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1
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,710
- WHAT'S IT LIKE
TO GET DIVORCED?
2
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,084
- OH, NO.
- THIS IS ABOUT COMMITTING
3
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,553
TO THE STANDARD
THAT YOU SET.
4
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,521
"EVEN IF I BEG FOR HELP,
DON'T LET ME OUT."
5
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,349
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M DIVORCING YOU.
6
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,645
IT'S THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE.
7
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,646
WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING
IN MY OFFICE?
8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,018
- YOU PAY ME
IN COLLEGE CREDITS.
9
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,386
CAN YOU TURN OFF
THE LIGHT?
10
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,594
- HEY, I WANT YOU
TO MEET MY LAWYER, MARK.
11
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,256
YOU'RE RIGHT--WE HAVE BEEN
HOLDING EACH OTHER BACK.
12
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,696
- OH.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER
13
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,370
IS WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY.
14
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,999
- I'M FORREST MACNEIL,
15
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,113
AND MY WIFE IS PROBABLY [bleep]
HER LAWYER RIGHT NOW.
16
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,068
LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY
ALL WE HAVE.
17
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,538
BUT IS IT ANY GOOD?
18
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,275
I'M A REVIEWER,
BUT I DON'T REVIEW
19
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,181
FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES.
20
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,123
I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF.
21
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,118
VIVA THE REVOLUTION!
22
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,390
[crowd cheering]
23
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,690
AAH!
24
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,692
[triumphant orchestration]
25
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:02,995
*
26
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,430
I'M FORREST MACNEIL,
AND THIS IS REVIEW,
27
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,666
WHERE I'LL REVIEW
ANY LIFE EXPERIENCE
28
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,141
YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT
29
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,807
AND RATE IT
ON MY PATENTED FIVE-STAR SCALE.
30
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,879
- I'M A.J. GIBBS, AND FORREST
USUALLY INTRODUCES ME.
31
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,638
- YES, THAT'S TRUE.
I-I'M SORRY.
32
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,377
I AM STILL SORT OF REELING
33
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,952
FROM MY RECENT REVIEW
OF DIVORCE,
34
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,621
IN WHICH I LOST MY HOME
AND APPARENTLY
35
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,691
HALF OF MY INCOME
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
36
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,659
- WELL, AT LEAST
YOU DIDN'T LOSE YOUR JOB.
37
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,058
- TRUE ENOUGH.
THIS SHOW HELPS PEOPLE.
38
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:33,158
IT'S IMPORTANT WORK.
WHAT'S MY NEXT REVIEW, A.J.?
39
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:36,401
- FIRST ONE UP
IS FROM KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN.
40
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,070
- I CAN OFTEN BE FOUND
MASTURBATING
41
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,896
TO IMAGES OF CELEBRITIES,
BUT I WAS WONDERING
42
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,573
WHAT'D IT BE LIKE
TO ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH ONE.
43
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,473
- SLEEPING
WITH A CELEBRITY, HUH?
44
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,006
[chuckles]
OKAY.
45
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,340
FORREST MACNEIL GROUPIE.
46
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,507
- DON'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT IT, FORREST.
47
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,845
- WHAT'S THAT?
- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
48
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,420
- WHAT?
49
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,848
- YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.
50
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,423
- WELL, AS OFTEN HAPPENS,
51
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,191
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
52
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:04,057
BUT I AM OFF TO SLEEP
WITH A CELEBRITY.
53
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,731
- YOU KNOW.
54
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,499
- AS A NEWLY DIVORCED MAN,
55
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,758
THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE SEX
WITH A GLAMOROUS FAMOUS PERSON
56
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,068
SEEMED LIKE
JUST THE REVIEW I NEEDED.
57
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:17,210
SO HALLE BERRY
AND ANGELINA JOLIE AND JLO
58
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,305
ARE ALL SPOKEN FOR, HUH?
59
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,810
- YEAH.
60
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,081
- THE FIRST STEP
WAS FINDING AN AVAILABLE STAR.
61
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,650
HMM, HERE'S SOMETHING.
62
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,418
ASHLEY TISDALE IS HOSTING
A CHARITY EVENT HERE.
63
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,079
WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF SLEEPING
WITH ASHLEY TISDALE?
64
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,988
BE HONEST.
65
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,785
- REALLY GOOD.
