Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(HISSING)

(SNARLING)

(LAUGHS)

GUNTHER: Hey, y'all! I'm here at Mart Mart

which may be the most haunted convenient store

in all of the American South.

GUNTHER: Have y'all seen any ghosts and or spirits inside this here convenience store?

Uh, no.

I haven't seen any ghosts in here.

But I guess that doesn't mean it isn't haunted.

GUNTHER: So, y'all are saying this place is haunted?

I mean for five bucks I'll say anything you want.

Right from the horse's mouth! This place is haunted as all get out.

So I'm gonna have to drive out the spirits in the only way I know how.

Dynamite!

TV ANNOUNCER: Tonight on (HIGH PITCHED) Gunther

the Ghost Hunther.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Yeah, Buns.

It's weird that there are never any real ghosts in this show.

That Gunther dude is always blowing up the haunted house and stuff

before we get to see anything.

That's why I like Gunther the Ghost Hunther.

He knows you gotta get the ghosts before the ghosts get you.

Aww, it almost looks like they're really watching TV.

I know. It's super cute.

Hopefully, that'll keep them occupied while Dad takes us to see...

Dun-dun-dan! Da-da-dan!

Crazy Underwear Man 2.

But, Mina, (WHIMPERS) that's a scary movie.

You know how I get at scary movies.

I get scared.

Oh, please, Marsha.

You're a young adult now. You'll be fine.

Wow. You really think I'm a young adult?

Now let's see if we can attract some more ghosts

with Gunther's patented ghost call.

Ahem. (CLEARS THROAT)

Suey!

Here ghosty, ghosty, ghosty, ghosty!

Suey!

-(ECHOES) Suey! -(BELL TOLLS)

(ECHOING) Suey! Suey!

(GROWLING)

GUNTHER: ...ey! Come on, y'all ghosts!

Whoa. Good thing those ghosts don't really listen to that nonsense.

(WHIMPERS) Don't look at it, Chester. It's not there.

I told you not to do that!

(SCREAMS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(LOUD ECHOING SCREAMING)

(STAMMERS)

(STAMMERING) Ghost!

(CHOMPS)

Hmm.

(SOBBING)

(GASPS) Oh, are you

a vampire rabbit?

(SNIFFS AND GASPS)

The reek of rotten vegetables.

You are a vampire rabbit!

For a minute, I was afraid you were (INHALES)

(HUSHED) a normal.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

You know? Normals.

They're absolutely terrifying.

The way they run around being all alive

and touching things and sitting down and stuff!

(DISGUSTED GRUNTS)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

You live in a house with normals and you're not afraid?

-Mm-mm. -(MOANING)

(GASPS) What was that sound?

(GHOSTLY) Boo!

Boo, Bunnicula.

-You were supposed to let me know if you did anything cool. -(BABBLING)

-Of which a ghost party is one of am. -(WHIMPERING)

-So, boo. -(DEEP INHALE)

(LOUD CONTINUOUS ECHOING SCREAMING)

Your breath smells like ghost salmon.

-Do it again. -(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Oh, well, maybe you're right.

He doesn't seem too terrifying.

-Get out! Get out of my house! -(SHRIEKS)

No ghosts allowed!

No ghosts allowed! (FLAPPING UMBRELLA)

(SCREAMS)

(CRAZED MUTTERING)

(DEEP INHALE)

(LOUD ECHOING SCREAMING)

You're saying that thing is a Bearshee?

(CLEARS THROAT) Yabba dabba doo Siobhan.

Chester, Bunnicula says her name is Siobhan.

And she's more afraid of you than you are of her.

That's totally not true.

But Bunnicula says he can help you two not be afraid of each other.

It's like when I used to be worried that Larry Wagman

would follow me around everywhere

and Bunnicula helped me get over that.

This is totally different.

Larry Wagman is not a translucent apex predator!

And how am I not supposed to be terrified of this clawed wee-wee beast?

Oh, oh! How about trust falls?

I stand on this chair and when I fall you catch me.

And then we trust each other more.

Uh, Harold. Harold!

I just lean back and you catch me.

Harold, she's incorporeal.

No, she's in our home.

And she's a guest. Don't be rude. Here we go!

You're gonna fall right through her.

(CHESTER MEWLS AND SCREAMS)

(PANS RATTLING)

(THUD)

Oh, my gosh! He passed right through me.

(WHIMPERS)

(DEEP INHALE AND TEETH CLAMPING)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Yeah. Normals can't hurt you 'cause they pass right through you.

Oof. Why that is a wonderfully positive way to look at things.

No problemo. I'm here to help.

Whoa! (THUD)

So, now you think nothing can hurt you, huh?

Well, I live here and I've learned to be prepared for anything.

And I know that if a ghost won't go away then you have to perform

a ghostercism to get rid of it!

Chester, a wizard is supposed to use his powers for good.

