All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S02E17.Gesundheit.Uncle.Martin.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(bright music)

- There!

Now, let's see you
get out of that.

And if you can, you are Houdini.

- Checkmate.

(audience laughs)

Tim, do you realize that you
have fallen for that same trap

27 times now?

- Well that's just great.

Not only do you beat me,
you also keep box score.

Well, I think I will go
drown my human frailties

in a glass of chocolate milk.

(knocking)

(sneezing)

(knocking)

- Good morning, Martin.

I wonder if you'd do me a favor.

- Dear lady,

if there is a loose, monstrous
fire-breathing dragon

you wish me to slay,

I'll get right into
my shining armor.

- Well maybe some other time,

but right now I wonder

if you could just fix
my television set.

Every time I turn it on,
I get nothing but sleet.

- I believe the term is snow.

- Well, sleet or snow,

it has no business on
a set in California.

Would you have
time to fix it now?

- Certainly!

(sneezing)

- Gesundheit!

- Thank you.

- Well aren't you coming?

- Coming?

Where?

- Downstairs to fix my TV set.

- Why, is there
something wrong with it?

- Oh Martin, you're
such a tease!

Look at that!

(beeping)

(bright music)

- Now Tim, stop playing
those childish pranks.

He's practicing a magic
act for his office party.

- Oh, Tim!

I'll simply burst with curiosity

if you don't tell
me how it's done!

- Oh yeah, well, ask
him, it's his trick.

- I hate to take the
mystery out of it, Lorelei,

but actually, they're
suspended from the ceiling

by an invisible thread.

- Doggone, you gave it away.

- Now Tim, we can trust
Lorelei to keep a secret.

I'm sure she wouldn't
want us expelled

from the Amateur
Magician's Society.

- Mum's the word.

Are you coming, Martin?

- You go ahead,
I'll be right down.

- Uncle Martin, why
can't you just eat grapes

out of your hand like
everybody else does?

How could you have
pulled such a goof?

- Must you use colloquialisms?

I prefer to think of it
as a momentary aberration

of the kineto-cyphalic processes

that resulted in an
unfortunate manifestation.

- Oh, like I said.

Goof.

- Fortunately, there's
no damage done.

Lorelei feel for
our little fable

hook, line and invisible thread.

- And she's liable to mention it

to her snoopy detective
friend Brennan,

and he's liable not to
be as gullible as she is!

- She's not going to mention
it to him or anyone else.

I'll erase the entire
episode from her memory.

I don't like to use

my electro-magnetic
brain-cleaing machine
promiscuously.

But discretion is the
better part of valor.

- Well that's not the brain
eraser you used before.

- Well, it's an all-transistor
pocket-sized model

that I've developed.

I'm quite proud of it.

- Hey!

Don't point that thing at me.

I have a few warm,
star-studded memories

that I would like to keep.

(audience laughs)

- Your television sets are
becoming much more intricate.

It took me almost two and
a half minutes to fix it.

Of course I did lose 30 seconds
while the tubes warmed up.

- Well did you erase the
grape caper from her mind?

- I'm proud of my marksmanship.

Lorelei kept moving
around so much

I had to ricochet the
electronic beam off the wall.

A perfect shot!

You're going to
think this is silly,

but I left my brain-clearing
device downstairs.

- Oh I wouldn't say
silly is the word.

How about suicidal,

or catastrophic, or--

- By the time you think of
another synonym, I'll be back.

I know just where I left it.

(audience laughs)

What'd I tell you?

It was right where I left it,

right on top of
Mrs. Brown's TV set.

- Uncle Martin, you are
gonna put gray hairs

in my bonny brown thatch.

By the way, what
happened to your toolbox?

(sneezing)

Oh, gesundheit.

Don't tell me you left
your toolbox downstairs!

- Did I have it with me?

- Oh no, with all those
weird tools in it!

It's got doohickeys that turn
screws from across the room

and thingamajigs that
disintegrate metal,

and gizmos that--

- Tim, you don't have
to finish the inventory,

or remind me of the
gravity of the situation.

I'll be right back.

- No, no.

You're not going
anywhere without me.

I know you're a little
too old for a babysitter,

so I will just go
along as chaperone.

(buzzing)

- Tim, I assure you, my
mind is as clear as a bell.

- Uh huh.

- Oh, Tim.

And Martin, are you here again?

(sneezing)

- [Both] Gesundheit!

- Well Mrs. Brown, I'm sure
your set will work fine now.

Goodbye!

