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1
00:00:01,868 --> 00:00:03,498
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,478
Good afternoon, Boss.
Can I hook you up
with a supreme...
3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,610
Bup-bup-bup.
You don't need to sell me
any of that supreme shit.
4
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,677
I just need
the regular wash, okay?
5
00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:18,075
Just a regular wash,
the $9.99 one.
6
00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,648
Yeah, okay, boss.
No Armor All for the tires?
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,417
Yeah, hit 'em
with the high-gloss
tire spray, man.
8
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,317
Make them shine
like new money.
9
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:29,088
I like that sexy, wet,
jet-black, high shine.
10
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:32,929
Okay, how about a wax?
The supreme wash comes
with a wax for the paint
11
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,366
that protects the car
from oxidation and corrosion.
12
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:38,402
No, I just want
that regular wash
with the tire spray.
13
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,438
So, you're not worried
about the oxidation?
14
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,444
Oh, I'm worried about it.
This is an older vehicle.
15
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,407
I'm also worried
about corrosion.
16
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,845
Is that something
you talked about
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,510
or was I just
thinking that out?
18
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,978
I don't know, but either way
19
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,176
the supreme wash will
take care of the corrosion
20
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,719
and the oxidation.
21
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:55,493
Plus you get
to pick your scent.
22
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,522
I don't want any of that shit.
I just want shiny tires,
23
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,757
a wax,
and an apple cinnamon smell.
24
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,733
But no steam clean
today, Boss?
25
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:03,861
Damn, fool, yes, steam clean!
26
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:12,198
My Lord, how long
does it take for a regular,
basic car wash?
27
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,439
(WOMAN SNIFFLING)
28
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:21,351
-Here you go, dear.
-Thank you.
29
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,221
Hmm? No,
I don't need that... Okay.
30
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,220
-I'm Marquess.
-Anne.
31
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,522
Everything okay?
32
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,353
Yes. Yes, I'm fine.
33
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:32,489
(SNIFFLES) No.
No, I'm not fine.
34
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,356
I just found out I'm pregnant
35
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,364
and when I told Adam,
he's my boyfriend,
36
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,896
he just completely shut down.
37
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,101
I mean, he didn't
say anything. Not a word.
38
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,703
Just walked out the door.
39
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,135
He's one of those nice guys
that never yells.
40
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,101
We never argued. Never.
41
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:49,339
But every once in a while,
Adam could say something
so heartless.
42
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,376
I mean, I always said
he was missing
a sensitivity chip,
43
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,512
but he was never
intentionally cruel, but...
44
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:57,848
I don't know.
You find out your girlfriend
is pregnant and you just...
45
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,324
Leave?
46
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,792
I don't know anyone
in Las Vegas.
47
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,320
We met online six months ago,
48
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,956
and just went for it, and...
49
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:07,285
(CRIES)
50
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,962
I know he loves me,
I really do. I'm just...
51
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:13,667
I'm so scared
to be alone right now.
52
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,570
What am I going to do?
53
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:16,972
-Aw...
-(WHISTLING)
54
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:19,674
Finally.
55
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:23,136
Damn, it looks good!
All that for $9.99?
56
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:24,776
It was $93.
57
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,181
Yeah, but I can smell
that cinnamon apple from here.
58
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:30,654
So imagine how strong it is
when I get inside the van!
59
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:34,091
Ooh, damn! I don't have
any cash for a tip.
60
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,160
Anybody got a one?
Hey, lady, you got a one?
61
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,890
-Michael!
-What?
62
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,425
I've paid by credit card.
You got one dollar?
63
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:42,961
I only have a ten.
64
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,356
That's fine. I'm a celeb
that should tip big anyway.
65
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:46,798
Let's go, team.
66
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,173
MARQUESS: Michael!
We have to help this woman!
67
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,542
-What woman?
-The woman you
just took $10 from.
68
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,712
She gave me $10, Marquess.
69
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,411
In any event,
she is desperate for help
70
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,144
and we should give it to her.
71
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,849
Ask Pigeon what he thinks.
72
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,980
-Where is he?
-MAN: Hey, man!
73
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:03,976
Is this your bird?
74
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,417
He got sucked up
when we were vacuuming.
75
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:09,893
I don't know if he's dead
or what, but he messed up
our vacuum cleaner pretty bad.
76
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,624
Oh... (COUGHS)
77
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:16,555
What happened?
78
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:17,996
-He's fine.
-PIGEON: Oh!
79
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,101
Yung, what do you think?
