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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,255 --> 00:00:03,338 (smooth jazz music) 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:01:34,467 --> 00:01:39,467 (vehicles whooshing) (metallic rattling) 5 00:01:43,859 --> 00:01:47,276 (pedestrians chattering) 6 00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:56,483 (music drowns out voices) 7 00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,051 - [Man] This one, (music drowns out voice) here, 8 00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:03,310 got the automatic (music drowns out voice). 9 00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:08,310 (groovy jazz music) (truck beeping) 10 00:02:20,027 --> 00:02:24,476 - Hi, Melanie. - Oh, hey, Jim, I'm sorry. 11 00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:27,760 I can't believe how late I'm running. 12 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,010 (thudding) - I'm early. 13 00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:35,520 - [Melanie] Come on, Billy. 14 00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:40,151 - (faint speaking) It's like a war out there. 15 00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:42,870 (thudding) 16 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:44,293 - Well, stay warm. - 'Night, Marty. 17 00:02:47,059 --> 00:02:48,809 - Bye, Jim. - 'Night. 18 00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:02,404 - [Marty] Hey, Jim, Howard can't make it tonight. 19 00:03:02,404 --> 00:03:03,700 - Why, he's working overtime again? 20 00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,973 - Oh, no, his wife is sick. 21 00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:12,123 He was gonna speak for me tonight. 22 00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,840 - Hey, listen, man, you don't wanna know 23 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,040 what's goin' on with me. 24 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,963 - When was the last time you spoke at a meeting? 25 00:03:22,378 --> 00:03:24,878 - About seven months ago, why, you don't remember? 26 00:03:28,061 --> 00:03:28,894 - You need it. 27 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,201 - Hey (chuckles). - Hi, how you doin'? 28 00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:37,362 - Okay, I'm okay, how you doin'? 29 00:03:37,362 --> 00:03:39,197 (exclaims) 30 00:03:39,197 --> 00:03:40,788 (faint speaking) Doing good. 31 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:41,922 - Yeah. - I'm doing good. 32 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,755 - Doing all right, you look great. 33 00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:51,862 - Hey, Marty. 34 00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:54,709 - Hey, Tony, well, it's day 25. 35 00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:56,027 - 26. - 26, great. 36 00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,705 Your sponsor's in the kitchen. - Okay. 37 00:04:01,894 --> 00:04:05,144 - Get the fuck outta here, fucking way. 38 00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:08,321 Hey. - How you doing, Jimmy? 39 00:04:08,321 --> 00:04:10,388 - How you doing, good to see you. 40 00:04:10,388 --> 00:04:12,520 Listen, I called you back, but I got your machine 41 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,420 so, uh, you know, it didn't pick up or something, you know? 42 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:16,980 - Yeah, well, I didn't get the message but-- 43 00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:19,220 - No, no, I called you. - All right, whatever, you-- 44 00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,030 - How you doin'? - I'm all right. 45 00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:23,120 Well, I'm upset, I'm angry, I'm, I'm nervous. 46 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,009 I'm angry, you know-- - Why, the resume again? 47 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:28,510 - (sighs) The resume, man, you know, the resume already, 48 00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,740 you know, I'm like I go to the computer place 49 00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:32,520 or the printing whatever the hell it is, I go there 50 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,080 to pick it up, I hand over the 25 bucks. 51 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,913 - Right. - Which is ridiculous. 52 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,718 Then I go to a diner to pick up my 579th cup of coffee 53 00:04:42,718 --> 00:04:44,970 you know, I gotta refuel, gotta refuel, 54 00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:47,066 another cup of coffee, it's 11 o'clock and I'm still tired, 55 00:04:47,066 --> 00:04:48,193 but I'm wired, tired and wired. 56 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,660 So, I leave, I walk two blocks, look at this hand, 57 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:56,240 then I look at this hand, shaking, oops, no resume-- 58 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,310 - Hey, Tony, let me ask you-- - Back in the diner-- 59 00:04:57,310 --> 00:04:58,243 - Tony. - What? 60 00:04:59,315 --> 00:05:00,630 - You wanna hear this? - Yeah, I heard it already. 61 00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:01,580 - You don't care, then I don't care. 62 00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,323 - Tony, hey, did you drink today? 63 00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:06,770 - (exhales sharply) No, but I'll tell ya, I'd love 64 00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,473 a nice Mexican with a lime, you know, 65 00:05:08,473 --> 00:05:10,443 I just wanna get wasted, man. 66 00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:13,153 - So what, you're an alcoholic. 67 00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:16,630 - Yeah, definitely. - Yeah. 68 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:17,640 So then why don't you go out there and put 69 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,053 some fuckin' ashtrays on the chairs, all right? 70 00:05:20,930 --> 00:05:21,783 Go on. - Yeah. 71 00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:28,690 - Hey, Tony, help me out here. 72 00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,926 Let's move the chair. - No, no, no, leave it-- 73 00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:34,370 - You're just, you're making it harder. 74 00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:35,887 - Leave it, leave it. 75 00:05:37,454 --> 00:05:38,896 - [Debbie] Hey Marty, what's up? 76 00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,009 - [Marty] Debbie, glad you made it. 77 00:05:41,009 --> 00:05:42,583 - Yeah, right. - Hey. 78 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:43,830 - Hey there, how you doin', Jasmine? 79 00:05:43,830 --> 00:05:45,593 - (chuckles) I'm doin' good, what is this? 80 00:05:45,593 --> 00:05:48,180 - It's a cotton animal that I slaughtered and-- 81 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,907 - Uh-huh (laughs). - No, I don't like fur. 82 00:05:49,907 --> 00:05:52,569 I don't wear fur, I'm against it, I love this lame. 83 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:53,470 - Child, isn't it nice? - Jasmine, I'm, 84 00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:55,970 I'm reading the Bible. - You readin' the Bible? 85 00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:58,340 - Mm-hm. - Where, where'd you start? 86 00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,380 - In the beginning. - Uh-huh, good. 87 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,920 - Yeah, you think that's good? (Jasmine laughs) 88 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,550 I'm still smoking though, Marty did you 89 00:06:03,550 --> 00:06:06,021 bust out and buy some hot cocoa-- 90 00:06:06,021 --> 00:06:07,061 - [Marty] Put some more in the baskets. 91 00:06:07,061 --> 00:06:08,905 - The little packages, they're very cheap. 92 00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,862 - [Marty] Yeah. 93 00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:14,200 - Yeah, Marty, she's readin' the Bible. 94 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,370 - Well, don't tell her how it turns out. 95 00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:17,720 - No, they've known since this morning 96 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,340 that Dr. Rubin was gonna cover for me, mm-hmm. 97 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,843 Now I'm sure he's there, yes, just page him. 98 00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:26,916 Yes, I'll be back in an hour, okay. 99 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,816 - Hey, skinny, you spare some change for alcohol research? 100 00:06:30,654 --> 00:06:32,257 Fine, you can keep it. (Jasmine laughing) 101 00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:35,800 - Come on (faint speaking). - All right. 102 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,311 (people chattering) 103 00:06:37,311 --> 00:06:39,561 (laughing) 104 00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:44,050 - [Marty] Carol, can you read the preamble for us? 105 00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:46,035 Shelley, would you (faint speaking)? 106 00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:48,099 - [Shelley] Oh yes. 107 00:06:48,099 --> 00:06:51,016 (group chattering) 108 00:06:53,410 --> 00:06:55,513 - These always go first, you know? 109 00:06:55,513 --> 00:06:58,180 - Yeah. - Get a long black coat. 110 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,890 - [Marty] Change your mind yet? 111 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:05,763 - Marty, no. 112 00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:07,903 - [Marty] Why? 113 00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,840 - 'Cause I'm not in the mood, that's why. 114 00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:15,990 - What's eatin' you? 115 00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:18,640 - I just don't feel like talkin' about it, all right? 116 00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:22,860 - When you're asked to talk, you say yes, you know that. 117 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:26,597 - Yeah, there are no rules in AA (scoffs). 118 00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:29,973 - Now come on, help me out. 119 00:07:29,973 --> 00:07:32,533 I need, I need to hear a real war story tonight. 120 00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:34,280 - Then go fuckin' rent Apocalypse Now, 121 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,533 really, get off my back. - Shh. 122 00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:36,383 - Come on, Marty. 123 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:46,563 Jesus Christ, all right, happy? 124 00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:50,027 - Gotcha (faint speaking). 125 00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:56,760 And here to share his experience, strength 126 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,801 and hope with us tonight is Jim. 127 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:04,801 - Come on, Jim. (group clapping) 128 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,070 - Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm an alcoholic. 129 00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,140 - [Group] Hi Jim. 130 00:08:16,140 --> 00:08:20,343 - And there's no escaping from that because that's who I am. 131 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,970 Yeah, you know, I could, I could take a little kid 132 00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,450 to the zoo or I could make an egg cream 133 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,953 or I can even ride a fucking camel if I wanted, 134 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,660 but what I can't do is have a fucking drink, and that's all 135 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:36,663 that matters, one drink, just one, you know what I mean? 136 00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:39,917 I've been a drunk and a drug addict for 25 years 137 00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:42,750 and I'm sick of it, I really didn't wanna be up here 138 00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:47,260 tonight, but Marty cornered me, so what's my story? 139 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,203 I was born an only child to a really, 140 00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:55,080 really sweet angelic Italian woman 141 00:08:56,220 --> 00:09:00,633 and to a poor, fucking embarrassed-to-be-Jew father, 142 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,410 Saul, or as he preferred to be called in the neighborhood, 143 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:09,053 Sal, when I was nine, I made a xylophone 144 00:09:09,053 --> 00:09:11,490 out of Saul's empties. 145 00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:14,060 I took them to school for show and tell, 146 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:17,810 and that was the very first time and the only time 147 00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,240 that my father beat the shit out of me, 148 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,203 pulled the belt right out of his pants, 149 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,400 had a Joe DiMaggio buckle on it. 150 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,833 Imagine that, Joe D, and he whipped the shit outta me. 151 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,299 That night, I stole a bottle from my dad, a whole pint. 152 00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,043 (chuckles softly) Scotch. 