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1
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,880
- LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY
ALL WE HAVE.
2
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,251
BUT IS IT ANY GOOD?
3
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,710
I'M A REVIEWER,
BUT I DON'T REVIEW
4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,917
FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES.
5
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,989
I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF.
6
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918
VIVA THE REVOLUTION!
7
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,193
[crowd cheering]
8
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,434
[Taser crackling]
AGH!
9
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,429
[triumphant fanfare]
10
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:32,432
*
11
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,696
HELLO,
AND WELCOME TO REVIEW.
12
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,765
I'M FORREST MACNEIL,
AND AS ALWAYS,
13
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,214
I WILL REVIEW ANY EXPERIENCE
YOU WANT ME TO,
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,540
NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
15
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,014
- YOU READY, FORREST?
- YES, I AM.
16
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,512
- OKAY.
17
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,614
THIS COMES FROM NICK
IN SYOSSET, NEW YORK.
18
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,876
- AHA.
19
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,284
- HEY, FORREST.
20
00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:50,516
SO, ON THE BACK OF THIS BOX
OF PANCAKE MIX,
21
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,951
THEY TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE
15 PANCAKES,
22
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,516
BUT IT DOESN'T TELL YOU
HOW TO MAKE ANY FEWER THAN THAT.
23
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,056
SO HERE'S THE THING--
I LIVE ALONE.
24
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,132
DO THEY EXPECT ME
TO EAT 15 PANCAKES?
25
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:04,932
WHAT'S IT LIKE
TO EAT 15 PANCAKES?
26
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,995
- NO. REALLY?
27
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,604
THAT'S THE, UH--
28
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,296
THAT'S THE PROFOUND
LIFE EXPERIENCE
29
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,268
HE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT--
EATING 15 PANCAKES?
30
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,506
- THAT'S HIS REQUEST, SO...
31
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:17,452
- YES, THAT IS...
[clears throat]
32
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,848
THE REQUEST
THAT HAS BEEN MADE.
33
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,509
OKAY, NICK,
34
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,348
I'M GOING TO COVER YOUR REQUEST
IN BUTTER AND SYRUP
35
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,853
AND DIG IN TO TRY TO FIND
SOME IMPORTANT MEANING
36
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:29,185
IN A GIANT, STEAMING PILE
OF FLAPJACKS.
37
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,493
EATING 15 PANCAKES.
38
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,825
- YUM.
- AHH.
39
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,501
THOUGH THIS TASK
WAS CLEARLY MORE SUITED
40
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,799
TO A FRATERNITY BROTHER
WHO HAD LOST A BET
41
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,201
THAN TO A LIFE REVIEWER,
42
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,343
I PREPARED MY STOMACH
AND MY NERVES
43
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:44,839
FOR A VERY LARGE BREAKFAST.
44
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,872
THE WORLD RECORD
FOR PANCAKES EATEN
45
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:50,407
IN ONE SITTING
IS 73 PANCAKES.
46
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,854
THAT IS HELD
BY A RUSSIAN MAN
47
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,579
WHOSE LIFE MUST BE
AN UNENDURABLE HELLSCAPE
48
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,715
OF EXCRUCIATING SADNESS.
49
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,420
PERSONALLY, I DOUBT
I'VE EVER HAD
50
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,222
MORE THAN TWO PANCAKES
IN A MONTH.
51
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,194
- OKAY, FIVE TALL STACKS
OF PANCAKES.
52
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,891
- YES.
53
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,655
- THEY SAY BACK IN THE KITCHEN
IF YOU CAN FINISH IT ALL,
54
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,234
WE'LL PUT YOUR PICTURE
UP ON THE WALL.
55
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,602
- MM, NO, I DON'T THINK SO,
BUT THANK YOU.
56
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,102
MAY I HAVE AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT
OF WATER, PLEASE?
57
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,471
- YOU GOT IT.
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
58
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:19,643
THIS CERTAINLY IS
AN UPSETTING NUMBER OF PANCAKES.
59
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,073
HERE WE GO.
