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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,710 - WHAT'S IT LIKE TO GET DIVORCED? 2 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,084 - OH, NO. - THIS IS ABOUT COMMITTING 3 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,553 TO THE STANDARD THAT YOU SET. 4 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,521 "EVEN IF I BEG FOR HELP, DON'T LET ME OUT." 5 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,349 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M DIVORCING YOU. 6 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,645 IT'S THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE. 7 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,646 WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING IN MY OFFICE? 8 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,018 - YOU PAY ME IN COLLEGE CREDITS. 9 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,386 CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT? 10 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,594 - HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY LAWYER, MARK. 11 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,256 YOU'RE RIGHT--WE HAVE BEEN HOLDING EACH OTHER BACK. 12 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,696 - OH. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER 13 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,370 IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY. 14 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,999 - I'M FORREST MACNEIL, 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,113 AND MY WIFE IS PROBABLY [bleep] HER LAWYER RIGHT NOW. 16 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,068 LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY ALL WE HAVE. 17 00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,538 BUT IS IT ANY GOOD? 18 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,275 I'M A REVIEWER, BUT I DON'T REVIEW 19 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,181 FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES. 20 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,123 I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF. 21 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,118 VIVA THE REVOLUTION! 22 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,390 [crowd cheering] 23 00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,690 AAH! 24 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,692 [triumphant orchestration] 25 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:02,995 * 26 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,430 I'M FORREST MACNEIL, AND THIS IS REVIEW, 27 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,666 WHERE I'LL REVIEW ANY LIFE EXPERIENCE 28 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,141 YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT 29 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,807 AND RATE IT ON MY PATENTED FIVE-STAR SCALE. 30 00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,879 - I'M A.J. GIBBS, AND FORREST USUALLY INTRODUCES ME. 31 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,638 - YES, THAT'S TRUE. I-I'M SORRY. 32 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,377 I AM STILL SORT OF REELING 33 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,952 FROM MY RECENT REVIEW OF DIVORCE, 34 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,621 IN WHICH I LOST MY HOME AND APPARENTLY 35 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,691 HALF OF MY INCOME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 36 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,659 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T LOSE YOUR JOB. 37 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,058 - TRUE ENOUGH. THIS SHOW HELPS PEOPLE. 38 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:33,158 IT'S IMPORTANT WORK. WHAT'S MY NEXT REVIEW, A.J.? 39 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:36,401 - FIRST ONE UP IS FROM KALAMAZOO, MICHIGAN. 40 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,070 - I CAN OFTEN BE FOUND MASTURBATING 41 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,896 TO IMAGES OF CELEBRITIES, BUT I WAS WONDERING 42 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,573 WHAT'D IT BE LIKE TO ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH ONE. 43 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,473 - SLEEPING WITH A CELEBRITY, HUH? 44 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,006 [chuckles] OKAY. 45 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,340 FORREST MACNEIL GROUPIE. 46 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,507 - DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, FORREST. 47 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,845 - WHAT'S THAT? - DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. 48 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,420 - WHAT? 49 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,848 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING. 50 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,423 - WELL, AS OFTEN HAPPENS, 51 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,191 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 52 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:04,057 BUT I AM OFF TO SLEEP WITH A CELEBRITY. 53 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,731 - YOU KNOW. 54 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,499 - AS A NEWLY DIVORCED MAN, 55 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,758 THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE SEX WITH A GLAMOROUS FAMOUS PERSON 56 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,068 SEEMED LIKE JUST THE REVIEW I NEEDED. 57 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:17,210 SO HALLE BERRY AND ANGELINA JOLIE AND JLO 58 00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,305 ARE ALL SPOKEN FOR, HUH? 59 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,810 - YEAH. 60 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,081 - THE FIRST STEP WAS FINDING AN AVAILABLE STAR. 61 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,650 HMM, HERE'S SOMETHING. 