153 00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,803 Man, did I sleep, like a fucking top. 154 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:45,350 By the time I got outta high school, I was a daily drinker. 155 00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,580 Thank God I landed a job at a steakhouse 156 00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:51,670 in the Theater District, I could drink around the clock. 157 00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,993 I was hiding it, you know, I'd be pouring it 158 00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,873 in a fucking styrofoam cup. 159 00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:59,430 You know, we figure like no one ever fucking knows. 160 00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:01,240 Trust me, by, you know, midnight, I was seating 161 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,590 people on the fucking roof. 162 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,350 I started getting up to about a quart a day 163 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:09,830 after about three years, a quart a day, 164 00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:12,677 that's all, that ain't nothin', you know why? 165 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:15,530 'Cause I wasn't even gettin' drunk anymore 166 00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:18,370 on a quart a day, I mean I wasn't even gettin' high, 167 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:19,453 where is that at? 168 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,720 That's when I started doing heroin. 169 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:27,580 I wasted 10 years of my life, strung out, broke, alone, 170 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:30,890 except for my only friend, some Ninth Avenue hooker, Tanya. 171 00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:33,200 I mean, I knew about AA and all that shit. 172 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,730 I had some little shit-faced neighbor of mine, 173 00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:37,880 he took me to a meeting, ah, fuck that. 174 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,230 I thought it was for boozers, man. 175 00:10:40,230 --> 00:10:44,683 Holy rollers, Bowery bums, I didn't need it, fuck that. 176 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,630 Do it on my own, man, kick dope. 177 00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:51,370 Shit, I once went a whole month, just to prove to myself 178 00:10:51,370 --> 00:10:52,690 that I could do it on my own. 179 00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,930 I didn't even smoke a fucking cigarette, 180 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:59,930 that's how cool I was and then, I met my goddess. 181 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,773 Oh, man, did we fall in love. 182 00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:08,780 It was the greatest, the greatest feeling. 183 00:11:09,809 --> 00:11:14,280 Gawd, we started going out, couple weeks, 184 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,183 boom, moved in with her. 185 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,100 I mean I was still drinking and she didn't know 186 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,360 that I was an alcoholic, I mean she used to drink champagne 187 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,810 with friends and I used to join her, you know, 188 00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:26,410 it's a celebration, she didn't know, what did she have 189 00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:27,480 to know, you know what I mean? 190 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,167 I wasn't druggin' or anything, just drinkin'. 191 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,720 Then I asked her to marry me. 192 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:38,900 She said yes, wow, oh, Jesus Christ, 193 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,143 I was in heaven. 194 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,690 Till I had one of those disasters. 195 00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:50,250 She took me to meet her family, all 200 of them. 196 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,170 I couldn't deal with it, I guess I just freaked. 197 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:56,483 I go upstairs and I never, ever come back. 198 00:11:57,330 --> 00:12:00,690 I passed out, boy, that pint went fast. 199 00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:02,820 She got me into a cab, we got back to New York 200 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:03,767 and she looked at me and she says, 201 00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:08,217 "I love you, I'll marry you, but you're going 202 00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:10,820 "into rehab or I'm history." 203 00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,953 Well, I checked right in. 204 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,100 I had no choice, I loved her. 205 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:20,793 I was sober, we were like a regular married couple. 206 00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:22,860 (chuckles softly) We went on picnics and took rides 207 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,283 on the Staten Island Ferry. 208 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,100 That was almost three years ago. 209 00:12:28,942 --> 00:12:32,130 A lot of you know about eight months ago, Janie died. 210 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,473 Just like that, brain aneurism. 211 00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:41,490 Oh, man, sometimes I go home now 212 00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,877 and I still expect to see her there, you know? 213 00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:47,800 Gawd, I wish I would've made love to her a little more. 214 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:50,963 If only I woulda known. 215 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,170 You know, I guess I'm just fighting it today. 216 00:12:56,576 --> 00:13:00,870 (exhales sharply) Christ, you wanna know the truth? 217 00:13:00,870 --> 00:13:02,143 I just wanna get high! 218 00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,280 I just don't understand it anymore, you know? 219 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,513 I just don't get it. 220 00:13:09,137 --> 00:13:12,440 I mean I know that Janie just had to go, I guess, you know? 221 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,623 But I mean I, I never knew love like that, 222 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:18,873 before her. 223 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,751 I just don't wanna be with anybody else. 224 00:13:23,751 --> 00:13:27,668 Fuck! (bangs) 225 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,233 (sighs) 226 00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:42,493 But, hey, you know, the guy that brought me into this room, 227 00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:46,463 (sighs) he said you know don't think, 228 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,313 don't drink, and go to a meeting. 229 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:55,030 And that's, that's worked for me 230 00:13:57,792 --> 00:13:58,693 a day at a time. 231 00:14:00,913 --> 00:14:05,913 Thanks. (group clapping) 232 00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:13,070 - In accordance with the seventh tradition, 233 00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:16,070 it's time to pass the baskets, so give what you can. 234 00:14:16,070 --> 00:14:18,600 If you can't, keep coming back. 235 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,600 We need you more than we need the money. 236 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,613 Okay, now, any visitors from-- - Gonna get some air. 237 00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,490 - Uh, visitors from out of town or anybody new 238 00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,570 that's been in these rooms that wants to say hi? 239 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:35,480 - I knew you had money. - Hi, my name is Rachel. 240 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,356 I'm an alcoholic and an addict. 241 00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:39,630 - Hi Rachel. - Welcome. 242 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,700 - Anybody counting days? 243 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,540 - Yeah, my name's Tony and I'm a drunk and I have 244 00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:46,609 26 days today. (group applauding) 245 00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:47,442 - Yay. 246 00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:51,490 - [Tony] Thanks. 247 00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,670 - Yeah, hi, my name is Dennis and I'm an alcoholic. 248 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:55,960 - Hi, Dennis. - Hi. 249 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,401 And I have 72 days. (group applauding) 250 00:14:58,401 --> 00:15:02,984 - [Woman] All right (faint speaking). 251 00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:09,400 - Look, Jim, I just want you to know that I know it, 252 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,273 I know it was hard for you, but it meant so much to me. 253 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,797 You spoke the truth. 254 00:15:16,852 --> 00:15:18,519 - It was fairy tale. 255 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,660 A big lie. - Wait a minute. 256 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,720 What can we do, all right, we got one day at a time, 257 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,523 that's all we do, c'mon. 258 00:15:29,097 --> 00:15:31,013 (group clapping) 259 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:33,890 (applause drowns out voice) - Substance abuser. 260 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:38,127 - Hey, put those cookies back, shame on you. 261 00:15:39,423 --> 00:15:42,570 (clapping drowns out voice) 262 00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,961 - Debbie, alcoholic, I got 90 days. 263 00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:47,411 (group clapping) Rock, rock! 264 00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,950 - [Marty] Anybody else counting days? 265 00:15:56,950 --> 00:16:00,198 - [Charlie] Hi, my name is Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. 266 00:16:00,198 --> 00:16:05,198 (heels clicking) (group clapping) 267 00:16:09,237 --> 00:16:11,987 (doors rattling) 268 00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:17,913 - Is anybody else celebrating an anniversary tonight? 269 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:22,030 - Hi, my name is Terry and I'm an alcoholic. 270 00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:22,980 - [Group] Hi Terry. 271 00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:28,620 - (chuckles softly) And I'm confused about my anniversary 272 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,780 because I'm not sure if I should count the days 273 00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,560 I was tied up in a straitjacket or not. 274 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,145 If not, tonight's a year. 275 00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:38,501 (group clapping) 276 00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,168 - I think it counts. 277 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,253 - Joseph, drug addict, alcoholic. 278 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,988 By the grace of God, one day at a time, I got two years. 279 00:16:50,988 --> 00:16:54,118 - All right. (group clapping) 280 00:16:54,118 --> 00:16:57,285 (chuckles) All right. 281 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:04,530 - Now, okay, according to the 12th Tradition, 282 00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:09,530 anonymity is the chief spiritual foundation 283 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:12,700 of our program, ever reminding us 284 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:15,203 to place principles above personalities. 285 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,733 What you see here and what you hear here, leave here. 286 00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:24,083 Where the hell is Jim, hey, Jim! 287 00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:30,053 All right, we'll continue the meeting with a show of hands. 288 00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:38,371 - Hi, I'm Shelley and I'm an alcoholic. 289 00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:40,600 - [Group] Hi Shelley. 290 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:44,610 - My mother is in town and she is staying with me 291 00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:48,337 in my bedroom in my bed with me (chuckles softly). 292 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,753 I'm just a little too old to be sleeping with my mother. 