80
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,072
(SNIFFLING)
81
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,941
I, uh... I kinda think
this is more of a job
for a couples' counselor.
82
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,570
Okay, so that's
a "no" from Yung,
a "yes" from Marquess,
83
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,337
and an "abstained"
from Pigeon.
84
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,606
So I guess
I'm the swing vote, huh?
85
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,675
All that pressure, damn!
86
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,013
Now I know what it feels like
87
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,678
to be like Supreme Court
Justice Anthony Kennedy.
88
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,617
All eyes on you.
Which way do you go?
89
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,354
Which way do you go?
90
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,859
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
91
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,963
I guess I vote "yes!"
92
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:02,166
Thanks for letting us
go in your car, lady,
93
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,608
because it's like our car
just got cleaned.
94
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,044
My car just got cleaned.
95
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,849
Yeah, but I don't know
if you're a dirty person
96
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,881
or you like to eat
in the car, you know?
97
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,516
I am what they call
a clean freak.
98
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,623
You mind if I look in here
and just poke around?
99
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,686
I'm also what they call
a nosy Nellie!
100
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,486
What the (BLEEP) is this?
101
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:25,058
"For relief from itching
associated with moderate
102
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,568
"to severe bacterial
skin infection."
103
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,841
Is yours moderate or severe?
104
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,506
ANNE:
This is where Adam works.
105
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:35,971
He's the produce manager.
106
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,080
Yeah, there's no Adam here.
107
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,982
-Is he on break?
-Mmm-mmm. Nobody
named Adam works here.
108
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,415
What? Him! Adam!
109
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,921
He's worked here
for over a year.
110
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,652
Yeah, no,
I've never seen that guy.
111
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,487
I don't understand.
112
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:51,162
Why would Adam lie to me?
113
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,826
Sir, you're gonna have
to pay for that.
114
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:58,031
Oh, um, I had this with me
when I came in.
115
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,404
I brought this cereal with me
from my house.
116
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,773
-Dad?
-Fine!
117
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,942
Hey, lady, you got
another ten?
118
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:08,907
Where would he go every day?
119
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,512
Well, there's obviously
a lot more to the story.
120
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:12,844
Not necessarily.
121
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,009
This just might be
where the story ends.
122
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,678
Unsatisfying,
unresolved, disturbing.
123
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,148
Well, nice to meet you, ma'am.
124
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,546
Can you give us a ride
back to the car wash?
125
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,059
(ALL SCREAMING)
126
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:33,932
I should've voted "no!"
127
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,997
I should've been
Justice Elena Kagan,
128
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:39,665
or Justice Samuel Alito,
hopelessly partisan!
129
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,066
Where are we?
130
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,207
You're at a secret
military installation.
131
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:46,343
I'm Dr. Sakti Chakrabarti,
head of DARPA.
132
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,779
What the (BLEEP) is that?
133
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,624
The Defense Advanced Research
Projects Agency.
134
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,350
No... Chaky-saka-baty?
135
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,686
-What is that?
-My name.
136
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,792
Oh, okay.
And what the (BLEEP) is DARPA?
137
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,364
Dad, she just said
what it was.
138
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:02,092
Oh, yeah, right, right.
Defense something, something.
139
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:05,298
And her name
is Atari Pentagraph.
I got it.
140
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,071
I'm up to date, yeah.
I'm up to date, gang.
141
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,301
Please continue.
142
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,135
For the past 20 years,
143
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,771
we have been working
on artificial intelligence
defense systems.
144
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,707
543 days ago
we had a breakthrough,
145
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,313
and we called it Adam.
146
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:21,145
Adam. Where is he?
147
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:27,523
Meet Adam.
Advanced Dynamic
Android Machine.
148
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,754
-Adam!
-He can't hear you.
149
00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,919
He's uploading
all of his experiences,
150
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,628
just as he does every day.
151
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:37,660
Hmm. He can upload
his experiences into me
any day of the week,
152
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,197
and twice on Sunday.
153
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,532
(LAUGHS) No, I'm sorry.
I'm just saying, that body!
154
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,838
What are you saying?
He's a robot?
155
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,570
That's a crude word
for what he is.
156
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,806
Adam is A.I.
Artificial Intelligence.
157
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,682
Ooh, like a Roomba.
158
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:53,340
-Not really.
-Agree to disagree.
159
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,949
Well, what does this
have to do with me?
160
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,351
Why did you choose me
to be his girlfriend?
161
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,623
We didn't choose you, he did.
162
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,822
Adam is
a fully-autonomous being.
163
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,485
That's the definition of A.I.