66
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,585
- ASHLEY TISDALE WAS NOT ONLY
THE SCENE-STEALING VILLAIN
67
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,328
IN THE
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL MOVIES.
68
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,603
SHE WAS ALSO DEEPLY COMMITTED
TO STAMPING OUT BULLYING,
69
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,273
AND THAT COMMITMENT
PUT HER WITHIN MY REACH.
70
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,342
I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED
IN THE POWER
71
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,371
OF POSITIVE THINKING.
72
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,036
THAT'S WHY
I HAVE A CONDOM.
73
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,944
I'M NOT GONNA HAVE
SOME ACTRESS RAISING MY CHILD.
74
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,676
YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT.
[chuckles]
75
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,711
THE HOST ARRIVED,
AND SHE WAS GORGEOUS.
76
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:03,248
THERE WAS NO DENYING
THE WHIRLPOOL OF ENERGY
77
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,451
SURROUNDING THIS CENTER
OF ATTENTION.
78
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,116
WAS I STRUCK BY HER BEAUTY
79
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,264
OR SEDUCED BY THE EFFECT
SHE HAD ON THE ROOM?
80
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,530
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT A GREAT EVENT THIS IS.
81
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,629
I JUST WANT TO SAY
KUDOS TO YOU.
82
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,890
- EXCUSE ME.
- YES?
83
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:18,267
- WHY ARE YOU HOLDING
A CONDOM?
84
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,366
- YEAH.
[scoffs]
85
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,071
MY INITIAL INTERACTION
WITH MISS TISDALE
86
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,542
COULD HAVE GONE BETTER,
87
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,311
AND ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY
SOON PRESENTED ITSELF.
88
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,380
- ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE
A SURPRISE ADDITIONAL ITEM--
89
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:34,980
A WONDERFUL PRIVATE DINNER
WITH MISS ASHLEY TISDALE.
90
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,315
- AH.
- YES.
91
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,752
- I HAD TO HAVE THIS.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
92
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,958
WE'RE GONNA START THIS ONE
AT $5,000.
93
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,590
- YES, $5,000.
94
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,755
- $5,000, RIGHT THERE
AT TABLE 2.
95
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,304
FANTASTIC.
DO I HEAR $10,000? $10,000?
96
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:51,056
- YES, YES, $10,000.
$10,000.
97
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:54,668
- OKAY.
UH, $10,000, TABLE 2 ALSO.
98
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,672
- YEAH--OH, I SEE.
- YEAH, YEAH, OKAY.
99
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:59,444
DO I HEAR $15,000?
$15,000?
100
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,483
$15,000?
- $15,000.
101
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,649
- $15,000
TO THE DOTING FATHER
102
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,848
OF THAT LUCKY
YOUNG LADY BACK THERE.
103
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,420
NOW, DO I HEAR $20,000?
$20,000?
104
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,649
- YEAH, $20,000.
- $20,000 FROM TABLE 2.
105
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,685
ASHLEY, I THINK YOU'VE GOT
YOURSELF A FAN OVER THERE.
106
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,391
- [laughs]
107
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,093
- WHAT ABOUT IT, DAD?
108
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,685
- $25,000.
- $25,000.
109
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:24,198
WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A REAL
BIDDING WAR GOING ON HERE.
110
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:27,501
DO I HEAR $30,000--
- $70,000.
111
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,995
ALL RIGHT?
112
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,566
- $70,000.
- $70,000, OKAY?
113
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,005
WE DONE?
114
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,340
- $70,000 GOING ONCE...
115
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,513
GOING TWICE.
116
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,105
- THAT'S IT, RIGHT?
- SOLD TO THAT GUY.
117
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,177
- YES!
YES!
118
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,416
OKAY, THANK YOU.
119
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:49,593
$70,000, AND WORTH EVERY PENNY,
I HAVE NO DOUBT.
120
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,433
[laughs]
121
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,900
I LOOK FORWARD
TO OUR EVENING.
122
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,428
- HEY, BUD.
- HEY.
123
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:57,804
- HOW WAS IT?
124
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,901
- AS MY DINNER WITH MISS TISDALE
DREW NEAR,
125
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,373
I FELT A STRONG DESIRE
TO LET PEOPLE KNOW
126
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,510
ABOUT MY CONNECTION
TO THIS FAMOUS BEAUTY
127
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:08,178
TO FEEL SOME OF HER CELEBRITY
GLOW REFLECTED OFF OF MYSELF.