293 00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,743 (grunts softly) 294 00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:00,500 You know, if I could crawl out of my skin, I would. 295 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:04,220 I would, I would, I would, and as it is, I hardly breathe 296 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:07,730 and I pray to God that she's not able to hear me 297 00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:10,253 when I'm lying down next to her. 298 00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:15,440 Today, I am running all over the place 299 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,290 'cause (faint speaking) is my mother's birthday coming up 300 00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:23,340 (exhales sharply) tomorrow and she doesn't need anything. 301 00:18:23,340 --> 00:18:25,733 She's loaded, loaded. 302 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,270 And you know what I'd like to get her? 303 00:18:29,270 --> 00:18:34,200 I'd like to get her exactly, I would like to get her 304 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:39,043 chocolate-covered (blows raspberry) Valium-- 305 00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:41,710 (group chuckles) Or (scoffs) I know what, 306 00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:44,940 a good hit of Ecstasy, now that, that, I would like to see 307 00:18:45,919 --> 00:18:50,167 on something like that. (group chuckling) 308 00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:54,390 I know I'm overreacting, and she tells me enough times 309 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:58,660 that I'm overreacting, so but I'm in the middle of it 310 00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:03,600 right now and I can't see my way out, you know? 311 00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:09,560 So but I have to remember that I am a survivor, 312 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,868 that I survived alcoholism and not to mention 313 00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:16,193 the tender loving care of my mother, 314 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,312 so I can survive this, right? 315 00:19:20,312 --> 00:19:22,363 (chuckles) I'm shaking like crazy. 316 00:19:24,654 --> 00:19:28,110 I think, I think, I think, I think, I really think 317 00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:31,200 that my, my parents are fine people 318 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,623 and they're just not the way that I wanted them to be. 319 00:19:36,478 --> 00:19:37,817 Thanks (chuckles). 320 00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:41,556 - Thanks for sharing. - Thanks. 321 00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:49,066 (smooth jazz instrumental music) 322 00:20:34,185 --> 00:20:36,670 - [Man] I don't know what's going on with Jim. 323 00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:39,623 - Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's fine, I'm gonna find him. 324 00:20:39,623 --> 00:20:41,920 I'll find him. - Okay, well, 325 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,235 let's go back to the show of hands. 326 00:20:44,235 --> 00:20:47,902 (groovy instrumental music) 327 00:21:16,386 --> 00:21:20,538 - Jimmy, Jimmy, it's Tony, pick it up, pick it up. 328 00:21:20,538 --> 00:21:23,540 You screen your calls, come on, pick it up. 329 00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:27,273 Okay, listen, do me a favor, I want you to call 555-1234 330 00:21:27,273 --> 00:21:30,507 when you get in, it's the phone booth in the hall. 331 00:21:30,507 --> 00:21:32,543 Just wanna know that you're okay, all right? 332 00:21:39,107 --> 00:21:41,781 (record scratching music) 333 00:21:41,781 --> 00:21:44,903 - (sighs) Hi, my name is Jim and I want a pint of bourbon. 334 00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:51,693 Fuck, ah (grunts) fuck. 335 00:21:55,686 --> 00:21:58,341 (cars honking in the distance) 336 00:21:58,341 --> 00:22:00,766 (glass thudding) 337 00:22:00,766 --> 00:22:05,090 Man, fuck! 338 00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,203 Oh, gah, son of a bitch. 339 00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,333 It's the first drink that gets you drunk. 340 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,752 It's the first drink that-- (glass thudding) 341 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:17,585 Ah. 342 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,083 Oh, fuck you in the ass, you fuck. 343 00:22:29,860 --> 00:22:34,313 - See, two years ago today, I had my last drink, 344 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:40,140 my last blackout, and it was the last time 345 00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,013 I saw my wife and little boy. 346 00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:46,920 I, uh, was drinking all morning 347 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:53,000 and I had to go up to to the Bronx, check my little boy 348 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,310 and drop him off with his grandmother 349 00:22:55,310 --> 00:22:57,560 and then I had some business to take care of. 350 00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:08,647 Next thing I knew, I, uh, 351 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,433 I woke up in jail in a cell by myself. 352 00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:21,830 I, I, I said oh, shit, when I woke up, 353 00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:25,610 you know, like oh, fuck, done got picked up 354 00:23:25,610 --> 00:23:27,793 for drunk driving or some shit like that, 355 00:23:28,710 --> 00:23:33,710 so I walked over to where, um, the guard was standing 356 00:23:33,990 --> 00:23:36,660 and I said, uh, give me a cigarette 357 00:23:38,272 --> 00:23:42,297 and he wouldn't turn around and he wouldn't say nothing. 358 00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:46,113 So I said, come on, man, give me a fucking cigarette! 359 00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:52,763 He still wouldn't, uh, turn around, 360 00:23:53,950 --> 00:23:58,860 so I said, okay, man, let me make my fucking phone call. 361 00:23:58,860 --> 00:24:03,260 Let me call my wife, she don't know where I'm at. 362 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:05,890 She's worried, she don't know where the fuck I am. 363 00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:07,790 Let me call my wife and my little boy. 364 00:24:09,790 --> 00:24:14,790 Then (exhales sharply) this motherfucker turned around 365 00:24:16,390 --> 00:24:19,577 and he looked at me and he said, 366 00:24:19,577 --> 00:24:22,423 "What the fuck are you talking about! 367 00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,900 "Don't you remember what you did?" 368 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:32,263 I said, remember what? 369 00:24:33,670 --> 00:24:34,543 He said, um, 370 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:43,537 he said, "Your little boy was in car with you 371 00:24:43,537 --> 00:24:45,267 "and he went through the windshield and now, 372 00:24:45,267 --> 00:24:48,127 "he's at the ICU at Bellevue." 373 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,823 Now, I love my little boy. 374 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,980 I used to put him in a stroller, push him around for people 375 00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:02,707 to see and now, I had his blood on my hands, you know? 376 00:25:08,990 --> 00:25:13,130 I am feeling fucking crazy tonight. 377 00:25:13,130 --> 00:25:14,493 I am scared! 378 00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:19,560 I'm scared, Jim freaked the fuck outta me. 379 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,583 We used to get fucked up together, 380 00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:26,983 and now, I'm afraid I'm gonna do something crazy to somebody 381 00:25:26,983 --> 00:25:30,310 or maybe to myself and I don't wanna do that. 382 00:25:30,310 --> 00:25:33,460 I just don't wanna do that, goddamn, my little boy. 383 00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:35,543 He was only five years old. 384 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,690 I'm just so mad 385 00:25:43,690 --> 00:25:47,203 at my fucking self 'cause I cannot drink! 386 00:25:51,590 --> 00:25:52,423 Dammit. 387 00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:01,450 Uh, I think I better stop talking now. 388 00:26:01,450 --> 00:26:02,820 I think I better... 389 00:26:05,110 --> 00:26:07,410 it'll be better if I just listen to y'all talk 390 00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:13,410 because if I hadn't a-been a fucking blackout alcoholic, 391 00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:19,393 none of this would've happened, am I gonna pick up again? 392 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,263 Fuck if I know. 393 00:26:23,690 --> 00:26:27,420 I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try not to, that's all I can say. 394 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:31,999 Just thanks. (group muttering) 395 00:26:31,999 --> 00:26:32,990 - Hey, Jimmy. - How are you? 396 00:26:32,990 --> 00:26:34,520 - Long time. - Yeah. 397 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,295 - Good to see you. - Give me a pint, will you? 398 00:26:37,295 --> 00:26:38,520 - You don't need it, Jim. - Oh, don't tell me 399 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,540 what I fucking need, come on. 400 00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:41,250 - [Harry] Why are you gonna do this to yourself? 401 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,810 It's been two years. - Oh, come on. 402 00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,650 I don't need a fucking lecture. 403 00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:46,430 - Take your business somewhere else, I don't need it. 404 00:26:46,430 --> 00:26:47,630 - Spare me the bullshit. 405 00:26:49,747 --> 00:26:51,983 (metallic rattling) What the fuck is this 406 00:26:51,983 --> 00:26:54,233 all about - What's the magic word? 407 00:27:00,090 --> 00:27:00,923 - Oh. 408 00:27:02,262 --> 00:27:03,490 Holy mackerel. 409 00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:06,190 - What are you doing, Jim? - What am I doing? 410 00:27:06,190 --> 00:27:08,507 I'm comparison shopping. - Well, you're not drinking 411 00:27:08,507 --> 00:27:10,760 (faint speaking) - I lived, Harry. 412 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,650 I fucking lived, you wore that vest every day 413 00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:16,000 18 hours behind that fucking register, man, not me. 414 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,760 You're the sucker. - You're a lousy 415 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,347 fucking drinker and a pain-in-the-ass drunk, Jim. 416 00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:21,180 - Oh, yeah? 417 00:27:22,050 --> 00:27:24,640 Holy Christ, you got that good shit from Passaic, 418 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,160 New Jersey, you son of a bitch, Harry, you motherfucker you. 419 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,540 - You wanna walk out or you wanna bounce out, Jim? 420 00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:32,940 - Come on, let's celebrate, you motherfucker. 421 00:27:32,940 --> 00:27:36,790 Happy new year, Harry, happy fucking new year. 422 00:27:36,790 --> 00:27:38,917 - All right, come on. - What? 423 00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:41,317 - His machine (faint speaking) machine. 424 00:27:41,317 --> 00:27:43,440 - Yeah, hello, Jimmy, you boob. 425 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,320 What did you go running outta here for? 426 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,040 Come on, man. - Yeah, come on, man. 427 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,530 We get, go. - (chuckles) Go, you-- 428 00:27:49,530 --> 00:27:52,150 - People here love you, man, I mean, but, you know, 429 00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:53,647 I can't handle these whiners without you, man, so come on. 430 00:27:53,647 --> 00:27:55,770 You gotta call. 431 00:27:55,770 --> 00:27:56,603 - We love you. 432 00:27:56,603 --> 00:27:57,990 - We love you. - We love you. 433 00:27:57,990 --> 00:28:02,100 - Yeah, so call 555-1234, all right? 434 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,097 Shelley's here. - Bye-bye, bye-bye. 435 00:28:04,097 --> 00:28:04,930 - Bye-bye. 436 00:28:06,461 --> 00:28:10,167 (exhales sharply) I'm worried, you know? 437 00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:12,000 I'm worried about him. 438 00:28:13,118 --> 00:28:14,941 - It's okay. - Yeah. 439 00:28:14,941 --> 00:28:17,007 - It's okay, we're okay. 440 00:28:17,007 --> 00:28:19,757 (faint speaking) 441 00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,330 - Hi, I'm Francine and I got a drinking problem. 442 00:28:23,330 --> 00:28:26,778 I'm also a spend-aholic and I'm fun at parties. 443 00:28:26,778 --> 00:28:28,530 I'm really in a tizzy today. 444 00:28:28,530 --> 00:28:31,480 I was at Strawberries today twice and I couldn't find 445 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,230 anything to buy, I mean, I'm just looking 446 00:28:33,230 --> 00:28:35,940 for that perfect pair of boots and the salesgirl 447 00:28:35,940 --> 00:28:37,910 was useless, but I was nice to her 448 00:28:37,910 --> 00:28:39,830 'cause I'm such a people pleaser. 