Original subtitles

Middle finger to the judges because I ain't on trial.

Props Caitlyn Jenner because there's a lot

of bitch niggas that's still in denial.

- Yeah, dope on that. - Uh-hmm.

Put a sponge on that.

They call me boomerang dick because I come on back.

They going out for the mom like...

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

I'm going in like two fingers on prom night.

I get my inspiration from my folks and ancestors.

Me and my family stick together

like thighs on pressure.

Bar.

My name is Rachel Cho.

But my friends call me Rache.

Pretty soon, I'll be graduating from one

of the top universities in the country.

I have so much to look forward to.

I'm moving back in with my parents

and I'll probably start waiting tables

to help pay off my student loans.

Surprisingly, this is the same plan shared

by much of my graduating class.

We're having to come to terms with the fact

that college debt does not miraculously blossom

into a promising career.

In fact, college debt and promising careers

have no relation, whatsoever.

I've maintained a 3.4 GPA

and done everything I was told to do,

but I don't think it's working.

You know what's even more depressing?

Reading the blog of a felon who's more optimistic

about his future than I am of mine.

I'm talking about a man who spent...

- Careful. - ...more years

in confinement than I've been alive.

This is nuts.

And he has a clear vision

for his future than anyone I know.

More, more, more, more.

Including my professors.

Stop.

I have to meet this man face to face.

Got it.

My final film assignment

is a 10-minute short

which explores the contrast between my bleak...

Hello?

...uncertainty as a soon-to-be college grad

and the adrenalizing confidence of a convict

soon to be paroled from here.

The Miami-Daye Correctional Facility.

The optimism in your blog is...

Hotter than Sriracha.

That works too.

It's actually what inspired me to interview you.

If that shit inspired you,

I got this seminar called, "What You See Is What You Saw."

That shit go hard in the paint.

Can you perform some of it?

Maybe I can put it in my short.

I can a little bit.

I can make you a little... hot little 10-minute set.

Okay. Here go a little piece I just...

I just finished off.

But it's a little story of hope.

I once knew this kid, 10-year-old boy,

and his parents named him Monica.

They thought naming him Monica would help build character.

And they spelled the shit M-Y-N-I-G-G-A, Monica.

All right, TJ. Sit the fuck down.

Oh, I asked him to perform a little bit of his seminar.

Yes, ma'am. And I'm telling him to do it

with his ass in the seat.

Make me say it again, there's not gonna be an interview.

Actually, come tomorrow and collect that Gate Money,

- so you know. - What's "Gate Money?"

You give like a hundred dollars in a bus ticket.

You know what I'm saying? When you get out of prison,

this is the way if you want, you know.

We can do this interview in the fresh air

while I smoke my Newport.

- What did I say, TJ? - I'm sitting down.

All right. I'm sitting down.

- Come on. - I was sitting down.

- Roll over. - That's what I was doing.

Nigga, hold up. Look, wait, wait, hold up.

Are you serious? Excuse me.

Turn over, TJ. Turn over.

You're getting this shit on camera?

You're getting this shit on camera?

- You see how they do? - Why are you trying

to fuck this up, TJ? You're fucking it up.

- Okay. - What is your problem?

We have a permit to film this.

Do you have a permit to film me?

I do not think so. Shut that thing off.

Serious?

- See how they do? - You got him.

Enjoy.

- Hey. - Prime time TV.

I appreciate you sticking up for a nigga, you know, but...

this is what they do.

You know, they'll come tomorrow, TJ on their skip duty. Heard me?

Shouldn't Officer Layne be reported for kicking you?

What about the next inmate?

What about him?

Let's say I file a complaint, it make it all the way up

to the Inspector General's office.

Still it's my word against white folks.

First time in my life, I can see the light

at the end of the fucking tunnel.

It ain't just some nigga burning a cigarette in the dark.

You heard me?

So, I got to decide.

Do I want justice or do I want freedom?

- Why not both? - Both?

You're a vegan or something, huh?

Well, she wild as shit.

People always seem amazed with the fact

that I could be so, you know,

I could be such a visionary from behind these walls.

Anything is possible, understand? You can do it.

It's just like... it's like prison pussy,

you know, you just got to use your imagination.

You need to get good to you.

Niggas just think you just walk up

out the prison like you do in a movie.

And I got a lot to prove, man.

A lot to prove.

You know, because there's a lot of folks out there,

they think I ain't shit but a runaway hamster, you know,

because the nigga keep getting put back in that cage.

When I get up out this bitch, I'ma be like stripper glitter.

Nigga, I'm rubbing off on everybody.

Heard me?

Two minutes.

I heard you put you on your bathtub

I got to do a last minute review on my pre-release plan

to make sure a nigga capitalizing on all the options

available to me when I'm on the outside.

This way...

Uh, no. Cameras are not allowed in here.

But, Ms. Judy, it's the documentary starring me.

So, obviously, the cameras got to go where I go.

Last I checked, you're the subject

of a 10-minute student film not The Green Mile.

- Okay. Can they just... - Uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, no.

Can they... can they film a nigga from the hallway?

Come here.

Don't ever use that word in front of me again.

- Yes, Ms. Judy. - Okay. Back up.

You wanna get him down?

- Thank you. - Wait, wait.

Y'all just got to lay in the cut, okay?

Get one camera here

then you get another camera here like this, right?

And be phantom because it's like

that "catch the predator shit." Heard me?

Hmm. You dye your hair?

- No. - No.

Mr. Jackson, you haven't filed for any housing aid.

You don't qualify for any child tax credits

or disability related benefits.

What are your plans for employment?

Oh, I'ma just... I'm really just gonna start my company,

follow my calling being a life coach,

motivational speaker, well-renowned.

Uh, okay.

Have you contacted your family,

arranged for room and board

or would you like us to help you with that?

Y'all kidding, right?

My family probably waiting for me outside right now.

Okay. When it comes to the Jackson family,

I'm Michael, okay?

They're probably gonna throw a big old block party for me.

Supposed to be a secret, but you know how it is,

- hood niggas talk. - Language.

Copy that. I'ma get me

a cool little spot in The Wood.

Give me a sec.

Uh, Hollywood, Florida.

Yeah, you know, caught me a whip.

- And that's? - Vehicle.

- Yeah. - Uh-huh.

I am a CLS for the department.

Uh, Communications and Linguistics Specialist.

One of the things we discovered

was a major disconnect

between inmates and COs, uh, Corrections Officers,

primarily due to the street vernacular

that is used by inmates in prison.

So, I was a natural fit to step in and to translate.

It's gonna be like they throw a Scar Mitzvah for me.

You know, it's gonna be like that.

Uh, it's the party you throw

when you sue the state for police brutality and win.

- Yeah. Right. So, then... - Hang on.

The kids are... could you...

Uh, my job is to make sure

that each inmate's transition

back to civilian life is smooth and practical.

And usually they move from here to a "halfway home" to help them

with that transition back to civilian life.

But, um, Mr. Jackson

opted to spend his halfway time

here at the prison.

I have never seen him get a visitor.

Uh, he hasn't had any phone calls.

He maybe had one letter

and that's what prompts my concerns.

Without a community to lean on,

prisoners usually end up

back here with us...

for another round.

Most y'all know me as TJ. Heard me?

But my government name is Tijuana Jackson.

Life coach with a goon-hand,

motivational speaker, real nigga shit.

Now look, I know Ms. Judy usually don't like this,

but maybe since it's my last day...

Ah, don't even try it.

- Nope. - Okay. Uh, just checking.

He knows better. He's just, uh...

showboating for the cameras.

Mr. Jackson is one of our more colorful inmates.

He fancies himself a life coach

and a lot of the inmates do look up to him.

He has helped me just talk some sense

into some of these jits.

Who said we can want

- Don't make me get loud. - Some bullshit.

I got this sentence, you know,

for siphoning gas out a school bus.

The shit was really like a little misdemeanor, you know.

But it escalated to a felony, you know what I'm saying?

Because nigga's smoking a cigarette

therefore endangering the lives of the kids

that were still on the bus,

short bus, whatever it was.

You know, with me and TJ,

we grew up together, you know?

Roach, Judy boss, Judy boss, your boy on TV.

Don't mine he's small.

You know, he thinks big, very big.

He's good people. He's good people.

I got my sentence reduced to 10 months,

but statistics say that I'm likely to return

to this slave track, okay?

Let me tell you something.

I ain't coming back. Y'all could have that.

Product of the state.

So ill I bleed HAZMAT.

Fucking with a Beast.

Savage. Beast.

Beast. That Beast.

Y'all don't know that one yet.

You're gonna know that shit when my mixtape drop.

Better believe that shit. Heard me?

The PPRP is 100% volunteer-based.

