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1
00:00:23,969 --> 00:00:25,486
(chuckles)
2
00:00:25,571 --> 00:00:26,904
He was a real spurter.
3
00:00:27,006 --> 00:00:28,572
Yeah, must have had
high blood pressure.
4
00:00:28,674 --> 00:00:29,773
Should probably see a physician.
5
00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:31,208
Well, he definitely should now.
6
00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:32,476
(both laugh)
7
00:00:32,578 --> 00:00:33,977
Oh, Laszlo, I feel wild.
8
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,313
I want to do something
stupid and crazy.
9
00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:39,133
All right. What say
we retire to our bedchamber
10
00:00:39,235 --> 00:00:42,136
and slip into some
informal evening wear?
11
00:00:42,238 --> 00:00:44,571
And by that, I mean the nude.
12
00:00:44,673 --> 00:00:48,108
(laughs):
Oh, Laszlo.
13
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,110
Laszlo?
14
00:00:50,212 --> 00:00:51,812
Shh. Look.
15
00:00:53,015 --> 00:00:54,648
That's our new neighbor, Phil.
16
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,634
Digestif, my darkest princess?
17
00:00:57,737 --> 00:00:59,903
Laszlo, we've just eaten.
18
00:01:00,005 --> 00:01:01,472
I want to do
something different.
19
00:01:01,574 --> 00:01:02,906
(rolls tongue, laughs)
20
00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:04,908
Well, why don't I eat
and you watch?
21
00:01:05,077 --> 00:01:06,276
That's kinky.
22
00:01:06,378 --> 00:01:07,811
Is it?
23
00:01:07,913 --> 00:01:10,447
(chuckles) Bickering like
a couple of ninnies.
24
00:01:10,549 --> 00:01:13,167
I know, right?
It's like, "Sheesh. We get it.
25
00:01:13,269 --> 00:01:14,635
You've been together
for centuries."
26
00:01:14,703 --> 00:01:16,670
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
27
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,539
Those are vampires.
28
00:01:18,641 --> 00:01:20,174
You don't get to insult them.
29
00:01:20,276 --> 00:01:21,875
-I was just...
-You're not a vampire.
30
00:01:21,977 --> 00:01:23,343
-I'm sorry, Master.
-Geez.
31
00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:25,012
I mean, come on,
we get it already.
32
00:01:25,114 --> 00:01:27,147
You've been married
for centuries.
33
00:01:27,249 --> 00:01:29,433
Watch this.
34
00:01:29,535 --> 00:01:30,934
Bat.
35
00:01:35,474 --> 00:01:38,408
Just get on with it, Laszlo.
36
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,880
Come to me, Phil.
37
00:01:42,982 --> 00:01:45,699
Submit to my dark power.
38
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:49,103
Submit
to my dark power.
39
00:01:49,205 --> 00:01:51,171
When was the last time
I felt his dark power?
40
00:01:51,273 --> 00:01:53,540
I say come to me, Phil.
41
00:01:53,642 --> 00:01:56,977
-I'm not staying for this.
You're being very boring.
-Submit to my dark power.
42
00:01:57,079 --> 00:01:58,545
(bat squeaking)
43
00:01:58,647 --> 00:02:00,514
-(hisses)
-WOMAN: Phil? I'm home.
44
00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:02,499
-Phil? Who are you talking to?
-LASZLO: Shit. Bat!
45
00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,034
(shrieking, grunting)
46
00:02:06,505 --> 00:02:08,405
-(grunting)
-(bat screeching)
47
00:02:08,507 --> 00:02:11,275
(grunting fiercely)
48
00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:12,609
-Oh!
-NANDOR: Oh, shit.
49
00:02:12,711 --> 00:02:13,844
GUILLERMO:
The fuck?
50
00:02:13,946 --> 00:02:15,245
BOTH:
Ooh...
51
00:02:15,347 --> 00:02:17,447
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)
52
00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,900
¶ Don't sing if you want to live long ¶
53
00:02:20,002 --> 00:02:22,436
¶ They have no use for your song ¶
54
00:02:22,538 --> 00:02:25,072
¶ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ¶
55
00:02:25,174 --> 00:02:27,541
¶ You're dead and out of this world ¶
56
00:02:29,545 --> 00:02:32,579
¶ Now your hope and compassion is gone ¶
57
00:02:32,681 --> 00:02:35,265
¶ You sold out your dream to the world ¶
58
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:37,668
¶ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ¶
59
00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:40,337
¶ You're dead and out of this world. ¶
60
00:02:40,439 --> 00:02:42,105
¶ ¶
61
00:02:49,348 --> 00:02:51,448
-Come on.
-COLIN: What's going on?
62
00:02:51,550 --> 00:02:53,834
-NANDOR: Laszlo was over at Phil's house. -COLIN: Okay.
63
00:02:53,936 --> 00:02:56,236
NANDOR:
And Phil's girlfriend hit him
over the head
64
00:02:56,338 --> 00:02:57,671
-and knocked him unconscious.
