Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,041
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,010
JILLIAN: Helena! Have youbrought in the mail yet?
3
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,643
Not yet, senora.
4
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:47,008
Then do it, I'm busy.
5
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:52,647
JILLIAN: You can't haveNewport Beachwithout a Newport bitch.
6
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,016
TIFFANY: Guess who I sawout at dinner last night?
7
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,585
Oh, my God, who?
8
00:00:56,623 --> 00:01:00,263
Amanda, and let's just say
she's not anorexic anymore.
9
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,763
(BOTH LAUGHING)
10
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,033
Every beach townneeds a bitch in a gown.
11
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,166
And that bitch is me.
12
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:11,841
Amanda better watch outor Travis is gonna leaveher fat ass for the nanny.
13
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,442
(BOTH LAUGH)
14
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,614
And will you check on the baby
and see if she needs changing
15
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,283
and if she does need changing,
change her.
16
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,782
Ooh, I got my invite!
17
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,984
Kristi Hildebrand
and her husband Kevin
18
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:26,716
host the Tux and Tiara
Charity Ball every year
for muscular dystrophy
19
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,353
and it is the event
in Newport Beach
20
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:34,159
and if you aren't on that
invite list you may as well
just move to Anaheim.
21
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,134
I got mine yesterday.
22
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:39,333
In fact, I'm on my way
to Kent Ellatrashe
right now for a dress fitting.
23
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,026
JILLIAN: Oh, I'm seeing himon Thursday.
24
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:44,897
I'm thinking something
real low-cut to show off
my new C-cups.
25
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,468
Thank you, Dr. Slater.
26
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,166
-(TIFFANY LAUGHS)
-(PHONE VIBRATING)
27
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,038
Oh, Tiff,
let me call you later,
that's Kimber calling.
28
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,007
KIMBER: Just like the beach,I like to make waves.
29
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,217
Oh, and also,I'm a bitch.
30
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,780
I didn't get invited.
31
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,818
JILLIAN:
What are you talking about?
32
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,794
KIMBER: People got
their invitations
either today or yesterday.
33
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,723
Believe me,
I talked to everyone.
34
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,359
I've known Kristi and Kevin
for 11 years
35
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:13,026
and I've never not been
invited to the Tux and Tiara
36
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,966
Charity Ball
for Muscular Sclerosis.
37
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:19,812
I mean,
I can't figure out why.
It's a mystery.
38
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,138
Hey, team,
we got a new mystery.
39
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:29,917
I'm known for three things.Boxing, mystery solving,and being a bitch.
40
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,388
It just makes no sense.
41
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,363
Kristi is
a good friend of mine.
42
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:39,931
Her and I take yoga together,
43
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,730
her and I's kids
go to the same school.
44
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:48,602
Have, uh, her and you
thought of taking
a basic English class?
45
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,995
-(BABY CRYING)
-I'm sorry, miss.
He wanting you.
46
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,637
He want his mother.
47
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,342
Chance say,
"I want my mommy."
48
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:57,135
I can't hold you, Chance.
49
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,677
Dr. Slater said I can't lift
anything for another month.
50
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,754
Mommy's new boobies
need time to heal.
51
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,153
Graciela, just get
him out of here!
52
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,216
Yes, missus.
53
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,794
It's okay, Chance, baby.
54
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,422
-Your mama is working
right now.
-(BABY CRYING)
55
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,258
(SCOFFS)
Well, that's heartbreaking.
56
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:17,363
Um, so, Kimber,
have you and Kristi
ever had a disagreement,
57
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:18,797
or a misunderstanding?
58
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,472
(SCOFFS) Of course,
all friends do, I mean...
59
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,102
Three years ago,
she accused my husband Tanner
60
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,907
of groping her at Jillian's
Cinco de Mayo party,
61
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,540
but we still got invited
to the ball that year.
62
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:33,476
And then a little after that,
Kevin fondled me at Tiffany's
Fabulous 40 party
63
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:36,923
and I told Kristi about it
and we hashed it out.
You know, boys will be boys.
64
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,950
Then we got invited
that year too.
