All language subtitles for 30.Rock.A.One-Time.Special.2020.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

Liz: Ugh.

Really?

You don't need a mask,
hotshot?

Man: Facebook says masks make
the virus worse.

Liz: Facebook also says my
cousin's marriage is good.
It's not.

Man: We're in an open-air
system.

Gravity makes the droplets
come down.

Liz: Whoa, let me find a pen
to write all this down.

I didn't know the world's
foremost epidemiologist

also crushed laser tag
at Rich's birthday.

Man: If you're so scared,
why are you out here?

Liz: Because my family
have asked

for some alone time from me.

Man: Ugh.

Liz: You scared of the virus
now?

How about now?
Man: I already had corona.

I was on my way to donate
plasma.

Liz: Boom! Another successful
interaction with a man.

I'm home.

Ooh!

[Cell phone vibrates]

Hello?

Jack: Did you get my muffins,
Lemon?

Liz: Mmm, they're so good.

What fancy place are they from?

Jack: They're Shoppe Ennuié.

Liz: Am I tasting pear
and bacon?

Jack: I don't know what's
already in your mouth, Lemon,

but listen, Kenneth Parcell
emailed me today.

Liz: Ugh, why? Is he having
another one

of those zoop zort virtual
cocktail parties

where everyone talks at
the same time

and the camera makes me look
like Weird Al?

Jack: No, he wants to reboot
"TGS" for Peacock.

It's NBC's amazing new streaming
platform

where all of NBC's hit comedies
from the past 93 years

will be available.

Liz: Wow, even "Friend"--

[Slap] Ow!
How did you slap me?

Jack: I have the iPhone 40.
Now, you do know

that Kenneth Parcell is the
chairman

of all of NBC Universal, right?

Liz: I guess I kind of
remember that.

Jack: You're the next president

of the National Broadcasting
Company.

He's a very big deal.

Kenneth is presenting all of
NBC Universal's new content

to advertisers tomorrow.

The stakes have literally
never been higher.

He's got to sell a full year
of ads in one meeting.

Thank God it's him.

And thank God advertisers are
some of the smartest

and most physically attractive
people

this industry's ever seen.

Liz: I don't know that I'd want
to reboot "TGS."

I do not miss the long hours

and dealing with big
personalities.

I've just been enjoying being
home with my teenagers

and reading more. Hey!

If your arms are that strong,
you could fold some towels.

Making TV just doesn't seem that
important right now.

Jack: I disagree, Lemon.
This is the time

for all Americans to do
their duty

to get the economy
back on track.

"TGS" employed dozens of
otherwise unemployable people.

Liz: True.
Jack: I need you to get
the band back together.

Liz: [Sighs] OK, I'll try.

I mean, I haven't really spoken
to Tracy

since he moved to Canada.

And maybe we should
replace Jenna?

She's pretty cancelled every
since she pooped

in Mandy Moore's thermos.
Jack: Good by me.

I've always felt that Jenna
was replaceable.

I'll set a call with some
top tier women.

There are some incredibly
talented gente

at Telemundo and USA.

So many hijos can move their
faces.

Oh, there's a wonderful actress
on Syfy.

Are you open to working with
a Falrudian?

Liz: Am I?
Jack: She has a human face

but an exposed brain.

There's really something for
everyone at NBC Universal.

Howie: We are watching
the be

and write for a reboot
of "TGS."

I mean, if you're not already
working someplace else.

Frank: Yeah, dude,
I'm available.

I was consulting at "Peppa Pig,"

but they wouldn't let me keep
my porn collection there.

I told them my old boss
Liz Lemon

didn't care about keeping
a "safe work environment."

Liz: Cool, cool, and you used
my full name. Great.

Toofer, are you available?

Toofer: I refuse to be called
that anymore.

Liz: Yep, of course.
I am so sorry.

James. James.

James: Thank you.

I'm more of a screenwriter now.

You may be familiar.
I wrote "A Prince for Christmas"

and "A Christmas Prince" and
"Two Princes, One Christmas."

But Hallmark pays me in
ornaments, so I am in.

Liz: Great.
Lutz: I'm a soft yes.

I would just want to be assured
that--

Liz: Shut up, Lutz.
You're doing it.

Sue: Come back to bed,
my love.

Liz: Wait, is that Sue?

Do you live with Sue?

Oh, boy.
You guys are really...

tender with each other. OK.

