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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,880 - LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY ALL WE HAVE. 2 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,851 BUT IS IT ANY GOOD? 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,680 I'M A REVIEWER, BUT I DON'T REVIEW FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES. 4 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,686 I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF. 5 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,018 VIVA LA REVOLUCION! 6 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:23,224 [cheering] 7 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,657 [taser crackling] AAH! AAH! 8 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,663 [fanfare music] 9 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:33,166 * 10 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,001 WELCOME TO REVIEW. 11 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,565 I'M FORREST MACNEIL, PERFORMING AN IMPORTANT SERVICE TO SOCIETY 12 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,705 BY REVIEWING LIFE EXPERIENCES. 13 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,780 AND I AM ABLY ASSISTED, AS ALWAYS, BY A.J. GIBBS. 14 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,180 - HI, FORREST. - HI. 15 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,912 LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT, SHALL WE? - YES! 16 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,516 - WHAT'S MY FIRST REVIEW? - ALL RIGHT, FORREST. 17 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,948 THIS NEXT QUESTION COMES TO US 18 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:51,692 FROM OLIVIA, IN SWARTHMORE, PENNSYLVANIA. 19 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,949 - MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN DATING FOR SEVEN YEARS, 20 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,957 AND HE'S STILL NOT READY TO GET MARRIED. 21 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,429 BUT I DON'T GET WHY IT'S TAKING SO LONG. 22 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,358 I MEAN, IF YOU'VE FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON, 23 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,963 WOULDN'T IT BE JUST AS GOOD TO MARRY THEM THE DAY YOU MET THEM? 24 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,427 - OH, MY GOD, FORREST, ARE YOU GONNA MARRY SOMEONE? 25 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,597 - UH, YES. 26 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,036 - I THINK I'M GONNA CRY. - REALLY? 27 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,308 - OH, YEAH, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, 28 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,939 'CAUSE YOU SEEM LONELY. 29 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,683 - I SEEM LONELY BECAUSE I AM, YES. 30 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,438 THAT'S RIGHT. I'M INCREDIBLY LONELY. 31 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,047 - YEAH. - SO, YEAH. 32 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:22,616 TO THIS REVIEW, I SAY, "I DO." 33 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:25,820 HANDSOME, ATHLETIC, AND COMPLETELY NORMAL 34 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,893 MEDIA PROFESSIONAL SEEKS WIFE TODAY. 35 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,192 I HADN'T TRIED TO REENTER THE DATING POOL 36 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,185 SINCE DIVORCING MY WIFE, SUZANNE. 37 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,727 WAS I ABOUT TO FIND A WOMAN WHO WOULD MAKE ME 38 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,403 FORGET ALL THE GOOD TIMES OF MY FIRST MARRIAGE? 39 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,242 IT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE, BUT I WAS WILLING TO BE PROVEN WRONG. 40 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,309 WITH A PINK CARNATION IN MY LAPEL, 41 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:48,878 I WILL BE PREPARED TO MARRY THE FIRST WOMAN WHO JOINS ME. 42 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,679 YOU CAN IMAGINE THE EXCITEMENT I FELT AS I WAITED 43 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:55,322 FOR MY NEW WIFE TO WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR. 44 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:59,189 BUT AS 6:00 BECAME 7:00... 45 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,587 AND THEN 7:30, 46 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,722 I BEGAN TO CONSIDER DIFFERENT APPROACHES, 47 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,457 SUCH AS TARGETING UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS OR CLOSETED LESBIANS. 48 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,625 AND THEN, EVERYTHING CHANGED. 49 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:14,244 - [sighs] THANK GOD, YOU'RE STILL HERE. 50 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,938 - OH, MY GOD. 51 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,270 UH, YES, HELLO. - HELLO. 52 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,067 - UH--[laughs] 53 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,208 I'M--I'M FORREST. 54 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:24,250 - HI, I'M ELIZA. - ELIZA. 55 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,848 WOW, OKAY. - WOW. 56 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,749 - UH, THANK YOU FOR COMING. 57 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,421 - THANK YOU. [laughs] - OKAY. 58 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,320 ELIZA EXUDED A SENSE OF WONDER ABOUT THE WORLD 59 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,293 THAT WAS POSITIVELY INFECTIOUS. 60 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,822 - IT'S GONNA SOUND CRAZY, BUT I FEEL LIKE 61 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,927 THE HAND OF THE UNIVERSE IS ALWAYS GUIDING US IN WAYS THAT 62 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,130 WE CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. - HUH. 63 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,600 - AND ALL WE CAN DO IS JUST NOT FIGHT IT. 64 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:48,102 - I HAD NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE HER BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 65 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,495 - AMAZING. 