449 00:28:39,830 --> 00:28:41,460 I mean, I did, I wanted to yell at her, 450 00:28:41,460 --> 00:28:44,490 but I'm trying to keep the focus on myself. 451 00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:48,180 I mean, this is a selfish program, and through this program, 452 00:28:48,180 --> 00:28:51,830 I've gotten to know me and frankly, I love her. 453 00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:53,710 You know, it feels really good to be here tonight. 454 00:28:53,710 --> 00:28:56,210 It feels like a party actually, I mean, since I've been 455 00:28:56,210 --> 00:28:58,210 coming to AA, I haven't been to any parties. 456 00:28:58,210 --> 00:29:00,050 I haven't needed to, I mean all you people, 457 00:29:00,050 --> 00:29:01,930 you're like my entertainment committee. 458 00:29:01,930 --> 00:29:04,230 I mean I hardly even watch TV anymore, I used to. 459 00:29:04,230 --> 00:29:06,360 I used to tape all of my soap operas 'cause I'm such 460 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,630 like a drama queen, but I don't need to anymore 461 00:29:08,630 --> 00:29:11,720 because of all the drama that goes on in this room. 462 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,430 Last week, I was at a meeting and I saw, you know, 463 00:29:15,430 --> 00:29:17,417 what's that George guy, that hunk who plays 464 00:29:17,417 --> 00:29:20,260 that brain surgeon guy on General Hospital? 465 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:22,680 I mean in the flesh, right? 466 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,020 And the way Jimmy is struggling with a tragedy 467 00:29:26,020 --> 00:29:28,520 in his life, it's just horrible, it almost, 468 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,420 it's like too much for me sometimes, like I can't bear it 469 00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:33,690 'cause like I never drank like that. 470 00:29:33,690 --> 00:29:35,892 I mean I was like, what do you call where I was 471 00:29:35,892 --> 00:29:38,700 a social imbiber, that's what I was. 472 00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:40,210 Hey, but since I've been coming to these rooms, 473 00:29:40,210 --> 00:29:43,780 I haven't touched one drop and I've got a couple of months. 474 00:29:43,780 --> 00:29:45,670 I love listening to all your stories. 475 00:29:45,670 --> 00:29:47,960 They're really, they're so sweet. 476 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,440 I wasn't that bad of an alcoholic. 477 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,080 Actually, to tell you the truth, sometimes, I think 478 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,500 I'm not really an alcoholic at all, I was just born, 479 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,100 you know, thirsty, you know what I mean? 480 00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:58,103 Like thirsty. (group laughing) 481 00:30:07,786 --> 00:30:12,786 (steps clicking) (cars whooshing) 482 00:30:31,636 --> 00:30:33,636 (sighs) 483 00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:52,859 (train rattling) 484 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,393 - Right now, 485 00:31:06,290 --> 00:31:07,590 I'm living with my mother. 486 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,160 My little brother Malik, he's 16, and my daughter, 487 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:17,160 she's four and we're one on top of each other. 488 00:31:17,550 --> 00:31:21,133 It's a railroad flat and the bathroom is in the hallway. 489 00:31:22,330 --> 00:31:24,930 And I'm out of the house most of time at least. 490 00:31:24,930 --> 00:31:27,353 I go to school at night and I try to work 491 00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:30,190 at Macy's as much as I can 492 00:31:30,190 --> 00:31:34,382 and I'm even taking singing lessons. 493 00:31:34,382 --> 00:31:37,133 (chuckles softly) It's something I always wanted to do. 494 00:31:39,062 --> 00:31:44,062 But I, I, I came home early last night though, 495 00:31:44,130 --> 00:31:46,053 and when I went into the bathroom, 496 00:31:46,970 --> 00:31:50,490 I saw my little brother Malik sitting on the toilet bowl 497 00:31:50,490 --> 00:31:55,110 and he had his belt tied around his arm 498 00:31:55,110 --> 00:31:56,260 and he was shooting up. 499 00:31:57,570 --> 00:32:00,320 He's using my mother's needles, she's a diabetic 500 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:05,080 so she uses the needles for insulin and it threw me back, 501 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,970 you know, 'cause I used to steal her needles too (scoffs) 502 00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:13,970 when I was using, she knew, but what she gonna do? 503 00:32:15,870 --> 00:32:19,898 She told me she loved me and she's gonna find out 504 00:32:19,898 --> 00:32:22,663 about Malik, you know, it's just a matter of time. 505 00:32:23,750 --> 00:32:25,720 It's gonna break her heart, you know, she doesn't need 506 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,560 this kind of problem, but so I slapped him 507 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,430 and we had a fight and he hasn't been home since last night. 508 00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:34,603 My mother's mad at me. 509 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,480 I don't know what I would say to him, 510 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:40,730 you know, when I see him. 511 00:32:44,020 --> 00:32:46,520 Well, what hurts is that I feel responsible 512 00:32:47,670 --> 00:32:49,693 because I remember when he was a kid, 513 00:32:50,590 --> 00:32:54,840 he, uh, he busted me in the same situation in the bathroom, 514 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,750 you know, he saw me, threatened to tell 515 00:32:57,750 --> 00:33:00,797 but he didn't because he said he loved me (chuckles softly). 516 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,690 He thought his big sister was cool. 517 00:33:04,690 --> 00:33:09,410 Well, his big sister is not cool 518 00:33:09,410 --> 00:33:12,013 because his big sister is HIV positive. 519 00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:17,170 He knows, you know, I want him to stop, 520 00:33:17,170 --> 00:33:20,060 but he won't listen to me 'cause I'm, I'm, 521 00:33:20,060 --> 00:33:23,813 no example to listen to, you know. 522 00:33:27,630 --> 00:33:29,330 I'm not afraid of dying, you know. 523 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,450 I'm afraid of getting sick 'cause I know what that's like. 524 00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:36,878 I seen some of my friends go through that 525 00:33:36,878 --> 00:33:39,150 and I don't wanna go through that, you know? 526 00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:41,907 I want the cycle to end here, you know? 527 00:33:41,907 --> 00:33:43,593 I want it to end with me. 528 00:33:46,070 --> 00:33:47,950 I don't know how I got it, you know, it could've been 529 00:33:47,950 --> 00:33:51,860 through sex, it could've been through needles, who knows? 530 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:53,270 It doesn't matter, you know, all I know 531 00:33:53,270 --> 00:33:57,590 is I keep thinking, you know, why not have a drink 532 00:33:57,590 --> 00:34:00,800 when you got AIDS (chuckles) right, you know? 533 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,800 But that's just my alcoholism talking, you know, 534 00:34:06,330 --> 00:34:11,093 looking for any excuse to have a drink, you know? 535 00:34:12,870 --> 00:34:17,870 But the fact is I'm gonna die, you know, so is everybody. 536 00:34:18,619 --> 00:34:21,452 (chuckles softly) 537 00:34:28,739 --> 00:34:31,583 (sniffles) I feel good, you know, right now. 538 00:34:35,189 --> 00:34:40,189 (sniffles) And I wanna watch my little girl 539 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:45,560 grow up, and drinking's not gonna cure me, you know? 540 00:34:45,850 --> 00:34:49,870 It's only gonna (sniffles) make me die sooner, 541 00:34:49,870 --> 00:34:53,410 so I mean, you know, I don't have time, you know, 542 00:34:53,410 --> 00:34:57,027 but, but (sniffles) you know, I do know 543 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,933 that I wanna die sober, that's it (chuckles softly). 544 00:35:16,550 --> 00:35:18,000 (thudding) 545 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,473 - Tanya, oh, Tanya. 546 00:35:22,530 --> 00:35:24,913 Come on, you know who this is. 547 00:35:25,860 --> 00:35:28,373 It's your knight and shining vodka, baby. 548 00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,883 Tanya, come on, it's Jim, let me in. 549 00:35:32,870 --> 00:35:37,133 I'm in love with you again, Tanya, come on, come on out. 550 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,773 I'm having a party, Tanya, come on. 551 00:35:42,660 --> 00:35:45,690 Come on, I meant to call you, but I lost your hallway, 552 00:35:45,690 --> 00:35:49,793 Tanya, honey, that's a joke, remember me? 553 00:35:50,992 --> 00:35:55,240 Oh, Tanya, Tanya (faint speaking). 554 00:36:02,051 --> 00:36:03,513 (answering machine beeping) 555 00:36:03,513 --> 00:36:06,144 - [Tony] Jimmy, Jimmy, it's Tony, pick it up. 556 00:36:06,144 --> 00:36:08,652 Come on, pick it up, hey, listen. 557 00:36:08,652 --> 00:36:11,639 Do me a favor, want you to call 555-1234 558 00:36:11,639 --> 00:36:14,638 when you get in, it's the phone booth in the hall. 559 00:36:14,638 --> 00:36:17,468 Just wanna know that you're okay, all right? 560 00:36:17,468 --> 00:36:20,816 Okay, gave us a little surprise there (faint speaking). 561 00:36:20,816 --> 00:36:24,864 (answering machine beeping) (faint speaking) 562 00:36:24,864 --> 00:36:28,957 - [Shelley] You boob what did you go running outta here for? 563 00:36:28,957 --> 00:36:30,957 - Come on, man, go. - Go. 564 00:36:32,397 --> 00:36:35,040 - [Tony] People here love you, man, I mean, but you know, 565 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,516 I can't handle these whiners without you, man, so come on. 566 00:36:37,516 --> 00:36:39,620 You gotta call. - We love you. 567 00:36:39,620 --> 00:36:41,032 - We love you. - Love you. 568 00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:44,640 Love you. - Yeah, so call 555-1234, 569 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,606 all right, Shelley's here. - Bye-bye, bye-bye. 570 00:36:46,606 --> 00:36:48,022 - [Tony] Bye-bye. 571 00:36:48,022 --> 00:36:49,658 (answering machine beeps) 572 00:36:49,658 --> 00:36:53,658 (gulps) (sighs) 573 00:36:57,330 --> 00:36:58,313 - Oh, shit. 574 00:36:59,961 --> 00:37:03,356 (glass rattles) (exhales sharply) 575 00:37:03,356 --> 00:37:05,840 - You wanna talk about bad blackouts? 576 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,830 I was married in one. (woman laughs) 577 00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:09,840 I was married in a blackout, I'm serious. 578 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,973 I was 19 years old, I was married for six weeks, yeah. 579 00:37:12,973 --> 00:37:15,230 I was married to this guy named Wild Bob. 580 00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:17,920 That was his full name, Wild Bob, so I guess 581 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,734 I was Mrs. Wild Bob, hi everyone, welcome to my life. 582 00:37:20,734 --> 00:37:24,010 (chuckles) Do you, Debbie, take Wild Bob 583 00:37:24,010 --> 00:37:26,083 to be your lawfully wedded husband, I do. 584 00:37:26,990 --> 00:37:28,400 Gawd, he was a rock musician 585 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,910 like Gregg Allman, now what could I do? 586 00:37:30,910 --> 00:37:34,650 I'm a sucker for musicians, yeah, so I've been in 587 00:37:34,650 --> 00:37:38,090 and out of these rooms about four or five times now. 588 00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:41,880 I'd say it took me 2 1/2 years 589 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,863 to get 90 days of sobriety. 590 00:37:45,410 --> 00:37:46,783 That's a lot of drinking. 591 00:37:47,900 --> 00:37:49,540 I don't know, I think I was pissed off 592 00:37:49,540 --> 00:37:52,670 that I didn't grow up in the '60s and partied 593 00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:55,010 with Janis Joplin, you know what I mean? 594 00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:58,710 And everyone had that long hair and the music was great, 595 00:37:58,710 --> 00:38:01,033 peace, love, the clothes, you know? 596 00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:05,633 You know what pisses me, hi, hi, how are you? 597 00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:09,050 Good, great, you're late, you know, I wanted to speak 598 00:38:09,050 --> 00:38:11,400 about this two weeks ago and no one called on me 599 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,380 and now, whatever, so what was I saying? 600 00:38:14,380 --> 00:38:18,720 I think what I was doing, I was trying to relive the '60s 601 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,800 in the '80s and it just didn't work out for me, you know? 602 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,700 I got stuck somewhere in the middle, but gawd, 603 00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:29,890 I wanted to be Janis Joplin so bad, so bad, man. 604 00:38:29,890 --> 00:38:33,663 She was great, she was so great, gawd. 605 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:39,880 She was incredible, but whatever, whatever I did, I did, 606 00:38:40,890 --> 00:38:45,890 you know, I had a good time doing it and now, it's over. 607 00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:51,730 Oh my god (chuckles) I'm so sad, no I'm strange. 608 00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,230 I'm a strange bird, I know, I'm weird. 