Leave meeting.
End meeting for all.

God, who is the host?
Lutz: I'm the host.

Enjoy.

Frank: Touch his butt.

Jonathan: So funny that you
would think

I was still doing assistant
work.

Liz: Well, Jack wanted me
to ask.

Jonathan: I produce horror
movies from Blumhouse now, Liz.

Liz: Wow.
Jonathan: Yeah.

After 7 years with you,
I know horror.

Maybe you've heard of
the Lers trilogy.

It's about a 4-eyed monster
called the Lers

who thinks she's funny,

and if you look at her feet,
you explode.

Liz: Well, the joke's on you

because I'm writing a short
story about a mean little creep

who can't fly so he eats birds.

OK, whatever, I guess a lot of
people eat birds, so.

Jack loves me more than you.

Jonathan: Seeing where you live
makes me sad.

Liz: So what do you think,
hotshot, you in?

Pete: I mean, I guess I would
come back to "TGS,"

but it would be very different.

I'm living my truth now.

You ever hear of [indistinct],
Liz?

If so, do you
know how to spell it?

I've been trying to Google it.

Liz: Well, I'm glad you're
happy.

I mean, you look...

I assume Paula and the kids
have left you?

Pete: Left me? Heck--

Paula: No, I'm into it, Liz.

I'm finally into it.

Liz: OK, great.

That takes care of the writing
and producing staff.

Now I just have to call
the actors.

Pete: Ugh. Good luck.

Paula: [Shrieks]
Bring your guitar.

Liz: So we are just looking
for someone super likeable

and talented to replace our
original actress.

Are you familiar with the show,
"TGS"?

Sofia: I don't really watch TV.
I'm more a reader.

Liz: Well, it's comedy sketches,
some topical.

We had some recurring characters
that you probably heard of--

Fart Doctor,
Robot Bear Talk Show,

Tike Myson, Baby Boxer.

Sofia: No, no, no,
I don't want to do this.

Liz: No, of course.
Why would you?

Thank you for your time.

And you're great live,
I know,

'cause I've seen you with
Andrew Cohen on his program.

Kandi: What happened to that
blonde lady

that used to be on it?

Liz: Um, she pooped in
Mandy Moore's thermos.

Kandi: Oh, yeah, she's
a monster.

I'm not touching her old job.

Liz: And I think you would be
amazing at it.

I've always thought you were the
funniest person in your family.

Khloe: No, I am.
So if I do this,

would I be able to write
my own material?

Because I do some really funny
impressions.

This one is Dandy, my dog's
business manager.

"Hey, Khloe, how are you?
You good?"

Liz: Ha ha ha!
It's so wonderful.

I would love--
Jenna: Aah!

Liz: Aah! Oh, my god, Jenna.

Jenna: How dare you try
and replace me, Liz.

I am "TGS."

Liz: When did you learn how to
Zoom-bomb?

Jenna: Last month, so I could
give surprise

unrequested graduation speeches.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,

"If everyone reading this
donated $3.00,

we could keep Wikipedia thriving
for years to come."

Khloe: Wow.
Jenna: I need to perform, Liz.

Science has shown that
quarantine

was hardest on hot extroverts.

Every night at 7:00,
I open my window

and pretend they're clapping
for me.

Khloe: That's really sad.

Jenna: Yes, thank you, Khloe.

It is sad.

I've had to create my own
opportunities to be seen.

One thing I love to cook
for my baby

is pee-za.

You just chop up some bread.

Top it with chez.

And yum! Yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum.

[Spits] Oh, it's so good.

And I was supposed to be in
that "Imagine" video,

but they said I started
too high.

♪ Imagine there's ♪

Khloe: How am I seeing
these flashbacks?

Jenna: No one will work
with me, Liz,

ever since this ridiculous
misunderstanding with Mandy,

which I apologized for.

Liz: Yeah, I think your apology
made it worse.

Jenna: I want to very sincerely
say

that I do not remember
ever [bleep] in any thermos,

let alone one as incredible
as Mandy's.

You know, the late 2010s
was a very different time.

It saddens me that what was
supposed to be a great night

celebrating diabetes was ruined
by Mandy talking about this.

Until I feel safe, I will be
taking a break

from social media.

I hope you're all happy!

Khloe: Oh, you're that lady?

Oh, I can't be on this call
with you.

Liz: No, Khloe.
Jenna: You see that, Liz?

