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1
00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:03,337
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,236
We're here.
3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,013
-Hey, wake up.
-(EXCLAIMS)
4
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,916
Oh, man,
did you vomit in my car?
5
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,617
(GROANS) What?
6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,919
DRIVER: Did you vomit
in my car, mother (BLEEP)?
7
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,821
PIGEON: I don't... What?
DRIVER: Get the (BLEEP) out
of my car, mother (BLEEP)!
8
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,024
PIGEON: Okay, okay.
9
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,526
-Get out!
-Okay!
10
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,998
-Just give me
a (BLEEP) second.
-Get out!
11
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,767
-PIGEON: Give me
a (BLEEP) second!
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
12
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,127
Oh, no.
13
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,795
Oh, I don't feel so good.
(GAGS)
14
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,243
-Hey, don't you
throw up again.
-(GRUNTS)
15
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,798
Oh, I'm not going to throw...
16
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:39,966
I'm not going to, don't worry.
17
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:41,644
Oh, just let me...
18
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,312
Ah, oh yeah!
19
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,180
-(PIGEON SIGHS)
-(BLEEP) damn it,
you (BLEEP) piece of (BLEEP)!
20
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:50,580
-Get out!
-Okay, okay, I'm out! Okay?
21
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,317
Okay.
22
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,663
-(KEYS JANGLING)
-PIGEON: Oh, son of a bitch!
23
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,863
Come on, man!
24
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:08,125
-(BLEEP)
-(DOOR UNLOCKING)
25
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,535
-(ALARM RINGING)
-Ah, (BLEEP) damn it!
26
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,444
(STRAINING)
27
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:15,740
Okay.
28
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,743
-Okay, what the hell
is his birthday anyways?
-(KEYPAD BEEPS)
29
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:20,412
(BUZZES)
30
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,824
-(ALARM BLARING)
-Mother (BLEEP).
31
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,651
Oh...(SIGHS)
32
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,724
(THUDS)
33
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,118
(DOOR OPENS)
34
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,994
MIKE: Whoever broke
into my house,
35
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,632
you just made
the worst mistake
of your mother (BLEEP) life.
36
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,197
Who's in the house?
Dad, what's going on?
37
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:40,495
It's just Pigeon.
38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,701
Yung, what the (BLEEP)
is my birthday?
39
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,174
June 30th!
40
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,612
No, in computer.
41
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,037
0-6-3-0.
42
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:51,643
(KEYPAD BEEPS)
43
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,775
-(ALARM TURNS OFF)
-MARQUESS: (EXCLAIMS)
What is going on?
44
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:56,321
-No, it's okay.
It was just Pigeon.
-Oh.
45
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,217
Marquess, is everything okay?
46
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,289
Yes, Daniel,
everything's fine.
47
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,617
Everyone, you remember Daniel,
my, um...
48
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,823
My friend.
49
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,464
(MARQUESS CLEARS THROAT)
50
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,829
Okay. Daniel, yeah,
you can go back to bed.
51
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,859
I mean, you know.
52
00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:12,595
(CHUCKLES) I mean, you...
To sleep on the couch,
the one that's in my room,
53
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,470
the one that you
fell asleep on,
54
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,798
you know,
when we were just, um...
55
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,744
Playing, uh...
56
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,866
Mmm, poker?
57
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:27,276
Yeah, we were
playing poker and, um.
Oh, it got late, and, um...
58
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:30,221
He fell asleep on the couch
that's in my room.
59
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,251
Oh, my God!
What happened to him?
60
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,858
VETERINARIAN:
Okay, here's the deal.
61
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:40,058
We've cleaned the bird up,
we've noticed
a lot of lacerations,
62
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,760
one would require stitches
to close, but the, um...
63
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,763
The larger issue
is the broken wing.
64
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,265
The radius was shattered
and the ulna
has two fractures in it.
65
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:50,838
Now, I can set the bone
and put what is essentially
a cast on the wing,
66
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,238
and there's a decent chance
at a full recovery.
67
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,270
But that is going to run you
about $650.
68
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:58,276
-So, most people just elect
to euthanize the animal.
-(GASPS)
69
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,079
Which I'm happy to do.
It's your choice.
70
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,310
You know, a family dog,
obviously, people would
say that's worth it,
71
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,016
but, I mean,
this is just a pigeon, so...
72
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,649
All right, if you say so.
73
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,324
-Go ahead and put him down.
-Michael!
74
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,592
-That's free, right?
-Dad!
75
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,120
What? Everybody says
I spend money foolishly,
76
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,656
and this guy says it costs
650 bucks.
77
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:18,732
It's not worth it, unless
it's a dog or something, shit.
78
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:19,932
No, we'll pay.
79
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:23,074
Oh, okay.
Uh, let me go stop Kelly then.