62 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:28,418 ASHLEY TISDALE IS HOSTING A CHARITY EVENT HERE. 63 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,079 WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF SLEEPING WITH ASHLEY TISDALE? 64 00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,988 BE HONEST. 65 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,785 - REALLY GOOD. 66 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,585 - ASHLEY TISDALE WAS NOT ONLY THE SCENE-STEALING VILLAIN 67 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,328 IN THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL MOVIES. 68 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,603 SHE WAS ALSO DEEPLY COMMITTED TO STAMPING OUT BULLYING, 69 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,273 AND THAT COMMITMENT PUT HER WITHIN MY REACH. 70 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,342 I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN THE POWER 71 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,371 OF POSITIVE THINKING. 72 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,036 THAT'S WHY I HAVE A CONDOM. 73 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,944 I'M NOT GONNA HAVE SOME ACTRESS RAISING MY CHILD. 74 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,676 YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. [chuckles] 75 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:00,711 THE HOST ARRIVED, AND SHE WAS GORGEOUS. 76 00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:03,248 THERE WAS NO DENYING THE WHIRLPOOL OF ENERGY 77 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,451 SURROUNDING THIS CENTER OF ATTENTION. 78 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,116 WAS I STRUCK BY HER BEAUTY 79 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,264 OR SEDUCED BY THE EFFECT SHE HAD ON THE ROOM? 80 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,530 HI. HOW ARE YOU? WHAT A GREAT EVENT THIS IS. 81 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,629 I JUST WANT TO SAY KUDOS TO YOU. 82 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,890 - EXCUSE ME. - YES? 83 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:18,267 - WHY ARE YOU HOLDING A CONDOM? 84 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,366 - YEAH. [scoffs] 85 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,071 MY INITIAL INTERACTION WITH MISS TISDALE 86 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,542 COULD HAVE GONE BETTER, 87 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,311 AND ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY SOON PRESENTED ITSELF. 88 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,380 - ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE A SURPRISE ADDITIONAL ITEM-- 89 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:34,980 A WONDERFUL PRIVATE DINNER WITH MISS ASHLEY TISDALE. 90 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:38,315 - AH. - YES. 91 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,752 - I HAD TO HAVE THIS. - HOW ABOUT THAT? 92 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,958 WE'RE GONNA START THIS ONE AT $5,000. 93 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,590 - YES, $5,000. 94 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,755 - $5,000, RIGHT THERE AT TABLE 2. 95 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,304 FANTASTIC. DO I HEAR $10,000? $10,000? 96 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:51,056 - YES, YES, $10,000. $10,000. 97 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:54,668 - OKAY. UH, $10,000, TABLE 2 ALSO. 98 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,672 - YEAH--OH, I SEE. - YEAH, YEAH, OKAY. 99 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:59,444 DO I HEAR $15,000? $15,000? 100 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,483 $15,000? - $15,000. 101 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,649 - $15,000 TO THE DOTING FATHER 102 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,848 OF THAT LUCKY YOUNG LADY BACK THERE. 103 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,420 NOW, DO I HEAR $20,000? $20,000? 104 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:11,649 - YEAH, $20,000. - $20,000 FROM TABLE 2. 105 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,685 ASHLEY, I THINK YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A FAN OVER THERE. 106 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,391 - [laughs] 107 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,093 - WHAT ABOUT IT, DAD? 108 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,685 - $25,000. - $25,000. 109 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:24,198 WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A REAL BIDDING WAR GOING ON HERE. 110 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:27,501 DO I HEAR $30,000-- - $70,000. 111 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,995 ALL RIGHT? 112 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,566 - $70,000. - $70,000, OKAY? 113 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,005 WE DONE? 114 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,340 - $70,000 GOING ONCE... 115 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,513 GOING TWICE. 116 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,105 - THAT'S IT, RIGHT? - SOLD TO THAT GUY. 117 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,177 - YES! YES! 118 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,416 OKAY, THANK YOU. 119 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:49,593 $70,000, AND WORTH EVERY PENNY, I HAVE NO DOUBT. 120 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,433 [laughs] 121 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,900 I LOOK FORWARD TO OUR EVENING. 122 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,428 - HEY, BUD. - HEY. 123 00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:57,804 - HOW WAS IT? 124 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,901 - AS MY DINNER WITH MISS TISDALE DREW NEAR, 125 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,373 I FELT A STRONG DESIRE TO LET PEOPLE KNOW 126 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,510 ABOUT MY CONNECTION TO THIS FAMOUS BEAUTY 127 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:08,178 TO FEEL SOME OF HER CELEBRITY GLOW REFLECTED OFF OF MYSELF. 