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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,205 ANNOUNCER: In space, no one can hear you so... 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,339 (all screaming) 3 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,076 ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999. 4 00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:10,743 Premieres Wednesday, May 29 on FXX. 5 00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:15,849 ANNOUNCER: FX presents What We Do in the Shadows. 6 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,016 [bats squeal] 7 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,824 That's the... C-Come here. That's the Baron. 8 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,827 - Come on, Barry. - Come on. 9 00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,661 (laughing): We are so high. 10 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,064 We're on drugblood. 11 00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,731 Put the hat on. Oh, yeah... 12 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,435 - Oh! Ugh, no. - LASZLO: Shit. 13 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,604 - NADJA: I broke his half off. - NANDOR: His bodies' half off. 14 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,539 LASZLO: No, no, no, he's just coming through the floor. 15 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,008 Guillermo? 16 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,076 Help us! Don't just stand there. 17 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,246 I don't think that's Guillermo. 18 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,947 - Guillermo? - LASZLO: No. 19 00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:49,682 N-No, Nandor, that's the StairMaster. 20 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,451 The master of the stairs. 21 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,554 - We fucked up. This is bad. - Where's Guiller... 22 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,423 (in distance): Guillermo! 23 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,426 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God... 24 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,594 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 25 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,063 * Don't sing if you want to live long * 26 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,599 * They have no use for your song * 27 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,236 * You're dead, you're dead, you're dead * 28 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,603 * You're dead and out of this world * 29 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,742 * Now your hope and compassion is gone * 30 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:18,478 * You sold out your dream to the world * 31 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,881 * Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead * 32 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,983 * You're dead and out of this world. * 33 00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:25,186 * 34 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,263 (bell tolling) 35 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:39,133 NANDOR: We are gathered here tonight in our backyard 36 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:42,436 to commemorate the second death of the Baron. 37 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,837 NADJA: We are having a ceremony 38 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,674 to commemorate the Baron's passing. 39 00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:47,740 Problem is, though, 40 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,409 we don't remember how he died, 41 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,644 because we were absolutely 42 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,846 messed up on drugblood. 43 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,948 And as a sign of respect, we have decided to bury you 44 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,951 betwixt my two favorite vaginas: 45 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:02,656 That of my wife and my mother. 46 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,959 Baron, such a wonderful, filthy times 47 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,328 we did have. 48 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,996 - (snickering) - What a way 49 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:10,698 to live your life after death, 50 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,466 and what a way to die. 51 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,302 (bell tolling) 52 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:17,704 Did we murder him? 53 00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,539 LASZLO: We, um, we might have floated the idea 54 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,443 of murdering him, but we didn't do it. 55 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,676 Did we? 56 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,913 NADJA: Oh, I think something awful happened. 57 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,884 Fuck. 58 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:33,020 LASZLO: Maybe we should keep this under our hats. 59 00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:34,987 If any vampires find out about this, 60 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,689 then it... (quacks) 61 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,491 (bell tolling) 62 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,365 Give the Baron his last sip. 63 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,838 - Of course. - (Nadja humming a tune) 64 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,569 (Nandor and Laszlo humming along) 65 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,171 NADJA: So just get him in. 66 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,540 - Yep. - Goodbye, Baron. 67 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,841 (raven squawks) 68 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,543 Master, there's a raven looking at us. 69 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,246 (squawking) 70 00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,381 It is a bad omen. It means that 71 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,483 bad luck is approaching. 72 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,484 - Hey, gang. - (all groan) 73 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,151 What's up? Oh! 74 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,152 Oh, my God. 75 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,187 Did-did you guys kill him? 76 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,324 - No! No one murdered him. -No! What... He was just... - We found him in there. 