Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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Life. It's literally all we have.
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But is it any good? I'm a reviewer.
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But I don't review food, books or movies.
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I review life itself.
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Aah!
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Aah!
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??
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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Hello! And knock, knock!
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Oh, cute! Who's there?
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Forrest MacNeil. And to
my left is A.J. Gibbs.
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What's my first review?
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"Forrest MacNeil. And
to my left is A.J. Gibbs.
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What is my first review?" who?
15
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What?
16
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What?
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I have no idea what just happened.
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But please, press the button.
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The first review comes from
Juanita in Madrid, Iowa.
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00:00:59,508 --> 00:01:02,352
Hi! Juanita Morales here,
licensed electrician.
21
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Check me out on Yelp,
four and a half stars.
22
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Check her out on what?
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I'd like to know, what's
it like to be a co-host?
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Oh, interesting! Hmm.
25
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What is it like to be a co-host?
26
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Of what, I wonder?
27
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As there are a few different
ways of approaching the...
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- What are you doing?
- Go hit the button!
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- What?
- Yeah. You go back there.
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And you hit the button.
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- You're a co-host!
- Right.
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I could be a co-host right here!
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- Uh-huh.
- Oh, terrific.
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Uh, well, Juanita, off
I go to be a co-host!
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Uh-huh!
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- Don't have to travel very far.
- Nope!
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It's right over here. Okay, good.
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Sit right here.
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- Well, Forrest...
- Yes?
40
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what's my first review?
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[Laughs]
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I don't know.
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Please, press the button.
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Oh, yes! Right. Ah.
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As co-host, I will press the button.
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Uh, yeah! Okay, a cartoon bubble
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has popped up to say that we have a webcam
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from somebody named Mork
in Loris, South Carolina.
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Mork? That's an unusual name.
50
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- Hey, this is Mark.
- Ah.
51
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What's it like to slap a stranger's ass?
52
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- Well, you know, Mork...
- Thank you, Mark! And cute beanie!
53
00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:09,531
that request does sound a bit silly.
54
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- What are you doing?
- Well, here I go to find out
55
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what it's like to slap a stranger's ass.
56
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Oh, I see. Well, yeah.
57
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But not really. A.J.? A.J.?
58
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You're not really gonna
do... You can't do that.
59
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Can you stop for a second?
'Cause that's not a good idea.
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A.J.? A.J., you're not a life reviewer.
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So please don't go... I should do it.
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A.J.?
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A.J.
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[Bell rings]
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This assignment had gone from frivolous
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to deeply concerning, as A.J. Gibbs,
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who is totally unqualified to do my job,
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headed out into the world
to review a life experience
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that was meant for me.
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But what was I supposed to do?
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I've never thought much
about what A.J. does
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or ever spoken to her about her duties,
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if, in fact, she has duties.
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I have no idea.
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So I explored the world
behind "Review" for clues
76
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about the co-host's life...
77
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Oh, hey! I didn't know if
you wanted A.J.'s lunch.
78
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...and sought guidance from our staff.
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Maybe you can help me with something.
I'm trying to figure out, uh, what to do.
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Can you tell me, what does A.J. usually
do when I'm out reviewing things?
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I think she just hangs out with friends.
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She has a lot of friends.
83
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Oh, okay. Thank you!
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As I explored her surprisingly
large dressing room,
85
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I began to learn more about A.J. Gibbs...
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That must be her dad.
87
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...and her freewheeling lifestyle.
88
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Hanging out at the beach and skiing, hmm.
89
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A.J.'s job clearly occupied
a small place in her life.
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As a reviewer of life,
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my role in the world is crucial.
92
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How could anyone do something
as trivial as co-hosting?
93
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Yes, I did kill that man in self-defense
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in order to defend
myself. It occurred to me
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that since A.J.'s lack of
responsibilities allowed her
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to take care of personal
business, I could do the same.
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I used my time to rehearse testimony
for my upcoming murder trial.
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I killed that man in order to
defend myself in self-defense.
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I was currently facing life in prison
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without the possibility
of parole as a result
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of last season's review
of killing a person...
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[Gunshot]
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...in which a person was killed.
104
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I wish he hadn't tried to kill me.