164
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,163
By some measures,
he is as human
as you or I.
165
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,762
Of course, he lacks
sensitivity and empathy.
166
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,425
He is a machine, after all.
167
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,903
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
168
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,631
You said "sensitivity chip",
and you were right!
169
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:18,067
I see what you're saying.
He's like a washing machine.
170
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,544
No, he's nothing like
a washing machine.
171
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:24,143
Your Roomba example
was actually closer
to what he is.
172
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,577
Then why did you
jump down my throat
when I said it?
173
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,023
Doctor, Adam
is uploading something
I think you should see.
174
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,420
That can't be!
175
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,352
You're pregnant?
176
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,947
Yes. Oh, my God!
177
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,189
Is there something wrong
with my baby?
178
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,524
You mean our baby.
179
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:42,089
That child belongs to
the United States Government.
180
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,598
No! This is Adam's
and my baby.
181
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,961
I don't care
what you say he is.
182
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,399
He's the father of this child
183
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:48,733
and we're going
to be a family!
184
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,398
Oh, like C-3PO
185
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,696
and his little baby, R2-D2.
186
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:55,309
Take Anne to the clinic
for observation.
187
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,481
-And kill the rest.
-MARQUESS: Kill?
188
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,080
What the (BLEEP)?
189
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:00,979
No!
190
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,245
Stay away from her.
191
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,889
-(ANNE GASPS)
-(ALARM SOUNDS)
192
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:13,162
You will never harm Anne
or Anne's friends ever.
193
00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:14,192
(GUNS COCKING)
194
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,944
-Adam!
-Anne!
195
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,740
ANNE: Mmm.
196
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,442
Good thing he thought
we were Anne's friends.
197
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:30,743
Uh, me next! (LAUGHS)
Kidding. Kinda.
198
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:40,422
I bet that baby's gonna be
something cool like
an iPod or a Fitbit,
199
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,663
but no matter what
it's gonna have
problems fitting in,
200
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,890
especially middle school.
201
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:47,334
Kids can be so cruel.
202
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,630
You were picked on
a lot, right, Pigeon?
203
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:54,303
Oh, damn! Pigeon's still
in that sealed plastic bag
in the van.
204
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,774
I hope he's okay.
205
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,243
-(PLASTIC CRINKLING)
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
206
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,807
(HEAVY BREATHING CONTINUES)
207
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,912
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS)
208
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:13,691
You can stop struggling.
209
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,350
The fight is over.
210
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,088
The pain has passed.
211
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,323
PIGEON: Oh... Where am I?
212
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,729
You're in heaven.
213
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,700
You're going to
experience ecstasy like
you've never known.
214
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,530
We'll begin slowly
in the orgy room.
215
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,626
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
216
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,527
Would you like a condom?
217
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:33,939
I'm just kidding. In heaven,
you can ejaculate
wherever you please.
218
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,060
(BLOWING)
219
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,291
(PIGEON COUGHING)
220
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,095
MIKE: Pigeon!
221
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,860
He's alive!
222
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,829
Why the hell did you do that?
I was about to ejaculate
all over heaven!
223
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,199
Hmm, been there, done that.
224
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,737
Trust me, it gets old
real fast.
225
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,143
Everyone making
pearly gay jokes.
226
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,775
I mean, it's not clever,
people. It's vulgar.
227
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,911
I saved your life, dude!
You owe me.
228
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,476
Ooh, I'm gonna make
you pay back slow.
229
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,776
You're a (BLEEP) pigeon.
230
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:19,317
You're gonna wish
you died in this bag
231
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,152
with all the shit
I'm gonna make you do for me.
232
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:23,787
No more paying for car wash
for Mike Tyson,
233
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,123
that's for sure.
234
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:31,497
Wow! What an honor
to be invited into
the delivery room.
235
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,731
You're the closest thing
we have to family.
236
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,196
Hmm, that's sad.
237
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:38,504
-(MACHINE BEEPING)
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
238
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,038
It's coming!
239
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,543
-(ALL GASP)
-(ANNE YELLING)
240
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,565
(THUDS)
241
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,109
What the (BLEEP) is that?
242
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,214
-(SNARLING)
-I don't know,
but it ain't no Fitbit.
243
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:50,206
-(WEAPONS ARMING)
-(ALL GASP)
244
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:52,449
-(WEAPONS FIRING)
-(WOMEN SCREAMING)
245
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,545
MIKE: Oh, we gettingthe (BLEEP) outta here!
246
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:57,087
-(WEAPONS CONTINUE FIRING)
-(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
18281
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