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1
00:00:09,738 --> 00:00:12,506
Uh, the TA was asking about
you in the chem section.
2
00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:14,599
I said you were feeling a
bit under the weather.
3
00:00:14,624 --> 00:00:16,922
So I got you some, um...
4
00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:18,513
O... What...
5
00:00:18,538 --> 00:00:20,116
Os-Oscillio...
6
00:00:20,141 --> 00:00:22,342
Osclio...
7
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,727
Oc-Occlio.
8
00:00:25,473 --> 00:00:27,357
Oak-Oaknium.
9
00:00:27,382 --> 00:00:29,479
Oc-Occlioscosnium.
10
00:00:29,504 --> 00:00:31,205
Osio...
11
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,031
Oscli... uh, Occlioco...
12
00:00:33,056 --> 00:00:34,773
Oscillococcinum, that's...
13
00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:37,197
that's the correct
pronunciation, there.
14
00:00:37,222 --> 00:00:38,387
So...
15
00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:40,186
take one of those.
16
00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:45,584
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:45,609 --> 00:00:46,584
Siri,
18
00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:48,160
call 911.
19
00:00:48,184 --> 00:00:49,507
I'm not sure I got that.
Can you...
20
00:00:49,531 --> 00:00:50,731
Siri...
21
00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:52,205
She was fine last night.
22
00:00:52,230 --> 00:00:53,225
And then, this morning,
23
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,285
she asked me to go get her some NyQuil.
24
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:57,221
And I said, "NyQuil?
Don't you mean DayQuil?"
25
00:00:57,246 --> 00:00:59,151
Because then you're gonna fall asleep."
26
00:00:59,176 --> 00:01:01,278
She said, "I want to sleep
all day." And then...
27
00:01:01,303 --> 00:01:03,850
and then I ended up getting
some oles-olescoleum.
28
00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:06,383
- Clecleum?
- Do you have a dorm advisor
29
00:01:06,408 --> 00:01:07,679
or someone who can...
30
00:01:07,704 --> 00:01:08,916
What the fuck?!
31
00:01:08,941 --> 00:01:10,163
I thought you said she was dead!
32
00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:12,344
Her vitals were at zero, I
checked them three times.
33
00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:14,204
Oh, my... I-I'm sorry.
34
00:01:14,229 --> 00:01:16,053
I'm so sorry, um...
35
00:01:16,078 --> 00:01:19,060
you should bill me because I'm
still on my parents' insurance.
36
00:01:19,085 --> 00:01:21,854
- Uh, ma'am, you were dead.
- I'm fine now, so...
37
00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:23,380
I'm fine.
38
00:01:23,405 --> 00:01:24,365
I still think you should come
39
00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:26,975
- to the hospital, ma'am.
- Oh, no, no.
40
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,277
I'm fine.
41
00:01:28,302 --> 00:01:29,671
Ma'am, you are not fine.
42
00:01:58,896 --> 00:02:05,075
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
43
00:02:06,224 --> 00:02:07,951
Was I disappointed
44
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,915
I wasn't turned into a vampire?
45
00:02:10,612 --> 00:02:12,481
Yes.
46
00:02:12,538 --> 00:02:13,706
Heartbroken.
47
00:02:14,231 --> 00:02:16,329
But I think it's because...
48
00:02:16,442 --> 00:02:18,378
I need to learn patience.
49
00:02:18,878 --> 00:02:20,001
And my master's
50
00:02:20,026 --> 00:02:21,618
been really good to me lately.
51
00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:24,227
How is it looking, Guillermo?
52
00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:27,100
It looks like I'm flying, Master.
53
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,934
Woo-hoo.
54
00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:30,264
Woo-hoo!
55
00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:32,258
I'm a vampire!
56
00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:33,617
You are not, though.
57
00:02:33,642 --> 00:02:35,513
We have total dominion
58
00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:37,281
from here... to here.
59
00:02:38,382 --> 00:02:40,389
So that's two streets.
60
00:02:40,414 --> 00:02:42,856
Our street and Ashley's street.
61
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:45,458
Yes. I lied a bit.
62
00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,041
Actually, it's from there to there.
63
00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:51,035
So we have dominion over five houses?
64
00:02:53,301 --> 00:02:55,740
We need to reach out to
some other vampires.
65
00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:57,349
Consider joining dominions to secure
66
00:02:57,374 --> 00:02:59,590
our stranglehold over the region.
67
00:02:59,732 --> 00:03:02,297
- Yes.