-COLIN: Okay.
65
00:02:57,773 --> 00:02:59,439
NANDOR:
So now we need to rescue him.
66
00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:00,674
COLIN:
Well, where's Nadja, though?
67
00:03:00,776 --> 00:03:02,876
NANDOR:
I don't know.
68
00:03:02,978 --> 00:03:07,247
NADJA: Obviously, being in a marriage for centuries can get boring.
69
00:03:07,349 --> 00:03:09,366
And it is in these moments of dissatisfaction
70
00:03:09,435 --> 00:03:13,937
that I think about my human ex-lover, Gregor.
71
00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:17,174
Oh, he is the most
fantastic of men.
72
00:03:17,276 --> 00:03:18,809
(sighs)
73
00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:20,811
If I did have to give
one criticism, though,
74
00:03:20,913 --> 00:03:23,180
it would be that he did
accidentally get
75
00:03:23,282 --> 00:03:25,199
his head cut off
in every life he's had.
76
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,166
(screaming)
77
00:03:26,268 --> 00:03:29,503
Such short, sweet lives.
78
00:03:29,605 --> 00:03:31,939
Shit. Shit, shit.
79
00:03:33,342 --> 00:03:36,143
(grunting)
80
00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:37,611
No, no, no, no, no, no.
81
00:03:37,713 --> 00:03:40,514
(grunting, panting)
82
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:42,165
AUTOMATED VOICE: Please take the ticket.
83
00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:44,668
Holy shit. Wow.
84
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:46,336
NADJA:He has been reincarnated again.
85
00:03:46,438 --> 00:03:49,239
And in this life,
he is called Jep...
86
00:03:49,341 --> 00:03:51,241
Jean. Jange.
87
00:03:51,343 --> 00:03:55,512
Uh, no, it's, um, Jex.
88
00:03:55,614 --> 00:03:58,148
Jesh. Jenk?
89
00:03:58,250 --> 00:04:01,268
It-it sounds like Jesh.
90
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,437
But, no doubt, he has been reborn
91
00:04:03,539 --> 00:04:05,105
as another heroic figure.
92
00:04:05,274 --> 00:04:06,840
Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!
93
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,475
I told you guys, okay,
you're not supposed
94
00:04:08,577 --> 00:04:10,577
to come in here unless
you have a car, all right?
95
00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:12,312
And, uh, those don't
look like cars, so...
96
00:04:12,414 --> 00:04:14,481
-(scoffs)
You're not a cop, man.
-I'm not a...
97
00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:17,134
-You can't tell us what to do.
-All right,
I'm taking your name down.
98
00:04:17,236 --> 00:04:18,535
I'm taking your name down. Hey.
99
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,370
In the camouflage.
I can still see you.
100
00:04:20,472 --> 00:04:22,139
NANDOR: All right,
101
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:25,475
one of us needs to be invited in
and get Laszlo.
102
00:04:25,577 --> 00:04:27,077
I am nominating Guillermo,
103
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,212
because I am too foreign
and you are too boring.
104
00:04:29,315 --> 00:04:31,048
Well, Guillermo doesn't need
to be invited,
105
00:04:31,150 --> 00:04:32,866
as he's a human being.
106
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:35,469
I would prefer to be invited in.
It's more polite.
107
00:04:35,571 --> 00:04:37,971
Actually, it looks
like it's a moot point.
108
00:04:41,143 --> 00:04:43,744
They've stolen Laszlo.
109
00:04:53,005 --> 00:04:55,005
I'm not approaching him.
Just going to watch.
110
00:04:58,110 --> 00:05:00,310
(exhales)
111
00:05:00,412 --> 00:05:03,180
(moaning)
112
00:05:03,282 --> 00:05:05,365
(grunts)
113
00:05:07,536 --> 00:05:11,238
Gregor. Gregor.
114
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:14,875
He's not answering, 'cause
that-that is not his name.
115
00:05:14,977 --> 00:05:17,044
Jesk.
116
00:05:17,146 --> 00:05:18,245
(clattering)
117
00:05:18,347 --> 00:05:20,647
Hey. Wow.
118
00:05:20,749 --> 00:05:23,600
What a wonderful shock it is
to see you here.
119
00:05:23,702 --> 00:05:25,369
-Yes. (chuckles)
-Do you think maybe
120
00:05:25,471 --> 00:05:28,538
you could let me into
your shelter of automobiles?
121
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,973
What?
122
00:05:30,075 --> 00:05:32,909
Oh, uh, yeah.
Come on in, of course. Yeah.
123
00:05:33,012 --> 00:05:34,444
(laughs softly)
124
00:05:34,546 --> 00:05:36,113
Well, how have you been?
I-I didn't think
125
00:05:36,215 --> 00:05:37,314
I'd ever see you again.
126
00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:39,266
You will always see me again.