105
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He might be here in
this courtroom right now.
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Except that we wouldn't be in the courtroom
107
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because no one would've been murdered.
108
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And I would not be...
No, don't say, "murdered."
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Ah, good question. Half a star.
110
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A murderer who wanted to murder somebody
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would probably have given the experience
112
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more than half a star,
maybe even five stars.
113
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- I give...
- Come on, Forrest, A.J.'s back.
114
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- Already?
- Yes. Got to get you changed.
115
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What do you mean, get me changed?
116
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The co-host doesn't wear the same
thing for the intro and the outro, so...
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A.J. changes clothes?
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A.J.'s surprisingly quick
completion of her assignment
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meant that there was precious little time
120
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to understand the experience
of being a co-host.
121
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I don't hate it.
122
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But the bow tie's slowing the momentum.
123
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- What?
- Try this.
124
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Forrest: And for some
reason, much of that time
125
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would be spent trying to improve
on the perfectly acceptable outfit
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I usually wear.
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- Fine, right?
- Oof.
128
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You should never wear
gray with that skin tone.
129
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It's almost as bad as tan.
130
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- Try this.
- And give me those glasses.
131
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- They're at war with your face.
- Yeah, and winning.
132
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- You're on in 2.
- Ridiculous.
133
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Forrest: As with A.J., this
would be my first opportunity
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to see the host's work.
135
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- A.J...
- Love the suit! Tom Ford?
136
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I don't know. Do you really
change outfits for every review?
137
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- Yay, here we go.
- Man: Here we go!
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Forrest: I was nervous,
both for her and my show.
139
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A.J.: I set out to find a stranger
with an ass that I could slap.
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She works out.
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As I studied these random asses,
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I thought about what our
asses tell the world about us.
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Forrest: Watching A.J.'s
review on the monitor
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was an anxious and
uncomfortable experience.
145
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A.J.: ...a kind patient,
understanding person.
146
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Forrest: How I wished I
could jump into the screen
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and take my rightful place,
slapping the ass of a stranger.
148
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But as co-host, my job was
to do absolutely nothing.
149
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And so I did.
150
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A.J.: But would it be right
to exploit a human being
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in this way just to see what it feels like?
152
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Also, I thought it would be respectful
to check in with my boyfriend.
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How would he feel about me
slapping a stranger's ass?
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Does it matter if it's a man or a woman?
155
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Uh-huh.
156
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:22,895
My thoughts exactly. I love you, too.
157
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Thinking about others instead
of just myself allowed me
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to learn something I will never forget.
159
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What... What happened?
160
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What... That's not it. Is that it?
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- Yeah.
- No.
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Slapping a stranger's ass would have
made me disrespect someone I knew,
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someone I didn't know, and someone
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I just got to know a
little bit better... me.
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But you didn't, uh, do
it. You didn't do it.
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- Right.
- The assignment is,
167
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well, you've got to slap a stranger's ass!
168
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You didn't slap a
stranger... You didn't do it!
169
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How are you gonna give it stars?
170
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Who cares how many stars slapping
a stranger's ass would get?
171
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Who cares how many stars?
That's the whole point of it!
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If you don't want to do
something, you can veto it, right?
173
00:07:01,611 --> 00:07:04,466
But you've got to do that
before you leave the studio!
174
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I guess you don't, 'cause I didn't.
175
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Slapping a stranger's
ass... I didn't do it.
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No. That's not a...
177
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In my time as co-host, I felt
rudderless and insignificant.
178
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But I am thankful for the experience
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because it reaffirmed that
my rightful place in the world
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is out in it issuing life reviews
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instead of watching
someone else botch them.
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- No offense.
- I'm not offended.
183
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,015
Being a co-host gets half a star.
184
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- If you say so.
- I do.
185
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Oh, I cannot wait to get back
out there and review something!
186
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What is next, A.J.?
187
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,721
An e-mail from Mamma Carlotta.
188
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,752
Mamma Carlotta?
189
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:51,393
"When my son complains
about his miserable life
190
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as a carnival attraction,
I tell him he's had it easy.
191
00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:58,292
Will you please show my boy,
Johnny, The Human Hamster,
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what real adversity looks like?