60
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:24,078
[dramatic music]
61
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,681
*
62
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,524
THEY'RE TASTY...
63
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,349
FOR NOW.
64
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:34,464
*
65
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,458
THREE PANCAKES IN,
AND I ALREADY FEEL
66
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,660
THAT I HAVE
GREATLY OVERINDULGED.
67
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,933
I AM FULL OF PANCAKES.
68
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,602
ANY RATIONAL PERSON
FEELING THE WAY I DO NOW
69
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,502
WOULD DEFINITELY STOP.
70
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,544
[chuckles]
71
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:58,381
*
72
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:01,882
THERE'S A VERY LOUD THRUMMING
IN MY EARS.
73
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,594
THE BLOOD FEELS VERY SLOW.
74
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,915
OH, GOD.
75
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,698
I HAVE NOW EATEN
TEN PANCAKES,
76
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,628
AND ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
I CAN SEE THE LIGHT
77
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,565
AT THE END OF THIS
DISGUSTING TUNNEL, BUT...
78
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,642
IT HAS NOW BEEN 45 MINUTES
79
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:25,912
SINCE I STARTED EATING,
80
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:30,739
AND THE PANCAKES
ARE NO LONGER HOT.
81
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,578
THESE AREN'T FOOD.
82
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,892
- YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, BABY.
83
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:48,395
- WITH 1 1/2 PANCAKES TO GO,
I HAD HIT A WALL.
84
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,899
MY PRODUCER, GRANT,
MADE THE UNPRECEDENTED MOVE
85
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,801
OF STEPPING OUT
FROM BEHIND THE CAMERAS
86
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,773
TO PROVIDE MUCH-NEEDED
MORAL SUPPORT.
87
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,843
- HEY, YOU KNOW YOU GOT
TO FINISH THESE PANCAKES, RIGHT?
88
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,572
- YEAH.
89
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,394
- YOU DO, MAN.
- MM.
90
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,593
- THIS IS YOUR SHOW.
DON'T BAIL ON IT.
91
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,985
- GO AWAY, PLEASE.
92
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,526
- I'M JUST DOING
WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO.
93
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:21,931
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU
BACK DOWN.
94
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,832
REMEMBER?
95
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:27,004
"EVEN IF I BEG TO STOP,
DON'T LET ME."
96
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,244
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.
97
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:31,236
- THIS ONE IS REALLY STUPID.
98
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,347
- DO YOU REMEMBER
WHAT YOU TOLD ME
99
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,049
ABOUT THE GUY
WHO SPENT ALL HIS TIME
100
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,593
GROWING FUNGUS ON A STICK?
101
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,019
AND EVERYBODY TOLD HIM
TO KNOCK IT OFF,
102
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,415
AND HE WAS GONNA,
103
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,087
UNTIL IT TURNED OUT
TO BE PENICILLIN.
104
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,694
- MM-HMM.
105
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,456
- THIS COULD BE
YOUR PENICILLIN, FORREST.
106
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,497
- [sighs]
107
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,512
[suspenseful music]
108
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:19,545
*
109
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,395
[laughter,
cheers, and applause]
110
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,900
- YOU DID IT.
YOU DID IT!
111
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:35,472
[laughing]
112
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,513
OKAY, I'LL TAKE THIS
WHEN YOU'RE READY.
113
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,151
- AS I LEFT THE RESTAURANT,
114
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,748
I SCANNED MY SOUL
FOR SOME GREATER WISDOM
115
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,521
TO SHARE WITH HUMANITY.
116
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,790
[heaving]
117
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,530
[spits]
UGH.
118
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:01,259
[groaning softly]
119
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,138
YEAH, THERE'S NOT REALLY
120
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,799
A WHOLE LOT MORE
TO SAY ABOUT THAT.
121
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,508
IT WAS EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT
AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED
122
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,970
AT ALL COSTS.
123
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,907
EATING 15 PANCAKES--
HALF A STAR.
124
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,754
ALL RIGHT, A.J.,
I HOPE MY NEXT REVIEW
125
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,309
IS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANTIAL
THAN MY LAST ONE.