80
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,570
VETERINARIAN: Kelly!
81
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,366
How are you feeling?
82
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:33,309
The doctor said you're going
to make a full recovery.
83
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,654
No, he said there's a chance.
84
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,679
What happened?
85
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,024
I don't want to
talk about this.
86
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,849
All right, we respect your...
87
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,424
Okay, I'll tell you about it.
Here's what happened.
88
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,594
I answered an ad
on Craigslist.
89
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,863
"Casual encounters,"
"woman for man,"
90
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:51,761
subject,
"Large Labia Lovers Only."
91
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,655
Oh, my God.
92
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,826
Yeah, it got my attention too.
93
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:58,465
"Bring cash," it said.
Obviously, a whore.
94
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:04,282
But I love large labias
so, what was I supposed to do?
95
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:07,608
So, I got a room
at a shitty motel,
got real drunk.
96
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,745
I hear a knock at the door,
I open it.
97
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,480
And what do you know, huh?
A big guy,
98
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,516
thick Russian accent
standing there.
99
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:15,791
(IMITATES RUSSIAN ACCENT)
"Give me your money."
100
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,389
(NORMAL VOICE) Then he
stepped on me
101
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,991
with his dumb (BLEEP)
fake cowboy boots.
102
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:24,104
He beat the shit out of me.
He took my money.
103
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:28,728
Thankfully he didn't
see my cell phone
so, I could call a ride home.
104
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:33,906
Oh, hell, I've got to give
that driver no stars.
105
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,137
(CHUCKLES)
106
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,982
(IMITATES DRIVER)
"Don't throw up in my car."
107
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,777
(BLEEP) you!
108
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,549
But anyways,
(STAMMERS) I really don't
want to talk about it.
109
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,249
Okay, Pigeon. But whenever
you're ready to tell us
what happened to you
110
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:48,023
we'll be right here for you.
111
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:51,459
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,
112
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,888
"I was gonna transfer
all of my old home movies
onto a DVD
113
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,495
"but the guy at the
computer store told me
114
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,957
"I should just
put them all on the cloud.
115
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,426
"I'm very confused.
116
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,704
"Also, I think I already
have the cloud,
117
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,143
"but I forgot my password,
I think.
118
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,369
"God Bless, Thomas Hollinger."
119
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,074
"God bless"?
120
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,576
Ooh, this sounds
like a good one.
To the Mystery Mobile!
121
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:14,108
You guys have fun.
122
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,454
What? Why are you not going?
123
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,980
I'm still recovering.
124
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,549
Mmm! Ah, yeah!
125
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,886
(GASPS) Pigeon!
It's been six months!
126
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:29,662
You're fully recovered,
and you need to stop
taking those pain pills.
127
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:33,233
(SIGHS) I'm in pain, asshole.
128
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,803
That's because you haven't
done anything the doctor said.
129
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,603
You're supposed to be
using your wing.
130
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:42,014
I use my wing plenty,
no thanks to any of you.
131
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,939
Well, except for Marquess.
132
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,984
Marquess was the only one
who would jack me off
with any regularity.
133
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,751
And I thank you, Marquess.
134
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,750
No! Ew! No! No!
135
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:56,052
I think Yung's point
was you need to be doing
some kind of physical therapy.
136
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,256
You know, Daniel is a healer.
137
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,428
Who the (BLEEP) is Daniel?
138
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,457
What? Daniel is my boy...
139
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:05,363
Poker buddy. My poker buddy.
140
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:09,126
And he's very gifted
and has helped
a lot of people.
141
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,766
You should go see him.
142
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,241
Let me think about it... No.
143
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,040
-(CHUCKLES)
-Do it, Pigeon.
144
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:18,182
Or come with us
and help solve the mystery
of the home video.
145
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,878
Criminy, that's the choice?
146
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,680
They ought to give
people when they
want to go to rehab,
147
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,823
you'd cure drug addiction
overnight in this country.
148
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,849
Mystery of the home videos...
149
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,656
(BLEEPING)
150
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,957
(SIGHS) All right.
Give me your boy...
151
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:37,130
I mean
your poker buddy's number.
152
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,735
Hey, Pigeon. Where you at?
You home?
153
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,738
Yeah, yeah, I'm home.
154
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,610
And not just physically,
I'm emotionally home.
155
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:53,110
Ha! Like, for the first time
in my life,
everything feels...
156
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:56,483
(SIGHS) Congruous.
157
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,223
(CHUCKLES) Does that make
any sense?
158
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,988
Cool, cool. Okay.
I need you to go
over to the computer,
159
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:04,218
and see if you canget this guy's home videoup on the cloud.
160
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:07,864
I'm going to send you a link
and you click on to the link.