- Yes.
68
00:03:02,322 --> 00:03:03,973
Simon the Devious
69
00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:06,313
is a vampire we have
known for centuries.
70
00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:08,170
Our coffins were all
together on the ship
71
00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:09,964
that brought us over to America.
72
00:03:10,031 --> 00:03:12,269
We used to hide down in the hole,
73
00:03:12,294 --> 00:03:14,157
then whisper jokes to each other.
74
00:03:14,182 --> 00:03:16,802
Crawl around, tickle each
other, have a lovely time.
75
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:18,982
And then we would climb
up to the top deck
76
00:03:19,007 --> 00:03:22,530
and just breathe in the sea air
and seduce and kill sailors.
77
00:03:22,555 --> 00:03:23,887
We went to Staten Island,
78
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,267
he went to Mana-hatta.
79
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,738
And he very quickly became
80
00:03:26,763 --> 00:03:28,442
the king of the Manhattan vampires.
81
00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:30,503
And he was only 107, which...
82
00:03:30,528 --> 00:03:33,268
You know, real boy wonder. Very clever.
83
00:03:33,293 --> 00:03:34,739
He's not that clever.
84
00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:36,343
Okay, who's cleverer, then?
85
00:03:36,368 --> 00:03:38,135
Stavros the Clever.
86
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,630
He died tripping on his cape
87
00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:42,258
at a wooden stake sale
at the garden center.
88
00:03:42,283 --> 00:03:45,913
Simon's HQ is this fantastic nightclub
89
00:03:45,938 --> 00:03:47,762
called the Sassy Cat
Club in Mana-hatta.
90
00:03:47,787 --> 00:03:49,655
We used to go all the time in the '20s.
91
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,182
And we would do the Charleston
92
00:03:52,207 --> 00:03:54,910
and the Peabody, and we'd
drink some very nice blood
93
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,470
from some very nice goblets.
94
00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:57,862
You have to
wear a cape in there.
95
00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,834
Yes. Everyone is in a cape.
96
00:03:59,859 --> 00:04:01,328
And if you don't wear a cape,
97
00:04:01,526 --> 00:04:03,400
you'll look like a
Fuck Me Knee-trembler.
98
00:04:03,425 --> 00:04:04,727
Laszlo!
99
00:04:04,752 --> 00:04:05,630
He's right, though.
100
00:04:05,655 --> 00:04:08,063
If you don't, you'd look
like a right little tart.
101
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,884
How's this for the city?
102
00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,975
Oh, yes.
103
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,803
You look like a beautiful
piece of wallpaper.
104
00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:17,095
It needs a cape.
105
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,620
Hmm? Really?
106
00:04:18,645 --> 00:04:20,452
Yeah. The bigger the better.
107
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,166
Run.
108
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:24,626
We're going into the city tonight.
109
00:04:24,651 --> 00:04:27,260
We're going to party and dance
110
00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:30,805
and form a power alliance
with the Manhattan vampires
111
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:33,567
so that we can crush the humans.
112
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,617
No offense.
113
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,971
I found it.
114
00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:40,564
Thoughts?
115
00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:41,980
Looks like it's alive.
116
00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,043
Good eye.
117
00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:45,003
It's 100% witch skin.
118
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,389
Simon was always very
jealous of this hat.
119
00:04:47,414 --> 00:04:49,649
I can't wait to see his
face when I walk in.
120
00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:51,448
Please don't wear that hat.
121
00:04:51,473 --> 00:04:53,004
- Too stylish?
- No.
122
00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:54,525
It's a big, bloody stupid hat with
123
00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:56,079
a big, bloody stupid curse on it.
124
00:04:56,104 --> 00:04:57,037
And every time you wear it,
125
00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,292
something bloody stupid
terrible happens.
126
00:04:59,317 --> 00:05:02,592
- Nonsense. Gizmo likes it, don't you?
- It's Guillermo.
127
00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:04,374
Laszlo's stupid hat.
128
00:05:04,399 --> 00:05:06,351
It's got a bloody huge curse on it.
129
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,581
I have tried to throw
it out many times,
130
00:05:08,606 --> 00:05:10,872
but it keeps crawling back. Literally.
131
00:05:10,897 --> 00:05:12,498
I acquired this hat
132
00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:15,956
while draining the blood of
a Bavarian Hexenbrenner,
133
00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,358
or witch burner.
