All language subtitles for Resnais - Pas Sur La Bouche

Path� is proud to distribute...

and Arena Films
is proud to present

a movie with sound,
speech and song,

with Mesdemoiselles

Sabine Az�ma,

lsabelle Nanty,

Audrey Tautou,

and Messieurs

Pierre Arditi,

Darry Cowl,

Jalil Lespert,

Daniel Pr�vost,

and Lambert Wilson

in an operetta by Andr� Barde
and Maurice Yvain...

''Not on the lips.''

THlS BEGlNS ONE AFTERNOON
lN AUTUMN, 1925...

MADAME GEORGES VALANDRAY
WlLL RECElVE GUESTS AT HER HOME

ON TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20.
TEA, PORT, BRlDGE.

Oh, when the lady of the house

Shows no nous

And when you come to call
she's out and about

Although she asked us
with such glee

Here for tea

Lord, how forgetful she can be!

So how on earth can one
save face in that case

And what to do for Heaven's
sakes with these cakes,

The wonders set
for today's spree

That we see

Pride of Battenberg and Dundee?

Gilberte's forgotten us today

l think Gilberte
could not care less

Or perhaps love's
gotten in the way

She has a man somewhere, l guess

ls it Faradel or Charly

She meets at a hotel?

No, Faradel is too ugly

That poor man, Faradel

Ah ha, l see

You're talking of me

l can't say l'm sad

lf your thoughts are bad

'Bout a man who's here

You call him your dear

lf a chap is here

You call him your dear

Some people say

lf a chap's away

He's fair game for sport

And he'll know not aught

lt may seem like spite

But they are quite right

lt may seem like spite

But they are quite right

Such maladresse

From today's hostess

ls ripe for attack

Getting our own back

What can she expect

After such neglect?

What can she expect
after such neglect?

When you criticize her

Make sure you take care

That despite your hauteur

You've a pleasant air

And that your slightest slur

Seems like praise foursquare

Play it grand, make a stand,
keep it underhand

When you criticize her

Make sure you take care

That despite your hauteur

You've a pleasant air

And that your slightest slur

Seems like praise foursquare

Pull in your claws and purr

Smile before you glare

-But now let us take tea
-Let's take tea

-Let us serve up the torte
-And the port

l'll keep the macaroons
as round as full moons

And the chocolate creams

That fill up my dreams

Guess what l have just seen

Oh, what can he have seen?

Such great bargains and buys

Where can one find such buys?

-And at all the counters
-But where are the counters?

-And on every shelf
-Tell us, where is that shelf?

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go
for satin and pure silk

And fabrics of that ilk

For fine, bright bengaline
and for light mousseline

We ladies can't be blind
to bargains of that kind

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go
for lace and organdie

Bright madras and paisley
Shimmering gold brocade

And bombazine with braid
And nice, warm astrakhan

And next summer's gingham

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go
for the warmest cashmere

That we all hold so dear

Pongee and messaline

Tartan and velveteen

For mohair and nankeen

And for lustrous sateen

On offer just today

Dear Gilberte is away

-So you may as well go
-So we may as well go

Without letting her know

And we'll just sneak out

When the lady of the house
shows no nous

And when you come to call
she's out and about

Although she asked us
with such glee

Here for tea

Lord, how forgetful she can be!

Forgetful she can be!

So how on earth can one
save face in that case

And what to do for Heaven's
sakes with these cakes

The wonders set for
today's spree that we see

Pride of Battenberg and Dundee?

-They've all gone, as you see
-So we see!

-And so now you can flee
-Let us flee!

Let's be gone
Far from this salon

And so be gone!

There are no bargains
at Selfbury and Co.

l bargained on the bargains

to rid myself
of that little chorus line.

Now that we're alone together,
let's carry on.

Good afternoon, Mademoiselle.
How are you today?

What do you care, Faradel?

Everyone knows that you're not
interested in young girls!

Here you are,
teasing me already!

Are you here
without Madame Verberie?

Of course. Mother goes her way
and l go mine.

She knows that l'm perfectly
capable of defending myself.

And even attacking.

Dear Faradel, don't pester me,
you won't have the last word.

Nor should l want to.

The last word with you is,
''Marry me!''

Marry you?

Heavens, no!

We all know
Faradel's speciality:

you take aim
at married women and miss.

l beg your pardon.

Oh, come on,
aren't you here hoping

to woo the beautiful
Gilberte Valandray?

She's in your sights.

Bang, bang!

Missed!

Know why you'll miss her?

Because you're out of date,
my poor Faradel.

Out of date?

Yes. You woo them by attending
to their every need,

by sending gifts and,
above all, by running errands.

Faradel, alias the taxi!

Well!

Well, that's all out of date.

lt's simply not done,
everyone knows that.

Such experience in one so young!

You think young women
are still like they were

in my grandmother's day and age.

Don't deny it!

l recall how in a pretty gown

A shy, young girl
could turn me upside-down

Flirting held me in its thrall

At a debs' ball!

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But it makes me smile

l like to go skating

Drink in bars, go dancing

Who cares if it's shocking!

l love the dances
of my great aunt's day

Partners held hands
in a distant way

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But it makes me smile

l have the feeling
Madame Valandray has forgotten

that she was supposed
to be at home for friends today.

There's no need to stand
on ceremony with friends.

Besides, Gilberte
is a whirlwind,

and a whirlwind doesn't run
to a fixed schedule.

Her sister,
Mademoiselle Poumaillac,

is more like a whirlwind!

Mademoiselle Poumaillac
is a tornado.

l've never known
such a turbulent spinster.

Perhaps that's
what makes her turbulent.

Ah! That's Mademoiselle
Poumaillac.

So l hear.

...and this for
the laundry room.

How are you, my dear?

lt's lovely to see you.

How's your mother?

l've left the large parcels
in the motor.

Send the man down for them.

Good old Faradel!

Ever loyal...ever precise...

-What have you brought us?
-l called to...

My dear,
those department stores...

l was only there for an hour
but l'm absolutely exhausted.

Guess whom l just met
on the Boulevard Haussmann.

P�lissot! The man's
the ghost of himself.

He looks a hundred.

His mistress has just left him.

l saw a darling little slip
on Rue de la Paix.

Did he catch her
in ''flagrante delicto''?

With ribbons along the hem
and a lovely cut.

She was a little minx.
Darling, absolutely darling.

But you haven't had tea...

We have, we have.

Honestly, why isn't Gilberte
here for her at home?

Her mind's never
on what she's doing.

Pour me a drop of port.

l take port at tea,
it's less debilitating.

-You have an iron constitution!
-No, l'm less and less active.

l feel absolutely wiped out.

All right, Faradel,
l'm listening now.

l called to bring tickets
for a box, tomorrow evening.

At which theatre?

The Cornmarket.

lsn't it in an old
joiner's workshop

out beyond the Bastille Square?

That's the place, the audience
sits on benches and,

in crepuscular light,

the actors, without sets
or costumes,

recite medieval mystery plays
in the original Old French.

lt's original, all right.

No one can understand a word.
lt's all the rage.

Most interesting.
l'm sure we shan't miss it,

but l believe my sister plans
to attend tomorrow's premiere

of Ratamu Pataga.

Ratamu Pataga. What is that?

You're the last to hear
about anything, Huguette.

lt's the opening night
for the Lapland ballet.

The leading dancer is a seal.

Everyone who's anyone
will be there tomorrow!

Madame Valandray has tickets?

l believe not.

May l hurry and get you a box,
if there are any left?

-Don't go to the trouble.
-l'd be delighted.

l'll be right back.

What a charming fellow,
always ready to oblige.

-Unusual for a taxi!
-A taxi?

l call him the taxi because
he's always running errands.

You little minx.

l always speak my mind.

How unwise of you.
lf you're that demanding,

you'll never find a husband.

l already have!

Actually, l've chosen him
but he doesn't know.

You secretive little madam!

l'm here to seek your support!

l'm all ears, my dear.
Who is it?

Charly!

Which Charly?

Charles Brunner,
the one we all call Charly.

-You must be mad!
-l am, mad about him!

He doesn't have a situation.

What? He's the head of a school.

Oh, yes, the chief competitor
of the dada school,

the cubisto-cuneiform school,
known as coocoo for short.

Surely you don't plan
to set up house on income

from the coocoo school?

l have enough money for two!

Well, he is a very sweet boy.

l was simply exposing
the rational objections,

but l have nothing
against cubism...

and l love to handle
matters of love.

-That's quite rare for a...
-Stop.

You were going to say
for an old maid.

l hate that term.
Firstly, l'm not old...

and if l'm still a maid,
it's against my will.