66 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,867 SO I'M NOT A BIG DREAM PERSON... - HMM. 67 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,776 - BUT I DO HAVE THIS RECURRING DREAM THAT 68 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,138 I LIVE ON A SUBMARINE. - [chuckles] 69 00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,554 - IT'S--I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, 70 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,508 BUT IT'S--IT'S A DREAM. - YEAH. 71 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:02,417 - SO, I WAS ON THE INTERNET TODAY, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT 72 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,420 IF I COULD MAYBE VISIT ONE SOMETIME, 73 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,092 JUST FOR FUN. - MM-HMM. 74 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:10,119 - AND THEN, A FEW CLICKS LATER, I'M STARING AT YOUR AD. 75 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,757 - [clicks tongue] WOW. - I FEEL LIKE, WHEN TWO PEOPLE 76 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,963 ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER... - MM. 77 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:19,265 - THE UNIVERSE JUST FINDS A WAY FOR THEM TO FIND EACH OTHER. 78 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,527 - YEAH. 79 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:21,768 - MAYBE THIS IS WRITTEN IN THE STARS. 80 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,872 - IN THE STARS? 81 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,305 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT. 82 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,780 - [laughs] 83 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,678 - 'CAUSE STARS ARE KIND OF MY THING. 84 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,950 [both chuckling] 85 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,809 THIS IS GONNA SEEM CRAZY... 86 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,617 WHEN ELIZA FIRST SAT DOWN, 87 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:39,319 I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO MARRY HER TO DO THE REVIEW I HAD GOTTEN. 88 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,563 NOW, TO MY ASTONISHMENT, I REALIZED 89 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:46,790 I NEEDED TO GET THIS REVIEW IN ORDER TO MEET AND MARRY ELIZA. 90 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,157 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 91 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,567 - YES. - YES? 92 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,399 - YES! - YOU WILL? 93 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,444 [laughs] - YES. YES! [laughs] 94 00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:01,071 - WELL, LET'S-- - [sighs] 95 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,478 - YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE. 96 00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:06,851 - AND JUST LIKE THAT, MY LONELINESS WAS OVER. 97 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:11,150 FOR THE SECOND AND LAST TIME, I HAD FOUND MY SOUL MATE. 98 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,854 [all talking] 99 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,986 THIS IS AMAZING! [laughter] 100 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,422 COME ON. 101 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:20,327 LET'S FIND A PLACE TO HAVE A HONEYMOON. 102 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:24,198 ELIZA AND I WASTED NO TIME STARTING OUR NEW LIVES TOGETHER. 103 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,401 WE MOVED INTO HER HOUSE, A MANSION THAT SHE SHARED 104 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,904 WITH SEVERAL FREE-SPIRITED HOUSEMATES. 105 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,065 - TAYLOR AND SARAH, HI! - HELLO. 106 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,443 - TOBY. HE USED TO BE MY KID. 107 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,213 - THAT'S A CHILD--"USED TO BE"? - HI, GUYS. [laughs] 108 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,012 THIS IS THE SEX TRUCK. 109 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,784 - I'M SORRY, THIS IS THE SEX TRUCK? 110 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,052 - DR. ERICSON! 111 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,721 - EVERYONE HERE SEEMED TO HAVE SIGNED ON TO A LIFE 112 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,751 LIVED IN THE HERE AND NOW. 113 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:49,116 IT WAS IMMEDIATELY OBVIOUS TO ME THAT THESE WERE MY PEOPLE. 114 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,116 [laughter] OH, MY. 115 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,958 - I GOT MARRIED! [laughter] 116 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,464 - OH, YEAH. 117 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,797 - PRETTY BIG NEWS. - YEAH. 118 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:01,131 - MAZEL TOV, MAN. - I SMELL LENTILS. 119 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,368 - THERE WAS A FIRE IN YOUR ROOM. - FIRE? 120 00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:05,441 - YOUR STUFF'S OUT IN THE YURT. - COOL. 121 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,143 - OH, STUFF'S OUT IN THE YURT. 122 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,544 GREAT. SURE. 123 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,206 LOOK AT THAT. - CAN YOU BELIEVE I FOUND 124 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:13,213 THIS STUFF ON THE STREET? - YES, I CAN. 125 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,616 [dog barking] 126 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,778 AS WE SETTLED IN TO OUR NEW LIFE TOGETHER, 127 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,387 I WAS FILLED WITH A SENSE OF ANTICIPATION FOR THE FUTURE 128 00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,388 I HADN'T FELT SINCE MY YOUTH. 129 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,128 - [sighs] 130 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,736 - OH, UM... 131 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,670 - [sighs] 132 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,577 - SWEETHEART? 