128 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,538 LISTEN, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO SPEND 129 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,278 THE EVENING WITH ERIC ON THURSDAY NIGHT, IT TURNS OUT. 130 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:14,851 - OKAY, WELL, I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO. 131 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,622 THAT'S NOT YOUR NIGHT. - OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. 132 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,020 YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I JUST HAVE A DATE THAT NIGHT. 133 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,992 - A DATE? OH. 134 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,621 WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. 135 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,656 - YEAH, YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY SOMEONE YOU KNOW. 136 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,163 YEAH--NOT PERSONALLY, 137 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,464 BUT FROM THE WORLD OF MOVIES AND TELEVISION. 138 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,967 IT'S, UH, ASHLEY TISDALE? 139 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,169 - I'M SORRY? - YEAH. 140 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,840 - WHO IS IT? - ASHLEY TISDALE. 141 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,168 - OH. - YES. 142 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,973 - HUH. - YEAH, SHE AND I ARE GOING OUT 143 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,205 FOR AMERICAN BISTRO FOOD... 144 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,469 - ARE YOU? - ON THURSDAY. 145 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,578 IT SHOULD BE-- IT SHOULD BE NICE. 146 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,580 - WHAT, DID YOU WIN A DATE WITH HER 147 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:45,982 AT SOME CHARITY AUCTION OR SOMETHING? 148 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,983 - [laughs] 149 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,916 IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? - [sighs] 150 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,021 FORREST, PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T PAY $10,000 151 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,823 TO HAVE DINNER WITH A FAMOUS PERSON. 152 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,887 - I DID NOT PAY $10,000 TO HAVE DINNER WITH ANYONE. 153 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,797 - WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC. 154 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,999 - WOULD IT REALLY? - YEAH. 155 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,302 ARE WE DONE HERE? - ABSOLUTELY. 156 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,804 IF JUST THE IDEA OF A DATE WITH A CELEBRITY 157 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,837 WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY EX-WIFE JEALOUS, 158 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,012 HOW WOULD SHE REACT TO THE ROUND OF SEX 159 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,781 I WOULD SOON HAVE WITH MISS ASHLEY TISDALE? 160 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,451 - [sighs] 161 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:26,453 I COURTED SUZANNE FOR AN EXCRUCIATING 13 MONTHS 162 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,517 BEFORE SHE ALLOWED ME TO BE PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH HER. 163 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,117 WHATEVER MAGIC I WORKED THEN, 164 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,688 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CONDENSE 165 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,496 INTO THE TIME IT TAKES TO EAT THIS MEAL 166 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,858 OF AMERICAN BISTRO FOOD. 167 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,127 OH. - HI. 168 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,965 - YES, HELLO. - I'M ASHLEY. 169 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,470 AND THIS IS MY BODYGUARD. - OH, OKAY. 170 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,303 WONDERFUL. LISTEN, HEY, I GOT YOU THESE FLOWERS. 171 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,137 THESE ARE FOR YOU. - OH, THANK YOU. 172 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,483 - YES, IT'S GOOD. YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. 173 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,209 - OH, THANK YOU. - YES, THANK YOU 174 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,853 FOR LOOKING SO BEAUTIFUL. 175 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,179 - AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION. 176 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,724 - WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE A SON 177 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,319 WHO'S EXTREMELY SHORT FOR HIS AGE. 178 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,850 - OH, SO YOU'RE MARRIED? - QUITE THE CONTRARY. 179 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,987 I AM RECENTLY DIVORCED AND GETTING OUT THERE. 180 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:06,093 SO YOUR TIMING IS PRETTY GOOD. 181 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,096 YES. 182 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,728 YEAH. - [chuckles nervously] 183 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:13,573 - YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I DABBLE IN PALM READING. 