161
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,101
Tell me when you're there.We're at this guy's house
162
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,727
way up in the Ruby Mountainsand there's likeno reception,
163
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,734
so if we lose you,
just call back.
164
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:19,266
But I'll probably
won't be able to pick up
because there's no reception.
165
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,613
You there yet?
166
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,107
Yeah, I'm here.
167
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:25,679
-MIKE: You see the cloud?
-Uh, yes.
168
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,779
-You see all the videos
on the cloud?
-PIGEON: Yes.
169
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,552
MIKE: Okay, click on oneand make sure it's working.
170
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:35,552
I don't trust the cloud.You know why? BecauseI don't understand the cloud.
171
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,356
It's like everybody
made fun of Warren Buffett
172
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,927
because he didn't invest
in those damn
dot-com companies.
173
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,788
Everybody was making
all that money,
174
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,256
and he said it's becausehe didn't understand
175
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,125
those dot-com companies.
And he didn't understand why
176
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,965
they were valued so high,so he didn't invest.
177
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,671
But nobody was laughing
when the dot-com company
crash happened.
178
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,435
Nobody but Warren Buffett.
179
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,213
So, (BLEEP) that cloud.
180
00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:02,282
Until I understand that cloud,I'm going to stay offthat cloud.
181
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,082
Uh, Mike...
182
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,554
It's like what happened
in the dot-com crash.
183
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,953
You ever heard
of Warren Buffett?
184
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,015
Let me tell you a storyabout Warren Buffett.
185
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,163
Mike, you have got to
get out of that house.
186
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,959
MIKE: What did you say?Get out of my blouse?
187
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:16,501
Take off my blouse?
(BLEEP), Pigeon,
188
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,697
it's not that kind
of phone call, man.
189
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,199
You're a sex addict.
190
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,670
Oh, for God's sakes,
get out of there!
191
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:26,569
Hello? Hello? Hello?
192
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,167
(DIALING)
193
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,806
(LING RINGING)
194
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,511
-MIKE: (OVER PHONE) Hello?
-Mike! Mike, can you hear me?
195
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,384
You have to get out
of that house!
196
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:39,152
-MIKE: Hello?
-Mike, the guy is a murderer!
197
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,992
MIKE: Got you!Now leave a messagebefore I knock you out.
198
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,589
-(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
-(PIGEON SIGHS)
199
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,262
Ruby Mountain
Sheriff's Office.
200
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,732
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-Ruby MountainSheriff's Office,
201
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,261
Deputy Bainbridge talking.
202
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,526
PIGEON: (OVER PHONE) Yeah.Yeah, listen.
203
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,535
You got a guy namedThomas Hollinger wholives up in those mountains.
204
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,497
DEPUTY BAINBRIDGE: Oh, yeah.He's that creepy fellow
205
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,105
that lives way upat the tippy topof the mountain.
206
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,767
Well, you've got to
get up there
207
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,005
because he's about to
murder a bunch of people.
208
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:07,011
Well if that's true,
and I'm not saying it's not,
209
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,684
it'd take us about six hours
to get up there.
210
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,053
PIGEON: Six hours?
211
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,621
Well, with all them
twisty-turny roads...
212
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:17,420
Of course, it's only about15 minutes as the crow flies.
213
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,664
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
214
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,026
(EXCLAIMS)
215
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,602
(SIGHS)
216
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,940
Okay, (BLEEP) it.
Worse comes to worse,
I commit suicide.
217
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,438
(SCREAMING)
218
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,941
Oh!
219
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,679
Oh, my God! I'm flying!
220
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:43,012
I'm free!
221
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,316
(INDISTINCT TALKING
OVER RADIO)
222
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,647
(SIREN BLARING)
223
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:52,760
You saved our lives, Pigeon.
224
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,689
Now let's get the (BLEEP)
out of here.
225
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,556
Aren't you coming?
226
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:01,204
(LAUGHS) You know,
the old me would make a joke
about ejaculating.
227
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,901
But the new me,
the one who's mind and body
are in harmony,
228
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,835
will just answer the question.
229
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,040
No, I am not coming...
230
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,742
In the van.
231
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:13,954
(CHUCKLES) Oh, God,
that already sounds
like an ejaculation joke.
232
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,677
No, no, no.
I'm not getting in the van
with you
233
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,094
because I'm flying!
234
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,658
I'll see you
back at the house.
235
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:27,257
Hey, I love you guys!
236
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:32,658
I wonder if Pigeon sees
that red-tail hawk
flying towards him?
237
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,696
(HAWK SCREECHES)
238
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,301
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
239
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,067
$825?
240
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:43,643
Then I think maybe this time
we just put him down.
241
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,884
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
242
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,046
This is an awesome bird.
243
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,815
You're holding me
too tight, man.
244
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,923
-Female, huh?
-What?
18955
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