128
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,538
LISTEN, I'M NOT
GONNA BE ABLE TO SPEND
129
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,278
THE EVENING WITH ERIC
ON THURSDAY NIGHT, IT TURNS OUT.
130
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,851
- OKAY, WELL,
I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO.
131
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,622
THAT'S NOT YOUR NIGHT.
- OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
132
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,020
YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I JUST HAVE
A DATE THAT NIGHT.
133
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,992
- A DATE?
OH.
134
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,621
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
135
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,656
- YEAH, YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY
SOMEONE YOU KNOW.
136
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,163
YEAH--NOT PERSONALLY,
137
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,464
BUT FROM THE WORLD
OF MOVIES AND TELEVISION.
138
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,967
IT'S, UH, ASHLEY TISDALE?
139
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,169
- I'M SORRY?
- YEAH.
140
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,840
- WHO IS IT?
- ASHLEY TISDALE.
141
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,168
- OH.
- YES.
142
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,973
- HUH.
- YEAH, SHE AND I ARE GOING OUT
143
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,205
FOR AMERICAN BISTRO FOOD...
144
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,469
- ARE YOU?
- ON THURSDAY.
145
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,578
IT SHOULD BE--
IT SHOULD BE NICE.
146
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,580
- WHAT, DID YOU WIN
A DATE WITH HER
147
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:45,982
AT SOME CHARITY AUCTION
OR SOMETHING?
148
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,983
- [laughs]
149
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,916
IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?
- [sighs]
150
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,021
FORREST, PLEASE TELL ME
YOU DIDN'T PAY $10,000
151
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,823
TO HAVE DINNER
WITH A FAMOUS PERSON.
152
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,887
- I DID NOT PAY $10,000
TO HAVE DINNER WITH ANYONE.
153
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,797
- WELL, GOOD,
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC.
154
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,999
- WOULD IT REALLY?
- YEAH.
155
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,302
ARE WE DONE HERE?
- ABSOLUTELY.
156
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,804
IF JUST THE IDEA
OF A DATE WITH A CELEBRITY
157
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,837
WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE
MY EX-WIFE JEALOUS,
158
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,012
HOW WOULD SHE REACT
TO THE ROUND OF SEX
159
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,781
I WOULD SOON HAVE
WITH MISS ASHLEY TISDALE?
160
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,451
- [sighs]
161
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:26,453
I COURTED SUZANNE
FOR AN EXCRUCIATING 13 MONTHS
162
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,517
BEFORE SHE ALLOWED ME TO BE
PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH HER.
163
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,117
WHATEVER MAGIC
I WORKED THEN,
164
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,688
I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO CONDENSE
165
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,496
INTO THE TIME IT TAKES
TO EAT THIS MEAL
166
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,858
OF AMERICAN BISTRO FOOD.
167
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,127
OH.
- HI.
168
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,965
- YES, HELLO.
- I'M ASHLEY.
169
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,470
AND THIS IS MY BODYGUARD.
- OH, OKAY.
170
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,303
WONDERFUL. LISTEN, HEY,
I GOT YOU THESE FLOWERS.
171
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,137
THESE ARE FOR YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU.
172
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,483
- YES, IT'S GOOD.
YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
173
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,209
- OH, THANK YOU.
- YES, THANK YOU
174
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,853
FOR LOOKING SO BEAUTIFUL.
175
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,179
- AND THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION.
176
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,724
- WELL, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A SON
177
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,319
WHO'S EXTREMELY SHORT
FOR HIS AGE.
178
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,850
- OH, SO YOU'RE MARRIED?
- QUITE THE CONTRARY.
179
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,987
I AM RECENTLY DIVORCED
AND GETTING OUT THERE.
180
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:06,093
SO YOUR TIMING IS PRETTY GOOD.
181
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,096
YES.
182
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,728
YEAH.
- [chuckles nervously]
183
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,573
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I DABBLE IN PALM READING.
184
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,101
MAY I?
185
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,965
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOOD.
186
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,944
I'M GOOD. I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE
IN THAT STUFF.
187
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,612
- OH, WELL, IT'S MAINLY
JUST SORT OF FOR FUN,
188
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:25,082
TO TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
YOUR HEART LINE.