184 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,101 MAY I? 185 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,965 - OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOOD. 186 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,944 I'M GOOD. I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF. 187 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,612 - OH, WELL, IT'S MAINLY JUST SORT OF FOR FUN, 188 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:25,082 TO TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, YOUR HEART LINE. 189 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,952 - NO. - YEAH. 190 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,250 MM, OKAY. YEAH. 191 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,792 MY--MY LOVE LINE, IF IT'S THIS ONE, IS ALL-- 192 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,319 GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND. 193 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,163 YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT A PALM READ-- 194 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,528 - I'M--I'M GOOD. 195 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,426 - UM, YOU--I IMAGINE THAT BEING A CELEBRITY 196 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,959 IS VERY, VERY STRESSFUL. 197 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,526 - NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S REALLY FUN. 198 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,333 IT'S REALLY FUN. - WITH CERTAIN STRESSES, 199 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:51,197 IN TERMS OF KEEPING UP PUBLIC APPEARANCES 200 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,438 AND--AND ALL THAT. - NO. 201 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,440 I-I REALLY ENJOY IT. I LOVE IT. 202 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,442 - WELL, NO WONDER YOU'RE CARRYING ALL THAT TENSION 203 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,884 IN YOUR SHOULDERS. - I'M CARRYING--NO. 204 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,051 NO, NO, NO. - SO WHY DON'T I SEE 205 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,579 IF I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT? 206 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,284 - YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T NEED TO GET UP. 207 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,915 YOU DON'T NEED TO GET UP. - NO, WELL, I'LL-- 208 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,621 I THINK I'LL JUST GIVE YOU A LITTLE BACK RUB HERE. 209 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,093 IT SHOULD'VE COME AS NO SURPRISE 210 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,190 THAT MISS TISDALE WAS ACTING COY. 211 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,892 TO A CELEBRITY, AN EVENING OF SEX 212 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,094 IS A COVETED PRIZE THAT CANNOT BE HANDED OUT 213 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,356 TO JUST ANYONE WITH NO APPARENT BENEFIT 214 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,425 IN THE FORM OF DRUGS OR CAREER ADVANCEMENT. 215 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,974 - I'M OKAY. - OKAY. 216 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,299 - I'M JUST EXCITED FOR DINNER. 217 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,573 - GOOD. SO, UH... 218 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,270 - OH, GOOD. THANKS. 219 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,436 - OKAY. 220 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,635 I'M JUST GONNA BE VERY BLUNT WITH YOU. 221 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,648 - OH, BOY. 222 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,579 - MY INTEREST IN THIS DATE 223 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:36,381 ACTUALLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOOD, 224 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,086 EVEN THOUGH THIS RIB TASTER FOR TWO 225 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,648 IS DEFINITELY CALLING TO ME, NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. 226 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,118 BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS IF YOU ARE INTERESTED 227 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,387 IN GETTING OUT OF HERE AND GOING STRAIGHT TO DESSERT... 228 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,827 [cell phone rings] 229 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,332 - OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM SO SORRY. 230 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,333 I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. HELLO? 231 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,125 - FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL, 232 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,067 FAKE PHONE CALL. - WHAT? 233 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,503 - FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL, 234 00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,835 FAKE PHONE CALL. - RIGHT NOW? 235 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,513 - FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL, 236 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,139 FAKE PHONE CALL. 237 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,376 - OH, MY GOD, OKAY. I AM SO SORRY. 238 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,152 A BAD THING HAPPENED, AND IT'S AN EMERGENCY. 239 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:10,181 AND I'VE GOT TO GO. I'M SO SORRY. 240 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,687 - NO PROBLEM. LISTEN, AS I WAS SAYING-- 241 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,149 - NO, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE-- PLEASE, STAY HERE. 242 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,616 JUST ENJOY YOUR DINNER. 243 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,262 - I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THE FOOD AT ALL. 244 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,329 - EAT YOUR DINNER. 245 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:22,358 THANK YOU FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION. 246 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,644 - AH... 247 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,636 [laughs] 248 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:34,008 "THANK YOU FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION," 249 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:38,051 IN THIS CASE MEANS I WILL NOT BE HAVING SEX. 250 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:47,793 I WILL HAVE THE RIB TASTER FOR TWO, PLEASE. 