Original subtitles

♪ Dreaming of you ♪

♪ Hoping and wishing My dreams come true ♪

♪ Dreaming of you ♪

♪ Hoping and wishing My dreams come true ♪

-[woman] Don’t do you for a second.

Be happy you.

We’re all hot. OK? We're all goddesses.

I'm just saying.

-[Nat] Hey, smile.

We love you so much.

And we’ll feed you much merlot.

Thank you for coming to my wake.

Ah, OK.

It’s about time you came out. Seriously.

You made me come out.

Yeah. Exactly. Because, perspective.

You’re not bleeding or dying or whatever.

You’re sad. Cool, fine. I’ll give you that.

But paint your face, put something sparkly on

and come and get shit-faced with us. OK?

-[Nat] Drink!

Have a good time and forget about Nick, because he’s a dick.

He’s not a dick.

He can be.

I love you, but just shit on your bad attitude.

-[Nat] What do you want to do then?

And don’t say see Nick or call Nick.

-[Claire] I wasn’t going to.

What will give you, like, an emotion pause?

Hm. I just want someone to flirt with me.

-Oh yes. -[Timmie] Yes. Yeah.

Or like, bang someone.

Yas, queen.

Maybe just stick with the drunk flirting.

I could have a one-night stand.

Or not.

Yeah, OK, cool. I’d have no fucking idea what to say.

You’ll mention Nick. Don’t mention Nick.

Exes... No.

Yeah, cool, I’m a totally fine happy person.

Yeah, be positive or they’ll just think, oh, she’s a downer.

But also who cares what they think.

Oh, OK. So don’t tell boys I’m flirting with

that I spent today Facebook stalking my ex-boyfriend?

OK.

These are absolute pearls, ladies. I’m going to write this shit down.

You're so fucking bitter. I’m about it.

No, seriously, just because I’m so green,

don’t say, "I just ended my long term relationship

and I really want to bang you to make my feelings better"?

-Thoughts? -Not the worst line ever.

-[Nat] Shut up.

You smile.

You take a sip, shrug,

and say, nonchalantly but with an edge of flirtation,

"Just on a girl's night."

Vomit.

-Simple. -So, be vapid?

You’re already overanalysing this. You’re too far gone. I can’t help you.

Fuck off. I could totally have a one-night stand.

Go forth, oh brave new world.

I’m going to be like ten drinks in.

I’m going to be like anybody else apart from myself.

I’m going to get us another bottle of wine.

-Oh, thanks. -And like 83 tequila shots

and when I come back, I‘m going to be fucking cheery.

-Woo! -Or just put me in a fucking cab.

OK.

You go claw your way into their pants, Claire Bear.

Give me your penis!

-[man 1] Two shots. Two shots.

-[man 2] Two shots.

-[man 1] And beer. Do you do milkshakes here?

Four beers. And one milkshake.

That’s how many. Brenno has three.

Wait, wait. Oh, Brenno! Brenno!

Brenno! Do you want a beer?

Yeah. That’s how he says yes.

Who's next?

She’s next, but if she orders like sixteen drinks

I’m going to throw them on the ground.

What are you drinking?

Red wine.

What’s the cheapest red wine you’ve got?

I’m just kidding. Can we get seven, eight Jägerbombs?

-No, nine. -Nine.

Nine. Atomic Margarita, a Bobby Burns.

What does Brenno want?

Brenno? I wish I knew what Brenno wanted.

I just want him to be happy.

Brenno!

Your name’s not Brenno, is it?

-Claire. -Claire.

-Liam. -Liam, nice to meet you.

Is it Claire Brenno? Claire Brennington? You don’t know that guy, do you?

-No. -I feel like I may have...

Do you know him? Is he your mate?

He’s not my mate. I wish he was. He sounds like a hoot.

[upbeat music]

You’re very done up. I think we match.

-Yeah. -A little bit.

If only I could put a tie on you.

Why?

I just – I want to learn how to do a Windsor knot.

I was also testing the material.

Yeah, but just don’t crease my ferns.

Don’t crease your ferns because then they won’t bloom.

If you want to put your butterfly on my fern.

Forward.

If you touch someone with the back of your palms...

That’s not forward.

Oh, you’re actually going to bruise my chest if you keep doing that that hard.

-You’re an active man. I can tell. -Well...

Oh!

Is that a ’15?

♪ How can you be in the light ♪

♪ When it was in nothing It was in his cry ♪

♪ And I was always indicating And in plainest sight ♪

♪ But it's another time ♪

♪ Another scene in life You were mine ♪

♪ Oh it was warming And I was caught in your eyes ♪

♪ Look what happened It is all around ♪

♪ I want you it's in order ♪

♪ Look what happened It's all over now ♪

♪ I'm praying for your soul Anna ♪

Wow.

What should we do now?

Ah...

Do you want to come outside?

Yep.

-Yeah? -I’ll get my bag.

OK.

I’ll meet you out there.

'K, bye.

[instrumental music]

Did you get his number?

I’m going outside.

-To meet his mum? -What are you doing?

-I have no idea. -OK.

-[Timmie] Bye. Wear a condom.

Don’t put his penis in your mouth. You don’t know where it’s been.

Woo!

-[Timmie] STDs are real. Everyone has HPV.

♪ Does your body know That it's lost control ♪

♪ Self-inflicted vertigo Lies that might tell you where to go ♪

[wind blows]

-Hi. -Hey.