189
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,952
- NO.
- YEAH.
190
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,250
MM, OKAY.
YEAH.
191
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,792
MY--MY LOVE LINE,
IF IT'S THIS ONE, IS ALL--
192
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,319
GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND.
193
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,163
YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
A PALM READ--
194
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,528
- I'M--I'M GOOD.
195
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,426
- UM, YOU--I IMAGINE
THAT BEING A CELEBRITY
196
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,959
IS VERY, VERY STRESSFUL.
197
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,526
- NO, ACTUALLY,
IT'S REALLY FUN.
198
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,333
IT'S REALLY FUN.
- WITH CERTAIN STRESSES,
199
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:51,197
IN TERMS OF
KEEPING UP PUBLIC APPEARANCES
200
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,438
AND--AND ALL THAT.
- NO.
201
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,440
I-I REALLY ENJOY IT.
I LOVE IT.
202
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,442
- WELL, NO WONDER
YOU'RE CARRYING ALL THAT TENSION
203
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,884
IN YOUR SHOULDERS.
- I'M CARRYING--NO.
204
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,051
NO, NO, NO.
- SO WHY DON'T I SEE
205
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,579
IF I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THAT?
206
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,284
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DON'T NEED TO GET UP.
207
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,915
YOU DON'T NEED TO GET UP.
- NO, WELL, I'LL--
208
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,621
I THINK I'LL JUST GIVE YOU
A LITTLE BACK RUB HERE.
209
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,093
IT SHOULD'VE COME
AS NO SURPRISE
210
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,190
THAT MISS TISDALE
WAS ACTING COY.
211
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,892
TO A CELEBRITY,
AN EVENING OF SEX
212
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,094
IS A COVETED PRIZE
THAT CANNOT BE HANDED OUT
213
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,356
TO JUST ANYONE
WITH NO APPARENT BENEFIT
214
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,425
IN THE FORM OF DRUGS
OR CAREER ADVANCEMENT.
215
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,974
- I'M OKAY.
- OKAY.
216
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,299
- I'M JUST EXCITED FOR DINNER.
217
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,573
- GOOD.
SO, UH...
218
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,270
- OH, GOOD.
THANKS.
219
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,436
- OKAY.
220
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,635
I'M JUST GONNA BE
VERY BLUNT WITH YOU.
221
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,648
- OH, BOY.
222
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,579
- MY INTEREST IN THIS DATE
223
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:36,381
ACTUALLY HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE FOOD,
224
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,086
EVEN THOUGH
THIS RIB TASTER FOR TWO
225
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,648
IS DEFINITELY CALLING TO ME,
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
226
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,118
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED
227
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,387
IN GETTING OUT OF HERE
AND GOING STRAIGHT TO DESSERT...
228
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,827
[cell phone rings]
229
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,332
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM SO SORRY.
230
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,333
I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
HELLO?
231
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,125
- FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL,
232
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,067
FAKE PHONE CALL.
- WHAT?
233
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,503
- FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL,
234
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,835
FAKE PHONE CALL.
- RIGHT NOW?
235
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,513
- FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL,
236
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,139
FAKE PHONE CALL.
237
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,376
- OH, MY GOD, OKAY.
I AM SO SORRY.
238
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,152
A BAD THING HAPPENED,
AND IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
239
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,181
AND I'VE GOT TO GO.
I'M SO SORRY.
240
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,687
- NO PROBLEM.
LISTEN, AS I WAS SAYING--
241
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,149
- NO, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE--
PLEASE, STAY HERE.
242
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,616
JUST ENJOY YOUR DINNER.
243
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,262
- I HAVE NO INTEREST
IN THE FOOD AT ALL.
244
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,329
- EAT YOUR DINNER.
245
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:22,358
THANK YOU
FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION.
246
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,644
- AH...
247
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,636
[laughs]
248
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,008
"THANK YOU
FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION,"
249
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:38,051
IN THIS CASE
MEANS I WILL NOT BE HAVING SEX.
250
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:47,793
I WILL HAVE
THE RIB TASTER FOR TWO, PLEASE.
251
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,525
WELL, I HAVE JUST EATEN
TWO MASSIVE PLATES OF RIBS,
252
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,095
BUT I'M STILL GOING
TO TRY AND HAVE SEX TONIGHT.