251 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,525 WELL, I HAVE JUST EATEN TWO MASSIVE PLATES OF RIBS, 252 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,095 BUT I'M STILL GOING TO TRY AND HAVE SEX TONIGHT. 253 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,904 THIS IS A HOLLYWOOD HOT SPOT, 254 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,136 AND I'VE BEEN SCANNING THE ROOM FOR CELEBRITIES. 255 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,913 I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND ONE. 256 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:13,613 [clears throat] PARDON ME, MISS TAYLOR SWIFT. 257 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,547 I WAS-- OH--OH, I'M SORRY. 258 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,382 SHE WAS NOT TAYLOR SWIFT, 259 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,117 BUT SHE WAS TAMMY CASWELL, 260 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,552 AND SHE WASTED NO TIME IDENTIFYING HERSELF 261 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,988 AS A REAL HOUSEWIFE OF BEVERLY HILLS-- 262 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,334 A SHOW I HAD HEARD OF BUT NEVER SEEN. 263 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:30,259 - YOU KNOW, I, UH, DABBLE IN PALM READING A BIT. 264 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,797 - HOW'S MY PASSION LINE? 265 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,972 - BECAUSE I WAS STILL LIVING IN MY OFFICE 266 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,401 AND MY INTERN, JOSH, HAD CALLED DIBS ON THE COUCH, 267 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,606 WE WENT TO HER PLACE. 268 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,568 I WILL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS, 269 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,637 BUT SEX WITH MISS CASWELL WAS EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT. 270 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,637 OKAY. 271 00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,908 REAL HOUSEWIVES... 272 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,276 THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE WAS KNOWN 273 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,324 TO MILLIONS OF TV VIEWERS, HOWEVER, 274 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,419 ENABLED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH THE FIRST WOMAN 275 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,021 I'D BEEN WITH SINCE MY DIVORCE. 276 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,463 IT WAS QUITE A THRILL TO GET TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE 277 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,188 FROM THAT SHOW. [chuckles] 278 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,434 - REALLY? - YEAH. 279 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,828 - WHO? 280 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,401 - YOU. 281 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,030 YOU WERE NOT ON THE TELEVISION SHOW? 282 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:10,166 - I'M A HOUSEWIFE, AND I LIVE IN BEVERLY HILLS ADJACENT. 283 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,013 - BUT I WAS TROUBLED TO LEARN THAT TAMMY CASWELL 284 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,610 WAS NOT AN ACTUAL CELEBRITY. 285 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,582 AND MY SEARCH CONTINUED. 286 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,110 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HEY! 287 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:23,147 HEY! YOU WANT TO GREEK ME? 288 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,993 - DESPITE SPENDING AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY 289 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,791 AND A DEMORALIZING EVENING WITH A MARRIED WOMAN, 290 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,193 I STILL HAD NOT SLEPT WITH A CELEBRITY. 291 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,585 - THERE YOU GO. 292 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,526 SHE'LL LET YOU SLEEP WITH HER. 293 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,462 - AUTHOR DIANE MASSEY. 294 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:41,767 DOES SHE COUNT AS A CELEBRITY? - FOR YOU? YES. 295 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,669 - "I WAS... 296 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:47,841 "NUMB WITH SORROW. 297 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,305 "ROY WAS GONE, 298 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:54,953 AND I WOULD HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM." 299 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,322 - BEHIND ME IS DIANE MASSEY, 300 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:01,520 ONE-TIME TRAFFIC REPORTER FOR K.L.O.W.'S LOCAL NEWS. 301 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,924 SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER HER TO BE 302 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,226 THE ASHLEY TISDALE OF TRAFFIC REPORTING. 303 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,799 SHE HAS WRITTEN A MEMOIR ABOUT COPING WITH THE DEATH 304 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,959 OF HER HUSBAND, ROY. 305 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:13,798 HE DIED IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT, IRONICALLY ENOUGH. 306 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,641 ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? [light applause] 307 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,398 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS. 308 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,807 - OF COURSE. 