You are so hot.

Do you want to come back to my place?

Yeah, OK.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

[door unlocks]

-[Claire] What are you doing?

Well, I’m seeing if he’s home.

Do you live with someone?

Yeah, but he’s not here.

OK.

Hello.

Ssh. What if he is home?

-No, it’s alright. -OK.

Come in.

-Oh, thank you. -Welcome.

What may I get you to drink?

I will stick with wine.

Oh. Good choice.

Thank you.

[glassware clinking]

It’s a 2014, so --

-In an Ikea glass. -Yes.

Don’t knock the tableware.

-Sorry. -It's OK.

So, shall we continue to the bedroom?

Yes, sir.

Follow me.

[fast-paced music]

That’s my job.

It’s winter, that’s for sure.

Skinny. No, the jeans are, not me.

[moans]

[Claire gags]

Oh, are you OK?

Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just... I just hit my gag reflex.

Oh, OK. Do you want to stop?

-No. -Are you sure?

-Yep. -Oh.

[fast-paced music]

Oh.

-[Liam] Oh, I think I’m going to come.

-[Claire] OK.

-[Liam] Should I come? -[Claire] Yeah.

-[Liam] Where do you want me to come?

-[Claire] Where do you want to come?

-[Liam] On your tits? -[Claire] Yeah.

-[Liam] OK.

-[Liam] Oh, I’m going to come. -OK.

-[Liam] I’m going to come. -OK.

-[Liam] Oh, I’m going to come. -OK.

-[Liam] Oh.

-[Liam] Oh.

-[Liam] Oh.

-[Liam] Oh.

-[Liam] Oh.

I’ll get you a towel.

Thanks.

Oh, it's OK.

-Are you sure? -Yeah.

-Sure? -Yep.

Do I stay?

Huh?

Do you want me to stay?

Yeah, you can stay.

OK.

Yeah. I'll...

-I’ll get us some water. -OK.

[birds chirping]

-Hey. -Hey.

You can have a shower if you want.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, don’t use that towel.

I think I’m just going to head home.

I'll get you--

No, no. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about it.

Yeah. Hang on.

I’ll take you.

Hey.

-Melvin. -[Claire] Yeah.

Hey.

-[Melvin] Big night? -Yeah.

Seedy?

So seedy.

-[Claire] See you.

See you.

[birds chirping]

Do you know where you’re going?

Yep.

I hope you’re not too hung-over.

Yeah, you too.

Oh. [laughs]

See you.

See you.

[gentle music]

Hey.

[upbeat music]

But what was his dick like?

Ah...

-Was it nobbly on the end? -No.

-I need dimensions. -It was big.

I hate it when it’s too big.

Was he doing the right things?

Yeah... like on paper.

So he wasn’t starting you up?

-No. -You got to give feedback.

Absolutely, but delicately.

No, fuck that, if his face is in my vag,

I’m going to clearly instruct him on what to do.

I don’t want some stranger in my vagina for too long.

No, subtle all the way mate, you’ll get a better performance.

I like to guide them in the throws of passion.

Like my body shudders and I accidentally throw her into position

and then if she’s not fucking stupid, she won’t move.

Boys are fucking stupid though.

Exactly. Sometimes it’s easier just to do it myself.

What? You’d do that?

I'm not going to waste my time on someone that needs a fucking map.

Oh my god.

OK, wow.

You are part of the jumping on dick team.

Start rubbing your jaw.

Heats are next weekend, Claire Bear.

What about, like the Tinder, as cross training?

No, no, I just don’t think I can interest people using just my texting words.

-Lie, everybody lies. -It's true.

It sounds so great.

It is great.

It’s a certain kind of dude on the Tinder.

Advertising dude finishes up his client drinks at the Opera Bar,

Ubers home to Mosman and scrolls on the Tind.

-Fuck dating someone from Mosman. -Yeah, fuck that.

I would set the radar for Surry Hills.

Some Surry Hills guys are so insufferable though.

OK, right. So, on Saturday I’ll just stand on the corner of Crown and Foveaux,

set like a 2K radar.

Nab myself a local. Minimise my future travel times.

I know that you’re joking but give me your phone. I’m downloading it.

Oh, yeah, alright.

But seriously, like, fuck dating someone from Mosman.

I know, right. In two weeks, you’d move to Avalon

and get the Australian delivered to you on Sundays.

What’s wrong with Avalon?

Everything.

-Like so much. -Come on. I like Avalon.

Course you do, mate.

Fuck you.

No, I will not let you fuck me.

Yeah, it’s really pretty.

Ssh, Nat, you’re hurting my feelings.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

♪ Some people wanna be top guns ♪

♪ Heroes saving lives ♪

♪ Others want to fight evil ♪

♪ Stopping horrific crimes ♪

♪ We're not members of the union ♪

♪ Our divine purpose was understated ♪

♪ We're all card-carrying members ♪

♪ Of Shelfstackers Incorporated ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We're happy falling in the middle ♪

♪ Never gonna take it to the streets ♪

♪ Life's too short to be anything But enjoyed ♪

♪ So we're all putting up our feet ♪

♪ I found god inside of bumper cars ♪

♪ Our hearts are meant for sleeves ♪

♪ I got theories I got my own thoughts ♪

♪ And I'm gonna share them Whenever I please ♪

♪ Oh ♪