133 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,179 - [snores] 134 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,911 - THE LESS YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, 135 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,547 THE MORE WONDERFUL SURPRISES REMAIN TO BE DISCOVERED 136 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,083 AS YOU BUILD A LIFE TOGETHER. 137 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,418 UH, BUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, 138 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,321 I WANT TO BRING YOU-- WILL YOU COME OUT HERE, PLEASE? 139 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:56,863 COME ON OUT. - OKAY. 140 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,590 - YES, COME UP ON STAGE. I WANT YOU HERE FOR THIS. 141 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,156 A.J... - OH. 142 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,463 - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET MRS. ELIZA MACNEIL. 143 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:02,895 - HELLO. [laughs] - OH, HI. 144 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,160 - AM I YOUR CO-HOST OR SOMETHING? 145 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,437 - [laughs] 146 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,668 I WANT YOU TO HELP ME WITH THIS. - OKAY. 147 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,172 - WILL YOU DO THIS WITH ME? - YEAH. 148 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,843 - OKAY, READY? MARRYING SOMEONE YOU JUST MET. 149 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,142 ONE... - TWO... 150 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,814 - THREE... - FOUR... 151 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,013 both: FIVE STARS! 152 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,575 [laughter] 153 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,284 - FIVE STARS. 154 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,815 - AND I GIVE FIVE STARS TO NOTHING. 155 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:24,851 - [laughs] - I MEAN, I'VE HARDLY GIVEN 156 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:25,845 FIVE STARS TO ANYTHING, SERIOUSLY. 157 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,886 - YOU! [laughter] 158 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,787 [fanfare music] 159 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,697 - WHAT A GLORIOUS SHOW THIS IS. 160 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,799 WHAT A GLORIOUS LIFE! - HMM. 161 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,101 - I CANNOT WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT MY NEXT REVIEW IS. 162 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,703 GO, A.J. DO IT, DO IT. 163 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,365 - OUR NEXT REVIEW COMES TO US 164 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:46,311 FROM PRESCOTT IN BATON ROUGE-- 165 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,579 - LOUISIANA! [laughs] 166 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:49,779 - THAT'S RIGHT. 167 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,310 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. - YEP. 168 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,154 GOOD POINT. THAT'S A GOOD POINT. 169 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:59,150 HE WRITES... 170 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,646 - OH, MY GOODNESS. WOW. 171 00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,188 "WHAT IS IT LIKE TO RUN FROM THE LAW"? 172 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,063 [scoffs, laughs] 173 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,692 WOW, OKAY. 174 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,557 I GUESS I'M ABOUT TO GO ON THE RUN. 175 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:11,056 - I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT TO GO ON THE RUN. 176 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,198 - WILL YOU COME WITH ME? 177 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,003 - SURE, I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER FROM NOW ON. 178 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,065 - MY GOD. ALL RIGHT. 179 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,714 [kiss] 180 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,569 - TRY NOT TO GET SHOT! 181 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,978 both: THANK YOU! - YEAH. 182 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,239 [laughter] NO PROBLEM. 183 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,747 - OH. - LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THIS. 184 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,520 - TOLD YOU. COPS LOVE THIS PLACE. 185 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,146 - LET'S DO THIS. 186 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:34,353 - [laughs] [both moan] 187 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,957 - YOU'RE AMAZING. - YOU'RE AMAZING. 188 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,163 HERE WE GO. - GOOD LUCK OUT THERE. 189 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:45,095 - OH, BOY. OKAY. 190 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:49,102 THE PLAN IS THAT I'M GONNA THROW THIS BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW 191 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,696 AT THOSE POLICE OFFICERS. 192 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,408 THIS OUGHT TO GET THEIR BLOOD BOILING. 193 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,839 NOW, THE IDEA OF COMMITTING AN ACT AGAINST THE POLICE 194 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,935 IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. 195 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:57,947 [gunshot] 196 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,548 OOH! [all screaming] 197 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,177 - ALL RIGHT, ANYBODY MOVE AND THIS COP DIES! 198 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,984 - NO! - LET'S GO. 199 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,276 - ELIZA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - LET'S GO, LET'S GO. 200 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,547 GET IN THE CAR. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 201 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,023 - GET IN THE CAR! - WHAT HAPPENED? 