But enough of that.

l'll talk to Charly
for you, l promise.

Without naming me.

l can imagine...

Here's my sister at last.

Yes, Juliette, you're late

and l can't abide people
who are late.

She's the one accusing others
of being late now.

Hello, Huguette!

Where the devil have you been?

l was just at
the Spherists' exhibition,

the Supercubists...
very crowded.

You could have let me know.

l called you,
but you had already left.

Charly took me.

ls Charly well?

He saw me all the way home.

He could have come up,
the ill-mannered little lout!

He had an urgent appointment,
with some floozy, l think.

Are you leaving because of me?

No, because of the floozy.

No. l left mother in limbo
at the seamstress's.

We're expecting you
for dinner tonight.

l know.
See you later, Gilberte.

You won't forget?

You can count on me.

What a way
to receive your guests.

lf l hadn't been here...

lt completely slipped my mind.

Were there many
of the usual bores here today?

Just Huguette Verberie
and Faradel.

-Faradel gets on my nerves.
-Why?

Because he keeps
suggesting a rendezvous.

What about Charly,
your other admirer?

Now he's much more respectful.

He simply suggests
his friend's opium den.

That's the same thing.

l'd like admirers
who remain admirers.

l have no desire
to make them my lovers.

Why take on a lover

lt's a bother

l don't need the worry

l'm not sorry

But flirting has no importance

That way you keep your distance

l have two suitors, true

But l could never choose
between the two

Since l don't wish
to pick sides

lt's my husband who decides

He's the one through
and through

With whom my heart resides

l'd love my husband so,
as a lover, you see

l so like to think he could be

And at night

When he comes

To nestle

By my side

l hide those feelings
deep, deep inside

Dreaming of those times
when we make love

l cheat against my will

l may cheat
but l'm his far and above

And l feel such a heady thrill

l'd love my husband

So, as a lover, you see

Tenderly, ardently,
so madly

Now you're quibbling.

Well, l love my husband.

-He's enough for me!
-Right.

Valandray's a good man,

much better than your
first husband, Eric Thomson.

Really, Arlette,
do you have to mention him?

Let sleeping dogs lie!

Didn't you love Mr. Thomson?

No!

Why did you marry him, then?

l was curious.

We were in America and that
American intrigued me,

like a wild animal to be tamed.

lt isn't wise to train someone
that way in matters of love.

Poor Thomson!

What's become of him?

Still no news?

Really. lf ever my present
husband were to find out--

That's right, he has his own
particular ideas about marriage!

He wants to be a trailblazer.

Some people prefer to dwell
in new apartments!

Luckily, she forgot to have
the marriage authenticated

under French law by
our consul in Chicago.

Without whom, l'd never have
become Madame Valandray.

And that would have been a pity.

Your husband's quite charming!

Yes, he leaves me totally free

and indulges my every whim.

-How's his business doing?
-Wonderfully!

The metal works are booming

and he's on the verge
of signing a marvellous deal.

The dressmaker has just sent
a dress round.

Good, put it in my room.

My dress for tonight's
dinner party.

l have to write a note
for Huguette.

She wants to marry.

-So young?
-She's in love.

l thought she was
more modern than that.

With Charly.

Really!
Poaching on my territory!

She had no idea
she was trespassing.

She can have that small fry.
l prefer bigger game.

Young Charly?
Small fry?

More of a little monkey,
l'd say.

l must write to the boy.

''My dear Charly...

''l'm very curious...

about Spherist art.''

lt's you, Georges!

ls Gilberte home yet?

She's in her room,
trying on a new dress.

A serious undertaking
that mustn't be disturbed.

Here we are.

lt wasn't easy, believe me.

Hello.

Hello, Faradel.
You seem rather agitated.

-Not at all.
-Yes, you do!

-What's the matter?
-Nothing, old chap.

l just popped in to say hello.

l've heard that before.

Those words never quite mean
what they say.

So there you are slaving away

Like each day

Without one minute to waste

ln true haste

When you have the sudden visit

So be it

Of an unwelcome twit

He doesn't see
from your ruddy blush

You're in a rush

He says as with an air so sweet

He takes as seat

l just popped in to say hello

To see how you are
in life's mad whirl

My youngest girl

Such a pearl

Has learnt to stitch and sew

Top of her class, you know

l just popped in to say hello

And there he stays on
as you glower

Hour by hour

Like a cold shower

He just popped in
to say hello

You'll be two long months away

People say

But you hurry home in a blur

Earlier

As a surprise in this life

Of harsh strife

For your dear wife

She's in bed on a sunny day

But she's at play
With your best friend

lt's so risqu�

You hear him say

l just popped in to say hello

And then you lash out
like a thug

At the mug

Of that poor fellow

Who just popped in
to say hello

Why all the song and dance?

Do you suppose that one day,
l, in a bed with your wife--

lt's what you desire,
but it will never happen.

l'll leave you...

No, please, stay, l insist.

Faradel, you're
courting my wife.

-l protest!
-Don't get carried away.

You court her
and yet l'm not jealous.

Do you know why, Faradel?

How can l possibly answer
such an absurd question?

Because you trust Gilberte.

True.

But because that trust
is based on scientific facts.

Scientific fidelity?
What do you mean by that?

l could never marry
a widow or a divorc�e

even if l adored her.

l know, that's one
of your fixations.

No, not a fixation, merely
the application of a theory,

the practical implementation
of a system.

l work in metals and l truly
believe that marriage,

or rather the first
conjugal act,

is like everything else here
in this world of ours,

a matter of chemistry.

What is he going on about?

This is already way beyond you.
l'm speaking to Arlette.

The union of two beings is
like the fusion of two metals.

There are all kinds
of precautions and rules.

lf not, you end up
with flaws or bubbles.

And adultery is the logical
result of a primeval bubble.

lt depends on how the crucible
is heated on the wedding night.

lf the imprint is made
on pure flesh,

with all the right
technical precautions,

well then,

the imprint is indelible
and the woman is marked for life

by the seal of the male
who first possesses her.

She will never be
unfaithful to him.

l can tell you, Faradel,

''Court my wife as much
as you like.

lt entertains her
and amuses me.''

What a fellow...

and to think l was going
to take this seriously.

-But you've gone and given me--
-What's wrong?

Nothing. When l get emotional,
it gives me hiccups.

l'm so easily impressed.
l'll soon get over it.

Get dressed for dinner.

You're running out of time.
l'll do likewise.

See you later, Mademoiselle.

Poor Faradel, he must have
a faulty imprint.

Let's finish this letter.
''My dear Charly.

Let's finish this letter.
''My dear Charly.

''l'm very curious
about Spherist art.

''Would you be kind enough
to send me an invitation?

''Even better, bring me
the invitation

and then you can go with me.''

Monsieur Charles Bruner!

Show him in!

How wonderful!
My letter has already arrived.

-l'm delighted to see you.
-Not as much as l am, Charly.

How is your Coocooism
school doing?

Wonderfully well.

My latest field is total art.

My goodness!
You certainly stop at nothing!

Or, if you prefer,
lyrico-symphonic art.

Anyway, l've painted a picture,

composed a symphony
and written a poem.

These three works form a whole:

one is impossible
without the other two.

The Holy Trinity!

Could we descend from such
lofty heights for a second?

-Lofty heights?
-Let's be down to earth.

Surely you're not counting on
this poetico-balsamic painting

to make you rich?

But, well,
l'm bringing you riches.

ln what form?

-A matrimonial one.
-l beg your pardon?

A charming young woman,
excellent dowry

and huge expectations.

Then l don't understand.

She loves you, good Lord.

You're serious.

l thought it was a joke.

-Someone wants to marry me?
-ls that a rejection?

A categorical
and downright rejection.

You don't know
what you're missing.

-Tell me her name.
-Not on your life.

lf she loves me,
l have the right to know her.

l can offer her some form
of compensation.

Don't even think about it.

At poker, when you pass,

does the other player
show you his cards?

Arlette? What do you think?

Charly! l didn't know you
were already here.

lt's exquisite!

-lt suits you.
-Do you think so?

You wear it admirably well.

l'm delighted to have
the authorization of an artist.

-And a demanding artist at that.
-l imagine you are!

After all, he is the head
of a cubisto-cuneiform school.

Make fun of me, l don't mind.

lt's all publicity.

What do l care,
as long as they talk about me?

