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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,880 - LIFE--IT'S LITERALLY ALL WE HAVE. 2 00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,251 BUT IS IT ANY GOOD? 3 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,710 I'M A REVIEWER, BUT I DON'T REVIEW 4 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,917 FOOD, BOOKS, OR MOVIES. 5 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,989 I REVIEW LIFE ITSELF. 6 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 VIVA THE REVOLUTION! 7 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,193 [crowd cheering] 8 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,434 [Taser crackling] AGH! 9 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,429 [triumphant fanfare] 10 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:32,432 * 11 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,696 HELLO, AND WELCOME TO REVIEW. 12 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,765 I'M FORREST MACNEIL, AND AS ALWAYS, 13 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,214 I WILL REVIEW ANY EXPERIENCE YOU WANT ME TO, 14 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,540 NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. 15 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,014 - YOU READY, FORREST? - YES, I AM. 16 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,512 - OKAY. 17 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,614 THIS COMES FROM NICK IN SYOSSET, NEW YORK. 18 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,876 - AHA. 19 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,284 - HEY, FORREST. 20 00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:50,516 SO, ON THE BACK OF THIS BOX OF PANCAKE MIX, 21 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,951 THEY TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE 15 PANCAKES, 22 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,516 BUT IT DOESN'T TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE ANY FEWER THAN THAT. 23 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,056 SO HERE'S THE THING-- I LIVE ALONE. 24 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,132 DO THEY EXPECT ME TO EAT 15 PANCAKES? 25 00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:04,932 WHAT'S IT LIKE TO EAT 15 PANCAKES? 26 00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,995 - NO. REALLY? 27 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,604 THAT'S THE, UH-- 28 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,296 THAT'S THE PROFOUND LIFE EXPERIENCE 29 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,268 HE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT-- EATING 15 PANCAKES? 30 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:14,506 - THAT'S HIS REQUEST, SO... 31 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:17,452 - YES, THAT IS... [clears throat] 32 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,848 THE REQUEST THAT HAS BEEN MADE. 33 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,509 OKAY, NICK, 34 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,348 I'M GOING TO COVER YOUR REQUEST IN BUTTER AND SYRUP 35 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,853 AND DIG IN TO TRY TO FIND SOME IMPORTANT MEANING 36 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:29,185 IN A GIANT, STEAMING PILE OF FLAPJACKS. 37 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,493 EATING 15 PANCAKES. 38 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,825 - YUM. - AHH. 39 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,501 THOUGH THIS TASK WAS CLEARLY MORE SUITED 40 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,799 TO A FRATERNITY BROTHER WHO HAD LOST A BET 41 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,201 THAN TO A LIFE REVIEWER, 42 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,343 I PREPARED MY STOMACH AND MY NERVES 43 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:44,839 FOR A VERY LARGE BREAKFAST. 44 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,872 THE WORLD RECORD FOR PANCAKES EATEN 45 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:50,407 IN ONE SITTING IS 73 PANCAKES. 46 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,854 THAT IS HELD BY A RUSSIAN MAN 47 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:54,579 WHOSE LIFE MUST BE AN UNENDURABLE HELLSCAPE 48 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,715 OF EXCRUCIATING SADNESS. 49 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,420 PERSONALLY, I DOUBT I'VE EVER HAD 50 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,222 MORE THAN TWO PANCAKES IN A MONTH. 51 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,194 - OKAY, FIVE TALL STACKS OF PANCAKES. 52 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,891 - YES. 53 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,655 - THEY SAY BACK IN THE KITCHEN IF YOU CAN FINISH IT ALL, 54 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,234 WE'LL PUT YOUR PICTURE UP ON THE WALL. 55 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,602 - MM, NO, I DON'T THINK SO, BUT THANK YOU. 56 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,102 MAY I HAVE AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF WATER, PLEASE? 57 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,471 - YOU GOT IT. - ALL RIGHT, GOOD. 58 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:19,643 THIS CERTAINLY IS AN UPSETTING NUMBER OF PANCAKES. 59 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,073 HERE WE GO. 60 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:24,078 [dramatic music] 61 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,681 * 62 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,524 THEY'RE TASTY... 63 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,349 FOR NOW. 64 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:34,464 * 65 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,458 THREE PANCAKES IN, AND I ALREADY FEEL 66 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,660 THAT I HAVE GREATLY OVERINDULGED. 