Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ Come on, baby It's your typical every day ♪

Goodbye, Calculus.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

I don't need you any more.

Never did, never will.

It feels so good to purge.

Try it.

Come on...

What are you holding onto?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sophomore year Home Ec? You need that?

Yeah. This has the world famous blueberry crumble recipe.

And you never know when you might need

a delicious blueberry crumble.

Two pints blueberry,

one cup flour--

Three cups of sugar?

Oh, no wonder it tasted so perfect.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, sir, we'll have your order out by Monday.

Thank you.

Can you please talk to Mom and Dad?

They won't stop texting me about

how you're not going to dinner tonight.

Uh, well, I'm helping Sarah out.

She's having a dinner party, and I'm meeting her friends.

And you made that?

Hey, relax.

They'll love it.

Better hope so.

These are the people you'll be going to brunch with,

watching bad reality TV with,

be on-- ooh-- group email chains with.

How's your reply-all game?

Really strong.

Good, because Dr. Sarah is way out of your league.

Hey, we're firmly in the same league.

Mm, you work for your parents

making children's jerseys,

she works for a hospital saving children's lives.

Better bring your A game.

Oh, you look nice.

You have a date?

Ah, no.

I am just getting drinks with a friend.

Heh, okay.

Well, that's a pretty hot dress,

so it must be a pretty lucky friend.

Um, it's-it's Carl.

Carl?

Yeah...

Carl, like your ex, Carl?

Like who's marrying your super good friend, Carl?

That Carl?

Yes.

Well, whose idea was this? What do you think he wants?

I don't know, he called and it was very vague,

but he just said he wanted to talk about some things, so...

A guy calls up his ex

right before his wedding?

Yeah, I think we know how this story ends.

Come on, no, I'm still friends with Allison.

Oh, my God, what if he and Allison broke up

and that's why he wants to meet up?

What would you do then?

Then? I don't know.

Okay, well, are you gonna wear false lashes?

What does that have to do with anything?

Fake lashes send a message, it says,

I'm down if you're down.

That's what one of the blonde twins on The Bachelor says.

I'll be back by 10.

'Kay.

I'll try not to interrupt pizza and chill with Mark.

Oh, don't worry about it. Pizza and chill turned into

like an I'll pick you up at eight thing, so...

Whoa, a date.

No, it's not a date.

I don't date.

Okay, well, I think that's-- I think it's cool.

He clearly really likes you.

Well, regardless, this isn't a date.

It doesn't matter how he feels.

Have fun on your date. I'll see you later.

Joanna, that is very rude.

This is not a date.

Yo.

Yo!

You're nice and early.

You look beautiful.

Mm, thank you.

Ah, what's this?

Rhinorrhea?

Runny nose in Latin.

They're for charades tonight.

Ohh, nerd alert.

Excuse me, mister.

You are dating a nerd, a competitive one.

And charades is my jam, so I expect us to win big tonight.

So don't embarrass us.

Oh-ho, I did not come here to make friends.

I mean, I did come here to make friends,

but we will destroy anyone who tries to stop us.

Yeah.

And then

we'll make them eat my legendary blueberry crumble.

Aw, thank you.

Don't be offended, but all my friends eat really clean.

No sugar, no carbs, really.

So... I'll just...

put this in the fridge.

Okay.

So tonight's all doctors?

Yeah, most of my friends are from the hospital.

Am I underdressed?

Actually, remember that store we passed on La Brea?

Oh...

Ta-da!

Hey, you didn't have to do that.

Well, I saw it, and thought

it would look great on that hot bod.

Oh, this hot bod?

Mm-hm, that's the one. Heh.

Wow...

I have to set up still,

but, um, if you wanna wear that sweater, totally cool.

You want me to wear this sweater tonight?

I'm so glad you picked up on that.

[♪♪♪]

Heh, hey!

Hey, you!

Oh, it's been a while.

Oh, I know, I'm sorry

we haven't talked in a long time.