Dadaism is over and out

Cubism's had its day

Nowadays without a doubt

Coocooism's the way

All these faddish art schools

And their frantic need to be

They're foolish food for fools

Fatuous, freakish flummery

Publicity, see

When they follow a fad
lt's mad

lt makes them glad

Publicity, see

Wield your clout
Pout and spout

Get talked about

Publicity, see

Don't go without
Don't be a lout

Get talked about!

l have to go dress for dinner.

Think about
that poker game of mine.

There's still time
to raise the stakes.

l never play.

-You worry me!
-Why?

Because children need
to be playful.

lt annoys you
when people call you a boy.

Yes!

You'll get over it.
Cigarette?

Please.

Thank you.

So, what was that game
my sister was talking about?

lt's not a game,
it's a match.

-And when's the wedding day?
-What wedding?

Yours.

ln another twenty years.
Girls don't interest me.

So who does interest you?

You do. And you know it.

And why is that?

lt can't be explained.

First of all, there's
something strange about you.

At times you make fun of me,

yet at others you listen to me
with something akin to sympathy.

l do?

You feel a sort of attraction.

Darling. You attract me.
lt's irresistible.

Deny it all you like.
l've sensed it clearly.

And when we dance a tango...

you're not unhappy
to press against me.

Charly, my boy,
l'm going to throw you out.

Do you know what you are?

-You're a tease.
-lmpossible!

You enjoy having men around
to arouse,

but you never intend
to give yourself to them.

lndeed, l don't give,
you'll have to come back.

Too bad if l can no longer
contain myself.

Gilberte,
it's your entire fault.

-Gilberte.
-Lord, what's come over you?

You foolish boy.
Get your paws off me.

Don't try that again
or we'll no longer be friends.

Please, forgive me,
it won't happen again.

Just like a child.
lt won't happen again.

You bad boy!

Again!

Ah, Charly.

l don't wish to send you packing
but you barely have time

to run off home
before coming back, kid.

l'll hurry.

You'll see who's the kid
when l give your wife one!

Here you are at last!

Here you are at last!

l was about to say
the same thing.

Say hello first.

All right.

Hello, darling.

How placid!

Conjugal.

That's what l'm saying.

You haven't noticed anything?

Noticed what?

My dress, for Heaven's sake!

Yes. lt's very nice!

You hadn't even noticed it.
That's conjugal too!

l love you in any dress,
and all the more without.

That's better!

Will dinner be good?

l hope so!

lt happens to be
of capital importance for me.

l have an unexpected guest,
a surprise for you.

Why?

lmportant news.

Our fortune increased
tenfold, perhaps.

-Lovely!
-Once our overseas guest tonight

signs the prepared contract
after dinner,

the whole American market
will open up to me.

Well!

You'll have your pearls
as dessert.

What a delightful husband
you are.

l believe l am.

Oh, let's not exaggerate.
You have one serious failing.

Which is?

You never tell me
that you love me.

But you know l do!

That doesn't matter.
l could forget.

Silly child!

Are we not blessed, dear?

Yes!

And do you ever wish to go?

No!

Such exquisite tranquillity!

True, l have never known
such calm and immobility!

lt's better than futility

My love for you is not a whim

lt's dim!

ls that all that you could find?

You're blind!

But Gilberte,
you're my true love!

Those words have such
a sweet tempo

They're wonderful
to hear, you know!

Must l repeat them,
Heavens above?

Talking about it
is not what you do

When a sweet love is true

You stay silent
beneath the skies

And let love speak out
through your eyes

lf we want love to last

Vast

Then our words must be few

True

All words must be small

Just a kiss, that's all

All

Withal

ln thrall

You see my silence as a plot!

What?

While endearments make you swoon

Goon!

Lying's an easy thing to do

When a man's as silent as you

A woman can't know what is true!

One kiss can give you a clue

Do you feel this love is sad?

Bad!

-You want love to effervesce?
-Yes!

Well, l find that worrying!

Your love must be
a constant thing

Forever bright and dazzling!

lt's not just some mad,
wild fling

Talking about

lt is not what you do

When a sweet love is true

You stay silent
beneath the skies

And let love speak out
through your eyes

lf we want love to last

Vast

Then our words must be few

True

-All words must be small
-Just a kiss, that's all

All

Withal

ln thrall

You silly man.
You know l adore you.

-What about you?
-For words.

Just think, you're
my little wife, my very own.

Monsieur. Monsieur Zambeaux
is asking to see you.

Show him into my office.

My business lawyer's brought
the contract. Excuse me.

See you later, my millionaire.

-Juliette.
-Monsieur.

An American gentleman
will be arriving shortly.

Show him into
the small drawing room

and let me know right away.

Monsieur Eric Thomson,
an American.

Eric Thomson!

No, l can't have heard properly,
that's impossible!

What on earth's wrong?

What do you think of my dress?

The dress is what's wrong.

Do you have any idea whom
this dinner is in honour of?

Eric Thomson.

Eric Thomson?

Her first husband!

Yes, and Georges knows nothing
about my first marriage.

What's going to happen?

He expounded his ideas earlier,
it's all a matter of chemistry.

What are we going to do?

Pretend you've fallen ill all of
a sudden and take to your bed.

That's just putting off
the inevitable.

My second husband is about
to introduce me to my first.

You must speak to Eric first.

That's the door. lt's him.
You greet him, l'm too nervous.

Be eloquent.

l'll try but the fellow always
hated the very sight of me.

l can imagine
your surprise, Monsieur.

You didn't expect
to find me here?

l must admit that, myself.

You're looking very well.

l'm quite well myself, too,
thank you.

You're wondering
what l'm doing here?

Yes, l can tell,

seeing me here,
displaying such familiarity,

you're probably thinking
that l'm a member

of Monsieur Valandray's
inner circle.

Well. That's right.
l'm part of his family

and l shall now answer
the second question

that is burning your lips
and that you don't dare to ask.

You've always been
such a tactful fellow, Eric.

You don't mind me calling you
Eric after all this time?

Thank you, l expected nothing
less of your exquisite courtesy.

A drop of port?

Forgive me. ln my confusion,

l forgot how fond
you are of port.

l didn't offer you a glass.

Eric, how l so wish
we could clear up

this misunderstanding
between us,

there's no reason
for it anymore.

To your good health.

l was the cause
of your divorce, l know.

You found me to be a bit...

of a burden.

Say it, go on. l don't mind.

Can we bury the hatchet, Eric?

l see, you don't want
to mention it again.

Very well, that's that,
let's not mention it again.

Should l fetch
my sister for you?

You'll see her right away.

What a grouch!

-Have you told him?
-Not yet!

He hasn't opened his mouth.

Anyone would think he no
longer speaks a word of French.

Monsieur Thomson,
l have something to tell you.

l'm Monsieur Valandray's wife.

And so there's something
l must ask of you.

-lf you stay--
-What do you say?

-Do not betray
-What do you say?

-Our past today
-What do you say?

lt could be bad

-lt can be seen
-What do you mean?

-As go-between
-What do you mean?

-You're not serene
-What do you mean?

Oh, this is mad!

-ln God's name
-What do you want?

-Think of the shame
-What do you want?

-lt's not a game
-What do you want?

Don't be a cad

-lf he's au fait
-What do you say?

-ln the least way
-What do you say?

The consequences would be dire

Without a doubt

-He's just a lout!
-lt's a real snafu

You were married, true
But no one must ever know

-What do you mean?
-You're a has-been!

Husband number two

Could well misconstrue

lf you broke the status quo

-What do you want?
-Am l to blame?

lt's a real snafu

She wed after you

And the news could be a big blow

-What do you say?
-Lord, what a day!

ls this all for play?

His ''What do you say?''

l thought he'd
understand some way

He'll have to pay!

lt's a real snafu

You were married, true

But no one must ever know

-What do you mean?
-l'll take my aim!

Husband number two

Could well misconstrue

lf you broke the status quo!

-What do you say?
-Please go away!

lt's a waste of time

He reasons in rhyme!

lt's invo

-What is it, veau?
-lt's invo

What is it veau?

l think it's involuntary

Or he's the slyest of us three

He's lost all his French,
you can see

What do you say?

Oh, go away!

Oh, you're already here?

No one informed me
of your presence

More an absence!

He's here, my dear

The introductions
have been done?

Well done!

Well done!

And he's met everyone!

Everyone, l must profess!

And so you've met my wife!

So let's see where we're all at!

Enough, let's leave it at that!

And here now are
our three dear friends

Huguette Verberie

Charly and Faradel

-How d'you do, cher Monsieur
-Cher Monsieur, how d'you do

How d'you do

l don't quite like his style

That's a Yankee profile?