67 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,933 I AM FULL OF PANCAKES. 68 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,602 ANY RATIONAL PERSON FEELING THE WAY I DO NOW 69 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,502 WOULD DEFINITELY STOP. 70 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,544 [chuckles] 71 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:58,381 * 72 00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:01,882 THERE'S A VERY LOUD THRUMMING IN MY EARS. 73 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,594 THE BLOOD FEELS VERY SLOW. 74 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,915 OH, GOD. 75 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,698 I HAVE NOW EATEN TEN PANCAKES, 76 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,628 AND ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I CAN SEE THE LIGHT 77 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,565 AT THE END OF THIS DISGUSTING TUNNEL, BUT... 78 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,642 IT HAS NOW BEEN 45 MINUTES 79 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:25,912 SINCE I STARTED EATING, 80 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:30,739 AND THE PANCAKES ARE NO LONGER HOT. 81 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,578 THESE AREN'T FOOD. 82 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,892 - YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, BABY. 83 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:48,395 - WITH 1 1/2 PANCAKES TO GO, I HAD HIT A WALL. 84 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,899 MY PRODUCER, GRANT, MADE THE UNPRECEDENTED MOVE 85 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,801 OF STEPPING OUT FROM BEHIND THE CAMERAS 86 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,773 TO PROVIDE MUCH-NEEDED MORAL SUPPORT. 87 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,843 - HEY, YOU KNOW YOU GOT TO FINISH THESE PANCAKES, RIGHT? 88 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,572 - YEAH. 89 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,394 - YOU DO, MAN. - MM. 90 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,593 - THIS IS YOUR SHOW. DON'T BAIL ON IT. 91 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,985 - GO AWAY, PLEASE. 92 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,526 - I'M JUST DOING WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. 93 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:21,931 I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU BACK DOWN. 94 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,832 REMEMBER? 95 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:27,004 "EVEN IF I BEG TO STOP, DON'T LET ME." 96 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,244 THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID. 97 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:31,236 - THIS ONE IS REALLY STUPID. 98 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,347 - DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU TOLD ME 99 00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,049 ABOUT THE GUY WHO SPENT ALL HIS TIME 100 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,593 GROWING FUNGUS ON A STICK? 101 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,019 AND EVERYBODY TOLD HIM TO KNOCK IT OFF, 102 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,415 AND HE WAS GONNA, 103 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,087 UNTIL IT TURNED OUT TO BE PENICILLIN. 104 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,694 - MM-HMM. 105 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,456 - THIS COULD BE YOUR PENICILLIN, FORREST. 106 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,497 - [sighs] 107 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,512 [suspenseful music] 108 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:19,545 * 109 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,395 [laughter, cheers, and applause] 110 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,900 - YOU DID IT. YOU DID IT! 111 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:35,472 [laughing] 112 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:38,513 OKAY, I'LL TAKE THIS WHEN YOU'RE READY. 113 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,151 - AS I LEFT THE RESTAURANT, 114 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,748 I SCANNED MY SOUL FOR SOME GREATER WISDOM 115 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,521 TO SHARE WITH HUMANITY. 116 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,790 [heaving] 117 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,530 [spits] UGH. 118 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:01,259 [groaning softly] 119 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,138 YEAH, THERE'S NOT REALLY 120 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,799 A WHOLE LOT MORE TO SAY ABOUT THAT. 121 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,508 IT WAS EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED 122 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,970 AT ALL COSTS. 123 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,907 EATING 15 PANCAKES-- HALF A STAR. 124 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,754 ALL RIGHT, A.J., I HOPE MY NEXT REVIEW 125 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,309 IS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANTIAL THAN MY LAST ONE. 126 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,578 - WE'LL SEE. - YEAH. 127 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,347 - OKAY, THIS COMES FROM LADYTARA 128 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,753 IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI. 129 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,187 - AH. 130 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,191 - HELLO. WHAT'S IT LIKE TO GET A DIVORCE? 