Original subtitles

[Timmie] Then he offers me a glass of wine,

and that's when I realised this is kind of not cool for work.

Do you know what I mean?

It's 9 p.m. We're drinking.

I've heard him lie on the phone to someone.

I should be concerned, right?

So I thought, "Fuck it,"

-and I took the glass of wine. -What are you doing?

-What? -How long?

-What? -Since he text you?

I wasn't... No.

Show me.

[laughs] No.

If you're going to be rude and not listen to Timmie's sexual-harassment story,

then I'm going to be rude and read your messages.

That's fair.

Interesting.

If you took my phone,

I'd literally punch you in the face.

Two unanswered messages, Claire Bear.

Show me.

-Oh, shit. -What?

There's no punctuation in his messages.

That's not a thing.

It's totally a thing.

You only think it's not a thing because you don't know how to write a message.

You don't know how to read a message.

I literally cannot understand most of the messages you send me.

It's like, stream of consciousness of somebody who's taken too much Codeine

and then proceeded to watch

the plastic bag scene from American Beauty on repeat.

My issue with these messages

is that it's been four texts since he's asked a question.

Ah, you bitches are cray.

Thank you. That's not a thing.

If questions are asked,

it keeps the conversation flowing.

They want to know more.

Not necessarily. I don't ask questions.

Because you're a fucking narcissist.

No, I ask questions if I actually want to know something. OK?

I'm not going to fucking waste my time and ask you questions like,

"Oh, hey Nat. How are you? How's your day?"

I don't fucking care.

I see you guys at least four times a week.

If something noteworthy has happened, you'll tell me.

I do not waste my texting and reading time with "Hey, how you going?"

Fucking bored.

Hey.

Hey.

How's it going?

Good.

A little role-play example for us there.

Fuck you.

OK. I think that it is time that we meet the Negroni.

Yas! Bring him to drinks so we can throw judgement.

No, I feel like you're successfully doing that in his absence.

[laughter]

[jeering]

♪ Dreaming of you ♪

♪ Hoping and wishing My dreams come true ♪

♪ Dreaming of you ♪

♪ Hoping and wishing My dreams come true ♪

What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?

Oh, I'm not sure.

OK.

I'm just gonna jump in the shower.

OK.

OK.

[Harriet] Everything's like [moaning]

No, I don't know.

I think I'm just being oversensitive and vomit girly.

You know what? It's probably that you--

Wait.

What?

Shit.

What? What's happened?

Oh my god.

Fucking what?

-Fuck! -What?

What day did we go on the Bay walk?

The Bay walk?

Yeah, yeah, when did we go?

I don't know. That was ages ago.

Oh, fuck.

[laughs] Uh oh, are you OK?

Uh, yep.

Yeah, I need to go, because I just...

I just need to use both of my hands to count.

OK. I'm in an Uber now.

Don't throw yourself off a bridge.

OK.

Fuck.

[knocking]

Are you in labour yet?

I'm thinking it's fine.

OK.

I've done some Googling.

Always a great idea.

-OK, get this. -So great.

Five reasons your period is late,

apart from being pregnant.

That's an actual site?

Believe it or not, it is a common issue.

Do people get pregnant on purpose?

I don't think so.

OK, number one, change in schedule.

How do you want me to support this?

I went from Uni to full-time work.

Right. What are the other reasons?

-Not a thing? -Not a thing.

Stress, premature menopause,

a chronic disease or polycystic ovaries.

I could totally have polycystic ovaries.

Fingers crossed.

How late are you?

Like eight days.

Mm... Let's get a test.

-Come on. Let's go to Broadway. -No.

Why?

Not Broadway,

-because Negroni lives near there and-- -And?

Let's just go to Sutherland.

Eugh, no. Balmain.

OK. Sure.

Actually that's good because if it's positive,

we can go to Birkenhead Point and get some outlet children's clothes.

No.

It's not funny yet.

Buy a baby book.

Join a mother's group on the bay walk.

No?

No.

[door shuts]

[footsteps approach]

Well that was fun.

I'm sorry.

No, no, it really was.

I went for a, "Oh my god. I'm so happy. I've been trying for two years" vibe.

I am so glad that you are having fun.

I am. I really am.

Hey, who's the father?

Hey!

Go fuck yourself!

Should we start planning your gender reveal party?

What the fuck is a gender reveal party?

It's like we have a cake and a pot of paint and then you...

You know what?

Not the point.

Let's just do the test.

Do the test.

What if I can't pee?

You got this.

Thanks, coach.

Hey, so timeline wise--

Hey. In every single way possible,

go fuck yourself.

Well, I think you should try that.

Can't get pregnant that way.

So timeline-wise, who would the father be?

I hate you.

Oh my god.

Shut up.

You don't know.

I do know!

It would have to be... hypothetically be Negroni's.

What about those stories

were the girl doesn't know she's pregnant until like months later.

What if I am?

What...

It could be one night stand's or Negroni's.

Fuck! What if I am like three months--

Pregnant.

-And it's too late to-- -Get an abortion.

What if it's Nick's?

What if it is Nick's?

Fuck.

Should I call him?

I have to call him.

But the baby's gonna...

I've drunk like 600 bottles of wine since Nick and I broke up,

and the baby would come out all fucked up,

and then he would hate me for fucking up his child,

and then I have to go to court and I get fined for negligence,

and he'd win full custody and--

Pee on the stick!