193
00:08:00,203 --> 00:08:02,275
What's it like to be Helen Keller?"
194
00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:03,513
- You're kidding!
- Oh!
195
00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:05,865
What is it like to be Helen Keller?
196
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,975
Fascinating. What a great question.
197
00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:11,923
I think I know all I need to
begin this assignment right now.
198
00:08:11,973 --> 00:08:12,926
- Right now?
- Yes.
199
00:08:12,989 --> 00:08:15,970
I am going to find out
what it is like to be blind
200
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:19,149
and also deaf and also mute.
201
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,632
She couldn't speak.
202
00:08:20,738 --> 00:08:23,307
Off I go to be Helen Keller!
203
00:08:23,342 --> 00:08:26,600
- Oh! Forrest! Forrest!
- Ohh! Ow! Ah!
204
00:08:26,635 --> 00:08:28,274
- Are you okay?
- I can't hear you.
205
00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:30,807
Do you need help?
206
00:08:30,874 --> 00:08:32,903
- You don't want help?
- [Groaning]
207
00:08:36,571 --> 00:08:38,440
Should've used a veto for this one.
208
00:08:38,609 --> 00:08:39,979
Tons of vetoes over there.
209
00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:41,548
Forrest: As I set out on this journey,
210
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:44,813
I hoped to foster a greater
understanding of disabilities
211
00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:46,502
by thoughtfully and sensitively
212
00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:49,910
exploring the experience
of being Helen Keller.
213
00:08:50,053 --> 00:08:51,889
For centuries, this brave woman
214
00:08:51,924 --> 00:08:54,225
had been the butt of tasteless jokes.
215
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,907
That would end today.
216
00:08:55,988 --> 00:08:57,927
Ow!
217
00:08:58,029 --> 00:09:01,958
By necessity, my office staff would
need to play a key role in helping me
218
00:09:02,032 --> 00:09:03,565
- to live as Helen Keller.
- Doin' good.
219
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,161
Oh, my gosh. They finally
refilled the jelly beans.
220
00:09:05,214 --> 00:09:08,377
- Stop it!
- Yellow.
221
00:09:08,455 --> 00:09:09,603
- Give me yellow.
- I like the oranges.
222
00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:11,274
Mr. MacNeil. Mr. MacNeil.
223
00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:14,565
Some of their efforts were
very much appreciated indeed,
224
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,845
such as this soundproof, lightproof helmet
225
00:09:16,916 --> 00:09:20,318
contraption which allowed me
to take my hands off of my ears,
226
00:09:20,353 --> 00:09:22,120
just as Helen Keller would've done.
227
00:09:22,155 --> 00:09:23,961
- Aah!
- Aah!
228
00:09:24,015 --> 00:09:27,923
But they made other contributions
that were less helpful.
229
00:09:27,993 --> 00:09:31,136
This Victorian-era dress
and brown wig, for instance,
230
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,148
may have made me look like Helen.
231
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:35,074
But they did not make it any easier for me
232
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:37,084
- to get along in the world.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
233
00:09:37,173 --> 00:09:39,620
And Josh and Tina's
less-than-perfect efforts
234
00:09:39,655 --> 00:09:42,897
to help me navigate my
surroundings made me a nuisance.
235
00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:44,514
- No, don't. Don't!
- What's wrong with you?
236
00:09:44,549 --> 00:09:46,551
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
- No.
237
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:49,321
Forrest: As a disabled person,
I needed the people around me
238
00:09:49,395 --> 00:09:51,695
to treat me with kindness and compassion.
239
00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:55,869
And I'm about to quit in three,
240
00:09:55,904 --> 00:09:57,118
two...
241
00:09:57,153 --> 00:09:59,039
I had faith in my office staff to do that.
242
00:09:59,074 --> 00:09:59,629
Okay.
243
00:09:59,689 --> 00:10:01,724
- Upon reviewing the footage...
- Shut the door!
244
00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:03,961
Josh: Helen, stay in your office!
245
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,805
Forrest: ...I see how wrong I was.
246
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,608
Even though I could not
see or hear anything,
247
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:13,151
I could sense the world
losing patience with me.
248
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,632
But still, I needed to communicate.