131 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,494 - OH, NO. 132 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,497 - WHAT'S IT LIKE TO, UH... 133 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,342 WHAT IT'S LIKE TO-- 134 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,540 TO GET DIVORCED? [clears throat] 135 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,779 UH... 136 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,154 THIS REVIEW WOULD INDEED BE SUBSTANTIAL. 137 00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:02,024 ENDING MY MARRIAGE WAS BY FAR MY WEIGHTIEST REVIEW YET. 138 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,785 THIS WOULD TEST THE LIMITS OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE. 139 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,000 - SUZANNE AND I HAVE ENJOYED 140 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,202 THE MOST LOVING, FUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE 141 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,674 IN MACNEIL FAMILY HISTORY. 142 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,573 - I JUST WANT TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 143 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,865 - AND THOUGH WE HAD OUR ARGUMENTS, WE ALWAYS MANAGED 144 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,507 TO WORK THINGS OUT. 145 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,883 WAS ALL THAT REALLY GOING TO END? 146 00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,551 - NO! - WHOO! 147 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:29,049 - BEFORE UNDOING 14 YEARS WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, 148 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:32,352 I NEEDED TO REVIEW THE TERMS OF THIS EXERCISE. 149 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,515 WHAT IF I, LIKE, JUST MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE 150 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,527 FOR A DAY OR A WEEK OR WHATEVER 151 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,726 AND THEN JUST DIVORCED THAT PERSON, 152 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,102 YOU KNOW... 153 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,730 - WELL, LOOK, IF YOU WANT IDEAS 154 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,696 FOR EASY WAYS OUT OF THINGS, 155 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,365 YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. 156 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,142 BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT FINDING LOOPHOLES. 157 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,881 THIS IS ABOUT COMMITTING TO THE STANDARD THAT YOU SET. 158 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,208 [phone ringing] 159 00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,384 "EVEN IF I BEG FOR HELP... 160 00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,548 DON'T LET ME OUT," RIGHT? 161 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,323 - YEAH. 162 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,551 - WHO SAID THAT? 163 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,987 - [whispering] I DID. 164 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,561 [normal voice] YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS. 165 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,790 IT SEEMED THAT TO HONOR MY COMMITMENT TO THIS SHOW, 166 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,396 I WOULD HAVE TO REND MY FAMILY IN TWO. 167 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,428 THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND IT. 168 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:22,965 - HI. 169 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,213 - [sighs] 170 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,709 PFFFT. 171 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,681 THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TALK WITH YOU ABOUT. 172 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,580 - OKAY. 173 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,918 - I WANT A DIVORCE. - [laughs] 174 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,651 HA HA. GOOD ONE, FORREST. 175 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,158 [chuckles] 176 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,590 - [sighs] 177 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:47,602 - DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE ROOT-BEER FLOATS? 178 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,669 FORREST? - I'M NOT JOKING. 179 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,141 - WHAT? 180 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,411 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - I'M DIVORCING YOU. 181 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,914 [sighs] I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW TERRIBLE IT FEELS. 182 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:11,447 - WAIT, WHY? WHY--WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? 183 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,454 [breathing heavily] OKAY. 184 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,316 - WHY NOT? - WHY NOT? 185 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,955 - YEAH. - FORREST, THINGS HAVE BEEN 186 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,460 JUST AS GOOD BETWEEN US AS THEY'VE EVER BEEN. 187 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,931 - WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID 188 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,260 FOR GOING OUT ON A HIGH NOTE, YOU KNOW? 189 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,964 - A HIGH NOTE? - UH... 190 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,696 - OKAY, ARE YOU-- ARE YOU SEEING SOMEONE? 191 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,172 - NO, I'M NOT SEEING-- I'M REALLY NOT. 192 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,939 I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT I WAS. 193 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,638 - OKAY, WELL, THEN IS IT A MIDLIFE CRISIS OR SOMETHING? 194 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,011 'CAUSE WE COULD WORK ON IT TOGETHER. 