Glad you're here.

Glad I'm here too.

I just peed on my hand.

I brought wine.

One line, we open it.

Two lines,

we open it.

I'm going to set a timer, and I'll tell you when to look.

What if it's positive?

I don't know.

[acoustic guitar plays]

I just touched your pee a little bit.

♪ If I die before I wake ♪

♪ I pray no lord my soul to take ♪

♪ Just leave me hanging On a cross of my mistakes ♪

♪ Gather the dust of your history ♪

♪ It never meant anything to me ♪

♪ Throw it out into the ashes... ♪

Oh, thank fuck for that!

Oh my god.

Oh fuck.

I don't know what I would've done if you were pregnant.

You're not. It's negative.

Oh god. I've never seen you so stressed.

I've actually never been so stressed.

Fuck!

Man, we almost called Nick!

[laughs]

"I feel like we should call Nick."

That was a real bonding moment.

You OK?

Yep.

[laughs]

-Yep. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. -Yep.

[laughs]

I'm so tired.

Yeah, yeah same.

I don't think that I've had more than four hours sleep since I met you.

Sorry.

It's a complement.

Yeah, well if you're so tired

why don't you stay at yours tonight

and, you know, get a good night's sleep.

Yeah. Yeah, OK.

[phone rings]

Oh, take it.

-Hello. -Oh great, you're awake.

Of course I'm awake. I've got work.

OK, very good, very good.

What are you doing right now?

Uh, I'm getting ready for work.

-Great. -What's up?

I just want to know what your plans are for Christmas.

I don't know, Mum.

I think your aunt and uncle are going to host this year,

and you know how they get.

Mum, it's August.

Actually only 19 Fridays 'til Christmas.

Yep, I'm just... I'm gonna call you tonight.

Will you and Nick drive?

Just have a think. No pressure.

-OK. -Or will you fly?

I haven't even spent even one second thinking about it.

Can I just call you back tonight?

OK, sorry. We're all busy here, Claire.

Say hi to Nick.

I can't find my wallet.

Oh, yes I can.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

-What do you think this is? -What you mean?

This.

What we're doing. What do you think we are?

Oh.

What do you... I mean, what you think we are?

I like you.

Yeah. Yeah, I like you too.

Do you want to be like exclusive?

I'm not seeing anyone else.

Neither am I.

OK. Cool.

Do we need to say anything else?

No. No, all good.

Are you still there?

OK great. I'm just gonna transfer you through again.

Oh, fuck.

I think I just hung up on them.

What's going on?

I'm just struggling with simple technology.

No... What's going on?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Get up.

Are you firing me?

Have I at least worked here long enough to get a redundancy package?

We're having wine.

It's like 4:30.

Yeah, it's four hours 'til 8:00! Come on.

What did you say?

We're not doing anything with anyone else.

-Mm-hm. -Mm-hm.

Like, exclusive.

-Wait, that's it? -Yeah.

He's a fuckwit.

-What? -He's a fuckwit!

Oh my god! No, he's not.

OK, so you know what you are then.

Yes.

Tell me what you are.

You've had the conversation. Humour me.

We're like... a thing.

Oh.

-Oh my god. -Mm-hm.

Classic avoidance technique.

Oh my god!

Let me assume that you would've liked him to say specifically,

"I am your boyfriend."

No.

So it's just sex then?

No.

How do you think he sees it?

We're exclusive.

OK.

Hello my love.

Oh god. Hey!

Is nobody inside yet?

I haven't been in yet.

Oh. You coming in?

Yes!

What's happening with your face right now?

What's going on?

I'm fine. Just... Just a day.

You want to get some wine?

I really do.

Well, come on. Let's get some wine!

Some big girl juice.

Melvin, we're here!

- Melvin! - Natalie, first round.

Yeah, yeah. 2008, let's go.

♪ That was my hometown where I grew up ♪

♪ Left it all behind Late one night in a rush ♪

♪ Never did think I miss it All that much ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I ain't seen any of my old friends In a while ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I ain't seen any of my old friends In a while ♪

[dog barks]

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi Mum.

Claire, what are you doing?

What time is it?

[soft instrumental music]

It's 1:00.

What's happened?

Are you OK?

[cries] I'm just...

I'm really sorry that I never let you play Neil Diamond in the car.

What?

Claire...

What are you talking about?

I'm really sorry.

That was really mean.

I heard "Sweet Caroline" tonight,

and it's....

It's a really good song.

Claire, are you drunk?

Yes.

I'm just... I'm really....

I'm really sorry.

That's OK.

I just don't know why you had kids.

We were really mean.

We were dicks.

Are you OK?

[soft instrumental music]

Claire?

You still there?

I'm going to drive home at Christmas.

-OK. -Mm-hm.

How much did you have to drink?

I drank a lot of gin.

OK, that was a bit silly.

Can you drink some water, please?

I don't want to get up yet.

OK.

♪ And I think That I used to be this lost ♪

♪ But now I have a map ♪

♪ But it's useless ♪

♪ Been holding on To what's barely even there ♪

♪ A whisper from a ghost ♪

♪ A stranger's life to bare ♪

♪ And the cold is biting my lips ♪

♪ With no sense of direction ♪

♪ And a complete lack of perspective ♪