Original subtitles

[Pigeon] Previously on Mike Tyson Mysteries...

[Mike] Give us the codes, Vladimir!

I don't have them. [groans]

Michael, he says he doesn't have them.

[squeals]

Pigeon, wait.

If you cut the wrong wire, it could explode.

Well, kid, I'll see you in the next life.

[gasps] It's a fake.

[Mike] If that bomb was a fake, then Vladimir still has the real one.

I told you, you shouldn't have let him go, Marquess.

[Yung Hee gasps]

Better luck next time, Mike Tyson. [laughs]

Gather around, team. We have a new mystery.

But what about the bomb?

I think that mystery was maybe a little too intense, TBH.

A little too off-brand, TBH.

A little too TBH, to be honest.

Here, Deezy, you read it.

Seriously?

I've never been asked to read the mystery before.

This is an honor, team.

This is big time.

[breathing heavily] Okay. Okay.

[clears throat]

"Dear Mike Tyson..."

-What's this word? -"Mystery."

Okay, cool.

"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery..."

Uh, what's this word right here?

"Team."

Oh, right.

"Mystery team."

"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery team,

my name..." What's this word here?

-"Is." -Okay, I can't.

I cannot.

"My name is Nat O' Sullivan

and I'm the co-owner of Nat and Pat's Clam Shack

in Marblehead, Massachusetts.

The restaurant is struggling and I need your help."

[gasps] Oh, my God. I was just telling someone how badly I was craving

a bowl of real, New England clam chowder.

And then, this mystery just falls in our laps.

How crazy is that! I mean, someone up there must really like me.

Oh, well, that's good, 'cause no one down here does.

[chuckles]

It was a joke.

That was mean, Yung.

I was kidding.

Yeah, well, it's not funny to make a joke at someone's expense.

No, it's okay.

No, Marquess, you were sharing something with us. Something personal.

About how much you wanna gobble up some [bleep].

And her joke was wrong.

-[Marquess] No-- -And it was hurtful.

I said "clam chowder" not [bleep].

Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't a euphemism? [chuckles]

Or a "euphe-[bleep]"?

-[laughing] -[Marquess] Oh, my God.

Ah, you see, Yung,

that's an example of a funny joke where no one gets hurt.

All right, to the Mystery Mobile!

So we can go to Marquess-gives-head. [laughs]

No, I mean "Marblehead."

Marblehead, Massive-Jew-Tits.

I mean "Massachusetts." [chuckles]

But a lot of Jewish gals do have big tits.

Now you see the difference, Yung?

Between your jokes and my jokes?

Or are you too dumb like Deezy?

-Hey! -[laughs]

Now that's a funny joke.

Yeah, this is usually our busiest time of day, but, uh,

as you can see, there's no one here.

They're probably going to South Salem or Revere.

Peabody, Saugus...

But I can tell you where they're not: Marblehead.

I mean, they might be in Swampscott, or Clifton, or Methuen,

or Malden... Winthrop.

Danvers, even.

Ipswich?

I don't know. Gloucester, Rockport, possibly.

But where they're not? Marblehead.

Why do you think they're going to all those too many places you mentioned?

Because we're running a clam shack and we got no clams!

Why is that?

[scoffs] You're gonna have to ask my little brother Pat.

Of course he'll probably be too drunk to answer you.

He's always been a partier, but, you know, he's family,

so out of the goodness of my heart I made him a partner

and I gave him one responsibility: dig for clams.

And now it seems like he can't even do that.

Can we talk to your brother?

Yeah. Sure.

Yeah, you'll find him at the bar next door.

Practically lives there.

I'd go with you, but I'm sober.

Forty-four days, in fact.

Oh, my God, I couldn't go 44 hours without drinking. [chuckles]

Am I the only one who knows how to make people laugh without being wildly offensive?

[scoffs] By the way, the last time I was somewhere that smelled this fishy

I had my face buried in the [bleep] of a great big--

-[Marquess] Okay. -Huh? [chuckles]

Poor Pat O'Sullivan. He could never catch a break.

-[exhales] That guy's been through hell. -[telephone ringing]

Barbara's Bar, this is Barbara.

Happy hour's from 4:00 to 4:30. Sandals are fine, but no bathing suits.

You're welcome.

Um, do you think Pat will be in today?

No way.

Today's June 14th. Pat's one place and one place only.

[sighs] I miss you, little brother.

I don't wanna interrupt him, but how long are we going to stand here?

Dad, just go up to him.

Why me? I don't want to do it.

Pigeon, you do it.

I'll do it for $5,000.

-Okay. -Let's see the money.

My God, why do you have so much money in your sweatpants?

Illegal activity. Shit you don't know about,

that you don't want to know about.

Hey, are you Mike Tyson?

-[wind blowing] -Oh, [bleep]! Oh, damn!

-[woman sobbing] -[Mike] That's my money, mother-[bleep]!

Keep your mother-[bleep] hands off my mother-[bleep] money!

[man groans]

I'm so sorry, was Matt...

Our little brother.

We were always together, the O'Sullivan boys,

until June 14, 1999.

The three of us were digging for clams.

And for a goof I buried Matt in the sand, right up to his neck.

And then I went back to the clam digging and forgot about him.

By the time I remembered, he was gone.

The tide had come in.

[sniffles] Nat blamed me.

Everyone blamed me. I blame myself.

Well, it, uh, sounds like you are directly to blame.

Did anyone consider bringing up murder charges?

I don't think drinking is the answer, okay?

Your brother needs you.

My brother needed me

and I wasn't there.

No, Pat, I'm talking about Nat, not Matt.

Good Lord, who were your parents, Rat and Shat? [laughs]

Nat doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't blame him.

You're wrong. He needs you. The clam shack needs you.

Where are you going?

Where I should've been all along.

I'm gonna dig up a [bleep]-ton of clams for my brother!

[panting]

[gags]

It's butterscotch schnapps! Ugh!

A little birdie told me you were down here.

Also, a ghost, and a Chinese girl, and Mike Tyson.

I'm sorry, Natty.

I just don't think I can do it anymore.

Every time I dig up a clam, I just...

imagine little Matty and how I wasn't there to dig him up.

-It's my fault. -No, Patty. It's my fault.

What are you talking about?

I was your guardian. I was both of your guardians.

When Mom and Dad died that night in the parking lot of Pat's game,

there was no one else to take care of you two.

I was the oldest brother.

You were my responsibility, and I blew it!

[both sobbing]

Oh, wow, that warms my heart.

Well, team, it looks like our work here is done.

The only loose end to tie up on this mystery is finding me a bowl of clam chowder.

[sobbing continues]

I live with so much guilt, Pat.

And ever since I got sober I got nothing to mask the pain with.

What do you say? Let's go be with our little brother forever.

Thanks for understanding, Carl.

Gotta close up early tonight. It's my anniversary and I gotta get home to the mister.

Happy anniversary, Barbara.

Happy anniversary, Matt.

I can't believe it's been 21 years.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Help. Help!

Pat!

Nat!

You saved my life that day.

You made my life that day.

I wish my brothers knew I was okay.

I know.

But if they knew about mermaids and shit like that,

eventually the government would find out and do tests on us,

and we'd never see each other again and whatnot.

But, if it makes you feel any better, I saw them hugging each other today.

That makes my heart smile.

To Nat and Pat. We wish them oceans of love and happiness.

[Yung Hee] Cheers.

Now, let's get our chowder on! [chuckles]

Oh, man, I haven't had something this hot, creamy, thick and goopy in my mouth,

since my Uncle Tommy...

-[Marquess] Okay. -...pretended he was... Huh?