253
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,904
THIS IS A HOLLYWOOD HOT SPOT,
254
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,136
AND I'VE BEEN SCANNING THE ROOM
FOR CELEBRITIES.
255
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,913
I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND ONE.
256
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,613
[clears throat]
PARDON ME, MISS TAYLOR SWIFT.
257
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,547
I WAS--
OH--OH, I'M SORRY.
258
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,382
SHE WAS NOT TAYLOR SWIFT,
259
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,117
BUT SHE WAS TAMMY CASWELL,
260
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,552
AND SHE WASTED NO TIME
IDENTIFYING HERSELF
261
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,988
AS A REAL HOUSEWIFE
OF BEVERLY HILLS--
262
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,334
A SHOW I HAD HEARD OF
BUT NEVER SEEN.
263
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:30,259
- YOU KNOW, I, UH, DABBLE
IN PALM READING A BIT.
264
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,797
- HOW'S MY PASSION LINE?
265
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,972
- BECAUSE I WAS STILL
LIVING IN MY OFFICE
266
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,401
AND MY INTERN, JOSH,
HAD CALLED DIBS ON THE COUCH,
267
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,606
WE WENT TO HER PLACE.
268
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,568
I WILL SPARE YOU
THE DETAILS,
269
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,637
BUT SEX WITH MISS CASWELL
WAS EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT.
270
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,637
OKAY.
271
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,908
REAL HOUSEWIVES...
272
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,276
THE KNOWLEDGE
THAT SHE WAS KNOWN
273
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,324
TO MILLIONS
OF TV VIEWERS, HOWEVER,
274
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,419
ENABLED ME TO HAVE SEX
WITH THE FIRST WOMAN
275
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,021
I'D BEEN WITH
SINCE MY DIVORCE.
276
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,463
IT WAS QUITE A THRILL
TO GET TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE
277
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,188
FROM THAT SHOW.
[chuckles]
278
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,434
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
279
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,828
- WHO?
280
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,401
- YOU.
281
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,030
YOU WERE NOT
ON THE TELEVISION SHOW?
282
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:10,166
- I'M A HOUSEWIFE, AND I LIVE
IN BEVERLY HILLS ADJACENT.
283
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,013
- BUT I WAS TROUBLED TO LEARN
THAT TAMMY CASWELL
284
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,610
WAS NOT AN ACTUAL CELEBRITY.
285
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,582
AND MY SEARCH CONTINUED.
286
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,110
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
HEY!
287
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:23,147
HEY!
YOU WANT TO GREEK ME?
288
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,993
- DESPITE SPENDING
AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY
289
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,791
AND A DEMORALIZING EVENING
WITH A MARRIED WOMAN,
290
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,193
I STILL HAD NOT SLEPT
WITH A CELEBRITY.
291
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,585
- THERE YOU GO.
292
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,526
SHE'LL LET
YOU SLEEP WITH HER.
293
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,462
- AUTHOR DIANE MASSEY.
294
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:41,767
DOES SHE COUNT AS A CELEBRITY?
- FOR YOU? YES.
295
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,669
- "I WAS...
296
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:47,841
"NUMB WITH SORROW.
297
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,305
"ROY WAS GONE,
298
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:54,953
AND I WOULD HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE
WITHOUT HIM."
299
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,322
- BEHIND ME IS DIANE MASSEY,
300
00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:01,520
ONE-TIME TRAFFIC REPORTER
FOR K.L.O.W.'S LOCAL NEWS.
301
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,924
SOME PEOPLE
CONSIDER HER TO BE
302
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,226
THE ASHLEY TISDALE
OF TRAFFIC REPORTING.
303
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,799
SHE HAS WRITTEN A MEMOIR
ABOUT COPING WITH THE DEATH
304
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,959
OF HER HUSBAND, ROY.
305
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:13,798
HE DIED IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT,
IRONICALLY ENOUGH.
306
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,641
ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?
[light applause]
307
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,398
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR WRITING THIS.
308
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,807
- OF COURSE.
309
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,236
- RECENTLY, UH...
310
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,244
I RECENTLY LOST MY WIFE.
311
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:27,816
DIANE WAS A SWEET, SAD WOMAN
IN A HIGHLY VULNERABLE STATE.
312
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,818
I GOT TO HAND IT TO LUCILLE.