126
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,578
- WE'LL SEE.
- YEAH.
127
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,347
- OKAY, THIS COMES
FROM LADYTARA
128
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,753
IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.
129
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,187
- AH.
130
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,191
- HELLO. WHAT'S IT LIKE
TO GET A DIVORCE?
131
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,494
- OH, NO.
132
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,497
- WHAT'S IT LIKE TO, UH...
133
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,342
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO--
134
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,540
TO GET DIVORCED?
[clears throat]
135
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,779
UH...
136
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,154
THIS REVIEW WOULD INDEED
BE SUBSTANTIAL.
137
00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:02,024
ENDING MY MARRIAGE WAS BY FAR
MY WEIGHTIEST REVIEW YET.
138
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,785
THIS WOULD TEST THE LIMITS
OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE.
139
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,000
- SUZANNE AND I HAVE ENJOYED
140
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,202
THE MOST LOVING,
FUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE
141
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,674
IN MACNEIL FAMILY HISTORY.
142
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,573
- I JUST WANT TO DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
143
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,865
- AND THOUGH WE HAD
OUR ARGUMENTS, WE ALWAYS MANAGED
144
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,507
TO WORK THINGS OUT.
145
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,883
WAS ALL THAT
REALLY GOING TO END?
146
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,551
- NO!
- WHOO!
147
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:29,049
- BEFORE UNDOING 14 YEARS
WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,
148
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:32,352
I NEEDED TO REVIEW THE TERMS
OF THIS EXERCISE.
149
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,515
WHAT IF I, LIKE,
JUST MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE
150
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,527
FOR A DAY OR A WEEK
OR WHATEVER
151
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,726
AND THEN JUST DIVORCED
THAT PERSON,
152
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,102
YOU KNOW...
153
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,730
- WELL, LOOK,
IF YOU WANT IDEAS
154
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,696
FOR EASY WAYS
OUT OF THINGS,
155
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,365
YOU'VE COME
TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
156
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,142
BUT THIS ISN'T
ABOUT FINDING LOOPHOLES.
157
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,881
THIS IS ABOUT COMMITTING
TO THE STANDARD THAT YOU SET.
158
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,208
[phone ringing]
159
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,384
"EVEN IF I BEG FOR HELP...
160
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,548
DON'T LET ME OUT,"
RIGHT?
161
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,323
- YEAH.
162
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,551
- WHO SAID THAT?
163
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,987
- [whispering]
I DID.
164
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,561
[normal voice]
YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS.
165
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,790
IT SEEMED THAT TO HONOR
MY COMMITMENT TO THIS SHOW,
166
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,396
I WOULD HAVE TO REND
MY FAMILY IN TWO.
167
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,428
THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND IT.
168
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:22,965
- HI.
169
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,213
- [sighs]
170
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,709
PFFFT.
171
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,681
THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TALK
WITH YOU ABOUT.
172
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,580
- OKAY.
173
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,918
- I WANT A DIVORCE.
- [laughs]
174
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,651
HA HA.
GOOD ONE, FORREST.
175
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,158
[chuckles]
176
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,590
- [sighs]
177
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,602
- DO YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE ROOT-BEER FLOATS?
178
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,669
FORREST?
- I'M NOT JOKING.
179
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,141
- WHAT?
180
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,411
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M DIVORCING YOU.
181
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,914
[sighs] I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW TERRIBLE IT FEELS.
182
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:11,447
- WAIT, WHY?
WHY--WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
183
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,454
[breathing heavily]
OKAY.
184
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,316
- WHY NOT?
- WHY NOT?
185
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,955
- YEAH.
- FORREST, THINGS HAVE BEEN
186
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,460
JUST AS GOOD BETWEEN US
AS THEY'VE EVER BEEN.
187
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,931
- WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
188
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,260
FOR GOING OUT
ON A HIGH NOTE, YOU KNOW?
189
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,964
- A HIGH NOTE?
- UH...