249
00:10:15,667 --> 00:10:18,461
So, did you guys want to order?
250
00:10:18,496 --> 00:10:20,247
Or do you need some more time?
251
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,107
I tried everything I imagine
Helen must have tried...
252
00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:24,768
clapping, charades-style clues...
253
00:10:24,803 --> 00:10:26,507
- Tina: He has to pee.
- ...guttural moaning.
254
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,008
Surely, one of these tools,
255
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,245
commonly used by the
disabled, would do the trick.
256
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,209
- [Moans]
- Lucille: Sounds like...
257
00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:35,590
Forrest: But on a day when I wanted
to be taken to see my ex-wife,
258
00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:37,933
I was instead robbed of my shoes.
259
00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:40,631
[Grunts] On a day when
I wanted a light snack,
260
00:10:40,666 --> 00:10:42,594
I was instead given a pen.
261
00:10:42,629 --> 00:10:45,077
[Grunting]
262
00:10:45,132 --> 00:10:47,998
On a day when I wanted to
play catch with my son, Eric,
263
00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:52,051
like I used to, I was instead
brought to a drugs party.
264
00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:57,927
And finally, on a day when I wanted
to be taken for a stroll outside,
265
00:10:57,962 --> 00:11:00,070
I was troublingly brought to court,
266
00:11:00,105 --> 00:11:02,506
where I was facing trial for murder.
267
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:05,965
My caretakers had failed me spectacularly.
268
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:11,466
This was the worst possible
time to be deaf, dumb, and blind.
269
00:11:11,515 --> 00:11:13,115
- [Grunts]
- Okay, right.
270
00:11:13,174 --> 00:11:15,828
Daisy: And what is your
relationship with your ex-husband?
271
00:11:15,902 --> 00:11:18,369
Forrest: I was unable to discuss
anything with my lawyer...
272
00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:19,593
He's my ex-husband.
273
00:11:19,628 --> 00:11:24,055
...who made the questionable decision to
call my ex-wife as a character witness.
274
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,780
During the time of your marriage,
275
00:11:25,824 --> 00:11:27,925
did he bring you flowers
276
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,733
or pay you compliments?
277
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,024
- [Forrest grunts]
- Um, yes, he did.
278
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,895
He did stuff like that?
279
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:37,954
Yes.
280
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,266
Oh, well he sounds like a really nice guy,
281
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,506
doesn't he?
282
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,569
No further questions, Your Honor!
283
00:11:43,635 --> 00:11:46,493
Forrest: While everyone tried to ignore
the presence of a grunting visitor
284
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:47,953
from the 19th century,
285
00:11:48,022 --> 00:11:51,440
Suzanne was asked if she thought
I would commit murder for the show.
286
00:11:51,475 --> 00:11:53,342
[Grunts]
287
00:11:53,377 --> 00:11:55,511
No, I don't.
288
00:11:55,705 --> 00:11:58,337
He is overly committed to his work,
289
00:11:58,372 --> 00:12:02,711
but he's not so committed that
he would actually kill somebody.
290
00:12:02,758 --> 00:12:05,037
- [Forrest claps]
- Oh, my God.
291
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:06,867
And then, unbeknownst to me,
292
00:12:06,902 --> 00:12:09,415
my lawyer made an even
more perplexing decision.
293
00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:12,469
The defense would like
to call Forrest MacNeil.
294
00:12:12,621 --> 00:12:13,624
This way, ma'am.
295
00:12:13,659 --> 00:12:14,425
There we go.
296
00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:17,142
We had always planned for
Forrest MacNeil to testify.
297
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:19,558
- Down. Down!
- Daisy: Down!
298
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:21,919
My attorney saw no reason to change course,
299
00:12:21,954 --> 00:12:25,366
despite the fact that Forrest
MacNeil was now Helen Keller.
300
00:12:25,424 --> 00:12:28,263
Thank you for coming to
testify today, Mr. MacNeil.
301
00:12:28,298 --> 00:12:30,150
- I'm gonna cut right to the chase.
- There is much Forrest MacNeil
302
00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:31,926
could have said in his own defense.
303
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:36,285
Is it true that that guy,
Ray, attacked you first?