77 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,692 (laughs): I'm just giving you guff. 78 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:14,662 And, uh, just so you know, I am feeding on you guys right now. 79 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,430 NADJA: You can be such a prick, Colin. 80 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,164 COLIN: I have heard that. 81 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,700 Shit. The Baron's familiar. 82 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,569 (ravens squawking) 83 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,771 There's more ravens. They're giving me the shits. 84 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,240 NANDOR: Guillermo, shield us from the ravens. 85 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,109 NADJA: The sky is filled with them. 86 00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,578 - No, let's just go inside. - Let's go inside. 87 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,045 Fill the hole. Keep filling. 88 00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,448 GUILLERMO: But the ravens... 89 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,615 NADJA: They're everywhere! 90 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,617 (whimpers) 91 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:40,086 There are ravens all over the front lawn now, too. 92 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,923 They're trying to frighten us. But it won't work. 93 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,525 - (thump) -ALL: Aah! - NADJA: What is going on? 94 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,526 - GUILLERMO: Master. -ALL: Aah! - LASZLO: Ay yai yai. 95 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,194 There's a floating woman on the front porch. 96 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,497 She needs to talk to you. 97 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,371 You have been summoned... 98 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,771 (thunder claps) 99 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:02,042 to appear before the Vampiric Council 100 00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:05,513 at the Temple of Blood-Devourers. 101 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,282 Could you not have just telephoned? 102 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:10,584 We sent ravens. 103 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,219 We sent 500 ravens! 104 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:15,222 Yes, but we have a telephone. 105 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:18,391 I'm shocked and appalled that you didn't raven us back. 106 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,226 We didn't know how. 107 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:22,495 You just say, "Raven, we will be there. 108 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,964 Thank you. Fly." 109 00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:27,600 You've been invited. 110 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,136 (thunder claps) 111 00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,303 (hissing) 112 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,343 Couldn't you just have telephoned? 113 00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:43,317 NANDOR: The Vampiric Council is a very ancient organization. 114 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,985 Very powerful. And, apparently, 115 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,855 very scary. 116 00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:51,425 LASZLO: They travel from all corners of the globe 117 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,526 to administer supreme and final justice 118 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,663 upon any vampire 119 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,798 who's violated the Vampiric Code. 120 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,533 Laszlo was very nearly summoned when he turned a baby 121 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,269 into a vampire, which is a big no-no. 122 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:04,672 It's true. You're not supposed to do that. 123 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,540 But, to be honest, I was bored. 124 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,610 I gave it to an acquaintance in the Bronx, 125 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,843 where, I believe, 126 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,512 it remains to this day. 127 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,214 That baby would be about 90 years old now. 128 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:16,649 You really fucked up there. 129 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,218 I certainly did. 130 00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,487 Maybe we should visit it. 131 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,254 I'd rather not. 132 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,956 Here it is. 133 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,694 NANDOR: Okay, so, obviously, we are all on edge. 134 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,862 This could be about anything, 135 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:32,466 so we must say nothing about you-know-what. -Obviously. 136 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,167 LASZLO: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 137 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,202 NADJA: It is that woman. 138 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,007 LASZLO: I think she wants us to come inside. 139 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,675 Hello again. 140 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,245 Follow me. 141 00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:48,215 So glad you could make it. 142 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,418 (clears throat) 143 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,288 - (elevator bell chimes) - Oh. 144 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,091 Enter. 145 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,528 (whispers): How did she do that? 146 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,865 (Muzak playing) 147 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,365 - (elevator bell chimes) - Oh. 148 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,002 And we're here. 149 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,072 And follow me. 150 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,440 How does she do that? 151 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,110 The Tribunal have gathered in the Chamber of Judgment, 152 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,747 and there you'll be put on trial. 