Some programs rescue any species of animal.

But this one here is a dog's only rescue.

What's good, Chance?

Huh?

I named her Chance because it's very rare

a black man gets a seventh chance.

Did you say a second chance?

No, I said a seventh chance.

Come on, girl. Come on.

She's smarter than my ex-girlfriend,

I tell you that. Raise yourself.

Show me that Mayweather. You want this, huh?

Show me that Mayweather.

Stop and freeze, stop and freeze.

Huh, what you got?

You got heat on you, huh?

You holding?

Good girl. Good girl. Good girl.

Come here. Come here, Chance.

He's done an exceptional job with her.

Not always, man. I done...

I done stepped on her tail.

I done stepped on her paw.

I done all kind of crazy.

I'm not incriminating myself, am I?

No, you're fine.

But I've done all kind of stuff to her.

Heard me? She ain't... she ain't never had no grudge.

She just let that shit go. Now, she about to be free.

Meanwhile, there's niggas in here

getting shanked over correctional cake.

What's correctional cake?

Oh, it's cake made from crushed Oreos,

peanut butter, and M&Ms.

But as I was saying before she interrupted

my fucking monologue...

we don't hold grudges, do we, Chance?

Grudges hold us, huh?

You fucking seen me.

Open the fucking... I see you.

I know you fucking seen me.

Get off me. Get the fuck off me.

Get off, nigga. Get the fuck.

- It's beyond my control. - It's bullshit.

I asked them. I asked them. I asked them when I got my ERD.

Why y'all ain't tell me then?

Because I thought it was gonna work out.

I always talk about closure.

I tried really hard.

He deserves Chance,

but the Prison Pet Rescue Program

doesn't service civilians

and they would not make an exception

for Mr. Jackson even though I asked.

Prison is a bitch.

But they won't let you take that bitch with you.

Don't let her chew her hot spots.

- Heard me? - Uh-hmm.

- Okay? - Uh-hmm.

And don't breed her.

I don't want them other mutts shoving their cock off

in my dog like that. She ain't no Instagram ho.

Don't worry as such, bro.

It's Upgrade you're dealing with, you know.

I want you to give her like half

a Nutraloaf in the morning.

You get them out the chow hall.

give her the other half at night.

- Uh-hmm. - You dig?

And you got to give a whole lot of water

in between meals, 'cause that Nutraloaf

- will shank your asshole. - Brethren, it's family.

This is like my little sister with blood.

Anything interfere with us, bleed.

Bleed. Nigga, you can't...

nigga, if you do... if you do that, nigga,

you're gonna end up in IMU.

If you end up in IMU,

she's gonna end up in that bean slot.

Heard me? Look, Upgrade, Upgrade.

No, no, no, no. Listen, man.

You got to treat her life...

you got to treat her life like it's your life.

You do that, you ain't gonna believe

what you get out of it, man.

Nigga, nigga, I'm about to be free, nigga.

And when I catch you on the outside,

- I got work for you. - Good.

- Okay? - Uh-hmm.

Full-time life coach assistant, okay?

- Full salary. - Okay.

- Benefits with it, okay? - Got you.

And all the roti you can eat, you dig?

You can't get this kind of respect

unless you're a chief. Heard me?

I fucked you in your ass good, didn't I, TJ?

You bitch. Come on. Tell me you like it.

Can you all edit that out?

♪ Woo ♪

♪ Woo ♪

They probably caught up in that Fort Lauderdale traffic.

They'd be here.

So, should we just conduct the interview here?

Is that okay?

I thought you all wanted to get my family in?

Had a whole family in the interview?

Mr. Jackson, this is my cameraman, Justin.

What's up, homie?

Hey, you fuck black guys?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hold up.

Hey, I'll tell you all something.

Can a nigga catch a ride with you all?

Well, it's getting kind of late and we have to drive all...

Shotgun, homie.

I called it, shotgun.

They sent me this shit right before I got popped.

It said, "Dear Mr. Tijuana Jackson,

Toastmasters reality show is seeking contestants

to participate in our nationally televised

speakers competition program.

They must... they must have found me from my blog.

I thought inmates weren't allowed

to have computers in prison?

They're not.

So, how did you maintain a blog?

Hey.

Hey, fam, is she gonna talk through the whole thing?

It ain't but 10 minutes long, huh?

Do you mind not smoking in my car, please?

- Thank you. - It's menthol.

Take a right after the light.

Right here, take a right here because this... yeah.

This Toastmaster reality show

was like shark tank of public speakers.

They put a nigga on the map. Heard me?

Hey, black cop. What up, nigga?

Oh, yeah.

That's the homie.

Built this whole empire collecting them cans.

I'm gonna build my empire off this Toastmaster thing.

That's how I'm gonna get my motivational speaking career

off the block and then you can see

by this dope head architecture this is Hollywood, Florida.

I told you all they was gonna be waiting for me.

Now you can get your interview.

Hold my shit.

What up, momma?

What you do now, Junior?

Nothing. They're just here to film my homecoming party.

Party?

I'm supposed to celebrate you getting out of jail

and let the whole neighborhood

- know my son is a felon? - Momma.

They already know that, Momma.

Excuse me.

If it ain't no party, why is she...

why is she dressed like that?

Dressed like what?

Like you Martha Stewart's house, nigga.

Why are you dressed like a homeless fam?

Junior, why are all these folks

following you around with these cameras?

Momma, they're making a movie about me.

That's Rachel and that's her white friend.

Y'all making a movie about Junior?

Just a short movie, ma'am.

- Goddamn, these mosquitoes. - Watch your mouth, boy.

Copy that. What's wrong with her?

Late for work. Lil Eric out of control,

can't tell him nothing. Well, let me talk to him.

- Where he at? - I don't know.

He out there running with them hoodlums.

He running with... Sharea.

- Where my nephew? - Leave me alone.

I bet you I find him.

What'd you all do with my BB gun?

- I don't need your help. - Junior. Stop.

You just got out of jail.

Where is it?

- Uh-uh. Come on now. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

Goddamn, Sharea. This shit cost me $4.

Yeah, but you just sit your slow ass down.

You just got out of jail. I'm about to call Big Eric.

- Oh, y'all on speaking terms? - Not really.

Her baby daddy, he don't give a shit

about his own son, it's to claim little nigga on his income tax.

Should have named little nigga W-2, heard me?

If she... I go away, do a little bid.

She can't look after her own son. Know why?

'Cause she too busy trying to get that eggplant

- off the Internet. - I know you did not

- just say that. - I said what I said.

Okay. Let me tell you all something.

Don't get this thing twisted, okay?

I'm the only person in this family with a degree.

When I was pregnant, I went back to school

- to get my bachelors, okay? - Okay. Ask her who paid for it.

Now meanwhile, this fool right here in other news,

he done went backwards, State pen University,

State pen University.

Ask her... ask her who paid for the damn degree.

- It don't matter. - TJ.

It don't... let me tell you all something.

TJ.

Sit down.

And you stop too.

Excuse me. Can we go now?

Come on, baby.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Watch out, hon.

That's Rukus, he's a cool, little motherfucker.

He don't like black people but he think I'm Dominican.

Go back inside and get you some juice.

I'll be back.

My children, I don't know

what I'm gonna do with them.

Momma, you know can't nobody tell TJ nothing.

I taught you all better than that.

You all is plural. Don't include me in his mess.

Are you serious? No. Why?

Because I asked for somebody

to cover my shift for 20 minutes?

All he had to do was say, "No, ma'am."

Sharea? You ain't gonna offer the white people no juice?

Oh, get the hell off this, boy.

Hey, we're gonna finish this conversation

- before you go home. Hear me? - We don't have a home.

What you mean?

Quit acting like it's your business.

- Quit acting like you care. - I don't care?

You got me twisted with Big Eric, boy.

Have I ever one time... have I ever one time

missed one of your debates?

Yes.

- Because I was in jail, right? - Whatever.

Well, nigga, don't act like it ain't a good excuse.

Anytime I was out of jail, I was at this nigga's debates.

So, what're you gonna do now,

play good uncle for a couple of weeks

- then go back to jail? - That's what you want?

No, but that's what always happens.

Lil Eric, get your ass in this house.

Can I...

I can't even talk to my damn nephew.

I'll tell you, man. We got this thing in prison

called peek-a-boos, right?

And what it is, is when you really wanna

humiliate a motherfucker, you push your dick

between their legs, make them blow you from the back

this way when you cum you can shit in his face.

I tell you, that shit is humiliating.

Hey. Oh.

Momma said you need those and this is from me.

You get these from the Indian Reservation?

Yeah. Why?

So, you're gonna go all the way to the damn Reservation

and you can't come scoop a nigga from the joint?

In what, nigga?