I'm in famous person jail.

Liz: I had a Kardashian
in the boat.

Jenna: Sure, Tracy crashes his
yacht into Mario Cuomo Bridge,

but I'm the terrible one.

Liz: In his defense, he was
trying to touch it.

He had a dream that it
wasn't real.

Liz: I bet Jack said to
replace me, didn't he?

He thinks he can throw me away
now that I'm 35...5-5-5.

Liz: No, he is not the one
who said that.

Jenna: If people could just
be reminded, Liz,

of how talented I am, they'd let
me back into show business.

Otherwise, I'm gonna be
forced to

like adopt a kid or
something.

Liz: OK, no, don't do that.
You can be in the reboot.

Jenna: Oh, thank you, Liz.
You won't regret this.

Also, I refuse to work
Wednesdays

for skin care reasons.

Liz: [Sighs] Yeah.

OK, time to call Tracy.

I'm not gonna procrastinate.

Maybe I'll just check
the news real quick.

Stephanie Ruhle, hop over
to David Faber and Jim Cramer,

maybe stream a little last
night's Rachel Maddow.

I want to feel informed
but nervous but also yelled at.

Then I'll be ready
to talk to Tracy.

I don't know how it got in
there,

but it seems to be thriving.

Liz: Your house is beautiful,
Trey.

Should I try to guess why you
moved to Canada?

Tracy: Because I'm too rich
to live

on a less majestic side of
Niagara Falls.

Liz: Huh. That was not my guess.

So would you like to do
"TGS" again?

Tracy: No, no. I'm done with
acting, Elizabeth.

Did I mention to you I'm
Canadian now? Aboot.

Liz: What, you've got like 4
movies coming out this summer.

Tracy: Ah, they make those
without me.

I read the whole dictionary in
front of a green screen.

Now a computer can make any
movie it wants.

Zucchini, zulu, zy-goatee.

Man: Zygote.
Tracy: My bad.

Back to one.

Aardvark.

Abacus.

I've been able to accomplish
so much

since I stopped acting.

I've alphabetized
my records,

I participated in a chili
cook-off.

And you know I got a silver
medal in race walking, right?

Announcer: Inspiring story here.

Jordan first started
race walking

after picking up regular walking
in his late thirties.

Tracy: You know what my secret
to race walking is, Liz Lemon?

I just run as fast as I can.

Liz: OK, I get it.

You don't want to do TV.
It's fine.

I'll just call Kevin Hart
or George Lopez.

Tracy: Slow down, Lizzo.
That's just my process.

I'm a perfectionary.
Liz: I remember.

Tracy: How do I know you can
still write for me?

I'll start a sentence
and you finish it.

Liz: Oh, boy.
Tracy: The best thing about

swimming with dolphins is...

Liz: Pranking their friends by
pretending

to be a very ugly mermaid.

Tracy: Correct. Now topical.

Mitch McConnell's neck looks
like...

Liz: My Aunt Beryl's ankle under
water at the community pool?

Tracy: Mmm, two for two.

I got my wife a tattoo
and it says...

Liz: "If lost, please return to
the bitch museum."

Tracy: Ha ha ha!

I was gonna say, "Love
reveals truth,"

but yours is hilarious.

OK, I'll re-aboot the show.

Liz: Great.
Thank you, Tracy.

Tracy: But due to pending
lawsuits,

I can't open my eyes on TV.

Maybe we can draw some
fake ones on.

Hey, I'm not a producer.

Liz: Uh, OK.

Ooh.

Vivica: Mr. Parcell,
your calendar says you have

a Zoom call with something
called "TGS" right now.

Kenneth: Thank you, Vivica.

You can go, Vivica.

[All greeting at once]

Pete: Hey, Kenneth.
Jack: Kenneth,

I'm pleased to say that
the "TGS" cast

and crew are ready to accept
your reboot offer.

Jenna: We're so excited.

But I do have a problem
with my dressing room,

which is here in my home, so I
need you to buy me a new home.

Tracy: Also, these are the eyes
that I'll be using, Kenneth.

Kenneth: So you do know how to
use a Zoom link.

That's so interesting
because for the past 4 months,

I have been trying to
check on you all

and you've just been ignoring
my many invites.

Liz: Oh, I've missed those
somehow.

Kenneth: I've printed out
all the emails.

"TGS" reunion cocktail party.

"TGS" reunion trivia night.