SHE CALLED IT.
313
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:35,121
AND DIANE'S NEED FOR LOVING CARE
MADE MY TASK ALL TOO EASY.
314
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:39,155
- IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
315
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,832
- AS A MATTER OF FACT,
THERE IS.
316
00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:42,828
- OKAY.
OH.
317
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,830
YEAH, OH. OH, GOD.
- MM-HMM.
318
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,972
THE GLAMOUR OF SLEEPING WITH
A FAMOUS WOMAN WAS UNDENIABLE.
319
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,001
BUT ULTIMATELY,
WE WERE JUST PEOPLE,
320
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,837
AND OUR SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WOULD
END THE WAY THEY USUALLY DO.
321
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,914
- OH, NO!
322
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,613
[crying]
OH, ROY!
323
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,506
OH.
324
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,518
BRING ME ROY.
325
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,050
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT--I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT.
326
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,256
- GIVE ME RO--
BRING ME HIS ASHES.
327
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,259
BRING ME ROY.
328
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,991
[sobbing]
329
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,727
- ALL RIGHT.
- BRING ME HIS ASHES.
330
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,071
OH, MY ROY.
331
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,536
OH, MY ROY.
332
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,614
[sobbing]
333
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,682
- I'LL PROBABLY, UH--
PROBABLY GET GOING THERE.
334
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,952
- YOU CAN CALL ME IF YOU WANT.
- OKAY.
335
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,282
- GOOD FOR YOU, FORREST--
ON THE REBOUND.
336
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,587
- THANK YOU.
337
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,688
- THE SADDEST REBOUND
ANYONE EVER SAW.
338
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,060
- WITHOUT A DOUBT.
339
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:44,959
SLEEPING WITH A CELEBRITY--
ONE STAR.
340
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,599
I SUPPOSE THERE'S STILL
MUCH MORE LIFE TO EXPLORE, HUH?
341
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,129
- THERE SURE IS, FORREST.
- HA HA.
342
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,925
SO WHAT'S MY NEXT REVIEW?
343
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,637
- OKAY, TEN-YEAR-OLD DANNY CRUZ
FROM PERRYTON, TEXAS,
344
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,240
POSTED ON OUR WEBSITE.
345
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:03,442
HE WANTS TO KNOW
"IS IT COOL TO BE BATMAN?"
346
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,046
HEY.
347
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,808
- WHO CARES, DANNY?
348
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,915
LET'S FIND OUT.
[clears throat]
349
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,190
MY FORAY INTO THE WORLD
OF CELEBRITY LOVEMAKING
350
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,163
HAD LEFT ME
IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION
351
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,991
THAT MADE THIS TASK
FEEL ESPECIALLY POINTLESS.
352
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,058
IT WAS BATMAN, RIGHT?
- BATMAN! FLY!
353
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,196
- ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
354
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,967
I MISSED MY BATWOMAN, SUZANNE,
355
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,836
AND MY BAT-SON...
356
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,242
BAT-EVERYTHING.
357
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,306
HEY, THE BIKE LANES
ARE CLEARLY MARKED.
358
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:42,316
- [bleep] YOU, BATMAN!
359
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,679
- [bleep] YOU.
360
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,686
[bleep].
361
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,488
BUT I DID MY BEST
TO FIND CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS
362
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,391
OR AS CLOSE
AS I COULD COME.
363
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,163
EXCUSE ME.
364
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,732
THIS SHOPPING CART
DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU.
365
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,261
I'LL BRING IT BACK
TO THE FOOD SAVER.
366
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,667
- WHAT?
367
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,168
- I'M BATMAN.
368
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,240
IT WAS CLEAR TO ME
THAT THE IDEA
369
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,069
OF A PRIVATE CITIZEN
FIGHTING CRIME
370
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,344
IS OF NO VALUE WHATSOEVER.
371
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:09,978
THAT SHOULD BE LEFT
TO POLICE OFFICERS
372
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,507
WITH THE PROPER TRAINING,
EQUIPMENT,
373
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,584
AND ACCOUNTABILITY TO SOCIETY.
374
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:17,993
HOW THIS NEVER OCCURRED
TO BATMAN IS BEYOND ME.
375
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,985
YOO-HOO.
376
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,417
YOU'RE BREAKING THE LAW
RIGHT NOW.