127
00:05:39,368 --> 00:05:42,402
Okay.
Uh, this is where I work.
128
00:05:42,504 --> 00:05:45,205
Hence the...
why I'm working here.
129
00:05:45,307 --> 00:05:46,606
-Amazing.
-Yeah.
130
00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:48,909
You are protecting
a vast empire.
131
00:05:49,011 --> 00:05:51,378
Three floors, yeah.
132
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,613
Are the cameras with you?
133
00:05:53,716 --> 00:05:55,966
You don't see the cameras.
134
00:05:56,068 --> 00:05:59,403
Okay. Yeah. Come on in.
135
00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:03,640
Oh, we got your birds,
your rats-- people hate rats.
136
00:06:03,742 --> 00:06:04,941
Then you got your skunks.
137
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:06,843
We get a lot of calls
for skunks.
138
00:06:06,945 --> 00:06:10,013
I have to get closer
to see if he's in there.
139
00:06:10,115 --> 00:06:11,815
-(yells, moans in pain)
-(thuds)
140
00:06:11,917 --> 00:06:13,033
(dogs barking)
141
00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:15,435
Sounds like an owl to me.
142
00:06:15,537 --> 00:06:17,771
So do you keep your horses
on one of the levels?
143
00:06:17,873 --> 00:06:19,639
Uh, no. There was a Jaguar
in here once.
144
00:06:19,742 --> 00:06:21,942
It's a pretty nice car.
Just thought it was pretty cool.
145
00:06:22,044 --> 00:06:24,978
NADJA: I have met Gregor in many incarnations.
146
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,799
Soldier, spy, wax seller, monger,
147
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:33,203
carpet monger, suitcase monger,
148
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,605
fishmonger, fly monger.
149
00:06:35,707 --> 00:06:37,607
He mongers a lot in his lives.
150
00:06:37,709 --> 00:06:40,444
Your job is so complicated,
Gregor.
151
00:06:40,546 --> 00:06:42,312
-Oh...
-So stimulating.
152
00:06:42,414 --> 00:06:44,314
-(both chuckle)
-No.
153
00:06:44,416 --> 00:06:46,266
A-Again, you know,
it, uh... it's "Jeff."
154
00:06:46,368 --> 00:06:47,701
Shh.
155
00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:49,836
I have crossed oceans of time
to be with you.
156
00:06:49,938 --> 00:06:51,438
(both chuckle)
157
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,840
-I'm imagining
swimming through time.
-Yes...
158
00:06:53,942 --> 00:06:56,643
-But I have.
-Oh, wow.
159
00:06:56,745 --> 00:06:58,945
Well, I'm gonna get
off work here, in a second.
160
00:06:59,047 --> 00:07:02,599
I just got a little bit more
to do, if you want to hang out.
161
00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:05,836
Oh, it is forbidden,
but ten, 15 minutes?
162
00:07:06,004 --> 00:07:07,771
-Yes, that's great.
-I will see you then.
163
00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:09,873
-Okay, cool.
-(moaning)
164
00:07:09,975 --> 00:07:13,110
NADJA: He's always got a very, very strong sexual energy
165
00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:16,379
that calls to my sexual energy.
166
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:18,381
Deeply sexual.
167
00:07:18,484 --> 00:07:20,200
That's Gregor.
168
00:07:22,104 --> 00:07:24,438
So, our roommate, Laszlo,
was knocked unconscious
169
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:28,442
whilst in bat form by our
neighbor, uh, Phil's girlfriend,
170
00:07:28,544 --> 00:07:32,946
and he's now caged and inside
the animal shelter.
171
00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:37,067
Uh, uh, Laszlo, not Phil,
our neighbor's girlfriend.
172
00:07:37,169 --> 00:07:38,902
Yes.
173
00:07:39,004 --> 00:07:40,670
We must get him out
before daybreak.
174
00:07:40,772 --> 00:07:42,072
Well, and that's the thing
175
00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:44,207
with these nightwalkers
here, isn't it?
176
00:07:44,309 --> 00:07:46,943
You know, a little bit
of sunlight, and poof.
177
00:07:47,045 --> 00:07:49,246
They go up in flames.
178
00:07:49,348 --> 00:07:52,115
-I've never gone poof,
but it's okay.
-Not yet.
179
00:07:52,201 --> 00:07:55,335
The vampires are always like,
(accent): "Ooh! I'm a vampire.
180
00:07:55,437 --> 00:07:58,705
I'm immortal. I'm...
(regular voice): whatever."
181
00:07:58,807 --> 00:08:02,843
Well, okay. Well, how about
you go be immortal at brunch?
182
00:08:05,347 --> 00:08:07,314
NADJA:
So what is the itinerary
for tonight?
183
00:08:07,416 --> 00:08:09,299
Are you going to punish
your worst enemy?
184
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:11,301
Embarrass him
in front of his elders?
185
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,436
-Oh, uh...