Yeah.

So...

How have you been?

Good. Um, you know,

I just, I needed a break, so I moved back here.

You know, I just got a great apartment.

Oh, that's great.

Just kinda

tryin' to figure out what's next.

Thanks for callin' me back.

Yeah.

Uh, I know I was pretty vague

over the phone,

but it was important, and, you know,

we wanted to ask you this question in person.

Me?

Jojo?

Oh, my God! So sorry I'm late.

Wow, it's good to see you.

Oh, I love the lashes.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Wow, I-- I didn't know you were coming.

Oh, wedding plan stuff, you know.

Yeah.

So did you ask her yet?

I was just about to.

Oh. Ask-ask me what?

Well, since you introduced us,

we were wondering if you would sing at our wedding?

Wow.

Please say yes.

Wow, I-- You know, I've never

sung at a wedding before.

But you're so good.

I remember those karaoke nights in Singapore.

I don't-- I don't know.

Please. I mean,

it would really mean a lot to us.

So much.

Okay? Okay, yeah.

Really? Yes? Oh, you're gonna be so amazing.

What, well, let's toast.

Get some champagne, right?

Great.

CARL: How was the cake tasting, by the way?

They're gonna love you. Just be yourself,

don't talk politics, and ask about work, they love that.

It's starting to feel like a test.

Relax, I just want it to go well.

Hey, and later tonight,

I say we dominate them in flip cup.

It's not that kind of party, Peter.

Oh.

Hey, come meet my co-worker Jessie and her husband Rob.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

ROB: Yo.

JESSIE: Hi.

This is Peter, my boyfriend.

Hi, Peter, I'm Jessie. This is my husband Rob.

How are ya?

Nice to meet you guys.

Nice to meet you too.

Jessie and Rob just had a baby.

Oh, that's so great.

Boy or a girl?

Oh, we're gonna let him or her decide.

Yeah, it's the right thing to do.

Obviously.

Wow, so doctors and parents?

How do you do it?

They're my heroes.

Oh, heh.

A lot of teamwork and a lot of coffee.

Coffee, so much coffee.

[POLITE LAUGHTER]

ROB: How about you, Peter?

Oh, I'm in the family business.

Yeah. Printing for apparel, printing on apparels.

Fashion, that's super exciting.

Mm-hm.

Uh, heh, it's not the fashion you're thinking.

Oh, Peter's being modest.

He actually runs his own company,

and has a lot of great clients.

It's actually my parents' company.

Well, we're gonna go get refills.

Okay.

Why did you undersell yourself?

Well, it's not like we're Versace.

I mean, our last clients

was the Toluca Lake Fighting Scorpions,

and I don't think an under-7 soccer team is that impressive.

Not when you say it like that.

How would you say it?

I do the apparel branding for L.A. sports teams.

That does sound better.

[CHUCKLES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll go get that. Be right back.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Hey, fellas, how you doin'?

How's it goin'?

Good, good.

Yeah, I was just congratulating Mike

on his new fellowship.

Yeah.

Neurovascular surgery

is a bitch.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Pediatric cardiovascular's a little bit tougher.

Ooh.

Is that, like, tiny hearts?

Sick tiny hearts.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey, Jo, what's up?

JOANNA [ON PHONE]: Um, been kind of a weird day.

Can you meet me for a drink?

I wish, but I'm at Sarah's with her friends.

Oh, I'm sorry to bother you.

No, please bother me.

I can't talk about any more tiny sick hearts.

Tell me about it.

Hey, why don't you come over here?

[♪♪♪]

[SHUDDERS] Wow.

You look hot.

Thank you so much.

That's for you.

That's from my front yard?

Oh, no, why would you-- Yes, it is actually.

You have very thorny bushes out there, so...

Okay, thanks. Well, I just need a couple minutes

to finish contouring-- I watched a YouTube tutorial.

Okay. Well, I mean, our reservation's in 20 minutes,

so we should probably leave...

now.