I looked the fucking Underground Railroad to you?

What happened to your car?

Mind your business.

- Where did you find Lil Eric? - Mind your business.

It ain't a man's business to speak

on another man's business.

Well, you ain't much of a man.

So, we don't have that problem.

At least I ain't no snitch.

Okay. See.

this is exactly why he ain't gonna get no gold seal.

This motherfucker got his freedom,

but still operating on the outside

like his ass is in prison.

Black fucker.

Welcome home.

- What you watching? - Fight.

And you got school in the morning?

- No. School closed out. - What, teachers on strike?

Sewage backed up and flooded the first floor.

Started to smell like grandma's bed pan.

I thought they fixed that shit last year?

Uh-uh. They just moved the gym

to the second floor and served lunch outside.

But everybody started getting sick,

so the health department shut it down

after a few people died.

Why you ain't transfer to a different school then?

Uh-hmm. We tried, but there wasn't enough room.

Hmm, I'm cool with it though.

Florida's finest.

God, I didn't know you're gonna bring

- these cameras with you. - This is my room.

Not anymore. Momma said I could use it.

Now, get out.

Where am I supposed to sleep, Sharea?

Sleep? I'm still waiting on you to wake the fuck up.

Bitch, I've asked you nicely.

Get the fuck back.

You know Lil Eric out there sleeping on the sofa, huh?

I know. He don't like to sleep in here.

- Goddamn. - Why not?

You just don't want me to shit in peace, do you?

We got the whole room smelling like Michael Moore asshole.

Fuck you, TJ.

Light a goddamn match.

Tropic thunder all in the hood and shit.

- Mr. Jackson? - Show's over.

You can go home now.

Is this the same house?

I guess they mowed the lawn.

Most of it, anyway.

I thought you all would be gone by now.

All the shit you all done see.

You all really trying to fuck with TJ, huh?

- You like being on TV? - No.

You do now. Show me the carburetor.

Um...

What the fuck you pointing at, little nigga?

It ain't no carburetor. It's fuel injected, boy.

Lil Eric?

Boy, you got me walking

all over this house looking for you.

Where did you sleep last night?

In the car with Uncle TJ.

Okay. Well, baby, unless you want mama

to break both your damn ankles,

you're gonna need to let me know

before you leave out this house, okay?

Thank you.

And why can't your ass park on the street

like regular fucking people?

Damn get... you don't have shit.

Try it now.

Well, hold on, nigga, before you flood it.

Try it now.

Hey, go park it over there.

Got my first DUI when he's like 10 years old.

Little nigga been driving ever since.

Fuck Uber.

Shit.

What happened?

You ain't get a copy of your parole release rules?

I couldn't get my car to start. That's why I'm late.

What's this? What's the camera crew?

- Uh... - You ain't filming

- no porn shit, are you? - No. Hey.

Say hi, Lil Eric.

- Hey. - Hey, Lil Eric.

Your shirt... put a shirt on.

Three hundred dollars a month in court cost.

Fifty dollars to the crime victims right fund.

Ten dollars a month for a year,

eleven dollars a month to pay for my CCs

and I got to pay for UAs too, though?

- That's a decent payment plan. - For who?

Well, how much're they paying for your little life story?

That's classified.

Uh-uh. Hey. You, two.

Come here. Come here.

What are you all really filming?

You know, being TJ's PO...

is frustrating, you know,

because he got a lot of potential, you know?

But he stay doing some stupid shit.

So you gonna go closed caption on a nigga?

I'm trying to help you earn a living

and you're steady blowing wolf tickets.

- But Cheryl. - Don't touch me.

Got... you know what? Hey, hey.

I don't know when Cheryl got the SuperGluing

her asshole like that.

But let me tell y'all something...

- Nigga, perimeters. - Hey, hey, she wasn't

this uptight back in high school. Hear me?

She used to manage rappers and shit.

- Remember Wonder Dyke? - Oh.

♪ Love dick. Hate men. Yeah ♪

♪ Might suck dick now and again, but we ain't friends ♪

She was cold as fuck. What happened to her?

She was... she was tight. She grew up.

She got married. She has some twins.

What about you?

Have you coordinated one job interview yet?

Interview for what, Cheryl?

I'm gonna build my motivational company

from the floor up until it blow up and get my dough up.

How you gonna eat? How you gonna pay bills, hmm?

How you gonna stay off them blocks?

By being the world's coldest life coach.

- That's how. - You better find that bridge.

You better find that bridge

because you ain't about to be idol on my watch.

Oh, I'm gonna be somebody's idol.

- You can count on that. - And you can count on me

taking your ass back to jail if you stay unemployed.

- I mean that. - Okay. Hey, hey, hey, Lil E.

Lil E. Lil E, what's old boy's name?

The Tech Jew went on the internet,

the entrepreneur and got rich.

- He'll never know. - Evan Spiegel?

No, the one that be with all the Asian gals.

- Oh, I know. - Mark Zuckerberg?

That nigga. Yeah.

Go on Mark Zuckerberg page and tell him

that Cheryl said that he's unemployed.

- Let me know what he say. - No. Don't tell him that.

I ain't say that. You the one on probation.

Yeah. Okay. But nobody wanna hide no ex-felon

and that's why I'm trying to explain to you, Cheryl.

You got a list of companies that do just that, TJ.

Yeah. But that list... that list ain't as long

as the list of companies that I worked for

when I was inside the joint.

And that's real nigga shit. Heard me?

Yow, I might as well talk to a fucking corpse

because this, this one don't listen.

Okay. I'ma be a rich corpse. Heard that?

I promised Momma Jackson that I was gonna do my best

to keep TJ out of prison and that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna do my best to keep TJ out of prison.

- Stop ear hustling. - Cheryl don't do shit.

I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to them.

- It's about me, though. - Okay. As I was saying...

- It's about me though. - ...this is what we're gonna

do starting bright and early tomorrow morning,

I'ma be on TJ's doorstep every single day until he finds

himself a job. And you know what? I'ma personally drive

him to every single interview because that's, that's what

- I'm... is that a check? - Can I... Can I just... can I

- show you something? No. - Is it a check stub?

- No. Okay. No. Okay. - Is it proof of employment?

Wait. But wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Okay. Well, then there's nothing that I need to see.

The Toastmasters... if the Toastmasters came to you

and said I want you to be on a reality show.

Does that not say something about your credentials?

Nice talk, TJ. I'ma see you tomorrow,

- all right? - I... you just...

Do you think your Uncle would make a great life coach?

Don't show up when I blow up.

I don't know.

You can't be a failure and a life coach

at the same time.

What's wrong, Junior?

I, as in Insurgents.

J as in Jamiroquai. Yes, ma'am.

Yes. Jackson.

Yeah. That's right.

Uh-hmm.

So how many contestants do y'all usually have?

Okay. Uh-hmm.

Well, how did Toastmasters find me, anyway?

Oh, yes.

Okay.

No. Yes, ma'am, I did. Yes, I am.

Uh-hmm.

No, thank you. Okay.

Toastmasters just left a little message.

Your sister won't sign the release waiver

for a documentary.

Fuck, I don't want her to be in my shit, no way.

But some of our best material is with you and Lil Eric.

It's the heart of our story.

Shit. Give it to me. I'll sign it.

No. Lil Eric is a minor.

We need a signature from his legal guardian.

Is that Sharea?

You think we can get her to sign up before we leave?

Before you leave?

- Well... - We have everything

that we need.

So you...

you're gonna end the show in the middle

of the fucking cliffhanger?

Y'all don't wanna see a nigga go from baboon to tycoon?

Mr. Jackson, we actually didn't intend

to film as much as we did.

But you did. I mean, you past that whole fucking

10-minute class assignment.

Now you're in that Spielberg, Tyler Perry level shit

with all the footage you done got.

Yes. But that wasn't the assignment.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh, okay.

Oh, I see. College, College Education

got you trained real good. I get it.

- Okay. I get it. - What does that mean?

No. Just means that your professor told you to do

a 10-minute assignment, right?

And you happened into a full length feature blockbuster,

but all you can think about is little 10-minute project

that he told you to do, right?

Well, maybe if you did what you were told,

you'd spend less time in jail.

Oh. Wow.

Spunky little Wild Child, huh?

Well, let me tell you something.

You're a little younger. You might not get this.

But you don't need bars to be in prison.

You gotta ask yourself, "Why is it a nigga fresh out

the joint can see a brighter future for you

than you can see for yourself?" Hmm?

How's that for confinement?

You wanna hear some music?

What music? Your music?

- Yeah. - No.

It's obvious you don't have a plan.

- Would you like to hear mine? - Okay. Look, first of all,

don't be rolling your eyes at me because I ain't your momma.