190
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,696
- OKAY, ARE YOU--
ARE YOU SEEING SOMEONE?
191
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,172
- NO, I'M NOT SEEING--
I'M REALLY NOT.
192
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,939
I WISH I COULD TELL YOU
THAT I WAS.
193
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,638
- OKAY, WELL, THEN IS IT
A MIDLIFE CRISIS OR SOMETHING?
194
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,011
'CAUSE WE COULD WORK ON IT
TOGETHER.
195
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,469
- [groaning]
- I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU.
196
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,036
- WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE
A REASON?
197
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,975
- WHY--WHAT--THERE HAS TO BE
A REASON, FORREST.
198
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,810
- STOP LOOKING FOR A REASON!
199
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,817
WE HAVE TO GET DIVORCED!
200
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,049
- WHY?
201
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,653
- ENOUGH OF BEING MARRIED!
202
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,857
I KNOW THIS IS VERY HARD.
THIS IS REALLY HARD.
203
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,719
THIS IS A LOT HARDER
THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.
204
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,528
- [crying] YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
- NO, LISTEN, I REALLY DO.
205
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,029
- THAT'S IT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME.
- NO, I REALLY DO.
206
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,501
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
- OH, MY GOD, ERIC.
207
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,228
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT ERIC?
- AH, YEAH.
208
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,695
[groans]
209
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,803
[huffs and puffs]
210
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,065
HE IS NOT GONNA LIKE THIS.
211
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,973
- HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT?
212
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,665
THAT'S YOUR ANSWER?
HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT?
213
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,407
- OW! OW, OW, OW, OW!
- OKAY.
214
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,211
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
PEOPLE GET DIVORCED ALL THE T--
215
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,583
- DON'T TOUCH ME!
216
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,181
YOU ARE GONNA DIE ALONE!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
217
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,584
I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE
WOULD LOVE YOU!
218
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,315
- YEAH.
- YOU'RE WEIRD!
219
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,390
SO GET OUT OF HERE.
220
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,049
- WELL, I THOUGHT
I WOULD SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
221
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,818
DO YOU KNOW IF THERE'S
ANY CLEAN SINGLE SHEETS?
222
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,026
- I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.
223
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,155
[sentimental music]
224
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,098
- MY SUDDEN SINGLEHOOD
LANDED ON ME
225
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,874
LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.
226
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,538
I WAS, IN A WORD,
COMPLETELY DEVASTATED.
227
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,044
OH!
[thud]
228
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,547
[metal clatters]
229
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:51,579
*
230
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,548
AND I WOULD SPEND
MY FIRST NIGHT ALONE
231
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,616
IN THE COLD EMBRACE
OF THE JOB
232
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,926
THAT HAD DESTROYED
MY MARRIAGE.
233
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:06,030
*
234
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,095
- OH, HEY!
- [groans]
235
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:13,107
- JOSH, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING
IN MY OFFICE?
236
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,280
- 'CAUSE YOU PAY ME
IN COLLEGE CREDITS.
237
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,178
CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT?
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
238
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,380
- YOU SLEEP HERE EVERY NIGHT?
- YEAH.
239
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,282
- HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING THAT?
240
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,554
- SINCE THE BEGINNING.
241
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,152
THAT'S WHY I TOOK
THE INTERNSHIP.
242
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,024
YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE
A SECURITY GUARD.
243
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:29,193
- [sighs]
244
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,462
I HAVE TO HAVE MEETINGS
ON THAT COUCH.
245
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,162
THAT'S A--
THAT'S A WORK COUCH.
246
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,265
- CLOSE THE DOOR!
- OH, GOD.
247
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,067
DEPRIVED OF THE COMFORTS
OF MARRIED LIFE,
248
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,772
A DIVORCED MAN MIGHT FIND
HIMSELF EXPERIENCING
249
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,842
SOMETHING LIKE LONELINESS--
250
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,644
DESPERATE LONELINESS.
251
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:52,775
[sobbing]
252
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,880
- HEY, MR. MACNEIL...
253
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,916
IS GETTING OLDER
REALLY THAT SAD?