-Or are we going to destroy
186
00:08:13,539 --> 00:08:15,071
the worst criminals
from your village
187
00:08:15,174 --> 00:08:16,339
and I will help?
188
00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:17,941
Wait, in Staten Island?
189
00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:20,477
How about find some red witches
and cut their feet off?
190
00:08:20,579 --> 00:08:22,479
We could go to the carnival.
191
00:08:22,581 --> 00:08:24,247
I mean, they've got games there.
It's pretty dope.
192
00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:25,966
It is like a freak show?
193
00:08:26,068 --> 00:08:27,767
I don't think
you're supposed to say that.
194
00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:29,970
We used to have a freak show
in my village.
195
00:08:30,072 --> 00:08:31,438
We would get given one balloon
196
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,306
between all my brothers
and sisters.
197
00:08:33,408 --> 00:08:35,775
And then we would bite
at each other to get it.
198
00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:38,945
One year, my sister bit
my brother's thigh,
199
00:08:39,047 --> 00:08:41,381
and then we sold the meat
for money.
200
00:08:42,568 --> 00:08:45,468
Hello. C-Can we come in?
201
00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:49,272
Excuse us,
can we come into the shelter?
202
00:08:49,374 --> 00:08:51,675
We're open till 11:00.
203
00:08:51,777 --> 00:08:54,010
-Okay, that's great.
-We see that.
204
00:08:54,112 --> 00:08:56,479
BOTH:
Can we come in?
205
00:08:56,582 --> 00:08:59,432
Yeah, come in.
206
00:09:02,704 --> 00:09:04,304
How's your night been, guys?
207
00:09:04,406 --> 00:09:06,673
-It's none of your business.
-What are you... What?
208
00:09:06,775 --> 00:09:08,875
-How's your night been?
-It's been fine.
209
00:09:08,977 --> 00:09:10,644
Okay, good. Ours has, too.
210
00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:13,680
Isn't this the one
that you ate last week?
211
00:09:13,782 --> 00:09:15,966
I didn't. I wouldn't.
212
00:09:17,903 --> 00:09:19,202
(whispers):
It's locked.
213
00:09:19,304 --> 00:09:21,638
You guys looking
for the bathroom?
214
00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:23,206
I need to do a two.
215
00:09:23,308 --> 00:09:26,309
It's right behind you, man.
That door.
216
00:09:26,411 --> 00:09:28,878
-Wait. Where are you going?
-(door opens, closes)
217
00:09:28,981 --> 00:09:30,981
They're not happy
tonight, Bobby.
218
00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:33,233
-Yeah, what's up?
-Oh, I brought in a bat.
219
00:09:33,335 --> 00:09:35,135
-BOBBY: Okay.
-A little fella,
you got to see this guy.
220
00:09:35,237 --> 00:09:37,870
-Look at his face.
-(laughs): Yeah.
221
00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:40,073
BOBBY:
This guy looks like
a little English guy.
222
00:09:40,175 --> 00:09:41,875
KAREN:
Yeah, he's a little,
little British chap.
223
00:09:41,977 --> 00:09:43,710
Wait, wait, wait, let me blow
him up there. Look at...
224
00:09:43,812 --> 00:09:45,512
-You see something?
You see something?
-No way.
225
00:09:45,614 --> 00:09:49,332
-That is a bat's erect penis
on that screen.
-Laszlo's.
226
00:09:49,434 --> 00:09:52,302
-Okay.
-We're gonna have to get him
a little rabies shot.
227
00:09:52,404 --> 00:09:55,872
I want you to bring me the
strange bat with the erection.
228
00:09:55,974 --> 00:09:58,174
Wait, hang on a second.
Can you imagine him
229
00:09:58,277 --> 00:10:01,311
with that little British
top hat, like, "Whoo..."
230
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:02,579
-Like a little explorer.
-I don't think that worked.
231
00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:05,181
-I know.
-Not so hot at hypnotism, huh?
232
00:10:05,284 --> 00:10:08,335
I'm fine at hypnotism; it's just
you can't hypnotize a subject
233
00:10:08,437 --> 00:10:09,636
that doesn't want
to do something
234
00:10:09,738 --> 00:10:11,638
that you want them to do.
235
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:14,040
If the only time
you can hypnotize someone
236
00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:18,345
is when you have them do
something they want to do,
237
00:10:18,447 --> 00:10:20,213
then it's not really hypnotism,
is it?
238
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:23,033
(both hissing)
239
00:10:23,135 --> 00:10:24,901
Wait a minute,
can we help you guys?
240
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:28,371
Uh, yeah. We're actually looking
for a lost pet.
241
00:10:28,473 --> 00:10:29,906
-Oh. Okay.
-Okay.
242
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:33,009
-What kind of pet is it?
-A normal one.
243
00:10:33,111 --> 00:10:34,844
Like, a bat.