195 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,469 - [groaning] - I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU. 196 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,036 - WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A REASON? 197 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,975 - WHY--WHAT--THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, FORREST. 198 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,810 - STOP LOOKING FOR A REASON! 199 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,817 WE HAVE TO GET DIVORCED! 200 00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,049 - WHY? 201 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,653 - ENOUGH OF BEING MARRIED! 202 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,857 I KNOW THIS IS VERY HARD. THIS IS REALLY HARD. 203 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,719 THIS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE. 204 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,528 - [crying] YOU DON'T LOVE ME. - NO, LISTEN, I REALLY DO. 205 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,029 - THAT'S IT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME. - NO, I REALLY DO. 206 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,501 I REALLY DO LOVE YOU. - OH, MY GOD, ERIC. 207 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,228 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT ERIC? - AH, YEAH. 208 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,695 [groans] 209 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,803 [huffs and puffs] 210 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,065 HE IS NOT GONNA LIKE THIS. 211 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,973 - HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT? 212 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,665 THAT'S YOUR ANSWER? HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT? 213 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,407 - OW! OW, OW, OW, OW! - OKAY. 214 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,211 - ALL RIGHT, LOOK, PEOPLE GET DIVORCED ALL THE T-- 215 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,583 - DON'T TOUCH ME! 216 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,181 YOU ARE GONNA DIE ALONE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 217 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,584 I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE WOULD LOVE YOU! 218 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,315 - YEAH. - YOU'RE WEIRD! 219 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,390 SO GET OUT OF HERE. 220 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,049 - WELL, I THOUGHT I WOULD SLEEP ON THE COUCH. 221 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,818 DO YOU KNOW IF THERE'S ANY CLEAN SINGLE SHEETS? 222 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,026 - I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE. 223 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,155 [sentimental music] 224 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,098 - MY SUDDEN SINGLEHOOD LANDED ON ME 225 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,874 LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. 226 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,538 I WAS, IN A WORD, COMPLETELY DEVASTATED. 227 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,044 OH! [thud] 228 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,547 [metal clatters] 229 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:51,579 * 230 00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,548 AND I WOULD SPEND MY FIRST NIGHT ALONE 231 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,616 IN THE COLD EMBRACE OF THE JOB 232 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,926 THAT HAD DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE. 233 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:06,030 * 234 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,095 - OH, HEY! - [groans] 235 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:13,107 - JOSH, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING IN MY OFFICE? 236 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,280 - 'CAUSE YOU PAY ME IN COLLEGE CREDITS. 237 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,178 CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT? YOU'RE KILLING ME. 238 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,380 - YOU SLEEP HERE EVERY NIGHT? - YEAH. 239 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,282 - HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THAT? 240 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,554 - SINCE THE BEGINNING. 241 00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,152 THAT'S WHY I TOOK THE INTERNSHIP. 242 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,024 YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE A SECURITY GUARD. 243 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:29,193 - [sighs] 244 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,462 I HAVE TO HAVE MEETINGS ON THAT COUCH. 245 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:35,162 THAT'S A-- THAT'S A WORK COUCH. 246 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,265 - CLOSE THE DOOR! - OH, GOD. 247 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,067 DEPRIVED OF THE COMFORTS OF MARRIED LIFE, 248 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,772 A DIVORCED MAN MIGHT FIND HIMSELF EXPERIENCING 249 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,842 SOMETHING LIKE LONELINESS-- 250 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,644 DESPERATE LONELINESS. 251 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:52,775 [sobbing] 252 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,880 - HEY, MR. MACNEIL... 253 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,916 IS GETTING OLDER REALLY THAT SAD? 254 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,095 [somber music] 255 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,258 * 256 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,697 - WITHOUT SUZANNE, EVERY ASPECT OF MY DAILY LIFE 257 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,900 WAS NUMBED BY SADNESS, 258 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,565 WHICH IS AMONG THE WORST OF OUR EMOTIONS 259 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,244 AND ONE OF THE SADDEST. 