153 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,348 NADJA: Why does this hallway never end? 154 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,384 Well, it's just a freaky-long hallway. 155 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,862 I thought the Council was bigger than that. 156 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,898 - Maybe we can battle them. - Shh! 157 00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,031 GUIDE: Enter. 158 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,867 Not the human. 159 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,802 Vampire-only trial, Guillermo. 160 00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,540 What will happen to me? 161 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,076 Oh, you'll see. 162 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,144 (laughs, coughs) 163 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,880 Sorry, I have a... 164 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,582 little blood bubble in my throat. 165 00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:56,817 (clears throat) 166 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,752 You'll see... 167 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,420 a room at the end of the hallway 168 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,288 for the familiars. 169 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:05,391 Ludwig will take you to the familiar lounge. 170 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,560 Ludwig. Ludwig. 171 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,062 Ludwig! 172 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,598 I'll just do it. Follow me. 173 00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:11,932 Watch your step. 174 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,134 I don't have to, I glide. 175 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,471 Good evening, Your Excellencies. 176 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,841 This is Vasillika the Defiler. 177 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,310 Hello. 178 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,312 And I am... 179 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,314 Garrett. 180 00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:28,815 Garrett the... 181 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,317 The vampire. 182 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,350 Simple. Nice. 183 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,252 Hi, Garrett the vampire. 184 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,988 Now, what happened with the Baron? 185 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,858 - He's dead. - Oh... 186 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,661 Sorry, everyone. -It w... We didn't make him dead. 187 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,995 LASZLO: No, it's true. It was a misunderstanding. 188 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,699 Um, as a joke, we said, "Why not kill the Baron?" 189 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,466 And if you were there at the time, 190 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,869 - you, too, would have laughed. - NANDOR: (chuckles) Yes. 191 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,471 Now we realize that it was probably a stupid thing to say, 192 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,606 and we are truly sorry, 193 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,442 and we're taking this very seriously. 194 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,810 And these are our serious faces. 195 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,613 Serious, serious, serious. 196 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,750 GUIDE: Follow. 197 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,353 What are you doing? 198 00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,622 I'm warming my face. It's so cold in here. 199 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,490 Well, it's an LED light. 200 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,293 Oh. -There's no way we could have fire. 201 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,262 The fire marshals would have a fit. 202 00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:20,968 I have to say 203 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,403 we are deeply moved 204 00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,673 by your story, and-and maybe it's just me, 205 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,074 but I don't think you're guilty at all. 206 00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,341 - Vasillika? - Mm, no, 207 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,742 I don't think you sound guilty. 208 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:33,046 I-I think... they might let you go. 209 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,048 Sorry, what do you mean by "they"? 210 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,484 VASILLIKA: The Vampiric Council. 211 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,318 You're not the Vampiric Council? 212 00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:41,087 - (laughs) - Oh. (Laughing) 213 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,322 GARRETT (laughing): No. No, we're... 214 00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:44,524 - we're prisoners here. - No, we have 215 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,158 - been imprisoned in this boring room. - Oh... 216 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,229 for... 1,000 years? 217 00:08:49,261 --> 00:08:52,099 - Oh, it's really awful. - Since 1932. 218 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,734 Mm. 219 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,235 That's not 1,000 years. 220 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,572 What-what year is it? 221 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,307 It's 2019. 222 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,076 We have been here for 90 years. 223 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,745 - GARRETT: Oh, shit. - What did you do? 224 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,914 Oh, me? Too much defiling. 225 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,082 They say I turned a baby into a vampire 226 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,918 and left it in the Bronx. 227 00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,388 Who would do such a thing? If I ever find out who did it, 228 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,625 I will take a dagger and stab them 5,000 times 229 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:22,129 with this hand, switch hands, and stab them 230 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,230 another 5,000 times! 