609 00:38:54,230 --> 00:38:57,740 I've started doing physical things to relieve the stress. 610 00:38:57,740 --> 00:39:00,453 I've gotten into sports now, watching them. 611 00:39:01,290 --> 00:39:04,860 I love NFL football, I love NFL football. 612 00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:08,830 Jerry Rice of the 49ers, he is so great. 613 00:39:08,830 --> 00:39:12,820 He is so great, and Barry Sanders, I love him. 614 00:39:12,820 --> 00:39:15,820 Gawd, he's great, I love watching football 615 00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:19,493 and I've become political for the first time in my life. 616 00:39:19,493 --> 00:39:22,340 I went to the march in Washington, the pro-choice march. 617 00:39:22,340 --> 00:39:25,580 It was exhilarating, Helen Reddy sang I Am Woman. 618 00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:28,610 I freaked, I freaked, it was incredible. 619 00:39:28,610 --> 00:39:33,510 I swear, I'm such a dyke sometimes, I'm such a dyke. 620 00:39:33,510 --> 00:39:36,330 You know, I mean I'm not attracted to women, 621 00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:39,950 but I feel like politically that I could be a lesbian, 622 00:39:39,950 --> 00:39:43,670 you know, that whatever, but yeah, the march was great. 623 00:39:43,670 --> 00:39:45,130 The march was really great, I think it was 624 00:39:45,130 --> 00:39:47,470 like the closest thing that I ever got 625 00:39:47,470 --> 00:39:50,120 to living in the '60s, you know? 626 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,190 And I met some people in these rooms 627 00:39:52,190 --> 00:39:54,620 who were active drinkers and users in the '60s 628 00:39:54,620 --> 00:39:57,550 and they said that all that peace and love 629 00:39:57,550 --> 00:40:01,410 that they were looking for and, and, whatever, 630 00:40:01,410 --> 00:40:05,403 hoping to find, that they found in these rooms. 631 00:40:06,310 --> 00:40:08,060 I think I know what they mean, you know, 632 00:40:08,060 --> 00:40:09,943 I see what they mean, I mean I can, 633 00:40:12,010 --> 00:40:14,710 I could be the Janis Joplin 634 00:40:14,710 --> 00:40:18,163 of the Holiday Inn circuit if I want to. 635 00:40:20,010 --> 00:40:22,960 If I want to, I'll just be her clean and sober, you know? 636 00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:29,583 ♪ When you pass by, my pulse starts beating fast ♪ 637 00:40:31,317 --> 00:40:36,060 ♪ My love's so strong that it just lasts and lasts ♪ 638 00:40:36,060 --> 00:40:37,668 (music drowns out voice) 639 00:40:37,668 --> 00:40:41,327 ♪ I can't help myself for the way I feel ♪ 640 00:40:41,327 --> 00:40:44,547 ♪ Help myself for my love is real ♪ 641 00:40:44,547 --> 00:40:46,768 - Oh, dangerous. ♪ Help myself for the way ♪ 642 00:40:46,768 --> 00:40:49,529 ♪ I feel about you ♪ 643 00:40:49,529 --> 00:40:52,696 - Mm. ♪ I must be mad ♪ 644 00:40:54,436 --> 00:40:57,724 ♪ I must be mad ♪ 645 00:40:57,724 --> 00:41:01,278 ♪ I must be mad ♪ - Janie. 646 00:41:01,278 --> 00:41:04,778 ♪ I must be mad, oh, yeah ♪ 647 00:41:06,038 --> 00:41:10,621 (energetic electric guitar rock music) 648 00:41:25,343 --> 00:41:27,593 ♪ Yeah, oh ♪ 649 00:41:32,959 --> 00:41:35,080 (exhales sharply) 650 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,270 (thuds) 651 00:41:37,270 --> 00:41:42,270 - My son got, um, got caught yesterday walking out 652 00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:46,460 of a record store with seven CDs in his backpack 653 00:41:47,862 --> 00:41:52,862 and Steven's 12 now and he has a record of misdemeanors. 654 00:41:53,870 --> 00:41:56,150 His therapist, who's known him since he was six, 655 00:41:56,150 --> 00:42:00,150 and whose children I think I've put through school 656 00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:03,160 several times (chuckles) 657 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,480 thinks that maybe he should go live with his father. 658 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,040 I'm scared out of my mind 659 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,223 that if Steven moves out that I'll drink. 660 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,530 When I got sober, I made a secret vow to myself. 661 00:42:15,530 --> 00:42:19,450 I promised myself that I would stay sober 662 00:42:19,450 --> 00:42:23,193 as long as Steven was there and I did. 663 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,773 One day at a time, I did, you know? 664 00:42:29,230 --> 00:42:32,140 But there's a wall calendar (chuckles) in my head 665 00:42:35,090 --> 00:42:40,090 with, um, very big red letters, it says: 666 00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:43,933 when he leaves, you can drink. 667 00:42:45,864 --> 00:42:49,620 You know, I used my, I used my boy, I used him 668 00:42:49,620 --> 00:42:52,480 to (chuckles) hang on to my husband, I used him 669 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,660 to stay sane when I was I was drinking. 670 00:42:54,660 --> 00:42:59,193 I used him to get sober and stay sober. 671 00:43:01,710 --> 00:43:02,653 What about him? 672 00:43:08,924 --> 00:43:13,341 You know (scoffs) he was life to me. 673 00:43:15,795 --> 00:43:18,880 And I'd come home and I'd feel his warmth and I, 674 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:26,020 it'd take away some of the emptiness that I felt (sighs) 675 00:43:28,129 --> 00:43:31,440 (chuckles) I could read him a nursery rhyme 676 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,290 or I could cuddle with him, you know. 677 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,273 The trouble was that I was drunk, 678 00:43:42,190 --> 00:43:44,680 you know, four-year-old boy cuddling every night 679 00:43:45,820 --> 00:43:46,963 with a drunken mother. 680 00:43:51,128 --> 00:43:52,460 I remember him sitting at the kitchen table, 681 00:43:52,460 --> 00:43:54,800 you know, me coming in, guzzling big bottle 682 00:43:58,160 --> 00:43:59,313 and his face, 683 00:44:03,133 --> 00:44:05,133 you know, his face (chuckles softly) looking at me, 684 00:44:07,465 --> 00:44:08,615 I knew it wasn't right. 685 00:44:12,970 --> 00:44:15,500 Even after all this time, I find it so hard, 686 00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:17,453 so hard to accept this. 687 00:44:18,350 --> 00:44:22,320 I mean why, why do I have to be powerless. 688 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:23,433 Why do I have to? 689 00:44:26,804 --> 00:44:29,320 (sighs) Why do I got to go to AA to tell me how to be 690 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:33,583 with my son, you know, it's an instinct for Christ's sake! 691 00:44:36,890 --> 00:44:38,517 All I wanna do is love my son. 692 00:44:41,325 --> 00:44:43,575 (sniffles) 693 00:44:45,180 --> 00:44:49,193 They said I have to walk through the fear, innit? 694 00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:55,740 Do the thing you fear and dread to do the most, 695 00:44:55,740 --> 00:44:56,803 my sponsor says. 696 00:44:59,810 --> 00:45:00,643 I'm a mother. 697 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,343 I'm a sober mother, 698 00:45:05,450 --> 00:45:07,903 and I have to do what's right for my son. 699 00:45:11,870 --> 00:45:16,870 How can I be of service to him? 700 00:45:20,770 --> 00:45:22,820 I think I'll ask him what he wants to do. 701 00:45:25,727 --> 00:45:27,077 What a concept (chuckles softly). 702 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:31,973 If it would be better for him, 703 00:45:37,020 --> 00:45:39,773 I'm willing to let him go. 704 00:45:41,993 --> 00:45:45,576 ♪ It doesn't strain my ear ♪ 705 00:45:51,130 --> 00:45:52,953 - I didn't think you were gonna come over. 706 00:45:52,953 --> 00:45:56,048 (frenetic electric guitar music) 707 00:45:56,048 --> 00:45:57,215 - A long time. 708 00:45:58,954 --> 00:46:01,287 - Well, I've been out of it. 709 00:46:05,370 --> 00:46:10,370 - Hi, uh, I am a... 710 00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:16,860 my, my name is Kathy and I am a... 711 00:46:18,490 --> 00:46:21,140 this is my first time, I'm, 712 00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:24,773 I don't, I don't know what to do, um. 713 00:46:29,410 --> 00:46:30,463 I, I don't know, uh, 714 00:46:33,850 --> 00:46:34,800 I don't wanna talk, 715 00:46:36,770 --> 00:46:38,133 really, okay? 716 00:46:39,585 --> 00:46:40,418 Sorry. 717 00:46:47,656 --> 00:46:50,367 - Hi, I'm Carol, I'm an alcoholic. 718 00:46:50,367 --> 00:46:51,950 - [Group] Hi Carol. 719 00:46:55,901 --> 00:46:59,681 ♪ Baby if you'll pardon me ♪ 720 00:46:59,681 --> 00:47:01,945 ♪ I just can't relax ♪ 721 00:47:01,945 --> 00:47:06,945 ♪ When you're talking to me ♪ 722 00:47:07,755 --> 00:47:11,027 ♪ I keep turnin' the table ♪ 723 00:47:11,027 --> 00:47:13,015 ♪ 'Cause I'm so unstable-- ♪ 724 00:47:13,015 --> 00:47:16,680 - (mumbles) program (scoffs) ♪ When you talk to me ♪ 725 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,670 - Yeah, fuck the program, man. 726 00:47:19,885 --> 00:47:22,052 We just need to loosen up. 727 00:47:24,544 --> 00:47:29,182 ♪ And no meaning can be had ♪ 728 00:47:29,182 --> 00:47:32,683 ♪ When you talk to me ♪ 729 00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:34,850 - We're just wasting love. 730 00:47:37,967 --> 00:47:42,967 ♪ Please try to make yourself clear ♪ 731 00:47:44,050 --> 00:47:47,254 ♪ So when you talk to me ♪ 732 00:47:47,254 --> 00:47:52,254 - You're so fucking (mumbles) 733 00:47:55,551 --> 00:47:57,218 - It does feel good. 734 00:48:02,053 --> 00:48:06,828 ♪ When you talk to me ♪ 735 00:48:06,828 --> 00:48:09,507 ♪ Please try to make yourself-- ♪ 736 00:48:09,507 --> 00:48:11,611 - I get too thin? 737 00:48:11,611 --> 00:48:12,444 - No. 738 00:48:13,319 --> 00:48:16,509 Looks like you ate a meal this year. 739 00:48:16,509 --> 00:48:18,597 - [Tanya] My ass get too skinny? 740 00:48:18,597 --> 00:48:21,014 - No, your ask looks perfect. 741 00:48:23,793 --> 00:48:25,960 - My breasts. - Oh, Christ. 742 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,329 - They get too small? - No. 743 00:48:30,329 --> 00:48:32,579 - You wanna put your mouth. 744 00:48:36,049 --> 00:48:37,818 - [Jim] Please, please. 745 00:48:37,818 --> 00:48:39,770 ♪ Please try to make yourself-- ♪ 746 00:48:39,770 --> 00:48:42,871 - You sure, you sure? - Please. 747 00:48:42,871 --> 00:48:47,066 Yeah, yeah. ♪ So when you talk to me ♪ 748 00:48:47,066 --> 00:48:50,091 ♪ It doesn't strain my ear ♪ 749 00:48:50,091 --> 00:48:52,567 (Jim moaning) 750 00:48:52,567 --> 00:48:57,567 - It's (mumbles) it's (mumbles). 751 00:48:58,991 --> 00:49:01,074 - Baby, feel me, feel me. 752 00:49:04,197 --> 00:49:06,435 - Where's your shit? - I'm getting it, baby. 753 00:49:06,435 --> 00:49:09,601 - Where's your shit? - I called. 754 00:49:09,601 --> 00:49:12,335 It's coming. - Who did you call? 755 00:49:12,335 --> 00:49:13,527 - I called fucking Felix. 756 00:49:13,527 --> 00:49:15,793 - The asshole in the park? 757 00:49:20,731 --> 00:49:24,108 - No good, I need it, I really need it. 758 00:49:24,108 --> 00:49:27,036 You really gotta get it for me, you've gotta get it 759 00:49:27,036 --> 00:49:29,543 for me, please, please. 760 00:49:29,543 --> 00:49:32,843 Jimmy, please, I really need it, no! 761 00:49:32,843 --> 00:49:34,690 - Talking about. - (mumbles) please. 762 00:49:34,690 --> 00:49:39,690 - I called him, baby. ♪ Talk to me ♪ 763 00:49:41,268 --> 00:49:44,148 - Give me some shit, please, please, I need it. 764 00:49:44,148 --> 00:49:45,541 - Just fucking kiss me. 765 00:49:45,541 --> 00:49:48,348 ♪ Please try to make yourself clear ♪ 766 00:49:48,348 --> 00:49:52,348 - (mumbles) please, please, no! 767 00:49:53,299 --> 00:49:56,370 (music drowns out voice) 768 00:49:56,370 --> 00:49:59,062 - He's calling me. - I called everybody. 769 00:49:59,062 --> 00:50:00,530 You gotta do it for me. 770 00:50:00,530 --> 00:50:03,283 - Calling me, what are you doing? 771 00:50:04,210 --> 00:50:07,126 I called, come back here. 772 00:50:07,126 --> 00:50:09,876 (Tanya mumbling) 773 00:50:13,860 --> 00:50:14,860 - [Group] Hi Rachel. 774 00:50:16,030 --> 00:50:19,163 - I'm working 18 hours a day. 775 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,470 Most nights, I just sleep on the sofa in my office, 776 00:50:24,470 --> 00:50:28,810 but, um, last night, I, I wanted to go home 777 00:50:28,810 --> 00:50:33,810 and um, so I left the hospital about 2:00 a.m. 778 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,440 And I walked across the parking lot to my car 779 00:50:39,780 --> 00:50:44,780 and um, I got in the car and um, the next thing I know, 780 00:50:44,820 --> 00:50:49,820 a policeman is rapping on the window saying, 781 00:50:52,347 --> 00:50:54,637 "Let me see your license, let me see your registration, what 782 00:50:54,637 --> 00:50:58,137 "are you doing in the parking lot at 4:30 in the morning?" 783 00:50:59,180 --> 00:51:03,450 I was freezing cold, I just sort of felt numb 784 00:51:03,450 --> 00:51:07,430 and I couldn't think and I couldn't talk 785 00:51:09,350 --> 00:51:14,350 and uh, flashlight, you know, 786 00:51:14,820 --> 00:51:18,420 searching the car and looking at me and finally, he noticed 787 00:51:18,420 --> 00:51:22,990 the sticker on my windshield, he said, 788 00:51:22,990 --> 00:51:25,946 "Are you a doctor at this hospital?" 789 00:51:25,946 --> 00:51:30,946 (chuckles) I said, yep, that's it, 790 00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,290 that's what I'm doing here, I said, yeah, 791 00:51:33,290 --> 00:51:35,080 that I was a doctor at this hospital. 