309 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,236 - RECENTLY, UH... 310 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,244 I RECENTLY LOST MY WIFE. 311 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:27,816 DIANE WAS A SWEET, SAD WOMAN IN A HIGHLY VULNERABLE STATE. 312 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,818 I GOT TO HAND IT TO LUCILLE. SHE CALLED IT. 313 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:35,121 AND DIANE'S NEED FOR LOVING CARE MADE MY TASK ALL TOO EASY. 314 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:39,155 - IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE I CAN DO FOR YOU? 315 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,832 - AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE IS. 316 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:42,828 - OKAY. OH. 317 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,830 YEAH, OH. OH, GOD. - MM-HMM. 318 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,972 THE GLAMOUR OF SLEEPING WITH A FAMOUS WOMAN WAS UNDENIABLE. 319 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,001 BUT ULTIMATELY, WE WERE JUST PEOPLE, 320 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,837 AND OUR SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WOULD END THE WAY THEY USUALLY DO. 321 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,914 - OH, NO! 322 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,613 [crying] OH, ROY! 323 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,506 OH. 324 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,518 BRING ME ROY. 325 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,050 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT--I'M SORRY. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. 326 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,256 - GIVE ME RO-- BRING ME HIS ASHES. 327 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,259 BRING ME ROY. 328 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,991 [sobbing] 329 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,727 - ALL RIGHT. - BRING ME HIS ASHES. 330 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,071 OH, MY ROY. 331 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,536 OH, MY ROY. 332 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,614 [sobbing] 333 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,682 - I'LL PROBABLY, UH-- PROBABLY GET GOING THERE. 334 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,952 - YOU CAN CALL ME IF YOU WANT. - OKAY. 335 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,282 - GOOD FOR YOU, FORREST-- ON THE REBOUND. 336 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,587 - THANK YOU. 337 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,688 - THE SADDEST REBOUND ANYONE EVER SAW. 338 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,060 - WITHOUT A DOUBT. 339 00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:44,959 SLEEPING WITH A CELEBRITY-- ONE STAR. 340 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,599 I SUPPOSE THERE'S STILL MUCH MORE LIFE TO EXPLORE, HUH? 341 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,129 - THERE SURE IS, FORREST. - HA HA. 342 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,925 SO WHAT'S MY NEXT REVIEW? 343 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:57,637 - OKAY, TEN-YEAR-OLD DANNY CRUZ FROM PERRYTON, TEXAS, 344 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,240 POSTED ON OUR WEBSITE. 345 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:03,442 HE WANTS TO KNOW "IS IT COOL TO BE BATMAN?" 346 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,046 HEY. 347 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,808 - WHO CARES, DANNY? 348 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,915 LET'S FIND OUT. [clears throat] 349 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,190 MY FORAY INTO THE WORLD OF CELEBRITY LOVEMAKING 350 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,163 HAD LEFT ME IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION 351 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,991 THAT MADE THIS TASK FEEL ESPECIALLY POINTLESS. 352 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,058 IT WAS BATMAN, RIGHT? - BATMAN! FLY! 353 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,196 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 354 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,967 I MISSED MY BATWOMAN, SUZANNE, 355 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,836 AND MY BAT-SON... 356 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,242 BAT-EVERYTHING. 357 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,306 HEY, THE BIKE LANES ARE CLEARLY MARKED. 358 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:42,316 - [bleep] YOU, BATMAN! 359 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,679 - [bleep] YOU. 360 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,686 [bleep]. 361 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,488 BUT I DID MY BEST TO FIND CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS 362 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,391 OR AS CLOSE AS I COULD COME. 363 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,163 EXCUSE ME. 364 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,732 THIS SHOPPING CART DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. 365 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,261 I'LL BRING IT BACK TO THE FOOD SAVER. 366 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,667 - WHAT? 367 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,168 - I'M BATMAN. 368 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,240 IT WAS CLEAR TO ME THAT THE IDEA 369 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,069 OF A PRIVATE CITIZEN FIGHTING CRIME 370 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,344 IS OF NO VALUE WHATSOEVER. 371 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:09,978 THAT SHOULD BE LEFT TO POLICE OFFICERS 372 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,507 WITH THE PROPER TRAINING, EQUIPMENT, 373 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,584 AND ACCOUNTABILITY TO SOCIETY. 