202 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,124 - GET IN THE CAR! - WHERE ARE WE TAKING THIS MAN? 203 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,416 - WE'RE KIDNAPPING THIS GUY! 204 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,557 - NO! I WAS JUST GONNA THROW A BRICK! 205 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,760 [sirens approaching] - GET IN THERE! 206 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:14,964 - ALL RIGHT. - GET IN THE CAR! 207 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:15,955 - OKAY. - I SWEAR TO [bleep] GOD, 208 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,356 I WANT TO KILL YOU! 209 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,427 I WOULD LOVE TO KILL YOU! 210 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:20,626 GET IN, GET IN! - OH, GOD. 211 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,168 WHAT DO I DO WITH THE BRICK? 212 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,172 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE BRICK--OH! 213 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,473 - GO! 214 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,472 DRIVE! DRIVE! - WE HAD A PLAN! 215 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,343 WE HAD A REALLY GOOD PLAN! 216 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,814 - NOBODY'S GONNA CHASE US IF YOU THROW A BRICK THROUGH A WINDOW. 217 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,482 - OH, GOD. DON'T SHOOT US! 218 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,348 OH, GOD, OH, GOD, OH, GOD. - STOP OR I'LL SHOOT! 219 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,219 - SO FAR, BEING ON THE RUN IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE. 220 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,188 DON'T DO IT! THIS IS HORRIBLE. 221 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,048 ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE DOING? 222 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,657 ALTHOUGH I WAS AT FIRST CONCERNED 223 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,189 WITH HER ZEALOUSNESS... 224 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,133 SWITCHING CARS. 225 00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,858 ELIZA'S HELP IN EXECUTING THIS REVIEW WAS PROVING INVALUABLE. 226 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,895 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - SETTING THIS CAR ON FIRE! 227 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,300 - THAT'S JUST SELTZER WATER. HEY, HEY, HEY! 228 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,801 - THEN HELP ME... - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 229 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,973 HE'S RUNNING AWAY! - DESTROY THE EVIDENCE. 230 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,041 - WHERE DID YOU GO? HEY! 231 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,038 WHERE DID YOU GO? 232 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,039 I DON'T KNOW. 233 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,040 DID YOU SEE WHERE HE WENT? 234 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,611 HEY, HEY, HEY! 235 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,137 - WHERE IS HE? - HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE. 236 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,384 HE'S HERE. HEY, STOP IT! - [shouting] 237 00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,439 - GET BACK HERE! - I SWEAR TO GOD, 238 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,106 I WILL KILL YOU. - HEY, STOP IT! 239 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,805 - I SWEAR TO GOD, I'LL KILL YOU! - STOP, STOP, JUST STOP. 240 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,417 CAN YOU PUT THE GUN DOWN PLEASE? - OKAY, YOU THINK THIS IS 241 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,218 THE FIRST TIME I'VE KIDNAPPED A COP BEFORE? 242 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,990 - OKAY, NOPE--WHO ARE YOU? - I'M MRS. FORREST MACNEIL! 243 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,119 NOW GET IN THE CAR! [bleep] AMATEURS! 244 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,164 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST GO. [engine revs] 245 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,189 YOU'RE IN NEUTRAL. 246 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,292 - OKAY. - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, 247 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,058 SENDING THIS TAPE TO THE POLICE AND ASKING FOR A RANSOM? 248 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,297 - WHAT? WE DON'T WANT MONEY. 249 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,804 WE JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 250 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,466 TO BE ON THE RUN FROM THE COPS. 251 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,513 - LIKE A BONNIE AND CLYDE KIND OF THING? 252 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,309 - YOU THINK THIS IS A MOVIE? THIS IS REAL LIFE. 253 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,442 - BONNIE AND CLYDE WERE REAL PEOPLE, ACTUALLY. 254 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:39,146 - YES, BUT IT'S A MOVIE FIRST. 255 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,119 - NO, IT WAS REAL PEOPLE FIRST. - SHUT UP! 256 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,449 - FEELINGS OF INTENSE FEAR AND PARANOIA 257 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,494 SEEMED TO BE CLOUDING OUR JUDGMENT. 258 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,959 [water running] 259 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,259 - OKAY. - [sighs] 260 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,931 - OKAY, GREAT. NOW CHANGE CLOTHES. 261 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,101 - I--WHY--I-I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS, 262 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,499 TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. - SWEETIE, 263 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,970 THE COPS ARE GONNA BE LOOKING FOR A GUY 264 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,329 THAT LOOKS LIKE IGOR DID THIS MORNING. 265 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,197 - RIGHT. IGOR? 266 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,195 - THAT'S HIS NAME. 267 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,366 - OKAY. - HELLO. 