And if you tell me your plan, don't tell it to me like you

think you're smarter than me.

Uh-hmm. First things first.

You have at least 10,000 followers on Prison Logic.

- Uh-hmm. - That's his blog?

- Yup. - That many followers?

- Are you sure? - I'm the one who maintains it,

I think.

Can I talk to my nephew off camera for a minute, please?

- Can you step outside, please? - Yeah. Let's go.

You can't be snitching.

- I'm not. - You just told her

that I got you maintaining my blog while I'm inside the joint.

- But it's true. - Yeah. Okay.

Well, just don't talk about it on camera, okay?

Now, now, look, I'm talking to you like a man, okay?

Because your momma can't do it, okay?

You see that white girl over there?

She's not white. She's Asian.

Okay. Whatever. Well, she's so black curious,

she's probably gonna let me hit.

But you got to make me look good.

- Make you look good? - Man, just tell me your plan.

Well, the first thing you should do is make

an announcement on your blog.

Let all your followers know you're out

and starting your own consultation business.

Post it all over the Internet.

But you just can't rely on social media.

You have to connect with the people.

You have to campaign and let the people

know you're the real deal.

Make flyers, go door to door, shake hands,

kiss babies.

I like that.

Uh-huh.

You know what? Okay.

Let me tell you something, man.

Look, I know you ain't been hearing

from your daddy lately and then your momma

having a tough time. But,

you know, it don't mean that they don't love you,

you hear me?

I know.

Okay. I like your plan though, that's good.

Come on. Let's go.

All right. Sometimes that seatbelt

don't lock in so if it don't, just sit safe, okay?

Now, look, I just heard my nephew's plan,

I'll tell you the truth, okay?

Okay. It would be perfect plan if we were selling Girl Scout

cookies.

This means I'm gonna stick to my initial blueprint,

okay? What I'ma do is I'll make an announcement

on my blog, okay? Let all my followers know

that I'm out the joint and the nigga launching

his own consultation company.

And in fact, I'm gonna post that shit all over the internet.

- I just said that. - But I can't just rely

on social media, see? So what I'ma do is I got...

I got to connect with the people

on the grass roots level. You know what I'm saying?

So what I should do is I got to print flyers,

I gotta go door to door, I got to shake hands,

I gotta kiss babies. Heard me?

Okay. Let's get started.

I got another spot.

Hey, y'all interested in some motivational speaking?

Some life coaching?

I can come to y'all schools and talk.

How would you feel about yourself knowing you cheated

on a woman that you spent so much time choosing?

I just now realize how much I am insecure.

My situation, my daughter made a choice for me

not to date anyone.

Well, nigga, she's your daughter.

My girlfriend dumped me in a foreign country.

So, you know Hakeem on Little Chicken?

Yeah. Them niggas doing like 12 years

in MKT for kidnapping and armed robbery.

I told her she's like, "Oh, look at me."

I'm like, "Bitch, look at me. Shit.

Your love bubbles and banging.

I'm fucking up here with the white girl ass and shit.

I'm enjoying this motherfucker.

And he ain't even reply back. I'm like, "Look, nigga,

all asses look the same bent over. Thank you.com."

People should be with you by choice

not by manipulation.

You've been through your share of pain.

But it's not up to your daughter

to determine your healing process.

I had just seen him, went home,

and the nurse had called and said,

"You know, your dad wants you to come up here."

You want wife, a side chick,

but you're ruining your family for one.

Well, when you say it like that, it sounds very dumb.

Well, at that point, I will agree.

- You don't like questions? - No.

Especially questions from the people that love you.

I just sit and think that he would,

you know, actually ever

really pass away.

Life is like a vending machine, man.

It's full of change.

So you got to be wise about your smacks.

You're on this green grass

looking beautiful, okay?

You find a way to point out stars

and flat asses.

One thing you learn in prison,

it's not about the size of the ass,

it's the size of the asshole.

We rather our kids go to school and ask questions

than come home and ask questions.

And that's the problem. You are meditating more

on a daily basis...

about your history than you are about your future,

and then you ask yourself why you keep finding niggas

that can't appreciate flat asses.

Y'all getting this?

This is good shit.

I'm give you an assignment.

Lil E, we're getting low on flyers.

Just put them on a nice card.

That's the way you promote a business.

Let's do some more.

You heard that quote I told that one girl?

Which quote? There were so many.

"Just because someone admires you for your integrity

doesn't mean they have integrity."

It's one of my favoriteas.

People really took your advice to heart.

I should've made a hundred and thirty-seven dollars

off that shit too.

How?

you got no pocket, do you think

I can get like five dollars from you?

Can I hold $20?

Can I please hold $20?

So, you're actually asking for $20?

You got like $20 I can hold?

Hold? Like just a hold?

Were you talking to my daughters?

- You are a fake coach. - Yeah.

I was just telling them that I can speak at they school.

You got three dollars, you got four dollars.

- You got some change? - I don't... I... my wallet is on...

is on the beach with my towel. You didn't say in the beginning

that it's gonna cost me anything, you came up to me.

- Okay. - I mean, you did a great job.

Can I just get, like... you got... you got $10?

Don't give him any money.

Don't give him any money.

- Did you give him money? - Lil Eric?

- Did you give him money? - Come on.

I was just talking to this man about my life problems

and he asked me for money.

Uh-huh. - He took the money.

- They are with him. - Come on, boy!

That's for you, little nigga. You worked hard.

You.

That is my money.

Give me my money! Hey.

- You want to run? - Put on your seatbelt, boy.

Give me my money. You cannot run!

You cannot... hey. Hey.

Hey. What's your problem?

You cannot run.

If I had my gun I'd whoop that nigga ass.

Give me my money.

Lil Eric, don't you miss being in school?

I'm not missing nothing.

You're not concerned with Lil Eric

- not being at school? - Excuse me.

- Do you have a permit? - Sorry.

Do you have a permit?

Hey.

All you get taught in these lower income

public schools is how to fade on Sharkeesha.

I went to public school, I did fine.

Is that right? How much you wanna bet this little nigga

- right here smarter than you? - How?

Let me ask you this. Okay.

There's three birds sitting on a wire,

I take out my pistol, I shoot one of the birds

on the wire, how many birds left on the wire?

What will be the proper response to that question?

- Ooh. - I'm not talking to you,

Lil Eric. Come on now, Wild Child.

What am I missing? I don't get it.

Think about it, okay?

There's three birds on the wire,

I pull out the duel-y, bust it on one.

- Ah! Me. - I get it.

No birds because the sound of the gunshot would scare off

the other two birds?

- Is that right? - Ooh.

- What? - Yes, Lil Eric?

The proper response would be to ask another question.

- Uh-hmm. - Why are you shooting

at the bird? Are you hungry, Mr. Jackson?

Would you like something to eat?

Hmm.

Assembly line response.

Human response.

I don't know what you think you learned. Shit.

Oh, shit.

- What's going on? - Oh, shit.

Damn. Shit.

Okay.

Goddamn.

Shit.

Wait. Wait.

Look. Come here, boy.

Get over here.

Just hold on one second. Wait a minute.

Oh, shit. Put your foot on the brake, boy.

You're gonna put it in neutral before hitting on the brake.

Well, take your foot off the brake now and maybe you're gonna

break my back. It's rolling back, but it

roll back give a footing because my gators,

they slip.

So, you're saying Lil Eric doesn't need to go

- to school? - No, I'm saying the school

is supposed to be a place of learning, right?

So, if 90% of the curriculum is memorization,

what exactly have you learned?

You might learn how to memorize

but have you learned how to learn?

Justin, get your ass out of the car and help push.

Just like that, Lil Eric.

We got to get some gas.

Come on, boy.

For the first time in my life,

I found myself rethinking

everything I memorized,

everything I thought I'd ever learned,

who taught it to me and why.

Man, I tell you, you know.

Don't get it twisted, there ain't a sentimental bone

in my body, you know, but me and Cheryl,

we was cool. We had like...

this motherfucker is just trying to sabotage me.

Goddamn, Momma. That's why I don't like

nobody in my room.

Who left the phone off the hook?

I'm out there beating the pavement all day trying

to get the phone to ring, I come home,

the phone off the hook.

When I get my money up, man, I'm getting me a iPhone

with a gang of minutes.

You didn't leave my phone off the hook, did you?

Yes the fuck I did 'cause don't nobody call it

but bill collectors and telemarketers

and it's getting on my damn nerves.

How'd y'all do today?

I'll let Uncle TJ tell it.

You were very optimistic when you first left prison.

- How do you feel now? - Well, it's obvious

we had some setbacks today but like we say in prison,

"If it ain't ISIS, it ain't a crisis." Heard me?

Four more Lil Eric, then go down and do your push-ups.