(laughing)

- He's been kidding around
like that all day, Mrs. Brown.

Uncle Martin, I'm sure that
Mrs. Brown doesn't have time

to listen to you rehearse your
absentminded professor bit

that you're going to
do at the office party.

- What office party?

- He's been kidding around
like that all day long.

You see, I'm afraid he's
taken his role so seriously,

that he forgot and left
his toolbox down here.

- Well as a matter
of fact he did.

It's right on top of the TV.

Come on in!

Mr. Brennan just dropped by.

I was gonna ask him
to bring it up to you.

- Well if it isn't the wizard
of Menlo Park and his caddy.

Forgive me for peeking,
I've always wanted to see

what kind of tools a
genius worked with.

- I'll take that
if you don't mind.

- Now here's an interesting
piece of equipment.

Built any good cyclotrons
with it lately?

- You're using it the
wrong way, old man.

It happens to be a
left-handed screwdriver.

- Come on Uncle Martin,

let's not waste
time on an amateur.

Uncle Martin, we
have to find out

what is causing this
absentmindedness.

Because if we don't,

you are bound to
give yourself away.

- Tim, I'm quite as worried
about it as you are.

If this keeps up,
I might as well

take out an ad
saying, I'm a Martian.

(sneezing)

- Gesundheit.

Now if you do, don't
forget my newspaper.

Because there's a blonde
down in classified

I'm trying to impress.

(audience laughs)

- I can't understand it.

This coffee's cold.

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin.

I think I've got something.

Only I'm not quite
sure what I've got.

Now look, every time you
have a lapse of memory,

it's come right
after you've sneezed.

- But it can't be.

It isn't due for
three months yet.

- What isn't?

- Let's see.

N squared to the
omnichrome power

over beta times
365 days a year...

How could I have
been so careless?

Last time I calculated,

I forgot to take into account
your Earth leap years.

That explains everything.

- It certainly does.

Now if you'll just let me
know what we're talking about.

- The reason for my
absentmindedness.

Today is Sneezophobia Day,

the beginning of the
Sneezophobia Week.

- Sneezophobia Day.

Sneezophobia Week?

- Yeah, yeah.

It's a period on Mars
very similar to your
hay fever season.

Except that it only occurs
once every 300 years,

when Alpha Centauri is in
juxtaposition to Cassiopia.

- But I don't get it.

What does sneezing have
to do with forgetting?

- Ordinarily nothing.

But during the
sneezophobic season,

each respiratory spasm creates
a drain on the memory bank,

which results in a
temporary lapse of recall.

- Say!

That Sneezophobia is
nothing to sneeze at!

(audience laughs)

Well let's not get panicky.

Look, you climb into bed

and stay there until
you're out of danger.

We'll seal off the door,
we'll disconnect the phone.

- That won't be necessary.

Fortunately there's
a simple remedy

that Mother used to give us

every time Alpha came within a
thousand light years of Cass.

Let's see.

She used to take some baking
soda, and a pinch of mustard.

- Are you sure that this
stuff will cure you?

- Positive.

A a matter of fact,

Mother once thought of
putting it on the market.

But it didn't seem
worthwhile for a disease

that came only once
every 300 years.

(audience laughs)

Now let's see, there seemed
to be one other ingredient.

- What?

- I recall it was
something rare.

Mother used to get it
at a chemist's shop.

Let's see, what was it?

It was, oh yes!

Oh yes I just thought
of it, it was...

(sneezing)

- Gesundheit.

Well, what was it?

- What was what?

Oh!

That sneeze blew it
right out of my head.

Here's the diary
of my stay on Earth

and the log of my
trip from Mars.

- Oh good, well
I'll help you pack

all this stuff into spaceship,

and then we can stash
all of this Martian stuff

until you get over
whatever it is you've got.

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Oh come on Mr. Burns,
it's my day off!

Oh well, since you
put it that way,

how can I refuse?

Yes, don't worry.

I'll be there when
his plane arrives.

Uh huh, bye bye.

Someday, he's gonna put
it that way once too often

and I'm gonna give
him two weeks notice.

- An assignment?

- Uh huh.

It's some political bigshot
passing through town

just long enough to increase
the smog with his cigar smoke,

or until he drops a few cliches
about honesty in government.

Look, you sit tight and I'll
be back as soon as I can.

- Tim, now that I know
what's wrong with me,

I'm perfectly capable of
hiding these things myself.

- Uh huh.

But suppose you sneeze, and
then forget where you hid them?

- I assure you
that won't happen.