Happy 50th birthday, Liz.

And most hurtfully, Kenneth's
roaring twenties

murder mystery party,

which was only attended
by Mr. Griswold.

Say, jazz babies, the clock
is striking 10:00.

Guests should be here in two
shakes of a lamb's tail.

Grizz: I don't think anybody
else is coming, Ken.

Also, Liz just texted me.

She was the murderer.

Kenneth: Ugh! Nuts!

This was a test.

And congratulations.

You all tested negative...
for friendship.

Liz: [Groans]
Jack: Kenneth, I'm not following

what's happening here.
Is there a reboot or not?

Kenneth: Not.
You think I need "TGS"?

Do you know how many amazing
shows I have on Peacock alone,

a dynamic new platform that will
leverage NBCU's

unmatched ability to combine
the best of television

with the best of streaming,
delivering a vast library

of content that includes both
the timely and the timeless?

Liz: What does that even mean?
Kenneth: Gah!

Watch this video.

Pete: Wow, I can get
all those "Frasier"s?

Frank: Will the films contain
all their original nudity?

Jenna: I'll play a sexy serial
killer on any of those,

including the news
and European soccer.

Kenneth: Yes, yes,
and no thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a lot of cool new

NBC friends to hang out with,

like Mr. Dwayne Johnson

and Mr. Alfredo Roker.

Frank: Whoa! It's The Rock!

Lutz: Whoa! It's Al Roker!

Dwayne: Damn, Kenneth,
look at you.

You trying to beat me
for sexiest man alive?

Al: Thanks for having me.
I loved

waiting around to be
part of this.

Jenna: Dwayne, it's me--
Jenna Maroney.

I would just like to apologize
for what I

tweeted about "Moana."

James: Kenneth, Kenneth,
do you need another

story editor on "This is Us"?

I had an idea that they are
sad in the nineties.

Frank: Wait, wait, it's
important.

Can you Venmo me $100?
It's for a hat.

Pete: Fine. Kick me off.

I'm too hip for this anyway.
Rock and ro--

Tracy: No need, Kenneth.

I'll bloop myself. Bloop!

Liz: Wait, Kenneth,
I can't have you mad at me.

It gives me stress diarrhea.

Kinda thought you were gonna
cut me off after "stress."

Jack: Don't you dare
bloop me, Kenneth.

I'm Jack Donaghy.
I bloop you, you tiny-toothed--

Al: Uh, are we done, 'cause

I've gotta go make the weather.

I--I mean, I've gotta go
report the weather.

Vivica: I'm having
a bad day, too.

Roderick doesn't know if he
wants to get married anymore.

He says he can tell something
in my heart has changed.

Kenneth: Uh, ok.

Ted: TV show.

Looks like someone knows

his charades gestures.

Andy: Two words.
"New Amsterdam."

"Chicago Fire."
"Chicago Med."

"Chicago Pizza."
"Chicago Kardashian."

Andy: First word!
Also, I see

you're wearing the sweater
I sent you.

It looks great. Mazel.

Kate: Little word.
Off. Beach.

Mario: Nice, Kate del Castillo.

Oh, I'm making so many
new friends tonight,

all thanks to you, Mr. P.

Al: Really just an impressive
level of play.

Ted: Uh...

Mary: Singing.
"Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist."

Ted: No, it starts with
"The," Mary.

It's two words.
Sorry, Kenneth.

The Miz: Is it The Miz?

Hoda: "The Voice."
"The Voice."

[Cheering and laughter]

Todd: You were close.
I love you, Cousin Kenneth.

Hoda: Kenneth.

Kenneth: You guys
are having fun, right?

Ted: Are you kidding,
Mr. Parcell?

Mary and I are so tired
of walking on the beach

and seeing our grandkids.

Kenneth: OK.
I hope you're being honest

and this isn't some big charade.

[Laughter]

Mary: Funniest NBC
chairman ever!

Andy: Great joke.

Ted: You should've played

Sam Malone.

Mary: You should've!

Vivica: Excuse me, Mr. Parcell,

there's a Jack Donaghy
on your home line.

Kenneth: Tell him I'm
out of pocket.

Vivica, would you watch

any of these people
on television?

Do you think I chose
good shows this year?

Vivica: Of course.
You're a genius.

Kenneth: Really? Even
"Merlin: The Teenage Years"?

Vivica: Oh, absolutely.