254
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,095
[somber music]
255
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,258
*
256
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,697
- WITHOUT SUZANNE,
EVERY ASPECT OF MY DAILY LIFE
257
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,900
WAS NUMBED BY SADNESS,
258
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,565
WHICH IS AMONG THE WORST
OF OUR EMOTIONS
259
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,244
AND ONE OF THE SADDEST.
260
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,942
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH! OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
261
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:25,575
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WERE...
DIFFICULT.
262
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,252
SEEING PEOPLE TOGETHER
263
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,820
REMINDED ME
THAT I WAS NOT TOGETHER.
264
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,448
LOVE SONGS BECAME UNBEARABLE.
265
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,816
- * LICK IT TIGHT NOW,
DO IT, BOY *
266
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,323
* LICK IT UP AND DOWN
267
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,227
* SUCK IT, LICK IT,
LICK IT TIGHT NOW *
268
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,899
- SUZANNE!
[sobs]
269
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,499
AND THEN SUZANNE REQUESTED
A MEETING.
270
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,171
I CONCLUDED THAT SHE WAS GOING
TO ASK ME TO RECONCILE,
271
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,470
AND I DID NOT KNOW
IF I'D HAVE THE STRENGTH
272
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,612
TO RESIST.
273
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,169
- HI, FORREST.
- HI.
274
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,577
- COME ON IN.
275
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,508
- YEAH, I'M SO GLAD
THAT YOU CALLED.
276
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,854
- HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET
MY LAWYER, MARK.
277
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,307
- OH.
278
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,848
- FORREST, IT'S A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU.
279
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,083
- HELLO.
- HOW ARE YOU?
280
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,647
- OKAY.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
281
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,085
- WELL, SIT, SIT, SIT.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
282
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,921
- UH...
283
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,587
NO.
284
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,690
OKAY.
285
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,227
- [sighs]
286
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:20,033
LISTEN, YOU REALLY SURPRISED ME
WITH ALL OF THIS,
287
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,497
BUT THE MORE
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
288
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,905
THE MORE I REALIZED,
289
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,238
"YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE RIGHT."
290
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,573
- OH.
291
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,107
- WE HAVE BEEN HOLDING
EACH OTHER BACK.
292
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,183
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
ALL I'VE EVER DONE FOR YOU
293
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:35,722
IS JUST REASSURED YOU
THROUGH YOUR MANY INSECURITIES.
294
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,418
- YEAH.
- "AM I LOSING MY HAIR?"
295
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,620
YOU KNOW,
"DO MY BANGS LOOK THINNER?"
296
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,422
- I KNOW.
- "I'M SORRY--THIS DIDN'T SEEM
297
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,794
TO WORK TONIGHT."
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
298
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,890
- "MAYBE WE CAN TRY AGAIN
ON THE WEEKEND."
299
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,125
- YEP, YEP, YEP.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE,
300
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,389
ALL OF THAT,
AND I DON'T HAVE
301
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,957
ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS,
302
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,056
BUT A REAL STRONG PERSON
WOULD HAVE SAID,
303
00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,928
"HEY, FACE THEM."
304
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,296
I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
JUST SO CONTENT
305
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,935
WITH WHO I AM,
306
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,470
YOU'VE LOST INTEREST
WITH THE PERSON
307
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,506
I WANT TO BECOME.
308
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,781
- SHE'S ALREADY LEARNING
HOW TO SURF.
309
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,609
- [chuckles]
- I JUST--
310
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,714
I'M NOT GOOD YET.
- NO, SHE'S FANTASTIC.
311
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,016
- WHAT IS THIS?
HELLO OR GOOD-BYE OR--
312
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,318
- HANG LOOSE, YEAH.
- OKAY.
313
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,549
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER
314
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,923
IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.
315
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,119
- THAT'S GREAT.
IT'S GREAT NEWS.
316
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,353
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY...
- GOOD.