268 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:05,374 - AND PUT THE MOUSTACHE ON. 269 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,765 I'LL SEE YOU OUTSIDE. 270 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,807 - NONE OF THIS MAKE SENSE, BUT FINE, OKAY. 271 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,952 I WAS PREPARED FOR THIS REVIEW TO BE FULL 272 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,221 OF UNEXPECTED TWISTS AND TURNS, 273 00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,449 SOME FRIGHTENING, SOME EXCITING. 274 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,945 BUT THE TWISTS OF THIS DAY WERE WEIRD, 275 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,728 AND THE TURNS COMPLETELY TERRIBLE. 276 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:27,458 I WAS READY FOR SLEEP. [cackling on tv] 277 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:30,704 ALL RIGHT, LET'S TURN OFF THE TV AND GET SOME SLEEP, OKAY? 278 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,571 - NO, I'M WATCHING IT. 279 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,369 - YOU'RE NOT WATCHING, YOU'RE JUST FLIPPING AROUND. 280 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,671 - OH, IT'S BONNIE AND CLYDE. 281 00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:38,243 WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS. - MM. 282 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,811 - OH, THAT'S SO WEIRD. - IT'S THE UNIVERSE. 283 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,842 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - ELIZA, PLEASE. 284 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:47,407 I'VE GOT TO GET TO SLEEP. - I HAVE TO WATCH THIS. 285 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,317 - AS I DRIFTED OFF TO SLEEP, I TRIED TO SOOTHE MYSELF 286 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,990 WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT NO MATTER WHERE 287 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,919 THIS TERRIFYING JOURNEY TOOK US, 288 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:57,664 ELIZA AND I WOULD ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER. 289 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,691 AND THEN, WE DIDN'T. 290 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,427 WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT HAPPENED? 291 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,937 OH, NO. 292 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,069 OH, THE CAR IS GONE. OH, GOD. 293 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,014 HE MUST HAVE OVERPOWERED HER. OH, NO. 294 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,781 I'VE GOT TO FIND HER. I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 295 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,150 I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GONNA GO, OR EVEN HOW I'M GONNA GET THERE, 296 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,248 IF THE CAR IS GONE. - FORREST. 297 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,749 - WHAT'S THA--OKAY, WHAT-- 298 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,621 ARE YOU OKAY? - YES, OF COURSE. 299 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:25,089 - WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S GOING ON? 300 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,648 - I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. - YES? 301 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:31,585 - WE GOT MARRIED. 302 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,264 - ELIZA AND ME. 303 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,534 - WE JUST GOT TO TALKING LAST NIGHT. 304 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,962 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - AND WE JUST-- 305 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,627 - YOU CAN'T--WHA-- YOU JUST MET HIM! 306 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,495 - I JUST MET YOU! - COME ON. 307 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,373 - HEY, YOU CANNOT MARRY TWO MEN. 308 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,772 - WHAT IS THIS, THE 1800s? 309 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,342 LISTEN, YOU ARE MY HUSBAND... - YES, I THOUGHT-- 310 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:51,184 - AND I-I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING. 311 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,411 - YEAH. MM. 312 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,346 OKAY. OKAY. 313 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,655 - AND I LOVE IGOR, MORE THAN ANYTHING. 314 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,464 GOING ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW 315 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,125 CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN UNPREDICTABLE WAYS. 316 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,234 SOME OF THEM ARE EXCITING, AND SOME OF THEM ARE TERRIBLE. 317 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,967 - AND SOME OF THEM ARE COSMIC. 318 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:20,144 - WELL, I GIVE BEING ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW A HALF--UH-- 319 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,279 A HALF A--AND ONE-- AND ONE STAR. 320 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,479 [laughter] 321 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,415 - WHAT DO YOU DO, JUST PRESS THIS THING? 322 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,356 - YEAH. I PRESS THAT THING. - OH, THERE IT GOES. 323 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,261 GREAT, UH-- I USUALLY STAND UP HERE. 324 00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,593 DO YOU WANT TO COME... - OKAY. 325 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:42,698 - STAND WITH ME? - GOOD, I'LL STAND HERE. 326 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:44,129 - OKAY. YES. - OKAY, YEAH. 327 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,974 THIS ONE COMES FROM @LAWRENCEONINTERNET 328 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,240 IN DEFIANCE, OHIO... 329 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:56,881 - "JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO BE THE LIFE OF A PARTY." 