Okay, I'm rushing...

What's the place?

It's this swanky restaurant.

It's called Chryst-jal's.

I don't know if that's pronounced right.

It's a soft-J.

Um, anyways, critics are crazy about it.

But what about the people who really matter?

Surely, you Yelped it.

Yeah. No, it's four and a half stars,

which is basically almost five,

and they say it's really...

romantic.

Can I see?

You wanna-- You wanna see the--?

Yeah.

Chryst-jal's Yeah.

Oh, no.

That girl looks whack. I don't want her to be there.

I may need you to just find another restaurant.

Please.

N-- Now?

Yep, thanks so much.

Hey, so glad you could make it.

Thanks, I have-- I brought you something.

Oh, you didn't have to.

Oh, wow, a half empty bottle.

Half full. And in my belly.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, thanks for letting her come by.

Yeah. Um, is she okay?

She seems wasted.

Yeah, I think she's had a rough night.

And she called you?

Yeah, we're really good friends.

I'm gonna go get her some water.

[FUSION JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

This tastes watery.

Because it's water.

Hey, what happened?

Mm, I don't wanna talk about it.

I just wanna hang out.

All right, well, but I gotta put in

some more boyfriend time.

Okay, well, then I will go mingle.

Um, oh, what's with the sweater?

Hey, I'm Joanna.

ROB: Hey. Hey, I'm Rob.

Jessie.

Nice to meet you guys.

Hey, she's fine.

You won't even know she's here.

Doctors, God.

The health care overseas is so superior, don't you think?

Do I think that?

JESSIE: No, I don't, actually.

[♪♪♪]

Where did you park?

Uh, down this way, a few blocks.

No, no, no, no, no. My heels, they hurt.

Let's take an Uber.

Ah...

Okay, but we really can't miss another reservation.

You know what, I have this discount code with Lyft.

We'll just use that.

No, pink light-up mustaches?

Discounts? Vomit.

Heh, okay, we'll do a-- We'll do an Uber.

Okay, but I only do Uber Black,

because of the water bottles and the mints.

I have mints.

Nobody likes your fruity mints.

You take that back.

Nope.

You just had one.

I didn't like it.

Heh.

Uber Black it is.

Oh, gosh, I just dropped a contact.

Ugh. I need to go inside and pop another one back in. Sorry.

Where is-- Wait, you told me you got Lasik.

I could only afford one eye.

You know that teachers are underpaid

and underappreciated, right?

Wait, what are you do--

It'll just take me

a couple minutes.

Our Uber driver's--

Like 30.

He's gonna be here in five min--

Thirty?

Subway sells them.

Okay...

A Philadelphia staple...

JOANNA: You're not getting this!

Time's a tickin', you guys!

[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]

...watercraft, but it doesn't go in the water.

JOANNA: Three, two, one...

[JOANNA MAKES BUZZER SOUND]

No, it-- It's food, sweetie.

God, it was hoagie , obviously.

ROB: Oh, hoagie. We'll get it next time.

You and Sarah.

JOANNA: Good luck...

SARAH: Let's do this.

SARAH: It's an event that could happen.

SARAH: Biblical times.

PETER: Television.

No, it's the terrible movie.

Transformers?

Explosions, and a horrible song.

And that white guy, he's older now--

You gotta be more specific, Sarah, come on.

First movie that ever made you cry.

Armageddon!

JOANNA: That's the one.

Mm! Yeah!

Whoo!

You guys are just not good.

You're just not that good, for doctors.

Like, it's pretty funny, actually. Like...

Peter, quick sec, okay?

Everyone, cheers. Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.

I think she's getting a little out of hand.

Really? She's just playing the game.

She's at a 10, and everyone here's at a 4.

Right, I hear you.

Um, how about we switch games and move on to your favorite?

Charades.

We'll have a fun night, then we'll kick everyone out

so it's just you and me.

I'd like that.

JOANNA: Peter, come back!

Peter!