244
00:10:34,946 --> 00:10:36,479
Oh, now, bats are illegal.
245
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:38,348
He said "cat," ma'am.
246
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:39,966
Well, if you have any sort
of missing animal,
247
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:41,568
then you just need to fill out
the required paperwork,
248
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,403
and then we'll go have a look
in the back for you.
249
00:10:43,505 --> 00:10:45,005
Fine.
250
00:10:54,082 --> 00:10:56,199
NADJA: Gregor doesn't know I am not human
251
00:10:56,268 --> 00:10:58,902
and I cannot do certain things, like eat human food.
252
00:10:59,004 --> 00:11:01,004
Hey. I got us some popcorn.
253
00:11:01,106 --> 00:11:03,106
What is it?
254
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:05,408
Popcorn?
You've never had popcorn?
255
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:06,876
-You're gonna love it.
Here, try it.
-Oh.
256
00:11:06,978 --> 00:11:08,411
-Just try one piece.
-Oh, I'm-I'm... No, I...
257
00:11:08,513 --> 00:11:10,747
-No, just come on, just...
-Ooh, wait a minute.
258
00:11:10,849 --> 00:11:12,465
Got it? No, just...
let me put it in your mouth.
259
00:11:12,601 --> 00:11:13,833
-(growls)
-If you just...
260
00:11:13,935 --> 00:11:15,568
If it touches your tongue,
it'll stay.
261
00:11:15,671 --> 00:11:17,070
It sticks to your tongue.
262
00:11:17,172 --> 00:11:18,738
That's what's
kind of fun about it.
263
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,540
There you go. Yeah.
264
00:11:20,642 --> 00:11:23,677
Mm. Hmm.
265
00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:31,334
(Jeff grunts)
266
00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:34,704
Mm. That was so nice.
267
00:11:34,806 --> 00:11:36,539
-Yeah.
-Hey, do you want more?
268
00:11:36,641 --> 00:11:38,341
-Oh, no. I'm-I'm okay.
-I got a whole bucket.
269
00:11:38,443 --> 00:11:40,810
No! No. No.
(chuckles)
270
00:11:40,912 --> 00:11:44,180
Okay, so the ASBN-119
I need, but...
271
00:11:44,282 --> 00:11:47,500
MA-553 is of no use to me
whatsoever, correct?
272
00:11:47,602 --> 00:11:49,235
Uh, exactly.
(yawns)
273
00:11:49,337 --> 00:11:53,506
(whispering): I'm trying
to find an open window.
274
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:56,009
I think I found one.
275
00:11:58,747 --> 00:12:01,147
(bat squeaking)
276
00:12:03,602 --> 00:12:05,001
Laszlo.
277
00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:06,403
There you are.
278
00:12:06,505 --> 00:12:08,605
I've come to rescue you.
(grunts)
279
00:12:08,707 --> 00:12:10,407
(dogs barking, cats yowling)
280
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,812
(grunting)
281
00:12:23,338 --> 00:12:26,372
(gasps) Gregor.
It is your beloved weapon.
282
00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:28,942
You are the master archer.
283
00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:31,745
Yeah. I... I am pretty good
at this in VR.
284
00:12:31,847 --> 00:12:35,048
Behold the great
Gregor the archer.
285
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,433
It's Jeff.
286
00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:39,903
Bring this place to its knees.
287
00:12:40,005 --> 00:12:42,472
Oh, shit. (groans)
288
00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:45,074
Imagine it is a horde
of Turkish.
289
00:12:45,177 --> 00:12:47,177
-Horde of what?
-(hisses): Kill them.
290
00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:50,280
(Jeff sighs)
291
00:12:50,382 --> 00:12:52,148
I kind of suck at this.
I don't know.
292
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,167
What has happened to you?
293
00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:56,603
(quietly):
Stupid.
294
00:12:56,705 --> 00:12:58,638
NANDOR:
We are out, we are out,
we are out.
295
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:00,874
-(bell tinkles)
-Here. Guillermo.
296
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:03,877
(panting): This is the third
animal shelter I visited.
297
00:13:03,979 --> 00:13:05,445
-We did it?
-NANDOR: Yes, yes, yes.
298
00:13:05,614 --> 00:13:06,846
-(chuckles)
-(bat squeaking)
299
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:08,848
Laszlo, you are free now.
300
00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:11,367
-So be free.
-(yelping)
301
00:13:13,905 --> 00:13:15,505
-Oh...
-You're welcome.
302
00:13:15,574 --> 00:13:18,107
-Yeah.
-Fucking guy.
303
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,210
Are you guys sure it was him?
304
00:13:24,382 --> 00:13:27,333
Where the fuck am I?
305
00:13:27,435 --> 00:13:29,769
I say!
306
00:13:29,871 --> 00:13:31,538
Release me.
307
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,208
So, what just happened
is that Nandor took a bat
308
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:37,377
that was being treated here,
309
00:13:37,479 --> 00:13:40,613
and he just rereleased it
into the wild.