Kenneth: I didn't choose Merlin,
Vivica.

It was an either/or
with "Dracula P.D."

and now I'm second-guessing it.

Please, just leave me alone.

Tracy: ♪ O Canada ♪

♪ Glorious and free ♪

♪ O Canada, we stand
on guard for thee ♪

[Cell phone ringing]
Hello?

Jenna: Tracy, it's Jenna.
I've been thinking.

Tracy: And now your head
feels hot?

It's normal.
Eat two popsicles

and call me from the ocean.

Jenna: Wait. Tracy,
I've been thinking.

We don't need "TGS"
to make a comeback.

We can do it on our own.

We've always been
a perfect team.

Tracy: Like peanut butter
and dog pills.

Jenna: And I really need people
to focus on

my talent right now and forget

everything else about me.

Tracy: Go ahead.
I'm nodding.

Jenna: Well, Kenneth
won't take my calls,

but maybe if you call him,

we can pitch something together.

Maybe a show about a hot teen

and a grouchy, old
basketball coach.

Tracy: Uh-uh.
You'd be awesome

as a basketball coach,

but I don't perform anymore.

I've evolved.

Jenna: No.
Tracy, you don't understand.

I need your help.
I'm a pariah.

Tracy: Pariahs are awesome.

I have a bunch of them
in my aquarium.

Well, I only have one now.

Jenna: No, Tracy,
I'm blacklisted.

Tracy: I have a black list, too.

A chalkboard, a Puma,
a black crayon,

space, me, a Batmobile.

Jenna: No, Tracy,
I mean people hate me.

But if someone
as incredibly beloved as you

would agree to work with me,

I could get my life back.

Tracy: I'm sorry, Jenna,
but working with you

is like the beginning
of this sentence.

It's in the past
and I don't remember her.

Jenna: But Tracy.

Tracy: Never go
backwards, Jenna.

That's the first rule
of race walking.

Second rule--always be farting.

Jenna: Always be farting.

Liz: ♪ Workin'-- ♪
[Cell phone buzzes]

Whew. That was almost expensive.

Jack: Lemon, it's Jack.
Liz: I can see you.

You know I can see you, right?

Jack: I'm not pleased
with how that call

with Kenneth went earlier.

I give it a 10
on the Iacocca McDuck

business interaction scale.

Liz: And 10 is bad?

Jack: It's out of a billion,
so, yes,

10 is bad, Lemon.

If you recall,
I once told you...

5 years, we'll all either
be working for him...

or be dead by his hand.

Liz: Well, it's been
more than 5 years.

Wait, are we ghosts?

Jack: Now he won't
take my calls.

And his assistant tells me
he's in a meeting.

Do you know Vivica?
Beautiful woman,

but there's a sadness there.

I sent Kenneth an all-chick pea
Edible Arrangement.

I hired a skywriter
asking Kenneth

to please skywrite me back.

Nothing.
Liz: See, this is exactly

what I don't miss
about television--

all the fragile egos
and hand-holding.

Jack: I do miss it,
though, Lemon.

Liz: Seriously?
Jack: You know those

muffins I sent you?
Lemon: Yes.

Many of them are left.

Jack: I made them.

God help me, I made them
from scratch.

Liz: Ohh.
Jack: That's how bored I am.

I hate being retired.
Did you know that

golf is actually...
[whispers] awful?

Liz: It is hard to imagine you
doing nothing all day.

Jack: It's so much worse
than that.

I read, I garden, I go
down to the beach

and punch the sand, the surf
drowning out my screams.

Liz: Yeah.
I'm kind of a failure
at staying home, too.

I worked out once.
I never know what day it is,

so, I just call
every day "Blarsday."

I signed up for MasterClass,

but I only watched
the first 10 minutes

of that Penn and Teller one.

I mean, I can do this.

Jack: I did a lot in my career.

I pioneered
the clear dishwasher.

I disrupted the turbine industry

with my turbine-sharing app.

At Davos, they named
a handshake after me.

But my time in television
was special, Lemon.

To borrow a phrase,
it was the funnest.

Liz: Wow. So you want to make up
with Kenneth because...

Jack: Because I want him
to give me a job!

I'll take anything, Lemon.

Head of patriotism at USA.

Chief of hysteria management
at Oxygen.

Her Majesty's chancellor of
telly at Sky News.

Liz: You're calling me
because...

Jack: Because you're
good at handling

crazy people, Lemon.

