Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNARLING)

(CACKLING)

Boy, sure is dark down here, huh, little guy?

-Boo! -(LAUGHING)

Spooky!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So much history.

It's a shame Dad asked us to box it all up.

(COOING)

Better get to it.

Whoa, is this a bracelet made of teeth?

That's a keeper.

Man, some of this stuff is too awesome to be trapped in a box.

And what's this?

A plastic book?

(BLOWING)

Oh, an old fashioned video cassette.

Fun 4 Catz.

Oh, Chester's gonna love it!

Let's see, an eight letter word for manners.

Hmm. "Civility." Of course.

Chester, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

Chester, where's the little fuzzball?

Oh, ho-ho, there you are Chester-bester.

I got something for you.

Something I think you'll find Fun 4 Catz.

(GIGGLING) Enjoy.

CAT: (ON TV) Meowzers, dudes!

Welcome to Fun 4 Catz.

Don't be a stray, let's part-ay.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCOFFING) Yeah, maybe fun for kittens and dumb-dumbs.

Hiya, Chesty, what are you watch...

Whoa.

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

Meowzers, dudes!

Meowzers.

Oh-ho, that's amazing.

Meowzers, Chester.

Yep, it's real feline funky, Harold.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

(SNIFFING) I smell jerky.

Yeah, I don't think so.

(EXCLAIMING)

(COOING)

(HUFFING)

Like, here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

(MEOWING)

(SNIFFING) Oh, there's that sweet jerky scent.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

How's about giving me a taste?

Aw, please, little buddy, let me just swish it in my mouth a little.

-Nah. -(CHESTER GRUNTING)

Huh?

(HISSING)

How about one quick chew, please?

Boy, he's still at it.

It's kind of refreshing, actually, to see Chesty letting his pants down.

-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) -Oh, it's "hair down"?

Hey, you learn something new every day.

Now about that magic monkey paw?

Ho-ho. Don't you worry. I'll find it.

Gnarly, you'll totally do whatever I say.

(SLURPING)

Ah! Ooh. Uh.

Sorry, Chester. I know you don't like me drinking out of the big white shiny bowl.

I kept telling 'em it's better than the bottled water.

Hmm? Oh, Sweet!

Delicious monkey paw.

Bunnicula must have left it for me to find.

'Cause he's such an awesome little dude.

Ah...

-(YOWLING) -Wha...

My perfect meal.

(SNARLING)

Meowzers.

(MEWING)

Hey, does it seem to you like Chester, maybe, kinda acting not so Chestery lately?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SLURPING)

Nah. (HUMMING)

Hey, Chester.

You've been watching that tape for hours.

Let's give your little kitty eyes a breaky-break.

(SNARLING)

Okay, playtime forever, I guess.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

-(GREETING) -(GRUNTING)

(GROWLING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(HISSING)

(EXCLAIMING)

(MEWING)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

(ROARING)

(LAUGHING)

(SNARLING)

(SNARLING)

(LAUGHTER ON TV)

(HEAVING)

Ah!

(SUCKING)

God, gag me with a spoon.

Even a neo-maxi-zoom- dweeb-cat could've caught that rabbit.

You're a bad kitty, like, go punish yourself.

(RAT LAUGHING)

Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself?

(GROANING)

Probably 'cause I told you to.

(CHUCKLING)

Now, go scratch up those curtains.

(GROANING)

Ah.

(CHUCKLING) Rip it good.

Oh, uh, uh, uh, like, uh, squeak-squeak?

No, uh, boo! Beat it!

Hey, like, what gives, dude?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Uh, no. I don't have to explain myself.

Butt out, loser.

-(STATIC BUZZING) -(CONTROLS BEEPING)

What? Hey, hey, bud, you're like messing up my settings!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

You wanna know the beans?

Fine, I'll spill 'em.

Back when I was, like, alive,

there were these, like, cats, right?

And they would, like, totally chase me.

They were persistent, you know?

So, finally, I found this most excellent hiding place.

I thought it was totally cozy for sure, buddy.

WOMAN: Look, how cute.

Bubble gum and Super Tramp want to watch their Kitty video again.

So, I was like catching some Zs, right?

When all of a sudden this gnarly rectangle totally crashes my pad, dude.

-(WHIRRING) -(CLANKING)

WOMAN: Oh, shoot, it's stuck.

(ENERGY PULSATING)

And you know, like, how if something awful happens in a house,

it fully becomes like a haunted house?

Well, something awful happened in this video cassette.

(SCREAMING) Bogus!

I've been, like, trapped in this tape for like 35 years,

taking swats and bunk from cats,

and I'm sick of it.

And now that you know what's up,

I think I'm gonna have to have your friend eat you.

(CHUCKLING) Hey, Kitty.

Sick 'em!

(SNARLING)

(GROWLING)

Ha!

Oh, so, you've got some supernatural mojos of your own.

Hmm.

So, maybe this cat can't hurt you.

(MEOWING)

But, maybe there's another way.

(YOWLING)

Hey, cat, why don't you go scratch up her.

Go on, give her a scratch.

Scratch. Scratch! Scratch!

(SIGHING)

(SNORING)

(GROANING)

No! I can't do it.

Hey, like, what's the holdup, dude? I said scratch her.

How can you even say such a thing?

I mean, just look at her.

She's such an elegant, beautiful creature.

(SNORING)

You pushed me too far and now your spell is broken.

Well, you know what? Whatever, man.

Whatever.

If I can't control this dumb cat, today,

it's just gonna be another cat in a couple of years.

Hah! I'm gonna haunt so hard.

(CACKLING) And best of all, dudes, you know what? You can't stop me.

Because, as we all know, videotape is forever.

Hey, what the...

(LOUD THUDDING)

-Hmm? -It goes streaming!

And then Blu-ray and then DVD!

And then VHS!

Even Betamax had better picture.

Dumb '80s ghost mouse!

Making me rip curtains and drink out of the toilet!

-(SNORING) -(SMASHING)

(GRUNTING)

I'm a sophisticated man. Yeah!

(CLEARING THROAT)

Thanks.

(GROANING) Whoa.

Wha... Hey, awesome. I'm free.

Gnarly, dude. Now I can go live, like, a productive afterlife.

Oh? Oh.

I'm sorry for all the revenge stuff.

And trying to make you, like, eat each other

and you know, uh, smell you later.

(CHUCKLING)

(MUFFLED) Mmm. It's a happy ending for everybody.

Except for the magic monkey, whose delicious paw this is.

(MONKEY CHATTERING)

(SCREECHING)

Let us never speak of this again.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)