310
00:13:40,715 --> 00:13:42,499
Uh, a sick, sick bat.
311
00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:44,834
Do you think I might have
rabies now?
312
00:13:44,936 --> 00:13:48,271
-Possible.
-Not now, Guillermo.
313
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:50,773
JEFF:
I just don't know how
it's my responsibility to pay
314
00:13:50,876 --> 00:13:52,642
for both Internet and cable.
When you have a roommate,
315
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,477
you're supposed to kind of split
everything down the middle.
316
00:13:54,579 --> 00:13:57,447
-This is a misery for my ears.
-I know, I just...
317
00:13:57,549 --> 00:14:00,466
-Nice outfit, freak.
-(coughs) Goth sucks.
318
00:14:00,569 --> 00:14:02,702
You mustn't kill them, please.
319
00:14:02,804 --> 00:14:06,940
-Oh, no, I wasn't gonna
do anything.
-Really? Huh.
320
00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:09,776
Yeah. I... you know, I see a lot
of this as a security guard,
321
00:14:09,878 --> 00:14:11,377
and the best way
to handle this...
322
00:14:13,448 --> 00:14:15,048
RECORDED VOICE: Congratulations. We have a winner!
323
00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:17,667
-What happened?
-He was playing the game wrong.
324
00:14:20,038 --> 00:14:22,372
I cannot believe how boring
Gregor has become.
325
00:14:22,474 --> 00:14:24,407
In every other past life,
he was so exhilarating.
326
00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:25,842
Such a maverick.
327
00:14:25,944 --> 00:14:27,677
You know,
when he was a washer woman,
328
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:30,847
he would pour dirty old mop juice all over my body
329
00:14:30,949 --> 00:14:33,066
and rub it into me while he ravished me.
330
00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:35,201
-When he was a wild horse...
-(neighing)
331
00:14:35,303 --> 00:14:37,737
I rode him nakedall throughout the countryside.
332
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,939
But this version of Gregor?
333
00:14:40,041 --> 00:14:41,875
It is a boring disgrace.
334
00:14:41,977 --> 00:14:46,045
And you know what? It's because
they named him Jeps. Jeff.
335
00:14:46,147 --> 00:14:48,181
Wow, you were really good
at ring toss.
336
00:14:48,283 --> 00:14:50,199
-I had so much fun tonight.
-I cannot take this.
337
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:51,901
I cannot take how boring
you have become.
338
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:54,170
How are you supposed
to be a strong,
339
00:14:54,272 --> 00:14:56,539
thrilling,
powerful warrior and lover
340
00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:58,274
with a name like Jeff?
341
00:14:58,376 --> 00:15:00,109
It is like a weak ejaculation.
342
00:15:00,211 --> 00:15:01,844
-(whiny grunting)
-Okay.
343
00:15:01,963 --> 00:15:03,446
-Jeff.
-Okay, all right, all right.
344
00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:06,466
You know what?
You're being really rude to me
345
00:15:06,568 --> 00:15:09,602
and my Uncle Jeff,
but also Grandpa Jeff,
346
00:15:09,704 --> 00:15:12,171
-and that's where
I draw the line.
-Go back.
347
00:15:12,274 --> 00:15:13,640
Remember.
348
00:15:13,742 --> 00:15:15,675
Remember who you are.
349
00:15:15,777 --> 00:15:17,710
Ah...
350
00:15:22,517 --> 00:15:26,336
(deep voice):
I am standing
on the crest of a hill.
351
00:15:26,438 --> 00:15:29,105
Atop the Carpathian Mountains.
352
00:15:29,207 --> 00:15:32,175
-I am victorious from battle.
-(armor clanking)
353
00:15:32,277 --> 00:15:33,910
(grunts)
354
00:15:34,012 --> 00:15:35,578
But I am punctured...
355
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,914
by many arrow.
356
00:15:38,016 --> 00:15:39,933
Yet I survive.
357
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:42,919
I must survive...
358
00:15:43,004 --> 00:15:45,738
to see my lover.
359
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,440
Nadja.
360
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:50,810
Love... will get me through.
361
00:15:50,912 --> 00:15:54,580
Desire... will fuel my journey.
362
00:15:54,683 --> 00:15:56,165
Oh, Gregor...
363
00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,568
-it is you. (moans)
-Hark.
364
00:15:58,670 --> 00:16:00,903
A rider approaches.
365
00:16:01,006 --> 00:16:03,306
He is wielding a sword.
366
00:16:03,408 --> 00:16:04,941
It comes towards me,
367
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,143
-aiming directly for my hea...
-(sword rings)
368
00:16:07,245 --> 00:16:09,012
Oh, next life.
369
00:16:10,515 --> 00:16:12,865
Be down in a minute, sire.
370
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:15,735
This mop...
371
00:16:15,804 --> 00:16:19,639
It is as full of water
as I am desire.