330 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,850 - I SEE, OKAY. 331 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,209 I THINK I CAN DO THAT. 332 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,617 I'M GONNA GO BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. 333 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,349 - LOVE IT, LOVE IT. - HERE WE GO. 334 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,354 - [laughs] - I HAVE PLANS, SO I'M-- 335 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,016 I'M NOT GONNA GO TO THE PARTY. 336 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,885 - YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT NIGHT THE PARTY IS HAPPENING. 337 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:12,293 - I DON'T-- YEAH, I DON'T CARE. 338 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,855 - MY EX-WIFE WAS THROWING A BIRTHDAY PARTY 339 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,462 FOR OUR SON THAT WEEKEND. 340 00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,626 HEY THERE, STRANGER! WHAT TIME'S THE PARTY ON SUNDAY? 341 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:23,966 BUT ANY CLOWN COULD BE THE HIT AT A CHILDREN'S AFFAIR. 342 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,044 FOR THIS REVIEW, I WOULD BE THE LIFE OF MY OWN PARTY, 343 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,884 IN MY NEW HOME WITH MY NEW FAMILY. 344 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,410 OH, I--EXCUSE ME. 345 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,154 CAN YOU PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS FOR TONIGHT? 346 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:38,421 PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS? 347 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,551 HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. - NOPE. 348 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,086 - HOW COULD I BE MORE CLEAR? 349 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,121 MY PRESENCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A LIVELY ADDITION 350 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,226 TO ANY SOCIAL GATHERING, BUT BEING 351 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,888 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WAS DIFFERENT. 352 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,127 I'D HAVE TO BE THE FUNNEST PERSON IN THE ROOM, 353 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,003 AND I'D NEED SOME HELP FROM MY OFFICE STAFF. 354 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,232 IF AT ANY TIME TONIGHT YOU SEE ME FLOUNDERING-- 355 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,067 LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO SAY, OKAY?-- 356 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,673 I NEED YOU TO VERY DISCREETLY 357 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,674 READ ONE OF THE QUESTIONS ON THESE CARDS. 358 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:03,806 YOU WILL BE PROMPTING ME TO TELL SOME OF MY BEST ANECDOTES. 359 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,981 - MR. MACNEIL, YOU GOT A PACKAGE. 360 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,083 - OH, THIS HAS GOT TO BE MY NOVELTY ITEMS. 361 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,345 - OH. - YES, YES! [laughs] 362 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,582 THIS IS JUST A BOX FULL OF FUN. [laughs] 363 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,088 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. "THE BALD MEN'S COMB." 364 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:16,521 - BUT THERE'S NO-- 365 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,526 OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO FUNNY. - YEAH. 366 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,428 THERE'S NO COMB IN THERE. - HEY. 367 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,930 both: HELLO. - OUT FIRST GUESTS! 368 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,529 - HEY. - [laughs] OH, MY GOODNESS. 369 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:24,933 EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. 370 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,032 IGOR, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT. 371 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,196 LET ME WELCOME OUR FIRST GUESTS. 372 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,674 WELCOME! HEY, I HOPE YOU'RE READY 373 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:33,411 TO GET YOUR PARTY ON! [laughs] 374 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,540 OH. 375 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:38,554 UH--[clears throat]. SO... 376 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,348 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S A TYPICAL PARTY IN MOST WAYS, 377 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,080 UH, THAT WE HAVE PLANNED. 378 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:46,015 - HAS ANYONE HERE EVER LEARNED TO SMOKE THEIR OWN SALMON? 379 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,523 - I'M FINE. THANK YOU. 380 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,215 HOW ARE YOU? AS MORE PEOPLE ARRIVED, 381 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:53,287 I DID MY BEST TO MAKE MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS WITH EVERYONE. 382 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,056 REMEMBER, WE TALKED ABOUT THE ARMY, 383 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,525 AND HOW YOU WERE NEVER IN IT, BUT ENJOY THE JACKET. 384 00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:02,174 HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU A COUPLE? [laughs] 385 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,172 ALL RIGHT, I CAN SENSE THAT YOU'RE NOT 386 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,543 AND I MADE IT AWKWARD. 387 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,811 SHOULD WE SHAKE HANDS? 388 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,708 I'M DOING FINE. I'M DOING FINE. 389 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,540 ANY ENTERTAINER WILL TELL YOU, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE 390 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,547 ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE. 391 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,019 BUT THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY, 392 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,318 AND I WAS DETERMINED TO SUCCEED. MY FRIEND! 