374 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:17,993 HOW THIS NEVER OCCURRED TO BATMAN IS BEYOND ME. 375 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,985 YOO-HOO. 376 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,417 YOU'RE BREAKING THE LAW RIGHT NOW. 377 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,594 YOU MIND COMING WITH ME TO THE POLICE STATION? 378 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,522 - HA HA. IT'S BATMAN. 379 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,987 - STOP--OW. THAT'S DISGUSTING. 380 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,127 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? [cell phone rings] 381 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:32,532 - WHAT? - CONTROL YOURSELF. 382 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,165 HELLO? - WHERE ARE YOU? 383 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,541 WE'RE AT THE COURTHOUSE. - WHAT? 384 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,998 NO. - I DON'T KNOW-- 385 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,474 - NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, THAT WAS TOMORROW. 386 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,436 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 387 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,484 I'M HERE. I JUST GOT HERE. 388 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,279 WHAT FLOOR ARE YOU GUYS ON? 389 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,811 OKAY. WELL, WHICH WAY IS IT? 390 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,845 WHICH WAY DO YOU GO IN ONCE YOU'RE UP TOP, 391 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,350 ONCE YOU'RE AT THE BEGINNING? 392 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,782 OH. 393 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,717 OH, YOU CAME IN THROUGH THE PARKING GARAGE? 394 00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,152 WELL, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE LOBBY, IS IT ALL 395 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:58,027 ONE LOBBY FOR EVERYTHING, OR IS IT...? 396 00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,455 IF YOU'RE STANDING ON THE SIDEWALK--HANG ON. 397 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,633 HEY, YOU GUYS, DO YOU KNOW WHERE FAMILY COURT IS? 398 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,403 WHAT FL--OR WHICH ENTRANCE YOU GO IN FOR FAMILY COURT? 399 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,273 IS IT THE MIDDLE? OKAY, THANK YOU. 400 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,101 YEAH, I GOT IT. I'M GOING IN THE MIDDLE DOOR. 401 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,107 [elevator beeping] 402 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,912 - FORREST? - YES. 403 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:19,283 SUZANNE, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU FOR JUST ONE SECOND, PLEASE? 404 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,312 JUST ONE SECOND, PLEASE. 405 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:22,748 - WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THIS? 406 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,092 ARE YOU GOING CRAZY? - NO. 407 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,548 LET'S NOT DO THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE DIVORCED. 408 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,887 LET'S JUST GO-- - OKAY, FORREST, 409 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,261 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT 410 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,160 IN THE BEST FRAME OF MIND RIGHT NOW, OKAY? 411 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,792 - I AM THINKING VERY CLEARLY. - YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT. 412 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,927 BUT I AM CERTAIN THAT THIS IS BEST FOR US, OKAY? 413 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,295 - HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? 414 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,773 WE HAVE A LIFE TOGETHER. - I CAN'T-- 415 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,741 - MACNEIL! 416 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,740 - [sighs] 417 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:46,972 - SUZANNE--SUZANNE. 418 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,814 - STOP IT. I'M SORRY. 419 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,241 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 420 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:52,608 - THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WEDNESDAY. 421 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:55,945 - I WAS LOOKING AT LAST YEAR'S CALENDAR. 422 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,852 - [sighing] 423 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,659 - ...WITH ALL OTHER ASSETS HELD IN TRUST 424 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,091 UNTIL THE TIME STIPULATED. 425 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,797 - AGREED. 426 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,828 - WELL, SHALL WE MOVE ON TO CUSTODY? 427 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,733 - I THINK WE CAN AGREE ON JOINT CUSTODY. 428 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,896 50/50. - ACTUALLY, NO. 429 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,665 MY CLIENT FEELS THAT SOLE CUSTODY 430 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,414 WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. 431 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:24,009 - SOLE CUSTODY BY WHICH PARENT? 432 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:27,111 - MY--MY CLIENT. - ON WHAT GROUNDS? 433 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,677 - THERE ARE GRAVE CONCERNS ABOUT MR. MACNEIL'S ABILITY 434 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,576 TO BE A FIT PARENT. 435 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,748 - THAT IS RIDICULOUS. 436 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,516 WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT? 437 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,755 SUZANNE. 