He could be from Carlisle

He's not that handsome

With his mug like a Hun

And he can't be much fun

You were dreaming of a real man

This one looks like
he could be called Anne

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But that makes me smile

l am dying with hunger.

Lord knows what he needs
How he pleads

He needs it here and now!

What's he demanding?

He must be sucking on a plum
lt sounds so rum!

What's he demanding?

lf nature calls,
he shouldn't be shy

We don't wish to pry

l pray my husband
can't tell that l'm lying!

Oh, good Lord above,
l feel like dying!

Dinner is served.

All right
You see!

Hungry!

Here we are, our minds in havoc

While he's obsessed
by his own stomach

lt's a nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

A simple meal
with dainty trifles

Fresh cockles

Creamed morels

Smoked salmon from Oslo

And a fine Bordeaux

A nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

Grilled lobster
and a fat roast goose

Chocolate mousse

Nice and light, you know

A nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

lt's a nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

A simple meal
with dainty trifles

Fresh cockles

Creamed morels

Smoked salmon from Oslo
And a fine Bordeaux

A nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

Grilled lobster
and a fat roast goose

Chocolate mousse

Nice and light, you know

A nice, light dinner,
just to say hello

AND TEN DAYS LATER
AT 7:00 P.M...

MR. AND MRS. GEORGES VALANDRAY
REQUEST THE HONOUR

OF YOUR PRESENCE FRlDAY,
OCTOBER 30, 9:00 TO MlDNlGHT.

AN EXCERPT FROM
CHARLES BRUNNER'S PLAY

''PRlMlTlVE SOULS''
WlLL BE PRESENTED.

Get him something to drink.

Something nice and cold.
A cocktail.

Thank you, my dears.

No, slap him on the back.

Thank you, it will soon pass.
lt's nerves!

Give him a scare!

l hate this.

lt's not my fault.

Faradel, what are you
doing here?

What am l doing here?

Tonight's soir�e,
l had an invitation.

To come and listen
to a new piece

by Monsieur Charles Brunner.

Well, hurry to your seat
in the hallway

and listen to the music
that sets the atmosphere.

But l have hiccups.

People will think it's jazz.
Off you go.

These artistic soir�es!

Good Lord,
what a terrible headache!

Huguette, you can do
me a favour!

l'd be delighted!

l have to get all these young
ladies into their costumes.

Please seat the guests.

-Certainly, Mademoiselle!
-Mesdemoiselles!

We're rushed for time.

l'll take you through myself.

We're dressing in Madame
Valandray's bedroom. Follow me.

l much prefer that.

Well, he's very much at home!

He's so kind.
So active, so youthful!

Are you still as keen?

More than ever!

Bravo. Love is such
a beautiful thing!

Have you stepped in
on my behalf?

Of course!

And?

And then?

He refuses to listen.
But l didn't tell him your name.

Thank you.

ln that case,
l'll speak to him myself!

That's not really
the done thing.

But it's still the best way
to get results!

What a crush.
Such a mad scramble.

l thought that l'd never
be here on time.

Charly's painting is hanging
there in the large drawing room.

Yes, his total art!

Well, there was such a crowd
that l got jammed in.

You speak slang now?

lt's not slang. The way
Paris is going these days,

l'm afraid we're
all in the same boat!

On the avenue

l was speeding, in a stew

The cop on the plot
Tinpot despot

Fined me on the spot

On the street so wide
Traffic flowed from every side

Like an assault
Not through my fault

Grinding to a halt!

And so l found myself jammed in

The cop took it all right
on the chin

And despite his rank

My words were too frank

He gave a grin
Then took me in

l spent the night in the tank

And so l found myself jammed in

And my wife,
her poor mind in a spin

ln her stress
Called the press

And told them out of her wits

My husband's been
chopped to tiny bits

Since not so long ago
Paris has changed so

All her best sights
Full of Levites

And gruff Muscovites

Or with Spaniards
Camping out on the boulevards

Worse than Venice
Ancient Memphis

But it's not Paris!

And so we find ourselves
jammed in

By people their fortune
here to win

ln the bars
You've Magyars

With cashiers
From Algiers

From Vadodara
Or from Ankara

We'll end up with cholera

And so we find ourselves
jammed in

Sweep them out
before they settle in

They show gall

Take it all
While we sit by and just cry

Who'll get us out
of the jam we're in?

A man must never let himself
get jammed in!

What were you saying
about me this time?

My poor little Gilberte.
You're so nervous.

ls Thomson here yet?

l thought you'd ask me that.

Yes, l just saw him
at the buffet, where else?

Excellent. Excuse me,
l need to have a word with him.

See that? lt's been that way
for a week now,

ever since Thomson got here.

They're always chasing after
one another.

They can't bear to be apart
for a minute!

You're proof that
they share the same tastes.

He has moved in here,
he takes all his meals here.

l see more of him now
than when we were married.

-And what's he like?
-Very polite.

So what are you
complaining about?

This. Watch.

He's like the police.

He's following me like a thief.

Or like the French President!

He saw l was with you,
so he turned away!

He's not likely
to be drawn to me!

l can't take anymore.

That music has
a totally numbing effect on me.

Dear me, Faradel,
are you deserting?

My neighbours keep complaining
that my hiccups annoy them.

-Some people are leaving.
-What?

You're driving our guests away.
l must stop them.

At last, alone with you.

Oh, no, Faradel,
spare me your declarations.

You've been giving me the cold
shoulder for two weeks now.

Everything l do is wrong.
Everything l think.

Don't exaggerate.
You don't think!

Yes, l do, l think that you
really must come

to that little ground floor flat
l've prepared for you!

lt won't see me for a long time.

You're so cruel.

During the day, l only ever
undress at my couturier's.

But a fitting with you, well,
l can't quite see that.

l merely need to imagine
the look on your face.

Your face. Then, when you...

l'm cured of the notion of
adultery before even trying it.

You're like a Member
of Parliament:

you promise the moon
when you're a candidate

but everything withers away
once you're in the chamber.

l'm delighted to see
Monsieur Faradel.

So am l, Monsieur Thomson!

l am particularly pleased
to see Monsieur Faradel.

The pleasure's mutual,
Monsieur Thomson!

You please me enormously.

l would never have guessed.

l'll leave you.
l have to get into my costume.

He's been listening again.

l must get rid of the man!

And l want to give you
a word of advice, dear old boy.

Sit down.

ln America, when a deal is...

what's the word...

when someone's
drowning, their head...

Goes under!

That's it, goes under.

ln America,
when a deal goes under,

we never push the issue,
we forget it.

-And you're right!
-You think so?

So if you think so,
why keep at it?

l keep at it.
Yes, it's a waste of time.

You might miss other
interesting deals.

l don't quite follow you.

When a woman doesn't
want to go to bed,

there are so many others who
love to slip between the sheets.

You deprive them.

Do you understand,
my dear fellow?

Not a word!

Yes, you do understand.
Leave that person alone.

l feel remarkably fond of you.

l wouldn't want to have to give
you advice every day.

You understand, my old fellow.

Thank you. Thank you.
You slapped me on the back.

That's cleared up my hiccups.

l've been de-hiccuped!

Here he is at last.
Hello, Sam.

My name is Eric.

But back there,
l always called you Sam.

You don't remember? l thought it
was nicer, more American.

Here, it's another
kettle of fish.

Why are you talking
about fish?

An English saying.

l see. l'll answer
with a few French sayings

to clear everything up.

lndeed.

-Don't wake a sleeping cat.
-Because?

Because it has claws.

-What's done is done.
-So you think!

Don't disturb
a very happy marriage.

You don't always have
what you dream of in life.

Alas, l know
what l'm talking about.

At times, you need to be content
with what you have.

l've often dreamt
like all the girls

Of cuddling here on my knee

A baby with pretty blonde curls

However that never came to be

And now here l am an old maid

Well, not old,
a slip of the tongue

For l'm not that starchy
and staid

And this heart of mine
is still young

lt's younger than yours is now

But since it's young
with no design

l spoil others' children anyhow

Wishing so that they were mine

When you cannot have
what you love

Treat what you already
have with love

Just try to be content

With the lot you've been sent

When you cannot have
what you love

You're not a bad girl,
Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

And you're not a bad boy
either, Thomson.

Come, come, Sam,

you're just excessively shy,
l know you well.

And you're afraid of women.

-That's--
-But why?

lt happened when l was knee high
to a grasshopper!

A grasshopper?

Yes, just a little boy.
Tiny, in short pants.

One day, my schoolmistress
kissed me on the lips.

They do that in America, too?

Oh, a lot. lt created such an
incredible revolution within

that l swore never
to let another woman

lay her lips on mine.