I can't.

What?

I've got it.

I've got it. I've got it.

That's what I thought.

Now go down and do four push-ups like I showed you.

We don't use that language around here, boy,

especially when TJ home.

And when Cheryl come here tomorrow, I'm gonna tell her ass

straight up that I ain't gonna apply for no damn gigs.

TJ work for TJ.

Can't take me out the plastic and put me back in the box

like some of these collectible niggas.

That's why we ain't together now. Good job, wardy.

Go and get you a meal.

Momma.

I think if I show people some of my writings,

I might give them a good idea of what I'm capable of,

this my seminar called

"What You See Is What You Saw ."

Shit might be a good title for this documentary.

- Is it published? - It's not yet but once

this movie come out, watch what happens.

Hey, we gotta go before Cheryl get here.

Where are you going? I can't go with you?

Junior?

Is that you out there?

This one's hotter. It's a little hotter, Momma.

Here, just... okay.

- I'll just put it right here. - Ooh, all right.

All right.

Oh, thank you, baby.

- Ooh, and... - Okay.

And empty my bedpan, please.

Momma, act like you got some shame.

There's cameras in here.

Oh, boy.

When the last time y'all emptied this out?

About a week ago when Oprah's on "The Butler."

You taking them things on an empty stomach?

That's probably why you're getting sick in the morning.

Get them out of here, boy.

You hungry?

Give this to your grandmomma.

Hey.

Hey.

Look early, I'm impressed, TJ.

I get to spend the day with you.

- I was looking forward to it. - Oh, man.

- You look nice. - Aw, thank you.

Look at you. You just... you know what?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Hey. Y'all two.

I'm feeling a little cooperative today,

TJ and I showered up early. Come on.

Y'all wanna rode? Catch them glimpses

- of his little life? - I told you.

You ain't tell me and then you was over there messing

- with that other girl. - She was messing with me.

I was just doing what I had to do.

- You know she got shot. - Yeah. Uh-hmm.

Lost her leg.

Yeah. I heard. I heard.

I thought she lost her leg with diabetes.

That's what they said

but she started stripping again,

- so I... - Oh with a little specialty shot

what they do on the amputees.

- Yeah. - Yup.

That shot make a lot of money.

Give me that.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

I try not to deal with that kind of,

negative environment anymore, you know?

You know, I try to stay positive.

I'm back in church.

I have to make sure the job don't take...

part of me, take hold of me,

you know? What the focus is...

with you is to really...

hey, Sharlene.

But let me tell you something about Sharlene,

Sharlene...

Sharlene got three jobs.

How old he tell you he was?

How old? What did he say?

- I think like 32. - What?

No. I said... no.

I said it's been 32 years

since I've been to juvie.

- Don't let her fool you. - Don't listen to the...

Don't let Cheryl fool you. Just so you know,

- okay? - I wonder, uh... listen.

She might look young but let me tell you something.

Cheryl got that vintage pussy.

Don't let her fool you.

She got that vintage pussy, okay? She...

- MVP. - She might be young

MVP.

That's what it's there for.

- MVP. - Uh-huh.

Okay. Uh-hmm.

You know, nigga.

Don't... listen. This is...

this on camera, take...

hey, take... you can take that shit out.

- They can edit that out? - Y'all gonna take that part out.

- Please do. - Okay. Y'all can't handle that

'cause you're professional.

Exactly.

Go inside, ask for application,

and I'mma have you fill it out.

Hurry up, ain't got all day.

Give me some nuts.

Okay. Age.

Same as you.

Shit.

Next is previous job experience.

Telecommunications, hotel management,

hotel reservations, tilapia farming,

- toxic waste management. - Wait.

- Pick one. - For real?

Yeah.

Reasons for leaving prior jobs?

What? What do you mean?

Why did you stop doing telecommunications?

Because I got out of prison.

Okay. Why did you stop tilapia farming?

Because I got out of prison.

What about toxic waste management job?

- 'Cause I got out of prison. - You got out of prison.

- Okay. All right. I get it. - What the fuck I'd do

- with my lighter? - Just use mine.

It's right in the glove compartment, it's two in there.

- That's all filled out? - That's everything.

- All right. - All right.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- What? - What is that?

- This? - Yeah. What's that?

- It's my mixtape. - Nah, give it to me.

All right. Go ahead.

Tijuana Jackson.

Ex-convict turned motivational speaker.

I'm a life coach with a goon hand.

If you hit me on Twitter,

I help to get your life right.

Desired position?

Doggy style.

- That's it. I'm done. - What?

- No, Cheryl. - No, you play too much. No.

- I was in jail. Cheryl, come on. - Fill it out for me.

No, you fill it out.

Wait. What's that?

You said to get an application.

No, no. Not that. That. Those.

Why can't I get you no flowers?

Oh, wait, those are for me?

Well, you ain't getting on my nerves

as much as I thought you would.

Well, ditto, nigga.

'Cause you kind of remind me the old days

- a little bit. - Remember when

'cause you throw them the rent party?

- Yeah. That's for you. - Oh, thanks. Nice.

You ain't steal this, did you?

Uh-uh. Let's fill out this application.

They're pretty.

All right. So,

gonna see you tomorrow.

Will nigga got a choice?

You? I mean, yeah, you...

get a job or go back to prison.

That's the choice.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

- Bye. - Bye-bye.

Hey, uh, TJ, thanks.

Oh, yeah.

I thought you like the colors.

Yup. Yeah.

No, I like it.

Yellow

right.

You won't get the fuck out of the car?

Momma.

Cameras on deck.

- Hey, unc. - Hey.

Hey.

Did he find a job?

Doubt it.

What was that?

I got three messages.

Y'all are rolling... y'all are rolling, right?

Hello, Mr. Jackson.

This is Robert Marshall of Hollywood Carwash.

We reviewed your application. Unfortunately, we're not...

Mr. Tijuana Jackson,

this is Wendy Reisman from the...

99 Cent Store in Plantation.

You dropped off an application

earlier this afternoon and a mixtape.

Was that intentional?

Mr. Tijuana Jackson, this is...

Brent Cobbler calling in behalf

of Orlando's International Toastmasters Club.

We would like to congratulate you

on being selected to audition for a spot

in this season's Toastmaster's reality show.

You stand to win a worldwide speaking career

and up to $50,000 in cash and prizes.

If you are interested at all,

please give us a call at 954-280...

4979. Look for Cindy.

I told you.

What the fuck did I tell you? Did you...

did y'all get that... did y'all get that on video?

Did you get that? You get that?

- What did I tell you? - Orlando?

- Disney World? - Shh. Goddamn.

- What is it, Junior? - Nothing, momma.

Just got me a job. That's all.

Let me be the one to tell her what it is, okay?

Goddamn. Hold it down, nigga.

What'd I tell y'all?

What did I say?

Is it a progress, only have one source of ID?

Okay.

Uh-hmm.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, I'mma be there bright and early.

No, thank you.

If you do an inventory check of your thoughts,

85%, 95% of your thoughts is negative.

You know I'm saying? You have to un-niggafy

yourself and start focusing on...

positive outcomes.

You gotta focus on the positive possibilities

in order to produce positive results.

What I'm not gonna do is I'm not gonna let

a bad day dictate the outcome

of my whole year. Hear me?

I totally get it.

That's what's up.

And I still got a few hurdles ahead of me,

you know, because...

my momma ain't gonna approve of me just,

you know, running off to Orlando like that.

And as a parolee, I can't really just,

you know, I gotta get permission

from my probation officer.

Because she ain't...

Speak of the devil.

What if I get my shit rolling,

and make you my manager?

I give you 10% off the top right to you.

I don't want 10% of your pipedream.

That was high school.

Come on, we grown-ups now.

Okay. Note to self, real quick.

Bagging groceries are what grown-ups do,

- being a self-made... - Travel permits denied.

You are not listening. She is not listening.

I'm not listening. I'm not gonna put my job

in jeopardy for you anymore.

She about the dumbest deputy this side of Broward County.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Get out. - Cheryl,

I just gave you an opportunity to be somebody.

- You know what you said? - Get out.

No, y'all get out first, so y'all can see me

when I merk on her ass, okay?

Get out.

You all get the fuck out, too.

Turn that camera off.

Errbody ain't gonna get to play on the All-Star team,

you heard me? No one. As long as I've known Cheryl,

that Cheryl problem.

The only future she see for herself

is the future that they laid out for her.

You heard me? So it's hard for her to relate

to a visionary such as myself.

Let me tell y'all something I've learned.

If you consistently feed and exercise your faith,

it will eventually outgrow your fears.

Today's billionaires, they earn they billions

by taking chances on the unknown,

while the rest of us stay enslaved by the familiar.