Kenneth is not acting

like a businessman.

He's acting like one of your
primae donnae.

That's the plural.

I taught myself Italian
last night.

Liz: OK, so, back in the day

when Tracy wouldn't
answer his phone,

I would just go on Google Maps

and find the closest
Bugatti dealership.

He would be there,
and when Jenna would cry

because she wasn't
getting on the show enough,

I would get
the whole crew to sing

"Paradise City," but we would
change the words

to "Jenna is pretty."

OK. I know what we
have to do with Kenneth.

I mean, we know where
he's gonna be tomorrow.

Jack: Imagine if you had
used your brain

for something worthwhile.

Liz: Ew. Bye.

[Cheering and applause]

Jenna: Thank you.
I am New York strong.

Man: We told you!
This isn't for you!

[Cell phone ringing]

Jenna: Uhh. Liz.

Liz: Hey, I'm organizing
something nice for Kenneth.

Can you teach me
how to Zoom-bomb?

Jenna: No, Liz, that's my thing.

Liz: What if I told you
I could get you singing

in a roomful of advertisers,
TV executives,

and Universal celebrities?

Jenna: Even The Miz?

Liz: Even Mandy Moore,

and she won't be able to talk.

Jenna: Oh, Liz,
dreams really do come true.

This'll be my personal
Tokyo 2021.

Tokyo 2021!

Man: It's still called
Tokyo 2020.

People already ordered
the merch!

You'd love it.
There's so much swimming.

It's about coming together
and working as a team.

Setting aside our differences.
Celebrating humanity.

I know.
What kind of Olympian am I?

Ignoring Kenneth.
Rejecting Jenna.

Screaming "shut up" in my head

every time Liz Lemon
is talking to me.

Gotta make it up to them.
[Cell phone ringing]

Oh, good.
Liz Lemon is calling me.

Shut up! I mean, hello.
[Mouthing words]

Vivica: All right, Mr. Parcell,

all 3,000 participants
are signed on.

The WebEx goes live in
one minute and 20 seconds.

As you know, Jimmy Fallon
will introduce you,

and then you will be presenting
the NBC Universal

slate of shows
to potential advertisers.

Kenneth: Vivica,
stop telling me things

I already know!

I'm very sorry.
I'm so nervous.

Will you help me with my tie?

Vivica: Are we doing this?

Kenneth: For the last time,

you are stunningly beautiful,

but my job comes first,
so I will

never cross that line.

Television is too important.

Man: Ladies and gentlemen,
Jimmy Fallon!

Jimmy: Good morning, everyone,
and welcome to the 2020

NBC Universal
Ad Sales Presentation.

Normally, we do this
as a big party

at Radio City Music Hall,
but this year,

we're at Couch City
Music Hallway.

[Click]
[Recorded laughter plays]

Sorry, guys.
My writers and I

are pretty depressed.

Science has shown
this quarantine is hardest

on hot extroverts.

Ahem. Anyway, we have an amazing
event for you today.

NBC Universal has it all,

and we're blowing up
the old advertising.

Sales messages don't need
to be an interruption.

We're gonna find ways
to make your...

Man: Dog food...

insurance...type 2
diabetes medication.

Jimmy: a seamless part
of the story.

Now please welcome
an amazing person--

our NBC Universal chairman
for the past 6 years,

Mr. Kenneth Parcell.

Kenneth: Thank you, Jiminy.

Welcome, television lovers,

and welcome, advertisers.

I'm Kenneth Ellen Parcell.

I'm not named after
the famous talk show host,

but we do share a barber.

Hold for smiles.

Wait till you see the programs

we have for you today.

Drama, news, sports,

Spanish-language originals,

and of course...

[People talking at once]

Jenna: Hey, suits.
We're the "TGS" bunch,

and we're interrupting
this presentation

'cause there's something
we need to sing

to our friend Kenneth.

♪ It's the story
of a boy named Kenneth ♪

Tracy: ♪ And he was all alone ♪

Liz: No, Tracy, too soon.

♪ Who was bringing up
some very valid concerns ♪

♪ That his friends
were being mean ♪

Jack, that's you.
Jack: I'm not going to

sing to you, Kenneth.

I'm not going to debase myself.

Liz: Then why did you rehearse
with us for an hour?

Jack: I want to work
for you, Kenneth.

I know I can be an asset.

But what you did to us yesterday
was uncalled for.