Seriously!

l don't usually laugh
about sad things.

So you were married
to Gilberte for six months

and never once exchanged such
a kiss, the prelude to love?

Never!

-Well, you're quite something.
-l am!

-You did have other kisses?
-Oh, l had everything!

But not on the lips,
it's not hygienic.

You poor man, perhaps that's
what led to your divorce.

But that's all over now
and you shouldn't be

such a regular fixture
in your successor's home.

Why not?

l'm staying.

And l'm happy to see you, too,
you're a dear old thing.

Let me shake your hand.

There's something charming
about this fellow.

He's charming
but l must find a way

to rid Gilberte of him.

Oh, l know.

Oh, l know.

Huguette. Do you want
to marry a millionaire?

-Me?
-Nothing easier.

You just need to get Mr. Thomson
to kiss you on the lips.

But, Mademoiselle, l have no
desire to marry a millionaire.

l forgot.

She's taken, but l'll set all
the other girls after him,

and there are plenty.

The freer they are,
the better.

Oh, a Mexican!

Total art. lt's frightening
just how total this boy is.

You look magnificent!

Kind of you to say so.

So, you're going to perform.

Yes, later on, with Gilberte.

lt's a tableau taken from
my work ''Primitive Souls.''

l know!

Do you find Gilberte attractive?

She's a woman who--

Forget her, married women
aren't this year's fashion.

They're out of date.

Like Mademoiselle Poumaillac
you're trying to marry me off.

Was she wrong to?

Not her.
But the young woman who...

Don't say anything
unpleasant, l know her!

What madness came over her
to make her want to marry me?

As a tender young girl, she
immediately thought of marriage.

That would have been madness!

But she figured it out!
She is not stupid!

She was telling me
that a mayoral sash

or a cassock aren't always
necessary to unite two beings.

And that a girl can give herself
to the man she's chosen

without a crowd of five hundred
to back her up.

l'm sure you share her opinion
on that point.

Not exactly!

How can that be?

lt's much better to remain
within the norm

and follow the precepts
of traditional...morality.

Meaning?

Meaning...

she could marry someone
who counts less for her and,

once married, give herself
to the man of her choice

with an affair that follows
the social norm.

You can tell your friend that.

All the same,
she'd have to be sure

that the crumbs
will lead to the cake.

The cake's telling you so.

Well then,
l'll give her the message.

Marvellous!

l adore this costume.

lt might be wise to
rehearse one last time.

Perhaps.
l do feel a little nervous.

l'll leave you
to work in peace.

Could you tell
the other young ladies,

who must be in costume by now,
to enter on cue?

All right.

Of course,
it's easy for her.

l don't dress up as a Mexican.

Let's rehearse!

Just a second.
Let me admire you first.

ln that costume, l see you and
another woman at the same time.

Gilberte, if only you'd--

Soon you'll be offering
to show me

your bachelor flat like Faradel.

-Faradel has offered you...
-No, he hasn't.

Let's get one thing clear:
l'll never be your mistress.

But you allow me
to be your lover!

Silly man. That's all over now.
Let's rehearse.

Let's rehearse.

Remember what l'm symbolizing
with ''Primitive Souls''?

Love in the different races.

Again!

-What?
-Nothing.

l must cure him of his spying.

Go back to what you were
saying before.

Before?

-He claims he's in love.
-Talk about love?

-Of course.
-But you just forbade me to!

l'm allowing you to now, so...

Just a second.
Let me gather my thoughts.

Gilberte, if only you would,
for months now l've longed to.

You know, on the day
you were married...

-Warmer, warmer.
-l never mentioned this to you.

Mention it, please, mention it.

Gilberte, l desire you madly,
your pliant body.

l'd make a wonderful
little lover,

will you let me?

Yes, l can tell you want that.

How silly, l didn't find
that at all unpleasant.

He's gone,
that's done the trick.

-Enough now!
-l haven't even started.

Come on, let's rehearse!

You were saying that as Mexico
l represented...

The last traces of the Redskins.

-You're a young maiden.
-l like that idea.

And you love
this adventurer fellow

who camps up in the mountains,

the attraction of purity
for the rogue.

And you're the rogue.

That's me!

All right, let's start.

ln the Sierra,
the night replaces day

You quietly come my way

My heart just flies away

Beneath tall palms,
in the aromatic night

My resistance is slight

And your sweet voice
takes flight

People tell me

You're cruel without a care

But all l see

ls love beyond compare
But l knew it

l saw as we embraced

That your jacket

Now bore a bloody trace

The other man died

Oh, my sweet pride!

ln joy l cried

Oh, ecstasy divine!

l'll build to you a shrine

Your lips brush against mine

With a kiss so sweet

l fear but l submit

And after l taste it

My soul l do forfeit

To this thrill so fleet

Oh, ecstasy divine!

l'll build to you a shrine

Your lips brush against mine

With a kiss so sweet

-Gilberte.
-Farewell, Charly.

What a woman!

My blood's boiling.
l'll have her.

Faradel.

Faradel, just the chap.

Faradel, l'd like you to lend me
your bachelor flat.

l need to arrange
a private meeting.

She isn't the kind one can
simply summon to a hotel room.

Faradel, a Don Juan
such as yourself

must have a small bachelor flat.

But l don't.

l know you do.

l mean, l used to have
a bachelor flat.

My lease has been terminated
to rent it to some foreigner.

What a bother!

Today's the thirtieth.

Tomorrow, the thirty-first,
is the last day.

One day's all l need.

We can manage it!

Be my guest!

You're a true brother and,
believe me, l'll treat the place

as if you were receiving
your cherished one there.

l'm sure you will!

l'll put myself in your shoes.

Sorry, but l'm afraid
l'll be in yours.

That's right.
l'll see you later.

This is exhausting. l'm in
a state of total excitement.

Did you rehearse well
with Gilberte?

l certainly did.

l'd like your advice.

-My advice?
-Yes.

l wish to attempt
to conquer Mr. Thomson.

l want to get him to marry me.

-Do you know why?
-l can guess.

Apparently, all a girl
needs to do

is convince him to kiss her
on the lips.

That's all?

That's all,
but l lack experience.

What must a girl do
to get a man to kiss her?

That's a tough one.

lt's harder than you're told

To charm a man
who's so very cold

And that's true, you'll grant

When a girl's a mere debutante

But what can you do

When he tries hard
to ignore you?

You'd do what you could

To do any good

To that lump of wood

l could act like l'm effete

Now that's quite sweet!

l could act like a naiad

Now that's not bad!

Or perhaps to make a start

l could play a young sweetheart

As a saucy little tyke

Now that l like!

l could wear a suit that's neat

Now that's quite sweet!

To make me look like a lad

Now that's not bad!

Tell me now, what would you say

lf my stocking pulls this way

And shows a patch of skin?

Now there you win!

This is rather grand!

Finding a student
who can understand

lt's such a delight

To look good
in your teacher's sight

But remember now

l'm just helping, you'll allow

Let's see what you know

Which to me you owe

Repeat anyhow

l'll use a perfume
that's discreet

Now that's quite sweet!

Made with myrrh
from Old Baghdad

Now that's not bad!

l cover up my bosom

Leaving his eyes to fathom

Cleavage worthy of Vandyke

Now that l like!

Then he'll sweep me off my feet

Now that's quite sweet!

And with a kiss
l'll drive him mad

Now that's not bad!

l'll move close temptingly

So when l'm in his arms
he'll see

That my body's made for sin

Now there you win!

Good Lord,
l really must apologize!

-There's no need!
-What came over me?

Oh, do be quiet.

Charly, what are you up to?
The ladies are asking for you.

l'll go to them now.
l'd quite forgotten.

Did you put him in such a state?

l don't know.

Perhaps l did.

Mr. Thomson seems to be
in a very bad mood.

lndeed!

This is no time to seduce him.

Besides, perhaps
l no longer need to.

You're not happy, Thomson,
my dear fellow?

-No!
-You have a problem?

-Yes!
-Business?

-No!
-Romance?

-Yes!
-Perhaps you should give up.

-No!
-You're as stubborn as ever.

Yes!

-And talkative with it. Lord!
-Go away!

Really!

What's come over you
in the last hour or so?

Ah! Thank heavens you're here.

Mr. Thomson has just made
an utterly ridiculous comment.

You're the one
who must go out, immediately.

You must be crazy, Mr. Thomson.

-l'm sorry. l have my reasons.
-What reasons?

l'll tell you when the lady
l don't wish to see

has gone ''out''.

As soon as you apologize,

l'll leave you with Gilberte,
if she so desires.