231 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,067 I can fill up this book 232 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,470 with the ways I would torture that vampire. 233 00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,040 Wouldn't want to be him. 234 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,009 - That poor baby. - Poor, poor baby. 235 00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:42,481 The Vampiric Council will see you now. 236 00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:45,552 - Doesn't have to be right now. - I mean, right now... 237 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,621 Right now. I... They had a break, but they're ready now. -They... 238 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,162 (door slams shut) 239 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,770 Hey. Are you a familiar, too? 240 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,806 Yes. 241 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,606 Welcome. 242 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,919 (bell tolling) 243 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:23,490 This is the chamber where you will be tried. 244 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,658 You could hang... 245 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:29,129 Hang? - ...Here, until the trial starts. 246 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,798 I think we're ready. 247 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,099 - No... -NANDOR: We are not ready. - GUIDE: Yes. We are ready. 248 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,299 - NANDOR: No, we're not... - What? What's going... 249 00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:36,369 The spectacle of judgment begins. 250 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,806 * 251 00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,841 LASZLO: What the hell is this? 252 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,524 That's very elaborate. 253 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,027 GUIDE: Since this may be your last night 254 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,995 of existence, the Vampiric Council 255 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,365 likes to do something a little bit special. 256 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,967 They rehearsed it for decades. 257 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,402 * 258 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,745 LASZLO: This is very odd. 259 00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,780 * 260 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,528 - (music ends) - (bell tolls) 261 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,568 - (bell tolling) - What the blazes is this? 262 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,538 Dark greetings of the night 263 00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,540 to all the members 264 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,879 of the Vampiric Council, from all the continents, 265 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,548 gathered here together on... 266 00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,584 - (whispers): Staten Island. - On St... 267 00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:59,919 O-On Staten Island. 268 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,756 VIAGO: Welcome, vampires from near and far, 269 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:07,559 to this here grand Vampiric Council, 270 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:11,063 to judge over these three accused. 271 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:14,433 Accused of what, you may ask. 272 00:12:14,466 --> 00:12:15,769 - Murder... - Vampire murder. 273 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,804 - Vampire murder. - Sor... vampire murder. 274 00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:20,539 (hissing) 275 00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:23,409 VIAGO: So that's why we're here. 276 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,278 I'll now introduce the leaders of the council, 277 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,581 starting here with Tilda. 278 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,216 Pretty much our leader. 279 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,450 She's the one who makes all the big decisions. -Hello. 280 00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,422 Welcome, Tilda. 281 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:39,392 I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten. 282 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,794 Scheden Heimburg. 283 00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,629 This is Deacon Brucke. 284 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,099 - Hello. - Vladislav the Poker. 285 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,801 We also have 286 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,269 Evan, the Immortal. 287 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,904 Princess of the Undead. 288 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,340 You don't have to say my whole name. You can just say Evan, 289 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,975 it's fine. VIAGO: Or just Evan. 290 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,775 Who else do we have? Danny. 291 00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:59,111 Hey, Danny. With his shirt off, as usual. 292 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:02,081 Cool Mexican tattoos all over his chest. 293 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,118 - Dark greetings, everyone. - VIAGO: Welcome, Danny. 294 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,587 We also have Paul. -Dark greetings, everyone. Dark greetings. 295 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:12,125 Great to be here. 296 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:15,995 Rob... Wh... Is Rob here? Is... Couldn't make it. 297 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,597 We couldn't get Rob? -Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob, he didn't... 298 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:21,201 didn't want to come. Want to... leave it behind. 299 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,501 VIAGO: That's fine. No, he didn't want 300 00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:25,205 - to be here. Kiefer? - I don't see Kiefer. 301 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,440 Kiefer said that he wanted to do it, but he couldn't come. 302 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,542 - He was busy? - Tom and Brad... 303 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,977 - VLADISLAV: Tom, not... No. - VIAGO: Not interested. 