134
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,485
He must've noticed me eyeing it,
135
00:05:19,648 --> 00:05:21,016
'cause in his dying breath,
136
00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:23,685
he said, "Take my hat, it's."
137
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,922
Cuh..."
138
00:05:25,947 --> 00:05:27,960
"Yes, it is cool," I thought.
139
00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:29,432
Free hat.
140
00:05:29,457 --> 00:05:30,702
Even better.
141
00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:32,378
Think of all the things
that have happened.
142
00:05:32,402 --> 00:05:34,633
The potato famine, that
time that that horse
143
00:05:34,658 --> 00:05:36,609
knocked you over and trampled over you.
144
00:05:36,634 --> 00:05:39,322
- No, it didn't.
- Then it started making love to you?
145
00:05:39,347 --> 00:05:40,967
I don't consider that a curse.
146
00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:43,208
- It's growing human hair.
- Exactly.
147
00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:46,400
My new familiar, he likes it.
Don't you, Dustin?
148
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:48,880
- It's Justin.
- Yes, have a touch.
149
00:05:52,243 --> 00:05:54,131
That was our new familiar.
150
00:05:54,617 --> 00:05:56,000
Adieu.
151
00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,285
It's that bloody cursed hat, Laszlo!
152
00:05:58,310 --> 00:06:00,313
It's got nothing to do with the hat.
It's the bookshelf.
153
00:06:00,337 --> 00:06:02,406
Which I charged you to fix.
154
00:06:07,885 --> 00:06:09,904
This hat is not cursed.
155
00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:11,284
Oh, hey.
156
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:14,854
Uh, I-I overheard that you
might be going to Manhattan.
157
00:06:14,879 --> 00:06:17,723
I-I'd love to tag along.
158
00:06:21,851 --> 00:06:23,419
Ooh.
159
00:06:23,444 --> 00:06:26,204
Look at the skyline, Guillermo.
160
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:27,764
Yes, Master.
161
00:06:27,789 --> 00:06:29,886
Steady, Guillermo.
162
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,805
It's a bit shaky.
163
00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:34,371
I don't want water on my cape.
164
00:06:34,396 --> 00:06:36,313
I'll have a soggy cape.
165
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,545
Why are we stuck in
bloody traffic, Laszlo?
166
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:39,907
- I don't know.
- Cursed hat.
167
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,768
That man on the sidewalk
looks a bit sad. Curse.
168
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:45,262
Why does this car smell bad?
It's the curse.
169
00:06:45,287 --> 00:06:46,697
Look, you can say that all night.
170
00:06:46,722 --> 00:06:48,318
I'm gonna be wearing this hat.
171
00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:51,314
I am a bit nervous
about seeing Simon.
172
00:06:51,339 --> 00:06:53,476
In the old days, it would
not have been my style
173
00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:54,935
to make an alliance.
174
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,696
I would have slaughtered
my neighbors in battle.
175
00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:01,313
But then you wake up and you think,
176
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,112
"I've got no neighbors."
177
00:07:05,323 --> 00:07:07,843
What if I want to borrow something?
178
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,784
I'm ready to make a change.
179
00:07:10,809 --> 00:07:12,721
My old boar.
180
00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:14,414
Barry.
181
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,646
He's always smiling.
182
00:07:17,328 --> 00:07:18,527
Ready to make
183
00:07:18,552 --> 00:07:20,093
a friend.
184
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,120
I'll do the talking.
185
00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:26,170
I invite you in.
186
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,491
Oh, it's so dingy.
187
00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:33,287
Everyone looks like Billy Idol.
188
00:07:33,312 --> 00:07:35,076
It's a sexy Marmaduke.
189
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:36,379
This is lively.
190
00:07:36,404 --> 00:07:39,449
We are the only ones wearing capes.
191
00:07:39,474 --> 00:07:41,369
Shall we look for Simon the Devious?
192
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,822
Let's mingle until the others get here.
193
00:07:44,847 --> 00:07:46,095
Mingling...
194
00:07:46,619 --> 00:07:47,914
mingling.
195
00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:49,619
Mingling with you.
196
00:07:49,644 --> 00:07:50,120
Hi.
197
00:07:50,145 --> 00:07:52,582
I-I'm gonna go look for the bathroom.
198
00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:53,690
Oh, Guillermo.
199
00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:56,842
Be careful you don't get... pfft.
200
00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:00,245
Why don't you go and mingle?
201
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:01,574
Oh, I don't think so.