304
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,208
- Indeed it was true.
- Mr. MacNeil? Forrest?
305
00:12:38,297 --> 00:12:40,105
Ray, the man who was killed,
306
00:12:40,161 --> 00:12:41,828
was a violent sociopath.
307
00:12:41,863 --> 00:12:44,037
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, god. Can I get out of here?
308
00:12:44,072 --> 00:12:45,641
- Man: Oh, God!
- A man who would surely have been
309
00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:47,785
killed somebody someday.
310
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:51,593
You did this in self-defense.
Is that true, Forrest?
311
00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:53,432
Say, "Yes." Just say, "Yes."
312
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:55,510
The answer was yes.
313
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:59,788
I had no doubt Ray was beating me to death.
314
00:12:59,823 --> 00:13:02,834
You did this in
self-defense. Is that true?
315
00:13:02,906 --> 00:13:03,986
All you have to do is say, "Yes."
316
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,798
- Say, "Yes."
- [Grunts]
317
00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:08,533
But Helen could not answer,
even if she had known
318
00:13:08,582 --> 00:13:11,184
she was testifying to save my life.
319
00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:12,386
Okay, Forrest. Come here.
320
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:15,718
If only my attorney had tried
harder to remove my helmet,
321
00:13:15,768 --> 00:13:18,058
or had not called me to stand at all.
322
00:13:18,093 --> 00:13:19,250
Oh! Oh, my God.
323
00:13:19,317 --> 00:13:21,316
Bailiff: Ma'am, sit in your seat,
324
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:23,039
or I will handcuff you to this chair.
325
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:26,641
Yeah. I think we got
to go back to the seats.
326
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,334
Forrest: Being in constant
need of assistance made it clear
327
00:13:29,415 --> 00:13:31,727
- that in life...
- Be careful.
328
00:13:31,801 --> 00:13:34,700
All right. That is good enough for me.
329
00:13:34,755 --> 00:13:36,182
...we are surrounded by people
330
00:13:36,241 --> 00:13:39,241
who do not fully apply
themselves to their duties.
331
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:42,263
As a result, I was not
able to exonerate myself.
332
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,822
And "Review," once again,
333
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,759
left my fate in the hands of fate.
334
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,498
Living as Helen Keller
was an isolating experience
335
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,707
that required trust, perseverance,
336
00:13:51,742 --> 00:13:54,199
and a high tolerance for minor abrasions.
337
00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:59,198
She was a remarkable woman and,
for a little while, so was I.
338
00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:03,099
I give being Helen Keller five stars.
339
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,574
Pretty bad luck that that had to
happen during your murder trial, huh?
340
00:14:08,609 --> 00:14:11,053
Oh, that? No. I was acquitted. Not guilty!
341
00:14:11,088 --> 00:14:12,608
- What?!
- Yes!
342
00:14:12,663 --> 00:14:13,639
- Really?
- Yeah.
343
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:14,607
Well, why?
344
00:14:14,642 --> 00:14:17,412
Well, I think many of the jurors
have probably seen this show
345
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,270
and understand the value of my work.
346
00:14:19,339 --> 00:14:21,140
The district attorney
had another explanation.
347
00:14:21,175 --> 00:14:23,208
He said, "It's almost to convict someone
348
00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:26,377
who looks like me for
using a gun in America."
349
00:14:26,412 --> 00:14:28,579
I don't know what he means.
But anyway, once again,
350
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:31,114
the mighty hand of the
universe has intervened
351
00:14:31,154 --> 00:14:35,058
so that I may continue to do
this vitally important work.
352
00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:41,592
All right, A.J. Please tell me
353
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:43,327
we've got time for another review!
354
00:14:43,362 --> 00:14:44,852
We have time for another review.
355
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,422
- Ha-ha! Do we really?
- We do!
356
00:14:46,457 --> 00:14:48,256
Oh, good.
357
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:49,535
This one's a tweet
358
00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:52,723
from Amos Stellenbosch, location unknown.
359
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,656
- Wow!
- Amos tweets, "What is forgiveness?"
360
00:14:56,703 --> 00:14:59,443
Oh, that's a good, heavy one.