Let's go.

[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]

PETER: Man, here we go, time for charades.

Nice.

Uh, I wanna go first.

I got this. Okay...

Wait...

What are, heh, all these words? What?

We play medical charades.

Oh, wow, she's not kidding.

Okay, I'm gonna sit this one out, heh.

I'll go.

Yeah, all right.

JOANNA: Scottay.

ROB: Here he goes.

Uh, okay, uh...

ROB: Cold or fever.

JOANNA: Laryngitis.

Typhoid fever!

In Latin?

Salmonella typhi.

MAN: Yes!

WOMAN 1: Wow!

WOMAN 2: Very nice.

Sweet.

Salmonella typhi. That's, uh--

That was fun, everyone. Latin charades.

But, um, how about like a drinking game, you know?

Oh, I've got-- I gotta drive.

JOANNA: You work so hard.

You know, you deserve this, loosen up,

you're savin' lives, like you earned it, yeah?

[TEPID OVERLAPPING RESPONSES]

JOANNA: Yeah?

Okay.

Yeah? All right, I got it.

Ahem. Okay, it'll be, uh,

Never Have I Ever.

MAN: Oh.

We will start with... you.

Ah... Phrrm, okay. Uh, let me think.

JESSIE: Never have I ever...

gotten in the 10 items only line

with an extra item.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

JOANNA: What?

JESSIE: Oh, wow. Wait, all of you? Really?

JOANNA: Mm-hm.

I'll go. All right.

Um, never have I ever...

done it on a plane.

Ohh...

[LAUGHS]

ALL [SURPRISED]: Oh!

We've never had sex on a plane.

It was before I met you.

What's that?

It was-- It was--

With who?

It's none of your business. It's not--

What do you mean, let's not make it my business?

Are you serious?

Can we talk about this somewhere else?

Yeah, we will.

Like not here.

My turn. Uh, never have I ever

had a few drinks before operating.

[GROANS]

JOANNA: Wow, you guys are bad.

It was a tonsillectomy. I could do it in my sleep.

JESSIE: You're gross.

ROB: And he probably has.

That's terrible. That's so bad.

Okay. Mm...

Never have I ever...

had a guy pick me out on a dating app,

who turned out to be

the sweetest, greatest boyfriend I've ever had.

Aw.

Oh.

JESSIE: That was cute.

[♪♪♪]

[KISSES]

Hey, you're not supposed

to say something that you've done.

Oops, I broke a rule, heh.

PETER: It's okay, Joanna.

Okay, well, um, if that's how we're playing, then...

Uh, never have I ever...

only been on horrible dates

since I've been back in L.A.

And, um, never have I ever...

regretted my decision to come back home.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[CROWD GASPS]

PETER: Dear God.

SARAH: Jesus.

[BOTTLE AND GLASS THUMP ON TABLE]

Never have I ever

been so embarrassed and felt like such an idiot.

Joanna--

Peter, you clean this up,

and I'll make sure she's not breaking anything else.

[PETER SIGHS]

[SOBBING]

Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry.

I've been such a mess tonight,

and now I'm breaking things.

And don't hate me. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Why don't you tell me what happened tonight, sweetie.

I just had a nightmare of a date.

It's okay...

We've all had bad dates.

It wasn't even really a date,

it's just been sort of really,

crazy few months.

You know, Carl got engaged,

and Peter and I made this pact

to get married.

What?

Oh, no, I'm-- Uh, we--

It was just, you know, to get us back out there,

and it was a good thing.

Um, you know, like we got on apps together,

and then we switched accounts,

and I picked you,

and I went on this...

So Peter didn't choose me?

I should've given that Todd guy another chance.

I'm realizing that was stupid.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Hey, how is she?

Oh, she's super great.

You guys have a pact to get married?

What?

During her sob session in my bedroom,

she said you have a plan to get married.

Oh, and then she said

that you didn't even pick me on the app.

She chose me?