792 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:38,323 I've been working long hours and I fallen asleep in the car. 793 00:51:41,850 --> 00:51:43,390 He walked me back to the hospital 794 00:51:43,390 --> 00:51:45,750 and then gave me a long lecture on the danger 795 00:51:45,750 --> 00:51:49,070 of parking lots and get some coffee 796 00:51:49,070 --> 00:51:53,200 and get some sleep, so I was sitting in my office 797 00:51:55,919 --> 00:52:00,919 this morning and I was thinking a lot 798 00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:05,030 about the last time I passed out in a car 799 00:52:06,240 --> 00:52:09,143 and I thought of this man here, Joseph, 800 00:52:10,660 --> 00:52:12,960 because I had two kids in the back. 801 00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,527 I wasn't driving, I just passed out 802 00:52:15,527 --> 00:52:18,360 but the windows were rolled up and the car was locked 803 00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:22,320 and the kids were screaming and it was sweltering hot 804 00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,127 and the people who heard the kids couldn't wake me up 805 00:52:25,127 --> 00:52:29,753 and the police woke me up that time too. 806 00:52:33,820 --> 00:52:37,660 I, uh, turned myself into the hospital and I told them 807 00:52:37,660 --> 00:52:40,590 that I had been stealing Demirel from my patients 808 00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:44,760 for about two years and I had always been 809 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,333 a big scotch drinker. 810 00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:51,490 In the hospital, put me in detox and they put me 811 00:52:51,490 --> 00:52:55,790 in rehab and they put me in a halfway house 812 00:52:55,790 --> 00:52:59,200 with other doctors like me 813 00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,620 and then they took me back. 814 00:53:02,620 --> 00:53:05,540 They put me on probation but they took me back 815 00:53:05,540 --> 00:53:09,923 to the hospital and I worked, I worked, I worked, I worked. 816 00:53:12,970 --> 00:53:17,600 I stayed straight, stayed clean, 817 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,600 I stayed sober and I worked. 818 00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:28,850 Now, I was thinking that I lost 819 00:53:30,250 --> 00:53:32,750 my children and I lost my husband, 820 00:53:32,750 --> 00:53:36,440 I lost my home (exhales sharply) 821 00:53:37,870 --> 00:53:39,613 but I've always had my work. 822 00:53:41,310 --> 00:53:45,450 It's never let me down, but this morning, 823 00:53:45,450 --> 00:53:49,480 I was thinking about the similarity 824 00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:54,150 between what my life is now 825 00:53:55,950 --> 00:53:59,910 as a well-respected doctor 826 00:54:01,020 --> 00:54:05,180 and what my life was then and it came 827 00:54:06,130 --> 00:54:10,143 sort of clear to me that I have isolated myself, 828 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:16,120 um, in this crowd of doctors and crowd of patients 829 00:54:18,730 --> 00:54:22,350 who were always needing me (sighs) 830 00:54:22,350 --> 00:54:25,840 that I've isolated myself the same way 831 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,840 as I used to do when I was taking Demirel and scotch 832 00:54:33,580 --> 00:54:36,543 and then I thought to myself, you know, why would I do this? 833 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,393 Why would I do this? 834 00:54:41,170 --> 00:54:44,300 And then I thought to myself, well, I think the reason 835 00:54:44,300 --> 00:54:49,273 is because I have not done the work of AA. 836 00:54:52,630 --> 00:54:57,630 I have not done the thing of looking 837 00:54:59,390 --> 00:55:01,263 at how I blew up my life. 838 00:55:06,710 --> 00:55:11,710 And um, I guess that's why I'm here 839 00:55:12,140 --> 00:55:16,420 because I need help to get back 840 00:55:17,740 --> 00:55:22,040 to my sponsor and I need help to get back home 841 00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:29,440 to my home group and I need to do the real work, 842 00:55:30,150 --> 00:55:32,863 the real work, which I had never done. 843 00:55:35,642 --> 00:55:37,973 Thank you, that's my purse. 844 00:55:40,782 --> 00:55:42,940 (chuckles) Those are my cigarettes, thank you. 845 00:55:44,416 --> 00:55:45,795 Thank you. 846 00:55:45,795 --> 00:55:50,251 ♪ Well, here in my heart, there's a story untold ♪ 847 00:55:50,251 --> 00:55:53,226 ♪ Of a girl I wanted for my own-- ♪ 848 00:55:53,226 --> 00:55:56,593 - Excuse me, I reserved this three years ago. 849 00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:02,520 - Yeah, holy shit, man (chuckles) how you been? 850 00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,633 I thought you were dead. - I was dead, you didn't hear? 851 00:56:06,658 --> 00:56:10,160 Yeah, I was dead and I requested I be reincarnated 852 00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,568 and they fucked up because they sent me back as myself, man. 853 00:56:13,568 --> 00:56:15,501 (laughs loudly) 854 00:56:15,501 --> 00:56:17,360 What happened to this, where the fuck 855 00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,400 is Jack Dempsey's picture, man, what do they do here? 856 00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,480 - New management. - Oh, new management. 857 00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:27,450 And we are powerless over it, makes our lives unmanageable. 858 00:56:28,837 --> 00:56:30,792 - What kind of shit is that, man? 859 00:56:30,792 --> 00:56:32,113 (laughs) - Barkeep! 860 00:56:32,990 --> 00:56:34,063 Barkeep! 861 00:56:35,516 --> 00:56:37,693 Hey, I'm looking for the barkeep. 862 00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:41,750 Who are you? - My name's Rich. 863 00:56:41,750 --> 00:56:44,003 - That's nice, where's the bartender? 864 00:56:44,855 --> 00:56:46,490 (laughs) No really. 865 00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:48,400 Where's the fucking bartender? 866 00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:50,160 You look like a fucking clothes designer, man. 867 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,320 What is this shit, no, really, who are you? 868 00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:54,960 Who is he? - This is Jim. 869 00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,093 - Hey, Jim. - What are you, a matchmaker? 870 00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,930 What is your name? - My name's Rich. 871 00:56:59,930 --> 00:57:01,480 - No, really, where's Anthony? 872 00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:02,690 - I bought him out six months ago. 873 00:57:02,690 --> 00:57:04,860 I take he opened a strip club out in Jersey. 874 00:57:04,860 --> 00:57:07,148 - Oh, but he's happy, though, huh? 875 00:57:07,148 --> 00:57:08,170 (laughs) Okay, that's good. 876 00:57:08,170 --> 00:57:10,200 Well, listen, I really have to make sure 877 00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:13,930 that you're an experienced mixologist, my friend. 878 00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:16,400 - Drinking since I was 12. - You have? 879 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:19,881 Good for you, okay, 'cause I need a proficient, 880 00:57:19,881 --> 00:57:23,110 proficient booze mechanic, okay? 881 00:57:23,110 --> 00:57:25,143 Are you available for that job? 882 00:57:27,057 --> 00:57:28,810 (laughing) Set him up. 883 00:57:28,810 --> 00:57:31,640 Doubles for everybody, okay, I'll have a whiskey 884 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:36,177 and I'll have a beer, in fact, how does that sound? 885 00:57:36,177 --> 00:57:38,260 - That'd be great. - Whoo. 886 00:57:40,906 --> 00:57:43,360 Oh, gawd, look, they have charities now. 887 00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:44,840 Does Mother Teresa hang here too? 888 00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:47,560 I knew she drank. (chuckles softly) 889 00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:51,980 Thank you, okay, here is to everyone 890 00:57:53,370 --> 00:57:55,860 and fuck everything. 891 00:57:55,860 --> 00:57:56,810 - No good (laughs). 892 00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:04,530 - I, um, feel like I should say something, I (clears throat) 893 00:58:04,530 --> 00:58:07,790 my name is Louis Tingley and I'm not, 894 00:58:07,790 --> 00:58:09,490 I don't, I think I'm an alcoholic. 895 00:58:10,702 --> 00:58:14,293 I'm, I'm stunned, actually, by this. 896 00:58:15,154 --> 00:58:17,254 I came to this church for a choir practice 897 00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:21,730 and when I came, I guess I was a bit fuzzy on the dates. 898 00:58:21,730 --> 00:58:26,730 No one was there, so it was only second, second time, 899 00:58:26,730 --> 00:58:30,070 so my eyesight isn't the greatest and I wandered downhill 900 00:58:30,070 --> 00:58:34,030 looking for the men's room and well, I thought 901 00:58:34,030 --> 00:58:37,320 all of you were the choir taking a break at first, you see, 902 00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,160 and I got drawn into the stories. 903 00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:42,000 I have to say, I've never, they're so real 904 00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:46,270 and honest, they're, they're, I mean nothing compares 905 00:58:46,270 --> 00:58:48,660 to it on television or in most movies. 906 00:58:48,660 --> 00:58:51,240 I got pulled in and I thought, my god, I had no idea 907 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,573 that the choir had so many problems. 908 00:58:54,573 --> 00:58:57,750 (group chuckles) And then the more I listened 909 00:58:57,750 --> 00:58:59,040 to your stories, the more I realize 910 00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:02,010 that, uh, well, I'm really not a drunk. 911 00:59:02,010 --> 00:59:07,010 I'm not a sober either, I'm, I'm, I guess I'm a fuzzy. 912 00:59:09,070 --> 00:59:11,860 That's what I'd call it, I drink to get fuzzy 913 00:59:11,860 --> 00:59:14,423 and I like getting fuzzy every day. 914 00:59:15,310 --> 00:59:17,210 It's not that I don't don't know what sober is. 915 00:59:17,210 --> 00:59:19,800 I mean I come from New England, I come from a long line 916 00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:23,610 of sober people, when they're drunk, they're sober. 917 00:59:23,610 --> 00:59:25,710 Most of them are a little drunk every night 918 00:59:25,710 --> 00:59:29,153 after five, but I have to say, um, 919 00:59:30,620 --> 00:59:34,173 I will be honest, I admit it, I'm a hophead. 920 00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,470 I like beer, sometimes boilermakers, 921 00:59:39,470 --> 00:59:42,540 you know, one or two shots Irish, not on the side, 922 00:59:42,540 --> 00:59:45,120 but I like to drop the shot right into the mug 923 00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:49,353 and watch it boil and foam up. 924 00:59:50,503 --> 00:59:53,190 And if there's a higher power, I can't believe 925 00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:56,036 that higher power didn't create barley and hops 926 00:59:56,036 --> 00:59:58,680 and allow them to sit there and ferment 927 00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:03,500 and God created beer, but not light beer. 928 01:00:03,500 --> 01:00:05,380 (group laughs) 929 01:00:05,380 --> 01:00:08,190 It's the devil's work or man's work. 930 01:00:08,190 --> 01:00:10,510 Actually, I grew up with the Bible, you wouldn't believe it. 931 01:00:10,510 --> 01:00:13,130 My mother read the Bible to me and I like that. 932 01:00:13,130 --> 01:00:14,860 I remember that stuff in the Bible. 933 01:00:14,860 --> 01:00:17,840 There is a season for everything under heaven 934 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,440 and a time and I think there's a time for drinking, 935 01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:26,440 you know, every day between five and 10:00 or six and 11:00, 936 01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,540 but I never drink alone, no, I drink at the, 937 01:00:30,540 --> 01:00:32,480 around the corner at the Pegasus. 938 01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:36,010 They have, gawd, I think they have seven draft beers there, 939 01:00:36,010 --> 01:00:38,873 including the queen of beers, the Guinness Stout, 940 01:00:40,244 --> 01:00:43,730 but you see, it's so nice to have an activity 941 01:00:43,730 --> 01:00:46,890 to keep me away, to celebrate, like I, 942 01:00:46,890 --> 01:00:49,250 that's part of why I'm staying here, why I wanted to go 943 01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:51,140 to choir practice, I needed something, you know, 944 01:00:51,140 --> 01:00:55,650 like in the Bible or in the beer ads on television, 945 01:00:55,650 --> 01:00:57,960 we've had a great ballgame, 946 01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:00,530 now let's have a cold one to celebrate. 947 01:01:00,530 --> 01:01:02,513 A cold one is a euphemism, I guess. 948 01:01:02,513 --> 01:01:04,760 I don't imagine having one beer. 949 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:07,260 I can't imagine anyone just drinking one beer 950 01:01:07,260 --> 01:01:10,990 if it was any good, what am I saying? 951 01:01:10,990 --> 01:01:13,270 Everyone's quiet, I'm thrown back on myself. 952 01:01:13,270 --> 01:01:18,100 Perhaps I'm saying that I need like an objective constraint 953 01:01:18,100 --> 01:01:21,490 outside of myself to stop me from, you know, 954 01:01:21,490 --> 01:01:25,350 like in the case of the choir, a singing super ego 955 01:01:25,350 --> 01:01:28,180 to stop me from rushing off to the bar 956 01:01:28,180 --> 01:01:29,630 and then I'll have something to celebrate. 957 01:01:29,630 --> 01:01:33,960 I, I, I, what I'm saying, I think, 958 01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,273 is that I prefer your narratives to their hymns. 959 01:01:38,570 --> 01:01:41,900 I'd like to come here every night and listen to stories 960 01:01:41,900 --> 01:01:46,900 and tell stories, I really never talked like this before. 