, HARRY.

HELLO, LOVE.

HOW'S THE ANCIENT ORDER
OF GRUMPY MEN?

I AM NOT
A MODERN MAN, ZOE.

I TOLD YOU THAT
IN THE PARK.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I KNOW YOU'RE
AN OLD FUDDY-DUDDY.

THAT'S WHY
I LOVE YOU.

ONE OF THE MEN PRODDED A
PATIENT OF JACK BERNSTEIN'S

ABOUT HIS PRIVATE LIFE.

DANIEL TOPLER.
I THINK YOU KNOW HIM.

BARRY...

HE DIDN'T MENTION
HER LAST NAME,

BUT SHE WAS A DELIRIOUSLY
MAGICAL WOMAN NAMED CHARLOTTE.

A DIVORCE ATTORNEY WHO LIVED
OVERLOOKING CENTRAL PARK,

- DRAGGED HIM INTO HER BEDROOM...
- BARRY, PLEASE.

- IF I TOLD YOU WHAT...
- PLEASE DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYBODY BUT US.

WE'RE ALL THAT COUNTS. I'M
SELLING MY FATHER'S BUSINESS.

I'M CHANGING
MY LAW PRACTICE,

JUST TO BECOME A WOMAN
YOU CAN BE PROUD OF.

I'M NOT THE SAME
PERSON ANYMORE.

- I KNOW...
- PLEASE DON'T EXPLAIN.

YOU'RE A YOUNG
AND BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, ZOE.

IT'S NOT FOR ME
TO JUDGE.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE PART IN
THE LIFE YOU'RE ENMESHED IN.

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU'VE MEANT TO ME.

OH, COME ON, BARRY.
HEAR ME OUT, WON'T YOU?

NO. PLEASE.

EXTEND TO THOMAS MY MEA CULPA
FOR MOVING YOUR THINGS AGAIN.

THIS WAS MY FAULT, ZOE.

PUT HIM IN A STRAITJACKET.

I TOLD YOU NOT
TO LEAVE HERE.

YOU'RE GOING
STRAIGHT TO PRISON THIS TIME.

OKAY, GO!

HEAD FOR THE HOSPITAL, LAURA.
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

THE POLICE WILL BE
WAITING FOR YOU!

WELL, AT LEAST KNOWING YOU
HAS GOT ME PUBLISHED.

THE NEW YORKER BOUGHT MY STORY
ABOUT A RICH COKE HEAD.

THEY THINK IT'S FICTION.

CONGRATULATIONS, LOVER.

I KNEW MY SELF-ABUSE
WOULD DO SOMEONE GOOD.

DOES HE WIN THE GIRL
IN THE END?

NO. HE'S A COMPLETE
LOSER.

IT'S CALLED "A SNOWBALL'S
CHANCE IN HELL."

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CHANGE THE TITLE

WHEN I TELL YOUR FATHER
THAT I INTEND TO MARRY YOU.

IN A PIG'S EYE.

I WOULDN'T MARRY YOU
IN A MILLION YEARS.

YOU'RE A SELFISH,
SUICIDAL, NE'ER-DO-WELL ADDICT

- WITHOUT A JOB.
- FLATTERER.

YOU MIGHT BE SOME RICH KID,

BUT YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

AND TAKE YOUR HAND

OFF MY BREAST.
WE COULD CRASH.

OH, IT'S STUCK.

YOU LOVE ME.

DON'T DO THIS.

MY FATHER'S TOO ILL
FOR YOU TO UPSET HIM.

WHAT IF I ASK
HIS PERMISSION?

YOUR CHANCES ARE ZILCH THAT
MY FATHER WOULD SAY YES TO YOU.

AND IF HE DOES?

OKAY, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL.

THEN MY ANSWER IS YES.

FAT CHANCE YOU HAVE.

BEN, THANK GOD
YOU'RE HERE.

DON'T LET ANY POLICEMEN
INTO THIS ROOM.

I AM A POLICEMAN. YOU KNOW
WE HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO

THAN CHASE YOUR BEHIND
ALL OVER THIS ISLAND.

JUST GIVE ME
FIVE MINUTES, BEN.

THEN I'LL GO PEACEFULLY.

GO AHEAD.

- DADDY.
- HMM.

OH, HELLO, SWEETHEART.

- DANNY, HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD.

HOW ARE THE TEMPLE
MEETINGS GOING?

GREAT. DR. BERNSTEIN, I'VE COME TO
ASK YOU FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND.

DON'T SAY YES. TELL HIM HOW
SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE HE IS.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE DONE A MARVELOUS
JOB WITH THE MEN'S GROUP.

YOU EVEN GOT
A GIRLFRIEND FOR MORTY.

HE'S A DRUGGIE.

SINCE THE FIRST NIGHT,
HE'S BEEN FREE.

HASN'T BEEN A TRACE OF SUBSTANCE
IN HIS URINE OR IN HIS BLOOD.

HE'S AN IDLER.
NO JOB AND NO PROSPECTS.

NOT EXACTLY SO.

DID YOU ACCEPT THAT SLOT
AT THE OLD MEDICAL SCHOOL?

HEY.

THE HEAD OF THE ADMISSIONS
BOARD IS AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

- HE TOLD ME ABOUT IT.
- TIME'S UP. GOTTA GO. NOW.

THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY,
OFFICER. THANK YOU.

LAURA, WILL YOU GET ME THAT BLUE
DOCUMENT BACK THERE, AND A PEN?