304 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,312 - Tom and Bra... Well... - VIAGO: Not into it. 305 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,813 They're not committed like us. 306 00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,850 It's just an availability thing. 307 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:39,818 - Well, who is here? - VIAGO: Calling in via Skype, 308 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:43,056 we have Wesley over there, the day-walker. 309 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,456 - TILDA: Wesley! -VIAGO: Hey, Wesley. - Is this working? 310 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,658 - VIAGO: Look at him then... - Oh, God, not this fucking guy. 311 00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,995 He is a vampire killer! 312 00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,364 Hey, he is half vampire. 313 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,500 His opinion still counts. 314 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,702 Yeah, well, I'm only listening to half his opinion. -(Hisses) 315 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,738 - DANNY: Look at him in the sunlight. - VLADISLAV: Showing off. 316 00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,840 - Can you hear me? - Wesley, can you hear us? 317 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,208 - Hey, can you hear me? - VLADISLAV: There's a lag. 318 00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,912 The Skype seems glitchy. 319 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,147 - Hello? -Push the mute button. - TILDA: It looks like 320 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,381 a little microphone, it's got a-got a ring around it. 321 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,549 - I'm pushing it. - VIAGO: Can you hear us now? 322 00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:13,253 I can hear you. Dark greetings. 323 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:14,888 Okay. Great. 324 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,822 Moving on. As is vampire law, 325 00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:18,857 we also have a local vampire here 326 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,028 on the council this evening, Colin Robinson. 327 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,429 Hello. 328 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,032 What the fuck are you doing here? 329 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,732 Okay, now... 330 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,835 So why are we gathered on "Statee" Island? 331 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,038 Because one of our brothers has passed from this world. 332 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:35,575 Baron Afanas, also known as The Undying One. 333 00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:38,845 Well, he died. That's why we're here. 334 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,047 Call the witness. 335 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,048 First witness. 336 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,850 - Oh, good grief. - Oh, shit. 337 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,952 Where the hell did she come from? 338 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:48,956 This is Baron Afanas' familiar. 339 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:51,857 Witness number one, speak. 340 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,860 (whispers): It's okay. She doesn't speak. 341 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,865 On the eve of the death of my master... 342 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,067 (whispers): Well, she's speaking now. 343 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,534 These three vampires 344 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,638 - took Baron Afanas... - (whispers): She's speaking. 345 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:09,942 And they let him partake of human food. 346 00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,878 (vampires groaning, hissing) 347 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,947 We cannot eat human food. It's gross. 348 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,316 DANNY: The fuck is wrong with you guys? 349 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,583 BARON'S FAMILIAR: Earlier, 350 00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:21,254 I overheard them plotting to murder him. 351 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,956 (vampires gasping, hissing) 352 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,791 She speaks the bullshit. 353 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,126 We simply floated the idea. 354 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,927 You floated the idea of murdering him? 355 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:32,065 - LASZLO: Yes. - Not floated, you plotted. 356 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,734 - Floating and plotting are very similar. - WESLEY: Wait, 357 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,669 - The Baron is dead? - VIAGO: Oh, my God, Wesley, 358 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,438 we're past that now. -Wesley, catch up, we're past that. 359 00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,841 - Remove the witness. -VIAGO: Yeah. - Thanks a lot. 360 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,411 Bye, bitch. -WESLEY: Human food? Like-like-like 361 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,578 - hamburger or some-something like that? - VIAGO: Wesley. 362 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,181 We're over the human food thing. Shut up. 363 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,915 We're not talking about that, Wesley. 364 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,350 You need better Wi-Fi. 365 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,986 Move the computer next to your router, homes. 366 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,822 Hey, hey, hey. It's not my Wi-Fi. 367 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,191 I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay? 368 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,860 I heard about one familiar who was made into a vampire, 369 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,630 and now he has a big castle and he is really successful... 370 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:08,168 My master says I'm gonna be a vampire in a few days. 371 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,602 It's only been seven decades. 