961 01:01:50,060 --> 01:01:52,870 You see, what I wanted to ask if I could stay on here 962 01:01:52,870 --> 01:01:55,880 is, well, I know you're supposed to be special 963 01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:58,360 and I do have that feeling, I wanted to be 964 01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:00,930 a nondrinking drinker, I'm not drinking now, you see. 965 01:02:00,930 --> 01:02:04,483 I don't have any, it's, I don't, it's not on me, 966 01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:08,510 but I will drink, I will, after I leave 967 01:02:08,510 --> 01:02:10,070 this special occasion, I will go 968 01:02:10,070 --> 01:02:12,010 onto the next special occasion around the corner, 969 01:02:12,010 --> 01:02:16,240 the Pegasus, and watch Henry pour a slow draft 970 01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:20,890 of Double Diamond and watch its amber head foam up 971 01:02:20,890 --> 01:02:25,440 and lift it to my lips and feel its foam on my mustache 972 01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:30,270 and slide down like liquid bread 973 01:02:31,408 --> 01:02:33,550 and then to bed and... 974 01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:42,453 but thank you for letting me talk. 975 01:02:45,570 --> 01:02:48,403 I'm, I didn't, 976 01:02:49,930 --> 01:02:52,173 if there's a donation plate that I missed, 977 01:02:54,100 --> 01:02:57,103 I'll give something before I go out the door. 978 01:03:04,841 --> 01:03:08,258 ♪ Here's a heart for you ♪ 979 01:03:10,011 --> 01:03:13,997 - Ready for this shit? (paper rustling) 980 01:03:13,997 --> 01:03:17,970 This fucking bill, okay, it ain't the fucking Sox, man. 981 01:03:17,970 --> 01:03:21,023 Look at this, transfer of remains. 982 01:03:22,686 --> 01:03:27,173 Transfer of remains, 500 fucking dollars. 983 01:03:28,210 --> 01:03:30,450 If I knew it was 500 fucking dollars, 984 01:03:30,450 --> 01:03:33,677 I would've carried her my fucking self, man, how dare they? 985 01:03:33,677 --> 01:03:36,243 How fucking dare they, and now they're sending 986 01:03:36,243 --> 01:03:40,573 some fucking jackass collection agency after me, fuck them! 987 01:03:42,060 --> 01:03:44,943 Fuck them in the ass, I ain't fucking paying it. 988 01:03:46,165 --> 01:03:47,830 And I'm an alcoholic, you know? 989 01:03:47,830 --> 01:03:48,663 - Really? - You know, I went 990 01:03:48,663 --> 01:03:52,560 to that AA shit and those fucking zombie asshole 991 01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:56,260 motherfuckers, I mean, it's unbelievable. 992 01:03:56,260 --> 01:03:58,810 You can't drink anymore after you go to that shit. 993 01:03:58,810 --> 01:04:01,660 I mean I wanna fucking get loaded and I can't. 994 01:04:01,660 --> 01:04:03,440 It's driving me fucking nuts. 995 01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:05,090 I never used to count my fucking drinks 996 01:04:05,090 --> 01:04:06,900 before I went to those fucking places. 997 01:04:06,900 --> 01:04:08,970 I mean you go in these fucking meetings 998 01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:11,660 and there's like, I don't know, 100 fucking people there 999 01:04:11,660 --> 01:04:15,500 and all they talk about is fucking booze. 1000 01:04:15,500 --> 01:04:18,690 That's all they fucking talk about, drinking and drinking, 1001 01:04:18,690 --> 01:04:20,520 but they don't fucking drink. 1002 01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,740 What the fuck is that all about? 1003 01:04:22,740 --> 01:04:24,971 It's like a bad fucking Polish joke. 1004 01:04:24,971 --> 01:04:26,780 Well, you walk into a bar, you know, 1005 01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:30,350 don't set 'em up, Joe, oh, fuck that shit. 1006 01:04:30,350 --> 01:04:33,510 I am getting loaded tonight, how are you (faint speaking)? 1007 01:04:35,100 --> 01:04:36,830 - I gotta get going. 1008 01:04:36,830 --> 01:04:38,860 - You got kind eyes, man, you know? 1009 01:04:38,860 --> 01:04:42,860 I see in, in, in your face and in your smile, 1010 01:04:42,860 --> 01:04:45,630 You're, you're a good guy, you're a good guy. 1011 01:04:45,630 --> 01:04:48,040 - I'm late. - You're what? 1012 01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:49,460 - Late. - What the fuck does, 1013 01:04:49,460 --> 01:04:51,902 don't you understand? ♪ To let you go ♪ 1014 01:04:51,902 --> 01:04:54,230 Don't you understand what I'm saying? 1015 01:04:54,230 --> 01:04:58,115 I got sober and my wife fucking died. 1016 01:04:58,115 --> 01:04:59,430 (cheerful doowop music) - Pretty awful. 1017 01:04:59,430 --> 01:05:02,550 - Oh, it's pretty awful, I'd say it's pretty fucking awful. 1018 01:05:02,550 --> 01:05:04,910 Hey, who's playing the fucking jukebox? 1019 01:05:04,910 --> 01:05:08,640 Pretty fucking awful, I mean am I laughing? 1020 01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,220 - No. - I'm not laughing. 1021 01:05:10,220 --> 01:05:11,730 I'm not even fucking smiling. 1022 01:05:11,730 --> 01:05:14,709 - I know, I know. - People drink 1023 01:05:14,709 --> 01:05:16,312 and they fucking having a good time 1024 01:05:16,312 --> 01:05:18,173 like those fucking assholes over there, 1025 01:05:18,173 --> 01:05:21,910 I mean they have a good time, party, get down. 1026 01:05:21,910 --> 01:05:23,941 - Listen, I gotta go. 1027 01:05:23,941 --> 01:05:25,957 - Why the fuck did she have to die, you know what I mean 1028 01:05:25,957 --> 01:05:29,914 why her, I mean why not that fat fuck over there, huh? 1029 01:05:29,914 --> 01:05:31,790 - Who are you calling fat fuck? 1030 01:05:31,790 --> 01:05:34,110 - Oh, eat my ass. - I really think, 1031 01:05:34,110 --> 01:05:35,900 I gotta go. - Don't you understand? 1032 01:05:35,900 --> 01:05:37,233 Really, don't you understand what I'm saying? 1033 01:05:37,233 --> 01:05:39,273 - Please, I gotta go, please. 1034 01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:42,187 - How about you? 1035 01:05:43,698 --> 01:05:45,703 ♪ I love, love you so ♪ (vocalizing) 1036 01:05:46,676 --> 01:05:49,540 - Do any of you ever feel like you'd rather be dead 1037 01:05:50,670 --> 01:05:55,670 than be sober (chuckles softly) I mean it's just a glass 1038 01:05:55,820 --> 01:06:00,343 with liquid in it, right, so why can't I control it? 1039 01:06:02,140 --> 01:06:03,933 Why does it have to be so good? 1040 01:06:05,490 --> 01:06:09,190 You know, but it's okay because, um, see, somewhere 1041 01:06:09,190 --> 01:06:11,610 in the back of my head, I think, someday, 1042 01:06:11,610 --> 01:06:13,180 I am gonna be able to control it. 1043 01:06:13,180 --> 01:06:15,340 Someday, I'm gonna be able to have a few drinks 1044 01:06:15,340 --> 01:06:17,490 and I'm gonna be able to walk away from it. 1045 01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:21,810 And yeah, yeah, I know that's the wrong way to think. 1046 01:06:21,810 --> 01:06:23,840 I know I'm just at the beginning of something, okay? 1047 01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:28,020 I know that, but you know, 1048 01:06:28,020 --> 01:06:32,810 I have to sit here and I have to listen to all you guys 1049 01:06:32,810 --> 01:06:34,810 talk about how grateful you are, 1050 01:06:34,810 --> 01:06:39,810 and it, it, it makes me just, you know, 1051 01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:41,900 pray for the day when I can sit here 1052 01:06:41,900 --> 01:06:44,250 and I can be grateful too, you know, when I can be 1053 01:06:44,250 --> 01:06:47,913 just right where, where, um, where you are. 1054 01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,360 I don't feel any better today than I did the first day 1055 01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:55,760 I walked in here, like right now, more than anything 1056 01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:58,760 in the world, all I really wanna do is I wanna drink. 1057 01:06:58,760 --> 01:07:00,460 I just, I wanna drink, I wanna drink, I wanna drink 1058 01:07:00,460 --> 01:07:02,433 and then I wanna drink some more. 1059 01:07:04,310 --> 01:07:06,597 And, yeah, you know, I know that it's, uh, 1060 01:07:08,950 --> 01:07:12,104 it's my choice, but it's not really 1061 01:07:12,104 --> 01:07:16,633 because (scoffs) I need it. 1062 01:07:20,180 --> 01:07:22,430 I mean me sitting here right now is really just a bunch 1063 01:07:22,430 --> 01:07:25,170 of horse shit 'cause (scoffs) 1064 01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:27,993 I picked up this morning. 1065 01:07:31,900 --> 01:07:34,700 I drank, I had a shot, I smoked a joint. 1066 01:07:34,700 --> 01:07:35,777 I had to, I had to get through it, you know? 1067 01:07:35,777 --> 01:07:37,270 And you know what, I hate to tell you this, 1068 01:07:37,270 --> 01:07:40,880 but it helped me, you know, I only had one. 1069 01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:44,320 I didn't black out, but I needed that one to just get me 1070 01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,220 through it, you know, to calm me down. 1071 01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:50,170 And I don't think 1072 01:07:52,470 --> 01:07:55,930 anybody can really understand me for that. 1073 01:08:01,490 --> 01:08:04,880 See, uh, I was gonna go out and I was gonna get drunk 1074 01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:09,630 tonight but, you know, I had this plan, but for some reason, 1075 01:08:09,630 --> 01:08:13,500 I came here and I guess I'm here 1076 01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:15,820 because I really want somebody to stop me 1077 01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:21,543 because I just can't do it. 1078 01:08:27,377 --> 01:08:28,663 (chuckles softly) You know what? 1079 01:08:30,730 --> 01:08:34,202 You know, don't fucking stare at me like that, 1080 01:08:34,202 --> 01:08:36,510 all right, because I do not need 1081 01:08:36,510 --> 01:08:40,213 your goddamn pity. (group muttering) 1082 01:08:48,466 --> 01:08:51,966 (smooth jazz piano music) 1083 01:09:02,543 --> 01:09:03,376 - Hello. 1084 01:09:07,291 --> 01:09:10,355 You know where Felix is? 1085 01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:13,030 Did you see, you know who Felix is? 1086 01:09:13,030 --> 01:09:13,930 Did you see Felix? 1087 01:09:17,566 --> 01:09:18,810 (mumbles) 1088 01:09:18,810 --> 01:09:20,273 Oh, all right. 1089 01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:26,052 - [Man] Yeah, what's up, homes? 1090 01:09:26,052 --> 01:09:28,870 - You see Felix? - Felix who? 1091 01:09:28,870 --> 01:09:30,410 - [Jim] You don't know who Felix is? 1092 01:09:30,410 --> 01:09:33,820 - I said Felix who, right, I say, home, you sure 1093 01:09:33,820 --> 01:09:35,257 I can't help you out with (faint speaking)? 1094 01:09:36,836 --> 01:09:37,669 You sure? 1095 01:09:43,390 --> 01:09:48,390 - Excuse me, princess, oh, Jesus fuck, oh, honey pie. 1096 01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:52,750 - Yeah, baby. - You know where Felix is? 1097 01:09:52,750 --> 01:09:55,690 - Yeah, Felix got busted last week, he's in Rikers now. 1098 01:09:55,690 --> 01:09:57,280 - Oh. - Unfortunately. 1099 01:09:57,280 --> 01:09:58,817 - He's in Rikers? - Yeah. 1100 01:09:58,817 --> 01:09:59,863 - Oh, fuck! 1101 01:10:01,195 --> 01:10:04,028 (exhales sharply) 1102 01:10:05,468 --> 01:10:08,920 (door creaking) 1103 01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:11,857 - [Woman] Before I came to these rooms, I was afraid 1104 01:10:13,634 --> 01:10:16,587 (faint speaking) I was afraid of my own shadow. 1105 01:10:16,587 --> 01:10:19,807 - You okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. 1106 01:10:20,935 --> 01:10:24,307 I feel like a jerk (scoffs) I'm sorry I acted out. 1107 01:10:27,260 --> 01:10:31,127 - You know, you said you wanted us to stop you. 1108 01:10:32,995 --> 01:10:34,113 We can't stop you. 1109 01:10:35,150 --> 01:10:36,660 - Yeah, I know. 1110 01:10:36,660 --> 01:10:39,263 - We can help you, but we can't stop you. 1111 01:10:41,310 --> 01:10:43,723 Been making meetings? - Yeah. 1112 01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:50,430 - (chuckles softly) Got a sponsor? 1113 01:10:50,430 --> 01:10:53,130 - Yeah, I have a sponsor, I have an idiot 1114 01:10:53,130 --> 01:10:55,053 for a sponsor, I have myself. 1115 01:10:55,970 --> 01:11:00,413 - You can't sponsor yourself, that's my number. 1116 01:11:02,010 --> 01:11:03,710 Instead of picking up a drink, pick up the phone 1117 01:11:03,710 --> 01:11:04,543 and call me. 1118 01:11:07,660 --> 01:11:09,683 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 1119 01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:13,393 - Thanks. 1120 01:11:27,481 --> 01:11:32,398 Look at you, you're so together, you're so fucking perfect. 1121 01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,850 - I'm just a garden-variety drunk 1122 01:11:40,456 --> 01:11:42,427 and in one day, same as you. 1123 01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:51,460 - Oh gawd (chuckles) look at me, I look like shit. 1124 01:11:51,460 --> 01:11:53,313 - No, you (chuckles) you look fine. 1125 01:11:53,313 --> 01:11:56,440 I mean, listen, mirrors, you can't trust this mirror 1126 01:11:56,440 --> 01:12:01,440 and these lights (laughs) no, make everybody look horrible. 1127 01:12:01,820 --> 01:12:05,410 Squint, you look beautiful, try it, come on, squint. 1128 01:12:05,410 --> 01:12:07,290 Say, I look fabulous. 1129 01:12:07,290 --> 01:12:08,190 - I look fabulous. 1130 01:12:09,829 --> 01:12:13,197 - You look fabulous. - You look fabulous. 1131 01:12:13,197 --> 01:12:15,484 - We look fabulous. 