202
00:08:01,599 --> 00:08:04,088
Uh, my stomach's feeling a little iffy.
203
00:08:04,113 --> 00:08:05,294
Gas.
204
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,673
So, I think I'll just
stick with you tonight.
205
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,236
Okay.
206
00:08:10,525 --> 00:08:13,050
- Laszlo, what is taking so long?
- I say, cabbie.
207
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,230
I've got my cape caught in the door.
208
00:08:15,255 --> 00:08:17,257
- Well, yank it out.
- What the hell
209
00:08:17,282 --> 00:08:19,081
do you think I've been doing?
210
00:08:19,106 --> 00:08:21,994
Fuck...!
211
00:08:22,427 --> 00:08:24,265
You're fucking kidding.
212
00:08:26,034 --> 00:08:27,427
You stay there.
213
00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:28,721
I'll come to you.
214
00:08:28,746 --> 00:08:31,109
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Oh, that bloody hat.
215
00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:33,455
Whoa! Fuck me.
216
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,618
Fu...
217
00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:45,785
You haven't tried that?
218
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,716
It's like, one, then two, then three.
219
00:08:47,741 --> 00:08:49,370
And then you get where we are now.
220
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,501
But it's...
221
00:08:51,526 --> 00:08:53,142
Yeah.
222
00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,963
- Hey.
- Hey.
223
00:08:57,314 --> 00:08:58,812
Colby.
224
00:08:58,852 --> 00:09:01,362
Familiar of Xanthos the Cruel
and Radenka the Brutal.
225
00:09:01,387 --> 00:09:03,960
- Ah.
- This is the familiar room.
226
00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,286
Yep.
227
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:08,064
Amalta, Mischa, Jameson.
228
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,546
- Sam.
- O-Oh, Sam is a...
229
00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,254
Sam's a familiar.
230
00:09:12,658 --> 00:09:15,040
Sam's a cat. Guillermo, hi.
231
00:09:15,065 --> 00:09:17,419
Nandor the Relentless,
so, nice to meet you.
232
00:09:17,444 --> 00:09:19,460
Wait, Nandor the Relentless
of the Upper West Side?
233
00:09:19,485 --> 00:09:21,088
No, that's, uh, Nancy the Relentless.
234
00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:23,228
People think... W-We're Staten Island.
235
00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:25,112
Cool.
236
00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:27,835
So you know, we have our street
237
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,395
and also Ashley's street.
238
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:32,093
You know, we've just, uh, been
busy over in Staten Island.
239
00:09:32,118 --> 00:09:34,283
- We're going to form an alliance.
- So tell me.
240
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:37,402
Are you currently adjoined
to any other vampires?
241
00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:39,853
Uh, n-no. No, I...
242
00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,171
- Let's just go up to the roof and...
- Hey, hey.
243
00:09:41,195 --> 00:09:42,728
Do either of you two know
244
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:45,401
what this building used to be?
245
00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,717
This building used to be owned
246
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,925
by Hescher-Schmitz Farrier.
247
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:52,776
A farrier deals with equine foot care.
248
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,846
Kind of a Nike for horses.
249
00:09:54,871 --> 00:09:57,168
Yes, everyone knows that.
Listen, Colin.
250
00:09:57,193 --> 00:09:59,049
Why must you come here and interrupt me
251
00:09:59,074 --> 00:10:02,299
- when I am talking to...
- Who are you talking to, Nandor?
252
00:10:02,324 --> 00:10:03,947
It...
253
00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:09,846
What did...?
254
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,885
- Fuck has happened in here?
- Oh, my...
255
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,803
This is a travesty.
256
00:10:16,828 --> 00:10:18,292
What took you so long?
257
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,338
His fucking stupid hat.
258
00:10:20,363 --> 00:10:22,079
Why aren't they wearing capes?
259
00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:24,859
Looks like anyone can be
a vampire in Mana-hatta.
260
00:10:24,884 --> 00:10:26,420
Look at him.
261
00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,666
Sod this, I'm gonna get a drink.
262
00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:30,386
So how long have you been a familiar?
263
00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:32,113
You don't look very familiar.
264
00:10:32,138 --> 00:10:33,495
Ah.
265
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,022
I see what you did there,
but, uh, ten years.
266
00:10:36,196 --> 00:10:38,411
- Ten years? A decade.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:41,160
It's considered being an
expert to some people.
268
00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:42,954
- All right. Okay.
- Which way is the bathroom?
269
00:10:42,978 --> 00:10:44,450
I'm here for the bathroom.