377
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,594
YOU MIND COMING WITH ME
TO THE POLICE STATION?
378
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,522
- HA HA.
IT'S BATMAN.
379
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,987
- STOP--OW.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
380
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,127
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
[cell phone rings]
381
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:32,532
- WHAT?
- CONTROL YOURSELF.
382
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,165
HELLO?
- WHERE ARE YOU?
383
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,541
WE'RE AT THE COURTHOUSE.
- WHAT?
384
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,998
NO.
- I DON'T KNOW--
385
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,474
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, THAT WAS TOMORROW.
386
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,436
OH, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
387
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,484
I'M HERE.
I JUST GOT HERE.
388
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,279
WHAT FLOOR
ARE YOU GUYS ON?
389
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,811
OKAY.
WELL, WHICH WAY IS IT?
390
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,845
WHICH WAY DO YOU GO IN
ONCE YOU'RE UP TOP,
391
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,350
ONCE YOU'RE AT THE BEGINNING?
392
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,782
OH.
393
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,717
OH, YOU CAME IN
THROUGH THE PARKING GARAGE?
394
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,152
WELL, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE LOBBY,
IS IT ALL
395
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:58,027
ONE LOBBY FOR EVERYTHING,
OR IS IT...?
396
00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,455
IF YOU'RE STANDING
ON THE SIDEWALK--HANG ON.
397
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,633
HEY, YOU GUYS, DO YOU KNOW
WHERE FAMILY COURT IS?
398
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,403
WHAT FL--OR WHICH ENTRANCE
YOU GO IN FOR FAMILY COURT?
399
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,273
IS IT THE MIDDLE?
OKAY, THANK YOU.
400
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,101
YEAH, I GOT IT.
I'M GOING IN THE MIDDLE DOOR.
401
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,107
[elevator beeping]
402
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,912
- FORREST?
- YES.
403
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:19,283
SUZANNE, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU
FOR JUST ONE SECOND, PLEASE?
404
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,312
JUST ONE SECOND, PLEASE.
405
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,748
- WHY ARE YOU DRESSED
LIKE THIS?
406
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,092
ARE YOU GOING CRAZY?
- NO.
407
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,548
LET'S NOT DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE DIVORCED.
408
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,887
LET'S JUST GO--
- OKAY, FORREST,
409
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,261
I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU ARE NOT
410
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,160
IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND
RIGHT NOW, OKAY?
411
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,792
- I AM THINKING VERY CLEARLY.
- YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT.
412
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,927
BUT I AM CERTAIN
THAT THIS IS BEST FOR US, OKAY?
413
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,295
- HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
414
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,773
WE HAVE A LIFE TOGETHER.
- I CAN'T--
415
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,741
- MACNEIL!
416
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,740
- [sighs]
417
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:46,972
- SUZANNE--SUZANNE.
418
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,814
- STOP IT.
I'M SORRY.
419
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,241
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
420
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,608
- THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE WEDNESDAY.
421
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:55,945
- I WAS LOOKING
AT LAST YEAR'S CALENDAR.
422
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,852
- [sighing]
423
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,659
- ...WITH ALL OTHER ASSETS
HELD IN TRUST
424
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,091
UNTIL THE TIME STIPULATED.
425
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,797
- AGREED.
426
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,828
- WELL, SHALL WE MOVE ON
TO CUSTODY?
427
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,733
- I THINK WE CAN AGREE
ON JOINT CUSTODY.
428
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,896
50/50.
- ACTUALLY, NO.
429
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,665
MY CLIENT FEELS
THAT SOLE CUSTODY
430
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,414
WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST
OF THE CHILD.
431
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:24,009
- SOLE CUSTODY
BY WHICH PARENT?
432
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:27,111
- MY--MY CLIENT.
- ON WHAT GROUNDS?
433
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,677
- THERE ARE GRAVE CONCERNS
ABOUT MR. MACNEIL'S ABILITY
434
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,576
TO BE A FIT PARENT.
435
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,748
- THAT IS RIDICULOUS.
436
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,516
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN
TALKING ABOUT?
437
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,755
SUZANNE.
438
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,289
- IN RECENT WEEKS,
MR. MACNEIL
439
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,425
HAD A DRUG-INDUCED
PSYCHOTIC EPISODE
440
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,460
WHILE SUPERVISING
HIS SON'S CAMPING TRIP.