393 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,450 I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. [laughs] 394 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,857 LOOK AT THE LABEL. IT'S A BALD MAN'S COMB, 395 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,119 AND THE BOX IS EMPTY. 396 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:28,127 [claps] [laughs] 397 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,301 SEAN, RIGHT? 398 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,499 - NO. - NO? 399 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,170 WHO WANTS SOME MILK? [laughs] 400 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,369 OH, LOOK AT THIS! 401 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,630 MILK COMES RIGHT OUT OF THE BOOB. 402 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,037 - WHY WOULD I WANT MILK IN MY BEER? 403 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,569 - WHY WOULD YOU WANT MILK IN YOUR BEER? 404 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,714 YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S FUNNY! 405 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,069 [laughs] AS THE EVENING PROGRESSED, 406 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,738 I ATTRACTED PLENTY OF ATTENTION TO MYSELF. 407 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,746 BUT I ALSO ATTRACTED COMPETITORS, 408 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,748 AND THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE LIFE OF THE PARTY. 409 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,180 HEY, WHOA, LOOK AT THIS GUY. OH, FANTASTIC. 410 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,248 OH, MY GOSH. OH, THAT'S--OH, SHOOT. 411 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,216 NO ONE COULD BE MORE FUN THAN ME. 412 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,355 - WHOO-HOO! - AH! 413 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,591 - CAN I PLEASE TALK TO YOU GUYS? 414 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,086 HEY, GUYS. - HEY. 415 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,328 - WHAT YOU WERE JUST DOING IN THERE 416 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,732 WAS BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. 417 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,473 I'M TRYING TO BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. 418 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,928 JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. 419 00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,504 AND HE HAS TO GO. GET--GET HIM OUT OF-- 420 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,836 GET HIM OUT. GET HIM OUT OF HERE, GO. 421 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,270 - OKAY. 422 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,935 - BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WAS HARD, 423 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,281 AND I FOUND THAT NOT ALL OF MY EFFORTS 424 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,049 WERE APPRECIATED BY MY GUESTS. 425 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,305 HOW'S THAT FOR AN ENTRANCE? [laughs] 426 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,907 [sings gibberish] 427 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:24,278 - * GET LOW, GET LOW MOVE SIDE TO SIDE * 428 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,587 BUT I HAD ONE LAST TRICK UP MY SLEEVE 429 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,359 TO MAKE THIS PARTY A SENSATION. 430 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,118 COME, UP, UP. 431 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:33,327 IT ALL CAME DOWN TO THIS. 432 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,734 PERFECT. 433 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,602 FOUR, AND FIVE. 434 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,367 [sighs] 435 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,276 [bleep], YEAH. 436 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,509 [claps] [thump] 437 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:55,454 AND THEN, TRAGEDY STRUCK. 438 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,882 UH... 439 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,224 [clicking] 440 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,958 HELLO! 441 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,904 SOMEONE IS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM! 442 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,799 GENTLEMAN IN THE INDIAN HEADDRESS, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, 443 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,542 I'M IN THE BATHROOM OVER HERE! 444 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,798 [banging] 445 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,536 SOMEONE IS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM! 446 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,272 I'M SURE THEY'RE GONNA COME AND LOOK FOR ME. 447 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,438 I MEAN, THE LIFE OF THE PARTY IS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM. 448 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,476 THEY'RE GONNA WONDER WHERE I AM. 449 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:31,224 I WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT. 450 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:35,221 THE IDEA THAT OUR GUESTS, AND ESPECIALLY MY DARLING ELIZA, 451 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:38,825 WERE HAVING HOURS OF FUN WITHOUT ME WAS DEEPLY UPSETTING. 452 00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,358 SOMEONE IS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM! 453 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,536 IF THE LIFE OF THE PARTY IS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM 454 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,471 FOR 3 1/2 HOURS, IS HE STILL THE LIFE OF THE PARTY? 455 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,737 [door opens] 456 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,146 OH. - OH! GOD, YOU SCARED ME. 457 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,746 THERE YOU ARE. - YES. 458 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,550 I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN HERE ALL NIGHT. 459 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,922 - LISTEN, I'M GOING. 