Today, and as of today,

I'm strictly on my billionaire ground,

and I denounce that petty hustler.

Shit.

Hey, y'all got... y'all got some change

or bus pass a nigga can borrow?

What's up Lil Eric?

Nothin'.

Yo, this yo gal?

Darlene, this is my Uncle TJ.

Hi.

She ain't white, she light skinned, boy.

I'm half white.

No, with all them yams on your plate.

She is celebrating with us, Junior.

- God damn. Y'all made greens? - Watch your mouth, boy.

Copy that. What are we celebrating?

Didn't you just get a job?

- Too bad it's in Orlando. - What?

- You shut up. - Orlando?

Yeah, momma. He tried to sneak down

to Orlando to be a Toastmaster.

I guess he too good for us now.

If you don't wanna be on camera,

all you gotta do is shut your mouth.

- Fuck you. - Momma, you heard her curse,

- right? - Orlando, Junior? You know,

- my arthritis acting up. - Momma, you gonna

- let her curse like that? - What am I supposed to do?

You gonna let her curse like that in front of company?

How come every time I say a bad word.

'Cause you're the eldest, Junior,

- and you should know better. - God damn.

- Say it in front of the camera. - Watch your mouth, Junior.

Why she get to curse and I don't?

You heard her, Dick Gregory, because you're old as hell.

I hope a porcupine crawl up in your mouth

while you sleep and take a shit.

You ain't going to Orlando, Junior.

Momma, you want the house with the pool?

This is how I'm gonna get the house

with the pool for you.

You want me to get a job?

This is a legitimate job.

Junior, why don't you date Cheryl?

Junior, why won't you pick up Lil Eric from school?

Junior, why don't you go pick up my meds?

What do y'all do when I'm not here?

I'mma tell you what they do.

They do just fine.

See, that's a rhetorical question.

This ain't about me going away,

this is about me growing away.

They scared of that change, they came...

they came to us with that transformation.

Y'all ain't never made this big a deal

- of me going to jail. - Nigga, you chose jail.

Yeah, I'm choosing this now, which is why

I got selected for the Toastmasters reality show,

and somebody with stretch marks did not.

- That's enough, Junior. - I'm not talking about

your stretch marks, momma. I'm talking about Sharea.

They didn't have no time for a nigga

when he was in the joint, now I'm outside,

they gonna try to tell me what I could do.

You know I can't write no letters

with this arthritis.

I can't even get on a computer.

So, you couldn't just make a call, momma?

You can't shoot me a kite, not one.

You know, if Sharea was in jail,

- you know that you... - Don't put my name

in your mouth, TJ.

Start me out, all right, because you don't know

what momma would do.

You want me to pay

a $10 deposit fee

and a $3 flat fee

just to put money on your phone,

just so I can call you?

That's $13 for 15 minutes, Junior.

And the only thing I can hear is your misery,

and the absence of the Holy Ghost

in the background.

Look at this material.

This man's club. I got it in Vegas.

They was doing this deal if you buy

two tanks of gas, you get a free suit.

This shit nice. Get a close up on it.

Look at this material.

Look at that.

Man's club, look at these lapels,

that's gotta be, that's Italian

or French, or something.

They probably import shit with the tag on it.

You can't read it, but...

you can tell about it just by the font.

That's some upper echelon shit right there.

Uh-hmm. This motherfucking

into plastic, heard me?

Look, you gonna sign this release form or not, okay?

Because my whole future riding on this signature.

- I just need you to put... - TJ, get that fucking paper

out of my face, okay? 'cause I'm not signing this shit

because I don't wanna be in your stupid ass movie.

Okay?

Okay.

Would you, uh...

Yeah. Okay.

...shake your ass on Instagram though, huh?

Uh-hmm.

Underscore, underscore, MrsTwerkulance.

Ain't nobody seen it yet, but they will,

and don't try to delete the account,

but guess what?

I already downloaded all the videos.

Hmm. Okay.

Your son could use a riding on this, too.

Hey, can you turn the cameras off, please?

Come see a happy Jackson family for a change.

Come on in.

We gonna start... we gonna start the whole,

show whole the room, okay?

This is my ugly sister, Sharea.

My name is Tijuana Jackson,

life coach with a goon hand.

You can't stand him,

no, they can't.

That's the thing about family, man, you know,

it's a place you have your biggest battles,

you know, but it's also a way you go

to heal your wounds, if you lucky.

And I'm hoping my shit take off

like Miley Cyrus panties. Once they happen,

then we out this bitch. I'm gonna get my mom

that big old house with the pool, heard me?

- Thank you. - Momma,

TJ is smoking in my room.

No, I'm not.

Momma, we only gonna be gone for a couple of days.

Anything you need, just tell Sharea.

Just like when I was in the joint.

Okay. Bye, boy.

Okay. You know, I can't stand you,

but momma like you, so hurry back.

Yeah. But don't let her take the medication

on an empty stomach, man.

She'll nag you all damn day.

- Bye, Unc. - You think all the shit

in the car packed just for me?

Your momma packed your shit last night, boy,

this ain't Malaysia Air. I need a good co-pilot.

- Get in the car. - Listen. I don't...

- For real? - Yes for real. I don't want you

sitting here playing on your iPad all day.

I figured, what would your uncle learn new stuff.

Can we go to Disney World?

It's already in the itinerary.

Get in the fucking the car.

Jesus is alive.

In the car.

Better watch out he talking to my fucking son.

Get in the car.

Come on, Justin.

Put on your seatbelt, boy.

Get in the fucking car.

Shit.

Hey, what y'all doing?

Isn't that your probation officer?

Tijuana Jackson,

he got miles, yeah, that's right.

Ex-convict turned motivational speaker.

Yeah. Prison Logic

♪ You got to stop, getting complimentary start ♪

♪ Getting ready, yeah, dig up on your confidence ♪

This from my own mixtape,

my new mixtape about to rape the game,

fam style, heard me?

Ain't nobody stopping when it's time

to take your lane.

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

♪ Take your lane ♪

Somebody stole my Alpine stereo

back in the day.

Is that why you don't hear nothing?

Are you enjoying yourself?

Yeah, but I can't wait to get to Disney World.

Well, it's coming.

Y'all get it all on film.

I just wanna show some bonding moments

with my nephew.

Y'all, y'all, come get a close up of this.

Y'all wanna see some gators?

Throw that rock in there, Lil Eric.

They didn't swarm this out because they ain't

- throwing it off far enough. - Son, that's an example...

- Throw it. Yeah, like that, flick your fist, boy.

Put your hands down like...

there you go, there you go. So what now?

Hey, you seemed you're taking a picture

- while you're smiling. - I'm not smiling.

Come on, boy.

I'm not getting in that water.

You better come on.

- Oh, that's a gator. - What?

That's a...

ain't no gator, boy.

I'm just playing with you.

You're driving.

You can drive if you want to.

Why can't we go inside?

Watch your tone with me, boy.

I thought you said it was in the itinerary.

I said it was in the itinerary.

I didn't say it was in the budget. Now,

look, look here. We ain't got

that Disney World money right now,

but when this Toastmaster thing pop off,

I might buy your own Disney World.

Matter fact, you know what I might do,

is I might buy Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch,

and open that up to black folks.

Do you wanna go back to the street sign

and get a picture under that?

You can show your friends?

Wise man speaks

because he has something to say.

And nigga talk because he always got to say so.

Momma said this is for you.

What's this?

I don't know.

Nigga, this the release form.

This the release form. She signed it.

We're making a movie, nigga.

We're going platinum, nigga.

You better be famous, boy.

Y'all see that? She signed it.

I told you what I told you.

I told y'all that I was gonna get her to sign.

She know what's good for.

Toastmasters auditions.

This is that moment of truth.

I'mma let you carry my briefcase.

No.

My collar straight, everything cool?

It's good.

Let's go change some lives.

Nigga look familiar as fuck.

That nigga looks familiar.

How you doing, man?

Tijuana Jackson, life coach, motivational speaker.

I'm here for the Toastmasters.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, man, no minors,

no smoking, and, uh, you know, no cameras.

Oh, no, like, they... this is like a little student film, man,

they just... they, they filming my body, the glory.

Well, yeah, they can... they can film whatever they want, man,

as long as it's not inside, you know.

Oh, well, shit.

Well, Lil Eric, you gonna stay in the car, okay?

You can't be serious?

No, not me, it's him. He's saying no minors.

Yeah, sorry little, bro.

What is this, a Miley Cyrus concert?

And y'all gonna have to stay outside.

You got to... you got to sit in the car, Lil Eric.

No.

Hey, Eric, do you want to film some stuff out here?

Here.

Take this.

Look, this is on and off, record.

Hey, look, I left the key in the car,

you can listen to the radio.