65
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,485
Then about six months ago,
Tanner got really drunk
66
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:45,791
and called Kevin and Kristi's
daughter a slut, but we've
had dinner since then.
67
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,155
So I know it's not that.
68
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,863
And even that night, Kevin
groped Tanner and fondled me
69
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,466
and then we all
sat next to each other
at church on Sunday, so...
70
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,600
Hey, babe,
I gotta go back to work.
71
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,465
Tanner, this is Mike Tyson
and his mystery team.
72
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,365
They're gonna figure out
why we weren't invited.
73
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,607
Sweet!
Nice to meet you, champ.
74
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,912
I saw you fight Andrew Golota
at the Palace in Auburn Hills.
75
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,484
I was wasted.
I don't even remember who won.
76
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,614
-I did.
-I'll tell you what
I do remember.
77
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,619
I titty (BEEP)
a flight attendant that night.
78
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:12,851
All right, baby,
I'll be home for dinner.
79
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,421
Well, he was nice.
80
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:19,056
It's fun to think
about Chance's future
and all the places he'll go.
81
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:24,102
Rehab, institutions,
prison, then he'll find Jesus,
then rehab again.
82
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,260
Oh, my God!
83
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:26,728
I hope you can solve this.
84
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,466
We have to go to this ball.
85
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,571
It's not just 'cause
I wanna show off
my perfect new tits.
86
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,914
It's for a good cause.
Multiple dystrophy.
87
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,041
Wait, multiple sclerosis
or muscular dystrophy?
88
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,238
Wait, what?
89
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,949
You combined them.
90
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,280
You, you said,
"multiple dystrophy"
and it's muscular...
91
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,075
I don't (BEEP) know or care.
92
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,817
I just wanna go to a ball
and show off my tits.
93
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:50,886
Where are we going?
94
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,394
To Kristi and Kevin's.
95
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,985
We're not gonna get
anything out of talking
to Jillian or Tiffany.
96
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,358
And I don't think Amanda
and Travis
will tell us anything
97
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,797
that we can't get from Tanner.
98
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,402
No, the answer lies
with Kristi or Kevin.
99
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:06,374
Or does the answer lie
with the local clothing
designer, Kent Ellatrashe?
100
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:10,076
And we can't
rule out renowned
plastic surgeon Dr. Slater.
101
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,540
How the (BEEP)
do you remember
all these assholes' names?
102
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,109
What can I say?
I'm good with names, bird.
103
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,508
Little city bird.
104
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,419
And how's that ghost
doing back there?
105
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,191
You haven't talked
much, ghost.
106
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,990
Chinese girl got your tongue?
107
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,061
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
108
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:33,368
Can I help you?
109
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,170
Yeah, we're here to see
Kristi or Kevin,
110
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:37,471
or just Kristi
or just Kevin.
111
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,474
KRISTI: Marta, who is it?
112
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,036
Oh, hi, I'm Kristi.
113
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,644
There's no I in team,but there's an I in Kristi.
114
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,507
There's also an I in bitch.
115
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:50,376
And it's the same I.I'm a bitch.
116
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,747
Hi, I'm former heavyweight
champion of the world,
Mike Tyson.
117
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,317
And you're
on Mike Tyson Mysteries.
118
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,486
What?
119
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,364
Can we ask you
a few questions, ma'am?
120
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,832
Yeah, sure.
Come on in.
121
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:06,799
PIGEON: Nice tits!
Dr. Slater?
122
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:07,803
Wait, what?
123
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,504
Kimber said
I didn't invite her?
124
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,736
Yes, ma'am.
125
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,300
Okay, but I did invite her.
126
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,839
Her and I are
super good friends.
127
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,244
Does she think
I'm upset about Tanner
128
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,676
fondling my mother
at Megan's Sweet 16 party?
129
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,151
(LAUGHS) I mean, I...
I wasn't upset at all.
130
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,481
This is Newport Beach.
These things happen.
131
00:06:23,516 --> 00:06:26,446
Wow, so this is all just
a big misunderstanding.