270
00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:46,951
- You're standing in it.
- Oh, is that what that is?
271
00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:49,979
Oh, the buckets.
They gave them to us when they
272
00:10:50,004 --> 00:10:51,277
thought we were going to unionize.
273
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,765
Do you not read the newsletter?
274
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:54,359
There's a newsletter?
275
00:10:54,384 --> 00:10:56,455
- There is a newsletter.
- I can give you my e-mail.
276
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,872
Colby, it's time to leave.
277
00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:01,246
- Oh, those are your...
- Yeah, I'm their...
278
00:11:01,271 --> 00:11:03,122
I'm their familiar. They're
like, 400 years old
279
00:11:03,147 --> 00:11:05,330
but I have to play their
parent, I'm their "Dad"
280
00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:07,875
- so no one gets suspicious.
- Now, Colby.
281
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,821
Y-You better go.
282
00:11:09,846 --> 00:11:11,615
Let's go, kids.
283
00:11:11,753 --> 00:11:14,387
Daddy's coming. Let's go.
284
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:16,932
Oh.
285
00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:19,331
Excuse me, Sam.
286
00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:23,616
All right, Big Vlad, light me up.
287
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,772
Simon! Simon!
288
00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:27,919
This is insane. Who would do this?
289
00:11:27,944 --> 00:11:29,894
- Simon! Simon! Simon! Simon!
- Are you ready for this?
290
00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,647
Abbadon, watch. Are you watching?
291
00:11:31,685 --> 00:11:34,606
Oh, boy, we are having fun tonight.
292
00:11:36,722 --> 00:11:38,590
Don't look so scared.
293
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,077
Understandably, life is
filled with mysteries.
294
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:43,872
And for our next mystery...
295
00:11:43,897 --> 00:11:46,135
- Simon!
- Nadja?
296
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,535
Hey!
297
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,560
Nadja!
298
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,688
What a sight for sore eyes.
299
00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:54,934
- I haven't seen you in ages.
- Simon.
300
00:11:54,959 --> 00:11:56,328
Look at you.
301
00:11:56,353 --> 00:11:59,022
Don't you look wonderful?
302
00:11:59,047 --> 00:12:01,426
Fucking bloodle service.
303
00:12:01,451 --> 00:12:02,863
I wanted this five minutes ago.
304
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,644
I'm talking to Nadja now.
305
00:12:04,669 --> 00:12:06,076
Please, please.
306
00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:08,790
So, what are you up to?
307
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:11,817
Well, I'm, uh, uh, living in...
on the Staten Island.
308
00:12:11,842 --> 00:12:12,709
Uh-huh...
309
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:15,861
And things are going
very, very, very good.
310
00:12:15,886 --> 00:12:17,699
- Good? Good.
- Very good. Yes.
311
00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,935
Oh, I'm so happy to hear that,
'cause I worry about you.
312
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:20,685
Aw...
313
00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,667
Come, come, come, come,
come, come, come.
314
00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:25,825
You know, I worry about you
because I hear all these stories
315
00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:29,923
about all these vampires,
and they slowly spiral out
316
00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:33,288
and then they get stuck
in this real complacency.
317
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:36,903
Then, eventually, they just...
fade away.
318
00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:39,027
- But not you.
- No way.
319
00:12:39,052 --> 00:12:41,348
You're-you're in Staten Island.
320
00:12:41,373 --> 00:12:43,245
- Well, yes.
- And Laszlo and Nandor?
321
00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:45,117
Have you spoken to them recently?
322
00:12:45,142 --> 00:12:47,944
Uh, well, actually,
they're somewhere here.
323
00:12:48,342 --> 00:12:49,827
No!
324
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,614
- Yes.
- Impossible!
325
00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:52,692
Well, we should all have a drink.
326
00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:54,691
I would love to catch up
with those two rascals.
327
00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:58,254
Ah, there you are.
328
00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:00,465
Had my eye on you all
night, little one.
329
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,983
- Oh, I-I, I'm just, uh...
- Yeah, whatever it is you're "just,"
330
00:13:03,007 --> 00:13:05,457
you just found it right here.
Sweet release from life.
331
00:13:05,482 --> 00:13:07,903
Uh, I like life. And I'm just, uh...
332
00:13:07,928 --> 00:13:09,253
Guillermo.
333
00:13:10,173 --> 00:13:11,390
Oh.
334
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,116
Something I can help you with, friend?