372 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,005 So, have any of you 373 00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:16,743 met a familiar who's become a vampire? 374 00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:19,946 Not personally, 375 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,381 never met one. 376 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:26,719 Well, I'll be a vampire soon, and then you'll know a vampire. 377 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,056 And then you can become my familiar. 378 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,691 Did anyone really like The Baron, anyway? 379 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,360 - Well, I... no, I didn't like him. He was creepy. - I mean, I didn't... 380 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,996 He was loco. -I thought he was pretty rude and a backstabber. 381 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,067 - He was a bit of an asshole. - Loco. 382 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,533 He was a psychotic madman. 383 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,869 Aren't we all, though? A little bit? 384 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,071 DEACON: He was a whackjob, 385 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,706 he was crazy, but rules are rules. 386 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,740 - VIAGO: Now what? - Bring in the other witness. 387 00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,842 - VIAGO: Now let us call the next witness. - LASZLO: What other witness? 388 00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,513 PAUL: Another witness. -VIAGO: Witness number whatever-it-is. 389 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,248 - LASZLO: Oh, my life. - Guillermo. 390 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,716 VIAGO: Who's this delicious-looking thing? 391 00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,684 What is this? Is this-is this lunch? 392 00:16:58,717 --> 00:16:59,918 - NADJA: Yes, it's lunch. - No, it's not lunch. 393 00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,087 It's lunch. 394 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,855 GUIDE: This is one of their familiars, council. 395 00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:04,990 He bears witness. 396 00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,193 Did these vampires three 397 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,761 murder The Baron? 398 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,064 No, they did not. 399 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,266 Did they "float" it? 400 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,001 They discussed it, but they-they were just talking. 401 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,670 They weren't going to really do it. 402 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,539 VLADISLAV: So who murdered The Baron? 403 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,308 Um... 404 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,316 They... It was I. I-I killed him. 405 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,519 - You did it? - Yes. 406 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,720 (stifled laugh) 407 00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,255 It was I. I did it. 408 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,390 Okay. Unlikely. 409 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,292 Don't take offense, but you don't seem like someone 410 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,528 who would be capable of killing a vampire. 411 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,263 - But I did it. - Uh, hard to believe. 412 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,065 Well, I did. -From maybe a tougher-looking guy, 413 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:49,102 - I'd believe it, but... - TILDA: I think you're lying 414 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,702 - to protect your master. - VIAGO: Of course he is. 415 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,739 This little guy couldn't kill a vampire. 416 00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,941 No, it was, it was me. I opened the door and it was dawn 417 00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,375 and then the sun came in and... 418 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,310 (stammers) and then it happened. 419 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,712 That sounds very made-up. 420 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,048 VIAGO: I mean, I don't know, guys. 421 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,950 None of us really liked The Baron, 422 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:06,385 so maybe we just kill this cute little guy 423 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,421 and then let the other three go. 424 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,588 Send his soul to hell. 425 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,391 Does anyone else feel like having 426 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,493 - a cheeky little snack? - Sneaky snack? 427 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,496 (vampires hissing) -VLADISLAV: What do you think, Wesley? 428 00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:19,499 Who is this motherfucker now? This glasses motherfucker? 429 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,767 PAUL: It's lunch, Wesley. 430 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,236 - Lunch. - Oh, yeah. -No! 431 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,770 NANDOR: I cannot abide by this. 432 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,972 - (exhales): Oh. - Get to the point. 433 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,576 - Have you got a point to make? - Listen to me. 434 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,912 We're all listening. -You got... Everyone's listening. 435 00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:34,346 Everyone's like... -Everyone has stopped what they were doing, 436 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,847 we were all about to chomp down on this guy, 437 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,451 and then you said, "Oh, I'm gonna say something." 438 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,452 - Speak. - It was we... 439 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,922 - NADJA: No. - Who killed The Baron. 440 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,523 We thought that! That's what we thought. 441 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,792 - We-we... - We were all discussing that. 442 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:47,859 TILDA: You have committed 443 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,096 premeditated vampicide. 444 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,031 Pass the judgment, Tilda. 