132
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:29,886
This is very surprising given
how sophisticated you all are.
133
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:33,593
Okay, please tell Kimber
that of course her
and Tanner are invited.
134
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,386
Her and... Jesus Christ!
135
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:38,329
And of course,
you're all invited.
136
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,404
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, my God.
137
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,603
I love a ball.
138
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,995
Oh, hey, Kristi, girl-to-girl,
do you think you can get me
in to see Kent Ellatrashe?
139
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:48,208
I... Only because
I don't wanna just grab
something off the rack.
140
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,241
I have the type of body
that really needs tailoring.
No, wait, you know what?
141
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:55,477
Don't worry about it,
I'm just so excited to go
to a ball. I love balls.
142
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,245
I just love balls.
143
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,583
(PIGEON CHUCKLES)
144
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,874
(GASPS)
145
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:20,966
(LAUGHS)
146
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:23,368
(EXCLAIMS)
147
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,779
(LAUGHING)
148
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,411
Hey, man,
are you wearing a dress?
149
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,046
What? No!
150
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,451
It is a jumpsuit.
151
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:32,752
Kent Ellatrashe swears they're
gonna be huge this season.
152
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,585
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-(GASPS)
153
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,194
Evening, everyone.
154
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:40,825
Ladies.
155
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:44,903
Who was that?
156
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:45,961
Dr. Slater.
157
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,699
Hey, don't get any ideas,
bitch.
158
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,765
He's the most
eligible bachelor in Newport.
159
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,173
And he's gonna be mine.
160
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,305
Not if I have
anything to do with it, bitch.
161
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,911
Bitch!
162
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,983
Is everyone
having a good time?
163
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,782
I'm having a ball
at the ball, get it?
164
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,884
Where are Kimber and Tanner?
165
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:07,387
I mean, after allthat bullshit they don't havethe decency to show up?
166
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,790
What a bunch of bitches.
167
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,521
Oh, I forgot to tell them.
168
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,217
Are you (BEEP) kidding me?
169
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:14,833
(PHONE DIALING)
170
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,331
Hey, Kimber, it's Mike Tyson.
171
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:19,502
You were invited to the ball.
It's going on now.
172
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,971
She's on her way.
173
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,743
(GASPS)
174
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,101
(ALL GASPING)
175
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,714
(EXCLAIMS)
176
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:35,505
Is that...
Is that Kimber's maid?
Graciela?
177
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:36,978
She's beautiful.
178
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,170
They're already perfect.
179
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,702
And so are you.
180
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,797
Can I have this dance?
181
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,739
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
182
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:10,112
I don't want them too big,
I just, I just want my lips
to look fuller, you know,
183
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,549
more of a natural pout.
184
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,184
(PHONE VIBRATING)
185
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,319
I'm sorry,
I have to take this.
I'm on call tonight.
186
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,745
Darling, I'll be right back.
187
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,459
KIMBER: Graciela.
188
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,931
What the F
are you doing here?
189
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,090
Oh, please forgive me,
missus.
190
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:27,699
I took your invitation
to the ball and keep it
for myself.
191
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,604
I just wanted to be
one time the princess
192
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,338
and not just clean up
for the princess.
193
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,544
Oof. Buenos tatas, Graciela.
194
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,607
You want my hot tamale?
195
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,175
Ugh, Tanner!
196
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:43,053
Kimber, Tanner,
I see you've
met my girlfriend.
197
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,152
Your what?
198
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:47,993
Dr. Slater, this woman
is a maid.
199
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,321
(ALL GASP)
200
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,515
I may be a maid,
201
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,487
but I am also
202
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,186
the bitch.
203
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:04,196
Wait a second,
if Graciela is not at home
and we're here,
204
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,967
who's with Chance?
205
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,435
He's fine, I left
his bedroom window open.
He's getting plenty of air.
206
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:10,644
Let's go
in there and get loaded.
207
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,651
(PANTING)
208
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,321
(GROWLS)
209
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:22,147
Mama!
210
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,418
(WOLVES HOWLING)
211
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,386
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
16266
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