260 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,942 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OH! OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 261 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:25,575 DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WERE... DIFFICULT. 262 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,252 SEEING PEOPLE TOGETHER 263 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,820 REMINDED ME THAT I WAS NOT TOGETHER. 264 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,448 LOVE SONGS BECAME UNBEARABLE. 265 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,816 - * LICK IT TIGHT NOW, DO IT, BOY * 266 00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,323 * LICK IT UP AND DOWN 267 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,227 * SUCK IT, LICK IT, LICK IT TIGHT NOW * 268 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,899 - SUZANNE! [sobs] 269 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,499 AND THEN SUZANNE REQUESTED A MEETING. 270 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,171 I CONCLUDED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO ASK ME TO RECONCILE, 271 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,470 AND I DID NOT KNOW IF I'D HAVE THE STRENGTH 272 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,612 TO RESIST. 273 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,169 - HI, FORREST. - HI. 274 00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,577 - COME ON IN. 275 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,508 - YEAH, I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU CALLED. 276 00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,854 - HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY LAWYER, MARK. 277 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,307 - OH. 278 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,848 - FORREST, IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 279 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,083 - HELLO. - HOW ARE YOU? 280 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,647 - OKAY. WHAT'S THIS ABOUT? 281 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,085 - WELL, SIT, SIT, SIT. CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? 282 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,921 - UH... 283 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,587 NO. 284 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:14,690 OKAY. 285 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,227 - [sighs] 286 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:20,033 LISTEN, YOU REALLY SURPRISED ME WITH ALL OF THIS, 287 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,497 BUT THE MORE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, 288 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,905 THE MORE I REALIZED, 289 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,238 "YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT." 290 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,573 - OH. 291 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,107 - WE HAVE BEEN HOLDING EACH OTHER BACK. 292 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,183 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, ALL I'VE EVER DONE FOR YOU 293 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:35,722 IS JUST REASSURED YOU THROUGH YOUR MANY INSECURITIES. 294 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,418 - YEAH. - "AM I LOSING MY HAIR?" 295 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,620 YOU KNOW, "DO MY BANGS LOOK THINNER?" 296 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,422 - I KNOW. - "I'M SORRY--THIS DIDN'T SEEM 297 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:42,794 TO WORK TONIGHT." - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 298 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,890 - "MAYBE WE CAN TRY AGAIN ON THE WEEKEND." 299 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,125 - YEP, YEP, YEP. - YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, 300 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,389 ALL OF THAT, AND I DON'T HAVE 301 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,957 ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS, 302 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,056 BUT A REAL STRONG PERSON WOULD HAVE SAID, 303 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:52,928 "HEY, FACE THEM." 304 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,296 I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE JUST SO CONTENT 305 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,935 WITH WHO I AM, 306 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,470 YOU'VE LOST INTEREST WITH THE PERSON 307 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,506 I WANT TO BECOME. 308 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,781 - SHE'S ALREADY LEARNING HOW TO SURF. 309 00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,609 - [chuckles] - I JUST-- 310 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,714 I'M NOT GOOD YET. - NO, SHE'S FANTASTIC. 311 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,016 - WHAT IS THIS? HELLO OR GOOD-BYE OR-- 312 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,318 - HANG LOOSE, YEAH. - OKAY. 313 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,549 - DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER 314 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,923 IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY. 315 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,119 - THAT'S GREAT. IT'S GREAT NEWS. 316 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,353 THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY... - GOOD. 317 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,957 - BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY, 318 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,489 FOR ME TO FEEL LIKE WE HAD TO END THE MARRIAGE 319 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,794 AND FOR YOU TO THEN NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY-- 320 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,026 - OH. 321 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,131 - YEAH, THAT WOULD BE JUST... 322 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,363 both: DEVASTATING. 