Whoa!

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

It's true. Chester's pretty smart.

But he never actually learns from his past mistakes.

-Whoop! -(THUD)

All right, ghost. Now you're in trouble.

By the power vested in this finger

I hereby

banish thee!

Oh! Oh, my goodness.

(DEEP INHALE AND MUFFLED YELP)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Bunnicula says, "Please don't scream

"because Chester has no idea what he's doing."

I banish thee!

(INHALES SHARPLY) Get outta here!

Ho?

Is this thing on?

Oh, you're right.

He really does have no idea what he's doing.

Yeah. Chester's like our comic relief.

How is this not working? This book got four stars online.

Get out of my house! Get out of my house!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! (INHALES SHARPLY)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Bunnicula says,

-that in a spiritual sense we are all one. -(FLAPPING UMBRELLA)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

CHESTER: There's no reason to be afraid of each other...

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

...because we all want the same things.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

And, that if we're all good...

(GASPS) Oh, my gosh!

He says that if we're all good we can go out for ice cream later.

-He says what? -He'll take us out for ice cream?

(LOUD ECHOING SCREAMING)

-(MEWLS) -(CRASHES)

Oh, sorry. I just really like ice cream.

You're preaching to the choir, lady.

(THUD) Ugh.

(GROANS) Uh?

(CRASHES)

-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH) -I'll give him mouth to mouth.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

(FARTING NOISE)

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Oh, my gosh. Really?

CHESTER: Oh, whoa...

For a minute there I thought I wasn't gonna make it.

Oh, Chester!

You can still talk to us.

That's the good news.

CHESTER: Uh? What's the bad news?

Well, the bad news is

you didn't make it.

What! Ah, ah!

Ah, I'm a ghost.

This is all your fault!

You scared me to death!

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Hey, yeah. Chester's a ghost like you now.

So there's no reason to be afraid of him.

There you go. Looking at the positive side again.

I'm one of you guys now.

I'm a supernatural creature.

Oh, no.

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

Yes. At least you won't smell so bad now.

No, you guys don't understand.

Twenty minutes ago I called TV's Gunther the Ghost Hunther

and I hired him to exterminate

(CRYING) all the ghosts in the Orlock apartments.

TV ANNOUNCER: (HIGH PITCHED) Gunther

the Ghost Hunther.

GUNTHER: There are certain places in the world that just give you the willies

and the Orlock apartments is one of them.

Ghosts and spirits love spooky old mansions.

That's why I live in my van!

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

(LOUD ECHOING KNOCKING)

-(SHAKING) -I think he's here.

Yes. I feel a presence.

As though we're being watched

or followed.

Oh! Larry Wagman, you rascal.

Seriously! Gunther the Ghost Hunther is here!

Howdy-ho! Any ghosts home?

What are we gonna do?

(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

(GASPS) Oh, yes, Bunnicula.

Let's show this normal what a real haunting looks like.

Anybody home?

-A bone! -(BONE SQUEAKS)

And it looks like it's covered in ectoplasm.

(SLOBBERS)

Right here in the kitchen, I feel a cold spot.

Ghosts love them some dairy products.

So let's get rid of that.

(GULPING)

And here we got, uh...

Cat-shaped holes in the wall.

That's actually a little bit creepy.

-(RATTLING) -Uh, who's there?

Aww. It's just one of them cute little bunny-type rabbits.

(YELLS)

(SCREAMS)

-No! No, no, no! -(MEWLS)

Aww. It's just one of them kitty-type cats.

-(HAROLD HOWLING) -(CHESTER MEWLING)

-(SCREAMS) -(BOOING CONTINUES)

It's working. Now it's up to Siobhan.

(WHIMPERING)

(STUTTERS) But ghosts aren't real.

(GROWLS)

-(LOUD ECHOING SCREAMING) -(SCREAMS)

Remember, Crazy Underwear Men aren't real.

Besides, you have me too...

-(THUD) -(TIRES SCREECHING)

(MUMBLING)

-(SCREAMING) -Whoa, cool!

Mina, save yourself!

(SCREAMS)

(MARSHA SCREAMS)

(SOUR TRUMPET NOTE PLAYING)

CHESTER: Wow, we did it, guys.

Maybe being a ghost isn't so bad.

After all, I can walk through walls and...

-(BANGS) -Ugh!

(SPLASHES)

Hey, what happened to... (SLURPS)

I was just covered in flour?

-Bunnicula! -(RUMBLING)

(GIGGLING)

Oh, so the kitty wasn't a ghost this whole time.

And he wasn't even scary!

I guess I really don't have to be scared of normals.

Bunnicula and Harold, I owe you a debt of gratitude.

And you too, Chester.

Chester?

Get out! Get out of my house!

(ALL LAUGHING)

CHESTER: Get out!

(THEME SONG PLAYING)