But if it'll make
you feel better,

I'll take a clothespin
to clamp on my nose

if I feel a sneeze coming on.

- You do seem to
be much better now.

All right, I'll tell
you what I'll do.

I'll grab a bus, and
you take the car.

Oh yeah.

- What's that?

- This is your name and address,

just in case you have a
lapse and forget who you are.

For some reason or another,

I have grown accustomed
to your face.

(audience laughs)

(mysterious music)

- Now let's see.

Where can I hide this?

- Doggone it O'Hara, what's
all the pounding for?

You're giving everyone in
the neighborhood a headache.

What are you doing
in there, anyway?

- Oh, well I was
making a hobby horse

for one of the children
down the block.

- A hobby horse, huh?

Say, I've always wondered

how you get those
rockers to stay on.

(audience laughs)

Ow!

I'm going to sue you.

- And Tim, there were strange
noises coming from the garage.

You know, it was like someone
was banging and sawing wood.

- Oh well, maybe the termites
have gone in for automation!

Oh well.

Say, tres charmant!

Big evening?

- Thank you!

Yes, I'm going over to Mr.
Brennan's house for cocktails,

and then he's taking
me out for dinner.

- Oh, bon appetite!

That blows my French.

- Here Tim, I wonder
if you'd know.

Mr. Brennan and I were
having an argument

about who wrote a
poem that started,

once upon a something something,

as I pondered,
something something.

- Yeah.

Well I don't think
that Edgar Allen Poe

exactly expressed it that
way, but you're close.

- Edgar Allen Poe, that's
exactly what I said!

Oh Tim, may I borrow it?

- (laughing) No.

- Oh, come on!

- Okay.

- Oh, will Mr. Brennan
be surprised to find out

I know something he didn't!

Matter of fact, I'm
rather surprised myself.

Bye!

- Uncle Martin,
where have you been?

- Oh I came back hours ago.

Then I went out for a walk.

- Well thank goodness,

I was about to call the
Bureau of Missing Martians!

Now, you didn't
have any trouble?

- None at all.

Just one little sneeze

that made me forget who
I was and where I lived.

Your identification
tag came in very handy.

- Now about hiding your
spaceship and all that stuff,

have you got anything to report?

- You're not very subtle.

I see you think I don't
remember where I hid them.

Well I do!

I hid them most securely in.

(sneezing)

- Oh no.

- I hid them most securely in.

Oh Tim.

I've forgotten where
I did hide them.

- You couldn't!

- Now now, keep calm.

I anticipated something
like this might happen,

so i took the precaution
of making a memo

with my special effects on it,

and the precise location
of where I hid them.

- Uh huh, and now you can't
remember where you hid the memo.

- Not at all.

It's in a book
right on that shelf.

- Uh huh.

Uncle Martin?

Which book?

- The Selected Poetry and
Prose of Edgar Allen Poe.

Where is it?

- I think maybe you
had better sit down.

No on second thought, I think
we'd both better sit down.

- How could you give a book

with the location of
my spaceship in it

to Detective Brennan?

- I didn't give it
to Detective Brennan,

I gave it to Mrs. Brown,
and she is giving it to him!

- Well there may be a
philosophic distinction,

but the effect is just as grim.

If he finds out I'm a
Martian, I'll be a...

- Cooked goose.

- Your choice of
words is inelegant,

but depressingly graphic.

Even under the impression
that I'm a fellow human,

he doesn't exactly worship
the ground I walk on.

- Come on Uncle Martin,
let's not give up so easily.

Look, if you could just remember

where you hid your spaceship,

we could move it before
Brennan gets to it.

How about the
sneezophobia antidote?

You still can't remember
the missing ingredient?

Come on, Uncle Martin.

You can do it.

- Ah, it's beginning
to come back to me.

The ingredient is.

(sneezing)

- You've forgotten.

- Forgotten what?

I'm afraid I have.

- Uncle Martin, you've
gotta do something!

Mrs. Brown could be down there

putting a noose around
your neck right now!

- Did you say she
was meeting him

at his house for cocktails?

- Yes, why?

- They say two's company
and three's a crowd.

But I've never heard anybody
mention anything about four.

- Care for another
canape, Lorelei?

- Now, Mr. Brennan, if you think

you're gonna get out
of buying me dinner.

(laughing)

Oh oh, Mr. Brennan.

- Bill.

- Bill.

Do you remember the poem

we were talking about
the other night?

You know, the one that starts,

once upon a something something.