323 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,927 - EXACTLY. - YEAH. 324 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,633 - YEAH. - GOD, THIS IS GREAT. 325 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,067 - GREAT. - WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 326 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,202 BEFORE YOU GO, MARK HAS JUST PREPARED 327 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:32,668 SOME DOCUMENTS FOR YOU. 328 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,165 - MM. - IT BASICALLY JUST SAYS 329 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,537 THAT YOU AGREE TO UNCONTESTED MEDIATION. 330 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,805 - SURE. 331 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,213 - LOOK THROUGH IT AT YOUR LEISURE. 332 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:39,945 - NAH. - NO CRAZY RUSH. 333 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,347 - GO AHEAD AND SIGN IT RIGHT NOW. 334 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,681 - OKAY. - WOW. 335 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,215 IT SHOWS A LOT OF CARE FOR WHAT YOU HAD 336 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,322 TO LET PEOPLE BE FREE FOR THE FUTURE. 337 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,694 - THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHT. 338 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,592 WELL, UH, I G--YEAH. 339 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,985 I'M GONNA GO. - OKAY. 340 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,557 - THANKS. - IT WAS GREAT SEEING YOU. 341 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,826 - YEAH, UH... 342 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,966 - WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? OKAY. 343 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,299 - OH. - HMM. 344 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,006 - NO, I... 345 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,038 UH... 346 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,779 - DO YOU NEED HELP? IS IT LOCKED OR-- 347 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,083 - NO, NO, I GOT IT. THANKS. 348 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,115 - OKAY. 349 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,350 - [clicks tongue] 350 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,615 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 351 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,522 - TAKE CARE. - YEAH. YEAH. 352 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,615 [moaning, flesh slapping] 353 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,627 - OH, MY GOD. - [moaning] 354 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:27,999 - OH, MY GOD. - YEAH. 355 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,258 - WAIT, SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN. - OH. 356 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,496 - UGH! - NO. 357 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,770 - OKAY, OKAY-- OH, OH! 358 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,499 [glass shatters] OH, OH. 359 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,544 [laughs] 360 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,377 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 361 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,653 - DO YOU HAVE A CONDOM? 362 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,221 - NO. 363 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:54,051 - OKAY. OKAY, SORRY. GO BACK TO BED. 364 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,317 - [sighs] 365 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,185 - WANT ME TO JUST EAT YOU OUT? 366 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,025 - [sobbing] 367 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:03,057 DIVORCE--A BIG DEAL. 368 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,796 ON THE ONE HAND, I'VE LOST THE PERSON 369 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,931 WITH WHOM I PLANNED TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE. 370 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,765 ON THE OTHER HAND, I WOULD NOT HAVE LEARNED 371 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,742 OF HER FUNDAMENTAL UNHAPPINESS 372 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,081 HAD I NOT DIVORCED HER. 373 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,038 SO THAT'S A-- 374 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,577 THAT'S A-- THAT'S A PLUS. 375 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,722 DIVORCE, THEREFORE, GETS... 376 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,719 [sentimental music] 377 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,062 * 378 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,055 [triumphant fanfare] 379 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:39,073 - [laughing] 380 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,338 WHAT IS MY NEXT REVIEW? 381 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,070 - OKAY-- - I JUST GOT DIVORCED 382 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,372 FOR THIS SHOW. 383 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,706 I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. 384 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,610 - OKAY, NEXT IS FROM @CHRISTYLAPLANT 385 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:52,854 IN AUGUSTA, GEORGIA. 