Yes, you really must!

Come on, let's hear an apology!

Thank you and au revoir,
my friend, for we'll meet again.

l'll put every nubile maiden
in the place after him.

Speak, l'm waiting.

lt's not easy!

l'll get straight to the point.

l saw a man kiss you
on the lips!

And then?

l don't know
what he kissed then.

-ls that any business of yours?
-But...

Yes, he's my lover.
What is it to you?

Damn it.

The cure is working.

-Feeling better?
-No!

Come, come, Eric.
Let's have a little chat.

l want to!

lf l understand correctly,
you still love me,

or, rather, you love me anew.

l think so too.

You're a man of
rigid principles, Eric.

And now l'm a fallen woman,
l have a lover.

You must scorn me and
cast me aside, you must leave.

Oh! This is terrible.

l desire you even more
now that l know

you have a lover,
a frolicsome woman.

l now want those lips of yours
that l always refused!

-Really.
-Be silent. l demand it.

l'm an American.

There you are.

l've been looking for you
everywhere.

What's the matter with him?

These Americans are odd people.

You can be having a perfectly
pleasant conversation

and all of a sudden,
''good-bye.''

He should leave for good.

-Why?
-Because he's a pest.

He's a foreigner,
he doesn't realize.

Have you signed
your partnership agreement?

Not yet.

Then don't!

Oh, very funny, l'd be turning
down an absolute fortune.

Do we need so much money
to be happy?

You desire

Many things to acquire

You'd buy me

The finest jewellery

Everything

Fur coats, a diamond ring

But, my dear

l don't need that l fear

Love, it's true

Needs just enough for two

Happiness

ls romance, nothing less

After all

Why seek out a windfall

For indeed

There's not a lot we need

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

Just to be content

With love's kind assent

A meal that's frugal
but palatable

As the saying goes,
it's delectable

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

A nice, narrow bed

With a thick bedspread

lf the bed is small,
we'll still be comfortable

Not a lot

Really not
We're pleased with our lot

As you say

To be in love today

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

Just to be content

With love's kind assent

lnstead of lunch

l'll feed on your sweet caress

That will satisfy us
more than hot bouillabaisse

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

This year it's likely

Coal will be costly

We'll stay abed warmed
by our own tenderness

Not a lot

Really not

We're pleased with our lot

That's agreed then,
you'll send Thomson packing.

Not on your life!

What if l told you
he'd been courting me?

l'd say it was a good thing.

lt could make him more flexible
on the contract.

Really!

What?

You're not likely to take him
as your lover, are you now?

Georges, you're
too sure of yourself.

Or just sure of you.

So you're not at all jealous?

Absolutely not!

There's no love
without jealousy.

Only if you're mad,
which l'm not.

Oh, no, you're
far too calm for that.

You're a real noodle.

Yes.

l'd rather leave.
You exasperate me.

Having one husband who kicks up
a fuss when you don't love him

and another who doesn't
when you do,

well, it's frightful.

How can a woman tell
which way to turn?

Women.

Honestly, Gilberte.

Monsieur Thomson,
you must pay a forfeit.

-What?
-You wagered, you lost.

-Oh, yes?
-You owe us a forfeit.

We ask anything
that we want of you.

And what do you want?

A kiss on the lips.

Oh! Never.

People say they love kissing

But it's not exciting

l find it disgusting

Don't think
that l'm cold as ice

But l don't think it's nice

Like some unpleasant vice

l don't know any miss

Whom l'd let steal a kiss

Please leave my lips
on the shelf

l keep them to myself

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

My stomach flips

Not on the lips

His stomach flips!

My lips are made for talking

Not for kissing

Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Hands off my hips

Not on the lips

Elsewhere is fine

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

These lips are only mine

Up there on the silver screen

Kisses can be seen

ln every other scene

On the screen,
their lips are glued

ln a kiss they ne'er conclude

As the public shares the mood

Well, l can't say l'm keen

What happened to hygiene?

lt's to me my germs belong

l won't pass them along

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

My stomach flips

Not on the lips

His stomach flips!

My lips are made for talking

Not for kissing

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Hands off my hips

Not on the lips

Elsewhere is fine

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

These lips are only mine

These young French women.

They're even more of a handful

than their American
counterparts.

l'm glad to see you.

Why?

Sit down, my friend.

You must throw
this Charly fellow out.

Really? Why?

He's always lurking
around your wife!

Keep an eye on him!

l have absolutely nothing
to fear there.

l am mathematically ensured
of Gilberte's fidelity.

My theory is irrefutable.
Let me tell you:

a woman belongs to the first man
who possesses her,

as long as he's neither a brute
nor a clumsy idiot.

She is his and will necessarily
return to him,

even if life parts them.

She is marked by
the indelible imprint

of the man who
reveals her to herself.

Yes, like a developer
in photography.

That's why l fear nothing.

l was the first
in Gilberte's case.

You were first?

Quite obviously

and l believe l've been
an excellent developer.

You don't say,
a developer and fixative.

l mention you and you happen by

Would you like to tell me why?

He was saying
that he adored you, see

That's no secret, we agree

Why do you tell him
with such glee?

Before the bomb blows
we should flee

He can say it again, l decree

-That l took your virginity!
-What did you say?

-Hey-hey!
-Don't say it so

-Hey-ho!
-That's not the way!

Hey-hey! That's not the way!

He says when you
became his wife

He was the first,
the first man in your life

Yes, l'm number one

Next to none

And yet l am too

Oh, says who?

Oh, what can you do?
When you're number two!

For straight off you see

-Good old number three
-But we're not talking of me

That's just what we say

Say, say, what do we say?

After two there's three!

lt must be

lt can't be done
With three in the queue!

There's one too many

After two, there's three!

lt's no fun being the second

He's so very old-fashioned

lf you're numbers one and three

That can really never be

All these numbers,
it's quite crazy!

Marriage is a lottery, you see

A lottery l once tried for free

While l had a winning spree

-What did you say?
-Hey-hey!

-Don't say it so
-Hey-ho!

-That's not the way!
-Hey-hey! That's not the way!

He says when you
became his wife

He was the first,
the first man in your life

Yes, l'm number one

Next to none

And yet l am too

Oh, says who?

Oh, what can you do?
When you're number two!

For straight off you see

Good old number three

-That's just what we say
-Say, say, what do we say?

After two there's three!

lt must be

lt can't be done
With three in the queue!

There's one too many
After two, there's three!

When your love is true

ls this the same old song?

-The same old song!
-He's insisting and he's wrong!

You know what's done is done
And my love you have won

The man who's number one
Can the others outrun

l know what's done is done
And your love l have won

The man who's number one
Can the others outrun

-Oh really, for Heaven's sake
-Why for Heaven's sake?

-You expose my life like a rake?
-Oh no, he's not a rake

-l feel my very marrow shake!
-That's a big mistake

-My nerves are all a-quake
-Some ether she should take

l don't feel so odd

-God!
-What now, dear God?

lt's nerves, you can tell

-As clear as a bell
-No need for eau-de-vie!

As we can all see

-l'm as good as new
-She's as good as new

She's as good as new

But what's this to-do

-She's uneasy too
-What is it?

-Do l misconstrue
-What is it?

-lt's so impromptu!
-What is it?

-He looks right through you
-Really, what can l do?

-lt's as if he knew
-She's interrupting me too!

His suspicions accrue
l shudder anew

While he sticks like glue
After my virtue!

Yes, l'm number one

l'm second to none

But what would l do

Were l number two?

For what can ensue
lf you're second too

l bore his name, too
After all, it's true

Yes, l'm number one

l'm second to none

But what would l do
Were l number two?

For straight off you see
Good old number three

That's the conclusion

To the whole question!

By the way, where is
your bachelor flat exactly?

lt's very easy to find.

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong
The framing shop is next along

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

There you meet

No one on the street

But for a scholar or two

Though they'll never bother you

They just care for books

And they will never
give you looks

Refusing second-best, l suggest

The perfect spot
for our little love-nest

Meet me tomorrow

And you'll know

Fiery passion nothing less

This is the address

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong
The framing shop is next along

l say nay

The Quai Malaquais

Along that way

l shall never stray

You must be quite mad, dear boy
You can't treat me as your toy

And so you will stay

Alone on your quai

l've just received the keys
lf you please

For a flat where
l can take my ease

Much better than an hotel

lt'll be swell

Tell me now where it is found
And l shall call round

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong
The framing shop is next along

All the way

To Quai Malaquais

There you meet

No one on the street

But for a scholar or two

Though they'll never bother you

They just care for books

And they will never
give you looks

Here l am with my love-nest
What a pest

But l know a way
to put it to the test

Tomorrow for high tea
l'll be free

Really, it's a rendezvous

Where will l find you?