372
00:16:19,741 --> 00:16:21,040
-(moaning)
-I want to, but I mustn't.
373
00:16:21,142 --> 00:16:23,209
-No, you can.
-No, he will hear.
374
00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:24,844
Just one little kiss
with our lips.
375
00:16:24,946 --> 00:16:26,980
-He will be so angry.
-Just stick our mouths together.
376
00:16:27,082 --> 00:16:28,748
(moaning)
377
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:31,434
-(gasps) Oh, no, sir,
not my head.
-Next!
378
00:16:33,638 --> 00:16:35,638
(snorts)
379
00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:38,007
(hooves clopping)
380
00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,409
(snorts)
381
00:16:40,745 --> 00:16:42,979
(dogs barking, cats meowing)
382
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:45,999
Silence, my four-legged friends.
383
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:48,968
I sense you are angry tonight.
384
00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:50,970
And with good reason.
385
00:16:51,072 --> 00:16:52,805
For we have been imprisoned.
386
00:16:52,907 --> 00:16:55,041
-(cat yowls)
-Yes, without trial.
387
00:16:55,143 --> 00:16:58,544
Now is the time
to hoist our oars
388
00:16:58,646 --> 00:17:01,247
and row towards freedom.
389
00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:02,799
Agreed?
390
00:17:02,901 --> 00:17:04,851
-(cat yowls)
-Thank you.
391
00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:07,236
Now, I'm assuming
392
00:17:07,338 --> 00:17:11,407
that there is a cat
in the cage to my right.
393
00:17:11,509 --> 00:17:13,443
-(yowls)
-Excellent.
394
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:17,213
You will succumb
to my dark power,
395
00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,699
and you will undo your latch
396
00:17:19,801 --> 00:17:22,268
-and free me.
-(yowls)
397
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:24,937
Loosen your latch and free me.
398
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,739
-KAREN: All right...
-Succumb... Shit.
399
00:17:26,841 --> 00:17:28,975
-Bat.
-Here you go.
400
00:17:29,077 --> 00:17:32,145
Over here.
You know your spot.
401
00:17:32,247 --> 00:17:33,746
There you go.
402
00:17:33,848 --> 00:17:36,265
Home, sweet home.
403
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:37,867
Be good.
404
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,969
All right. Night, fellas.
405
00:17:42,574 --> 00:17:44,207
Woof, woof.
406
00:17:44,309 --> 00:17:47,110
-Nandor? Is that you?
-Yes.
407
00:17:47,212 --> 00:17:50,146
I turned myself into a dog
to come and rescue you.
408
00:17:50,248 --> 00:17:53,099
Hang on a second--
you turned yourself into a dog
409
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:55,935
-in a place that imprisons dogs?
-I just thought I'd be
410
00:17:56,037 --> 00:17:57,370
a bit creative
and come and rescue you.
411
00:17:57,472 --> 00:17:59,305
You don't want me to rescue you,
I can go again.
412
00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:00,907
And tell me how you do that.
413
00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:02,308
You're locked in a fucking cage.
414
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:03,776
Oh...
415
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,379
What's Nadja gonna say?
Where is she?
416
00:18:06,481 --> 00:18:07,980
Uh...
417
00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:09,499
(Nadja laughing)
418
00:18:09,601 --> 00:18:12,201
-OFFICER: No! Stop!
-(Nadja whoops)
419
00:18:12,303 --> 00:18:15,138
-Stop!
-My Gregor, yes!
420
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,540
OFFICER:
Come on!
421
00:18:20,545 --> 00:18:22,311
Hey, not-a-cop.
422
00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:24,981
(Nadja hisses)
423
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:26,265
(grunting)
424
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:29,235
Whoa, whoa. Holy shit.
425
00:18:36,211 --> 00:18:38,211
¶ ¶
426
00:18:54,179 --> 00:18:55,645
-Yes.
-We have defeated time itself.
427
00:18:55,747 --> 00:18:57,213
We have been drawn together.
428
00:18:57,315 --> 00:18:59,282
-(moaning)
-Let's make love right now.
429
00:18:59,384 --> 00:19:01,067
-Right here?
-Yeah, here.
430
00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:03,870
Right here on the dirty ground
in this filthy parking lot.
431
00:19:03,972 --> 00:19:05,972
Oh, I was hoping
you would say that.
432
00:19:06,074 --> 00:19:08,274
-Yeah.
-Oh...
-(cell phone ringing)
433
00:19:08,376 --> 00:19:10,643
Oh, God. You want to get that?
Do you need to get that?
434
00:19:10,745 --> 00:19:12,311
Hello?
435
00:19:12,413 --> 00:19:14,013
Hello, Guillermo.
436
00:19:14,115 --> 00:19:16,165
(scoffs)
Yeah, I see.
437
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:18,267
He did what?
438
00:19:18,369 --> 00:19:20,670
I'm... Okay, yeah. Yeah.