335
00:13:13,141 --> 00:13:16,044
Uh, well, not really, but...
336
00:13:16,069 --> 00:13:18,137
Oh, were you gonna...
337
00:13:18,162 --> 00:13:20,574
- No, no, no. No.
- 'Cause I was thinking...
338
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,285
- Okay. Well, okay.
- Yeah?
339
00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:24,620
- I'd prefer it if you didn't.
- Why?
340
00:13:24,645 --> 00:13:27,402
He's kind of my familiar.
341
00:13:27,427 --> 00:13:28,929
- How could I know?
- No, I...
342
00:13:28,954 --> 00:13:30,391
No, honest mistake. Y-You
don't have to apologize.
343
00:13:30,415 --> 00:13:32,302
I will. I must apologize,
I'm so sorry. I-I...
344
00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:34,217
Fine, honestly, look, if you
really had your heart set on it,
345
00:13:34,241 --> 00:13:35,249
don't let me stand in your way.
346
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:35,982
- Well, I'd love to...
- What?
347
00:13:36,007 --> 00:13:37,434
Not at all. This is my discourtesy.
348
00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:39,448
- And I feel bad.
- I mean, I'm okay with it if...
349
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:41,943
- I mean, you can if you like.
- No. No. No. I do apologize.
350
00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:44,396
- Cheers. Okay? Rock and roll.
- Yes.
351
00:13:44,421 --> 00:13:45,831
Wow!
352
00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:48,595
No, I wasn't going to let him eat you.
353
00:13:51,570 --> 00:13:53,373
Guillermo!
354
00:13:55,686 --> 00:13:57,681
Simon The Devious will see you.
355
00:13:58,066 --> 00:13:59,992
Okay. Great. Uh,
356
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:02,039
- your hat is bleeding.
- I know.
357
00:14:02,064 --> 00:14:03,486
You must
358
00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:06,345
kill someone in the Hamptons.
It's just...
359
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:08,773
Laszlo! Nandor?
360
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:12,039
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?
361
00:14:12,064 --> 00:14:13,771
Pleasure to
see you again, Simon.
362
00:14:13,796 --> 00:14:16,502
And look at you. Nadja
said you're doing well.
363
00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,591
And now I see you in your capes,
364
00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:22,529
and I think "Well, you haven't
lost your senses of humor."
365
00:14:22,810 --> 00:14:25,145
- You're married?
- Yes.
366
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:26,949
Well, your behavior
with me did not preclude you
367
00:14:26,973 --> 00:14:28,399
- to be married.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
368
00:14:28,423 --> 00:14:31,644
I had forgotten because of her
physical behavior with me.
369
00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,797
Oh, when was the last time
we were all together?
370
00:14:34,822 --> 00:14:38,032
The bicentennial, 1976.
371
00:14:38,057 --> 00:14:42,101
Yes, you told that joke about
that group of sailors.
372
00:14:42,126 --> 00:14:43,347
Yes. Uh,
373
00:14:43,372 --> 00:14:46,949
"It's like a virtual
smorgasbord of seamen"?
374
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:54,314
That's it.
375
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:00,839
But I haven't even
introduced you to my crew,
376
00:15:00,864 --> 00:15:02,356
the Leather Skins.
377
00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,935
Of course, that's Big Vlad behind you.
378
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,189
Abbadon, Empusa.
379
00:15:07,214 --> 00:15:09,721
We've got the Freak sisters over there,
380
00:15:09,746 --> 00:15:11,666
they're two sisters and
they are not related.
381
00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:13,434
That's Little Vlad.
382
00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:15,453
The guy's a fucking maniac.
383
00:15:15,477 --> 00:15:17,045
We've got Mister 50s.
384
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:20,354
We've got S, and that's
because her name is Sarah.
385
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:22,152
We've got Evil Steve.
386
00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:24,536
Freakfest Tony. Ah!
387
00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:27,699
There he is, Blavglad
the Exsanguinator.
388
00:15:27,731 --> 00:15:30,851
And, of course, The Silent One.
389
00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:32,210
Hey.
390
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,636
We keep going over there,
391
00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:35,721
we've got Asian Mike. And that's Chunt.
392
00:15:35,746 --> 00:15:39,434
Jane the Soulless, Elgrad the
Fifth, Horvok the Pit Master.
393
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:42,308
Gonthrapal and his brother Krylsac.
394
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:43,829
It's Wesley Sykes.
395
00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:47,118
Desdemona the Shrieker.