- Oh of course,
Percy Bysshe Shelley.

- Uh uh uh, Edgar Allen Poe.

- Are you sure?

- I know!

It's somewhere in this book.

- He's got the book, we've
gotta do something fast!

- I've got it all figured out.

I'll make myself invisible,

stroll into the living room,

and, voila.

- Now you're talking.

- Just one thing.

I seem to have
forgotten the technique

of making one's self invisible.

- Oh you're kidding.

It's easy.

Look, all you have
to do is this.

Raise your antennas, like this.

(whistling)

- Of course.

Am I invisible?

- Uh, brace yourself.

No.

Why don't you put those
things back in their sockets?

Looks like two pieces
of soggy spaghetti.

(audience laughs)

Look, why don't we just
try something simple?

You could levitate the book out.

You do remember how
to do that, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Watch it, will you?

All right, you've got the speed.

Now let's see you
exercise a little control.

(audience laughs)

Uh, Uncle Martin, can't you
find a better place to read

than in Brennan's garage?

- It'll just take a second.

(sneezing)

Tim, I know this is
written in Martian,

but I seem to have forgotten
how to read Martian.

- Oh, that's just great.

Now what else can you forget?

- Nothing.

But I just remembered something
I wish I could forget!

I'm afraid I left
the anti-gravitator
on in my spaceship.

In exactly three minutes

it will build up
enough thermal energy

to lift the ship
and all its contents

straight up into the air!

- Well, that's all we need.

An unidentified flying
object messing up the air

on all the air
force radar screens.

- I shudder to think
what would happen

if they shoot it down
and find my diary.

Unfortunately I wrote
that in English,

with my name and address in it!

- Well let's not give up.

We still got a few minutes.

Come on, concentrate.

Now where did you
hide the things?

- It's no use.

Now I can't even
remember packing them,

or what I packed them in.

- Well we might as well go
home and worry in comfort,

it's getting sort
of damp in here.

- Tim.

Water!

H2O, that's it.

- Are you, are you sure
you're not cracking up?

What's water?

- The missing ingredient
in Mother's formula!

- It can't be!

You said it was something rare

that your mother bought
in some chemist's shop.

- Tim, water is rare on Mars.

People have been known to pay

a thousand umlauts
for half a kilko,

which as you know, is hardly
enough to fill an eyedropper.

Tim!

You'll never believe
where my spaceship is.

Right here in Detective
Brennan's garage.

- Oh, now come on.

Why would you hide it
here of all places?

- Remember Edgar Allen
Poe's Purloined Letter?

- Well, vaguely.

Mr. Poe said that if
you don't want somebody

to find something, you just
hide it under his nose.

- Exactly.

But as it wasn't practical
to hide a spaceship

under Brennan's nose, I decided
to use his garage instead.

- Oh.

Well if it's here,
I don't see it.

- Well, now that I know
what I'm looking for, I do.

- Oh, the box.

The box?

Are you sure?

I mean, how could you get
that spaceship into that box?

- Very simple.

I dismantled it into
geometric segments,

each of which fits into the
other like a Chinese puzzle.

- Yeah well, quickly,
you better hurry up

and deactivate this thing
before it takes off!

- Makes too much
noise opening it.

Come on, let's get
it out to the car.

We can work on it
on the way home.

- I still can't see how
that book could disappear.

- Lorelei, books don't
fly out of windows.

You probably
misplaced it somewhere

while I was chasing
that blasted tie.

- I'll just slip in.

- Well, all right.

Wouldn't you know it,
I'll have to stop for gas.

- Oh that's too bad, we're
late for our reservation now.

Say, why don't we use my car?

It's right outside.

- Well, if you're sure
you wouldn't mind.

- Oh no!

- I'll just back
it into the garage.

- You've gotta stop him
from coming in here!

- Don't worry, I will.

(playful music)

(sneezing)

- Oh no.

I thought your mother's home
remedy cured your sneezophobia.

- Relax Tim, I must have
caught a slight cold

in Brennan's damp
garage last night.

- You sure?

- Of course, it's just
a simple Martian cold.

Now go ahead, go ahead, never
mind worrying about the cold,

go ahead, move.

(sneezing)

- Well where'd all
this food come from?

- It's a perfectly
natural phenomenon

that accompanies a Martian cold.

- It is?

- An advanced Martian
medical technique

based upon one of your
primitive Earthly axioms.

Starve a fever, and feed a cold.

(audience laughs)

Well.

Have a bite?

- Thank you.

(bright music)