THANK YOU.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE NO LONGER UNDER
THE COURT'S JURISDICTION.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
THIS DAY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

CAN I EVER GET A STEP
AHEAD OF YOU, DR. BERNSTEIN?

YOU WILL WHEN
NECESSARY, MY BOY.

AS RABBI MYERS SAID,
MY LIFE IS BLESSED.

I NEVER NEEDED ANYTHING
UNTIL I HAD IT.

ACTUALLY, RABBI McCALL
SAID THAT.

DURING COFFEE BREAKS
AT THE MEETINGS,

I'VE BEEN READING THE
MEDITATIONS IN THE PRAYER BOOK.

WELL, LAURA, DO YOU HAVE
ANY OTHER OBJECTIONS

ABOUT MARRYING
THIS FINE YOUNG MAN?

NO, I DON'T.

I NEVER NEEDED DAN
UNTIL NOW THAT I HAVE HIM.

THE CONSTRUCTION ON
THE PARTHENON

YOU SEE BEHIND ME
BEGAN IN 347 B.C.

447.

UH, YES.
QUITE RIGHT.

447 B.C.

HISTORIANS CONSIDER
THE EDIFICE

AT THE PEAK OF CLASSICAL
IONIC ARCHITECTURE.

DORIC.

YES, YES, OF COURSE.
DORIC ARCHITECTURE.

PERHAPS I SHOULD
LOOK AT MY NOTES.

THE WEST END RELIEF
SHOWS THE COMBAT BETWEEN

THE AMAZONS
AND THE ATHENIANS,

AND THAT'S WHY
IT'S MY FAVORITE.

BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF
YOUR PROFESSOR BARRY BLACKMON.

ZOE, I...
- PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT. I'M NOT FINISHED.

THE BASE OF THE PARTHENON
IS 69.5 METERS

BY 30.9 METERS.

I'D FORGOTTEN. IT'S SO
GOOD OF YOU TO ARRANGE FOR

THE TEMPLE LIBRARY
DONATION. I HEARD.

THE INTERNAL COLONNADES
WERE CONSTRUCTED IN TWO TIERS

TO SUPPORT THE ROOF.

- I WAS A FOOL TO LEAVE YOU.
- YES, YOU WERE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT MY FATHER MARRIED
MY MOTHER NEXT TO THOSE COLONNADES?

I WAS THERE THEN.

GANYMEDE LOOKED
SO PROUD AND HANDSOME,

AND HE MARRIED THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAD EVER SEEN,

UNTIL I MET
THEIR DAUGHTER.

I WAS THE BEST MAN.

YOU STILL ARE
THE BEST MAN.

WHO WILL BE YOURS
AT OUR WEDDING?

DO YOU,
DANIEL TOPLER,

BEFORE THIS ASSEMBLAGE,

- SWEAR TO TAKE THIS...
- CAN YOU MAKE THIS QUICK, YOUR HONOR?

THEIR PLANE TO BERMUDA
LEAVES IN AN HOUR.

DO YOU,
DANIEL TOPLER,

SWEAR TO TAKE THIS...

BEAUTIFUL, SEXY WOMAN

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?

I DO.

DO YOU,
LAURA BERNSTEIN,

BEFORE THIS AUGUST
ASSEMBLAGE,

SWEAR TO OBEY
THIS UNEMPLOYED MAN?

WHOA.

AND TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?

I DO.

THEN BY THE LAWS OF
THE STATE OF NEW YORK,

AND THE POWERS OF
GREAT JEHOVAH...

I DECLARE YOU

MAN AND WIFE.

♪ ONE, TWO, THREE,
GOOD LOVIN' ♪

- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'
- LARS!

♪ GOOD LOVIN'

♪ GOOD LOVIN'

NO! NO, NO, NO!

♪ I WAS FEELIN'
SO BAD ♪

♪ I ASKED MY FAMILY DOCTOR
JUST WHAT I HAD ♪

- ♪ I SAID, DOCTOR
- ♪ DOCTOR

- ♪ MR. M.D.
- ♪ DOCTOR

♪ CAN YOU TELL ME, YEAH,
WHAT'S AILIN' ME? ♪

♪ DOCTOR

♪ HE SAID, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YES, INDEED,
ALL I REALLY NEED ♪

♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ COME ON, GIVE ME GOOD LOVIN' ♪
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ ALL I WANT IS LOVIN'
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

♪ GIVE ME YOUR LOVIN',
BABY ♪

♪ HONEY, PLEASE,
SQUEEZE ME TIGHT ♪

♪ SQUEEZE ME TIGHT

♪ DON'T YOU WANT YOUR BABY
TO BE ALL RIGHT? ♪

♪ BE ALL RIGHT

- ♪ I SAID, BABY
- ♪ BABY

- ♪ IT'S FOR SURE
- ♪ IT'S FOR SURE

♪ I GOT THE FEVER, YEAH,
YOU GOT THE CURE ♪

♪ GOT THE CURE

♪ EVERYBODY, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YES, INDEED,
ALL I REALLY NEED ♪

♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ COME ON, GIVE ME GOOD LOVIN' ♪
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ ALL I WANT IS LOVIN'
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ GIVE ME YOUR LOVIN', BABY
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ COME ON, GIVE ME GOOD LOVIN' ♪
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ ALL I WANT IS LOVIN'
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

- ♪ GIVE ME YOUR LOVIN', BABY ♪
- ♪ GOOD LOVIN'

♪ HEY!