386 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,279 - BEAUTIFUL TOWN. - YEP. 387 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,484 SHE WANTS TO KNOW... 388 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,085 - 30 PANCAKES? 389 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,134 - YEP. 390 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,229 - THIS IS A DIFFERENT PERSON FROM THE 15-PANCAKE PERSON? 391 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,862 - YEP. 392 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,828 - IT'S TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. - YEAH. YEP. 393 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,609 - THAT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE. 394 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,211 HERE WE ARE. - YEP. 395 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,114 - WHAT'S IT LIKE TO EAT 30 PANCAKES? 396 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,713 - MM-HMM. 397 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,377 - YEAH. 398 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,476 - GO, FORREST! GO, FORREST, GO! 399 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,748 GO, GO! 400 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,315 - IT WOULD BE CHALLENGING 401 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,324 TO FIND MEANING IN ANY LIFE EXPERIENCE 402 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,156 NOW THAT MY LIFE HAD NO MEANING. 403 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,131 ALSO, I HATE THAT KID IN THE GLASSES, 404 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:43,127 AND AUGUSTA, GEORGIA, IS A [bleep]HOLE. 405 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,502 THE IDEA OF EATING TWICE THE NUMBER OF PANCAKES 406 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,844 THAT LAID ME SO LOW LAST TIME 407 00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:52,839 SHOULD HAVE FILLED ME WITH A SENSE OF DREAD OR FEAR, 408 00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,472 BUT I FELT NOTHING. 409 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,637 I GREETED THE PROSPECT OF ALL THIS PAN-FRIED DOUGH 410 00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,307 WITH ONLY A VAST, EMPTY NUMBNESS. 411 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,517 - HEY, IT'S MR. PANCAKES! 412 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,649 - BRING ME TEN TALL STACKS OF PANCAKES. 413 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:09,394 - WHAT? YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 414 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,862 OH, MY GOD. 415 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:13,760 HEY, FILIPE, GUESS WHAT! 416 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:17,363 [chuckling] 417 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,907 [foreboding music] 418 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:35,950 * 419 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,054 - AND THEN, FROM SOMEWHERE DEEP AND PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN, 420 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:44,787 THERE SPRANG A RESERVE OF FORTITUDE AND COURAGE. 421 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,794 [dramatic music] 422 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,727 * 423 00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,862 OR WAS IT RESIGNATION... 424 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,698 OR FATALISM... 425 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,643 OR NIHILISM? 426 00:18:55,668 --> 00:19:03,738 * 427 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,016 OR PERHAPS I SIMPLY UNDERSTOOD, 428 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,351 FROM THE DARKEST CORNER OF MY SOUL, 429 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,457 THAT THESE PANCAKES COULDN'T KILL ME 430 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,530 BECAUSE I WAS ALREADY DEAD. 431 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,032 - THAT'S MY BOY. 432 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,367 ALL RIGHT. 433 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,413 - [vomiting] 434 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,717 [spits] UGH. 435 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:47,390 [spits] UGH. MM. 436 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,102 FOLKS, I HAVE NO MORE DESIRE 437 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,938 TO GET THROUGH THE REST OF MY LIFE 438 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,099 THAN I DID TO EAT THOSE PANCAKES. 439 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,737 [vomits] 440 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,184 BUT I ATE THEM. 441 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,908 AND THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I CAN KEEP GOING 442 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,713 WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST-- 443 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,616 THAT'S A GREAT THING TO ACQUIRE. 444 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,778 EATING 30 PANCAKES-- 445 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,717 FIVE STARS. 446 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,201 - THAT'S IT FOR REVIEW. I'M FORREST MACNEIL, 447 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,529 AND MY WIFE IS PROBABLY [bleep] HER LAWYER RIGHT NOW. 448 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,425 - AND I'M A.J. GIBBS. GOOD NIGHT. 449 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,067 [triumphant fanfare] 450 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,572 SO YOU AGREE WITH ME? 451 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:38,944 - YEAH, I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID. 452 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,211 THEY'RE [bleep]. - SO MUCH CHEMISTRY. 453 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,769 - DEFINITELY [bleep]. - YEAH. 30931

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