438 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,289 - IN RECENT WEEKS, MR. MACNEIL 439 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,425 HAD A DRUG-INDUCED PSYCHOTIC EPISODE 440 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,460 WHILE SUPERVISING HIS SON'S CAMPING TRIP. 441 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,964 - [sighs] - MM-HMM. 442 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,855 - HE TOOK MONEY FROM THE BOY'S COLLEGE FUND 443 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,127 TO PURCHASE A $4,000 SEX DOLL. 444 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:51,137 HE ATTENDED PROM AS THE DATE OF A 17-YEAR-OLD GIRL 445 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,311 AND OVERDOSED ON COCAINE AT SAID PROM. 446 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,710 HE IS AN AVOWED RACIST 447 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:59,212 AND MOST RECENTLY CONSUMED PANCAKES 448 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,846 TO THE POINT OF ENDANGERING HIS OWN LIFE. 449 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,252 - IS THAT ALL? 450 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,854 - WELL, HE SHOWED UP TO A CUSTODY HEARING 451 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,755 DRESSED AS BATMAN AND COVERED IN HIS OWN URINE. 452 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,918 - IS ALL OF THIS TRUE? 453 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,661 - IT'S NOT MY URINE. 454 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,904 AND JUST LIKE THAT, WITHOUT WARNING, 455 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,466 I HAD LOST MY FAMILY. 456 00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,376 THE INJUSTICE WAS UNREMITTING. 457 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,809 AND THEN IT HIT ME 458 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,983 THAT THIS WAS EXACTLY HOW BRUCE WAYNE FELT 459 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:35,182 AFTER THE MURDER OF HIS PARENTS. 460 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,982 I COULD USE THAT. 461 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,886 MY EARLIER ATTEMPT TO LIVE AS BATMAN 462 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,818 WAS HALFHEARTED JEST, THE STUFF OF SCHUMACHER. 463 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:45,334 NOW, ON BEHALF OF THOSE WHO CRY OUT FOR MOTHER JUSTICE, 464 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,558 I WAS REBORN. 465 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,264 - DUDE, I GAVE YOU A 20. 466 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:53,397 - THOUGH I DID NOT KNOW WHICH ONE OF THESE MEN WAS RIGHT, 467 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,343 I NOW UNDERSTOOD THAT CIVILIZED QUIBBLING 468 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,738 GETS YOU NOWHERE. 469 00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:00,109 TO SAVE GOTHAM, ACTION WOULD BE REQUIRED. 470 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,854 - YEAH. 471 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,356 DUDE, YOU'RE BADASS. 472 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,388 - GET OUT. 473 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,699 COME ON. 474 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:26,872 [doorbell chimes] 475 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,899 [vending machine beeping] 476 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,740 NO. 477 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:40,775 NO! 478 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,720 I'M BATMAN. 479 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,772 YOU TOOK MY OFFICE. 480 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,474 I WANT YOU OUT. 481 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,306 - I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'VE GOT DIBS ON THE OFFICE. 482 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:09,581 - [grunts] 483 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,879 - STOP. - GET OUT, GET OUT. 484 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,140 HEY. 485 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,778 GET OUT OF MY OFFICE. - STOP--OW! 486 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,253 - THIS IS A WORKPLACE. - YOU DON'T PAY ME! 487 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,753 - IT DOESN'T MATTER! 488 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:18,754 GET UP. GET OUT OF HERE. 489 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,245 TAKE ALL YOUR CRAP. 490 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,817 THIS IS THE BATCAVE. 491 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,894 INTERNS DON'T SLEEP IN THE BATCAVE. 492 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,393 - IT'S NOT YOUR BATCAVE. IT'S FULL OF YOUR-- 493 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,055 - THESE DRUGS ARE GONNA MELT YOUR MIND. 494 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,833 - THERE'S NO DRUGS. IT'S JUST A BONG. 495 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,161 - SHUT UP. 496 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,556 AS DAWN CAME, I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND 497 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:32,998 THAT A QUEST FOR JUSTICE 498 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:36,742 WAS ONLY PART OF WHAT FUELS A GOOD BATMAN. 499 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,809 THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE THERE TOO-- 500 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,938 SOMETHING LURKING IN THE SHADOWS OF A SOUL, 501 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,084 SOMETHING ABOUT A NAME. 502 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,150 IT'S CALLED "RAGE." 503 00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,048 BEING BATMAN-- FOUR STARS. 504 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,093 - HEY. 505 00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,764 HEY. 506 00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,843 GET BACK HERE, CAPED BASTARD! 36361

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