396
00:15:47,143 --> 00:15:48,070
Yes.
397
00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:49,637
There's Len, my accountant.
398
00:15:49,662 --> 00:15:51,671
And of course, Count Rapula.
399
00:15:57,469 --> 00:15:58,852
Yes, he just started rapping
400
00:15:58,877 --> 00:16:00,653
in 1991.
401
00:16:00,678 --> 00:16:03,543
Yes, well, um, this is our crew.
402
00:16:03,568 --> 00:16:06,153
There's Nandor. My
good lady-wife Nadja,
403
00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:08,992
who you clearly know. And my good self.
404
00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:11,377
- We like to keep things slim.
- Hi, everyone.
405
00:16:11,402 --> 00:16:14,319
I'm... I'm-I'm also with them.
406
00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:15,799
- Who is he?
- No one.
407
00:16:15,824 --> 00:16:17,058
I'm with them.
408
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,446
Now, we've all known
each other long enough
409
00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:21,583
to know that this is not
a mere social visit.
410
00:16:21,608 --> 00:16:23,143
You are not wrong.
411
00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:25,311
Um, you may have heard that, uh,
412
00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:28,474
we have the Baron visiting with us.
413
00:16:28,499 --> 00:16:32,402
The Baron came to visit
you in Staten Island?
414
00:16:32,427 --> 00:16:35,059
Yes. We were thinking,
as we have dominion
415
00:16:35,084 --> 00:16:36,886
- over Staten Island...
- Uh-huh.
416
00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:40,445
And you, Simon, you control
a lot of Manhattan, well...
417
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:41,615
- I do.
- Yes, uh,
418
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,629
I mean, there's talk we
could possibly join forces,
419
00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:47,480
take the lion's share of New York City.
420
00:16:47,505 --> 00:16:51,403
Uh, which also includes our
street and also Ashley Street.
421
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:54,831
So, I would bring
Manhattan to the table,
422
00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,899
and you would bring...
423
00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:58,432
Our street and...
424
00:16:58,457 --> 00:17:00,135
- Ashley Street.
- SIMON ...and Ashley Street.
425
00:17:00,159 --> 00:17:01,222
- Correct.
- Yes.
426
00:17:01,247 --> 00:17:03,316
Well, that sounds very interesting.
427
00:17:03,341 --> 00:17:04,708
Oh, ooh.
428
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,985
So I guess I would begin
429
00:17:06,010 --> 00:17:08,176
the negotiation by...
430
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,534
you giving me that hat.
431
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:12,725
Oh, I fucking knew this would happen.
432
00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,409
- Absolutely not.
- Laszlo.
433
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,856
Simon, you don't want the hat.
It's not a good hat.
434
00:17:16,881 --> 00:17:18,011
- No...
- Give him the hat.
435
00:17:18,036 --> 00:17:18,551
No.
436
00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:21,024
I watched you
walk around that ship
437
00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:23,569
always wearing that hat and thinking,
438
00:17:23,594 --> 00:17:25,996
"This vampire doesn't deserve this hat.
439
00:17:26,021 --> 00:17:27,556
I deserve that hat."
440
00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:29,737
Well, I'll tell you something,
if you want this hat,
441
00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:31,431
you'll have to cut my head off.
442
00:17:31,456 --> 00:17:33,830
- Laszlo.
- That's fine.
443
00:17:33,855 --> 00:17:36,562
Big Vlad, right behind
you, has a machete.
444
00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:40,057
He could take it, or perhaps
we could get The Silent One,
445
00:17:40,082 --> 00:17:42,875
or Little Vlad, he's a fucking maniac.
446
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,570
And if we could hit Mister
50s, maybe he could help,
447
00:17:45,595 --> 00:17:47,847
or the Exsanguinator himself.
448
00:17:47,872 --> 00:17:50,613
Or, let's see, fucking everybody here.
449
00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:53,037
All right, all right, you've
made your point. Get off me.
450
00:17:53,062 --> 00:17:54,571
Take the fucking hat.
451
00:17:54,596 --> 00:17:57,668
Ah, thank you. Mm.
452
00:17:57,693 --> 00:17:59,292
What is it that's sort of puckering
453
00:17:59,317 --> 00:18:01,512
and sucking at the back of my head?
454
00:18:01,537 --> 00:18:02,748
It's witch's asshole.
455
00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,628
Oh, yes.