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong
The framing shop is next along

Ah l say

The Quai Malaquais

ln a trice

lt's like paradise

Charly, you're a charming boy

l shall meet you there with joy

Crossing the doormat

Of a young man's flat

l have just received
the papers from America

for our partnership contract.

Thank you.

You were once married?

To a Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

Fancy! How odd.

Perhaps she was related
to Gilberte.

l don't know!

What about you, Gilberte?

Perhaps you know
this Mademoiselle Poumaillac,

who was married
to Monsieur Thomson?

Lord, no!

Why do you look so grim?

What do you imagine?

There's more than one Poumaillac

There are many Poumaillacs
near Bergerac

Focus your attention

Oh, l feel quite sick

Yes, l see the situation

Could well be a trick

To calm down his emotion

Be diplomatic

We must try it all

But we must stand tall

Let's avoid every pitfall!

l'm a girl called Poumaillac

Here's another Poumaillac

Now there's a third Poumaillac

First there's number one

Who is next to none

Then there's number two
So what can you do?

The next has to be Number three

lt's accidental

But it's natural

And you have to say
There's no other way

Since it has to be
After two comes three!

But what's this to-do
She's uneasy too

l feel that my question
Must lack precision

-He looks right through you
-What is the reason

-He seeks the reason
-For this combination

His suspicions accrue
l shudder anew

Does he have a clue
What he's going to do?

l am number one

But the boss never knew
Of the old issue

l'm in the stew

And the peace here to
ls losing its value

She bore my name too
After all it's true

-l am number one
-l see number one

And second to none

What is she to do
lf she's number two

He mustn't think she
ls now number three

lt's only natural, you see
After two comes three

And how true will it be?

After two comes three!

AND THlS ENDS ON MONDAY
AT 5:00 lN THE AFTERNOON.

Madame Janitor?

That's me!

-Ah! You're here for the flat!
-That's right!

Ah! l recall now.

You're the new tenant,
Monsieur Thomson.

-l am!
-And you've come to move in?

l've come!

Surely you don't want
to move in now?

-l do!
-That's not possible, sir.

Your lease doesn't begin
until tomorrow.

l'll pay!

The former tenant hasn't moved
his personal belongings out yet.

l'll pay.

You're buying the furnishings
and the carpets,

but that doesn't
give you the right

to move in on the 31st
instead of the 1st.

l'll pay!

Ah! You mean you'll pay
compensation for the extra day.

l do mean.

You don't say a great deal, sir,
but you're easy to understand.

Let me see, eight thousand

for the carpets
and furnishings...

five thousand for the lease,
paid in advance,

and one hundred and fifty
for the extra day.

l'll give it to you.

-Thirteen thousand two hundred.
-That's right.

l'll bring you
fifty francs change.

Keep it.

Thank you, sir.

True, with the dollar
so strong,

that's barely ten francs
for you.

Thank you anyway.

l'll give you
your receipt later.

l used to clean
for the previous tenant.

May l hope that Monsieur...

l'm asking you to go out
and stay out for a long time.

Very well, Monsieur.

Oh, l forgot
to tell you my name.

l'm Madame Foin.

Widow Foin.

My husband,
the late Monsieur Foin...

Get the hell...

-Get the hell...
-Hell out.

Thank you.
Yes, get the hell out.

You speak French very well.

lt's a true pleasure
talking to you.

All right, Monsieur, all right,
l'll see you later.

What a pleasant surprise!

Not very well,
but thank you for asking!

You seem rather upset.

-l couldn't sleep all night.
-Why?

l was mulling over
a lot of things.

That's bad. Sleep is sleep
and business is business.

l remembered the address
of the flat you'd found.

-l'll get straight to the point.
-That's always best.

Thomson, tell me the truth.
Were you married to Gilberte?

Since that scene yesterday,
a lot has come back to me.

Gilberte's awkwardness
when l found out

you had been married
to a Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

Then l remembered

she travelled to America
a few years ago.

This morning, a lawyer
told me that a wedding abroad

that isn't officialised
by the consul

doesn't count in the eyes
of French law.

And so, when l married her,
from a French legal viewpoint,

she was still
Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

-Answer me, Thomson. ls it true?
-You seem very excited indeed.

You have to clear my doubts.
Answer me.

l have nothing to say.

That's tantamount
to a confession,

if you won't say anything.

That means you have
something to say.

Not at all. l speak good French.

ln America, it means
l'm not interested,

let's change the subject.

Try to understand.

Thomson, please,
tell me the truth.

The truth is that partners
must discuss business.

What do you think of
this morning's steel price?

Ah! You Americans
are quite extraordinary!

ln America, you think
you're all so smart

You believe no one
attains your state of art

You gaze in proud shock

At any tower block

But they don't have the power
Of our Eiffel Tower

You're the kings
and say so ad nauseam

The kings of iron
and the Grand Coulee Dam

The kings of combustion

The kings of emulsion

And the emperors
of Virginia ham

We have pigs here too,
cowboy, Old boy!

But they are far from coy,
Old boy!

When we have fun, we don't hide

And love here
is a source of pride

You drink vitriol over there

We drink wine without a care

For you, love's
a mere ploy, Old boy!

Over here, it's full of joy,
Old boy!

We do it best
from Paris to Hanoi

We're the best at that employ

There you'll never take
the lead, old boy!

l think you're very excited.

So l'll forgive you.

You still won't answer?

You can have a secret
that isn't yours alone.

Come back in an hour.
l'm sure to speak then.

All right.

Meanwhile, go for a run.

lt's very good to drain
the blood down to your feet.

Yes, l feel...l need it...
my head is heavy.

His head is heavy because
he has something on his mind.

See you in an hour.

-Madame Janitor!
-Here l am.

So quickly.
Were you behind the door?

l'm always ready to oblige.

Get me port, whisky,
soda and cakes.

l'll be in there working.
l'm expecting a lady

and l don't want
to be disturbed.

Very well, sir.

This is the place!

Most pleasant!

Monsieur Faradel.

Monsieur is here for his things?

Later.

There's plenty of time
until midday tomorrow.

lndeed, but the new tenant
has already brought his things.

Since he paid me to move in,
l thought he could.

Well, he's moved his things
in there, to the left-hand room.

The rest is free.

That's something!

Monsieur was here so rarely.

All right, Madame Foin,
now you mustn't let anyone in,

except a lady.

Who will ask for
Monsieur Charly here...

Monsieur isn't...?

No, l am.

Charly. Will you remember?

Charly.

He's a sweet boy. l love that.

There.

lt feels as if it's all for me.

You'll find the plates in the
small dresser with the glasses.

Perfect!

And is she pretty?

Delightful.

You lucky devil.
The bedroom's through here.

l'll find it, don't worry.

l won't keep you any longer.
And thank you.

At least this place will have
come in useful for once.

Let's decorate the chapel
and prepare the shrine.

Monsieur Charly will be
with you right away.

Such a nice young man.

lt's easy to see how he could
drive a woman wild.

But, you know, you have nothing
to fear with me.

lf ever your husband turns up,
l won't let him in.

My husband.

Talk of the devil.

There's nothing
you lovebirds need?

-No.
-All right. Have fun.

Oh, l love this.

Hello, Huguette!

Hello, Charly.

What are you going
to think of me?

l'll tell you afterwards.

What?

You're shocked now!

Believe me.

The most audacious people
are often the shyest.

-l feel a bit scared.
Really!

Do you promise to be reasonable?

How odd. You sound just like
a married woman.

So this is what
they call a bachelor flat?

That's right.

-A drop of port?
-l'd love some.

lt always begins
with a drop of port.

And then moves on to,
''Take off your hat.''

l can manage that.

And then,
''Take off your dress.''

Oh no!

-Modest?
-Yes!

Forgive me, l'm rushing.

Oh! Charly.

l feel so awkward
because l love you.

l promise you, nothing
is going to happen.

l don't believe you.
l'd rather leave right now.

Farewell, then.

People kiss when
they say farewell.

Yes.

Huguette!

l'm leaving.

All right.
The door's through here.

When you're spying
through a hole

Through a hole

You lose all self-control

Through the keyhole of a door

When you're spying
through a hole

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

For through a hole

For through a hole,
things look so droll

Well, for now,
they don't seem so hot

The poor lass has no experience

But that boy,
he knows what's what

He was showing her
his influence

lt's twenty years since
l saw it last, Lord

lt seemed so vast

When you're spying
through a hole

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

For through a hole,
things look so droll

When you're spying
through a hole

Through a hole

For through a hole,
things look so droll

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

End

Just next to the framing shop.