361
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,142
Oh. Well, too bad this isn't the
assignment you got and then refused to do.
362
00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:05,681
[Chuckles] I'm off to
experience forgiveness.
363
00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:06,968
I would've done this one.
364
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:09,270
Who knows? I will, that's for sure.
365
00:15:10,054 --> 00:15:11,315
Forrest: My ex-wife, Suzanne,
366
00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:14,784
and I had had some regrettable
difficulties in recent times,
367
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,856
many of them related to my
work for this television show.
368
00:15:17,930 --> 00:15:23,552
This was surely the place to have a
meaningful exploration of forgiveness.
369
00:15:23,614 --> 00:15:25,591
- What do you want, Forrest?
- Hello.
370
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:27,166
You know what? I have a review for you.
371
00:15:27,228 --> 00:15:29,139
What's it like to leave
me the [bleep] alone?
372
00:15:29,174 --> 00:15:30,692
[Clears throat] If you are curious
373
00:15:30,736 --> 00:15:33,663
about that life experience, then
I suggest you submit your request
374
00:15:33,698 --> 00:15:34,938
- to through the proper channels.
- Oh, my God. Good-bye, Forrest.
375
00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:36,474
And if your random s... Wait! Hey, Suzanne!
376
00:15:36,558 --> 00:15:38,551
I'm reviewing forgiveness!
377
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,016
Okay.
378
00:15:44,755 --> 00:15:47,246
Did you just say you were
reviewing forgiveness?
379
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:48,579
Yes. Yeah.
380
00:15:48,637 --> 00:15:49,902
What's the catch?
381
00:15:49,937 --> 00:15:51,209
There's no catch.
382
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:52,853
- I don't believe you.
- No, really, honestly.
383
00:15:52,888 --> 00:15:55,649
That's... I'm here to review forgiveness.
384
00:15:58,474 --> 00:16:00,474
[Sighs] I can't believe
I'm engaging in this,
385
00:16:00,571 --> 00:16:03,896
but I've actually been
talking with my therapist
386
00:16:03,969 --> 00:16:06,856
for some months now about forgiveness.
387
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:08,596
I'd really like to try.
388
00:16:08,659 --> 00:16:11,730
I hate that this is just
part of a [bleep] review.
389
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,716
All right then.
390
00:16:15,785 --> 00:16:17,686
[Sighs]
391
00:16:17,947 --> 00:16:19,070
Suzanne...
392
00:16:21,026 --> 00:16:22,293
I forgive you.
393
00:16:23,422 --> 00:16:25,274
- Excuse me?
- Yeah.
394
00:16:25,309 --> 00:16:27,376
- What did you just say?
- Ah.
395
00:16:27,484 --> 00:16:29,225
I forgive you for everything that you said.
396
00:16:29,269 --> 00:16:30,254
- For what?
- Well, for everything...
397
00:16:30,298 --> 00:16:32,548
- For what?
- For... For what?
398
00:16:32,646 --> 00:16:34,255
Yeah.
399
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:35,681
I had no idea
400
00:16:35,739 --> 00:16:39,470
what you said about me during my murder
trial until I took off my Hel-Kel-met.
401
00:16:39,505 --> 00:16:41,153
- Don't. Nope.
- My Helen Keller helmet.
402
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,814
- But when I finally heard...
- Mm-hmm.
403
00:16:42,888 --> 00:16:46,636
that you felt like there are all kinds
of things that I won't do for my work,
404
00:16:46,671 --> 00:16:48,278
and you said that like that.
405
00:16:48,313 --> 00:16:50,248
"Oh. He's committed, but
he's not that committed."
406
00:16:50,306 --> 00:16:51,567
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
407
00:16:51,614 --> 00:16:53,135
All right. I mean, that...
408
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:57,393
hurt me so much.
409
00:16:57,479 --> 00:16:58,818
But I'm gonna be the bigger person.
410
00:16:58,853 --> 00:17:01,354
- Oh.
- And I'm just gonna say,
411
00:17:01,389 --> 00:17:05,525
in the face of some
very, very hurtful words,
412
00:17:05,848 --> 00:17:06,794
"I forgive you."
413
00:17:06,883 --> 00:17:07,651
- Okay.