456
00:18:04,653 --> 00:18:06,457
Well, now that I've got the hat,
457
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:09,972
- I can say, um, get them out of here.
- What?
458
00:18:09,997 --> 00:18:12,578
- What?
- You can get the fuck out!
459
00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:14,948
Get out of my club!
460
00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:16,608
- Oh...
- I summoned you here
461
00:18:16,633 --> 00:18:20,106
to get your hat, and now it
is time for you to leave.
462
00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:30,230
- Thank you.
- Humiliating.
463
00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:32,510
Thank you. Thank you.
464
00:18:32,535 --> 00:18:35,237
By the way, we don't validate parking.
465
00:18:35,262 --> 00:18:37,042
Not that you have a car,
466
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:40,168
- because you are failuresof vampires.
- Lazlo, don't...
467
00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:43,010
in your pathetic, lame capes.
468
00:18:43,042 --> 00:18:45,608
This hat... it makes me
feel like Robin Hood.
469
00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:47,411
Big Vlad, my bow.
470
00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:49,534
- Touch the sky.
- Touch the sky.
471
00:18:49,559 --> 00:18:51,062
He's a big silly dickhead.
472
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,199
I don't remember him being so devious.
473
00:18:53,224 --> 00:18:55,123
I mean, he is called Simon The Devious.
474
00:18:55,148 --> 00:18:57,301
- Shit!
- Shit! Oh, shit!
475
00:18:57,326 --> 00:18:58,839
Fucking hell. Darling?
476
00:18:58,864 --> 00:19:01,723
- Yes?
- I think my hat's probably cursed.
477
00:19:01,748 --> 00:19:03,449
Bat!
478
00:19:05,924 --> 00:19:08,153
Oh...
479
00:19:10,503 --> 00:19:12,332
Guillermo.
480
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,423
Guillermo?
481
00:19:20,584 --> 00:19:22,137
You're still angry about that vampire
482
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,442
who tried to eat you, aren't you?
483
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,973
- Yes.
- Don't deny it. I can tell.
484
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,363
- I said yes.
- See, I knew it.
485
00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:30,264
Guillermo...
486
00:19:31,512 --> 00:19:34,039
I'm sorry for how I
treated you tonight.
487
00:19:34,878 --> 00:19:36,588
I appreciate you.
488
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:38,301
I really do.
489
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,161
Well, you have a funny way
of showing it sometimes.
490
00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:44,414
Thank you. But...
491
00:19:44,871 --> 00:19:48,144
I'm going to make it up to you tonight.
492
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:56,359
This is amazing, Master.
493
00:19:56,384 --> 00:20:00,276
Enjoy it, Guillermo.
You're really flying.
494
00:20:00,301 --> 00:20:02,400
This is the best night of my life!
495
00:20:02,425 --> 00:20:06,037
Oh, that's quite sad, but
also quite beautiful.
496
00:20:06,062 --> 00:20:08,703
- I feel like a real vampire.
- Don't push it.
497
00:20:08,728 --> 00:20:10,353
- What's that over there?
- Where?
498
00:20:10,378 --> 00:20:11,993
The Empire State Building, I think.
499
00:20:12,018 --> 00:20:13,386
Is that it right there?
500
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:14,767
- What, over...
- Aah!
501
00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:16,343
Oops.
502
00:20:16,368 --> 00:20:18,002
Shit.
503
00:20:18,027 --> 00:20:20,047
Shh, Guillermo.
504
00:20:20,072 --> 00:20:21,749
Don't trouble yourself.
505
00:20:21,774 --> 00:20:23,334
He was fortunate.
506
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,078
A thicket of trees tangled
him up, and then he landed
507
00:20:26,103 --> 00:20:28,699
on the roof of an abandoned food truck.
508
00:20:30,058 --> 00:20:31,825
I want you to know
509
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:35,249
that you are my...
510
00:20:36,224 --> 00:20:37,743
friend.
511
00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:41,069
- Hmm...
- Ugh, no, that didn't feel right.
512
00:20:41,094 --> 00:20:42,745
You will forget I said anything.
513
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,453
Shall we?
514
00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:48,997
Hold your Horlicks...
That's my bloody hat.
515
00:20:49,022 --> 00:20:51,324
Is that you in there, Simon?
516
00:20:51,571 --> 00:20:55,012
Well, I'm gonna take my hat
back, you crispy piece of shit.
517
00:21:06,513 --> 00:21:08,270
Eh.
518
00:21:49,529 --> 00:21:55,792
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36110
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