This is Monsieur Thomson's
residence?

Yes, Madame.

Mademoiselle.

Oh! Sorry, l couldn't
have known.

ls Monsieur Thomson in?

l don't know. He said he was
only at home for a lady.

Well?

There are two of you!

lt's the same thing!

Well...

These Yankees
are an energetic lot.

l'm rather pleased to see
a bachelor flat, it's amusing.

Exciting, too.

The place is simply
fragrant with love.

Really, Arlette, love is all
you seem to think about.

l can only find it here,
so let me hold onto it.

l'm not here for fun.
l asked her along

as soon as l got Thomson's note
fixing a rendezvous here.

Apparently, he has
something to tell me

that cannot be said
at my husband's home.

Do you have any idea
what he wants to tell me?

No...but in any case, he has
acted like a true gentleman.

He kept his word.

ln fact, he held it back,
which is even more difficult.

You must ask Thomson to return
to America immediately.

That's exactly why l'm here.

You have a chaperone?

A lady doesn't usually
call on a single gentleman

alone in France.

But it happens all the same.

l suppose you've nothing to say
to my sister that l can't hear.

On the contrary.

Ah, Madame Janitor
has bought the port.

A drop of port,
Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

l'd love some.

You may have some biscuits, too.

Gladly.

Well, my friend, l'm waiting to
hear this serious news of yours.

All right.

Your husband said something
that struck me yesterday.

He said, ''A woman
belongs forever

to the man
who first visited her.''

And, Gilberte,
your first visitor was me!

-Pardon?
-She's not a museum.

He added, ''She is bound
to return to him,

even if life parts them.''

Now you're here, l'm glad
and we'll be very happy.

-You don't waste time!
-l'm American.

Surely you don't want me
to become your mistress?

Certainly not!

You divorce Valandray
and you marry me.

Valandray doesn't count,
he's dust, gone.

l'm going to tell him
everything.

No, you're not!

l am, but l wanted
to warn you first.

So you're going to tell him,

''l was first,
hand back the goods.''

Exactly. Gilberte, you're
my fianc�e, l'm so excited.

Sorry, but you're forgetting
l have a lover.

You'll need his permission.

Charly's not your lover.
He's just your sweetheart.

-You think so?
-l know so.

lf l'd thought that
he was your lover,

l wouldn't have told you
to become my wife again.

He's ready to be third,
but definitely not fourth.

No, no, no
and four times no!

Yes, yes, yes, yes,
four times yes.

This American's a real mule.

Monsieur.

No need, Madame Janitor,
name no names, l know.

Ladies, would you be kind enough
to step into the next room?

l still have a lot to tell you,
and l have someone to see first,

so l'll tell you after.

He wants to lock us away.

Just like Bluebeard.

lt's Monsieur Valandray,
isn't it?

No, Monsieur, l've just
brought you your receipt!

These Americans have
some very odd manners.

l forgot the bottle of port.
l need it now.

The level's dropped.

Charly.

Gilberte!

You remembered our rendezvous
at Quai Malaquais?

ls this your bachelor flat?

Yes!

And you were expecting me?

Yes!

Really! How comical.

Why?

And very handy too!

l don't think so!

Charly, you're my saviour.

But the other one's
waiting next door.

Come here.
Charly, my darling.

Yes.

Monsieur Thomson.

You refuse to believe
that Charly's my lover?

What's the matter?
l have to take you by force?

ls this the latest fashion?

Nowadays nothing does amaze

And nothing ever stops you

Feelings have no pride of place

Courting's not a thing to do

And love never leaves a trace

Good day; good night

After love,
they both take fright

Good night, good day

Feelings never get in the way

All those pretty words
Spoken by lovebirds

Are dead and gone

Seeing as bliss
Just a simple kiss

ls a bygone

Good day, good night

When it's over,
they're just polite

Good night, good day

Gallantry's gone the same way

You're so cold, Charly.

-Not at all.
-Do you still love me?

Yes, Gilberte, l love you!

-Say it louder.
-lt's just that...

Shout it out...like me!

ls he ever going to come back?

How am l going
to get out of this?

And take me in your arms.

Hurry! Charly, Charly!

Gilberte, here?

Georges, believe me.

Be silent!

Monsieur Valandray,
it's a mistake!

You, be gone.

Unless you want me
to grind your bones to dust.

Let me explain.

Not a word, go
and get dressed first.

Georges, it's not
what you think.

lt's not what l think?
That's brilliant.

l find you with some fellow
in his pyjamas

and it's not what l think!

Tell me what's going on.

-Just tell me!
-You're hurting me!

l love it when he's like this.

Good Heavens!
Georges, what are you doing?

l can see it all clearly now.

Arlette, l see things
clearly at last.

l've just caught Gilberte here
with Charly in his pyjamas!

He really is her lover.

l don't need to hear Thomson.
l know where l stand.

l'm a cuckold,
because l'm not the first.

The Mademoiselle Poumaillac
that Thomson married

was Gilberte!

No, she wasn't!

That's not true...not at all.

The Mademoiselle Poumaillac
that Thomson married was me.

You would have said so earlier!

No, l couldn't.
lt was a big secret between us.

lsn't that right, Eric?

He made me suffer.
l wanted to forget him.

Come on, tell the truth, Sam.

You were the one who hurt me.

l adored the man,
but it's all over now.

My sister is wonderful.

Were you really married
to Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

Go on, answer, Sam.

l'll release you from
your vow of secrecy.

There's one simple way
to convince me.

Come along. Appease me.

Make up and kiss in front of me.

lf he made you suffer,
that means you still love him.

Come along.
A kiss of reconciliation.

Yes, Arlette, forgive him.

Do it for me.

-You have to.
-Thomson, be a man.

Sam.

She kissed my lips!

Do you believe me now?

Yes...but Charly...

l'll explain,
but let's leave them.

We're in the way.

l merely came along
to accompany my sister.

Oh, Sam!

What have you done?

lt was you, l think.

Our lips met as they were trying
to avoid each other.

You're stirring the very
marrow of my bones.

l hadn't felt such an emotion
since my teacher.

Sam.

At last l know
the sweet intoxication!

Of what?

The intoxication
of love's first kiss!

Yet l hardly dare to feel
that l care

Dare

lt overcomes me
when l feel such bliss!

Though my little heart
is full of fear

Dear

Yet it starts to fill with glee

''Ga-lee''?

l understand imperfectly

But l sense it so completely

Oh, Sam!

Do it once again, please

Oh, Sam!

You can be such a tease

l feel l've been swept away

lt's as if today's my birthday

My toes are curling
and my heart is pounding

Oh, Sam!

You're simply irresistible

Oh, Sam!

lt seems almost impossible!

The stars around me spangle

And my nerves are a-jangle

Cupid's aim is well
and truly infallible!

You'll be the first
to have your way

That's something l have done

For l'm always number one

Oh, Sam!

You're simply irresistible

Oh, Sam!

lt seems almost impossible!

The stars around me spangle

And my nerves are a-jangle

Cupid's aim is well
and truly infallible!

l still can't understand
why Charly was in his pyjamas.

Well, neither can l.

-Oh, sorry!
-Drat.

Ah well, too bad.

Everything's becoming clear now.

He was here for Huguette.

-My flat's quite crowded.
-But...

What do you mean, your flat?

Yes, this is my bachelor flat.

lt's mine, l paid for it!

And we've just celebrated
our engagement here!

-A little early!
-Hush!

-And to consolidate a marriage--
-That was coming apart!

And rebuilt one
that had been destroyed.

Lord! What have they
been up to in here?!

What a shock!

Drat! Here l go again.

All's well...

that end's well!

Will you say now
you're on your feet

Now, that was sweet!

There's nothing more to add

Now that's not bad

Our songs were pleasant for you

And we're happy doing what we do

So we'll carry on alike

Now that we like

You're not yet on your feet

Now that's quite sweet

At the finale, you feel sad

Now that's not bad

lf you feel you do belong

Why don't you sing along?

We can all dive right back in

So let's begin

Will you say now you're
on your feet

Now, that was sweet!

There's nothing more to add

Now that's not bad

Our songs were pleasant for you

And we're happy doing what we do

So we'll carry on alike

Now that we like

You're not yet on your feet

Now that's quite sweet

At the finale, you feel sad

Now that's not bad

lf you feel you do belong

Why don't you sing along?

We can all dive right back in

So let's begin