439
00:19:20,772 --> 00:19:22,505
Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye-bye.
440
00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:24,106
Bye. Okay. Yeah.
441
00:19:24,209 --> 00:19:25,775
Sorry, I have to leave.
442
00:19:25,877 --> 00:19:27,376
-Stay with me.
-I know.
443
00:19:27,478 --> 00:19:29,145
Let's make animalistic,
freaky sex right now.
444
00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:31,647
No, but somebody else needs me
445
00:19:31,749 --> 00:19:35,368
in a much less erotic way,
but, you know, it is what it is.
446
00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,703
But I've died for you, Nadja.
I've seen it.
447
00:19:37,805 --> 00:19:39,772
These visions are enough
to drive a man to madness.
448
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:41,807
Oh, it was only one time
you died for me.
449
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:43,042
The other times
were just accidents.
450
00:19:43,144 --> 00:19:44,810
A few hours ago,
my life was normal,
451
00:19:44,913 --> 00:19:46,846
and now everything
I thought I knew was real
452
00:19:46,948 --> 00:19:48,514
has turned out to be
an illusion.
453
00:19:48,616 --> 00:19:50,333
I'm married with a husband.
Farewell.
454
00:19:50,451 --> 00:19:53,302
-(whooshing)
-No, no, Nadja. Nadja. Nadja!
455
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:56,339
(gasps)
456
00:19:56,441 --> 00:19:58,341
Oh, my God!
457
00:19:58,443 --> 00:20:00,810
-(gasps) Nadja?!
-(rats squeaking)
458
00:20:00,912 --> 00:20:03,145
COLIN:
And, like, I've also
noticed that some dogs
459
00:20:03,248 --> 00:20:04,680
are really, really big,
and other dogs
460
00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:06,048
-are really small...
-(thumping at window)
461
00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:07,266
Oh, thank God.
462
00:20:07,368 --> 00:20:10,002
-(hisses)
-Sorry. Thank goodness.
463
00:20:10,104 --> 00:20:12,171
-Laszlo and Nandor
are in cages inside.
-(Nadja sighs)
464
00:20:12,273 --> 00:20:14,540
-(Colin droning)
-Please come in, ma'am.
465
00:20:14,642 --> 00:20:17,009
Thank you.
466
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:18,778
What is the code for your door?
467
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,813
1-2-3-4-5.
468
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:23,766
-That's the code for the door?
-Uh-huh.
469
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:26,535
(sighs heavily)
Humans, I can't...
470
00:20:26,638 --> 00:20:27,770
(dogs barking)
471
00:20:27,872 --> 00:20:29,505
Yay, it's Nadja.
472
00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:31,407
Hello, my darling.
What are you doing here?
473
00:20:31,476 --> 00:20:33,876
-I've come to help you
out of the cage.
-Absolutely no need.
474
00:20:33,978 --> 00:20:35,845
-Mr. Cat next door...
-(yowls)
475
00:20:35,947 --> 00:20:38,681
...I was in the process
of hypnotizing him.
476
00:20:38,783 --> 00:20:40,099
I was moments away
from escaping.
477
00:20:40,201 --> 00:20:42,235
I don't know why
you bothered coming.
478
00:20:43,371 --> 00:20:44,971
Sh-Shit.
479
00:20:45,073 --> 00:20:46,505
I've got to free
my fellow inmates.
480
00:20:46,608 --> 00:20:47,940
I made a gentleman's promise.
481
00:20:48,042 --> 00:20:49,542
OFFICER: Well, the suspect stated
482
00:20:49,644 --> 00:20:52,511
that he is an ancient warrior
who's been reborn anew,
483
00:20:52,614 --> 00:20:54,547
-et cetera, et cetera.
-JEFF (grunting):
That's all the truth!
484
00:20:54,649 --> 00:20:57,166
You can ask my ex--
we were together ages ago.
485
00:20:57,268 --> 00:20:59,201
She turned into a pile of rats.
486
00:20:59,304 --> 00:21:01,203
Okay, buddy. I'll just ask
the pile of rats.
487
00:21:01,306 --> 00:21:02,872
I am Gregor!
488
00:21:02,974 --> 00:21:05,574
Victor of many battles.
489
00:21:05,677 --> 00:21:08,110
I am cleaning lady!
490
00:21:08,212 --> 00:21:10,780
¶ ¶
491
00:21:10,882 --> 00:21:13,699
-(meows)
-Run and be free, my comrade.
492
00:21:13,801 --> 00:21:15,101
-What the fuck?
-(cats yowling, hissing)
493
00:21:15,203 --> 00:21:17,203
-(cats yowling)
-(screaming)
494
00:21:20,108 --> 00:21:21,941
Still no thank-you?
495
00:21:22,043 --> 00:21:24,610
Release your claws,
you ungrateful bastards.
496
00:21:24,712 --> 00:21:28,681
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