445 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,933 TILDA: I pronounce these three 446 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,769 guilty. 447 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,172 Raise your fangs, all who agree. 448 00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:01,374 (vampires hissing) 449 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,212 (cries) 450 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,013 The punishment is 451 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,148 they will be killed in the same manner 452 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,550 that their victim was: 453 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,119 Exposed to sunlight. 454 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,689 - Ooh! - VIAGO: Ow, Chihuahuas. 455 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,789 (snarls) 456 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,526 Man, that's fucking rough. 457 00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,961 You gonna help us, Colin Robinson? 458 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:23,563 Fuck can I do? 459 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,798 GUIDE: Follow me to your doom. 460 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,200 Don't worry. 461 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:30,569 I've coordinated a secret escape plan. 462 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,373 Bat! 463 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,208 NADJA: Laszlo, you fucking asshole! How could... 464 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,243 - How could... - Ludwig, get him. 465 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,279 Dan, get her. 466 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,983 Watch the hands, Mr. Hands! 467 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,653 Fucking hell! 468 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,089 Release my blade. 469 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,058 - Ooh. - Is it welded on there, or...? 470 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,027 Well, it's for decoration, really. 471 00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:58,163 - Thank you, Ludwig, very good. - Fuck me. 472 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,999 What is that? Uh... Hey! 473 00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:02,201 He's a vampire, he couldn't get an ax off a wall. 474 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,769 Well, you should see it. 475 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,005 It's, like, welded on there or something. 476 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,074 (sighs) 477 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,875 We have to find a way out of here. 478 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,510 This is the thing where we wa... Okay, 479 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,713 I broke this, turned right, and then we turned left to the... 480 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,615 - (roars) - (screams) 481 00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:17,784 - Stay back! - (screams) 482 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,453 Oh... 483 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,755 (groaning) 484 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,757 (quietly): It was an accident. 485 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,026 It was an accident. It was an accident. 486 00:20:27,058 --> 00:20:28,494 It was an accident! 487 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,467 So, they're being sent into a well, and, uh, 488 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,702 the sun's going to slowly come up, 489 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,105 - and then they'll burn to death. - It's a very horrible way to die. 490 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:42,775 - Very dramatic way to die. - (chuckles): Yes. 491 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,311 * 492 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,646 (birds chirping) 493 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,249 (Laszlo, Nandor, and Nadja screaming) 494 00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:58,625 That's so macabre. 495 00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,460 They could have at least cleared them up 496 00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:02,929 before putting us in here. 497 00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:04,963 (yelping, panting) 498 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,267 (screaming) 499 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,604 (hissing) 500 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,605 I wish I had made more of my leadership skills. 501 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,607 I could have ruled many more countries 502 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:19,311 instead of dying in a well with two perverts. -(Mouths) 503 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,580 I was Jack the Ripper. 504 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,016 I've never told anyone that before. 505 00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:25,852 And I wish I'd made love more. 506 00:21:25,884 --> 00:21:28,287 Well, you did that a lot. A lot. 507 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,957 - I suppose I did. - Yeah, a-a lot. 508 00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,425 I miss my horse John. 509 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:37,163 I wish I was better to him. And to you both. 510 00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:40,165 That's very kind of you, Nandor, to say that, and, um, 511 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:44,002 I know we haven't got on over the years, but, uh... 512 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,972 Nope, that's it. 513 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,509 I hate to say it, but I think it's gonna hurt. 514 00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:52,378 - (crying): Oh, no! - Fucking Colin Robinson. 515 00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:55,114 - Oh, shit. - No! No! 516 00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:57,983 - Save me! Oh, Gregor, I love you! - No! No! 517 00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,452 Gregor! 518 00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,855 - Oh, my love, my love... - (screams) I'm burning! 519 00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,856 (Nadja screaming) 520 00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,492 (gasping, panting) 521 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:08,994 - I-It is an eclipse. - What is that? 522 00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:11,130 Hey, dudes. It's me, Colin Robinson, your roommate. 