Heads up.

Definitely got this.

Look at all these Rounders. How do you plead?

No contest, Your Honor. They ain't even in my league.

What these niggas don't understand is

when it's gang time, they're playing stops.

No class.

- Now, yo, yo, yo. - No class.

Fuck you nigga, I was already up here.

I just went back to get something in my car.

All right. All right. Easy, easy.

Fuck you ass.

That's what I do with my mixtape,

Affirmation Music Volume 1.

It's a drop, nigga.

- Oh, shit. - What the fuck? Wait. Wait.

- It's a drop. - Amiga.

Get out. Get out. Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait. Wait up.

Get away from me

Yo

Get down the get down.

Ow, what is your problem?

Fucking crazy. Are you serious right now?

And you, yeah, you.

Come here, man. I see... no, I see you, man.

Come here. Hey, hey.

Yo, I need you to stop filming me right now.

You said we can film whatever we wanted

as long as not inside the fucking building.

I know. I know I'm saying you can.

Hey, Rachel. Rachel.

We're back to do what we told now, huh?

You're gonna let that bitch clown nigga

- intimidate you and to be like... - Shut up.

- Hey, Maricon. - I thought filming

police officers in Florida is in accordance with Florida law,

as long as I don't interfere with the investigation

and maintain a safe distance.

I can think of about maybe two things

that you guys have in common.

Does anybody wanna guess what they are?

Go ahead. You know what?

Raise your hand if you still think

you're part of a Toastmasters reality program.

Go ahead, raise your hand.

Oh, my God. These are...

these are brilliant human beings right here.

I got some bad news for you, guys.

You all have outstanding warrants

right here in Orlando County.

So if you guys wanna pay off your debts today,

hey, you guys are gonna walk away with no problem,

but the rest of you guys are going for a little joyride

Appreciate y'all paying off my warrant.

I'mma pay y'all back as soon as I get my company up and running.

Where the fuck is my car?

Where the fuck did I park my car?

Hey, Lil Eric.

What the fuck happened to my car?

Hey, man, y'all see a little 14-year-old kid

about this big?

Not this time.

Have a nice day though.

Lil Eric.

Lil Eric.

It's okay, Lil Eric, where you at?

Fuck.

Let me see your phone.

No.

Then stop filming me.

Stop filming me.

Mr. Jackson,

we found Lil Eric.

He's at the precinct.

He's fine.

What precinct?

This point got no damn sense.

Look, I'm outside of my jurisdiction,

so if I go up in that motherfucker,

I might not come out. Okay?

So, one of y'all got to go in there and get him.

There is a time and place, homie.

There's a time and a fucking place.

Did you find him?

They'll only release him to a legal guardian.

Shit. What if I'm ain't that?

So, I just sneak in to Disney World.

What the fuck you do with my car?

I don't know. Do I look like Minnie Mouse?

Now we call Sharea, she gonna blow this shit

way out of proportion, I'm telling y'all now.

Well, yeah, we lost the child.

Wouldn't want you to die from second-hand smoke.

Be free.

So, did you call his mom yet?

We don't need to call them.

- Why not? - Because...

she gonna take that shit to another level.

And she gonna overreact,

and then, she gonna get my momma blood pressure,

man, you gonna fucking piss me off.

So, who you calling?

Come here.

Hey, come here.

No, it's Rachel,

the girl with the camera.

I'm Asian.

Mr. Jackson wanted me to let Sharea know,

Lil Eric is perfectly fine.

He is in jail,

but he wasn't arrested.

That nerd try to

question my damn parenting skills,

dud, you gonna take my kid for one day and leave

and sit in the car like he's some kind of animal.

I think his demon is trying

to separate us with you, girl.

It ain't no damn demons, momma,

we should stop saying that shit. It ain't nobody but Junior.

And you don't wanna see it that way.

You wanna live in the make believes.

I'mma just gonna sip my tea.

If you're looking for a demon, his ass right there.

Jesus, you finish Sharea?

Don't call me by my government name, nigga.

Are you done?

Are you done?

- No. - Are you done?

Jesus.

- Check stub please. - Cheryl...

- Proof of employment, please. - No, I got... Cheryl, I got...

- Check stubs. - I got them, Cheryl.

I got them, but I forgot them.

Hmm. I know it's always something with you.

- No. Cheryl... - Are you trying to go back

- to jail, TJ? - I thought they was in my car.

But then I realized that I might...

You know what, TJ? Don't play with me today

because I'm not in the mood.

Cheryl.

Cheryl.

Cheryl.

What the fuck you doing up there?

- TJ? - You fucking with that

- Freddie Mercury-looking nigga? - Oh, I got your

- Freddie Mercury right here. - No, thanks, nigga.

- I don't do porn. - Okay. Let me handle this.

Hey, you better tell that motherfucker to kick rocks.

Turn them cameras off. Turn those cameras off.

Yeah. Yeah. You know why,

because she don't want the world to know

that she fucking around with Doug, the Bounty hunter.

All right. You about 30 seconds

- from getting choked out, boy. - Boy?

Nigga, we don't in the inside no more,

you fucking around and get your manhood breach

- messing with me. - Hey, listen, wait.

You better call will.i.am, nigga,

ain't the DJ, boy. I don't play, heard me?

TJ! What do you want?

What do you need, TJ? What do you need?

You wanted... you wanted proof of employment

- for the last few weeks, right? - Yeah.

You got this push broom motherfucker

all off in the crib.

Motherfucker, all in his drawers and shit.

TJ.

You got check stubs?

Nigga, I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of you, TJ.

You can get back to sling blade now.

Don't tell nobody I was in a fight,

and don't put that shit in my documentary.

Why not?

Because it's a violation to my parole.

How long it take for me to wake up?

♪ They talk about the money I talk about the time ♪

♪ They talk about they needs I talk about what's mine ♪

♪ They sitting on the comb, I'm sitting on the home ♪

♪ They wanna super head, shit, I wanna super dome ♪

♪ I got a bigger vision I'm young Russell Simmons ♪

♪ I'm like a chicken hawk, but I'm fucking pigeon ♪

♪ I only share with friends They call it nepotism ♪

♪ And then remember all the plan I am messing with ♪

- Watchtower. - Yeah.

What do you think about that?

Hey, man. Look, nigga,

if we gonna take this musical empire to that next level,

don't sugarcoat that nigga, just tell me how you feel.

You like it or not?

It was trash,

- like, hot garbage. - Man, fuck you, nigga,

that version was cold than a can of pussy,

eat you that shit, let's do the hood.

This nigga is just disrespectful, man.

Just...

Hey. Where the fuck is TJ?

Fuck.

Hey, man, I'm gonna drop for real,

this shit cold, watch out, nigga.

Watchtower.

Punch it, nigga, and after the refrain.

Watchtower.

Nigga, are you...

where the fuck he go?

Watchtower.

I'm recording vocals.

I don't give a fuck.

I don't care if you're recording

the national motherfucker anthem,

get the fuck out here, TJ.

You your fucking lot.

My brother is one of the first niggas from Hollywood, Florida,

he got arrested on tops

and cheaters,

punch a girl on the face.

Ever since then, I've been camera shy.

You broke my Rolex, this should cost me $50.

What is these, TJ?

I told you. They check stub.

They counterfeit stubs.

I don't know nothing about that.

Yes, you do, and why would you walk off your job?

You was doing so good, and you left?

Get my cigarettes, it's on my pocket, for me.

I ain't getting shit.

Hey, get off with that cock.

Hey, take the... you know, move that cock.

Y'all get his cock on camera?

You about to get a lot of cock where you going.

Y'all get his cock?

All right.

One second, but this the last one.

All right. Look, uh...

you know, TJ is... he's a gifted man.

That's, you know, that's, that's real,

but you got to watch him.

You got to watch him because you don't know

what you're gonna get with TJ.

You don't know if you gonna get...

if you gonna get sunshine, or if you gonna get moonshine.

And the terms of TJ's parole,

honestly, for me... for me,

they're pretty reasonable, honestly.

And every day,

I ask him, I say the same shit.

I say, uh, "TJ, you know, you go to counseling."

You know what I get? Legs up.

Then I say, "Okay.

What about... what, about community service?

Did you go to community service? Did you do it?"

"Oh, I'm a soul train."

"What about work?"

"Yo, am."

This nigga.

Really, the truth is you just... you can't help a man

that refused to help himself.

And that's what I got to know.

You know, that's...

that's it. So, all right.

And you know the worst part is that

I actually believed you. I believed your down shit.

Do you ever think about getting back into music though?

- TJ, do you hear me? - Have a nigga pump his mixtape?

Counterfeit is a serious offense. This is real.

Affirmation music Volume 1.