Kenneth: Please excuse us,
advertisers, as

we address
a technical difficulty.

In the meantime,
please enjoy this trailer

from our newest
"Law and Order" spinoff--

"SVU 2: Just the Paperwork."

Tracy: Is this purgatory?

Kenneth: This is
a private room

where the advertisers
and other talent

cannot hear us.

Liz: Wow. I didn't
know you could

make a private room in WebEx.

Tracy and Jack: Every club
has a private room, Liz.

Jenna: Duh.
Kenneth: Ms. Lemon,

Mr. Donaghy,
I cannot believe

you interrupted
the most important

day of the television calendar

to serenade me with
the theme song

of an ABC show!

You embarrassed me in front of

the people from Target
and Dove and Toyota

and Wayfair.com and Apple
and Humira

and the Almond Growing Council

and anyone else who would like
to be on this list.

Jack: Stop acting
like a baby, Parcell.

You're the chairman
of the greatest

media company in the world.

You run a film studio

and 4 Hogwarts,
for crying out loud.

Punishing us yesterday
was beneath you.

Liz: Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry

I didn't come to
your parties, Kenneth,

but what did you expect?

I'm homeschooling two kids
who kind of hate me,

I got a husband who wants
to do kissing constantly.

It's a nightmare. Also,

no one is telling you this,

but you're too tan.

It's not safe and you look like

a plastic bear full of honey.

Kenneth: Huh.
Maybe I didn't

expect to have fun with you.

Maybe you all
being mean to me

is the friendship
I've been missing.

Tracy: Story time. Explain.

Kenneth: I've been surrounded
by yes persons for years.

Nobody tells me
the truth anymore.

Ugh. I really could've used

your brutal honesty last night,

but it's too late.

The presentation
has already started.

Tracy: I'll do your
presentation for you, Ken.

'Cause to tell the truth,

I miss being a part of a team,

and I don't want to be
Canadian anymore.

The coffee's too weak.

So, me and Jenna
got this covered.

Jenna: Wait.
You're taking me with you?

Tracy: People need
to be reminded

that you're not just
some horrible white lady

that everyone hates.

You also sing sometimes.

Jenna: Thank you, Tracy.
I feel seen.

Tracy: Text me your
talking points, Kenny-hana.

Kenneth: Thank you, Mr. Jordan.

I trust you implicitly.

Tracy: Loop us
to the other side.

Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy, Ms. Lemon,
time is of the essence.

I'd like to show you a preview
of the shows that

I personally chose this year,

and I don't want you to hold
anything back. Uhh.

Liz: I don't know, Kenneth.
I've already hurt your feelings

so much this week.

Jack: Of course we can do
Kenneth this courtesy, Lemon.

I taught a seminar on
non-participatory fault
finding at Wharton,

and unsolicited opinions are
all your garden grows.

Kenneth: Vivica, do that thing
that makes my screen share.

Vivica: It must be glorious when
he shines his light on you.

Tracy: As the largest media
company in the world,

you have the biggest and the
most game-changing events,

from the Olympics to the
election

to the launch of Peacock.

These global events will
unite audiences

and transform the face
of our company

and the entire industry.

I know you know what I'm talking
about, Linda Yaccaranio.

The future of advertising
isn't impression,

it's impact.

Kenneth: OK, here it is.

I beg you, Mr. Donaghy
and Ms. Lemon,

give me your harshest
criticisms.

Keenan: So, what do you think?

Liz: Kenneth, those shows...

are amazing!

I wouldn't change a thing.

Kenneth: Really?
You like them?

Even the one where the
doctors have troubled
workplace relationships?

Liz: Especially that one.
Kenneth: [Laughs]

Jack: Parcell, you're
the best damn TV executive
I've ever known.

Liz: I can't believe I doubted
whether TV still mattered.

Making TV is horrible,
but watching TV is wonderful.

Thank you, Kenneth.

Kenneth: And thank you,
my oldest friends.

Also, I've known you
a long time.

Ha ha ha!

Jack: Did he freeze or what?

Liz: No, he's just that happy.

Tracy: One platform,
your ad dollars

reaching the exact person
you want to reach,

whether they're watching "Betty
en New York" on Telemundo

or classic "Frasier"
on Peacock

or a long music video for Joe
Scarborough's band on MSNBC.

No other company can bring you
this approach.

No other company can bring you
this level of talent.