523 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,566 - (groans) -(whispers): Colin Robinson? - COLIN: Yeah, 524 00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,667 Guillermo's here, too. He was running around, peeing himself. 525 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:17,303 I didn't pee myself, Master. 526 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,137 - He was freaked out. - No, I wasn't. 527 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:21,807 So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking by this hardware store 528 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,576 and I says to myself, "Colin, you should go in 529 00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:26,913 and, uh, see if they have any umbrellas for the well." 530 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,749 Made sure to keep the receipt, I'm gonna probably take it back. 531 00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:31,417 You can do that on non-food items. 532 00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:34,052 - Is he zapping our energy? - He's taking advantage of us. 533 00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:36,188 - Don't do that. - Shut up. 534 00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,023 Do you not want me to stay? I can... I'll go. 535 00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:40,426 - No, no, no, no, no! No! - No, don't do that! No! 536 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,260 (chuckles) Just giving you guys guff. 537 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,029 Yeah, I'm gonna save you. 538 00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:46,398 You guys awake? 539 00:22:46,432 --> 00:22:49,836 - (bats screeching) - Hello? 540 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,104 (chuckles): Oh, no, a roller coaster for vampires. 541 00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:54,205 (laughs) 542 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,676 - Oh, no, oh, no! Roller coaster again. - Stop it, Colin Robinson. 543 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,179 And sorry about the camera crew at the bottom of the well. 544 00:23:00,211 --> 00:23:02,548 You're gonna want to get them out sooner than later. 545 00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:04,316 They're in-they're in grave danger. 546 00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:09,055 - You had a heck of a day, too, huh? - Yeah. 547 00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:12,124 - How long have you been with us? - Ten years. 548 00:23:12,157 --> 00:23:14,560 I guess that's the whole deal, right? 549 00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:16,194 That, you know, you work for him, 550 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:19,832 and he eventually turns you into a, uh, a vampire? 551 00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:23,470 Yeah. 552 00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:25,471 That's the deal. 553 00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,106 * Can't trust his kind today * 554 00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:35,247 * Love has died and death is here to stay... * 555 00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:37,584 (birds chirping) 556 00:23:39,317 --> 00:23:42,288 * Guess our plan can fade away * 557 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:46,291 * On a cloud so far away * 558 00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:50,261 * Time will come when death will pave the way * 559 00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:57,336 * Time will come when death will pave the way * 560 00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:03,308 * Time will come when death will pave the way * 561 00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:10,281 * Time will come when death will pave the way * 562 00:24:13,219 --> 00:24:16,188 * Time will come when death will pave the way. * 563 00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:25,196 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 564 00:24:27,298 --> 00:24:31,136 (eerie chanting) 565 00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,874 (high-pitched screaming) 566 00:24:34,906 --> 00:24:37,544 (chanting continues) 567 00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:43,281 (singing in foreign language) 568 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:46,384 (woman warbling) 569 00:24:46,417 --> 00:24:48,386 (hissing) 570 00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:49,355 (flames roaring) 571 00:24:49,387 --> 00:24:50,856 - Oh! - Aaah! 572 00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:53,625 ANNOUNCER: What We Do in the Shadows. 573 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:56,494 All new Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX. 574 00:24:58,329 --> 00:25:00,231 MAN: Five, six, seven, eight. 575 00:25:00,266 --> 00:25:02,969 - He's a wonderful teacher. - Boom-chicka-boom. 576 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,570 Well, you have taught him plenty. 577 00:25:04,604 --> 00:25:06,739 When do I find out if I got the part or not? 578 00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:08,708 You got the part when you walked in the door. 579 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,209 ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon. 580 00:25:10,241 --> 00:25:13,045 All new, Tuesday at 10:00, only on FX. 581 00:25:15,446 --> 00:25:16,715 (grunts) 582 00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:19,852 This is just... This is... 583 00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:22,555 (grunts) Seriously? 584 00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:23,588 Whoo. 585 00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:28,527 Who's the lucky guy? 586 00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:31,163 ANNOUNCER: Better Things. 587 00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:33,031 All new Thursdays at 10:00 on FX. 588 00:25:36,367 --> 00:25:39,171 (shrieks) Rocket pack! 589 00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,539 You know how much fuel you just wasted? 590 00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:45,443 Oh, no. How much paint did Michelangelo waste on the Sistine Chapel? 591 00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,445 ANNOUNCER: Archer 1999. 592 00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:50,316 Premieres Wednesday, May 29 on FXX. 593 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:52,719 (record static) 594 00:25:52,751 --> 00:25:56,221 (hip-hop beat) 595 00:26:00,491 --> 00:26:02,394 (rapid drumming) 596 00:26:02,428 --> 00:26:06,065 (beat resumes) 43297

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