441
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,964
- [sighs]
- MM-HMM.
442
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,855
- HE TOOK MONEY
FROM THE BOY'S COLLEGE FUND
443
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,127
TO PURCHASE
A $4,000 SEX DOLL.
444
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:51,137
HE ATTENDED PROM AS THE DATE
OF A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL
445
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,311
AND OVERDOSED ON COCAINE
AT SAID PROM.
446
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,710
HE IS AN AVOWED RACIST
447
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:59,212
AND MOST RECENTLY
CONSUMED PANCAKES
448
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,846
TO THE POINT
OF ENDANGERING HIS OWN LIFE.
449
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,252
- IS THAT ALL?
450
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,854
- WELL, HE SHOWED UP
TO A CUSTODY HEARING
451
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,755
DRESSED AS BATMAN
AND COVERED IN HIS OWN URINE.
452
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,918
- IS ALL OF THIS TRUE?
453
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,661
- IT'S NOT MY URINE.
454
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,904
AND JUST LIKE THAT,
WITHOUT WARNING,
455
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,466
I HAD LOST MY FAMILY.
456
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,376
THE INJUSTICE WAS UNREMITTING.
457
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,809
AND THEN IT HIT ME
458
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,983
THAT THIS WAS EXACTLY
HOW BRUCE WAYNE FELT
459
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:35,182
AFTER THE MURDER
OF HIS PARENTS.
460
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,982
I COULD USE THAT.
461
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,886
MY EARLIER ATTEMPT
TO LIVE AS BATMAN
462
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,818
WAS HALFHEARTED JEST,
THE STUFF OF SCHUMACHER.
463
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:45,334
NOW, ON BEHALF OF THOSE
WHO CRY OUT FOR MOTHER JUSTICE,
464
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,558
I WAS REBORN.
465
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,264
- DUDE, I GAVE YOU A 20.
466
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:53,397
- THOUGH I DID NOT KNOW WHICH
ONE OF THESE MEN WAS RIGHT,
467
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,343
I NOW UNDERSTOOD
THAT CIVILIZED QUIBBLING
468
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,738
GETS YOU NOWHERE.
469
00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:00,109
TO SAVE GOTHAM,
ACTION WOULD BE REQUIRED.
470
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,854
- YEAH.
471
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,356
DUDE, YOU'RE BADASS.
472
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,388
- GET OUT.
473
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,699
COME ON.
474
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:26,872
[doorbell chimes]
475
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,899
[vending machine beeping]
476
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,740
NO.
477
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:40,775
NO!
478
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,720
I'M BATMAN.
479
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,772
YOU TOOK MY OFFICE.
480
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,474
I WANT YOU OUT.
481
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,306
- I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
I'VE GOT DIBS ON THE OFFICE.
482
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:09,581
- [grunts]
483
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,879
- STOP.
- GET OUT, GET OUT.
484
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,140
HEY.
485
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,778
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE.
- STOP--OW!
486
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,253
- THIS IS A WORKPLACE.
- YOU DON'T PAY ME!
487
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,753
- IT DOESN'T MATTER!
488
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:18,754
GET UP.
GET OUT OF HERE.
489
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,245
TAKE ALL YOUR CRAP.
490
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,817
THIS IS THE BATCAVE.
491
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,894
INTERNS DON'T SLEEP
IN THE BATCAVE.
492
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,393
- IT'S NOT YOUR BATCAVE.
IT'S FULL OF YOUR--
493
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,055
- THESE DRUGS
ARE GONNA MELT YOUR MIND.
494
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,833
- THERE'S NO DRUGS.
IT'S JUST A BONG.
495
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,161
- SHUT UP.
496
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,556
AS DAWN CAME,
I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND
497
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:32,998
THAT A QUEST FOR JUSTICE
498
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:36,742
WAS ONLY PART OF WHAT FUELS
A GOOD BATMAN.
499
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,809
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
THERE TOO--
500
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,938
SOMETHING LURKING
IN THE SHADOWS OF A SOUL,
501
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,084
SOMETHING ABOUT A NAME.
502
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,150
IT'S CALLED "RAGE."
503
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,048
BEING BATMAN--
FOUR STARS.
504
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,093
- HEY.
505
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,764
HEY.
506
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,843
GET BACK HERE, CAPED BASTARD!
36361
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