- Yes?
414
00:17:07,711 --> 00:17:09,145
No, I talk now.
415
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,939
You divorced me for your television show.
416
00:17:12,005 --> 00:17:13,238
I want a divorce.
417
00:17:13,273 --> 00:17:14,944
You are going to die alone.
418
00:17:14,979 --> 00:17:16,927
You were very largely responsible
419
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:19,492
for killing my father in outer space.
420
00:17:19,575 --> 00:17:20,940
No! Jack!
421
00:17:20,975 --> 00:17:23,510
- In inner space.
- No! It was outer space.
422
00:17:23,545 --> 00:17:26,962
- No.
- You slept with me under false pretenses
423
00:17:27,042 --> 00:17:30,840
with a drug-resistant form of gonorrhea!
424
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:35,299
You allowed Eric and me to believe
you had terminal brain cancer.
425
00:17:35,334 --> 00:17:37,304
And then, when I was ready to move on,
426
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:40,852
you catfished me and got me hooked
up with an asshole baseball player
427
00:17:40,887 --> 00:17:43,000
and then humiliated me
at my rehearsal dinner.
428
00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,468
I was catfishing you, Suzanne.
429
00:17:44,526 --> 00:17:46,561
What? Who are you? What is going on?!
430
00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:48,663
You have vanished for months at a time...
431
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:49,431
Ah!
432
00:17:49,497 --> 00:17:50,978
...without telling us where you were.
433
00:17:51,013 --> 00:17:53,595
We could only assume that you were dead.
434
00:17:53,645 --> 00:17:57,495
You showed me a photo of
your engorged, deformed penis.
435
00:17:57,555 --> 00:17:58,514
- Okay?
- Oh, [bleep]!
436
00:17:58,549 --> 00:18:00,188
I don't think that belongs on this list.
437
00:18:00,277 --> 00:18:02,348
Oh. And I just remembered one.
438
00:18:02,383 --> 00:18:04,016
You got charged with murder!
439
00:18:04,051 --> 00:18:08,387
Hey! I get to take a ride in a police car!
440
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:11,727
Did it ever occur to you,
just once, that possibly,
441
00:18:11,762 --> 00:18:15,332
you should be asking me for my forgiveness?
442
00:18:15,367 --> 00:18:16,631
Um...
443
00:18:17,358 --> 00:18:19,994
well, I didn't interpret
the assignment that way.
444
00:18:20,068 --> 00:18:24,125
You didn't interpret
the assignment that way?
445
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,005
- No.
- What I would like to apologize for
446
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,806
is opening the door at all to you.
447
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:29,592
- No.
- And engaging in this insanity.
448
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:31,157
No, I'm very glad.
Listen, listen because...
449
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,159
No, no! Look! Okay?
450
00:18:33,194 --> 00:18:34,389
You are not a person.
451
00:18:34,466 --> 00:18:36,929
You are a malfunctioning robot.
452
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:39,933
And it's sad, Forrest, because
you used to be a person.
453
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:42,349
You used to do things because
you wanted to do them,
454
00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:45,678
not because, "Oh! A stranger
said I should take my dick out
455
00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:47,921
and walk all over my
ex-wife's front lawn."
456
00:18:47,956 --> 00:18:49,919
Okay. That was not the review request.
457
00:18:49,977 --> 00:18:51,511
I... I was living my dream.
458
00:18:51,552 --> 00:18:54,109
- This is the hand of the universe.
- Oh, my God. Do you hear you?
459
00:18:54,159 --> 00:18:55,766
You sound like a lunatic.
460
00:18:55,839 --> 00:18:56,713
I don't think I sound like a lunatic.
461
00:18:56,748 --> 00:18:59,092
- You do, I promise you.
- There's no other explanation
462
00:18:59,127 --> 00:19:00,454
- for what's going on...
- Oh, my God. Forrest!
463
00:19:00,489 --> 00:19:02,091
...other than the universe is guiding us!
464
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:03,568
- Wake up! You're crazy!
- Listen, listen, listen.
465
00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:05,191
I'll do it the way you want
it, because you're right.
466
00:19:05,272 --> 00:19:07,754
I could've interpreted the
question a different way,
467
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,148
absolutely.