Hey, you know what, hey, he came back.

You know what his cock.

Hey, homie, let me get you with your cock, homie.

Hey, hey

So get your dog off to prison can,

and this is the things I get from you?

Okay. Cool.

- I can't. - You call the cops on a nigga.

- I ain't doing it no more. - Cheryl, you call the laws

- on a nigga, though? - Hey, get him.

Tell me the truth, and I can help you.

Or you're going back inside.

We have not used since we got out.

We have two months to give up in life.

I haven't

- I don't know what... - Okay. So...

- All the respect, man. - So you both clean?

- A hundred percent. - A hundred percent.

- A hundred percent. - Absolutely.

I'm on

Okay. Okay.

I'm giving you one last chance and tell me the truth,

or you both taking the piss tests.

Give me a tiny little meth on the weekends,

or it's fine. Nothing serious.

Don't look at him, look at me.

He's not the one that's gonna book you, I am.

You ain't talk to him?

Well, I'm not surprised.

You know what to do with these?

Cheryl.

Do you know what to do with those?

Okay.

Goodbye.

Hey, watch out.

Oh, shit, he saw us.

Why didn't you tell me you were out?

I think the more distance between you and me,

- the better off you gonna be. - How did you figure that?

Watch your tone with me now, boy.

Why didn't you call?

- Because Lil Eric... - Because what?

Because your momma keep making this thing

like everything was my fault.

But it was your fault.

The first night you came home,

there was no one in the house

so you had to sleep in the car.

What did I do?

I came out to sleep in the car too

because I didn't want you to be out there

all by yourself.

But as soon as we get to the contest,

what did you do?

You told me to wait in the car

all by myself for some stupid

Toastmaster thing that turned out to be...

But what you ain't even realizing is that great success

- requires great sacrifice. I... - Great success?

If the only one benefitting from it is you,

how great can it be?

Oh, whose bike is that?

Boy.

You gotta rinse it before you put it up under the bed.

Put it down.

Put it down now.

Oh, why are you so skinny, boy?

I've been riding my bicycle, Momma.

Oh.

I saw this blog and it said that...

...this was good for the arthritis.

- You okay, Momma? - Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

- Ooh. - Okay.

So, what exactly are you interested in?

Like, what's your passion?

What do you wanna do?

I wanna be a public speaker like my uncle.

Hmm. Okay.

So, then we need to look at your transcripts,

let's see what courses that you already took.

I see you took time to speak,

and you're in regular English.

Maybe you should get into English AP

to kind of learn grammar.

Legs up.

- Okay. - Listen.

If you put a black woman's baby in danger,

she gonna go from zero to Remy real quick.

And if I'm being honest, TJ has been more of a father

to little Eric than my baby daddy ever was.

Now, he ain't perfect,

but he's trying.

Oh.

Um, I only had two prayers.

One was to see my family unified

under the blood of Jesus.

Praise the Lord.

What's the other one, Momma?

A big house with a pool

so that we can live together comfortably.

But as long as we're together,

I don't need no pool.

I do.

- Listen now... - Oh, shut up, boy.

"I do."

- Here we go. - Ooh. Yes.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Y'all put down your cameras and come here.

- Come on. - Is it enough for now?

Seriously?

Y'all stop acting up now.

Yes, ma'am.

Lord, we ask you to bless this food,

and we ask you to bless the white people

at this table.

Amen.

- Amen. - All right.

Y'all, let's eat for real and stop playing, okay?

What's wrong with the forks,

why I gotta stick me up... oh, Lord, Jesus.

Let me tell y'all something, man.

One thing my nephew I would like to call it

my little guru made me realize is

the whole point of being a life coach

is to help others, you know?

Mainly my family and my community,

heard me.

and there's a lot of people out there winning the rat race.

Then what's a million dollars to a slave

if he can't buy his own freedom, you heard?

She own the tall white boy

with the big carwash mustache.

He's already been asked to resign.

What up, Levaughn?

Levaughn?

What up, nigga?

Yes, ma'am.

Boy, what happenin',

I here because I care about y'all.

Tune, as far as I'm concerned,

someone fucked up on their life already.

But me, for me,

I was a master fuck-up-ist.

And this man changed my life.

So that it could change yours.

It's just a matter of listenin' and paying attention, you know.

a matter of paying attention.

I'm... yo, fucking pay attention, now man,

because every time so, but yo,

I want to bring my brethren right now,

no other than

Tijuana Jackson.

Yeah. Give it up for my homie, Upgrade.

You know what I'm saying.

That's Toucan fam right there.

It's Toucan fam, real nigga shit, heard me.

I didn't get it.

Took getting cursed out by my nephew,

I call him my guru, Lil Eric,

to realize that my success would come

from being selfless,

not selfish.

Uh-hmm.

Because when you got a sense of purpose,

you gotta service more than just you.

Oh, y'all didn't think I would get that deep, huh?

Well, hold on, niggas,

because I'm deep like giraffe pussy.

And what if I told you

that every nigga in here got a purpose?

And that purpose stems from one moment in your damn life?

I'm in my one moment like the shit happened yesterday.

- Uh-hmm. - Yeah.

When I was 13 years old,

my uncle tried to put his finger

in my asshole while I was asleep,

but I caught him.

Took about seven hours of surgery

to get my foot out of his fucking larynx,

fucked that nigga voice box up good.

To this day when he talks, he sound like...

uh, what's the name of the, uh...

What?

What's the name of the big old buff nigga

with the raspy voice who used to win all the Grammys?

Uh, Big strong nigga used to work out back in the 90s?

Had all the hit... Macy Gray,

he sound like that nigga.

Quiet!

Y'all go ahead and laugh,

but that's why I brought up my uncle

and his big-ass fingers.

Your pain should be the pathway to your purpose.

So when y'all get up out these blocks,

don't seek success.

Seek purpose,

and let success find you.

Because success,

that's just an illusion.

Purpose,

that's the motherfucking conclusion,

heard me?

I take it you two are in good terms again?

Well, uh, we, uh...

we have... we have an understanding.

Any plans for the future?

Well, I mean, for me, you know,

I just believe that if you gonna be a life coach,

you gotta be a life coach 24/7

because life is a full-time job, you know?

So you don't get no off days on life,

and once this Prison Logic take off,

you know, phone gonna be ringing like

the second hand, heard me?

You know, like the second hand

because the second hand go around the clock.

Why you always gotta speak in parables?

You know, I'mma need travel permits once this shit take off?

I'll think about it.

What you mean you gonna think about it?

Do you need me to speak in parables, too?

- Drop me. - I got you.

Well done.

I should have you train my staff.

I do the same thing, but this old nigga in the joint,

used to have to put him on the toilet

and put stool out of whenever

they fed us that nutraloaf.

I remember TJ saying to me

excuse me, Mr. Jackson

saying to me when I was going through my divorce,

"Sam," and I quote,

"You too good for that chicken-head skank.

She be creeping."

And I knew exactly what he meant.

May I see your license and registration, please?

Fuck, he's acting out,

nigga, look like

any time you all need me, just call that number.

Are you guys filming something?

- Yeah. - Yeah, what's that about?

About my life. It's about...

Well, I'm a filmmaker, too.

It does nothing for a nigga's self-esteem

when you got a bigger motherfucker

twice your size and put on the condom.

You wanna get honest about it.

You okay, Momma?

TJ, stop!

I'm about to hit a funny bone.

S-U-I-C-I-D-E.

Suicide.

Because Sharea is an unhappy individual committed

to the immediate demise of my endeavors.

Suicide.

I need to go out and get the okay.

I'm gonna get the back leg.

I'm gonna get the finger pop.

I'm gonna get the dungarees,

I want no clean up.

It shouldn't take this long

to hand out some flyers.

Well, at one point, did you say to yourself,

"We have a hit documentary on our hands"?

At no point.

Oh, I thought right away.

Well, it started out as a class assignment,

just a 10-minute short, but...

Yeah. But then Tijuana inspired us to make it like a...

like a whole documentary.

How did you do that?

Well, he made us see that whether

it's a class assignment,

family engagement, community service,

what's most often asked of us

is the bare minimum. It's up to us to do more.

Hey, you always gotta give credit

- to the white folks. - I'm not white.

And you were in prison when we filmed this.

Yeah. They only wanna interview you.

Man, just drink your juice.

That's okay, though.

Who got the book deal

and the merchandising deal?

- Matter of fact... - Oh...

...mixtape out too, cop that.

Why are you being a little dramatic?

Don't you... uh-uh, don't you lit that up down here.

- That's okay, momma. - They really want it.

Y'all do the pretty tiddy-diddy,

I won't get the keys to the city now.

- Why y'all over this? - But it was good, right?

You're too close. Get in the back.

momma.