317
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,957
- BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
OBVIOUSLY,
318
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,489
FOR ME TO FEEL LIKE
WE HAD TO END THE MARRIAGE
319
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,794
AND FOR YOU TO THEN
NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY--
320
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,026
- OH.
321
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,131
- YEAH, THAT WOULD BE JUST...
322
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,363
both:
DEVASTATING.
323
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,927
- EXACTLY.
- YEAH.
324
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,633
- YEAH.
- GOD, THIS IS GREAT.
325
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,067
- GREAT.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
326
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,202
BEFORE YOU GO,
MARK HAS JUST PREPARED
327
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,668
SOME DOCUMENTS FOR YOU.
328
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,165
- MM.
- IT BASICALLY JUST SAYS
329
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,537
THAT YOU AGREE
TO UNCONTESTED MEDIATION.
330
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,805
- SURE.
331
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,213
- LOOK THROUGH IT
AT YOUR LEISURE.
332
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:39,945
- NAH.
- NO CRAZY RUSH.
333
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,347
- GO AHEAD AND SIGN IT
RIGHT NOW.
334
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,681
- OKAY.
- WOW.
335
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,215
IT SHOWS A LOT OF CARE
FOR WHAT YOU HAD
336
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,322
TO LET PEOPLE BE FREE
FOR THE FUTURE.
337
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,694
- THANK YOU
FOR YOUR INSIGHT.
338
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,592
WELL, UH, I G--YEAH.
339
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,985
I'M GONNA GO.
- OKAY.
340
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,557
- THANKS.
- IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU.
341
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,826
- YEAH, UH...
342
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,966
- WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?
OKAY.
343
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,299
- OH.
- HMM.
344
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,006
- NO, I...
345
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,038
UH...
346
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,779
- DO YOU NEED HELP?
IS IT LOCKED OR--
347
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,083
- NO, NO, I GOT IT.
THANKS.
348
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,115
- OKAY.
349
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,350
- [clicks tongue]
350
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,615
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT.
351
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,522
- TAKE CARE.
- YEAH. YEAH.
352
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,615
[moaning, flesh slapping]
353
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,627
- OH, MY GOD.
- [moaning]
354
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:27,999
- OH, MY GOD.
- YEAH.
355
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,258
- WAIT, SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN.
- OH.
356
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,496
- UGH!
- NO.
357
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,770
- OKAY, OKAY--
OH, OH!
358
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,499
[glass shatters]
OH, OH.
359
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,544
[laughs]
360
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,377
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
361
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,653
- DO YOU HAVE A CONDOM?
362
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,221
- NO.
363
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:54,051
- OKAY. OKAY, SORRY.
GO BACK TO BED.
364
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,317
- [sighs]
365
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,185
- WANT ME TO JUST
EAT YOU OUT?
366
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,025
- [sobbing]
367
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:03,057
DIVORCE--A BIG DEAL.
368
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,796
ON THE ONE HAND,
I'VE LOST THE PERSON
369
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,931
WITH WHOM I PLANNED TO SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
370
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,765
ON THE OTHER HAND,
I WOULD NOT HAVE LEARNED
371
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,742
OF HER FUNDAMENTAL UNHAPPINESS
372
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,081
HAD I NOT
DIVORCED HER.
373
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,038
SO THAT'S A--
374
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,577
THAT'S A--
THAT'S A PLUS.
375
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,722
DIVORCE, THEREFORE, GETS...
376
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,719
[sentimental music]
377
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,062
*
378
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,055
[triumphant fanfare]
379
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:39,073
- [laughing]
380
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,338
WHAT IS MY NEXT REVIEW?
381
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,070
- OKAY--
- I JUST GOT DIVORCED
382
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,372
FOR THIS SHOW.
383
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,706
I DON'T CARE
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
384
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,610
- OKAY, NEXT IS
FROM @CHRISTYLAPLANT
385
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:52,854
IN AUGUSTA, GEORGIA.
386
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,279
- BEAUTIFUL TOWN.
- YEP.
387
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,484
SHE WANTS TO KNOW...
388
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,085
- 30 PANCAKES?
389
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,134
- YEP.
