Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNARLING)

(GIGGLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(BLOWS)

Hey, Chester. Why so glum?

Oh. It's nothing.

Aw, come on, Chester. You know you could tell us anything.

-Open up. -Yeah.

It's just that every year, right around this time,

I get a little lovesick, is all.

What with all the blossoms and the warm spring air and the pheromones.

They're everywhere! It's maddening!

It makes a man crazy!

I'm so desperately alone.

-Ooh, Chester wants a girlfriend. -(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hey, come on. You guys already had your love stories.

What about me, huh?

What about lonely, lonely Chester?

PATCHES: What about super-awesome Patches?

Who was that?

-HAROLD: It's Patches. -(BUNNICULA BABBLES)

Hey, I'm Patches.

I'm a Weredude.

♪ Patches, a Weredude, yes, he's back

♪ He's the hefty hairy man who is also a cat

♪ When the moon is full it rearranges his fat

♪ It makes a magic transformation wherever he's at

♪ He's Patches ♪

Hey, Chester. Hey, Bunnicula.

Hey, uh... The... The dog.

How's it going?

Oh, Chester was just talking about how alone he is

and something about "ferret-moans."

Pheromones!

And I wouldn't have to lament

if I only knew how to impress the ladies.

(SNICKERS)

Chester, women aren't so hard.

I have a girlfriend.

-You do? -No, not technically.

But, look.

You can see her. She's right over there.

CHESTER: Wow. PATCHES: No, no, no, not her.

PATCHES: Her.

Her name is Elvira. I met her during the last full moon.

I think I'm in love with her.

But I can't see her if I'm a human.

Until the moon changes me back,

all I can do is leave tokens of my affection

while she sleeps.

At least you have someone.

I just wish I could be like you

and know how to play the game.

PATCHES: Wouldn't that be something?

If only we could find a solution to each other's problems.

Ah-ha!

(GIRL SHRIEKING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Uh...

(MOANS AND GROANS)

-(ANGRILY) Why? -Whoa.

You look just like me.

(CHUCKLES)

(GROANS)

What... What the... All right, you.

You wanna maybe explain your rationality behind this!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Oh, I get it. Chester stands in for Patches

and gets Elvira to fall in love with him

and then Chester can learn basic dating etiquette

-so he can finally call himself a man. -Yeah.

Wait, you... You mean, pretending to be you

on a date? A real date?

Hey, you said you wanted to learn.

Well, now is your chance, Chester.

Someone's gotta make her fall in love with me.

You can do it, Chester. Do it for me.

You're right, Patches. I'm gonna do this.

For you and for me.

Yeah.

-(WHISPERS) But don't kiss her. -Kiss her?

(NERVOUSLY) Oh, I just hope I can get her attention

and, of course, help my Weredude buddy.

Chester,

you're my boy.

Okay, Elvira's waiting.

Here, give her this mouse I caught.

(COUGHING)

I don't know if I can do this.

Relax. There's only one thing you need to know

when it comes to the ladies.

Always be awesome.

-Uh... -(CHUCKLES) All right.

Make her swoon, buddy.

Ahhh!

Uh, oh... Hello.

Uh... Oh, hi. I'm, uh... Patches.

Um... Uh... Here. This is for you.

(GASPING) This is madness.

Madness!

(BOTH NERVOUSLY CHUCKLE)

Um...

Uh... So, you, uh, like, uh...

Comic books?

Comic books? Oh... Oh, my.

As a matter of fact, I rather love comic books.

Wow, really? Me... Me too.

Yeah, and nothing goes better with reading, than...

BOTH: Listening to Lounge Jazz.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH SIGH)

Hey, you know something? You're pretty cool.

-Duh. -(LAUGHS)

Yes. Let us continue the date.

Uh... Patches?

Yeah, I... I'm Patches.

The ground. It's ever so far.

Would you help me down?

(GULPS) Uh... Yes, of course.

Alley-oop, my love.

Oh, your arms are so big and strong, Patches.

(LAUGHING) My arms.

Uh... Come on. Let us, uh, go...

Frolic about and such.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh, Dad?

There's a strange man talking to the animals.

FATHER: Only in America. (CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Chester sure has been doing a good job

keeping Elvira in love with me.

Though there is something that we've noticed,

that, maybe, you're not aware of.

What? That Chester is the best wingman in the world

and would do anything for his brother, man?

(CHUCKLES) I already knew that.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

No, no, no.

You... You're both crazy.

I... I need to go.

-(SCREAMS) -(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Let him go, Bunnicula. He'll understand soon enough.

Oh, Patches.

These past few days have been so wonderful.

And I must say, I thought you were handsome before,

but now I find you even more attractive.

(NERVOUSLY CHUCKLES) Yeah, about all that.

There's something you don't know about me,

and I wanna be honest with you about it, but I...

I don't know how.

What you talking about, Chester?

Can't it wait?

The moon will soon be out and it will be ever so full.

Won't that be lovely and good, Patches?

Yeah, see, my situation kind of involves the moon.

And, well, I... I, uh...

You know what they say about the full moon, don't you?

(SOFTLY) They say it causes madness.

Uh... Uh... I, uh...

(MOANS)

(GASPS)

(BOTH MOANING)

(CRYING)

I can't believe Chester betrayed me.

(YELLING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(CONTINUES YELLING)

(CAT YOWLING)

CHESTER: This is the real deal, you guys.

It just feels right, you know?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Oh, Bunnicula.

I don't expect you to understand what Elvira and I share.

It's a pure love.

Uh, okay, but, uh... What about Patches?

-(DOOR CREAKING) -What about Patches, indeed.

Whoa!

(GROANS)

Patches, um... There... There's no need to get upset.

You used my own advice against me

and acted too awesome.

Now you're trying to steal Elvira from me.

But, I won't let you.

-(GRUNTING) -Whoa. Hey, what... What're you...

Ow! Quit it!

Should we do something, Bunnicula?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(GRUNTING AND YOWLING)

You can't accept that I make a better Patches than you.

Nuh-uh. You make me sound like a Hobbit.

(GROANING) People love Hobbits!

(SCREAMING AND YOWLING)

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(YELLING)

(GROANING AND GRUNTING)

-BOTH: Huh? -(GRUNTING)

BOTH: Elvira!

You know it's me, babe.

Don't let this faker steal you away.

I share your interests, Elvira.

Jazz, lavender soap, comic books.

Choose me, Elvira.

PATCHES: Choose me, Elvira.

CHESTER: Choose me. PATCHES: Choose me.

CHESTER: Choose me. PATCHES: No, choose me, man.

BOTH: Choose me!

(GROANING)

BOTH: Elvira!

I can't believe it.

She fainted from her own indecision.

Uh, you guys?

She probably fell over

'cause she's just a bag of sand with a balloon tied to it.

Harold, how could you say that about Elvira?

Yeah, she's not an object.

She's a real live woman.

She's the most beautiful woman I've ever know...

Oh...

How... What... When did this...

How long has Elvira been

a bag of sand with a balloon tied to it?

The whole time.

(LAUGHING)

This is madness! Madness!

Uh... (MOANS)

BOTH: Choose me!

(WHIZZING)

BOTH: Elvira!

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

But our love was real.

How can this happen?

Well, I don't know.

I guess you could chalk it up to the loneliness, wishful thinking

and all those fairy-moans.

Pheromones.

You know what, Chester?

Maybe we don't need to be in love, in order to be happy.

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES) And it's pretty funny.

I'd say we looked equally ridiculous.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hey, yeah. When does that disguise wear off?

(PUFFING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-(GROANS) -Don't worry.

I got you covered.

Thanks.

That's what friends are for.