468
00:19:09,205 --> 00:19:10,738
Forgive me.
469
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,466
- What?
- Do it. All the things...
470
00:19:12,548 --> 00:19:14,457
"Do it"? No, I will not. I cannot.
471
00:19:14,539 --> 00:19:16,114
I'm saying, let's do it
the way you want to do it!
472
00:19:16,182 --> 00:19:19,511
I won't do it! This review gets zero stars!
473
00:19:19,546 --> 00:19:20,953
Well, you can't give zero
stars to something, actually.
474
00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:23,316
Yeah, well, I give zero [bleep].
475
00:19:24,582 --> 00:19:25,589
Oh...
476
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:28,409
Forrest: Before literally
slamming the door in my face,
477
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:30,923
Suzanne had raised an interesting thought.
478
00:19:30,958 --> 00:19:33,571
Perhaps I would not fully
understand forgiveness
479
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:37,108
without both forgiving and being forgiven.
480
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,675
Luckily, I had another idea.
481
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:42,835
Forrest: My search for
forgiveness now led me
482
00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:45,519
to the bedside of my best
friend and producer, Grant...
483
00:19:45,554 --> 00:19:47,225
Hey, Grant. Can I have a word with you?
484
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,681
...and some very difficult
unfinished business.
485
00:19:49,716 --> 00:19:51,407
Can it wait until morning?
486
00:19:51,496 --> 00:19:52,804
No. I don't think so.
487
00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:53,832
Okay.
488
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:56,043
I think it's waited too long already.
489
00:19:57,149 --> 00:19:59,129
Do you remember when
we fell off that bridge,
490
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:01,640
and you were paralyzed from the waist down?
491
00:20:02,713 --> 00:20:04,547
Yes.
492
00:20:04,629 --> 00:20:06,361
And it was all my fault?
493
00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:08,806
Yes.
494
00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:10,130
Grant...
495
00:20:11,938 --> 00:20:14,070
I'm asking for your forgiveness.
496
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:19,060
I forgave you before we even hit the water.
497
00:20:23,152 --> 00:20:25,421
Ah.
498
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:27,155
That is a huge relief.
499
00:20:27,190 --> 00:20:29,224
[Chuckles]
500
00:20:29,259 --> 00:20:30,678
That feels great.
501
00:20:31,441 --> 00:20:32,967
I came to realize that you
502
00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,759
forgive a person who wronged you,
503
00:20:34,830 --> 00:20:37,612
not to free them from
the prison of your anger
504
00:20:37,699 --> 00:20:39,631
but to free yourself.
505
00:20:39,736 --> 00:20:42,883
And you seek forgiveness
also to free yourself
506
00:20:42,958 --> 00:20:45,292
and also the person who's forgiving you.
507
00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:48,316
They are also free. But
in any case, I am free.
508
00:20:48,351 --> 00:20:51,188
And that is worth four stars.
509
00:20:53,297 --> 00:20:54,806
Well, A.J., please tell me
510
00:20:54,841 --> 00:20:56,453
we have time for one more review.
511
00:20:56,495 --> 00:20:58,201
We have time for one more review.
512
00:20:58,282 --> 00:21:00,315
- Thank you.
- No, we don't really.
513
00:21:00,445 --> 00:21:01,429
- Oh, we don't?
- No.
514
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:02,917
Oh. All right.
515
00:21:02,991 --> 00:21:04,408
- Good night.
- Good night.
516
00:21:04,443 --> 00:21:07,772
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
517
00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:09,240
Extra cheese!
518
00:21:09,961 --> 00:21:12,052
The real Helen Keller actually was, like,
519
00:21:12,125 --> 00:21:15,526
burned really badly when
she tried to answer the iron.
520
00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:18,286
Why would she answer? She can't hear it.
521
00:21:18,375 --> 00:21:19,886
- Mm-hmm.
- She can't talk into it.
522
00:21:19,983 --> 00:21:21,161
And who's calling her?
523
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:23,530
And wouldn't she know long
before it reached her face
524
00:21:23,619 --> 00:21:25,113
that this is no phone?
525
00:21:25,163 --> 00:21:29,713
Repair and Synchronization by
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