460 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,551 - YOU'RE GOING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 461 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,616 WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING? YOU LIVE HERE. 462 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:08,824 - NO, I DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE. 463 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,485 - YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE? 464 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,163 - I HAVE THIS FEELING, AND I JUST HAVE TO 465 00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,729 GO WITH IT RIGHT NOW. - WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 466 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,160 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 467 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,602 - AND THIS FEELING IS OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE. 468 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,059 - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHAT IS HAPPENING? 469 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,265 - I HAVE THIS FEELING, AND I NEED TO FOLLOW IT. 470 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,269 - WHAT FEELING? WHAT'S GOING ON? 471 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,900 - I NEED TO FOLLOW SOMEBODY. 472 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,304 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WE'RE MARRIED. 473 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,467 - ARE WE? - YES! WE GOT MARRIED! 474 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,637 - WELL, I WANT TO MARRY RODERICK. 475 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,806 - I-- [sighs] 476 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,184 WHO IS RODERICK? - RODERICK! 477 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,351 [car horn beeps] - I BEEPED THE HORN! 478 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,623 - [laughs] 479 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,751 HE LIVES IN A SUBMARINE. 480 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,787 - [sighs] - [imitating explosion] 481 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:47,332 - YEAH, NO, I MEAN--YEAH. THAT'S-- 482 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:51,060 - FORREST, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WEIRD SHOW. 483 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,569 BYE. 484 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,207 - SWEETHEART-- 485 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,246 - OH, MY GOD. 486 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:19,533 I AM NEVER, EVER GONNA FORGET YOU. 487 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:23,129 - I'M SO GLAD THE UNIVERSE MADE US MEET. 488 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,230 - YOU BASTARD. 489 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,095 [car horn beeps] 490 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,836 WHOO-HOO! [car starts] 491 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:45,321 - THAT'S A REALLY RAD COAT. - THANK YOU. 492 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:49,422 - HAS ANYONE EVER ACCIDENTALLY HAD THE WRONG TOOTH PULLED? 493 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,286 - YEAH! NO, I DID! 494 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:55,325 OH, MY GOD, IN HIGH SCHOOL! THAT'S SO WEIRD. 495 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,502 I HAD LIKE THE WORST PAIN IN MY MOUTH, 496 00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,400 SO I WENT TO MY FAMILY'S DENTIST, DR. MORRIS, 497 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,833 AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY FACE." 498 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,298 I CAME OUT OF SURGERY AND THEY WERE LIKE, 499 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,336 "WE DID THE WRONG TOOTH." 500 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,442 - OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF BEING THE LIFE OF A PARTY 501 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,935 THAT YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS ATTENDING IN THE FIRST PLACE. 502 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,007 IN ORDER TO MEAN SOMETHING TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU, 503 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,116 YOU FIRST HAVE TO KNOW WHERE YOU BELONG. 504 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,762 HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING? 505 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,290 I HAD COME TO REALIZE THAT WINNING OVER ADULTS 506 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,426 CAME DOWN TO DUMB GIMMICKS-- 507 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,261 A HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE, A SUBMARINE. 508 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:34,928 THERE WAS NO SKILL IN THAT, AND NO SOUL. 509 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,297 BUT TO WIN OVER CHILDREN, 510 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,437 THAT WAS A SIGN OF SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY, 511 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:44,383 SOMETHING BETTER, AS I THINK ALMOST ANYONE COULD SEE. 512 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,311 - YEAH! - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 513 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:49,046 - I WANT TO WAIT FOR ALL THE KIDS TO HAVE ONE. 514 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:52,391 - BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY, 3 1/2 STARS. 515 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,563 I THINK YOUR PRESENCE IS NO LONGER NEEDED HERE. 516 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:04,834 - [clicks tongue] [sighs] 517 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:17,814 - RABBI! LET ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM! 518 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,579 WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE GOING TO THE BATHROOM? 519 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,675 WHAT, ARE YOU JUST PEEING 520 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:27,346 INTO CUPS OUT THERE? ANIMALS! 38231

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