Listen, the pact was just a way for us

to get out there and meet someone special.

And it worked, I found you.

No. Joanna found me,

the girl you're supposed to marry found me.

Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now.

My friends have seen worse tonight.

I don't even know how

you're gonna get out of this hole with a...

Whoa. I've tried really hard.

Hey, look, I put on this itchy sweater,

I made a dessert that no one's gonna eat--

Hey, I think I'm gonna go home.

Great. See ya.

I need to make sure she gets home.

Fine, get her an Uber.

I'll just get my things.

How about this? I'll take her home,

and-and-and you can say goodbye to your friends,

and I'll come right back and we can talk about it?

Oh, great. I'll go tell my friends

that my boyfriend took the girl he's supposed to marry home.

Why is this such a big deal?

Because you're choosing her over me.

I'm supposed to be your girlfriend.

You are, but she's an old friend.

That's all.

Then call her an Uber.

I'll kick my friends out, and we can move on.

I'm gonna take her home, and I'll come right back.

[♪♪♪]

[CLOSES DOOR]

Just one second.

Okay, Canter's Deli is open--

that is, if the photos meet your standards.

Yeah, I just-- I get really nervous

about how long they leave their pickles out for.

Okay, what's your deal, Chloe?

Wh-Why don't you want to go on a date with me?

Because if we go on a date,

then that means I like you.

You like me?

Yeah.

And if we sit across from each other

at a real restaurant, like staring

into each other's googly eyes,

it's like a real date, and that scares the hell out of me.

Chloe, I--

I like you, too.

I got an idea.

PETER: Okay, home sweet home.

All right...

All right.

Peter...

You're the best.

Hey,

let me get you some water, okay?

Good night.

'Kay.

[OBJECT THUMPS, GLASS SHATTERS]

PETER: Hey, what are you doing?

Getting rid of everything that reminds me of Carl.

Carl? Your ex, Carl?

[JOANNA TALKING TO HERSELF INDISTINCTLY]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you see Carl today?

Yeah, he called and wanted to meet up.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, let's not burn anything in here.

Come on, hey, hey-- Hey!

Come on, come on.

Hey, I don't want to be

the pact police or anything, but...

I thought we weren't gonna talk to our exes.

I mean, what-- What happened?

Why did you see Carl?

[♪♪♪]

Carl, he called me,

and I just,

I thought maybe he still had feelings for me,

and I... just wanted to feel wanted

by someone, you know?

It turns out that it's not the case.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Oh, damn it.

I gotta take this, it's Sarah.

Hey! I'm sorry, I'm leavin' right now.

[♪♪♪]

MARK: See, look, isn't this great?

We don't have to look at each other

from across the table,

uh, because there are no tables.

Bacon-wrapped mystery meat

on the side of a polluted road from a man--?

[SIGHS] We don't know his credentials.

This is the most romantic thing anybody's ever done for me.

I know, I know how to pick 'em,

and this-- Oh, we're kissing? Okay.

Could I get two, please?

[♪♪♪]

Everything all right?

Looks like Sarah and I are done.

[SIGHS]

This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

Don't worry.

I mean, it was your fault, but...

Honestly, I had a feeling we were over

by the time we left her house.

[♪♪♪]

Yeah, you should try it.

It feels pretty good.

Come on.

I wish I could burn my memories from tonight.

Did I really break that vase?

That wasn't a dream?

Oh yeah, you broke it.

Probably would've been more of a nightmare.

Well, cut me some slack.

Like, not only did that

whole thing happen with Carl,

but then he asked me to sing at his wedding.

What did you say?

I said yes. I don't know what I was thinking, but...

I re-- I don't know if I can do it.

You know, part of the whole pact

is to, like, help each other out with this stuff.

[SCOFFS] No, no...

Come on, Peter, we're both back at square one now.

There's gonna be lots of single people...

It's like a good place to meet someone.

I don't know, Joanna, just...

Look, it would really mean a lot to me.

[♪♪♪]