1132 01:12:15,484 --> 01:12:20,484 (cars whooshing) (steps crunching) 1133 01:12:36,644 --> 01:12:40,227 (dogs barking in distance) 1134 01:12:41,410 --> 01:12:44,827 (disjointed piano music) 1135 01:13:11,470 --> 01:13:13,387 - Do I put money in for this or? 1136 01:13:13,387 --> 01:13:16,114 - No, no, no, no, this is free. 1137 01:13:16,114 --> 01:13:18,010 - Oh. - Yeah, free. 1138 01:13:18,010 --> 01:13:19,910 - You know, actually not an alcoholic. 1139 01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:22,931 - Yeah, you said that. - So I don't know if I-- 1140 01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,390 - Would you like some? 1141 01:13:24,390 --> 01:13:25,833 - It's all right to-- - Yeah. 1142 01:13:27,302 --> 01:13:29,228 'Cause it's just tea. 1143 01:13:29,228 --> 01:13:30,928 - Oh, of course. (Jasmine laughing) 1144 01:13:30,928 --> 01:13:32,805 Well, I'll be having beer afterwards-- 1145 01:13:32,805 --> 01:13:34,110 - Right. - As I said at the meeting. 1146 01:13:34,110 --> 01:13:36,310 - So you want it or not? - What? 1147 01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:37,680 - The tea. - Oh, yeah. 1148 01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:39,949 - Okay. - Make it herbal, it's fine. 1149 01:13:39,949 --> 01:13:42,030 - All right, now-- - Something different. 1150 01:13:42,030 --> 01:13:43,830 I haven't had that since I was a hippie. 1151 01:13:43,830 --> 01:13:46,780 I like it at night though 'cause I don't like to get wired. 1152 01:13:47,850 --> 01:13:48,683 That's-- - Here. 1153 01:13:48,683 --> 01:13:51,330 - Oh, thank you. - Keep coming back, okay? 1154 01:13:51,330 --> 01:13:53,460 - For tea? (chuckles) - At meetings. 1155 01:13:53,460 --> 01:13:54,793 - Oh, oh, meeting, yeah. 1156 01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:59,320 - I'd like to thank you all for being here tonight 1157 01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:03,380 because I needed you, okay, I'd like to end 1158 01:14:03,380 --> 01:14:07,090 the meeting with, yes? 1159 01:14:07,090 --> 01:14:12,090 - Hi, uh, my name is Kathy and I'm an alcoholic. 1160 01:14:13,620 --> 01:14:14,570 - [Group] Hi Kathy. 1161 01:14:15,420 --> 01:14:17,120 - I came here tonight because, um, 1162 01:14:18,470 --> 01:14:23,230 not knowing if I was, um, you know, an alcoholic and stuff 1163 01:14:23,230 --> 01:14:25,693 but, uh, after listening to all of you, 1164 01:14:27,130 --> 01:14:28,430 I'm pretty sure that I am 1165 01:14:29,930 --> 01:14:34,810 or, uh, I think we've done 1166 01:14:34,810 --> 01:14:37,170 a hell of a lot of the same things, 1167 01:14:37,170 --> 01:14:41,150 like blackouts and everything and, um, or felt 1168 01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:45,950 a lot of the same way or something. 1169 01:14:45,950 --> 01:14:48,293 We, um, we definitely drink a lot. 1170 01:14:49,930 --> 01:14:54,013 I, uh, I came here tonight because, um, 1171 01:14:58,260 --> 01:14:59,810 I didn't know where else to go. 1172 01:15:01,100 --> 01:15:04,970 I don't really have friends because I drink. 1173 01:15:04,970 --> 01:15:09,970 I don't, I don't have a home because I drink. 1174 01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:15,780 I, uh, I live in a women's shelter and, uh, 1175 01:15:17,270 --> 01:15:22,270 and I'm pregnant and I don't know what I'm going to do, 1176 01:15:24,190 --> 01:15:27,710 but I know that, um, that I need to stop drinking 1177 01:15:28,870 --> 01:15:30,470 and I wanna be able to keep the baby 1178 01:15:30,470 --> 01:15:34,943 because I have so much inside me, I just, 1179 01:15:36,190 --> 01:15:40,633 I just need someone to give it to, that's why I'm here. 1180 01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:45,143 The father, he left. 1181 01:15:47,264 --> 01:15:50,333 I woke up and he was gone, that hurts. 1182 01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:57,602 I was sleeping in a car, he drinks. 1183 01:15:57,602 --> 01:15:59,680 I was, um, I was sleeping in doorways 1184 01:16:00,650 --> 01:16:03,970 and I don't want my baby like that but it's like I keep 1185 01:16:03,970 --> 01:16:05,700 drinking with any money that I get, 1186 01:16:05,700 --> 01:16:09,513 I can help it and I need help. 1187 01:16:12,240 --> 01:16:13,073 I'm scared. 1188 01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:20,450 But um, who knows, I mean I'm here tonight 1189 01:16:22,420 --> 01:16:25,970 and, um, I don't really like to talk because I know 1190 01:16:25,970 --> 01:16:27,233 that I don't talk right. 1191 01:16:30,190 --> 01:16:31,023 I'm done. 1192 01:16:33,710 --> 01:16:36,510 - Kathy, all you have to have to come here 1193 01:16:36,510 --> 01:16:40,133 is a desire to stop drinking and you've got that, okay? 1194 01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:43,730 I don't know what's gonna happen to me. 1195 01:16:43,730 --> 01:16:45,800 This meeting hasn't given me all the answers, 1196 01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:49,593 but I know when I'm here, I won't drink, 1197 01:16:52,629 --> 01:16:57,629 Okay, all right, let's end the meeting with a moment 1198 01:16:58,020 --> 01:17:00,430 of silence for those still sick and suffering, 1199 01:17:00,430 --> 01:17:03,240 both outside and the other rooms, 1200 01:17:03,240 --> 01:17:05,407 followed by the Serenity Prayer. 1201 01:17:11,203 --> 01:17:12,890 - God. - God. 1202 01:17:12,890 --> 01:17:16,012 - [Group] God, grant me the serenity to accept 1203 01:17:16,012 --> 01:17:19,753 the things I cannot change, the courage to change 1204 01:17:19,753 --> 01:17:24,753 the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 1205 01:17:25,015 --> 01:17:28,503 Keep coming back, it works if you work it, 1206 01:17:28,503 --> 01:17:31,403 so work it, you're worth it. 1207 01:17:31,403 --> 01:17:34,153 (group clapping) 1208 01:17:39,951 --> 01:17:44,951 - You wanna get a coffee? - Yeah, a coffee sounds good. 1209 01:17:45,226 --> 01:17:48,798 - You wanna hit the diner? - Yeah (faint speaking). 1210 01:17:48,798 --> 01:17:52,529 - [Woman] Jasmine, Jasmine, Jasmine? 1211 01:17:52,529 --> 01:17:53,799 - Yeah? - I'll walk (faint speaking). 1212 01:17:53,799 --> 01:17:55,589 - [Jasmine] Oh, okay, okay. 1213 01:17:55,589 --> 01:17:58,506 (group chattering) 1214 01:18:00,284 --> 01:18:04,951 - [Man] Yeah, yeah, I (faint speaking). 1215 01:18:05,900 --> 01:18:08,891 - [Man] You know, why don't you stop fucking lying about it? 1216 01:18:08,891 --> 01:18:11,724 (group murmuring) 1217 01:18:25,972 --> 01:18:30,472 ♪ The way you make love all day, yeah ♪ 1218 01:18:32,200 --> 01:18:35,565 ♪ Bo, bo, bo ♪ ♪ Bohemian Daddy ♪ 1219 01:18:35,565 --> 01:18:40,565 ♪ Oh, you all in my dream ♪ 1220 01:18:42,529 --> 01:18:47,529 ♪ You've got me out, oh, love, love me ♪ 1221 01:18:47,628 --> 01:18:50,269 ♪ Whoo, ooh, ooh ♪ 1222 01:18:50,269 --> 01:18:52,552 (groovy electric guitar music) 1223 01:18:52,552 --> 01:18:55,823 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1224 01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:03,273 Fuck one day at a time. 1225 01:19:05,030 --> 01:19:07,730 It's one night at a fucking time. 1226 01:19:07,730 --> 01:19:11,310 Happy, joyous and free, 1227 01:19:11,310 --> 01:19:13,144 there you are. 1228 01:19:13,144 --> 01:19:15,550 ♪ Down where we met ♪ 1229 01:19:15,550 --> 01:19:18,212 ♪ And where you make love ♪ 1230 01:19:18,212 --> 01:19:19,212 - Hey Ricky. 1231 01:19:23,049 --> 01:19:27,583 ♪ Bohemian daddy, oh, I love you so ♪ 1232 01:19:27,583 --> 01:19:30,583 - Some of the guys told me about what happened to your wife. 1233 01:19:32,932 --> 01:19:37,589 Sorry, man. ♪ Oh, I love you so ♪ 1234 01:19:37,589 --> 01:19:40,589 ♪ Oh, I love you so ♪ 1235 01:19:41,699 --> 01:19:44,366 - How long ago did she, uh, die? 1236 01:19:46,597 --> 01:19:50,530 - (mumbles) lie anymore. 1237 01:19:50,530 --> 01:19:51,497 - Sorry (chuckles softly). 1238 01:19:53,151 --> 01:19:56,560 - I couldn't live the lie anymore. 1239 01:19:58,530 --> 01:20:00,170 - What lie is that? 1240 01:20:00,170 --> 01:20:01,513 - The fairy tale. 1241 01:20:02,550 --> 01:20:03,663 I'm a hero. 1242 01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:10,240 I stopped drinking and I become, 1243 01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:15,240 oh, I become the ideal fucking husband for two years 1244 01:20:15,730 --> 01:20:19,183 and my beautiful darling Janie, I am, 1245 01:20:20,703 --> 01:20:25,150 like Father Knows Best, man, I mean I'm talking breakfast 1246 01:20:25,150 --> 01:20:30,150 in bed, kisses on the Staten Island Ferry. 1247 01:20:30,273 --> 01:20:33,145 Oh, I did it all, you know? 1248 01:20:33,145 --> 01:20:38,143 (chuckles softly) And then the little lady dies. 1249 01:20:41,024 --> 01:20:43,063 Poor Jimmy Epstein. 1250 01:20:43,970 --> 01:20:48,810 Pity the poor sober martyr. 1251 01:20:48,810 --> 01:20:49,643 Huh, huh? 1252 01:20:53,010 --> 01:20:54,310 That's what I told myself. 1253 01:20:56,610 --> 01:20:58,383 It is a lie. 1254 01:20:59,670 --> 01:21:04,670 I mean I didn't drink, but I didn't know who the fuck I was. 1255 01:21:05,720 --> 01:21:07,420 I didn't know who the fuck she was. 1256 01:21:07,420 --> 01:21:09,460 I didn't even know what to say to her. 1257 01:21:09,460 --> 01:21:12,530 I mean I had to just, I was just sorta hanging around. 1258 01:21:12,530 --> 01:21:17,530 I was just staring at her with this blank fucking expression 1259 01:21:18,940 --> 01:21:22,957 All I was thinking about was drinking (chuckles softly). 1260 01:21:24,530 --> 01:21:26,536 - That can't be true, man, I mean you turned your life 1261 01:21:26,536 --> 01:21:28,100 around, she must've been proud of you. 1262 01:21:28,100 --> 01:21:30,340 - Oh, don't tell me what was true, what was true. 1263 01:21:30,340 --> 01:21:34,800 It was too goddamn late, I mean I turned into a ghost, 1264 01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:37,940 come on, I mean I might've been sober, okay, 1265 01:21:37,940 --> 01:21:39,980 but I tell you something, I was sober, 1266 01:21:39,980 --> 01:21:42,900 but we had two of the most painful, 1267 01:21:42,900 --> 01:21:47,413 empty slow years anyone could ever have. 1268 01:21:50,370 --> 01:21:52,500 We never connected 1269 01:21:54,228 --> 01:21:58,673 and that was so fucking true that you couldn't even say it. 1270 01:22:00,310 --> 01:22:01,433 We were a hoax. 1271 01:22:03,890 --> 01:22:06,900 I couldn't even help her 'cause I didn't even know 1272 01:22:06,900 --> 01:22:10,807 who I was, I got lost somewhere. 1273 01:22:12,498 --> 01:22:13,473 And you know what? 1274 01:22:15,933 --> 01:22:16,883 I don't even care. 1275 01:22:19,690 --> 01:22:23,360 - Richard, honey, you can't get too involved. 1276 01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:24,193 People need you. 1277 01:22:27,380 --> 01:22:29,213 - Hang tight, man, I'll be right back. 1278 01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:34,400 - [Chaka] He's cute but he's a mess. 1279 01:22:35,684 --> 01:22:37,923 - [Rich] Yeah, right, there's nobody else to talk to. 1280 01:22:46,296 --> 01:22:49,235 ♪ Sweeter than ♪ (vocalizing) 1281 01:22:49,235 --> 01:22:53,773 ♪ The honey dew ♪ (vocalizing) 1282 01:22:53,773 --> 01:22:56,798 ♪ Sweeter than sugar ♪ (vocalizing) 1283 01:22:56,798 --> 01:22:59,341 ♪ From candy too ♪ 1284 01:22:59,341 --> 01:23:02,508 ♪ Oh, this is my love ♪ 1285 01:23:08,205 --> 01:23:12,741 ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ This is my love ♪ 1286 01:23:12,741 --> 01:23:17,741 ♪ This is my love, this is my love (vocalizing) ♪ 1287 01:23:18,423 --> 01:23:22,437 ♪ Oh, always beside me ♪ ♪ Run, run, run ♪ 1288 01:23:22,437 --> 01:23:25,823 - Hey, Rich, fucking guy is shooting heroin in your bar. 1289 01:23:27,230 --> 01:23:28,790 - Fucking (faint speaking) I'll deal, I'll deal with-- 1290 01:23:28,790 --> 01:23:31,060 - All right. - Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy, 1291 01:23:31,060 --> 01:23:34,320 come on, man, this is no fucking answer, okay? 1292 01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:37,073 Come on, hey, come on. 1293 01:23:38,283 --> 01:23:40,118 (clamoring) 1294 01:23:40,118 --> 01:23:43,843 Sit down, hey, sit the fuck down, you wanna help? 1295 01:23:43,843 --> 01:23:46,070 Clean this shit up, come on. 1296 01:23:46,070 --> 01:23:49,233 - Oh (mumbles) come on, man. - Jimmy, let's go. 1297 01:23:49,233 --> 01:23:53,197 Let's talk a walk. - Keep that fuck away from me. 1298 01:23:53,197 --> 01:23:55,614 (clattering) 1299 01:23:56,918 --> 01:23:57,751 Oh, shit. 1300 01:23:58,657 --> 01:24:03,657 ♪ Pain in my heart ♪ 1301 01:24:03,680 --> 01:24:08,680 ♪ All my dreams are forsaken ♪ 1302 01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:16,277 ♪ Oh, my, baby (muffled singing) ♪ 1303 01:24:16,277 --> 01:24:21,277 (metallic rattling) (vehicles revving) 1304 01:24:45,861 --> 01:24:48,944 (vehicles whooshing) 1305 01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:53,860 - [Toby] Hi, I'm Toby. 1306 01:24:54,920 --> 01:24:58,026 I'm a drunk, I got three days now. 1307 01:24:58,026 --> 01:25:00,776 (group clapping) 1308 01:25:01,890 --> 01:25:05,460 - Hi, I'm Freddy, I'm an alcoholic. 1309 01:25:05,460 --> 01:25:07,480 By the grace of God, one day at a time, 1310 01:25:07,480 --> 01:25:10,214 I'll have six months tomorrow. 1311 01:25:10,214 --> 01:25:13,314 - All right. (group clapping) 1312 01:25:13,314 --> 01:25:15,520 - Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm cross addicted 1313 01:25:15,520 --> 01:25:16,563 and it's seven days. 1314 01:25:17,667 --> 01:25:20,550 (group clapping) 1315 01:25:20,550 --> 01:25:24,110 - My name is Tom, I'm an alcoholic and a pothead 1316 01:25:24,110 --> 01:25:25,663 and I have 10 days back. 1317 01:25:26,503 --> 01:25:29,253 (group clapping) 1318 01:25:34,980 --> 01:25:35,813 - Jim. 1319 01:25:38,440 --> 01:25:39,573 I'm an alcoholic. 1320 01:25:42,452 --> 01:25:43,683 I drank last night. 1321 01:25:48,086 --> 01:25:50,457 I'm back where I started again. 1322 01:25:57,404 --> 01:25:59,987 In 24 hours, I'll have one day. 1323 01:26:10,052 --> 01:26:13,052 (smooth jazz music) 97890

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