Now my friend Jenna Maroney

is gonna remind us of
how talented she is

and end our presentation

by singing the NBC Universal
anthem.

Jenna: The what?
Gwen: Wait a minute,

this was like all planned.

I was supposed to sing
"Sweet Escape" at the end.

Jenna: Oh, sorry, Gwen,
you're muted.

You're muted, honey.

Gwen: [No audio]

Jenna: ♪ Watching, watching,
watching ♪

♪ You've been waiting,
waiting, waiting ♪

♪ For something to blow
your mind ♪

Well, it's here.

♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪

♪ While we've been innovating ♪

♪ Where should you buy
your ads? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ It's so clear ♪

♪ Joy ♪

♪ Is Universal ♪

♪ Fun ♪

♪ Is Universal ♪

♪ Awesome ♪

♪ Is Universal ♪

♪ Some phone chargers
are Universal ♪

♪ Say it enough and it's true ♪

♪ Mandy Moore forgives me ♪

Chorus: ♪ Love is Universal ♪

Jenna: Mandy Moore forgives me.

Tracy: Mandy Moore,
sing that part or your fired

and your show is cancelled.

Mandy: Wait, what?
♪ Mandy Moore forgives you ♪

Jenna: Thank you, Mandy, and I
forgive you, too.

Tracy: Gwen Stefani, hit me
with a riff.

Gwen: ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

Jenna: Oh, sweetie, honey,
I'm so sorry,

you're still muted.

♪ Universal is everything ♪

♪ Universal is love ♪

Chorus: ♪ Joy is Universal,
love is Universal ♪

♪ Awesome's Universal,
everything's Universal ♪

Jenna: ♪ Universal is love ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

I'm back.

Chorus: ♪ Jenna is back ♪

Liz: It's nice to pretend to be
in your office.

Jack: A great day for
television, Lemon.

Liz: To a new Golden Age.

Take this mid to late 2000s.

Ew, this apple juice has turned.

Jack: I see that your virtual
background

is a giant sandwich.
How surprising.

Liz: Virtual, yes.

So you're really planning on
going back to work?

Jack: Abso-smurfly.
That's an inside joke

from the Bohemian girl of
the summer.

Colin Powell was--you had
to be there.

Parcell actually called me
after the presentation today.

Kenneth wants me to run Peahen,

NBC's new female-ccentric
streaming service.

Liz: Huh, Kenneth actually
called me, too.

He asked me to write the pilot

for a pitch that he bought
today.

It's about two sexy teen
basketball coaches

who cause crimes.

Jack: The best ideas are always
the simplest.

By the way, the Peahen
advertisers'

sales meeting is next week.

I'd love it if you'd
write my remarks.

Liz: Seriously, Jack? No.

I'm an artist, not a shill
for the network.

I don't do industrials.

[Ding]
Ow!

Why did that hurt? Ah!

Chris, come kiss my eye.

Chris: Coming, beloved.

Liz: Oh, god.

Ahh, really? Still?

[Roar]

Tracy: I am cool scientist
doctor zucchini.

Welcome to Jurassic Green Book.

[Dinosaur roars]

Man: Uh, after this.

V29B, take one.

Camera roll, Liz 2.

Tracy: Ready? This is
the money shot.

Alec: Uh, can you hear me?

Sweetie, you can't talk
while we're rolling here, OK?

What are you doing?
Can't you tell?

When I talk to you,
I sound real.

When I'm acting, I sound really
bad and fake.

Oh, I sound the same?
[Dog barks]

You let Diego out? Great.
Diego's coming out.

Let's do 22 episodes like this.

Hold on!

Tina: [Laughs]

Hold on guys, I'm getting a
call from Spam Risk.

That's my agent.

Boy: That one was really good.
Jane: Oh, thank god.

Boy: That one was the best one.
Jane: OK, thank--

I have a critic under
my table.

I'm gonna show you this camera.

So can you see, we have
all of this.

Then we pan down to see this.

And then being amazing.

[Woman's voice breaking up]

Jack: I'm sorry, our
connection makes it sound

like you're a dying robot.

Tracy: Alphabet to the--
All right.

I got it. Got you. All right.

Aardvark. Aardvark!
Aardvark!

Aardvark. Aardvark!

Alec: I've missed speaking
in adult sentences
for quite a while now.

Jane: ♪ Da da da da! ♪

Child: Good night, everybody.
Second child: Good night.