390
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,229
- THIS IS A DIFFERENT PERSON
FROM THE 15-PANCAKE PERSON?
391
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,862
- YEP.
392
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,828
- IT'S TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
- YEAH. YEP.
393
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,609
- THAT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE.
394
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,211
HERE WE ARE.
- YEP.
395
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,114
- WHAT'S IT LIKE
TO EAT 30 PANCAKES?
396
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,713
- MM-HMM.
397
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,377
- YEAH.
398
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,476
- GO, FORREST!
GO, FORREST, GO!
399
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,748
GO, GO!
400
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,315
- IT WOULD BE CHALLENGING
401
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,324
TO FIND MEANING
IN ANY LIFE EXPERIENCE
402
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,156
NOW THAT MY LIFE
HAD NO MEANING.
403
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,131
ALSO, I HATE THAT KID
IN THE GLASSES,
404
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:43,127
AND AUGUSTA, GEORGIA,
IS A [bleep]HOLE.
405
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,502
THE IDEA OF EATING
TWICE THE NUMBER OF PANCAKES
406
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,844
THAT LAID ME
SO LOW LAST TIME
407
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:52,839
SHOULD HAVE FILLED ME
WITH A SENSE OF DREAD OR FEAR,
408
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,472
BUT I FELT NOTHING.
409
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,637
I GREETED THE PROSPECT
OF ALL THIS PAN-FRIED DOUGH
410
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,307
WITH ONLY A VAST,
EMPTY NUMBNESS.
411
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,517
- HEY, IT'S MR. PANCAKES!
412
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,649
- BRING ME TEN TALL STACKS
OF PANCAKES.
413
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:09,394
- WHAT?
YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
414
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,862
OH, MY GOD.
415
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,760
HEY, FILIPE, GUESS WHAT!
416
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:17,363
[chuckling]
417
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,907
[foreboding music]
418
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:35,950
*
419
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,054
- AND THEN, FROM SOMEWHERE DEEP
AND PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN,
420
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:44,787
THERE SPRANG A RESERVE
OF FORTITUDE AND COURAGE.
421
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,794
[dramatic music]
422
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,727
*
423
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,862
OR WAS IT RESIGNATION...
424
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,698
OR FATALISM...
425
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,643
OR NIHILISM?
426
00:18:55,668 --> 00:19:03,738
*
427
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,016
OR PERHAPS
I SIMPLY UNDERSTOOD,
428
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,351
FROM THE DARKEST CORNER
OF MY SOUL,
429
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,457
THAT THESE PANCAKES
COULDN'T KILL ME
430
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,530
BECAUSE I WAS ALREADY DEAD.
431
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,032
- THAT'S MY BOY.
432
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,367
ALL RIGHT.
433
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,413
- [vomiting]
434
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,717
[spits]
UGH.
435
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:47,390
[spits]
UGH. MM.
436
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,102
FOLKS, I HAVE NO MORE DESIRE
437
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,938
TO GET THROUGH
THE REST OF MY LIFE
438
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,099
THAN I DID
TO EAT THOSE PANCAKES.
439
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,737
[vomits]
440
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,184
BUT I ATE THEM.
441
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,908
AND THE KNOWLEDGE
THAT I CAN KEEP GOING
442
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,713
WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST--
443
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,616
THAT'S A GREAT THING
TO ACQUIRE.
444
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,778
EATING 30 PANCAKES--
445
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,717
FIVE STARS.
446
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,201
- THAT'S IT FOR REVIEW.
I'M FORREST MACNEIL,
447
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,529
AND MY WIFE IS PROBABLY [bleep]
HER LAWYER RIGHT NOW.
448
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,425
- AND I'M A.J. GIBBS.
GOOD NIGHT.
449
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,067
[triumphant fanfare]
450
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,572
SO YOU AGREE WITH ME?
451
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:38,944
- YEAH, I THOUGHT
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
452
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,211
THEY'RE [bleep].
- SO MUCH CHEMISTRY.
453
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,769
- DEFINITELY [bleep].
- YEAH.
30931
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